Ask David, #491, featuring our beloved Dr. Matthew May. Can Introverts be helped? How can we enhance our happiness? What's the best movie to watch if your father rejected you? How can I identify my feelings?

The answers to the first two questions are brief and were written prior to the show. Listen to the podcast for a more in-depth discussion of each question.

Today's Questions

Anonymous asks: Can an introvert become more extroverted? Or are these personality traits "fixed" and unchanging?
Seve asks: I know that TEAM can be super helpful for negative thoughts and feelings, but what are the best tools to enhance happiness and become the person we want to be?
I have a patient whose father rejected her when she was young. What would be a good movie that I could recommend for her?
Anonymous asks: I don't know how to identify my feelings. Can you help?

Today's Answers

Question #1

Anonymous asks: Can an introvert become more extroverted? Or are these personality traits "fixed" and unchanging?

Dear Dr. Burns,

I hope this message finds you well.

I would like to ask you a question regarding personality traits. Some articles suggest that introversion and extraversion are relatively stable characteristics—meaning that an introverted person cannot truly become more extroverted, and vice versa (or at least not to a great extent). They also propose that introverts tend to lose energy in social situations and recharge when alone, whereas extroverts gain energy from social interaction.

I'm very curious to know your thoughts on this topic. Do you believe an introverted person can become more extroverted? And in your view, is an introvert's need for solitude more of a true "need" or a "want"?

Thank you very much for your time and for the inspiration your work has provided to so many of us.

Warm regards,

Anonymous

David's reply

If you like, I can make this an Ask David question for an upcoming podcast! It's a cool question and raises many questions: Do "personalities" even "exist?" Is this like the question, "Do we have a self?"

It also focuses on the issue of whether we can change and grow, or whether there is some invisible barrier beyond which we can grow any further, due to some inherent "limit" due to our "personality type."

Best, david

Question #2

Dr. Dear David:

I know first-hand how helpful TEAM CBT can be to address negative thoughts and emotions but our path to a happier life and to the person we want to be never really ends. Are there any other tools that Dr. David may have come across and can suggest for someone's growth?

Thank you,

Steve

David's Answer

Great question, and I'll give you a (hopefully) great answer on the podcast! But here's the quickie answer. Focus on one specific moment when you'd like to be feeling happier, or when you need help on become the person you want to be, and then use a Daily Mood Log, Habit / Addiction Log (HAL), or Relationship Journal, depending on what's needed.

This is the exact same fractal concept we use in all of TEAM CBT!

Warmly, david

Question #3

Hi podcast crew: I have a patient whose father rejected her when she was young. What would be a really good movie to recommend do her?

David's Answer

Sadly, I lost my notes from this podcast, but in general David and Matt found this question somewhat offensive, as it suggests you can chase a problem (father rejected me) with a method, in this case recommending a good movie.

We, instead, would recommend TEAM CBT, which is real therapy, and not gimmicks. Movies can be rewarding, but that's not the same as effective therapy!

Rhonda asked David and Matt what was wrong with recommending a movie in the same way we recommend books for clients to read. Have a listen to hear their response.

Question #4

Anonymous asks: I don't know how to identify my feelings. Can you help?

David's Answer

Rhonda said one of her clients could not identify their feelings, unless they have the Feelings Chart in front of them. David thought that anyone could identify their feelings and explained.

One simple way is to identify a specific moment when you were upset and wanting help. Think about what was going on, who wee you with, where were you, etc.

Then review the Feeling Words charts, which I will link to, to see how many, and which ones, resonate with how you were feeling at that time, or how you may still be feeling.

Feeling Words Chart with Five Secrets, v 2

Another way is to draw a Stick Figure of yourself, and put a bubble above its head. Then imagine the Stick Figure is upset and put the Stick Figure's negative thoughts and feelings in the bubble. They don't have to be your feelings and thoughts, just make some up.

Do it now—on paper! DON'T just think about it. That never works!

Have you done it yet? No? That's what I suspected.

If you ever DO want the answer to your question, so the stick figure on paper and then write me back. Thanks!

Finally, you can listen to the podcast on "I Feel" Statements, and spend one week telling five people a day how you feel, using words from the Feeling Words Chart. For example, when checking groceries you could tell the clerk, "I'm feeling happy because we have such beautiful weather today." Or, "I'm feeling really frustrated with politics this morning!" Or whatever.

Thanks for listening today!

Matt, Rhonda, and David