Podcast Title: Feel Better, Live More with Dr Rangan Chatterjee
Episode: BITESIZE | What Your Body Language Reveals & How to Become More Confident | Vanessa Van Edwards #560
Release Date: May 29, 2025
Host: Dr Rangan Chatterjee
Guest: Vanessa Van Edwards, Expert in Body Language and Nonverbal Communication

Introduction

In this enlightening episode of "Feel Better, Live More," Dr. Rangan Chatterjee hosts Vanessa Van Edwards, a renowned expert in body language and nonverbal communication. Vanessa, who describes herself as a "recovering awkward person," delves into the intricacies of body language, confidence, and charisma, offering actionable insights to help listeners enhance their personal and professional interactions.

Breaking the Confidence Cycle

[02:35] Vanessa Van Edwards
Vanessa begins by addressing the common struggle with confidence, emphasizing the cyclical nature of how feeling confident can enhance one's outward appearance of confidence, which in turn reinforces the internal sense. She shares her personal journey as a "recovering awkward person," highlighting how overthinking social cues can undermine self-confidence. Vanessa explains that misinterpreting neutral cues as negative often damages one's confidence and suggests that understanding one's unique "flavor of confidence" is crucial.

Notable Quote:
"Confidence always eluded me for many, many years. I have a problem where I'm a social overthinker... I would assume that someone's neutral cue was negative. And that was. It just ruined all of my confidence." — Vanessa Van Edwards [02:35]

Defining Your Unique Flavor of Confidence

Vanessa challenges the traditional idolization of extroverted personalities, asserting that confidence does not necessitate being an extrovert or faking outgoing behavior. She encourages listeners to discover their unique expressions of confidence, whether they are quiet and powerful introverts or nurturing and empathetic individuals. This broader definition allows for authenticity in showcasing confidence.

Notable Quote:
"We think we have to fake being outgoing. I do not believe you have to be an extrovert to be confident or to be likable." — Vanessa Van Edwards [03:29]

Authentic Smiles vs. Fake Smiles

Delving into nonverbal cues, Vanessa explains the difference between genuine and fake smiles, referencing Dr. Barbara Wild's research. Genuine smiles engage the upper cheek muscles, creating crow's feet, while fake smiles are limited to the lower face. Authentic smiles elicit positive responses and enhance perceptions of confidence, whereas fake smiles fail to influence others' moods or behaviors.

Notable Quote:
"When you are truly confident, you actually infect other people positively. When you are faking it, you are less memorable. You are literally less impactful." — Vanessa Van Edwards [Approx. 04:30]

The Power of Contempt in Relationships

Vanessa highlights the detrimental impact of contempt in relationships, referencing Dr. John Gottman's long-term studies on marriage. A single display of contempt, such as a one-sided smirk, can predict divorce with 93.6% accuracy. Unlike other emotions that are transient, contempt festers and leads to long-term resentment and hatred.

Notable Quote:
"When you see someone show contempt, it's a sign of disdain or being better than someone else. It doesn't go away like other emotions; it grows and breeds into hatred." — Vanessa Van Edwards [07:45]

Nonverbal Communication: Beyond Words

Emphasizing that 65-90% of communication is nonverbal, Vanessa stresses the importance of body language in conveying warmth and competence. She shares a study involving surgeons, where vocal tones were assessed without words, revealing that perceived warmth and competence directly correlated with lower malpractice lawsuits. This underscores that how something is said is as crucial as what is said.

Notable Quote:
"If you only focus on your words, it's like showing up with 40% of your ability. It's like leaving 65% of your abilities at home." — Vanessa Van Edwards [09:15]

Trust and Reliability: The Cornerstones of Charisma

Vanessa explains that in any interaction, humans instinctively assess two primary questions: Can I trust you? and Can I rely on you? These assessments are based on nonverbal cues of warmth (trust) and competence (reliability). Highly charismatic individuals excel in both areas, creating a magnetic presence that draws others to them.

Notable Quote:
"Highly charismatic, magnetic people are those who are both friendly and competent. They make people feel safe and confident in their abilities." — Vanessa Van Edwards [13:06]

Charisma vs. Confidence

Vanessa differentiates between charisma and confidence. While charisma can sometimes be a facade, relying on transient cues, confidence stems from a deep-seated sense of warmth and competence. True confidence is authentic and sustainable, enabling individuals to naturally exude charisma without deceit.

Notable Quote:
"Confidence is knowing I am warm, I am trustworthy, I am authentically likable, and I am competent, I am capable, I can get things done. That is true deep charisma." — Vanessa Van Edwards [13:10]

Practical Body Language Tips

Vanessa provides practical strategies to enhance both warmth and competence through body language:

1. Slow Triple Nod ([14:42]): Nodding slowly three times encourages others to speak more, fostering engagement.
2. Head Tilt ([14:42]): Tilting the head while listening signals attentiveness and warmth.
3. Open Palms ([14:42]): Displaying open hands conveys openness and honesty.
4. Maximizing Space ([14:42]): Taking up more physical space, as athletes do when celebrating victories, signals confidence and competence.

She advises integrating these subtle cues into daily interactions to enhance personal presence authentically.

Embracing Vulnerability as a Warmth Cue

Vanessa reveals that embracing and sharing one's awkwardness or vulnerabilities can serve as a powerful warmth cue. By being openly imperfect, individuals can foster deeper connections and reduce social anxiety.

Notable Quote:
"Vulnerability is warmth. Sharing your true feelings and being transparent is a warmth cue." — Vanessa Van Edwards [22:45]

Final Wisdom and Challenges

In concluding the conversation, Vanessa encourages listeners to identify and leverage their natural body language cues. She urges them to observe charismatic individuals and adopt cues that resonate with their authentic selves, thereby enhancing their confidence and relational warmth.

Notable Quote:
"What cues are you naturally using? What cues make you feel like your best self? The more we leverage our natural abilities, the more authentic and confident we become." — Vanessa Van Edwards [23:22]

Conclusion

This episode of "Feel Better, Live More" offers a comprehensive exploration of how body language influences confidence and charisma. Vanessa Van Edwards provides both theoretical insights and practical tools, empowering listeners to enhance their nonverbal communication skills authentically. By understanding and applying these principles, individuals can improve their personal and professional relationships, ultimately leading to a more confident and fulfilling life.

Connect with Vanessa Van Edwards:

• Website: VanessaVanEdwards.com
• Instagram: @vanessavanedwards
• Twitter: @vvanedwards
• Facebook: Vanessa Van Edwards

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