Guys Aren't Your Friends w/ Cristina Mariani | First Date with Lauren Compton

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Guys Aren't Your Friends w/ Cristina Mariani | First Date with Lauren Compton"

Release Date: February 25, 2025

---

Introduction

In this episode of First Date with Lauren Compton, hosted by YMH Studios, comedian and viral content creator Cristina Mariani joins Lauren to discuss the complexities of modern dating, delve into personal relationship experiences, and explore the blurred lines between friendships and romantic interests.

---

Getting to Know Cristina Mariani

Cristina Mariani, a rising comedian based in Austin, shares her journey in the comedy scene. Touring with Theo Vaughn and featuring on shows like Kill Tony, Cristina is building a reputable name in the local comedy landscape.

Notable Quote:

"Most of the time, I'm too lazy... But tonight I have a date, so that'll might be fun. We'll see."
[00:41] Cristina Mariani

---

Cristina's Approach to Dating

Cristina expresses a preference for solitude, mentioning that she feels happier being alone rather than dating frequently. Despite this, she made a conscious decision to go on a date that evening, highlighting her selective nature.

Notable Quote:

"I feel like I'm always so much happier when I'm by myself."
[01:16] Cristina Mariani

---

Navigating Dating Apps and Meeting Guys

Cristina discusses her limited use of dating apps, noting that her quirky personality might be a barrier to forming lasting connections. She recounts experiences where potential partners didn't match her sense of humor or preferred banter style.

Notable Quote:

"I think I'm too weird, if that makes sense."
[02:06] Cristina Mariani

---

Red Flags and Relationship Deal-Breakers

A significant portion of the conversation revolves around identifying red flags in relationships. Cristina emphasizes her aversion to dishonesty, explaining how lies disrupt her sense of trust and consistency in a relationship.

Notable Quote:

"Lying... if I know that you're lying to me and you're not admitting to lying to me, but I know that you're doing it, it drives me crazy."
[22:05] Cristina Mariani

---

Experiences with Toxic Relationships

Cristina shares her encounters with narcissistic partners, detailing the emotional turmoil and manipulation she faced. These experiences have made her cautious about forming new relationships, leading her to prioritize personal security and healthy boundaries.

Notable Quote:

"I've been with someone who was a crazy narcissist. Getting out of that was like one of the hardest things to do."
[34:09] Host

"I feel like I've gotten that... because they're liars, you know?"
[35:08] Cristina Mariani

---

The Challenge of Being Friends with Exes

Both Lauren and Cristina express skepticism about maintaining friendships with ex-partners. They highlight how such relationships can be complicated by residual romantic feelings and the potential for blurred boundaries.

Notable Quote:

"I don't know how people can be friends with their exes."
[24:22] Cristina Mariani

---

Personal Growth and Self-Reflection

Cristina delves into her introspective journey post-relationships, often questioning her role in attracting certain types of partners. This self-reflection underscores her commitment to personal growth and understanding her own vulnerabilities.

Notable Quote:

"I'm not dating, just so I can be a secure enough person that somebody can't make me question my reality again."
[38:48] Cristina Mariani

---

Balancing Comedy and Personal Life

As a comedian, Cristina mentions drawing inspiration from her personal life and dating experiences to fuel her material. Her unique comedic voice often stems from her genuine and sometimes awkward interactions in the dating scene.

Notable Quote:

"I think the dates I have been on, I have pulled from... there's something amusing about."
[09:24] Host & Cristina Mariani

---

Health and Hobbies

Cristina casually touches upon her lifestyle choices, including running a half-marathon without extensive training, showcasing her resilience and determination.

Notable Quote:

"I was on my David Goggins the whole time."
[14:00] Cristina Mariani

---

Vices and Social Habits

The discussion shifts to personal habits and vices, such as alcohol consumption and smoking weed. Cristina candidly shares her perspectives, including her moderate use of marijuana and aversion to smoking cigarettes or vaping.

Notable Quote:

"Some people can smoke weed and they're like really funny. Yeah. I feel like for me, it depends."
[20:16] Cristina Mariani

---

Final Thoughts and Takeaways

As the episode concludes, Lauren and Cristina reflect on the importance of self-awareness in dating. Cristina underscores the necessity of setting and maintaining personal boundaries to foster healthy and respectful relationships.

Notable Quote:

"I need to have an emotional connection with somebody too. Like, I need to be able to... I love being in love."
[31:25] Cristina Mariani

---

Connect with Cristina Mariani

Listeners interested in Cristina Mariani's comedy can follow her on Instagram @creiimarii and TikTok @christinacomedy. She is currently touring, with upcoming shows at Black Rabbit Comedy Club on the 27th and Upstage Comedy Lounge in San Antonio on the 28th.

---

Conclusion

This episode offers a heartfelt exploration of Cristina Mariani's experiences and insights into the dating world. Her candid conversations provide listeners with relatable perspectives on navigating relationships, setting boundaries, and understanding personal needs in the quest for meaningful connections.

Transcript

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[Host]

I'm so excited to see you tonight. First Date, baby.

[Christina Mariani]

First date.

[Host]

I can't wait.

[Christina Mariani]

First date.

[Host]

Hello, you guys. Welcome to another episode of First Date. My guest today is a comic here. She's local to Austin. She's making a name for herself. She tours with Theo Vaughn. She's been on Kill Tony. You know her. Her name is Christina Mariani. Give it up. That's all the crowd engagement we get today.

[Christina Mariani]

That's okay.

[Host]

How are you doing?

[Christina Mariani]

Hi. Good. How are you?

[Host]

I'm good.

[Christina Mariani]

Good.

[Host]

So tell me a little bit about yourself and your dating life.

[Christina Mariani]

Oh, God, I don't. I don't date too much. I feel like I'm always so much happier when I'm by myself.

[Host]

Okay. Do you go on dates?

[Christina Mariani]

Well, today I scheduled one because I knew I was gonna get ready for this.

[Host]

You scheduled one?

[Christina Mariani]

Well, I was like, if I'm gonna go on one, it'll be today, because I'm gonna get ready. Most of the time, I'm too lazy.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

You know, and I just like doing other stuff more, like writing and. But tonight I have a date, so that'll. That might be fun. We'll see.

[Host]

How do you meet guys?

[Christina Mariani]

I used to do the apps for a little bit, and then I met a few of them off of the apps, and I. I think I'm too weird, if that makes sense. Like, I.

[Host]

How are you weird?

[Christina Mariani]

Well, I. We're not. Just too weird. No. Yeah. Too weird. Well, I keep hearing them laugh. I'm like, God, I'm this up.

[Host]

You can't. Fuck.

[Christina Mariani]

Your shoes are nice.

[Host]

Thank you. You can't just cut to my shoes, though, because you feel weird. We're a minute and 45 seconds in.

[Christina Mariani]

No, no, I. Your baby bump looks good, too.

[Host]

Thank you. You cannot continue to give me compliments, though.

[Christina Mariani]

Well, I was giving your baby a compliment.

[Host]

I'll take it.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah.

[Host]

So you used to be on the apps.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. And, you know, I went. I met up with a few of the guys from the Apps, and I just. I get so bored. I, like, they want to get to know me.

[Host]

Yeah. You know, normal.

[Christina Mariani]

Right. But it's just so, like, boring. Like, I want to be able to basically banter with someone and, like, just be inappropriate, and they're just like, can't you ever be serious? And it's like, no, not really. You know?

[Host]

Yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

One guy got shot in college, and he told me, please don't make jokes about that. But, like, did you? Yeah, immediately. And he didn't. But why would you tell me that, like, you know.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

You know, why would you tell me you got shot if you didn't want me to make jokes about it?

[Host]

And why would you say, don't do this?

[Christina Mariani]

It kind of made me feel like he wanted me to a little bit.

[Host]

Yeah. Like, it was like a low key kind of.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. He was, you know, dangling a carrot.

[Host]

Yeah. Don't talk about this. But if you want to.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. No, but that wasn't it, though. He got upset.

[Host]

Oh, he did?

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. He was like, no, this is a really hard time. And I was like, well, you know, you have a really cool scar. At least most people have a dumb story behind their scars. You literally got shot.

[Host]

Yeah. Did he deserve it?

[Christina Mariani]

Did he? Probably. No, I don't.

[Host]

Why did he get shot?

[Christina Mariani]

He was, like, in a. In a shooting, like, on his college campus.

[Host]

So just a random shoot, like a drive by?

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. Like, now I don't remember exactly the details, but I think it's just not that I want to be insensitive about him getting shot and going through something so traumatic, because, you know, I imagine that's pretty traumatic.

[Host]

Yeah, but it's just.

[Christina Mariani]

I think my gut reaction to feeling uncomfortable is to, like, make a joke about it.

[Host]

Totally.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. Like, maybe if you laugh at it, you'll forget, like, the years of therapy. I don't know.

[Host]

Okay, well, I have a menu here, so I've got appetizer questions.

[Christina Mariani]

Okay.

[Host]

This is my little dessert menu type thing, so I'm gonna ask you a few questions. Pick a number, one through ten.

[Christina Mariani]

Okay. Do you want me to tell you?

[Host]

Ready? Go.

[Christina Mariani]

8.

[Host]

What was your senior yearbook quote?

[Christina Mariani]

They didn't do that in my school.

[Host]

I never even made it to my senior year.

[Christina Mariani]

Really? What happened?

[Host]

I went to an alternative school.

[Christina Mariani]

What does that mean?

[Host]

I went to, like, a school where people get shot.

[Christina Mariani]

Oh, really?

[Host]

And get knocked up and then seems.

[Christina Mariani]

Like a normal school?

[Host]

No. Well, I guess wherever I was, I was homeschooled for most of my life.

[Christina Mariani]

Oh, okay. You're not weird. At all. I would never have guessed that you were homeschooled. There's a certain aura about homeschool kids.

[Host]

It's like more autistic than me.

[Christina Mariani]

Just like they're not very charming, you know?

[Host]

Oh, really?

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, because they don't, they never had to be charming, you know, they don't.

[Host]

Have to, like, they just have to impress their parents.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. Or just exist, you know, and their parents love them sometimes. But, you know, like, people get socialized, they get bullied.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

And then it makes them less weird, less. They know how to deal with social situations. Yeah. With social.

[Host]

I was pretty fucking weird right out of homeschooling, though.

[Christina Mariani]

Oh, really?

[Host]

Yeah, I was very awkward.

[Christina Mariani]

Oh.

[Host]

Because I didn't know anyone.

[Christina Mariani]

What'd you do to, like, get better? Asking for a friend?

[Host]

Oh, I wouldn't say I'm better.

[Christina Mariani]

No. I don't know. You got a baby inside you. Somebody was like, down to fuck. Yeah. Then, you know, I guess even if you were awkward, that would have still happened, you know? Yeah, that's true.

[Host]

Weirder things have happened.

[Christina Mariani]

Wait, so you went to an alternative.

[Host]

School to graduate early?

[Christina Mariani]

Oh, okay.

[Host]

I went to a public school for like one year and it was not it for me.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah.

[Host]

So to get out of school, I went to an alternative school, which was like an accelerated course. But usually you have to do something really fucked up to go to an alternative school. My parents just put me in there so that I could get out of normal school. So I graduated with a ged.

[Christina Mariani]

Okay.

[Host]

Instead of a what do you get a diploma? Is that what you get in high school? I don't even know. You get, you get like some kind.

[Christina Mariani]

Of a, A diploma? Yeah.

[Host]

Is it a diploma? Yeah. I never got that. I got a ged and then I was out of school before my senior year, so I never had a senior yearbook quote. Did you?

[Christina Mariani]

No, I didn't. I went to also an alternative school. I guess it was Catholic.

[Host]

Oh. Yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

You know not to. So we didn't get yearbook. Senior yearbook quotes. I don't.

[Host]

Where are you from?

[Christina Mariani]

Stockton, California.

[Host]

When did you move to Texas?

[Christina Mariani]

Three years ago. Three and a half now, I guess.

[Host]

Me too.

[Christina Mariani]

Really?

[Host]

Yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

So, like, during the pandemic, like, right.

[Host]

When it was kind of ending? Sort of.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. That's when I.

[Host]

And I was like, so over California.

[Christina Mariani]

Oh, me too. I, I, I didn't even know I was going to start doing comedy. Honestly, I just wanted. I was in insurance and it went remote and then I was like, okay, maybe I can just like travel around and just remotely travel. And I knew Austin was, you know, remotely travel. And.

[Host]

What just. Did you want to travel in general or with.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, just travel. Like, just. Because insurance is really boring. It was weed insurance, but that didn't make it more exciting.

[Host]

Weed insurance?

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. So, like, I insured businesses that were related to marijuana.

[Host]

Well, that's kind of at least more fun than, like, a health insurance or something, I guess.

[Christina Mariani]

But you still couldn't smoke weed.

[Host]

Weird.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, I know.

[Host]

Double standards.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah.

[Host]

Who are these people?

[Christina Mariani]

I don't know. I mean. Yeah.

[Host]

So you quit that and then you started comedy? How'd you get into comedy?

[Christina Mariani]

Well, actually, I was doing it at the same time for a while. I would have my day job during the day, and then at night time I would go and I go to open mics and stuff like that.

[Host]

Yeah. And then did you pull from real life experiences.

[Christina Mariani]

Like, for my material?

[Host]

Yeah, stuff.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, for sure. I feel like a lot of my ideas come from me misinterpreting stuff, you know, like. Like, I'll just have, like, a thought and I'm just like, it'd be pretty stupid if somebody thought this. And then I'm like, okay, that's kind of funny.

[Host]

Yeah. I find that dating sometimes really helps with material.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. I. I think the dates I have been on, I have pulled from.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

Or at least there's, like, something amusing about. There's a guy who asked me out and I thought he was pretty hot. And then, you know, I. I looked at his Instagram and he. He beat boxes.

[Host]

Oh, people still do that?

[Christina Mariani]

I guess.

[Host]

So I feel like with AI, you don't really need to do that anymore.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. Or, you know, just. I don't know, it's just. And, you know, I don't want to, like, on people for their passions because it's like, really, you get, like, a lot of satisfaction. But I. I just feel like if you beatbox, you're not beating box, you know? What do you mean?

[Host]

Was he good at it? Like, could he hold a bee and, like, could he do some cool tongue tricks?

[Christina Mariani]

No. I don't know. I mean. I mean, I looked at a video and maybe I'm just, like, not a connoisseur of V boxing. I wasn't it all. I don't think it was good, though.

[Host]

Okay, well, if you didn't like it, that's all that matters.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. Yeah. I didn't. I just put me off a little bit. I don't know.

[Host]

Yeah. If someone's hidden talent was a beatbox move, I'D probably look for the fastest way out of that situation.

[Christina Mariani]

Well, I feel like if it was, like, a cool trick that you could do, that would be cool. You know, like, oh, I can beatbox. And you do it and it's like, oh, that's really cool, because I can't, you know?

[Host]

But what do you use beatboxing for?

[Christina Mariani]

Not getting dates? I don't know. I mean, maybe if you're, like, a musician or. I don't know.

[Host]

It's a weird thing. That's like being able to solve a Rubik's Cube in, like, five seconds. Like how? Like, that's cool. I can't do it.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, but see, that would be cool if a guy pulled out a Rubik's Cube at and was just like, I'd be into it.

[Host]

I think I'd be like, wow, you're really. I couldn't think of anything nice to say. You know how they say if you don't think of anything nice to say, don't say it at all? Yeah, I usually say it, but in this situation, I feel like I've already used the word autistic twice.

[Christina Mariani]

I don't know. I'm into weird stuff like that, but I'm also. I feel like a little autistic, probably.

[Host]

Yeah. I'm pretty sure my boyfriend's autistic.

[Christina Mariani]

Nice.

[Host]

I think so.

[Christina Mariani]

Hot. I live right next to Terry Blacks. He's the owner. Right, Your boyfriend?

[Host]

Yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

Is he the one who got you pregnant?

[Host]

He is, yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

I mean, that's.

[Host]

Wouldn't it be weird if he wasn't?

[Christina Mariani]

I'm sorry, Lauren. I didn't mean to imply you were a whore.

[Host]

It's okay.

[Christina Mariani]

It wouldn't be the first time I knit it. You're not.

[Host]

No, but this time it was from the person I was with. There hasn't been another time, though. This conversation is really going in an odd direction.

[Christina Mariani]

Wait, you've been pregnant with other women?

[Host]

No, that's what I was saying.

[Christina Mariani]

Oh, okay. Okay.

[Host]

Right.

[Christina Mariani]

Which is fine if you have.

[Host]

I haven't, though.

[Christina Mariani]

Okay.

[Host]

Never been pregnant. This is the first time.

[Christina Mariani]

Oh, good.

[Host]

From my boyfriend.

[Christina Mariani]

That's awesome. So you've been eating good too.

[Host]

Well, like, what is good? Like, healthy, or, like, good food?

[Christina Mariani]

Good food.

[Host]

Good food.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah.

[Host]

Oh, yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. That's nice. I feel like getting a boyfriend who will feed you. That's an autistic guy who will feed you. That's the dream.

[Host]

But you're so skinny.

[Christina Mariani]

Oh, thanks. I actually just ran a half marathon, so. Yeah.

[Host]

When.

[Christina Mariani]

When was it? It was earlier this month. I think it was on the 13th.

[Host]

How, how far is a half marathon?

[Christina Mariani]

It is 13, 13.1 miles.

[Host]

And you ran the whole time?

[Christina Mariani]

The whole time?

[Host]

You didn't stop?

[Christina Mariani]

Not once? Yeah, I was on my David Goggins the whole time.

[Host]

Did you have to train?

[Christina Mariani]

No, I didn't train. I. I was running three miles a day, three to six miles a day before that. But then I was. It's just a mental exercise, you know, and it was freezing. It was like, it was 28 degrees outside and my hands were going numb during it. But I don't know, afterwards I was like, I can do anything.

[Host]

Wow.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. It made me feel good.

[Host]

Great.

[Christina Mariani]

Thanks.

[Host]

I could never run.

[Christina Mariani]

You could totally do that far.

[Host]

Yeah, I could walk.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. I mean, that's good. I think you could run, too.

[Host]

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[Christina Mariani]

I think you. As soon as you get the baby out, you know.

[Host]

Christina, what's your type?

[Christina Mariani]

What's my type? Not. Not great. Like, I guess, historically, if I look at all the guys that I've dated, there's no. There's a few really good ones, actually. I don't want to say that I like funny guys. I like guys that make me laugh.

[Host]

Do you have a physical attribute that you gravitate to?

[Christina Mariani]

Hmm. I don't know.

[Host]

I think good hygiene.

[Christina Mariani]

Good hygiene? No. No. The more homeless they look, the better, actually. Yeah.

[Host]

Nice teeth.

[Christina Mariani]

Really? I'm more of a personality gal, I think.

[Host]

Does it matter what they look like?

[Christina Mariani]

No, it does. I don't. You know, I don't. I don't like.

[Host]

Do you like buff guys?

[Christina Mariani]

Not super buff. Because then I feel like they're stupid.

[Host]

Yeah, that's fair, you know? Yeah. Like, I feel, like, in good enough shape.

[Christina Mariani]

In good enough shape. Like, I. I guess, like, they're in shape. Like, they take care of themselves. They're not lazy to where they're just letting themselves go. But they're also like, oh, what else do you have going on? Do you also beatbox? No, I'm just kidding. But, like, you know what I mean? Like. Yeah, like, they do other stuff except besides working out.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

I feel like if a guy works out too much, it's a red flag.

[Host]

I do, too. I feel like if you do anything too much sometimes, though, it can be a red flag.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, that's true. Moderation is key.

[Host]

Do you drink alcohol? What's your favorite cocktail?

[Christina Mariani]

Espresso martinis.

[Host]

That's a good one. Yeah, I was that. The people who drink espresso martinis remind me of, like, the kinds of people who had Red Bull vodkas.

[Christina Mariani]

Oh, yeah. No, but espresso martini is, like, the fancy version.

[Host]

Yeah, that's like.

[Christina Mariani]

It's kind of like. It's kind of like how crack is the homeless version of cocaine, Right?

[Host]

Yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

Red Bull vodka is like the homeless version of espresso martinis.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

Mm.

[Host]

I drink both, though.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, me too. You know, push comes to shove, if all there is is that I'm gonna drink it, no way I'm gonna be sober, you know?

[Host]

Do you have any other vices.

[Christina Mariani]

I, no, not really. I smoke weed sometimes, but I don't think that's really a vice.

[Host]

Yeah. I feel like now everybody smokes weed.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, it's, it's chill. I don't think it's that bad for you. I don't like smoke cigarettes or vape or anything like that. Yeah, I think that's gross.

[Host]

I can't smoke weed. I mean, obvious, for obvious reasons.

[Christina Mariani]

But is it bad for the baby?

[Host]

Of course.

[Christina Mariani]

Really?

[Host]

Yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

What if the baby just gets really chill the womb?

[Host]

I don't think that's, it'd be a different effect that would happen on the baby. But yeah, any kind of smoking or.

[Christina Mariani]

Drinking is, it comes out with dreads.

[Host]

Pretty much and like an accent. Definitely not my vibe. But if I smoke weed, I shut down.

[Christina Mariani]

Oh, okay.

[Host]

I get really quiet, like in my head. I'm not an extrovert. Some people can smoke weed and they're like really funny.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. I feel like for me, it depends. Two out of three times I will get a panic attack.

[Host]

That's a high but rate.

[Christina Mariani]

Okay. But the 33.3% of the time that I don't get a panic attack, it's worth it. So worth it. There's this restaurant back home that gave me food poisoning. Two out of the three times that I went to it. But it was worth it. I did it every time. I was like, hopefully this time's the time I can just enjoy it.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

You know, it's just worth it. Some things are worth it.

[Host]

I'm allergic to pecans.

[Christina Mariani]

Oh.

[Host]

And sometimes that's nuts. It's one of my favorite jokes.

[Christina Mariani]

You said. Thank you. I, I like puns.

[Host]

I do too.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah.

[Host]

But sometimes at Christmas I'll have English toffee, which has pecans on it. And I have a really severe reaction when I eat them. But it's worth it.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, I get that. No, it makes sense.

[Host]

It's like I'm like, whatever. It was so good.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. And then it's like, you can deal with pain.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

It's all in your head.

[Host]

It only lasts for like a week and a half.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah.

[Host]

We're going to get into some main course questions now. What are your biggest turn offs in a relationship?

[Christina Mariani]

Oh, lying. That's my biggest one. That's the one that I realize I can't deal with. I, I, I mean, I think everybody hates lying, but for me it's like, at least be good at it if you're gonna do it. You know, don't let me know because it bugs me. No, what I mean is, because if I know that you're lying to me and you're not admitting to lying to me, but I know that you're doing it, it drives me crazy because it's so inconsistent. Inconsistent. And I know that it's happening. So just. I hate that feeling of being uncomfortable, like, I know you're lying to me.

[Host]

It's, like, insulting.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, it is. It's like, be better at it. If this is what you do. Be good at it, you know?

[Host]

Yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

It's just. And at least admit to it if I catch you, you know, Don't.

[Host]

Sure.

[Christina Mariani]

Don't just make me feel crazy, because I will feel crazy. I don't trust myself, you know, so I'm going to want to believe you.

[Host]

So.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. I hate lying. I think that's one of the biggest ones.

[Host]

Yeah. When was the last time you were in a serious relationship, Man?

[Christina Mariani]

Like a year ago now? Probably. Probably longer than a year. I forget what the timeline was.

[Host]

How long were you with him?

[Christina Mariani]

I think I was with him six months. And then, like, it kept kind of breaking up and kind of, like, talking still kind of situation, which.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

I don't think I would ever do that again. This. I think once you break up the first time, that feeling inside of you that's like, oh, this is wrong. You should always just go with that because it's always right, you know?

[Host]

Yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

Instead of trying to give people the benefit of the doubt, it's like once somebody shows you who they are, that's probably who they are.

[Host]

Probably.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. I feel like I like to see the best in people, though. So even if they, like, you know, do stuff that's not really good, I like to be like, oh, well, they're doing this because of their childhood trauma and this has happened. And not, you know, but sort of.

[Host]

Optimistic in a way.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, it is kind of optimistic. Delusional, I'd say, Which is. Yeah.

[Host]

Yeah. That's fair.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah.

[Host]

Do you believe. Well, do you ever talk to any of your exes?

[Christina Mariani]

No. No. No.

[Host]

I don't know how people can be friends with their exes.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, I don't either. I think it's like, maybe they have them there to. Just in case. That's what it feels like to me. It's kind of like. But maybe if you have a really good friendship and a really. I. I don't know. I wouldn't be able to do it.

[Host]

I wouldn't either.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. It's like, I, you know, I can have other friends. And now I. Yeah, I Don't need the ex. No. Because it's like, there's a reason that we're exes. There's something that was bad enough that made me not want you as more than a friend. And that's kind of offensive in itself, right? Do you want a friend? That's like, yeah, downgrade it again. You know, you went from friend to maybe you'll be my husband to. No, actually, you don't. You're not good enough for that. To friend again.

[Host]

Yeah, that's.

[Christina Mariani]

Or even vice versa, like, you know. Yeah, them to me, too.

[Host]

I just think it's weird. I think it would be really weird to be friends with exes. I. I couldn't date anyone that was friends with their exes either, though.

[Christina Mariani]

Oh, yeah. No. Or friends with girls in general. No, no, I'm kidding. They could be friends with girls, but I don't know, actually.

[Host]

I mean. But why are we friends with girls?

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. That's so true. If I think about all of the friends who I have that are guys, you know, I think they started being my friend because they wanted to, like, you know, they eventually asked you out, and then, you know, you're like, no, you're my friend, so then you're friends. I don't think guys go out of their way to, like, hang out with a girl unless they're trying to initially. They can grow to appreciate you as a person, but at first, they don't see you as one.

[Host]

I feel like. I feel like in the comedy scene, it makes sense more to have friends of, like, the opposite sex because you're constantly around each other.

[Christina Mariani]

Right.

[Host]

So it'd be weird if you were like, oh, you're a guy. I'm not interested in being friends. Like, I have plenty of guy friends in the comedy scene, but I'm not, like, hanging out with them.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah.

[Host]

Outside of the clubs.

[Christina Mariani]

Right. I feel like guy friends are so great. I have, you know, I love my guy friends, but, you know, I think if they would, they would have sex.

[Host]

With me, you know, Almost positive they would.

[Christina Mariani]

And that's not to take away what good friends they are, because they are.

[Host]

But they would be better friends in a heartbeat.

[Christina Mariani]

They would. You know, they would. I don't think any of them's like, no, our friendship.

[Host]

There's no way that a guy. If you took your shirt off, a guy would not be like, oh, Christina, put it back on, please. I don't want to see that. Oh, you're. No, I can't.

[Christina Mariani]

We watch football together. Stop. Yeah, you know, I Don't think. But see, for me, the other way around, I wouldn't be able to, like, if a guy whipped out his penis, that's my guy friend. I wouldn't be like, oh, yay. What is happening?

[Host]

Yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. You know, it's a double standard, I think, because I think guys don't see girls as friends. They see. They. They have guys that they see as equals, you know?

[Host]

Yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

I don't think they see girls as equals. I don't know. I mean, eventually, once they get to know you, they're like, wait a minute. This one has thoughts. Wait, there's something past the tits. But at first that's not, you know.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. But I also think that's why guys open up to you emotionally, too, to women, is because they don't respect them, you know? Does that make sense?

[Host]

Yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

They would never open up emotionally to another man. Like, what?

[Host]

That'd be gay.

[Christina Mariani]

That'd be so gay. And not even that. It would just be like, oh, this guy, I feel like he could kill me, you know, If I start opening up about how I have mommy issues, he's gonna. He's gonna use that against me. But, like, this woman, I can tell her. What is she gonna do? I can just.

[Host]

Her.

[Christina Mariani]

Oh, my God. Is that too much?

[Host]

No, I have a butt that's just like. The more that I squeeze my abs, the more that this baby presses up against me, it's so weird having a whole human in you.

[Christina Mariani]

I bet.

[Host]

It'S the weirdest feeling. And then sometimes he, like, kicks me and I'm just like, wow, I have four feet.

[Christina Mariani]

What's his name?

[Host]

Jax.

[Christina Mariani]

Jacks.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

Like is. So. It's a they. I'm just kidding, cuz. Jacks. It's multiple Jacks. Just instead of one Jack, you have a few.

[Host]

I missed that one.

[Christina Mariani]

Oh, just that. Just stupid. We can cut that out. Sorry.

[Host]

Don't be sorry. Maybe I need to catch up. The. That's their name.

[Christina Mariani]

Oh, that's. That's cool. That's Jax. Jax. Jax. What's the last name?

[Host]

Black.

[Christina Mariani]

Jax. Oh, right. Because Terry Blacks.

[Host]

It's okay.

[Christina Mariani]

Barbecue.

[Host]

We're gonna get through this one.

[Christina Mariani]

Jack's Blacks. So both plurals.

[Host]

What are your thoughts on condoms?

[Christina Mariani]

You know, they help with.

[Host]

You know, your waistline.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, I. I think the texture is gross. And I. I know guys really don't like them.

[Host]

Are you on birth control?

[Christina Mariani]

No.

[Host]

Do you have sex with anybody?

[Christina Mariani]

No. No.

[Host]

Do you have one night stands?

[Christina Mariani]

Nope. I. Yeah, you know, I have all the Catholic guilt and Also, I. I need somebody to love me. I'm weird like that.

[Host]

I think that makes sense.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. I want them to. I feel like I would take it too personally if, like, they didn't fall in love with me. If I had a one night stand and then they weren't like, oh, my God, I'm in love, I would take it. You know, that's stupid. That's a weird thing. But.

[Host]

No, I think that's valid.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. I think I need to have an emotional connection with somebody too. Like, I need to be able to. I don't know, I like to feel, like, in love. I love being in love. Like, I like feeling.

[Host]

Do you have to have a boyfriend first? Like, do you want to be exclusive before you're intimate?

[Christina Mariani]

Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah. And I have to be in love, like, kind of before I. And I have to, like, trust them, which is kind of crazy because I feel like I've. I've dated liars, so I think I know them.

[Host]

And then it's like, oh, bait and switch.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, exactly. So that's. That's kind of. Right.

[Host]

I mean, it's. That's trickery.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, Trickery. Like, it's trickery too.

[Host]

Is forceful.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. But so, yeah, it is.

[Host]

And you, like, can't say no.

[Christina Mariani]

You can, you can. Yeah. That doesn't matter.

[Host]

But it doesn't work.

[Christina Mariani]

No. It just feels like if you get intimate with someone because you think, oh, I. I know this person, I feel close, I love them. And then you come to find out that it was all a lie. That feels like then it shouldn't have happened.

[Host]

It's like love bombing.

[Christina Mariani]

Oh, yeah. Love bombing. That's. I know what that is.

[Host]

Did you get love bombed?

[Christina Mariani]

I feel like I've gotten love bombed before. And it feels really nice, you know?

[Host]

At first.

[Christina Mariani]

At first, yeah. And then it. Yeah, Then it's. It's not.

[Host]

Then it's like crazy psycho. How bad it hurts.

[Christina Mariani]

Oh, yeah. It. Yeah. Because your brain is still thinking, this is this great person that, like, gets me and they see me and they cherish me and they love me. But what I found is it takes time. Like, it takes a long time for someone to, like, really appreciate you. And if they really, like, if they really love you, then they don't think you're that great. If that makes sense. Like they do. But they know the parts of you that aren't.

[Host]

They love you. Yeah. Yeah. They accept the parts of you that aren't.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. They don't, like, build you up. And then as soon as you, like, show some kind of humanity, they, like, almost punish you for it or like, oh, wait, what? I didn't think you were like that. It's like, yeah, well, you didn't take time to really get to know me.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

Now I feel bad about myself. When I was like this the whole time, you just decided that I was better, you know?

[Host]

Yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

You've been in toxic relationships.

[Host]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was with. I've been with. I feel like I've been with a little bit of, like, different kinds of toxicities. I've been with someone who was a crazy narcissist.

[Christina Mariani]

Oh, okay.

[Host]

Getting out of that was like one of the hardest things to do for some reason. It was like getting out of a relationship with a narcissist. They can't handle a breakup, so they come flying back to you.

[Christina Mariani]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Host]

You know, and so getting out of that's like a sticky situation.

[Christina Mariani]

I've. I've had that. I've had that too. Where they don't let you break up with them.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

They don't let you. Yeah. And it's like, for me, it's already hard to have boundaries. I'm pretty. That's something I'm working on. And so then when someone's like, yeah, no, I'm like, oh, well, now what? You know, like, yeah, I'm gonna, I guess. I guess sort of hand my two weeks notice from this relationship.

[Host]

Maybe, like, narcissists will show up where you are. Yeah, they, like, do crazy things to find out, like how they can literally show up where you are. I think that's like a narcissistic trait. I don't know.

[Christina Mariani]

They just show up, like, where.

[Host]

Yeah, that's the. At least the person that I was with. That was my experience.

[Christina Mariani]

He was.

[Host]

It was like being with a stalker. Yeah, almost.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah.

[Host]

My phone would blow up all day. I would have to, like, answer it to get him to stop calling. And then I'd get looped into a 30 minute conversation and then he would email me.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, no, I. I feel like I've gotten that. Where you block them on everything just because, well, you know, you're like, listen, I need space. And they don't respect it because they don't respect you because they only care about themselves. Yeah. And so then, of course, they're not gonna respect your boundaries. If anything, they try to, like, see how far, how much they can get away with because they hate themselves so much and they're like, well, maybe if I can get away with more, it Means I'm worth more and I'm more of a person if she lets me get away with it. But it's like, no, I just have my own issues with boundaries. I need to be better at upholding them. And I feel like narcissistic people really try to test it so they feel important. They feel like they matter, you know, because they don't think they do deep down.

[Host]

I feel like you dissected that perfectly.

[Christina Mariani]

Well, I really have had experiences with this too, with people.

[Host]

It's the worst. Yeah, it's the worst. I'd rather be ghosted.

[Christina Mariani]

Me too. I'd rather they. Yeah, ghosted.

[Host]

That's just leave me, like, alone. I'll be sad, but I'll get over it.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, because then you think, oh, they love me too, in a messed up way.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

You're like, they're doing this because they love.

[Host]

They're so obsessed that they can't. They don't want to be with anyone else. All they want is me. And it's like, but that's not true.

[Christina Mariani]

It's just because they don't have someone to replace you yet. That's also something that I realized.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

If. If they do that, it's just because, oh, I don't have someone to fill that void inside of me yet. I don't have anything lined up. And then as soon as they find that you're just like another person, that's just filling the void for them.

[Host]

Wild.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. And then you have to realize I'm not that special. That was just there, you know, you are.

[Host]

You are special. And I do think that they. That when narcissistic people find special people, it just makes them that much more intense because they're so. They feel so lucky and seen that someone special has noticed them that it becomes a whole self gratification thing.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, maybe. I, you know, I went down a narcissist rabbit hole. Like after some of the relationships that I've been in where I look up stuff and after, then afterwards, I'm always like, maybe it's me. Maybe I'm the narcissist. Do you ever feel like, you know, you're like, maybe.

[Host]

Maybe you don't like pattern, though?

[Christina Mariani]

I mean, I feel like. No, like I've. I've thought about it, but, you know, everybody has a little bit of narcissistic traits, you know, Like, I can see.

[Host]

How it would seep in and give you thoughts that, like, maybe you're the problem. But that's after trying so hard to get someone else to realize that they are a problem. And when they never, ever accept it, what do you do? You turn and you look inward. But that's just a mature person, right?

[Christina Mariani]

And then you just keep getting your reality altered because they are liars, you know? And. Yeah, they'll, like, make you think that your reality isn't. That's why you have to have. You have to be so good with yourself. That's also why I'm not dating, is just so I can, like, be a secure enough person that somebody can't make me question my reality again. Cause it feels so, like, hopeless.

[Host]

Gaslighting.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. And then you just feel so, like, confused for so long, and you're just like, what was real? Did they not care about me at all? I didn't matter to them.

[Host]

I hate wasting my time.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, that too. That too is like.

[Host]

That's one of the things that gets me the most. I'm like, oh, my gosh. I just wasted so much time on you. Where I could have been out, find, like, either doing something I like to do or finding someone who wasn't an insane psychopath.

[Christina Mariani]

And it's like, the audacity. Why would you do this to me? I thought we had something and you weren't even taking it seriously. I loved you, and you didn't give a fuck about me at all. Like, you just wanted to waste my time. You just wanted somebody to make you feel okay. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, it just makes you mad. You're just like, why?

[Host]

You know, what is the most genuinely sweet thing? Not like a love bomb thing, but, like, something genuinely that was, like, so romantic that a guy's done for you.

[Christina Mariani]

Gosh, I know that I've dated some great guys who have been really sweet. I just can't think of anything off the top of my head.

[Host]

Have you done anything really sweet in a relationship? Are you a romantic person?

[Christina Mariani]

I am very. Like, when you're my person, I let you. You can stay at my place whenever you want. You know, I'm very trusting. Like, you can use my car. You can. You know, I'm very, like, touchy feely. Like, I love you. I want to show you, but, you know, as soon as I start feeling like. Like one of my exes, you know, I let. I would let him stay at my place using my car. And then when he. He read through my journal.

[Host]

Oh, my God.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. And so then after that, I was like. I was like, I. Oh, my God. It was like, a violation.

[Host]

It is. I hate that shit.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. I was like, oh, God, I trusted you, and I, you know, cared. And you did this and did you.

[Host]

Write about him in the journal?

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, that's. I was. Because I was starting to see, like, red flags, and. And then he would give me the cold shoulder, and I didn't know why, and he wouldn't tell me. And then he finally told me. Oh, you know, I read through your journal and this, and I was like, that's why you've been so rude to me. Like, And. And then he tried to pretend like it was like he felt bad, like he wasn't being a good partner, but really it was about him. Like, it wasn't.

[Host]

Of course.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. So. So then when stuff like that happen, I start to pull back and I start to, like, naturally, you know, Like, I don't want to say, withhold love, but kind of, like, I kind of just, like, pull back and reel it in. I'm, like, guarded. I'm more guarded. I don't trust you anymore. I don't want to be as giving. I don't want to, like.

[Host]

Yeah, yeah. Because you feel taken advantage of.

[Christina Mariani]

Exactly. And I don't feel. And it's just, like, there's a lack of respect when stuff like that happens. Obviously, Like.

[Host]

Yeah, but.

[Christina Mariani]

But see, like, what I learned from. Even when people are. Or, like, when the guys I've dated haven't done, like, it's really me. I'm the person that's inviting that energy because of my wounds. It's so. I don't like to be like, they sucked, you know, because they have their own wounds. They have to.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

So, yeah, it's me that I just have to deal with the stuff that's making me get these kinds of people.

[Host]

Remember when journals had locks on them?

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah.

[Host]

What happened to that? Now we just have a string that, like, you tie in a bow.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. Mine. That didn't even have that. I mean, I would leave my journals because I would never do that. Like, if my partner was writing, like, I'd be tempt. I don't even go through their phones because I'm just, like. I feel so icky about it.

[Host]

Yeah. You know, I go through someone's phone in the beginning of a relationship. Oh, okay, that's me.

[Christina Mariani]

Well, that's before you trust.

[Host]

But then I, like, I realize that I don't. I feel like the truth of someone comes out. I always find out the truth whether I go through your phone or not. If you're lying, if you're cheating or whatever, somehow the universe will reveal that to Me?

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah.

[Host]

And I sure don't need to go through your shit.

[Christina Mariani]

And isn't it crazy that, like, I feel like the universe is always giving you signs that they're not the right person, and then you ignore them and. And then they keep. It keeps being worse. Like, more and more signs where it's like, oh, okay, that one didn't stick with you. Well, what about this? Do you still want to be with this guy now? And it's like, yeah, and then it keeps getting worse.

[Host]

Well, then you decide when you've had enough.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, but they. I don't know. Maybe for me, it's like, it kept being more and more clear every single time that you would do something that, like, it wasn't. Yeah. And I. And I would just, like, excuse it every time, like, no, but, you know, he probably cares about me. I care about him. But then it's like, so, like, no, he doesn't. Like, you have all this evidence that.

[Host]

This is the case, Right?

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah.

[Host]

Well, thank you for coming on my show.

[Christina Mariani]

Oh, thank you for having me.

[Host]

Where can people find you on Instagram?

[Christina Mariani]

Cree Marie. So C R I I M A R I I and on. On TikTok comedy. Christina.

[Host]

Cool. Are you on tour? Is. Can anyone buy tickets to come see your show coming up?

[Christina Mariani]

Oh, yeah, I have a show at Black Rabbit Comedy club on the 27th.

[Host]

Okay.

[Christina Mariani]

And then I have a show at Upstage Comedy lounge on the 28th. That's in San Antonio.

[Host]

Okay.

[Christina Mariani]

It's two shows in San Antonio.

[Host]

But you post about where you perform. Oh, yeah, socials.

[Christina Mariani]

I post on my socials where I'll perform and stuff like that.

[Host]

Cool. Well, it was so great to have you on my show.

[Christina Mariani]

Thank you so much for having me.

[Host]

Thank you guys so much for watching. And we'll see you next time. Are you really drinking a glass of milk with dinner? You told your mom about me? Just say, you ready? Delete. Lead my number.

[Christina Mariani]

First date.

[Host]

Your parents are your roommates.

[Christina Mariani]

First date.