Several years I was conducting a wedding for a young couple in the church where I served as pastor. I met with them a couple of times to plan the ceremony and discuss the issues, and all seemed well. Both were Christian, young, and in love, and seemed to get along very well. The big day arrived, and a few minutes before the ceremony began, I met with the groom behind the stage, waiting for the correct time to enter the auditorium. We talked about the wedding plans, and the young man commented that their planning process had been relatively pleasant, as his young bride was very accommodating. I mentioned that she would probably change a little over time, as she grew into her role as wife, and, later, as mother. With that comment, though, the young man's eyes opened wide as he exclaimed, "I've noticed that – she's gotten pretty aggressive and outspoken in just the last couple of weeks, as we've talked about renting an apartment and making decisions about decorations and furniture; she's never talked to me like that before." I laughed, as I knew this young man was in for a shock! I told him that was normal and that she would probably surprise him with her strength in the days to come.

It is often said that "women are the weaker sex," but most men's experience is the very opposite! Men always find that women are strong and intelligent, can be very aggressive, and often may seem to have a sense of resentment, or even anger, towards men. Why would this be?

In the Old Testament, there is a story that may give us some insight into this male/female relationship dynamic. In the creation story in Genesis 1-3, there is the story of the Creation of the world, including animals, the natural realm, and the first couple, Adam and Eve. They were given almost total freedom; the only restriction on their behavior was not eating the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Adam and Eve failed, as you probably remember, eating a piece of fruit from the forbidden tree. God confronted them, and punished them, for their sin and disobedience to His Will. Part of the judgments given out had to do with the relationship between the man and woman: "To the woman He said, 'I will greatly multiply Your pain in childbirth, in pain you shall bring forth children; Yet your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.'" Later, to the man, God said, "Cursed is the ground because of you; In toil you shall eat of it, All the days of your life. . . therefore the Lord God sent him out from the garden of Eden, to cultivate the ground from which he was taken." Genesis 3:16-24

The phrase in v.16, 'yet your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you,' is a key part of the man/woman relationship. Man and woman were created as equals, to work together, and help and encourage each other,in a relationship of mutual support and submission. However, when sin entered the relationship, this balance was disrupted. The loss of mutual support and submission led to a perpetual power struggle between man and woman. This is the unfortunate effect of sin on our relationships.

Men and women can rise above this when they learn to accept the biblical message of mutual support and submission. Unfortunately, that goes against our fallen nature! God can help, though, when we follow Jesus. In Christ, we are "made new" and have transformed hearts and minds. With changed hearts and an education mindset, men and women can learn to trust each other and work together, one submitting to the other, determined by each other's strengths and weaknesses. In this relationship, there can be peace and joy!

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Relationships: The Damage is Done