The Lost Shmatta & A Booby-Trapped Veg-O-Matic: Holiday Listener Episode #19

Summary

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Family Trips with the Meyers Brothers

Episode 19: "The Lost Shmatta & A Booby-Trapped Veg-O-Matic: Holiday Listener Episode"

Release Date: December 23, 2025
Hosts: Seth Meyers & Josh Meyers

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Overview

In this special holiday listener episode, Seth and Josh Meyers open the floor to their audience, sharing heartfelt, hilarious, and sometimes disastrous family holiday stories submitted by listeners. The brothers riff on these real-life tales, drawing out themes of reunion, mishap, and the strange traditions that make family holidays uniquely memorable. With the classic Meyers blend of warmth, wit, and sibling banter, the episode runs through lost dentures, missing childhood blankets, pandemic road trips, and explosive kitchen appliances—all under the glow of festive, mildly chaotic, family love.

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Main Discussion & Key Insights

Opening Festivities & Family Banter

• The Joy (and Challenge) of Holiday Gifting:
  The brothers joke about inventive (and impractical) gift ideas for their mom, like an entire airplane beverage cart (00:44–01:25).
• On Holiday Travel:
  Running gags about how news only reports disasters at airports; Seth hopes his travel will go smoothly, knocking on wood (02:39–03:30).
• Listener Stories Theme:
  "The great gift that is bestowed upon us is stories from our listeners. I love it." – Seth (00:21)

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Listener Stories

1. Olivia's Holiday Trash Chute Dental Disaster

[03:38–06:14]

• Story Summary:
  Olivia’s elderly parents traveled from California to New York. After Christmas breakfast, her mother (with poor eyesight) accidentally threw out her father's new dentures, which ended up in a trash chute clogged with mounds of holiday garbage in their 30-story apartment building. Olivia and the doorman spent hours sifting through trash to recover the lost teeth—never to be found.
• Memorable Details:
  • Olivia: “We spent three hours shaking the trash chute, loosening the log jam, compacting, sorting and praying. ... I clawed at it like a Central Park raccoon maniac…” (04:45)
  • Her father’s reaction: “I appreciate your valiant effort, but even if you found them, do you really think I was going to put them back in my…” (06:00)
• Insights & Jokes:
  • Seth: "I think yours was worse. I think I'd rather have a baby... I think maybe Alexi would maybe say she'd rather, although you know what, Alexi's a neat freak like your husband. ... have a baby in a lobby than have to go through an apartment building's worth of trash." (06:18)
  • The brothers reminisce about losing retainers and how panic-inducing it is for kids.

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2. Andra and the Lost Shmatta

[15:31–19:14]

• Story Summary:
  As a child, Andra’s security blanket (shmatta) was left behind in Florida after her parents told her she was too old for it, promising it would be mailed home. Instead, her brother cruelly announced that it was thrown in the dumpster. Decades later, her mom admitted the blanket was only hidden in her suitcase—but since Andra didn’t make a scene, they never gave it back.
• Highlights:
  • “My heart literally broke. The shock silenced me and I went upstairs to my room to cry. I still feel crushed as I recount the story.” – Andra (17:46)
  • The punchline: "My mom started laughing. She explained that she had been hiding the shmata in her suitcase the entire time. They never threw it in the dumpster. But because I had cried in silence... she did not feel obligated to return the blanket to me.” (18:45)
• Meyers Brothers Reaction:
  • Josh: "I would be in the dumpster. I would have words." (19:24)
  • Seth: "It also... feels like it's incentivizing loud crying. Which I got no love for." (20:31)
  • Reflections on the way parents handle childhood attachments, sometimes keeping mementos as keepsakes—or, in this case, not.

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3. Daryl's Pandemic Road Trip & The Millennium Falcon

[30:21–32:59]

• Story Summary:
  In peak-COVID 2020, Daryl drives 25 hours from Austin to D.C. to retrieve her daughter (and her daughter’s cat, Posey, and a 7,500-piece Lego Millennium Falcon). En route back, they navigate closed-down cities, creatively sneak a cat into a hotel, and visit Graceland, which turns her daughter into a huge Elvis fan. The trip concludes with Daryl inheriting the massive Lego set.
• Quotes:
  • “I did what any slightly unhinged but loving mom would do. I drove 25 hours to DC to pick her up.” – Daryl (32:21)
  • “The only problem, you can't take a massive LEGO spaceship on a plane. So now I'm the proud owner of a huge, awkward, dust collecting Millennium Falcon..." (32:37)
• Meyers Brothers Reaction:
  • Seth: “That is a good mom.” (32:59)
  • Josh: “20 years old is too fucking old for a Millennium Falcon Lego set.” (33:33)
  • Both brothers discuss the charm of the Peabody Hotel duck parade and the surprise emotional resonance of Graceland.

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4. Marnie & The Booby-Trapped Veg-O-Matic

[38:10–41:58]

• Story Summary:
  Marnie recounts a reunion at her aunt’s farmhouse in Iowa. Her mom receives a Veg-O-Matic (after her dad refused a similar pitch 20 years prior). Her dad and uncles attempt to "booby-trap" the device. During the anticipated demonstration, a tomato explodes—soaking the kitchen and guests—leaving everyone laughing for hours.
• Memorable Moments:
  • “After breakfast, the aunts, uncles, cousins, all crowded into the kitchen for the long awaited demonstration. My mom used a tomato and somehow it exploded and sprayed tomato seeds, juice, pulp on everyone. Hours later, it still dripped from the ceiling…” – Marnie (40:37)
• Meyers Brothers Highlights:
  • Seth: “That is the most. I couldn't stop laughing thinking about dad listening to that story.” (40:43)
  • Josh: “That's comeuppance.” (41:20)
  • The brothers are delighted by the family dynamic and the understated delivery of mayhem.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "If it bleeds, it leads, they say in the news business, and they don't want to tell stories about people getting there just as they planned." – Josh (03:00)
• Seth on “Schmatta” revelation: "I feel like I was way too old before I understood what a septuagenarian and octogenarian meant." (10:15)
• Josh on family nicknames: "To those of you who think you can't get a new nickname late in life, just stick with it. ... Never say die." (11:18)
• Seth regarding the Veg-O-Matic tale: "Every event at Marnie's house was, like, fully crazy and nobody raised their voice." (43:04)

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Timestamps for Major Listener Stories

| Segment | Story/Key Point | Timestamp | |-----------------------------------|----------------------------------|--------------| | Olivia’s Trash Chute Dentures | Lost dentures in NYC trash chute | 03:38–06:14 | | Andra & The Lost Shmatta | Missing childhood blanket | 15:31–19:14 | | Daryl’s Pandemic Road Trip | Cross-country drive & legos | 30:21–32:59 | | Marnie’s Booby-Trapped Veg-O-Matic| Exploding tomato at reunion | 38:10–41:58 |

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Closing Reflections

• On Family & Holidays:
  Seth: "It is just so lovely to hear stories about families who enjoy each other in the holidays..." (43:36)
• A Call to Listeners:
  Josh: “If anything goes wrong, hold on to those stories, call them in for next year.” (44:01)

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Episode Tone & Style

Warm, irreverent, and deeply relatable, the episode uses the sparkling chemistry between Seth and Josh to amplify the humor and poignancy of the listener stories while highlighting the often imperfect, but always memorable, essence of family holidays.

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Transcript

[A]

Family trips with the Miles brothers.

[B]

Family trips with the Myers brothers. Here we go. Hey, Baji.

[C]

Hey, Sufi.

[B]

It's time for our holiday listener episode. It is the great gift. The great gift that is bestowed upon us is stories from our listeners. I love it.

[C]

I love the holidays.

[B]

Yeah, I love the holidays, too.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Have you probably already bought presents for.

[C]

Mom and dad at the time of this recording? No. Oh, yeah.

[B]

Kind of shocking.

[C]

Do you have eyes on stuff? Not really. I mean, I've got one, like, little thing for mom, but no, I got a.

[B]

One of those airplane bottles of gin. She likes those.

[C]

I know. She. Yeah.

[B]

Which.

[C]

Yeah. I mean, it's so fleeting, the joy that they bring her, but I guess it's a cute bottle.

[B]

What if we got her, like, just a little. A ton of those and one of those, like, maybe a decommissioned airplane beverage cart.

[C]

Mm.

[B]

And then dad would have to push it in. We would say every hour dad has to push it around the living room.

[C]

I think you would also need to get her like, a first class seat.

[B]

I see.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You wouldn't be able to tell her, like, the seat you sit in every day to watch TV is better than a first class seat.

[C]

You would have to, actually, maybe if you could bring it over the couch or. She's got a big chair.

[B]

I think her big chair's pretty first class.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, again, as a reminder, first class seats are, like, nice on a plane, but, like, they're not good, like, seats for your house. Right.

[C]

It would look untoward in your house.

[B]

Lewis Black. I'm going to just tell you my favorite Lewis Black joke. And there's many. Yeah, but Lewis Black. And again, this is. I think you'll approve it posh because it's a trip related joke.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Lewis Black once said, if you ever have a chance to fly to New Zealand, don't. Because you want to know what it's like to fly to New Zealand? Sit in a chair and squeeze your head for 20 hours. And then he said, I don't want to hear people say, oh, but you got to do first class. He goes, if you want to know what it's like in first class, sit in your nicest chair and squeeze your head for 20 hours.

[C]

Yeah. I mean, speaking of travel, I hope everyone's holiday travel plans have gone smoothly.

[B]

And, well, I feel like there's always, you know, in the world we live in where, let's be honest, the news always tells you things are a disaster. I feel like every holiday. There's never been a holiday season where I'VE turned on CNN and there's a guy standing at the airport being like, it's going great.

[C]

Yeah. I mean they, if it bleeds, it leads, they say in the news business and they don't want to tell stories about people getting there just as they planned.

[B]

And we flew with 8 kids and 12 pieces of luggage and we got it all.

[C]

Yeah, we got it all. And we were there for dinner.

[B]

So I'm gonna knock on wood until the end of time. But I will say, so far, so good on certainly my holiday travel. Yeah, I mean, I got the big one coming up, but we'll see how we do.

[C]

Yeah, we've got some holiday stories.

[B]

Let's listen to one.

[C]

Yeah. All right.

[B]

Sam, why don't you cue us up?

[D]

Hi Josh and Seth, this is Olivia from New York. First time caller, longtime listener. So long time. In fact, I'm the one who came up with the Tripsters moniker from that first YouTube chat. But here's my family hol holiday story. Two Christmases ago, my parents made the truck from California to New York to celebrate with my husband and my baby. They are respectively a septuagenarian and an octogenarian, so naturally not without a few health hindrances. My mom was slated for cataract surgery at the beginning of the new year and my dad had just undergone emergency dental work with a brand new six tooth upper bridge. Fresh off the press and on Christmas morning after presents and breakfast, I suddenly heard my dad scream my mom's name just like Dave yells Alvin in Alvin and the Chipmunks. It turns out that my mom had mistakenly thrown the cup holding his dentures away thinking that they were dirty dishes and which my neat freak husband had already taken out. Now if we lived in the suburbs this wouldn't be a problem, but we live on the 11th floor with 30 store building and because of all the Christmas festivities, the trash chute was bloated. All the Christmas hams and gift wrap and it was backed up all the way to the seventh floor. Now with my dad facing eight more days of a vacation and every dentist in the tri state area apparently being closed, I, ever the dutiful daughter, marched to the trash room with our amazing on staff doorman armed with a ladder and a broomstick. We spent three hours shaking the trash chute, loosening the log jam, compacting, sorting and praying. Eventually I spotted our orange handled Costco Force flex bag and I clawed at it like a Central park raccoon maniac and performed what can only be described as horrifying field Surgery. Wearing latex gloves, I sifted through apple cores, coffee grounds, the remains of a shrimp cocktail ring, excavating like the world's most disgusting archaeologist. After three full passes, we discovered a tear in the bag where the dentures had escaped. And at this point, I can only assume they're somewhere out there clacking across someone's desk like a toy. I hope they're very happy. My dad eventually came down and said, I appreciate your valiant effort, but even if you found them, do you really think I was going to put them back in my. So, lessons learned. Do not let your vision impaired mother help with housework and always tip your doorman well. And, Seth, you know this better than anyone because the only task more unpleasant than digging through a million garbage TRS bags with me on Christmas morning is probably delivering a baby in the lobby. Happy holidays.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Lot to unpack there. Lots. I wish she'd said, you know, and then my dad came down and said I was missing 16. Weirdly, I do. I think yours was worse. I think I'd rather have a baby. I mean, again, I didn't have the baby. Right. I think maybe Alexi would maybe say she'd rather. Although, you know what? Alexi's a neat freak. Like your husband. I think she'd probably, if given the choice, have a baby in a lobby than have to go through an apartment building's worth of trash.

[C]

Yeah. I mean, finding being able to identify your bag of trash is really. I felt like that was what a great find.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And like, oh, well, that makes it easier. But it doesn't. And it didn't.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, this is really making me think I got to get my own signature trash bag next time. You know what I mean?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Monogrammed. Should I get a monogram trash bag for the.

[C]

Probably not.

[B]

You know, Axel is now wearing kind of like Invisalign retainers. And obviously I wore a retainer.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Which was a disaster era for me.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And my relationships with. Well, with just with Dad. I would say my relationship with dad was strained. Was strained in the way my mouth was when I put in my retainer once a month instead of every night. But, you know, there was. Back in the day, you lost a retainer, and it was a full disaster. There's a great scene in Parenthood early in the movie Parenthood, Steve Martin is just like going through a Chuck E. Cheese garbage can looking for one.

[C]

Because if you don't retain the shape of your mouth, then it all goes to hell again.

[B]

Yeah. Is I guess you go. You go to the orthodontics and they say you've. You've been detained.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

If you can't retain it, they detain you.

[C]

He.

[B]

But Axel wears these ones that you wear, like, for a week at a time. They're like plastic and. And disposable enough. Right. And so. But I have, like, muscle memory to the panic of, like, when we leave a restaurant, someone's like, axel, where? And do you know what we call him? Because much like we call my headgear gummy, we've just. The whole family, from Addie on up, to me just says, your teeth. We just call him his teeth. Like, axel, where are your teeth?

[C]

Yeah. That's a rough story. Your wife, Alexei, you know, ages ago when you guys were visiting New Hampshire, thought she had thrown her license into trash.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

And I was home, and I tore open, like, three bags of trash in the garage, laid them out on the sort of cement garage and just poured through everything and couldn't find it. And somehow you guys were able to get on a plane without an id. I want to say.

[B]

Yeah, I can't figure out how we did it, but we did manage to get on a plane without an idiot.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, it's because she found it. No, I'm just kidding. We never told this. We got in the car and we're like, what are we going to do? She's like, oh, here it is.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's not like, oh, it's better if it's your trash. If it's your trash, it's still trash. It's still stuff you.

[B]

Yeah, well, and in that case, it was dad trash. Oh, yeah. Dad trash. I mean, it's really sweet, though. I like. When did you. Can I tell you an embarrassing thing?

[F]

Sure.

[C]

Is it about the clothes that you're wearing today?

[B]

I know. I'm so sorry. You're dressed up for the holidays. I came from the gym, everything went tight. And I realized when I turned this on and saw you in your scarf and your colorful shirt, I'm like, son of a gun. Also just kind of blending into the back. It's just like a bad green look for me, and I'm so sorry.

[C]

No, it does look like. What's that movie? The wrestling movie with Fox Catcher. It's. You've got your real Fox Catcher look on right now.

[B]

I'm pretty good. Oh, well, thank you.

[C]

I'm not great for the holidays, but.

[B]

I feel like I was way too old before I understood what a septuagenarian and octogenarian meant. Oh, really? I knew it meant old person. I didn't realize it meant like, like, I mean again, when the, you know, when the puzzle piece went together, I'm like, oh, in their 70s, in their 80s.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But I just, I'm going to, I'm going to own that. Like, I just thought it meant like old person.

[C]

What do you think it is when you're in your 90s?

[B]

Dead person. It must be a non engineering, right?

[C]

Probably. Yeah, yeah. Nano. Nano.

[B]

Yeah, nano. That's why they say Nana. Nana came from that. Nana was originally what you call the 90 year old woman. And then they were like, you know, most of them are grandmothers. Is that a good nickname?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Again, I know we talk about a lot, you know, because the kids were just with the punks just the way they could. They've now they went from them both being the ponkas to now it is Hurry and punks. And the fact that like dad is punks to the kid is just perfect.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, perfect.

[B]

It's a perfect nickname.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. To those of you who think you can't get a new nickname late in.

[B]

Life, just stick with it.

[C]

You sure can.

[B]

Never say, Never say die. Great story. Thank you so much. And thank you for your service.

[C]

Thank you for the Tripsters call out.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. Well, we're talking about great nicknames. Sammy just handed us tripsters.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Hey, we're going to take a quick break and hear from some of our sponsors. Support for family trips comes from Airbnb. I love staying at welcoming homes that I book on Airbnb, but got me thinking, Pasha, you know, maybe my home could do the same for someone else.

[C]

Oh, yeah, absolutely. I mean, your home's lovely. Some of the homes I've stayed in from Airbnb, just lovely. I mean, I wish they were my homes, but they can be my homes for a brief amount of time.

[G]

Yeah.

[B]

And if you want to stay in a home that has, you know, a bunch of Star Wars Legos, pay the extra buck, stay in my place. You know what I mean?

[C]

Yeah, that's the pitch.

[B]

Yeah. You know what? Look, I've created a welcoming space for my family and maybe you've done the same for yours. And while you're out on the road taking a trip, Pasha, maybe you'd help. Is it defray or affray the costs?

[C]

I think it's defray.

[B]

Defray. It's a French word. It means of the fray. The point is this extra income can support more than travel or life goals. It's just, you know, extra cash in your pocket for a place you already live in that now others can enjoy.

[C]

Your home could be worth more than you think. Find out how [e-mail] Host support comes.

[B]

From Shipt Hey Buchi, hey Sufi. Tell us about Shipt.

[C]

Oh well, Shipt makes the holiday season more joyful by helping you save time with same day delivery on everything you need. Groceries, decor, gifts and so much more from your favorite local and national stores like Albertsons, Michaels, Target and petsmart.

[B]

I love Shipt when I'm trying to get my fresh groceries and then once I got those decor gifts, everything else for hosting. And this is the time of the season when hosting is happening.

[C]

Also, Shipt makes gifting easy with same day speed, nationwide coverage, personalized service from shoppers, and affordability. Members get $0 delivery fees on orders over $35.

[B]

Also, sometimes when you're planning so much for a big holiday party, you forget about the rest of the world that's happening around you and the fact that your kids still need snacks constantly. Yeah, same day grocery delivery is a holiday miracle when you use Shipt. Save even more during the holidays with Shipt's exclusive savings event Season of Savings happening now through December 28th. Shop tons of deals including member exclusive savings all season long. Terms apply. Download the app or order [e-mail] that's s h ipt.com.

[C]

Support for family trips comes from Lowe's. Stay cozy, Stay home and save big online during Lowe's December deal drops because honestly, why go anywhere when the deals come to you? Check this out. Lowes is going to give you two free select tools from dewalt, Craftsman or Cobalt when you buy a select battery or combo kit. Yep, two tools free. It's basically a holiday miracle. Plus rewards members get free standard shipping all month long. Yet another reason not to leave your couch. Kick back, click around and let the savings roll in. Shop new December deal drops on Lowes.com every week this month. Fresh deals, cozy vibes, zero effort.

[E]

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[B]

Here we go.

[C]

All right, Sam, we got another story.

[F]

Hi Josh and Seth. My name is Andra. I now live in Providence, Rhode island, but I grew up in the suburbs of Philadelphia. I Didn't celebrate Christmas growing up, but I did live for Christmas vacation. Every Christmas vacation was spent visiting my snowbird grandparents in Florida. In December 1979, when I was about four and a half years old, our core four mom, dad, big brother and I happily flew from Philadelphia to West Palm beach where two sets of grandparents eagerly awaited our arrival at the Palm beach airport. My mom presumably packed my clothes and I had packed my carry on bag, but the only thing that mattered inside of it was my most prized possession, a security blanket which was called my shmata. That's Yiddish for rag. Because my mom's parents lived in the summer in New York while my dad's parents lived near us in Philadelphia, we spent most of our vacation time with my mom's parents at their condo in a gated community called the Fountains. Most years our aunt, uncle and two cousins who lived in Houston would join us at the Fountains and all of the grandkids would sleep at the grandparents condo while the adults stayed in a nearby hotel. At the Fountains, the kids would ride bikes, do arts and crafts, go swimming and so on. At night, after a full day of activities, I slept soundly with my shmata by my side. One day, about halfway into our two week visit, my family said to me, four and a half is a little old for a security blanket. My mom said she would mail the shmata home just to see if I could survive the rest of the vacation without it. Maybe this would be the first step towards getting rid of it for good. I did not like the plan, but presumably I thought it sounded reasonable after all, in the end I would get my blanket back at the end of vacation. I was actually eager to leave Florida so that I could be reunited with my shmata. After we pulled into the driveway at home and unloaded the luggage from the car, my dad collected two weeks worth of mail. Now I was expecting a very important package, but I only saw mail in the shapes of envelopes. Where's my shmata? I immediately asked. Mom and dad were quiet for a moment, figuring out how to say what needed to be said. So my older brother enthusiastically exclaimed, we threw your shmata in the dumpster at the Fountains. My heart literally broke. The shock silenced me and I went upstairs to my room to cry. I still feel crushed as I recount the story. Very recently my brother and I, who are now in our 50s, left our families in New York and Rhode island respectively to visit our parents in Florida after my dad had knee replacement surgery. I'd like to note that my grandparents have passed away but my mom and dad still live at the fountains, though in a different house. I told them I'd planned to call this story into your podcast, and my mom started laughing. She explained that she had been hiding the schmata in her suitcase the entire time. They never threw it in the dumpster. But because I had cried in silence and did not make a big scene, she did not feel obligated to return the blanket to me. Thanks, guys. I love the pile.

[B]

Let me tell you, Josh's face through this. I swear to God, if he could. If he could march down to the fountains right now, I mean, I would. He would have words.

[C]

I would be.

[F]

I would.

[C]

I would be in the dumpster. I would have words.

[B]

Wouldn't it be crazy if you went in the dumpster and you found the teeth from the first story?

[C]

Oh, my God. Yeah. And they were just, like, holding onto the shmata.

[B]

The shmata was in the mouth of the first door. Oh, my God. Gosh.

[C]

I hadn't even.

[B]

Was not happy with this story. He did not care for it at all.

[C]

I mean, I care for the story because I care for. Yes, of course.

[B]

He did not care for the behavior of anybody, save for the storyteller.

[C]

Yeah. Also because you cried silently. They were like, yeah, I guess we won't give it to her. So did it, like, at that point, I would think, you know, her mother should put it away as a keepsake, obviously something that was very important to her daughter. And then I was hoping that it was gonna be we. I kept it and I still have it, and here it is, and I'll give it to you as a, you know, 50 year old. And wouldn't that be the magic of the holidays come to life? But no, just like, we took it from you. And then because you didn't make too big of a stink, we were like, yeah, I guess that's it.

[B]

Yeah. It also. I don't know, it feels like it's incentivizing. Loud crying.

[C]

Yeah. You know what I mean? Which I got no love for.

[B]

No. No love at all. The brother certainly also a full villain in this story.

[C]

Yeah. I mean, real, real Scott Farkas.

[B]

Yeah. He really wanted to get the sadness out. He wanted just by Just blast you with the sad.

[C]

Yeah. And that. That her parents would just be like, oh, yeah, her brother said it was in the dumpster. So we'll go with. We'll go with that too.

[B]

Yeah. They like, what's. What's our plan? We get home, like, let's see what the. Let's See what our son does, follow his lead. And if it's something good, we'll just, we'll just go with that. Oh, dumpster. Remember, he said dumpster. And she got real quiet. And then we just wiped our hands like, all right.

[C]

Done with the smug. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I imagine, you know, the, I feel like the complaint that a lot of parents have for these, you know, teddy bears that are around for years and things like, you know, blankets, is that they get pretty gross after a while and they're like, so beat up. But kids just don't care. Like, they just want them.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And so I, I understand the impulse to be like, all right, we gotta. This thing's seen its day. But if it's that important to a.

[B]

Kid, you know, like we, we. You were saying, like, we, schmatta, come up with a better plan. I, I, So we. It's funny because again, Alexi, so on top of it, like, all our kids have a different thing.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And Axel has these like little white dogs where they're like a dog's head and then like a rat, the dog's body is like basically a schmada. And we've got like six of them. Cause we're so worried about losing one. But like, then Axel knows there's six, so he's like, he's gotta sleep with three now.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Addie. You know what Addie calls her little thing?

[C]

Dub a dub.

[B]

Dub a dub.

[C]

Yeah, Yeah. I slept in her bed last time I was there and there was a dub a dub on the bed. And I took a picture and sent it to her. And then she video called me to tell me that I was holding it wrong. And there were some very specific things that I needed to do. But she was happy that I was with the dub a dub.

[B]

She, yeah, she was not there when Josh was sleeping in her bed. And she really wants, she's very upset that she's the only person in our family who sleeps alone and she wants a three tiered bunk bed. And this morning she got into bed and was talking to me about how much she wanted that. Cause she like now she's waking up early and just like walking into a room. Cause she's lonely. And I'm like, do you really want to sleep with Ash and Axel? They wait. She's like, yeah, or I want to sleep with mama. And she has the littlest bed, as you know. And Alexi was like, I can't. We can't be in the same bed. And she goes, I will get on top of you.

[C]

That Wouldn't be all bad. I mean, in small doses, having an.

[B]

Addi blanket's pretty good way to go.

[C]

Yeah, it's a weighted blanket that's not too heavy. She's little.

[B]

So again, if you are. If there's any message to take from that story, if you're sort of a dark hearted soul, the Fountains is a good place to spend your remaining years. I also like, by the way, that the grandparents aren't. Their hands aren't clean either. They were like, she. She's too old for a Shimada. Send it. Send it home.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Also, I know this is encountered. Everything I've said so far, you were too old for Shimada and it was time for somebody to do something.

[C]

Four and a half. All right, well, sorry that that worked out the way it did. Yeah, but at least. At least you found some resolution in knowing that it hadn't been thrown in the dumpster and that you just didn't cry loud enough.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know. It's a tough one to walk away from being like, well, I learned a lesson. I really don't know what you learned there.

[C]

I still want to know. Like, I don't. I don't know what the actual.

[B]

End.

[C]

Of the Shamada was like. Did they just throw it away once? She thought it had been thrown away.

[B]

Yeah, maybe that was it where they were like, hey, I think we got out of this thing. Yeah, let's get out while the getting's good.

[C]

Hey, we're gonna take a quick break and hear from some of our sponsors.

[B]

Support comes from Laundry Sauce. Hey, Bhaji.

[C]

Hey, Suvi.

[B]

The holidays are in full swing. Celebrations, gatherings, cozy nights in, and the chaos that comes with the season. One thing that doesn't take a break. Tell me. Name one thing that doesn't take a break in holiday season.

[C]

Pashi.

[B]

No. You take breaks. I watch. You take naps. No, man, you go nonstop.

[C]

I go non stop even when I'm napping.

[B]

Well, guess what then. What then your new nickname is Laundry because that also doesn't take a break.

[C]

Oh, that's true.

[B]

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[C]

My favorite scent that they have over there is the Siberian pine. It's just lovely.

[B]

You know what scent I was disappointed they don't have?

[C]

What's that?

[B]

Sufi at rest.

[C]

Oh, I'm okay with that.

[B]

You're okay with that?

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Because you feel like you've gotten your fill over the years.

[C]

Okay, it's not on the top of my list.

[B]

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[C]

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[B]

Support comes from Tovala. Hey, Paschit.

[C]

Hey, Sufi.

[B]

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[C]

Uh, yeah.

[B]

Of course. Is your favorite part cleaning up afterwards? No. No, no, no. Okay, so listen up, bud, okay? Because this just made my weeknight meals about 10 times easier. Tavala is a smart meal delivery service, fresh meals, and a smart oven that does the cooking for you.

[C]

Smart oven?

[B]

A smart oven. Now, you know that my kids think I'm dumb as a bag of rocks, but I use my Tavala smart oven the other night to make a filet mignon in creamy peppercorn sauce with buttery roasted root vegetables. And all of a sudden, all three of my kids are eating it. And they're like, hey, man, you're smarter than I thought.

[C]

Yeah, I would never imagine that you would put together that kind of a menu for a dinner.

[B]

And then, unfortunately, they didn't let it go. They're like, what's going on? And I'm like, nothing. And then they cornered me, and they're like, tell us what your secret is. And I was like, all right, fine, fine. I got a Tavala smart oven. And they're like, we knew you couldn't do it, you dummy.

[C]

Oh, yeah?

[B]

Yeah. And then Axel threw a fork at me.

[C]

They're pretty mean to you, but it's not completely baseless.

[B]

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[C]

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[B]

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[E]

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[C]

Kraft Mac and Cheese is the best thing ever. It's even better than pop music.

[B]

You look just as natural enjoying us at age 13 as you do 55. Kraft Mac and Cheese Best thing ever.

[C]

All right, well, hopefully we get a little more uplifting on our next story. Yeah, yeah. Let's see.

[E]

Sam hi Seth and Josh. My name is Darrell and this story takes place at Christmas time in 2020. My 20 year old daughter Maria was in school in Washington, D.C. while I was living in Austin. Like every college student during the pandemic, she was having a rough year. Online classes, weird living arrangements, zero social life. She was coming to Austin for winter break, but she didn't want to fly. So I did what any slightly unhinged but loving mom would do. I drove 25 hours to DC to pick her up. I was determined to make this trip fun, even though most of America was basically closed for business. We packed her stuff, including her cat Posey and his litter box and a 7,500 piece Lego Millennium Falcon, because why not? And we hit the road on our second night. We stayed at the famous Peabody Hotel. I'm not especially proud of this next part, but moms everywhere will understand. While Maria waited by the elevator, I checked in. She pretending to be invisible, me pretending that the cat carrier disguised as a suitcase didn't meow. We successfully smuggled Posey in, caught the parade of ducks, and felt like rebels. I wanted to show Maria Beale street, but when I say it was shut down, I mean zombie apocalypse shut down. The only thing open in Memphis was the giant Bass Pro shop inside a giant pyramid. We were so thrilled something was open that we spent hours wandering around it pretending to be outdoorsy people. Then, hallelujah, Graceland was open. I'm not a huge Elvis fan and Maria barely knew who he was. But that visit changed everything. Graceland rocked. My daughter came out a full blown Elvis convert. The only other major thing we found open was the JFK Museum in Dallas. And wow, it was fascinating and beautifully done. We had an amazing visit. And yes, we actually finished the Millennium Falcon. At the end of a break, I finally put my foot down and made Maria and Posey fly home. Because once was enough for that drive. The only problem, you can't take a massive LEGO spaceship on a plane. So now I'm the proud owner of a huge, awkward, dust collecting Millennium Falcon. A permanent reminder of our great pandemic road trip.

[B]

I mean, that is a good mom.

[C]

That's a great mom.

[B]

I mean, I wish when Shmada hears this story, she's gonna be like, she never would have thrown it away. Sorry I'm doing such a bad job remembering people's names today.

[C]

Oh, that's good.

[B]

Her first name was Shimada though, right?

[C]

No, Andra. It was Andra.

[B]

Andra, yeah. Andra's like, oh, my God, this, you know, because by the way, let me tell you this. Four and a half may or may not be too old for a shmada. 20 years old is too fucking old for a Millennium Falcon Lego set.

[C]

And to even have it be like, oh, well, how am I gonna fly this back home? How do you run into this sort of roadblock of like, oh, but this, we might have to drive.

[B]

Imagine driving 25 hours to pick somebody up. They're like, I'm gonna bring my Lego. What a great mom. And I will say, that is. I bet that that's how I will. If I ever go to Graceland, I hope it's like that. Where I can't. There's nowhere else to go. And I go there and I have this like incredible eye opening experience because it is not on my list of places to go.

[C]

Yeah. I mean, I've said on the show I've been and I really enjoyed it. I've also been to that Peabody Hotel.

[B]

I have to.

[C]

Yeah. Have you seen the parade of ducks?

[B]

I have. Man. You don't go to the Peabody Hotel and skip the ducks.

[C]

Well, I don't know, you're.

[B]

You're like, yeah, you know what? I might be the guy. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I might be the guy skips the ducks. I take it all back. It was a fair question.

[C]

And yeah, I mean, that's just making it work with what you've got. And it speaks to sort of. It speaks to some of the best things about the holidays, is that people are willing to go to great lengths to be together. And. Yeah, I really applaud, Daryl.

[B]

I feel like I do want to. For the people who don't know about the Peabody Hotel in Memphis, what is it at, like noon? Like, a guy comes out all dressed to the nines.

[C]

Yeah, he's all dressed up. And then the ducks come out of an elevator, I think, and then they.

[B]

Go to a fountain in the middle of the lobby.

[C]

They come in and then they hang there for a good while. And then I think there's like, there's a procession and there's a recession of the ducks. And I don't know, Maybe it's at 12 and 4 or something like that, but it's, it's. Everyone is so charmed by seeing ducks get off an elevator and just. They know exactly where they want to go.

[B]

That's a perfect word for it. If you said, what is the experience? It is charming. You were just low key. Charmed.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I would say the minute it was over, I knew it would be the last time I'd watch the ducks. This is, I mean, my point. Look, I take it back. If I was with my kids, of course I'd be like, let's go see the procession of ducks. But as a. I mean, I think I was in. I think I was in Memphis doing standup. And so it wasn't like I was like, I'll, you know, I'll extend my trip a day to.

[C]

Well, yeah, I'm not saying extend your trip a day, but that's what you were saying. You were like, if you're up in the room and it's 11:45 and you're like, well, I'd rather read five more pages of My book than go downstairs and get a good spot, see the ducks.

[B]

I think the fun thing to do is go down and when the ducks come out, scream really loud. There was one more yesterday, especially if kids are there.

[C]

Or I think it would be maybe if you bought a duck costume and you just came down at noon every.

[B]

Day and walked out and walked out and got in the pond.

[C]

Yeah. And everyone would be very confused because they would know 100% you weren't a duck.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. And then at the restaurant, again, only if kids are within earshot, I think you can ask the waiter, is the duck good? Is it like a seafood restaurant where that's like the lobster tank? You just go down and you're like.

[C]

Yes, yes, yes, the one with the green head, please.

[B]

Yes, yes, the plump one with the green head.

[C]

There's the Bass Pro Shop. Someone. Someone once posted this thing. There's like, they're big signs and I feel like it was a Bass Pro Shop is what this story is from. And there are signs that say, like, what department it is. And one of the signs said fashion. And someone on like Instagram had just taken a camera and set it up there and then put on all these different, what could be called like, fashion outfits and did like a catwalk thing coming out of the fashion thing and it was cut together so well.

[B]

Really made me laugh. Yeah, that's great.

[C]

Whoever did that.

[B]

Applause, Bravo.

[C]

And applause to Daryl for making that trip to.

[B]

Unbelievable. Yeah, Unbelievable.

[C]

Just love it. I think we have another story.

[B]

Yeah, let's hear it.

[C]

True story. Sam, we got one more. I'll take one more.

[B]

I like you're asking like, do you have a true story? Actually, do we have a liar? Did a liar send in a story?

[C]

If it better be good.

[B]

Oh, better be good if you're going to lie about it.

[G]

Hi, Seth. Hi, Josh. This is Marnie. I'm calling from San Antonio, Texas. We moved here in 1963 from Iowa and this is a Christmas vacation family reunion. And Trip stayed with my aunt in a large rural farmhouse outside of Wall Lake, Iowa, which is the birthplace of Andy Williams. But the story begins in about 1950. A door to door salesman came to see my mom and he had a handy veggie chopper. My mom scheduled an appointment that night for a fancy official demonstration. But when my dad got home, he said, that's not going to work. And she canceled the appointment for the demonstration, but sort of sat on it for 20 years.

[B]

I love everything that's going on right now.

[G]

Came up two decades later, the Vegematic was introduced and widely marketed. I believe that was a Ron Popeil product. Christmas Eve, she received the Vegematic from my dad. That night he, my uncles and brother stayed up late trying to booby trap with plastic wrap or any device, but they were unable to sabotage the Vegematic. So Christmas day, after breakfast, the aunts, uncles, cousins, all crowded into the kitchen for the long awaited demonstration. My mom used a tomato and somehow it exploded and sprayed tomato seeds, juice, pulp on everyone. Hours later, it still dripped from the ceiling. My mom was a real good sport about it. And subsequent veggies, including tomatoes, were successfully chopped. It was a great trip and the last time that we were really all together in that big family. Happy holidays to the Myers and to all the listeners. Really enjoy the show. Thank you.

[B]

Oh, Marnie, Marnie, that is the most. I couldn't stop laughing thinking about dad listening to that story.

[C]

To what end? Were they trying to booby trap it?

[B]

No, but it seemed like they effectively did if the tomato went everywhere. So poor. So this is Marnie's mom?

[C]

I think so. In the 50s. Yeah.

[B]

So in the 50s, her husband's like, no way, Jose.

[C]

Yeah. And then 20 years later, 20 years.

[B]

Later, he buys it for her for the purposes of booby tramping and then tomatoing his own home.

[C]

That's comeuppance.

[B]

That's comeuppance.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I also just. The tag at the end of like, that was the last time we were all together.

[C]

I mean, it's great to have a great memory to.

[B]

It is great to have a great memory. And I will say Marnie's family. I bet that's probably. I don't think they look back on that and are thinking like, man, if we knew it was the last time, we shouldn't have rigged up that veggie chopper to spray tomato all over Mom.

[C]

I mean, it's.

[B]

I think they like. I think it's a real rock and roll. Like we, we played it just right.

[C]

Yeah, it's fireworks. It's fireworks in your own home. But it's just one big old tomato explosion.

[B]

Also just on delivery. Marnie. I just couldn't get enough of how insane that story was and how normal Marnie was telling him.

[C]

Yeah, I appreciate it.

[B]

At some point I felt like we were two cops just sort of nodding along, like trying to be respectful while wondering why we got a phone call, you know, where I was like, but what? And that's. Yeah, man, we understand. What was the crime?

[C]

Ron Popeil.

[B]

Ron Popeil was a real fun Blast from the past.

[C]

Yeah, I think RIP Ron Popeil. I think he passed away.

[B]

Yeah. All those letters are in it. I mean, definitely R for the Ron and then IP are both in book beal. Oh, you weren't spelling it.

[C]

That was great, Marnie.

[B]

That's the hardest I've laughed at a story. Yeah. I couldn't get enough of that.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I feel like every event at Marnie's house was, like, fully crazy and nobody raised their voice.

[C]

I mean, the notion of, like, her dad and all the uncles just getting together for some to cause some hijinks.

[B]

They just seem like a group you'd want to hang with.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Marnie's husband. When Marnie's husband and his brothers are around, look out. You want to party with those dudes.

[C]

Yeah. Well, this has been great.

[B]

It was just a delight, man.

[C]

Yeah. Happy holidays, everyone.

[B]

Also, you all have such lovely families, obviously, excluding Andra is the only good person in a, you know, conclave of demons. But it is just so lovely to hear stories about families who enjoy each other in the holidays and. Yeah, thanks, everybody.

[C]

Yeah. I hope you guys have just wonderful holidays. And if anything goes wrong, hold on to those stories, call them in for.

[B]

Next year, and shoot over to YouTube real quick. And tell me, does my sweatshirt qualify as a Shimada? I think it might, yeah.

[C]

The true Yiddish meaning of the word. It does.

[B]

It's a rag. Posh, definitely. If Posh had his druthers, he would definitely throw this in the garbage and tell me he'd mailed it to me.

[F]

Mean.

[C]

It'S the only way to get rid of it.

[B]

Thanks, everybody.

[C]

Thanks, everybody. Happy holidays.

[B]

Bye.

[A]

It's a listener. It's a listener. Listener episode, listener episode. Listener episode. With stories of holidays. Listener episode, listener episode. Olivia's a New Yorker. Her parents came on the holiday. Dad's dentures got thrown away. Trash stacked up seven floors to boot. They disappeared inside the old trash chute. They disappeared inside. Inside the old trash shoes. During COVID season, in a bid to avoid the disease, Daryl drove all the way to D.C. got her daughter and her cat, Posey, and started driving back down south. And started driving back down south. Well, don't forget the Lego set that her daughter just had to pack. Everything was great. But at the end of the break, Daryl said, you're flying back. Can we talk about Andrew? Let's talk about Andrew. Went on down to Florida. Parents said, let me see a schmada. We'll hold on to it for you. And they said they put it in the mail. And they said they put it in the mail. Her brother blurted out, we threw it out when they got home. And that is rough. And if you wonder why. Cause when she cried, she didn't cry loud enough. Marnie had a real winner. Had a real winner. Truly a family classic. Her mother received a vegematic, dad and uncles tried to booby trap it, and a tomato exploded. Tomato exploded. Pulp all over. Everyone, to our listeners. To our listeners. Dearest listeners, Dearest listeners, thank you so much for listening, and happy holidays.

[B]

To you.

[A]

Dearest listeners. Happy holiday. Dearest listener.

[C]

Happy holiday.