← EXPANDED Podcast by To Be Magnetic™
EXPANDED Podcast by To Be Magnetic™
Ep. 409 – Why You’re Still Playing Small Without Realizing It
00:44:31
Have you ever wondered why you can be deeply authentic, doing the inner work, showing up with integrity—and still feel unseen? In this episode, Lacy, Jessica, and Janelle unpack the missing link between authenticity and magnetism: your signal. Your signal is the clarity that comes from knowing who you are without needing external validation to confirm it, and feeling safe enough to express it without collapsing under rejection or misunderstanding. From social media personas to boundaries and nervous system safety, this conversation reveals the deeper layers of manifestation that shape how your authentic self is received by the world. If you've ever felt caught between wanting to be seen and fearing what visibility might cost you, this one's for you. You’ll find tools for strengthening your signal, healing rejection wounds, and stepping into your next level of authentic expression with clarity, integrity, and self-trust. And if you’re ready to shine with full luminosity and step...
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Transcript49 lines
- [00:00]
A
Do you feel safe to be seen?
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B
People that really live in this beautiful, open hearted way, their light, their signal shines and you can feel it.
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C
Being able to reset our being seen and signal often is going to become important.
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A
The time and the season has come. Are you ready to stop playing small, stop settling, stop complaining about the thing that you've been complaining, complaining about for more than six months to start actually honoring your desires, not dreaming about them, not longing for them, but owning them, taking steps towards them. That is what we are going to do inside of our be seen challenge. Our pre week is kicking off Monday, June 1st. And this is where we're going to clear out all of the cobwebs, all of the limiting beliefs, all of the fears that are keeping us stuck in a smaller version of ourselves, and to finally let our light shine to get clear on what we want in this season of life. Where are we still moving from fear, from scarcity, from orienting towards other people's opinions and fear of their perceptions of us instead of what is true for us, what will bring us the most joy, the most excitement, the most satisfaction? That is where your manifestations live. The universe wants you to step into your holy, authentic, worthy self and desires. It needs you to claim them. It needs you to be clear on that and to finally see yourself truthfully through the lens of love and compassion. Knowing that our imperfect, messy, weird, quirky, unique, gifted selves are enough. We don't need to perform enoughness anymore. We don't need to prove ourselves. We don't need to hit the milestone. We just need to see our own enoughness. And from that place, so much will magnetize to us, more than we can ever imagine or write down. So for the next three weeks, plus this pre week, we are going to walk you through how to unblock anything in your way on a subconscious level. Rewiring your limiting beliefs, rewiring your nervous system, expanding your subconscious and walking you through taking aligned action to actually get there. The part that so many manifestation methods truly miss. Because in order to connect with your manifestation, you need motion towards it. And the beautiful thing is we're getting to do this in community. We are going to hold your hand, we are going to walk you through this. You don't have to step through these fears alone. You don't have to move through this alone. And I'd actually be shocked if so many of the fears that we all take to this challenge, the things that we're, you know, hiding, plain, small, not being the fullest version of ourself are fears that so many of us all have. And we're silently sitting here thinking it's just us. It's just us. I'm the one with XYZ fears or XYZ flaws and how incredible it's going to feel to hear how many people also have those same fears. So come join us if you are getting the ping, if you are feeling called, if you have been thinking about joining the TBM work, if you're manifesting quite literally anything at all right now. This is going to get you to that real deep level of deservingness and self worth where all of your manifestations will come from. Check out our website to be magnetic dot com. You can join there, can DM us, connect with us. I'm going to be sharing in my broadcast channel on Instagram. I'll definitely be sharing throughout Instagram of this process. I'm going to maybe document a little bit for the YouTube. Stay tuned for that. And we're doing our big global community walk this Saturday, May 30th. We're hosting one in LA. You can check the link in the show notes if you want to join us in LA or host one in your city, meet up with people in your town. We have members literally all over the world. You'd be shocked. There's probably a TVMer in your city. So check out the magnetic meetup link in the show notes to find one by you or host one and invite your friends on this journey. We are about to up level in a massive way and I can't wait to hold your hand through it. All right. Okay. So today's episode is a brand new manifestation. Energetic. Something that I actually found and recognized the pattern of. And it's this concept of authenticity and signal. Now you've heard us talk about authenticity until we're blue in the face. It's who we truly are, what our gifts are, how we want to express as. And that's one piece of the puzzle. And it's a very important part of the puzzle, specifically in getting the manifestations that will fulfill us the most. If we don't come from a place of authenticity towards our manife, we might get the shiny thing and feel completely empty and then be on a hamster wheel to chase the next and the next and the next. But our authentic manifestations give us something that really feed our our higher self. It feeds our inner child. It makes us have a totally different level of satisfaction. So in order to really reach the level of visibility in being seen in a way that feels so good for you, one factor, you can think of a line graph, one factor is going to be authenticity. But the second factor is what we're calling signal. Now, signal is the ability to feel safe being seen and not have any conflicts about the way that we are being perceived. So if you think about this like a quadrant, right, you have some people that are not clear on who they are authentically, and they also feel extremely unsafe when eyes are on them or there's any level of visibility. So they would have low signal, low authenticity. Then there's people that have very high authenticity. They're so clear on who they are, they're living in integrity, but something about the visibility on them feels extremely dysregulating and unsafe. Or they start thinking about who they need to be and they kind of get in their head and they lose threads of their authenticity. That would be someone who's very authentic in real life, but has low signal when it comes to their visibility, their projection, getting their word, their message, their business, et cetera out there. Then there's the opposite end of the spectrum. Someone who is not authentic, not clear who they are, or maybe doesn't feel safe to be their authentic self, but has no problem being seen. They can perform, they can dance, whatever, but it's likely in a Persona, one aspect of themselves. That means that they're compromising some very important needs to their authentic self, which can bring you eyeballs, but will not really give you the result you want. Meaning, if your result for eyeballs was to grow a thriving community, maybe you have a bunch of people following you, but you don't have that tight knit community you want, or maybe you wanted to reach a certain financial metric, but now you just have a bunch of eyeballs. So really the true manifestation, alignment is getting high signal and high authenticity. And what that looks like is someone who's so clear on who they are for who they are not for. And they are not shrinking or playing small to become a different version of them. So they're more palatable, likable. And in that process of palatable and likableness, they're dimming all their magnetic qualities. They're dimming the parts of them that make them really shine. So in this episode, we're gonna break down a little bit more about signal, how it functions, the ways that it can kind of get distorted. Even right now, you can start thinking about where you might fall in that quadrant. I think we end up on different spectrums of the quadrant depending upon what environment we're in, the people we're around how safe we feel in that moment and we start to build a trust muscle and a visibility muscle over time. Specifically with signal, the more that we step out and be our authentic selves and feel safe doing it, the more that expands our capacity to hold it. So both of these elements need to be in motion for that full visibility to be unlocked. So if you've ever questioned, I feel authentic, I'm doing something I love and I'm passionate about, why is it not working? Why am I not getting the reach I'm wanting, or vice versa. If you feel like I have this thing I really want to share with the world, but I keep being inconsistent and I'm not putting out there in the in the way that I want. That's when you're high authenticity but low signal. So we're going to talk a little bit about it and then in the challenge, we're going to go in really deep into both of these and unblock them in order to get everything in alignment. Enjoy. And now a word from our partners. You know when you suddenly realize that your hair just doesn't feel quite like you anymore? That was happening for me over the last six months or so. Between stress, long work hours, and realizing I was actually low in certain nutrients, I started noticing more hair shedding, more thinning, and my hair was feeling less full overall. And honestly, with my wedding coming up, I really wanted to support my hair health from the inside out and feel like the most radiant version of myself again, hair included. And that is what led me back to neutrful women. I had actually taken Nutrafol years ago and I remember seeing such incredible changes to my hair health over time. So I recently decided to start taking it consistently again. And while it's still early, I've only been taking it for a couple weeks. I already feel like I'm noticing less shedding and my hair is feeling healthier overall, which has me really excited to keep going. With so many hair supplements on the market, I love that Nutrafol takes a proactive approach to targeting the root causes that impact hair health, like stress and lifestyle factors. And that is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand and the number one hair growth supplement brand personally used by dermatologist. Their formulas are clinically, tested, peer reviewed, and their formulas are tailored to different life stages and lifestyles. So it really feels personalized. Rather than a one size fits all, I'm personally using the woman's blend and absolutely loving it. Let your hair be one less thing to worry about. See visibly thicker, stronger, faster, growing hair within three to six months with Nutrafol. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month subscription and free shipping. When visit Nutrafold.com and enter promo code TBMA ALL CAPS, that's nutrfold.com spelled N U T R A F O L.com and promo code TBM for $10 off your first month subscription free shipping. And now onto the episode. Welcome back, everybody, to another episode of Expanded. We have Lacey and Janelle. And as we are gearing up to go into our be seen challenge, one topic we wanted to cover is why you're not being seen even if you feel authentic. One thing that I've been, you know, masterminding and I look like a crazy person with my whiteboard now, where I'm like, okay, well, if they do this and this person does this, like, I'm literally doing, like, long division on, like, the energetics of what's happening with visibility.
- [11:47]
C
Doing your energetic, like Albert Einstein, literally,
- [11:50]
A
like, I showed the whiteboard to the team. They're like, you look like that meme of the psychotic person.
- [11:57]
B
Like, I know exactly which one you're talking about.
- [12:01]
A
But it was like, oh, it all makes sense now because I couldn't quite put my finger on why do some people who feel very inauthentic, very materialistic or surface level or just not really in their integrity, catapult invisibility? And why do people who are very authentic, very true have a hard time getting their business launched or making money or, you know, moving in this. This direction where they have to be seen in some way? And I basically deduced it down to, in order to be at that full level of magnetism, to be fully seen, really what it takes is you both need unblocked, expanded align action in your authenticity, in your integrity, and unblocked, expanded aligned action in your, what we're calling, signal, which is, do you feel safe to be seen? Now, some people can have high signal where they're safe to be seen, but as a Persona, as a version of them, even as a false sense or a mask of them. The visual I keep thinking is like, if you have light emanating out, they're like, cool, come look like, I don't care. And then the person who's fully authentic, they are fully integrate. They know who they are, they know what they care about. They can really deeply honor their needs, their values, their wants, et cetera. But in order to really have that impact that I think a lot of Us are hoping for, looking for, wanting to connect with our manifestations. Both have to be unblocked and really like cleared out in a smaller scale. You see this with people who have high signal, who are maybe very big on social media. They do the trends, they follow what the algorithm says to do. Like they do all the things, they check all the boxes and so their account grows. But if they go off that treadmill, if they stop producing at the cadence they're producing, if they say something that's deviated from the architecture of what they've done, it kind of shatters them or it doesn't impact them in the same way. And also the end result of signal doesn't ever bring you what you really wanted. It may bring you attention, it may bring you eyeballs. But if you wanted a thriving business, if you wanted true love, if you wanted all these other things, like it's not going to give you that. In a one on one example, think of the person at the party who always has to command attention. They're doing some kind of anecdote, or they're like really overtly performing in some way, or they're doing a song and dance and blah blah, blah, and they're just trying to connect. But it's almost like an overcorrection of that way where they're not even really being authentic in how they're trying to connect. And so they're just trying to get attention in that moment. They'll like do the things to get the attention. And again, this is no judgment on anyone. No matter where you fall on the spectrum, we have probably all fallen on multiple ends of the spectrum in different spaces and places. This is just like awareness bucket. So you can start to see like, oh yeah, I do kind of do that. And being really authentic is terrifying. And that's why I have the Persona that makes so much sense. Or I thought I had to do, you know, this thing to get this signal and get this attention. Cause I thought that's the way I was gonna get what I wanted.
- [15:37]
B
So.
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A
So it makes complete sense if you are behaving in this way or if you notice these patterns, why that's happening.
- [15:44]
C
Excellent.
- [15:45]
A
Then for the authenticity piece, if you have a lot of authenticity but you're not having any signal, then you are going to be in your power. You're going to know who you truly are. But you get squirmy and scared of really letting that version of yourself be fully seen. Authenticity is how deeply you know and honor yourself. Your boundaries, your values, your integrity and Signal is truly how safe you feel to be seen. Your signal doesn't require authenticity, but the most magnetic state is when you are embodied in your authenticity and unblocked in your signal, meaning you are feeling physically safe, opened up to be seen.
- [16:28]
C
But let's dig into signal so people understand it. Because this is one of my favorite new teachings that are in the Challenge. The signal thing was something that you really, like, led on to. But I remember when you're like, is there any channeling or anything? And it was like, oh, it's like when people are just. There's interference. Really? Which signal was the perfect thing that you label is absolutely. So give us the overview of signal, because I do believe this plays one of the biggest key roles and actually, like, really being seen on a. A bigger scale, not just in terms of your business and fame, but also, like, as brightly as you want in your community can hold. Your community, your partnership, your children. Like, I. I think signal is so powerful. So this is.
- [17:12]
A
Do you feel unsafe or conflicted about the identity that you are being seen as? So whatever you're projecting out, do you feel conflicted about that? So if you feel like, I really love this thing, but I, you know, part of me doesn't think it's safe to do that, you will be fighting yourself, and that will translate into the aligned action you take. This is why when someone's energy feels off or not authentic, you're like, what? Why can't I read them? Like, it feels unclear because they're unclear. I had this with my YouTube, like you were saying in one of the last episodes. I was like, okay, well, I have this part of me that feels like I should be talking about all this business stuff, but then the other part of me thinks I should be talking about this. And I had to really have, like, a meeting of these two parts and be like, okay, let me hear out why you want to be seen. Let me hear why you want to be seen and like, what's true. And that's when the authenticity comes back in and kind of like, can sue those parts so truth can come through. But I think with Signal, okay, this is when you have inner conflict, conflicting beliefs around what your energy is projecting out, what you're standing on. This is also just basic nervous system safety of being seen, being visible. Can I stand being disliked? Can I stand being misunderstood? Can I stand not everybody agreeing with what I have to say or thinking it's wrong? Can I be okay with someone misinterpreting me and not correcting them or Having to check them or feeling like it means anything about. My identity signal is knowing who you are without looking externally to validate that. It's saying, like, I'm so clear in who I am that even if you see a different version than I understand to be me, that doesn't disrupt my inner identity. Like, my sense of self doesn't collapse just because you don't see me in that way. Like, you can hold space for someone else having a different perception of you. This is so insanely hard because it goes against our wiring. Like, we want to belong. Belonging requires us to be seen accurately in all these spaces. So saying like, hey, I'm gonna take the power back and I'm gonna be the one in, that's really hard.
- [19:35]
B
I mean, it really is a muscle that has to be built too, that is built over time in small micro relationships and then bigger and then bigger and then bigger. But so much codependency has to dissolve to arrive to what you're naming, which is amazing.
- [19:52]
C
It's a goal, I would say even an example for me at this current time, I'm experiencing the cringe and the uncomfortability. It's not that big of a deal for me, but in theory it could be. But as I'm evolving and changing very rapidly, the things I'm interested in. And it's very in alignment with the new paradigm, which we've had multiple episodes on. We can link that below, but it's certainly not the vibe of the old paradigm. And I'm going through the uncomfortability in theory of not everybody's gonna get the shit I'm talking about right now or the stuff I'm interested in. A great example, like I posted on Instagram. Instagram. I've gotten so into learning how to spin, you know, because we have our own fiber. And I'm so into knitting again and our yarn. And I remember when I posted this like series of photos, I lost followers. But there's an empowerment that I have like an unshakable thing inside of me that's like, oh, if someone doesn't get it, no problem. Like, you know, whatever. See you. So there is this level as we change. I do think that. So I. What I'm getting at ultimately is with this particular challenge, we definitely should have this in as a workshop, you know, way later on. But we are going to evolve and change so much over the next, in my opinion, five years of what I predict is coming down the pipeline, that being able to reset our being seen and signal often is going to become important. So, yeah, I'm really excited. I think this. This particular tool is one of the biggest added values that separates this challenge from any others. Like the development of this tool. Because it's one thing for all of us to sit here and be like, I've done the authenticity challenge. I've done the how to be magnetic, you know, like, I've done these. I am authentic. But how clear are you in every aspect of your life? So even take all business perspectives, like, in real estate, I'm like, even. Am I even that into that? And anymore am I. And I have to, like, look at what my signal is. So it's like, if I'm still using that as mechanism, I don't know what the answer is to that yet, but I'm questioning it. Right. But then I'm about to embark on a humongous new project. You know, it's. There's so many parts in real estate. When you're a real estate professional, it's like you refi. And then you do this and then the cost segregation and then you put this in the market, and if there's so many pieces. And I'm like, yeah, but do I just really want to be studying medieval hair practices? My spinning wheel? That might have been me two years ago. And so I. This is, you know, an example of me very personally. But I guess what I'm getting at is when I'm sitting there on a call for an hour earlier, you know, going through all the variables of the real estate project, I. And I'm tuning out, and I'm not that. And I'm like, oh, I'd rather be, like, looking at something else. That's when I start to see my signal isn't clear anymore. When we start to look at all aspects of our life, of what we're saying and doing, but what we're projecting and that it's different in my parenting style and my relationship and my, you know, and so I think that this is going to be one of the biggest uncoverings, quite literally, of this episode's topic. Why am I authentic? But I'm not manifesting all the things and being seen in the way I want to it. The signal people is so big.
- [23:12]
B
It's almost like the people that are. They've learned how to be a chameleon, right? So in this group of friends are this way and this. Whatever. They're this way and this one this way. But, like, it's like when you see someone that's just like, they are them regardless of who, where they are. They're not morphing and they're not hiding aspects like that is a, there's, there's a very strong core self there.
- [23:32]
A
And I think, you know, especially I know a lot of our community is familiar with internal family systems and having multiple parts. This is not to say you're never going to have a part of you that is nervous, second guessing, doubtful, et cetera, but that they are not driving the ship when it comes to signal. What is driving the ship is your higher self. Is your authentic self, the one that's making decisions, that's moving Whether it's from alignment or not alignment, what you're projecting out should be ideally from that higher self piece. And so when the signal gets clouded is we let a protector part come in and project out and like we are seen from our protector part instead of our true highest self. And that's where it's like, okay, we kind of have to have like a little team meeting amongst all of our parts and say what is setting off the threat detector here that's making me shrink in this environment? Play small here. I mean I even just think about really simple examples where you can see your signal being distorted as if you're like, I value abundance, my priority is abundance, I love abundance, blah blah, blah. But then you're not looking at your finances or you're not, you know, taking the steps, the habits need to match the internal desire that is signal. If you're saying you value self care but you're not making 10 minutes to care for yourself, there is a inner conflict. And then when you go to talk about that, that is coming out distorted and that's why it doesn't land for people like you. Social media is such a good example of this just because you can see the energetics in real time. But have you ever seen a post or something where like the information's good but it just doesn't land? Like you don't feel anything behind it? Usually that is a lack of signal, like there is some sort of conflict. You see it right now with ChatGPT where someone literally copy and pastes whatever was in chat and then posts it online, right? It doesn't feel like anything because a person didn't make it. That's lack of signal. There's not this life force behind it that has clear focus on what they actually are and what they value and what they stand for. And when you have clear signal, you can speak clearly about it. You're not afraid to take the steps you need to Take to, like, maybe get better at it in this way. There's no ego playing out with it. It's just like, oh, okay, we can do that. That sounds good. There's so much more ease when signal is aligned and unblocked in all of those pieces, but you really don't want to have the signal without that check of authenticity. Where is this coming from?
- [26:24]
B
Foreign.
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A
So if you've been listening to the podcast and you have been hearing about the Chibi magnetic work, going deeper, unblocking, reprogramming, we have 12 different workshops that break down the science behind how to manifest as well as different areas of your life to help you unblock, expand, take aligned action and actually manifest the things you truly desire. And we hold your hand every step of the way. We also have two challenges per year, one, which is kicking off on June 1, about being seen, stepping into our light, letting ourself bloom. That next layer, there is a part of us that is calling to express more authentically. It could be in your creativity, it could be in your art, it could be on social media, it could be amongst your friends. It could be in your relationships or your dating dynamics. But some part of you is saying, there is more. I want to show up as here. I am dimming a part of myself in this area of my life. No more. I am ready to step through that fear, to feel safe, to fully be myself. And we are going to walk you through how to unblock, not feeling safe to be seen, how to truly see yourself, how to step into your full light and magnetism and clear any of the distortion or ego layers that may be getting in the way. Come join us. Right now. We have our big summer sale going on where you can get the entire pathway membership, including all of our challenges, workshops and deep imaginings for only 23amonth from our regular 30amonth price. So if you've been thinking about joining the pathway, if you've been getting the ping, if you want a tool to go deeper, to work on some of those sticky, limiting beliefs that you keep going back to, now's the time to join. We can't wait to see you in there.
- [28:21]
C
Wait. And also, Janelle, you said such an amazing thing. You're like, you have to heal. Such a level of codependency. Give us the. The background. Give us the therapeutic lens of why people's signal is distorted.
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B
For sure. I'm like, I'm like, go ahead and pick up Melody Beatty's book Codependent no More, chapter five on detachment. And just you Know, just keep feeding that to yourself. But I think to get to a place where you can go, okay, I had, you know, a troll, a hater, be misunderstood. All of that stuff is. So it literally will trigger. I don't care what your trauma was, but it will trigger all of it. Right. And so there has to be so much core trauma integration to be able to arrive. You know, you can't just make yourself whatever, but you have to arrive and build through titrated capacity, grow this muscle to be okay being seen and be misunderstood. To be not liked to be projected on. And I think too there's a level of if you are going to, to be on a public platform, not just, not just talking about interpersonal relationships, but specifically public platform. And I'd be, I'd be curious to hear both of your takes on this. But like a very clear energetic boundaries of like really tuning out. Like that's where the chapter 5 detachment codependent. More like if somebody is not healthy in your life, you. You take some space back, you detach from them. And I think it's this interesting combination of like living in an open hearted way. Because I think people that really live in this beautiful open hearted way, their light, their signal shines and you can feel it. And also it's almost like open heart but really strong backbone like that combination where. And strong backbone meaning like they give no space for people that are negative awful energy. They're like, nope, you don't even get a place at the table. You know, like there's like, there's a very clear energetic boundaries and probably even just like personal boundaries of how they operate. To be able to sustain really shining their light in an open hearted way and not get like completely overwhelmed by a crowd. You know what I mean?
- [30:43]
C
I selfishly have questions on this for you. Yeah, go, go, go. I'm like, let's dig in. Because I have not read one thing about myself since 2018. Nothing. Good for you.
- [30:56]
B
Healthy boundaries right there.
- [30:58]
C
It's so strong for me because I'm like whomever's writing behind something.
- [31:02]
B
Yeah.
- [31:03]
C
Number one doesn't know me. Like they just don't know me. Because you would have a whole different perception of me if you did. Number two, there's a lot of trauma projection happening in that moment. So I can't even take that feedback because it's not even. It actually really has nothing to do with me me. It's completely. I'm just re. Triggering something in their life that they've experienced. Right. So anyway, okay, so here's all of that, Right? And so that's helped me continue to just be a fully authentic creative channel. In 2018, when I was reading some. All the shit that people were saying, I was like, I'm wither from that. I can't even. There's no element of me being able to be myself. Right. So there is no space for that at the table beyond people who directly know me, me personally, one on one, I have no. No space for it whatsoever. It's such a mind in every way, shape, or form.
- [31:51]
A
Yeah. Janelle, what boundaries can people put in place that are healthy in regards to it? I do have the same question, because I still sometimes see my nasty messages, and I'm like, that just took me out for half a day. Like, why did I look at that?
- [32:06]
B
I know. I mean, to. To have a soft heart and an open heart in a really cruel cancel culture. It's brutal, and it's an art form. Like, so you can see why people just hide in the Persona. Or I'm like, yeah, like, to me, there would be, like, boundaries on, like, a Reddit or what? You know, like, not even indulging, or if you see a comment, it's like, nope. If you're a healthy person, you have your core people, you have an inner circle, you have people that are safe, that are telling you your shadows, and they are. It is safe for you to say, okay, I do. Yeah, that didn't land well, or that whatever. But it's stuff. A safe context to say. It's a safe space to, like, look and own your shadows and all of that. But, like, having some random whatever on the Internet. Like, no.
- [32:57]
C
Like, no.
- [33:00]
A
This was something I was thinking about with this challenge, too, about the authenticity piece, the signal piece, and getting really clear on what feels true for you of how you want to express right now, like, where the universe is pinging you, but with that, what are your boundaries? What's the protocol in order to. To experience that vulnerability, to let yourself be seen in this way, to let your signal open up, because that's really all we're doing. Like, we're not trying to go from zero to, like, fully the full aperture. We'd, like, go blinded. We need to, like, little by little, let more light in over time. But what are the, like, parameters that feel safe for us? And like you were saying, Lacy, those will have to change with our signal. They'll have to change with the environment we're in. I. Because I have that, like, dreamer archetype, I'm like, okay, well, what If I get to a place where, like, I can't go walking around the neighborhood, and what if there's people out there? Like, I don't want that. So I'm just never gonna post on my social media. And I'm like, why are we there? That's not the boundary that we need to worry about right now. Like, that is not even happening. Let's focus on the one hater message you read last week. Just, you know, keep it locked in reality. Girl, that for me, and I'm still kind of figuring out, and as we go through the challenge, I'm excited to flesh it out more. But, like, what does that look like? Are there certain types of messages? Like, I'm not going to respond to if they're a projection or if they're nasty, like, not even messages to respond to. But what is my obligation? And I think a lot of people who do social media stuff, if my account's bigger, I'll have more DMs to answer. I'll have more questions to answer. What is my standard that I'm taking to not be absorbed and feel on the hook to answer every single question? I think just having a little bit of a plan in place of what is still in integrity with you, that isn't shutting everything down. How can you still show up in certain ways without throwing the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak? I think will be really powerful to know. Okay, well, if, you know, worst case scenario, here's the structure I have in place. For me that feels integrity for me that still feels loving, but also loving me first so I can love you type of energy for sure.
- [35:12]
B
Yeah, I'm thinking of, you know, sometimes it's just no dms or it's like an automated thing that says, hey, I don't respond to whatever. I'm like, a lot of therapists do that because we're not supposed to respond. DMs like, any, you know, so if that's gonna block you from whatever. I'm like, oh, yeah, that's just your boundary going forward is I don't respond to dm or I know someone that she loves posting, like, her artistic expression, but she's like, it's too much for me to tag links and do all the links, and I don't want to do links. So she's like, it's probably frustrating, but, like, that's just not how I'm gonna be. And I'm like, you know, good for her. I was actually meeting with my college girlfriends this last weekend and One of them has been. For 20 years, she's been a fashion influencer, but she's all vintage clothes. And she is. She's the funnest soul. She's a great personality. And she was like, her name's Beth. I was like, beth, how in the world have you done this for 20 years? You know, and she shows up and she's 100. Her signal is clear. Like, who she is online, who she is. The same. Same. And she's got the best light and energy. But, yeah, she's like, oh, yeah. I had to learn through a lot of brutal lessons and getting beat up and spit out and chewed up and canceled and all the things that she has very, very firm boundaries of what she shares and what she doesn't share. And when she stays, she's like, when I stay in my lane, her gifts to the world of, like, her creative expression is amazing. Truly incredible. I'm like, thank God that she does this, because it's so inspiring. Like, her art is so inspiring. But the only way that's sustainable is because she's got major boundaries in place, and she has learned energetic boundaries. She's like, oh, yeah. Regularly, I'll get comments on my appearance. I'm like, I. She's like, I've had to develop the thickest skin, and they're not my people. Those people are not my people. I don't know what they're going through, but they're not my people. Her muscle, her capacity is so big and developed at this point. You can see in her nurse that she's happy and free in her life, and she's got boundaries.
- [37:12]
C
It doesn't work.
- [37:13]
B
Weigh her down.
- [37:13]
C
I feel like this is me, too. And one of the coolest things ever. You know, Jessica, you were the one on the team who was like, start a substack. Like, everybody in this cohort says there's a book coming out, so stuff. And I had been wanting to start something like, that's just creative. My thing again. And it's been the coolest version of this because it's the only place people can really access me in a personal way. And it's also gated for, like, the. The deeper, more intimate information only paid subscribers can comment. You know what I mean? So it's been actually, like, this really beautiful exchange with people who are really invested to be here in the conversation together. And they don't just get to, like, free off their own trauma projections. And it's really. It's really a special thing. So we've really taken the Spark. Probably not a lot of people can relate to it, but I think a lot of people can relate to social media being one of the biggest points of connection outside of one's day to day field and, or being on it and scrolling and how to have healthy guardrails with it in general, I think is a big conversation. But signal is so, so wait. Let's take everything we've just talked about though, in context of someone's just daily life of boundaries with signal. Because when you really start to vulnerably put yourself out there, I feel the energetics of that just straight manifestation energetics are a lot like when you do create boundaries. So if you've ever done our boundary workshop and all of a sudden you're just being yourself in the world and you haven't been, people are going to rear their shadow because it's a different you and it's a different type of energetic exchange than once had. And I think it's kind of, now that I really do think about it, the conversation we just had, it is kind of connected.
- [39:02]
B
You'll.
- [39:02]
C
I. Yeah, where was I at not long ago for an event or something? You know, seven years ago and I was a very different person seven years ago. I had very different interests. I wasn't a mother. Like, it was so many pieces, right. And I could tell that there was an expectation of me to be like I was. And I'm a whole different person into whole different things than I. And so. But being able to have like you said, that open heart and that strong backbone and not be in a Persona, not rise to a specific Persona whatsoever, and then by the end having these in depth conversations about fibers and then being like, oh my God, this is insane. Wow. You know, and so I do think that there is a conversation to be had of when we do clear up our signal, we do go through this challenge, we are really showing up so much more authentically to be seen and how the outside may react to that.
- [40:02]
A
The really important part of this process is seeing it like a muscle and metabolizing it as it comes. Not to shove it down, not to now play small and hide again, but it's to say, okay, wow, this is happening. How can I take care of myself like a child facing a rejection, facing a wound like that and really hold myself through this. And the more time you hold yourself through this with these tools, like with the therapeutic tools in there, that is going to strengthen it. And the other thing I just like really want to name is like, don't rush the process you will see how much you can metabolize at a time and go at that pace. Like, you don't need to go from zero to a hundred. This is the team we were going back of. Like, when I first started on the expanded podcast, guys, I had a different voice. It was like an octave higher. I'm like, hey, guys, it's Jess.
- [41:01]
C
Blah, blah, blah.
- [41:02]
A
Like, it was literally an entire octave higher. I don't know when it happened, but at some point, I came back to my body and I was like, I'm going to stop getting so terrified of being seen and just be me. But it took time to, like, be me like this. Like, I had to do a little and then come back and do a little and then come back, and I'm still in that process. That's why I love the YouTube, because that's the place where I feel like the most me. But that may translate to, you know, how I show up on the podcast in a year or two, you know, So I think it's just how beautiful we get to all be on this journey together. You don't need to go from, like, zero to a hundred. So many manifestations have come in in that. In between those little shifts of feeling more comfortable in my own skin and as myself has opened up an entirely new world. Just know that even if you go one notch above where you're at now, you, like, create that ability to hold more of that even a tiny bit, you are unlocking an entirely different level to operate at from a manifestation perspective. So just have that vision for yourself as well.
- [42:09]
C
I agree.
- [42:10]
A
So good.
- [42:11]
C
Such a fun combo. I cannot wait for this challenge.
- [42:16]
A
Last little thing I just want to name. I saw this quote that said, souls carry sparks that must be revealed publicly. When the sparks are expressed through art, teaching, leadership, friendship, community, relationships, they repair, and they repair fragments in the world as well. So I just, like, want you guys to hold that concept that we all have these sparks within us. No matter what season we're at, no matter what starting ground we're coming from, we have an authentic expression that wants to come out. And in us, letting it come out, we are healing ourselves and we are healing the world. So this is not easy work, but it is so meaningful and so fulfilling.
- [43:02]
B
Yes, it was beautiful.
- [43:03]
C
Yeah.
- [43:04]
A
Thank you, guys.
- [43:05]
C
Bye. Bye.
- [43:13]
A
I hope you guys enjoyed that episode. I feel like there's so much to say on the authenticity and signal access, and we'll talk more about that in coming weeks and definitely more inside the challenge. But if you want to start thinking about what areas you might be playing small in. If you haven't taken our Be Seen quiz, you can start to kind of see where some of those nervous system responses, where some of the ways that you may be distorting your signal are starting to show up. If you haven't joined us yet, our Be Seen Challenge is launching on Monday, June 1st. You can join anytime. You can go at your own pace, but we are kicking off as a community in pre week on Monday, and this is a start to a really magnetic, visible season. You owe it to yourself, to the world, to your purpose, to your soul's essence to allow your light to shine in the season as it truly, authentically wants to come out. The world needs more of your light and we invite you to come join us. Dare to be seen.