Podcast Summary

Feel Better, Live More with Dr Rangan Chatterjee
Episode #608: How to Stop Overthinking and Start Moving Forward with Dr Shadé Zahrai
Date: January 7, 2026
Guest: Dr Shadé Zahrai, behavioral researcher, award-winning educator, and author of Big Trust: Rewire Self-Doubt, Find Your Confidence and Fuel Success

Episode Overview

This episode dives deep into the transformative power of self-trust and how it underpins personal growth, achievement, happiness, and well-being. Dr Shadé Zahrai joins Dr Rangan Chatterjee to break down the science of self-doubt and explain why self-trust—rather than confidence or motivation—is the key to taking action and living a meaningful, fulfilling life. Through practical frameworks, memorable studies, and personal stories, Zahrai outlines the four core elements of self-trust: Acceptance, Agency, Autonomy, and Adaptability (“Big Trust”), and provides actionable strategies for listeners to break out of cycles of overthinking, comparison, and sabotage.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. What is Self-Trust and Why Does it Matter?

• Definition: Self-trust is the foundational belief in one’s own worth, capability, and ability to act effectively in the world.
• Misconceptions: Most people focus on building confidence or seeking clarity, but self-trust is the true antidote to self-doubt.
• Sequence of Change: Action creates confidence, but self-trust comes first—it is the willingness to act even when doubt is present.

Quote:

"Too many people are waiting to feel confident... That feeling of confidence actually doesn't come first. It comes after you take action... If you do not fundamentally trust yourself—you will invariably hold back, hesitate, overthink, wait until you feel ready and you're getting in your own way."
— Dr Shadé Zahrai (04:00)

2. Self-Trust as the Blueprint of Our Lives

• The way we view ourselves—the container or “pot” we’re planted in—determines our potential and the limits we impose on ourselves.
• Repeatedly breaking small promises to ourselves erodes our self-trust and shapes a limiting identity.
• Identity-based habits are more sustainable than action-based ones—what matters is who we believe ourselves to be.

Quote:

"Our self-image is the blueprint of our entire lives... If you do not believe you are worthy, capable, have some degree of power, you either will not try or you will sabotage yourself."
— Dr Shadé Zahrai (00:00)

3. The Power of Belief: The "Scar" Study

• Dr Zahrai recounts a 1970s study where participants believed they had a visible scar (which was secretly removed), leading them to perceive rejection in neutral interactions.
• Takeaway: We experience the world through the lens of our beliefs—often limiting ourselves with beliefs that aren't even true.

Quote:

"They believed it was there and that shaped their reality."
— Dr Rangan Chatterjee (14:16)

4. The Four Core Elements (“Big Trust”) of Self-Trust

Each element is both a personality trait and a trainable skill.

1. Acceptance

• Definition: Self-esteem and sense of worthiness—accepting yourself as you are.
• Lack of Acceptance Manifests As:
  • Constant pressure to prove worth
  • People-pleasing and likability traps
  • The “shrinking syndrome” (avoiding risks/playing small)
  • Schadenfreude (taking pleasure in others’ failures)
• Strategies: Develop acceptance by working on self-esteem, identifying core values, and expanding your identity beyond achievements or roles.
• Notable Story: Nobel-winning scientists were much more likely to have creative hobbies, signaling the importance of interests and identities beyond work.

Quote:

"If you truly want to live aligned to your values, you have to fundamentally trust that you are worthy of the values..."
— Dr Shadé Zahrai (34:25)

• Timestamps:
  • Acceptance & identity: 34:06–41:38
  • Hobbies and acceptance: 43:22–47:02

2. Agency

• Definition: Self-efficacy; your belief in your ability to take action and influence outcomes.
• Lack of Agency Manifests As:
  • Imposter syndrome
  • Comparison and envy
  • Hesitation and inaction (the “knowing-doing gap”)
• Strategies: Take “messy action,” collect proof points through action, and focus on process over outcome.
• Notable Story: Dr Zahrai’s journey of posting 40 videos in one day during the pandemic led to breakthrough success only after consistent, imperfect action.

Quote:

"People who struggle with agency wait to feel ready. They wait till they have the skill, the capability, the knowledge. But you don’t get those things until you try."
— Dr Shadé Zahrai (74:01)

• Timestamps:
  • Agency traits: 60:32–77:32
  • Action and self-efficacy: 73:25–78:52

3. Autonomy

• Definition: Sense of ownership and control (internal locus of control).
• Lack of Autonomy Manifests As:
  • Chronic complaining, blame, resentment, dwelling on the past, victim mindset.
• Strategies: Shift from “Why me?” to “What now?”, reframe complaints as opportunities for action or gratitude, and regularly embrace discomfort to expand autonomy.
• Notable Story: The “cow vs. bison” metaphor—bison move toward storms (problems), cows run away; facing discomfort speeds growth.

Quote:

"If you’re someone who complains regularly, you do not realize how toxic that is for your life... you are literally making yourself a victim to everything."
— Dr Rangan Chatterjee (81:39)

• Timestamps:
  • Autonomy traits: 78:56–83:51
  • Complaining and action: 83:04–89:16
  • Luck surface area & discomfort: 91:38–94:13
  • Agassi’s “hairpiece” story (adaptability tie-in): 95:19–101:02

4. Adaptability

• Definition: Emotional flexibility—responding rather than reacting to emotions and setbacks.
• Lack of Adaptability Manifests As:
  • Overwhelm, emotional reactivity, being “stuck” in moods
• Strategies: Become the observer of your thoughts/emotions, train stress resilience (breath holds, mindfulness, reframing), and practice emotional grounding.
• Narrative Identity: Edit your life’s story to be a tale of growth and redemption, not contamination and victimhood.

Quote:

"Emotions are not permanent. They are temporary. They are transient. But we can choose to make them more permanent when we keep ruminating on them."
— Dr Shadé Zahrai (115:06)

• Timestamps:
  • Adaptability: 108:17–116:40
  • Narrative identity & editing your story: 110:51–112:14

5. Practical Tips for Rewiring Self-Doubt and Building Trust

• Start Small: Change begins with micro-actions and micro-braveries. Consistently keep promises to yourself, no matter how small.
• To Be List vs. To Do List: Focus on who you want to be, not just what you want to do.
• Anticipate Obstacles: Write down expected challenges (“blockers”) and prepare responses ahead of time (implementation intentions).
• Detach from Outcomes: Reframe from ego-driven achievement to being of service to others (“self-forgetting”).
• Maintain Values: Stay anchored to your core values as identities and roles change.
• Rewrite Your Story: Consciously edit your self-narrative to focus on growth, learning, and self-compassion.

Quote:

"If you don't know where to start, the first thing I encourage you to do is be clear on where you want to go—not in terms of achievement, but who you want to be... And then—what are all the blockers that'll prevent me from getting there?... What will I do when this happens?"
— Dr Shadé Zahrai (118:52; 120:07)

Memorable Moments & Quotes

• On identity and reinvention:

  "You are absolutely a product of your past, but you do not have to be a prisoner to it. That is a choice."
  — Dr Shadé Zahrai (27:46)

• On change and neuroplasticity:

  "You can fundamentally change. You can fundamentally rewire our brain. Neuroscience studies have demonstrated this. But you have to be active in your desire..."
  — Dr Shadé Zahrai (28:11)

• On overvaluing others' opinions:

  "So a beautiful reframe is: How do I self-forget? How do I make this not about me? How do I focus on being of value, being of service, being of impact."
  — Dr Shadé Zahrai (70:34)

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Time | Segment/Topic | |---------|-------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:00 | The power of self-image & beliefs | | 03:16 | Definition and role of self-trust vs. confidence | | 05:54 | Identity habits and eroding self-trust | | 10:39 | Four components of self-trust: origins and research | | 14:07 | Scar study: expectation bias and limiting beliefs | | 32:01 | “To be list” exercise for identity & values | | 34:06 | Acceptance: the role of self-esteem and worthiness | | 43:22 | Hobbies as a vehicle for self-acceptance and emotional identity | | 60:32 | Agency/self-efficacy: overcoming imposter syndrome and the “knowing-doing gap” | | 78:56 | Autonomy: locus of control, complaining, victim mindset | | 91:38 | Luck surface area and micro-bravery | | 95:19 | Agassi’s hairpiece story and peak performance | | 108:17 | Adaptability: emotional flexibility and the observer state | | 110:51 | Narrative identity & rewriting your personal story | | 118:52 | Where to start: visualizing identity, anticipating obstacles, implementation intention |

Final Takeaways

• You are not broken if you experience self-doubt—it’s human and changeable.
• Building self-trust is achievable for anyone, regardless of background or prior setbacks.
• Start with small actions, focus on your core values, anticipate obstacles, and craft a personal narrative of growth and resilience.
• “Everything good in life comes from your ability to trust yourself.” (09:32)

For more from Dr Shadé Zahrai, find her on Instagram, LinkedIn, YouTube, or check out her book, Big Trust: Rewire Self-Doubt, Find Your Confidence and Fuel Success.