Engaged, Lied To, and Farted On w/ Fiona Cauley | First Date with Lauren Compton

Summary

First Date with Lauren Compton: "Engaged, Lied To, and Farted On" Featuring Fiona Cauley

Release Date: April 22, 2025

In this engaging episode of First Date with Lauren Compton, Lauren welcomes back the talented comedian and viral content creator Fiona Cauley for a second date. The conversation dives deep into Fiona's recent engagement, her experiences with surprises in relationships, wedding planning, handling finances as a couple, and navigating life with mobility challenges. The episode is filled with humor, candidness, and heartfelt moments, making it a must-listen for anyone interested in the complexities of modern dating and relationships.

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1. Reintroducing Fiona Cauley

Lauren kicks off the episode with enthusiasm, welcoming Fiona back for a second date.

• Lauren [00:18]: "My guest today is a comic that you guys loved so much that we brought her back already for a second date. Give it up for Fiona Cauley."

Fiona shares her excitement and recent life changes, notably her engagement.

• Fiona [00:43]: "I did."

2. Fiona's Engagement Story

Fiona recounts how her partner, Matt, proposed to her in a memorable yet unconventional manner.

• Fiona [01:35]: "First he took me to a restaurant for dinner in Nashville called Bad Idea. Perfect start. Um, no offense, but the continuity was incredible. The food was bad."

She humorously describes the poorly executed dinner that set the stage for the proposal.

• Fiona [02:17]: "We had chicken noodle soup and there was cinnamon in it."

Lauren and Fiona bond over their shared distaste for overly complicated flavors.

• Lauren [02:15]: "Like, the food was gross."

Fiona narrates the surprise twist when Matt orchestrated the proposal with friends and family waiting in a lab at Zany's.

• Fiona [04:42]: "He did a speech. I blacked out. We're not even sure if I actually said yes."

3. The Art of Surprising in Relationships

The conversation shifts to the dynamics of surprise gestures in relationships, highlighting both the heartfelt and the problematic aspects.

• Lauren [08:12]: "I feel like there's a middle ground you gotta find. Like, be kind of bad at lying but surprise me anyway."

Fiona reflects on her experiences with both receiving and giving surprises, emphasizing the importance of trust and transparency.

• Fiona [09:14]: "Somewhere between being too good at lying and being genuine is the sweet spot."

4. Wedding Planning and Preparations

Fiona delves into her wedding plans, sharing details about the venue, guest list challenges, and attire.

• Fiona [11:57]: "The winter. I went dress shopping yesterday and found a dress that looks better sitting than standing. I'm obsessed with it."

They discuss the balance between a large and intimate wedding, with Fiona expressing anxiety over trimming the guest list.

• Fiona [12:42]: "We're trying to get the guest list together, but we're like at 150 and we're like, who do we chop down?"

5. Navigating Finances Together

The topic of managing money in relationships arises, with Fiona advocating for equality and transparency.

• Fiona [18:30]: "I grew up in a house where my mom was always the breadwinner, but now, as a couple, we're pretty even."

Lauren shares her own strategy of using her boyfriend's credit card to simplify expenses.

• Lauren [19:00]: "My boyfriend gave me his credit card, so I have his credit card in my wallet. So whenever we go out, I pay with his credit card."

6. Life with Mobility Challenges

Fiona opens up about her experiences living with a wheelchair, discussing the daily challenges and adaptations required.

• Fiona [10:07]: "I could not sleep last night. It was just an early flight and like I have to maintain my wheelchair. New bolts every now and then."

Lauren empathizes, sharing her own difficulties with mobility related to pregnancy.

• Lauren [30:01]: "I was trying to get up and down the stairs. By the time I got to the top, I was hot and overwhelmed."

7. Public Encounters and Personal Boundaries

Fiona recounts an awkward encounter at a meet-and-greet where a fan unintentionally crossed personal boundaries.

• Fiona [37:00]: "A girl sat on the arm of my wheelchair and farted on me during a photo op."

They discuss the importance of respecting personal space and the discomfort invasive actions can cause.

• Fiona [40:32]: "Don't poke my belly button. That's all I ask."

8. Views on Exes and Cheating

The discussion turns to maintaining friendships with exes and the complexities of forgiveness after infidelity.

• Lauren [21:25]: "How do you feel about people in relationships being friends with their exes?"

Fiona emphasizes that it depends on the nature of the breakup and personal boundaries.

• Fiona [22:07]: "I think it totally depends on the ex and how the relationship ended."

Both agree that trust and mutual respect are crucial, especially after instances of cheating.

• Fiona [25:04]: "I've never cheated before. I think it's a cowardly thing to do."

9. Closing Thoughts and Future Plans

Fiona shares her upcoming projects, including a new podcast, and provides her contact information for fans.

• Fiona [41:47]: "I'm on Instagram @fionacoli. I have a website with my tour dates and ticket links on it, fionacoli.com. And I'm actually starting a podcast soon."

Lauren congratulates Fiona on her engagement and upcoming endeavors, wrapping up the heartfelt and humorous conversation.

• Lauren [43:02]: "Thank you for coming back on my show. And congratulations on your engagement. That's so cool."

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Fiona [00:44]: "I did."

• Fiona [02:17]: "We had chicken noodle soup and there was cinnamon in it."

• Lauren [02:15]: "Like, the food was gross."

• Fiona [04:42]: "He did a speech. I blacked out. We're not even sure if I actually said yes."

• Lauren [08:12]: "I feel like there's a middle ground you gotta find. Like, be kind of bad at lying but surprise me anyway."

• Fiona [10:07]: "I could not sleep last night. It was just an early flight and like I have to maintain my wheelchair. New bolts every now and then."

• Lauren [19:00]: "My boyfriend gave me his credit card, so I have his credit card in my wallet."

• Fiona [37:00]: "A girl sat on the arm of my wheelchair and farted on me during a photo op."

---

Conclusion

This episode of First Date with Lauren Compton offers a candid glimpse into Fiona Cauley's life, blending humor with heartfelt discussions about love, trust, and personal challenges. Fiona's openness about her engagement, wedding plans, and navigating life with mobility aids provides listeners with both laughter and insightful reflections on modern relationships. Whether you're a fan of Fiona or new to her work, this episode is sure to entertain and resonate.

Transcript

[Lauren]

I'm so excited to see you tonight.

[Fiona Colley]

First Date, baby. First date. I can't wait. First date.

[Lauren]

Hello, and welcome back to another episode of First Date. My guest today is a comic that you guys loved so much that we brought her back already for a second date. Give it up for Fiona Colley. You're an all star damn thing. Everybody loves you so much. So you. But since you've been here, even though it's been a short amount of time, a lot has happened. You got engaged.

[Fiona Colley]

I did.

[Lauren]

Dude, a moment for the huge ass.

[Fiona Colley]

I know. That's fucking comedy money. Are you joking?

[Lauren]

It's huge.

[Fiona Colley]

I'm obsessed. I literally don't wear jewelry. I just have this. This song because they can't take it off. This is very exciting.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Fiona Colley]

I'm scared I'm gonna get robbed, you know?

[Lauren]

Well, yeah, I mean, I don't think anyone's gonna rob you. You can drive faster than most people can walk. I mean, what are they gonna do?

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah, you're right. You're not supposed to steal candy from babies or jewelry from disabled. Yeah, that's the rude. Yep, that'd be the worst.

[Lauren]

How did he propose?

[Fiona Colley]

Oh, my God. He crushed. Dude. Okay, so first he took me to a restaurant for dinner in Nashville called Bad Idea.

[Lauren]

Great.

[Fiona Colley]

Perfect.

[Lauren]

Great idea.

[Fiona Colley]

Great start. Um, no offense, and I know they have good reviews, and I'm sure they're great, but this night was fucking bad. It was true to its name. The continuity was incredible. It was bad food. We didn't like it at least. Right?

[Lauren]

Like, the food was gross.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah, it was, like a very fancy place, which. I love fancy food. That's cool. But it's like they put so much cinnamon in everything. Like, we had chicken noodle soup and there was cinnamon in it.

[Lauren]

Gross.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah, it's like they were trying to do fan, like, too hard to be fancy. It was like, all the flavors.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Fiona Colley]

You know what I mean?

[Lauren]

Stick with salt.

[Fiona Colley]

Literally. We all Love that. Some GMOs or whatever. Yeah. Fuck me up, right? I'm not above it. But he. We were there. He was being weird, and I was like, why the fuck are you on your phone? And we're complaining about to each other about, like, the food, but we're both not gonna say a word, you know?

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Fiona Colley]

I get a text in the middle of dinner from the booker at Zany's in Nashville, and she was like, hey, Fiona, what are you doing? I need you to get Zany's right now. There's someone here that wants to meet you and I was like, no, I'm scared. What? And I'm like showing mad. I'm like, what the could this be? And he's like, what, like Oscar winning performance? Yeah, I don't trust him anymore. So she text me that and I'm like, comedy's weird. That could be a thing. You know what I mean? And so we didn't like the food already, so we were like, do you want to get out here and just go to Zany? So we got the check got out of there. The whole way over. He's nervous, I'm nervous. I think we're nervous for the same reason. And we get out of the car and was rolling around the side to like go in the main door. And I turn the corner and I see Taylor, who's the photographer for Zanes, with this camera. And I was like, what the fuck? And I turn around, cause Matt's like, come back here. And I look up at the marquee and it said, will you marry me? On it. Yeah. And I was like, what? I'm an idiot, dude.

[Lauren]

Did he get down on one kn.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah, he did. Yeah, it was. He did a speech. I blacked out. We're not even sure if I actually said yes. Like, I literally was just like, I'm gonna throw up on you. And he was like, will you marry me? And he just put the ring on my finger. And then we went around the corner to the lab at Zany.

[Lauren]

That's so cute.

[Fiona Colley]

And. Oh. Oh, yeah, yeah. And in the lab, all of our friends and family were like in there waiting. And it was a big party. Yeah.

[Lauren]

And then did you perform there that night?

[Fiona Colley]

No, no, no, no.

[Lauren]

So you just went there? Wow.

[Fiona Colley]

We were like, maybe it's Nikki Glaser. Cause I'm obsessed with her. But yeah, yeah, no, the ring was cool too.

[Lauren]

I'm like, wow. So were you disappointed that Nikki wasn so worried that.

[Fiona Colley]

Because he suggested maybe it's Nikki Glaser, which isn't crazy. Like, he knows it's a lot.

[Lauren]

Yeah, yeah. I feel like now Nikki Glaser needs to, like, come to your show or something or like let you open for her or something.

[Fiona Colley]

She actually is letting me one of her openers at the rhyming during the night.

[Lauren]

Oh, my God. Hell yeah.

[Fiona Colley]

I'm very excited that I've never met.

[Lauren]

Her, but yeah, she's great. I've never met her either, but I love. I already, like, love her. She's got a great personality.

[Fiona Colley]

She was like a big part of the ruse. So that's Nice.

[Lauren]

That is really cool. It's funny how guys will do things to surprise you, but they have to lie about it first. And it's like, I've had recently for Christmas, um, on Christmas Eve, my boyfriend told me that he had this meeting that he had to take. And it was. And. And, dude, it. Like, the amount of detail that he had in the lie was, like, so believable that I didn't even. I was like, oh, okay. Because at first I was like, christmas Eve, you have, like, this crazy meeting that you have to go take at Terry Black's. Like, what is it? He's like, oh, the reps from the Pepsi cup companies coming over. And if we, like, switch reps, it's like, if they do it before, like, Christmas Day, they get, like, some big bonus. And so we're just gonna go down there and, like, pick different cups and It'll save us 25 cents a sale. Like, the way that he, like, went into it, and I was like, oh, okay. But then the truth was he went to go pick up a Tesla for me for Christmas. So he was like, never at the restaurant, never had the meeting, completely went to go do something else. And even though the present was for me, I was like, but wait, that.

[Fiona Colley]

Lie was so good.

[Lauren]

Yeah, you could do anything.

[Fiona Colley]

No, it's like, I'm very grateful, but now I'm suspicious as fuck, you know?

[Lauren]

Exactly.

[Fiona Colley]

It's a fine line.

[Lauren]

Yeah. Yesterday he said that he had to go pick up his brother at a tire shop, but really he was getting a haircut for the first time in a year, and he wanted to surprise me with his haircut. And I'm like, stop with the surprises. Tell me you're getting a haircut.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah. Like, holy shit, you're way too good. I feel like there's, like, a middle ground you gotta find.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Fiona Colley]

Like, be, like, kind of bad at lying.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Fiona Colley]

Like, make me not believe you, but surprise me anyway.

[Lauren]

Yeah. The fact that I'm so gullible and that you're so good at this, I.

[Fiona Colley]

Honestly thought I was like, I'm not global. I won't fall for shit. He got my ass, dude. I don't even know who I am anymore.

[Lauren]

What are some other things that he's done that have really surprised you?

[Fiona Colley]

Well, I told you last, I'm at the grab bars thing. He didn't really. I guess that was his first big surprise thing.

[Lauren]

He really did nail it. I wonder if now he's gonna, like, have a small addiction to surprising you like that.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah. I hope So I know he' listening right now, so.

[Lauren]

Yeah, I mean, because once they start realizing that like surprising you is fun, then they. They want to like do it more. But it is very sus.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I. I threw him on his birthday this past year. I threw him a surprise party and I like he had no idea. Even when it started happening. He was very confused until I explained what was happening.

[Lauren]

Yeah. And you have to lie about things. Crazy.

[Fiona Colley]

We're had to be good at lying. I don't like men that are good at lying. I don't trust that's a one way.

[Lauren]

As long as they're getting us nice gifts.

[Fiona Colley]

That's a good point. Yeah.

[Lauren]

Then there can be some sussiness.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah, I agree. I agree.

[Lauren]

You're on another Red Bull.

[Fiona Colley]

Yes.

[Lauren]

You love those.

[Fiona Colley]

I'm obsessed with them. Sponsor me.

[Lauren]

You had a. Well, you said you had a really early morning today, right? You've been up since like four.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

Damn.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah. And like I could not sleep last night. It was just an early flight and.

[Lauren]

Then that's how it feels to be pregnant.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah. I don't think I can. My wheelchairs are my babies, you know.

[Lauren]

I mean it's got great support though.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah, you do.

[Lauren]

Fine.

[Fiona Colley]

Then I have to maintain it. New bolts every now and then.

[Lauren]

I know you were telling about like just. You just kind of throw them overboard when they break.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah, it's true. This is a new one though.

[Lauren]

Yeah. Do you name them?

[Fiona Colley]

No. I should though I think we should.

[Lauren]

Name that one Wally.

[Fiona Colley]

Oh, cue Wally. Or Roomba.

[Lauren]

Yeah, I like them both.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah. We'll find middle ground.

[Lauren]

The mixing the names like Brangelina doesn't really work.

[Fiona Colley]

Really? Yeah.

[Lauren]

No. Fuck it. So let's see. I'm going to ask you some questions from my appetizer side. I feel like you're so easy to talk to that I could just get lost in conversation. But I do want to find out about more of like your dating life and like what you're going to do. Like what. What you're going to do next. I guess before I get to this. So with every engagement then there's a wedding.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

Do you have any idea what you want to do for your wedding?

[Fiona Colley]

Actually, we already have the venue. Yeah?

[Lauren]

Where? Well, don't say because then people will want to come and stalk you.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah, that's. Actually, I hadn't even considered that. I'll tell you later.

[Lauren]

Okay. What state?

[Fiona Colley]

Tennessee.

[Lauren]

Tennessee. Do you think you'll do it in the summer or the winter? I'm keeping it vague.

[Fiona Colley]

The winter.

[Lauren]

So you're gonna have like a long sleeve dress?

[Fiona Colley]

No. Oh, my God. I went dress shopping yesterday.

[Lauren]

How fun.

[Fiona Colley]

Dude. I thought I wouldn't be able to find something because of the wheelchair and like, like, you know, the relationship between the dress and the chair and the wheel.

[Lauren]

Yeah. Can. Can be terrifying.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah, yeah. Shockingly, I found a dress that looks better sitting than it does standing.

[Lauren]

Really?

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah. Which I could not fucking believe.

[Lauren]

And you love it.

[Fiona Colley]

I'm obsessed with it.

[Lauren]

So that's the one.

[Fiona Colley]

Oh, yeah.

[Lauren]

So we've got the dress.

[Fiona Colley]

I found her.

[Lauren]

Are you gonna have a big wedding or a small wedding?

[Fiona Colley]

I guess small. You say that it's like a hundred people.

[Lauren]

That's not small. I don't know. Small is like under 50.

[Fiona Colley]

Oh, no. I'm already panicking. We're trying to get the guest list together, but I mean, we're like at like 150 and we're like, who do we fucking chop down? Like, these are all our fucking friends.

[Lauren]

Yeah. Wow. Do you know what kind of food you're gonna have?

[Fiona Colley]

I think we're just gonna do heavy hors d'oeuvres.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Fiona Colley]

I hate a sit down dinner. Ironically enough. Stupid.

[Lauren]

I guess we're not gonna have. Bad idea. Cater it.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah, no, they're out on that one. They'll do better. You know, I feel bad because I know they just got like, great press, like my friends. So maybe we're just like hillbillies that don't like it. I'll put it on us. That's fine. Great. Great environment, though. Very cool building.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Fiona Colley]

Great Manhattan.

[Lauren]

That's good.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

So I'm so. That's so cool that you already have, like, stuff planned and like, picked out and your dress done and stuff. What did your parents think?

[Fiona Colley]

My mom is over the moon. She's been wanting him to propose for a while, which is insane because we've been dating for like a year and a half. Like, it's not that long. This is already like, you know. But yeah, very, very happy. I don't talk to my dad, so.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

That's so cool. Do you have a song picked out, like your wedding song?

[Fiona Colley]

No, not really. I think I'm getting like a. This might be stupid. I don't know, I might be embarrassing myself. But we're getting like a violin player to do like. Did you ever watch Bridgerton?

[Lauren]

Yes.

[Fiona Colley]

Like, like the Modern song.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Fiona Colley]

Is that dumb?

[Lauren]

No. But I will tell you that I have been to like, Four Weddings Fucking.

[Fiona Colley]

They all do that.

[Lauren]

And they all do.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah. I'm going to kill myself.

[Lauren]

I have not seen anyone with a real violin do it though. But the Bridgerton song that you're talking about.

[Fiona Colley]

No, not like the Bridgerton songs. Like the songs I pick. But have the violin player learn those.

[Lauren]

Okay.

[Fiona Colley]

Do you know what I mean?

[Lauren]

There's some song from Bridgerton. I don't know if it's like the main theme song or like what it is. It's the song that everyone knows. That's usually the song that I have seen like four brides. I even have a wedding today. I'm gonna fucking text you if it's that song again. But yeah, I call it every time now. That's like. That's the new wedding song.

[Fiona Colley]

I really thought I had something with that idea.

[Lauren]

I know it's crazy, but I just want to crush your dreams now.

[Fiona Colley]

No, summon that dude. Thank you. You're welcome.

[Lauren]

But still do it. Because see anyone do it with a real violin.

[Fiona Colley]

Oh, okay. We'll figure it out.

[Lauren]

You'll figure it out. But you know, I'm just saying.

[Fiona Colley]

It's okay. I'll tell you. I'll show you what we end up doing.

[Lauren]

Yeah, that'll be really cool. When I was younger, my dad taught me that investing money is really important. And I've always taken that with me. And I also know that you don't have to invest a lot at the top. You can invest just a little bit. And a little bit goes a long way. Today's episode is sponsored by acorns. April is financial Literacy month. That's right. They made a whole month reminding you to finally take control of your money. Good news is you don't need 30 days. Acorns makes it easy to start saving and investing for your future in just five minutes. You don't need to be an expert. Acorns will recommend a diversified portfolio that matches you and your money goals. You don't need to be rich. Acorns lets you get started with the spare money you've got right now. Even if all you've got is spare change. I think that Acorns is the perfect platform to start investing with. Sign up now and join the over 14 million all time customers who have already saved and invested over $25 billion with Acorns. Head to acorns.com firstdate or download the Acorns app to get started. Paid non client endorsement compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns tier one compensation provided investing involves risk. Acorns Advisors, LLC, an SEC registered investment advisor. View important [e-mail] First Date this episode is brought to you by Lifelock. Not everyone is careful with your personal information, which might explain why there's a victim of identity theft every five seconds in the U.S. fortunately, there's LifeLock. LifeLock monitors hundreds of millions of data points a second for threats to your identity. If your identity is stolen, a US based restoration specialist will fix it, guaranteed, or your money back. Save up to 40% your first year by visiting lifelock.com podcast terms apply. I'll go to my main course. Questions? Have you ever had to pay on a date with him?

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

Do you. Do you mind?

[Fiona Colley]

No. No, I. The whole money thing, I don't really. I grew up in a house where my mom was always the breadwinner. And that's not, like, our situation. But, like, as far as, like, me paying, we're pretty even.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Fiona Colley]

About that. Which is, like, more than what I saw growing up. So I'm like, equality is cool.

[Lauren]

Yeah, I like that.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

My boyfriend gave me his credit card, so I have his credit card in my wallet. So whenever we go out, I pay with his credit card.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah. I mean, that's a lot of, like, muscle to use. I totally. Yeah.

[Lauren]

He asked me. He. He like, mentioned how much I spent on it a couple days ago, and I just like, briefly coasted right over it into another conversation.

[Fiona Colley]

Didn't acknowledge carrying his baby.

[Lauren]

I was like, pregnancy is expensive. So what did you have for lunch today? That was about as long as we stayed on the conversation.

[Fiona Colley]

I think that's smart. You're like, I don't want to hurt you.

[Lauren]

I know. Like, we're getting along so well. Yeah.

[Fiona Colley]

Today's been good. Don't fucking let it go. Yeah, you're fine.

[Lauren]

Where are we going for dinner?

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah. No, I mean, I think if there is, like, there are terms. I don't know what the words are, but, like, I guess someone makes a ton of more money than the breadwinner. Right?

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Fiona Colley]

I understand them doing more of that. Just like, spending equal percentages of your income.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Fiona Colley]

Versus amounts. Because I don't think that's fair. Me and Matt are both still at the stage. We're kind of like starving artists a little bit. We're both.

[Lauren]

That ring doesn't say any. There's. Well, this is Starving artist.

[Fiona Colley]

Starving now. You know, I get why he's been making me bae.

[Lauren]

He's like, was that. I do too, but I don't have lung capacity.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah, same. But for different reasons.

[Lauren]

I'm telling you, this is my this is. This is my. If this had wheels. Yeah, I'd be going everywhere.

[Fiona Colley]

You could use a wheelchair right now.

[Lauren]

I really could.

[Fiona Colley]

I should have brought the extra pass. An extra one for me. You should.

[Lauren]

You didn't think of me.

[Fiona Colley]

No. I'm an. And I'm so.

[Lauren]

Well, hopefully next time I see you, I don't have a child in me. Hopefully it's out of me.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah, but still, that's the crazy sentence. I'm so sorry.

[Lauren]

This has been, like, a fun question that I've had lately. How do you feel about people, like, in relationships being friends with their exes?

[Fiona Colley]

Oh, this is fun. I just started watching a reality show called you, Me and My Ex.

[Lauren]

No way.

[Fiona Colley]

Have you seen it?

[Lauren]

No. What's it on, Max. Okay, bro. Is it good?

[Fiona Colley]

It's so good, but it's so bad. Built a good bet.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

And it's about. What's it about?

[Fiona Colley]

It's about couples either dating or married, and one of them is very close to an ex in the dynamic. It's very interesting.

[Lauren]

What do you think?

[Fiona Colley]

I think it totally depends on the ex and, like, how the relationship ended. I don't know. I mean, it's hard because I've only. Before Matt, I only dated pieces of shit. So, like, I would never be friends with any of them, you know? Yeah, they know that.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Fiona Colley]

But, like, you know, he has access. Like, I guess he's not, like, friends, like, hanging out with any of his exes, but it all ended amicably, like, yeah, cool people. So, like, you know, he has exes that'll text him happy birthday or whatever. Yeah, I don't give a. Yeah, I.

[Lauren]

I feel like that's, like, the most mature answer, the way that you said it first. Like, it depends on how it ended and, like, I guess the stance that you have with someone. Like, I was married before, and I stayed friends with him for a really, really long time pretty much until I got with the guy that I'm with now.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

Who is, like, taken, fully taken, the role of, like, the man in my life. But I never had. Ever since him. I know I was. I would date people and I would have boyfriends and stuff, but he was always kind of like a. He was so close to me for so long, and I know his family and all that.

[Fiona Colley]

Right.

[Lauren]

You know, but then. So I was friends with him, but I had no, like, actual, like, real feelings for him. Like, I never wanted to get back with him.

[Fiona Colley]

Did he want to get back with you?

[Lauren]

For a while? He did, but then that faded too.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

Because when you're apart for so long, you don't miss them anymore. You start. You start seeing them in a different way. So that happened and, you know, I just. And then. And then eventually he just like completely faded and I stopped altogether, like, talking to him.

[Fiona Colley]

I think that's healthy.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Fiona Colley]

You know. Yeah. I mean, if it's. If the intention is not to go back to them and like, it's not like strictly plutonic and even if that means on one side, like someone is yearning and you're chill and, you know, we can be friends. That's not good.

[Lauren]

No, that's not good. Yeah. We just faded. We also lived in different states, which.

[Fiona Colley]

Really, you know, steeled the deal on that one.

[Lauren]

Yeah. I was like, bye.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

Then I was gone.

[Fiona Colley]

Dissipated into the distance.

[Lauren]

Yeah. Just literally disappeared. Do you think that either side of a relationship, a guy or a girl could ever come back from cheating?

[Fiona Colley]

I mean, I've seen it happen, I guess. I don't think. No, I don't think so.

[Lauren]

I don't think so either.

[Fiona Colley]

I've never cheated before. I don't get that. I think it's kind of a cowardly thing to do. Like just fucking break up with someone.

[Lauren]

Most people can't do that though. That's why they cheat.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah. I think that's embarrassing for them. I mean, I've been cheated on and I. I think you only like agreed to go back to them or stay in it after something like that. If you've yet to like, realize your own self worth.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Fiona Colley]

I think the moment you do, you're not gonna. You're gonna leave that situation entirely. That's what happened for me. You know what I mean? So. No, and that's the thing, like even like with Matt, if he, you know, say he has an accident on him even to be school with her. I hate that. Like, you don't disrespect my dude like that. You know what I mean?

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Fiona Colley]

I just find that like, gross.

[Lauren]

It is gross. Are you an only child?

[Fiona Colley]

No, I'm a middle.

[Lauren]

Okay. Do you. How do your siblings are they. You're. So you have an older and sister.

[Fiona Colley]

Younger brother.

[Lauren]

Okay. And were they involved in the proposal at all?

[Fiona Colley]

No.

[Lauren]

Did they. Where do they live?

[Fiona Colley]

My sister lives in Chattanooga, which is like two hours from Nashville. My brother lives in Nashville. He was at the engagement party waiting, like where all her friends and family were. My sister couldn't make it.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Fiona Colley]

So.

[Lauren]

Yeah, but you live in Nashville. Were you born in. I don't remember Were you born in Nashville?

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah, I was born in Franklin, which is, like, 30 minutes south of Nashville. It's like, a very rich town. I'm a little embarrassed to admit it.

[Lauren]

Why?

[Fiona Colley]

It's fucking cringey shit.

[Lauren]

Oh.

[Fiona Colley]

Like, if you ever seen the Truman Show.

[Lauren]

Yeah, it's wow.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah. It's like one of the top, perfect, wealthiest counties in the U.S. like, no way. Yeah.

[Lauren]

I've never been there.

[Fiona Colley]

I have a joke. I do, where I'm like, I'm proof that money can't buy everything, but. Yeah, it's a lot of. Yeah.

[Lauren]

Yeah. All right. I wanted to know a little bit of your back. I didn't have anywhere I was going with that. I was just honestly curious. Let's see. What about a honeymoon?

[Fiona Colley]

Oh, we're going to Cabo.

[Lauren]

Fun. I love Cabo.

[Fiona Colley]

I'm. I've never been.

[Lauren]

Why? Have you been to Mexico in general?

[Fiona Colley]

No.

[Lauren]

Mexico's fun.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah. I mean, it's funny because now, like, I am traveling so much, it's never for vacation. I have no days off. But luckily, my. My mom, she bought, like, part. If I call it a timeshare, she'll kill me because she said it's not that, but I don't know what the fuck it is if it's not that. It's like she owns a condo at a resort in Cabo, but it's like.

[Lauren]

She shares it part of the time with other people.

[Fiona Colley]

I can hear, like, do, do, do, do.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah. So we're getting to use that, which is nice, because I want to go somewhere, but I don't want to go to, like, Italy, where there are a bunch of stairs we got to figure out and navigate all over, you know?

[Lauren]

Oh, I never even thought about that.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah. Everything's, like, in one place, which is ideal for me.

[Lauren]

Yeah. Europe's not very ADA friendly.

[Fiona Colley]

No. I did study abroad, and I did six months in Scotland in college, and that was when I was walking with the cane still, and I went by myself, and it was a. Like, it was fun. A lot of fun.

[Lauren]

But it was hard as also a nightmare. Oh.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

Wow. Well, it's cool that you got to go over there and do that and see that, though.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

I love Europe, but. Yeah, even. Even for someone who can walk fine, you're like, fuck. Yeah.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

Well, speaking about how, like, pregnancy kind of feels like being handicapped, I chose to go to New York for my baby moon. Did I tell you this?

[Fiona Colley]

No.

[Lauren]

Dude. What a terrible idea. It was probably the worst idea I've had my Whole pregnancy. But I chose it in September for my birthday. That's what I wanted for my birthday present. So not only did I ruin my birthday present, but I also, like, picked a terrible location for a baby moon. So he likes to do a lot of walking and take the subways and all this stuff. I don't walk that well. I waddle.

[Fiona Colley]

Yep.

[Lauren]

I waddle and I'm slow and I get out of breath. Super duper.

[Fiona Colley]

I relate to you so much.

[Lauren]

Right now we going up the. The. What do you call it? The subway. Trying to get up and down the stairs. I was taking breaks on the stairs because I just couldn't. Couldn't, like, chug it all the way up. And then by the time that I got to the top, I was hot. And then I would think. But it was snowing. It was 19 degrees. Dude, it was horrible.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah, that sounds like an actual. I've never been to New York for that reason. Like, I will go eventually, but, like, I don't have the money to, like, do it in a way that's easy.

[Lauren]

You're not missing really anything.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, for comedy, though, you know. True. That's the only bummer. And I'll figure it out one day. But, yeah, New York is.

[Lauren]

You don't have to take the subways.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah. But I feel like Ubers would be a nightmare too.

[Lauren]

They are kind of a nightmare. And they. And a lot of places don't have, like, huge elevators.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

It's kind of a going to New York.

[Fiona Colley]

It's the Europe of the US it really is.

[Lauren]

The food is really good over there, though.

[Fiona Colley]

I've heard that the food is great.

[Lauren]

I wanted to go because I love Christmas and New York is beautiful at Christmas time.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah. I hate Christmas.

[Lauren]

Shut up.

[Fiona Colley]

I'm serious.

[Lauren]

Why?

[Fiona Colley]

It's kind of like how I feel about my birthday. I don't like it because there's, like, so much expectation, and then it's never what you think it's gonna be, which is. I guess I'm kind of a pessimist. Sometime. I just, like. You know, I came from a broken home. Christmas was always fucking stressful. And it was a conversation between my parents and blah, blah, blah, and everyone was mad. Everyone's crying, and I'm like, I'm good. And they're just, like, drunk off eggnog, yelling at each other. I like eggnog.

[Lauren]

I don't.

[Fiona Colley]

Oh, my God. We gotta find common ground, Lauren.

[Lauren]

I know. If there's anything we could relate to, it should be alcohol.

[Fiona Colley]

I know.

[Lauren]

No, Eggnog?

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

It sounds gross.

[Fiona Colley]

Have you ever had it?

[Lauren]

Honestly, I'm not sure.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah, I'll be back at Christmas.

[Lauren]

I'm not sure that I really had, like, eggnog, to be honest.

[Fiona Colley]

It's really good. You can have it without alcohol in it too. I don't like milk. Does that give you context? I'm like a normal girl.

[Lauren]

I like milk.

[Fiona Colley]

Oh, no, Lauren, here we go again. Oh, my God. I don't even know.

[Lauren]

Even being pregnant, I've liked milk more than normal. Like one time only once I poured a huge glass of milk and chugged it and it tasted so. No, it tasted really, really good. But I only did that one time because I felt really weird about myself.

[Fiona Colley]

You're like, why do I feel like a person?

[Lauren]

Yeah. I was like, why am I just sitting in my house alone chugging a glass of wine?

[Fiona Colley]

You're like, why are the lights off? Like.

[Lauren]

I only did it once because it was so weird. But yeah, I like milk. I don't know if eggnog. Why do they have to call it eggnog?

[Fiona Colley]

It's a bad name. Bad branding. Yeah, but it's very.

[Lauren]

Comes in a carton.

[Fiona Colley]

That's true. And it's like thick, you know what I mean?

[Lauren]

That's why I'm not sipping it.

[Fiona Colley]

So you're like a. Like a consistency A little bit.

[Lauren]

Yeah. The packaging, like make it different.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

Put it in the glass container.

[Fiona Colley]

I think fancy right now because do come in a glass container.

[Lauren]

I've. Okay, but what can we rename it though? Can we call it like alcoholic milk or.

[Fiona Colley]

Fuck? What.

[Lauren]

What else can we call it? I mean, just not egg. Like, because when I see a carton and it says egg on it and I'm going to drink it, I automatically think of like those weird body that just chug. Like, I. I know that that's not what it is, but that's how I'm receiving it in my brain.

[Fiona Colley]

Just cut out the egg and call it nog. That's kind of cute. Nag.

[Lauren]

Nog.

[Fiona Colley]

Nog.

[Lauren]

I mean, I'd probably be more susceptible.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah, that's a street term.

[Lauren]

Okay.

[Fiona Colley]

It's a slang fragment.

[Lauren]

All right, fine.

[Fiona Colley]

Pretty good.

[Lauren]

Maybe someday.

[Fiona Colley]

Maybe when you're not pregnant.

[Lauren]

Definitely.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

That time is coming.

[Fiona Colley]

Yes. We're almost there.

[Lauren]

Almost. I'm still not gonna go back to New York for quite some time. I'm low key, traumatized.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're keeping me away longer now. I'm like, that's exactly what I thought it would Be like. And it's hard.

[Lauren]

It's a hard city to maneuver around. You know what else really annoys me about pregnancy? My belly button.

[Fiona Colley]

What happens to it?

[Lauren]

Can you see it? No, you can't see it in this dress. It's right there. I hate it bigger. It's just poking out. I have an Audi.

[Fiona Colley]

Like you did before too.

[Lauren]

No, I had a cute little innie belly button.

[Fiona Colley]

Are you gonna go back in?

[Lauren]

Yes. Everyone tells me that it will.

[Fiona Colley]

Oh.

[Lauren]

But it's been like my. My one thing and my boyfriend will press it like a button.

[Fiona Colley]

Oh, no.

[Lauren]

I know.

[Fiona Colley]

No.

[Lauren]

You know how sensitive your belly button is.

[Fiona Colley]

You're okay. So I have a thing I should tell you.

[Lauren]

Okay, tell me.

[Fiona Colley]

This is really weird.

[Lauren]

I doubt it.

[Fiona Colley]

Okay. If someone pokes me in the belly button, I vomit.

[Lauren]

Do you really?

[Fiona Colley]

I'm not kidding. It's been like that for fucking ever. Something got fucked up in my wiring somewhere. I don't know what's going on. And if someone touches your belly button, I fucking vomit.

[Lauren]

Wow.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah. I can't do it.

[Lauren]

Yeah, you could pick up bulimia pretty easily.

[Fiona Colley]

Really? Like, casual bully.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah. I'm like, oops. Yeah. No, like, it's not good. I don't, like, talk about it because I feel like now people are gonna try because people think it's funny. No, no one believes me until it happens.

[Lauren]

Yeah. No. If anyone just starts randomly coming up to you off of this podcast, touching your belly button, dude, I just want to apologize.

[Fiona Colley]

Oh, my God. Okay, wait. This is random, but sort of related. I did a show and I did a meet and greet afterwards. I fucking tell you, I can't remember what we talked about last time. I don't think that. I don't think I did. Stop me if I told you there was a girl by herself in line. Cute little, like, little aesthetic girl. I was like, okay, cool. And then I realized she was shit face. And I was like, whatever. And she wanted to get photo with me. And she was like, hey, can I sit on your lap? And I was like. And Matt was like, selling merch right next to me. So I was like, hey, Matt, she's asked if you can sit on my lap. What do you think? Because I felt so awkward. Matt was like, probably not. And I was like, yeah, I don't think so. She was like, fine. And then she sat on the arm of my wheelchair, which isn't great because this thing is, like, rickety. And then in the middle of the photo, girl farts a dead ass. I'm not kidding.

[Lauren]

Was it loud?

[Fiona Colley]

Audible, and it smelled very bad. And she jumped up and started laughing and goes, I farted on you. I'm so sorry. And I was like, she crop dusted you, bro. Not dusted. She like cropped me.

[Lauren]

Oh, my God.

[Fiona Colley]

And security was like, you gotta go, dude.

[Lauren]

Ew.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah. People are wild, dude.

[Lauren]

That's terrible.

[Fiona Colley]

Hey, why do I snort every time I'm on this?

[Lauren]

It's cute. I like it. Such a genuine laugh. Also, the fact that you can laugh when a girl just, like, farts on you.

[Fiona Colley]

I was literally panicking. I was like, I don't know how to react right now. This is so gross. Because I already like being in a wheelchair and, like, rolling through any public place. I am getting crop dusted constantly.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Fiona Colley]

I'm at butt level. You know what I mean? And so I'm always worried about pink guy. Right. Oh, man.

[Lauren]

Man, that sucks.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

Well, that girl.

[Fiona Colley]

Don't fart at me. Don't poke my belly button. That's all I ask.

[Lauren]

That's not hard. Asks not hard. I feel like that's like a very. You shouldn't even have to announce.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah.

[Lauren]

That those are your things.

[Fiona Colley]

Yeah, but it's 2025 now.

[Lauren]

I know.

[Fiona Colley]

I don't know what that means, but.

[Lauren]

Well, my belly button is numb. I can't feel it. So if you touch my belly button, I really can't feel it. I don't know why. I guess there's. It's just my belly protrudes.

[Fiona Colley]

Are you numb, like, at any.

[Lauren]

No, it's just my belly button. I really can't feel it. So whenever I notice him, like, he'll come up behind me and give me, like a hug. And I just see his finger in the mirror just going like this. And it's like on my belly button and I'm just like, stop. It's the weirdest thing I've ever seen in my whole life.

[Fiona Colley]

But he loves it.

[Lauren]

It's like his favorite little thing.

[Fiona Colley]

He's gonna be really sad when it's gone.

[Lauren]

I know. Oh, well, you're Addy.

[Fiona Colley]

Belly button. It's gonna be his ex.

[Lauren]

Yeah. Yeah. It'll come back around number two, I guess. Anyway, my audience loves you, and I'm pretty sure that they all have attached themselves to you anyway. But where can people find you?

[Fiona Colley]

I'm on Instagram @fionacoli. I have a website with my tour dates and ticket links on it. Fiona collie.com.

[Lauren]

Yeah.

[Fiona Colley]

And I'm actually starting a podcast soon.

[Lauren]

I saw. What are We, I, I.

[Fiona Colley]

So you're done with Ramping Up?

[Lauren]

Okay, I, I suggested Hell on Wheels.

[Fiona Colley]

There, there. I think that already exists. Oh, really? The issue with that stuff, I think we're doing Ramping up with Fiona Colleen, Matt Taylor.

[Lauren]

What are you going to talk about on your podcast?

[Fiona Colley]

I don't know yet. I, like, put out a thing where I was like, do you have any questions? And I got, like, like hundreds of questions. So, I mean, going through that, I don't know. I'm still trying to figure it out. But not every podcast has, like, a theme. Yes. And so I've been doing a little research, and I think we're a little too add to have, like, you know what I mean? Maple. Of segments Thinking Fiona. Call me segment where.

[Lauren]

Oh, that's cool.

[Fiona Colley]

Cute.

[Lauren]

I like it.

[Fiona Colley]

So we'll see.

[Lauren]

Well, congratulations.

[Fiona Colley]

Thank you.

[Lauren]

Thank you for coming back on my show. And congratulations on your engagement. That's so cool. Guys, thank you for tuning in to another great episode. We love Fiona and we'll see you next time. First date, baby, are you really drinking a glass of milk with dinner?

[Fiona Colley]

First day? I can't wait.

[Lauren]

You told your mom about me?

[Fiona Colley]

Just say, you ready?

[Lauren]

Delete my number. Thursday, your parents are your roommates.

[Fiona Colley]

Thursday.