Podcast Summary

Podcast: Feel Better, Live More with Dr Rangan Chatterjee
Episode: BITESIZE | A Monk’s Guide To Finding Happiness & Cultivating Inner Peace | Haemin Sunim #595
Release Date: November 14, 2025
Guest: Haemin Sunim, Zen Buddhist Monk & Author

Episode Overview

In this bite-sized episode, Dr Rangan Chatterjee speaks with Haemin Sunim, a renowned Zen Buddhist monk and bestselling author, about simple yet profound ways to find happiness and nurture inner peace. Drawing from Buddhist philosophy and his practical guide, Sunim explores how shifting our attention from external validation to inner intentions, letting go of control, practicing healthy solitude, and cultivating meaningful connections can enrich modern life. The conversation is warm, practical, and filled with actionable insights for anyone seeking greater contentment and balance.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Don’t Ask What Others Have Said About You

(02:27 – 06:16)

• Haemin’s Wisdom: Many people, especially when younger, worry excessively about others’ opinions. But as we mature, we realize “[o]ther people are not really thinking about us that much… when people are talking about me, they are essentially talking about themselves because… what they have witnessed, it resonates with them, their own experience.” (B, 02:27)
• Beginner’s Mind: Instead of seeking external approval, Sunim advises returning to your own intention—asking why you began your journey or work in the first place and focusing on serving others.
• Dr Chatterjee’s Take: He reflects, “What other people think of you is none of your business… The key is not don’t care about what others have said about you. You say, don’t even ask. Right. I love that.” (A, 05:09)
• Letting Go: Neither caring nor inquiring about others’ opinions frees your mind and energy for your true calling.

2. Let Go of Things Outside Your Control & People-Pleasing

(06:16 – 08:38)

• On Control: Sunim reminds listeners, "We have no control over how other people think of us... simply recognizing the impossibility of controlling other people's [opinions] frees us from all the psychological stress.” (B, 06:36)
• People-Pleasing: Chatterjee connects this to "people pleasing," explaining, “The underlying energy behind people pleasing is often I'm trying to control what other people think of me… But… it comes at a huge cost because you're no longer being yourself.” (A, 07:05)
• Be Your Own Validator: Instead of seeking external validation, Sunim suggests, “Write down all the wonderful things that you have done… celebrate your own achievement.” (B, 07:55)

3. Self-Validation and Acknowledging Achievement

(08:38 – 10:29)

• Practicing Self-Gratitude: Chatterjee notes it’s like “gratitude, but it’s gratitude for yourself.”
• Sunim elaborates: “Imagine myself five years ago or 10 years ago… my younger self wouldn’t have believed what I said [about my achievements].” (B, 09:05)
• Practical Exercise: Send yourself a daily message listing things you’ve done for others or positive contributions, as a way to reaffirm your worth during low moments. (A, 09:41)

4. Happiness Through Connection, Not Self-Obsession

(10:29 – 13:46)

• Moving Beyond ‘Me Focus’: Sunim shares, “When we think less about ourselves, that's when we become happier… there is no guarantee that we will be happy [by seeking self-happiness alone]. However, if you are making other people happy… you'll be sure to be happier.” (B, 10:32)
• Connection Is Key: Connection to others, nature, or community restores meaning and well-being.
• Microconnections: Dr Chatterjee describes gaining “a real boost” just by chatting briefly with supermarket staff—it’s the little social moments that can lift us. (A, 12:15)
• Balance Needed: Both agree it’s important not to neglect your own needs but not to become self-obsessed. Haemin’s tip: stay tuned to your body's feelings to know when to give and when to rest. (B, 14:23)

5. The Value of Solitude and ‘Sacred Space’

(14:45 – 20:38)

• Solitude for Restoration: Dr Chatterjee: “A daily practice of solitude is probably the most valuable thing [people] can invest in,” giving space for reflection and self-nourishment. (A, 14:45)
• Haemin’s Practice: “I often go out to my local park without bringing my cell phone… giving myself maybe 30 minutes or one hour just alone… This gives us a sense of peace and also connection to nature.” (B, 16:09)
• Nature & Reflection: Being alone in nature reduces rumination, making stresses feel smaller in the context of the wider world. (B, 17:03)
• Creating a Sacred Space: In cities, Sunim recommends finding or creating a ‘sacred space’—a favorite nook, coffee shop, tree, or even a special room at home—for inner peace. (B, 18:23; 20:01)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Opinions:

  “Other people are not really thinking about us that much.”
  — Haemin Sunim (02:27)

• On Beginner’s Mind:

  “Remember why you got into this profession, you know, why you are doing things… because as you are working… there will be a lot of criticism… But insofar as helping others… that’s where the meaning of our lives arise.”
  — Haemin Sunim (03:47)

• On Self-Validation:

  “Rather than trying to earn other people’s positive opinions of you, see if you can first become a validator.”
  — Haemin Sunim (07:55)

• On Happiness:

  “When we think less about ourselves, that’s when we become happier… if you are making other people happy, then… you’ll be sure to be happier.”
  — Haemin Sunim (10:32)

• On Human Connection:

  “It’s amazing. Just five minutes of interaction with people you don't know well… I feel like I’ve had this real boost of feel good.”
  — Dr Rangan Chatterjee (12:15)

• On Solitude:

  “A daily practice of solitude is probably the most valuable thing they can invest in… it’s time where you can nourish yourself and reflect.”
  — Dr Rangan Chatterjee (14:45)

• On Sacred Space:

  “If you can just find those spots and go there again and again… that place becomes your sacred space.”
  — Haemin Sunim (18:23)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Don’t Ask What Others Have Said About You – [02:27–06:16]
• Let Go of Control & People-Pleasing – [06:16–08:38]
• Self-Validation & Celebrating Yourself – [08:38–10:29]
• Happiness Through Connection – [10:29–13:46]
• The Sweet Spot of Caring for Self & Others – [13:46–14:45]
• The Importance of Solitude – [14:45–16:59]
• Nature, Solitude & Perspective – [16:59–18:00]
• Cultivating Sacred Space – [18:00–20:38]

Conclusion

This insightful conversation distills Buddhist wisdom into manageable, modern life practices. Haemin Sunim’s gentle yet powerful reminders encourage listeners to let go of others’ judgements, validate themselves, balance giving and self-care, and regularly seek restoration through solitude and meaningful spaces.

Share these lessons with others and start small—one gesture of self-acknowledgment, a brief moment of solitude, or a tiny act of kindness could be the key to greater peace and happiness.