Ep. 408 - How to Escape Scarcity and Find Aligned Success with Keren Eldad

Summary

EXPANDED Podcast by To Be Magnetic™
Ep. 408: How to Escape Scarcity and Find Aligned Success with Keren Eldad
Release Date: May 22, 2026
Host: Jessica Gill (Chief Content Officer, To Be Magnetic™)
Guest: Keren Eldad (Executive Coach, Author of "Guilt Free")

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Episode Overview

This episode features a deep-dive conversation between Jessica Gill and executive coach Keren Eldad, focusing on how driven, ambitious people can identify and escape the “gilded cage” of externally-defined success, scarcity, and internalized limitation. Keren shares her new GOLD framework for redefining ambition and cultivating genuine self-worth, alignment, and freedom. Together, they unpack real manifestations, the pitfalls of perfectionism and linear ambition, and how listeners can access fulfillment and expansion by showing up authentically.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Ambition, Scarcity, and the Gilded Cage

[09:42]–[16:16]

• Keren asserts: “Ambition is not a good word. It requires a redefinition. The second is: life as a linear process died at least 15 years ago. It’s completely over. The linearity and the linear thinking is completely messing up the understanding not only of our times and what's needed for our times, but the process of expansion and being magnetic. Law of Attraction is not a linear process.”
• The "gilded cage" metaphor: achieving visible success and external markers can feel like being trapped. The glossy exterior masks constraint, aimlessness, and fear.
• High effort and perfectionism create cycles of striving, scarcity, and dissatisfaction even after achieving “success.”
• Jessica adds: “You get there and it doesn't feel like you wanted… you just feel trapped.”
• Keren’s personal story—her journey through divorce, loss, and rebuilding—illuminates the difference between truly being free and being caught in “fancier cages” of achievement.

2. Manifestation vs. True Freedom

[16:16]–[20:57]

• Keren clarifies that obsession with holding onto outcomes (jobs, relationships, etc.) is its own kind of trap: “If I bought them as the manifestations, I would be in a trap again… Guilt Free is what I wrote when I started to see that people not only stayed stuck in purgatory because their image was they would not let go of these fake ideas of what manifesting is.”
• The pain of “Post Manifestation Stress Disorder” (PMSD): even after achieving, many feel fear of loss, disconnection, or a sense of lack.
• Real growth happens by facing core wounds and patterns. Keren emphasizes the importance of cleaning house: “If you don't clean house, you will learn all the maneuvers, probably get better results, but you'll still find yourself in the same place again and again.”

3. The GOLD Framework: Redefining Success

[16:31]–[54:47]
Keren introduces a four-pillar system for shifting from “gilt” (fake gold, guilt-driven striving) to “GOLD” (genuine worth and alignment):

1. G – Good Enough:
   • Self-worth begins with feeling fundamentally okay as you are.
   • Anti-rule: "Assume everybody likes you."
   • Keren: “Worth doesn’t talk that way. Worth makes another presumption: I’m okay. The first anti rule that I love in good enough… is assume everybody likes you.” [38:35]
2. O – Open:
   • Emotional flexibility and openness to possibility are essential; rigidity and dogmatism keep us limited.
   • Keren explains: "Openness doesn't become available to you... when you’re scanning for danger." [38:58]
   • Metaphor: In a riptide, fighting the current can drown you; releasing allows survival.
3. L – Lit Up:
   • When openness and self-worth are integrated, enthusiasm and energy automatically return.
   • Action comes from curiosity, not forced discipline.
   • Favorite anti-rule: “Screw talent, choose consistency.” [52:53]
   • Jessica: “You have an authentic rhythm to what that consistency looks like, and it will not look the same for everyone.” [56:40]
4. D – Devoted:
   • Devotion to purpose, values, and service—not just outcomes—creates resilience and magnetism.
   • Keren: “Devotion is what keeps you connected to the greater service that you’re performing with your chosen identity. We are all serving something bigger than ourselves... This is what makes you magnetic.” [63:00]
   • Reframes surrender as acceptance of what is and as devotion in action.

4. The Power of Doing the Opposite

[24:04]–[30:24]

• Drawing from "Seinfeld's" 'The Opposite' episode and her own Miami story, Keren illustrates the growth that comes from disrupting old, survival-driven patterns.
• “What if we created a framework... much more about choosing emotionally different, rather than just put debt on your credit card, which is insane... The gold framework is meant to walk you through four main moves, plus anti-rules, which are behavioral moves that start to shift you towards emotions that are higher.”
• Jessica clarifies the nuance: “If your response has typically been to do that [avoid], that's not going to be your medicine. The medicine is the opposite of your default, survival pattern.”

5. Real-World Examples of Tests and Surrender

[65:50]–[73:15]

• Keren explains manifestation “tests”:
  • The Almost Test: When you’re offered something close to your goal, but not quite right.
    • “If I could just hold on for one more day, I might make it to something that's really, really worthy of me... that's what it looks like to pass the almost test.” [69:19]
  • The Delay Test: Handling waiting and resisting the urge to act out of urgency.
    • Forrest Gump’s Lieutenant Dan: “He doesn't respond with his usual urgency and meanness and anger and resistance. He just lets it happen. If you learn how to do these things, you are devoted.” [72:00]
• Quote: “To serve is to stay devoted to life itself, not how you wish it would behave. To serve is to accept reality without approving of it.” [73:15]
• Keren’s personal resolution: true freedom is accepting life as it is, loving what is, and no longer defining herself by “problems to be solved.”

6. Manifestation Lists and Aligned Action

[59:44]–[62:27]

• Keren and Jessica discuss evolving from rigid, outcome-driven lists (“lose 10 pounds,” “make $100k/month”) to more expansive, process- or value-based manifestations (“make more space to connect with wildlife”).
• “You don’t really want to become good at getting manifestations. You want to become a manifestor... Expansion in life is a question of connection to self and living as freely as possible so that the universe can start delivering for you.”
• “The universe holds much more than you could ever imagine for yourself. Once you really start allowing yourself to align with that flow, it's going to carry you.” [61:13]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Keren Eldad: "Real self worth is just a state of equanimity and chill with yourself, exactly as you are." [00:00]
• Jessica Gill: “What is the empowered way to then really see what self-worth looks like? That openness, that flexibility.” [37:37]
• Keren Eldad: "Assume everybody likes you... You can just come in, be warm, give it your best self authentic shot and be okay no matter what happens... Is a game changer." [38:35, 43:16]
• Keren Eldad: “Screw talent, choose consistency... Doing it again, doing it again, doing it again. That replaces talent and that ultimately really turns into an engine.” [52:53]
• Keren Eldad: “Devotion is what keeps you connected to the greater service that you’re performing with your role, your chosen identity. We are all serving something much bigger than ourselves... That's what makes you magnetic." [63:00]
• Jessica Gill: "I think about how much the world misses out on when people don't stand in their fullness, in their visibility, in their authenticity and their joy and their blessings, assuming that so many other people aren't going to like them." [45:00]
• Keren Eldad: “You always talk about, can you be in the present moment? That’s the payoff you want. You want to be in a place where everything is exactly as it should be and you just love it exactly as it is.” [74:00]

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Key Timestamps for Important Segments

• [09:42] – The “gilded cage” of ambition and scarcity
• [16:16] – Redefining success: introduction of the GOLD framework
• [24:04] – “Do the opposite” as the lever for transformation
• [38:35] – Anti-rule: "Assume everybody likes you" for true openness
• [52:53] – “Screw talent, choose consistency” — the engine of lasting change
• [63:00] – Devotion to something bigger; true magnetism
• [65:50] – Understanding manifestation tests (almost/delay)
• [73:15] – Acceptance, surrender, and loving what is: the real gift

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Final Thoughts & Takeaways

• Scarcity and perfectionism keep many high-achievers trapped in cycles of external validation and internal emptiness.
• The path to sustainable, aligned success involves radical self-acceptance (good enough), openness to new possibilities, ignition of authentic energy (lit up), and unshakeable devotion to purpose and service.
• Breaking free is about shifting from survival patterns (the "gilded cage") to thriving patterns ("GOLD"), serving something greater, and trusting the mystery of expansion.
• Experiment with “doing the opposite” of your default fear-based impulse when stuck.
• Devotion and surrender are not forms of passivity but of deep trust and magnetic power.
• The real miracle of manifestation is not getting the thing—it’s becoming the person who lives freely, fully, and vibrantly.

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Resources & Connect

• Keren Eldad: kereneldad.com, @coachkeren (Instagram), “Coached” Podcast
• Keren’s new book: Guilt Free: Ditching the Gilded Cage for Good
• To Be Magnetic™ “Be Seen” challenge and membership info in show notes

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Listen if…
You’re an overachiever feeling empty, ambitious but exhausted, or just curious about aligned success and true self-worth. This episode offers both practical frameworks and profound mindset shifts for real healing, expansion, and authentic magnetism.

Transcript

[A]

Real self worth is just a state of equanimity and chill with yourself, exactly as you are. We just need to understand who we are and how we work. And then we need to show up again and again and again because that will beat absolutely everything.

[B]

There are seasons when we need to integrate life's lessons. We need to move slow, we need to just witness what's going on around us. And then there are seasons that are begging us, calling us, knocking at our door, telling us it is time to step in to the next fullest version of who we are. As of today, we are two weeks away from our be seen challenge. The challenge where we are walking you hand in hand for three weeks to get to that effort level so we can finally let our true, authentic self shine. To stop playing small, to stop denying what we truly want. To stop thinking about everyone else's perception, expectations, outcomes. To stop letting scarcity run the show in our life and remember our whole worthy, powerful selves, the gifts that come with that.

[C]

When we actually admit, wait, I am

[B]

good enough, I am worthy. I don't need to play small in this way, I don't need to settle in this way. I can have that hard combo, I can set that hard boundary and I can show up and express my light and I don't need to dim it anymore. That is what we are about to enter together as a community. And for three weeks, we get to take on this effort, energy, and step into our full, holy, worthy, magnetic, incredible being that we are, that we already are inside.

[C]

We don't need to become it, we don't need to find it, we don't need to cultivate confidence.

[B]

We just have to get all those protector parts out of the way, calm them down, make them feel safe so we can actually just let our authentic magnetic light shine. Your manifestations are waiting on the other side of that. Your dream partner, your dream career, the energy in your day, your creativity. Creativity, the way that's going to feel so nourishing for you in this season awaits you. Stepping through that fear to connect with that powerful self that is within you today, that wants to come out. That is what we are inviting you into. So if you haven't joined our membership yet, we are hosting the Be Seen challenge inside there for our members, walking them hand in hand. We have a big kickoff masterclass that will be free and open to everyone on June 3rd, where we're gonna walk into how to harness this bucket energy.

[C]

How to just say, I'm not gonna

[B]

think about your opinion.

[C]

I'm not gonna play small anymore.

[B]

I'm not gonna hide. I'm gonna just step into my power a little bit more. How to feel safe to to truly be seen. We're gonna walk you through that, Lacy and I, on June 3rd at 11:00am PST. You can sign up in the link in the show notes. And then we're kicking off in the challenge. June 1, pre week starts and the portal has opened. I cannot wait to see you guys in there. This is where everything changes. And speaking of powerful things that will spark your vitality, your aliveness, we have back on the podcast, Karen Eldad. She's become a dear friend since first recording and her first episode was an absolute knockout.

[C]

Like so many people felt this life

[B]

force come back in them, this wake up call that they needed. And Karen is back with her second book, Guilt Free Ditching the Gilded Cage for good. This is an excellent book for any season. But this season in particular, as we are jumping into feeling safe to be seen, as we are jumping into our fullest expression of self in our hero's era, in the era where we are the star of our show, not in an ego way, but from a really magnetic, powerful, beautiful place. Her book is such a good companion. It walks you through all the traps, especially for someone who is an overachiever, who's ambitious, who likes to be productive and do meaningful things in the world. There are so many little ego traps that we get wrapped up into and wind up playing small. And she walks you through them in her book and we're going to talk about it today on the expanded podcast. I don't even want to say anymore. Get the book. Join the challenge. It's time, guys. We're ready. You're ready, I'm ready.

[C]

We're all ready.

[B]

We're going to let our light shine and we're not going to play small. Okay, let's get into it. And now a word from our partners. One thing I realized after trying what feels like every body and skincare product over the years is that I always come back to osea. And I think it's because their products feel less like another step in my routine and more like the ritual that I really look forward to. It truly feels like the most luxurious skincare and keeps my skin feeling so soft and supple. Lately, I've been layering the Andaria algae body oil with the anti aging body balm after showers and my skin looks noticeably more hydrated, smoother and glowy. The body oil is fast absorbing and gives that healthy radiance look without feeling greasy and then the body balm has this liquid silky texture that somehow feels like a serum and moisturizer and one and my skin is so incredibly soft. After using Osea seaweed powered clinical tested formulas are designed to deliver visible results you can actually see and feel. In consumer studies, 100% of users agreed that their skin felt softer, smoother and more supple with the Andaria algae body oil and 94% agreed their skin looks smoother and more glowing with the anti aging body balm. When I think about my authentic Code Home beauty, even home within my own body is a high priority. And so taking care of my skin and feeling good in my skin is so important to me and OSEA just truly hits the spot every time. Get your spring worthy glow with clean clinically tested skin care from osea and right now we have a special discount just for our listeners for 10% off your first order sitewide with code magnetic. That's all caps M A G N E T I [e-mail] or check the link in the show notes. And now onto the episode.

[A]

Karen Eldad, welcome back to Expanded Jessica Gill, What a joy to see you again.

[C]

Oh, I am so excited. I'm just, I just have to like share this story first because we connected over the first podcast. I think your team pitched the book and we were reading, we were like, oh my God, we have to have her on. And it really just lit such a fire under so many of our members. Like they were like, oh my gosh, Karen is like speaking the truth. Like that episode just really resonated with so many people and you and I formed, I feel like a really good, beautiful friendship since then and it's developed again and again over time and I just feel like that's so rare, especially like people who are so busy in different cities and all that stuff. But every time we connect, I feel like you're a friend that I've had for years and so I just really appreciate it.

[A]

I thank you very much. Let's not start this with crying because as you know, I'm very quick to tears. But it's really been the privilege of my life to get to know you and to get to, to, to be a part of this phenomenon and also to have touched so many people. You know, I, I shared immediately with you that my, my DMs and consults just blew up and I was so moved that so many people saw themselves in my story and saw themselves in the narrative.

[C]

It's so good okay, so guilt free.

[A]

Guilt free.

[C]

This one spoke to me. I feel like it would have spoken to me at any time. But I feel like in this season in particular, I'm constantly grappling with as someone who considers herself very ambitious, big goals, all the things. Checking that ambition, if it's coming from a place of programming scarcity, not enoughness, all the things, and then making sure it's in alignment and moving from alignment. And I feel like there's this reckoning of even culturally, like, what is happening with the conversation around ambition right now? And does the dream that we've been sold really track and does it really place? And people are starting, especially with 2B magnetic work. They're really understanding, like, okay, this is who I am and this is what I want, and this is my truth and my authenticity. But then they go back into this world that's in this very linear structure, and they're like, how do I move from here with my integrity? And that's really what this entire book is on, the hum beneath ambition.

[A]

Yeah, that's right.

[C]

Fueled by perfectionism, disguising itself as a responsibility that's driving the high standard. So when it comes to really understanding what is our truth, what is our true ambition from a grounded perspective, and what is this dream of ambition? People have been sold. Where are you seeing the first line of it?

[B]

Breaking and shifting for people?

[A]

There are two things I want to just open with by saying them flatly. Then I want to take people a little bit back conceptually, and then let's start having a conversation about this, which, by the way, you tackled very beautifully in your latest book, blog Vlog. I'm an elderly. I sometimes mess up the words. The first thing I want to say is ambition is not a good word. It requires a redefinition. The second is life as a linear process. Died at least 15 years ago. It's completely over. And the linearity and the linear thinking is completely messing up the understanding not only of our times and what's needed for our times, but the process of expansion and the process of being magnetic. Law of Attraction is not a linear process. So those are the two things with which I wish to open then to go back a little bit. The first time we met, we were talking about my book Gilded, which was a documentation essentially of my journey from a person who did everything right and still got everything right, wrong, and how so many of my clients who are also ambitious, well meaning, hardworking, intense, high achievers, by which I mean people who are very related to effort, they try really Hard. It does not necessarily. A lot of people didn't see themselves as high achievers or as perfectionists. And then they started to listen. They were like, is that me? Yes. If your relationship to effort is one of strain, one of hard work, one of chasing, one of hustle, one the of 1000%, see yourself reflected in this. And we talked about how this relentless pursuit of more does produce, does land some results, does land some milestones, manifestations, the things for which we develop ambition. Right. But unfortunately, it keeps you in. And this is the central metaphor of the book, a gilded cage. It looks super shiny on the outside. It looks like you've checked the boxes. It's a cage and it feels like a cage. You know it's a cage because it feels like a cage for two reasons. Number one, gilded means fake gold. G I L D E D. Right. And that means that it's a very thin veneer that you're keeping together all the time with your fabulous clothes and your fantastic LinkedIn posts to make sure that everybody knows that everything is a. Okay. And it also comes with a hefty side. And this is the feelings part of constraint and aimlessness and fear. And almost like you can't breathe sometimes because you're worried so much about how to hold things. So when you start to feel these things, you naturally understand that this cannot be linear because you must let go in order for anything to start to vibrate forward. And this is where we get really, really tripped up. And this is why ambition, as something that really defines our charge forward, our drive, with the aim of succeeding and hitting goalposts, starts to collapse. It's unsustainable. And the results it does land are usually a trap.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. You get there and you're like, this doesn't feel how I want it to feel. Yeah, it's interesting. I was even talking to our engineer here and she was saying how even with some of your friends that they have all the external things, you know, they have, like the brand deals they want, the opportunities they want, they have all of these things, but inside they feel trapped. They like. I don't want to have to show up in this way. I don't want to have to, like, fit into this mold. I don't want to have to be into that level. And yet there's still so many people looking at those people saying, if I just work harder, if I just post more, if I just figure out the strategy, if I just. If I just not realizing that the

[B]

root source is scarcity and fear and

[A]

lack so where I'd love to give people something else to really latch onto after this episode that hopefully will make their heart sings as much as the first one is, I want to give them a real intimate view of what it looks like to be free. And I was so moved, Jessica, that so many people were not only resonating with my story, but they were really touched to hear that after all that I went through, the horrible divorce and the fire and the loss of the cats and the loss of the work for so long, that I am remarried, that I have a business that I love, and that moose and waffles, my cats, are now seven years old and perfect in every way. But that's not what happened. That's not the manifestation. In fact, if I bought them as the manifestations, I would be in a trap again. I would do everything I can to hold them. And if anything should happen to these things, that would once again jolt me out of place. Guilt free is what I wrote when I started to see that people not only stayed stuck in purgatory because their image was they would not let go of these fake ideas of what having, of what manifesting is. And the second problem was their cages became so much fancier that it became much more difficult for me to catch them. They literally start to produce things that look like manifesting. It's not just that people are lying to you and saying, everything is awesome and I've got this, I'm the best manifester on the planet. And that I'm sure has happened to you. This has certainly happened to me many, many times. I'm really great at it. And it looks together, but it becomes more sophisticated. It's like talking to coaches or therapists. They know the language so well. Your bullshit meter has to become much more sophisticated to catch it. And the only way I found to catch it is to teach you this is what real looks like. And everything against that is usually just veneer. And my hope is to get out of the veneer so that you. You still, by the way, a side effect, as you know, is you will get all the stuff. The stuff won't define you anymore. You will be G I L T, guilt free.

[C]

Okay, so what does redefining this level of success looks like? I know you have certain pillars in there. So. So what does that, you know, if you could say these are the certain markings, these are the certain elements that you need to have, what does that look like?

[A]

So I came up with a new framework for self scanning so that you can make better decisions, so that you can start to really live as gold rather than as guilt. Real gold. G O L, N D. And they stand for good enough. Open, lit up, and devoted. Before we go into it, I want to talk about the first half of the book. Is that okay? Mm. Okay. Did you notice it was a little more brutal this time?

[C]

No, I felt.

[A]

Thank you. Just because you're used to me.

[C]

I was like, I love the directness.

[A]

Exactly. Thank you. You're my audience. There's literally a disclaimer which is if you're not ready for it, and if you're really not ready to put your money where your mouth is, then gilded is where you would start. Not guilt free. And the reason is, if you find yourself still not in the dream life, still not landing those desires, or worse, landing the desires, and then suffering from what I like to lovingly call pmsd. Post Manifestation Stress Disorder. It's not in the book. It's not in the book, but that's what I call it. You get it and you can't hold it. Or you landed a new husband and for some reason you still can't quite trust him. Or you have the money, but you keep worrying that this is the last paycheck, or you have a business for six years and you're like, why am I still the best kept secret? This is the state at which the stakes become really, really high and at which you have to clean house a little more fully first. And so for that, I start to introduce the idea of core wounding, of wounding in general, and of a little bit of a closer inspection, and what you're still afraid of losing and what the stakes are for you, because otherwise you're going to learn all the maneuvers. You will probably get better results, but you'll still find yourself in the same place again and again. Now, the reason I don't go all in and introduce concepts that you guys have indulged in so much, and I just love, inner child shadow work, inner child reparenting, etc. Is because I believe that those belong in containers that are lengthier, more personal, and frankly, more ethical. They have more safety around them. But it is good to start to make you confront, first and foremost, what is keeping you gilded. Because it is not until you really let that go, that gold will be nothing but more sophisticated language to make you uncatchable in the game of manifestation. And you will then manifest and then it will stop, and you will say, karen, why did it stop? You were wrong. I was not wrong. You were still gilded a thousand percent.

[C]

And I Think, even for anyone listening, you know, if you have been manifesting for years and you have a lot of the things that you love, and you're still questioning yourself, not feeling you're living a life of alignment or integrity, or maybe you're just getting at that next level of it. I feel like a lot of people manifest maybe out of scarcity or a big. You know, there was a big hold over their life, and they get over that hump, and then they're in the next. I'm like, okay, great. But it's not all rainbows and butterflies. And it's like, well, okay, no life is going to be rainbows and butterflies. But how are you relating to this new level? Like, were you in, even subtly, a sort of hypnosis, that if you just had X, your life would become Y. If any of that thinking was happening, then you arrived at your manifestation being like, what is happening? Why don't. Why is everything not fixed? Why is everything not perfect? And we talk about this all the time, and yet people still have this felt experience.

[A]

And it's. Okay. Don't. Don't feel bad if it. If you don't. If it happens to me.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I'll give you a great example. So I had a phenomenal year last year because of Gilded. There were moments, Jessica, where I don't mind telling you that my little projector self was like, you have arrived.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Way to go, Karen. We're good. And then business, as business always does, no matter who you are, just went back to normal. And as soon as it went back to normal, I felt her. She came right back. Her name is Monica from Friends, and she is my alter ego. She immediately started to clean and bark orders at people. Do you have a Monica from Friends?

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

She was. This is. This is a behavioral pattern that comes immediately from panic, which means I've moved right back into scarcity. I've moved right back into an original wound. That doesn't. So the cleaning part doesn't mean that that's it. We're healed. We're done forever. It just means we become aware we've got a little glitch in the machinery. We can start to basically test our nervous system, become a little more acutely aware of our emotions and become more acutely aware, I think, of our responses, our default behaviors, and catch it sooner. That's basically it. And then we need a protocol for not going back there. And that brings me to how I came up with gold. But I want to tell you, like, how this kind of came to Be where there were two big epiphanies around this. First, to recognize later than usual that your clients have actually been lying to themselves and to you inadvertently is painful. It's a painful experience because I thought, how did I not see this before? Very natural for all teachers. How did I not see this before? I did not catch this before. Well, the reason is the math wasn't mathing. And until something really happened that was incongruent. You witnessed an exchange between a couple that was just a little bit off, or you notice that something about the finances or the numbers desired doesn't line up. Those are the moments where you just start to actually move a little more smoothly into signal because you're not going to catch people who are very, very sophisticated as operators just from their verbiage. I remembered that there was probably two ways to teach them how to get out of this. The first was, and I shared this in Gilded. I lost a lot of weight when I was a kid. I was a delightful chubby matzo ball like Manny from Modern family. And at 13 or 14, I discovered Jane Fonda, who you are too young to remember, but had aerobics tapes. And I lost more than 20 pounds. It was a herculean effort to learn to exercise and to eat differently and to switch my sodas for water. But I did it. That was one part, one breakthrough, one insight, one produced desired result. But I've been relatively thin for more than 30 years. What I want to talk about in Gilded is about the weight loss. And what I'm talking about in Guilt Free is how to stay in a desired state. And that requires a change in identity. Now, I know the analogy is simplistic. No analogy is perfect. But it's a really strong analogy for how the differences between this works. So I thought, all right, so I got to teach them. Basically. I already taught them everything I know to get to that door of the cage. But they're going out there and they're building fancier cages. So what I need to teach them now is how to stay out there and keep putting their money where their mouth is and keep doing the opposite. And then it clicked into place. As you know, I'm a huge Seinfeld fan, the world's biggest, as a matter of fact. I promise I'll stop with the 80s and 90s references at some point.

[C]

We need the nostalgia.

[A]

I mean, yeah, it's a moment, right?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So there's an episode in the. In Seinfeld called the Opposite, where George Costanza, who's a complete yacht Walks into the coffee shop and he goes, where did it all go wrong for me? I had so much promise. I've realized that every decision I've ever made has been wrong. Now I want everybody out there to listen sharply to that moment because that one strikes me at the soul. I remember a moment. I remember a moment that I describe in Gilded where I had gotten everything I had ever asked for, and none of it was working. The marriage was abusive. It just looked fabulous on Instagram. The apartment was magnificent. I hated living there so much and by the way, was sleeping in the library because my cats weren't allowed in the bedroom. The work was nice, but I wasn't waking up eager for the day. This wasn't my purpose or my calling or anywhere near it. I don't think I ever considered this was available to me. And many of my friendships were. Well, they were maintained by a lot of clothes. I couldn't afford either. So I felt, George, that's when Jerry Seinfeld says to him, well, if every decision you've ever made has been wrong, then the opposite must be right. And this is when I start to retrace my steps, going all the way back to a very delightful story that you and I really enjoyed talking about in my first episode with you. Do you remember the Miami story?

[C]

Mm. Mm.

[A]

There was an amazing moment, for those who didn't listen to episode 339, now a legend for the ages, go back and listen. Where I was running out of money, as usual, and my rent was due and it was $4,400. I was living in New York at the time. I had 37. Those were the. That was the number of dollars in my bank account. So I got a few days, and I have $37. Now, usually when this happened, and like I said, this was a genuinely regular occurrence back in the day when I was just magical at spending money. I would just panic, freak out, figure it out, borrow, or figure out how to do a job very quickly, or B.O. my parents, which they did not enjoy. What I did instead was I thought, I'm going to chill. I'm going to relax. I'm going to do the exact opposite. Not only am I going to chill, I'm going to start looking in my house for what's available to me. I found 200 and something dollars in my pockets and in handbags because, you know, whatever. And that's. And I found an enormous amount of miles on my credit card because I had so much credit card debt. And I thought, if I'm going To relax and just be sad and freak out. Why not be sad in Miami instead of be sad in New York? So every move I'm making is against all my disciplined, this is the correct thing to do impulses. Let's just throw caution to the wind. And that's when I found myself on that plane, by the way. I booked a first class ticket with those miles, and I sat next to Lilia Estefan, who's a really big South American celebrity. She took a bunch of videos of us with her selfie stick and posted them. And my Instagram blew up. All the proposals I'd sent out materialized. I made an enormous amount of money that weekend for me at the time, and I never looked at money quite the same again. This is when I started to realize, I think I might be onto something here. And George, whose episode turns out absolutely magnificent, he does the opposite consistently, and he sees that the opposite result is available to him. It becomes his religion, as he jokes, really does work. And so I thought, what if we created a framework? And by the way, I've heard Lacy say on this podcast, do the opposite. This is not a mere notion. This is a legit modus operandi. I just wanted to be a little bit more precise about what that means, because it's much more about choosing emotionally different rather than just put debt on your credit card, which is insane, or do the damn thing or go up to that person. That's not what we're talking about here specifically, especially if you're not comfortable with it and if it doesn't align with your authenticity. I'll give you a great example. I'm a projector in human design, which I think is very amusing, because all my life I was taught to sell a certain way, Go up to them, you ask for the sale, you make the case. Well, as it turns out, for all four of us out there, that's a hard no. This is a by invitation situation. This is a find the interest, generate the interest, and then if they approach you, that's great, and if not, not too great. Right? Yeah. So whenever I felt the ick, I just decided to do it anyway, because I was trained to do that, but now I really don't go against that. The. The gold framework. Gold is meant to walk you through four main moves, plus anti rules, which are behavioral moves that start to shift you towards emotions that are higher and therefore to a clearer decision and a clearer landing point.

[C]

So good. I mean, even just that concept of doing the opposite. And that's why I really want to pull out the nuance in that too. Especially for someone listening.

[B]

Because I'm like, okay, I can see

[C]

someone being like, great, I'll just put this, that thing on my credit card and I'll go have fun and blah, blah. If your response has typically been to do that, that's actually not going to be your medicine. Like if you are someone who always pushes to that next thing or when shit hits the fan, you just avoid it, shut down, don't think about it, whatever. Maybe your medicine is going to be like, okay, I'm actually going to face this and see what tasks I need to do. And I think the reason that the medicine, the opposite is the medicine is so strong is because it is telling you to stop moving from your survival patterns, which are your automatic responses of how to deal with a situation. And it has you start moving in the opposite, which is your thriving patterns, the patterns that are actually gonna help you. And just shifting states enough has you open to a whole new world. It's almost like a novelty effect where you're like, wait, if I can do that, what else can I do? It's a self awareness expansion exercise truly, because you get to see, wait, if I was able to do that, what else is possible for me here? And it also is stress testing your nervous system. Yes, can I do this thing that feels so freaking scary and still survive?

[A]

That's exactly right. And you're not perpetuating, you are expanding. You said it precisely right. So the default of all overachievers because of their relationship to effort is to work hard, to brace, to move into analysis paralysis. Basically all forms of just extra. Everything is extra. And so what we're trying to do is to make you aware of this default patterning and to bring you back into the present and from a place of greater awareness to really choose the more expensive option rather than the option that will simply perpetuate the cycle. To go back to my again, simple example. Business stagnates. Karen moves right into let's propose, let's move, let's yell at the team, let's freak out. By the way, I never yell at anybody. It's just Monica in my head when I start to feel that way. I understand that should I act on any of those default impulses, I will create nothing but mediocrity and staying in the same result, perhaps pushing that noodle a tiny bit up the hill, but not ultimately reaching some new level, some new state. So if I want to reach expansion, I have to do the opposite by literally just going inward and Asking what's going on and really working that out and finding a way to something different that feels more expansive. And you can always tell the difference. There was an episode you did recently that was magnificent, a solo episode in which you were talking about the finding of a venue and planning of your wedding should be the most fun in the world. But you said at one point this felt like homework. If something that feels supposed to feel expansive feels like quote, unquote, homework, that's your sign that something's off. Something's off. And we have to. If we actually were to act on this, we would be doing nothing but procrastinating our own salvation.

[C]

I mean, that's exactly what happened, right? Like, if I would have pushed and been like, practically, I could have found a venue in sooner than four years, right? If I just push, push, push. But I have such a clear dial internally now and getting better year by year of. This is coming from push. This feels like homework. Something's up here. I need to go in and figure out what is the mechanism, what is the inner conflict, what is out of congruence inside me that taking action towards this thing feels like effort, even though it should feel like a soul led situation. And once I was able to reframe that, that inner conflict and really sit with it, give it space and move through it, unblock it. Now it feels like the easy and we're having the best time planning, like, we're so excited. It feels like fun. It feels like we're having a little date every week. It just feels so good. But I from that other state, that experience didn't feel possible at all.

[A]

You had to get out of your own way. And I'm so happy for you. I'm so happy for Daniel. And let's talk a little bit about how I show clients that they're doing this because again, they don't know that they're doing this. I make fun of them. I literally start to mirror their emotions back to them. I start to reflect back. This is what you sound like. This is what's coming through you. Classic example. Someone really finally finds themselves, finds their voice, finds their way out, really wants to manifest that magnificent, beautiful relationship. You know, I have several weddings that I'm attending this year as a result of last year. I'm very excited. I love weddings. Then an ex will pop back up and they'll say, I have to answer the call. I have to. It's not nice not to. You're right, it isn't nice. You should be nice. You're you're absolutely right. Let's forget completely what happened there. It's not relevant. Oh, and all the work you did. Nonsense. You're so enlightened at this point. You should be having dinner with an ex.

[C]

Can they see it when you.

[A]

And they see it and they usually, thankfully because we have so much rapport, take it in stride and laugh. And they're able to understand that the difficult choice here, the choice to stay in integrity, the choice to stand up for what they truly want, the chance, the choice to not take some flimsy almost from the universe is really their better move here, the more expansive move here.

[B]

As you know, I am gearing up for my wedding this year and I am wanting to feel and look as radiant as possible on this big day. So of course I'm looking for the supplements and the little things I can add in to help me feel radiant from the inside out. Recently that has been looking like Peak's Sun Goddess Matcha in the afternoon. It doesn't spike my nervous system. It's the energy that feels calm, sustained, focused, clear, without any jitters. And it is packed with antioxidants that support healthy looking skin. And I am beyond excited because I just started using their Carrara marine collagen peptides. This specific collagen has been clinically studied and shown to support skin elasticity and joint agility in as little as two weeks. And it's the only clinically shown one to reduce the biological age of your immune cells. The clinical research alone really got me hooked. I was like, okay, I know if I take this regularly I will see results. So I'm only one week in and I'm already loving the product, loving the taste. I'm either adding it to my morning cup of coffee or my smoothie. It blends right and it tastes amazing. And I feel like my vitality, my energy, my skin is already starting to radiate more and more. And we have a special discount code for our listeners for 20% off any Peak [e-mail] TBM and use code TBM at checkout. Again, that's Peak Life P I Q U E l I f e.comtbm to get 20% off your order or check the link in the show notes.

[C]

I might be jumping around a little bit here, but going into that open pillar, I feel like that's really a part of that flexibility piece. And you had this line in there which was like, you know, someone kind of standing like, well, I'm in my worth and I don't need to do that and yada yada, true self worth doesn't sound that dogmatic, it doesn't sound that rigid, it doesn't sound that defensive. And I feel like that's a place where I hear a lot of my friends get, well, I'm, I'm fully unblocked with this. I'm just waiting for this to happen. And I want to gently, you know, encourage you guys if you're listening, if you're like, oh my gosh, I may have said something like that, or I may have, I do think of myself in that way. What is the empowered way to then really see what self worth looks like? That openness, that flexibility.

[A]

So you have to start at a premise. But this is why I love you. You're not only a reader, you're a close reader. You have to start with the first premise, the first flipped premise. The first tenet of the gold framework is good enough. You must feel good enough. What does this mean? This means that most of us are walking around with some low grade hum, and that's the hum that fuels ambition, thank you very much. Of I'm not okay and I need to become okay. I will become okay. I can and I will. That's when it turns into dogma. I can and I will become okay. Which, by the way, I'm sorry to say, still presupposes you're not okay. Which technically just looks like bravado rather than actual worth. Worth doesn't talk that way. Worth doesn't talk that way. Worth makes another presumption, which is I'm okay. The first anti rule that I love in good enough. You are good enough. And shows you how to really feel and wrap your head around that emotional state is one that you liked very much, which is assume everybody likes you.

[C]

So good.

[A]

Assume everybody likes you. You know, I, I have the disposition of a golden retriever. I developed it. It's because I spend most of my life walking into rooms, assuming that people won't like me and will reject me, will hate my outfit and will not want to date me, particularly if I consider them out of my league. Then one day I thought, hang on a second. What if I'm pretty cool?

[C]

Cool.

[A]

I think I'm cool. My cats love me. Many people find me delightful. I'm good enough. I don't need to be for everybody. I'm good enough. Now, why is it an elite psychological move, particularly for high achievers? It's because. Not because you're making the assumption that you desire approval or that you have approval. It's because you stop preempting against rejection. You see, openness doesn't become available to you. Openness, meaning the consideration of the totality of possibilities. True emotional flexibility. Chill is not available to people who are already walking into rooms scanning for danger. If you're walking into the room scanning for danger, you're gonna find some danger and you're very likely going to like me, fold even when you meet George Clooney. So don't do that. And instead, that's a true story. I will one day tell you why I was supposed to be Amal and I ruined it.

[C]

Oh, no.

[A]

I know, George, if you're listening, the more interesting thing to understand is that once you really stop preempting against scarcity, you actually do move into a state that is open. And now you talk about this really tiny example that I included in openness of this woman who really has now broken free of a relationship, but immediately wants to get into a new relationship. The dogma has not died. The ambition has not died. She is no longer considering that there's a buffet out there for her. So she moves straight back into where do I find safety again? Because again, I'm bracing myself for rejection. I'm bracing myself for the downside. But what if you were just chill? What if you understood that people get divorced every day? What if you understood that, like me, you could meet Ryan one day and wasn't he worth the wait? Yeah. So chillax is your way to really maximize your possibilities. Bracing against downside is the best way, is the fastest way to lose money, the fastest way to close yourself again into a relationship that's not right for you. And the fastest way into health. That just becomes a long exercise in maintenance. Why would we do that? And that's the. That's the second tenet. It's a. It's not surrender yet. You and I talked a lot about surrender and about flow in our last episode. This is more about just learning how to swim in order to maximize your possibilities. And I gave here, I think, a great example, which was the riptide. It turns out that if you get yourself caught in a riptide, your instincts, all your entire body is going to want to swim back to shore and to freak out and you will likely drown as a result of that. It is the worst thing to do in a riptide to swim hard to insist, to work against, to feel the danger is the worst thing to do. The best thing to do is to find a way to let that carry you as far as it needs to. At some point it will stop. And once it does, you will have many ways back to the shore. That's openness. It literally lights up all the paths before you to your manifestations.

[C]

It's that release of control. I. I want to go back to the assume everyone likes you.

[B]

Peace.

[C]

Because I just feel like this is so. It's such simplistic advice, but absolutely life changing. I am nearly positive that probably after some time in grade school, I have never walked into a room and assumed that everyone liked me. I don't think ever. I think only unless I knew I'm walking into my friends or like this is a familiar circle. But if I've walked into a room cold with people I've never met, I have never once. And that's so sad thinking about it.

[A]

No, it's normal. It's completely normal. Listen, I speak for a living and you know the last couple of rooms I spoke in were like 500 men. You think it's intimidating to just walk into a regular room? Like they're all men. Nothing against men. Most of my half, my clients are men. It's just normal because again, we are social animals and we learn that rejection happens really quickly and that rejection is very painful. So we spend the rest of our lives bracing against it. This is why this is such elite psychology. If you start understanding what I have truly confirmed by doing the opposite every single time, which is most people are rooting for you. Most people don't want you to suck. Most people are actually quite pleasant. Most people are so into themselves they're barely even noticing you. They're literally seeing through you. You can just come in, be warm, give it your best self authentic shot and be okay no matter what happens. You know, in dating, this was my biggest Achilles heel. I really did want them to like my hair and I wondered if I was sitting upright and if I had made the correct remarks that didn't offend anyone. When I met Ryan, I just wanted to have a nice free meal and enjoy my time with someone who may or may not be appropriate. And I ended up having a great time. Assume they're going to like you. Is a game changer. Complete game changer.

[C]

That is interesting because if I think about it through the dating lens. Yeah. Like with my partner 100 I there was never a moment where I was like, oh my God, does he like me? I was like totally in my own. I'm enjoying this experience and he will show me who he is and I'll show him who I am and I Had that trust, that openness, that flexibility, that this could either work out or it doesn't, but either way, yeah, no, no skin off my back. I'll be okay. And I think. I think about that, you know, especially women in career, women in friendships and female friendships, that there's such. This. Her against me. You have this opinion or that opinion. I mean, you see it happen in social media. We're in a time right now where there's a lot of people talking about a lot of different women on social media in a loud way. And I think it creates this feeling of like, I don't want to be othered. I don't want to be on the outside. I don't want to be on the wrong side. I just. I don't even want anyone to see me. I'm just gonna shrink and be small, and hopefully nobody gets mad at me, and so they'll just be so small. And I think about how much the world misses out on when people don't stand in their fullness, in their visibility and their authenticity and their joy and their blessings, assuming that so many other people aren't going to like them. And just the. Even the nervous system practice to assume that people like you. I remember first recording episodes on expanded, terrified that the audience, I was like, they're gonna be like, get Jessica out of here. Fire her. Like, I was like, I'm gonna lose my job. This is gonna be horrible. And you know what? There were plenty of people that didn't like me, but there were also people that were like, wow, it's so nice to have your perspective. Or, this is so different than what Lacey shares. You guys are so complimentary in different ways. Like, there was such a different opening. And when I started realizing, like, wow, there are people here that, like, actually are enjoying me for me, I finally

[B]

felt safe to let more of me

[C]

shine and more of me come through. And that version of me is way more impactful, not only to my felt experience, but to also who's getting pings or inspiration or learning something. And so I guess I just want to echo out to the audience too, to really test out this concept of walk into a room that you are liked. And what does that feel like?

[A]

Just continue to tell the truth. And that's really important because without it, you will not be able to do what you came to this earth to do. You will not be adding a voice that is needed. You will not be publishing that book, starting that business, marrying that person, becoming whatever you're supposed to become. It would be a Tragedy. Jessica, had you decided to default to those voices and not shown up? It would be a tragedy if Miley Cyrus had decided, you know what, I don't want to sing. Some people are not going to like my voice or my style. It would be a complete tragedy if people who. The nice people who wrote Seinfeld, Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld had decided, we're kind of weird and most people won't like us. So we're not going to put this together. It is really important to make the assumption that people will like you and that enough people will resonate. And the most important part of that is you like you. I like the way you phrase this because it's really important not to understand this to mean I'm the. And you better think that I'm amazing. Get out of my way. That's not what we're talking about here. Self compassion, real self worth is just a state of equanimity and chill with yourself exactly as you are. And if you can be exactly as you are, then others will start to really get the memo of that permission slip and they will start to become very attracted to you. Again, magnetic.

[C]

It's also so powerful too because I'm sure you have this experience. But even just witnessing some of the people that I feel most inspired by or lit up around or just feel like, wow, this is incredible. I mean, you're one of those people. For me seeing you interact, I don't necessarily have to agree with every single thing you do or how you live every single aspect of your life. I love and admire so much of it.

[B]

But I love your truth in that.

[C]

And you holding space for your own truth allows me to then sit there as your friend and be like, wow, she can hold space for my truth too. Even if she doesn't agree or like all of it. You know, like, it's just such a beautiful place where we can allow multiple things to be true, everyone to have different experiences and to allow our truth to not be the thing that we're muting within us.

[A]

That's right. Not to mention you start to demonstrate non resistance. And again, you're not. I'm sorry to tell you guys. Anyone out there who's feeling righteous about any of these points, you're not getting to step two. Oh, let alone three and four.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So this is really critical. It's really critical. Just live as you are and allow yourself to be who you are. And then you will start to allow the universe to be as it is. And then you'll start to Move a little bit further down the process.

[C]

Okay, so talk a little bit about and I think this is in lit up but it's in different parts of this, this framework where as you start to integrate those inner conflicting parts of you, as you start to like yourself, as you start to have flexibility and that openness, that is where your energy comes back.

[A]

Comes back. Yes.

[C]

So talk about this.

[A]

So, so many people talk to me as you know, in consultation. It's the first time I meet them and they're usually communicating overwhelm, aimlessness. I've tried this, it's not worked. Et cetera, et cetera. This is an energy drained situation. Especially burnout was if you're communicating something that exhaustive. The reason for that is you never felt good enough to actually ask for what you truly want. And then in addition to that you weren't really open to the plethora of possibilities that was available to you. You really sort of saw life as linear. I have option A or option B and I've chosen option A and I don't really want option B. But the truth is there's Options A through Z and you are good enough. Now if you really start to anchor yourself in these practices, you learn how to scan your system and to really rewire your thinking around these through the anti rules or the behavioral moves or many other wonderful guides like how to Manifest, which is an incredible book. You will start to slowly but surely and you're going to just have to trust us on this. Feel energy coming back online. And this is when we start entering the zone of purpose. Very popular chapter in Gilded was chapter seven which was about finding your purpose. This time we can literally start asking you what are you obsessed with? And hopefully without any more muck, especially if it didn't land the first time, you're just going to be friskier about even saying I don't know but like there's a couple of things I've always wondered about or there are a couple of things that are drawing my attention right now. That's it. That's all we need. We do not need you to declare that you have found tablets from God with. You were designated to do the following in this lifetime on them. All we need to do is. I've always sort of been curious about wildlife.

[C]

Cool.

[A]

And not to immediately interrupt that with but what am I supposed to do with wildlife? Literally to just go with really like wildlife. Wonder if there's something that a lawyer can do in the field of wildlife. Let me tell you, I Have case studies? Yes, there are. There are case studies for everything. Do you know there's a guy in Austin, Texas, where I live, who decided to become so obsessed with barbecue that he started a barbecue place called Franklin's. And now people from all over the world line up every morning for barbecue. And he is a fulfilionaire. My point is, doesn't matter what comes online for you, but it will, you will know it and it will feel like a light came on, lit up. It will literally feel lit up. And at first you will not feel lit up as in, oh my God, purpose. Finally it's here. Which is, I think also a very big fallacy around love. Many people think I have been struck by lightning. There he is. There she is. Magnificent, as I imagine. No, no. And by the way, be really careful. If that's how it feels, it usually just feels like home. It feels comfortable. It feels like I'd like a little more of that. That's what it feels like. And that lit up state opens up all the other anti rules for you. By the way, my favorite anti rule is in this section, which is screw talent, choose consistency.

[C]

Yes, talk about this.

[A]

I'm the Virgo is Virgo on the planet. So I do realize I probably have a bias here, but in observing many of the superstars I coach and the superstars I admire, like Taylor Swift, it's not talent. There's no argument that there's talent there, but it's not talent. At first she picked up a guitar because that was what she felt like doing and became obsessed with the guitar. Then she became obsessed with writing. Then she became obsessed with singing. Then she became obsessed with performing. Today she runs three hours on a treadmill while belting out an entire set surrounded by three magnificent cats. It's about the steadiness of the practice. Doing it again, doing it again, doing it again. That replaces talent and that ultimately really turns into an engine. She's had a 20 year career. Jerry Seinfeld had a 50 year career. You can dispute whether some of them were high, some of them were low, some of the outputs were good, some of the outputs were bad, but they show up. A very important thing I like to say about consistency is this isn't discipline. First of all, discipline is for the self and feels like homework because it's for the self and it requires you to show up every single day. So a lot of times when people, when they hear me talk about consistency in my seminars, et cetera, they think, all right, so I guess I need to write Every single day. No, not if it's not your inner authority. Some of you guys have explosive energy. You can only write in spurts. You understand what those parts are and codify that and work within your energy. Some people are like me. Two hours is more than enough. And then I need to lie down. I gotta work that way. We just need to understand who we are and how we work. And then we need to show up again and again and again because that will beat absolutely everything. Foreign.

[B]

So if you've been listening to the podcast and you have been hearing about the to be magnetic work, going deeper, unblocking, reprogramming, we have 12 different workshops that break down the science behind how to manifest as well as different areas of your life to help you unblock, expand, take aligned action and actually manifest the things you truly desire. And we hold your hand every step of the way. We also have two challenges per year, one, which is kicking off on June 1, about being seen, stepping into our light, letting ourself bloom. That next layer, there is a part of us that is calling to express more authentically. It could be in your creativity, it could be in your art, it could be on social media, it could be amongst your friends, it could be in your relationships or your dating dynamics. But some part of you is saying there is more. I want to show up as here I am dimming a part of myself in this area of my life. No more. I am ready to step through that fear, to feel safe, to fully be myself. And we are going to walk you through how to unblock, not feeling safe to be seen, how to truly see yourself, how to step into your full light and magnetism and clear any of the distortion or ego layers that may be getting in the way. Come join us right now. We have our big summer sale going on where you can get the entire pathway membership, including all of our challenges, workshops and deep imaginings for only 23amonth from our regular 30amonth price. So if you've been thinking about joining the pathway, if you've been getting the ping, if you want a tool to go deeper, to work on some of those sticky, limiting beliefs that you keep going back to, now is the time to join. We can't wait to see you in there.

[C]

This is huge because we're in an age where you hear consistency, consistency, growing your business, growing your brand, growing your podcast, consistency, and I think naming that, you will have an authentic rhythm to what that consistency looks like. And it will not look the same for everyone. How, especially for your clients, like how did you help them find that line between I'm showing up in a consistent way that makes sense for me, or

[B]

I'm actually showing up a little bit

[C]

less, but saying it's my authentic consistency because they're scared to show.

[A]

So you have to watch people really closely. I think my superpower is again, that bullshit media. So I'm really watching first and foremost to see what you're not. Essentially by watching you try things and fail. When you try things and fail, it's not because you're bad. It's simply because you're not equipped. You're not designed to do this. I use assessments, by the way, from disc to human design, just to sort of understand what I might be dealing with. But I also just watch people. There are people who you send them out there because coaching really is about putting your money where your mouth is. It's not. Let's just absorb these wonderful wise thoughts and feel the inspiration. And then by osmosis become better. No, just go and then do something and let's watch your data that comes back and see what transmutes. And if it doesn't work for you to work the way I do, which is basically I write every single day, then don't do it this way. And you will get sick of it. You'll get sick of it really, really quickly and you'll tell me that it didn't work because the inspiration didn't work or because my system didn't work, et cetera. No, I'm just watching you. It doesn't work for your energy. We need to work something some other way because there is a way that definitely does work for you. The other thing that's really important. And this is why I know I sound insane when I say this. A person with my size business, which is a relatively advanced coaching business, I still work one on one with people. Jessica, why am I still so insane? It's because people are so different when it comes to even what it means to grow a business. So a lot of people think grow a business basically means turn the numbers double digits every year. This is not the way it is for me. I am always interested in more knowledge. I never thought of Guilt Free as a sequel. I think of it as a deepening. It's like a companion program to go underneath, not what's next. And so you really have to ask yourself what's right for me? What is expansive for me? What does expansion mean for me? And then what is my authentic way to get to it and just jiggle with it? Just Be free enough to experiment for a while, and you will find that process that lights you up. Because the whole point of lit up is to fall in love with the journey. Because it's never. I'm sorry, to break everybody's heart here. It's never the manifestation that's going to pay. What will pay is the small moments every single day when you are doing something bigger than yourself.

[C]

I think the manifestations are an interesting one, because I think at least Lacy and I have been talking about this a bunch. The way in which people are going to start crafting their lists, I think

[B]

will change a lot.

[C]

Where they will stop putting, okay, I need this type of company in order to make this type of money, in order to have this type of life, in order to have this type of partner. And blah, blah, blah. Like, they're using control to pick apart what they think or project speaks to them. And I think we're moving and. And some people will continue to do that, and that's fine.

[B]

And you.

[C]

There's a route to do that. But I think there's also people that are curious, hungry for. How do I listen to those little pings who say, I like wildlife. Okay, so my manifestation list is make more space to connect with wildlife.

[B]

It.

[C]

You know, my manifestation list is take that hour walk every day. You know, like, what are those things in your life that will. If you commit to them, if you have the devotion, which is the next one to them, it will ultimately bring you everything you want anyways.

[A]

Your mouth to God's ears, Jessica. Because I still get manifestations listed. Say, make $100,000 a month, lose 10 pounds, and get married by the end of the year. And I want to tell you something. Here's what I know with 100% certainty, I can get you that, no problem. So that you can then realize that that wasn't what you wanted. I am a Trojan horse. Now. There will be people listening, going, yeah, all right, I'll take that first. And then, no problem. Then you show me whatever you want. No problem. With enormous pleasure. With enormous pleasure. But that's only the first step. You don't really want to become good at getting manifestations. You want to become a manifestor. And if you want to become a manifestor, then, believe it or not, a weird manifestation list that includes spend more time in wildlife is probably your best ticket. And all I can say there is, what have you got to lose? I. I'm guaranteeing you that it comes with a side of what you want, but it'll probably feel really good, too. So it doesn't really matter to me how people get there, whether people get there. What matters to me is to tell people that this is that progress in life, expansion in life, is a question of connection to self and a question of living as freely as possible so that the universe can start delivering for you. The universe holds much more than you could ever imagine for yourself. And once you really start allowing yourself to align with that flow, it's going to carry you.

[C]

Let's talk about devotion. This, I feel like, is especially your last section on this. I was like, oh, what a way to end. This book looks so good. I think devotion and orienting ourself around devotion is the thing that gives us lasting, staying power. It gives us miracles, it gives us our humanity. It gives us a life worth living. Talk about this pillar.

[A]

Devotion is what makes everything work. You cannot stay lit up just because you really love the process, because the process won't love you. Every day, I don't think Madonna wakes up and she's 67 years old, just crashed Coachella and killed it, by the way. Absolutely loves training every single day, getting on every single stage, going on tour all the time. Time. In fact, I saw her in Austin a couple of years ago, and she was definitely not happy to be there, as Madonna often is. But devotion is what keeps you connected to the greater service that you're performing with your role, your chosen identity. At present on this planet, we are all serving something much bigger than ourselves, and we forget that. But when we really come back to the understanding that this has nothing to do with us, this is about a connection to something bigger. This is about an output that leaves the world better than it was. We stay in a state not only that is lit up, but of appreciation and maybe even reverence. And that is what to be magnetic means. It's the exact magnetic field that's where you want to reach. This is when the universe starts serving you because you stop asking it, gimme, gimme, gimme. And you start asking, this is. I'm paraphrasing Wayne Dyer. You start asking, how may I serve? How is this serving? How does this serve? Every time I get caught in another riptide of, oh, my God, my business is not going well, or they don't like me, or did I just bomb on stage? Did I make another off color joke? Karen Occasional hazard with me. I just keep thinking about the couple of people that this really did reach. They had to listen to this. The people who listened to that last episode and realized, oh, my God, I am in my way. I am trying to make it happen. That is my Achilles heel. Maybe I should loosen my grip. That's who this is for. That's who this is for. And I keep showing up for that. Not because every single time will be a magnificent creation or will work out, but because hopefully every now and again it does. And so this is what really allows you to become magnetic, because it's what builds resilience. It's what allows you to pass tests. And that's one of my favorite anti rules. I hope you're referring. I love that entire section, by the way.

[C]

I think talk about specifically, I want to pull up from my notes here the. The tests for high achievers that list the urgency is fear dressed up as productivity. Like all of this confusing panic for strategy call and patience, discernment, settling, gratitude. Like all of those. Let's dive into those tests.

[A]

So one of the things that resonated with so many people in that original episode, and I'm pretty sure that like anybody by now who really likes this episode, is like, holy shit, how did I miss that? Go and listen. Was surrender. Surrender is a state that is very, very misunderstood in the law of Attraction because it sounds like giving up or just not working or just putting away your oars and doing nothing. It means none of the above. It literally just means, drop the pain, drop the chasing, drop the suffering, drop the yearning. Drop that I need it to happen. Drop that state so that you can start to flow towards what you want more easily, recognize open doors more readily, rather than make this so hard and so painful. This is where devotion becomes your secret weapon. It becomes your secret weapon because it allows you to more readily translate the tests in your way as things that you don't need to freak out about, but that you can receive with gratitude and with a different perspective and thereby activate those first elements, G, O and L that you learned so that you can pass them with flying colors. And the faster you pass tests, the faster you manifest. The faster you pass tests, the more you become a cyclical manifesto. You go, one, two, three, done, and back. One, two, three, done, and back. That's how the process of manifestation works in a circle, right? So there are two main kinds of test. And the feelings like urgency will come up around them. The first is the almost test, and the second is the delay test. The almost test is when you're getting really close to something you really, really want. I can smell it, I can see it. And the universe sends you something pretty close. You remember you came on my Podcast coached. And you talked about that job. It just came along. But you had already visual you would. You had visualized this and you were like, maybe I should take it. Comes with a side of money. Nice people, looks pretty good, gets me pretty close. But something inside you said no. But I asked for more than this. Why would I settle for this? Why would I take this? If I could just hold on for one more day, in the words of Wilson Phillips, I might actually make it to something that's really, really worthy of me. For you to be able to do that, you've got to activate good enough. You've got to believe that you are worthy and that you do deserve the second. You have to be open to many possibilities. Because if the universe did send me this almost, it probably has a couple more things up its sleeve. And you got to stay lit up, ready to show up with consistency, even if it's not quite there yet. You will pass that test. An epic example. My favorite example is Rachel Chu in Crazy Rich Asians. In my first book, I talked about the first scene of Crazy Rich Asians, the poker scene. It's epic. Read it. In this one, I talk about the penultimate scene, the mahjong scene. By the way, if anybody out there still hasn't watched Crazy Rich Asians, I'm sorry, you clearly haven't flown Delta in the last six years. But it's an Excel. I'm not giving anything away. This woman has been working against a mother in law who is really hell bent on making sure that Rachel Chu understands you are not good enough for our family. And you will never be good enough for a family. And I will defeat you. So Rachel Chu, who is a very sophisticated game player, is playing mahjong with this woman. She realized she has the winning tile. She could close the game, make the point, accept the guy just proposed to her, wipe the floor with this woman. But she decides to throw the game. She decides to lose instead. Not because she lost, but because as she tells her for the first time, I do know what I'm worth. And I understand that receiving this would be receiving a partial win from the universe would be receiving a stunted relationship with a mother in law who doesn't like me with a miserable existence. And I, I deserve it all. And if the universe was good enough to send me this, it will send me more. So I will walk away from the table that that is what it looks like to pass the almost test. That was good.

[C]

It's really good.

[A]

Now let's talk about the delay test. Much harder for overachievers, cooverachievers, again, are hustlers in the sense that they not only want it all, but they want it fast. And so delays, particularly for my millennial brothers and sisters, is very painful. They can barely do it. And so as a result, they start to become urgent. And urgent will also make you fold, will make you insist on short circuiting your path to your destiny. And here, my favorite example is Lieutenant Dan. You know, that's my favorite movie.

[C]

Really?

[A]

Forrest Gump? Yes, I know. There's a little insight into my psychology. I love that movie. I cannot resist it. Anytime it's on, and I've grown over the many, many times that I've seen it to think that Lieutenant Dan is the heart of that movie. He is the Ark because he is the most changed. Lieutenant Dan is the perfect example of a person who sees his life as linear. His destiny is preordained. He will die on a battlefield like every man in his family before him. When he is shortchanged that destiny in Vietnam, he is pissed off, he is angry, and he starts to rally against the world that rail against the world that would not deliver him that linear ambition. He doesn't accept it until finally he starts to loosen up for long enough to accept an invitation to a shrimping boat that was off his path and then start to loosen up enough to make his peace with the world. In his delay test the manifestations for him, for his salvation not coming, he finds a way to just dance with the storm. When that storm comes, he. He yells right back at it. He seems to be having fun. He says, you call this a storm? And when he calls this a storm, what happens? The sky opens up and everything starts to work out for him. He doesn't respond with his usual urgency and meanness and anger and resistance. He just lets it happen. If you learn how to do these things, you are devoted. You are showing acceptance, complete acceptance. With life as it is, you will get what you want.

[C]

I want to read one quote from the end that I think speaks to this so well. To serve is to stay devoted to life itself, not how you wish it would behave. To serve is to accept reality without approving of it. And that's Lieutenant Dan like that. The devotion, the alignment is that piece where you have to truly accept the situation that you were in. Know your worth and dance with the circumstances that you were given. But know that there is still something deeper and powerful and magical at hand there.

[A]

You're giving me an opportunity to tell people the real truth of how My story ends. Jessica, the truth is not. I mean, I'm still married to Ryan. I will be married to Ryan my entire life and or for as long as he lives. And I have wonderful cats and I really love this business more than anything. But I just don't negotiate with life anymore. This isn't a battlefield for me anymore. This isn't a problem to be solved. I'm not always thinking about where I need to be next, next. I'm just here. That's the real gift in all this work. That's what I want everybody to start to really feel. You always talk about, can you be in the present moment? That's the payoff you want. You want to be in a place where everything is exactly as it should be and you just love it exactly as it is.

[C]

Where can everyone find the book? Where can they work with you, connect with you? All the things your Coached podcast Thank

[A]

you for the invitation. So Coach Karen on Instagram K E R E N you go to Kareneldad.com you can get a free consultation still. And they're always very surprised that it's me. It's me and I'm very happy to speak with you. It makes my heart sing. I'm so happy. And the Coached podcast was a big hit thanks to Jessica Gill as of last year. So I really hope that people check us out. But most of all, if this has spoken to you and anybody wants to go deeper and further, I'm here for it.

[B]

So good.

[C]

Thank you, Karen.

[A]

Thank you, my dear friend. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[B]

I hope you guys enjoyed that episode and are feeling so invigorated and so motivated. Highly recommend checking out Karen's book guilt free. And if you have not signed up for our Be Seen challenge yet, it is kicking off June 1st. We have our big summer sale going on so you can get the lowest discount of the season. But if you are ready to step into your power of this next season, if the whispers of your higher self, your authentic self, have been percolating, if you've been getting expansion, if you are

[C]

at a time where you're like, I have to figure out my life. I don't know what I want, I don't know what I like, I don't know who I am, this is it.

[B]

Let's get clear on who you are in this season, what you want out of life and step through the fears that are keeping you small. Not letting your light shine, not allowing your gifts and your essence to be seen in the way that feels the best for you. Right now, we're going to walk this journey together. It's only three weeks and kicking off June 1st.

[C]

We'll see you in there.