Hot Tub Happy Ending w/ Katherine Blanford | First Date with Lauren Compton

Summary

First Date with Lauren Compton: Episode Summary – "Hot Tub Happy Ending" Featuring Katherine Blandford

In the exhilarating first episode of "First Date with Lauren Compton", host Lauren Compton rekindles her passion for exploring the complexities of modern dating by inviting the talented comedian Katherine Blandford. Throughout their engaging conversation, Lauren and Katherine delve into personal experiences, comedic insights, and the intricacies of navigating relationships in today’s fast-paced world.

---

1. Welcome and Introductions (00:00 – 01:00)

Lauren opens the episode with her characteristic enthusiasm:

Lauren: "Welcome to the very first episode of First Date. Back from my pregnancy. I have a very special guest on today. She's a female comic, touring all over the country. Give it up for Katherine Blandford."
(00:18)

Katherine responds warmly, setting a friendly and relaxed tone for the conversation.

---

2. Discussing Katherine's Stand-Up Special - "Catholic Cowgirl" (00:50 – 01:36)

Lauren brings attention to Katherine's latest work:

Lauren: "I didn't shout out your stand-up special. Catholic Cowgirl."
(00:38)

Katherine humorously addresses misunderstandings about her special's content:

Katherine: "People do think that it is religious and it certainly is not. So I've gotten a lot of comments like, you're damned to hell. Like, turn to God. But I'm like, you should know that from the first glance of it."
(00:56)

They discuss the demanding nature of producing an hour-long special, highlighting the effort behind her performances.

---

3. Lifestyle Choices: Dieting and Sobriety (01:36 – 03:09)

The duo transitions to personal lifestyle choices. Katherine shares her experience with dieting for her special:

Katherine: "If I ever do a special again, I'm gonna crash diet like that again."
(01:36)

Lauren contrasts this with her own approach to sobriety:

Lauren: "I stopped drinking for two months. That's even harder than crash dieting."
(01:40)

They discuss the challenges and effects of these choices, touching on the physical and emotional impacts.

---

4. Exploring Mushrooms and Personal Experiences (03:09 – 03:28)

Katherine introduces her experimentation with mushrooms:

Katherine: "I mushroom now. Have you ever mushroomed?"
(02:58)

Lauren candidly shares her inability to handle them:

Lauren: "I can't do drugs if I do mushrooms. I, like, shake and I vomit."
(02:17)

Their honest exchange provides insight into their differing recreational preferences.

---

5. Relationship History: Long-Term Relationship and Breakup (03:46 – 06:22)

Katherine recounts her first experience being single after a significant relationship:

Katherine: "No. This is the first time I've actually been single in a long time. I was in like a four and a half-year relationship when I was in Atlanta."
(03:46)

They discuss the reasons behind her prolonged relationship, emphasizing her comfort in familiar settings like enjoying a hot tub:

Katherine: "I was happier in the hot tub."
(05:05)

This section highlights the emotional ties that can prolong relationships despite evolving personal desires.

---

6. Identifying "Icks" and Red Flags in Dating (06:06 – 08:37)

Katherine opens up about her pet peeves in dating:

Katherine: "I don't want to talk for two hours on the phone every day."
(06:08)

She also criticizes overuse of therapy jargon among musicians she dates:

Katherine: "You're using a lot of therapy jargon, but you just did a line of coke and you have a face tattoo. You can't tell me I'm a narcissist."
(06:52)

Lauren and Katherine explore how these behaviors signal incompatible traits in potential partners.

---

7. Views on Parenting and Not Wanting Kids (27:05 – 29:35)

The conversation shifts to the topic of parenting. Katherine expresses her firm stance against having children:

Katherine: "I don't want children. I'm too selfish with my time. I love my independence."
(27:05)

Lauren concurs, emphasizing the importance of personal choice in the decision to have kids:

Lauren: "If you don't want kids, you shouldn't have kids."
(29:10)

They discuss societal pressures and the need for individuals to honor their true desires regarding parenthood.

---

8. Family Background and Upbringing (35:32 – 38:58)

Katherine shares stories about her upbringing and siblings:

Katherine: "My parents didn't push us to do anything. I have two brothers. My older brother's two years older, and my younger brother's five years younger."
(37:24)

She humorously describes her brothers’ lifestyles, contrasting them with her own career in comedy:

Katherine: "They think I'm the freak show."
(39:31)

This segment provides a glimpse into how family dynamics shape individual personalities and life choices.

---

9. Independence and Career Focus (12:44 – 17:58)

Katherine elaborates on her commitment to independence and her career, often being on the road:

Katherine: "I'm gone every weekend. I love my independence. I love traveling and having a career."
(12:44)

They discuss the challenges of finding partners who can accommodate her nomadic lifestyle, emphasizing the importance of mutual independence.

---

10. Dating Dynamics and Expectations (43:23 – 49:50)

Lauren and Katherine delve into the complexities of modern dating, including expectations and deal-breakers. Katherine shares her experiences with romantic gestures and what she considers genuinely romantic:

Katherine: "A guy flew out to surprise me at one of my shows. I thought that was really cool and really romantic."
(46:32)

They also discuss the concept of "relationship hopping" and the emotional disconnect that can arise when expectations aren’t met.

---

11. Conclusion and Final Thoughts (50:41 – 51:56)

As the episode wraps up, Lauren and Katherine reflect on their conversation with humor and mutual appreciation:

Katherine: "I hate when I'm dating somebody and then they break up with me and then I'm like, how am I supposed to date you after this?"
(49:08)

Lauren emphasizes the importance of authenticity in relationships, leading to a heartfelt conclusion where both express gratitude for the engaging dialogue.

---

Notable Quotes:

• Katherine on Her Stand-Up Special:

  "People do think that it is religious and it certainly is not. So I've gotten a lot of comments like, you're damned to hell... I've got a tight little red leather pants on and I put a horse on stage."
  (00:56)

• Lauren on Sobriety:

  "I stopped drinking for two months. That's even harder than crash dieting."
  (01:40)

• Katherine on Dating "Icks":

  "If you're really bad at communication, that's horrible. But if you're over communicative, I loathe that."
  (06:08)

• Katherine on Not Wanting Kids:

  "I love my independence. I love traveling and having a career."
  (27:05)

• Lauren on Relationship Expectations:

  "I'm a really good girlfriend and I'm loyal and I'm fun and I cook and I'm domestic."
  (50:25)

---

Key Takeaways:

• Authenticity Matters: Both Lauren and Katherine emphasize the importance of being genuine in relationships, avoiding pretenses that can lead to misunderstandings and incompatibilities.

• Embracing Independence: Maintaining personal freedom and pursuing one's career can significantly impact relationship dynamics, necessitating partners who respect and support individual ambitions.

• Defining Personal Boundaries: Identifying and adhering to personal "icks" or deal-breakers is crucial in cultivating healthy and fulfilling relationships.

• Navigating Modern Dating: The episode highlights the complexities of dating in the digital age, where expectations, communication styles, and lifestyle choices play pivotal roles in relationship success.

---

Where to Find Katherine Blandford:

Listeners eager to follow Katherine's comedic journey can connect with her through various platforms:

• Instagram: @katherineblanford
• Tour Dates & More: katherineblanford.com
• YouTube Special: Catholic Cowgirl available on YouTube

---

Join Lauren Compton and Katherine Blandford in this insightful episode as they humorously and thoughtfully dissect the wild ride of dating, bringing laughter and real-life wisdom to listeners everywhere. Stay tuned for more episodes filled with captivating conversations and candid explorations of love and relationships.

Transcript

[A]

I'm so excited to see you tonight.

[B]

First Date, baby. First date. I can't wait. First date.

[A]

Hi, you guys. I was just talking. Welcome to the very first episode of First Date. Back from my pregnancy. I have a very special guest on today. She's female comic. She's touring, touring all over the country. Give it up for Katherine Blandford.

[B]

Yay. Thank you.

[A]

I didn't. I didn't shout out your stand up special. Catholic cowgirl.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

On YouTube. I didn't read your bio on the screen. I've really been way too busy talking to you.

[B]

Yeah, that's fine. Don't read it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I don't. I hate credits.

[A]

How. How is it going though?

[B]

What, the special? Yeah, fine. You. I. People do think that it is religious and it certainly is not. So I've gotten a lot of comments like, you're damned to hell. Like, turn to God. But I'm like, you should know that from the first glance of it. I've got a tight little red leather pants on and I put a horse on stage.

[A]

Yeah. Is it an hour long?

[B]

Yeah, 52 minutes. It's an hour.

[A]

That's an hour. We round out.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's an hour. And I did I. If I ever do a special again, I'm gonna crash diet like that again.

[A]

Did you crash diet?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I did?

[B]

I stopped drinking for two months.

[A]

That's even harder than crash dieting.

[B]

I know. I go, I don't need chips, but I need a glass of wine.

[A]

How much weight did you lose with no alcohol in two months?

[B]

Probably like. Probably like eight. Eight pounds. That's a lot. It deflates you, though.

[A]

Cause it's inflammatory when you drink.

[B]

But do you ever. Are you drinking again?

[A]

No.

[B]

Are you never going to again?

[A]

I can't say I'm never going to again, but I don't miss it.

[B]

Yeah, I haven't been drinking as much. I mushroom now. Have you ever mushroomed?

[A]

I've talked about this before. I can't do drugs if I do mushrooms. I, like, shake and I vomit. Y like shut down.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm a not fun drug person.

[B]

I think that's. I get. I'm like that with weed. I can't do weed. I'm not fun with weed. I'm not having fun. But mushrooms, you like them? I think everybody can find or not. They could do nothing but like, things are good for certain people.

[A]

Okay, but are you microdosing or are you having like real journeys?

[B]

No idea. It's different every time. You know what's fun. I never purchase it. I just take whatever somebody puts in my hand and I go, we'll see how the night goes.

[A]

So you have friends that do mushrooms?

[B]

Yes, yes. And sometimes I forget about it. I don't even remember I did it. Do you remember some nights it hits you when you're having a conversation with somebody and you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa. But it's.

[A]

It's an upfront face in their head. Like, change. Like, I experienced hallucinations when I did mushrooms.

[B]

I. Yeah, yeah, a little bit. I don't think I've taken so much that that happens.

[A]

Maybe that's why I don't like them.

[B]

Cause you're doing too much, probably. Why is anyone giving you that much?

[A]

Well, I volunteer myself to take that much.

[B]

Okay. Yeah. See, I'm not like. I think people are like, here, let's give her a little. So she goes away.

[A]

We're gonna start off with some appetizer questions. Are you dating anybody right now?

[B]

No. This is the first time I've actually been single, single, single in a long time. I was in like a four and a half year relationship when I was in Atlanta, started comedy Atlanta. I was in Atlanta and then stuff started popping off and I sold my soul. And I told the guy I was living with, I'm going to la. But we continued to date and I would just go back to Atlanta and visit.

[A]

And you were with him for over four years?

[B]

Yeah. You, like, lived together?

[A]

He didn't want to go with you?

[B]

No, no. I mean, has a family in Georgia, Had a house, had a. You know, it was really hard. I think I probably should have broken up with him like a year sooner, but he had a hot tub on a deck and he. And he lived in the suburbs and it was so. It was kind of woodsy in the back, and I was like, when else am I gonna be able to get into a hot tub on a deck in the woods?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So in la, it's never gonna happen. So I hung on to it.

[A]

You were invested in the hot tub?

[B]

Dude, if you get a hot tub, a girl's gonna hang on. If you get a personal hot tub.

[A]

I feel like, have you ever. So you stayed in a relationship because. Well, did you. Were you happy in this relationship?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You were happier in the hot tub?

[B]

I was happier in the hot tub. You know what? When I was in Atlanta, it was fun and safe, and he's a good guy. But, you know, what happened was then I moved up to la and then my career kind of Was, like, popping off and I started to meet people in LA and then was kind of exposed to, like, more. And I mean this in the best way, like, freaks and like, different, like, walks of life than I really hung out with in Georgia. And. And I was like, I think I want to explore a lot more.

[A]

How long ago was this?

[B]

We broke up April 2024.

[A]

Okay. And you've been single since then?

[B]

Yeah, but I have this, like, problem where I. I love to fall in love for two months. That's not a problem. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's like, I think I have a dopamine hit. Like, I find somebody and I'm like, oh, I'm obsessed with you for two months. And then. And. But I've been telling people, like, I'm gonna. I'm gonna get an ick and be over you.

[A]

What is your biggest ick?

[B]

Lately it's been. I don't. I either. I don't want. I. Like, if you're really bad at communication, that's horrible. But if you're over communicative, I loathe that. I don't want to talk for two hours on the phone every day.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, I need you. I need to call you. But then when I pick up the phone, we chat for 20 minutes.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

And that's it. But I think that. And then my other biggest ick I found, it's in a. It's LA a lot. And I've been dating a lot of musicians. Have you ever noticed, like, somebody that uses a lot of therapy jargon at you, but. And they're always like, you're this, you're this, you're this. And you're like. I feel.

[A]

Are they projecting?

[B]

Yeah. I'm like, but you just did a line of coke and you have a face tattoo. You can't tell me I'm a narcissist.

[A]

It's 11am why are you dating people with face tattoos?

[B]

It's so fun. That's my new obsession. Face tattoos, hand tattoos, scalp tattoos.

[A]

Yikes.

[B]

Like a tattoo that you notice because the wind blows and their hair gets parted in a weird way.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you realize, like, they have, like, Winnie the Pooh.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they're cowlick. I love that.

[A]

You know, I feel like if. If my. So I just had a son, and I feel like if my son ever got a face tattoo, I'd be so pissed off because I'd be like, I breastfed you when I should have just given you formula.

[B]

That's so true. It's so True. You know, it's like, you probably won't he pro. That's a direct. That's a gateway drug formula to face tattoo. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense.

[A]

I mean, like, I could have eaten a lot. Like, a lot of raw fish when I was pregnant.

[B]

Yeah. It's so.

[A]

And it's like the things that I did that I have done for him to be, like, together.

[B]

But what, what your child is going to be together. Like, your son is gonna be, knock on wood, full. You know, I can. I can already tell. Like, I can tell, like, these are, like.

[A]

What kind of trauma do these guys with face tattoos tell you about? Like, what. What's going down in their life?

[B]

I don't know. I think it's a lot of. You know what? It's very. I don't even think Christian is the word. Very, like, religious upbringings. That's been a few of them recently.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then they kind of rebel. But it's like the. It's like the religious upbringings where there's no sense of self. You know what I mean? Where they're like. It's like, nobody's going like, hey, are you going through something? Let's talk about it. It's like, hey, I hear you're going through something. Turn to the Lord and pray and kneel and beg for forgiveness.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So there's no actual, like, self therapy going on.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So then they go the opposite direction later in life.

[A]

So you said these guys were, like, mostly musicians. Yeah. Do you have. Is there a specific instrument that you find yourself gravitating towards? Like the guitarist or the drummer or the singer?

[B]

It's got to be the singer, the lead man. I think my instrument is leading.

[A]

Yeah, that makes sense. I would be, too. It's like, yeah, why are we going for the Ringo star?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, well, because I'm a comic. Like, I, you know, I write my material. Yeah. I want to talk to somebody who writes, you know, and who. Who is the lead? Like, I'm not.

[A]

Are they taking you on romantic dates?

[B]

You know, also, what I love is a secret getaway to get together, like, romantic dates. But I'm like, if we know kind of the same people and we're like, we can't let people know that we're doing this.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

We go to a different city or we meet up in a city. Like, if we're both touring and we have to be secretive about it. Love that.

[A]

That is fun.

[B]

It is fun. I think I'm in a very Traumatic part of dating right now. But I'm like, I kind of like, it's okay.

[A]

It sounds like you're having fun, though.

[B]

I'm having so much fun.

[A]

And after a four year relationship, you deserve to have fun.

[B]

Yeah. And like explore.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're almost like, maybe I should date some toxic people to recognize it.

[A]

Well, you don't even have to date toxic people. I think just dating a variety of people, different people, different walks of life is really good to just, I don't know, exercise your freedom.

[B]

Yeah, I agree. Because then you're kind of like, will you learn? Because at first when you like kind of date these people, you don't know really what the signs are. And you don't. And like, I'm kind of a people pleaser, so I'll kind of put up with stuff till I don't put up with it. So it's kind of good to date these people. So you get over putting up with it.

[A]

Let's get into our main course questions. Does dating a bunch of different people for two months at a time ever make you worried that you're not going to find the one because you're in this mode of hopping around?

[B]

Yeah. I had this conversation with some comics yesterday though, guys. One is in like 10 year relationship, married, about to have a baby. Another one's like a younger comic, but he really likes this girl he's dating. And I was like, I don't think, I think for me, I'll probably be in relationships that fit that chapter of my life for the rest of my life. Like, I don't think I'll ever be in one relationship. I don't think I'll ever find a soul mate and then it'll be for the rest of my life. But really. Yeah, but they were, they were like torn up about it too. And I was like, no, I. You guys are saying that like you're thinking, I'm saying that because I'm sad. Like, I, I feel very comfortable and healthy and that feels good to me because I feel like we're different people think you were different in your 20s than your 30s. People are different in their 40s and 50s. And I'm like, why not find somebody that matches who you are at that point in your life and helps you grow and be a better person in your life. But what happens if you guys then grow into different people? Are you going to stay in a miserable relationship just because society's told us you should stick together? Or like, what if then you separate in a healthy way and Then you go find other people that are healthy for you in that next chapter in life.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I feel like. And I, you know, my life is so. I'm gone every weekend. And I love that. I love my independence. I love, you know, like, I was supposed to be home two days ago, and now I'm, like, here, and I'm still not going home. I'm going somewhere else afterwards. I love that I have. Have this independence. And I love traveling and having. And being able to, like, throw my life into my career. And I feel like that probably means that if I ever find, like, a partner, they're gonna have to be super independent as well. And, like, those kind of people tend to be okay with, like, letting go. Yeah. When it's not right anymore. Instead of, like, very dependent people who have to, like, you know, both of them have to be anchors of their lives together. I think it's just. It's like a nature of the business kind of thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I'm, like, okay with it. I don't know if it's because I, you know, watched parents who weren't in happy relationships or watched other people who weren't in happy marriages.

[A]

Did your parents get divorced?

[B]

No. You know what?

[A]

I know.

[B]

I wonder if it is too. They didn't get divorced, but my mom passed away. I was 22. She was, like, seven days into being 51 years old when she passed. But they definitely were not in my happy relationship by any means. So I wonder too, if it's because I. And it was, like, very hard for me. We were very close. She was my favorite person in the entire world, so I very much grieved it for a long time. And now I'm on the other side of grief. You know, you still feel it now and then, but, like, I'm understand loss and, like, grief, and I understand that there's a life on the other end of it that can be very beautiful because you have experienced grief. So I'm like, maybe I just am okay and comfortable with loss.

[A]

Yeah. When I started this podcast, it felt really intimidating. Setup, filming, schedule, logos. It was super overwhelming. And every day seemed to introduce a new decision that needed an answer. When you're starting off with something new, it seems like your to do list keeps growing every day with new tasks. And that list can easily begin to overrun your life. Finding the right tool that not only helps you out, but simplifies everything can be such a game changer for millions of businesses. That tool is Shopify. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of Businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the US from household names like Mattel and Gymshark to brands just getting started, Shopify has a ton of helpful tools like design templates, AI, content creation, marketing and inventory resources. Turn your big business idea into. With Shopify on your side. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.comdate. go to shopify.comdate shopify.comdate I feel like though, how people change in their 20s and 30s and 40s and 50s and stuff. I feel like you change the most from 20s to 30s. I feel like there's a lot that happens in those 20 years because you go from high school to college to the real world. You go from like 20, 21, you hit your 30s, you're then your mid-30s and then by the end of that you're kind of an adult.

[B]

Yeah, I think. And then the next shift is menopause. Hold your, hold your boat. That's.

[A]

That happens like, hopefully, I don't know, in your 50s. Like when you're starting to get into your 50s.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's a midlife crisis. And you just go and you buy wildly expensive things that you probably can't.

[B]

Afford and you justify Italy.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. That's when you like do stuff like that. But when it comes to relationships, I think that I had a friend that was very into like the same mentality that you are and the way that you rationalize age and when people grow apart. But I think that also part of a relationship when it's working out is learning how to work things out and grow together. But I, but I realize that not everyone can do that. Some people just change so much that they're no longer a good fit in their relationship.

[B]

Yeah. And I don't mean like this two month thing is because I'm having fun. I'm like, I could see 10, 12 year marriages and then like that ending.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then like maybe you find somebody else for the next 10 years.

[A]

I feel like those end because people cheat. People are assholes and they just, they.

[B]

Just get over each other.

[A]

Communication just falls like through the floor.

[B]

Yeah. There's like a spark that just can't come back. I think some people can come back, but I'm also just like, I don't, I, I love change and like growing. So I'm just like, wouldn't it be exciting to like find somebody new? You know that like butterfly feeling when you find somebody?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know, I might just be addicted to That, I mean, and I'm just saying it's for everybody, but I feel like there's people that that's. Or I'm just like, if people had more of that mentality, they wouldn't be so hurt.

[A]

Yeah. You're also big city now.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I feel like a lot of people with small town vibes.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Are usually the ones that lock it down a little too soon.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And they don't get out and experience real life.

[B]

That makes me so sad. I went to school at the University of South Carolina and, like, started to go to friends weddings, like, 26, 27. And that was just like. I don't. I mean, like, they were dating all of college.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And everything. And I'm like, get out there, get, explore. Go get some wounds, get some diseases, you know?

[A]

Yeah. Do you have pets?

[B]

No. I had a dog with him, the Georgia guy. But that. That was also probably why I stayed longer than I should have because I loved his dog so much.

[A]

So you had a dog in a hot tub.

[B]

Dog in a hot tub. And I was in a cute dog.

[A]

In a hot tub.

[B]

I know, but I'm on the road, Literally, I'm on the road 50 days a month.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's what I'm going to do. I would like to eventually. I think that when it's just a money thing, like, you know, and I'm like, I have to be selling out at clubs before I can be like, guys, we hold my dog while I'm on stage.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I can't be like, I can't have half the room be couponed and then be like, will you hold my dog while I'm on stage? He'll be like, bitch.

[A]

Do you feel. Have you ever gone on a date with a guy and he's tried to, like, out funny you?

[B]

Like, you sort of freaking time, dude.

[A]

Why is that?

[B]

Because guys have to be the alpha and everything. And so if you're like the clearly, like, funny. More outwardly presenting, skilled person.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's. I feel like they have to.

[A]

It's so shine that when a guy.

[B]

Does that, like, so annoying. And they'll. It'll never permeate in their brain what they're doing. They don't understand it.

[A]

They just think that they're out with a comic.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you're hot and you're funny. And so they feel like they have to put on this Persona to like, to, like, connect with you.

[B]

Yes. And also then they're so defensive of everything you say. That's. I almost. I Hate telling people I'm a comedian, because then when you do that and then you're just yourself, but you enjoy riffing or making jokes or whatever else, they'll go, oh, oh, you. You made a joke. Oh, you trying to be funny now? And it's like, if I. You didn't know that about me, you would just enjoy me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's just all of a sudden, like, oh, oh, are you trying to be better than me now? It's like, no, I'm just myself. And that's your insecurity screaming. It's. It is so infuriating.

[A]

You know, when you do. When you do stand up and you bomb, you know you're bombing.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

On a date, the guys don't know that they're bombing. And I wish that they knew what that felt like.

[B]

Yes. Maybe that's why I like musicians, because it's not a comic, but it's somebody who has been humiliated a lot on stage.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They kind of, like, are like, we'll respect yours because we're just begging for somebody to respect. We're just hoping. My dad thinks it's cool that I'm a musician too, but. Yeah. Yeah. It's like the dad jokes and the, like, horrible humor that guys have that they think is on par with what you're doing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is insulting. Insulting. Like, let run. Run across the room because they remembered a streak joke that they have to tell you. And then the fake. I've gotten so good at fake laughing just to just so I don't feel awkward in the room because it's only us two.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And like, I'd rather that's. That's the only thing is, like, with this also, like, you're in green rooms with other guy comics all the time, so you're around funny guys all the time. So it is kind of painful to be around a guy that, like, is.

[A]

Trying to be funny.

[B]

Don't you just want. You just.

[A]

You also just want someone, like, authentically themselves to get to know.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That was really hard for me when I was dating, finding someone that was.

[B]

Just cool and confident with themselves.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, like, they can just be themselves. They're not like. Like, did you ever notice when you were dating, would they see you with other guys and be nervous or insecure because they knew you were kind of just this known person that other people wanted to impress?

[A]

I never dated a lot. I've only dated, like, a handful of people.

[B]

Yeah, I was.

[A]

Or. Because I've never really been single for long.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I was like, A relationship hopper.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

And then there was a stint of time where I. Where I dated people for, like, three or four months or six months. And I had that for, like, I would say a year and a half. So I dated, like, four people in a year and a half, but I liked them all. But, like, one died. Yes.

[B]

What?

[A]

One lived in London. One was like, one just sucked, and then I found the one after that.

[B]

It's like you're dating male American boy dolls. Don't say that. One died of the plague. 1. 1 lived in London. They were all on the Oregon Trail. They all have background stories.

[A]

I feel like I like the one on the Oregon Trail.

[B]

That one would be. If they survive the Oregon Trail. That's a strong.

[A]

Did you ever play that game, that computer game?

[B]

I. I've talked about it. I talked about it in this hour. I talked about it in my last hour. Really? I'm obsessed with it. I love it so much. I love the storyline. Like, the fact that, like, you could die from a mosquito bite. You never know. Life is precious. That. That was our religion growing up was Oregon Trail. That's how we learned how precious life could be.

[A]

The Oregon Trail and aol. Those two things.

[B]

That's, you know, you were never more present than watching that dial up dude.

[A]

When someone signed on that, like, I would have a crush on a guy and he would sign on the door opening. Oh.

[B]

My favorite. And you would. First of all, the chats were the Most, like, bland. Sup nm u n m cool brb k bat k g 2 g k. Like, it was all the same stuff. And then. And so you'd have the most generic conversation. But then when they. When you'd, like, go away for whatever reason to go get Cheetos or whatever.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You would have, like, the most passive aggressive quote in your away message. Do you remember that?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You, like, be quoting the Pussycat doll, dude.

[A]

Oh, my God, I loved that. That was such a highlight for me in my childhood.

[B]

So good.

[A]

As if I didn't just see them in school.

[B]

Oh, and you were, like, too, too nervous to talk to him in school.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

Yeah. Never. Never actually had a genuine conversation.

[A]

I never had a genuine conversation with anybody in high school.

[B]

That, too. Oh, you went. I always forget. I didn't go to school with boys. So when you're talking about, like, seeing boys in school, I'm like, yeah, I remember fourth grade.

[A]

I was homeschooled.

[B]

What?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What grades?

[A]

I was homeschooled up until my freshman year. And then I went to a private Christian school, freshman and sophomore year. And then I went to a really horrible public school for one year and it was so bad that I went to an alternative school to graduate early and I got my ged and then I moved out of Texas to LA to get the, out of the small town I grew up in.

[B]

You kept like.

[A]

I progressed all the way to California by 18.

[B]

Yeah. You just like kept like going down the rabbit hole.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Your parents, what, they homeschooled you? Why? Because they just were like, I was.

[A]

In, I was in gymnastics and I was an elite level. Like I was training for the Olympics, so I had to be homeschooled. So I trained from 6am to noon and then I had lunch from noon to 1 and then I was homeschooled from 1 to 5 for like 10 years.

[B]

By who?

[A]

I had a college professor, she had a PhD in English and she taught me stuff like, what do you.

[B]

This is okay Because I've always been like, because I don't want children. I'm like, if I ever did.

[A]

Are you sure?

[B]

I couldn't be more sure.

[A]

How do you know?

[B]

Because I nannied I raised a family. I mean, their parents were great, I should say that. They raised their kids. But like I started out with this family. They had one baby, nine months old, and when I left eight years later, their third child was four years old. Yeah, like I went through. She was pregnant twice and I like went through like newborn to raising these kids.

[A]

Did you live with them?

[B]

No, but I mean I was there nine hours a day, five days a week. Whoa. So I'm like, I, I don't know. But I also go back. Like, I just realized I'm very, I saw it, I got it like, yeah. So difficult. It's so hard. Like a lot. Even to the point of just being like, oh, we can't leave the house. It's a 23 minute ordeal to pack up the bag and put the baby in the da, da, da. And then the toddler starts screaming and then the baby is a blowout and you're like, I just want to go to the park and breathe fresh air. And like, you hear me? Like, I've been through it. I know. And like the fact that. And I know, like when people are like, we'll have a kid and we'll just figure it out. I'm like, no, that kid's going to be messed up. You have to spend time with the child and raise it and like spend quality time talking to it and everything else. Like, you can't have a child and figure it out. Like, my friends are like, moving to Sweden and they're like, we might have a kid. We don't know. I'm like, no, you, the child. You're going to mess it up.

[A]

You're going to come out with a face tattoo.

[B]

Yes, exactly. This kid is going to be like a Swedish, like, I don't know, bun grunge band leader with tattoos on his eyelids. Like, I know. I know what, what it takes to raise a kid and a good kid. And I'm too selfish with my time. And I love my time and my independence. And I feel also like, not that I had a child, but I'm like, I do kind of feel like I've had pieces of the feeling of it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I love those kids.

[A]

Well, there's nothing wrong with not wanting kids.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I feel like a lot of times people have to. They feel like they have to defend their perspective or like their, Their feelings about it.

[B]

Yeah, women do.

[A]

Yeah. Because it can come across like, well, why not? You know, what, what's wrong? Like, why isn't that for you? But I feel like it's okay to not want kids. In fact, I feel like if you don't want kids, you shouldn't have kids.

[B]

Yes, 100%. And like. And I. But I also think, like, women have. That's the, that's the rough part. We actually have to truly decide. Like, you have what, 14 year clock? Kind of.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

At some point, like, guys can be like, I don't know, maybe whenever. Maybe one day I'll have them when I'm 72. I don't know. Robert De Niro did it and I know. Yeah, right. That's what I'm saying. And like, but we have to, like, it has to be a thing you really, truly process in your head. And then when you're ready, like, you have to start making. Changing your life to. For either way to make sure if you want kids, like, you have to, like, you know, like, you have to make sure you have an anchor here. And, you know, you. Then you adjust your life for the kid and everything else. And like, I, it's, it's. I mean, you know, you're going through it. You're probably so tired right now. You probably want to take a nap right now.

[A]

Well, I, I've wanted to take naps since I was 10, so I feel like that hasn't changed or increased. I still wanna take naps just as badly. But what I have found is how many people, like, now that I'm a mom. I have had to learn how to do my daily activities with a tiny best friend. And so grocery shopping has been my favorite experience.

[B]

Really?

[A]

I have my stroller, and on the bottom of it, I have, like, a basket. It's like where I put my diaper bag and all my stuff. So when I go grocery shopping, I put things underneath the basket instead of strolling around. An actual basket?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

For the baby, I just do my stroller and I put things in the bottom of the stroller.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

And people think I'm stealing at the grocery store because I'll take things and I'll put them underneath this and, like, in a bag.

[B]

Oh, hello.

[A]

And so people just think I'm stealing because I don't have an actual grocery cart.

[B]

And I'm like, I have Lululemon. I'm not stealing.

[A]

I'm not stealing. You know, I'm just making this work.

[B]

You need to have, like, a sign on the back of the stroller. Not stealing. Yeah, Just limited storage space.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Yeah. That's so funny.

[A]

So that's been my biggest journey, is figuring out ways to make life work.

[B]

Yeah, it's. It's. And. And it's like, if you have multiple kids, it's only gonna get complicated. This is what I was gonna ask you because you went through that. Because I always was like, if I ever had one, then, then I would be like, well, I don't really want you, so I'm gonna capitalize off of you then. And, like, you're gonna start making me money from the get go. And I was like, you're gonna be an athlete from the get go or a model or something. Like, we would have a model baby money off of you. You'd have a messed up baby. I. I mean, if I'd model it even if it was ugly, like ugly babies need. People want to see ugly babies.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Halloween costumes. You want to see an ugly baby in that baby?

[A]

Shrek.

[B]

Be Shrek. Yes. Spirit Halloween. Reach out to me. So after going through, like, gymnastics, would you push your child to be a professional child?

[A]

I'm not gonna push my kid to do anything.

[B]

But what if Marshalls. Okay, okay. That was an extreme.

[A]

Except it was also a very hard left turn that I had to make very quickly. That's the only. Because I want him to be good at self defense. I don't want him to be the bitch boy that gets beat up. So the one thing I will push on him is self defense.

[B]

Can we do the martial arts, though? That Is also Zen. I feel like there's some martial arts that is real intense. And then there's some that's like, I could kill you with my pinky if.

[A]

I wanted to, but I'm not going to because I'm Zen unless I absolutely need to. What is that? There's this specific word for that kind of martial arts.

[B]

I, I think it's.

[A]

I don't know. But he's gonna. He's gonna be. He's going to definitely have that. I want him. And then if he wants to quit martial arts, then he's gonna Tai chi.

[B]

Yeah, that's definitely one of them. Is when. Is when you only kill if you have to, not because somebody bucks up to you at the bar. Right, Right.

[A]

I'm going with it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But. And I feel like if he ever wants to quit, he's gonna have to fight me and prove that he can physically fight you. Yeah, why not? We'll see what happens. I'm always looking for a good. A good adventure. Yeah. I'll be like, fight me. And then once he, like, puts me in a chokehold, I'll be like, okay. And then I will feel comfortable with him getting out of mar.

[B]

Okay. So if you, you rationalize, you're like, I had to beat the shit out of my 6 year old to prove to him that he still needed to stay in martial arts.

[A]

I think that's so funny. I can't beat the shit out of anybody.

[B]

I look in the window and I think, she's so sweet. But I did see her sitting on her child the other day and saying, you will go back to school until you sit on me. Yeah.

[A]

It's just, you got to make fun, you know?

[B]

Yeah, I get it. But if you're. But if your son was like, I want to be a professional swimmer, that's cool. You would be down. Let's go and homeschool. Like, we're gonna like, practice every day.

[A]

If that's what he wanted to do.

[B]

You don't regret your childhood at all?

[A]

I mean, regretting childhood?

[B]

I. I don't.

[A]

I always put a big umbrella underneath this.

[B]

I know. I always wondered. My parents didn't push us to do anything. And I'm always like, God, I wish you would have. I wish we'd have been. Had a cool something. And then you were the total opposite. You were the total extreme.

[A]

Well, I tried everything and I. Nothing stuck. So I tried to, like, play guitar and I didn't like guitar. I played Sega. That didn't last very long. Sega Genesis.

[B]

The video game.

[A]

Video game.

[B]

We.

[A]

I don't know. When I was younger, and that didn't work out.

[B]

Mom and Dad, I want to move to Tokyo.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And be world championship. Sega.

[A]

Sonic the Hedgehog.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That was my. But still, I tried a lot of things.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

None of it worked. Soccer didn't work. But then when I started gymnastics, that I really, really liked, and then I think my parents saw an opportunity because I really, really, really wanted a college scholarship. So they were like, oh, we can save money with college if you get a college scholarship. And then I blew my knee out for the third time when I was, like, 16. And then that fell through. So then I sent my parents through a wild depression because all their money just went straight down the toilet.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Crazy. So I moved away.

[B]

Oh, because you just wanted to get out of it.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Well, I couldn't be anywhere near, like, the sadness of, like, that not working out. So I went to Hollywood, and I was like, I'm gonna be a star.

[B]

I get it. That makes so much sense.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What pressure on you, though?

[A]

A lot. And I was an only child, so that's also where they fucked up. I wish I would have had brothers and sisters.

[B]

Yeah. Because they could have been like, well, this next one. This next one's gonna be tennis.

[A]

Just for some support.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Or not.

[B]

Yeah. Or just, like, another kid to be.

[A]

Like, for them to talk to or.

[B]

Another kid to be, like, the F up.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So even if your knee blows out, you're like, well, at least I'm not.

[A]

Like, yeah, Alex can do better than me.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You know?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Are you an only child?

[B]

No. Two brothers.

[A]

Awesome. Are you the oldest? Youngest. Middle.

[B]

Middle.

[A]

Dude, I feel like you're in the sweet spot.

[B]

Yes. Yeah. For sure. I always wondered what it would be like to have sisters. You know, you always see sisters and you're like, God, you have, like, a third arm. You know, it's like, sisters are always, like, so close, and they have this, like, kinetic energy with each other. And then my brothers are like, it's true. My father's, like, disgusting. It's so gross. You have hair and you put lip gloss on. You're such a freak.

[A]

Do they. Are they protective of you?

[B]

Not at all. Couldn't give a hoot less. Like, my older brother, like, if we do, like, family stuff and people, like, come up to me and say something about, like, how excited they are about my career or anything, he rolls his eyes and doesn't even want to hear about it.

[A]

Really? How much older Are they.

[B]

Older brother's two years older.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Younger brother's five years younger. My older brother and I were pretty close, and then we kind of, like. Now. My younger brother and I are closer now because he kind of calls me and he's like. He's, like, sweeter. He's like, a more gentle soul.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yes. Yeah. The older brother's like. But he also lives in Alaska, and his favorite restaurant is Raceway Gas station Roller dogs. And his favorite.

[A]

Is he a truck driver?

[B]

No, he just is like a. Like. Like. No, he. He works at the hospital, but he was, like, a raft guide and, like, an ATV mechanic. He just is, like, lives off the land and loves, like, anything extra is stupid. You know what I mean? Like, paying for Botox.

[A]

I would never have pegged that as your older brother.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Oh. But the other one lives in Utah, too, and is, like, a ski instructor, and half the time lives in a tent. And they're so into. Yeah. Yeah. But. Yeah, so they, like, I live in LA and, like, I, you know, am a comic and. Yeah. You know, did she, like, you're living.

[A]

In the real world.

[B]

They would be like, I'm living in the bullshit world. And they're like, go live in a valley and, like, live on a kayak for three days instead.

[A]

Mmm.

[B]

See that? So they think I'm the freak show.

[A]

Are they the kind of guys that, like, walk around barefoot and they're like, the earth is really good for the bottom of your feet, and they're chi.

[B]

They're not chi. They're just like. They want to drink Miller Light in a river.

[A]

Okay, well, I can get down with that, you know?

[B]

Yeah, they're not, like, Zen. They're just like.

[A]

They're not hippie about it.

[B]

They're not hippie about it. They're just, like, simple, let's climb a rock and get drunk at the top of it.

[A]

Okay. I'm not mad at that.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. So all this, like, extra stuff about me, they roll their eyes at. Oh, so. But we're fun.

[A]

You sound fun.

[B]

I'm so fun.

[A]

They don't sound very fun.

[B]

They are fun, though. It's very weird. We, like, are growing up. Like, our parents worked all the time, so we would get home and they wouldn't be there. So we would just, like. Like, our friends would come over and we'd, like, like, shit on fire and drive down the street and, like, go, like, make a mudslide somewhere.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, we were just kind of like Rascals.

[A]

That sounds fun.

[B]

Yeah, it was so fun. You know, people are always like, yeah, I grew up, my parents showed me like Carlin and then we grew up on, you know, Bob Dylan and all this stuff. I'm like, we never had any culture because our parents weren't there. So we just lived in dirt and like had fun. I ran away from the cops a lot.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. But not for anything bad. We were just always unsupervised.

[A]

Yeah, well, I feel like you probably do. You feel like your comedy pulls from your childhood or your life at all like that because of that?

[B]

Sure, yeah. Yeah. But it's always just. Yeah, I just like I, I talk about personal stories and everything else, but I'm always like, do you ever feel like you meet somebody and like your parents showed you so many different worlds and exposed you to so much stuff? And my parents were just like, the lawn better be mowed and I don't want to call from the police. And you're like, all right, see you in three days.

[A]

Yeah. Well, I feel like some kids now are getting more of like a world view of things and maybe it's because of social media and like their experience exposed to like, like you can go on and like look at a travel account and see a lot of things. And then I feel like traveling now is a lot easier than it was whenever I was growing up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If I was getting on a plane and going somewhere, it was like a big deal.

[B]

Yeah. I think my first flight was my grandpa remarried a Canadian woman and lived in Calgary. Yeah, my first flight was to Calgary. But I remember being like getting on a plane.

[A]

Big deal.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Now you can travel anywhere and it's super easy.

[B]

Yeah. And you like, there's children who are like, I'm in love with a woman in Singapore at 14. And you're like, how do you. I don't even know where Singaporeans in a map. How do you fall in love with somebody like that? And they like have all these relationships and tick tock best friends and everything else now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm like, oh, I fell in love with somebody on AOL chat. They said it was a 14 year old boy, it was probably a 52 year old man, you know. But that was like my only relationships that were worldly. Yeah, I remember. Did you ever do the chats? AOL chats?

[A]

Like I only did messenger.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I wasn't in the chats.

[B]

I was in the chats, but it was like I wanted to be a horse girl, but I wasn't.

[A]

Uh huh.

[B]

But I would go into the horse girl chats and then lie about all the horses I had and what breeds they were and their names.

[A]

That's fun. Did you. You actually probably had to know a lot about it to do that though.

[B]

Oh, I didn't.

[A]

You just made it up? Yeah.

[B]

Oh. I ride Western and Eastern at the same time. I'm so all over the place.

[A]

I love it though. So even though you don't want kids, do you want to get married?

[B]

I don't care. Like I'm. I'm indifferent to it. I'd be down if somebody wanted to, and it was a good relationship, but I don't need to either.

[A]

Did the guy that you were with for four years, did you ever think he was going to propose to you?

[B]

Yeah, that's when I think it really. I was like, I gotta move on. Because, like, people would be like, what if, you know, if we were going somewhere and people would be like, is he gonna propose to you there? And my first thought was like, oh, he better not. You better not. God, I would hate that. That's when I was like, I should. He. I should move on.

[A]

Yeah, if that's your feeling towards it.

[B]

Then yeah, yeah, yeah, very much.

[A]

Did he ever give you jewelry as a gift?

[B]

No. Yes. But it was just a necklace that said K Biz on it, which is my old AOL screen name.

[A]

Really?

[B]

And it was my IG name for a while, but then it broke, but that was it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Why? Is that a sign?

[A]

No, I'm just curious. I feel like, like when a guy gives a girl jewelry, it's such a symbol of like.

[B]

Of.

[A]

Of love.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Yeah, I guess.

[A]

But that might just be my thing too. Like when a guy gives me jewelry, I'm like, cuz then I'm gonna wear it.

[B]

Yeah. And then what if you break up? Do you still get to wear it?

[A]

For sure? Yeah. Well, it depends. Is it expensive? Yes, if it is expensive, for sure.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I still have a bracelet on from a guy.

[B]

Are you serious?

[A]

Yeah. This. This was a. This was given to me by my man. Now this was given to me by a different guy. My mom made this one. Wait. Yeah.

[B]

What is your man now? Does he. He doesn't give a hoot that you wear it.

[A]

I think he's just now gonna find out. Another guy gave me this one, but you're just like, it's so cute.

[B]

It's so beautiful.

[A]

It's also super. It's expensive. It's golden diamonds. And it's like, I'm not supposed to wear that anymore.

[B]

You're not gonna not wear that.

[A]

I'm not gonna not wear it.

[B]

No, not at all.

[A]

Maybe if it was like something silver and had like a little heart with an L, I'd be like, I'm not gonna wear.

[B]

That's pretty.

[A]

Your James Avery bullshit.

[B]

Yeah. You know. Wait, is this one James Avery? Somebody gave this to me. Yes. No, no, it's something.

[A]

James Avery is like that Christian brand. It's like a Christian brand.

[B]

No, no one would give me that.

[A]

Just burn right off your hand.

[B]

They know better than that. I would get an email from James Avery, like, please take that off.

[A]

Please don't do your any more. Stand up. Wearing our jewelry.

[B]

Yes. Stop. Stop telling us about your tattoo of the virgin married a bucking bronco as your tramp stamp. Take that ring off.

[A]

Well, I guess for my final question, I have a dessert question that I always ask someone. What has. So a guy's never proposed to you. What is the most romantic thing a guy has ever done for you?

[B]

Romantic thing a guy has ever done for me? It's a really good question. And I'm like, I don't think anything ever.

[A]

Really? No guys ever done anything really romantic?

[B]

My guy flew out to. Yeah. Yeah. A guy one time, like, flew out to surprise me at one of my shows at the end of the weekend so that I would. Because it was like a cross country flight back so that I. I wouldn't fly back alone and I got to like, fly back.

[A]

That's really nice.

[B]

I like that. I thought that was really cool and really romantic.

[A]

Was that a two month relationship?

[B]

Yeah, that was three weeks in, so we were home and happy.

[A]

That's awesome.

[B]

I like that. I one time the. The Georgia guy for my birthday, that was the biggest thing is he got us a weekend in Mexico.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So cool. Yeah.

[A]

What part of Mexico?

[B]

We did Isla Mujeres.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

And then King Cancun. I think we just like, did. We flipped. And then two great places in Mexico.

[A]

I like both of those better than Cabo.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. It was so fun. And like, do you. I love a trip with a guy, even if we haven't been dating that long. Like a. Like a out of the country trip.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So fun.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't want a guy when I'm working, really, to be out hanging around with me. I want to have no work and like, let's go do some weird together.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Where. Where else have you traveled with a guy?

[B]

I went to Europe with a guy last October.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

What part of Europe Portugal, Nantes and Paris.

[A]

Dude. Fun.

[B]

It's so fun. That's. I'm like, hey, if you want to date somebody for three months and we'll go to Tokyo, I'm down.

[A]

So why do most of these. I know I already asked you my last question, but so why. So what?

[B]

Is.

[A]

Is there a common thread why these two month relationships don't work out? Or do you just. Are you like Leonardo DiCaprio? Like, your time is up?

[B]

I. Yeah. I kind of get like, I find an ick about somebody.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And. And I just. I am like, my.

[A]

You can't get over it.

[B]

Chemical in my brain are just like. Like the light has been turned off, the cord has been snapped. I can't turn it back on again.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's something in my brain.

[A]

My ick is when people break up with me. Like, I hate that.

[B]

I hate when I'm dating somebody and then they break up with me and then I'm like, how am I supposed to date you after this?

[A]

Yeah, exactly. There's. That's my biggest ick.

[B]

It's so hard. That sucks.

[A]

Yeah. If you break up with me, it is such an ick.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That there's no. There's no I'm sorry in the world.

[B]

Because then you have to be like, I have to break up with you now because you broke up. Yeah.

[A]

And I just like, I can't go back to you cuz you're so dumb.

[B]

Oh. Have they tried to get back with you? Of course. They see that. They see their ways.

[A]

I've never had a guy break up with me that didn't try to come back.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Never ever. That's why it's an ick.

[B]

Yeah. I could. I can see. Because you're so fantastic that they like you don't like, test them because you're just like you and you're so lovely. And so then they're like, they break up with you and then they realize how fantastic you were that you never made them second guess themselves. And then they come back to you.

[A]

I am so in love with someone when I date them. Like, I. And I'm. I'm a really good girlfriend and I'm loyal and I'm fun and I cook and I'm domestic and I'm like. I'm like, all about someone.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then I think they get scared because they see that there's like this level of commitment that they have to show up with in order to date me because I show up with that and so I expect it. And if I'm not getting it. Then I will peace out.

[B]

Really?

[A]

But before I peace out, if I'm, like, still in it and a guy gets cold feet and then they break up with me because they can't handle that level, that, for me, is, like, ill. You're the.

[B]

You're the biggest idiot on the face.

[A]

Then I'm like, you're done.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're stupid.

[A]

Sure, go.

[B]

But that's good.

[A]

Then they're gone.

[B]

I couldn't argue with that. What an idiot.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Stupid idiot.

[A]

It's my ick.

[B]

Yeah, I get it. I get it. No argument.

[A]

Well, thank you for coming on my show.

[B]

Thank you so much for having me.

[A]

I could talk to you for so much longer.

[B]

I know. This was fun. This was like. This is easy.

[A]

Thank you for coming on.

[B]

Congrats, by the way.

[A]

Thank you. Where can people find you?

[B]

I am on Instagram at its Katherine Blandford tour dates, everything. Katherine Blandford.com and my special on YouTube. Free 99 and it's clean if you listen to it with the sound off. It's called Catholic Cowgirl. Thank you.

[A]

I love it. Thank you for coming on. Thank you guys for tuning in to our first episode back. We'll see you next time.

[B]

First date.

[A]

Baby, are you really drinking a glass of milk with dinner? You told your mom about me?

[B]

Just say you're ready.

[A]

Delete my number. First date, your parents are your roommates. First date.