Joe DeRosa Got ZERO Likes On Dating Apps | First Date with Lauren Compton

Summary

First Date with Lauren Compton

Episode: Joe DeRosa Got ZERO Likes On Dating Apps

Release Date: June 2, 2026 | Host: Lauren Compton | Guest: Joe DeRosa
Studio: YMH Studios

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Episode Overview

In this episode, comedian and podcaster Joe DeRosa returns for his third “first date” with Lauren Compton, making him a show veteran alongside guests like Mark Normand. The conversation dives deep into Joe’s experiences with dating, moving to Austin, his frustrations with dating apps, his evolving views on relationships, and plenty of self-deprecating humor. The pair explore red flags, compatibility, and the sometimes hilariously unglamorous reality of modern dating. This episode is a candid, sometimes vulnerable, often funny look at what it’s like to date (and try to be dateable) in today’s scene—especially for someone like Joe, who’s not exactly enthusiastic about digital dating or group activities.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Joe’s Move to Austin and Life Transitions

• Joe’s journey to Austin:

  • Both Lauren and Joe share quick decisions to settle in Austin after brief visits.
  • Joe describes how COVID changed where comedians could reasonably live and work:

    "It started to become very obvious, like, we can all use the Internet from wherever we are...I think I could actually live in Austin finally and work." (05:41)

  • Adjusting to Austin means revisiting favorite spots and enjoying a more integrated cultural scene (04:21).

• Transition from Relationship:

  • Joe updates Lauren on his breakup, which happened a year ago, and reflects on how it’s affected his approach to dating and being single in a coupled-up Pennsylvania vs. Austin’s scene.
  • He’s open to friendship with his ex; there’s no drama with her new relationship (07:05).

2. Joe’s Views on Dating Apps

• Complete Disdain for Dating Apps:
  • Joe details his utter lack of success on apps, especially Field, saying:

    "In six months, I had zero likes. I was like, guys, I'm not fucking George Clooney, but this is impossible...Some wildebeest would have liked me by now." (14:02)

  • He calls the system a scam built to milk money from men:

    "They're completely built around, 'Spend more money to get more notice.' What a fucking scam this is." (13:32)

  • Lauren laughs until her eyes water, commiserating with his frustration (14:57).
  • He also roasts industry-targeted app Raya:

    "Find. There's so many people in there, like, just here for friends. Then fuck off. Yeah, you can't make friends in real life, what are you, a sociopath?" (15:45)

• Contrast with Women’s App Experience:
  • Joe highlights the imbalance: women get dozens of likes daily, men get nothing unless they pay (14:52).

3. Relationship Preferences and Red Flags

• Joe’s “Type” and Deal Breakers:

  • Joe asserts personality compatibility matters most but also warns:

    "If somebody's too needy, I'm very turned off by that." (19:48)

  • He doesn’t want kids right now and will disengage if that’s a date’s priority:

    "If somebody says to me early on, like, I definitely want kids, I just go, then this probably will not work." (18:34)

  • Needy behavior for him means excessive texting, not respecting his odd work hours, or pushing to be included before the relationship warrants it (19:53), (26:01).

• On Bringing Dates to Comedy Scene:

  • Joe is wary of women wanting to “position” themselves by joining his friend group before it’s appropriate:

    "You're trying to get into the party right now. I don't like that." (26:19)

  • He’s aware of scene-chasers and values privacy and respect for the social dynamic among comics—especially given the high-profile company he keeps (61:06–64:54).

4. Social Activities, Introversion, and Boundaries

• Disinterest in Austin Group Activities:

  • Joe isn’t a fan of Austin’s typical social hobbies (like paddleboarding, hiking, or even pool parties):

    "I don't know, paddleboarding..." (33:48)
    "My hobbies are very individual type." (31:50)

  • He has a tendency to feel “trapped” in group or high-commitment activities, preferring low-pressure, movable, or solo endeavors (47:32–51:54).

• Bar Culture vs. Outdoor Activities:

  • Ideal date for Joe is a loose, spontaneous night at dive bars with social energy—NOT a stuffy, planned dinner or group activity:

    "Dinner is for—we know each other now. Dinner is not for getting to know each other." (41:24)
    "We're talking shit, we're ripping shots, we're having beers. That's fucking awesome." (43:49)

  • He’s not excited by pool culture, but does like a good farmer’s market or flea market (33:20).

• The “Feeling Trapped” Anxiety:

  • Joe reveals discomfort with activities where he can’t easily step away (boats, dinner parties, family traditions):

    "I get a...I get an underlying anxiety when I feel trapped somewhere." (48:58)
    "The thing I dread is the idea of...getting into a relationship...but they have all these family traditions." (51:52)

5. Social Dynamics, Confrontation, and Personality

• Difficulty with Small Talk and Social Scripts:

  • Joe finds small talk draining, especially as a comic who just wants real conversation:

    "Small talk is literally draining my energy. I can’t do it. It’s exhausting to me." (54:07)

• Self-Assessment:

  • Acknowledges being “effeminate emotionally,” easily hurt, jealous, and carrying abandonment issues—despite his on-stage persona:

    “I’m a very effeminate man… I get jealous, I get hurt. I get like abandonment issues.” (59:45)

• On Traditions and Guy Time:

  • Joe sees value and comfort in his own rituals (like “dude night” Mondays at Kill Tony), but recognizes the irony in resisting similar traditions from a potential partner (61:06).

6. Relationship Evolution

• How Joe’s Views Have Changed Over Time:
  • Lauren calls out the progression he’s made across his appearances: from resistant to relationships, to recently heartbroken, to more open—though guarded—about letting someone into his routine:

    “From the first time where you were like not interested in having a girlfriend and then having a girlfriend, and then now… I can tell that you’re more open minded.” (61:42)

  • Joe explains the “vetting” process isn’t just about romance, but out of respect for his friends and social circles (62:20–64:54).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Dating Apps:

  “Some wildebeest would have liked me by now.”
  —Joe DeRosa (14:02)

  “They’re completely built around, ‘Spend more money to get more notice.’ What a fucking scam this is.”
  —Joe DeRosa (13:32)

• On Personality Type:

  "If somebody's too needy, I'm very turned off by that."
  —Joe DeRosa (19:48)

• On His First Date Ideal:

  "That's such an awesome… first date to have with somebody because…you’re showing them you can cut loose, and they're showing you the same thing."
  —Joe DeRosa (43:49)

• On Feeling Trapped:

  "I get an underlying anxiety when I feel trapped somewhere… That's why I say the pool… there's an aspect to it where… I feel a little bit like that's why I like… if you're going to day drink, like moving."
  —Joe DeRosa (48:58)

• On Emotional Self-Awareness:

  “I’m a very effeminate man… I get jealous, I get hurt. I get like abandonment issues. I get scared. I’m not very alpha.”
  —Joe DeRosa (59:45)

• On Respecting Social Circles:

  "The more you hang out with other comedians and the more success those other comedians are having, I'm very cognizant of their space too…if I’m going to bring somebody, male or female, this is just respect around them for the first time, I have to really know, like, this person's gonna be cool."
  —Joe DeRosa (62:20/Around 64:08)

• Humorous Interlude:

  "Hey, we could just say it out loud. I went pee. And pee splattered from the urinal all over my pants."
  —Joe DeRosa (36:12)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Joe moves to Austin and pandemic’s impact: 03:37–06:24
• Breakup recap and single life: 06:24–09:44
• Dating apps frustration: 12:54–15:36
• Types, red flags, and don’ts: 17:03–23:55
• Social scene and boundary talk: 25:22–27:36
• On not liking paddleboarding / group activities / trapped anxiety: 30:07–34:43, 47:32–51:54
• Small talk & emotional vulnerability: 54:07–59:09
• Evolution of views on relationships, ‘vetting,’ the comedian friend circle: 61:06–64:54

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Tone & Flow

The episode is jovial, candid, self-effacing, and occasionally raw—especially when Joe opens up about rejection and his social anxieties. Lauren prods with genuine curiosity but keeps the energy light, rising to Joe’s comedic but honest confessions and challenging his stubbornness with playful teases.

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Summary for New Listeners

If you’re new to First Date with Lauren Compton, this episode brings the perfect dose of real-talk about modern dating, male insecurities, and the messy reality of finding a partner when you’re picky, set in your ways, and tech-skeptical. Joe DeRosa’s combination of comedy and vulnerability makes for a revealing, insightful, and very funny exploration of what makes someone “dateable”—and why being completely honest with yourself is the first step.

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Find Joe DeRosa at:

• IG: @joederosacomedy
• YouTube: Joe DeRosa Comedy
• Podcast: Vile and Horrendous (available via YMH Studios and his YouTube)

Next week: More celebrity “first dates” and comedic reality-checks on dating with Lauren!

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

I'm so excited to see you tonight. First Date, baby. First date. I can't wait. First date. Welcome back to another episode of First Date. My guest today has a brand new podcast at ymh. It's called Vile and Horrendous. Give it up for Joe derosa.

[A]

Hi.

[B]

You're one of my faves.

[A]

Thanks. This is our third date.

[B]

I know. Can you say it with a smile?

[A]

I want a divorce.

[B]

What happened?

[A]

What happened to us? There used to be such excitement. No. Third. How many people have made it to three? Am I one of the few?

[B]

You are.

[A]

Okay, that's good. That does excite me.

[B]

The last person that had his third date was Mark Normand.

[A]

Okay. He's a good one.

[B]

Yeah, I think he was on a couple weeks ago. Two weeks ago.

[A]

Yeah, I saw it. It was funny. Yeah, he's very funny.

[B]

Yeah, he was hungover.

[A]

I almost was. I'm not that close. That close. I, like, took it easy last night. Meaning? I only had five whiskey sodas before I left the mothership.

[B]

So is the sixth one.

[A]

So I was hanging out with a few friends and I was like, I'm so fucking tired, guys. I'm so tired.

[B]

What time was.

[A]

Was. Well after the show, so 11:45.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Almost midnight. And I was.

[B]

I want a pussy.

[A]

I know. But I was like, I just. I know. I was just, like, drained. And it's a long story, but a couple events of yesterday just kind of took the. It just took the energy out of me. So by the time we got done doing story wars at 10:00pm, 11:30, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then we're at the bar, so now it's like 12:30, whatever. And I'm like, with. And I'm just like, guys, I'm so tired, I can't even think straight. I can't even make conversation right now. And I was like, why am I still here? And it was like I had that weird. I was charged enough from doing the show that I knew I wasn't ready to sleep, but it felt like being on drugs. I was like, the drugs are keeping me awake. But my body is being like, no, you're tired. You know, And. And I was like, I just can't go home yet. And I had like. I was like, I don't want another drink. And then I had the fifth. And then. So to answer your question, I think I started a sixth. And all of a sudden I was like, talkie. And.

[B]

Oh, no, you got a second wind.

[A]

Yeah. And I was like. And I was like, I gotta get the fuck out of here before this turns into 2:00am yeah, you know. Cause I didn't want to ruin the holiday weekend.

[B]

Oh, yeah, I forgot.

[A]

Yeah, I know.

[B]

What are you gonna do?

[A]

My buddy told me about a bunch of different shit that's going on, different events that he's like, you gotta come to this. You gotta come to this. And he's pretty plugged in in Austin, so I'm gonna follow his lead.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And see where he takes me.

[B]

You moved here, right?

[A]

Yeah. Full time.

[B]

You like it?

[A]

Yeah, I've always liked Austin. I like it a lot. I like being here full time now. Cause I used to come in when I was living between here and Pennsylvania. You know, I'd come in for like a couple weeks, then I'd leave, come in. And so the stretches when I was here, it was very, like, focused on, like, just stand up. That's felt like work time. Now that I live here, I'm, like, getting out again to, like, the stuff in Austin that I always really loved. Like, I'm getting out to the shops and the cultural shit that I like and, you know, you know, venturing out into different parts of town and getting out of my neighborhood. And I'm remembering, like, oh, yeah, this is what Austin is, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So, Yeah, I like it. Do you?

[B]

I do.

[A]

I mean, you're from Texas, but.

[B]

Yeah, but Austin is different. I mean, I had never been to Austin before I moved here. Like, I came and visited. And I liked it so much that on, like, my third day of visiting, I got an apartment.

[A]

Yeah. That's funny. When I decided that I was gonna start living here part time, I made the decision in the morning. I looked at apartments in the afternoon, and I put an offer in in the evening for the apartment that I live in now. Yeah, it was that, like, quick.

[B]

That's how it was for me. I came to visit for a weekend, and then, like, the second or third day, I was like, this place is so fun. Yeah, I think I want to be here.

[A]

Yeah, I was always. I lived here in 2000, so I always wanted to come Back, and there was no good reason to. Well, not no good reason. There was no logical version of it because of work for me, you couldn't, you know, up until 2016, 17, you know, it was kind of like you had to live in New York or la. And Covid really drastically shifted the paradigm of everything, you know, like, it's. It's a lot of people, you know, that is, like, podcasting was big, but, my God, it really exploded during COVID and it started to become very obvious, like, we can all use the Internet from wherever we are in whatever way we want, and you can kind of live wherever you want. But as that was happening, also, the scene here was building and beginning, and I was like, wow, I think I could actually live in Austin finally and work.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

And I can, you know, so it's like, I have a podcast here. I work these clubs that are here now that weren't here five years ago, whatever. And it's like. It's amazing, you know?

[B]

Yeah. So, yeah, the last time that you were here, you had just broken up with a girl. It was like a month, I think, so. That you guys had broken up.

[A]

Yeah, it was fresh.

[B]

And how long has it been now?

[A]

Just about a year, I think. We broke up last June.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And I was. I feel like I was here a little. No, no, you're right, because I was. I was doing a bunch of podcasts to promote my special, and I came in to do your show in, like, July because the special was coming out at the end of that month or something, and you were the first. I think you were the first podcast I did to promote, but yeah.

[B]

Have you talked to her?

[A]

Yeah, we're friends. I mean, we're not friends. We don't text. Like, once in a while, maybe I'll. Oh, hey, I saw this. You would appreciate it. Like, very, very, very rarely, but I run into her. We, like, talk and stuff. You know, she's dating a guy, and I don't know if they're still dating, but, like, they. But he's a really good dude, and, like, I'm very friendly with him, and I'm happy for her, and they seem happy.

[B]

Are you dating anyone else?

[A]

I have not dated seriously since her. No, not at all. I don't know if it's related to that or not.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I'm open to it. I'm not against it. You know, that relationship changed my perspective on everything, so it'd be nice. But no. No, I'm not. No. There hasn't been a real structured look A lot of that has to do with too. Like, I, you know, we're talking about Austin and moving here. I had purchased my home, my apartment. I don't want to make it sound better than it is. I had purchased my apartment in,

[B]

I

[A]

don't know, whatever, like, fucking June or whatever, and then immediately got hired to write for season two of Tires, which was in Philly. So I left immediately. And I was in Philly basically from July until, you know, I think we were working through October or something like that.

[B]

Damn right. When you signed your apartment.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, it was crazy. And then I met her that September, so. So I was, like, dating her from a distance and. And then we got a little more serious, and then I came down here. I was coming down a little more frequently, and I was actually hanging out with. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Then the following June was when we broke up. So my first full experience of being here was I was with her, basically. And then when we broke up, I still wasn't living here full time. I was still going back and forth to Pennsylvania a lot. Pennsylvania is wonderful, and I love it, but it's mostly coupled up at this point. You know, you go to small town, Penn's not exactly a single scene.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I wasn't really doing any. I don't think at all dating when I was there. And then I'd come down here and truth be told, like, I. I was having a hard time for a while, like, getting, like, my footing again. Like, I was having a tough time getting back, jumping back in to. To. To even, like, talking to anybody.

[B]

Did you like being in a relationship?

[A]

I did. I did. You know, it's challenging, but I did like it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, and I feel like I. You know, I don't know. I feel like relationships. Relationships are like kids. You know, your first one is always gonna have it the hardest, and you learn. And I think by the time you get to your third one, you're like, we know how to do this now. And this kid is probably getting a bit of a better experience.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, so, you know, there's growing pains and. But I learned from them. So I would do it again. I would do it again. If it made sense, I would do it again. But it also taught me that, you know, you can't just. I don't get people that just jump into these things. It doesn't make any sense.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

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[B]

Let's go. How do you think you would meet another girl? Do you think that it has to be like, in person and be very organic? Or are you open to dating apps

[A]

like an AI girlfriend?

[B]

No,

[A]

I just know. I know exactly where I'm coming from and I know exactly how I need to approach a dating situation. So it doesn't matter. No, we'll never be dating apps. For me, I've tried them four or five times during like dry spells. In fact, after the breakup, trying to figure out how to get back in. I tried it again. They're scams. They're complete fucking scams, especially towards men. They're completely built around. Spend more money to get more notice.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

I was on a dating app for. Like, this was before I had met my ex girlfriend. It was like kind of leading up to it. I was on this dating app for like six months. Okay. And the dating app, by the way, was like, it was like hookup. It wasn't like a, like, let's have a real connect. It was like, it's Tinder. It was like Tinder. It was like, let's have some fun. It was one of Those apps.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I forget what it was called, but Grinder. Oh, Field. Field, right, yeah. Grindr Butt Fuckers, it was called. No, but Field. In six months, I had zero likes. I was like, guys, I'm not fucking George Clooney, but this is impossible. This is impossible. Some wildebeest would have liked me by now. And every day there'd be these things where we'd be like, you want more notice? Raise your profile. Pay this much more. And I'm like, what a fucking scam this is, man. What a fucking scam this is. And every woman I knew on the app that used it would be like, I get like a dozen a day. It's like, of course you do, Joe.

[B]

This is so funny. You're like, I'm likable in six months.

[A]

That's insane.

[B]

My eyes are watering.

[A]

Sorry, sorry.

[B]

Yoda.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

Oh, my gosh.

[A]

I'm not, you know, that's not egotistical.

[B]

It's true. You're not terrible looking.

[A]

Thank you. Thank you.

[B]

Just gonna hold this tissue right here.

[A]

My eyes are watering now. You wanna Kleenex for different reasons? No, I'm. No, it's fucking. So anyway, I hate.

[B]

So did you pay more money?

[A]

No, I was like, go fuck yourself. I'm not doing this. That's how every app is built now. Every app is like, pay to play. Pay to play, Pay more to play

[B]

more, or get any play at all.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I tried. Fucking. What's the one that's for people in the business?

[B]

Raya.

[A]

Raya. What a fucking joke. Find. There's so many people in there, like, just here for friends. Then fuck off. Yeah, you can't make friends in real life. What are you, a sociopath?

[B]

You know that? Yeah, there's a. There's a. You know, Bumble.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So there's a thing for girls. I don't know, maybe it's for guys, too, but primarily girls. And it's like, Bumble, Bumble for friends. And girls can go on Bumblebee and they can match with other girls in the area to be friend. To make friends.

[A]

Women. Women. You have to stop. You have to stop. Women. What is going on with women? You guys are losing your fucking mind.

[B]

Dude, that could.

[A]

You don't need an app for women to connect with. It's crazy.

[B]

But what if that was a whole other podcast where it was like, you just bring people on for their first date off of the Bumble Friends thing? And it was like, just exclusively trying to find out if you could be friends?

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

God. That sounds like, I want to be

[A]

gay so bad, I can't do it anymore. I don't understand what's. I'm not saying men are a walk in the park.

[B]

Okay, so since you dated this girl.

[A]

Yeah, sorry.

[B]

Have you realized that you have a preference? Like, any. Like, what you look for in a girl?

[A]

Oh, wait. But just to answer your initial question, I'm down. Aside from dating apps, I will meet. I don't care how I meet somebody. I just know how I need to proceed once I meet them.

[B]

Okay, yes, but do you have a type now? Like, is there. Since being in a relationship with a girl, you're like, okay, I like this.

[A]

No, I'll take anything.

[B]

No, I'm kidding.

[A]

No, no, no. Yeah, no, of course. Yeah. It's got more to do with personality than looks, you know? No, no, no. Hold on. I don't mean that in a, like, martyr kind of way. I appreciate a hot woman, obviously. But I'm saying, like, I'm not like, ooh, I like redheads. You know, I think all kinds of women are hot. You know, I just mean, like, so. So when you say, what's your type? It's less like, oh, I like dark hair and whatever, and more like, it's. It's a certain type of personality.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's also their wants, you know? You know, I met a woman one time that was. That was like. You know, she talked about if I meet somebody and they start saying, like, look, this has happened to me many times. If somebody says to me early on, like, I definitely want kids, I just go, then this probably will not work.

[B]

Really? You don't want kids?

[A]

Not now.

[B]

You want a little. You don't want a little derosa?

[A]

No, no, Nobody wants that.

[B]

Just running around?

[A]

No.

[B]

Making little jokes?

[A]

No. God, no. I can't think of anything worse. But no, no. Look, theoretically, could I eventually, sure. But I'm saying if somebody is very locked on, like, look, I am dating because I am trying to find the person that I will have kids with. I'm like, I'm not going to waste your time. That's. That's not how I approach it. I approach it in a very different way. And that's okay, but that's. That's something that I look out for. But you can't. You can't be a. I don't know, like, it's hard to describe. Like, I feel like I'm a little tongue tied because I feel like when you start to lay out, well, this is what I want. None of this is saying that I'm in any stretch of this perfect, or I've got massive flaws. So I'm not exonerating myself of any of my own flaws. But if you're asking me what annoys me or attracts me about another person, if somebody's too needy, I'm very turned off by that.

[B]

Needy, like, needs your attention, needs you to be there. Or like, well, both.

[A]

If it's. If it's like. If it's like, I'm going to get 72 texts every day that are. I'm exaggerating, but you know what I mean, like, where it's just. It never stops. It drives me crazy. When you're texting with people, they have to learn that that conversation ends and there are people that don't understand the conversation is over. So when you start saying things like, okay, well, I gotta get to work, or whatever, and they keep going, it's like, that's a huge turnoff to me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Also needy in the sense of like, if. And this will happen early on because of my job and the nature of my job and the times that I have to work, you know, it's all over the place. My Friday nights and Saturday nights don't start until 11pm usually. Cause I have shows, you know, by Thursday. My Thursday nights are usually shows or whatever. My Wednesday nights are usually shows or I'm recording. And then daytime hours are often filled with meetings or writing or whatever. It's a very weird schedule. And it's not a schedule that makes it easy to be like, well, let's definitely go out to dinner on this day. Like, it has to be a little fast and loose. I don't mean that I won't make time. I just mean, like, it can't be a traditional kind of thing. So if somebody is like, I mean, I feel like I don't get to see you, and like, forget it. That's only gonna get worse. That's only gonna get worse. That's the biggest lesson I learned. Anything that either of you is concerned about early on will only get worse. That's it. And that's not a knock at anything. Both people have their concerns. And when either of you try to ignore those concerns and go, well, that'll get better. It won't. It will only amplify. And the more you care about the person, the worse that's gonna get. And I am very guilty of that. That was a thing that I did that was very damaging in my previous relationship. There were things that I couldn't. That I Thought I was okay with, and then I wasn't, but I was kidding myself and telling myself I was, and then saying, I'll get past it. Yeah, and then you don't. Because what you do is you start to care and love the person more and more and more. And then the things that you can't get past are now being amplified and now they are heavier and they're. You know. So, you know, the analogy I always use is like. It's like if, you know, if you watch cop movies, you know, every classic cop movie has the scene where the wife is like, I can't do this anymore. You know, I'm tired of. You go. I'm tired of sleepless nights wondering if you're gonna come home in a body bag or what. You know, it's like, that's a woman that from the beginning was like, I am not very comfortable dating a copy. But I think I can get over it. And it's like, no, you don't get over it. You just now love this person even more, and now you're even more scared. So that's something that I am very aware of. So I noticed the potential.

[B]

So you need a girl that's like busy late nights too. Have you looked in strip clubs?

[A]

Excessively? You know, some of those girls have baggage.

[B]

No shit.

[A]

No. I don't need a girl that's busy late nights. I don't need that. I just need a girl that understands. What I can't do is date somebody that's busy early in the morning. Because that means if I'm working into the evening and she's gotta be up at 6am, that's not gonna work.

[B]

You never see each other.

[A]

But if we both work nights, or she works days, but it's late enough that if we get together at 10pm, that's OK. She's not like a zombie yet or whatever. Or gets off work early enough that I can see her before I go to work. There's ways that can all work. It's more just somebody understanding this is just what it is. This is gonna be what it's gonna be. Welcome to the Mystery Boys. I'm Kermes Trez. Whiteclawsmus Dunston Trudeau. We're here to gape your fourth eye. Three Eye Atlas. JFK's Dr. Hamas, Hitler's Dr. MK Ultra, Adrena Crumb. Alistair Kraum. You ain't heard the Mystery Boys. Get to the bottom of it. I didn't see one dick in those catacombs and I looked Everywhere. Well, this is the show, guys. I hope that your mom's house is happy. This episode is brought to you by Netflix.

[B]

The four seasons is back for season two. Starring Tina Fey, Will Forte, Colman Domingo,

[A]

Marco Calvani, Carrie, Kenny Silver, and Erika Henningsen.

[B]

After a difficult year, your favorite group

[A]

of friends continues their tradition of vacationing together, now with a baby in tow.

[B]

From the Jersey shore to upstate New York and Italy, their getaways are sure to take unexpected turns. Where comedy ensues. Watch the four seasons, now streaming only on Netflix. There's plenty of girls that also enjoy having alone time at night.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

So that's out there. It's not. I think that there's just some girls, and I understand what you're saying by needy. There are the girls that are just needy, that are like, no, I want you to be home. And it's like, that's a problem.

[A]

Well, here's another thing that I'm experiencing in Austin, because if somebody starts positioning and this again, I feel like this. I don't mean for any of this to sound arrogant, but if somebody starts positioning, I'm like, this is not happening. This is not happening. I've had people do that, which really grosses me out.

[B]

Positioning how?

[A]

Well, like, okay, like, usually on Mondays, right? So they do kill Tony every Monday. So usually on Mondays, I swing by towards the end of the show, and then I hang in the bar with everybody afterwards. And it's very much like a night to be, like, with my pals. You know, I hang with Tony and a bunch of guys that we're friends with. And I've had people where I say, like, Monday's kind of out, like, because I do that on Monday nights.

[B]

Your dude night.

[A]

Yeah. But also, too, I say, like, it's not a good environment for me to bring you to. It's. I'm going to be very distracted, like, or I'm going to be over in a corner with you. It's just not a great. It's not. It's just not good. Like, at this stage in the game, until you also know everybody, it's just not. It's not a great.

[B]

That's fair.

[A]

Whatever. Right?

[B]

That's fair.

[A]

And I've had people go, I think you should bring me. Anyway, the second that comes out of their mouth, I'm like, nope, that's it. You're doing some weird position thing. You're trying to get into the party right now. I don't like that. I don't like that. I'm sorry. Why else Would you care if I was describing the same situation with a bunch of comedians that weren't on the Internet? Right. You know, you, you, you wouldn't, you wouldn't care if I described that same exact scenario and it was DOC workers, There'd be no part of you going, I think you should bring me. Anyway, you're saying that for a reason right now.

[B]

Like you think she wants to meet the other comics.

[A]

Yeah, no, I do, I do. I think there's a lot of people that. And it's not just comedy. This was a thing.

[B]

Popularity.

[A]

Yeah, it's the thing. It was a thing in LA too. There were people around LA that, because there was like entertainmenty things happening.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They didn't have an interest in being like working in the field, but they wanted to just kind of get in so they could say, oh, I was at the theater thing with this person. And that is not me thinking who the fuck I am or anything like that. But there are people that care about comedy in that way. So if somebody does that, I'm very like, no, it's not cool. And in fact. And the opposite direction, if I know somebody is a fan of comedy and stuff like that and they're around with me and they're super cool. That's massive points. I'm like, you're fucked. That was great. Like I know for a fact you love that guy and his standup and you acted like you didn't even know who the fuck he was when you met him. You just did a. Nice to meet you. That's a human being, you know, not to say somebody fanning out isn't but somebody that where their first priority should be spending time with you and then using that connection so they can potentially fan out. That's gross to me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I'm sure you've experienced it like. Yeah, you know,

[B]

I guess it's different for me cause I'm a girl. Like there's not very many guys that have always wanted to like come to a comedy club.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I mean maybe some just to see my set or whatever, but not to like meet other comics because comedy is so male centric.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That, that's not like what they're going after.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It sounds like those kinds of girls are younger though.

[A]

Yeah, mostly. Yeah. There's usually not a.

[B]

She seems like an immature.

[A]

Yeah. A 58 year old woman isn't like please bring me to the Kill Tony after party. She's like, my feet hurt. I wanna.

[B]

Yeah, she's like, I'll see you at home. Go have fun.

[A]

Yeah, but Austin is. Austin is. I don't just mean the. I just mean Austin in general. Austin is a sceney kind of town. Like, it's sceny here. So you are more frequently meeting younger people than older people.

[B]

Have you done anything outside of comedy that's fun yet? Have you gone paddleboarding? Have you?

[A]

Like, my friend just asked me to do that last night, and I was like, there's no way I'm doing that.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Because it's paddleboarding.

[B]

Hold on, let me tell you how to go paddleboarding, okay?

[A]

There's multiple ways to do it.

[B]

There's the one right way to do it. You gotta get a little cooler.

[A]

Yeah, I know. White claws. Yeah, I've heard this whole fucking spiel. I know, I know, I know. Everybody's got. Yeah, I get it.

[B]

Why is this not happening? You fucking love alcohol.

[A]

You kick through the dirty, filthy water.

[B]

It is dirty and filthy and it's actually quite gross.

[A]

It's so gross.

[B]

And it's overgrown.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you know that they used to clean the lakes in Austin?

[A]

Well, they should start that again.

[B]

They can't because there's some little tiny fish that's like an endangered species. And whenever they clean the water, the little endangered species gets more endangered.

[A]

Thanks, Obama.

[B]

And that's why. So they don't clean the water anymore. So now we have water moccasins and people that don't like water.

[A]

No, I love water. I was on Lake Austin the other day and it was very fun and I fell in and I was terrified for a moment that I saw.

[B]

How'd you fall in?

[A]

My buddy had a boat and he was pulling us on a raft and he was, like, really hitting the waves pretty hard. And we like.

[B]

I just popped off the boat you launched off.

[A]

Yeah, it was fun, but. Yeah, no, I don't want to paddleboard, but I should. I do want to find other activities outside of comedy. My problem is my hobbies are very individual type.

[B]

Like to go hiking?

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

You know, I don't mind it. I like it. I don't mind hiking when it's not 97,000 degrees outside.

[B]

But you're in Texas.

[A]

I know. This is the. That's the. I can't get used to the heat. I hate the heat, so. And I run hot. I know, I know. It honestly makes me wonder, like, I don't know how many years I can live here.

[B]

Well, what people usually do is they spend half time here, and then in the summer, they exit stage Right, Yeah,

[A]

I was doing that, but then I sold my house in Pennsylvania, so now I can't do that. But it doesn't matter. Let's focus on the positive. The things that I like to do are very. They're like. They're not like. They're not like. I don't know, they're not like, group kind of hobbies.

[B]

Joe.

[A]

What?

[B]

Do you consider yourself a positive person?

[A]

No.

[B]

So why are we focusing on the positive?

[A]

Because I'm trying to be better. I'm trying to be better.

[B]

Just now?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Just now. Right now. Well, these are my flaws. This is why I keep saying. I know I've got my problems, too. Like, I'm not, you know, I don't know. Maybe it is. Maybe it might just be me. It might be me. That might be why. Maybe I shouldn't have gotten any likes on field. Six months. I don't know. Christ, who's got the energy anymore? I don't care.

[B]

Let's focus on the positive.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Anyway, so, yeah, I don't know. I like, like buying records and shit like that. That's like my favorite Sunday thing. My favorite Sunday or Saturday afternoon activity is like flea market, farmer's market, record stores. Like, I like that. I like that kind of shit. Really excites me. But that's not really the kind of thing you do where you're going to meet people. That's the thing you do where you already are with somebody, you know, or by yourself. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So, like, I don't know, paddleboarding,

[B]

just don't fall in.

[A]

But wait, are you bringing up paddleboarding? Do you think if I went paddleboarding, I would, like, meet new people or something?

[B]

No, I'm saying that I think that if you go paddleboarding, I think that you would get some sunshine, some vitamin D, so you wouldn't be such a vampire. And I think it'd be good for you to get outdoors. And also there's some solace that you get in the middle of the water. I just don't look down at the kind of water. But if you're on the water and you're, like, out in the sun also, maybe not in Austin in the summer, it's really fucking hot. But getting fucked up on the water on a paddleboard is, like, also a fun activity to do. And you can do it by yourself.

[A]

I don't really love daytime fucked up. I don't love the feeling of it.

[B]

Oh, that's my favorite.

[A]

I liked it when I was younger. Now it just Makes me like. Well, that's not true. We used to go out every day, drink. We had a thing that we were doing every Sunday for a while. It was like five of us and we were. It was a rotation. So every Sunday one guy got to pick the starting bar and nobody could argue with it. So that was. And then you would bar crawl. Okay, so that was fun.

[B]

Where's like the worst place to start?

[A]

But you just fucked up by like. Cuz we would keep drinking into the night. I have to pee so bad. Can I pee?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I'm so sorry. What happened to my pants? God, they're soaked.

[B]

Soaked.

[A]

It's pee. Does it pee from the urinal or. Yeah, the way like the pee hits the urinal. It's a guy secret. Just so you know. The way the pee hits the urinal here, it like sprays. It's so gross.

[B]

Yeah, so you're like, you gotta learn how to hit it, but you'll learn from being here.

[A]

That's. Thanks for telling me now. Yeah, well, yeah. Oh, God, man.

[B]

Joe. Gross. Well, you got a bunch of other guys. Piss on your legs.

[A]

Do not. Yeah, do not show my pants, please.

[B]

Ew.

[A]

Yeah, I know. It's disgusting. Okay, that's disgusting.

[B]

It is gross. So what's the worst bar to start on? It's touching you.

[A]

I know. What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? It's what I deserve. Let's be honest. Hey, we could just say it out loud. I went pee. And pee splattered from the urinal all over my pants.

[B]

That's so gross.

[A]

Look, I'm owning my shit, okay? I'm a queen. Queens own their shit, Joe. So what is the worst bar to start?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know. I don't think any bar is really a bad bar.

[B]

So then why is picking a bar and no one can say anything about it?

[A]

Because there's bar. Everybody has their preferences, you know? So like we, the first few times we did it, there would be people complaining about like this fucking place. Really? So then we made a rule where it was like, okay, we're gonna rotate every week. One guy gets to pick where we start. And nobody is allowed to bitch about it, like, because it's his week. So I don't know, it was just a fun thing to do. But we had to stop because it was becoming a thing where we were like, guys, we cannot get this drunk every Sunday starting at 2pm why don't

[B]

you just have a cutoff time?

[A]

Lauren, Lauren, Lauren.

[B]

No one has. No one has Any stamina?

[A]

No, no. I'm saying that's not how drinking works. Nobody's like, I'm having the best time. Let's stop. It's like, dude, I'm fucking wasted. Let's do another shot.

[B]

All right, but see, I feel like for me, day drinking, though, I like to have fajitas and then margaritas or palomas and then go find a pool and then drink by a pool.

[A]

See, these are. If we did date, if I took you on a first date, you wouldn't like that. If you started saying this stuff to me, I'd be like, I gotta. This ain't gonna work out.

[B]

What?

[A]

I'm not. I'm just. I'm not. I would. I would do it for you once in a while, like. Cause it's like, oh, she likes to do this, so I do it. But no, that's not my thing.

[B]

You wouldn't like to go get something to eat, get some drinks, and then go lay out by a pool and, like, day drink, play cards? Cause I don't like to just lay there and stare at the sun sometimes.

[A]

I enjoy that. But I've done. I don't know. I'm not a big pool guy. There are pool people and non pool people. If you said beach, I'd be born to that. I love the beach and I love

[B]

the ocean, but I'm not anywhere near an ocean.

[A]

I know pool is, like. There's like, pool that's like a culture. Like, pool culture. Like, people. I have friends that love it. Like, and they can just sit by or in the pool for like eight hours. And it's fun sometimes, but, like, it's not a thing that, like, excites me. I'd be far more excited if you were like, you know, let's. We're gonna bar hop to these different places. And, you know, like, I like moving around and like. I don't know, it's just. It's how I am.

[B]

The physicality of it. But at a bar, don't you sit down?

[A]

Yes, but. But you're only there for. If you do a bar crawl, you're only there for 30 minutes. You know what I mean? Or if you're bar hopping, you're at a bar for 45 minutes and you go to the next place. Oh, my God, look at this. And look at. This is cool. And they got this over here, though

[B]

there's nothing to look at in bars.

[A]

Oh, that's not true. They're all very different. And, you know, they have different activities and, you know, you Know different types of people.

[B]

I wouldn't like being indoors. I like being outdoors.

[A]

We do rooftop bars or outdoor bars.

[B]

Rooftop bars would be fun, you know,

[A]

But I'm just saying, if you're talking about day drinking, that to me is more. That's just more exciting to me. Yeah, I like the. I don't like being in one place for a very long period of time. It just doesn't. I don't know. I can't explain it. Like, I just.

[B]

Do you eat when you drink?

[A]

I eat before and then you drink. If I eat during, I might be able to graze a little bit as I'm drinking, but I can't. People that. I'll never get this. People that drink for hours and then sit down and have a meal and then keep drinking after. I'm like, I would. That's the. That's the bullet in the head.

[B]

No, I couldn't do that. I have to start out eating a meal first, and then I drink.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I'll eat a meal and then. So I'm into the idea of, let's have a meal and then start drinking. That's fine. My problem would be, well, we're at the restaurant. Let's get a drink before.

[B]

Do you like Vegas?

[A]

I like it in aspects of it. I like.

[B]

I don't understand you.

[A]

What are you trying to understand?

[B]

Like, how I would go on a date with you.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Like, what would be, like, the ultimate fun time if me and you went on a date?

[A]

Right.

[B]

How would you, like, honestly accelerate? How would you smile the whole time? Sounds so impossible.

[A]

Well, we would be having a very different conversation. I feel like, you know, and I feel like we'd be laughing. I feel like we'd probably be having drinks and loosening up a little bit where I love. I don't ever lead with this because I want to show the person. First of all, I never do dinner on an early date. Ever, Ever. Dinner is for. We know each other now. Dinner is not for getting to know each other. It is the worst activity. It's up there with going to a movie. So it's always a drink, work, or even a coffee or maybe something like a museum or something like that. Like something where we can walk and talk and whatever. Right. But if it is a drink, I won't lead with this. I'll always lead with a nicer, like, crafty cocktail place because I want her to see, like, hey, I'm trying to. Whatever. But if I had my way about it and I get excited when one time I Met a girl at a place and it was kind of stuffy. And I was like, it's kind of loud and stuffy in here. And she's like, yeah, I don't like this place. And I was like, oh. I go, I only picked it because I just wanted. I wanted you to see that. I was like trying to impress you, you know? Yeah. And she's like, that's so sweet. I really appreciate it. I was like, yeah. I was like, what do you like, though? And she's like, she's like, you ever go to Low down across the street? I'm like, that fuck place rips. And she's like, let's go over there. That's awesome. Like, now we're in a dive bar, the bartender's doing shots with everybody. She's making it a party. There's a pool table. Maybe we play pool, maybe we play darts. We're talking shit, we're ripping shots, we're having beers. That's fucking awesome. We're talking to other people. That's such an awesome, in my opinion, first date to have with somebody because you're seeing, you're having fun with them. You're showing them you can cut loose. You're showing them, they're showing you the same thing. And you're also in an environment where people are bringing social energy into the date. You know, a pressuresome date to me is a bad thing. Just us focus, you know, like, that's bad. Now there's. There's too much of the other thing, which is like, like I was saying, like when you go to the Kill Tony thing, I'm like, it's too much. It's not where I would bring a date, you know, but there's a much more simplified version of that where you go into a certain type of environment and there's good energy and you're. And that girl and I, like, we talked to random people. I was like, have you ever been to La Perla? She's like, no. I'm like, come on. It's like a house they made into a bar. And we went into La Perilla, we Talked to some 65 year old guy drinking by himself at the end of the bar. Like, it was awesome.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That to me is so fun and so unique and so loose and so cool, you know, like doing something like that is cool. Like going to a flea market or a farmer's market or something like that, where we can walk and there's cool shit that we can look at. And like, you're like, oh my God, they have these. And then you go over and you're talking to the lady selling the things, and I'm seeing your interests and your interactions and whatever, and you're seeing that with me, and I get excited about this thing and then you're like, well, what's the deal with that? And I'm like, well, actually, these are really cool. I've been collecting these since I was a kid. Whatever. It is. Like, that, to me is like an ideal first date. But Vegas, to me would be a fucking really fun first date.

[B]

Yeah, like.

[A]

But I would go to. But. But Vegas, like, not stuffy, main drag Vegas. Like, let's go downtown. Let's go to whatever those casinos or whatever that. I forget what the main one on. What's the street in Vegas? The Strip? Not the Strip. What's the old school street?

[B]

I don't know. Oh, God, I haven't been to Vegas in a long time.

[A]

There's like the old Vegas. There's the old Strip, where it's like all the whatever.

[B]

Like Treasure island and those.

[A]

No, that's still. That's the main. That's the main thing. If you go downtown, there's. There's. What's it called? Las Vegas Boulevard. No, no, just look up downtown. Sun. Old Vegas. Main Street. What? Streetmont Street. Main Street. Fremont. Fremont. Fremont Street. Okay, so, like, go to, like. Like, let's go to free. Thank you. Let's go to Fremont Street. I knew it was something street. Like, let's go to Fremont street and, like, let's go to. Let's go play $5 craps. That's fucking cool. That's fun. You know, and it's, It's. It's. It's low pressure, you know, that's the kind of shit I like to do on a date to see if somebody's fun. Because, I mean, that's also gonna set the tone for the future. Yeah. If somebody's like, I don't wanna do any of that, I'm like, well, we're not gonna. We're not gonna be able to hang out at all.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, so I don't know. That's. I don't know. That's the kind of shit I like. Are you figuring me out more yet?

[B]

I'm trying to. I'm just. I'm curious because we've. We've met up now on this show a couple of times and everything has been super different every single show.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, the first one, you were like, I'm not into relationships. And then the second One, you were like, I just got out of, like, a really serious relationship, and you were really vulnerable on that episode. And then this time, I'm just like, what is the. What have we learned in the two episodes where you were, like, two totally different people with two totally different perspectives? Where does that leave you now?

[A]

It leaves me in a place of knowing much more who I am and what I'm looking for and allowing that to dictate the situations I'll put myself in. So you said paddleboarding, right? Yeah, I said no. You said, why? And I was like, I'm not saying no because I don't ever like to try something new. I'm saying no because I know that that's a situation I will not enjoy. And I will feel trapped, and I will literally get anxiety from it because I'll feel like I have this fucking obligation now, and I'm at this lake, and what if I get too hot and I can't leave? And if I leave too soon, it's gonna be r the water, and I don't like. It's just. That's gonna. Just. That's how I am.

[B]

No, and that's fine. I think that that also is progress, because when you find stuff out about yourself like, that that's good to know and to have, like, a boundary and to be like, hey, I'm not interested in doing that. I was just curious as to why, because.

[A]

Sure. Yeah.

[B]

When you're. So. When. Like, for me, if I'm really passionate about being outside by the water and day drinking, and I'm like, but this is so fun. I'm curious why. That doesn't sound fun, but I. I get it. If it gives you anxiety and it's pressurized, anxiety is.

[A]

Is. Is a thin part of it. Like, I don't want to make it sound like I'm going to be having a panic attack because I have to go paddleboarding. It's not that. It's. It's. I get a. I get an anxiety. I get an underlying anxiety when I feel trapped somewhere.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's one of the reasons I don't like dinner parties very much.

[B]

Oh, you don't like dinner parties either?

[A]

No, because I feel like it is a. And I just did one, and I had a good time. But I had a good time because I cooked. I cooked. I helped my friend's girlfriend cook, and she made a thing, and I made a thing, and we collaborated, and I had an activity to do, and amidst that activity, I'd step away. I'd have a Drink with everybody. And then I'd be able to go back and do my thing. And then when dinner was done, it was time to go like that. Fine, I enjoy that. But when you say to me, come over, we're having a dinner party. And I'm like, I gotta sit at a fucking table with how long, how long is this? It's, it's, it's. I don't like, that's why I say the pool. When you said the pool thing. And I'm like, look, I'm not against it. Like, it's like, yeah, sure, sitting by a pool can be fun and you jump in and you play cards and whatever, but there's an aspect to it where I'm like, I feel a little bit like that's why I said I like, I like if you're going to day drink, like moving. There's something about that that speaks to this thing I have about feeling trapped. You know, I went out on my buddy's boat. We had a great time. The next time he asks me, my brain will fully reset. And the way I'm wired, my brain will not remember, but you had a good time. My brain will completely revert back to, how long are we gonna be out there? And what if I have to leave? And then what if this, like, being trapped just doesn't. I need. And trapped doesn't necessarily mean I have to flee the scene. Yeah, I just like when I'm able to go into my own private place if I need to. Cause sometimes I need to, you know, so, you know, I'm doing Burt's Cruise in the fall. Theoretically, there's no more trapped you can be than on a cruise ship. But I have my own cabin. So if I have to get away and I have to go just kind of be alone, I can do that and I can escape and that's it. You know, I can't do that on a boat on Lake Austin. You know what I mean? You're just like, well, no, we're on the boat. And now if I want to leave, I'm going to ruin everybody's day because I'm going to make them take me to a dock and that. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I don't know. It's just. It might just be selfishness. I don't know. Like, I don't know what it is. Like, I just, you know, the thing I dread is the idea of. I honestly have, like, dread about this. I think about this sometimes, getting into a relationship with a person you truly love. But they have all these family traditions. They do.

[B]

Let me tell you. I'm in a relationship where we have not family traditions, but family get togethers. A lot. And it can be a lot.

[A]

That's not so bad. But, yes, I imagine it can be a lot, and that's not so bad. Cause a get together, you can leave, you know, now if you're hosting it, you're hosting. But if you're hosting, it's a whole different ball game. Right. But you can leave. A get together is like, hey, I'm not feeling too hot. I gotta get out, out of here. But like a tradition where it's like, every Thanksgiving, we do these five things on this day. And you're like, that's a whole goddamn day. And I am locked in. I mean, the idea, too, of. I mean, small talk to me is a fucking nightmare, really. It is a nightmare. It's a nightmare. Pete. I just saw this clip of Pete Holmes. He described it so well. And I don't know if this is his own thing or if this is him quoting something or whatever, but he said he's like, people think that because I don't like small talk, it's me being rude. And he's like, no, I am not extroverted. And he was like, so small talk is literally draining my energy. I can't do it. It's exhausting to me. And I am kind of extroverted, but small. And I love conversation, but I like real conversation. The idea of small talk, to me, it like. And especially as a comedian. And I don't mean oh. Cause I'm so funny. I mean, like, you sit there and you talk, and there's always somebody that's like, oh, my God. So you do comedy and you. And it be. It's like. Were you on a podcast right now?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm literally trying to eat, like, lunch with you. Do you know this person? Oh, you know them. You were on the Jokers, right? It's like, oh, my God, this is. It's brutal.

[B]

You know that there's so small talk in general. I get that. But what's even worse to me is when I'll give you an example. I just went to the George Strait concert, and I was sitting next to this guy that bought his own. It was one. It was just by himself. He was there for, like, the Texas State track meet.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so, like, during the night, he didn't have anything to do, so he bought the seat that was, like, right next to me. And while George Strait is, like, performing, and I'M like, enjoying this performance. He was trying to talk to me about nothing. Yeah, like, so you live here? And I'm like, what, like, not to

[A]

be rude, hitting on you?

[B]

No, he was just trying. He was. Because I was with my husband and it was, like, obvious, you know, I mean, we're, like, dancing together and stuff, and I'm just like. But he just wouldn't shut the up. It was like he didn't have anybody to talk to. And he had to talk for the sake of talking.

[A]

Brutal.

[B]

And I was just. There was a point after, like, two questions where I just looked straight and pretended like I didn't hear him.

[A]

It's a shame. You have to sometimes. And that goes along with the text thing I was saying earlier. Realize when the conversation is over. Yeah, that's on you, not on you. You know what I mean? On the other person, it's like, I

[B]

don't want to be a bitch.

[A]

I've literally seen friends literally say to people like, hey, well, it was nice talking to you. I'm actually with my friends right now. I can't do that. I'm, like, mortified. Which is funny. Cause I am confrontational in the big sense of the word. Like, I'm like, you wanna fucking get into it? Let's go. You know what I mean? I can have those kind of confrontations, small ones. I wanna throw up.

[B]

It's hard.

[A]

Like sliding.

[B]

I'm the same way. I can't do it when it comes to that. I'm the same way. Whenever I have to tell someone something very simple. It's so hard.

[A]

There's a line in. David Mamet wrote a movie called Hoffa that was about Jimmy Hoffa. Obviously, there's a line in the movie where Jimmy Hoffa says, differences can be resolved, grievances can be resolved. But if you slight a man, that cocksucker will hate you until the day he dies. And it's so true. You can get in your boy's face and go, you dude. You fucking asshole, man. Fuck you, bro. Two hours later, bro, I love you, dude. I'm sorry, right? But if you go to a party and somebody you go, hey. And they go, you're like, I hope you fucking die. Do you know what I mean? And you'll sit with that. You'll sit with that. So that's why the small confrontations are tough. Because. Because ignoring the guy's last two questions, that's not explosive, that's dismissive.

[B]

I feel like not a lot of people, I don't have, like, I Don't have a lot of confrontation like that.

[A]

Sure. Yeah.

[B]

But there are. There. There's been a few times in my life where a girl will just be, like, really rude for no reason at all. And I'm like, ooh, don't mistake my kindness for weakness.

[A]

Yes. Yep.

[B]

Because I can fire back.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I'm like. And then there's a part of you that feels kind of good when you, like, fire back.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But then you're like, man, that's not me.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I hear you. It's. It's. It's. I don't like. Yeah. When I get explosive like that, which is not often anymore. Used to be way more often, I say. Now I'm like, I fucking resent that I let myself get to that place. Like, it's. You know.

[B]

But sometimes it's just other people's fault.

[A]

There's, like, a thing that I've heard black people say. I've never heard the expression outside of a black person using it, so I assume it's like, it's a thing from black culture. But I've seen, like, a black person, like, explode on somebody because of, you know, justifiably explode because somebody does something to trigger them or does something offensive, whatever, and they'll say, fuck you for making me come out of myself. And I'm like, oh, that's fucking great. Like, that's what it is. It's like you're coming out of your frame, composed self. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah, I'm glad you're trying to figure me out. It does help me figure myself out. I'm still trying to figure you out, too, to be honest with you.

[B]

Well, find me by a pool.

[A]

I mean, I know that's not what the podcast is about, but you're sort of confusing.

[B]

I feel the same way about you.

[A]

No, no, I know I'm saying it back to you.

[B]

And it's crazy because I have so many people that come on the show, and I can figure them out like that. And I'm like, okay, I see exactly where you're coming from. I know what you like to do and what you're into and how you are probably. And, like, it's pretty easy for me to, like, clock. But, yeah, still, even on the third date, I'm like, wow, we have a lot to talk about.

[A]

I'm a very effeminate man, and people don't think that about me because I'm so, like, aggressive on stage. And I'm, you know, in. In my podcast that I do and stuff. I'm. I'm a piss and I moan and I complain and I'm a dick and whatever. I'm actually quite effeminate emotionally. You know, I get jealous, I get hurt. I get like abandonment issues. I get like, I get scared. Like, I, I'm very, I'm. I, I'm not very alpha when it comes down to like the, the, yeah. The brass tacks of it all.

[B]

But you're very much in your own lane. And you know what you like. And you are the most like. I don't even know what the word is. You, you like being with your dudes, like so much.

[A]

I do. I know it's a problem. I have to get over it.

[B]

You're. You're like the most dude bro, guy that. And it's not like lightly like. I mean, your Monday nights going to the Kill Tony after party thing is like set in stone. And then.

[A]

Yeah, but see, I have my little shitty traditions, right? I'm complaining about somebody else's traditions, right? And I say, I don't want to have to deal with somebody else's tradition now. I have my own where I'm like. But I'm also like, don't come with me to my tradition.

[B]

Yeah, but that's like. But it's how you go out. That's how you go have fun and that's how you go out. And so you have your own. You're in your own little bubble.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, it's probably a problem. It's probably, you know, or at least a challenge. But I just, you know, I think

[B]

it's, I think it's opening up though, because I, I can tell. So one thing I can tell is like from. And then we'll wrap this up because I know we're going over time now, but I can tell that from the first time where you were like not interested in having a girlfriend and then having a girlfriend, and then now I can tell that you're more open minded and you're. Instead of being like, no, I don't want a girl around my guys and like invading my space because that's my space now you're like, okay, if I meet a girl, that's great, but she has to like kind of earn it and like prove to me in a way that she's in it for me and long haul. And then I'll bring her around that.

[A]

That, that's part of that is true. The other part of it is. And this is just me calling spades spades. And this is not because it's anything that's ever been expressed to me by any of my friends. But I'll call it what it is. The more you hang out with other comedians and the more success those other comedians are having, I'm very cognizant of their space too. Like, it is not. I don't take that lightly, you know, I have friends that are vastly more famous than I am, than I probably than I ever will be. It's just what the fuck it is. So if I'm gonna bring somebody, male or female, this is just respect around them for the first time, I have to really know, like, this person's gonna be cool. Like, you know what I mean? Like, because I've had friends burn me. Guys, not girls, guy friends burn me and really embarrass me, say a lot of stupid shit, try to be funny by being insulting to the biggest name in the room and all that stuff. And I'm like, never again. That will never happen again. So that really is more of the vetting of, like, if you're gonna come around, but also too, if I'm gonna bring you, take the famous comedian or take the comedian friends out of it. Sorry, I hope that doesn't sound gauche when I'm saying that at all. I don't mean it that way. It's just the reality of it. It's the same exact thing. I was just out at the Netflix as a joke festival. There were people I felt comfortable bringing into the back bar of the Comedy Store, and there were people that I probably wouldn't have. The people that I brought back there. I knew if fucking Dave Chappelle comes in here right now, this person will be cool. You have to know that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You have to. Right? So that just is across the board for me. But also too, in the same vein, if I'm gonna bring somebody into, you know, my friend Scott, who's my oldest friend in the world, if I'm gonna bring somebody into his home where his wife and his daughter live with him, I'm gonna make sure they're not a fucking dickhead, male or female, you know? So, yeah, I don't know. We're figuring it out. I'll, you know, look, it'll either come together. I need a girl that doesn't mind some piss on the pants that likes a dive bar, and, you know, we'll figure it out, you know? I don't know.

[B]

Yeah. Where can people find you?

[A]

Joe derosa, comedy on Instagram. But more importantly, vile and horrendous, the new pod Please keep watching. We appreciate your support so far. And it's on my YouTube. It's on YMH, obviously, and it's also on my YouTube. Oederosa Comedy is my YouTube. Subscribe to that. And that's the main thing right now. That's the main focus.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Thank you for coming back on.

[A]

Thanks for having me.

[B]

Yeah, I'll figure out. I'll figure you out some more next time.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

Thank you guys for watching another episode of First Date. We'll see you next time. First Date. Baby, are you really drinking a glass of milk with dinner? You told your mom about me? Just stay ready. Delete my number. Number your parents are your roommate. First date.

[A]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with a message for everyone paying big wireless way too much. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop with Mint. You can get premium wireless for just $15 a month. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying. No judgments. But that's weird. Okay, one judgment anyway. Give it a try at mintmobile. Com.

[B]

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