M*sturbation Saves Marriages w/ Yannis Pappas | First Date with Lauren Compton

Summary

Podcast Summary: "M*sturbation Saves Marriages" with Giannis Pappas | First Date with Lauren Compton

Release Date: July 1, 2025

In this engaging episode of First Date with Lauren Compton, hosted by YMH Studios, comedian and viral content creator Giannis Pappas joins Lauren to delve into the complexities of modern relationships, marriage, and parenting. Through humor and candid conversation, Giannis shares personal anecdotes, offers relationship advice, and discusses the challenges of balancing career and family life.

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1. Introduction and Guest Background

The episode kicks off with warm introductions, as Lauren welcomes Giannis Pappas, a renowned comedian and host of the Honest Papas Hour. Giannis mentions his latest special, "Property Owner," highlighting his active presence in the comedy scene.

• Lauren Compton [00:18]: "His history hyenas, Andy, has a new special out called Property Owner. Give it up for Giannis Papas."

2. Life in New York vs. Austin

Giannis contrasts his experiences living in bustling New York City with his occasional visits to Austin, Texas. He humorously critiques Austin's climate and social demeanor compared to New York.

• Giannis Pappas [01:11]: "And like all comedians, I come once in a while and pretend to like Austin."
• Giannis Pappas [07:18]: "It's very similar to a German diet. It's just like meat. Like, this whole city probably has colon cancer."

3. Marriage and Parenting

The conversation transitions to Giannis's personal life, revealing that he has been married for five years and discusses his experiences as a father of two young girls. He humorously describes the challenges of child-rearing and maintaining a relationship amidst parental responsibilities.

• Giannis Pappas [12:06]: "She's a keeper. Yeah. And I went down on her on the first date."
• Giannis Pappas [25:17]: "Always help. Always help. Yes."

4. Sex Life and Humor

Giannis opens up about his intimate life, using humor to address topics like masturbation and marital intimacy. He candidly shares his approach to maintaining a healthy sex life within his marriage.

• Giannis Pappas [03:25]: "I think I'm masturbating so much, it's starting to get gay."
• Giannis Pappas [26:10]: "Commit to it. Grow the fuck up. You got. You can't have it all."

5. Dating and Relationships

Discussing the dynamics of modern dating, Giannis shares his perspectives on long-term relationships, breakups, and the importance of commitment. He emphasizes the significance of not "fencing in" relationships and being fully present.

• Giannis Pappas [33:34]: "Timing is everything. It really is, you know, Relationship should be this, not this. If it's this, it's gonna fucking end."

6. Use of Technology in Dating

The duo explores the impact of technology on relationships, specifically the rise of AI-generated partners and dating apps. They debate the ethical and emotional implications of forming connections with artificial intelligence.

• Giannis Pappas [37:31]: "Not a big fan. I'm into the in-person kind of meeting."
• Giannis Pappas [38:17]: "You guys gotta compete with trans women. And now AI."

7. Advice for Marriage and Relationships

Giannis offers heartfelt advice for maintaining a strong marriage, especially when raising children. He underscores the importance of support, discipline, and prioritizing the relationship amidst life's chaos.

• Giannis Pappas [26:10]: "Always help. Always help. Yes."
• Giannis Pappas [42:06]: "Always help. Always help. Yes."

8. Closing Remarks and Future Plans

As the episode winds down, Giannis shares details about his upcoming projects and expresses enthusiasm for future collaborations. Lauren and Giannis reflect on the enjoyable conversation, hinting at potential future interactions.

• Giannis Pappas [42:16]: "We'll have a second date."
• Giannis Pappas [42:20]: "Please check it out."

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Giannis Pappas [03:25]: "I think I'm masturbating so much, it's starting to get gay."
• Giannis Pappas [07:18]: "It's very similar to a German diet. It's just like meat."
• Giannis Pappas [26:10]: "Commit to it. Grow the fuck up. You got. You can't have it all."
• Giannis Pappas [33:34]: "Timing is everything. It really is."
• Giannis Pappas [37:31]: "Not a big fan. I'm into the in-person kind of meeting."
• Giannis Pappas [38:17]: "You guys gotta compete with trans women. And now AI."
• Giannis Pappas [42:16]: "We'll have a second date."

Conclusion

This episode of First Date with Lauren Compton offers a blend of humor, honesty, and insightful discussions on relationships, marriage, and the evolving landscape of dating in the digital age. Giannis Pappas's candidness and comedic flair provide listeners with both entertainment and valuable perspectives on navigating the complexities of love and family life.

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Where to Find Giannis Pappas:

• History Hyenas Podcast with Chris DiStefano
• YMH Floyd
• YouTube: History Hyenas Channel - "Property Owner" Special

Don't miss out on Giannis's latest comedic endeavors and upcoming episodes!

Transcript

[Christina Hutchinson]

I'm so excited to see you tonight.

[Giannis Papas]

First Date, baby. First date. I can't wait. First date.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Hello, and welcome to another episode of First Date. My guest today is a very funny comedian. He's the host of the Honest Papas Hour. His history hyenas, Andy, has a new special out called Property Owner. Give it up for Giannis Papas.

[Giannis Papas]

Thank you. Thank you guys in the back. I appreciate that. There's a lot of people here on our first date.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Man, I wanted you to come to First Date.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

For, like, so long.

[Giannis Papas]

I wanted to be here for First Date for so long.

[Christina Hutchinson]

I think I even slid into your DMs, like, a year ago.

[Giannis Papas]

I think you did.

[Christina Hutchinson]

And I was like, hey, do you want to come on my show?

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. I got excited, and then I saw it was for a podcast invite, and I was like, that's right. Pretty girl. Should have known it was for something other than a first date.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Damn.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. But I'm married, so I'm joking.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah. You live in New York?

[Giannis Papas]

I live in New York City. I'm from New York City. I'm from Brooklyn, New York. I live in New York. And like all comedians, I come once in a while and pretend to like Austin.

[Christina Hutchinson]

But you don't really like Austin. It's so different than New York.

[Giannis Papas]

Well, the heat's a little oppressive.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. I can understand why racism persisted for so long down here, but people are just surly. I mean.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah, it's just our mood changes.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

We go from really kind.

[Giannis Papas]

Yes.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Austinites.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

To, like, fucking assholes.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Summer.

[Giannis Papas]

Yes. And, yeah. I'm not used to people being nice to me. People just start talking to you here. Like, even at a restaurant, someone was sitting next to me, was like, hey, is this your first time here? And I'm like, we're not at the same table. We're at different tables. Like, your conversation's supposed to be to that person at your table. And my conversation is with my best friend, my phone. I was sitting there watching the game like this. I mean, what. Is there anything inviting about watching somebody going like this?

[Christina Hutchinson]

No.

[Giannis Papas]

It's like, leave me alone.

[Christina Hutchinson]

But, you know, it is weird. Like, I think that, like, I used to go to restaurants by myself all the time.

[Giannis Papas]

Did you?

[Christina Hutchinson]

Oh, yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

You can do that and be fine, right?

[Christina Hutchinson]

Oh, if I go there, they're like, there's a.

[Giannis Papas]

At the restaurant.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Well, people think I'm lonely.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Like, I want. No. My phone.

[Giannis Papas]

Your phone. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

But I would sit there and, like, I have just. I'm just fine. Just ordering whatever I want. Just, like, being by myself, having a good time.

[Giannis Papas]

Do guys come up and try their hand? Like, what's going on?

[Christina Hutchinson]

I, of course, stood up. That's what I'm saying. I look lonely. Like, I look like I need a Prince Charming to come talk to me. And I'm just like, yeah, I don't want the free drink.

[Giannis Papas]

Being a pretty girl is like just being a celebrity your whole life. And then if you get popularity, you're like, double. People look at you, like, double. You get looked at the same amount as Ben Affleck.

[Christina Hutchinson]

No one looks at that guy like he has anything fun going on.

[Giannis Papas]

No, but they recognize him. They look at him. Just. You get looked at as much as Ben Affleck. That is how it goes.

[Christina Hutchinson]

All right.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

So you're married?

[Giannis Papas]

I am married.

[Christina Hutchinson]

How long have you been married?

[Giannis Papas]

Five years, I think. Don't really know.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah, I feel like there's always a question mark in the answer.

[Giannis Papas]

Just if I could count the. The way I do it is count the amount of times I've masturbated. So it's probably about. I'd say about 16,000 times for probably about six years. Yeah. I'm masturbating so much, it's starting to get gay. Like, it's just a dude's dick and a dude's hand, and my wife's hand's just nowhere. It's just the ratio of guy hand to girl hand for a married guy, it's like 16,000 to zero.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Do you have calluses yet?

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, yeah, I got. You see, I'm a lefty, too, so I got a ring mark on my dick from my wedding ring. From my own hand. Yeah. Yeah. Can't even get to my wife. There's baby toys everywhere. It's booby trapped.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Kids take over the house. Like, I never felt more like a Palestinian in my entire life. Like, they start out here with their toys, and then they just set up settlements all over the fucking house. Just taking over land.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Oh, my God.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, it's a different.

[Christina Hutchinson]

You don't stand a chance.

[Giannis Papas]

No, and they're girls, too, so I'm surrounded by women, man.

[Christina Hutchinson]

That's a lot of estrogen.

[Giannis Papas]

It's a lot of estrogen. Yeah. I kind of understand what happened to Bruce Jenner.

[Christina Hutchinson]

It just overwhelming. He's like, why don't I just be one, too?

[Giannis Papas]

It just happens. You start crying at commercials. Tampon in my asshole. It kind of just starts. You just had a kid, right?

[Christina Hutchinson]

I did, yeah. Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

What's that, like, he's got plenty of food.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Trust me, he doesn't miss a meal either. That kid is.

[Giannis Papas]

We are stocked up.

[Christina Hutchinson]

He's chunky, too. And, like, you know all my friends that breastfeed just, like, they run out of milk. I don't run. I don't have. I don't have that.

[Giannis Papas]

No, you got a perpetual supply.

[Christina Hutchinson]

So he'll just be sitting there just eating and eating, and I'm like, are we good yet? Until he just shits his pants.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, he's like a person at a buffet. You just end up eating more than you all you can eat because it's there.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's going well.

[Giannis Papas]

Let's go. Well, for him.

[Christina Hutchinson]

It's going great for him. He's a very happy baby. He sleeps well.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

They say the bigger they are, the better they sleep.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

So he sleeps like a rock.

[Giannis Papas]

Do you think? Nature. That's what nature's like, the bigger your endowment. Like, nature's saying, like, put a bunch on there. Like, is that, like, you have, like, refill? Like, it's like.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Tesla battery for solar roof is extra. Like, it's gotta be part of fertility in some way.

[Christina Hutchinson]

I don't know.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, it's gotta be, like, a thing.

[Christina Hutchinson]

There's a downside, though. Like, I wake up every morning. No, my back doesn't hurt unbelievably, but my boobs will leak.

[Giannis Papas]

Your boobs leak?

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yes. So I wake up in the morning and my, like, little sports bra thing, my whatever it is, is just completely soaked.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

In the morning, and I'm just. And it's gotten through, like, my mattress and then all over my pillows. I'm just, like, swimming in a fuck ton of milk. I don't know. There's gotta be a fetish out there for this.

[Giannis Papas]

Oh, I'm sure there is. The male brain.

[Christina Hutchinson]

I mean, I can squeeze my boob and it just sprinklers.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, it's like. There's no off faucet. It just.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Unless he eats.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know why I'm sounding so German. Pre coffee. Ya, ya, ya, ya, ya. I just caught myself. Ya, ya, ya.

[Christina Hutchinson]

I just blew my headphones out. I can't hear anything.

[Giannis Papas]

Ya, ya, ya.

[Christina Hutchinson]

I think I just got disconnected.

[Giannis Papas]

Maybe it's because you said fetish. And I think the people who are probably men of the culture who have the most fetishes are German.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. They, like. They go all the way with their fetishes.

[Christina Hutchinson]

I don't know what happened.

[Giannis Papas]

Speaking of Germans, here comes one.

[Christina Hutchinson]

So anyway, back to being German.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, back to being German. I mean, when you're in Austin, it's like. It's very similar to a German diet. It's just like meat. Like, this whole city probably has colon cancer. I can't wait to get out of here to have a vegetable. I mean, it's just. I've had enough of just meat. Just fucking meat.

[Christina Hutchinson]

That takes me. Where are you going and getting meat?

[Giannis Papas]

Where can you not get it?

[Christina Hutchinson]

That's true.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

It's like, good thing you're not vegan.

[Giannis Papas]

Do you want brisket salad? Do you want a brisket? Brisket water? You want brisket? You want brisket broccoli. You want brisket with. It's like, you can't avoid it. Like, everyone's got colon cancer here. Get your fucking colonoscopy when you're 10 years old. If you live in Austin, Texas.

[Christina Hutchinson]

You're not wrong.

[Giannis Papas]

I'm not wrong.

[Christina Hutchinson]

What's your favorite kind of food?

[Giannis Papas]

My favorite kind of food is Italian food.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Okay.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, I like Italian food. And then I like sushi second. And then depending on whatever our country's relationship was with that country, I'll go third. So if we're in a good place with them, I'll maybe go Korean or depending. Yeah, but right now, are we in.

[Christina Hutchinson]

A good place with Korea?

[Giannis Papas]

We're in a good with South Korea.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Okay.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. So I'll have. And. And I will ask if I go to get Korean barbecue. I'm going like, which side of the border is this?

[Christina Hutchinson]

Are we north or south?

[Giannis Papas]

This is a North or south piece of meat.

[Christina Hutchinson]

We need to know.

[Giannis Papas]

I only eat fucking Samsung free South Korean meat.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Do you drink alcohol?

[Giannis Papas]

I drink some alcohol. I got kind of tuned up last night at Kill. Tony ended up smoking a cigarette. Cause this place is hell. And it makes you any. Any kind of thing. You. You will relapse in Austin. So I smoked a cigarette. Yeah, I hung out with Tony.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Did you go to the strip club?

[Giannis Papas]

I didn't go to the strip club.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Oh, you're one of the few.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, I mean, I can't do that. The kids are married, and I'm. You know.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Trust me, it doesn't fucking matter.

[Giannis Papas]

I know that. Did you think I was gonna admit it on a podcast?

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

No, I know.

[Christina Hutchinson]

What am I? I'm like, hello, I went to the.

[Giannis Papas]

Strip club last night and fucked three hookers. I mean, what do you think I was? I mean, I didn't.

[Christina Hutchinson]

You're right. No, you're right. If I did, I wouldn't. Yeah, yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

I wouldn't say it.

[Christina Hutchinson]

What happens at the strip club stays.

[Giannis Papas]

On a podcast, right? Yeah. Yeah. No, I don't go to strip clubs. And I. I stopped going to strip clubs a long time ago, even before I was married. Because it's just. You start to realize you're not getting your money's worth. Yeah, you're not getting your money's worth. It's, like, a little too expensive. I prefer the massage. I used to prefer the massage. That was not present tense. I used to prefer the massage, like, because the girl who massages you actually looks like a stripper and. But then you actually, like, can get.

[Christina Hutchinson]

I've never even been to a strip club where they massage you.

[Giannis Papas]

You haven't? There's always one girl walking around. She's, like, almost a stripper, but, like, her.

[Christina Hutchinson]

She gives you, like, a background.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, like her. She's getting money, but she. Her dad. Her relationship with her dad is still on a talking basis, so she doesn't get the pole.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Go.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. She's the one girl in there whose dad texts her, so she does the massages. And, you know, that's just. That's that difference.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Oh, my God.

[Giannis Papas]

There's always one roaming masseuse.

[Christina Hutchinson]

That's amazing. So you smoked? What did you drink?

[Giannis Papas]

When I went to the strip club. No, last night.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Last night. I want to know what you drink when you drink.

[Giannis Papas]

Oh, okay. When I drink, I do a gin and tonic.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Okay.

[Giannis Papas]

So I had two gin and tonics on the stage. Killed Tony. And then afterwards, I had a couple Modelos.

[Christina Hutchinson]

That's good.

[Giannis Papas]

Cause why did Mexico do as the Mexicans do?

[Christina Hutchinson]

I like Modelo. It's probably the only beer that I would drink.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Not a beer drinker, no.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, yeah. You don't look like a beer drinker. And you don't look like you pay for many either.

[Christina Hutchinson]

So let's talk about your relationship with your wife.

[Giannis Papas]

Okay.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Where'd you meet her?

[Giannis Papas]

I met her. Speaking of the devil.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Oh, my gosh.

[Giannis Papas]

Let's talk to her. No, it was my agent. One of the Jews fucking calling in.

[Christina Hutchinson]

He's like, who you want to be voiceover on Trolls?

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. You see, Adam Radler, she's a Jew phone. You know, when you're a comedian, like, Batman's got the bat phone. Every comedian is just. Your phone just becomes a Jew device.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Agents, managers, you know, they're all Frisbees. We call Jews Frisbees on the history Hyenas. Because they wear. You can always, you know.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't they have, like, little paper clips in there?

[Giannis Papas]

They do. And then they take it off and they play Frisbee with it. Yeah, yeah, Frisbees.

[Christina Hutchinson]

That's hilarious.

[Giannis Papas]

So my relationship with my wife is a good one. We have a good marriage. I love my wife.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Where'd you meet her?

[Giannis Papas]

I met her. She's 14 years younger. So I met her when she was in middle school. I was a substitute teacher.

[Christina Hutchinson]

You are gross.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, I'm just lying.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Okay.

[Giannis Papas]

No, I met her when she was, you know, very old and. No, we met at a show. Yeah. Cuz, like, I'm a comedian. I don't off stage. Like, when this ends, I'll be like, yeah, it's great. You know, I'm not, like, social.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

And then the cameras are on. I'm like, hello, Dolly.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

So we met at a show, and she's Greek, and she's actually the only Greek girl I've ever dated.

[Christina Hutchinson]

So were you performing?

[Giannis Papas]

I was performing, yeah. So We've been together 11 years now.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Okay. Was she a fan?

[Giannis Papas]

No, no, her mom was a fan. Really? Which is interesting. So her mom brought her, and I follow the order of nature. And her mom's older than me, so I'm like, can't do that. And her daughter was younger than me, so I was like, can do that?

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

So I did that. Yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

All right.

[Giannis Papas]

I looked at her pictures on Instagram and she was beautiful. And so then I followed up.

[Christina Hutchinson]

And where did you follow? Did you go on a date?

[Giannis Papas]

I was actually. I had a TV show at the time in Miami. It was on the Fusion Network. And I had flown in to New York to do this show. I used to do these Greek shows. Cause I have this Greek character that got popular years ago.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Well, that sure aligns with her.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. And so I did this show that I didn't want to do, and I met her there at, like, her in her area in Long Island. And then she messaged on my Instagram, like, don't leave. My family wants to take a picture. And then I checked her gram slid into the DMs, you know, couple of furniture emojis.

[Christina Hutchinson]

I get it.

[Giannis Papas]

Which means you're moving into the DMs, you slap some furniture emojis. That's from Chris DiStefano. That's his move.

[Christina Hutchinson]

That's a good move.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, you just take all the furniture emojis and throw them in. She goes, what's this? You got moving into your DMs.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Oh, yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

And then we started talking. I flew her to dc. We went to the White House correspondence.

[Christina Hutchinson]

I block all of those emojis.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, just block them. And then we had sex on the first date.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Okay.

[Giannis Papas]

First date. We had sex on the first date.

[Christina Hutchinson]

I love.

[Giannis Papas]

She's a keeper. Yeah. And I went down on her on the first date. So I was like, this is my wife.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Wow.

[Giannis Papas]

And no fumes. No fumes. So that you need. That's important.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Okay.

[Giannis Papas]

No fumes.

[Christina Hutchinson]

And then how quickly did you. When did you tell her you loved her?

[Giannis Papas]

I was drunk that night, so I think I might have blurted it out. I love you, but I probably had, like, pussy slop all over my face.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Is it. What kind of. Is this R rated? What kind of show is it?

[Christina Hutchinson]

It is R rated.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. Okay.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Ew.

[Giannis Papas]

Well, what are you gonna do?

[Christina Hutchinson]

I don't know. I have it, too, but I come up.

[Giannis Papas]

I look like a hippo. And I come up out of the water. Just a little water drip down. What do you mean? That's what women want. You don't want a hippo. No, I know.

[Christina Hutchinson]

I'm just. There's so much liquid coming out of me right now that. Just liquid. I'm so. I just wanna know what something dry feels like a minute.

[Giannis Papas]

You just had the baby, right?

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yes.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

There's just a lot of wetness.

[Giannis Papas]

You got to do, like, PT to tighten it back up. Physical therapy.

[Christina Hutchinson]

I had a C section.

[Giannis Papas]

Oh.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Unfortunately.

[Giannis Papas]

Nice. Didn't. Didn't mess with the front door. I like that.

[Christina Hutchinson]

I tried. Yeah, I tried.

[Giannis Papas]

You tried to push, but for three.

[Christina Hutchinson]

And a half hours.

[Giannis Papas]

Big baby, huh?

[Christina Hutchinson]

Huge. That's what I'm telling you. Big old baby. His head circumference is 60, 16 inches.

[Giannis Papas]

Wow.

[Christina Hutchinson]

He's in the 99th percentile for his fucking dome.

[Giannis Papas]

That's what's good about black eyes, though, is they can, like, prep for that. They're like baby preppers. They're like birth preppers. Oh, my God. They can lose, dude.

[Christina Hutchinson]

And you know what's crazy is I didn't even realize that, like, a big head was gonna be his thing. And his father has a massive fucking head. And after he was born, I was like, oh, my God, like, our baby has this, like, massive head. And he's like, yeah, have you ever seen my head? And he took his hat off, and I realized for the first time how fucking huge my husband's head is. And I was like, whoa.

[Giannis Papas]

You got a big head.

[Christina Hutchinson]

He's got a big head.

[Giannis Papas]

And now you got a big headed baby.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Now I got a gigantic headed baby.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah. Don't show him face on. Show him sideways. Like, show his dumb.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. Which one is he?

[Christina Hutchinson]

Well, they're twins. And so he's the one on the left.

[Giannis Papas]

Oh, they don't look that much alike.

[Christina Hutchinson]

No, they don't.

[Giannis Papas]

What do they do?

[Christina Hutchinson]

Like, like, that's his brother chefs, they own Terry Blacks.

[Giannis Papas]

Oh, love Terry Blacks.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Brisket, baby. You want some more meat in your.

[Giannis Papas]

Life brisket on that there?

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah. Okay. He's the one. The left. I love that we're enlarging his photo.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. Well, the one on the right's got a real big head.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Well, they're this. They have it like he. That's a big old head.

[Giannis Papas]

The one on the left.

[Christina Hutchinson]

The one on the left. Yeah. I love that we're zooming in and in and in and in. Yeah, that's his head. I mean, you can't even tell because he's not even, like, really looking.

[Giannis Papas]

No.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Like, but when he's like, to the side. It's pretty.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

It like, looks like a. Like, you know when you blow up a balloon.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

And. And like, you get to, like, the max.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Of that. That's how big is. It's like a balloon at its largest.

[Giannis Papas]

Nice.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

So when he's going down on you, you can see full. I see his forehead looks like the sun rising.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah. Over a grassy knoll.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah. It's huge.

[Giannis Papas]

Big old white head.

[Christina Hutchinson]

So. Yeah. So my vagina is still intact.

[Giannis Papas]

That's good. That's good. So you got to heal a little bit.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah. The lower abdomen. I've been doing Barry's boot camp. I've been trying to get my body back.

[Giannis Papas]

Nice.

[Christina Hutchinson]

I'll be honest. It's not that hard.

[Giannis Papas]

It's not that hard, right?

[Christina Hutchinson]

No.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

When people, like, get like, crazy, they're like, oh, I just want to like, I'm tired of being fat. Well, go fucking work out and eat.

[Giannis Papas]

A veggie, you lazy piece of shit.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Duh.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

So no, I'm like, back down to my pre pregnancy weight.

[Giannis Papas]

Oh, congrats.

[Christina Hutchinson]

But I don't have ab strength.

[Giannis Papas]

Not yet.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Because the cut away, they were like. Yeah. So that's like, I have, like this weird, like, absolute thing. I had like an eight pack before I got pregnant, and now it's like, down to a four pack.

[Giannis Papas]

You'll get it back.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah. Anyway. And who's first World problems.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. Who's raising the kid? Like, when are you doing. Are you Stay at home kind of. When? Besides this and comedy and all that.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

That's good.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah. I would say I'm home 90% of the time.

[Giannis Papas]

That's cool. I think that's important. Well, now the baby needs you. I realize, like, the father doesn't come into the picture until like, a year and a half. Like, my second daughter's two, and, Yeah, I didn't even exist till she was about one and a half.

[Christina Hutchinson]

What do you do when they get like. So, like. You can play with them at that point.

[Giannis Papas]

You can play with them. But it was this funny thing that happened where I realized how little I meant to my daughter versus the. My mom. Her mom was. I usually just grow my beard out and then shave it. Like, I'm lazy. So I just grow it out, then shave it. So I must. I have it. I usually have a beard. So then I shaved it and I reached for my baby and she went, who the fuck is that? Like, her. But her face actually went like, fuck are you? Who the fuck are you? You could see that was in her mind, like, who the fuck is this guy? She did not even recognize me because my beard was gone. So that's how little I meant to her. Whereas the mother. It's like the scent, you know, it's like she's attached to. To my wife.

[Christina Hutchinson]

How many kids do you have?

[Giannis Papas]

Two girls.

[Christina Hutchinson]

How old are they?

[Giannis Papas]

Five and two.

[Christina Hutchinson]

So does it get better? Is it. Are they more fun when they get older?

[Giannis Papas]

It's so much fun.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Okay.

[Giannis Papas]

It's the greatest. Right now you are in it. And every parent you talk to, they'll be like, wow, you're in it. They'll use that same expression. You're in it. Like it's Vietnam or something. Because it kind of does. It's just crazy. Right now your baby's sleeping a lot, though. So it gets worse and then it gets better.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Right now it's a sleep shit. Eat right.

[Christina Hutchinson]

My least favorite part is that he's like a potato. And so you have to pick him up to do anything. Like, he can't sit up by himself. Yeah, he's just like. He's like floppy. Like, he's just this floppy thing. Yeah. His head goes back and so, like, you have to, like, fully.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

You know, and he doesn't really like laying back. He likes to sit up.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

And so then I'm like. I'm like a full body cast for the dude.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

So we're just sitting up like this.

[Giannis Papas]

And then you're like a nurse for Terri Schiavo. Yeah. Just moving the bodies.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah. So I just want him to be able to sit there by himself.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. That takes a little while.

[Christina Hutchinson]

That's like a. Like seven months or something.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. And then.

[Christina Hutchinson]

And I'm at three and a half.

[Giannis Papas]

And then they start crawling. And then they. As soon as they start crawling, they get fast. So you always gotta watch.

[Christina Hutchinson]

That's what I hear.

[Giannis Papas]

You gotta just like make sure they don't fall down.

[Christina Hutchinson]

I can't wait to race him.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, well, that'll happen around. And they're quick. Those little buggers are quick. They just. And they don't know. They don't know safety or danger yet. So that's on you. So you can't just let them. Your kid go in a direction because they will find a ledge somewhere and just keep going. Like they don't understand to stop.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

So that part is hard.

[Christina Hutchinson]

I gotta stop using the R word.

[Giannis Papas]

Oh, you're about to say re.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah, retard.

[Giannis Papas]

Retard.

[Christina Hutchinson]

And I say it like I like. It's fun.

[Giannis Papas]

We are in Austin. I mean, it's you. I think here, I think you're supposed that when you come into the airport, they're like, you're gonna say, right, yeah, of course you're going to the mothership. Like that's part of that passing process.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Why do you think they lock their phones up?

[Giannis Papas]

Exactly.

[Christina Hutchinson]

You know, because every comedian says those two things.

[Giannis Papas]

That's right.

[Christina Hutchinson]

If you want to hit it.

[Giannis Papas]

If you want to hit here in Republican Hollywood.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah, yeah. So you go to. But you go to LA and you say.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, he's an unhoused special challenged.

[Christina Hutchinson]

The comedy club will get an email.

[Giannis Papas]

Genius.

[Christina Hutchinson]

You'll get a one star review.

[Giannis Papas]

Non, non, non. Binary. Yeah. You have to use different language.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

In Los Angeles.

[Christina Hutchinson]

I wouldn't even know how to do stand up in Los Angeles anymore.

[Giannis Papas]

It's. You know, you would think those people just went through a fire, you know, that you'd think that the words would be okay now. I went there, I was doing stand up there last week. And actually this is true. The last time I was in LA was when the Dodgers were playing the Yankees in the World Series. And I'm a big Yankee fan from New York. And the Dodgers won and they were doing this dance shit. And it was horrible to be in Los Angeles and I hated watching that. But then the fires came and I was like, oh, God. God got you back. God is a Yankee fan. So I feel, I felt a little better about that when I was watching the fires, I was like, yeah, who's doing this shit now?

[Christina Hutchinson]

Not no, no one.

[Giannis Papas]

No one was doing that dance.

[Christina Hutchinson]

No one.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. So you figured. I think when I perform, I felt a little bit that they were a little more receptive to just, hey, this is funny. Because their house is gone.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

So they get.

[Christina Hutchinson]

They have to laugh to keep from crying.

[Giannis Papas]

They got a little perspective now. And if they keep fucking around, I'll set another one. Who. How come nobody even suspected that might have been Yankee fans who set those fires?

[Christina Hutchinson]

I don't know.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

But I feel like their neighbors had water guns and that was all they were using to put them out.

[Giannis Papas]

Well, they had Mexican gardeners with hoses. But it wasn't enough because it was rich people's houses. It was a real social Palisades.

[Christina Hutchinson]

It was like, up in the ritzy.

[Giannis Papas]

That fire. That fire, if it was a person, is Luigi Mangione. I mean, it really just went after the rich.

[Christina Hutchinson]

It really did.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. It was a fucking mal fire.

[Christina Hutchinson]

That's wild.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. So that's why I didn't see any evidence of the fires, because I'm just not rich enough to see it.

[Christina Hutchinson]

You can't even go up there and look.

[Giannis Papas]

Malibu, Palisades.

[Christina Hutchinson]

You probably can't. It's the gas alone to drive. Like gas in California gas.

[Giannis Papas]

California is a lot. Do you got a Tesla?

[Christina Hutchinson]

I do.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, me too.

[Christina Hutchinson]

And trust me, I'm not saving any money on gas.

[Giannis Papas]

How not?

[Christina Hutchinson]

Well, so I was just talking about this yesterday. Okay, so they have some update with how much you use the superchargers and then where we charge. How much it charges you. And I think this. In the last 31 days, I've spent $175 on charging the Tesla. So somehow it calculated the gas prices and equivalent to a tank. And I've saved $65 in the last month on gas.

[Giannis Papas]

That's it. Where are you driving to? New Mexico. Why are you.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Well, I am driving a lot. I'm driving to Dallas and Houston and Waco and, like, all these different.

[Giannis Papas]

So you're also home with your baby.

[Christina Hutchinson]

And the baby comes.

[Giannis Papas]

Oh, the baby comes in the. Yeah, of course.

[Christina Hutchinson]

And so we. We take road trips. That baby's been partying since he was 10 days old.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, we don't.

[Christina Hutchinson]

We. I'm with him all the time. You didn't say at home.

[Giannis Papas]

He takes. You take him with you.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Oh, everywhere.

[Giannis Papas]

Okay, cool.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

He's my little best friend.

[Giannis Papas]

Yes, he is. And he's there for Life.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah. Just attached. It's.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. And I'm gonna tell your husband a little tip. Be. Is it a boy?

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. Okay. Well, just always the. It's good for the husband to just be the best friend of the baby and just always be nice to the baby because you never know, you know, in case you get a divorce, you got an ally later in life that's always been like, fucking this bitch. Right?

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah. Yeah. No, right now, though, that little baby.

[Giannis Papas]

Oh, yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

He's actually.

[Giannis Papas]

It's a boy. So you're going. He's going to turn on his dad. I got daughters, so I'm constantly like. Just their best friend.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah. I was going to say, like, you're going to. You're the. You're going to have daddy's girls.

[Giannis Papas]

Yes. They're so into me now and that. Yeah. And the boys are into their moms. I'm. Yeah. So it's like. It's how it is. So you got a friend, and if the divorce happens, he's going with you.

[Christina Hutchinson]

So do you have any advice for other people that are in relationships, how to keep a marriage together since you have kids and you're married and it's.

[Giannis Papas]

Well, and you love it, Commit to it. Grow the fuck up. You got. You can't have it all. Don't fence it. When you're in, you're in. If you're out, you're out. So if you're married, be fucking married. Commit. Don't be a douchebag. Jerk off a lot. That's a great solution. You just got to pull your meat, fucking discipline it. You want your dick to be scared of you. You want. You want to look down and it's frightened because it knows. And it's a great solution. You just. Nobody will tell you this, but you're gonna jerk off a lot, and that's fine. You just have to jerk off and then it's just a nut. It's just a procedure. You get it out and you're done. That's it. Because the male brain's always gonna be the male brain.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

So you just fucking yank it out and go about your day and be a good husband. It's not worth it. You don't wanna live your life looking over your shoulder. And always help. Always help. Is a great piece of advice.

[Christina Hutchinson]

That is great advice.

[Giannis Papas]

Always help. Always help. Yes.

[Christina Hutchinson]

And when you go on. If you were to go on a date now with your wife and you can get rid of the kids, do you want to stay at home and just order in and have alone time or do you want to go out?

[Giannis Papas]

Go out?

[Christina Hutchinson]

Where would you go?

[Giannis Papas]

Nice restaurant, Maybe a nice club. Little. Little John plan. So I could push up on that ass again, like when we first dated. Yeah. From the window. You know, something, like, to recreate some magic. Yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

My wife's beautiful, so it'd just be nice to see her in something other than, like, Crocs and sweatpants, you know.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Stepped it up a little bit.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. She just lives in Crocs sweatpants, and there's just babies on her all the time. So it'd be nice to just. You know.

[Christina Hutchinson]

It is a Cinderella effect.

[Giannis Papas]

Yes, it is.

[Christina Hutchinson]

You know, when you go out and you don't have that anymore, and you just, like, dress up, you're like, whoa.

[Giannis Papas]

And I could see how lit up my wife gets when she puts an outfit on now.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

And, like. Yeah. And it. I see how happy it makes her. And so I would like to do something for her like that where she can get all dolled up and feel like a woman again.

[Christina Hutchinson]

How did you propose to her?

[Giannis Papas]

It was very cool. The proposal was very cool. First of all, I. I'm a comedian, so I have, like, commitment issues. You know, Obviously, my parents didn't pay attention to me, so that's why I'm asking strangers to do it. So I was very scared on the night of the engagement. I just felt like I wanted to get my car and just drive away. I was so scared to do it. But I did it on Christmas Eve by the tree. So I gave her a fake present. Right. So it was a distraction present, because I knew she was gonna be opening it. And then I didn't kneel down, but I was. She was on the floor, and I was on this, like, couch right by the tree. And so while she was opening the present, I got the ring out. So she opened it. It was a wallet. And she was, like, looking in it. Cause I think she was expecting maybe a ring, but she was, like, looking in it.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Like, she's like, what is this empty thing?

[Giannis Papas]

And there was nothing in there. But then right when she looked up, bang. I had it right there.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Wow.

[Giannis Papas]

So she looked up, and it was bang, right there. And. And it was perfect. It was. It was a perfect proposal.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Where did you get married?

[Giannis Papas]

We got married in Long Island, New York.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Did you have a big wedding or a small one?

[Giannis Papas]

A big wedding. There's a lot of comics around my wedding. We.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Wow. We have a picture here.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

She is beautiful.

[Giannis Papas]

Thank you. Yeah, we got married at this big Castle in Long Island.

[Christina Hutchinson]

How drunk did you have to get her?

[Giannis Papas]

For what? Oh, for her to be with someone with eyes so close together.

[Christina Hutchinson]

I'm just being mean. I'm just.

[Giannis Papas]

No, you're being honest. And that's.

[Christina Hutchinson]

She's gorgeous.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. No, she. When I. When you. When I walk around with her, people are like, what does he do? He's got to do something. And then they look me up and they're like, still doesn't make sense. So, yeah, she's. Yeah, I got a pretty wife and we got married at this place called Oheka Castle.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Wow. Did you go on a honeymoon?

[Giannis Papas]

We went on a honeymoon. Not. Yeah, not that. Yeah, there's some comedians there, Ari. There's Chris. We went. She wanted to go to like, Greece and Italy. Like, of course she does. I'm paying for it. So let's take a Tesla to Mars while we're at it.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Where did you go?

[Giannis Papas]

We went to an all inclusive in Cancun.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Fun.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, well, you know, it was a vacation package I bought with my ex girlfriend 10 years ago, so I still needed to use it. So we went to the Hard Rock Cafe. All inclusive. It was fun. It was cheap, but we had a good time. My wife's low maintenance. She doesn't care about any of that shit, so. Yeah, yeah, we had a good time.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Well, are you gonna take her to Greece in Italy?

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, I'd love to, but she's from Long Island. Those people, they don't like to go anywhere. She's a real homebody. So my brother has a house out there and I. Yeah, I wanted. I want to go, but she says, like, the babies are too young. Let's wait till they grow up. And so when she gets a little older, my kids, I guess we'll take them to. To the motherland.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Have you always had long term relationships?

[Giannis Papas]

Yes, I'm one of those scared to be alone. Yeah. Yes, I. Yes, I am. Yeah, I went like back to. Back to back pretty much. I had little gaps. I had. When? The year I lived in Miami, I was completely single and I really got it in. I got it in. In Miami. Little local celebrity, big fish in a small pond. And every month I lived in Miami, there was one more button open. Every month one button came.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Is that because of the heat or because of the Cuban? Yeah, you get the Cuban life.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, you get there and that. It just happens. You just become Latin.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

And. Yeah, that was one year I was, like, kind of single, but in between. Yeah, before that I dated a comic and that was three years. And then before, before that I was in an eight year college. I was single though. Four years in college. I was single. So that's pretty interesting. But then high school, four years.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. So I've always had long terms.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. I'm a relationship guy.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Did your breakups, were they more smooth or did you have big blow ups?

[Giannis Papas]

They were bad.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Bad breakups.

[Giannis Papas]

I didn't have any good ones. I'm cool with all them now, but at the time they were bad.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Were they. You breaking up or them breaking up?

[Giannis Papas]

A mixture. A mixture.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Did you lead them to break up with you?

[Giannis Papas]

Well, the girlfriend before my wife, she got on girl code and I think she just. Her career did well, so she had to go and cash in. She broke up with me and then before that I broke up with girlfriend before that. And then the eight year one was just one of those on and off again. Eight years.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Those are the hardest to like cut.

[Giannis Papas]

Those were hard to cut, so. But I broke up with her because, yeah, she wanted to get married and I didn't want to get married because I had a dream.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Timing is everything.

[Giannis Papas]

Timing is everything. It really is, you know, Relationship should be this, not this. If it's this, it's gonna fucking end.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

I'd say guaranteed. If you got this, it's over. It should be mostly this with a little that, a little that, but mostly that. That's what I think.

[Christina Hutchinson]

I think you're.

[Giannis Papas]

I've had these.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

No good. You know.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

So you need a, you know, nice and boring.

[Christina Hutchinson]

I can't do the on off.

[Giannis Papas]

No. Well, now you have a kid, so.

[Christina Hutchinson]

But I've never been able to do on off.

[Giannis Papas]

You don't do on off if.

[Christina Hutchinson]

If it's not working the first time. I can only think of 1, 2, 3. Three people my entire life. And when it was off, it was only off for a couple days. And then there was like a big apology and I was like, still really, really interested in the person. I was just hurt.

[Giannis Papas]

Right.

[Christina Hutchinson]

But if a month goes by or anything more than that, I have gotten over my feelings and I'm no longer interested.

[Giannis Papas]

One month, you cold bitch. That's all it takes.

[Christina Hutchinson]

That's a long time, right?

[Giannis Papas]

I've got like two years getting over some. What? Yeah. Oh, you do a month?

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Wow.

[Christina Hutchinson]

One month.

[Giannis Papas]

Holy shit.

[Christina Hutchinson]

And I'm like over it. A couple. You have a couple days to recoup.

[Giannis Papas]

You got a couple days, you don't even go back for that good, comfortable ex boyfriend sex.

[Christina Hutchinson]

There's no company.

[Giannis Papas]

It's new, but it's always, no, no, no.

[Christina Hutchinson]

My anger issues. Pussy shut down straight to my head. And I'm just like, I hate you. Yeah. And then I talk to my friends about how much I hate you, and then they tell me that they've always hated you. And then it's just like this big ball of, we hate him. And then I get that text, right? And they're like, you up, you up.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. Sup?

[Christina Hutchinson]

And I'm just like. And I won't even respond.

[Giannis Papas]

You're shut down at that point.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Done.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Me and all my friends hate you.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. You're. You're.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Once a girl starts texting with the.

[Giannis Papas]

With the girlfriends.

[Christina Hutchinson]

The girlfriends. And we're like, he hurt me.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

They're like, what a fucking piece of shit loser. And then it's over.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. Did you ever catch one of those friends texting him, though? You ever catch one of those? A straight friend?

[Christina Hutchinson]

I had one stray friend.

[Giannis Papas]

Stray friend. Yeah. She went straight.

[Christina Hutchinson]

She went rogue. Yeah. And then she also went straight out of my life.

[Giannis Papas]

You gotta get rid of that trash.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah. I was like, ew.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you go into another relationship quick?

[Christina Hutchinson]

Oh, yeah, Yeah. I don't stay single for long.

[Giannis Papas]

So that helps you get over.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Getting under.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to get over by going under.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. I love catching a girl, like, right after a breakup.

[Christina Hutchinson]

That's the best.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. Get them when they're down because they're more willing. Because they want.

[Christina Hutchinson]

They just want someone to like them.

[Giannis Papas]

Yes. They want. They want. They're trying to get over.

[Christina Hutchinson]

They're vulnerable.

[Giannis Papas]

It's the best.

[Christina Hutchinson]

They want the drinks.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

They want to go party.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

They're in their me era. Yeah. I know it all too well.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. It's the best time, actually, to catch a girl.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Is in between. Yeah. They're like wounded gazelles.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah. Anytime a girl's like, oh, I'm going through divorce.

[Giannis Papas]

Prime brisket, especially divorce, man. Good word.

[Christina Hutchinson]

That's the best one.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. It means she's usually in her 30s and 40s.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

So if you're anywhere in close to her age, she's taking the deal. Because when she hits Tinder or Go Fish or whatever the fuck it is, it's going to be 70 and up, guys. And that's just a horrible reality. I got a couple of friends in their 40s going through divorce. They're like, why is my dating pool 60 and up? And I just go, I don't know.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

It's horrible.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

It's not fair.

[Christina Hutchinson]

How do you feel about dating apps in general?

[Giannis Papas]

Not a big fan. Not a big fan. I'm into the in person kind of meeting.

[Christina Hutchinson]

There's not a lot of in person meeting anymore.

[Giannis Papas]

It's like, that's where all the build up and the flirting and the jokes and the tension and you know where.

[Christina Hutchinson]

The hottest girls are? Where AI.

[Giannis Papas]

AI girls.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Have you seen these AI generated girls?

[Giannis Papas]

I have not. Oh, you mean the ones they generate? Yeah, like the visuals.

[Christina Hutchinson]

You know what I'm talking about?

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, they're perfect.

[Christina Hutchinson]

It's weird.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

How like, these are AI generated girls. Some of them look too cartoony. Yeah, but there's, like. That's too. That looks like just a really good artist drew her up. But like, that girl, that could be like a real girl. Dude, this is like up Instagram models.

[Giannis Papas]

This is not fair to women.

[Christina Hutchinson]

No.

[Giannis Papas]

You guys gotta compete with trans women. And now AI.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Getting attacked by both sides. Both sides and computers just coming. It's too much.

[Christina Hutchinson]

We got this Asian girl with the space buns and her tongue out. Like, I could never do that.

[Giannis Papas]

No, no. And they're gonna make these things, like, flesh, like, soon. Like, they're gonna look like people. Eventually they'll be like.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Like robots that you can just do this.

[Giannis Papas]

Your husband gets an AI robot girl. Is that cheating or like, what? What's the deal?

[Christina Hutchinson]

No, I think that's probably, like, jacking off.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. So you wouldn't be.

[Christina Hutchinson]

But I don't know. What if he built up an emotional relationship with this thing that just let him fuck her all the time?

[Giannis Papas]

Right? Yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

What do you guys think? Do y' all think that's cheating?

[Giannis Papas]

Is it cheating? It depends if I'm doing it or not. Yeah. It's an interesting thing because it'll be probably a question in the future very soon.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah.

[Giannis Papas]

Like. Yeah, will. Will that be true?

[Christina Hutchinson]

As long as it can't talk. Okay, here's my rule.

[Giannis Papas]

Oh, it's gonna talk if.

[Christina Hutchinson]

No, if it. No, it can't talk. It can't communicate.

[Giannis Papas]

So you just want it to lay there and get fucked.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Silent like a doll.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. Yeah, that'll be weird.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah, it's weird anyway.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. It's just sitting there like that.

[Christina Hutchinson]

I don't want it to be talking like I want to hear.

[Giannis Papas]

Oh, yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Oh, yeah, Daddy, Daddy, no me.

[Giannis Papas]

Daddy, no.

[Christina Hutchinson]

No, Daddy, no, daddy.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, how about a. Yeah, what if.

[Christina Hutchinson]

What if it just laid there and it was dead and then I talked in the background? Could it be for the like, lifeless.

[Giannis Papas]

Your husband. Can you be quiet? You're ruining my heart. On.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Harder. Harder.

[Giannis Papas]

Fuck someone different. Yeah, yeah. I gotta hear a couple. Fuck yahs and daddies. Fuck me harder.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Oh, my God. They're like. See, they're like. This is. You know, they have, like, onlyfans for these AI things.

[Giannis Papas]

Wow.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah. Like that. I don't want that to talk to my husband ever.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. So as long as it doesn't talk, you're cool with it?

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah, Like, I'm gonna have to. Then I have to prove, like, why I'm better. Like, I have to go up next to that and just, like, squeeze my tit and be like, can she do this? Like, while, like, spray milk. Like, no.

[Giannis Papas]

AI is like, no, I can't do that. But I can tell you the square root of 1516. But I can give you a rod. I can tell you where the best sushi is.

[Christina Hutchinson]

I can tell you my husband didn't marry me for my math intelligence, so that would not impress him.

[Giannis Papas]

That would be unfair. If you were good with math, too, it would be. Yeah, that would be unfair. Cod, you didn't have to develop math skills.

[Christina Hutchinson]

I know. I just had to say a few good comedy lines.

[Giannis Papas]

You just said hi. You just had to say hi. And he was like, yeah, yeah, I'll take it. You don't have to lie. He really was into me for my comedy. It's a lot of comedy.

[Christina Hutchinson]

I like, he thought I was funny.

[Giannis Papas]

He's so funny, you didn't even notice anything else.

[Christina Hutchinson]

God, I'm such a SAP, too. If someone just is like, oh, my God, I love your standup. I'll be like, yes, I will suck your dick when and where you think I'm funny.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah. Yeah. It feels good to get compliments. Yeah. By the way, I'm a big fan of your comedy. Everyone watching that knew that line was coming.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Now when people see me, they're just gonna be like, I love your comedy. Because before they're like, I love your podcast, but now if you. If you're watching this, just tell me you love my comedy.

[Giannis Papas]

Just. Just laugh. Oh, yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Thank you so much for coming on my show.

[Giannis Papas]

Thank you for having me on the show. This was a lot of fun.

[Christina Hutchinson]

It was fun.

[Giannis Papas]

Had a good time.

[Christina Hutchinson]

I feel like I could talk to you for another 45 minutes.

[Giannis Papas]

We could keep on going.

[Christina Hutchinson]

We could.

[Giannis Papas]

We'll do it again next time I'm in Austin.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Yeah, we'll have a second date.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah, we'll have a second date.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Where can people find you?

[Giannis Papas]

They could find me on the History Hyenas podcast with Chris DiStefano. We're also YMH Floyd. And my new special is out right now on YouTube on the history Hyenas channel called Property Owner. Please check it out.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Okay.

[Giannis Papas]

I shot it at the mothership.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Oh, did you? That's fun.

[Giannis Papas]

Very cool.

[Christina Hutchinson]

What's your favorite bit?

[Giannis Papas]

My favorite bit? Well, go watch the special. I don't want to give it away. Go check it out and you tell me what your favorite bit is.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Okay. I like that. Yeah, we'll say it in the comments.

[Giannis Papas]

Yeah.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Well, thank you for coming on. Thank you guys for watching another episode of First Date. We'll see you next time.

[Giannis Papas]

First Date.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Baby, are you really drinking a glass of milk with dinner?

[Giannis Papas]

First Date. I can't wait.

[Christina Hutchinson]

You told your mom about me?

[Giannis Papas]

Just say you're right.

[Christina Hutchinson]

Delete my number. First Date, your parents are your roommate.