From Barstool To The Big Screen w/ John Feitelberg | First Date with Lauren Compton

Summary

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Podcast Summary

First Date with Lauren Compton

Episode: From Barstool To The Big Screen w/ John Feitelberg
Date: September 16, 2025
Host: Lauren Compton
Guest: John Feitelberg (Barstool personality, actor in Les Mascots)

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Brief Overview

This episode features a candid, often hilarious “first date” conversation between host Lauren Compton and John Feitelberg. John, known for his work with Barstool and his new mockumentary sitcom Les Mascots, opens up about his relationship style, personal quirks, dating history, and red flags. The two riff on everything from NYC living versus Austin, food and drink preferences, relationship dynamics, and the pitfalls of modern dating etiquette. The tone is light, playful, and refreshingly honest.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Living in NYC vs. Austin (00:43 - 01:53)

• John talks about his love for New York’s walkability and unique vibe, noting how other cities just feel like "regular cities." Lauren admits her envy and agrees, saying New York is "so much more European."
  • Notable Quote:
  • “The director of Les Mascots, Pavs, always says shooting in New York or Europe is just a cheat code. It’s just so beautiful.” – John (01:45)

2. Relationship Status & Dating History (01:53 - 05:12)

• John is in a committed relationship but not engaged. He and his girlfriend met in Rhode Island, the “best” place according to John ("Newport is really where it’s at.” — 03:07). Lauren probes for “red flags” but John’s answers remain honest yet reserved.
• John describes his girlfriend as a legal assistant, “not serious, but she appears very serious. She’s like a pit bull.” (04:07)
• Playful discussion about physical preferences:
  • “20s, pre 20s boobs, 20s ass, post 20s boobs again.” – John on shifting attraction (04:23)

3. Dating Style and Love Language (07:18 - 08:06)

• John’s love language is "acts of service." He appreciates when his partner does everyday chores without being asked, not for the act itself but the intent behind it.
  • Notable Quote:
  • “If I don’t want to do something, that means I know nobody wants to do it. So if you’re doing it, it’s like, I really understand how much you love me.” – John (07:26)

4. Cooking and Eating Habits (08:06 - 09:16)

• John mostly eats the same meal daily (“beef, sweet potato, half an avocado, and cottage cheese” 08:52). For him, food choices are about ease, not health.
• Likes Italian and American restaurants, but keeps things casual.

5. Approach to Dating, Breakups, and Commitment (09:16 - 12:30)

• Never used dating apps; all relationships have developed from friendships. Jokes:
  • “I’m kind of like the Joe Biden of dating, I just hang around enough until someone’s like, all right, you’re the guy.” (10:03)
• Tends to “stick it out,” often staying in relationships until the other person leaves. Does not have strong ambitions about marriage:
  • “Honestly, my answer is I don’t want anything in life. I’m good.” (11:44)
• Considers himself romantic in everyday ways but is not big on grand gestures.

6. Surprises and Pet Peeves (15:02 - 18:09)

• Both Lauren and John dislike surprise parties and food surprises, wanting to be in the right mindset for specific experiences.
  • “A surprise party would be a fucking nightmare.” – John (15:45)
  • “If you tell me we’re going to go have Mexican food, I get the taste of Mexican food in my soul and I have to go have Mexican food. You can’t switch it up.” – Lauren (16:34)

7. Bonding Over Food vs. Entertainment (18:09 - 22:05)

• John bonds over movies & TV; Lauren bonds over food, feeling that meals reveal a lot about a person’s character.
• Fun back-and-forth about drink orders and what they symbolize on dates.

8. Chivalry, Gender Roles, and “Tiptoeing” (22:58 - 26:05)

• Conversation about chivalry and modern dating etiquette: Should men offer to help with bags or take charge of ordering at dinner?
  • “I'm a tiptoer. I’m a tiptoer.” – John (25:29)
  • Lauren prefers a partner who’s unapologetically themselves, even if that means just lifting her bag when needed.

9. Siblings, Childhood, and Responsibility (26:39 - 32:11)

• Lauren, an only child, discusses how that shaped her. John, the eldest of four, shares his perspective. They agree on the benefits of generosity and self-awareness.
  • “If you don’t like something I have, it’ll be yours.” – Both (28:38)

10. Marriage, Weddings, and Spotlight (32:02 - 33:29)

• John is the only unmarried sibling and feels weddings seem “a nightmare” from the bride and groom’s perspective.

11. Personal “Red Flags” & Relationship Decision-Making (33:32 - 37:00)

• John admits to feelings of jealousy “when it’s due" but is not controlling. On fighting, he’s “been in fights,” but doesn’t seek them out, winning “probably four out of six” (34:49).
• On cheating:
  • "I can see myself as I get older, excusing it more... Like, we got a pretty good thing going here." (36:36)
• Admits to getting back with exes frequently: “Reduce, reuse, recycle.” (36:47)

12. Journaling and Communication (40:08 - 44:24)

• Lauren makes fun of journaling, calling it “gay”; John keeps brief notes but rarely journals.
• Lauren tells a story about an ex reading her “pros and cons” list, leading to a bad breakup.

13. Signature Moves on Dates (47:20 - 49:49)

• John shares a go-to “move”: asking someone’s least favorite date activity and then suggesting it as a date, aiming to make it fun.
  • "If I make it fun, then that's really good." (47:59)
• Lauren hates rock climbing as a date; John recounts a terrible rock climbing date (“the most emasculated little man boy in history” at 48:47).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "I hope it shifts to personality at some point, but we'll go with what we got." – John (04:49)
• "I'm kind of like the Joe Biden of dating, I guess. I just hang around enough until someone's like, all right, you're the guy." – John (10:03)
• “A surprise party would be a fucking nightmare…” – John (15:45)
• “Reduce, reuse, recycle.” – Lauren on getting back with exes (36:47)
• “I’m a love reciprocator. So, like, if you tell me you love me, I’ll say it right back. I don’t care... I’ll hope I fall in love afterwards.” – John (46:08)
• “Impossible to be cute rock climbing.” – Lauren (49:15)

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Important Segment Timestamps

• 00:43 – NYC vs. Austin lifestyle, city differences
• 01:53 – Relationship status and meeting his girlfriend
• 04:07 – “Pit bull” girlfriend description
• 07:18 – Love language conversation
• 09:16 – Never used dating apps, organic relationships
• 11:44 – Life ambitions and views on marriage
• 15:45 – Surprise party nightmare
• 22:58 – Chivalry and ordering food for a date
• 26:39 – Only child vs. siblings insights
• 33:32 – Relationship “red flags," fighting, and jealousy
• 36:36 – Evolving views on cheating
• 40:08 – Journaling debate story
• 47:20 – Date “signature move”
• 48:47 – Awkward rock climbing date story

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Tone and Language

• Conversational; banter-heavy with playful teasing
• Open, unfiltered, and self-deprecating (particularly John)
• Combination of insightful moments and comedic timing

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This episode offers a fun, candid deep dive into dating dynamics, relationship quirks, and the power of being unapologetically yourself, with plenty of laughs along the way.

Transcript

[A]

I'm so excited to see you tonight. First date, baby. First date. First date. Hello, and welcome to another episode of First Date. You may know my guest today from Barstool. He has a new mockumentary sitcom out that comes out every Tuesday. It is called Les Mascots. Give it up for John Feitelberg.

[B]

Well, clap. An actual clap. Thank you very much for having me. That was a surprise. That was fun.

[A]

It's the only time my studio audience participates.

[B]

I did not expect that.

[A]

So you live in New York. We were just talking before you came on.

[B]

I do live in New York, yes.

[A]

And you live in a great area, and you're in a great place, and I'm so fucking jealous.

[B]

Why? Austin's like, the spot I thought it is. That's how everyone reacts when I say that it is.

[A]

But New York will always be New York.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

It's so walkable, and I think that's what I enjoy the most about it. You can't walk anywhere, really, In Austin.

[B]

You can't walk anywhere. Anywhere. It is.

[A]

Yeah, it's.

[B]

It's a humongous. I never really thought about it until I, like, really. I've been in New York a long time now. So now when I go visit other cities, I'm like, oh, we can't. I can't go walk and get something. Like, what are you talking.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I feel like, like, you said you're from Dallas. I was in Dallas recently, and I was like, oh, this is just. Every city is just a regular city. Does that make sense?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, except for New York. To me, every other city just feels like, yeah.

[A]

New York is so much more European.

[B]

Yeah, there's. It's actually funny you say that. The director of Les Mascots Pavs.

[A]

I said, less mascots.

[B]

I don't know how to say it.

[A]

I'm so country.

[B]

But he always says shooting in New York or Europe is just a cheat code. He's like, it's just so beautiful. It's easy to do any.

[A]

Yeah. Are you dating anybody?

[B]

I am, yes.

[A]

Do you have a girl? So it's a girlfriend?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Are y' all engaged?

[B]

No.

[A]

Is she the one? You don't have to answer that. How long have y' all been dating?

[B]

It depends who you ask, but we've been dating a while.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah, like a good while.

[A]

Does she live in New York as well?

[B]

She does, yes.

[A]

Did you guys meet in New York?

[B]

No, we did not. We met in Rhode Island.

[A]

Why Rhode Island?

[B]

I went to high school there, and then I used to get Like a share house, like, on the Jersey shore. They do it, but, like, we do it in Newport, so I'd get a share house there with my friends for, like, 10 years. We did it, like, every summer.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I just met her at bars down there.

[A]

Okay. Did. Is she from Rhode Island?

[B]

She's from Massachusetts.

[A]

Why Rhode island, though?

[B]

I went to high school there. And then I went. I just met a bunch of friends there. And I. I, like. I spent, like, my adolescence in Rhode Island. Okay. Grew, like, a childhood in Massachusetts.

[A]

What the fuck is there to do in Rhode Island?

[B]

Everything. It's really best.

[A]

Why? I've never heard about anything going down in Rhode Island.

[B]

Newport, Rhode Island. Quidnick island is the most beautiful place in the world. It's, like, my favorite place.

[A]

If I go to Rhode island tomorrow and it's my first time ever, what do I do?

[B]

Only go to Newport. There's not much else. Providence is nice. Like, you go, like, I think, Atwell's Ave. Or Arthur. No Arthur. AVs in the Bronx. Excuse me? Atwell's Ave. Has, like, nice Italian food, but Newport is really where it's at. Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Very preppy. Very, I guess, WASP y, but. But fun.

[A]

I went to Nantucket recently.

[B]

Very similar.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Like Nantucket, the Vineyard and Newport are all similar. Newport's a little more like actual sailors versus, like, guys who have boats. Yeah, but it's very, very cool.

[A]

Awesome. So your girlfriend. What do I want to know?

[B]

I was gonna say, I don't know. Does that throw off the vibe of our date?

[A]

No.

[B]

It doesn't?

[A]

No, no, no. Because I want to know what it's like to date you. What does she do?

[B]

She's a legal assistant.

[A]

A legal assistant? Is she serious?

[B]

Is she serious?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She's not serious, but she appears very serious. She's like a pit bull.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

She's a very stern face.

[A]

All right. Is she blonde or brunette?

[B]

Brunette.

[A]

Does she have big boobs?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Okay. Is that your vibe?

[B]

I'm. I don't know. I've actually. I've switched a lot in life. Like, as a. As a young man, I was a boobs guy. And then I grew up a bit, and I was an ass man, and I thought boobs were for children. And then I got a little older, and I was like, never mind. Boobs are for men. 20s, pre 20s boobs, 20s ass, post 20s boobs again.

[A]

Do you think it's gonna shift again as you get older?

[B]

I hope it shifts the personality at some point, but we'll go with what we got.

[A]

Until then, what do you guys do for fun?

[B]

Everything. We do a lot of fun stuff.

[A]

We travel, comedy shows.

[B]

We go to comedy shows. We go to, like, events. We're at the U.S. open Friday. We do a lot of shit. We're active.

[A]

That's cool.

[B]

Yeah, it's very cool.

[A]

What kind of restaurants do you like to go to?

[B]

Pretty standard. Pretty much Italian or American, something like that. I like to get a little more adventurous, but casual or fancy, Usually somewhere. Everything. Somewhere in between now.

[A]

Especially in New York.

[B]

Yeah, like, they're rarely am. I, like, putting on something more than a T, you know, I got dressed up today for my first date, but you look great. Thank you very much. You do as well. Of course.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

But, yeah, usually pretty. Pretty, like, in between.

[A]

Yeah, I love to dress up, though.

[B]

I love to dress. Why do you think I'm dressed up right now? I think it's so fun dressing up. I think clothes are the most fun thing in the world. I really, really like clothes. Like, I like. Yeah, I like. Yeah, I like dressing up for different occasions. I like being part of whatever we're doing.

[A]

Do you have one cologne or many?

[B]

Zero.

[A]

None. Why not?

[B]

I don't know. I just. I never really. I don't know. Too Italian, maybe.

[A]

Italians were. What is it? Aqua de Jo.

[B]

Yeah, they all smell the same. They're. They're. I don't know. I. I've never smelled a cologne. I. I have a very bad sense of smell, despite the size of my nose. But I like. I've never smelled a cologne on someone and been like, hell, yeah, that rules every. Like, I'm always like, Jesus Christ. Like, tone it down. I'm. Yeah, I. I don't know. I've just never, Never been a clone guy. I flirted with the idea recently, actually, but I don't. I don't foresee it for me.

[A]

What are you, a watch guy? Are you into watches?

[B]

I am wearing a watch today, but it's the only watch I have. It's a Brick watch, which is a company that Dave Portnoy, who started Barstool, then started, and once it really started doing awful and he realized it wasn't going to be a successful company, he gave him away. Gave him away. And I think that's funny. So I wear. I would be shocked if I ever have a different watch, but that one.

[A]

Has too good of a story.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes the company was just going in the tank.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All right, you guys can have one.

[A]

Anybody. What is your love? Language?

[B]

Acts of service.

[A]

You Knew that so fast.

[B]

I, I, I, I not, I wouldn't say I'm like a love language person, but I do know when I really feel something for someone is like they're doing something for me. Which I don't mean in a, in a rude sense. Like, I don't mean like I want someone waiting on me. Just like, if I don't want to do something, that means I know that nobody wants to do it. So if you're doing it, like, it's like, I really understand how much you love me.

[A]

What is the last act of service that was performed for you?

[B]

Probably something like getting the mail or like even like reading the mail. Keep like keeping track of something, like, I don't know, going to the market, like all that. Yeah, very much.

[A]

Do you cook?

[B]

I cook. Yeah, I'm not, I wouldn't say I'm a great cook, but I definitely, I cook pretty regularly.

[A]

Okay. Did your girlfriend cook?

[B]

A little bit.

[A]

Okay. What? So do you guys order in or do you mostly go out?

[B]

It's a great question. I have, like, one meal is basically the only thing I eat when I'm at home. So, like, I'll cook that.

[A]

What's your meal?

[B]

It's one of those stupid, like, Instagram type, like, healthy meals that it's just easy to make. So I just make it. And like, I don't eat healthy, so to speak, but that is just like, I just eat that. Does that make sense? I don't think it does. But like, when, like I'll have one.

[A]

Easy meal that you make that I.

[B]

Eat like six meals a week and then.

[A]

And it's the same meal every day.

[B]

Same meal every day.

[A]

What is it?

[B]

It's beef, sweet potato, half an avocado, and cottage cheese.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And I eat that for like lunch and dinner unless I'm ordering or unless I'm going to.

[A]

That sounds so healthy.

[B]

It is. Like, I, it's really more of an ease thing. And it's also delicious. Like, I just like it. It's, it is healthy. But I'm not do eating it because it's healthy. I'm eating it because it's easy and good.

[A]

Yeah. How do you, I don't know how long you've been with your girlfriend. If you weren't with your girlfriend, how would you meet someone? Would you go on a dating app? Would you go meet him in person?

[B]

Lauren, I have no idea. And thank God I don't have to know because I've never been an app. I've never had a date. I Actually, genuinely, I think this is my first. First date ever. I don't think I've ever been on a first date.

[A]

So are you super monogamous?

[B]

I am. I'm very monogamous, but mostly, like, it's just I. I don't go on dates, so to speak. Like, I'll usually end up every girl I've ever dated. Like, seriously, I knew first for a while, and we kind of were just, like, in the same friend group, and we, like, kind of hung out, and eventually it was like we'd be hanging out enough to the point it was like, are we dating? And that's. And that's how I date.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

Yeah, I'm kind of like the Joe Biden of dating, I guess. I just. I just hang around enough until someone's like, all right, you're the guy.

[A]

How do you break up with someone?

[B]

Same way. No, I. I usually break up.

[A]

Are you the one that breaks up or.

[B]

I haven't had, like, a ton of girlfriends. Like, I've had five, probably. And I'd say it's probably an even mix of dumps versus dumped.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's not usually a healthy way, if that's what you're asking. Like, it's usually like, we're. We fight a lot, and it ends like that.

[A]

Like, in one argument, and you're like, I just can't do this anymore.

[B]

No. God, no. No, no, no, no. I. I actually. So I guess to answer your question, now that you're really asking it, it's them who dumps me. I'm. I'm like, I'll stick it out. I don't care.

[A]

I feel like one person in the relationship is always like that.

[B]

Yes, I'm the one.

[A]

So you don't leave. You'll stay, even if you're unhappy. But you do you push them to the point.

[B]

Yes, that's what I do. I don't. I don't intend to. Like, it's not like some psychological thing where I'm like, I'll be an asshole and they'll leave me. Like, it's just. It ends up being a bad relationship.

[A]

I end up complacent.

[B]

Complacent and. And boring and not trying and all that stuff. And it ends.

[A]

Yeah. How quickly do you jump back into the dating game?

[B]

Same ideal. Like, I. It very much varies. I don't. I don't know. I don't really have a plan for anything. So it's kind of like I don't.

[A]

Well, what do you want in life, Lauren?

[B]

That's A loaded question. No, I don't want anything.

[A]

Do you want to get married?

[B]

Honestly, my answer is I don't want anything in life. I'm good.

[A]

You didn't even want that. Watch.

[B]

Like, I really don't. And I mean it in a healthy way. Not in the fact that I don't have desires or dreams, but I'm good.

[A]

Yeah. Do you want to get married?

[B]

I wouldn't like say no, but it's not something where I'm like, we have to.

[A]

Hopefully you're never in a position to be the one saying yes or no.

[B]

You know what I mean? Like, I, I'm, I love the people I love and I love my life and I'm happy with that. If other people want to make changes, like, I, I'd happily get married, of course, but it's not like I don't need to do it either. I don't have some burning desire. Like, I must have a woman.

[A]

Yeah. Do you consider yourself romantic?

[B]

I do, yeah. I think I'm pretty romantic.

[A]

What is some, what is one of the most romantic things you've ever done for someone? Damn.

[B]

All right. Well, not that romantic. No. I honestly don't know. I, I, I don't think, I'm not, I'm not a grand gestures person, so I don't really have something for that. I don't think. I just try and be good every day. I don't.

[A]

Flowers.

[B]

I do flowers all the time. I'm like, I'm, see like that's why I wouldn't even consider that. Like, I get fly. Bring flowers home like three times a week.

[A]

Okay. Candles.

[B]

Candles. I like candles all the time. But like, yeah, like this kind of stuff, I got all of it. But as far as like the grand gestures, surprises. She doesn't like surprises. No, but I would be a surprise. I, I like surprises.

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[B]

You owe thousands in unpaid tolls.

[A]

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[B]

What was the last surprise I had? I don't know. Nothing. I'm really thinking about this. I have no idea.

[A]

What kind of surprises do you not like.

[B]

Jump scares? Like, anything. Any. Any surprise with a group I would not like. I like to know when I'm going to hang out with a group. I like to get prepared for that.

[A]

So you wouldn't like, like a surprise party?

[B]

No, no, no, no. Yes. I would hate a surprise party. If I'm coming home, like, that's because my battery is drained. I'm done. You know?

[A]

Last thing you want is 20 people hiding out ready to party.

[B]

The absolute last thing. Like, like, yeah, a surprise party would be a fucking nightmare. I actually don't even know how I'd react. I mean, I'm sure I would have fun and all that good stuff, but I would. If I came into my home and I was like, oh, finally, and then 20 people jumped out by my couch, I'd fucking lose it. But. But I would also appreciate the gesture. Like, I'm not an asshole. Yeah. I'd be like, but that's not the.

[A]

Kind of surprise you like. No, I don't like surprises when it comes to food. Like, if someone's like, I'm gonna cook for you, but I'm not gonna tell you what I'm making, it's just gonna be a surprise. I don't like that.

[B]

Okay, so my girlfriend does that where she. She wants the opposite. She doesn't like pork and she's like, just surprise me with it one day and don't tell me it's pork. Like, I'm never gonna do that to you. I'm never gonna trick you into what you're putting into your body.

[A]

Like, that's like, take two Advil. It's Molly. Yeah. My mom tries. My mom is visiting right now and she's helping me with my son. And she. The other day she was like, I'm gonna cook for you tomorrow night. I'm gonna make you dinner. And I was like, okay, cool, what are you gonna make? And she's like, I'm not gonna tell you the surprise. And I was like, no, fuck off. You're gonna tell me what you're gonna make me. Because I have this weird thing with my palette where I have to prepare myself for whatever I'm going to eat. If you tell me we're going to go have Mexican food, I get the taste of Mexican food in my soul and I have to go have Mexican food. You can't switch it up on me and be like, actually, I've changed my mind. I'm feeling Italian tonight.

[B]

No, 100% with you. 100% with.

[A]

You said Mexican food. I've been thinking about it all day and I want Mexican food.

[B]

I think that's actually kind of what I was saying earlier with why I like clothes, I like park, to participating in things. Like if someone tells me we're gonna do something that night, I'll try and live my life during the day to kind of be in the same vibe.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So if you switch to Italian at night, I'm like, well, I've been fucking listening to marachis all day. Doesn't make any sense. You know what I mean? It's so annoying watching Danny Trejo movies.

[A]

And I mean, you can also. It's crazy that you can pair like your whole day around a meal, like, even dinner in a movie, you know? Like.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I. I don't know. So when it comes to surprises, I don't do surprises. On food, I could be down for anything, but you gotta tell me what it is so I can wrap my head around it.

[B]

I. I'm again, couldn't be more with you, but I. I think it even extends further. I think I'm like that with everything. Just tell me the deal and I'll be good. But, like, what's the deal?

[A]

What makes you fall in love with someone?

[B]

Time, probably. Mostly.

[A]

What do you connect over?

[B]

Movies? Movies and television.

[A]

Really?

[B]

My biggest. Yeah.

[A]

What kind of movies do you like?

[B]

All of them. I hate to use the phrase movie buff or something like that, but I really like movies.

[A]

Do you like classic movies like the Godfather? Do you like sci fi?

[B]

Sci fi? No. But aside from that, pretty much anything. And even sci fi, if it's a good one, I'll watch it. Obviously, I Watch interstellar and stuff like that. But that. That is probably the bottom of my interest is. Is sci fi type stuff.

[A]

Yeah, I can see that. I. I feel like bonding for me is really over food. Your food, I'm for sure. Food.

[B]

So is that when people say they bond over food, what is it specifically? Are you talking about, like, the shared experience of sitting around a table? Are you talking about the cooking, the dislike describing the taste and just that experience?

[A]

I feel like if you sit down to eat with someone, you're sharing, like, a whole moment, and so you learn so many things about a person. Are they good at conversation? Like, what are they gonna have to drink? I think whatever someone has to drink says a lot about them.

[B]

Ooh. So what's your. Like, what are your top three like? All right, I like this guy drinks. You can even do one.

[A]

I kind of like a guy that likes fun cocktails.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So he's like, I'll take a Miami Vice Bl. Like, pop the umbrella in there.

[A]

Bring it.

[B]

I want it in the fucking high.

[A]

Glass too, because, like, you know, get a pina colada and, like, I mean, I don't know, that's a fun drink to have, but if you're having, like, just an expensive whiskey on the rocks, like.

[B]

See, that was my.

[A]

I feel like I'm talking to my dad, you know?

[B]

But that was, like, in art, speaking for men in our 20s, like, that's what I drank. Cause I wanted to appear to be your dad. I wanted people to think I'm a man.

[A]

So men. Men drink that drink. Do you have to, like, does it have to grow on you? It cannot be inherent.

[B]

I loved it. I really. I'm speaking in past tense now, so there's probably a reason, but, like, I loved just a whiskey neat. I loved a whiskey on the rocks. Like, I really liked it.

[A]

It's such a serious drink.

[B]

I think that was part of it where it kind of like. Like, it's telling the room what we're here for. Yeah, I'm not here for the fun stuff. I'm here for one of these.

[A]

Right?

[B]

And. Yeah, and I think. I think. I'm sure. I think Mad Men probably had a.

[A]

Huge influence on that and the smoking and.

[B]

Yeah, and so, like, it was when. When I was coming of age in the drinking scene, I was like, I drink whiskey. That's what I drink. I drank beer when I was, like, a teenager in college. And then when I got older, I was like, I drink whiskey. Yeah, I really liked it. But I would get. I'D get, like, spicy margaritas and like that. But my standard order was a whiskey.

[A]

Yeah. So drinks, you know, are like, one aspect. And you can like, look how long we just talked about drinks.

[B]

Wait, what's your drink?

[A]

My drink kind of varies. It depends on what kind of night we're having.

[B]

Okay. But let's say just. Just first thing.

[A]

So I used to be into wines. Like, hardcore. Now my first drink, I like to have a glass of bubbles. I don't care if it's Prosecco or champagne. The price point and the taste doesn't really matter to me. I like the bubbles. I like water. Yeah. I just like to have, like, something sparkly.

[B]

It does add something fun to the table. Like, even though we have sparkling water here. Yeah. All right. We're doing a little something.

[A]

And then I guess if I'm, like, really, really drinking with my dinner, I'll have a glass of bubbles, and then I'll have a cocktail which will probably be a dirty martini.

[B]

Great order.

[A]

And then I'll go into, like, a white wine and a red wine.

[B]

You're hitting all the stops.

[A]

All of them. And that's usually what I would do. I wouldn't have, like, two cocktails and then a glass of wine. Like, I'd probably. That would be my trajectory.

[B]

That's a good projection where you're like, I'm gonna show you all of who I am right now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you'll get a little. You'll get a little tequila, you got a little champagne, you got a little wine drunk. You got everything.

[A]

But if we go to Mexican food, then I'm having a Paloma and margarita, and I'm switching back and forth.

[B]

Oh, nice.

[A]

But anyway, those are drinks. And then I also like when food is such a language for me too. And it can be a real turn on. On how a guy orders. Like, if you. I want you to order more food than we can eat. I want it to be dumb. Like, I want three appetizers.

[B]

And you're. Now, here's a question I have. Like, because I think in. In the modern era, a lot of the guy chivalrous stuff has been misunderstood or poorly used. But, like, I'm always unsure of stepping too far. Like, I don't want to order for you. Even though, like, I've. I've just heard enough women complain about it. Like, I would never order something.

[A]

That's permission, but okay.

[B]

So that's what I was getting to. So you, like, have the conversation and we're talking about it, and then once the waiter Comes. You'd rather the man order everything.

[A]

So I've been in my relationship now for, like, four years, and even still to this day, he'll. If we go somewhere new, we'll look at the menu, and he's like, does anything jump out at you? Is there anything you really want to try? And then I'll point something out. If I'm like, that looks good, and that looks good. He's like, all right. And then he'll go ahead and order, like, two other appetizers. Whatever. The thing jumped out at me. He'll order that main course that I wanted, and then probably a steak for us to both share.

[B]

Yeah, table steaks. Yeah, table steaks are the best.

[A]

But I love having, like, so much food, and I know it's kind of wasteful, but I always take it home.

[B]

It's. It's incredibly wasteful. I'm the table steak. You really spoke to me, but I'll take it home.

[A]

I don't leave it there, dude.

[B]

There's a restaurant in New York right across the street from our apartment that, like, they serve the table steak already sliced, so you can have your two meals, and you kind of just reach forward.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Take a piece of that. That's living right there.

[A]

So if you do it right over a meal, then. Then you've, like, kind of hooked me.

[B]

Okay, Can I ask another one?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This is one I deal with all the time because I. I travel a lot, so when I'm flying, if I see a woman with her bag, should I say, do you want me to get that for you, or do I let them try first?

[A]

Like, how is it funny to let them try?

[B]

Usually, like, I'll see someone. Like, I feel bad. I don't want to be like, you can't do it. And so, like, sometimes I'll, like. I'll let them get, like, a little bit of effort, and I'll be like, oh, let me help you out with that. But I don't want to interrupt them before they get to effort.

[A]

I feel like if a girl can really do it herself, she's gonna lift her bag up, and she's gonna, like, successfully get her bag above the seat. And it's not gonna be, like, that hard, but if someone's struggling, if someone's.

[B]

Looking around for, like, I'll obviously be like, oh, you want me to help you? Yeah, I don't know, because I've had people put it up and then give me, like, a dirty look. And I was like, well, I fucking would have done it. But I didn't want to step on your femininity and take it out of your hands.

[A]

You know? I don't like tiptoeing.

[B]

I'm a tiptoe er. I'm a tiptoe er.

[A]

I can tell. I like a guy who's just gonna. Just gonna unapologetically be yourself.

[B]

I'm pretty unapologetic by myself. Unless it interrupts with you. I don't wanna. I don't wanna step on you being yourself. Yeah, I'm usually myself. As long as I'm just hanging out with you.

[A]

I would never tell someone that they can't lift my bag up for me.

[B]

No. And I've never had someone say no. But I've just had, like, dirty looks both ways, so it's just something I'm always in my head about.

[A]

Well, you're never gonna make everybody happy, right?

[B]

That's true. I should accept that. But I won't.

[A]

I've been having to tell myself that lately, a lot. Like, you just can't make everybody happy. And that's one thing that I do try to do. And I'll put myself last and I'll try to make everyone else around me happy, even if I have to go out of my way or it's an inconvenience to me or it doesn't make me totally happy.

[B]

Well, I think I do it as, like, a safety mechanism where, like, if I try and make everyone happy and, like, we're all unhappy, I'm like, good, me too.

[A]

Then you're all comfortably unhappy.

[B]

We're all in the same fucking boat here.

[A]

Are you an only child?

[B]

I am not. I am the eldest of four.

[A]

Well, okay, so you have three younger brothers? All of the above.

[B]

There's two and two. So one brother, two sisters.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Olivia loves a challenge. It's why she lifts heavy weights and likes complicated recipes. But for booking her trip to Paris, Olivia chose the easy way. With Expedia, she bundled her flight with a hotel to save more. Of course, she still climbed all 674 steps to the top of the Eiffel Tower. You were made to take the easy, easy route. We were made to easily package your trip. Expedia made to travel flight inclusive Packages are at all protected. What about yourself?

[A]

I'm an only child.

[B]

You're an only child?

[A]

Yeah. It sucks.

[B]

What, do you hate it?

[A]

I do now because I'm my mom's only phone call.

[B]

You don't have anybody else to talk to? Call anyone else. That's a great point. Yeah.

[A]

And as Parents get, get older, they don't have anything to do and they don't have anyone to talk to. And I'm the only person she can call. And I'm like, got so much to do right now. You know, this is the fourth time you've called me before 9am oh, that's too much. It's.

[B]

You can't call me once before 9am.

[A]

I know, it's terrible.

[B]

Do you, like, look back on your childhood? Are you. Well, actually, first of all, do you consider yourself like, the poster child for being an only child? Like, do you see yourself doing a lot of things where you're like, I'm an only child.

[A]

I'm not selfish. I think sometimes only children can come across as very selfish, for sure. And I'm not selfish at all. Like, I've always enjoyed sharing. I give so much stuff of my stuff away. If you were to hang out with me when we were kids and you were like, oh, I really like this candle, I mean, you can have it, it's yours. Can we be friends?

[B]

I'm the same way. I give away everything. Everything.

[A]

I give away everything.

[B]

If you don't, like, don't tell me you like something I have, because it will be yours.

[A]

100. And if you don't take it right, then I'll wrap it up in a Christmas present and I will give it to you for Christmas.

[B]

What about as a child? Were you ever, like, like, like, when did, when does an only child become aware of the only child myth?

[A]

From day one.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. You have all the responsibility. Like, if anything goes wrong, there's no one to be, he did it.

[B]

There's.

[A]

You don't have that. So if anything goes wrong, it's you. And so that always bugged me is that, like, I had to be on such good behavior because there was no one to blame anything on.

[B]

That is.

[A]

And that sucks.

[B]

I get that as an only child. But then as someone with siblings, I don't remember them being my scapegoat all that often. Like, I can't remember one instance. I'm sure I did it, but I can't remember, like, regularly blaming them for anything like that. But we also had a pretty easy childhood, so it wasn't. We didn't get a lot of fights.

[A]

I would say, also one of the positive things about it is I didn't grow up wealthy, so my parents let me explore different sports and different activities. And I got to really have this, like, array of opportunity. Whereas if I would have had siblings, the money would have been Spread much more thin and I wouldn't have been able to try all the things that I tried.

[B]

That's a really cool point.

[A]

And so growing up in my middle class life or whatever, I. I did get to experience a lot.

[B]

And you have. It sounds like a good relationship with your parents.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that, that, I guess siblings help that too. It doesn't really. That probably wouldn't have affected it one way or the other, but it's nice to have a good relationship.

[A]

But I wish I could have been tougher.

[B]

Like, if I would have been tougher with siblings.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Probably because I'm sometimes like a little sissy and I miss.

[B]

But I have siblings and I am too, like.

[A]

Fair.

[B]

Like, I'm not gonna. I don't want to have a fight. That's not gonna be fun for me.

[A]

Yeah. And you're the oldest.

[B]

I'm the oldest. Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But like, I feel like with the oldest, you probably get this as far as this conversation's gone by now. Like, I didn't. I wasn't the responsible one. I wasn't the one who, like, people look to for guidance or anything like that, really.

[A]

I mean, I would think as the oldest one, that's like you in bedded in you.

[B]

I. I don't think so. You'd have to ask my siblings. I. I don't think that I was like their rock or anything like that.

[A]

Which one of you four is the smartest?

[B]

Great question. I'd probably go with my sister. My older sister, actually. No. My youngest sister has a master's. My oldest sister, actually, she has her masters too, so. They both have their masters. One of the ladies is smarter. Yeah. The two guys are dumb. The two ladies are smart.

[A]

Which one of you has more fun? Me. You have the most fun.

[B]

I have the most fun. Yeah.

[A]

Which one of you is going to get married first?

[B]

I'm the only one not married.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Well, that's actually not true. Depending on when this comes out. My youngest sister is getting married in October. Wow.

[A]

And it doesn't make you want to get married at all?

[B]

No, I don't think so. Like, again, actually, a wedding makes me not want to get married. Like, Like, I think a wedding is a horrible experience. And it's not. Not a horrible experience. Like, I enjoy going to weddings and I have a great time at them and all that, but just like, I look at the bride and groom and I think they must be fucking miserable right now. Like, everyone's looking at them. Everyone's begging for their attention. Everyone wants to Talk to them. Everyone wants a picture with them. That seems like a nightmare.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. I have fun, though. I have a good time.

[A]

Yeah. I would think for someone who likes the spotlight, you would enjoy that, but I don't really.

[B]

I don't dislike this body. I'm not. I'm not, like, scared of it or anything like that, but I don't. It's not. I don't have an innate desire for it. I'd rather just.

[A]

What did you want to be when you were growing up?

[B]

When I was growing up? A hockey player. Of course I want to be a hockey player. Then I want to be a baseball player. Then I want to be a football player. I would have settled for basketball.

[A]

So any pro athlete.

[B]

Yeah, I was. I was a big athlete. And then. But then also, like, I loved movies and television. Like, that I thought I had a better chance of being an athlete than I did of being in a TV show. And that now Les Mascots is out. It's wrong. I was wrong. I was dead wrong about it. But I thought for sure I had a better chance of being in the NHL than being someone who either worked in comedy or did TV or movies or something like that.

[A]

Yeah. Well, let's get into some of your red flags.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Are you a jealous person?

[B]

Jealous? Yes. But not, like, in a weird way. Like, I feel that little tinge of jealousy that I feel like I'm supposed to, but not like, I don't care. I'm not gonna prevent you from living your life or anything like that. But, like, jealousy. I'm jealous when jealousy is. Is due. You know what I mean? Like, I. I don't care that you work with, you know, I don't care anything with men. But, like, if you were to start flirting with a guy, I'd feel, like, the appropriate amount of jealousy.

[A]

Yeah. Do you like if your girlfriend dresses really hot and, like, goes out with her friends?

[B]

No.

[A]

You're fine.

[B]

Totally fine. Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Like, I like bachelorette parties, and I know that's a meme. Like, girls, trip to Miami, have fun, see you later. But, like, if I'm supposed to feel jealous, I'll feel a little jealousy. I'm not. Like, I'm not Jay Z. Like, jealousy is a female trait. Like, I feel it, but not. Not often.

[A]

Are you a fighter?

[B]

I've been in fights. I don't care for them. I don't. Like, I don't go out looking for fights, but I've been in them.

[A]

Do you. Have you won more or lost more fights?

[B]

I would Say one. It's not. Like, again, it's not a regular thing, but let's say I've been in six fights in my life. I probably won four of them.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

That's.

[A]

How do you win a fight? Like what? You know what I mean? Like, what's the end when you're like, ha.

[B]

That's a great question. Honestly, it's pretty quick. It's when you both get tired and neither of you are professional fighters, so it happens really fast. Or when someone gets knocked unconscious or when an ambulance comes.

[A]

Okay, dramatic.

[B]

I would guess those are the three ways. Those are three ways. I think I've had fights that end in my experience. Well, usually it's the first one.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Or like, someone you know, usually it's. You have a fight, the two guys who are fighting get tired. Their friends recognize. Oh, boy, they're tired. And then the friends come in and go, all right, this is enough. This is enough.

[A]

Yeah, Usually friends do break up fights.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And that's more out of saving your pride than anything else, right?

[A]

They're like, we should stop hearing you.

[B]

Two heavy breathing breathe while you find vaguely wrestle. I think we've reached the end of this.

[A]

What? How do you feel about cheating? Is it end?

[B]

No, but I'm certainly not, like, happy about it. No, I. I was actually. It's funny you asked that. I was thinking about that the other day, that, like, when you're in college or high school, even into your 20s, like, cheating is the worst thing you can do. And then once you, like, have a life together, you're like, well, I really don't want you to. But, like, we've built a pretty good life. I don't. And I'm not even saying, like, this is the life I have. I'm just saying, like, once you're in your 50s or 60s, you're like, I don't really want to fucking blow it up because you fucked some guy. Like, we got a pretty good thing going here.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I can see myself as I get older, excusing it more.

[A]

Would you ever get back with an ex?

[B]

I have almost exclusively.

[A]

Reduce, reuse, recycle.

[B]

So, yeah, to answer that, yeah. Yeah, I have. I, like, I don't have one. I'm like, I wish we got back together, but I've gotten back with basically every ex I've ever been with.

[A]

It's so interesting that you say that. I feel like every relationship that I've had, almost everyone, maybe with the exception of one or two, if we break up, the guy will always text me like a month later and be like, hey, what are you up to? And I'm like, it's been a month. We've been broken up. I've totally moved on.

[B]

See, I've done that. I've 100% done that. But when I. I've done it where, like, I'm really checking in. Well, you know what I mean? Like, we didn't end well. You might have said some that has been bothering me about, like, you're gonna kill yourself or something. And so cop out. It's really unfair that, that, like, like, don't get me wrong, it's not. You know, the bad things men do in relationships are awful and many times worse. But, like, I was talking to friends about this is like a year ago. And, like, we were sitting around a table and there were probably six of us. And, like, all of us had been in relationships for longer than we wanted to be because people had threatened suicide. And I was like, that's just not an okay thing. This is just a unique. I'm sorry, not a unique. This is just a common experience. Like, that's not okay that I thought I had someone's life in my hands for a while. So because of that, probably because I've had things like that in the past, that's awful. I'm probably more inclined to be like, hey, how are you? Is things okay? And then often that triggers. That goes to like, should we grab a drink? Yeah, you're alive.

[A]

And there's bar over there.

[B]

So what are we wasting our time for?

[A]

Yeah. Oh, man. I. I don't know if anyone's ever threatened to kill himself over me, which is kind of sad.

[B]

It's sad. And like, when you think about it, like, oh, I want to. You ever seen the Seinfeld episode when Elaine's dating the guy who, like, inspired such passion with women where, like, he calls her big head, and then she.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

And like, in. On paper, it seems cool. You're like, oh, yeah, that would be, like, cool to be part of that kind of passion. And then once you're part of it, you're like, get me the fuck out of here. Yeah, but I can't because she'll kill her.

[A]

Yeah, no, I get it. But still, you know, you want to be at least.

[B]

And also, it's never true. And, like, no one ever means it. And I never believe it. You know what I mean? It's like, I don't believe that you're going to do it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I can't. What what if.

[A]

Well, I never found a guy that would even pretend to say that he'd kill himself or me. I think I found the guys that would kill themselves if they stayed with me. Yeah, like, I'm going to murder myself if I stay with you a day longer. Yeah. I feel like I've had one guy. I'm trying to think. I think I've had one guy that, like, exited so hard. That was like we, but we. That was my Covid relationship.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

Yeah. He was also. He read my journal.

[B]

You keep a journal?

[A]

I didn't have a journal. I. I think journaling is gay. I have talked about this before. I. Do you journal.

[B]

I don't journal. I keep, like, notes. But, like, even that is very.

[A]

Notes are fine.

[B]

Like, very rare. I. I try to. I don't give a.

[A]

About notes.

[B]

I want to be a guy who does. I'm just like, I forget.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But your Birkenstocks kind of say you journal. Well, there's a little journal in that.

[B]

There's. There's some journal in that.

[A]

There's some journal.

[B]

But when.

[A]

When a guy.

[B]

They pop these bad boys out so you can see them at home.

[A]

No, I'm just. I feel like journaling, like, if you're a guy and you're expressing yourself and you're journaling to feel better emotionally.

[B]

Oh, that's not why I'm journaling. I'm journaling, like, just so I remember the funny stuff.

[A]

Okay. I can get behind that. That's like.

[B]

No, no, no. That, like, whenever I journal, I. I have to get in my head where I'm like, dude, you're not. Enter. This is so you can remember to talk about it. Funny. You don't have to be entertaining right now. Yeah, no one's gonna read this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Which is why I stopped journaling. So, like, I'll end up journaling for two hours that night, and I'm like, I don't need to write two hours about the day today.

[A]

Yeah, this guy did he.

[B]

And he read it well.

[A]

So I kept telling him how gay it was that he was journaling.

[B]

Okay, sorry.

[A]

He was journaling.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And I'm like, fucking. He's like, had to go to a room and, like, journal and do his, like, meditations and his. God, what do you call it? I can't even remember. Like, he had all this, like, weird meditation stuff that he was, like, doing.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And on top of journaling, and I thought it was so stupid that I couldn't even communicate it. And so he would get on to me about how I was terrible at communication. And I'm like, I'm terrible at communication because I don't want to fucking hurt your feelings. Like I'm trying to be nice to you by not telling you exactly how I feel.

[B]

But like, that I can tell you how. You can tell me how you feel without being too forward one way or the other right where you feel like.

[A]

It would have made him want to kill himself.

[B]

But maybe you would have gotten your guy. You would have gotten your guy who.

[A]

Finally would have killed himself not saying how I felt. So he was like, you need to journal and get out how you feel and you'll feel better. And I was like, fine. So I journaled and I wrote down a list of all the pros and all the cons that I was with him. And it was like three good things. It was like he had blue eyes, he was male, and he had okay abs for a pro athlete. And then all the things that I didn't like him went on for like six pages.

[B]

Really?

[A]

And it was like he read it. Uh huh. I went grocery shopping and he read it and I came home and he was curled up in a little gay ball in the corner crying. And, and he was just like. And I'm just like, I told you, dude.

[B]

See that? Like, you can't do that. That's crazy because I was going to defend him as we started this conversation. I was going to be like, well, like, you know, modern man, you want a sensitive guy or, you know, some women do. At least there's, there's a line. And crawling in a ball and crying is. You've crossed the line. And you read my journal that I actually always say I never hide my journal. And again, I don't really keep one, but like when I do, it's usually like a notebook in my pocket. Yeah, I'm like, you could read it. I don't, I don't really give a shit. But just so you know, it's my complete emotional honesty. So like, is, if you want to go read it, it's up to you.

[A]

But see, I didn't hide mine either. Mine was just sitting on like the couch, the armrest of the couch. And I left to go grocery shopping. And when I came back, his excuse, he was like, I was trying to clean the living room. My elbow like bumpy thing, and it fell up into the page and I looked around, I'm like, you cleaned? Yeah, because this place is a, that's.

[B]

That'S a bad excuse.

[A]

That's like a Terrible children's cartoon. At least clean if you're gonna use that as. Yeah, I would have been like, wow, does look pretty nice. Yeah, it's great. Lysol and everything. So anyway, that was the one time I ever journaled.

[B]

And you stopped after that. Did you enjoy it while you were doing it?

[A]

No, I didn't. I mean, I kind of thought it was funny that I could only think of three things that I liked about him. And I'm like, whoa, I'm with someone I don't even like. Like, this is crazy.

[B]

That's a tough realization to have.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, you're like, I'm gonna give it honest thought.

[A]

And like, the amount of effort that I had to sit there and just think of, like, other things that I liked. Like writing the third one where I was like, his abs are okay. What else? Like, and. And then I was like, whatever, let's just move on to the things I don't like. And it just spilled right out of me. And I'm like, whoa.

[B]

I did that for a girlfriend once. I got her some be being romantic. I like, for her birthday. I got her like, I don't know, some dog thing. And then like a list of like the hundred reasons I love her. And I got to like, I. I don't remember what the number was, but it was low. And. And I. I remember adding to the note, like, I stopped at 32 cuz 100 would have been cliche. And I was like, nah, I just had. That was like.

[A]

But 32 things, like, even then, but.

[B]

Like, they were getting to like, she likes a movie. I like, yeah, they're not real. I was scraping the bottom of the barrel by the time I hit double check digits.

[A]

Yeah, we both like the color red.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, it's hard. It's hard. Especially when you get to a point in your relationship where you tell someone that you love them and then they're like, what do you love about me?

[B]

And you're like, yeah, because I'm a. I'm a love reciprocator. So, like, if you tell me you love me, I'll say it right back. I don't care. Yeah, like that's on. I won't skip a beat. I don't. I don't care if we're in a relationship. I don't care if you're a stranger on the street. I love you. Love you too.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So, like, I can. I'll say it quickly and then I'll hope I fall in love afterwards. Like, really hope. I don't make myself out to be a liar on that one.

[A]

That is so funny. Anytime someone's asked me, like, what do you love about me? I'm just like, it's not, it's not one thing. It's like an accumulative amount of things that make me love you. Like, I love a lot of things about you, but don't ask me to pick one thing.

[B]

And it makes me feel like a cliche because I'm like, I love you. And I don't know what makes you. So many things make you. But it's just. That's what I love.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then. But I sound lame. I sound like I'm giving a cop out answer when I say that. I'm like, I just don't even know what the formula that made you is, but I'm happy with it.

[A]

For my last question. Question, let's see. What is your. What is like a charm that you have? Like, do you have anything, like, any firepower where you, like, pull out the guns and you, like, know that that's gonna work every time when you're trying to date someone?

[B]

I had one. I had one. I don't, I don't use anymore. But what if I was asking a girl on a date, which, this happened so few times, but if I asked a girl on a date and she agreed, I would ask, what is like, what do you. What's the least favorite thing? Like, what? Think of, like, your worst date. What could it possibly be? And the time, it really worked. The answer was museum. And I was like, great, let's go on a first date to a museum. And she was like, I know. I just said, I hate that. And I was like, I know, but if I make it fun, then that's really good. It usually goes over pretty.

[A]

Mine would be rock climbing.

[B]

Rock climbing.

[A]

Like an indoor rock climbing place. If you, if, if you asked me what, like, I thought a terrible first day would be, it'd be rock climbing.

[B]

Okay. Well, I went on a horrible rock climbing date, like, six months ago.

[A]

Did you really?

[B]

Yeah. Luckily, she couldn't go anywhere. She was officially dating me. But it was. We was a rock climbing wall. We were in. Fuck. Where were we? Stratton, Vermont. And it was just like, I didn't want to ski that day or whatever. So we went rock climbing. And it was this little rock climbing wall at the mountain and it was dead silent. There was no one there. Right. There was no, like, literally it was just the two of us and the employee who worked there. And they don't play music over the thing. So, like, all you could hear was me going grunting.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then at the end, I got to the top, and I was like, how do I get down? And the guy's like, just fall. And I was like, well, I'm not gonna do that, dude. That's crazy. And he's like, no, just jump off. I was like, I'm 30ft in the air. He's like, I promise you it works. Just jump off. And so I jumped, but then I got stuck. So I was just hanging there, like the most emasculated little man boy in history. The fucking thing is wrapped around my junk, and I'm, like, hanging like this. Like, can you just put me down? Yeah. It's not.

[A]

It's impossible. Possible to be cute rock climbing.

[B]

And if had that been a first date, we're not getting a second one out of that.

[A]

And you want to, like, there's no way to be cute and rock climb, because it's a serious. It's a serious sport. Right. If you can't make it up, like, two rocks, like, when your feet are off the ground, you're weak.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. You know, like, I can't go any higher. You're barely off the ground. Yeah.

[A]

And you're, like, kind of upside down. And it doesn't look like it's hard to do, but it is hard to do.

[B]

It's impossible to do.

[A]

And so it just, like. It just doesn't sound fun to me. I don't want to see you struggle. I don't want you to see me struggle. I probably have my nails done. I don't want to break a nail. That piss me off.

[B]

And also, the. And I can speak about this confidently because I just did it like, the. The holster is not very flattering. You know what I mean? It's like squeezing because it's got, like, stripes on it. So it's like a tip.

[A]

It's like the element outfit.

[B]

And, like, a ball is sticking out over there.

[A]

Not cute.

[B]

It's not cute.

[A]

No. So don't go fucking rock climbing. It's terrible. Anyway, thank you for coming on my show.

[B]

Thank you so much for having me.

[A]

Is there a place where people can.

[B]

Find you just go watch les mascots on YouTube.

[A]

Not to be confused with less. Less mascots, but if you're wondering how it is spelled, it's less mascots. That's cool. Thank you for coming on my show.

[B]

Thank you very much for having me.

[A]

Of course. You guys, thank you for tuning in to another episode of first date. We'll see you next time. First date. Baby, are you really drinking a glass of milk with dinner? First date. I can't wait. You told your mom about me? Just say, you ready? Delete my number. First date, your parents are your roommates. First day.