← EXPANDED Podcast by To Be Magnetic™
EXPANDED Podcast by To Be Magnetic™
Ep. 406 - Breaking Generational Cycles Through Boundaries & Self-Worth: The Process with Alexis Marie West
00:57:19
What if the hardest part of manifestation isn’t getting what you want, but feeling worthy enough to deserve it? In this deeply expansive episode, Jessica welcomes Alexis Marie West for a conversation on manifestation, generational healing, boundaries, and the art of truly receiving. Alexis shares her remarkable journey from growing up amidst addiction, instability, and survival-mode conditioning to manifesting a peaceful dream home, financial security, creative freedom, and authentic self-worth. Together, they unpack the uncomfortable integration phase that happens after manifestations land, the emotional reality of setting boundaries with loved ones, and how reclaiming creativity becomes the gateway back to your authentic self. This episode is a powerful reminder that healing isn’t about perfection—it’s about choosing yourself again and again until your external reality finally reflects the safety and abundance you've always deserved. Find the complete show notes here → https...
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- [00:00]
A
My husband, my best friend, my sister, my other sister, my mom. All of those had tests where I had to set super strong boundaries. Once I reach the other side and set the boundary like the relationship is great, we've learned that we can make it past it and it's so much deeper. For that reason, shedding that skin was just super free.
- [00:20]
B
Boundaries are something that we all know we need to have and yet when it comes time to actually holding those boundaries, we they can feel very hard. Today's process episode with Alexis Marie we are diving into how putting up boundaries in her life not only manifested her dream life and allowed her to receive things that she couldn't even imagine, but it also helped connect her to who she truly is authentically, what her authentic needs are when they're not a meshed with someone else's desires or trying to put other people's needs above hers. And truly the power of stepping into allowing your needs, your energy to be fully seen. Because when you can see them yourself, that is when they start to emanate out and create and manifest the life that you truly desire. Some fun announcements in the world of TVM. We are kicking off our mid year challenge on June 1st. We are announcing the theme next week on the podcast first and then on social media. I am so excited. There are so many things to say about this challenge. It's going to be walking you guys through a massive, massive up level in your life. We're going to be holding your hand the whole way. It's going to be so fun and just so healing on so many levels. I don't want to give too much away, but stay tuned for that. But we are kicking off our big summer sale for TBM this week. We wanted to start it a little early in case you get a taste of things in this episode. You're starting to want to get into the TBM work. Maybe you're wanting to do some nervous system work before the challenge kicks off in June. Now's the time to join. It's going to be our lowest price of the season. Price point is going from $30 a month to $23. That's literally like two coffees, guys. I'm telling you, this work is life changing. If you've been getting the ping to join, now is the time especially to get ahead for our big mid year challenge, which is going to be incredible. So that sale is kicking off Monday, May 11. If you want early access to the sale, we just launched a quiz today called where are you afraid to be seen? And some of the most common patterns we see people get stuck with when it comes to really expressing themselves. And not just visibility like social media or online, but actually seen in your gifts and your expression and your authentic way that you dress and put yourself out there, the way that you communicate with your friends, the way that you put yourself out there in your job and your career, physically allowing attention to be on you, receiving. There's so much that goes into being seen that deeply, deeply, deeply connects with self worth. And we're going to unpack a little bit of that in today's episode and in some future episodes. But take the quiz, see what state you're in, let us know if it resonates and you will get first access to our sale that is launching May 11th. Okay, enjoy the episode. And now a word from our partners. I am going to give you a massive beauty hack that a lot of people don't talk about. Our stress, our tension, our unprocessed emotions show up on our face, our clenched jaw, our furrowed brow, overstimulated nervous system. Oftentimes we don't even realize we're doing it. But the more I've created space to feel my feelings and actually feel intentional into my face, into softening my jaw, my eyes, my skin, my face transforms. And one of my absolute favorite products for doing this is the Bond Charge red light face mask. It's become one of my favorite ways to signal safety into my face and into my system and supporting my skin at a cellular level. Bon Charge's red light mask uses red and near infrared light, which has been studied for its ability to support collagen production, skin repair, circulation, cellular energy, really bringing new life, new energy, new felt sense to your face which makes you glow. So whether I use it at night to unwind, I usually pair it with a little deep imagining or some TBM work and I can fully allow my body to relax and get the nutrients from the red light it needs. And with so many red light devices on the market, I trust Bon Charge implicitly. They are so science backed, they rigorously study and have the highest quality, lowest emf, best quality red light in all of their products. In fact, they were even awarded the winner of the Beauty Shortlist Awards. If you're curious about supporting your skin and glowing from the inside out, check out Bon Charge's red light face mask@boncharge.com and use code magnetic all caps M A G N E T I C for 15% off your order. Again, that's boncharge.com check the link in the show notes and put in code magnetic all caps M A G N E T I C for 15 off. And now on to the episode. Alexis, welcome to the expanded podcast.
- [05:35]
A
Thank you for having me. I'm like over the moon. Can't even believe it. Pinch me. All the things.
- [05:40]
B
Oh my gosh. Okay, so I actually want to start with where you're recording from today for people who are watching the video or listening in, because I feel like it's a big part of your manifestation journey. Yes.
- [05:55]
A
Okay. So I'm sitting in my house in my office space that's like my designated wellness room in progress. But there's not much in here right now on my father in law's property and he lives across the lake. We have filtered well water which is like a dream of mine. It's just like my dream house. I remember doing the Safety Eye and I'm not that good at visualizing, but I would just see a window and I would see myself putting like a pie on the window. I don't know why I thought that was so cute, but I put a pie in the window and then I would look at grass and I feel like that's the vision I have in my kitchen. I can just see my kids right directly out the window. And it feels like that space.
- [06:40]
B
I think that's so cool to manifest your safe place from your deep imagining. I think some people in the community are very visually oriented. They can pull up visuals no problem. And other people, it's like harder to kind of grasp and ground into it. But I think it is very telling that the one visual that did come up very prominently was related to safety, was related to this feeling of peace and authenticity. And then that became your manifestation. Like it's so in tandem.
- [07:11]
A
It's something I wasn't even planning for is the whole thing. It wasn't on my list. You know, I was perfectly content in my house in the suburbs. I was like, I can raise my kids here, die here. But the thing about it I wanted to mention too is I had to stop using it as my safe space because I was so unsure if it was actually going to come to fruition fully because there were so many spinning plates. And I was just. I just didn't feel safe anymore. And I was like, can't use this as my safe space. So I started using my, my with this cabin. But yeah, it's been so many tests in the process.
- [07:47]
B
I think that's so interesting too where it's like you're actually starting to bring your safe Space into fruition and manifest it. And then the uncertainty of it is like, wait, I don't want to get too excited and think about that. So I need to, like, reference a different safe space that is tied to whether it's coming through or not. It just feels guaranteed when you dream about, like, probably your grandma's cottage.
- [08:12]
A
Exactly. Because I know it's there and it's going to be there forever, hopefully. But, yeah, I had to stop using it. It was just. I didn't feel safe making it my safe space because it was unsure. It didn't feel safe. But also, it was like I had to regulate and still was integrating this entire time, like, while my life is up. Leveling building the house, but also having financial security and integrating all that was a lot. Especially I was six months, like, I'm now six months postpartum. So I was like, freshly postpartum while integrating all this stuff and using it as my safe space was like, I don't even want to be there. I'm not even ready to be in that nice house. I, like, had a moment recently where I just completely just bawled because I was like, I. It was. I think it was our first night in here, and I was just like, I just want to go back to my old house because I'm not used to being around. Like, one of my patterns is growing up with a lot of people in my house, and I had a revolving door, and I was like, I do not want that. But I had to realize, like, having family around and people that love you is, like something completely different. And that's what I have now. But it still felt like I don't want to be around these people. They're going to judge me all the time. Like, they're going to see me. It's all these old stories. It's. It's so layered.
- [09:34]
B
Yeah. I want to dive into somewhat of your origin story and some of the patterns you picked up of growing up and really why this space is so huge for you and your other manifestations that have come through, too. But I think you named something really huge that a lot of people go through is like, when they have that big manifestation, especially that's connected to safety or security in some way, shape, or form. There's, like, this really unsettling integration chapter where you really have to hold the part of you that has wanted it. And you talked about this actually in your submission, but, like, you were so used to longing for something that not longing anymore became the discomfort. It became really just hard to sit with not longing and wishing and wanting, but actually just receiving it. And I think we are so excited about our manifestations, and we are, like, on the path and unblocking and expanding all this stuff. And then it lands, and it's almost like a. A dying off chapter when you first land in your new manifestation, where, like, obviously you love it and you're so excited, but you still have to sit with those parts of you that are like, this is so new. And I didn't think I was gonna operate this way. And I don't know how to hold this thing. And it feels so kind of, in a way, you know, it makes so much sense that your first night, you're like, I want to go back home. Like, how do I hold this huge thing that I wanted?
- [11:12]
A
Yeah. It was like a whole identity crisis moment. And it's funny because, like, the yearning, I think it's just that I didn't realize how much of my energy was being consumed by, oh, this is what I want. Or, like, this perfect thing or whatever.
- [11:26]
B
Whatever.
- [11:27]
A
And then it's like, all of a sudden, I can afford. Afford that thing, and I'm like, well, where's the dopamine going? You know? Or where's this. All this energy going? It was perfect timing, though. Like, just postpartum, I'm already going through this identity crisis of, like, having two kids, cementing motherhood, and then at the same time, like, very grateful, because this is, like, my dream life also for my kids. You know, it makes me feel safe that they're safe. But when I did the Return to magic challenge, which was, like, the best challenge for me thus far, I think all that energy that I found that it was stirring up inside of me was creative energy. I did the challenge. I made my magnetic parents, which I felt like was so magical and cool, and I kind of morphed my mom with the mom from Princess Diaries because I thought she was so cool. I just. After that challenge, it just really unlocked something in the perfect time where I had, like, regulated and I had, like, integrated all these relationship issues. And then I just was like, I can play sliced down music and dance now, I guess.
- [12:37]
B
Yes. That is so huge. Thinking about that potentially, like, nervous energy that happens during an up level and also happens during identity crisis, too. Oh, my God. Who am I? What does this mean? How do I metabolize all of that and turning that intensity, giving it almost like a different home instead of the home meaning, like, what's going on with me? Oh, my gosh. What's happened? You Know, like it's so internally reflected. Can you flip it and can you channel it into your art, into your creativity, into your passion, into your creative expression is huge and also so healing in and of itself.
- [13:20]
A
Yeah, very. I didn't realize how detached and how, how long I'd been like, separate from that. Kind of like pushing myself into like a type A personality to the point my whole family kind of. That's the version of me, but it was just so like a made up version of myself to like please other people, protect them and give them something consistent and predictable. I think that's where all these relationship tests were coming up because I am kind of that person to my family and like my sisters. Shedding that skin finally, like with the Year of the Snake was just super free. I actually might not be type A. I actually might be really creative. Like I was my whole life and I was somehow surprised.
- [14:07]
B
I think this was a really big pattern for you. That sounds like it developed in childhood where you felt like you had to be the fixer, the rescuer, always keep the peace, making sure everyone's okay, having this role of responsibility at the expense of your own needs. What did that look like? How did you see that playing out? And where do you feel like when you were going through the challenge or the unblocking work, where did you pick up that pattern? Where did you learn that that was like the role you had to play?
- [14:36]
A
Yeah, well, when I brought it up with you at the tour, it was definitely showing up in friends, but is definitely my mom. She's like a recovering alcoholic. We'll see if she actually claims that. But that's how everyone knows her that actually knows her. Yeah, it was just like when you have a parent that's like emotionally unpredictable, somehow you're picking up that stories that you have to be consistent in the way that I thought I had to be consistent. You feel like you need to disappear. Like every part of you just needs to disappear because everything has to be easy for that person. It's really terrible for a kid, honestly, because it's an attack on your identity. It's an attack on your own needs. And growing from that point is like, that's why it took me till 32 to figure out, find my way back to creativity and everything. Because I was stuck in that like personality for so long.
- [15:32]
B
I think what's so powerful, I mean, it's so funny. You're like, it took me all the way to 32. I'm like, people go their whole lives and never get out of it, you know, So I think being able to break these cycles and these patterns literally at any age is an absolute freaking miracle. And like, the coolest, bravest, badass thing you can ever do. But I also feel like the compassion I have for your inner child to have, like, taken all of that on so young, have no idea what's going on. And they're sitting there like no one's figuring this out. And, like, I need to do that and I'm gonna take on this role and this responsibility, like, it's so huge and so massive. And I guess I just. It's like getting me emotional because I resonate in certain ways too, and not to the extent of your story, but, like, in little ways. And I just want to hold space for anyone out there, inner children who took on a responsibility role at a young age that was so not their responsibility to handle and was taking on like, adult level burdens. And I just want to give your inner child a freaking hug and say, go play in the grass and like, go have fun because you deserve it. You know, there's just so much you talked about in your submission too, so much of the generational pattern breaking. And I'm gonna paraphrase what you wrote in here, but you're a child of an alcoholic, victim of gang violence, drug dealer, maternal grandfather was a drug addict. Like, you had huge generational patterns that you were up against. This was no easy feat. Not that anyone's blocker pattern is, but there are so many generational somatic imprintations of this fear, of this intensity. What was that like to move through? And how do you feel being the one that's able to break these cycles?
- [17:30]
A
It's not for the week. Because everyone in my life has been upset with me at one point because of, like, changing my behavior and staying in my worth. And in turn, you know, my younger sister Maya, both my sisters I love to death, but my younger sister, we had a. Our whole riff was that she's. She's younger than me. She was a baby for a long time, and even before she lived with me for a while. So it's like she would ask for financial favors. And it was very hard because especially moving into being more financially secure, I felt even more guilt for not giving her what she asked for. But I knew, I knew that she did not learn what she needed to learn when I didn't learn what I needed to learn. She didn't learn a healthy relationship with money, for starters. But it's also like the self worth that she needed to just Stand on her own two feet and like, be confident in herself, which she's doing amazing now. She does TBM too. Both of them do. And like, their testaments. When I think it doesn't work for me, I look at them. Because he has three jobs, including modeling, and I'm not gonna take little credit, but like, after I set strong boundaries with her, she likes, got three jobs that she absolutely loves. Wow. Through forms of income, she's like, thriving now. And that's just like the huge testament that after all these, like, heartbreaking boundaries I had to set with people and that were so, like, I just felt like the crappiest person alive. Like, I was like, I have. I have financial security and she needs whatever, and I'm not giving to her like, I'm an asshole, I suck, you know? But after I reach the other side of that, and I've learned that with my patterning, once I reach the other side and set the boundary, like, the relationship is great. We've like, learned that we can make it past it. And it's so much deeper for that reason. But it definitely wasn't easy. My husband, my best friend, my sister, my other sister, my mom, all of those had tests where I had to set super strong boundaries. And it just made me feel like complete crap out.
- [19:49]
B
I love that you're naming the realness of, like, what actually is happening internally. Because I think on the surface it's like, okay, I have financial freedom, they don't. I'll help them. That's a good thing. Praise, you know, and then when you look at everything happening beneath the surface, it's like, no, this is actually enabling her. And she's not learning that she's totally competent and able to provide for herself and follow her passions and get paid for it because she frickin deserves it. And you deserve to not feel like you have to rescue again, repeating your pattern. But you can know it. But then when it comes time to actually say, hey, I know you're in a financially tight situation, but no, you're like, well, I can't. I can't believe I'm doing that. Like, I don't want, you know, like, I totally have been there where you're just squirming. This is so hard to hold. This. It is the right thing to do, but it doesn't feel good.
- [20:50]
A
Yeah, it definitely didn't feel good. Every time I set a boundary and it was over and over again, like, with the, like throughout the six months, it would be like, you know, a little test of the Boundary. And then a bigger test of the boundary. And then, like, I'm saying it, she doesn't care because that's how great our relationship is. But it's just with everyone, it was like that. Like, it'd be like, I would laugh because on the same day, it'd be like, she texted me. Me. My mom would text me, and my husband would be mad at me, and I'd be like, okay, I get it. I get it. I get what's happening here. I need to not internalize that he's mad at me. It's fine. He's just. He's a moody guy. He's just going through his own emotions. That has nothing to do with me. Also with the mom. Nothing to do with me. She's going through it. Nothing to do with me. I can. I can keep my peace. Then with her, set the boundary. And then with my mom, just regulate. Regulate myself. Also nothing to do with me.
- [21:46]
B
What di's did you lean on to help you move through that? Because I think exactly what you named right there. Like, the stacking of the tests, it's like, I can pass one when I see it clearly and I know the dynamic and I can move through it. But then another one comes and another. Like, eventually it's like, okay, I'm. I'm gonna just give in to this because, like, I can't do this again and again anymore. Like, universe, you need to, like, pump the brakes. This is too much at once. How do you regulate and move through that? Because that's. It's really the hardest part. And the more that you can just pass them and pass them and pass them, it does dissipate. It does start to shift, but it takes so much dedication to actually see your way through it.
- [22:32]
A
Yeah. And you start doubting yourself. I did have, like, the very last time, I think was slightly different, that my sister, like, asked me to send her money for. For groceries or whatever the hell. She was bawling her eyes out because she was, like, going through a really rough week, and I was just like, this doesn't feel good. I know I'm setting this boundary, but this time feels different. And I did, like, a check in with myself, and I was like. I was like, if you send me a sign, I'll send her what she needs right now. Whatever. Her middle name is Sade. And literally, like, the song leave your side by Sade came on. It was like, I'll never leave your side. And I was like, okay, okay. I just. That time I just bent, and it was like the last test, it was like, okay, I don't have to be extreme. It doesn't have to be black and white. It's so nuanced that it's actually a little mind boggling. But yeah, the last time and the DI's that I used was a lot with my friend. Energetic boundaries. I love energetic boundaries. It doesn't feel like you're being mean to that person. It just feels like you're. Yeah. Setting them up in their little safe space, but they don't have access to you. And that was huge because I realized with my friend, it was like my sister kind of felt entitled to my help. And so did she, but like, in a different way. It was like energy wise. Like, she wanted me to sit there and listen to her complain all day and like, focus on the negative, which is not my mouth. I'm like, girl, like, I'm here for you. I'm super here for you, but this isn't gonna get you nowhere. And I realized, like, the basis of like our way of thinking was very different. It was still like an energetic kind of like entitlement, which I thought was really hard for me to realize. But then when I saw it, I was like, oh, okay. She just. It feels entitled for me to listen. Push her up when she needs to be pushed up. Which is the same thing with probably my mom. Right. But it's like, it takes you a while to call it, I guess, when
- [24:31]
B
you zoom out and look at your relationships and how the same pattern pops up here and here and here. But they're all like slightly different flavors. They're all slightly different variations, but the root theme is the same. This person isn't having a reciprocal dynamic. I'm having to compromise some aspect of myself in order to help save, fix, et cetera. My needs aren't looked at, acknowledged in the same way. And I do think that you point out something really powerful with the sister where the dynamic felt different, which is not being so black and white with the test, the rigidity piece. Here's how I would think about it. If you guys are listening to try to understand, like, what is correct for you when you're going through and you're seeing, oh my God, here's this thing again. You have to really check in with you and be like, what is my truth in this moment? Do I feel like I'm compromising my need in this? Is there a different way I can perceive this dynamic? And I think you did the most perfect thing by that last dynamic with your sister where you're like, this feels different. She's in a bad situation. She's being vulnerable. It sounded like it wasn't like an entitlement piece, which has been the pattern before. And it was almost like, can you be flexible with this and give when things come down to it, but also know that majority of the time you can protect your piece. That is real healing to me, is being able to hold the duality of it and really sit with yourself to investigate. Is this still that pattern coming up? Do I still need to set that boundary? Like, what's happening here? So I just think the boundary work that you've done is unbelievable. Unbelievable.
- [26:23]
A
Yeah. I don't know. It. It felt like I was just like, you know, karate shopping stuff out of the way for a while. Just like I was in survival a little bit. I was postpartum. I was like, okay, it's time to go. I did remember thinking like, I after I went to the live tour. Is it Courtney? She was like, take inventory of your life. And I, like, was really just radically honest the last a few episodes ago about being radical. That word was in my head. I was like, I am radically honest about boundaries. I'm radically honest about what I'm keeping for myself. I'm radically honest about my shadow. And I just try to be radically honest with the people in my life. Even my husband, hardest one, just being like, I'm in a shitty mood, and I'm allowed to be in a shitty mood. You know, sometimes as a person who's in the patterning with my mom, just like, shrinking, shrinking, shrinking. Like, being in a bad mood is, like, not allowed, you know, because you just don't want to. Don't do anything to trigger that person.
- [27:40]
B
If there was one practice that I could recommend to you that has transformed my life more than anything else, it has been the 2B magnetic work. Obviously, I may be biased because I am the Chief Content Officer. I'm the host of the podcast. I develop all the workshops with the brand. But it is also the tool that has helped my life the most. When I am in a season of doubt, when I'm in a season of fear or tests or triggers, when I am trying to get clarity on my next chapter, when I'm trying to design a life for my future, that I want to be really deeply connected to my soul, to my potential, to my purpose, to my ambition, TBM houses all the tools and workshops that you need to connect to deeper to yourself and not let your past patterning, your past programming, your limiting beliefs run the show anymore. Because every time I get tripped up on one of those things, it is always younger versions of myself coming in, taking the driver's seat and running rampant. And until I can connect with them through the TBM work and really learn to process it in a new way and recontextualize the things, that is when my life actually shifts and I reprogram my neural pathways to be in alignment with what I truly want, which is how you manifest. If you are interested in joining the pathway, we have a special offer for our podcast guests where you can get the first month for $20 and then join our annual membership. You can use this work through our various workshops that we teach you how to manifest. We go through an inner child program. There's a shadow program, one for rut, rock bottom, money, love, you name it. Or you can use it as a daily tool to reprogram in the moment issues as they come up to reset your nervous system, give you high self worth, reconnect with your magnetic self, or talk to your inner child part that may be in the way and running the show and self sabotaging. So if you're getting the ping to join tbm, now's the time. And you can use code expanded all caps E X P A N D e D for $20 off your first month to join the pathway. Okay, so. So talk a little bit about your family and your cultural background and upbringing and how you feel like that plays into your story, your identity, and just your entire journey on this manifestation.
- [30:24]
A
I was born in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, inner city rated one of the worst places for an African American man to live, which my father's African American, so is my stepdad that raised me and most segregated cities, most drinking, the most cities, most drinking cities. And my mom is Creole and Mexican and then my dad is Korean and black. Both of them just had like a rough, a rough childhood. My dad was just kicked out of the house like at like 12 and his mom was basically like, you have to figure out how you're gonna pay the bills, so go do it. Well, basically he started doing illegal activities to survive and take care of his mom and everything. And then by the time I was born, he was like all deep in it and ended up being a victim of gang violence. When I was like three, my mom, I moved from Vegas to California, back to Milwaukee. I just moved around a lot. And I think that does have my capacity for evolving and adjusting and all that is probably to thank for that, for why I'm willing to change. And I just inherited like my older sister Michaela, she pointed out, she was like, you're living the opposite life of them. They live the fast life, the glamorous fast life that's like not so glamorous fast life. That's what they lived. And I have made it completely at the other end of the spectrum, which is so authentic to me and feels so safe that I can just stare at the trees for a while if I want to, you know. And not for nothing, I inherited a negative money story, a self worth story in the, in the garbage can. No judgment to people who willing willingly, like do sex work. But I know that wasn't my mom's number one choice. She just like, I don't, I don't know. I actually don't know where her head was at. But I just based on knowing her as an adult, I'm like, I don't know. I also inherited like the dreamer mindset from them and like thinking about the things and like the trials they've been through in their life. I think that really helped me also unblock holding like resentment towards my mom. She absolutely did the best she could. She was like I said the opposite spectrum for where my life is now. So it was my turn to take the totem and kind of like alchemize what my life is. Do TBM and like do therapy and like do all this heavy lifting by myself, you know, because the story with my wita, like she just, all of them have like a. I don't know, we just all have the same kind of essence. I feel. I don't think they had the opportunity to really step into it. And that's my curse breaking, you know, I get to do that.
- [33:20]
B
It's so insanely powerful. Like I even just want to sit with the fact of you saying your parents and family and lineage came from really, really, really tough circumstances and did the best they could in those and tried to survive the best they could, like unprecedented circumstances. And for you to be sitting here, literally the next generation from your parents who went through all of that and say, my life is 180 different, I am living my dream life. I'm living in safety and spaciousness and slowness and stillness and comfort and security and abundance. I hope you really see how massive and incredible and inspiring that flip is. Because that is so huge. And I think it is such a testament of you putting in work on yourself and taking your life into your hands and saying, like, that's not happening for me. That's not going to be my trajectory. That's not going to be my story. And it is so interesting too because I remember when we met in Austin for the Austin tour stop, you FaceTime your sisters and there's light off of all three of you. Even just on FaceTime, I was like, they are so vibrant and full of life and joy and happiness. It just radiates off you. Yeah. Like you must be doing hella great work internally for this result.
- [35:02]
A
Yeah. It definitely wasn't until TBM that like really something unlocked. I think it was because of the self worth thing I told you on the initial call. Like I was. I used to work at Mod Pizza and I would just listen to Wayne Dyer like every morning. I just feel like sweeping Wayne Dyer on the, on the thing. I would jog, I'd listen to affirmation. So that kind of like that did some lifting for me a little bit. But this is like, this is where everything really shifted for sure. I don't know if they're like co manifesting. We don't know how the universe works completely. But I will say just recognizing. Yeah. The steps that my father in law took, my parents took, my mother in law whose past was a stay at home mom. So my father in law just understood the value of that, which is huge because he let us build our dream home. He didn't. He wasn't overbearing. He lets me stay at home and affords me to stay at home and knows the value that I'm adding, which I wasn't even all the way around to. That's just a huge part of it. I want to say.
- [36:03]
B
Let's talk about that a little bit too because I think there was this huge component with this dream home manifestation coming through part of your story. Like house on a ranch, a husband being able to work from home, your mortgage paid, support at the home, vibrant deliveries, spaciousness, land, all of these things. And really it sounds like the thing that allowed this to come in was you stepping into your worth and saying what you needed to feel safe, secure, supported. Now it's your time to feel resourced. It's your time to feel nurtured in that way. How do did things actually play out? What was the opportunity with the home? Were you guys looking to move and then this happened? Like what was the actual steps that allowed it to come through?
- [36:57]
A
So my father in law just suddenly got. Had a financial takeoff pretty much. He was like, I am in the financial position to pay off your house or pay your mortgage. When I started tbm, I was, it's just, I'm sorry I'm having a moment because I'm like literally thinking back when I started tvm, I was living in Louisiana and my husband was commuting like two, two and a half hours back to Houston. Because at one point that was a test. I was staying in like a one bedroom apartment. Nothing happens there. It was really like, I like chill, but it was a little too chill. So I was just there by myself in that apartment, like four walls. And I was losing it a little bit. And like I was just listening to the podcast and like taking care of my son Nat. And I'm just like, the commute alone was just like killing us and me just being. I didn't have anyone but myself, which is insane to think about. It was just me, like postpartum, like taking care of my son. And then when my husband got off work, he would like switch and he was working like rotating shifts. So I had like tried manifesting for him, even though we're not supposed to, but I tried manifesting a different job. But he like is amazing manifester, like effortlessly. He doesn't really have to try. I don't know what he does, but it works for him. Within the time of doing tbm, he got a job here, started working here. By the time he, it was like his first day, his dad like had gotten the ranch a week later. So he had to, he was like, I need you to do all this stuff for the ranch. Literally what we were praying for him to get a job back in Houston. He gets the job and like works there three days and his dad is like, well, I need you to, I need your help over here. Like, which is my husband's like dream to have a ranch. That's why, I don't know co manifesting what's happening. But everyone's like vision came together and then I just, I just like being in nature. So it just works for me. But I also let like my authentic code. It's definitely like quality home, definitely like visuals. I'm a very, I don't know, Aquarius, whatever. But I'm like a visual person. Like I like, I like aesthetics to say the least. So it's not only that, but it's like this super aesthetic. My aesthetic. House, one level farmhouse with a bunch of windows. It's not a mansion, you know, we could have built a huge mansion. That was my whole like super point was it wasn't that I manifested anybody's dream life though. It's literally my dream life, you know, And I'm just like, it's not A mansion. It's a farmhouse. It's not a Lamborghini. It's a Lexus gx, which was on my manifestation list. That's where it, like, all tied in. And I was like. Like you mentioned at the beginning, the receiving part. Just recognizing that what makes me feel safe is, like, these fancy doorknobs, you know, Like, I don't know why, but it just aesthetically makes me feel safe and allowing myself to receive that. Like, I'm not gonna. I'm using the doorknob as example, but I'm not gonna put, like, anything up. I'm gonna be intentional with it, and I'm gonna allow myself the space to receive that. Because that. That was a huge lesson for me. I. I had to start just not guilt trooping myself over wanting quality things because it was my authentic code.
- [40:22]
B
I love how you say that too. Like, when something big comes in and you're used to not having a lot there, is that part of our. I don't know, like a protector part or an ego part or something that's like, well, I don't want to lose touch with my rootedness, so I don't want to be an. A materialistic person. Or, you know, we try almost like, negotiating the nice things that come in, like, giving them justifications, like, well, they can't. You know, whatever. And it's like, we're allowed to want what we want. You know, that's the whole game. That's the whole piece of it. And I think when we allow space, especially for people pleasers, especially for people who have not honored their needs or put their needs front and center, like the doorknobs are it. That is the luxury. That is the thing that we need to say, like, no, this does matter. This isn't a material thing. This isn't. It's so much more meaningful and deep and symbolizes so much more than a doorknob, this means something to your inner child. This means something about how you take care and intention with the space you're in that you want things that, you know, you have beauty around you that speak to your soul, that make you feel safe, that inspire people that come to visit you. All of that stuff matters. And I think in the process of manifesting, sometimes we can kind of almost in a way of still relating to others or almost in a way of not wanting to be all the. The society projections, like, too big for your britches or that's too nice or blah, blah, blah. Like, we want to counteract it by justifying the things and it's like, this is the season where you have to hold your heart and say, if it's here, it is divine. Like it is a divine blessing and really let that land. Because that, that's hard. Like that part is actually very hard. And not a lot of people talk about that.
- [42:29]
A
Yeah, that was the whole thing with receiving it. It was like doing tbm. Starting it when I did just allowed me to be in the spot where I like can take a step back and be like, okay, I can, I can receive it. That's the whole thing. I was nowhere near ready to receive it.
- [42:49]
B
I think also the fact that this was really a multi person manifestation in so many ways because it's your dream home, but it's also your husband's, but it's also your father in law's, but it's also probably your kids. I think there is that moment, especially if people are doing tbm. Like you're so focused on your list, you know, okay. Can't really manifest for someone else, but the collective power of having everyone's intention together as a unit, as a family, to create something, I mean, 10 times bigger than you could have done even just on your own, I think is so powerful. And I feel like the biggest manifestations are one shared in community, with family, with friends. Those are the ones that are like, wow, like everything just feels so good with this. So just knowing you, doing your part was the best thing to do in order to have their stuff come through at the same time too.
- [43:57]
A
Yeah, exactly. And it's like, it's even more reason to set that boundary with like that person because maybe that person's manifesting what you're manifesting. And you guys can like do a whole beautiful symphony.
- [44:10]
B
I love that word, symphony of it. I'm curious if you felt this, but I've definitely experienced this where I felt like I couldn't be happy and jovial and whatever unless everyone else was on the same page. And then it's like, okay, once they're there, then I can go off and do my fun thing. And I've had to learn over the years that actually I have to do my fun thing, otherwise I'm gonna just bring the room down too.
- [44:36]
A
Yeah, no, for sure, for sure. Feeling like, responsible for like everyone's feelings. You're just like, oh, wait, you're in a bad mood. Okay, wait, what's going on? We're in a bad mood. Okay, it sounds insane, but yeah, that is how it works inside of your head. You're like, I'm it's another like codependency piece almost. It's like picking up other people's feelings. And I don't really identify with being like an empath just because it sounds a little intense and scary and I don't want to, but I do like with that, picking up people's feelings, it's like it's another boundaries. It's like, no, I'm setting the boundary. Their feelings are their feelings, they'll be okay.
- [45:15]
B
What I found too is with all of that, the people pleasing, codependence, hyper vigilance, all of that stuff, there's also a really interesting gift that develops on the other side of it. So like the imbalance would be putting others needs before your own people, pleasing, attuning to others. But then the integrated version is being really empathetic, really understanding and feeling and noticing when people are going through things. And when you come from your grounded place like you filled up your cup, you can actually really be that nurturing ear for someone to talk to in those moments. With boundaries, of course, but it's like that is a gift that not everybody has access to. Go deep with everyone, you know. So on the flip side of all of those behaviors that are like coping patterns, there is so much resilience on the other side of it. So much capableness too.
- [46:14]
A
Yeah, actually like funny story, but I wasn't logged into my YouTube, which gives me all my usual, you know, recommendations. And I was like, okay, I'll just watch whatever is here. It ended up being like a bunch of science videos, which I actually loved as a kid, really into science, astronomy, my favorite. And then it was a random, very specific video and it was like new diagnosis, emotional intelligence, like empathetic intelligence. Did you create empathetic intelligence because of basically the kind of situations we're talking about, like surviving, having to be in tune with other people's emotions to survive as a survival mechanism as a kid. So in turn you have like, like a superpower too. Like you have this superpower where you can like really notice really small non verbal communication that other people don't. And I definitely think I do that. And I think myself sisters do too. It can feel intense. I think I definitely had a moment where I was like always on defense because that's, that's the dark side of it. You're like, oh, I just saw you did that. Like what does that mean? I do feel like that emotional intensity is felt by people. And when I can like actually immerse that in and like process that and put up Boundaries. Yeah, it totally feels. It feels awesome because I can connect with people. People.
- [47:36]
B
It's also superpower in when it's from that resource, boundaried place, you're able to give other people a way of seeing them and validating them that maybe you didn't get. What a beautiful gift to be. Like, I didn't get this. Someone didn't meet my needs in this way. But, like, I've become so good at it that now I can literally give this to other people. Because, I mean, I've experienced this especially in therapy sessions where like, I'll have like a micro cue and the therapist to be like, okay, that's you sadness here and blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, how do you see me? Like, how do you know? You know? But I feel so seen. I'm like, she's witnessing me without judgment, you know? And it just feels so good in those moments. So that's why. Yeah, it really is a superpower.
- [48:24]
A
Yeah. It feels like I'm more on the other side of that. And it does. It does feel. It feels better because I had like some blocks around being different and things, so I had to. That, like, difference. I feel like it made me feel different that I was like, so sensitive like that, coming to a place where I can appreciate it about myself and because it's a very. It's a very strange place to operate from because you. You think other people are that way and that intense and that kind of like analytic all the time of like, behavior, and they're not. And I had to actually teach myself in the video that I could just. Just not be defensive. I was like, I need to just chill. Like, I don't need to worry about all these tiny little things people are doing. I'm good.
- [49:09]
B
And it brings your peace back and. And it sounds like it also brought your creativity back. All the effort going into analyzing everyone's micro expressions is now channeled into like, okay, what else do I want to notice about the world in life? And how do I want to express and do all of these things? What creative projects or outlets have you been diving into lately?
- [49:31]
A
Yeah, so one thing I did do was really start paying attention to this random stuff. Like, what if everything was showing up for a reason? So I got a ad on Instagram and it was like, do you want to publish a poetry book? And I was like, yeah, I do, actually. And I had a bunch of poems saved in my phone and it was like 50 poems or something you had to upload. And I just did it. And now it's done. I have to publish it. That was right after the challenge. Yeah, I just have to publish it.
- [50:01]
B
Yes. Oh, my gosh. I'm so excited for this. And also, just judging by your writing on your submission, your writing is so good. I went to go pull the notes, and I was like, I have so many quotes from her submission because it was just so strong. So I'm really excited to read your. Your poetry. Okay, so last question. What advice would you share someone who is listening to this episode who feels like they have a lot of heavy trauma and crazy story background, and they're resonating so much with your story, and they're freaking terrified to start. They don't know where to start. They don't know how to dive in. What would you share with them?
- [50:46]
A
TBM is definitely what made the difference. But for people who, if you're listening to the podcast, you're totally into manifesting already. But I would say, like, I think the consistency of just listening to Wayne Dyer and everything every day, and if you're with tbm, even better, because you can listen to the DIS daily. Just creating a ritual that's consistent. When I first was manifesting and I can see my patterns, luckily, you know, through that, even though I didn't have TBM yet, I was in a house that I didn't feel safe in. I had to create my own security. So every morning I would just write down, I would do mala beads with what I was grateful for, and then I would play, like, manifestation success stories, and then I would just listen to affirmations while I jogged, and that was my safe pocket that I could create. Being in a place where I didn't feel like I had any of the things that I wanted. Like, truly, like, I wanted to feel safe. The feelings that I wanted, I didn't have yet. So I had to create that little ritual. That's definitely what created the space. It created the feeling of safety before I really had it, the consistency of doing those things.
- [52:01]
B
Huge. I think that's a really, really, really good piece of advice for anyone out there is, like, even if your external does not reflect the ideal home, relationship, career, any of the things, can you create those pockets of safety within you? I mean, I love using the di. Sometimes I'll listen to, like, two or three back to back, because I just, like, need to be in that energy for a second and process and feel through everything. But figuring out, like, what are those five things that you can put on rotation that you love? Is it a gratitude journal. Is it an affirmation? Is it a of piece playlist that have like your favorite songs that bring you like the best memories and like give nostalgia or like amp you up or make you feel confident or whatever. What are those five things you can put in your rotation daily and do not leave them out because it's like that's your brain getting to attach to. Oh, this is the feeling of safety in this moment and this moment in this moment, regardless of the exercise. External.
- [53:05]
A
Yeah. And it can be intimidating, I know, for people to think about sticking to a routine like that. But you know, just like the author that was on this journal works, she talks about the habit forming and like find something fun that you like you're already doing and then tie it to that and maybe that'll help too.
- [53:25]
B
And I'm curious for you, but like when I. I've had practices like that, even before tbm, the practices just felt so good I wanted to do them once I got started. It was like I didn't even have to get into the heavy lifting stuff yet. It was just like, I want to do this because this is like my joy for the day.
- [53:43]
A
Yeah, the jogging. I really like jogging. I'm not like a particularly athletic person, but it would just get me out of my head and like into my body, which is a huge thing that I need to practice. That was fun for me just to go outside and jog and then listen to these affirmations that at the time, like what, 10 years ago or something or like ish was like totally weird to be doing. Like there was a tick tock. So it's kind of funny for me, like as an Aquarius and just like in a Gemini, just thinking I'm like funny living in my own little world. That's like weird. Living my own, being the main character
- [54:17]
B
of my life, interrupting the episode for one second. If this theme of feeling safe, to be your full self, to honor your needs, to honor your expression and your creativity is resonating with you. We actually create created something that you can start right now. It's a free guide that helps you look at where you might be afraid to be seen, where you're holding yourself back, where you're playing small and a deep imagining that is going to help you start to reprogram that. This week, take our quiz on where you're afraid to be seen and start peeling back the patterns and habits today. Plus, when you do, you get early access to our big TBM sale and you can join the membership for a discounted Rate so good. Where can everyone find you, connect with you, all the things?
- [55:01]
A
Yes. My Instagram is Lexismarie west and that's the same for YouTube. I have some videos up and I'm planning on posting more, especially now that I'm in my house. I want to post so much house building content so much because it's a really fun process to watch. So many details. But yeah. And then the poetry book, it's going to be called Pretty existential. Very cool. Thank you.
- [55:27]
B
Alexis, I'm so inspired by your. Your story and your journey and just how fierce you are about protecting little you and your inner child and your. Your worth and just having that unwavering self worth and it's really. It's really inspiring.
- [55:46]
A
Thank you, Jess. It's just been everything. I can't even. I just have loved this podcast for three years straight.
- [55:54]
B
Thank you. I hope you guys enjoyed that episode. And if you did, I want to point you in the direction of some tools that may be helpful for this. So we just launched our where you're afraid to be seen quiz. And in that we have specific deep imagining recommendations for each of the different phases and so states that most people kind of fall into to start peeling back those layers. So as you're listening to Alexis's story, you're probably thinking, okay, how do you feel comfortable setting those boundaries? I would start with the DI recommended in that quiz and then once you are starting to work with those pieces and those parts of you that feel safe to express yourself in a fuller way, that's really where you're doing that deeper work around boundary setting. Then I would go into things like the energetic boundaries deep imagining. I would go into the validation deep imagining and I would even go into inner child to really attune to your inner child of what needs did they not get met through all of these different seasons. So you can start projecting out what you actually want right now from a place of integration and alignment and start manifesting more on this topic soon. Okay, see you next week.