← EXPANDED Podcast by To Be Magnetic™
EXPANDED Podcast by To Be Magnetic™
Ep. 401 - Navigating Loss, Surrender, and the Path Home to Yourself: The Process with Carly Ottaway
01:09:13
This week, we're sitting down with Carly Ottaway—Pathway member and author of Coming Home—to explore the profound transformation that emerges from life's most destabilizing moments. From navigating fertility struggles to losing her home in a fire, Carly opens up about how surrender, self-trust, and deep inner work became her greatest anchors through the unthinkable. Together, they unpack the illusion of control, the healing power of authenticity, and how speaking from the heart unlocks your most magnetic self. This conversation is a reminder that even in your darkest chapters, you are being guided toward something more aligned, expansive, and true. If you've ever felt like everything is falling apart, this episode will show you how it might actually be falling into place. And if you’re ready to start understanding your patterning, now is the time to take advantage of our Pathway Membership Spring Sale. $30/month $23/month now until April 5th at 11:59 PST. Find the complete show ...
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- [00:00]
A
My story is real fucking powerful. I really do feel like part of my purpose is to just trust in my voice. The vanity metrics used to take away so much from how we showed up online. Actually, it's working in your favor to just be yourself.
- [00:15]
B
The shift is happening. We are officially moving through our seven day nervous system reset over here at tbm. And don't worry, it's not too late to join. We have our big spring sale going on right now. You can join the pathway, access this nervous system reset, all of our workshops, all of our deep imaginings, only for $23 a month. And that sale ends this coming Sunday at 11:59pm PST. We will not be having a sale again for a little while. So if you've been wanting to get in to use the tools to regulate your nervous system, now's the time. But I have to say this reset has been absolutely game changer for me. This is the medicine I have been craving for months now. As I was developing it, I got to utilize the tools a lot. So I have a lot of practice with them already, but getting to do them with the community. Check in with you guys after, see how it's impacting you, how you're making it your own, getting new insights on how I can use it, even myself, differently or try different modalities with it. It has cleared a tension that was sitting dormant, I think, in my life for the past few months, which I didn't even really notice or could really put my finger on. And it wasn't until this nervous system reset that I started to feel that tight scaffolding start to shed away and shift and soften back into that feeling of abundance and magnetism and expansion. That feeling when, you know, a flower blooms and the color is bright and beautiful and fragrant and face towards the sun like that energy is starting to come back online within me and I could not be more excited. And actually a couple manifestations came through even with this softening. So I have been procrastinating, launching this passion project of my YouTube, the second video for over six months now. And whether it's a combination of stress, tension, so much going on, busyness, I just haven't had the spaciousness to allow the creativity to come through without micromanaging how I think it should be and overthinking it and just so many excuses to sell for so many analyses I was doing. And in doing these dis this past week, it shifted something and I had this unlock and I was like, I'm ready, I'm Ready to sit down. I feel excited. I feel the vibrancy within me again. There was enough spaciousness in my life where it felt like that could very easily come through. And so I launched it this past week. I am so excited. And if you're out there and you're in that zone where life is just starting to feel constrictive or tense, or your stress load is just burdening down, or maybe you have that thing that's on your heart that lights you up and brings you joy and you don't know why you can't push through the resistance to get it done because you do really want to do it. Let these nervous system tools help you soften, to open up enough, to let that clear creative channel come in, to let abundance come in, to let ease come in. All of the things Today we are hearing from Process member Carly, who has moved through one of those just massive rock bottom going to change your entire life moments and talk about nervous system dysregulation. You'll find out in the episode how in the midst, after purchasing her dream home and the dream location she wanted, she got a phone call that the house was burning to the ground and she had a nine month old child and had to figure out how to come back to center what to do about all of this and how the safety from her life just felt absolutely ripped out from under her. And you're gonna see how she built herself back brick by brick, but also allowed herself time to process, to heal, to move through the emotions and the magnetism and the authenticity that has come out of Carly since this event happening and the way that she steps into the next season of her life with arms open and ready to allow more visibility, to allow more abundance, to allow more love and then connecting with her passions that she wants to share with her world through her writing, through her work. And now she's launching a podcast. It's just really beautiful to see. This is a testimonial reel that we had on our to be magnetic Instagram and her story just really touched so many people and so we wanted to have her on to talk about all of it and stay tuned for the end. And I'm going to share with you guys how I'm going to be utilizing the nervous system reset tools and what my protocol is going to be from now until our mid year challenge. Okay, enjoy. And now a word from our partners. One of the things on my manifestation list this year was focusing on my health, supporting my body, my stress levels and my nervous system in the most Natural way and I have been loving testing different blends from Anema Mundi Herbals, the herbal apothecary founded by Costa Rican herbalist Adriana Ales that focuses on high quality, organic, wild crafted botanicals. And the two that I'm loving right now is the Happiness Tonic and their Chi Blend. Their Happiness Tonic is an herbal coffee alternative that helps supports your mood, liver digestion, blood sugar, inflammation responses and energy. It has key botanicals like dandelion, chicory, burdock, maca, ashwagandha, mucuna, radalio, St. John's wort and cinnamon. It's really good with a little bit of steamed almond milk in the afternoon to just lift you up without having to go grab a coffee in the afternoon. And then your Qi energy and stamina blend is great to add to a smoothie or your juice. You can even bake with it. This one also really helps support the body's natural ability to adapt to stress, promote vitality and assist with any fatigue. It has botanicals such as mesquite, maca, Ashwagandha, astragalus, hemp burdock, ginger, slippery elm and chia seeds. What I love about their products is not only are they so clean, sustainably sourced, but each little tonic packs a punch with so many different adaptogens and botanicals in one pouch. And right now, if you want to try any products from Anema Mundi Herbals and their apothecary, you can use code TBM20 for 20% off your purchase. Again, go to anemone and use code TBM20 for 20 percent off your purchase or check the link in your show notes. And now onto the episode. I think that that's such a misconception for people, especially about speaking or giving a speech or even talking in front of their company. That practice, you know, makes perfect and you should drill it down and memorize it or whatever. And even just from hosting the podcast over time, the more I tried to script, the more inauthentic I sounded and I eventually just had to be like, okay, actually the thing that's going to be best for me is just finding calm and then speaking from the heart. And then I don't even remember what I say at the end of it, but it winds up being pretty good. So are you having like a similar thing with the speaking events?
- [08:07]
A
Absolutely. I'm like such a recovered perfectionist, so I really do feel like part of my purpose is to just trust in my voice and to really just show up and be who I am and give Other people permission to do the same. And when I show up that way, it always has the deepest connection, whether it's with listeners, with readers, the most impact versus exactly over preparing, feeling like I need to know exactly what I'm going to say, because it automatically makes me think I'm going to say something wrong. As soon as I have something scripted out, I'm like, it's a distraction. I go off script. And then I feel like I need to get back on track. So I think there's just something so freeing about just letting your voice be creative in that way, too. And that's what I love about podcasting. It's such a beautiful conversation. You know, it just feels like we're hanging out in the living room together. And that's when the. The best kind of aha moments come and the. And the best connections.
- [09:02]
B
It's so true. And then you're open to those threads of possibility coming through you. I'm curious if you have this too, because I know you probably write a lot. You're an author, but sometimes when I'm writing and I just started a sub stack, just dipping my toe in.
- [09:17]
A
Yay.
- [09:18]
B
And I'm having this really cool experience that I feel like I haven't had in such a long time where when I write, it just comes out. Like, I almost feel like a different person is speaking. Wait, I don't even sound this eloquent when I'm speaking. Like, where is this coming from? But I'm just thankful it's. It's happening. Do you have that experience, too?
- [09:41]
A
Absolutely. And that's why, for me, because I started writing from a young age and I felt most comfortable writing. That was my tool. That was how I best communicated. Like, even I remember as a kid having hard conversations with my friends or my parents. I would write a letter because I couldn't verbalize, especially with my parents. I'd instantly start crying. Like, I just couldn't get my message out. So I do think there's something I truly feel. And even in, you know, working with clients and, you know, my work as a copywriter, I really felt like a channel. Like, I could take their thoughts and ideas and, like, channel it through me and put it onto the page, and that's how I would make it make sense. So that's why I felt like I always had to script what I would say. But I realized your physical voice is a whole other tool. Just trusting that it's also can be a channel in a different way, and they're just different mediums. Of expressing yourself.
- [10:32]
B
This is such a good lesson for people too, because I think it's really knowing your patterning. We kicked off this of, like, this week with eclipses. You're releasing control and different levels. And for someone who has that pattern, you scripting and getting very rigid is just perpetuating old stuck patterns. And you saying, like, no, I trust my voice. I'm just gonna speak from the heart. That is doing the opposite. That is starting to reprogram your nervous system, your blocks, your minds, your subconscious to be like, oh, I'm good enough to just do it this way. I don't have to do it the way that I program myself to think that I do. But for someone else who maybe is always off the cuff and never structured, really could maybe benefit from writing out their script and learning it that way. That will be their medicine. I just want people to take away from this their own unique way of doing the opposite of their patterning.
- [11:25]
A
Yeah, I love that so much. Everyone starts somewhere. So it took me a long time, and it was a muscle I really had to develop to be able to speak. And, you know, I love guesting on podcasts, and I have my own podcast actually coming out, and. And I'm really letting myself just show up real and raw and solo episodes feel like a whole other stretch for me too. But at the same time, like, I'm used to going on Instagram and talking to the camera, because I've built that muscle. I've been doing that for years. It was so uncomfortable at the beginning. I felt so cringe. And who am I talking to? And who is. Who's even listening and who even cares what I have to say? But then you find your people that do care, and they resonate so much with you and your words and your way of expressing and the language that you use. And I also just feel like that's the direction that we're heading in. I know you and Lacy have shared a lot about this, but even just how, like, the influencer era feels like it's coming to a shift, I won't say an end, but a shift. And because the platforms are changing and people are just. It's. Their algorithm is just, like, who they resonate with the most. It's not about how many followers they have. It's just actually about the content, which feels so fun and freeing and exciting. The vanity metrics used to take away so much from how we showed up online, and now it's just, like, actually, it's working in your favor to just be yourself. And attract your people. And, yeah, the shift is happening.
- [12:52]
B
Okay, Carly, so let's get into your story, because we shared a testimonial reel of your story on the TBM page. And everyone was so moved. I mean, at the team, we were like, oh, my God, like, heartbreaking for you and your journey, and then so excited to see you kind of Phoenix from the ashes, actually, on the other side of this. But I almost want to start, like, at the rock bottom. What was this moment like for you? Where were you at in life where you were kind of looking around going, how the am I gonna move through this?
- [13:29]
A
Well, it starts before the fire itself, really going back to that control element, because I feel like that was a huge lesson in all of this for me. When it came to building my business and everything. I just felt, like, always safest when I was in control, when I could control the outcome. And so I would obsess over that. I was so type A. Then when it came to the point where my husband and I decided that we were ready to start a family, which we took our time with. We were married for, like, I think it was, like, four years before we were like, okay, we're feeling like we're ready. And it did not happen the way that I planned it. It took a lot longer. That was my first real big lesson in surrender and just really letting myself trust. Because when it's your first two, you know, and it's not happening, you are wondering, like, okay, am I actually able to have babies of my own? So much of those questions come up, and I couldn't figure out any answers. And again, wanting to control. Wanting to know exactly why. Why isn't this happening? Why isn't it happening right now? And as an entrepreneur with an established business, I felt like I need to know the season that I'm having this baby and plan, you know, the business around it. So that was a big one for me. And then we ended up actually getting pregnant. I had a call from the fertility clinic the next day after I took the pregnancy test and found out that we were pregnant, and they called me the next day and to start that journey. So that was just wild. And I feel like it totally shifted me and shaped me into the mom that I needed to be for my daughter especially. And so I went through that experience of the change to the business and being a mom. And then I got pregnant with my second in the middle of the pandemic. And that was when we had our toddler home with us, because daycare closures, we were Running a business. I also run the business with my husband. So we were doing it together, had no village, no help. That was just one of the hardest, craziest times in, like, such a capacity stretch and showing us, like, what we can actually accomplish on very limited sleep at the same time. And then we had our son. And around that time, we had been house hunting for a little while, but it was like, crazy market. This is back in 2020.
- [15:46]
B
And you're in Canada too, right?
- [15:47]
A
In Canada, Ontario, Toronto area. So we kept losing out on home after home. And I think real estate is just like the best kind of manifestation example, right? Because absolutely. It's the whole this or something better. And like really letting go of the outcome, especially in a competitive seller's market that it was at the time. And so we kept missing out on these houses that felt like the one. And then we kind of took a pause so that I could have my baby. He's only a few months old. And my husband's like, all right, let's start. Let's start looking again. I'm like, oh, God, here we go. And we found this house by total fluke. It was not on the market. Our dog walker knew the owners knew they were looking to sell in our dream neighborhood that we thought we had gotten priced out of at this point, because we lost, we kept losing. And just so much time had shifted or had passed, and there was a lot of back and forth, and there was a lot of point where we're like, no, I don't think this is happening. I don't think they're serious. And then all of a sudden, our deal went through and we got the house. And so it was already felt like a big manifestation, but it needed a lot of work. So we poured our life savings into this home that we work from home. So it's going to be the headquarters for the business, the place where we would raise our kids. A backdrop to all of our family memories. And it was a pretty big renovation we were doing, so we weren't living in the house at the time. And we were about three months in. We were just at that point where we were starting to move some furniture in. And my husband was actually on his way back from Ikea. We had just gotten new dressers for the kids rooms. He got a call from our contractor, and our contractor told him, this is the worst call I've ever had to make in my life, but your house is on fire. And my husband thought he was joking, right? Because he was like, what? But then he looked up from the highway and he could see the smoke in the sky on his way home. And so he immediately called me. And I remember I just woken up our 9 month old from his nap and yeah, my husband tells me our house. I'm like totally in shock. What? No, this can't be real. Everyone was safe. But I also in that moment had this kind of inner knowing that we were going to be okay. Even though I don't know where that came from, but from just what I had built over the years because I knew we were all safe. My daughter was in daycare, I was holding my nine month old. You know, my husband's calling me. We would figure it out. That's kind of always been our mantra, like we'll figure it out, we'll figure it out. And that was really just the beginning because there was a lot more that unraveled from there that I didn't even realize was happening. But I really did have this trust. I think it was this self trust that we would find a way. Even though I had no idea what that would look like. I didn't know anyone who had ever experienced something like that personally until I actually shared with my community and then got so many messages from people who had been through something similar. And I remember in that moment too feeling like I wish there was like a book that I could read or someone that, you know, something that could tell me like what to do next and how to navigate this. And I think that was the first thing for my book that I would eventually share in sharing my story. Okay, I want to have the book, so I'm going to be the one to write it and share it.
- [19:12]
B
I mean, what a destabilizing situation. This is the thing especially I can imagine you're already vision holding all of the scenes, the moments in this space. Your financials are tied into it. It's a place of safety and security for your family that's just starting out. I think when things like this happen, where it's so traumatic on so many levels, it's really hard to find faith, especially early in that stage. It's like you really have to move through the waves of grief. Let yourself feel that. Were there any things that you were able to lean on? It sounds like community. It sounds like going back to definitely belief systems you had already had implanted at the time. What were any of the other outlets that were helpful to just. I feel like there's just a chapter where you have to sit in it before you can start problem solving out of it.
- [20:13]
A
Well, What I think is so full circle, being here, sharing my story this way, is that literally days after the fire, when our realtor was helping us find a rental to move into, she sent me an episode of Expanded. It was a rock bottom episode. And she's like, you need to listen to this podcast. And that's how I found TBM and the podcast and, like, never stopped listening since there was a period after the fire where due to a miscommunication with our insurance, we didn't actually know if we were covered for our home. And like I said, this was everything that we put into our house. So that was kind of the second hit when that happened to the point that they actually. So after. After you have fire, right? Obviously it was January too, in Ontario. So everything was so frozen. And they come, the fire department comes, obviously, and puts the fire out. But because insurance didn't know what our coverage was. And I'll explain a little bit why all the water froze in our basement because they didn't send the restoration crew to pump it out because they didn't know what the coverage was, what happened was there was some miscommunication with our broker. I don't know exactly what went wrong, honestly, but luckily we had everything in writing. I'm a lawyer's daughter, so that's like one of my biggest pieces of life advice. And we had the paper trail to show clearly that we said we weren't living on the premises. We ended up being able to advocate and get the coverage in full coverage, but it was like a month had passed before we knew for sure that we were covered. And the water all froze in the basement. So that was a big part of it too. Like, we lost the house, but they had to like, chip the frozen ice blocks out of the basement. Like, it made it so that we had to take the house completely down to the footings. There was just nothing left. At the same time, I just, looking back, I realized like, that let us rebuild from scratch and really build our dream home in the end on the other side of it. And it was such a huge lesson for me in the safety piece. So, yeah, it sent me on this wild healing journey. I was very much in survival mode first though. I'm like, I had a nine month old who immediately then, cold turkey, stopped breastfeeding just because of all the stress. We have a daughter in daycare. I really didn't want them to miss out on their childhood because of this traumatic experience. And like, I just discovered the podcast then and the work. It still took me a little while to join the membership. But I'm so grateful for this work and how I've been able to re parent myself and how I've been able to show up as a mom for my kids because of it. It's been such an incredible tool that I had from the very beginning. But that was so important to me that it wouldn't traumatize them. And we had to really protect our two and a half year old especially. She had just been like touring the house with us and now suddenly the house is gone. And luckily she wasn't as inquisitive at that point as she is now at 7. And so we just really had to focus on romanticizing our life in the in between and in the messy middle. And I feel like that a little bit that of that was survival mode. But I really started leaning onto new modalities and like, I mean, because of the membership, diving into meditation, which I had not done at all before. I feel like I was terrible at. At the beginning I would just fall asleep constantly because that's what I needed in the moment. I. I also started cold plunging. That was a huge one for me. I felt like finally it was just a space where I could get out of my head and just into my body and in stillness and really process everything and just let myself feel it and let myself grieve it and just build my trust muscle in a whole other way.
- [24:01]
B
I love that you say in the beginning of doing the DI's you would fall asleep a lot. Because we get that message a lot from members. They're like, am I doing it wrong? Like, why do I keep falling asleep? And sometimes, especially if in a season when things are extremely stressful or you're not able to take care of yourself the way you want to be able to take care of yourself, that deep imagining may just be your sleep. Like that just may be your nap. Because your nervous system is at a place where it's like, if we're gonna have this moment of stillness, we're gonna use it to like reset my whole body to fuel it, how it needs to fuel, but just keep coming back to it eventually over time, when you are more resourced, when you have a better capacity for sleep in other parts, know in, in at nighttime or when you have less stress in your life. Or maybe for you it's not about go. Like for the listener, it's not about going in and doing that deep trauma healing work at the time. Maybe for you it's just, do I need the safety eye? Do I need the magnetic self 1. Do I need to just do a couple deep breaths? You know, what are the ones that are going to fuel me in this moment? Knowing you don't need to rush, you're right on time. And I'll also say, especially for someone who's going through something traumatic, let yourself go through it. Don't rush it. To be like, okay, well, now I need to figure out XYZ and I want to manifest this. The urgency to fill the void, I think comes in really quickly after something big like this happens. But I think actually the way to really heal from it and integrate it and become stronger because of it is that that slow, moment by moment, back to self. That's why I love how you talk about sitting in that messy middle. Accept and allow yourself to sit in it, because that is going to be your greatest healing.
- [25:52]
A
Absolutely. And that's why I really. And I think it was just a whisper and inner knowing that told me I needed to prioritize presence in that time. And for sure that was because knowing my kids are at this age where you hear literally every day, like, cherish every moment, you know, it goes by so fast. And so presence was such a priority for me, but I didn't realize how much that would teach me to get present with myself. And so this was before the safety eye too. So I remember driver, cti, worst case scenario, feel the feelings. Those were my main ones. And I also noticed that part of the reason I would fall asleep is because of course, you know, at that season of my life, it was by the time I finally had time for myself, it was the very end of the day. So of course, you know, I'm exhausted. And our second was just one of those little guys who didn't love sleep and didn't need to sleep for years. I was really sleep deprived for a very long time. And I totally feel like it was just what I needed and exactly, I really just needed to be present and let myself experience it and feel it, let go of all that desire to control it and fix it and move through the pain as quickly as possible, I feel like, because I learned to get kind of comfortable in the discomfort, that's what ultimately expanded my capacity so much, which, you know, helped me a lot in entrepreneurship too. There's so much unknown in entrepreneurship and building something for yourself and in motherhood as well. Like you're constantly in a new season where you're learning new parenting techniques. And I think it was also that kind of rug being pulled out from under you moment Where I also realized that my safety is not outside of me. It's actually something that I build within. And so now that I've been doing this work for three plus years and been on the reparenting journey and gotten past survival and done the inner child work, it's brought up so much more in, like, just made it make so much more sense too. Just, you know, thinking back to my own childhood and the times when I didn't feel safe at home. I'm at a place now in this home that we've rebuilt with so much intention, so much presence that we get to raise our family in and do work that we love in. And I've never felt more safe and at home. And like, it truly just feels like my sanctuary. Which is interesting because our house number is six one, which I. I remember doing a little bit of research on that. The number seven is like sanctuary. The numerology of your home. Highly recommend looking it up because it's so cool. And I remember seeing that and being like, oh my God, of course, of course this is. And it changed our routine. Part of the reason we, this was our dream home was because of the property. It was a backyard of like my childhood dreams, you know, so spacious. And once we got settled, especially when we finally got to the point where we had a nice regular bedtime routine for the kids and my husband and I would have our own time to ourselves in the evening, we'd go sit on the back deck and just listen to the birds. And I'm like, totally in my crazy bird lady era, because there's nothing that calms my nervous system more than just being outside and listening to the birds and like, watching the birds. And, you know, we've been like, bird watching and tracking different species and like, it's become just this whole other hobby that's been so cool. Birds also have a lot of symbolism to me too, in terms of the signs of everything and the nudges. So it's so wild now to kind of be able to look back and, and see how it all played out.
- [29:47]
B
One of the questions I get asked the most is about my skin care. And here's the truth. You can spend so much on serums and treatments and all of these things, but I have found that if your cells are stressed, if your skin and body is dehydrated, your skin will not glow. So I have really been focusing on what's happening internally. And that is where I'm noticing the biggest transformations on my skin. And that has looked like reducing my stress Levels, reducing my inflammation and deeply hydrating at the cellular level. That's why I've been loving the radiant skin duo from Peak. It's really intentional pairing of their sun goddess Matcha and their BT fountain electrolytes. And I typically do the Matcha in the early afternoon. It's ceremonial grade. It's this beautiful rich green color. It's grown in volcanic soil. And it's not just about the energy boost. It's packed with chlorophyll antioxidants that help you detox. It helps to calm inflammation, support clearer, brighter skin. It genuinely feels like a reset for my entire system. And then when I go for my hikes, I make a little BT fountain electrolyte drink, which is more of overall beauty hydration. It has hyaluronic acid ceramides, trace minerals that actually hydrate your cells and support your skin barrier so your skin stays plump and doesn't hit that dull, dry point. But when I really started noticing a difference in my skin was when I would use them together. So the Matcha was clearing and calming and then the electrolytes was rebuilding and hydrating. I noticed less puffiness, more glow, and even a smoother skin tone. So much so that I've been getting a ton of dms from you guys. So I couldn't gatekeep any more and wanted to share. So if you're wanting to shift your skin from the inside out, this is a great place to start. And now that we've manifested a partnership with Peak, you guys can get 20% off your order. So head to peaklife.com TBM that's, that's P I Q U E life.com TBM for 20 off your order. Get ready to glow from the inside out. Thinking back to your childhood and some of those stories or narratives or experiences that may have shaped you. Not feeling that security or safety or maybe creating a protector part that is controlling and is really searching for safety for you in that way of control. Where do you think that comes from?
- [32:22]
A
Yeah, so I feel like I had a happy childhood. You know, I think really fondly of like my childhood home that I grew up in and just having the big yard and jumping in the piles of leaves and I'm the middle child. I have an older sister, younger brother, and so many good memories there. And then when I graduated from grade eight, my parents sat us down and told us they were getting a divorce and I was so blindsided, which is so interesting, kind of reflecting back on. I just didn't expect it. I was like Never thought that my parents would get divorced. So it was a real. That was the first kind of big moment of just like, yeah, the rug being pulled out. And from there, they both moved out of my childhood home. My mom was in a lot of financial scarcity. It was really hard. And I felt like kind of as the middle child, because my siblings kind of, like, not chose sides, but just naturally catered a little bit because of their circumstances. And I felt like I was in between trying to keep the peace and keep everyone happy. And it wasn't an amicable split, so my parents weren't communicating. I felt like that was on me to always keep the peace. So that was the time in my childhood that I really feel like a lot of that feeling of safety felt lost because I, you know, was that feeling of like, you feel like you can have it all, and then it's gone just like that. And that, you know, went into even. Just, like, my teenage years. And when I eventually moved away for school, I was so ready to move away and just, like, have my own space and not look back in a lot of ways. And I think then I went into a big, rebellious time in my life. I was like, in my party girl era. I think I was so done with feeling like I had to be the one to have it all together and to hold it together. And I think I was also just feeling not seen in that role. And so I rebelled and went to university. And sometimes I think back to that time, and I'm like, how did. Yeah, exactly. It's so interesting to connect those dots. And that's why loving the latest challenge and the chance to dive into that, the competency di was a huge one for me and really rewiring that. My dad was just, like, very hard to please. I just was constantly craving validation from my dad. He was the kind of dad that didn't say I love you easily. He felt like overusing it would take away the meaning of it. That was kind of his perspective. But because of that, I just craved it so much, and I really just started looking for that validation outside of myself in all the ways until I did this work and discovered the power of the internal validation and the internal safety. And then now being able to set my kids up for a completely different experience. In a lot of ways, I feel so grateful that because of this work that I've done and the experiences that I've had that have shaped me as a person and especially me as a mother, you know? And, of course, my parents did the best with what they had. I fully believe that. And they were breaking their own generational cycles. Yeah, now I get to be the parent that I wished I had to my kids. But I don't say that as a shot at my parents in any way. I just say that is like knowing what I needed now in. In a way that they weren't able to fully give me because of their situation. And it feels so healing.
- [36:05]
B
It's so wild. I have so many parallels to your story. Like, parents divorced around the same age, was not amicable, very messy, became the caretaker when it came time for college, was like, thank God, let me escape. I'm not taking this role on. Totally went into party girl era and then twenties. It was like everything I had been running from just caught up to me and was like, you need to face this stuff because you're, you're not being you. There's a lot more here. And you, you don't need to put on these Personas anymore. So yeah, I really resonate with that a lot. But I think there is something so massive in that reclamation. And as heartbreaking as that experience was for you with the house losing the home, but that rebuilding process and needing to do it from a place of how do I soar safety within? How do I know that my family is resilient and can move through hard things even when it feels like everything's being ripped from me to. And I'm sure you've had moments during that phase where you were like, why is this happening to me? Feeling like the victim of it. Which is totally understandable. But the fact that you were able to then flip it on its head and say, like, how is this now working out for me? And saying, no, we didn't have the home in that way. And it put us back on this timeline and caused chaos and stress in our family. But we get to build the home that we always wanted in the way in the room and the format and the setup that we always wanted on the land that like called to us. And having a brand new home from scratch probably wouldn't have been in the line of your budget when you first initially bought the house. So it's like there's so much trust and vision holding that you can only really get to once you go through the big thing. Like when you're in that mess, it's like, universe, what on earth were you thinking putting me through this? This is insane. But when you get on the other side, you're like, I mean, I wouldn't have cultivated that inner self worth. I Wouldn't have cultivated not needing to rely on external things until that external thing was ripped from me.
- [38:27]
A
Yeah. And honestly, because of having TBM to guide me through that time, I think is a big part of it for sure. I think like I said, even just in that moment, having that inner knowing and self trust, we were going to be okay. And I do feel like I had a lot of faith and actually, absolutely, I had my moments, my total breakdown moments. And you know, there was a lot in the, even the process outside of the insurance piece, just in advocating for ourselves in the rebuild process and you know, things of course costing, especially at that time coming out of the pandemic when prices skyrocketed too and things costing more than we thought they were going to. And like just being tested constantly and really tested to advocate for ourselves and to really believe that we deserve the home that we were building. Because I remember right after the fire, people kept saying to us, like, oh, at least now you get to build your dream home. And that's what they were saying, like right in the moment. And little did they know, we didn't even know if we were covered at that time. But we still had to advocate for that so much and really fight for that and really trust that we were deserving of that. And I think that was another block that I was working through at the time and just like believing that I was deserving and worthy of this magic too, because it did turn into this magical situation on the other side where exactly like you said, like, we got something that we never would have had at that time. And but we didn't know it. We didn't know it was going to play out that way. And then on the flip side of that too, that happening and going through that really actually is what sent me on the journey of finally writing this book that had been on my heart for so long, that I was constantly putting off. It was constantly at the top of what first was my goal list and then my manifestation list. And every year I would bring it back up to the top and be like, why haven't I done this? And I was reflecting a lot leading up to this about how much those moments of like, tapping into the magic of your inner child, right. And for me was like, I loved writing as a kid. I grew up in a small town. I remember sitting in my bedroom window seeing literally like one person walk by every hour and playing Harriet the Spy and writing their story. And I just followed that passion in school. I went to school for journalism and then building out my Business. Like I always loved writing and so I always wanted to write a book but I just didn't know what the book would be. I, I didn't know if it'd be fiction or non fiction. I, you know, I didn't know the how. And this really sent me on that journey to finally write the book. And so it felt like it tapped back into that passion and purpose that I had from such a young age. At that point I was building our marketing agency and writing everyone else's stories, which I loved. I loved helping other people share their stories, but I was also hiding behind that and playing it safe. So that led into that journey next and being able to then share my story with others and now being on the other side of publishing and hearing from so many people who have gone through something similar or resonated with certain parts of my story and just being able to see the impact of truly coming from such a place of authenticity in how you're sharing the writing helped me process and helped me heal so much too.
- [41:41]
B
Talk about this because I have this note from our initial phone call when I was like this is a story about Finding youg Voice and stepping in to be seen and even hearing the advocacy with the contractors. That's finding your voice. You know, being able to say put that people pleaser aside or the part of you that doesn't like conflict and say I'm not keeping the peace. I'm going to respectfully say no, this is a non negotiable that seems like it started kicking it off there. Talk about this process too. Getting to be able to write your book and how then showing up on socials and all of these layers that you had to peel off. Even us recording this. And then you have speaking events this week. Like you have exploded in this category. Talk about what has come up on that journey.
- [42:35]
A
Yeah. I mean coming out of the whole year of the snake and all the shedding now I can so clearly see the fire was, was absolutely the perfect analogy of me having to shed and literally burn down everything that wasn't coming with me into this next era of truly stepping into my authenticity, which was the control, the perfectionism, a lot of the playing small and hiding my voice and not speaking up for myself. Even though I'm an Aries. I'm not afraid to say what I mean. I would struggle to do that in situations that I didn't feel like the expert if I didn't feel confident. And. And so I went with the house. I really just had to like trust my gut in a whole other way and know that we were fighting for what we deserved and absolutely, like, practicing using it that way. And I think even bigger than that, it was like, really building my trust muscle and trusting in something bigger than myself. Part of my story, too, is that I grew up. My dad was an atheist, and my mom grew up Catholic and then turned united, and she was like a pastor. So I had completely different sides of religious and very not religious upbringing. But because of that, I was very lost. I never found myself in one way or the other. And then I met my husband in school, actually, and I ended up marrying into a Catholic family. And his parents were so welcoming of me right from the start, even though I didn't share their beliefs. And that was kind of the first moment that I realized, like, oh, okay, I'm missing something here. They believe in something bigger than themselves, and that gives them this trust. That's what resonated with me around it. I think at the same time as the fire and tbm, I really started to discover astrology and human design and learned so much about myself that just felt so validating. And part of that was my Gemini rising, which is so much about using my voice. And I really do feel like it just felt just so validated. My purpose here is absolutely to use my voice to share my story. Not in a. Ever in a performative way, like, in the realest, rawest format. I had this natural skill at writing, and that's what I loved and felt most comfortable with, but. Exactly. I had to start, like, vocalizing and speaking literally more and developing that voice in my business, in my personal life, in so many ways. And I. I really learn the power of using your voice in the boundaries that you set, you know, in relationships and having the hard conversations with clients, with family members. So much of that came up for me in that journey, too, and just again, like, really advocating for myself in all of the forums. And so then when it came to the book, I. At the same time, like, I'm so grateful. Actually, it was the authenticity challenge. That was December or winter 2024. Right. So then I went through that. That was. That was huge for me. And then January 2025, so I've been. I've been writing the book for a couple years at that point, which, like, I was writing, you know, in the very messy middle, like, in the cracks of my day, between building the business and. And being a mom. And sometimes I'm like, how. Where did I find the time? Because it was wild times in my schedule. But it also showed me like, if I could do it, then I can do it. I can do anything. But come that January, I had a speaking opportunity that I manifested, which was a really great opportunity for me. It was going to be for the following October that year. And in that moment I was like, I need to have my book published and in the swag bags at this event. And so that would really like kickstarted me into a whole other level and like finishing writing my book. I manifested my publisher and then literally published my book October 2nd. And the event was like two weeks later that I was speaking on stages, had my book in the swag bags.
- [46:31]
B
Wait. So between January, October, signed a publisher, finished the book, final edition, and it's outpublished. That is an insane timeline for books.
- [46:40]
A
It was a wild year. It was a wild year.
- [46:43]
B
But I think that speaks to the power of manifestation is on its own timeline. It can be faster than you think. It's. It can be slower than you want. But you really have to trust it is the timing that is going to be best serving your growth and your healing. How do you think that that timeline being so short, like, what lessons do you think that that taught you in this process?
- [47:09]
A
Yeah, it sent me on such a roller coaster ride of becoming who I needed to be to be the author of this story and to share it with the world. And so honestly, like leaned on TBM so much and I share it in my book because it's such a tool to me that has been so massive in my growth and I had to go through a lot of visibility stretches in that season, especially heading into publishing. And I remember the summer challenge then too. Was it the money challenge? I think it was the money challenge, but it really felt like it was like more inner child stuff and more related to the visibility pieces that I was stepping into and really having to
- [47:48]
B
work through that confidence with confidence, you know, Like, I think that's a big part of the money challenge is like, you can't really demand a pay increase if you don't feel confident in your skill set or what you're putting out there. So there is a lot of visibility in that one, which makes sense.
- [48:04]
A
Yeah, absolutely. And it brought up stuff in relationships that I had to navigate and in speaking up for myself in a whole other way as well and like really holding true to my values and honestly, healing. Healing some inner child stuff where I felt like it was in other relationships being like how I was raised was being reflected into my kids in certain relationships and it was very triggering for me. And so I had to have some hard conversations around that at that time that I know was all connected to stepping into the growth of really being seen and letting my inner child be seen and letting her speak up. I think it's such a blessing to be able to do this work as a mom because my kids are literally my mirror. I'm doing inner child work and I'm looking at my six year old daughter who is journaling beside me, like, loves the things that I loved as a kid. And so when I'm advocating for myself, I know I'm advocating for her too. And it gives me that much more encouragement and motivation as well to know that the power of breaking these cycles and what I'm teaching her. And I got to have my kids at the book launch party and she stood up with me while I was reading a chapter and she was just loved it so much. And so that I could be that expander for her in this moment and show her what's possible was the ultimate dream come true. Like the best part for me, it
- [49:26]
B
gets me emotional how incredible doing that inner work is for your kids. And we hear this a lot. Like, I don't have kids yet, but I just, I feel like I think about it all the time, what that process will be like one day. But we hear about it from our community all the time. Like going through these pieces as a parent, no matter how old your kids are, even if your kids are grown and out of the house, there is something that heals both you and then the next generation when you're doing this work. And it's wild how much it mirrors those situations. It's funny, I'm. I was listening this morning to an edit for a podcast we're doing with Sarah Baldwin, who talks about nervous system work and somatic experiencing. And she talks about being the parent to your inner children, to your vulnerable parts inside. And being the protector and nurturer of those parts is going to be your greatest work in this lifetime. And then when you can do that, think of how you can parent from that place and what that model sets out. And I just, I have a lot of hope for humanity when we start talking about this stuff.
- [50:38]
A
Right? And that's the power of healing yourself and the ripple effect that that has. And I'm so excited for you, Jessica, to step into motherhood. And I also just so appreciate how openly you've shared about that too. I think that was something. When I was struggling to get pregnant, I was so used to everybody constantly asking me, like, when are you having babies? When are you having babies? And to the point that I just never wanted to talk about. About it, but I actually think that that did me a disservice. And when I finally started opening up about struggling to get pregnant to, like, just even my closest girlfriends that I. It was literally just something my husband and I were going through alone. And then when I finally let people in, that I really do believe helped clear a lot of the energy that actually got us pregnant in the end. So I just so appreciate that conversation. I think it's so important. And then the fact that you're doing this work before you step in is gonna just, like, you're gonna be off to the races with it. Like, it's gonna be, you know, and of course, there's things so much more that you'll learn in that journey, but it's so cool to see how our kids become our greatest teachers. And, you know, I feel like my son, too, has just. He was, like I said when we had the fire, he was only nine months old, and he was like my medicine because he was the happiest. Like, we call him like the Buddha baby. He's just like. Like, his chubby little cheeks. He was so happy all the time. That's how I could be present, because I could just lose myself in my kids. They weren't phased from dancing in the kitchen and reminding me of all the good in the world. I got to see the world through their eyes, and it just helped me have that perspective in a time when that felt dark otherwise. And still to this day, I feel that way when we're going through these challenging times, to be able to see the world through your kids or kids around you. And, like, that was what was so great about the last challenge, too. I actually. One of the things I did because we were in the thick of winter, of course, I watched my favorite childhood movie with my daughter for the first time, which was a little princess. Do you know a little princess?
- [52:40]
B
Yeah.
- [52:41]
A
Oh, my gosh. I feel like Millennials grew up with that movie. And if you know it, you know it, but it wasn't really well known. And so watching that with my daughter and just, like, crying with her after I hadn't watched it since I was a kid. And like, the father daughter relationship in the movie that was so expansive, like, that was my expander. If I had to think of, like, the. Yeah, exactly like the expander parent that I need to. When I tune into in the Di's getting to watch that with her. And then Also knowing like hey, I picked that in the man who is her dad and the relationship that she gets to have.
- [53:19]
B
Foreign. If you are going through the season, if you are feeling the intensity of things, if you are feeling scattered, if you are having trouble following through on the things that you know you want to do, the actions you want to take, but you just can't get yourself to do them, or maybe you're just overwhelmed. So many things are coming at you at once and you're wondering how are you going to metabolize all of that and move through it. We have our big spring sale going on right now where you can join our Pathway membership for only $23 a month and access all of the tools that will help you return to yourself. Not only do we have a library of 75 plus deep imagining audios, which is our proprietary self hypnosis audio that helps you regulate, helps you ground back into yourself and there are also a ton of them in there that help you unblock which is where you can overwrite old limiting beliefs into wands of high self worth. This is really where the magic shifts in your subconscious and the deep imaginings help you access your subconscious and overwrite the patterns that are keeping you stuck inside. Our pathway membership, we also have 16 plus long form workshops if you want to go deeper in any one specific subject like how to manifest inner child shadow rut, rock bottom, money, love. It's basically your one stop shop and tool that you can lean on no matter what you're going through, no matter what season to help take you from where you are to the more aligned, more authentic, more grounded, more magnetic next level. And now's the perfect time to join because we have our spring sale going on where you can access the pathway for only $23 a month instead of $30. It will be available from now until April 5th at midnight PST. And we're so excited to have you in there. This is a big theme that I've seen come up for the community a lot is this visibility arc and I think seeps into so many different levels like it seeps into of course if you're standing and launching a book or you know, promoting your business. I mean we're in the era of personal brands, but it also is how you show up authentically in your day to day life. You know, it's how you're visible with your contractors, it's how you're visible with your friends, with your family, with your kids, with your co workers. Was there anything maybe in your self identity that You. You used to say, I'm someone who is X. And then you said, oh, now I'm learning how to feel safe as someone who's Y. Was there any shift that happened as you were peeling the layers back there?
- [56:25]
A
Yeah, I. I used to be the person who felt like, my story isn't big enough, my story isn't powerful enough. Who is gonna care to read a book about my story? Like, I've really pushed back even against the memoir style, because I'm like, who am I to write a memoir? Like, what? That's not what I had on my bingo card, even as a kid. And so then going through that process and like, I would say, kind of close to the final stages, when I finally had that moment where still it had only been like, my. Me, my husband, and my publishers and editors who had read my book. I hadn't even shared it with anyone yet, but I had this inner knowing. My story is real fucking powerful, and I believe that so deeply. And I was like, I know this book is going to change things. It's already changed me so much just in the process of writing it, let alone publishing it. But I felt that internal validation so strongly. And then, of course, it was tested that week that I sent it to early readers for feedback and didn't hear back right away because my early readers have very full lives. They're moms, they're entrepreneurs, ambitious career women. And I'm just waiting to hear. But it was just to get the validation that it was what I believed it could be, and it was going to have that same impact that I knew it could have. And so that week, I remember tested me so much, and then getting the feedback back that was so positive, just, like, so reassuring from there. It just, like, continued to surprise me in the best ways.
- [57:59]
B
So. Good. Okay, one last question before we jump, or actually two. Two. Two quick ones. What is one thing that you would say to your inner child who needed you most? And are there any tips in how you make a ritual of TBM or how you use the tools in a way that feels supportive? Because I think people are always asking us, how do you use them? How much? When do you do? You know, they're always trying to figure out what their ritual is. So what's your example of your ritual?
- [58:30]
A
Yeah, I feel like for the inner child, it's really trusting that it's going to work out for you, but also that it's shaping you into who you need to be to live out your wildest dreams again. Coming back to the work and how much TBM has taught me to have this trust in something bigger than myself. I also love the episode with Dr. Tara on signs. And signs have been a huge part of my journey. And I love doing a speaking of the rituals, like taking a DI on a nature walk and then listening to the DI and then also having my time afterwards in silence when I can just tune into nature. I remember one DI in particular, that this just came to me. So I feel like I need to share it. I forget which one it was, but it was at the beginning about tapping into your spirit guides. And so I had just lost my dog. She was 11 years and was deep in the grief of that loss. And so immediately I'm thinking of her and connecting to her. And I'm on this walk and I'm just walking along listening to the di. And up ahead I see what was clearly like a dad and two adult men walking children. And there were three dogs by them, like off leash. And I just like noticed the dogs didn't think anything of it. Get closer. And all of a sudden one of this, one of the dogs like ran up to me and I could tell they were kind of like surprised that this dog did that and like nervous of how I was going to react. And this dog comes up to me and it is a black Portuguese water dog, which is my dog that I lost. And they're not a common dog around here. Like you don't see them. And just the way it came up to me and just like immediately was like my hands. I just burst into tears. And of course these guys are like, they're like, I'm so sorry. And I'm like crying like, this is what you think? I'm like, I just lost my dog and she was a Portuguese water dog. And then I just like ran off. But such a powerful moment. And there's been so many times. So I have to. I have to share a couple others. When we were rebuilding our house, we moved into this rental and it had a pond in the backyard, which was so cool, like just by chance. And so that's kind of actually what started my bird watching journey. And just like immersing myself in nature, in that, in between and feeling connected to it. And one day this is going to sound so Canadian, but this beaver showed up at this pond and this is in the middle of a subdivision. Like, this is not. I know probably you think that beavers are everywhere in Canada. So unusual for it to be in this space. And it stayed there for like a week. And I just Would see it, like, swimming back and forth, like, what this beaver? And, like, looking at the symbolism of it. And of course, like, this rebuild mode and, like, the strength of building something. I'm like, this couldn't have been a more powerful sign to really just trust in this journey that we are. This was before we, like, got our permit to rebuild, you know, so it was just, like, in the thick of the unknown of, like, what's the timeline? When. When's this gonna happen? What's it gonna look like? And this beaver shows up. And so. And then there was another time when I was out for a walk. And I love your cicadas story, actually. Oh, yes. And so I had one. I think I messaged you at that time where it was. It had just rained, and again, I was by this pond, so there was a lot of kind of different, like, wildlife and insects and stuff. I'm walking my dog, and all of a sudden, there's, like. I look and there's, like, all these slugs all over the sidewalk. And I'm like, where do these come from? Like, it was just so strange. And then I looked closer, and I saw that there were actually a bunch of snails. And some snails had their shells, but the ones I thought were slugs were actually snails without their shells. And I'm like, what a powerful analogy of I am just in this in between right now without my shelter, my shell protecting me, I'm very vulnerable. And how these snails are just, like, so confident going across the sidewalk. And actually, at first, I was like, oh, they're going to a bigger shell. They've outgrown their shell. Like, that's the story for me. I'm like, I'm the snail. I've outgrown my shell. And then, of course, I look it up, I'm like, no. Snails actually return to their old shell.
- [62:41]
B
Wow.
- [62:42]
A
They don't go to a bigger shell like a crab. They return to their old shell. And so I'm like, speaking of, like, coming home to yourself, coming home to your shell that you built within. Oh, I can't make this stuff up. I swear, it was so powerful.
- [63:01]
B
This is the kind of stuff that starts happening when you do tbm. We were talking about it as a team a couple weeks ago, and we're like, how do we explain? Explain? Like, your life will just become magical when you start it. Like, we can't really promise that. But, like, it does happen for everyone almost every time. And I think part of it is because as you're going in that inner journey and as you start regulating your nervous system, you have presence to see the signs and the symbolism that has been around in nature, in the land, all the time. But maybe you were just too closed off or too focused or too stressed or too into survival to notice it. When you start to soften these symbols, this imagery, especially from nature, is so potent. It hits you, and you have that moment. You're like, I know this was for me to see. I just know this is spirit, universe, God, whatever you want to call it, letting me know with a wink, you're good. Look at the example of the slugs or of the snails. It's right here in front of you. Like, you're just a part of nature. We're all a part of this cosmos together. It's so beautiful. But I love that you shared those, because I feel like those little things happen so frequently for people, but we don't usually share all of them or even remember them, because they happen just like you're like, what? How did that just occur?
- [64:30]
A
Yeah, magic is part of my authentic code. So I feel like, again, it's what you are looking for, what you're paying attention to. So I'm always looking for the magic. I'm always looking for the signs, the reassurances. And I love birds for that reason, too. And actually, there was a time when I was really trying to figure out the title of my book. I was really stuck. Like, I'd written the book and I couldn't figure out what is the title of this book. And then it was springtime. And one night, I hear these. This, like, honking, thinking it was geese at first, and then it's sunset in our backyard. My husband and I are outside. Like, these two swans fly by, like, so gracefully across the skyline of our backyard, across the sunset. I was like, oh, my God, that was magical. That was so beautiful. Like, of course I noticed it just kind of chalked it, didn't think much of it. The next night, they honk. They come at the exact same time again. The next night, literally for almost two weeks straight. Whatever. The sunset was, like, 8:30pm, the swans. And I'm like, they're coming home. They're coming home to the pond down the street from us. And that's when the title landed for my book. I was like, they are coming home. Just like we have come home to our physical home that we've rebuilt. I've come home to myself, my most authentic self. Of course, that's the title of the book.
- [65:55]
B
So good. So good. Thank you, Carly. So Much for sharing your story of being so vulnerable and sharing all the details of it and all the things going on. Where can people find you, connect with you, learn more, all of it.
- [66:10]
A
Oh, thank you for having me. This honestly feels like such a full circle moment. I feel like I manifested this when I fell in love with the podcast and I was like, I'm gonna be on this podcast one day. I literally had that voice. So, so cool to have this moment and I just adore you and Lacy and everything you guys have created in the team. But yeah, you can find me on Instagram's my favorite place to hang out. Like come hang out. Send me a dm, let me know what you thought about the episode I'm at. It's CarlyOttawayOttawa with a Y and you can also find my book coming homebook.com if you want to look at more.
- [66:46]
B
Thank you.
- [66:47]
A
Thank you so much.
- [66:55]
B
Okay, so here's how I am planning on using the tools to really ground in to my magnetism and my fullest potential from now until our mid year challenge. Because we have our challenges twice a year, I kind of consider them are intensive. It's a lot of unblocking, a lot of awareness in a super specific area of our life to really excavate and move through things. And the in between time I sort of use as integration and reinforcing so obviously doing dis as things pop up but I don't like sit down for a very concentrated step by step unblocking process if that makes sense in order to just give myself space to metabolize everything. So because we just did this light nervous system reset, it was just a DI challenge. You know, seven days, five to ten minutes. I'm going to continue to use those deep imaginings especially as I can move through and feel my energy throughout the day trying, trying to like really step into. Can I sit in that energy of my higher self more often? Can I notice when my body or my stress levels are too high and kind of shift those gears And I am getting a little bit of a ping to pull back some of the exercises from the money challenge and and just go over those again. I got that ping this morning but nothing super intensive. More so deep imagining maintenance and just tuning into. Oh, if I have a trigger on here, I'm going to go in and do this one or if I just want to feel into abundance, rooted in abundance di and then come our mid year challenge that's when I'll get really deep and go in with you guys again. So in case you needed just, like, a little example of one way you can use the tools. That's how I'm moving through. And if you're really wanting to do this. Nervous system reset. I'm telling you, it is game changer. Seven days, five to 10 minutes max. You can use them anytime throughout your day. It will shift something, I promise you. And our big spring sale ends on Sunday night at 11:59 PST. All right, see you guys next week.