Podcast Summary
Podcast: First Date with Lauren Compton
Episode: I Refuse To Live With My Wife w/ Ian Edwards
Date: December 2, 2025
Host: Lauren Compton
Guest: Ian Edwards
Episode Overview
This episode of "First Date" features comedian Ian Edwards joining Lauren Compton for a funny, honest, and wide-ranging conversation on the struggles and quirks of dating, relationship red flags, personal quirks, and the choices that keep Ian happily single and independent. They dig into topics like veganism, addictions, the dating scene for comedians, the hilarity of being misunderstood in public, and why Ian passionately refuses to live with a potential spouse. The vibe is candid, goofy, and insightful, punctuated by memorable personal stories and playful banter.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Ian’s Hotel Incident and Perception in Public
- Ian recounts being mistaken for a delivery guy at his hotel due to his casual attire, sparking a funny conversation on public perception and stereotypes.
- Ian: “So what do I look like to people? That’s my thing. That’s the new thing.” (03:02)
- Lauren adds she often mistakes shoppers for employees, especially if they're wearing a red shirt or a lanyard.
- Lauren: “Don’t wear a red shirt. You don’t work there.” (04:07)
2. Ian’s Love Life: Red Flags and Regrets
- Dating status: Ian is not in a committed relationship but occasionally dates someone who doesn't live in town.
- Ian: “I wasn’t ready when they were ready...The window closed right on my fingers, you know?” (06:21)
- On missed chances, he admits running away from the possibility of a real relationship out of fear, only to regret it years later.
3. The Comedy of the Dating Scene
- On meeting people: Not on dating apps; mostly meets people organically, often at comedy clubs, but wants to avoid dating other comedians.
- Dating philosophy:
- Ian: “If the date goes well, it goes well. If it goes bad, it goes in the act. So I feel like I win either way.” (08:44)
- On commitment:
- Ian: “I want to be in a monogamous relationship where I can see other people...But if you want me to verbally commit, you’re asking me to cheat.” (09:05)
4. Veganism, Food, and Social Life
- Ian is a vegan but not “a Nazi vegan”—he’ll enjoy sides at steakhouses and sometimes “cheats” with bread.
- Ian: “It’s about community and it’s about fun. It’s about, you know, having a good time with people.” (11:22)
- Playful banter about whether Ian eats more meat or kisses more people.
5. Addictions & Guilty Pleasures
- Ian jokes his only real addiction is comedy—plus maybe porn and previously weed gummies during the pandemic.
- Lauren admits she’s addicted to online consignment shopping (Poshmark, The Real Real).
6. Pet Peeves in Dating
- Ian’s biggest: People who don’t like him, feeling controlled or not trusted, and sarcastic negativity.
- Ian: “I just want everybody to relax and have a good time.” (23:39)
- Detests being micromanaged, such as being told directions when he’s already using GPS.
7. Living Situation, Marriage, and Independence
- Ian is adamant he’d never want to live with a spouse, even if he ever married. He references couples like Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter as inspiration for separate dwellings.
- Ian: “If I got married, I would never live with my wife.” (28:43)
- “The leading cause of divorce is living together.” (29:01)
- Comedic analogy: rotating through girlfriends by counting them relative to iPhone generations (29:21).
8. Relationship Longevity & Patterns
- Longest relationship was about two or three years, with a pattern of things ending at the two-year mark.
- Ian: “My seven years comes in two years. In dog years I have a dog year seven-year itch.” (40:30)
9. Kids? No Thanks.
- Firmly against having kids, jokingly citing Michael Jordan’s “fuck them kids” quip.
- Lauren: “Do you want kids?”
- Ian: “No.”
- “I think the ship has sailed for me and kids.” (40:41)
- Ian: “Why do I want to have kids? It would be to take care of me later on...But I don’t know if they would pan out.” (41:56)
10. On Spirituality and Meditation
- Sometimes meditates, mostly around show dates:
- “I have a good run...for like a month...then I’ll just forget for like six months.” (24:19)
- Both agree that calming down is hard and some people don’t need to be more chill if their energy is already positive.
Memorable Quotes & Moments
- On commitment:
- “If you want me to verbally commit, you’re asking me to cheat.” — Ian Edwards (09:05)
- On relationship longevity:
- “My seven years comes in two years. In dog years I have a dog year seven-year itch.” — Ian Edwards (40:30)
- On not living with a spouse:
- “If I got married, I would never live with my wife.” — Ian Edwards (28:43)
- On perceptions:
- “I always wear my red shirt to make it look like I work at a place.” — Ian Edwards (08:17)
- On kids:
- “I think the ship has sailed for me and kids...fuck them kids.” — Ian Edwards (40:41, 42:59)
- On self-kindness:
- “It’s about community, and it’s about fun.” — Ian Edwards (11:22)
- On his ideal first date:
- “Some good fun conversations and some good ass laughs...I just want to live in laughter.” — Ian Edwards (38:43)
Timestamps for Key Segments
- 00:28–05:16 — Hotel delivery guy story, public perception
- 05:16–07:28 — Ian’s current dating status and notable relationship regrets
- 07:28–09:32 — How comedians date, apps vs. in-person, the hardest part of dating
- 09:32–12:17 — Philosophy on monogamy, astrology, and veganism
- 15:10–16:29 — Peppermint vs. pumpkin spice, tea routines, and OCD quirks about tea
- 18:34–19:39 — Addictions: comedy, porn, weed gummies
- 20:01–21:13 — Lauren’s addiction to Poshmark and The Real Real; Ian teases her
- 22:01–23:47 — Ian’s dating pet peeves and quest for relaxation
- 28:43–35:15 — Refusing to live with a spouse, maintaining independence, and keeping relationships interesting
- 36:36–38:49 — Longest relationships, stage persona vs. real-life persona
- 40:30–42:59 — The two-year itch, kids, and Michael Jordan’s “fuck them kids” philosophy
Final Thoughts & Outro
This episode delivers an honest, irreverent, and theory-heavy peek into why Ian Edwards stays single, how he navigates the modern dating world, and why he champions independence over convention. Laughs abound, but real wisdom sneaks through—especially about knowing yourself, what makes you happy, and not being afraid to buck the norm for love, for life, or for a good vegan side at a steakhouse.
Where to Find Ian:
- Instagram: @IanEdwardsComic
- YouTube: Ian Edwards Stand Up
- Special: "Untitled" on YouTube
Summary compiled for listeners who want every essential topic, timestamp, and memorable line—the episode, as funny and insightful as if you’d been there on the date yourself.