I Slid In Lauren's DM's w/ Michael Lenoci | First Date with Lauren Compton

Summary

---

Podcast Summary: "I Slid In Lauren's DM's w/ Michael Lenoci"

First Date with Lauren Compton – YMH Studios
Guest: Michael Lenoci (Comedian, Host of "We Should Date")
Air date: May 26, 2026

---

Episode Overview

This lively episode of "First Date" with Lauren Compton features comedian Michael Lenoci for a comedic, candid “first date” experience. The conversation meanders through the complexities of modern dating, love bombing, social media courtship, honesty about red flags, and what both hosts are looking for in relationships. With playful flirtation, self-deprecation, and real talk about dating apps, breakups, and emotional compatibility, Lauren and Michael explore the hilarious and sometimes awkward reality of trying to connect in today’s world.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening Banter & First Impressions

• The episode starts with playful teasing about studio aesthetics, sexual innuendo, and the pitfalls of aging.
• Michael reveals how important “looking good” during sex is, joking about aesthetics and self-consciousness.

  “Anything that makes me look good in a mirror, which... There’s no mirrors at my age... Sometimes for me, it’s like, let’s shut the lights, this is a disaster.” — Michael [00:31]

2. Dating Status and Love Bombing

• Michael shares he’s been single since 2022, admits to “love bombing” around the holiday season, and reflects on how he learned from it.

  “I get caught up and I believe that I am falling in love. But I'm stupid. I'm just a dumb guy. But now I've learned so much that, hey, not gonna happen again.” — Michael [02:43]

• They discuss the appeal and dangers of love bombing, and whether people secretly want it.

• Lauren presses on what love bombing looks like from Michael’s perspective; he says he’s just genuinely excited until things inevitably fizzle.

3. The Lost DM and Sliding In

• Michael admits he previously slid into Lauren’s DMs in 2017 by sending a Big Bird meme, and the duo hunts through old Instagram messages to try (and fail) to recover the historic DM.

  “I think I sent you, like, a Big Bird picture... Every year I switch it up.” — Michael [05:28]

• They joke about past dating “prime,” mutual friends, and how people’s approach to DMs evolve over time.

• Michael brags about his ever-changing DM tactics ("parachute guy emoji and 'dropping in'”), and boasts a 5% reply rate.

  “I mean, there’s got to be like 300 women with that DM. No. Yeah. Probably in the last two years.” — Michael [08:27]

4. Dating App Culture & Filtering Matches

• Michael’s on all major dating apps, focusing on local connections but open to long-distance if “they’re really hot.”
• He shares candidly about dating fans, dating on the road, and how his honesty has increased with age.
• Michael details how he now tries to vet for compatibility early—sometimes Facetiming before meeting in person to save everyone time.

5. Relationship Preferences & Red Flags

• Michael repeatedly emphasizes the desire for a “best friend” type relationship over surface-level matches.

• He discusses incompatibility issues—diet, lifestyle, communication—and why he quickly bails if he senses a mismatch.

  “I want, like, a homebody. I want a best friend... I want you to be my best friend.” — Michael [26:58]

• Both joke about their pasts: Lauren refers to herself as “for the streets” in her earlier years, and Michael self-deprecates about being a “dumb slut” from Florida.

6. Work-Life Balance & Comedy Hustle

• Michael contrasts the grind of comedy (“hustle mode”) with Lauren’s more settled lifestyle.

  “This is the hustle part. This is where you see people leave the business because they don’t have the real passion for it.” — Michael [20:36]

• Lauren discusses her prior stand-up career, turning down tours to prioritize her relationship and family, and her approach to using comedy as therapy for relationship pain.

7. Parenthood, Attachments, and Future Plans

• Lauren shares her experience with motherhood (she’s pregnant, her son is 13 months), and they exchange banter about baby milestones, pregnancy brain, and red flags (e.g., a toddler preferring knives to iPads).
• Emotional attachment styles are discussed: Lauren considers herself “anxious-secure”; Michael is uncertain but suspects a mix.
• Michael muses about wanting kids “if I can afford to pay someone to take care of them,” highlighting his current focus on career and financial security.

8. Flirtation, Fantasy & The Meaning of Love

• The episode is laced with playful, sometimes risqué back-and-forth:

  “Yeah, you’re a lot. For sure... your mental health becomes part of your life. That’s the biggest part of a relationship.” — Michael [06:43] “Now that I know you... You’re like attainable.” — Michael [18:11]

• Michael admits to fantasizing about relationships, including “proposing at the Eiffel Tower” after an emotional solo trip there.

  “I was there this summer by myself... The lights on the Eiffel Tower light up and goosebumps all over me. And I’m just like... I need love.” — Michael [38:07]

9. Communication, Compatibility & Growing Up

• Both highlight the necessity for self-awareness, slow-moving relationships after past mistakes, and healthy conflict resolution.

  “You gotta be good at fighting... It’s gotta be like pickleball, bam, bam, bam—but in a way where it’s okay, don’t go too far.” — Michael [26:12]

• Michael explains how quick emotional escalation (“love bombing”) can throw off the pace of new connections, and how therapy or self-accountability helps break the habit.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On DM strategies:

  “Send a parachute guy emoji and then put ‘dropping in’... There’s got to be like 300 women with that DM.” — Michael [08:27]

• On dating as a performer:

  “Have I slept with someone from a show? Absolutely. Isn’t that what dating is, in a way?” — Michael [25:22]

• On emotional compatibility:

  “If there's no chemistry with conflict, then that's not a healthy relationship.” — Michael [52:52]

• Flirting amid self-awareness:

  “I think we would have a fun time if you were single... I hope I meet someone that’s like you.” — Michael [35:15, 36:06]

• On new love:

  “That moment when you feel something special that's different from someone else—that's why you start dating someone.” — Michael [50:10]

• On career-driven priorities:

  “I want to get big enough to where the Dolphins schedule comes out, and I give it to my agent—plan weekends around it.” — Michael [27:48]

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:31] - Michael on appearance and sex
• [02:43] - The anatomy of love bombing & holiday romance urges
• [05:28] - Michael's infamous 2017 DM story
• [08:27] - DM strategies & success rates
• [13:28] - Dating apps: Hinge, Raya, and filtering matches
• [19:00] - Parenthood and career aspirations
• [20:36] - Comedy grind vs. stability
• [26:12] - Defining relationship compatibility & conflict resolution
• [35:15] - Flirtation and real talk on chemistry
• [38:07] - Eiffel Tower love epiphany
• [50:10] - Honest discussion about emotional escalation & patterns
• [52:52] - Navigating disagreements in relationships

---

Overall Vibe & Takeaways

The tone is playful, self-aware, and frequently irreverent, matching Lauren’s “first date” concept with genuine curiosity and comedic bravado. Both host and guest display a refreshing honesty about personal red flags, evolving dating standards, emotional needs, and the absurdities of online dating culture.

For listeners: You’ll find candid admissions, quick wit, relatable dating anxieties, and some earnest reflections on love, growth, and the quest for real connection—plus plenty of laughs.

---

Transcript

[A]

Well, let me know when we're on, because I got so many curve balls for her.

[B]

Okay. We can rock and roll.

[A]

We can rock and roll.

[B]

If y' all are ready, I can get us started.

[A]

First of all, these chairs. I feel like a child.

[B]

Oh, they're terrible. Yeah, they're really.

[A]

But I guess it's good for camera.

[B]

They're aesthetically pleasing.

[A]

Yeah. I love things that are aesthetically pleasing.

[B]

As do I.

[A]

Doesn't sound like that's more than what it is.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Aesthetically pleasing. You're like, what is that? That's like a sexual position? Kind of. Yeah.

[B]

What's your favorite position? Anything aesthetically pleasing.

[A]

Yeah. Aesthetically pleasing sexually.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Where it looks like you're like, oh, that looks good. Anything that makes me look good in a mirror, which. There's no mirrors at my age. I don't. I'm in my 40s, by the way. I know it doesn't look like it, but. Yeah, if you, like, look good during sex, that's awesome. Like, you would look good during sex. Sometimes for me, it's like, let's shut the lights. This is a disaster. You know what I mean? If you're, like, in a weird position. Anyways, welcome to the podcast, guys. I'm Michael Onochi. This is your co host, Lauren Compton. We're. This is how it's gonna go moving forward. Okay.

[B]

Run it. I'm so excited to see you tonight. First Date, baby. First date. I can't wait. First date. Thank you guys so much for tuning in to another episode of First Date. My guest today can't wait to get started. He hosts a podcast called we should Date. So I feel like this is gonna be a brilliant match here. You can get tickets to see him on his website, michaelinochi.com. give it up for Mike Linochee.

[A]

There we go. Hell, yeah, guys. Well, I mean, let's just start off with, like, it's disappointing that you're pregnant and married. I think I knew that's no way

[B]

to start a date.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, you're right. But, like, I just want you to know that I'm open to having this affair. Like, I'm totally fine with it. My morals are out the window.

[B]

Like, you are the only one fine with it.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Have you ever been with a pregnant person?

[A]

No. So that's why, you know, that's a little weird, actually. That would be thinking about that. I'd be like, that's. It's different if your own son can see what's going on, but, like, someone else's son. That feels like. That feels like it's illegal.

[B]

It's weird.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Some people have a fetish.

[A]

I. There's a fetish for everything. Yeah, but I would wait until you had the baby and then I would be like, let's go on the second date. Right?

[B]

How considerate.

[A]

Yeah, you know.

[B]

Do you have a girlfriend? No, just totally single. How long have you been single?

[A]

Well, like really single since 2022. Then like I love bombed around Christmas for three years in a row. But I'm aware of it now, so I'm really like learning about myself. I'm not aware that I'm love bombing in the moment. I just get caught up and I believe that I am falling in love. But I'm stupid. I'm just a dumb guy. But now I've learned so much that, hey, not gonna happen again.

[B]

How do you love bomb?

[A]

I meet someone, you know, cuz I just date because it's fun. And then like around Christmas, you know, you get like, ooh, the music, you know. And then like I meet someone, I'm like, oh, maybe this is someone that could be compatible. And it's just the holidays.

[B]

Do you just say things that are beyond what you really feel?

[A]

No, I'm saying what I feel in the moment. But I also, even now, I'm so like, good at being like, hey, by the way, I've been guilty of love bombing, so just be careful. I'm telling them too. And they're like, nah, it's fine. They want it. People who get love bombed want to be love bombed. Let's be honest, right?

[B]

Do you like to be love bombed?

[A]

I can't be love bombed. What do you mean? Fall for it and be like, oh, you really love me that much? I'm leading it. So you.

[B]

But you don't think that a girl could fall in love with you, like head over heels right off the bat?

[A]

Yeah, no, I think she could. I think we both are love bombing. And yeah, I think we're both in it. And then like, and then like I, I think I know exactly what would be compatible for me. And then like after, like around January, I'm like, this isn't going to be. This isn't a good thing. Like, you know what I mean? Like you're, you're eating candy too often, you know, I mean like so many specific things bother me. Like your diet is. That's. I didn't know that that bothered me. But like a girl's diet is important now. Like you can't just be always Ordering fast food on Postmates.

[B]

What. What is the most disappointing part about love bombing to you?

[A]

Like, from my angle.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Thought it was gonna be real. I thought I was like, oh, this is gonna be my fourth love of my life because I've been in love three times, in case you guys can't do math. But, like, so I'm thinking, oh, this is gonna be my fourth girlfriend. And then after a month, I'm like, oh, she got weird posture or something. I don't know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which really is you realizing that you don't really like them.

[B]

So what does a perfect girl look like to you?

[A]

I'm sitting here right now. You know what I mean? I mean, like, you got it. Look, I've been. I've tried. I tried with you years ago. Yeah, I slid in the DMS in to me. Yeah. 2017.

[B]

No, you didn't.

[A]

It's. I. It doesn't show what I put. But, like, the pictures don't load up. But I sent you, like, I think I sent you, like, a Big Bird picture.

[B]

Hold on, I gotta see.

[A]

But I don't know what comes up for.

[B]

We're going to find out.

[A]

For me, it's just blank.

[B]

Mike. Is it Mike Linochee?

[A]

It's Michael.

[B]

My.

[A]

I couldn't wait to tell you this.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. I can't wait to find out. Leno G. Okay, there you are. Hold on, hold on. Oh, my God. May 2017. Oh, my God. The pictures don't load.

[A]

That's what I'm saying. I think it was Big Bird. I think because in 2017, I was sending Big Bird. What?

[B]

What?

[A]

Every year. Every year I switch it up. Like, I don't know. Like, I think, like, 2017. Like, that was funny to me. Like, to send a picture of Big Bird just like, it was like, a funny picture to where I'm so pissed.

[B]

It doesn't load.

[A]

No, that would have been. Who knows? I don't know what your type was at the time, but I was like,

[B]

Damn, who the 2017? And yeah, it looks like you were

[A]

probably wild back then.

[B]

It looks like that was like, back

[A]

when, like, people were like, yo, I

[B]

was so fun back then. So fun. Damn, I never saw it.

[A]

Yeah. Could have been my baby in there.

[B]

I think you would have found out rather early on that, like, a problem with me?

[A]

Oh, yeah, you. You're. Yeah, you're. You're a lot. For sure. You're a lot. Like, we would argue probably already.

[B]

Like, I love to order food off doordash.

[A]

That's fine. But, like, do you, like, work out for our mental health? You know what I mean? And I say are because, like, a girl's mental health becomes part of your life. That's like the biggest part of a relationship.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's like, why I'm, like, all in on, like, work right now. I'm like, I can't. What? You're having a bad day? I don't. I can't do that right now. You know what I mean? I can't have a bad day. I'm having a good day every day.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm too dumb to ever be sad.

[B]

That's not true.

[A]

That's. Well, the first time I was. Yeah, I'm sad. It's for like an hour, maybe a day at most.

[B]

How do you get over being sad?

[A]

Just work. Start working. Work out. You know, do something creative that makes me feel better.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Past it. I'm locked in.

[B]

What?

[A]

See, you just, like, got uncomfortable. You're looking in my eyes and you're like, oh, I like this guy.

[B]

Well, I wanna. I want to find out more.

[A]

You will.

[B]

Do you go surfing? Are you a surfer?

[A]

No, no, just a walker. I go on walks. I look good. I live in Santa Monica. I walk to the beach, go back to my place, edit if, you know, I have time. I'll play Madden.

[B]

You live in la, though?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you like it?

[A]

Love it.

[B]

Do you like the girls there?

[A]

Santa Monica on the west side. Like, I mean, look, I'll match with girl. Like, I'm on all the apps. Like, and I'll be like. I'll be like, this girl is really hot and there's no way we would ever date, but I would like to sleep with her.

[B]

And so you. You cannot.

[A]

I will try to sleep with her. Yeah.

[B]

So what's your. Besides sending Big bird in the DMs?

[A]

Well, I got way better ones now.

[B]

What do you do now?

[A]

Send a parachute guy emoji and then put dropping in. I mean, there's got to be like 300 women with that DM. No. Yeah. Probably in the last two years. Yeah.

[B]

Wow. And so every year, do you switch up the.

[A]

If I think of something, like, more creative. Another. A new one. I just started. So I've evolved past that. Like, the other day I sent this girl. I go, oh, I think we would. We would have really good arguments. Like, something like. We look like we would have good arguments and. But I want you to know that I'm emotionally intelligent and I know how to, like, listen. And I Can understand your frustrations if you're curious.

[B]

What did she say?

[A]

Nothing. No, they're not. They're never safe. I'm DMing girls who are, like, getting. They're probably getting hundreds of dms.

[B]

Okay, so how many of them actually bite at this bait?

[A]

5%. But you looked at me like, that's so sad. But I mean, like, you know, like, how many DMS were you getting in your prime?

[B]

A lot.

[A]

Yeah. So you don't even see. You didn't even see mine. You know what I mean?

[B]

I mean. But Instagram has now done a thing where you have, like, the DMs that you respond to and then you have

[A]

like the everybody knows how it works. The other one.

[B]

And then you have the other one.

[A]

We know everybody knows.

[B]

And so I don't see those. I only really don't.

[A]

You don't even look through everything.

[B]

None of them are that interesting anymore. I mean, once you get pregnant, it's over. Yeah. Like, guys, I lost like 20,000 followers when I got pregnant.

[A]

Yeah. Why do you think people following you? Yeah, they're following you because they want to have the. Maybe she'll start.

[B]

Or maybe I have a chance. I don't know.

[A]

But it all, for whatever reason, thought I had a chance. By the way, 2017, I had no chance. That was like the most delusional, I think. Like, I don't know where I saw you. Maybe was at the improv or something.

[B]

2017, I was still in LA.

[A]

Yeah. There was like a mutual thing. I remember. Like, I had. You were like. You were comedy adjacent, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Hanging out with comments or like the word on the street.

[B]

I was doing stand up a lot.

[A]

She was sleeping with comics or something was going on that I was like, well, I'm gonna shoot my shot.

[B]

I've only slept with one comic.

[A]

Well, you know, I hope he's bad. I hope he's bad at comedy. Who was it? Do we know?

[B]

Oh, my God. It would gross you out if I told you.

[A]

Well, you can't. People don't know. So you'll tell me after the show?

[B]

I'll tell you after the show. But you'd be like, what? Like, that's. That would be your reaction.

[A]

Like, he's not an attractive guy. Honestly, I don't even want to finish the pod. It's like. It's like, literally, like, I'm not attracted to you at all. I'm like, you're just. You're gutter to me. You're the gutter. Like, I. I thought you were like, oh, this is like a girl. Like, we could pick up from here. We could pick up from here. Because I want this to be in like, when I first saw you, I was like, oh, this girl's like, oh, she's kind of intimidating. Like, I'm like, I like, I wonder how what her banter would be like. And then like, you know, and now I like that she told me a secret that you guys don't know about. She's a gutter. She's a gutter girl. She's a girl from the streets.

[B]

I was for the streets.

[A]

Yeah. Because when I saw you, I was like, oh, she's like tall and intimidating and she's got a little bit of an alpha to her. And then like, no, you're like a little submissive. Yeah, she likes a good grip around the neck. I'm not, you know, we're not going to get too far here.

[B]

Oh my goodness, I'm sweating.

[A]

Yeah, well, that happens. You know, I could do that sometimes. I could get sweaty too if there's not good enough air conditioning. Don't you Wish it was 2017 and you opened up the DM?

[B]

I think we can all agree that online shopping has become dangerously easy, especially when you get to check out and you see that purple shop pay button that already has all your information locked and loaded. You can say thanks to Shopify for that. Shopify is the platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the US from household names and brands like ours here at YMH to businesses just getting started, Shopify possesses world class expertise in everything from managing inventory and international shipping to processing returns and 24. 7 customer support. Shopify will even help you get your brand out there as if there was an entire marketing team behind you. With easy to run email and social media campaigns, see less carts go abandoned and more sales go with Shopify and their shop pay button. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.comdate. go to shopify.comdate. that's shopify.comdate. so you said that you're on all

[A]

the dating apps like two and Hinge. Okay, who hinges for like? Okay, maybe she's wholesome, but isn't like

[B]

Raya the same people over and over again?

[A]

No, there's different people on there every. Every week there's a different match that doesn't respond. No. Sometimes like, you know what's annoying is like I've gotten better at like, I stopped. Like, if they're not in la, I'M not gonna match with them. Although, like, if they're really hot, then I'm like, well, I'll keep in touch. And then. But, you know, they never like, Austin, hey, I'm in Austin. No responses, because they know what the deal is. There's not gonna be a real thing here. Although I've done long distance dating over the last couple years.

[B]

It's terrible.

[A]

It's just expensive, too. I'm not there yet.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I'm just like, maybe they think I am. So then I have to be like, yeah, yeah, come out. I've gotten some to, like, where I'm like, you get this fight this time, though.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah, because I'm like, I'm pretty honest. I'm like, I can't. I can't keep up like that. I don't. I'm not like one of these soccer players that you matched with, you know? I know what's on Raya. Like, you match with me because you. You want to laugh and you want to have a good time. So that's what you get. You want to go on a boat fucking match with the soccer guy.

[B]

You know what is your biggest, like, physical flex?

[A]

Physical flex.

[B]

Like, things.

[A]

Regular size penis. I mean, that's like, what you want. You want a regular. You want that. You want. Just, like, it feels safe. You're holding it and you're like, this feels safe. You know what I mean? It's not, like, intimidating. It's a good, good thing.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Five, four. Perfect.

[B]

When is the last time you had a serious girlfriend? You said 20.

[A]

22.

[B]

22. And why did that not work out?

[A]

She.

[B]

Wait, how long were you guys together?

[A]

Two years. She's a sweetheart. We're still friends. She. We went through a lot together, but, like, also, she's from. She's a Southern girl from Georgia. She went back home. This wasn't for her. This lifestyle.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the comedians, and she's like, the morals, and this is a bad world.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I go, it is, isn't it? She goes, and I'm supposed to think, you're an angel. I go, yeah, I am.

[B]

Are you?

[A]

Yeah. So I'm single, but I'm right. I could be ready to settle down, but, like, I'm locked in right now with work, so it's, like, hard. You know what I mean? Like, I feel like I have good momentum and, like, it's like, I'm all in on the podcast. You at least, like, you. You have your husband. He pays the bills, and then you can come here and play around. You know what I mean?

[B]

You nailed it.

[A]

So it's different. Yeah, I know, but, like, I saw the rock, you know, I was just like, jesus, I have no chance. But do you sometimes have guests on. And you're like, I wish I wasn't married. No, never.

[B]

It's really, really.

[A]

Is this the closest it's ever been?

[B]

You know, I think about being with other people.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's just a bizarre thought, really. I think once you at least.

[A]

What are you thinking about me? Is it missionary?

[B]

I think, having kids. When you have kids, like, I see Mark in person and then I see baby Mark, and so I just. There's a lot of.

[A]

It's just so much love.

[B]

There's a lot going on.

[A]

A lot. And you. Have you always had that accent? Accent, or is it because you live here now?

[B]

I have an accent.

[A]

It comes in there a little bit. It goes. It drives by.

[B]

I'm from Dallas originally. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, so that. Yeah, it drives by. You don't think so?

[B]

I guess not.

[A]

Yeah, it goes. Yeah. I see Alex and then I see baby Alice. Right, the baby Alice.

[B]

Where are you from?

[A]

South Florida. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, man.

[A]

Fort Lauderdale. Born and raised.

[B]

That's why you're such a dumb.

[A]

Such a dumb slut. Jesus. I'm not the one with my tits out. Sorry. Was that too far?

[B]

No.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Nice try. You try to find clothes that fit. Tits.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, I don't want you to do that.

[B]

It's hard.

[A]

Yeah. Well, this table's a little high.

[B]

If I wear a regular T shirt.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I look so fat.

[A]

I like that. Put some. If we were together, I'd be like, I need you to dye your hair brunette. I need darker hair.

[B]

No.

[A]

Maybe have a little attitude, too. From the roots. It is like. It's a little bit.

[B]

You what? I'm getting my hair done at the end of April. I don't think it looks bad.

[A]

I like that. It's like, oh, okay. She's. She's a regular person. She's a regular person. Yeah. You're, like, attainable. I mean, now that I know you.

[B]

My hair needs to be blonde.

[A]

You have a fun personality.

[B]

Needs to be platinum.

[A]

Yeah, that's your. Your whole image. But I think you could really switch it up with the. How many episodes are you on?

[B]

What is it?

[A]

This is 153 years of the show. Season four, year four, black hair. Wow.

[B]

Oh, you. You haven't seen it?

[A]

No.

[B]

We have a picture of me with black hair.

[A]

It's not good. You look like. Like a Disney villain.

[B]

As Ian Finance would say, I look like Hispanic at the disco.

[A]

You look like Hispanic at the disco, dude. Love a little Hispanic. Can I hear you go, hola, como esta? No, because you're racist. Anyways, let's get started.

[B]

Okay. Do you want kids?

[A]

If I can afford to pay someone to take care of them. I don't know. Like, I'm not there yet. I'll tell you. Not with my one bedroom apartment in Santa Monica.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

While I'm still trying to, like, make my podcast popular and do one nighters for 40 people, you know, and make six figures, but also have debt at the end of the year, so. Yeah, no, not yet.

[B]

Do you tour here and there.

[A]

Yeah. And then I'll jump on people's tours.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Stressful, but, like, I, you know, I just. I was in Phoenix last night. I did a show there.

[B]

How'd it go?

[A]

40 people. That's how it went. I get up on stage and I go, hey, two drunkles in the front row. And I'm like, okay, I'm just gonna try to do my hour. And then they piss me off. And then I'm like, you guys are fives. You know, whatever. I'm just. No, I don't say that. But, you know, it's fun. I like doing it. Like, I like doing an hour. But you want to get to a point where it's like, last night's a job.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, whereas, like, if I open for someone, then that's fun. Right. I'm not paying for anything. And then there's no pressure. You're just doing 20 minutes. But, you know, it's. I'm in the hustle mode of my life, you know? Oh, brand deals, whatever. Acting gigs, you know, running around to where you're like, worth money. Like, which I see that. I see that happening. You just. I just have to keep going. So, like, it's attainable, but, like, I want to be there. And then I'm sure once you get there, you want more. But right now it's like, this is the hustle part. This is where you see people leave the business because they don't have the real passion for it. You know what I mean? Because it's a grind, you know?

[B]

It is a grind.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It wasn't for me.

[A]

No, we knew that. We knew that. There's a lot of you guys out there. We're like, they're not gonna.

[B]

I could never go on tour.

[A]

Well, the first six, seven years of comedy, if you're an attractive woman, is fun. You're Getting on shows. It's like people want to talk to you, they want to meet you. It's when you get past that 10 year mark and you're like, well, how do I make a living doing this? How do I make six figures doing this?

[B]

I'm not for the streets.

[A]

Yeah, well, I was.

[B]

I was.

[A]

You were?

[B]

I was.

[A]

I didn't know you did stand up.

[B]

Oh, yeah, I did stand up for a long time. And I got offered, like, to go on tour and go on the road with guys. No.

[A]

Oh, like this? Like you were selling tickets already? Yes. Oh, really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, but if you were selling tickets, why didn't you, like, you could bring friends? Like, what. What didn't you like about it?

[B]

I didn't. I was already kind of settling down in a relationship. The one one that I'm in.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yep.

[A]

You've been with this guy for. How long did I DM you?

[B]

Almost four years.

[A]

Oh. Oh, okay. I thought you meant pre pandemic.

[B]

I got a pretty big offer to go on tour like three years ago.

[A]

And why did you.

[B]

I just have no desire to be gone that much.

[A]

But you can't. Couldn't you be like, I'd rather just do two weekends a month. You can do that. You can take control and be like, you know, I only want to do one. One a month. They're not gonna be like, no, I want to do one weekend a month. You don't have to go three weekends a month.

[B]

I guess the deal I was being

[A]

offered was like, will you tell them no?

[B]

Pretty rigorous schedule. I did say no.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But also it just like, stand up to me was always very fun.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I never took it that seriously.

[A]

It was fun when it's fun. Yeah, but like, what would fulfill you through stand up? Just the reaction.

[B]

No, I actually got a lot from venting.

[A]

Oh, you could do that with your girlfriends.

[B]

I feel like most of my comedy is all, like, airing out my dirty laundry from my past relationships. And all my stuff was, like, relationship based. And it felt good to have people laugh along with my pain. And it made it always, that's good. Made me feel better.

[A]

That's good.

[B]

And so it made other people realize, if I can laugh about this, so can you. So it was very therapeutic.

[A]

That's a good reason. I think so. But if it doesn't drive you to want to keep doing that and explore it, like, for me, it's more of, like, exploring an idea. Like, you know, I think you were talking on the other episode, which is irrelevant to the audience. Watching. But you were talking about crowd work, and it's like, well, that's the easiest part of stand up. Like, I think. I think crowd was so easy. You know what I mean? And I understand some people don't do it, but, like, it's not hard to

[B]

have a conversation, but it's hard to be good at that.

[A]

But I think you pick up on it through podcasting. Helps you even get better at it. To just be like, I could just turn it on and, like, I could just start flirting with a girl and make it funny, you know? I mean, or if it's a guy, you know, like, I could just be funny about it. The hardest part, the more fulfilling part about me is, like, when I have an idea and then I express that idea to the audience and they're on board with it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm like, oh, yes, that will give me chills on my arms, like, if I get a really good response off a joke. Whereas if I get a good response off a crowd work, I'm like, well, that's just what we do. Like, you with your personality. So I like the. The joke parts, and I think it's hard. It's so hard to, you know, put together an hour that's just like, bam, bam, bam, bam.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean? Like, I still, like, even when I do an hour now, like, I am doing some of the jokes in there are 12 years old, because I haven't gotten to the point where I get to do 400 hours a year. You know, once you tour, you evolve as a comic. You do an hour, then you do it so much that you're like, let me put this out. You have a fan base where, like, that's big, that knows your material, where it's like, even if people have been following me or seen me, they're not gonna be like, I remember that joke. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

My material still evolves. But once you get to that point where you're selling out theaters, you've got a. You're also getting the opportunity to write more. So I think that becomes, like, a different game and a different fulfillment, maybe.

[B]

Have you ever dated a fan?

[A]

A fan? I don't. It's weird to say someone's a fan. I mean, have I slept with someone from a show? Absolutely. And, like, if people are like, you shouldn't. Like, I remember there was a time when people are like, people shouldn't do that. You're like, what? What the fuck are you talking about? Like, if someone's attracted to you, and likes your personality. You can't have a conversation with them and sleep with them. Isn't that what dating is? In a way?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean? Like, yeah, I have, but I don't think I would. Well, here's what I do now. Like, I. If I, like, if I meet someone or match with them, I don't, like, invite them to a show. I go on a date. Now, I like dating.

[B]

Where do you like to go for dates?

[A]

Just out to eat.

[B]

Do you go to, like, coffee?

[A]

It's been brought up before. Like, sometimes I'll test the girl and like, hey, I have shows this week. Like, I don't want to do shows anymore. Like, I used to do that when I was young because I didn't have money to even go on a date. So I'd, like, come to a show and then we'll grab a drink afterwards. Now I don't want them to like me because of that. I want to have, like, the conversations and get to know each other and, like, explore what would be compatible and why we. Because, you know, the attraction is just the surface level. But, like, I need to know that we're compatible mentally.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, do we have the same goals? Do we see a lot, like, our lifestyles? Does that match? How do we communicate? How. How would we fight? Will we be good at it? Like, you have to be good at fighting. You have to write. You know what I mean? It's got to be like, pickleball, Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. But, like, in a way where it's like, okay, don't go too far. Or do you have thick enough skin for my personality? Can I, you know, nag you sometimes? I, you know, some girls will be like, okay, that's enough. You know, I'm feeling insecure today. And I'm like, sorry. You know what I mean? But, like, I like to. But I've asked girls, like, you know, do you want to maybe grab a coffee? And if goes like, coffee, I'm like, then we wouldn't get along. Like, if that's offensive to you, then you're not my girl.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean? Like, I'm not. I don't, like, want one of those pretentious high. I want, like, a homebody. I want a best friend.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, someone that's like, that's sweet. Yeah. Like, I want. I want you to be, like, my best friend.

[B]

Where, like, that doesn't order out too much.

[A]

No. But, like, also, like, I don't feel. I don't feel insecure. Being myself. Like, I want to play Madden sometimes. Like, video games.

[B]

That's soccer. A soccer game?

[A]

Football? Yeah, football.

[B]

Like football with the hand or football with the foot?

[A]

I'm American.

[B]

Okay? I didn't know because I thought that Madden was soccer, and I thought you were like, football, and you were trying to throw me through a loop.

[A]

FIFA is soccer.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Madden is football. But, like, I like that. You don't know that because that's my vibe. Like, my passion is, like, the Dolphins, like, football. NFL, okay? The Miami Dolphins play for the NFL.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

A team in the NFL. Like, my whole thing is, like, when I know that, I don't know. I'm sorry, I have to assume that you don't know that.

[B]

Now I know that the Dolphins. Dolphins play football.

[A]

So, like, when their schedule comes out in May, their away schedule, I'll try to plan shows around their away schedule so I can go to them. That's like, my ultimate passion. Like, I want to get big enough to where, like, I just. The Dolphins schedule comes out, and I give it to the agent, I go plan a weekend around nxt. You know what I mean? Like, if I was like Tom Segor or Bert Kreischer, I would literally just be Dolphins schedule come out. Or for them, the buck schedule came out. All the away game, and I would go to all the games. Like, that's my ultimate goal. And then when I have that, then I'll be like, hey, does someone want to be my partner? Then I'll be ready to settle down. But I have to get to that point first.

[B]

Yeah, right.

[A]

Or writing down my number.

[B]

I just want you to know that I was writing down Dolphins and I

[A]

spelled it with an Dolphin. With an F. No, but that's fine because that's a doll fan. I'm a doll fan. Right? I'm a doll fan.

[B]

I just can't believe I was writing so fast. You distracted me that I misspelled dolphins.

[A]

But why are you writing that down?

[B]

Because I think that's really funny, and I want to use that as a promo.

[A]

Oh, gotcha.

[B]

And I don't want to forget. I forget everything is.

[A]

That's. You got a lot of hormones going on right now.

[B]

I'm just. It's like pregnancy brain. And I have mom brain. I have no brain.

[A]

It's crazy. You're a mom.

[B]

I know. 13 months.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

A year and a month. And I like, at what point do I just start saying, like, a year and two?

[A]

So I learned, you know how people always make the joke of, like, why do they say months.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's because I learned this recently. It's like if you're like, oh, do. If someone has kids, they're like, how old is your kid? And they're like. If you said like, oh, two, two, two, two years old in six months, it's like. It sounds like you're saying two different kids say the month, so it's like one. Does that make sense?

[B]

Yeah. I say the month though, because when you have a kid, they have milestones and like every month is a crazy like leap of a milestone. Like it's like all of a sudden 13 months. So. Yeah.

[A]

So you didn't even take a break?

[B]

No, I didn't.

[A]

Why?

[B]

At nine months, I got pregnant again.

[A]

Well, what do you mean? The other baby was still in there?

[B]

No, they're gonna be 18 months apart. Oh, you said no when my son. Yeah, no, no. Although you can get pregnant while pregnant.

[A]

Well, I don't. This is. We're not, you know, this is.

[B]

But yeah, no, can you.

[A]

You know what I mean? But like, so the other one's like, what are you doing in here? This is a studio.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Wow. Wait, so you wanted to just get it over with or it just happened again?

[B]

Yeah, no, it was on purpose. I'm in baby mode and I. Once I get out of baby mode, there's no going back.

[A]

You're younger than me and I'm not being nice, but like you're.

[B]

You're not that much younger than me. I burped.

[A]

Not that much younger.

[B]

I'm 38.

[A]

The baby burped. But yeah, you came all the way up through me. Oh, you look good for 38 and pregnant.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Yeah, I think you look really good. I think for probably one of the best looking 38 year old pregnant women I've ever seen.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I turned 39 in September.

[A]

Okay. Happy football season. That's when football season is. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Back to the Dolphins. Okay, so I just. When you play Madden.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you just imagine that you're. Do you play? Can you pick your team? Okay, so you play.

[A]

Did you ask me if you could pick your team?

[B]

Do you pick your team?

[A]

No, I have to play with the Steelers.

[B]

I didn't know.

[A]

It's so annoying.

[B]

Okay, I don't know, like if you play.

[A]

Video games are so old fashioned. You have to just play how it is.

[B]

Okay. If you play Laura Cross Croft, you have to be Lara Croft.

[A]

Is there. Wait, that's specifically called Tomb Raider. That's the game

[B]

that. That's Your.

[A]

I used to play that when I was younger and I had an Angelina Jolie fetish.

[B]

Yeah, everyone did when Tomb Raider came out. You're right, everybody did.

[A]

Yeah, she's hot. Pretty.

[B]

I really want to talk about you playing Madden.

[A]

No, go ahead. We could stick to that. Yeah, we can go back to it.

[B]

I just want to know what happens in your head. So.

[A]

So you want me to break it down for you?

[B]

So when you play Madden and you play on the Dolphins, do you pick the position as well?

[A]

No, no, no, I'm like, I'm playing you. You play as like the quarterback in the offense. You're playing as the offense. But like I'm pretending like I'm just running the organization as the gm, I'm, I'm fixing what's going on. Because look, as a Dolphin fan, as a 41 year old dolphins fan, they've never won anything in my lifetime. And when I was a kid, my parents would, I would get really upset and they're like, you need to calm down. And you're so young, you'll see them win. And now like I'm at the halfway point and they haven't. So I'm a little like panicked. So when it's not going well in real life, I like to make it happen in the video game. Like this is what it would be like. And so it's a little.

[B]

You're playing out of fantasy.

[A]

Yes, out of fantasy. But the real part is when I was in college, freshman year of college, I stayed for summer school because I had to. And I would come home from school and I would sit in my room and I would smoke a blunt and play Madden. You know what a blunt is? Back in the day we used. And then I would, I would sit there and play Madden and I would sit there and I would go, this is so awesome. How do I do this forever? And then that was in my head. And then sometimes when I'm done with work and I think I have a little time, I'll sit on my couch, I'll play Madden. No blunt anymore, but I'll play Madden and I'll be like, I did it, I did it. Like I'm living my dream right now. I'm living my dream. And it sounds sad maybe to some people, but like I'm so happy. Like I'm just Indian style. 41. Like a kid playing, playing with the Dolphins going, we're going to the Super Bowl. Heck yeah. And like the times I've been in love, a girl could be on her phone watching Tick tock next to me. And I'm like, she gets me.

[B]

And you're like, this is perfect. Yeah.

[A]

Would you be open to that? Would you. Do you think, like, I've been dating a lot of single moms? No.

[B]

You have you really?

[A]

I have. I've dabbled in it. And the problem is, the biggest red flag is that they think that I'm someone that would be a good match for them. So that's already, like, I'm already out. Once they're. Once they're into me, I'm like, you're an idiot.

[B]

You're so psycho.

[A]

But, like, if you. When you get divorced and you're financially secure because of the divorce, do you think you would be open to someone like. Like being involved with your kids? Can you imagine that life? Like, because that's a possibility.

[B]

I would never. I say this, I would never. I would have such revenge if I got divorced. Like.

[A]

Like, against him.

[B]

Yeah. I.

[A]

Because it's his fault.

[B]

Everything would be his fault.

[A]

Well, what if, like, what if one of the podcast episodes really hits it off? What if he watches this episode?

[B]

He's like, it's a red flag that you would even want to be with someone who has kids. Why would you want to be with someone?

[A]

I'm not worried about the kids. I'm just thinking about, like, compatible. Like, we're really. That we would have a good relationship.

[B]

Zillion people in the world, and I've

[A]

met almost all of them, but this is real. This is a real chemistry.

[B]

This is how your love bombing goes.

[A]

Yes. Yeah, of course. This isn't real. Just acting. Did you think it was real for a second?

[B]

No.

[A]

Oh, no, it was real. I was being sincere. I don't think that we have good chemistry. I think that we would, like, we would have a fun time if you were single. Like, I would be like, we gotta go out. Are you. Are you not sure? You think I'm lying? Oh, she's flustered. Guys, has anyone ever done this?

[B]

I think that you're the kind of guy that likes to change things about other people.

[A]

No, no, no. Be who you are.

[B]

Only dye my hair darker.

[A]

No, that was just a suggestion. But then when you said it doesn't look good, then I believe you. I've dated blondes. I'm just a brunette guy, but I've dated blondes, and I think you're beautiful. I've slid in in 2017. You know what I mean? And, you know, it's. It's funny, but, like, what am I going to do? But like, I didn't know who your personality, what it would be like to talk to you. And then talking to you, I'm like, well, I hope I meet someone that's like, you.

[B]

What were you doing in 2017?

[A]

Just stand up. But I was probably like a little arrogant and cocky and like, dumb, stupid guy who wasn't humbled by life.

[B]

But you say that you still are dumb and stupid, but that, that was

[A]

just like, like, like naive to like, you know, I mean, that was nine years ago. I was 32. Like, you're an idiot when you're 32. Like, you're an Idiot before 35. You don't know yourself. You think 31 year olds are like, I think I got to figure it out. Like that's, that's where you're at at 31. 31, 32. I think I got to figure out. Women are more like, I have it figured out. And they're like, yeah, they do. Maybe not relationship wise, but like, what they want in life.

[B]

I think. I figure. I think every week I hit a place where I'm like, I figured it out.

[A]

That's what I like about you. Because you're curious all the time. So it's just like, she's always going to be happy like that. I know that you don't. If you do get sad, it's very temporary because you're just like, oh, what happened today? You know, like, things just like, catch your attention.

[B]

Smell a flower.

[A]

And I'm like, there's a cardinal. I saw a cardinal today.

[B]

I actually did see a cardinal.

[A]

Yeah. So that's. Wait, today.

[B]

Today.

[A]

That's a sign.

[B]

It was.

[A]

That's a sign. Come on. And I'm here. And then I brought up cardinal to sign. Maybe it's not. Is it. Is it getting exhausting?

[B]

No, I just don't. It's been so long since someone has flirted with me. I'm just like, this is called first date.

[A]

What are they on here for? To be stupid and boring? Yeah. I'll name my kid Jackson. That's an inside joke. What are we doing

[B]

in your head? How would you propose to someone if you found the one?

[A]

I would do it at the Eiffel Tower.

[B]

No, you wouldn't. Would you really?

[A]

It's the most magical place I've ever been. It's the. Have you been there?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

It's magical. And I know it's like, oh, that's so cliche.

[B]

But.

[A]

But like, yeah, I've never. I was there this summer by myself. I was stopping Through. And I was like, well, I'm in Europe. I'm going to stop through for one night. I was there for like 16 hours, and I went to the Eiffel Tower, took all the pictures, and then, you know, right before the light, it all lights up. Right after sunset. The first hour after sunset, it does the light up, and you have to wait for it. And then there's a guy on a guitar singing love songs. And everybody's. There's all these couples around, and I'm just in it and I'm like, this is so cute. And then, like, as he's singing this song, I forgot what song. I have a video of it. He's singing the song. The lights. Oh, sorry. The lights on the Eiffel Tower light up and goosebumps all over me. And I'm just like, oh. I'm literally going like this. I'm like, I need love. Like, in that moment, I go, I need a partner. Like, I was like, this is. It's like a movie. And in that moment, I was like, I need to have a partner one day. I knew that. I was like, yeah. Because I was like, I like dating. I'll be single and it's fun and I don't need. I'm good at being alone. But like, in that moment, I go, this is real. This is a real. And it's. You guys think I'm being funny.

[B]

Was it Christmas time too?

[A]

On top of all of it, you think? You know what I'm saying? It's real.

[B]

It is.

[A]

It's like, you're like. It was so magical and I got emotional. I was just like, you know what I mean? I don't know. I thought it was, like, really pretty. I. I don't know. I don't know if I would do it there, but I would want to do it somewhere. Like, you know, somewhere like. Like, you know, when I was younger, I'd be like, I'm doing a Dolphins game. You know what I mean? When I was younger, I'd do it there, but like, now I'm like, maybe I would do it, like in Europe or something. I would get married in Europe because I'd be like, let's all just, you know, go away somewhere.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

I've also had, like, ideas for weddings.

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

Like, like, like maybe like a baseball themed wedding.

[B]

Oh, you're like, that's.

[A]

Yeah. No girl's ever been cool with it. But, like, you remember. Do you remember A league of your own?

[B]

That's a movie, right?

[A]

Tom Hanks.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's about like the. The women playing baseball. You don't know. Well, then cut the story.

[B]

No, tell me about it.

[A]

Well, it's like that's.

[B]

This was your idea for a wedding.

[A]

Oh, wait. So women had to play baseball when all the men went to the war. So it was called A League of Their Own with. It was. Rosie o' Donnell was in it. Madonna. Tom Hanks.

[B]

Yeah. You know, I'm not into women's.

[A]

You had a bad. It's not about that. It's a movie. You had a bad childhood.

[B]

It's about women. It's about women's baseball.

[A]

It was a movie.

[B]

You know what? I base. Baseball is my least favorite sport. Make it all women playing.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Nobody wants that.

[B]

That's the worst.

[A]

It's all the worst.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

I say it was like a baseball themed wedding and like the umpire would be the priest and then you would the aisle which would be home plate to the pitcher's mound. It's stupid. Doesn't matter.

[B]

You hit all the bases as the woman walks down the aisle.

[A]

It's not as fun because you weren't into it.

[B]

It's okay.

[A]

All right.

[B]

I like some women's sports. I like sports that women like, excel in, like gymnastics or ice skating or. Is ballet a sport I'd rather watch.

[A]

Love is blind.

[B]

Love it. I, of course love is blind.

[A]

I'd rather watch one of the love shows with you and then, you know, because you don't always have to pay attention. So you can like make out a little bit and then be, all right, we're still. You're still in it.

[B]

Not flex and chill type vibe.

[A]

Yeah, but like, I don't like, like

[B]

how long do you date a girl until she comes to your place?

[A]

I'll FaceTime and get them to come over that night.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Because I want. I want to cuddle.

[B]

But what if you end up not liking her and she gets there and then she's at your house?

[A]

How do you feel that way after the sex?

[B]

And then how do you get them out of your house?

[A]

Oh, you go, it's getting late. It's getting late. Gotta play Madden. No, I mean, nobody sleeps over people you like. Nobody. Like I. If that's happened, they understand what's happening. No girl's coming over like with a bag. A sleeping bag? Yeah, you know what I mean? Like that's a no. What I do do though is I. I like to FaceTime before. Before even going on a date. Now you really get a vibe and you could avoid so many things. You could be like, well, that was going to be a disaster if I would have went out that person. You know what I mean? Yeah, but, like, I don't. I'm not as. I'm not dating as much right now. And like, if I. If I'm hanging out with someone, it's just like a repeat customer from, like, you know, someone that's like a casual friend that I've been talking to. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But, like, I haven't been, like, really pursuing because I don't want to, like. But I'm very good at communicating, of being like, hey, I'm just, like, not in a place to, like, date seriously right now. And I'll say that up top. And like, you know, another girl was like, well, what are you doing Sunday? Do you want to hang out? I was like, maybe. Let me see how I am with time. And then she was like, hey, Sunday, she hit me up and she's like, what do you want to do? I was like, to be honest, like, I'm just trying to, like, relax and lay in my bed. If you want to come over and do that, I'm totally cool with that. And I know that's forward, and if you're not into it, all good. And she's like, no, to be honest, that's what I'm looking for. I was like, great.

[B]

And then how often does that lead to something more serious? I guess, like, never. If you.

[A]

Never. If you. It's never if you are. If you are communicating and setting the boundaries. It's. That happens when you're younger and you're 32 and you're scared to, like, offend someone. Like, if you say what it is, like, it's all. With all due respect, like, you know what I mean? Like, you could feel if someone, like, keeps coming over, like, yeah, you can only hook up with someone for, like, so long before some sort of feelings get involved with her.

[B]

Has a girl ever come back and been like, oh, I actually want something more serious? And then you've changed your mind and

[A]

been like, okay, no, no, I like, there's people. Yeah. No, no. I've never been like, oh, yeah, you're. There's girls I've, like, casually dated. I'm like, man, we could have fun, but there's something off. Like, I don't trust it.

[B]

But it sounds like, like, if a girl's diet or, like, ordering too much

[A]

postage, that just means you don't like them. That's all that is. You'll that stuff is. That's your brain telling you that they're not the one.

[B]

So you'll put up with a lot for the one.

[A]

If you. Look, I've been in love three times. And those three times when I met them, I knew that week there was something special. So when I've love bombed, there's a familiarity with that feeling that I'm like, oh, is this it again? And then I. So then I, I start communicating things that I normally would, thinking it's that. And that's my problem. I've learned from, is maybe don't talk so much of being like, I'm really, like, texting things, like, I'm really excited we met, like, those type of things.

[B]

But that's not love bombing.

[A]

It is, in a way, because you're sending signals to her that, like, oh, he's interested in me in way more than just casual date. Like, this is real. And like, I'll say things where I think it's real, like, I think I'm. Because it's, it's, it's a similar feeling, right, to what I had with my three girlfriends where it's like, I just knew it was just like, it's a magical thing. And then I. Then it's not. So that confuses my, my instincts. And I'm a little like, all right, I don't necessarily trust my instincts now when I first, like, had that feeling with a woman. So now I have to tell myself to take a breath, like, if I haven't had it yet again. But, like, through the process of dating, I think this is the way I, like today is I keep meeting women and be like, hey, what's up? Let's hang out. And my expectation is nothing. And they'll stop me because I'll get this feeling of being like, oh, what is this? This is it. But next time that happens, I'm going to take a break and go take a breath, Think about this and don't jump. Don't move fast. Don't be like, I want to see you the next day. Take a week to see her. You know what I mean? And then, and then take another week to see her. And then if I want to say something sweet, say something sweet. Less sweet. You know what I mean? Just kind of slow down with the, the verbalizing of my feelings. Because sometimes I'll verbalize feelings like, like, you know, I would have to go look. But like, just being like, I can't wait to see you. I'm really excited about to see you Facetiming. With the person every night for four hours for eight days in a row. Because I think that's that, and I think that's not necessarily healthy. And that's the love bombing aspect.

[B]

So if you don't see a girl for a week, you FaceTime during that week.

[A]

Well, okay. Another example was I met this girl late November, I think I met this girl. And we met. We matched on one of the apps, and I was on a plane, and we're texting and it's going. And I'm like, whoa, this is like, we have a vibe. This is going great. And I'm excited. And I'm like, cool. I was like, hey, I'm headed to Miami. It's around the Hollies. I'm taking a break. I was there for Art Basel, so I was with, like, my Miami friends. I was gonna go let loose, have fun, party, and have a good time. So I was like, I'm not gonna really be responsive this weekend, but I really enjoyed talking to you. I'll follow up with you on Monday. I just want you to know that I'm not. Not thinking about you. Monday comes around. I was like, I'd like to FaceTime and get to meet you. We FaceTime on Monday night, and it was, like, awesome. We ended up talking for, like, four hours. So then I was like, I want to talk to you every night. And then we FaceTime for, like, a week straight. And then I was like, I'm going to book a flight to Jersey. I'm going to come visit you. I'll get a hotel, and then we'll hang out. I do that. We hang out. It was fun. I liked her go back FaceTime. And then, like, it was just a lot of that. Then the second time we hung out was when I was like, oh, this is who the person is. You know what I mean? Like, I only got to know them through FaceTime. But, like, all that FaceTime and the texting, I was saying things to push us in the direction of being in a relationship, because that's what I thought was happening, because I thought I was having that magical moment I had with the three other girls I fell in love with. So it's not with the instincts of being, like, trying to deceive a woman, which I think there are two different types of love bombers. I think some guys are probably out there going, like, I'm gonna trick her just to get her wrapped around my finger. And that would go along the lines of narcissism or a sociopath, right? Or something like That I think a lot of guys or women like me are like, we believe it's happening because we want that. We want to believe we're falling in love because it's the greatest feeling in the world. You know, when you first go through that, you're like, this is so awesome. I'm excited to be in love. So I think it's happening. But then, you know, like, you. You learn so much about yourself through the process. You're like, oh, I love the conversations. But then, like, there are so many other aspects besides conversations. Physical looks, sexual chemistry. And then you learn that and, you know, it's like this. The sex was okay, which is something you could grow into with someone. But our emotional compatibility was great. But then it was like, oh, getting to know her, it was like, oh, she's kind of an anxious person. I don't think that's compatible for me. I need someone who can also, like, have a little bit more stability, who can check me. I'm the weird one. We can't have two weird ones. I believe that, you know, it doesn't mean that doesn't work out for certain people, but I think I understand what would be very compatible for me, me, and what would be a good match for me long term. So as I got to know her, I evaluate things in a maybe business way of, like, going, like, look, I like this girl, but I don't think this is the right person for me and what I want and what I want in my goals. And so then I pull back and then you're like, I'm sorry. Like, I've like, there's no other way to say other way other than, like, as we got to know each other, I don't think we're compatible. And then, like, you know, they'll be upset and be like, well, then why would you should think about what you're saying to a girl? Like, yeah, you're right. But like, also, I don't know. I didn't.

[B]

But you're also saying what you feel in the mind.

[A]

Yeah, I'm saying what I mean. My intent wasn't that I was having a good time and I believed it. I really did. But like, so now that's happened the last three years. So now I have to either go to a therapist or take accountability and be like, okay, you need to take a breath when this happens again. And you think you're having that feeling where you meet someone and you get that, like. And I don't know if you've had that, but some people have some you know, when you. When you. When I don't know how many times you've been in love, but that moment when you, like, feel something special that's different from someone else. I feel like that's why you start dating someone. Some people date because they don't want to be alone. I've never been like that because I'm good at being alone and being single. I've dated because there's something I feel that's, like, special. So if I think I'm feeling that again to remind myself to take a beat, take a breath, and know that we don't know for sure that this is. That this could be something psychologically triggering you because your dopamines are rising because you know that feeling is awesome. And now you're gonna say things that you programmed yourself to act when you feel those things.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If that makes sense.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So you really have to, like, slow it down and kind of control it. And I have to be like, let's get to know them. Let's hang out with them. Let's go on dates, spread out. Let's not go through this 10 dates in a row. You know what I mean?

[B]

Well, I think you'll get where you want to go by being so clear about what you want.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it sounds like you have a pretty good system in place.

[A]

I think so.

[B]

Vetting girls.

[A]

I think so.

[B]

So it doesn't sound like you're going to waste your time a lot.

[A]

No, I think so. I think I'm a good person, like, in a place to, like, know what? Gauge what would be, like, the right person for me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Where I'm at. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And, like, what would be compatible for me of, like, you know, someone's an anxious person? I think maybe so am I. Like, I don't. I think I need a more of a homebody and someone who's, like, a little bit more relaxing. And, like, even with my last ex, I came from an Italian household, we would argue, we would yell. That's not how everybody communicated. I didn't know that I had to learn that. Like, I assumed, like, when you argue with someone, if someone disassociates. My ex girlfriend would disassociate, shut down and get quiet. I'm like, what are you doing? Like, finish this argument. But that's not how. You have to learn how to communicate through. When you're, like, having conflict.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And if that's. If there's no chemistry with conflict, then that's not a healthy relationship. Right. Like, that's where I like, make the joke of, like, you got to be good at arguing with someone.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You have to be. Otherwise it could be. If it's stressful and you go to bed upset, then that's not, that's not good.

[B]

I have a problem probably of over communicating like women.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You know, but my son, when he doesn't get his way, he just screams and whines and cries.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he gets his way immediately. And so I've realized that maybe I should just start screaming and whining and crying.

[A]

No, but like, why, why are you giving in to when he screams?

[B]

Because just so it goes away.

[A]

Like just shut him up in a

[B]

way that it just like just.

[A]

Oh, I get it.

[B]

Ping pongs in my head and makes me want to like, just cut it off.

[A]

And what do they, what do the people say that you're supposed to do?

[B]

You're not supposed to do that. So I think I'm just gonna wear noise canceling headphones, put them in a

[A]

closet, lock him up.

[B]

I think he's just gonna start screaming and I'm just gonna put headphones on and just go, I can't hear you.

[A]

Cuz I get it. It's like having a dog. If the dog's whining, you're like, fuck it, here's peanut butter. Yeah, shut up.

[B]

Yeah, you give us something to like soothe itself.

[A]

Like, like a lot of parents say, here's your iPad. Just shut up.

[B]

So iPad I don't do. But like, my son doesn't even want. I, I have tried.

[A]

He's 13 months.

[B]

I try to throw things like that. I'm like, here, look at this iPad. And he's like, nah. And he's like, wants the knife.

[A]

Whoa. That's not. That's a red flag. Why does he want a knife?

[B]

Because he's always in the kitchen with me and we cook together.

[A]

Oh, he's gonna be gay. Raising a gay guy.

[B]

I'm raising a chef.

[A]

Yeah, a chef.

[B]

You know, he, like, I even got him his little mud kitchen outside. And all he wants to do is

[A]

like, what's a mud kitchen?

[B]

It's like a kitchen where he can. It has water and there's like a little thing of dirt and then they make mud and then they can play in the mud and it's like, to help them not be gay. Don't be a boy.

[A]

So you like being a mom?

[B]

I do like being a mom.

[A]

And you had good parents?

[B]

I had a very good parent.

[A]

Here we go. Where did your dad Just wasn't around.

[B]

No.

[A]

Yeah, that's where it comes in.

[B]

My dad was just avoidant.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you think you were avoidant in relationships before your marriage?

[B]

No, I'm like an anxious attachment.

[A]

Anxious attachment. I wonder what I am. Maybe that probably. Or people would say avoidant because I'm like, no, I just know that that wouldn't be compatible.

[B]

I get more like. You can always tell if someone doesn't like. Like, the way that I calculate this in my head is if I don't get a text from someone, like, some people will avoid and say, okay, this person is like ghosting me. They're not interested in me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm just going to avoid this because it's going to really hurt if I invest any of my feelings into this, because he's not into this, so I'm just going to avoid it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Anxious is when it's like, okay, why is he not texting me? What is going on? Where is he at? Why is he not, like, interested? What have I done? And then. And then you get this anxiety going.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then secure is someone who's just like, it's okay. He's probably taking some him time. He'll text me when he's free and

[A]

he's just banging out some of the side.

[B]

I have more of like an anxious, secure. Like, I can always kind of like, chill and relax about it, but if I don't, then I'm anxious.

[A]

You don't have any of that anymore now that you're married with kids.

[B]

No, no, it's different.

[A]

Yeah, it goes away. It's like you were in this together. We're partners. Yeah, we're business partners, essentially with family. Like, it's got to be.

[B]

It's. Yeah.

[A]

One thing I've noticed, and maybe you'll find this interesting, is so I go back to Florida, visit. All my friends are married with kids. Every single one now except. And the last guy who doesn't have a kid, they just got pregnant, but they're in la. But I'll go. I'll go to the houses and I'll just like, stay with my different friends so I get to see how each parenting works. Like, how they work as partners. Like, you know, one. One couple is just like, she's putting the baby away and she's like, tim, are you gonna help? You know? And then the other one's like, honey, let's go. We got to put the kids to bed. You know? And then they walk upstairs and like, come on, you read her. I'll Read him. You know, like, there's, like, it's. They all have different ways of doing it, but I. I think, like, the team, like, when they. When they operate, like it's a work environment, I think that's, like, the healthiest.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean? Like, it's. It's kind of interesting how everybody's different or, like, you know, some guys are like, I worked all day. I'm going to sit on the couch. Like, the ones that work the best are the guys who are better at communicating. And they're like, like, all right, Mikey, I'll be right back with. We got to put the kids down. And you're like, oh, this is interesting. And I'm just sitting there twirling my thumbs on the couch when you hear screaming upstairs. They're like, it's okay. Calm down. Why are you screaming? You know, like, just the way they talk to the kids.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I'm like, I don't think other parents get to see other parents and see how they operate. I get to see all of this, all the different strategies.

[B]

It's wild.

[A]

So it is interesting.

[B]

It's a very inside view. I could talk to you forever, but we're out of time.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Where can people find you?

[A]

You know, you could find. What's your address? You find me in the description, but thank you for having me. I really appreciate it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Thank you for coming on my show.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Thank you, guys for watching another episode of First Date. We'll see you next time. First Date. Baby, are you really drinking a glass of milk with dinner? First Date. I can't wait. You told your mom about me? Just say, you ready? Delete my number. First Date, your parents are your roommates. First date.