Discovering The Mormon Poophole Loophole w/ Dr. Brady | First Date with Lauren Compton

Summary

Podcast Summary: First Date with Lauren Compton, Ep: Discovering The Mormon Poophole Loophole w/ Dr. Brady (March 17, 2026)

Episode Overview

In this hilarious and refreshingly honest episode, comedian and viral content creator Lauren Compton goes on a “first date” with Dr. Brady Smith—a practicing dentist, standup comic, podcaster, and merch-slinging dad of four. Their conversation dives deep into marriage secrets, Mormon dating myths, dental disasters, body insecurities, and strange cultural “loopholes.” The episode is filled with oversharing moments, playful banter, and frank talk about relationships, Mormonism, self-confidence, and truly weird first-date confessions.

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Major Discussion Points and Insights

Dr. Brady’s Dual Career: Dentist and Comedian

• Dr. Brady began as a dentist and transitioned into comedy after needing “more attention” ([01:11]).
• His standup career began at dental conferences after his TikTok videos caught attention ([01:25]).
• First big gig: opened for Sebastian Maniscalco at a dental conference—“I almost shit my pants. I was so nervous. I didn't expect to be nervous.” ([01:44])
• Comes from a big family: “One of eight. I’m six. So it's a forgettable position.” ([02:17])

Marriage, Romance, and Relationship Dynamics

• Married 20 years, four kids—“It’s actually a miracle. Are you still together? Like, 20 years later? You're like, holy shit, you’re cool.” ([03:41])
• Attributes relationship success to communication and “both parties willing to work on things” ([03:06])
• Spontaneously admits to giving his wife laughing gas: “It makes a lot of things better, for sure.” ([03:22])
• Shares the story of their first date: Chili’s (in white K-Swiss shoes), then billiards ([04:14])
• Known for romantic, hand-drawn notes and grand gestures, like celebrating 20 years in Bora Bora ([09:33], [10:16]).

Tattoos and Midlife Changes

• Got his first tattoo at 41: “Midlife crisis. Yeah, a little bit.” ([08:51])
• Has 12 tattoos, mainly on his thighs, including a quirky “cross-eyed bear” for his wife ([09:09])

Mormonism: Missions, Marriage, and Urban Legends

• Married in the Las Vegas Mormon Temple ([13:22])
• Confirmed both he and wife are Mormon; met at BYU ([13:29], [17:28])
• Served a Mormon mission in Paraguay during 9/11 ([14:12])
• Addresses red-flag stereotypes: “Isn't it a thing that Mormons have more than one wife?” "Historically, but not since like the 1800s." ([13:49], [13:56])
• On Mormon dating myths (“soaking” and the “poophole loophole”):
  • “Soaking, Lauren, that's fake… no Mormon has ever done that.” ([18:21])
  • “The poophole loophole? That's a real thing.” ([19:10])
  • Both guests joke about the absurdity and urban legend quality of these rumors.

Dental Talk: Amish Patients and Tooth Extractions

• Discusses rumors about Amish girls having teeth pulled for marriage: “This is all news to me…I would treat Amish people. That was a joke, by the way.” ([15:11])
• Talks about the surprisingly high number of full-mouth extractions even now ([17:02])
• On root canals: “No root canals make your boners 2 inches longer for men, and for women, they make your eyelashes longer. … That’s the rumor I’m starting.” ([55:06])

Body Confidence, Hairpieces, and Vulnerability

• Dr. Brady wears a “hair system” (hairpiece) due to baldness and discusses the etiquette of revealing this on a date:
  • "I have fake hair. So on a first date, I always wonder when would I reveal..." ([21:44])
  • Demonstrates removing hairpiece on the show ([24:55]), sparking honest conversation about appearance, deception, and self-image.
• “If you're bald, though, you gotta be jacked.” ([39:43])
• Lauren shares that she often goes on first dates without makeup as an “insecurity,” flipping the vulnerability script ([27:21]).
• Both agree male feet should stay covered: “I think when possible a man should not show his feet.“ ([42:58])

Hilariously Weird Confessions and Peeves

• Dr. Brady's hard stance: “I don't think bowling shoes are necessary. … I don't go to bowling alleys. I got kicked out of one.” ([28:37])
• His past “playboy” dating tricks included faking names (like “Tristan,” from Legends of the Fall) and using “fruit spray” from Bath and Body Works ([31:00], [33:00])
• “My dad, for a long time thought I was gay, but I was like, I’m doing this to get chicks, Dad.” ([33:11])
• Brady once lied about being divorced to seem “committed” and it backfired terribly ([34:07])

Names with a “Bitchy” Reputation

• They riff on names like Jennifer, Amber, Brittany, Bo, Chris, and Topher as “bitch” or “douche” names ([45:04-47:40]). “Especially ones that go by Topher. Fuck that.” ([47:30])

Vulnerability as Attraction

• Both agree that comfort with one’s flaws and openness about “imperfections” can be very attractive ([39:13]), supported by stories about hairpieces and flipper-teeth ([38:32]).

Parenting, Mother-in-Law Fears, and Family Attachment

• Lauren and Dr. Brady both admit to anxiety about their sons being “taken away” by future partners:
  • “Someone's gonna take your boy away from you someday, Lauren.” ([51:31])
  • “I worry about that too. … You gotta be like, don't find a woman who walks all over you.” ([52:27])

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Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• On nerves and standup:
  “I almost shit my pants. I was so nervous. I didn’t expect to be nervous.” – Dr. Brady ([01:44])
• On marriage longevity:
  “It’s actually a miracle. Are you still together? Like, 20 years later? You're like, holy shit, you’re cool.” – Dr. Brady ([03:41])
• On giving his wife laughing gas:
  “I have given her laughing gas... It makes a lot of things better, for sure.” – Dr. Brady ([03:22])
• On “soaking” myth:
  “That's fake. ... No Mormon has ever done that.” – Dr. Brady ([18:21])
• On the “poophole loophole”:
  “That's a real thing.” – Dr. Brady ([19:10])
• On hairpieces:
  “This is my double D boobs. … It gives me confidence.” – Dr. Brady ([36:27]; [37:49])
• On bowling alleys:
  “I don't think bowling shoes are necessary.” – Dr. Brady ([28:05])
• On vulnerability:
  “The vulnerability is so hot.” – Dr. Brady ([39:18])
• On not showing feet:
  “Whenever possible a man should not show his feet.” – Dr. Brady ([42:58])
• On confidence:
  “Are you confident without your shirt on?” “Yeah, but that's just because I don't give a shit what other people think.” – Dr. Brady ([41:44])
• On rumors about root canals:
  “No root canals make your boners 2 inches longer for men, and for women, they make your eyelashes longer.” – Dr. Brady ([55:06])

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Important Segments & Timestamps

• Dr. Brady’s career path & family: [01:08]–[02:47]
• Marriage & relationship talk: [02:58]–[06:54]
• Romantic gestures & tattoos: [08:13]–[10:38]
• Proposal story: [12:01]–[13:16]
• Mormonism, urban legends: [13:22]–[19:33]
• Dentist horror stories, Amish myth: [14:28]–[17:11]
• The big hairpiece reveal: [21:44]–[25:26]
• Body image, confidence discussion: [39:39]–[41:44]
• Names with bad associations: [45:04]–[47:40]
• Parenting & sons/girls fears: [51:31]–[54:03]
• Dental advice & root canal mythbusting: [54:36]–[55:22]

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Tone and Style

Lauren and Dr. Brady blend sarcasm, vulnerability, and straight-up comic irreverence. The episode is playful, profane, and candid—with both hosts unafraid to poke fun at themselves, each other, and the oddities of dating, marriage, and cultural myths. There are plenty of heartfelt moments between sharp-edged laughs, making it a lively, revealing, and very human “first date” experience.

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In Summary

This episode is a masterclass in blending awkward “first date” energy, oversharing, and genuine connection. Whether it’s Mormon dating myths, the taboo of hairpieces, or why some names just sound bitchy, Lauren and Dr. Brady keep things raw, silly, and endearingly honest—a great listen for anyone who’s ever worried about their hair, their teeth, or their chances for a second date.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

I'm so excited to see you tonight. First Date, baby. First date. I can't wait. First date. What is up, you guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of first Date. My guest today is a comedian and a dentist and he's on tour. He has a podcast called Laughing my gas Off. Give it up for Dr. Brady.

[A]

Hey. Thank you. I'm so excited to be here.

[B]

I'm so excited for you to be here too.

[A]

This is so fun.

[B]

What made you go? Were you a comedian or a dentist? First?

[A]

First I was a dentist, and I've been a dentist for 16 years. And then I was like, I need more attention. So then I was like, let's do comedy. That sounds like a good idea.

[B]

Yeah. How'd you get into it?

[A]

I started doing Tiktoks and then dental conferences started hiring me. I got hired for a dental conference. This was like three years ago. My first time ever performing, like any kind of standup and it was in front of 2000 dentists opening for Sebastian Maniscalco.

[B]

Oh, my goodness.

[A]

Yeah. This is like a big company. They pay like, big money for, like, big names to come in. And I almost shit my pants. I was so nervous. I didn't expect to be nervous. And so I was like, I should get better at this.

[B]

How'd you do?

[A]

I did good. I did good. I did not shit my pants. Is that what you're asking me?

[B]

Promising?

[A]

No, I was good. No, it was a lot of fun. And then that just kind of like, I just kind of caught a bug. I was like, yeah. I'm also one of eight children, so I think that's where my attention needs began.

[B]

One of eight?

[A]

Yeah, it's.

[B]

Where are you on the timeline?

[A]

Six. So it's a forgettable position, right?

[B]

Kinda, yeah.

[A]

Like, they didn't know where I was half the time. So I think that's where, you know, the whole attention horror need comes from for me.

[B]

Are all of your siblings like, two years apart?

[A]

Yeah, like. Like two or three. Between two and three years apart.

[B]

That's wild.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And so you're one of eight. And do you have kids?

[A]

I have four.

[B]

Okay. Are you gonna have eight?

[A]

No, we are done. I have medically solved that problem. So, yes, we are done. And it's great.

[B]

How long have you been married?

[A]

20 years.

[B]

That's a long time.

[A]

I know. Yeah.

[B]

Congratulations.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

What is the secret to a happy relationship?

[A]

Oh, wow. Just right off the top. That's a good one. Secret to a happy relationship. It's just community, I think, communication and just being able to, like, being, like, both parties willing to work on things.

[B]

Do you ever give her laughing gas if she's in, like, a bad mood?

[A]

I have given her laughing gas.

[B]

Does it help?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, it does help. It makes a lot of things better, for sure.

[B]

What does she do?

[A]

She. She takes care of our kids. She's a mom.

[B]

Hey, four kids.

[A]

Yeah, she's a mom.

[B]

Such a hard job.

[A]

Yeah, she's great. She's fantastic. We got married and, like, we got married young, and it's actually a miracle that, like, things like, it's like, are you still together? Like, 20 years later? You're like, holy shit, you're cool.

[B]

I still like you.

[A]

I still really like to be around you, you know? So that's kind of a cool feeling to be like, I didn't mess that up, even though I was so young, you know?

[B]

Even. Yeah.

[A]

So it's nice. How'd you guys meet in college? We were. Our roommates were dating first Yalls.

[B]

Roommates were.

[A]

Both of our roommates were dating each other.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And we kind of met, and our first date was Valentine's Day of 2004. Took her to a Chili's.

[B]

Hot.

[A]

I was wearing white K. Swiss shoes.

[B]

Hot.

[A]

Which she did not like that. And then we went to a billiards hall at the end. At the. After Chili's.

[B]

What was she wearing?

[A]

No idea. That's a good question.

[B]

But she remembers.

[A]

She just remembers the K. Swiss. She just hated my K Swiss shoes, and I loved my K Swiss shoes, and she hated it. And so she remembers that.

[B]

And then you guys went and played pool.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And did you date. Did you ever have a breakup? Yeah, a lot of breakups were, like, off and on.

[A]

We had one, like, significantly long breakup, like a. Like a summer break where we broke up because she had, like, a high school boyfriend that she would, like, go back to and. And, like, mess around with when she had all this. She had this. Yeah. Yeah. So then she came crawling back, you know, I came back that semester. Okay. We went to school in, like, southeast Idaho, like, coldest place in the world. And I came back that semester. I got. I got spray tanned, like, totally spray. Like orange spray tan. And I was wearing. I used to do. Do you remember the. I don't know how old you are, but there was a look where you would double pop the collar with the polos. Oh, so like a. Like a. Like a pastel colored polo. Double pop the collar? Are you familiar with this look?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Also, you didn't say hot. You didn't say hot just now. That's not your thing.

[B]

I feel like I was also popping my collar.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And I don't like talking about this stage of my life.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

All right, so I'm admitting. Just so you had a. But I can't admit that I never had a double popped collar.

[A]

Well, the polo on the inside was white. And I knew I was gonna see her, and I was like, oh, I'm gonna make her beg to come back. And I thought I was doing a really good job. Like, I was being cool. We were at a party, there was a lot of people, and then someone comes up to me and they're like, some of your skin is on your collar. And it's like the collar, this white polo, is just completely orange. And we got back together. So it worked out, but my plan wasn't great.

[B]

Why the spray tan?

[A]

I want to look hot. Is that not the thing?

[B]

No, no, I can't.

[A]

I might have missed the mark.

[B]

I can admit that I have got. I got a spray tan, actually, like two weeks ago.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And so I understand how it helps. Well, I didn't. It wasn't orange, and it didn't come off. But this was a long time ago for you.

[A]

I think spray tans have come a long way.

[B]

They've come a long way.

[A]

But I was like, the day before I went to college, I got this spray tan and I was like, I'm gonna look so sexy. And then it didn't translate the way I thought it would.

[B]

You know, it just transferred onto your clothes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So we had the double popped collar and a spray tan.

[A]

Oh, I have a gift for you. Can I give you a gift?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This is a date, right? Yeah. All right. You're gonna love this.

[B]

It's a size small. That's brave.

[A]

Yeah, that's right.

[B]

My size right now. Why does this look like the world's smallest thong?

[A]

Just. Just. Just open it.

[B]

What does it say? Floss bitch.

[A]

Yeah. That's for you.

[B]

Oh, I get it.

[A]

And your husband. Yeah.

[B]

Hey, that's cute. I like that they're red. I need, like, a red top to go with it.

[A]

Yeah, I have one too. And it's. They're nice.

[B]

You have one of these?

[A]

I have. Yeah.

[B]

A thong.

[A]

Yeah, I sell these at my. This is my merch.

[B]

Hot.

[A]

Yeah. You can give it back if you don't want it. You can give it back to me.

[B]

I do want it because I can

[A]

tell Tanner wants it.

[B]

Tanner doesn't get it.

[A]

Fine.

[B]

Sorry. Tanner. No, these are my underwear. Do you have any tattoos?

[A]

I have like 12. Who are you? Yeah. All on my thighs.

[B]

No, you don't.

[A]

I do.

[B]

What are they of?

[A]

One is Iron man and then one is like a denture, but with arms and legs.

[B]

You know, this is like.

[A]

No, you know where. You know where. You know where I get those bags?

[B]

Sixth Street.

[A]

You know where I get those bags? Yeah, it's exactly where you think I get them.

[B]

Well, it doesn't look like you're dealing underwear out of these.

[A]

Not at first. Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Anyways, sad businesses. I have 12 tattoos.

[A]

Yeah. But I didn't have my first tattoo Till I was 41 years old.

[B]

How old are you?

[A]

44. So I started getting tattoos later in life.

[B]

Midlife crisis.

[A]

Yeah, a little bit. And so I have some, like, homages to my wife as well. I have a cross eyed bear because when we were in college, she would sing the lyrics to, you know, the song you ought to know by Alanis Morissette.

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

She was. The lyric was the cross eyed bear that you gave to me. And she would sing along, the cross eyed bear that you gave to me. And so I would write her little notes and I would always draw a little teddy bear with cross eyes.

[B]

Aw.

[A]

And so I got a tattoo of that on my lip.

[B]

You're so romantic.

[A]

I am.

[B]

What is the most romantic thing you've ever done for her, ever? Yes.

[A]

I think I know what she would say. I would say, we just celebrated 20 years at the Four Seasons in Bora Bora. That was a big one. And you know who we were vacationing right next to the whole week? Demi Lovato. I didn't even know it until, like, the last day. Like, we, like, we were like, in cabanas next to her and her husband the entire time. And I was like, that guy looks interesting.

[B]

I wish I was impressed by Demi Lovato.

[A]

Well, it's just interesting.

[B]

No, I know. It's just. It's just a person.

[A]

Yeah, whatever. You're, like, immune to famous people. That's Cool for me. I'm not.

[B]

I actually really like famous people and the older that I get, the more I like them. Yeah, I just think they're like, they're fun to be around. But no, I just didn't even.

[A]

I look at grand gestures like a big deal. But I think she would say I write handwritten notes for her, like sticky notes and I put them in random places like in the refrigerator or like if she's going somewhere for the weekend, I'll put it inside her suitcase. Like a little note. It says like sometimes nice things, sometimes like shockingly crazy things. And then but it's, it's romantic.

[B]

That's nice.

[A]

I think that's what she would say is the note. I also say like I love you and nice things also. But sometimes I go for shock value.

[B]

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[A]

Well, she thought I was gonna do it on New Year's Eve. We were in Seattle. We ate dinner at the Space Needle and then there's fireworks that go off. It's really beautiful. And she thought that was the night and it wasn't. It was Valentine's Day 2005, which was the one year anniversary of our date of our first date and I. It was like a. Not like an obstacle course but like a, like a treasure hunt. Like a clue. Like clues that led to another clues. Yeah. And then we were at my parents house and one of the clues you had to go on like a four wheeler and drive like half a mile to this field and scavenger hunt? Yeah, scavenger hunt. That's it. And then I. There was like a table I set up with like some music. We have a song, Crazy Love by Van Morrison. You familiar? She gave me love. Love.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Crazy Love. That's the one. And I asked her to marry me.

[B]

Was she shocked?

[A]

Yes. Yes, I think she was. She's. I think she thought maybe I wasn't going to because I didn't at one point and then I did, but it was only a year of dating and then we were married three months later.

[B]

Where'd you get married?

[A]

Las Vegas.

[B]

Where in Las Vegas?

[A]

We got married in the Las Vegas Mormon Temple.

[B]

Are you Mormon?

[A]

Uh huh. Yeah.

[B]

Have you ever had more than one girlfriend?

[A]

So many times. It's highly encouraged. No, I've had. Wait. I've had more than one girlfriend at a time in my life, but.

[B]

At a time?

[A]

Is that what you're saying?

[B]

No, but don't Mormons.

[A]

I'm super cool, so I'm just saying. Yeah.

[B]

Isn't it a thing that Mormons have more than one wife?

[A]

Historically, but not since like the 1800s.

[B]

Did. Okay, yeah.

[A]

At one point.

[B]

So my information is a little dated a little bit.

[A]

It's fine. No, we just. The one. Just the one wife and she just has me. We just have each other and then.

[B]

That's nice.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Did you ever go bike riding in white T shirt?

[A]

I did a Mormon mission.

[B]

Did you go?

[A]

I did, I did. Between 2000 and 2002. I was actually in Paraguay, South America, during 9 11, believe it or not.

[B]

Good time to leave, dude.

[A]

It was bad. It was bad. It was bad there too. It was bad everywhere. So I did do that.

[B]

I'm gonna ask you a dentist question, then we'll come back to the Mormon question. But before I forget my dental question. Do you ever treat Amish people?

[A]

Not if I can help it.

[B]

Lauren, is it true that the Amish girls don't their families? This is something that I heard.

[A]

I'm just racist against Amish people.

[B]

I know a dentist in Philadelphia.

[A]

Okay, okay.

[B]

Who works in Bloomsburg. And there's a lot of Amish people there. It's like a big Amish community. And the Amish people there don't take care of their teeth. And so what the dads will do to get their daughters, when their daughters get engaged or they get married, they go to the dentist and their teeth are in such bad shape that the dentist has to pull all their teeth and then give them veneers.

[A]

This is all news. To me, I've never even heard of this. I would treat Amish people. That was a joke, by the way. I have never in my recollection had an Amish person come to my office. But I'm in Washington state.

[B]

Okay. But that's.

[A]

So I get a lot of antifa. I treat antifa. Does that.

[B]

That's different than Amish.

[A]

I had a couple proud boys one time. That was cool. I. Everybody.

[B]

Well, I specifically wanted to know about the Amish community.

[A]

I don't know a lot about that, but that's doesn't surprise me. And at some. And so they had to get all the teeth out and put dentures in to marry their girls off.

[B]

It's like a. Like a. What do you call it? Like a. Not like a dowry. It's something that the dads do so that the husband doesn't have to worry about the dental care.

[A]

Oh, that's. Yeah, that's kind of like a dowry. Like, I'm taking care of this because.

[B]

Yeah, it's kind of like I'm marrying off my daughter to you and I'm giving her. Giving you a lesser problem by marrying her.

[A]

I would suspect they would come into some problems with dentists not wanting to do that. If there was other options besides pulling their teeth out, most dentists would be like, yeah, you have to go somewhere else.

[B]

Why not just take care of your teeth?

[A]

That's a good thing to say. Yes, that's.

[B]

That's how I feel about it. Why not just take really good care of your teeth?

[A]

That's what I would do.

[B]

Even mediocre care of your teeth.

[A]

I don't know what they're brushing with in Amish country.

[B]

They're not brushing at all.

[A]

Oh, they're not.

[B]

If you're going and getting your teeth

[A]

all pulled out, we got to get. We got to get a dentist in there, fix that problem.

[B]

I'm just saying. I didn't know if you had heard about this.

[A]

I haven't. But this. It's super interesting. I mean, it's like. Yeah. I mean, you'd be surprised how many people are like a. Okay with pulling all their teeth out. Like, I'm a very surgical based dentist, so in my private practice, I do a lot of surgery. And you would just be surprised how many full mouth extractions we're doing on a weekly basis.

[B]

Ow.

[A]

Yeah, it's the worst. But people take such bad care of their teeth that, like, that's what happens. That's the end of the road, you know?

[B]

That sounds awful.

[A]

And you do implants. And, you know, that's how daddy has two boats. Is that gonna catch if I deadpan that one? Is that gonna work?

[B]

So are you still Mormon?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is your wife Mormon?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Did she have to convert to Mormonism?

[A]

No. We were both. We were at a Mormon school. We were at byu, and we met at byu, and so we already kind of had that aligned. But we've evolved a lot in the last 20 years, both of us together, and we have a lot of things that, like, we believe together, and some things that we don't. We don't always even vote the same way, you know?

[B]

Wow.

[A]

I know. Isn't that crazy?

[B]

Have you always dated Mormon girls?

[A]

No.

[B]

What was it like with someone who wasn't Mormon?

[A]

Way sluttier. Way sluttier?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, super cool, but just, like, a little bit. A little bit more on the slutty side.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Hey, whenever we played that game, that dick game, the dick in a box game with Ian Tanner, what was that thing that y' all were telling me about where Mormons would lay on a bed and someone would have Soaking.

[A]

Soaking. Lauren, that's fake. Yeah. That's Mormon lies, though. That's Mormon lies. No Mormon has ever done that.

[B]

I mean, how do you know?

[A]

Cause if they're gonna do that, they're just gonna have sex. Like, that's like, not a single Mormon, I guarantee you, not a single Mormon has ever actually soaked.

[B]

So who made this up?

[A]

Unless it's as a joke. I think it's just, like, a funny idea that came up, and people are like, oh, that'd be funny. Cause it, like, fits a funny Jo joke. But it's not a real. It's not a real thing.

[B]

Tanner, did you think this was a real thing?

[A]

I grew up around a lot of Mormons, and I've also been inside a vagina and tried to stay still. I don't think it. I don't think it's true because, like, on top of that, they also have to have, like, a jumper on the bed. I don't know if you, like, a

[B]

third person have a shaker also that

[A]

will, like, shake whatever item they're on

[B]

top of to create.

[A]

Yeah, I don't think it's real. I don't think it's real. The poop hole loophole. That's a real thing.

[B]

What's a poop hole loophole?

[A]

Well, if you do anal, it's not actual penetrative sex. It's not sexual intercourse.

[B]

Oh, so you're saying. Oh, oh, not me.

[A]

Some People.

[B]

I get it. So you're saying that if there's a virgin or something and you have anal sex, she's still technically a virgin or.

[A]

I do know people that have gone to Las Vegas. They get married, they have sex, they get annulled the next day. Because then it's not premarital sex. But most people just have sex. If you're going to those extremes, you're just gonna have sex.

[B]

I got married the first time in Vegas.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

We went through a drive through.

[A]

Did you?

[B]

Mm. I had a.

[A]

So it's quick and easy.

[B]

I had a pretend Pamela Anderson.

[A]

Were you. Was it a Mormon man?

[B]

No, Italian.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Same thing. But we went through this drive through so that we could be legally married. And it was a lot like the Hangover movie, actually.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And we, like, went inside and they, like. They give you, like, a little photo album book, and then there's all these, like, upgrades. It's like going through McDonald's on the menu.

[A]

Whenever I tell people I got married in Las Vegas, that's what they think I did.

[B]

That's what I did.

[A]

But it's like the opposite of that. Like, it's a Mormon temple.

[B]

Was it a cool Mormon temple?

[A]

Oh, yeah. Beautiful. These beautiful buildings. Beautiful buildings and family and all kinds of stuff, but it's much more wholesome than your run of the mill Vegas wedding.

[B]

I can't say yours sounds more fun.

[A]

It's not more fun. No, it's just. Yeah, you know.

[B]

Oh, that is pretty. They're showing me a picture of it.

[A]

Oh, yeah, they're beautiful. They're beautiful buildings.

[B]

There's a really pretty Mormon temple in la.

[A]

I think there is. And San Diego has one of the most beautiful ones, actually.

[B]

That is really cool.

[A]

This brings it right up.

[B]

Wow. It looks like something that you would see at Disneyland.

[A]

Yeah, doesn't it? Very magical.

[B]

It's like Cinderella's castle. Pretty. I wouldn't mind going there and checking it out.

[A]

Yeah, no, it's cool. It's cool. It's a lot of fun. Yeah. I have a question for you.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. On a first date. Okay. You do a lot of first dates?

[B]

I did have a lot of first dates.

[A]

Well, also, this podcast.

[B]

Oh, okay. So are you talking about first dates in the dating world or podcasting world?

[A]

Listen, I'm 20 years married. I have no intention of, like, you know, going on a first date ever again. But I wear a hairpiece. I have fake hair.

[B]

That's fake hair?

[A]

Yeah. No, I'm a bald man. So on a first date, I always wonder when would I reveal to somebody that, like, would you want to know right away or would you be mad if I didn't tell you until we were, like, hot and heavy?

[B]

I would be mad that I didn't. That I didn't clock it.

[A]

Yeah. Did you not clock this?

[B]

You deceived me.

[A]

Yeah. Eczema is unpredictable, but you can flare

[B]

less with ebglis, a once monthly treatment for moderate to severe eczema after an initial four month or longer dosing phase. About four in ten people taking mglis achieved itch relief in clear or almost clear skin at 16 weeks. And most of those people maintain skin that's still more clear at one year with monthly dosing.

[A]

MGLIS Lebricizumab, LBKZ, a 250mg 2ml injection, is a prescription medicine used to treat adults and children 12 years of age and older who weigh at least 88 pounds or 40 kilograms with moderate to severe eczema, also called atopic dermatitis, that is not well controlled with prescription therapies used on the skin or topicals or who cannot use topical therapies. Ebglis can be used with or without topical corticosteroids. Don't use if you're allergic to ebglis. Allergic reactions can occur that can be severe. Eye problems can occur. Tell your doctor if you have new or worsening eye problems. You should not receive a live vaccine when treated with Ebglis before starting ebglis. Tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection.

[B]

Ask your doctor about ebgliss and visit ebgliss.lilly.com or call 1-800-lilyrx or 1-800-545-5979. But I guess I'm not used to men wearing hairpieces. But why wear a hairpiece?

[A]

Because I was going bald and I hated it.

[B]

Why don't you go to Turkey and get a hair transplant? Daddy has two boats.

[A]

You know? It wasn't a money thing. I have tons of money. It wasn't a money thing. So I could buy 100 hair transplants probably. This is going. This, this is going good, right?

[B]

Okay. But here we are in hairpiece.

[A]

Uh, yeah. No, I wanted something simple and easy and I wanted something like, thick and luxurious. This is like, okay, like, if you're a girl and you get a boob job and you get like double D boobs, everyone's gonna know that they're fake boobs.

[B]

Yeah. But you can't take them off. It's not like, we're gonna go home and you're gonna try to fuck me and be like, hold on.

[A]

Yeah, pop with an A cup. But imagine you could. I bet you would. What if you could take your boobs off? No, not you personally. You're not.

[B]

I like my boobs.

[A]

We should talk to somebody else who has a different experience than you.

[B]

I think someone who has fake boobs, you think they would like to just hang them on a hanger.

[A]

It's a beautiful feeling to take this thing off at night and go to sleep. It's beautiful.

[B]

But why wear it? Because.

[A]

Because it looks good.

[B]

I want to know what you look like without it now.

[A]

Okay. Do you want to see it?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you want to see?

[B]

Yeah, I do. It's hair clips.

[A]

Yeah. No, it's. Well, I can't take it off completely. Okay. Because it's taped in the front here. But these have. Yeah, so I have hair clips. You ready?

[B]

What camera. Oh, my goodness.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Check that out. Can you. Can you see my bald spot?

[B]

Can I see it?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Can you see it right there?

[B]

That's so wild.

[A]

Okay, now watch this. Boom. What's up? Bam, boom. But like, on a first date, this is weird, right? Like, hey, hey, you want to get out of here? You know, dude, what do you think?

[B]

Honestly, I think. I think that.

[A]

Okay, now I'm put back together again. That's not a first date thing, Right?

[B]

I feel like. Yeah, but how do you expose that you have a hairpiece or. Is that what you're asking me?

[A]

Well, that's what I would want to know. If I was single, dating around. Is it. Is it unfair to not tell you? Like, like, like.

[B]

No, I don't think so.

[A]

Like, if I was like, like, when. How far could I get with you before you were like, you didn't tell me this.

[B]

I would say by like, the second or third date. The first date, I would say be comfortable, like, in your own.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, if this makes you. If your hairpiece makes you feel comfortable and confident.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you want to go out and that's how you want to present yourself. Go for it. But then if we, like, click and we have a really good time and you wanna go out again and we go out on a second date, that's

[A]

when I should tell you that's too soon. I wouldn't do it.

[B]

I wouldn't wait the second or third date.

[A]

No. I'd wait till after sex for sure.

[B]

Then I'd be pissed.

[A]

That would do it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If we sealed the deal. And then I was like, was it. If you're putting your hands through my hair, I would just take your hands and put them somewhere else.

[B]

But, no, you can't seduce me.

[A]

I've already thought about this so many times.

[B]

If you would se. If you seduced me and then you were like, hey, and you took it off, I'd be like, I would feel so catfished.

[A]

When do I get to see you without makeup on then?

[B]

Oh, I show up to first dates without makeup.

[A]

No way.

[B]

Most of the time.

[A]

Okay. That's different, though. That's unique. That's the confidence. That's a. That's because you're not insecure, right?

[B]

I. I have insecurities. I actually, you know what? It is an insecurity of mine to show up in makeup.

[A]

The makeup is the insecurity.

[B]

I feel like if I'm going on a date, I don't want to waste my time so bad that I'll pick something like going paddleboarding or doing, like, some activity, and I won't wear makeup.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And then it's like, if you like me, then at least I know I'm not going to waste my time with you.

[A]

Okay. Over you.

[B]

Thinking, but then again, I'm not that good at makeup in general. This took me, like, two hours to do, and it's really not that much.

[A]

I couldn't go paddle boarding because your hairpiece on a first date. No, not ready. Not ready.

[B]

I don't know if a first date would have ever worked for us.

[A]

Not paddleboarding. I can't go bowling either on first dates.

[B]

Why? You have a fake wrist.

[A]

I have strong positions on bowling alleys, like hills that I die on. I don't think. Okay, this is going to polarize your audience. I don't want to get things too controversial. I don't think bowling shoes are necessary. I don't think you need to wear bowling shoes at a bowling alley. And so I don't. And it causes problems at the bowling alleys.

[B]

Why can't you follow the rules?

[A]

Because it's. It's. You don't. What if I wear my Birkenstocks on your hardwood floor? That's going to be a problem for you. So they look at me. They're like, what size shoes do you need? I'm like, you don't even need to ask me that. And they're like, you have your own. No, I don't have my own. And then they're like, well, you can't go on the bowling alley without our shoes. And I'll be like. Or what? What happens? Does the earth gape, open, and. And then I sink in there. If my shoes touch your precious floor, it's just. I think it's a big conspiracy, and I don't. I won't stand for it.

[B]

Well, it seems like the bottom of bowling shoes are pretty slick. Do you think that it's to protect the floors?

[A]

The leather from 1940 that's been cobbled by a toddler in some nation ravaged by poverty? Yeah, those are good shoes. Yeah. These are just fine. No one's gonna. No one. Nothing's gonna happen. I think. I think the whole world has been tricked by bowling alleys that you need to wear the shoes, and it's just so they can make an extra 12 bucks. So I don't go to bowling alleys. I got kicked out of one.

[B]

Because you wouldn't wear the shoes?

[A]

No, I wouldn't wear the shoes.

[B]

So they kicked you out?

[A]

Well, yeah. Cause they're like, you can't bowl without the shoes. And I was like, well, I'm not gonna wear the shoes.

[B]

So you left.

[A]

So I left. Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Everything getting kicked out.

[A]

Yeah, Everyone has their heels.

[B]

You can't bowl.

[A]

Yeah, everyone has their heels to die on. So I just avoid bowling alleys now.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah. I see people in their shoes, and I'm like, the lion does not concern himself with the opinions of the sheep. That's all. That's all. You sheep keep wearing your bowling shoes. Whatever. And they're not nicely crafted shoes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then. Okay. Also, the hygiene of it is disgusting.

[B]

It is kind of gross.

[A]

You think that aerosol spray is doing anything for you? You think you're protected by that? That's gross. That's gross. And so many people put their feet in there, and I just say, no, not this guy.

[B]

What kind of shoes do you wear on a first date?

[A]

I would wear. I would probably wear, like, some. Like, some cool. Like. Like air Jordans.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Like some cool shoes. Not too fancy. Not too. Look at me. I don't want to peacock too much, but I want to peacock a little bit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I learned a lot of what I know about dating from. From Mystery. Are you familiar with Mystery and his work?

[B]

No. Who's Mystery?

[A]

Oh, look him up on Instagram. He's the greatest man to ever live when it comes to dating advice. I learned everything I know from him. In the 90s, he had this show, I think it was called the Pickup Artist. And he wore, like a. Like a velvet top hat. Looks like a total like, silky boner.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And if. And then he would give, like, tips on, like. Like, instead of, like, calling you Lauren, I'd be like, hey, what's up, Laurel? And, like, get your name wrong, because it would infuriate you to the point where, like, you need to, like, get my attention more. So I like. It's all these psychological tools.

[B]

I hate that.

[A]

They're terrible. I would lie about my name. It's one of his tips. He said, are you picking up?

[B]

Dude, this guy has no. Never trust anyone with a flavor saver.

[A]

He's peacocking. Classic peacocking. Here. He's just doing something, so when he's in the room, everyone's going to remember. Remember the guy with the top hat. So you peacock. You do something to peacock in a room. Right? Okay. The name thing is interesting because what he taught me is when I was learning this, one of the biggest movies at that time was Legends of the Fall with Brad Pitt. And his name in the movie was Tristan. So I would tell girls that my name was Tristan, and then they would. They would. They would believe in their hearts that they just landed a Tristan, and they would associate me with Brad Pitt. Yep. Yeah.

[B]

You know, it's weird. You look like a Tristan.

[A]

Thank you. Yeah. Because I just said that, so it's probably. Why? Do you want to know more?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Fruit spray.

[B]

Fruit.

[A]

I would wear fruit spray from Bed, Bath and Beyond. Not Beyond. What's Bath? And Body Works. So. Because women like to smell what they like, and they like to smell themselves, and so you want to smell like the woman. And so these.

[B]

What was the fruit spray?

[A]

Oh, pear, cucumber melons, strawberry lavenders. Very feminine sprays.

[B]

I love that you put an S on the end of all of them. Cucumber melons.

[A]

Yeah. And my dad, for a long time thought I was gay, but I was like, I'm doing this to get chicks, dad. And he's like, I don't think that is gonna work. But let me tell you something. Can I tell you something?

[B]

It worked.

[A]

So many compliments from women that you smell so good. Not a single time did any woman ever say to me, what the hell is that? Besides my sisters. That's it. My sisters. That's it. But the women were like, no, it worked.

[B]

You sound like kind of a playboy in your past life.

[A]

Listen, I got a few tricks up my sleeve.

[B]

That's what it sounds like.

[A]

I got a few tricks up my sleeve. I'm a little out of the game.

[B]

What's the worst lie you ever told a girl oh.

[A]

In college, I told a girl that I was divorced because I wanted to seem like I could carry through. Like, carry through with something.

[B]

How did that go?

[A]

So bad it went. I hurt her feelings so bad. She liked me so much. And then she called her mom. Like she was talking to her mom about me already. And then, like, she's like, but he's divorced. And she was like. She had this whole pow wow, but that's okay. Cause he learned something and like, blah, blah, blah. I'd be like, I'm just kidding about that. And she was devastated. And she hated me after that.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

So that one backfired a little bit.

[B]

Did you ever. Did you ever tell any of these lies to your wife?

[A]

Mmm, no. No, I did not.

[B]

What does your wife think about your hairpiece?

[A]

She's got mixed feelings about it.

[B]

Do you wear it often?

[A]

Are you asking if I wear it when I make love?

[B]

Nope.

[A]

Do you want me to tell you?

[B]

I want you to first tell me how often you wear it. Do you wear it around the house?

[A]

I'll ask the questions. Right.

[B]

I have, like, a traditional hair.

[A]

Sometimes we do. No. Do I wear. I don't wear around the house. Typically I wear hats, though, if I'm not wearing it. But sometimes I don't. Like, in front of my kids and my wife. No one cares. Uh, but. And I sleep with that. I sleep with it off. She. I think she wants me to shave my head, and that's what she would have me do.

[B]

Why don't you go to Turkey and just get a hair transplant so you

[A]

can grow that hair, Lauren, they don't work that great. They work okay, but I'm never gonna have thick, thick hair. It's gonna look like my thin hair, but just a little bit, like, more filled in.

[B]

You're sure?

[A]

And then here's what happens. Let's say they do 3,000 hair transplants. Like, 3,000 follicles of transplants. And then I lose 3,000 more follicles as I age. Like, the follicles they put. Then I have to keep on doing it. You know, say, like, you have to keep on doing. It's not just a one time. You go, there's not. I don't think so. I think it's come a long ways. I have a couple doctors in my DMs that have tried to, like, come over here, I'll hook you up. I just don't have any interest in that. If I want to do this, I'm just gonna go bald. This is my double D. Boobs. This is my Double D boobs.

[B]

Well, at least you can remove it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you like removing it and just being your bald self?

[A]

No. That's why I wear a hairpiece, because I don't like being bald. I look at myself in the mirror. I'm like, I don't feel like I'm a bald man. And a lot of men actually have this insecurity. A lot of men actually have this insecurity. And because I do, I have, like, a whole get Ready with me tutorial on my Instagram, like, pinned to the top. I get so many DMs from dudes who are like, thank you so much. Give me all the information. They want it. They love it. They can do a lot of cool stuff with hairpieces now, and you can at least kick the can down the road till you figure out what you want to do.

[B]

Yeah. It's no different than a wig.

[A]

It is a wig.

[B]

It's no different than a wig.

[A]

Yeah, but that's a nasty term that we don't like in our community of people. My bet, that's hair piece. Our people like to call them hair systems. Please respect our nomenclature.

[B]

I do.

[A]

Thank you. So, no, I'm super cool about it. I don't have, like, a care in the world about, like. Like, I do a lot of stuff online. Like, I have big social media accounts, and people point it out. They're like, bro's hairline's so straight. And I'm like, yeah, but if a girl's boobs were big and you found out they were fake, would you still squeeze them? And the answer is, yeah, you would. So I don't have a problem with it. I like it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Makes me. It gives me confidence.

[B]

That's all that matters.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

As long as you do.

[A]

You want to touch it? No, I wasn't gonna let you last second. I was gonna pull away anyways.

[B]

You're too far away a. For me to touch it. I'm hooked up. My ears are hooked up.

[A]

Oh, that's what. Okay. You're tied to that chair.

[B]

Tied to the chair.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But it looks nice.

[A]

All right. Thank you. I like it. It's fun. But I always wonder if I was. If I found myself single, when would I reveal that? So that's very helpful information to me.

[B]

I would say by the second or

[A]

third date to you, I would say, not gonna happen.

[B]

I dated a guy that only. That had a missing front tooth, and he had a little flipper, and it came in and out. It was, like, on A retainer.

[A]

Flipper. Call it a flipper.

[B]

A flipper. And he didn't ever tell me that until we. And so we went to Disneyland, and we went on a ride, and it had all the black lights. Did it, Bo. Oh, and his one tooth was glowing, and I was like, your tooth?

[A]

You called him out?

[B]

Is glowing.

[A]

Okay. Was he super nervous about that? No.

[B]

He goes, oh, yeah, it's fake. And, like, pulls it out. And I was like,

[A]

okay.

[B]

And I laughed, and I thought it was so funny.

[A]

Yeah. Did that affect the way you felt about him?

[B]

No, because of the way that he played it off.

[A]

Okay. Yeah.

[B]

He owned it so hard that it was just kind of hilarious.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it made me almost like him a little bit more that he had this, like, thing wrong with him.

[A]

The vulnerability is so hot.

[B]

Yeah. Sort of. I was like, oh, my gosh. Like, you're not this perfect dude.

[A]

Also, I'm so vulnerable with my hairpiece. We just decided that's hot, right? Yeah. So hot. It is. I'm so vulnerable.

[B]

And I liked the way that he.

[A]

And I'm sensitive about it. No, I'm not sensitive about it. Yeah.

[B]

So I think there's also a lot to do with the way you play it.

[A]

I think if you're bald, though, you gotta be jacked. And that's my problem. I gotta get a little more jacked. If you're bald, you should be jacked.

[B]

I don't agree.

[A]

I think you should. I think I'm right on this one.

[B]

I'm not really into jacked.

[A]

Like a Jason Statham type. Dwayne the Rock Johnson. You think of these bald guys, and you don't want to be bald and, like, soft.

[B]

The Rock has the eyebrow. Okay. He is the people's champ.

[A]

Yeah. That's true.

[B]

Always be. And he's.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The Rock.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So you don't even know that he's bald. He would look weird with hair. Like, I don't look better.

[A]

Everyone looks better with hair. Everyone looks better with hair. All men look better with hair. This is a fact.

[B]

Jason Statham looks pretty good bald.

[A]

If you saw him with hair, you'd be like, Dr. Brady knows what he's talking about. Trust me. You've only seen him bald. You've only seen him bald.

[B]

Have you seen Prison Break?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All those guys have a buzzed head. They all look pretty good.

[A]

But with hair, it would be even better. Imagine that big, luxurious Turkish hair. So good hair just makes it just. It just. It just winds back the clock a little bit, too. Makes you look Younger? Yeah.

[B]

You know, but I don't know about being jacked.

[A]

I think it's pretty important. If you're bald, do you work out a little bit? Yeah, a little bit.

[B]

How many days a week?

[A]

I work out four days a week.

[B]

That's a lot.

[A]

Yeah, it's pretty good. But like I work out as a 44 year old man. I work out not to like look good. I look, I work out to like, so I can move my body.

[B]

How do you eat?

[A]

I. Lately I've been eating really good. I do very keto friendly.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

With intermittent fasting and then sometimes I cheat because I have four kids. I'm not gonna like not go eat ice cream with my kids. If they want me to take them for ice cream, we'll go out to ice cream like once a week and I'll eat ice cream. But like I. So I'm not like super strict but like. Yeah.

[B]

Are you confident without your shirt on?

[A]

Yeah, but that's just because I don't give a shit what other people think. I'm also confident. I just took my hairpiece off and showed you my bald head.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

No, I'm, I'm confident but like, I wouldn't say that I look great. Like, I wouldn't say like I'm like winning any contest or anything like that. But like I'm a tall guy and I wouldn't say I'm, I'm like just kind of a like a dad bod.

[B]

Dad bods are hot.

[A]

They're okay.

[B]

I like a little squish.

[A]

All right. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. So besides the hairpiece, do you wear Birkenstocks? Everywhere.

[A]

Everywhere. Everywhere.

[B]

What about flip flops?

[A]

This basically is a flip flop.

[B]

No, there's a difference. Flip flops show your toes.

[A]

Oh, oh. An open toed flip flop.

[B]

Not slides. Slides are different for guys. But how do you feel about flip flops? The thong toe open toed.

[A]

Yeah. I'll allow it. I'll allow it. Yeah, it's allowed. How do you feel about that?

[B]

No.

[A]

Well, here's the thing, actually. I think when possible a man should not show his feet.

[B]

Agreed.

[A]

Whenever possible. We can agree on that.

[B]

I think that.

[A]

I'll tell you what, you would see my bald head if we dated way before you'd see my feet.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Because even sex socks on every time.

[B]

I've heard that orgasms are better with socks on.

[A]

It's 100% true. I'm a doctor. 100% true. That was first week of dental school. They were like socks on during sex. We tried out with and without. And they were. Yep.

[B]

I heard this in high school. There was a girl that I went to school with. Her name was Bethany. Sorry, Bethany. Throwing you under the buzz here.

[A]

We had one of those as well.

[B]

I didn't really like this girl, so it doesn't really bother me. But when I went to school, I went to school with this girl, Bethany, and there was some house party, and she was having sex with her boyfriend that was there, and she had her socks on. And all anybody remembers from this happening was that Bethany had socks on.

[A]

Bethany has sex with her socks on. What a loser. What a loser.

[B]

And her comeback was that the orgasms are better with socks on. Which was genius of her to say. Say, that's great. Everybody was like, they learned something from Bethany.

[A]

That's great. That's a good comeback.

[B]

It was a great comeback. Instead of being embarrassed about it, she made everyone else feel stupid. She's like, yeah, you're not wearing your socks.

[A]

If you're not wearing socks, you guys are having sex.

[B]

Are you even climaxing? Yeah.

[A]

Gross.

[B]

So it was pretty brilliant on Bethany's behalf.

[A]

Bethany was onto something. But we don't like Bethany.

[B]

I know. What a bitch. I hate when people I don't like have good comebacks.

[A]

Yes. Yes.

[B]

You know, I want to not like you. If I don't like you, I want to maintain my dislike.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't want to go, oh, she got a good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's like giving your enemy a compliment.

[A]

Mm. Yeah.

[B]

Bethany was such a Bethany.

[A]

Sounds like a bitch, doesn't it? You should call her.

[B]

What are some other names that sound bitchy to you? What's a consistently bitch name?

[A]

Sometimes Jennifer. I have bad associations with Jennifer.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

With Jennifer's.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I have bad associations with Ambers. Same Amber.

[B]

Amber is usually a bitch name.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Brittany gets a bad rap.

[A]

Oh, I had a Britney.

[B]

Was she a bitch?

[A]

She's a sweetheart, actually. You know, she's my high school girlfriend for a long time.

[B]

I had a best friend in high school. Her name was Brittany.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I liked her. I mean, she was my best friend in high school.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I like Britney's, but they get a bad rap every time I, like, hear a Brit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or whatever.

[A]

I'm like, I didn't second Brittany, because I. I dated one black girl in my career, and. And I always want. This is a good story, actually. I always. I always wanted to date a black girl. And then I went to school at byu and there was a dating auction going on. The first week I was there, a dating auction. An auction. So people would stand up on a block and then you would shout out a number of dollars that you are willing to give for this person's number. And then you would go on a date. And this beautiful black girl got up there, and $13 later, I had her number and we had a date set. I got so excited, Lauren. I got back to my room and I told my roommate about it. And that's when he was the one. I didn't even think about any association with anything negative. And he was like, so you bought a black girl at an auction?

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And I was like, no, no, that's

[B]

exactly what you did.

[A]

Not really, dude. And he's like, you're going to marry her and tell your grandkids. That's how you guys met? At an auction. You bought her at an auction. And so, yeah, that was. That was another Britney.

[B]

That's wild.

[A]

Yeah, we went a couple dates. Yeah, it was great. Beautiful woman. Beautiful.

[B]

Yeah, Yeah. I have bad and a bad association with Bo. Guys named Bose.

[A]

I only know children named Bo.

[B]

You what?

[A]

I only know children named Bo.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

I don't know a man named Bo.

[B]

There was a guy named Bo.

[A]

Oh, and dogs.

[B]

And Chris. I have a bad association. I've dated some Chris's, and they've all been a real piece of.

[A]

Oh, man. Yeah, I know some Chris's that can suck a dick. Go to hell. Chris. Fucking Chris. Especially ones that go by Topher. Fuck that.

[B]

Topher.

[A]

Chris. Oh, get fucked.

[B]

Who goes by Topher?

[A]

I knew one.

[B]

No, you didn't.

[A]

Yes, I did. I've known several, actually.

[B]

Topher.

[A]

Mm. Mm. Yeah, that's right. So I worry that every single person's name that we just named, like, I'm gonna have like all these DMs from, like, Ambers and Brittany's. Like, you, dude.

[B]

Oh, my goodness. A Topher.

[A]

Yeah. So names can do things to you. Yeah, it's the association.

[B]

What are your kids names?

[A]

That's why. Tristan. See, Tristan from Legend of the Fall. That's why you lie about your name. You make that association with a good name, someone they like. Like, who's your favorite actor? I find out who your favorite actor is, and I think about movies that that actor's in. And then I would say Jackman. Okay, so my name's Wolverine. What's up? I'm Wolverine.

[B]

But see, I would know you're lying.

[A]

No, I'd pull out a driver's license that says Wolverine.

[B]

How would you get a driver's license.

[A]

My driver's like, watch this. This is actually cool. I went and got a driver's license recently. Can you get that? I can't get that.

[B]

One second.

[A]

It's gonna be worth it. It's gonna. It's gonna be. It's gonna be worth it. What do you notice about my driver's license? Wow.

[B]

Brady Tucker Smith.

[A]

Yeah, but what do you notice about

[B]

you're not wearing your hairpiece?

[A]

I forgot to wear my hairpiece to my driver's license picture. Isn't that crazy?

[B]

You look like Louis ck.

[A]

Yeah, that's why I wear the hairpiece. Right.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Isn't that cool?

[B]

No restrictions. You should have so many.

[A]

Want me to show the camera? Let me cover up my information.

[B]

You're a donor.

[A]

Yeah, but don't. Don't like, show everyone my address.

[B]

Okay. Here, I'll just hold it like.

[A]

Yes, hold it like that and you can show the camera. Do people see that?

[B]

Doesn't it?

[A]

Well, this feels terrible. Now he does well, right? He's. He is pretty good.

[B]

You're a donor?

[A]

Hell, yeah. I'll donate. What do you want? Blood, sperm, Urine?

[B]

I'm scared of that, though. On your driver's license. Cause let's say, like, this is terrible thinking, but let's just think terribly for a second.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

What if you got in a terrible accident, you were on the verge of death, and then they were like, oh, he's a donor. What if we don't?

[A]

Oh, they wouldn't try as hard. Yeah, I thought about that. They better try hard.

[B]

They might not.

[A]

They're like, oh. Cause we could get a fricking kidney, and we need a kidney right now.

[B]

People like your liver and stuff like that pay, like, lots and lots of money for organs. And if you're donating your organs.

[A]

Hospital bed without my hairpiece on, they'd be like, what a pathetic human being. Let's get him. Let's take this guy's liver.

[B]

Do you know what I mean?

[A]

I do know what you mean.

[B]

So I don't know. I wouldn't put donor just because I want a better chance. Just in the off chance.

[A]

I'll look into that. Thank you.

[B]

I'm just saying that's.

[A]

That was.

[B]

I was always scared to put donor on my thing.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

I want him to try really, really, really hard.

[A]

I don't think. I don't think they do that. Let's. Let's try to give doctors the most charitable, you know, leniency there as you can. They're like, oh, we need some Brain tissue. I'm just saying she's paralyzed anyways, let's let her go.

[B]

It's not, it's not the worst.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Things I've ever thought. We have one. We have like enough time for one more question. Do you have any other questions for me?

[A]

I think I do. Hold on. I wrote stuff down. Can I look at my notes?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh. Have you ever thought about how you'll handle daughters in law because you have a boy?

[B]

Oh, I think about it.

[A]

Do you think you'll be a good mother in law? Someone's gonna take your boy away from you someday, Lauren.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Have you thought about this?

[B]

You know what's crazy? My son is only one and I think about it all the time. I'm having another boy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How many boys do you have?

[A]

3.

[B]

And do you think about this all the time? I think about it all the time too. And I'm like. It pisses me off.

[A]

And I'm like, my wife and my boys have a beautiful relationship right now. 13, 10 and 8 are the ages of my boys. And a woman is going to come, or maybe a man, either way is going to come and take her precious little baby away from her. As it should be. Yeah. Right. This is, this is the way of life. This isn't like, it's not, it's not like unfair. It's going to happen and so you're naturally going to be inclined to be like this bitch of a daughter in law, you know? So have you thought about, have you thought about that, how you're gonna. How what kind of mother in law you might be?

[B]

Well, it depends on what kind of girl she is.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Because if she's a really good girl, she'll respect you and I'll respect her back.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But if my son for some reason gets a conniving.

[A]

He might, he might. Sons do that. We worry about that so much in our family.

[B]

I worry about that too. Because nobody wants the worst for their

[A]

kid because we have a couple of sensitive ones, boys. And it's so endearing right now. But like, you gotta be like. But don't find a woman who walks all over you and like forces you to like choose between like. It's gotta be someone who's like. And family is just not as important to some people when they're choosing their spouse. They don't realize the importance of like, what's your family like?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's so important.

[B]

I know. I do think about that a lot.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that's, it's, that's hard to say, because I'm really trying to, like, live in the moment, but I think about stuff like that you're going to hand

[A]

them off to somebody.

[B]

I know. And he's. And, you know, you think about how fast time flies. He's one. That means I have 17 years left. And maybe, like, he'll probably get a girlfriend before that.

[A]

By four or five at least. Probably.

[B]

I would expect two or three by then.

[A]

Yeah. And so Terrence Howard just went on a podcast, said that he was sexually active at 4 years old.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

That's on a podcast. He just said that on a podcast.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

I don't think I believe that guy.

[B]

I don't want to believe that. Sounds wild. Like, abuse.

[A]

I don't see how it can. Unless the other person's five and he's four. I don't even.

[B]

Yeah, that's.

[A]

Somebody should go to jail.

[B]

Someone should go to jail.

[A]

Someone should go to jail over that.

[B]

But, yeah, man, that's a toughie.

[A]

It's a good one to end on, maybe just for you to think about that, you know?

[B]

Yeah. Leave me with a thorn in my stomach.

[A]

Don't go home to your kids. Someone's gonna take this baby away from me now. Yeah.

[B]

What's your biggest piece of dental advice?

[A]

Keep trying new. Like, go to the. Like, just go to the dentist, and then if you don't like it, go to a different one. So many people go to a dentist, and they're like, I didn't like the vibe. And they stop going, and it's like, but there's 250,000 of us in the United States. Just try another one. They're like, oh, I didn't like the hygienist. Okay, try another one.

[B]

How do you feel about root canals?

[A]

Great. I perform hundreds of them every year.

[B]

I heard that they can, like.

[A]

Nope. Nope.

[B]

I saw something on Instagram they don't. And it said that by leaving.

[A]

Cause no root canals make your boners 2 inches longer for men, and for women, they make your eyelashes longer. Actually, if you get a root canal, your eyelashes will grow longer.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

So that's the rumor I'm starting.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

How about that? Bigger dicks and bigger eyelashes. Go get a root canal today, guys.

[B]

Well, thank you for coming on my show. You're welcome, Brady.

[A]

Two can play the rumor game. Yeah, two can play that game.

[B]

I like that rumor. Bad R. Yes. Okay. Well, the next time you come to Austin, you'll have to stop by my show again. This.

[A]

I would love to. I get a Second date.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Hell yeah.

[B]

Where can people find you?

[A]

My social media accounts are all Dr. Bradysmith. Dr. Bradysmith. I have a website, drbradysmith.com with tour dates. And check out Laughing my gas off on all socials for my podcasts.

[B]

Amazing. Thank you, thank you. And thank you guys for watching another episode of First Date. We will see you next time. First Date. Baby, are you really drinking a glass of milk with dinner? First Date. I can't wait. You told your mom about me? Just say you're ready. Delete my number. First Date, your parents are your roommates. First date.