Lauren's Pregnant Again! w/ Ian Fidance | First Date with Lauren Compton

Summary

Podcast Summary: “Lauren's Pregnant Again! w/ Ian Fidance”

First Date with Lauren Compton | YMH Studios | February 24, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this lively, off-the-cuff episode, comedian and host Lauren Compton goes on her "third date" with fellow comedian and viral content creator Ian Fidance. Together, they dive into everything from Ian’s new odd jobs show, personal quirks, sobriety, the strangeness of body hair, solo dining, popcorn rituals... and Lauren’s big announcement: she’s pregnant again! The conversation is rapid-fire, brutally honest, and loaded with the kind of unfiltered humor and personal detail that defines both comedians’ brands.

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Key Topics & Insights

1. Ian’s New Show: “Ian Do: An Odd Guy Doing Odd Jobs”

[00:37–05:22]

• Ian talks about his new YouTube/YMH series, where he travels doing random jobs for a day (e.g., pit boss at Terry Black’s BBQ, security at the Mothership, dog groomer, seamstress).
• “I was a pit boss at Terry Black's last weekend and it was everything I want the show to be. It was interesting, funny, informative. It was wholesome, it had heart.” (Ian, 01:51)
• The show concept came out of the need to stay busy and avoid mental health spirals while on tour.
• Ian shares touching (“I gotta stay busy or I’ll rot in bed or put a gun to my head”) and irreverent takes on his motivation for the project.
• Notable moment: He bonds with an Australian family in the BBQ line and makes a cat look like a lion at a groomer.

2. On Work-Life Balance, Relationships, and Self-Pleasure

[05:22–07:40]

• Ian is candid about not mixing pleasure and business and mostly focusing on his work and friendships.
• Admits to “self pleasure” during fleeting downtime: “Last night between like 11 and p.m. and 11:15pm I'm just gonna say I'm like time for self pleasure.” (Ian, 05:37)
• Shares a sweet story about his mom’s reluctant pride and his inability to “stay still.”

3. Tattoos and Body Hair

[07:40–11:01]

• Ian recounts becoming a licensed tattoo artist in Wisconsin for $65 and tattooing the “S” symbol on someone’s leg.
• Both reveal they have a “kiss” tattoo on their left butt cheek, reminiscing about previous conversations.
• The duo goes deep on body hair, with Lauren discussing chin hairs, nipple hairs, and postpartum “bangs.”
• “I've never let the chin hair grow out.” – Lauren, 14:09
• “That's how I feel about anal. I don't do it with just anyone. I really have to love you to go for that, you know?” – Ian, 11:01

4. Postpartum Changes and 'Ugly Betty' Transformation

[15:52–25:47]

• Lauren describes postpartum “baby bangs”—pesky new hair growth after pregnancy—and the resulting bad hair days.
• Mark, her partner, suggests bangs, which Lauren meets with horror. This leads to a fun photo exchange of Lauren in her “Ugly Betty” goth phase.
• “Look who got the last laugh. You. Little Ugly Betty turned into a beautiful swan.” – Ian, 24:01
• The conversation includes self-deprecating humor about old photos, failed auditions, and the universal awkwardness of high school looks.

5. Academic and Imaginary Friend Anecdotes

[19:40–32:26]

• Both comedians bond over math failures and summer school stories.
• Ian admits to having an imaginary friend—a deer named "Venetio”—as a child.
• Ian reveals the origin of his show’s name: as a child, he would plead, “Ian do!” until his parents gave in.

6. Dining Alone, Eating Rituals & Popcorn ‘Psychosis’

[33:20–40:09]

• They discuss embracing solo activities: lavish steakhouse dinners, going to movies alone.
• Lauren reveals her meticulous process for eating popcorn: biting the crunchy part off, collecting the soft “butter balls” in a cup, then “chugging” them.
  • “I put all that fake butter all over it, and I will pick the pieces out … I put the butter ball in the water cup and I fill the cup up with soggy balls. And then once it's full, I will just like, throat them.” – Lauren, 34:08
• Ian shares his own food rituals, like using chopsticks or licking popcorn to avoid greasy fingers and cutting shrimp for “surgical precision.”

7. Food Preferences & Sobriety

[41:00–43:22]

• Ian details his likes (love dill, citrus, onions) and dislikes (parsley and cilantro taste like soap due to genetics).
• Confirms he’s 11 years sober; current vices include coffee and cigarettes.
• “I'm at two packs a day now, and I'm working on cutting back.” – Ian, 42:16

8. Cigarette Habits & the Elusive ‘Marlboro Man’

[43:24–46:51]

• Ian discusses the fantasy of being sponsored by Marlboro, his dream “Marlboro Man” ad (“I ride a man that's also a woman”), and cigarettes as afterglow post-sex.
• Reveals he smokes inside but claims no smell—confirmed by Lauren and friends.
• Lauren marvels at his white teeth and lack of smoke aroma.

9. Lauren’s Pregnancy Announcement

[47:38–48:54]

• The big reveal: Lauren is four months pregnant and her son is about to turn one, making her kids “Irish twins.”
• “Are you pregnant again?” / “I'm four months pregnant.” / “Shut the fuck up. Are you for real? I had no idea. Oh, that's amazing.” – Ian & Lauren, 47:42–47:50

10. Baby Naming Debate

[48:54–53:44]

• Lauren and Ian brainstorm names for her next son, debating cool/unique choices (Jax, Ace, Levi, Xylo, Oxford, Otis, Axel).
• “Name your kid Axel Black… he comes with a Camaro and a gun on his hip.” – Ian, 53:35
• The conversation is equal parts silly and thoughtful, touching on nicknames, friend faux-pas, and the urge to “get it over with” as a parent.

11. Wrap-up & Plugs

[53:47–54:25]

• Ian recaps his show release schedule and social handles:
  • “It comes out every other Tuesday on my YouTube channel … Instagram's Ianimal69 and iandoushow for the show.” – Ian, 54:02
• Lauren thanks Ian for the laughs, promises a “fourth date,” and the show closes.

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Notable Quotes & Hilarious Moments

• On odd jobs:
  “I’m a man of the people. And there are these people behind me that were from Australia, a family. They flew 17 hours ago to Terry Black’s and I invited them in…” – Ian, 01:51

• On mental health and work:
  “If I don’t have something to do, I’m gonna rot in bed or put a gun to my head… Thank God I have Ian Do. It saved my life.” – Ian, 04:09 / 04:22

• On intimacy:
  “That’s how I feel about anal… I really have to love you to go for that, you know?” – Ian, 11:01

• On body quirks:
  “Can I tell you, those are your thinking hairs. You pull on them when you have a thought and it makes you seem more studious.” – Ian, 13:00

• On old photos:
  “You look like Hispanic at the disco, dude.” – Ian, 22:29

• On popcorn:
  “I will just, like, throat them. Just like chugging a beer. And I just eat them all. And it tastes so good and, like, mushy…” – Lauren, 34:08

• On sobriety and vices:
  “What are your vices? Alcohol and… Come on, brother.” – Ian, 41:47

• On cigarette sponsorship:
  “No, I’m the new Marlboro man. I ride a man that’s also a woman.” – Ian, 43:38

• Pregnancy announcement:
  “I don’t have very many clothes that fit me at this point in pregnancy … I'm four months pregnant.” – Lauren, 47:38 “Shut the fuck up. Are you for real? I had no idea. Oh, that's amazing.” – Ian, 47:43

• Naming the baby:
  “Name your kid Axel Black… he comes with a Camaro and a gun on his hip.” – Ian, 53:35

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• 00:37 – 05:22: Ian’s Odd Jobs & Show Pitch
• 07:40 – 11:01: Tattoos & Body Hair
• 15:52 – 25:47: Postpartum Hair / Photos / Ugly Betty
• 33:20 – 40:09: Solo Dining / Popcorn Rituals
• 41:00 – 43:22: Food Preferences & Sobriety
• 43:24 – 46:51: Cigarette Habits & The Marlboro Man
• 47:38 – 48:54: Pregnancy Reveal
• 48:54 – 53:44: Baby Naming Discussion
• 53:47 – 54:25: Show Plugs & Outro

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Conclusion

This episode is a prime example of Lauren Compton’s style: a wild, hilarious, and intimate “date” that rarely skims the surface. Ian Fidance’s candid, chaotic, and generous energy meets Lauren's self-effacing wit for an hour that’s both heartwarming and off-the-wall. If you’re after a look at the messy, deeply human—and hysterically funny—sides of dating, parenting, and personal growth, this one is a must.

Listen to Ian Do: An Odd Guy Doing Odd Jobs on YouTube [YouTube.com/ianfidancecomedy], and follow Ian at @ianimal69 and the show at @iandoushow.

Transcript

[A]

I'm so excited to see you tonight. First date, baby. First date. I can't wait. First date. Oh my goodness, you guys, this episode's gonna be so good. I'm all. I've been laughing for 10 minutes straight and we haven't even started yet. You guys know my guest today? He's. We're on our third date. He has a new show out. Ian do doing just an odd guy doing odd things. Give it up for Ian Finance.

[B]

Hi. Oh, thank you, guys. Thank you. I'm so excited to be here. This is. I didn't even realize it was our third date. And our second date was so wonderful because I had mentioned the show that I was filming at the time. Ian do an odd guy doing odd jobs. YouTube.com finance comedy produced by YMH and. And YMH hit me up afterwards. Like that sounds really fun. Can we work with you on it? And I was like, this is a dream. So I have you to thank for letting me jib, jab and run my mouth about it, for being such a good date, for allowing me to talk, you know, Cuz usually on my dates I'm the one listening and everything, but you let me speak. And it's about time a man speaks. So I really appreciate you, Z. And let me go, cuz look at us now.

[A]

Are you having fun doing your show?

[B]

I'm having the best last time. It's amazing. We recorded an episode today. A dog and cat grooming company called Fluff Butts came to YMH and I groomed a dog and a cat. I shaved them and I made the cat a little lion. And he is like a lion's mane. And it was so wonderful. Yeah, I'm having a time of my life.

[A]

What's been your favorite odd job so

[B]

far, dude, Honestly, I'm not just saying this to Buddy. You're up, buttercup. But I was a pit boss at Terry Black's last weekend and it was everything I want the show to be. It was. It was interesting, funny, informative. It was wholesome, it had heart. I. They, they let me go around and they gave me all this food and in line they were like, you could cut the line. I was like, I'm not cutting the line. I'm just like you. I'm a man of the people. And there are these people behind me that were from Australia, a family. They flew 17 hours ago to Terry Black's and I invited them in and had them join. And me and the mom hit it off. And the dad's name was Hans. And he was, like, 7ft tall. It was crazy. So I got all this food and had, like, a new family to share and, like, this wonderful meal with. It was. It was just so perfect.

[A]

Did you smell like barbecue when you left?

[B]

I still have my clothes from my shift that reek of barbecue, and my cats could smell it in my luggage, and I'm like, wow, they really must have missed me. They're scratching at my luggage. It turns out I just smell like pork chops, you know? But it was great. It was so fun. And all the guys there were fantastic. Classic Tyler and Matt, the pit boss. They were great, and it was, like, really, really fun. It was great. And then the next day, I did security at the Mothership, and I wore floor to ceiling tactical gear, and I had, like, an American flag with a spear.

[A]

Was that another odd job?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Was that odd?

[B]

It was actually way more normal than I thought. I kind of played it up because everybody thinks the Mothership is this, like, fortress guarded by marines and Green Berets was just like, regular guys. So I wore gear to be like, I'm ready for my job. And like, yeah, you kind of look like an. We're just like regular guys. And I was like, well, this is so expensive. I'm gonna keep wearing. Was great. I'm having so much fun. Yeah.

[A]

How many episodes have you done?

[B]

So I've been filming for the past year, and I have a ton in the can, but we've been filming almost every weekend. I was a taxidermist in Denver. I was a seamstress and built from scratch my own coat in Connecticut.

[A]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, it's really cool.

[A]

So when you go on tour.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you perform, do you just stop at these places and do it wherever you go?

[B]

Yeah. Well, that's like how I came up with the show because I'm. I'm on the road so much. Like, I think last year I was on the road like, 50 weekends, and it's like, dude, if I don't have something to do, I'm gonna rot in bed or put a gun to my head.

[A]

No.

[B]

So I was like, yeah, go do something. Yeah. Yeah, I'll eat a shotgun for breakfast, Lauren. But thank God I have Ian, too. It saved my life.

[A]

You now have a show.

[B]

Yeah. So I to these towns, and instead of just sitting around, I'm like, I got to get up and do something. So I find interesting people with interesting jobs, and they show me how to do their job. And I have, like, something in my head where I'm like, I gotta be good at this. So I start out and I kind of suck. And by the end of the shift I like actually am pretty decent at the thing I'm doing. So I've. I've really, really enjoyed it. It's really fun.

[A]

Have you.

[B]

And I get to meet like great people.

[A]

Yeah. I was gonna say, have you met anybody?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Romantically?

[B]

Tons of people. No, no, no, no. I. I did kind of have a flirtatious thing with the male seamstress named Malcolm, but other than that it was cool. Yeah, it was cool. It was fun. No, I haven't met any partners or anything through the show. I. I like to keep business and pleasure separate, you know.

[A]

But you're doing so much business now.

[B]

I am so not much time for pleasure.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I did groom those dogs and that was very pleasureful. Yeah, it was great. Yeah.

[A]

So now you're back in Austin and what other. What are you doing? When do you have time for pleasure?

[B]

Last night between like 11 and p.m. and 11:15pm I'm just gonna say I'm like time for self pleasure.

[A]

So how are you feeling?

[B]

Eye contact? What.

[A]

How are you feeling about that? Like not doing so much work and diving into that. Are you feeling. Do you feel really good about.

[B]

I feel so fulfilled and I feel great. I do best when I'm busy and I do have downtime, but I've been really like throwing myself into my friendships and like, like little hobbies and stuff. And honestly I'm like, so go, go all the time. When I do have downtime, I just want to hang out on my couch with my cats. But I was in Denver last week or no, Austin last week. I had six shows at Cap City. Tanner shout out from ymh. He opened the shows. Crush it. It was awesome. Sold out. Show is amazing. And then I did a couple of the jobs, flew back Wednesday and then I flew to Dayton and did Dayton, Ohio, Friday, Saturday and then flew here yesterday. And I'm doing this. I did the job show today. I'm doing Kill Tony tonight. Then I fly back to New York tomorrow and I'm in town for a couple days. But I'm going to be coming back down to Austin for the show a bunch. So yeah, I like it. I gotta stay bus. I can't stay in one place at a time. I was with my mom. My mom visited me on Christmas and that was like so nice to have her like come up and see me and I got to take care of her and everything and we were on the subway headed to the Cellar for me to do a set. And it was. It was very nice. Somebody had recognized me, and, like, was. Was very kind and what they said. And it was cool to have it happen in front of my mom. And my mom was like, ian, I am so proud of you. I was like, thanks, Mom. She's like, you're really doing it. I go, thanks. She goes, you finally figured it out. And I go, thanks. And she goes, because you couldn't do anything like what? And she's like, you could never stay still, and when you did, you'd fuck it up. And I was like, you could have just said you're proud of me and left it at that. Thanks a lot. But, yeah, I don't know. I'm enjoying everything I do, you know?

[A]

Have you done tattoo art yet?

[B]

Yeah, I tattooed. I got my tattoo license in Wisconsin for $65. In an hour, you could become a licensed. Licensed tattoo artist. Yeah, I tattooed, you know, that s. Symbol that we were drawing our notebooks and stuff? I tattooed that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, I tattooed that on a guy's leg.

[A]

Was it good?

[B]

It was good. It was for something. First tattoo ever. It was wonderful. I can show it to you. I have. I have it right here. Maybe I'll send it to the guys so they can pop it up. But, yeah, I'm pretty proud of it. Just making good podcasting, being on my phone, trying to impress Lauren. Hold on. I swear to God, it's here. Oh, I wish you could see my cats. Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Oh, Lauren.

[A]

Usually on a date. Hey.

[B]

Pretty good, right? Do you see it?

[A]

That is really good.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

The shading.

[B]

Thank you. Yes, I know.

[A]

I mean, I wouldn't want it on my body. Well, but someone that's.

[B]

Surprise. This is a new episode of Ian Do. I'm a traveling tattoo artist. Enie, hold her down. Annie. Edward, you don't have tattoos, do you?

[A]

I have one tattoo. I have a kiss on my left butt cheek.

[B]

I have a kiss on my left butt cheek.

[A]

Did we talk about this?

[B]

We did. We did.

[A]

We had to.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, I do. Want to get another? I'm gonna get a back piece with it going on down my butt cheek, but you're gonna leave space.

[A]

You don't have a back piece?

[B]

No, I look like a fool. I'm covered from my chest down, the whole front side of my body and then my legs down. I have the back, but I look like an idiot. You're just. Bareback shirt. Bareback. We'll be Right. Bareback. Yeah, I know, I know, I look like an idiot. And I've been told from ladies of the night partners that I have one patch of hair on my right shoulder that's like alarming to look at because really, believe it or not, I don't have a lot of body hair. Everybody thinks because of the face, I'm

[A]

like a lot of body hair.

[B]

I look like a wolf man, but I don't. Except this one patch of back here on my back. Yeah.

[A]

You know, and.

[B]

And I have said the three worst things you could ever hear a man say before. The three worst words no one would ever want to hear, which is shave my back. Oh, I've had to say that before,

[A]

you know, but there's girls that really relish in moments like that, like popping people's.

[B]

Why do you guys like the pimple pops?

[A]

The blackhead?

[B]

Yeah, why do you guys like that?

[A]

It's just, it's like

[B]

you all turn into like little apes that want to like pick bugs and just feels good

[A]

to see it come out.

[B]

I think you guys like torture. I think you guys like to make us feel pain.

[A]

No, because I don't even want it to hurt my goal. If I ever like were to and I have to be like in love with you to do it. Like, I would never just like, want to hurt you.

[B]

It's like you love language.

[A]

It's like, it's a compliment to someone that I really like. And it's like, I want to help you with this.

[B]

That's how I feel about anal. I don't do it with just anyone. It's an acquired. I really, I really have to love you to go for that, you know? And also too, that is also about popping. Okay. Sorry, I'm just an odd guy doing odd jobs. I'll race ya. I'm Ian Finance. Hey, how are ya? And each week I'm in different towns across the country doing stand up comedy. And to keep me from rotting in my bed or putting a gun to my head, I get you to teach me how to do your job. Ian, do an odd guy doing odd jobs. YouTube.com ianfinancecomedy Tuesday produced by YMH I gotta rip a fart too, bro. Let it loose. Toot toot. I'll see you out there. How long you been working here?

[A]

My sometimes. So Mark will ask me to like, he has the, the like beard trimmer or whatever to like shapen up the back and like the neckline and stuff and I'll just go straight down his back without him even like, asking. And he. Don't get me wrong, he does not have like a fur back. He's not like that. But he has like a few little wisps that I'll.

[B]

You just wisp them up?

[A]

Yeah, just like, just little Lawrence tree trimming service so fast he doesn't even have time to say anything. And I'm like, I'm helping. I'm helping.

[B]

That's such a nice couple thing to do. He. You shave his back, and then I can only assume he shaves yours. That's like a good date night.

[A]

You know, I have like one, like one or two little black chin hairs that just. I should. I should go to laser away and get them lasered off, but I don't have time. So I will sit in the mirror when he's not in there, and I will just go and just like, grab them.

[B]

Can I tell you, those are your thinking hairs. You pull on them when you have a thought and it makes you seem more studious.

[A]

Just two, though.

[B]

That's what I did. Before I could grow facial hair, I had two in high school. And I would sit in chemistry class going, what is the periodic table sign for alum?

[A]

It's bad, dude. He's walked in on me doing it before.

[B]

Plucking two hairs.

[A]

Oh, it's so much more. I would rather him walk in on me like, masturbating.

[B]

I mean, I think he would too. You think he wants to walk in on the chin?

[A]

He's like, this is boring. God, I just like, quickly pretend like it's my eyebrow. I'm like, nothing to say, but that's nice.

[B]

That's like what makes you human. And I think that's like one.

[A]

Okay, what about nipple hair?

[B]

Nipple hair? You have a nipple? Are you one of the people who's like one of those long ones?

[A]

I mean, I have like a few nipple hairs.

[B]

Like, long enough to get like, yanked out. What's longer, your chin hair? Your nipple hair? Well, and you leave the nipple hair.

[A]

I've never let the chin hair grow out.

[B]

Psycho.

[A]

The nipple hair. Not many people are looking.

[B]

Well, that's nice. But the ones who are are scarred,

[A]

traumatized.

[B]

So wait, you have it long enough that you could do you fingers and

[A]

I could just go like that.

[B]

Why don't you? What's your major malfunction, man? You just got scragglers out there?

[A]

No, I'm saying I could, but I pluck them before they get to that point. Oh,

[B]

they're that long that you pluck them for sure.

[A]

I mean, they. They come out of the skin.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I can't get, like. Yeah, it has to expose itself.

[B]

I. You know what? But love is love. If you love someone, I don't want to look at you. But if you love someone. Yeah. Have nipple hairs. Why not?

[A]

No, I don't let them grow out. No, no, no. They. They exit stage left.

[B]

Dude, what if he walked in and you were doing one chin hair and one nipple hair?

[A]

What would happen?

[B]

I mean, I think he'd turn into a puddle, like Alex Mack. Just slither out of the room. I don't know. How fast can you get divorced in Texas?

[A]

I think it takes a while.

[B]

I think you're fine. I think that stuff's really cute. Like, when I. Like, when I really like someone and I notice, like, they have, like, a little thing wrong with them, I'm like, oh, that's. I like that.

[A]

But how little is little till it becomes a big thing?

[B]

Well, I'm also a hypocrite. If I'm with you and you get bangs, I'm like, see you later. I'm a piece of.

[A]

Bangs are a terrible idea.

[B]

I've never been a bang guy.

[A]

Yeah. I have this postpartum hair.

[B]

What's postpartum hair? It grew.

[A]

No.

[B]

After you had a baby.

[A]

No. So, like, the. I have it hair sprayed back, and it's like. I slicked it back. But if my hair was, like, down. I have these, like, pieces of hair that are only this long.

[B]

And it happened after you gave birth?

[A]

It happens about 10 months to a year after, and it, like, gets pretty bad. There's, like, some little pieces around here that are just, like, one inch and

[B]

so will that change? Or is it, like, grow back out? But like, a nipple hair, it grows and grows, but it's.

[A]

I forgot. Where was I going? Oh. And so my. I was venting about this to Mark, and I was like, my. My postpartum hair is so embarrassing. And it, like, sticks up like, whenever. Because it's just. It's bad. It's like, just broken hair. And he goes, why don't you get bangs? And I'm like, you don't love me. You don't love.

[B]

No. You look like with bangs. I could see Ugly Betty. I could see you in, like, a 90s style. Like, the teased. No, over like that.

[A]

Like, hold on.

[B]

Like, you were, like, an extra and clueless or something.

[A]

No, no. I'm gonna do what you did to me, and I'm gonna show you a picture of me with bangs, Please.

[B]

But when you do it. I'll carry the conversation. So I think at least. At least having postpartum hair is better than postpartum depression because Andrea Yates had postpartum depression and she drowned her kids.

[A]

I'm not going to drowned anybody over this. Hold on there.

[B]

Yeah, and that's something to be grateful for.

[A]

Photos in here. Why they're. Hold on. I just have to call him. Really quick pause this part of the episode.

[B]

No, no, no, keep it. Hold on.

[A]

He has to send this. You have to know what I look like.

[B]

A picture of you with bangs.

[A]

You have to see.

[B]

This is it. Am I right that it's like the thin tees?

[A]

No, they're not even cute like that. They're straight up like this. And I have pitch black hair.

[B]

Are you a natural black hair?

[A]

No. No.

[B]

So why was he here?

[A]

I didn't even answer my call. I want to leave a very mean voicemail.

[B]

Please keep it all. This is the real deal. We're on our third date. We're showing who we really are. This is amazing.

[A]

Listen, you motherfucker, can you please send me the Ugly Betty picture of me with black hair and bangs asap?

[B]

Why did you have black hair? You dyed it.

[A]

I used to dye my hair black. I used to have hair down to here.

[B]

Were you, like, a goth? Were you like.

[A]

I was goth for a very short amount of time. And the back of it was platinum blonde, so whenever I put my hair up in a ponytail, it looked like a skunk dude.

[B]

Hold on, hold on. I am getting such a retroactive boner for this right now. Were you, like, trashy at one point?

[A]

Oh, my God. It was.

[B]

Oh, my God, my Delaware is coming out right now.

[A]

I would wear it.

[B]

I want to take you in a pickup truck to the Cherry island dump. That is Delaware.

[A]

You. I had ripped up jeans. I would wear, like.

[B]

What year was this?

[A]

This was in high school. I was in high school. So, like, 2003.

[B]

What year did you graduate high school?

[A]

2005.

[B]

2003.

[A]

Okay, I'm older than you.

[B]

Yeah. No, if I graduated in 2003, that would make me older than you.

[A]

Thank God. Take that out.

[B]

Keep it, keep it, keep it.

[A]

Don't.

[B]

Keep it.

[A]

No. You know, have you seen that thing on Instagram? It's like, the worst. There's something in my phone worse than pictures of, like, other guys. And it's the calculator and it's like eight minus two.

[B]

Oh, I haven't seen that, but that's so funny.

[A]

Oh, my. That's me. Yeah, I'M so bad at math.

[B]

I'm terrible at math too.

[A]

You're better than me.

[B]

I used to be a carpenter, so I was really good, like, memorizing, like, numbers and like 7 and 5, 8 plus an inch and a quarter is blah, blah. But I. If you asked me to do that now, I'd need like 10 minutes to, like, do long division to figure it out.

[A]

I failed pre algebra four times.

[B]

Really?

[A]

And I was in summer school two years in a row.

[B]

And is it funny? There's no test to be a mother. Isn't that incredible, dude? Some. Some. I was. I was really bad at math. My SAT scores were like, through the roof for verbal. But math, I was just like. So I. I don't know what it is. Like, I just had a hard time with it and I got. Obviously like, when I was a carpentry is like, very, like, it's not like, easy, but you can. Because you can visualize it on a tape measure so you can learn it better that way. But like, now at this point, I'm like, I. I couldn't. 12 times 12. Ready? Say it on three. 1, 2, 3, 12. 144.

[A]

12.

[B]

What? 12 times 12.

[A]

Why couldn't we do a plus sign?

[B]

Okay, 12 plus 12, 24, 24. Oh, 30 plus 7.

[A]

Hey, can you send me that picture of me with black hair and the bangs? The one that you love that I hate? I'm on my podcast with Ian and we're talking about bangs, and I have to show him this picture now.

[B]

What?

[A]

Hi. I love you.

[B]

What'd he say?

[A]

He said it's a banger.

[B]

Ah, I love him.

[A]

Could you hear that on the microphone?

[B]

Okay, let me call the person I love. Oh, cats can't pick up phones.

[A]

No. Well, at least you have math.

[B]

Barely. Barely.

[A]

At least you can count.

[B]

You can count on me making fun of you for your bangs. No, I think that's so nice to, like, be with someone and have, like, these little things and like, he's gonna send you a picture where you think you're ugly. And I bet he's gonna be like, no, you're like, the cutest. Like, I love that stuff.

[A]

Are you ready? You just sent it.

[B]

Oh, boy, this is bad. I bet you look great.

[A]

And he goes, hahahaha.

[B]

Let me see. Let me see. Goo. What in the Banana Republic cashier at the mall is this. Shut the up. Are you serious? Dude, you look like you fold shirts at a Hollister.

[A]

I worked at Abercrombie.

[B]

This is. I nailed it. Oh, this is not you. This is crazy.

[A]

That is me. And I was.

[B]

How do you look like a Hispanic.

[A]

I was also like. I was also 19 or something.

[B]

You look like Hispanic at the disco, dude.

[A]

Can you see that?

[B]

That's crazy. That's not you.

[A]

That is me, bro.

[B]

Ha. What were you doing with yourself?

[A]

I blend into the background.

[B]

Yeah, I mean. Cause you look so blue.

[A]

The photographer fucking hated me.

[B]

Was it the photographer?

[A]

Right? Like you could take a better photo. I look submissive. Like, I look like this little tiny.

[B]

No, I think you just look like you're gonna like. I don't know.

[A]

Okay. And then he sends me this.

[B]

Shut the fuck up. Oh, that's incredible.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You look like a full time caretaker for your abuela in that picture. It's amazing. I can't get over it. That's you.

[A]

So they were auditioning for Ugly Betty. And my agent that I had at the time told me that if I.

[B]

You got the role for Too Ugly

[A]

Betty, I was too ugly to be Betty. But he told me that if I like got a haircut and had bangs. Cause I already had black bangs.

[B]

So did you do that for.

[A]

I did that for the audition and then I didn't get it. And then I was stuck with that hair for like a very long time.

[B]

Well, look who got the last laugh. You. Little Ugly Betty turned into a beautiful swan. Oh, isn't that nice?

[A]

That is nice. But I can sense your mother in you. And there's something else coming.

[B]

The mother in me.

[A]

Your mother in you.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Oh, you're gonna say something really nice and then you're gonna blast me.

[B]

Oh, no, no, I was being genuine.

[A]

You.

[B]

You, you were just. I mean, criminally ugly to. To a point of almost like sheer terror and shock. And you pulled it out the end, dude.

[A]

But was it the Hollister that offset it so poorly, like what I was wearing?

[B]

Can I tell you honestly that you were just a symptom of the time? Like that is what everyone looked like at that time. Like, it's not like you're ugly. In hindsight, it's like jarring, especially with how you look now. But if you compare that to everyone at the time, that's how that's how we all dressed. It was like H and M. Hollister, you know, Abercrombie.

[A]

But now imagine that with two black chin hairs and nipple hair.

[B]

How old were you in that picture? Because I don't want to think about that picture's nipples. I will now think about the nipples. Alarming.

[A]

Like, there's no hope for that.

[B]

Yeah, there is. You're the hope. Look at that. They should show that in schools. The before and after. Like, like for. You know how like queer youth. It's like it gets better. It's like this is for like, like young cholas. Like, don't worry, it gets better.

[A]

Just dye your hair blonde.

[B]

So what's your natural color?

[A]

Can you see like a little bit of my root here? Yeah, it's like an ashy blonde.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's like a dirty blonde.

[B]

So you're not. So you're not blonde like in the back like that. That blonde in the back in your ponytail is not your.

[A]

This is bleach.

[B]

Gotcha. Okay. Okay.

[A]

But that's what most, most people who are blonde do.

[B]

Bleach? Yeah.

[A]

Like you get highlights. The color that you see like at the root kind of or whatever. That's my normal hair color.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Let's take a second to talk GLP1s. When they first came out, I was skeptical, but it's been amazing to witness the results that people are seeing. Obviously there's the weight loss part, but what really stands out to me are the positive effects on overall health. And now that there's a pill option, it feels way less intimidating and way more accessible. Today's sponsor, ROE offers their first FDA approved GLP1 pill for weight loss at the lowest cost around. It's made from the same weight loss ingredient as the shot and it can help patients lose 14% of their body weight in a year on average. I love how easy Row makes it. To find out if you're eligible for treatment and how quickly you can start receiving your medication afterwards. Go to Roe Co first date to see if you're eligible for the new GLP1 pill on Roe. That's Ro Co firstdate to get started on Roe. Go to Roe Co safety for boxed warnings and full safety information about GLP1 medications based on study in non diabetics with obesity or overweight plus a weight related condition with diet and exercise. When I had the idea for this show, I had no clue that bringing it to life would mean having to wear countless other hats that have nothing to do with being a host. That's why finding the right tool that actually works instead of just adding to your plate is a lifesaver for millions of businesses. That tool is Shopify. Shopify powers the brands you know and love like ours here at ymh. Plus the ones that are just getting started. They have countless templates to build an online store for your brand or business without having to learn how to code or whatever. And they've got AI tools to handle everything you don't want to do, like write product descriptions, create headlines, and edit your photos so you can focus on the stuff you actually know how to do. Start your business today with the industry's best business partner, Shopify, and start hearing. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.comdate. go to shopify.comdate that's shopify.comdate.

[B]

well, whatever you have, it's better than

[A]

one of the natural hair color bald. But you have some color in the hair that you have.

[B]

It's like, okay, yeah, it's like, I guess like brown. Would you. Yeah, it's brown.

[A]

Brown.

[B]

Yeah. I used to dye it blonde when I was younger because I wanted to be Kurt Cobain. But I. What?

[A]

He actually did eat a bullet for breakfast.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Or so they say.

[B]

Well, what's interesting about that is everybody's like, mc didn't kill himself. Yeah, Kurt didn't kill himself. Okay. Yeah, let's get to the bottom of that. I do think his. His. It's weird because his suicide letter, the first half reads as if it's retirement letter. And then the handwriting gets CR and it changes and it's darker when he talks about like actually kind of saying good night. And so it's like, is that. Did someone else write that or is he just like. That's when he was kind of like nodding off on heroin. He wrote it and then just like kills. I don't know.

[A]

Do you remember when you were here when Ozzy Osborne.

[B]

Oh, yeah. And you were the most disrespectful human ever. I think that's so funny. People still comment on my stuff, like, sorry, sucks,

[A]

sucks.

[B]

Oh, greatest living rock legend died. Sucks.

[A]

I don't know. I've never read Kurt Cobain's suicide letter.

[B]

He addresses it to Boda.

[A]

Who?

[B]

Boda. That was like his imaginary best friend as a child. And if I were to do that, I would address it to a made up deer friend I had that I called Venetio. Is this date going okay?

[A]

It's going great. But I don't know who Benicio is. Is that really an imaginary friend you had?

[B]

I had a imaginary friend that was a deer that I named Venetian.

[A]

A deer?

[B]

Like all my imaginary friends were animals.

[A]

Oh, little Venetio. So Venetio, it was deer from Italy maybe.

[B]

I think it was from like the recesses of like a deeply disturbed child's mind. I don't know why his name was

[A]

Venetian, why were you deeply disturbed as a child?

[B]

No, I'm just making a joke. I, I think I was, like, fine, you know?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, you turned out pretty good.

[B]

Yeah. Thank you, Mom.

[A]

Some people.

[B]

Mother. Gail. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I, I, I, I was a, I, I actually feel like now as like a 41 year old man, I've, like, kind of tapped into that little kid. I was, it got like, a lot of really bad things happened when I was younger and then I, my life, like, went down a very different path. But I feel like I've really worked to get back to, like, being that ornery little, like, sweet kid. And I'm very happy to know that, like, now if that little kid met me, he'd be like, you're a rocking dude.

[A]

Like, he'd be like, the me in that photo.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Thinks if they would meet me now

[B]

that you in the photo would be like, thank God.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, but I'm saying, could you go back to that? You and the foot. Were you happy in that photo? Because I had pics of me as like a little kid and I'm just so, like, happy before, like, life showed up, like in the, in the, in the wrap up of Ian. Do I name the show that? Because when I was little, I was so annoying. I, I couldn't speak well. But when I wanted to do something, I'd say, ian, do. So my parents would be like, doing something. I just say, ian, do until they'd let me do it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So at the end of the day, each episode, it's a video of me as a three year old in my backyard going, ian, do. Ian, do. And we cut it off. But at the, in that video, my dad is sawing a 2x4 with a saw and he goes, fine, fine. Ian, do. And just gives me a saw. That was so annoying. My parents, like, just give him what he wants. I'll shut up.

[A]

Yeah, that's hilarious. Well, I care about your trauma, but I'm also wondering about how

[B]

sucks. I was horrifically burned into church fire when I was seven. And have you ever seen a child get addicted to Percocet? It was the only way I could deal with the pain. Sucks. Do you dye your hair?

[A]

So what we really want to know is that's very interesting, however, when you go and you do these things. So back when I was single and lonely, my favorite thing to do was go do, like, having really fancy dinners by myself and I would go and I would sit like at a steakhouse and I would order for, like, two. Not because I do that.

[B]

I take myself out to steakhouses and eat. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Do you really?

[B]

I swear to God. Yeah, I actually. Well, I went out with a buddy last night. We went to a steakhouse for, like, three hours. But the night before, I was in Dayton, I took myself out to a place called the Chop House. And I got like a prime rib and, like, crab cakes. And then, yeah, I take myself out all the time. There's this place I go to in New York called the. Called old homestead and DiStefano's. I'm there constantly. I, like, every couple weeks, I'll treat myself to, like, a steak dinner and oysters.

[A]

Dude, I love this. Yeah, that was my. That was my thing.

[B]

Yeah. And I've been going to the movies alone.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, I've done that so many times. And I just sit there. I will eat a large popcorn by myself.

[B]

How do you eat your popcorn? Do you put your hand in it? Do you dip it back? Or do you go lizard style where you lick it with your tongue?

[A]

Let's talk about how I eat my popcorn. There's a process here. So first of all, when I order my popcorn, I also get a water cup with no water. And when I sit down in the theater, first I put all that fake butter all over it, and I will pick the pieces out that have the best round part. And then I'll bite off all of the crunchy part and I put the butter ball in the water cup and I fill the cup up with soggy balls. And then once it's full, I will just, like, throat them. Just like chugging a beer. And I just eat them all. And it tastes so good and, like, mushy. And then I'll start over and I'll do it again until the popcorn is gone. That is how I eat my popcorn in a theater.

[B]

K, I respect your trauma, but I. That is so bleak and dark. What the fuck? You cut off the round parts, spit it into a bottle like a chalk up, and then you drink it?

[A]

Yeah, and then I eat it. I eat.

[B]

That's so cool. Because it's. If you can find love, I can find love. That's great. And, dude, all nipple hairs and popcorn psychosis.

[A]

I got this from my mom.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. So when I was little and I would go to the theater with my mom, my mom would eat her popcorn like that. So I started eating my popcorn. So it's like.

[B]

Wait, wait, you bite off all the little, like, fluff parts and then you have the base in the Middle. You put that in a cup and then you slug it back.

[A]

No, no. So like, you know, a piece of popcorn, you have like, it's got the

[B]

nucleus and then it's got fluffy ball. Yeah. Like a. Like a rose petal.

[A]

And then all the crunchy stuff.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So I'll take it and I'll bite

[B]

off the little rose petals.

[A]

Bite off all the crunchy part.

[B]

Rose petals.

[A]

And then I put just the soft soggy There. There can't be any hard parts.

[B]

Do you put it in your mouth to soggy it?

[A]

No, I don't want it to get soggy. It just does because moisture.

[B]

Do you have fucking camel, dude. This is a cr. And then you eat the regurgitated center of the popcorn.

[A]

None of those balls have been in my mouth. Previously.

[B]

Clip it. So you.

[A]

Yeah. Cup.

[B]

Fill the cup up. Chug.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Chew or drink?

[A]

Not chew it. You have to chew it.

[B]

What? Like a snake with your throat. That's wild.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

That's. How do you eat your popcorn?

[B]

I thought I was weird because I get a straw and I put it in the butter thing. So the butter goes in the middle. And then I put salt on it. And then I'll either use chopsticks or I'll lick it so I don't have to touch it with my hands. I'll bring the box and I go.

[A]

So you won't even touch it.

[B]

I don't like touching my food with my hands.

[A]

But you're talking about just popcorn.

[B]

A lot of stuff. I don't touch a lot of food.

[A]

Have you asked your mom why she does that with popcorn? No, I've never asked her. I just assumed that was like our thing, you know? She just like, started doing that when I was little, and so I just, like, followed suit. And let me tell you, my son will do the same. I'm just kidding.

[B]

What a legacy to pass on. Just you with a whip in a movie theater. You're eating it wrong, mama.

[A]

That's not how you eat popcorn, Jacks.

[B]

That's wild. So anyway, actually, I'm gonna try that. I'll try it. I'll eat popcorn psycho style.

[A]

Will you. Will you. Will you take a selfie of yourself

[B]

doing it and send it to me? Yeah, Just a nimble nibble cup. Nimble nibble cup.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So you don't touch your food. This is gonna be hard for you.

[B]

I do touch food, but I try not to. Like, I don't like.

[A]

Like when I say, how do you eat pizza?

[B]

Well, I mean, I. I fold it and I eat it. But I'm talking about stuff where my fingers can get, like, greasy. I don't like that. You know, Like, I'll. I'll pick up oysters and eat it. Like, I try, actually, with shrimp, I don't pick it up and eat it. I cut. I do like a surgical thing where I cut the tail and then separate so I can have the entirety of the shrimp. Then I chop it up and eat it.

[A]

What about sushi?

[B]

Sushi, I use chopsticks. Although amakatsi, I use my fingers. Shout out, dilip Lee, your new amakatse

[A]

place is great because you're supposed to eat it with your fingers.

[B]

Amakatsi?

[A]

What's amakatsi?

[B]

Amikatsi is like single course amakase. Is that the voice of God? Yes. Amakase. What'd I say?

[A]

Omakatsi.

[B]

Omakatse. Omakates.

[A]

I'm not even Japanese and I knew that word was wrong.

[B]

You're not. She doesn't know math, but she knows Japanese. It's incredible. I was wrong.

[A]

I was like, what?

[B]

Why didn't you stop me? You made me look like a fool.

[A]

No, I was waking.

[B]

Is it because I let you tell your popcorn story and you look like a fool? Is that. You're getting me back?

[A]

No, I wanted to know what omakatsi was.

[B]

Omakase.

[A]

Omakase.

[B]

Omakase. Oh, my gosh.

[A]

Okay, okay.

[B]

I'm a little Omaka. Sassy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Are you supposed to eat sushi with your fingers? I always use chopsticks.

[A]

I. I always eat sushi with my fingers. Is that not correct? Dude, that's what people do.

[B]

Usually when I eat barbecue ribs, I use a fork and knife.

[A]

Well, see, I only do that because I have nails and I don't want under my nails. You don't have nails?

[B]

No, but I have a mustache and facial hair, so I can't just dive in. Like, when I eat a big burger, I'll chop it up and eat it because I. I really don't like stuff in my mustache and beard or on my fingers.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What about hot dog? Hot dog. I don't use my hands for the glizzy. I, as Lauren says, throwed. No, I'll eat a hot. I'll chop a hot dog off with fork and whatever. Or I'll use the bun as a, like, barrier and only eat the hot dog.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Is that.

[A]

What do you not like to eat?

[B]

I eat everything.

[A]

Do you like dill?

[B]

Love dill.

[A]

Do you like citrus?

[B]

Incredible citrus. Amazing. Don't like parsley. Don't like cilantro.

[A]

Does it taste like soap?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Really?

[B]

I'm one of those guys. Yeah.

[A]

I've never met one of those guys.

[B]

Ian. Damn glad to meet you.

[A]

Dang. So cilantro and parsley taste like soap? What about mushrooms?

[B]

I like them. Not the psychedelics. Oh, my God, I love onions. Are you kidding me? A nice shallot. Love it.

[A]

You don't like trippy mushrooms?

[B]

No, I'm sober. I don't.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Do mushrooms or weed or anything.

[A]

Do you drink alcohol?

[B]

No.

[A]

How long have you been sober?

[B]

Coming up in 11 years.

[A]

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, Long time.

[B]

Crazy, right?

[A]

What are your vices?

[B]

Alcohol and. Come on, brother.

[A]

What, you don't drink?

[B]

Oh, I thought you meant my old vices.

[A]

No.

[B]

Oh, my vices now. Coffee and cigarettes. Cigarettes and. Come on, brother. Sorry, I. Yeah, cigarettes and coffee and I'm cutting back on the cigarettes.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Which I'm not happy about.

[A]

But what's cutting back?

[B]

Well, I'm at two packs a day now, so probably like a pack and a half or a pack.

[A]

What, so you were smoking three packs a day?

[B]

No, I'm at two packs a day now, and I'm working on cutting back.

[A]

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah.

[B]

How?

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Because I get them by the carton and then I'll keep two packs on me so I'll never run out, and then I end up, like, just kind of blowing through them, you know?

[A]

Have you ever vaped?

[B]

You know, I'm not a gay man. I'm bisexual, so sometimes. No, No, I don't vape at all. Yeah, I hate it. I think it's so dumb. It looks awful. And also, if I vaped, I would be. I would be vaping, like, right now just because I could, like, the cigarettes at least. Like, I gotta go outside and it's like a whole rigamarole. If I was vaping, I'd be doing it all the time. And it's also, like, I know I'm a hypocrite by being like, the chemicals. But, you know, there's a lot of chemicals and gross stuff in the vape that I just don't want in me. But again, I'm a hypocrite. I smoke cigarettes. I have, like, no leg to stand on with it, but I'm just not. I'm not that guy.

[A]

You should go to a tobacco factory and see how they make cigarettes.

[B]

I would love to. I don't understand why I cannot get sponsored by Marlboro or Philip Morris or. So I'm like the last Marlboro Man. I. I'm like the new Marlboro.

[A]

Make a commercial.

[B]

I. Maybe I should. Maybe I should just shoot a Marlboro commercial. The old Marlboro man is out. A cowboy riding a horse. No, I'm the new Marlboro man. I ride a man that's also a woman. Marlboro come to Flavor Country.

[A]

Certain channels might play that.

[B]

None would. I up. I'm the new Marlboro Man. I like cats.

[A]

Okay, maybe we just don't make the commercial.

[B]

Okay, that's fair.

[A]

We just. You're just the marble man, and you go. And you see how cigarettes are made. I actually don't know how cigarettes are made. Like, I'm sure they're made in a gigantic factory, but, like, yeah, you know, to think about how they're all, like, so perfectly rolled. When I was in high school, rolling blunts, like, I know how it took a long time for me to, like, learn.

[B]

I could never roll a blunt or a joint. I had, like, one of those rolling machines. I figured out. I have. I have ring cam footage at my house. I have to. I think it's on my phone. I have to find it. But there's ring cam footage of me with, like, a gal. A gap. A gals in my bed. And we, you know, had sex. And then afterwards, I'm in my kitchen naked, and I open the fridge, and you can audibly hear me go, what am I doing? And then I take a swig of water, I shut the door, and my face lights up, and I go, do you want to smoke a cigarette in bed? And that's when I realized, like, I'm like a Weezer song. I'm tired of sex. And what I want is a cigarette in bed. Like, I want someone I can share a cigarette in bed with. You know what I mean? Like, that's my, like, divine feeling of, like, joy is like, being able to just, like, rip a cigarette in bed with someone. Like, all the stuff leading up to it is just, like, an appetizer to the entree for me now, which is, like, music and a cigarette in bed. That's all I want.

[A]

But how does it smell in your room?

[B]

Dude, I gotta be honest. And no one believes me until they actually enter my home. But it does not smell like cigarettes. I. I keep my windows open. I have candles. It's like, I. Dude, did I smell, like, cigarettes when I hugged you?

[A]

No, you don't smell a cigarette.

[B]

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[A]

You also didn't hug me, huh? Did you hug me?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Niana, did he hug me? Yeah. Yeah, he did.

[B]

Thank you. Girl voice.

[A]

Shut up.

[B]

Hey, fellas, in the booth, did I smell like cigarettes today?

[A]

No. No.

[B]

I did your laundry and they did not smell like cigarettes. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, you did.

[B]

Boom.

[A]

You were. You went over to Ian's place. No, he came over to my place.

[B]

I went to his place. He was my helper at the shoot last week. And I sweat through all my clothes, and he. And I left them in a bag, and he graciously enough washed them for me, and they did not smell like. I'm telling you, man.

[A]

How do you avoid the smell?

[B]

I don't know. I think I've been blessed by God to be the next.

[A]

Which is shocking.

[B]

How crazy, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I am an anomaly.

[A]

You are.

[B]

I am a Rubik's Cube. I am hard to solve.

[A]

I don't know how you have white teeth and you don't smell like smoke and you're at two packs a day.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's wild.

[B]

And I drink coffee all the time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm telling you, I am. I am. I am a precious jewel.

[A]

And you drink black coffee. Yikes.

[B]

You're not a black coffee person. I used to be just a black hair person. Yeah. I take my coffee. Like, I took my hair in 2005.

[A]

Gross. Back when I was really skinny, I would drink black coffee.

[B]

You're still very skinny. The black slims you. But you're still very.

[A]

It's. You can't see a lot.

[B]

No, you look great.

[A]

I'm covered up to my chin.

[B]

Yeah. No, she does have a burlap sack on. Today's Sharia Law day at YMH Studios. No, but you look. You look great.

[A]

I don't have very many clothes that fit me at this point in pregnancy, so it's just a little weird.

[B]

Are you pregnant again?

[A]

I'm four months pregnant.

[B]

Shut the fuck up. Are you for real? I have no idea. Oh, that's amazing.

[A]

You.

[B]

Hell, yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Nice fist bump, Turtle. That's great. Congratulations.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Oh, I had no idea.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh. So is it the hair thing from being pregnant now or is it from pregnant before?

[A]

So the postpartum hair is. Because my son is turning one next week, so I'm right at that peak time. Irish twins, they're 18 months apart.

[B]

What? Isn't that kind of Irish twinsy?

[A]

Is that. Yeah. Oh, okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Good for you.

[A]

Trying to get it over with, you know?

[B]

How many more do you want to have?

[A]

I might have One more.

[B]

Are you having till you have a girl or do you know?

[A]

No, it won't be until.

[B]

Right. I had a name. I had neighbors that kept having kids because they want a girl so bad, and they have, like 11 kids in the family.

[A]

I'll be honest, I don't really want a girl at all.

[B]

Really? I would love to have three very Chinese of you. That's cool.

[A]

Second one, you heard it here first. Is also a boy.

[B]

Oh, you know, congrats.

[A]

So it's WWE at my house.

[B]

Yeah. Let's go.

[A]

What's up?

[B]

Wow, that's incredible.

[A]

Two boys. What should I name him?

[B]

Oh, Ian.

[A]

First comes Jax.

[B]

Jax. Wow.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

I don't know. Jax is such a dumb name. You'll probably name your kid, like, Mandalorian or something.

[A]

Cool.

[B]

No, I like the name. Is it Jack or Jax?

[A]

Jax. J, A, S. Jax.

[B]

Like short for Jackson.

[A]

His name. His full name is Jackson J, A, X, O, N. We call him Jax, but our last name is Black. And I was like, we're not naming him Jax Black.

[B]

Jax Black. Jackson Black is a cool name.

[A]

So we did Jackson Black and we call him Jacks.

[B]

Dude, Jackson Black is an awesome name.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

That sounds like a. Like a. Like a vigilante superhero kind of name.

[A]

What do I name the second one? Ooh,

[B]

what do you like? Tell me three things you like.

[A]

Let's try to do something with an X in it.

[B]

Xylophone. Black.

[A]

Xylo.

[B]

Zylo.

[A]

I like Zylo. Xylo's cool.

[B]

Xylee. Yeah, Xylo. That's kind of cool.

[A]

I like it.

[B]

Yeah. Xylo and Jax.

[A]

Yeah, I liked. I also liked Ace.

[B]

Dude, Ace is a good name. Ace Black. Dude. Why are you naming your kids names of, like, cool action star names from the 80s?

[A]

So I pitched Ace to Mark and he was like, oh, no, it reminds me of American Gladiator. And I'm like, oh, that is exactly

[B]

why I name your kid Laser. This is Tower Black. That's great.

[A]

I like Ace.

[B]

Ace is cool.

[A]

I'm still stuck on Ace.

[B]

I like old school names like Leon or Otis.

[A]

Levi.

[B]

Levi's cool.

[A]

What about Oxford?

[B]

No. Okay. What? Oxford.

[A]

To be honest, that was my husband's first pick. Want to name him Ox?

[B]

What?

[A]

Yeah, but I'm like, that's a castrated.

[B]

No, name him like Hank. And his nickname is Oxygen. You know, like, he gets a name nickname. The nickname Ox for being, like, big. You don't name him off the rip.

[A]

Ox.

[B]

Oxford.

[A]

Ace is so much Cooler.

[B]

Ace is better. Ox.

[A]

What is he?

[B]

Elon Musk. That's such a terrible name.

[A]

Yeah, that is. Terrible name. It won't be Ox.

[B]

Yeah, no.

[A]

But I like Xylo. What about Levi?

[B]

Levi's good. Levi Black. You can't have a bad name if your last name's Black.

[A]

Levi. What about. What if I named him.

[B]

Eagle? Super Eagle. Black

[A]

Eagle.

[B]

Yeah. No, you should. Oh, Major Loud. How'd you get the name? I rode public transit. Loud. Black.

[A]

Major Black.

[B]

Major Black. What? Wait, we just said one, not Jack. Jeez. Luke. Luke Black. I like Levi. Levi Black is like a cool. Levi's a cool name.

[A]

If you had to choose between Levi and Ace.

[B]

Ace again is kind of like a nickname.

[A]

What about Acer? Is that a name?

[B]

It's the name. Like a tennis ball company. What are you talking about?

[A]

What can we. What can a full name for Ace be? Mace? Mason.

[B]

Mason Aster. No, Aster Black. Holy Aster. That's cool. Aster Black. See, this is a fun thing that I'll never have to do because I don't want kids. I mean, if I get another cat.

[A]

How about that?

[B]

I mean, dude, what about Otis? Otis Black?

[A]

Otis is cool.

[B]

That's cool.

[A]

But is Otis cool? Do you guys like Otis?

[B]

She reminds me of the dog, the little pug.

[A]

Odie's like Thor.

[B]

What about Maddox? Maddox Black.

[A]

No, One of my best friend's son's name is Maddox.

[B]

Oh, she beat you to it.

[A]

She beat me to it. And I really like Axel, but another one of my girlfriends.

[B]

Axel Black.

[A]

I know, but can I take a name that one of my, like my.

[B]

Literally, you're not taking the name you're taking. That's like two kids named Mike. You can't be like, well, my friend has a son named Michael. I can't name my kid Michael. Like, name your kid Axel Black.

[A]

Any.

[B]

That sounds cool. Axel Black.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, he comes with a Camaro and a gun on his hip.

[A]

He does, you know. All right, so it's between. I guess it's between Axel, Levi and Ace.

[B]

And Xylo.

[A]

And Xylo.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Man, this has been such a great podcast. Yeah, you've helped me come so far.

[B]

I'm so happy I could just help you come.

[A]

So you have your new show, Ian. When does it. When are you. You're already airing.

[B]

It comes out every other Tuesday on my YouTube channel and it's collabed with YMH. It's YouTube.com Ian Finance comedy every other Tuesday. And I put all my stand up on there and a bunch of, like, different fun stuff I'm doing. And my Instagram's I animal69 and Ian do show is the Instagram for the show as well.

[A]

I love it.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, it's really fun. Thank you. I'm so happy to be here. This is so fun.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I can't wait to come back and come again. I know, brother.

[A]

Thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of First Date. We'll see you next time. First Date. Baby, are you really drinking a glass of milk with dinner? You told your mom about me? Just say, you ready? Delete my number. First Date, your parents are your roommate. First date.