A business mentor of mine used to always say, “New level, new devil.”

And it’s true.

Whether you are a rising leader or a seasoned executive, there is always going to be a bigger room, a higher stakes conversation, or a moment that rocks your confidence ... even if you consider yourself to have unshakable confidence.

And if you’re thinking, “I’m not really that confident ... I’m working on it,” this is for you too.

Because high stakes moments do not just test what you know. They test how you manage your internal state while you’re communicating which in turn impacts (greatly) how you’re perceived.

Here are a couple strategies that will help you not choke when the conversation really matters.

Strategy 1: Stop Fighting Your Emotions ... They Will Always Win

The fastest way to spiral in a high stakes moment is to try to minimize your emotions.

If you try to shove them away, ignore them, or talk yourself out of them, they usually get louder and therefore more distracting.

Instead, acknowledge and validate the emotion ... without letting it drive the steering wheel.

Here’s one simple shift that is incredibly powerful:

Save “I am” statements for the positive.

A lot of people approach high stakes conversations saying things like:

“I am nervous.”
“I am scared.”
“I am worried.”
“I am concerned.”

Those “I am” statements are labels which, if said enough times, impact your belief system AND your actions. Let’s practice something different, what world-class performers and Olympians use to uplevel performance when under pressure.

Use “I notice” for the negative.

“I notice I feel nervous going into the meeting with my CEO/manager.”
“I notice I’m worried about presenting to the board.”
“I notice my body is tense.”
“I notice my mind is racing.”

This creates distance. It turns you into the observer instead of the judge.

You are now on the bank of the stream looking at the rushing water rather than jumping into the middle of it and then trying to figure out how to get across. You have NOT self labeled and have time decide what’s in your control that is most important to focus on.

Acknowledgement defuses an emotion while denial adds oxygen to the fire.

Strategy 2: Take Control of the Controllables

One of the biggest drivers of anxiety and worry is uncertainty ... and specifically, uncertainty about what you cannot control such as:

How will this be received?
What will they think?
How will it land?
Will I gain buy-in?

What you do control is what you do ... and how you choose to think.

So the second strategy is to take control of the controllables.

And there are two layers to this.

Layer 1: Control What You Can About the Other Person

If you are having a conversation with one or two people, one of the smartest things you can do is be mindful of their communication and negotiation style.

Ask yourself:

Are they direct and curt?
Are they analytical?
Are they people driven and relationship driven?
Do they want bullet points and bottom line first ... or do they want context?

This matters because a lot of leaders lose influence in high stakes moments by communicating in a style that is mismatched to the person in front of them.

Get more in-depth perspective at https://www.sherylkline.com/blog/how-to-stay-grounded-when-the-stakes-are-high

I’m cheering you on always. If I can help in any way, please do not hesitate to reach out.
- Sheryl