Blame It On The Zodiac w/ Kerryn Feehan | First Date with Lauren Compton

Summary

First Date with Lauren Compton Episode: Blame It On The Zodiac w/ Kerryn Feehan Date: September 23, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode features comedian, actress, and podcast host Kerryn Feehan as Lauren Compton’s “first date.” The conversation dives into the realities of dating as a comedian, the differences between dating younger and older men, red flags, life as a single woman in New York, and the sometimes irrational world of astrology and “relationship fate.” Both women openly share stories of exes, dealbreakers, and comedic war stories, all with Kerryn’s signature candor and Lauren’s warm curiosity.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Kerryn’s Current Life and Dating Landscape

• Kerryn’s Life in New York: Kerryn has been in NYC for 20 years but is originally from Massachusetts. She frequents Austin for comedy gigs, loving the city more with each visit. (00:49)
• Single & Happy: Kerryn affirms she’s been single for two months and is enjoying the independence:

  "I forget how happy I am single. I'm better single." – Kerryn (01:24)

• Healthier Post-Breakup: After dating someone who smoked heavily, being single has made her feel healthier, more active, and less reliant on her inhaler. (01:50)

Patterns in Dating & Red Flags

• Fan Dynamics: Kerryn recounts dating men who were initially fans; while flattering, it can backfire as “they like the idea of you,” not the real person. (02:16)
• Attraction Patterns: She’s dated a notably diverse group—emphasizing she doesn’t have a “type.” Fast physical attraction often doesn’t lead to long-term relationships, while slow-burn connections last longer. (02:50, 03:33)
• Platonic Friends-to-Lovers Doesn’t Work: Both agree they’ve never dated someone who started as a purely platonic friend:

  "I've never, like, dated a guy that I was actually platonically friends with." – Kerryn (03:41)

Boundaries, Space, and Living Together

• Value of Personal Space: Both recount moving in too quickly when younger, and now appreciate the importance of maintaining separate spaces and routines. (06:02)
• Dog Mom Priorities: Kerryn is devoted to her dog and has a “dog mom crew” for support. Her love of morning routines and active lifestyle shapes her dating expectations. (07:27 – 08:23)
• On Living Together: Kerryn shares challenges of moving in with partners where it never truly felt like her own home, especially if it was their space. (06:06 – 06:44)

  "It just sucks for your mental health and your identity if you don't feel like your home is your home." – Kerryn (06:39)

Views on Motherhood & Relationships

• Motherhood and its Challenges: Lauren voices awe for single moms, and both remark on the exhausting logistics of parenting and dog ownership. (10:05)
• Kerryn on Having Kids: She openly states she doesn’t want children, unless perhaps madly in love with a partner who wanted them. Spending time with nieces/nephews solidifies her decision. (10:41 – 11:01)

  "It reassures my decision not to have children." – Kerryn (11:01)

Relationship Preferences & Dealbreakers

• Ideal Relationship “Cadence”: Kerryn prefers a “once-a-week boyfriend” due to her busy, performance-heavy schedule, cherishing alone time with her dog in the morning. (12:51)
• Turn-Offs: She’s turned off by both extremes in fitness—men who can’t bench their own weight, but also those obsessed with macros and protein powders. Balance is key. (13:39 – 17:19)
• Red Flags: She steers clear of “clingy” guys, but if a man is “withholding” or emotionally distant, she finds herself more drawn in—acknowledging it’s tied to her upbringing. (37:19 – 37:47)

On Astrology & Zodiac Stereotypes

• Both share their zodiac signs (Kerryn is Taurus, Lauren married to a Taurus), and discuss their views on compatibility. (20:33 – 21:51)
• Kerryn likes other earth signs and finds Geminis, Pisces, and Aquariuses less compatible.

  "No one likes a Gemini because they don't know who they are." – Kerryn (22:39)

• They poke fun at the arbitrary nature of astrology, admitting it doesn’t affect their dating decisions but provides fun talking points. (23:04 – 23:41)

Relationship Power Dynamics & Success

• Career and Finances: Kerryn details dating men from various backgrounds—sometimes being the breadwinner, sometimes dating a trust-fund kid. She dislikes being “sugar mama,” as it can be emasculating and kill attraction. (25:54 – 26:59)
• Showbiz Relationships: She discusses an ex who never helped her make industry connections, noting some men withhold support to protect their own egos or careers. (31:53 – 32:14)
• Dominance Reversal: Over time, Kerryn has surpassed her ex's success:

  "Slowly but surely, I completely overtook him, and he's still bartending and, like, doing coke." – Kerryn (32:32)

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On fans as partners:

  "You think it's great in the beginning, but then it's like ... they like the idea of you." – Kerryn (02:26)

• On moving in together:

  "Why am I paying rent here when I'm just, like, at your place?" – Kerryn (07:01)

• On dog priorities:

  "I'm just, like, also not the type to, like, leave my dog for long periods of time." (07:49)

• On red flags:

  "If you saw the guys I've dated, you'd think I was psycho ... they're just all over the place." (02:50)

• On dating extremes:

  "If you're not good at the gym, my vagina is going to dry up ... If you're too into macros, shove them up your ass." – Kerryn (13:39, 17:02)

Exit Strategies & Boundaries in Dating

• Blunt Honesty: Kerryn doesn’t hesitate to end a bad date directly—"I've said to guys like mid meal, 'I don't like you. This isn't fun. We're not getting along.'" (41:13)
• Sobriety and Dating: Kerryn has been sober almost 8 years, making her dating and breakup processes more direct and self-aware. "You actually feel all the feelings...I used to black out. I would fall up the stairs, I would pee beds." (41:59 – 42:39)

Love Languages & What Matters Most

• Words of Affirmation: Kerryn loves compliments and is generous with them; acts of service come second, especially related to help with her dog. (39:42 – 40:03)
• What She Gives in Return: She strives to make others' lives easier, prioritizing thoughtful acts and flexibility. (40:17)

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• "I forget how happy I am single. I'm better single." — Kerryn (01:24)
• "I've never, like, dated a guy that I was actually platonically friends with." — Kerryn (03:41)
• "It just sucks for your mental health and your identity if you don't feel like your home is your home." — Kerryn (06:39)
• "I don't have that natural, nurturing instinct ... it reassures my decision not to have children." — Kerryn (10:49, 11:01)
• "Fan dynamics ... it's like they like the idea of you ... then it's like, I fart. I'm gross." — Kerryn (02:26)
• "No one likes a Gemini because they don't know who they are." — Kerryn (22:39)
• "I want a 'six-hour boyfriend.'" — Kerryn (12:51)
• "If you're not good at the gym, my vagina is going to dry up ... If you're too into macros, shove them up your ass." — Kerryn (13:39, 17:02)
• "I've said to guys like mid meal, 'I don't like you. This isn't fun.'" — Kerryn (41:13)
• "You actually feel all the feelings [in sobriety]." — Kerryn (41:59)

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Key Timestamps

• [00:49] – Kerryn on comedy in Austin and New York
• [01:24] – Being newly single, feeling healthier
• [02:26] – Downsides of dating fans
• [03:41] – Platonic friends as non-starters
• [06:02] – Moving in together and space priorities
• [10:49] – On having kids (or not)
• [12:51] – “Six-hour boyfriend” and ideal relationship cadence
• [13:39, 17:02] – Fitness extremes as turn-offs
• [20:33 – 22:51] – Astrology, compatibility, and Gemini bashing
• [25:54 – 26:59] – Power imbalances and “sugar mama” issues
• [31:53 – 32:14] – Withholding help in showbiz relationships
• [39:42 – 40:03] – Love languages
• [41:13] – Exit strategies for bad dates
• [41:59] – Sobriety and real feelings

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Conclusion

Kerryn Feehan brings sharp humor and real talk to this conversation about dating as an independent, career-driven woman. Major themes include the importance of personal space, healthy boundaries, and emotional honesty, as well as a mutual skepticism toward astrology, conventional “red flag” thinking, and the unrealistic expectations often placed on relationships. The episode ends on a note of self-acceptance—as both guests affirm the joys and pitfalls of their own romantic journeys.

Transcript

[A]

I'm so excited to see you tonight.

[B]

First date, baby. First date.

[A]

I can't wait.

[B]

First date.

[A]

Hello, and welcome to another episode of First Date. My guest today plays Reagan on seasons one and two of Tires. You can catch her doing stand up all over the New York comedy scene. She also hosts the.

[C]

Excuse me.

[A]

The podcast Only fans give it up for Karen Feehan.

[B]

Hey. Oh, wow. They clap back there. That's so nice. I've been humming your theme song, like, since I knew I was doing this. I'm like, first Date, baby. It's very catchy. I like it.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

You're welcome.

[A]

So how long are you in Austin for?

[B]

I'll be here till Friday or Saturday morning I leave. I'm headlining the creek, doing spots at the mothership all week. Fun. I love Austin. Yeah, I love it more and more every time I come.

[A]

How do you come? Often?

[B]

I would say I come twice a year at least. And I like staying at, like, a bougie or hotel every time I come.

[D]

Yeah?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you live in New York?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Are you from New York?

[B]

No, I'm from Massachusetts originally, but I've lived in New York for, like, 20 years, so, yeah, I think I'm, like, a New Yorker.

[A]

Are you single? Are you dating?

[B]

I'm single right now.

[A]

How long have you been single?

[B]

Two months. Thank you. That's a long time. Thank you so much. I'm having fun. I forget how happy I am. Single, I'm better. I'm better single.

[A]

What makes you better single?

[B]

I'm like, when I'm in love, I'm, like, in love. Love. And I, like, put the other person first. So sometimes I can forget about myself a little bit when I do single. I'm, like, obsessed with myself.

[A]

Well, you can go do whatever the hell you want to do.

[B]

Yeah. I'm just healthier to. The last person I dated, like, smoked a ton of blunts, and now I, like. I'm not smoking weed once. Yeah.

[A]

Were they in high school?

[B]

Pretty much. But now I'm like. I just feel so good about my lungs. I'm, like, running more. I feel healthier. I don't have to use my inhaler ever. Ever. I just stopped filling the prescription.

[A]

It sounds like a very healthy breakup.

[B]

Yeah. Thank you.

[A]

How do you meet people?

[B]

I feel like the last three guys I've dated have kind of been like fans in their own way.

[A]

Nice. Yeah, we love a fan.

[B]

You think it's great in the beginning, but then it's like, you know that, like, Notting Hill, like, Pretty woman type vibe. It's like they like the idea of you. And then it's like, I fart. I'm gross. You're going to hear all my noises.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And so I think that kind of can not work in your favor at a certain point.

[A]

What attracts you to someone? What's.

[B]

If you saw the guy? If I did, like a lineup of all the guys I've dated, you'd think I was. Had Tourette. Like, psycho. Like, why? They're just all over the place. It's like black guy, Puerto Rican, trust fund kid, older guy, younger guy, younger guy, younger guy. It's just like. I don't know. I. I like, also, like, if I'm like attracted to people instantly, like, I'll usually sleep with them right out the gate. But then it doesn't end up. Almost always. It doesn't end up being like a long term thing when it's like more of like a slow burn where I'm like, oh, wait a minute, I think I'm attracted to this person. That's who I'll end up dating for like a longer period of time.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Does that make sense?

[A]

Do you almost start out as friends first?

[B]

No.

[A]

You're just taking it a little slower.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I can't. I've never, like, dated a guy that I was actually platonically friends with.

[A]

I don't think I have either.

[B]

Right. It's like you put them in the category, they're in the boyfriend category or whatever. Category.

[A]

Yeah. Cause if I like you, right. I'm not gonna, like, beat around the bush.

[B]

No. And I'm not gonna be your friend.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Ever after we break up. I'm not gonna like. I don't see the point.

[A]

That's how I feel when I would go on dates with guys and they would talk about their ex girlfriend the whole time.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I'm like, you know, we're not. I'm not your friend. I'm not. You're not.

[B]

I'm not your bro.

[A]

You're not here to shut up to me about your ex.

[B]

I hate her. Yeah.

[A]

I hate her. You hate her. We all hate her.

[B]

Never met her. Haters. Talking about her. You're still in love with her. Like, shut up.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Pay for this meal.

[B]

I mean, I guess I'm friends with like an, an ex. Nat. Like, I dated Louis J. Gomez. You know him? I feel like he did your show. He might.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

So we dated like a hundred years ago and. But we weren't friends, like right after we broke up. We probably weren't friends for, like, a year, but, like, now we are because we see each other so often and we, like, work together.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

So, like, that. That. But still, like, I'm not, like, texting Louis about, like, hey, guess what? I got my box eaten last night. You want to hear all about it? Like, I. You know what I mean? Like, he's still. Girls are for friendship.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

I think I do, too. I don't know.

[A]

Do you? Do you? I guess. Like, when you meet someone and you take it slow, do you take it slow by, like, dating them? Like, going out on dates and not hooking up? I guess. What is taking it slow?

[B]

Look, like, I think I'm. See, I don't care about, like, sleeping with people, but, like, I think it's, like, taking it slow as far as, like, the conversation of, like, what are we. Are we exclusive? Putting a label on this, this, and that.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I. I mean, if we're, like, you know, four months into it and, like, you're the only person I'm talking to, then I'm going to be like, all right, wait. We're both just only talking to each other. Right? Like, I need. I'll need some clarity at this point. Yeah, But I guess that's what I mean about, like, taking it slow. Like, I. I also love my space. I'm not, like, I'm not trying to move in with anybody that fast.

[A]

Like, moving in is such a hardcore step.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes in New York, it kind of just happened. Like, it would just happen to me in the past. Like, the guy that I dated in my 20s. Like, we. I just started, like, staying at his apartment so much, and I would go back to my place, and I'm like, there's cobwebs on my clothing. Like, why? Like, I don't. Why am I paying rent here when I'm just, like, at your place? But he was a lot older than me, and. And he had just gotten out of a thing, so he was, like, hesitant about, like, us living together, and that always stunk. Like, when we finally did kind of, like, live together, it never really felt like my place. It felt like I was living in his place.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Which I think it just, like, sucks for your mental health and your identity. Like, if you don't feel like your home is your home.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But we also used to do a ton of blow and, like, booze our faces off, so it's probably gonna end poorly anyway. I miss him. I feel. We had fun. We had fun.

[A]

I feel like I used to move in too fast. Because I would feel the same way. I'd be like, why am I going to pay rent right when I'm living here? Like, that's. It doesn't make sense. And I was younger and I would have that vibe of, like, let's just, like, live together. And then I got older and I.

[B]

Was like, hold on.

[A]

Having your own space is so much better. And then you can just go over there whenever you want and you can leave.

[B]

Leave whenever you want. Like, hey, we're gonna go watch football. No, you are. Bye. I have 10am Pilates. I have to go. I have to go. I'm already home. I have a dog too. Like, like, that's like, I. I feel guilty. And I have, like, a really great dog mom crew. And like, I can always. If I was, like, dating a guy who doesn't live in the same city as me, they would take care of my dog.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

But I'm just, like, also not the type to, like, leave my dog for long periods of time.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

It's not good for the dog.

[B]

Yeah. You get it. You have a kid. I get it. Same thing.

[A]

And I have a dog. I have a kid and a dog. I really get it.

[B]

It's hard leaving the dog.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

The kids, fine, but the dog.

[B]

Yeah. It's where the living together thing is. Like, it's like, routine stuff too. Like, I still haven't dated a guy who, like, does what I do in the mornings. I'm a morning person. I wake up at 6am with no alarm clock. I'm outside with my dog.

[A]

You don't have a kid.

[B]

I know.

[A]

That's wild.

[B]

I know. But that's why I'm, like, a really good babysitter. I'm, like, always available in, like, the early mornings. Like, my friends want to sleep in. I'm like, I'll come over.

[A]

That's nice.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm a morning person too, but I think I've. I've always been a morning person, but now I have to be, right? Yeah.

[B]

They gotta eat.

[A]

It turns you in. Having a kid turns you into being a morning person.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, running from a bear makes you an athlete, you know?

[B]

Like, it's. It's maybe against your will, but it's happening.

[A]

It's just part of it.

[B]

Yeah. Do you get to bed at a good hour most nights?

[A]

I do nowadays because I'm so tired by the time this little thing goes to bed that I'm like, I've got two hours in me.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And then lights out, and then Even then, right. I'm, like, struggling.

[B]

What do you do with those two hours? Do you, like, doom scroll? Do you watch tv?

[A]

I black out. I don't even know what I do in those two hours.

[B]

I.

[A]

You know what's weird is I think I clean the most.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I get it. Because my sister has two really little kids.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And whenever I'm there, it's like, I feel like, the exhale of, like, when both the kids are in bed. I'm like, okay, now we can chill. And I look and she's doing dishes. I'm like, oh, it's hard.

[A]

It's hard to chill because I have to put away, like, a million things. And then if I want to eat something in peace, right. Then I have to clean that. It's just. It's. It's not like I'm relaxing in those two hours.

[B]

You're a single mom, right? No, I'm kidding.

[A]

I would never.

[B]

Sounds like it.

[A]

But you know what?

[B]

I talk.

[A]

I've been talking with my husband about it a lot. I don't know how single moms do it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Holy sh.

[B]

Totally. And it's, like, spanking. Like, bring it back. You know, like, make it okay again for the mom.

[A]

Like, I just. It does so much work. It's so much.

[B]

I mean, you got, like. I see, like, really great couples and like, the teamwork. And even, like, when, like, they are, like, both, like, really pulling their weight, like, genuinely doing the best they can. There's still moments where I'm just like, I don't know, you guys. I have to go. Yeah. So glad I'm barren.

[A]

Yeah. Do you ever want to have kids?

[B]

No. I mean, if a guy. The only time I would ever even consider it is if I was madly in love and, like, the guy wanted to.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I don't have that natural, nurturing instinct. I would die for my nieces and nephews. I have four beautiful nieces and nephews. But every time I hang out with them, it reassures my decision not to have children.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

But I love them.

[A]

That's how I feel about tattoos.

[B]

Really?

[A]

When I see other people with, like, a lot of tattoos, it reminds me, I don't want those.

[B]

Yeah. I don't want a lot. I have two.

[A]

I have one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you can't see it.

[B]

The ones right here, it says, don't serve me. It's because I'm an alcoholic. And then I have a ballerina on my shoulder.

[A]

Oh, cute.

[B]

That's it. And then I was done. I needed, like, two and then I was like, I don't want anymore.

[A]

Were you a ballerina?

[B]

Yeah, in my first life.

[A]

That's hot.

[B]

Thanks.

[A]

Who is that actor? Nicholson. Jack Nicholson. Jack Nicholson, yeah. Do you know about the scandal that he was involved in with ballerinas?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

No, I love it.

[A]

Yeah. He was, Was he dating someone or. He was married to someone probably Angelica Houston.

[B]

He cheated on her all the time.

[A]

Cheated on someone with a famous ballerina, I bet. And then she went to the red carpet like sometime after that and she dressed up like a ballerina on the red carpet. There was this, was this whole thing and that was like sort of my introduction. I'm gonna read about this into Jack Nicholson.

[B]

I'm gonna google. He was that he was sexy. Especially like the 70s.

[A]

Yeah, that was like his era.

[B]

But he was always with like, I'm pretty sure angelic. Or is it Angela? Angelica. Right, Angela. Yeah. They were like, I love pictures of them together. She has such like a hot severe look like. Yeah, like nose, those eyebrows, those bangs. They were just so like sexy together, 70s. But I read about their history. She just got fed up with the cheating at one point.

[A]

I don't blame her.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know, I could see a little bit in this like Hollywood drama how it would be hard to be monogamous when you're constantly working with just superstars all the time.

[B]

True.

[A]

But my God.

[B]

But then just don't be married.

[A]

Yeah, don't, don't do that. Don't just be single.

[B]

Just be single. Don't make promises.

[A]

Have your own place.

[B]

Yeah, your own place. That's what I like. I, I, I always say this like I like like a once a week kind of boyfriend. Cuz I'm doing spots almost every night, right? So like I'm not home. But like when I am home I do like want like a cuddle person and I want to watch tv. I want like a six hour boyfriend. Because then in the mornings I just again I can't find. I don't even know if I would be happy if the guy woke up at the same time as me and like came out with me and my dog. Because that's kind of like my hour, hour and a half to myself. And it's just her and I and like I've had like goofy guys like I'm up early, I'll come walk the dog with you. I'm like go back to bed, you're bothering me. You know what I mean? Like I don't want your like morning. I'm not ready to interact with humans yet. I'm doing my dog stuff.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

But then once I'm done with my dog stuff, I'm like at the gym too. And it's like, you can come to the gym with me, but if you're not good at the gym, like my vagina is going to fall, like dry up. It's gonna turn into powder. If I like look at you and you're like, you're wincing while you're like, I don't know, you're just pushing the bar. Just the bar? No, not just the bar. Oh, I'm gonna cry.

[C]

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[A]

Sad to see it happens? I think some wasn't there.

[B]

Dude, this actually happened. Are you talking about the politician? About Mandani? Yeah. He couldn't get. He could have bench pressed his own body weight. I could bench more than him. It was humiliated. He's gonna win too. It's humiliating.

[A]

And he couldn't even bench his own body weight.

[B]

Yeah, no, that, like, he couldn't get like a single rep off. Like, on the other extreme. I don't know if I would be happy with a super fitness dude either.

[A]

No, for sure not.

[B]

You know what I mean? Like, I couldn't handle the radical of like a guy being like, are you. Do you want to try my protein powder? We're gonna do. Did you track your macro? No, I would be like, fuck eating Mac and cheese. I'm like, shove your macros up your ass. I don't like the science of this.

[A]

I don't either.

[B]

I just.

[A]

Not for it to be hot.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't like anyone that's too extreme.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Like, I don't want you to be obese, but I don't want you to be like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

[B]

So disciplined that you can't have fun.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

No, you need to be like somewhere in the middle.

[B]

Yeah. Because I like, I was reading this or I saw something. Some ladies like, I've never been sick. I haven't been sick in 10 years because I go to bed at the same exact time every night. Night. Oh, God.

[A]

I'm like, get sick.

[B]

Great. But I don't get a cold. Grow up. Get a sinus infection a little.

[A]

Come on.

[B]

But I'm like, I can't go to bed. I can't go to bed if I have an 11:30 spot. I can't go to bed at 9 o'. Clock. What am I gonna go to bed at 9, wake up at 10:59, leave my house and you gotta unwind. Right. So either extreme, it's not good. I also had, like, dated a really gross younger guy. But he was so hot. He was so hot on paper. He was six, two, Irish. I met him at a. I don't drink, but I was just having mashed potatoes. Anyway, it doesn't matter. He was so hot. We used to call him Steady Eddie. Me and my dog mom crew gave him nicknames Steady Eddie. And because he was so charming, so cute, like, just the gift of gab but then like a week in, I realized he's a full blown cokehead alcoholic. Like, hiding bottles of booze in my closet. I would go away for like road weekends and he would watch my dog. And I'm like, this is perfect. Like, I've come. This is the perfect boyfriend. I can totally trust him. Then I would come back. I'm like, did even walk my dog? Why does it smell so bad in here? Why can't you stay awake at 4pm why are you falling asleep on my couch? And so finally I was like, this isn't good. He got. And he got so mad because he's so Irish. He's like, oh, you're kicking me out? Then like, yeah, dude, you're gross. Like, this doesn't work for me.

[A]

That was an amazing Irish accent.

[B]

Thank you so much. Yeah. Yeah. We had, you know, his verbal was good.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

So I heard him talk a lot.

[A]

Well, you. You got to take something away from that relationship.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Nice little tool in your toolbox.

[B]

Yeah. The young guys, like, just won't leave me alone. I don't know.

[A]

What is it about younger guys that you like?

[B]

Nothing. They're just. They just seem to be the ones that like, reach out the most. They're like, up my butt. I'm like, leave me alone.

[A]

That's probably why they like you. They're like, no want me.

[B]

I think. Yeah. And I think, I don't know. Older guy. I don't know if I'm just not in the right spots for to meet older guys. I don't know where they are.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I think they're probably in bed before me.

[A]

Probably.

[B]

I'll find one. Or the ones that I do find are married.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

But I don't know that sometimes that's the worst sometimes. Or they lie and say that they're divorced and they're not.

[A]

You know, I get the lie that guys that were me are married are poly and that they.

[B]

They're like, their wife doesn't mind.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

They're like, no, my wife doesn't care. And I'm like, get her on the phone. Let's hear it.

[B]

Yeah. Meanwhile, she's like, she has like an air tag in his pocket. Yeah, exactly. Shows up. She's like, in six foot Russian bitch. Ready to kill us. No, I'm not interested. I Men.

[A]

Terrible.

[B]

Terrible.

[A]

What is your. What is your sign?

[B]

I'm a Taurus.

[A]

Okay. What are you, a Virgo?

[B]

I love a Virgo. Happy Virgo season.

[D]

Thank you.

[B]

You're welcome.

[A]

My husband is A Taurus.

[B]

Love a Taurus. Male Tauruses are great. Male Tauruses are great. So loyal, so steady.

[A]

Very grounded.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I like them. Too earthy. Isn't that an Earth sign?

[B]

Yeah, we are. We're the best. Horses are the best sign.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

What is your. Are you into astrology?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Tell me about astrology.

[B]

So my favorite. My favorite signs are. I just vibe well with other Earth signs. So, like, I like. I like Capricorns. I like Aries. I like a Leo, too. I like a Virgo. I like. My best friend's a Cancer. And then other signs I. That I don't typically. I like a Scorpio, Typically. Mesh well. I don't love a water sign. I don't like an Aquarius.

[A]

I can't believe I know some of this.

[B]

Yeah, I don't love a Pisces. Okay. Male Pisces fish. Oh, good.

[A]

I don't know what my son is. He was born February 17th.

[B]

Oh, is that a Pisces? No, I think he got out. I think Pisces is more March. He might be a SAG. I don't know.

[A]

What's February 17th?

[B]

It's not. That's close to Valentine's Day.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Aquarius.

[A]

Aquarius. Oh, that is a water sign.

[B]

It's okay. Astrology isn't real. He'll be fine. Boys can be puddles. He's a cute puddle. Of course he is.

[D]

You can't talk yet.

[B]

No. It doesn't mean his moons could be in Taurus. Like, he could. And he has a Virgo and a Taurus for parents, so he'll get some of your good traits. Yeah, he won't be all.

[A]

He won't be all right, now. He's a lot of shit, though. He's just constant shit.

[B]

Yeah, I like. I don't know, like, certain signs, they really live up to, like, what? Their descriptions are like, I don't love a Gemini. No one likes a Gemini because they don't know who they are.

[A]

Geminis are scary people, and they lean into the fact they love that.

[B]

They're crazy.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

They're like, oh, I'm a Gemini. I could be two different people at any different time. And it's like, no. No one likes that.

[B]

Nobody likes that. Pick a side, you freak. That's, like, just an excuse for bad behavior. Oh, today I'm gonna be a bitch. No, just be regular. Yeah, I don't like it. But also, do you ever text a.

[A]

Guy and ask him, what. What time he was born?

[B]

No, I'm not That psycho.

[A]

I am.

[B]

And you do the whole birth chart thing.

[A]

Oh man, I've done it before. I've done the numerology and all the things and it's not like it even matters. It has never seen swayed my decision.

[B]

Oh, it won't. Right?

[A]

You know, it's so. It's like if I know what time you're born and I know all about your numerology and all your stuff.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And. And you're hot. But we don't. We are like stars are not aligning. You're still getting probably even better.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Cuz I'm supposed to want you. So I feel like there's a big doorway there that opens up and I'm like, tell me.

[B]

Yeah, that's. I. I see that too. Or you're like, I. Oh, we're not supposed to be together. I'll be the judge of that.

[A]

I'm a witch.

[B]

Give me some of your blood. I'm gonna cast a spell on you. Yeah, we'll see.

[A]

We'll see who has their own fate.

[B]

We'll see who's what in their hands. My Bob, Both my parents are Leos. Strong, strong willed, like center of attention without trying to be. So is my big brother. So a lot of Leos in my family.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

But then my nieces are both Tauruses. My little nieces. I know. I'm building my little Taurus army.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Love them.

[A]

So when is the last time you had a very serious relationship?

[B]

I guess I'll call it very serious. But I broke up with a guy like two months ago.

[A]

How long were you all together?

[B]

Like almost a year. Like 10, 11 months. That's serious. How did you break up with him? I took it seriously. Oh no, he was way too young for me. Oh, way too young for me. And sometimes you are. I like miss. I thought I saw. I thought that there was a connection, but it was really like codependency.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

On their part.

[A]

That's my dude.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Like I like if you're like texting me like clockwork, like every day at a certain time. And like we're like texting like you know, all day every day. Like I'm like, oh, this person's in love with me. Like, I don't text even like my friends that much. I'm like very like loosey goosey. See, when I see you, like, I know you're my best friend. I don't have to like call you every day.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And this person was like that with me. But then I started to notice that he's like that with, like, his friends, too. Like, always. Like. Like, kind of like needing to be in touch, you know? Like, and sometimes it's like, maybe you should go to work. Like, get a job. Like, you're texting so much that it's like, why don't you, like, text? Like, I don't know.

[A]

He's like, because I don't have a car.

[B]

Wow. You don't even know. But, you know, it was just. I also just, like, like, love, love. And, like, we did have, like, a lot of fun together, so I was like, this is love. I'm in love. I'll just be in love. And I was in a, you know, a position of just, like, financial dominance. Right. Like, I'm just killing. And I don't care about money. Like, I really don't care if the guy has money or doesn't have money. Sometimes it's. It annoys me if the guy, like, flashes his money too much. I'm like, I'd rather like an equal. Like, I come from, like, blue. Blue collar. My mom's a teacher. My dad was, like, a salesman. So, like. Like, I did a trust fund kid. And that's sucked.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

But when you have money, you just kind of start liking what you like and you want to do what you want to do. And I. If I'm with this person, I'm just gonna cover it because they can't. But I still want to eat sushi Nakazawa. Like, yeah, you want to do what.

[A]

You want to do, but. And if they can't afford it, you end up being a sugar mama.

[B]

Yeah. And that's, like. That sucks for them. I feel, like, emasculates them. So I think that makes them, like, not attracted to you anymore. But it's like, what am I supposed to do?

[A]

That's a tricky situation.

[B]

Yeah. I'm supposed to just be poor.

[A]

You're supposed to just have McDonald's.

[B]

My gut microbiome could never. Ew. Yeah. So that was tricky.

[A]

What is.

[B]

We wish him well.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Do we?

[B]

Yeah, of course.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

I don't wish everybody well. No, no.

[B]

Some people that have wronged you. Yeah.

[A]

Some people I don't wish well.

[B]

Yeah. You cast spells.

[A]

I'm like, I don't care if you're well.

[B]

I don't care. I hope you're unwell.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

If you're unwell, text me and tell me about it.

[B]

O. What? Like, has. What has a guy done? How to wrong you?

[D]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

Yeah. They can be so bad. I Had.

[A]

I mean, my ex husband cheated on me with the. The hostess of his restaurant. And she had Bell's palsy.

[B]

So cliche. I know one of her sides of her face was frozen. Yeah. So like, can you imagine that blowjob? She's like.

[A]

Yeah. Terrible.

[B]

Brutal. Yeah.

[A]

I'm like, did she open the other side of her mouth?

[B]

Like, does she spit or swallow? She spits. She can't swallow.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

She probably choked.

[B]

I don't know. Hostesses are so dumb. You can't even be a waitress.

[D]

Yeah. Idiot.

[A]

So, like, there's her. Like, I don't care. I don't. I don't care if he's well.

[B]

Right. Right.

[A]

And then other people that have wronged me. Anyone who just doesn't like me.

[B]

Right. Guillotine. Goodbye forever. Poison. Now, I've been doing comedy for, like, I don't know, 15 plus years. And, like, I have two enemies, which I don't think is that many. I think I should have collected way more.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

But I have two enemies and I don't wish them well. I really don't. I don't care about them. I don't spend too much time thinking about them. But, you know, there's one who, like, still tries to, like, be my friend and I'm like, no. Yeah, enemy.

[A]

I don't think everybody wishes me well either.

[B]

No. What'd you do?

[A]

Oh, man. I'm, like, pretty good at, like, I can stop caring about you. And I think that, like, to the point where it hurts.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, I can. I'm pretty good at, like, you're doing that.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

People are affected by your absence.

[A]

And I hate to say that because it makes me feel like I'm trying to say that I'm like, so important in someone's life. But there have been people in my life that I've been, like, incredibly close to.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Who have, like, gotten me to a point where I'm like, you and I cannot be friends anymore.

[B]

You're draining me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There's no benefits. So bad. Yeah.

[A]

And so I can't trust you.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Just terrible. Like, things that are.

[B]

Do you give them chances? Are you patient? You give them a few. Try.

[A]

And I'm also, like, overly communicative.

[B]

Right. These are my boundaries. You keep fucking them up. Yeah.

[A]

Like, I really, really, really, really like you.

[B]

Right. I want this to succeed. I want you to succeed with me.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

This is how you do it.

[A]

So I don't wish everyone well.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And people don't. You know what I mean? But I think that's okay.

[B]

Of course it is. We're not all supposed to get along. My dog fights with other dogs. She hates doodles.

[A]

Yeah, fuck doodles.

[B]

Fuck doodles.

[A]

My dog hates every other dog.

[B]

What kind of dog do you have?

[A]

I have a teacup yorkie who thinks she's my only child.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And she just.

[B]

She's jealous of the baby.

[A]

She has Napoleon syndrome. So she just barks at anything that's bigger than her, and everything is bigger than her. So she barks at your tits?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

That's such a compliment. Bark, bitch. Why aren't you barking?

[B]

Way heavier than you.

[A]

Do you still talk to any of your exes?

[B]

Yeah, I guess.

[A]

Lewis.

[B]

But yeah, you know, Lewis is like a colleague. The trust fund kid who I dated once in a while. Will DM because he's, like a personal trainer, like, fitness guy. And it'll. But it's all, like, very professional. I'm like, I, like, lost weight. I need to build my butt back up. Like, give me exercises, give me a program. Other than that. No, not really. The guy I dated a guy like, throughout my entire 20s. He was, like, the booze bag cokehead, and it was so funny. He was an actor while we were dating, and he was eight years older than me, and he, like, had an agent. He was doing commercials, like, all this stuff. And I had, like, just started acting in the city. And I would just beg him for any opportunity. I'm like, can you give them my headshot? Can you do this? Can you do this? Can you do this? And he never would help me. Not even, like, why? He's just a douche. What a dick.

[A]

That's so Hollywood.

[B]

Yeah. There is something. I see it happen with, like, men and women, like, that dynamic of success in the entertainment industry. It's tough. I see. I see men, like, being withholding when they could be more generous with their partners all the time.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Because they're. They're just protecting themselves. They're like, yeah.

[A]

They don't want a woman to go and succeed and then not need him anymore.

[B]

Totally. So, like, there was that. And so he always just had the sense that he was just, like, blowing me out of the water as far as, like, this business is concerned. And then slowly but surely, I completely overtook him, and he's still bartending and, like, doing coke. So, like, why would I talk to him? Why would I. You know what I mean?

[A]

I love that Powers play.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

So I have no reason to talk to him. Yeah. So not really.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

What? I guess you only need a six Hour boyfriend. Do you like to do anything before your shows?

[B]

Eat.

[A]

Where do you like to go eat?

[B]

Steakhouses. Sushi. Nakazawa. It's the best sushi place in New York City. I love. That's what my dog moms are for, though. Like, I have this, like, crew of, like, five rich Jewish bitches. I'm not Jewish. But, like, we roll hard.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

We go. We know we're spending money, and we go and eat our faces off.

[A]

That's so fun.

[B]

It's like, I mean, again, like, I can't really seem to find, like, the guy who's going to, like, either split the bill or, like, pay for it yet. I don't know. I'm not really on the hunt either. And again, like, I'm on stage, like, every night, and there's guys that, like, come up to me, like, oh, my God, you're so funny. And I can tell they want to ask me out. But, like, the dynamic has already started wrong. Like, I've already started up. Like, I want to be in my divine feminine, my submissive. Like, I want to be taken care of. But, like, if I just, like, killed on a show, Like, I'm just. You have to be such an alpha to, like, impress me.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, it's like, oh, my God, you're so funny. It's like, ew. Shut up. I know. You know what I mean?

[A]

How does a guy walk up to you and turn you on, though? Like, what is an approach that works?

[B]

A guy that I, like, I went on a few dates with after this last breakup. He approached me on the street and he was, like, six foot five, like, finance guy. And he just, like, came up to me. I was on my way to the dentist, and he's like, where are you going? I was like, the dentist. You can't come. And he's like, what's your name? And, like, I gave him my number immediately. And, like, we went on a few dates and, like, he was good, but he did this thing that ticked me off from the beginning because we were, like, chatting. We went on one dinner date. He paid, everything's going fine. And then he just showed up at my show, like, the next night after I had made it pretty clear, like, I don't. I'm not ready. I don't want you to do that. I'm super, like, vulnerable on stage. I talk about a bunch of stuff that, like, maybe I'm not ready for you to hear yet. Like, maybe let's go out a few more times. So that kind of pissed me Off. But guys do that all the time with me too. They're like, all right, so I'll come to your show and then we'll grab food. I'm like, no, no, no, no. Like, okay, I'll come to your job, and then we'll go grab food. Like, what? Like, why is that a date? Like, yeah, it's just not.

[A]

I. I feel like, you know, you don't even want the pressure of having to try to impress someone that you might even be interested in.

[B]

Right.

[A]

The show isn't ever as good.

[B]

No, you're right. There's so many variables. Like, I could bomb, like, either way. Like, killing or bombing, you're in a weird spot. It's either, like, if you bomb a guy's like, so you do this for a living? That wasn't good. That's almost easier, though.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, I guess I'm stupid. Can you pay for this?

[A]

Seriously? They're like, oh, so you're out every night practicing, practicing.

[B]

They're like, that guy handed you money for what?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

You stink.

[D]

Yikes.

[B]

So, I don't know. I'm hoping for, like, a gym boyfriend. I think that'll be my next move.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I haven't had a gym boyfriend in a very long time.

[B]

But have you had one before?

[A]

I had a guy that worked out more than I did.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And so. But I didn't really like that relationship.

[B]

Okay. Why?

[A]

Because I want to be healthy. Because I like. Because I want to be healthy.

[B]

You want the motivation to come from within.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Not feel like you're living with a drill sergeant. If I eat this, like, I don't want someone to, like, side eye me for having something naughty.

[B]

No, see, the trainer guy who was the trust fund kid, we would pig out together. Like, we would work really hard all week, and then, like, Sundays, we would, like, watch football and let their wheels fall off and get pizza and, like, cupcakes.

[A]

That sounds fun.

[B]

It was. It was good. There was a lot of elements of that relationship that were. That were. Were really good. It was just. I didn't respect him because his mom paid for everything, but. Poor kid.

[A]

Are there any better? Are there any physical traits that you're very attracted to?

[B]

I just like hot guys. I like a little deformity, like a tut. You know what I mean? Like. Like, the trust fund kid had a cleft palate.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah, I like that. My last guy had, like, up teeth. I was talking to a guy in a wheelchair for a little while. We never met in person, but he was so hot. He was an Olympian. He was, like, a Special Olympian. He could bench more than that politician.

[A]

Good for him.

[B]

I like. I like a. A man. I definitely. That. This is where I run into problems with, like, cheaters, though, too. Like, I feel like I'm attracted to the type of guys that, like, other women are attracted to, too. And, like, that's part of why I like them. It's kind of. This is what I was learning, like, my last relationship. Like, it's not that I like it, but I seem to respond to, like, that withholding, like, breadcrumby type vibe.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Like a clingy guy. I'm like, oh, go away. But if you're like, I kind of like you. Lose my mind. And it's not, like, cerebral. Like, in my head, I'm like, cut it out. Cut it out. But I think it, like, has to do with, like, the way I was raised. Like, my dad, just, like, a tough dude. I would, like, practice, like, my ballet or, like, my monologues in front of him, and he would have his eyes shut, and my mom would be, like, elbowing him, like, watch her, and he's like, I can see her better this way. Eyes closed, fully closed. Damn, dude. Yeah. So I don't know. I feel like I'm also the type of person who's meant to have, like, 100 soulmates, too.

[A]

Yeah. You just click with a lot of people.

[B]

Not that I. Yeah, I guess a lot. I mean, I guess I'm like. I'm not. I'm not. I'm never really single for that long. Mm. Somebody always just ends up stumbling in, and I just think I'm meant to have, like, a bunch of, like, twin flames.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's kind of romantic.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

What is the most romantic thing someone's ever done for you?

[B]

Oh, the cokehead booze bag. He got me a really nice vintage lighter on a necklace one year for Valentine's Day. As far as, like, acts of romance, I guess my last guy, he was. He was romantic in his own way. He drove me and my dog to the beach one weekend. He would, like, bring my dog presents for, like, Christmas, which was.

[A]

That's cute.

[B]

This is pretty low bar, now that I'm saying it out loud.

[A]

That's cute. Cute.

[B]

But, like, I'm also the type of girl who, like, says, up top. Like, I don't like flowers. You're just gonna die. I don't like and, like that stuff. I don't know. It doesn't. It's not that I wouldn't like it if it happened, I feel like I don't make it known to the guy that, like, that's what I want.

[A]

So what is meaningful to you though? Like, what's your love language? I guess it's been my favorite question later.

[B]

That's a good question. I think I'm a big words of affirmation girl. I like a lot of compliments. I don't. I don't think there can be enough compliments. Yeah, I'm very generous with my compliments.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And then like acts of service. That was the other thing the trust fund kid was good at because he didn't have to work. So he walked my dog all the time.

[A]

Oh, that's nice.

[B]

And I had a writing job and I was doing spots at night, so I was just like busy, busy, busy. And he would take care of my dog and I wouldn't even have to think about it. That was good.

[A]

That is good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What do you do for other people? What is like your everything?

[B]

I mean, I think that I. I try to make people's lives easier if I can. I try to like, find out specific things about them, like what they like, like whether it's food or like activities. And I'm like, I can do that. I'll go that. I'm also like a very. I think I'm like an up for anything type of girl. Like, I got sneakers. We can go. I'll go. I'll go on a hike. I'll do whatever. Yeah, it's just like the not wanting to do anything that's kind of lame sometimes.

[D]

Yeah, that happens.

[B]

If somebody smokes 10 blood today, kill me.

[A]

It happens. You know, you don't have to wish him well.

[B]

I know.

[A]

I guess I'm going to ask you one more question. See, what is your exit strategy for a terrible date?

[B]

Excuse me? Exit strategy for a terrible date. I'm like, so blunt. Like I've like said to guys like mid meal, like, I don't like you. I don't like you. This isn't fun. Like, we're not getting along because some guys will come at you like, combative from the jump, like just to be like slightly argumentative. And that like, gets under my skin. Especially if I'm not attracted to you. What? Yeah, I've gone on states before where people like, well, that's not actually true. Well, that's not enough. And they'll just like be a contrarian. And I'm like, I'm not having fun and I don't drink, so I can't like make this fun via booze. So I'm just gonna go.

[A]

Why don't you drink alcohol for the.

[B]

Good of the country?

[A]

Yeah. Have you been sober for a long time?

[B]

Almost eight years. Like seven and a half years. Wow. Yeah, I used to get so wasted. I think it makes breakups and, like, relationships in a way easier, though. Like, you actually feel all the feelings. You don't just, like, go, okay, I'm hurt now, so let me just, like, black out and, like, sleep with a stranger to, like, get over this. So I think it's beneficial in that way. But, yeah, I used to be a nightmare. I used to black out. I would fall up the stairs, I would pee beds. I would barf at my friend's scarves. It was a lot of. Those are three examples.

[A]

Hardcore examples. Do you have any vices now?

[B]

No, not really. I probably drink too much coffee and I was smoking pot when I was dating that guy, but now I'm not. I'm happier not smoking pot, though.

[A]

That's good.

[B]

I guess I'm probably addicted to exercise.

[A]

It's a great thing to be addicted to, you know?

[B]

That's it.

[A]

Well, where can people find you?

[B]

Follow me on Instagram at Karen Feehan. YouTube is where my podcast only fans is. And yeah, watch seasons one and two of tires. October 8th. I have a show at the Comedy Store in LA. Karen Feehan and her funny friends. Really trying to sell tickets to that. Hell, yeah.

[D]

In the main room.

[B]

Thank you. Love that. Thank you for having me. This is so fun.

[A]

Thank you for coming on my show.

[B]

No problem.

[A]

Thank you guys so much for watching another episode.

[C]

We'll see you next time.

[A]

First date.

[B]

Baby, are you really drinking a glass.

[A]

Of milk with dinner?

[B]

You told your mom about me? Just say, you ready?

[A]

Delete my number. First day, your parents are your roommates. First date.