Basement Handy Bad Boy w/ Dave Landau | First Date with Lauren Compton

Summary

First Date with Lauren Compton: Basement Handy Bad Boy w/ Dave Landau

Release Date: January 14, 2025

In this riveting episode of First Date with Lauren Compton, comedian and television host Dave Landau joins Lauren to share his tumultuous journey through addiction, relationships, and comedy. Hosted by YMH Studios, the episode delves deep into Dave's past, his transformation, and the insights he's gained along the way. Below is a comprehensive summary capturing the essence of their conversation.

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1. Introduction and Background

Lauren Compton welcomes Dave Landau, an internationally touring comedian and host of Normal World on Blaze TV. The initial exchange sets a friendly and informal tone for the evening.

• Lauren: "Hello and welcome back to another episode of First Date. My guest today is an internationally touring comedian. He is the host of Normal World on Blaze TV. Give it up for Dave Landau." [00:54]

• Dave: "Hello. Thank you for having me." [01:05]

2. Personal Life and Current Endeavors

Dave delves into his personal life, revealing that he is married for 18 years and has a son. He explains his split residency between Dallas and Detroit due to his work commitments.

• Dave: "I have one son." [03:32]

• Lauren: "Do you have any kids?" [03:30]

• Dave: "So home is actually Detroit... she lives in Detroit." [04:28]

3. Sibling Dynamics and Family Background

The conversation shifts to Dave's twin brother, highlighting their differences. Dave humorously notes the disparity in their interests and lifestyles.

• Dave: "I'm very lucky. I mean, it doesn't look like it. Now I get it. I know what I look like." [14:33]

• Lauren: "My boyfriend is a twin." [06:00]

• Dave: "He's taller. He has red hair. He got all the athletic skills." [05:24]

4. Struggles with Addiction and Legal Issues

Dave opens up about his early struggles with alcohol and drugs, starting at the age of 14. He recounts his numerous DUIs and a particularly harrowing high-speed chase that led to his 13th arrest, prompting him to seek sobriety on July 7, 2009.

• Dave: "I was arrested 13 times." [07:19]

• Dave: "They threw me down a staircase." [08:04]

• Lauren: "When did you stop drinking?" [08:33]

• Dave: "July 7, 2009." [08:35]

5. Personal Transformation and Parenting

Dave reflects on his transformation journey and his fears about his son potentially following in his troubled footsteps. He emphasizes the proactive measures he's taking to ensure his son's well-being.

• Dave: "He's more innocent than I was at his age." [12:41]

• Lauren: "Are you afraid that your son is gonna end up like you?" [12:22]

• Dave: "I've always supported what he wants to do... he's very competitive." [13:00]

6. Relationships and Dating Experiences

The dialogue explores Dave's past relationships, particularly during his battling addiction. He shares anecdotes about his dating life, including problematic encounters and the challenges of maintaining healthy relationships while struggling with substance abuse.

• Dave: "When I was dating was always the drugs and the party." [24:28]

• Lauren: "What is the best place to take a girl on a first date if you're serious about a girl?" [23:49]

• Dave: "I would probably take a girl to either a high-end restaurant." [23:54]

7. Comedy as Therapy

Dave discusses how comedy became his coping mechanism, allowing him to process and articulate his life’s hardships. He credits humor with helping him navigate through his darkest times.

• Dave: "I used comedy as a way of therapy." [36:24]

• Dave: "The best thing I ever learned was gratitude." [45:57]

8. Family Influences and Father's Legacy

A heartfelt segment where Dave talks about his father’s influence, his father's achievements in sports, and the complexities of his upbringing. This portion sheds light on the foundational aspects that shaped Dave's character.

• Dave: "My dad was most known for all the sports stuff he did for kids in the area." [43:10]

• Dave: "My father was very smart. He coached high school basketball." [43:30]

9. Advice to Listeners

In a poignant exchange, Dave offers heartfelt advice to listeners facing personal struggles. He emphasizes the importance of gratitude and making conscious choices to overcome life's challenges.

• Dave: "Everything is up and down in life... you have to make the choice to get out of your own head." [45:39]

• Dave: "Gratitude... your life can be very, very beautiful if you allow it to be." [45:56]

10. Conclusion and Promotion

As the episode wraps up, Dave shares information on where listeners can follow his work and upcoming shows. Lauren thanks him for his candidness and heartfelt storytelling.

• Dave: "Check out upcoming shows at davelando.com." [47:12]

• Lauren: "Thank you for coming on." [47:27]

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

1. Dave on Sobriety:

   "I stopped drinking on July 7, 2009, after my 13th arrest." [08:35]

2. Dave Reflecting on Addiction:

   "I was an alcoholic... trying to be selfish. I just really didn't want them to keep dealing with me." [34:38]

3. Advice on Gratitude:

   "The best thing I ever learned was gratitude... your life can be very, very beautiful if you allow it to be." [45:56]

4. Dave on His Father's Legacy:

   "My dad was most known for all the sports stuff he did for kids in the area." [43:10]

5. Dave on Relationships:

   "When I was dating was always the drugs and the party." [24:28]

---

Key Insights and Takeaways

• Overcoming Adversity: Dave's journey from addiction and legal troubles to sobriety underscores the power of personal resilience and the impact of making pivotal life changes.

• Role of Comedy: Utilizing humor as a therapeutic tool, Dave illustrates how laughter can be a coping mechanism during challenging times.

• Family Influences: The significant role of Dave's father and twin brother highlights the complex dynamics that shape an individual's path.

• Gratitude and Positivity: Emphasizing gratitude, Dave offers a profound perspective on appreciating life's positives to navigate through hardships.

• Relationship Challenges: Dave's candid discussions about his past relationships provide valuable lessons on the importance of self-awareness and personal growth in fostering healthy connections.

Conclusion

This episode of First Date with Lauren Compton offers an unfiltered glimpse into Dave Landau's life, showcasing his struggles, growth, and the lessons he's learned along the way. Through heartfelt storytelling and genuine conversation, listeners gain inspiration and insight into overcoming personal challenges and embracing life's journey with gratitude and humor.

For more about Dave Landau and his work, visit davelando.com and follow his shows on Blaze TV and YouTube.

Transcript

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[Host]

I'm so excited to see you tonight. First Date, baby.

[Dave Landau]

First date.

[Host]

I can't wait.

[Dave Landau]

First date.

[Host]

Hello and welcome back to another episode of First Date. My guest today is an internationally touring comedian. He is the host of Normal World on Blaze tv. Give it up for Dave Landau.

[Dave Landau]

Hello. Thank you for having me.

[Host]

Yeah. How are you?

[Dave Landau]

I'm good. I'm. I'm living.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah.

[Host]

How long are you in town for?

[Dave Landau]

3 days.

[Host]

It seems like that's the going number.

[Dave Landau]

Yes.

[Host]

Of people that come to town.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah. Well, I'm in Dallas, so I drive down a lot to do, like, mothership and stuff, so I'm here often.

[Host]

Oh, you live in Dallas now?

[Dave Landau]

I do, yeah.

[Host]

Is it snowing there right now?

[Dave Landau]

It. It was last night, so I came in early. Wow. But I'm from Detroit, so it didn't bother me all that much. So it's fine. A lot. Some people were spun out and probably dead, but for I was fine.

[Host]

That's good.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah.

[Host]

As long as you're okay.

[Dave Landau]

That's really all I care about.

[Host]

Where are you performing at this weekend?

[Dave Landau]

Cap City Comedy Club and the Red Room. And then I'm just doing the late shows at Mothership.

[Host]

When you said red, I thought you were gonna say red Rose. I was like, whoa, they're doing comedy. The strip club now?

[Dave Landau]

Yeah, I've done it. It's. It's something.

[Host]

I bet it is.

[Dave Landau]

I did it for. It was a strip club. It was for the dancers and their favorite customers.

[Host]

Okay.

[Dave Landau]

So it was the dancers and a lot of guys that were in like, sip and puff blowchairs. It was really one of those, what? Like the. Like when you're paraplegic and you can only blow like Stephen Hawking to get your chair.

[Host]

Stop.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah, it was. Most of the customers were horribly disfigured. I shouldn't say laugh at that, but yeah. They were mostly handicapped people. Brutally handicapped. And then their favorite stripper who they Give all their money to. And I was doing comedy and then there was one 7 year old or like 6 year old playing a Game Boy. And I'm like, is that. Can he hear this? And she's like, yeah, look where he is right now. I'm like, you're a great mom.

[Host]

Oh, yeah.

[Dave Landau]

It was a private show, so, I mean, they weren't naked.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

They weren't really dressed, but they weren't naked.

[Host]

Right. So they were wearing the bare minimum.

[Dave Landau]

They were wearing. Yeah. What would. What would please. Please the customers. Yes. What would please the man in the blowchair but not be too offensive for the kid playing a video game as if he were at the beach.

[Host]

The show's starting out with a bang.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah. Something.

[Host]

And now we'll get into some appetizer questions. So are you. You're married?

[Dave Landau]

I am, yes.

[Host]

How long have you been married?

[Dave Landau]

18 years.

[Host]

Long time.

[Dave Landau]

Long, long time.

[Host]

Do you have any kids?

[Dave Landau]

Negatively. But one. I don't know. I thought about it. 1. I have one son.

[Host]

It's okay to think about it, you know?

[Dave Landau]

Yeah. You're like, I hope. Yeah, just one. I mean, we've been together for so long. We've been together for 21 years.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

So it's been a long time.

[Host]

How did you meet her?

[Dave Landau]

Second city in Detroit. They used to have a chapter of it and that's where we met. Was doing theater and comedy. Theater and improv together.

[Host]

Oh, is she an actress?

[Dave Landau]

She was okay. Yeah. She didn't want to keep going into it, like, so she went out and she was in college and then ended up going into the real world and I stayed in comedy.

[Host]

Yeah. Where does. So you guys moved to Dallas together?

[Dave Landau]

Yeah. No, it's weird. I. We're fine. I shoot a show at the Blaze. So I go to Dallas a couple days a week, then I go home a couple days a week and then I tour a couple days a week.

[Host]

Okay.

[Dave Landau]

So home is actually Detroit. Detroit. But then I have a place in Dallas, too.

[Host]

Does she live in Detroit?

[Dave Landau]

She lives in Detroit.

[Host]

Okay.

[Dave Landau]

It's. It's a little bizarre, but we're fine.

[Host]

But I feel like that's a comics life.

[Dave Landau]

It is.

[Host]

So, I mean, you're hosting a show and you're touring with comedy.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah.

[Host]

And you have a relationship. You divide the three.

[Dave Landau]

Yes. It's. It's. It's a lot.

[Host]

It's not a surprise to me, but.

[Dave Landau]

It'S not a surprise to her either. I want them to move to Dallas because I like it.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

I like Texas.

[Host]

Why be in Detroit?

[Dave Landau]

She has a very good job with a Fortune 500 company that helps with her insurance, so it's beneficial. Yeah, Yeah.

[Host]

A job makes sense.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah. She doesn't want to leave it, and I wish she would, but it's a whole thing.

[Host]

Maybe someday.

[Dave Landau]

Yes, Maybe someday.

[Host]

All right. Are you an only child?

[Dave Landau]

No, I have a twin brother.

[Host]

Do you?

[Dave Landau]

Yeah.

[Host]

Are you identical?

[Dave Landau]

No, fraternal. He's taller. He has red hair. He got all the athletic skills. I know, right? I won in that. All the athletic skills and. Yeah. And then I got the. Whatever. This is the devito sector.

[Host]

What does he do?

[Dave Landau]

He owns a roofing company with one of his friends.

[Host]

Okay.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah, Yeah. I think. I think he still does that. We talk a lot. I just don't listen.

[Host]

Figures.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah.

[Host]

My boyfriend is a twin.

[Dave Landau]

Really?

[Host]

Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

Fraternal.

[Host]

Fraternal.

[Dave Landau]

Okay. That's good.

[Host]

And they're nothing alike.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah. It's either that, like, you either get somebody who's totally different, or you get that and kind of they're the exact same and look the exact same, and it's like a doubleman commercial, and it's creepy to me.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

But the fraternal twins are. I don't know. That's normal.

[Host]

Yeah. They own a business together, but that's the only thing that they have in common.

[Dave Landau]

A restaurant. Right.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

That's awesome.

[Host]

But that's it. And then the rest of them are. They're just two completely different people.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah, that's kind. Kind of how we are. Like, he was all into athletics, sports, and I was into drugs. Failure.

[Host]

What was your favorite drug?

[Dave Landau]

My favorite. Well, alcohol was. Why I'm in recovery. But my favorite drugs, probably LSD was my favorite.

[Host]

Ooh, a psychedelic.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah.

[Host]

I couldn't do that.

[Dave Landau]

Oh. I did a lot of it. Oh, yeah. It was fun.

[Host]

I drank a lot, though. What was your favorite drink?

[Dave Landau]

Oh, God. Anything that would make me forget.

[Host]

Forget what?

[Dave Landau]

Just about my life I had. It's a weird answer. I wasn't really drinking for taste.

[Host]

You were just. You were drinking for. To feel numb.

[Dave Landau]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I started at about 14, and then it was just after.

[Host]

Oh, my gosh.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah. And then I was arrested a lot, and my brother wasn't. He was much faster than me, and I would. I would be. I was arrested 13 times.

[Host]

Like, faster on his feet.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah. Like, if you, like cops rated a house party, most people could get away, and I'd, like, run, and I'd hide in a closet. Have for years. But I had. I hid in a Closet. And I remember one time, cops are like, I thought the cops had left. And I was like, are they gone? And this cops, like, no, we're still here. And he opens up the closet, and I'm just under a pile of clothes, and he's like, who's in here? I'm like, ET like, just completely stupid. And then they threw me down a staircase.

[Host]

Why?

[Dave Landau]

They didn't like me. I had been arrested a lot. And then a sea of teenagers started chanting Rodney King at the police. So they ended up dropping the charges because so many kids witnessed me being thrown down the staircase by cops.

[Host]

Oh, my God.

[Dave Landau]

I didn't even swing on them or anything. I did another time, but that time I did not swing. No, I just was minding my own business in the closet under a pile of laundry.

[Host]

When did you stop drinking?

[Dave Landau]

July 7, 2009.

[Host]

Why that day?

[Dave Landau]

13Th arrest.

[Host]

What did you do to get arrested so many times?

[Dave Landau]

All alcohol and drug related.

[Host]

But, like, were you doing. You were doing bad things? Are you a criminal?

[Dave Landau]

No. Well, yeah. I mean, according to legal system. I mean, I have a felony number of DUIs, but the reason they couldn't charge me with it is because I basically was an adult when I got arrested my last time. And my prior DUIs, I was a juvenile, so it didn't count.

[Host]

How did you get a car so young?

[Dave Landau]

I got one at 16.

[Host]

Oh, okay.

[Dave Landau]

And then? Well, the day I got my license, I ended up in a high speed chase and totaled my dad's car.

[Host]

What?

[Dave Landau]

Yeah.

[Host]

How did you get involved in a high speed chase?

[Dave Landau]

Well, it was the day they got my license, and my birthday's in June, but my parents made me wait till November until I could get my grade point up above, like a 2. I didn't, but they were tired of me driving, having to take me to school or me riding with my brother. And so my dad's car was in the garage and my aunt was blocking the driveway because it was like, during a family reunion. So when they all went to a restaurant, I decided to gingerly back my dad's car out over my neighbor's garden and pine tree and then take his car out.

[Host]

Okay.

[Dave Landau]

So we went down, we got alcohol, we got all this stuff down to the hood, where we would go on like, 8 mile in Detroit, this place called Piccadilly. And we started giving people lawn jobs once we were driving around drinking, which is not sexual. It's just when you go on somebody's lawn and you spin and you, like, break torque and you knock all their Grass onto their house. I did it. And I didn't realize there was a guy in a BMW sitting in his car. So we ended up in, like, up a French Connection style chase throughout the suburbs of Detroit until I went down a street and there was a giant tree. And that's what I slammed into. Like, I was able to break, but I popped the curb. The engine dropped, and I got knocked out by the airbag. And everybody ran except me. And here's what I didn't know, because we were having a family reunion. There was a bunch of beer and alcohol already in the trunk and chips and stuff. So it just looked like a Super bowl party had broken out behind me. So it was just booze and stuff all over the place. And I was just in a car unconscious when the cops showed up. And when I awoke, my dad was there. My dad was in Vietnam. He had. He had cancer at the time. But I got out and I was like, I'm okay, dad. And then he punched me in the face and knocked me out for a second time. And he was not a violent man. He had just had it. And, yeah, that was my. And then they gave me six months suspended license for that.

[Host]

That's all.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah, in 1998, they really weren't as hard on it as they are now.

[Host]

Oh, my God.

[Dave Landau]

They were like, you'll never do it again, right? I'm like, yeah, never, ever. And I lied.

[Host]

What about the guy's lawn that you destroyed?

[Dave Landau]

Well, since he chased a bunch of teenagers into a tree, I think he just decided to stay out of it.

[Host]

To let it go.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah. His car braked, and then you kind of saw, like, from what I understand, this, like, oh, shit look on his face, because my friends were about to fight him, and then he just spun out and got away as fast as possible.

[Host]

Wow.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah. So then I. I worked for a Jeep.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah.

[Host]

Are you afraid that your son is gonna end up like you?

[Dave Landau]

Absolutely. Every day.

[Host]

Are you taking any preventative measures?

[Dave Landau]

I am. He's. He's more innocent than I was at his age.

[Host]

Okay.

[Dave Landau]

So, like, when I was, like, seven, I'd be listening to, like, Eazy E. On my Walkman on to school because my friends, older brothers, would buy his tapes and stuff. So my son's not as much like that. Like, he's really good at. He's. He's on a travel football team and baseball team.

[Host]

Okay.

[Dave Landau]

He does re. I mean, and these are all things I didn't force him into. He plays drums. Like, this is all just him going his own way. And I've always supported what he wants to do and kind of just seen what he. And, and I love him and I support. So he's going in a different direction than I ever did. Like I always made films and stuff when I was a kid, which was cool. But his, his interests are more definitely ath and he's very competitive.

[Host]

That's good.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah. I was never competitive.

[Host]

Well, you couldn't hardly run. I mean, you never got away from the cops.

[Dave Landau]

No. Never ever. I mean, a couple times I did, but it was usually because I ran to the yard next door and there'd be a tree fort and I just hide in a kid's tree fort until the cops left.

[Host]

That's. That works.

[Dave Landau]

It was pretty solid.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah. Like sometimes if people are getting breathalyzers and you go into the house, you can just like marine crawl under the window and then sneak out the garage. Yeah, I had plans of escape after a while.

[Host]

Yeah, you had to.

[Dave Landau]

I did. I was not a runner.

[Host]

This was, this was like a recurring theme for you, correct? Well, it sounds so when guys are like usually the bad boy, which you sound like you were a bad boy. They're usually like really fun to date.

[Dave Landau]

Yes.

[Host]

Did you have a lot of girlfriends growing up?

[Dave Landau]

Yes.

[Host]

What is, what was like your go to move to get a girl?

[Dave Landau]

Nothing.

[Host]

They were just attracted to the bad boy.

[Dave Landau]

I was lucky. Yeah. I mean, it doesn't look like it. Now I get it. I know what I look like.

[Host]

I didn't even say anything.

[Dave Landau]

But it's my own insecurity. No, I, I was very lucky. Where girls would ask like me out or want to date me and it wasn't. It wouldn't take much.

[Host]

What would you do? Where would you go on a high speed chase?

[Dave Landau]

My basement to get a hand job. I mean like. Yeah, it wasn't like a party and then we would have relations in the upstairs of someone's home. It wasn't. I wasn't very romantic. I remember one time I went to pick up my girlfriend and I just pulled in her driveway and I was at the time I had a Mustang Cobra. Oh yeah. And I'm like honking. And so I'm just pulling up in this like date mobile and I'm just honking. And she's like, he's honking and not even coming to the door. And she came out, she's like, why are you honking? I'm like, because I'm high as I can't meet your parents right now. And so she's like waving to her parents like his leg's broken. You know, just making something.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

And yeah, I was not, I was not as chivalrous I was, but I also was not. I was very anxious to meet the parents because I was usually on something okay. So I never really wanted to go to the door.

[Host]

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[Dave Landau]

Tim Allen and Kat Dennings star in the new family comedy Shifting Gears.

[Host]

Dad, I'm broke and I need a.

[Dave Landau]

Place to stay until I figure out what the rest of my life looks looks like. So a couple of days when his daughter moves back in. The last time you walked out that door, you looked back at me and gave me a double bird. I was 18. The double bird was how I ended all our conversations. The wheels come off.

[Host]

Can we try to talk to each.

[Dave Landau]

Other like rational adults? If you watch the news lately, that's not a thing anymore. New Wednesdays, 8, 7 Central on ABC and stream on Hulu.

[Host]

That makes sense. Probably a good decision on your part.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah. Even when I met a girl who I loved, who I dated for a year, I met her dad and it was after slamming almost an entire fifth of Jaeger. And a lot of it had gotten on a white polo shirt I was wearing.

[Host]

Yikes.

[Dave Landau]

So I'm sitting there very drunk, talking to this guy, and I just have green stuff all over my shirt. And I only stayed. I'm like, I have to go. Your dad's gonna see me like this. And she started crying and I'm like, all right, I guess I'll go meet your father with Jaeger all over my shirt. So it was me and my friend Sean and my girlfriend just sitting there and he's asking me like trivia questions just to see if I've paid any attention in school. So he's just like, you know. Do you know what the capital of Michigan is? I'm like, yeah, it's Lansing. It's cool. It was pretty. Pretty good.

[Host]

Yeah. So when did you start or did you ever be like, want to take a girl out on a date and try to impress her? Was there ever a shift for you?

[Dave Landau]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, A couple times. I mean, I did. I, I. A girl asked me out who I liked and I dated her for a year and I was very. I took her on dates, dinners, everything. And the problem was was I was an alcoholic. So by the end of it, I just couldn't put the drinking. Put her above the drinking. Not on purpose.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

But it just is how it was. And I mean, I had gone to a rehab during that time too, in a mental institution. A lot of things that aren't good for relationships.

[Host]

Right.

[Dave Landau]

Per se. So I'd say, like around when I was 15, 16, I did want to date the proper way, but a lot of times it was just hookups.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

But I did have a couple girlfriends that were for another girl I dated for a year. So. Yeah, like six months maybe. But I mean, in high school terms, that's like five years. So it felt like forever.

[Host]

Okay, let's go ahead and get into some main course questions. Did you ever have a girl that was more wild than you?

[Dave Landau]

Yes.

[Host]

Was that a turn on or a turn off?

[Dave Landau]

It was a turn off. She was very. She ended up in Playboy, but not like you. She was in one of the. She was in like, one of the, like, teen whore sections.

[Host]

I've always wondered what that side of Playboy is like.

[Dave Landau]

Oh, it's. It's people who do cocaine like we did. Yeah. She was insane. Like, she would drive recklessly. Yeah, she was beautiful.

[Host]

But that's the fun side of Playboy.

[Dave Landau]

It must be, because.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

I don't know.

[Host]

Mine was just work.

[Dave Landau]

That's what it seems like. Yours is classy.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

And she was fun. Yeah. I remember even when I told everybody, I'm like, hey, I just hooked up with this girl. And like 20 people were like, yeah, so have we.

[Host]

Oh.

[Dave Landau]

And I was like, oh, cool. I thought this was an accomplishment. She looked like the blonde sister that OD'd on the 70s show.

[Host]

Oh, yeah.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah. Like almost identical.

[Host]

Fun.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah. What? She was. She was a. I don't. I think she's still alive. It's really 50, 50 with a lot of people I knew.

[Host]

What was. What is the best place to take a Girl on a first date. If you're serious about a girl.

[Dave Landau]

I would probably take a girl to either. Like a high end restaurant.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah.

[Host]

What if you're not that serious about a girl?

[Dave Landau]

Coney island in Detroit. Like a place where you get hot dogs and shit.

[Host]

Do you like doing activities for dates?

[Dave Landau]

What do you mean?

[Host]

Like putt putt or laser tag?

[Dave Landau]

I'll suffer through it. I mean, like, putt putt's fun. Or we would go golfing. Some girls. I like that. Golfed. That was cool. And then, see, the hobby was always like, when I was dating was always the drugs and the party.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

So it was rarely, like getting up. Yeah, it wasn't. It was really like, let's go putt putt. It was like, let's take Double Stack Pikachu and go to a rave in an abandoned warehouse. It was a different. It was a different thing, you know? But yeah, we would go to movies because I loved movies and a lot of girls would want to go too, so we would pick. I'd let her pick it out as I'll watch anything and then I take her to a movie.

[Host]

Yeah, I feel like movie theaters are where I would get down when I was younger. That's like where I would give a hand job.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah, like, you could get jacked off during the Grinch. I don't know why I threw that out there. It's just maybe something that happened.

[Host]

Odd movie of choice.

[Dave Landau]

Well, if you go to the Late show, there's not kids there.

[Host]

Yeah, that's true. But that's. That was. I got my first kiss at a movie theater.

[Dave Landau]

Me. Me too.

[Host]

And he chipped my tooth.

[Dave Landau]

That did not happen with him.

[Host]

Mine's him.

[Dave Landau]

No, I'm kidding.

[Host]

Mine sucks.

[Dave Landau]

They never caught the guy.

[Host]

This guy. I was a cheerleader at high. In high school. I went to a private school for like one year. And I was a cheerleader there. And I had never been kissed. And all the girls were like, oh, my God. You never got kissed before. We can hook you up with the quarterback of the football team. And it was like the junior football team because I was like, 16.

[Dave Landau]

Okay. And so it's still statutory.

[Host]

I still remember his name.

[Dave Landau]

Really?

[Host]

Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

Okay.

[Host]

His name was you, dude.

[Dave Landau]

Was he hyphenated?

[Host]

No, but he was weird.

[Dave Landau]

Okay.

[Host]

If I would have seen him today, I would have been like. But back then, I was like, whatever you care about the fact that he was like the quarterback. So I was like, I guess this is a status symbol. Like, I'm a cheerleader. You're a quarterback. This makes sense. This is Taylor Swift song.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah. You're an insecure cheerleader. He said, yeah, yeah.

[Host]

He's a douchebag.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah. So it's perfect for you.

[Host]

Yeah. And my mom dropped me off at AMC 30 in Mesquite, Texas.

[Dave Landau]

Okay.

[Host]

And we go into this theater, and I didn't even really know this guy. This was, like, the first time I'd ever been on a date. But we both knew that we were gonna kiss. That was, like, the only thing we knew. So we get in there, and when we sit down in our chairs, he tells me how he's gonna kiss me.

[Dave Landau]

That's creepy.

[Host]

So he was like, hey, this is what's gonna happen. I'm going to look at you, you're going to look at me. You're gonna open your mouth about this much, and I'm gonna slip my tongue in there. I'm gonna twirl it around like a tornado, and then I'm gonna pull it out and then.

[Dave Landau]

What a piece of shit.

[Host]

And then you can close your mouth, and then we're done.

[Dave Landau]

Like, did he watch American Pie and was just like, I'll just tell her what I saw and we'll do that. That's. And did you do that?

[Host]

I mean, he gave me play for play.

[Dave Landau]

He instructed you like a cult leader.

[Host]

Yeah. Like a football player that he was. He was like, I'm gonna. This is play by play exactly how we're gonna do this.

[Dave Landau]

And we're gonna get to the end zone.

[Host]

Yeah. So I said, okay. And he was like, okay. Three, two, one. And I turned and I looked at him, and I just went, oh, God. And he came at me so fast that he, like, whips his head around as fast as he possibly could. And he hit me in the mouth with his teeth, and he chipped my tooth.

[Dave Landau]

Oh, God. And I was like, oh, my gosh.

[Host]

So I. Oh, I run out. No, I got it. I got it, like, fixed.

[Dave Landau]

It's good when you. It was that bad. It needed repairing.

[Host]

I didn't go to school for, like, a week.

[Dave Landau]

So he just assaulted you with his face?

[Host]

Yeah. And I called my mom, and I'm crying from, like, the payphone at the theater. I'm like, you have to come get me. I chipped my tooth.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah.

[Host]

So she takes me to the dentist, and they, like, glue, like, a part of a tooth. I don't know. They, like, did whatever they had to do.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah, I've been there.

[Host]

It's. Yeah. They, like, like, give you a fake Part of a tooth?

[Dave Landau]

Yes.

[Host]

And so I get this fake part of my tooth put back in. And I was so embarrassed to go back to school. That didn't go for a week. Well, that was a bad decision because during that week, he had told everybody at school that I was a bad kisser. I know.

[Dave Landau]

Well, it's to cover his ass for.

[Host]

I. But I wasn't actually hurting you defend myself. So then when I go to school, everyone's looking at me like I'm a fucking loser because I don't know how to kiss. And I'm like, that piece of shit just chipped my tooth and told me how this whole thing is misconstrued.

[Dave Landau]

Well, he couldn't even accomplish the play that he set out to do.

[Host]

Yeah. Terrible football player, I bet.

[Dave Landau]

Terrible kisser.

[Host]

Horrible.

[Dave Landau]

Even worse kisser, I'm guessing.

[Host]

I don't even know what happened to that guy. But that's.

[Dave Landau]

That's.

[Host]

That's. That was my first kiss.

[Dave Landau]

He shows people pictures of you and tells people that he dated you. I guarantee it. Yeah.

[Host]

And people don't even know. And I bet he still tells people that I'm a bad kisser.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah. He's like, I. It'd be weird to do it as an adult. He'd be like, I chipped her tooth. She's so bad. And they'd be like, I'm sorry.

[Host]

Did you hit her with his face? Just came right at me like a Mack truck.

[Dave Landau]

Do you remember the movie? No. Okay. I just was curious.

[Host]

I don't. I wish that I didn't remember the whole event.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah. I would imagine you'd want that wiped from your memory.

[Host]

Yeah. That would have been a good time for me to start drinking.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah, it would have. It's good you didn't. When did you start?

[Host]

I think the first time I got really drunk was actually with Playboy. We were flying first class to Argentina, and we got so drunk, they put us in first class. And it was free alcohol.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah.

[Host]

And we got so wasted that they told us that when we landed, they were gonna call the cops.

[Dave Landau]

In Argentina.

[Host]

Yeah. They were like, y'all are cut off. Y'all cannot drink anymore. You're being. Cause everyone's trying to sleep. And we were all just, like, partying.

[Dave Landau]

And Hugh couldn't sleep through all of it.

[Host]

Lee wasn't there.

[Dave Landau]

Fine. I figured.

[Host]

But, yeah, we got in trouble. And I was like, what are you gonna do? Kick us off the airplane?

[Dave Landau]

Right. Kinda.

[Host]

I was like, not helpful.

[Dave Landau]

So how old were you? Like 21.

[Host]

21.

[Dave Landau]

So you were like legally able to drink.

[Host]

I was just legal when I joined with Playboy.

[Dave Landau]

Wow.

[Host]

And I got really hammered. And then they took us on wine tours and all this stuff and I was like not that familiar with alcohol.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah.

[Host]

But yeah, I guess my intro to Playboy, I got pretty fucking hamm.

[Dave Landau]

That's quite a leap to go from like I've really never been kissed. I'm kind of dating the jocks to like Playboy and booze in one day.

[Host]

Well, I was from 16 to 21 and you have to remember that I was like naked every day in the snow. So alcohol was like really warming us up.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah. That's got to be brutal.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

Okay.

[Host]

So they were like, take a shot of tequila and you know tequila makes your clothes come off.

[Dave Landau]

Yes.

[Host]

Yeah, I've heard liquid courage.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah. Tequila was definitely one that I didn't drink a lot of for a lot of reasons. That would be the ones where you'd. You'd.

[Host]

What was your drink of choice?

[Dave Landau]

Anything.

[Host]

That's what you said earlier. I was wondering if you had a more specific.

[Dave Landau]

Anything. It sounds strange, but it's like we. I don't know, Natty Ice. You know what I mean? Like just garbage.

[Host]

Did you ever have Mad Dog 2020?

[Dave Landau]

Mad Dog 2020. Many, many. Talk about a wine tour. Just go to the drinking ghetto fuel. Oh, I drank that stuff all the time. Time at Boone's Farm. Yeah, we drank a lot of 40s. That was big. Because we all wanted to be like thugs. Yeah.

[Host]

I was gonna say it's kind of gangster.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah. So I don't.

[Host]

In the brown bags.

[Dave Landau]

We wouldn't really keep the brown bag on sometimes, like. But we'd have like the St. Ives 40 and drink that. And then we have. I remember one time I had. I don't know how long they had these things for, but it was 64 ounce Old English. And they had a handle on them. Them so it almost looked like a jug.

[Host]

Oh yeah. I know what you're talking about.

[Dave Landau]

So we drink.

[Host]

It was like a finger handle.

[Dave Landau]

Yes.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

It was just enough to. To look even stupider. And then you'd be sitting there sipping on oe the just disgusting malt liquor. I. And that's what I would drink constantly. Cuz you could get a 40 for like a dollar fifty. Oh yeah, like two bucks.

[Host]

Wow.

[Dave Landau]

It was a delight.

[Host]

Yeah, that's pretty easy.

[Dave Landau]

And then later like 30 packs came out and I was like, whatever they got.

[Host]

Damn.

[Dave Landau]

It's six extra beers.

[Host]

What is the longest relationship you had in this time?

[Dave Landau]

One year But I. I would go back and forth to some girls, too, where we'd meet up again. But one year was probably my longest relationship. And then I think. No. 2. 2.

[Host]

When you would go back, did anything ever, like, change?

[Dave Landau]

No. Nope.

[Host]

Just the same.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah. It was always. I had no ability to learn a lesson for a good portion of my life, but I was never, like, mean or anything. Like, it wasn't like they didn't want to be with me. I was just kind of a disaster. And, like, my. My exes will still go to my shows and stuff, but.

[Host]

Oh, really?

[Dave Landau]

Yeah. Like, some won't talk to me. Like, if they broke up with me, we're fine. If I broke up with them, we haven't talked in years. Okay, so that's.

[Host]

Were you good at breaking up with people?

[Dave Landau]

No.

[Host]

Why were you not a good person? Why was it hard for you?

[Dave Landau]

I never wanted to hurt anybody, but I never was doing it. It's weird to say, but I was never doing it, though, to her, because I was trying to be selfish. I just really didn't want them to keep dealing with me.

[Host]

So were you the kind of guy that would, like, you would keep. You would be bad to push them to the edge so that they would break up with you?

[Dave Landau]

No, not really. Like, I wouldn't gaslight them or anything. I would just be myself and the chips would fall.

[Host]

They would just leave?

[Dave Landau]

Yes, eventually, they would just leave.

[Host]

Did any of them really break your heart?

[Dave Landau]

Yes, very much so.

[Host]

Did you ever. And that's why you would try to revisit them, like, go back one.

[Dave Landau]

I never could, but I. I. Yeah, I loved her very much. And the other one. One. One that I truly cared about passed, unfortunately. And then one, we were dating, but then I broke up with her. And after that, I met my wife. So then it was just, like, yeah, done after that. But I kind of grew up pretty quickly after that. I kind of gotten so much stuff out of the way, and, I mean, I still messed up obviously, later in life, but, yeah, I sort of. I don't know, I just kind of changed, like, overnight where I said, like, okay, I just want to go towards comedy and do something that I've always wanted to do and be successful, and I just kind of switched gears.

[Host]

Did you use comedy as, like, a way of therapy?

[Dave Landau]

Yes.

[Host]

Laugh to keep from crying?

[Dave Landau]

Kind of. Yeah, still do. You know, I think that's part of the, like, a lot of the things that were happening in my life were more difficult and, like, that I'm just putting out There, like, we. I was. I had a serious issue.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

And then my dad had gotten cancer, and he ended up dying from it. So, like. And he was paying out of pocket for surgery. It was this whole issue with, like, the VA and Agent Orange and stuff in Vietnam. So I was being watched by, like, relatives at. For a lot of this. So I'd have, like, my grandma over, and I just, like, steal her Vicodin and, like, her morphine patches. And then I worked at a pharmacy. And this was during, like, the oxy.

[Host]

Oh, no. Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

So, like, you'd go to take out a trash can, you know, like, I gotta run to the dumpster. And then you just fill your cellophane up with, like, Valiums and Percocets.

[Host]

Oh, my gosh.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah. They weren't really keeping track of it. Like, I mean, now they do. It's nuts, but, I mean, this is the late 90s, so you could just get enough to sell and also keep some for yourself.

[Host]

You really hit this the right time, though.

[Dave Landau]

Oh, yeah. I got into drugs right at the right time, without camera phones and people were. This was before the oxy and everything swept the nation.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

So it was, like, right on the cusp of. It was like, a good time for designer drugs. Like. Like, it's like when the movie Go came out. Like, they were making movies about drugs. Like, it was popular.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

I want to say it was chic. I never felt very chic.

[Host]

Yeah. We. You. You were a bad boy. You were, like, more toxic.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah.

[Host]

That's not very chic.

[Dave Landau]

It's not. No. I would. I would smoke three packs a day. I was just. I know. It's why I'm five, six. I can't tell you how much I appreciate how I treated my body during the growing phases of my life.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

Because now I get to look at this and a twin brother that's taller than me.

[Host]

How tall is he?

[Dave Landau]

He's probably about 4. 4 inches taller than me. Like, 5, 10.

[Host]

So you really think that everything stunted your growth?

[Dave Landau]

Yeah.

[Host]

Really?

[Dave Landau]

Oh, yeah.

[Host]

Oh.

[Dave Landau]

Like, it's strange. People say that's not true, but my. My shoes are a size 11.

[Host]

Oh, my God.

[Dave Landau]

Right. It's absurd.

[Host]

Yeah. You got boats.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah.

[Host]

Feet.

[Dave Landau]

Right. I've. I trip over my feet as a grown man. Like, it didn't all grow right. But when you're taking so much LSD and all this other stuff, stuff that in the 90s is probably made in a bathtub in a crack house, you know, it's like, you can't like, there's no way what I was putting into my body was good for anything. It's not like it was vitamins. It's just, like, whatever poison I could get my hands on.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

And occasionally you just smoke crack by accident because they put it in the weed. Oh, you'd know because you felt really good for a second.

[Host]

Yeah. Hmm. I can't say that ever happened to me.

[Dave Landau]

That's good. It's good. You haven't smoked crack. You have a bun in the oven.

[Host]

Yeah, I do. That would be terrible.

[Dave Landau]

Yes.

[Host]

I smoked a lot of things, but never crack.

[Dave Landau]

Weed, obviously.

[Host]

Weed.

[Dave Landau]

You're a Texan, right?

[Host]

I've had a cigarette or two.

[Dave Landau]

Oh, you've had to have.

[Host]

But I don't like them. They would make me nauseous. Cigarettes make me nauseous. Like, again, they almost make me feel high. And if I'm drinking and I have a cigarette, I'll, like, I'll get so wheezy, I'll just turn sideways.

[Dave Landau]

That's kind of what the benefit of nicotine is. Is that, like, kind of bump it gives you?

[Host]

Is that the lure?

[Dave Landau]

Yeah, it's like. Well, it is at first. I mean, eventually it just becomes this crippling addiction that, you know, I decide. I mean, I haven't had a cigarette since 2012, but I smoked for 15 years.

[Host]

Well, I would, like. I mean, it's like a totally different person in a matter of seconds, though. Like, I don't know if that's even normal, but, like, my friends would be like, are you okay? Like, because I would go from, like, cigarettes. Yeah. From, like, a fun, like, giggly drunk. I would smoke a cigarette and be wasted.

[Dave Landau]

So you had a nicotine buzz that just kind of upped your buzz so badly that they would.

[Host]

That I was.

[Dave Landau]

It was a problem.

[Host]

Yeah. That I was, like, not okay. I couldn't even walk hardly. Like, if I have a. I mean, it was wild. It's wild what a cigarette would do to me. So I, like, can't smoke cigarettes. Not only because I'm pregnant, but because what they do to me is, like, it just throws my whole equilibrium off.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah. Yeah. Stay away from it, then. Yeah. That's not for you at all?

[Host]

Not for me, no.

[Dave Landau]

Nicotine is very bad for your system then. That's. I've never heard of this in my life.

[Host]

I mean, I don't. No one. I've never met anyone that. That does that to.

[Dave Landau]

No, this is a first.

[Host]

It's weird. I might be allergic to it or something.

[Dave Landau]

You could have an allergy to nicotine. Yeah. That's why you were getting violently ill when you smoked it.

[Host]

Literally, like, because people can smoke a cigarette and have some casual fun. That was not. If I had a cigarette. Goodbye. I'm sick. I'm throwing up. We're done.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah. You. You're allergic to it.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

I think we've diagnosed you today. Don't do that. Well, it's good that nobody does it anymore. I mean, did your parents smoke?

[Host]

My dad did.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah. Like.

[Host]

But he was also in Vietnam, and he also had cancer and he also died. Not that I want to relate to you on all of that, but.

[Dave Landau]

No, I'm glad we could with you, but I get it. Yeah.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

You just handled it better.

[Host]

Well, I didn't. I wasn't. My dad smoked. Smoked.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah.

[Host]

I would have a smoke.

[Dave Landau]

Right.

[Host]

And then realize that I, like, don't remember how I got home.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah. That. That's never happened to anyone else in the history of tobacco. This is entirely. Please. Yeah. Stay away from me.

[Host]

I will.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah. It's not good for you.

[Host]

Don't worry.

[Dave Landau]

I figured you had a family member that smoked. Just being a Texan, and you're, like, right at the cusp of that age where everything changed. Like, you knew the old world, and now you know, the new world. So you remember when everybody smoked cigarettes?

[Host]

Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

Like, in your house, there'd be, like, a Bible next to a giant ashtray in a room you couldn't sit in. Do you remember those giant ashtrays that you could just. You could kill a panda with this big marble. Just. And. Yeah, that's what my family did. And my mom was an rn.

[Host]

So was mine.

[Dave Landau]

Well, there you go.

[Host]

My mom was a RN in a hospital for many, many years. Like 40.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah, that's pretty much what my mom did.

[Host]

What did your dad do?

[Dave Landau]

I'd say the stuff he was most proud of. I mean, he did a lot of things for some different corporations, but he was a high school basketball coach.

[Host]

Okay.

[Dave Landau]

He started the Babe Ruth Little League coach. There's a Tom Landow field in the Detroit area. And, yeah, he did a lot. So I'd say, like, the number one thing that he'd probably most want to be known for was all the sports stuff he did for kids in the area.

[Host]

Well, nurses were really attracted to these Vietnam vets.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah, they were. They needed someone to care for.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah. And, well, he was very smart. He had several degrees. He was a great football player. But he grew up in kind of a foster home. His parents left or his dad left the day he was born. He was a twin, too. He had twin sister. And I guess his dad, a fine Irishman whose real last name was, I think Donalyn, walked in and said, oh, God, you had two of them? And then just left. So then my grandmother was an alcoholic, and this guy named Landau, who lived down the street and had a foster program, raised my dad. So we took the. He took the name on at 18 to kind of honor him.

[Host]

Oh.

[Dave Landau]

So I'm like, I'm Irish Italian, but my last name is, like. It's, like Jewish or German, depending on what side.

[Host]

Wild.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah. So he. He was most known. And then this George Perlis, who ended up coaching at Michigan State, was trying to put together a team in Detroit, and he found my dad. And my dad ended up being this, like, insanely good athlete. And I have a picture in my son's room of my dad, like, leveling three guys. That was from the COVID of a Detroit News. And he was, like, my size. He's a little bigger than me, but he was a really good athlete.

[Host]

That's so cool.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah. He tried to do that for us and then. And my brother, he was great for me. There's just videos of me in, like, right field when I'm a kid, and I'm just, like, doing this for no reason, not even paying attention, and there's, like, ball that'll just fly over my head, and you just see the other team scoring home runs. I don't even notice. And my dad's just holding a camera, and you can just hear him being like, God damn it. So, yeah, I. I didn't follow in that footstep, but he was. He. Yeah, he worked for a few different businesses, and then he. He ran athletics, then coached high school basketball as well.

[Host]

Cool. Well, for my dessert question, what is some advice that you would give someone, like a. Like a friend of yours who's in a bad place, either in a relationship or life? What is some good advice that you would give someone to help them feel better?

[Dave Landau]

Everything is up and down in life. Like, you're gonna hit your bottoms and you're gonna hit your tops. And, I mean, the reality is, is if you don't learn to live with it, that you're just going to learn to hate life and grow bitter. And it's like, even if you're at the worst part, that means things can really only go up, especially if it's of your choosing.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

So it's like you have to make the choice to get out of your own head. No one else can really make you cheer up or make you better or make you sober or make you think, you know, it's like you really have to just work at it. And it's like it sucks because there's plenty of days where everybody doesn't want to get. There's plenty of days where you have depression so bad, you know, like you'd rather just sit there all. And I don't. I do the same thing. I just get up and it's like. Just to tell them that it's like you're loved and look at the qualities. Like the hardest thing that I ever. I shouldn't say the hardest, but the best thing I ever learned was to. Was gratitude. And I mean really learn it. You can say you have it, but then when you actually feel it, like when you have that child or when you have. Have that thing, something there that loves you, you have this gratitude that you never knew existed. And your life can be very, very beautiful if you allow it to be.

[Host]

I love that.

[Dave Landau]

Thank you.

[Host]

That's so sensitive. That's a really sensitive thing to say.

[Dave Landau]

No, thank you.

[Host]

You have a hard outer shell sometimes, you know, and it's like. That's a very nice, vulnerable thing to say. Thank you.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah, no, it's the truth.

[Host]

This was such a fun episode. Where can people find you?

[Dave Landau]

Then go to davelando.com I have a show on BlazeTV and YouTube. Really? You can. It's called Normal World. It's just sketches and stuff like that and. Yeah, just touring. Davelandau.com Check out upcoming shows.

[Host]

Yeah. Well, thank you for coming on.

[Dave Landau]

Thank you for having me. I really enjoyed talking to you.

[Host]

Same. Guys, thank you for tuning in. We will see you next time.

[Dave Landau]

First date.

[Host]

Baby, are you really drinking a glass of milk with dinner? You told your mom about me? Just say, you ready? Delete my number.

[Dave Landau]

First date.

[Host]

Your parents are your roommates.

[Dave Landau]

First date.