← First Date with Lauren Compton
First Date with Lauren Compton
New Bigfoot Theory & Drunk Chaos w/ Dan St. Germain | First Date with Lauren Compton
00:56:08
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- [00:00]
A
I'm so excited to see you tonight. First Date, baby. First date. I can't wait. First date. What's up, you guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of First Date. My guest today is a very funny writer and comedian. He has a special out called Dance Fatty Dance. You can watch that now. Give it up for Dan St. Germain.
- [00:32]
B
Hi. As she was trying to give me a flawless intro, my Red Bull, like, cracked in half, which is why I can't have good. Oh, yeah, that's it. I can't have good things. I'm sorry. I do look like the brawny guy, but going through a divorce, you know? How are you? Thank you for having me.
- [00:48]
A
Yeah.
- [00:49]
B
I love this. I love this set. This is, like, very sommelier.
- [00:53]
A
Yeah.
- [00:54]
B
Very cool.
- [00:56]
A
I wish I had a. Could have a glass of wine. That sounds really nice right now.
- [01:01]
B
It does sound pretty good.
- [01:02]
A
No one needs a glass of wine more than a pregnant person.
- [01:05]
B
Tell you that's probably true. Maybe like a homeless guy freezing, he would probably need it a little more. But you number two for sure.
- [01:14]
A
I'm right behind the homeless, freezing guy.
- [01:16]
B
A pregnant homeless woman. All right, let's not.
- [01:18]
A
Yeah.
- [01:19]
B
Really opening up.
- [01:20]
A
That's really sad.
- [01:21]
B
Can you do any. Can you do gummies when you're pregnant? What are you allowed to do?
- [01:26]
A
Drink water.
- [01:27]
B
That's it? You can't do anything?
- [01:29]
A
No. I'm, like, nervous about eating a protein bar.
- [01:33]
B
What about oxycontin? No, you can't do that. You're nervous about eating a protein bar?
- [01:39]
A
Yeah.
- [01:39]
B
What are you allowed to eat?
- [01:43]
A
It depends. I mean, I'm so strict when I'm pregnant. There's this book called Real Food for Pregnancy, and it really is just made to scare the shit out of you about, like, anything processed and oils and stuff like that. Because everything that you consume your baby, like, can affect your baby. So it just makes you want to eat really clean.
- [02:03]
B
So you're like. It's. You're. You're like Paleo grilled chicken, whole grain.
- [02:09]
A
The moment I wake up and then by lunchtime, I'm eating Velvet Taco.
- [02:15]
B
Yeah. I mean, for me, Velvet Taco would be, like, an improvement. I'm like, I'm not eating Arby's, but that is. Yeah. I don't know how I could. I can't be pregnant.
- [02:22]
A
It's hard.
- [02:23]
B
Thank God for everybody. If I was, that would be an affront against God. But I'm sorry that you're going through it. I hope you're able to get.
- [02:32]
A
No, I still eat what I want. I'm just scared while I do it.
- [02:34]
B
Well, it's. Cause as somebody who is in recovery but wants to drink all the time, is there a way. As soon as you fucking. Can we curse on this, right? Yeah, I always forget. But it's like, as soon as you shoot that baby out, you have a keg and a keg. As soon as it's done, you just leave.
- [02:51]
A
You can't do that.
- [02:52]
B
You can't drink right after.
- [02:53]
A
No. Because the baby comes straight to your boob. They're like, can you smoke pot right after?
- [02:58]
B
What about gummies? Can you do gummies right after?
- [03:00]
A
No. Cause it hits your bloodstream, and breast milk comes straight from your bloodstream.
- [03:06]
B
You can't drink when you're breastfeeding either.
- [03:08]
A
No.
- [03:08]
B
Okay. My mom sure as fuck did that. Then that's, like, out of the way here. I was thinking about, did my mom drink during my pregnancy? And she definitely. I think did that. Rest in peace or wherever you are. But I think she's up there or in here. I don't think she's down there. I think she's figuring it out here and then hopefully on her way there. But yeah, that would be a bummer. But is your man, your husband? I don't know what the status is. Is he being supportive or is he just getting hammered in front of you all the time?
- [03:44]
A
Oh, he gets hammered in front of me all the time.
- [03:47]
B
He's a barbecue guy, right?
- [03:48]
A
He is a barbecue guy.
- [03:49]
B
So here's my other thing. So he's getting drunk, and is he also bringing back these, like, delicious meats, eating it in front of you? Well, this is like Chinese water.
- [03:57]
A
So the food, I can eat whatever. I can eat whatever I want. It's just sometimes certain foods are scary. Cause I'm like, oh, is this made with, like, if, like, fried food? I think is the. I won't eat fried food.
- [04:09]
B
But you can do smoked meats.
- [04:10]
A
Oh, smoked meats. All day long.
- [04:12]
B
And Eddie, carbs are fine or no.
- [04:15]
A
Yeah, you just such a bitch thing to talk about. It just sucks.
- [04:20]
B
We don't have to talk about it.
- [04:21]
A
But the alcohol, like, he will open. Like, he'll open a really nice bottle of wine, and he'll take a sip of it, and he's like, mmm, this is really good. Smell it.
- [04:33]
B
Oh, God.
- [04:34]
A
And then I smell it, and he's like, can you smell the cinnamon and the apple?
- [04:38]
B
This is how alcoholic I am. I wanted to suck your husband's dick right there. Okay. As soon as you smell it, I'm like, all only in Texas once. Here we go. We're gonna keep it weird, all right. Yeah.
- [04:50]
A
So that's the hard part is I'm just like. I don't want to smell the cinnamon in the apple. I don't want to smell it.
- [04:55]
B
Oh, my God. Especially because they're, like, always concocting new, like, delicious pastries.
- [04:59]
A
And he's opening bars, and he's opening restaurants, and.
- [05:03]
B
But can he. There's my question. So he's in the nightlife business, but, like, you have to have a lot of, like, discipline for that, right? Because if I was in the Nightline business, I would be, like. It would be, like, one Margaritaville, and they would be out of business in three months. They'd be like, he sol all the kitchen. Kitchen equipment for cocaine. Like, it's already done. So he's got. Like, that, to me, is a very hard job because you have to. Have to have, like, six drinks and then kind of be on all night instead of, like, you can't have a night where you have, like, 30 drinks.
- [05:28]
A
Well, he doesn't go out, like, at night for work. If he goes out at night, it's for fun.
- [05:33]
B
Oh, well, I feel like I'm about to start a separation or divorce here, but any questions? So I don't want to do that.
- [05:40]
A
He's. He's. He's more of just, like. He's a fun person to be around.
- [05:45]
B
Do you like going out at all, or. No?
- [05:47]
A
I do. I go out with him all the time. We're going to the Kentucky Derby, and I'm gonna be so pregnant, but he'll ask me. He's like, do you want to go to that? And I'm like, I definitely don't want to miss out on that.
- [05:58]
B
Well, I was wondering, because you're doing. You're doing stand up now, and sometimes a lot of people that when they start stand up, they just don't want to be outside anymore. I'm talking about myself, but I'm also talking about, like, 90% of other comedians.
- [06:08]
A
I find I haven't really done stand up in a long time.
- [06:12]
B
Oh, you haven't done stand up in a long time?
- [06:13]
A
Not since I had a baby.
- [06:15]
B
Okay. Well, I think it's healthier to have a baby give birth to an actual human rather than, you know, your fucking bit on Southwest Airlines.
- [06:25]
A
Are you gonna have children?
- [06:27]
B
I don't know. I don't think it's. You know, my wife and I are a little older, not a lot older, but we may do it. You Know, I think adoption, if, you know, if it's the right situation, maybe, like, I don't know right now. No, but do I. Do I think about it? Yeah, I do. I do think, like. Like, we're only here to create. Whether it's people or art or something or like an idea. So, like, I have to, like. But, like, I don't want to, you know, I don't want to be this selfish for my entire life, I guess, in some ways, you know.
- [07:03]
A
Yeah.
- [07:04]
B
But. Yeah, I don't. I don't know. I've seen most of my friends having a kid. Not all of them, but most of them. It's changed them in an incredibly positive way.
- [07:13]
A
How long have you been with your wife?
- [07:15]
B
Seven years.
- [07:16]
A
How'd you guys meet?
- [07:17]
B
Through a friend. We had this comic named Elliot Glaser, Alana Glaser's brother, who's also broadcast. A writer. Very funny guy. I just. I did a show, like, she used to copy. She's actually casting director now, but I did a show with her. I always thought I was seeing somebody. I thought she was smoking. And then, like, 10 years after that, like, I heard, like, she, like, got out of this thing. So I was like, hey, man, you want to, like, you know, throw me in there? Throw me in. He's like, she's not ready. And I was like, fuck this. So I just messaged her anyway. I was like, I'm not gonna wait until she is ready and then somebody else comes in. So then we dated for briefly, and then we broke up for a year. But we stayed friends. And, like, it was like. It was cool. Cause like, it was like, seeing her, I got. We, like, had the hot and heavy thing. Then we broke, but then we just became friends. And then I was like, oh, this is like. We can get both of these things. This is great. So then we saw each other, like after that. Like a month, like a year after we had broken up. And we were like, oh, this is it. And immediately, like, after that, she was like, yeah, you're gonna move in with me in New York. And so I was on a show. I stopped writing on that show. And I was like, well, I gotta get a show in New York. And then I got hired to write Michelle on Michelle Wolf's show. But that whole week, I was like, I gotta do this or else I can't move in with this girl. So that was like, the most important writing packet of my life. Because I have to kill this. Cause I'm going up against 600, probably other writers or A thousand other writers. I have to go. I have to do this well or else this chick's gonna get away. And I don't want to quit this job and then not have a job in case it doesn't work. So it all worked out. I got the job and I moved in with her, you know, show got canceled, but we're still together, so. Hey, you know, Glasses half full, baby.
- [08:59]
A
Do you still live in New York?
- [09:00]
B
No, I live in Connecticut right now, but I'm going to be living in Massachusetts in two months.
- [09:04]
A
Why are you moving to Massachusetts?
- [09:06]
B
Take it over. My dad's house. He's like, a beautiful house. He wants to move to Jersey, so he's got a condo there. He's looking at. Well, he just bought it. He's got a condo there. So I'm taking over his mortgage. And then it's good because I'll be able. I'm going to still go down to the city like, twice a month to do stand up and then come back, but I need. I can't be around. Like, every time I'm in a city, I feel like I'm living inside someone that's yelling at me. So, like, it'll be nice to move past that, I guess, you know.
- [09:34]
A
Where have you liked living the most?
- [09:39]
B
You know, Glendale in 2018. I really loved Glendale in LA. Have you been there? I have, yeah. I don't know why. I was just, like, so suburban, and I was coming from, like, Thai Town or Hollywood, and it was, like, so kind of cool, like, shady there. That, like, it was nice to be around. Like, oh, those are kids going to, like, practice, you know, rather than. Wait, was that guy in Charmed? Why is he asking me for crack? You know? Like, that was kind of like more my experience in Hollywood. Like, I was living across Jumbo's Clan Room. Like, I remember I brought. We were. Yeah, I was walking with my wife in that area. I had moved to Glendale. But she. This was like, when we got back together and we're walking by, there's this, like, homeless lady right next to us. And my wife's very sweet. She's like, hello. And I'm like, hello. And the homeless lady just turns to. My wife goes, I'll kill you, bitch. And she's like, you lived here? And I'm like, yeah. I was fine with it.
- [10:31]
A
Rough.
- [10:32]
B
Yeah. But it was all right, I guess. I think it was. I was staying at a place where I couldn't afford a couch. I'd moved out. I could have afforded a couch. It was Just super cheap. Had moved out to do, like, this show. I was writing a sitcom for Fox that did. It didn't go, but I got another show at Fox Guys, and fingers crossed this one's gonna work out. This. No, I do. I actually think it's gonna be great. But I was. I moved in there and I. I had gotten a. And he's like, hey, man, are you looking for a bed? And I was like, yeah. He goes, all right, cool. Yeah, this guy. I mean, he's in prison now, but I don't think he's coming back for it. So I just took this guy in jail. So, like, I would be sleeping, I'd be terrified. I'm like, is this guy gonna come back from jail? And, like, who took my fucking bed? So, yeah, but I moved out of there. That was. That was cool. I think I'd like to do the Ted Kaczynski thing, though. Like, cabin in the middle of nowhere, and I'm almost getting to that with this house. Where we're moving now is gorgeous. Moving to the Berkshires. It's like where the Norman Rockwell Museum is. There's nobody there.
- [11:31]
A
You like being kind of by yourself?
- [11:32]
B
I do now, I think. Yeah. I mean, you know, it's just because one of these things where it's like, you know, I haven't had the perfect record with sobriety. I'm sober now, but, like, everyone knows I shouldn't drink. So it's like whenever I drink, I want to hang out my friends, and they're like. I'm like, hey. And they're like, we need. We're calling the police. You know, it's like, we're not gonna. So there's not, like, reward for me, but. No, I think I most. I think I like groups of four people. Like a dinner. I'm like a dinner party guy.
- [12:01]
A
Yeah.
- [12:01]
B
Give me four or five people. That's my shit.
- [12:04]
A
That's a nice size.
- [12:05]
B
What are you. What are you. What's your ideal crowd size for hag?
- [12:11]
A
I like to either go out with one friend that I really miss that I haven't seen in, like, forever and have like a real catch up session and just kind of like, I don't know, like, talk about everything that's been going on over a really good meal, or I like to get like four or five people together and have like a little bit of a dinner party.
- [12:32]
B
Do you. What do you think you're. Cause like, I always heard, like, our parents are like, oh, you'll be lucky if you have like five friends your whole life. And I feel like I have way more friends than that. And most people I know have way more friends. So were our parents just like dicks? They all had personality disorders?
- [12:48]
A
Yeah.
- [12:49]
B
I don't know. I'm just an odd guy doing odd jobs. I'll race ya. I'm Ian Finance. Hey, how are ya? And each week I'm in different towns across the country doing stand up comedy. And to keep me from rotting in my bed or put putting a gun to my head, I get you to teach me how to do your job. Ian, do an odd guy doing odd jobs. YouTube.com ianfinance Comedy every other Tuesday produced by YMH I gotta rip a fart too, bro. Let it loose. Toot toot. I'll see you out there. How long you been.
- [13:32]
A
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- [15:01]
B
Yeah, me too. And like, I'm not for everybody and I have quite a few friends. So like, let alone, you know.
- [15:08]
A
Yeah, it's weird when you think about, when I think about like having a real party, I'm like, okay, let's invite our friends. And before I know it, like, I've got quite a list of people that I would invite and that always shocks me. I'm like, wow, I have way more friends than than I thought I did.
- [15:27]
B
I have a question for you. I've Always wanted to ask this a model to a model before. How many boats have you been invited on boats? Like just random rich guy's boats throughout your entire life. He's like, yeah, I got a boat. I got a boat. I feel like that happens with models all the time. There's just a guy with a boat around.
- [15:46]
A
There are a lot of guys with boats.
- [15:48]
B
Exactly. I've never met a boat guy besides like my one uncle. And he sunk the fucking thing. Cause he was drunk. Actually, that was my grandfather. My other ogle is actually pretty good boatman.
- [15:58]
A
Well, you know, I've met a lot of guys with boats. The boats have always been like wakeboarding boats. So it's never been like a yacht boat.
- [16:06]
B
It's not like a Bezos situation.
- [16:08]
A
No, no. But I did go to Greece one time and I went and I was on Namask.
- [16:13]
B
It's like hot girl Mecca.
- [16:14]
A
I was standing on the edge of the water and I remember looking at all of the yachts and I was like, if just one of these guys could see me and ask me to go on their boat. So like those kinds of boats, I never. I was too. I was too much on land.
- [16:32]
B
You were too much of a land woman.
- [16:34]
A
I was not close.
- [16:37]
B
Not a boat.
- [16:37]
A
Broad wave, one down.
- [16:39]
B
Yeah. I don't understand the whole boat obsession with. I guess because you don't. Technically, there's no sovereignty on a boat.
- [16:46]
A
I don't know. I think drinking on a boat is fun.
- [16:50]
B
Yeah, I mean, I think drinking on a bus is fun. You know, I think Chinese fenghua bus. You know, plane, train, automobile, like tractor trailer. I'll fucking do it on one of those Indian elephants they walk around with.
- [17:06]
A
That was such good timing. Oh, man. Dream.
- [17:13]
B
What's the. You know, my favorite. This is.
- [17:16]
A
It ruined my mind.
- [17:17]
B
You're okay? Yeah.
- [17:18]
A
That was really fun.
- [17:19]
B
What I used to do is. I used. I think the funniest place I got. Not the saddest place, maybe I got drunk is like I was listening to SRO when I was like 22 years. The guy I was living was like, that's another story. But he was carried around a gun and he said he was a cop. But then he like got drunk and he told me, I'm not a cop. And I'm like, I don't know what this is anymore. But anyway, I would. There was a movie theater. I would just bring vodka in the movie theater. And I would like, for whatever reason, wanted to get like drunk on 1pm on Tuesday for like three weeks in a row. But the only showing was like, I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry. So in the back, there's just this, like, bearded guy just getting drunk off pop of vodka. And the movie had been out for two months, so it's just me by myself. And I still don't know what happened in the movie. I think they're not gay in it. I have no idea. But I'm trying to think if there's any place. Oh, I got too drunk at an opera once. That was rough. Oh, I showed up without shoes. Without shoes? Yeah. My friends were in the opera. They were, like, doing Shakespeare. They were actors. And I thought it was so good. I don't remember any of it, but I was, like, sobbing by the end of it. I was like, this is beautiful. No idea what was going on.
- [18:32]
A
I did stand up whenever I was getting into standup. I was so scared in the beginning that I was always stone cold sober. And then someone had the great idea. They're like, take a shot and loosen up a little bit. So then I did, and I did loosen up, and I had a great show.
- [18:47]
B
Yeah, one's fine. One or two is fine.
- [18:49]
A
But then it turned into two. And then I remember the next time, I just got. I was like drinking, like four margaritas before my set. And then I was drunk and I was like, ooh. And I went on stage and I had a terrible show. I was like, slurring and.
- [19:05]
B
Yeah, I mean, look, I've had those. I, like, got. I was in my head. I got. I got. Like, I've gotten too drunk in situate or like I've been in a situation where it's like a rose situation. And I started getting too hammered. And then everybody, you know, I'm just not funny. Like, I look like. I look like. Whenever I get drunk and I'm doing stand up, I look like. Like a best man at a wedding, ruining the wedding with a speech, you know, like, it's not a comedy set. I'm just, like, revealing I'm in love with the bride or something, like, just ruining it.
- [19:37]
A
So, yeah, it sucks. It sucks.
- [19:40]
B
I wish I could just have eight. That's what I always said. If I could just stop at eight. Eight? Yeah. I've been at five rehabs. This is the next step. Rehab.
- [19:47]
A
Five rehabs? Yeah.
- [19:48]
B
Two inpatient, three out, and then one detox. But I'm good now, you know.
- [19:53]
A
When was the last time you went to rehab?
- [19:54]
B
2023. End of 2023. I don't know why I popped my eyes out like that. But. Or was it 20, 24. I said that. Like, it was like, oh, yes. Really? I'm 23. Seabrook. The detox outside, I saw three people, thought there were spiders in their mouth. No, it was Wellbridge recovery. Shout out. Wellbridge recovery. Ow. It was a nice place. Great Thanksgiving. One of the best Thanksgiving meals I've ever had.
- [20:17]
A
Oh, really? What'd they have?
- [20:19]
B
Standard turkey. It was just good turkey, stuffing and feta.
- [20:22]
A
Or did you just really taste it for the first time?
- [20:25]
B
It was. No, no, it was just really good. This guy was really good. But, yeah, it was. I mean, maybe I was also emotionally in a tough spot, too.
- [20:35]
A
Like, oh, this food is great.
- [20:37]
B
But it was. This one was okay. You know, I was very lucky. I had my wife's, like, love and support on this one. And I've been in other times where I have not had any support. So that made it. You just don't want to, like, say that too loud at rehab because the other guys get resentful. You're like, oh, my wife just sent me another letter. And they're like, oh, really? You didn't try to. The babysitter, and now you're in the middle of a nasty divorce. You. And then he goes, like, back to his jello or whatever the fuck. So I'm very lucky.
- [21:06]
A
Rehab or nursing home?
- [21:07]
B
Reasonable. Dude. What was the nursing home? There's a Bonnie Blue was going around. She was, like, getting kicked out of nursing homes for, like, hooking up with all the guys there. That would be the sexiest version of Cocoon ever. But, no, I've never. I don't know. I don't think I would mind a senior living facility, but would you be? No.
- [21:29]
A
Me and a senior living.
- [21:30]
B
Yeah. Think about you being 80. Like, you get activities, a DJ, maybe.
- [21:36]
A
Movies really ruin it for me, you know, because you watch movies where people are in senior living and they all look doped up playing bingo or, like, you know, they're just trying to move a marble across the table. Nowhere.
- [21:52]
B
I see you lost at a memory on that. But you know what's nice?
- [21:55]
A
But they're like.
- [21:55]
B
When you go to one, you actually realize they're worse.
- [21:59]
A
So I don't. I don't know if I can. Cause I'm just like, oh, no, this looks so sad.
- [22:04]
B
It is. It does feel a little sad. During COVID I was a volunteer. I was a hospice volunteer. And one of the things. Cause I got a puppy. My puppy, Goldie. And we were gonna. They wanted me to bring her to the old people, but it was Covid, so I couldn't go in there. Cause they were afraid I was gonna get them sick. So I would just like stand outside their window, their bedroom window, with the dog and just hold it. And then the old people would just like tap the window, trying to touch the dog. And I'm like, how is this making anything better? This is like a fucking scene from Saw.
- [22:40]
A
The dog is like, can we adopt her?
- [22:43]
B
Exactly.
- [22:46]
A
Oh, she's inside, she's at the window. Let's get that one. We want this one. The roles just get reversed.
- [22:55]
B
Oh, my God.
- [22:56]
A
Yeah, Yeah.
- [22:57]
B
I don't think I brought much joy.
- [22:59]
A
I don't think. Yeah, no. I volunteered at a nursing home one time and I took food and it was like a volunteer, like a group of volunteers, and I was taking food and all of these like really old women were like on their walkers, you know, like going down and like taking the food. And I just felt like I. I felt like if that were me, if the roles were reversed, I'd just be like, who is this fucking pretty young girl with her trying to offer me a sandwich?
- [23:35]
B
It is. I would be a little upset if I was like an 80 year old guy and there was just some beefcake dude like, hey, man, doing the peck dance. Hey, you want some jello? And I'm like, get your sexy dick away from me. Yeah.
- [23:46]
A
Like, I was just like, oh, like wearing like a beanie and like no makeup. And I'm just like, I'm just like you, lady.
- [23:53]
B
Just, hey, no beanie with no makeup in. That place still makes you a 10. All right. When you have fucking Terri Schiavo in the corner, you're doing all right. That's not fair. She was of age.
- [24:05]
A
But anyway, that was my nursing home experience and I felt very out of place.
- [24:10]
B
I think you should go back and just like, look as hot as fuck. Just rub it in all these old bitches faces.
- [24:17]
A
All the guys want some ice cream.
- [24:19]
B
Yeah. And then he just, he has a heart attack immediately. I am looking forward to the hospice for the morphine though. This is probably the only thing I.
- [24:29]
A
Sounds like a relapse.
- [24:30]
B
Well, you get a pass. If you have cancer, you get a pass.
- [24:33]
A
Yeah, you do, you know, and if you're that old, you get a pass too.
- [24:37]
B
Yeah, I think so. I'm gonna start Heroin at like 85. I've never had heroin before. Why not? Right? Yeah, maybe I should do that. Do you do anything? Is that. What was that, like the one volunteer thing you did? Have you ever done anything else no. Sometimes they're fun. Obviously, it's a combo of. It's either, like, rewarding or depressing. It's not really fun.
- [24:56]
A
I did some volunteer work when I was also in high school. I went to this public school for a year, and they had.
- [25:02]
B
Wait, was that. That was the volunteer? You're like. I was around public school children.
- [25:06]
A
I went to public school. Yikes. And then I.
- [25:08]
B
You throw a coin from your carriage in Galvan.
- [25:14]
A
I was homeschooled.
- [25:15]
B
I didn't know that.
- [25:16]
A
And then I. At the very end of my schooling, I went to a public school for a year just to, like, really have the experience, to see what life was like out in the wild. It was horrible. It was absolutely.
- [25:27]
B
People picking on you or.
- [25:29]
A
Oh, my. Yes. It was not cool. I did not like it at all. It was a terrible experience.
- [25:33]
B
I'm so fascinated by this. Was it like now when you. Were you from. Originally.
- [25:37]
A
Sorry, Texas.
- [25:38]
B
Texas. So, like, did you not know how to behave like a high schooler when you got, like, the. You didn't know their references? Like, what was. Did you dress different? Like, what was the.
- [25:48]
A
It was a lot of different things. It was. I was coming from being an elite gymnast and.
- [25:56]
B
Story of my life. Keep going.
- [25:57]
A
I had. That's why I was homeschooled.
- [25:59]
B
Yeah.
- [26:00]
A
And I would train for six hours a day, and then I would have school for four hours a day. And then I broke my knee a few times, and I couldn't do it anymore.
- [26:07]
B
Right.
- [26:08]
A
So then I went to a private school. School for, like, two years. And I didn't like that. And so my parents were like, do you want to go to a public school? And I was like, yeah.
- [26:19]
B
Not realizing that.
- [26:21]
A
Sounds like so much fun. A new school. And so then I went to this public school, and I walked in, and the only way I survived is because I bought a letter jacket that said Compton on the back of it.
- [26:32]
B
What?
- [26:33]
A
That's my last name.
- [26:34]
B
Oh, so they thought you were.
- [26:36]
A
I went to a real ghetto school.
- [26:38]
B
So you were. They thought you were there.
- [26:39]
A
They thought. So then they were like, oh, that's Compton. And that's the only reason.
- [26:43]
B
That's the only reason. Do you make any friends while you were there?
- [26:46]
A
I made a few friends. Like, four friends.
- [26:49]
B
Yeah.
- [26:49]
A
And I entered a class called Clinical, which was a volunteer class, where you go to the hospital and you, like, learn what it would be like to work in a hospital. And it's supposed to let you know if you want to go to college to be a nurse or a Doctor.
- [27:05]
B
Right. That's all right. I guess that's a good idea. Did you go to college? I don't know.
- [27:10]
A
I went to a community college, but I dropped out before I had to do math.
- [27:14]
B
Yeah, I mean, I went to college. It didn't make me smarter.
- [27:17]
A
It was terrible. Yeah, I got recruited by Playboy while I was in college.
- [27:22]
B
Again, story of my life.
- [27:24]
A
And then I dropped out.
- [27:27]
B
That must have been pretty sweet though, that for. I don't know, I guess, I guess the first Playboy check in print, it wasn't what it used to be then versus like the 70s.
- [27:35]
A
It's changed. It changed significantly from the 70s and then whenever I did it to now, it has changed again significantly.
- [27:43]
B
Like down or up? Probably down. Yeah, because it's print. It's crazy. It's like there's only. Hey, good on him for. Keep going, man. Every time. I don't know how these, like Rolling Stone, like all these things, I'm like, I have no idea.
- [27:55]
A
I mean, the Internet or only fans even. Like, there's so many ways to see naked people. Like, Playboy used to be the nudie magazine.
- [28:04]
B
Playboy's just completely tasteful now. It's kind of always been, but it was like a little bad.
- [28:10]
A
And it was glamorous. At one point, whenever I was doing it, which I liked, it was all glam. And then it turned into like the girl next door. And they're like, okay, we don't want any makeup. We just want you to be in like mix match underwear. And I'm like, what? Wait, no, not doing that well.
- [28:25]
B
You know, I just think it's like now it's like you turn on porn and it's the most God awful shit just on the foreign homepage that like, it's like, if my daughter did Playboy now I'd be like, oh, thank God. Well, can you either do Playboy or be a doctor? One of those two, you know? Cause like it must. There was. I'm sure guys talked to me about this, but like when I was like, I'm 41. So when I was like 13, it was like you were like finding those Skidimax. You were like, literally like it was black and white and you were like putting like a boob together. Like it was a fucking puzzle, like in Memento or something. And that's what you had to masturbate with for the season for four months. It was a Rubik's Cube tit for four months. And now these kids can get whatever the fuck they want, but now none of them are fucking. So that's interesting, too.
- [29:12]
A
Yeah. Yeah. Things changed.
- [29:16]
B
They have changed a lot. Like, now it's like, guys are, like, proud of being virgins or they have an AI girlfriend. It's a matter of time. Would you be able to accept your kids AI boyfriend or girlfriend? No, really? What if they were, like, a really good hang?
- [29:31]
A
I would rather my son have an imaginary friend.
- [29:35]
B
I hope he does. That's a normal thing. You're like, I hope he has, like, a puppy or something. You're like, that's also normal.
- [29:42]
A
Well, that kind of is an AI girlfriend. I guess it is imaginary.
- [29:46]
B
My question is imaginary friends. You know, kids, you should pay attention to this as a kid. They haven't been destroyed by the world yet, mentally, so they actually could be seen being a real interdimensional being. I think they are a lot of.
- [29:59]
A
Times, oh, if he was like, mommy, there's a friend in my room.
- [30:03]
B
Yeah, it depends on what the. You're, like, first up. It's gotta be scary, right? Of course you're gonna be waiting for that. That's the scariest thing about kids. Like, I imagine, like, there's gonna be a point, like, because when your kid starts talking, like, two. Like, a year. I guess so. I'm sorry.
- [30:14]
A
Sorry.
- [30:15]
B
Like, two years. Like, he's gonna, like, wake you up or she's gonna wake up in the middle. I'd be like, mommy, I'm scared. I'm terrified.
- [30:22]
A
I'm terrified.
- [30:23]
B
Yeah, whatever you're scared of.
- [30:24]
A
Come in here. Get in bed.
- [30:26]
B
Whatever's on your. Was in Playboy. I'm not Laura Croft, okay? Like, I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna glam a boogeyman out of your room, all right?
- [30:36]
A
I don't know. The way my boobs look now, I could flash.
- [30:39]
B
No, there. Me too, sister monster.
- [30:42]
A
And they'll be like.
- [30:44]
B
They just. They destroyed them. Is that what happened?
- [30:47]
A
They're just, like, rescued?
- [30:50]
B
Is that. Well, isn't that what happens? Right? Are you gonna do a thing? Are you gonna do a thing?
- [30:53]
A
Well, so the thing with me is that whenever you breastfeed, you have one power boob that, like, you have a power boob. It's a power boob. And it just.
- [31:02]
B
What is the power boob?
- [31:03]
A
The power boob is the boob that generates the most milk.
- [31:06]
B
Okay.
- [31:07]
A
And then the other boob's, like, your lame tit.
- [31:09]
B
The lame tit.
- [31:10]
A
It's the lame tit.
- [31:11]
B
It's like Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yeah.
- [31:14]
A
Yes, it is.
- [31:16]
B
And so when you're like, come on make more milk. I'm pulling all the weight here.
- [31:24]
A
Yes, that's exactly what it's like. And so in. Like, in life now, I just have, like, a large. One large boob.
- [31:36]
B
You have a cyclops titty.
- [31:37]
A
It is a cyclops booby. Well, and that's just so unfortunate.
- [31:41]
B
Maybe instead of a bra, we get you an eye patch.
- [31:46]
A
I need to get, like, an insert for my other. For my lame tit. So just, like, meet the size look.
- [31:54]
B
They look. You're doing great.
- [31:55]
A
Thank you.
- [31:56]
B
Okay.
- [31:56]
A
Thank you.
- [31:57]
B
But, you know, every woman is entitled. As the woman's magazine I gave you, every woman is entitled to their own breasticles. I don't even know what I'm saying.
- [32:06]
A
Right now, but all women have a power boob. Just so you know. This is.
- [32:12]
B
They have a power boob.
- [32:13]
A
It's. All women have one boob that's gonna.
- [32:15]
B
Be like, come on. To my wife when I see her when I get home. Let me see those power titties.
- [32:19]
A
Yeah. Which one do you think would be the power boo? Is there one that's a little.
- [32:22]
B
I was about to go like this. I think it's the right. I think it's. It's her left.
- [32:28]
A
That's what my power boob is. Yeah, the left boob.
- [32:31]
B
I don't know. Let's get her on the phone and ask.
- [32:33]
A
Yeah, I want to know.
- [32:33]
B
She actually would probably answer, but I think she's working.
- [32:36]
A
She'd be like, this is a very strange question.
- [32:39]
B
Yeah, well, there's. Two days ago, I did that Colton Downing podcast, and I gave. She gave me permission to kiss him on the mouth. You know, that's not what I'm asking. Sorry. So this would be less weird than that of being like, hey, honey, what's your power boob? Rather than, I'm gonna go make out with this dude. So, you know.
- [32:56]
A
So, yeah, that's how I'd scare a monster.
- [32:58]
B
Just throw that titty out there. I used to have a joke about that because my mom would walk around the house with no bra on her boobies. Just kind of like. Like, she looked like a Muppet that, like, Jim Henson just gave up on. She's like, fuck it. Let's see what happens. But it was get. I was like, come on, Mom. It was like, hit me in the face and shit.
- [33:17]
A
Dang.
- [33:18]
B
It was too much.
- [33:19]
A
Yeah.
- [33:20]
B
Put the bra on. But, you know, I suck to wear a bra all the time.
- [33:23]
A
Yeah.
- [33:25]
B
Do you ever get comfortable with it, or is it like a hat? Like, eventually. You don't Even know you're wearing the hat.
- [33:29]
A
A bra. Yeah, some bras are, can be comfortable.
- [33:35]
B
I was a big, I had lost weight and then when I did the show again, I was a big fat pig and I'd gained 20 pounds. So I decided to like wear a corset. Basically I wear like Spanx around and it just like pushed my tits up to here. And instead of like, I looked a little better, but the whole time it looks like I'm about to pass out.
- [33:53]
A
You know, I think support sometimes can feel nice, but for the most part there's nothing quite like just taking off.
- [34:02]
B
I spilled Red Bull over my knee. Hopefully the camera didn't catch that, guys.
- [34:06]
A
You know, just free balling it, free balling it. Baby feels good.
- [34:11]
B
What is. When does the, when does breastfeeding stop? Is that six months in?
- [34:15]
A
You know, you can do it as long as you want. I saw some interview with a woman who was doing it till her daughter was like six.
- [34:23]
B
Yeah, that's not. Yeah, that's, that's, that's a documentary. That's not a.
- [34:28]
A
If you're. The minute, the minute I felt teeth, I was like, no, I don't like.
- [34:36]
B
I think pregnant women are beautiful, but it's not like a sexual thing like some guys. It's like a real sexual thing.
- [34:42]
A
Yeah, it's like a fetish.
- [34:43]
B
I don't know. I just feel like, because when I was a kid, when I first, like when, when somebody explained to me what sex was like, my first thought as a kid was like, oh my God, was it my mom? Was I in my mom's like womb, like dodging my dad's penis, like a long cross country skier or something? Like, so since then I've never been like, I don't want to like accidentally like hit a kid with my dick or something.
- [35:05]
A
All guys think they're gonna hit the kid with their dick.
- [35:07]
B
Truth is, you're not going to make.
- [35:09]
A
It with a dag.
- [35:10]
B
There's. Chances are the kid's way bigger than your kid.
- [35:17]
A
I, I like. What was the question that you asked me a second ago? You asked me, you're talking about a.
- [35:23]
B
Kid and then you talked about scared him.
- [35:25]
A
Breastfeeding.
- [35:26]
B
Breastfeeding.
- [35:27]
A
So I, I'm pumping, which is different than breastfeeding. So he still gets my milk. But we're not. I don't bring him to me to breastfeed. I cut that off at eight months.
- [35:39]
B
So you still pump.
- [35:40]
A
So I still pump, but as soon.
- [35:42]
B
As the pumping's done, you can have that drink. That's where I'm trying to get to.
- [35:45]
A
One year and then I will wean off and then he can, like, transfer to some cow's milk.
- [35:51]
B
How long is the milk good for? Because maybe you could just pump up a lot for about six months. It's good for just trying to say, like, maybe, maybe just go, go nuts on your titties with the pumper for a month.
- [36:02]
A
Yeah.
- [36:02]
B
And then you'll be able to get fucked up. Just. But it's going to be a rough month. It's going to be a rough month. You're going to be like one of those emaciated cows in the Serengeti.
- [36:09]
A
No, I've done that. So at, like, what's a good example? I guess this last Christmas, so I went to New York for four days. And so for a month leading up to it, I had to pump like an extra two times extra, and I would save that milk and freeze it. And I did that for a month so that for four days I could, like, go to New York and drink and have a really good time and not worry about it. But then I got pregnant.
- [36:39]
B
That's it, man.
- [36:40]
A
And I was like, no. And so I couldn't drink.
- [36:44]
B
And I was hand jobs for you guys from now on. You're too fertile. Back to fucking middle school. Dry humping in jeans, baby.
- [36:51]
A
I was like, oh, man. Couldn't I have just gotten pregnant like, one month later?
- [36:58]
B
I. Yeah, I've never been pregnant, so I don't know.
- [37:01]
A
But it's. It really helps with rehab.
- [37:04]
B
Does. Does it? Yeah, I guess. You do? Yeah.
- [37:07]
A
I was, like, borderline an alcoholic before I got pregnant. I was drinking like, a glass or two of wine every night. I was, like, enjoying cocktails at dinner.
- [37:18]
B
Sounds like fun.
- [37:19]
A
I was having a great time.
- [37:20]
B
You weren't doing it in the morning, though, right? You didn't have. You didn't do the hair of the dog.
- [37:23]
A
I wasn't an alcoholic.
- [37:24]
B
Do you know what I'm doing? I'm projecting onto you to, like, give you permission to somehow give myself permission. But it's fine if you're in Texas and you're doing like a podcast and there's like a bar across the street, and then you get down with the podcast and you get drunk immediately.
- [37:36]
A
You just go across. Yeah, no, I wish that. I mean, I had fun, but I was drinking every day. But I wasn't getting, like, fucked up every day. I would just have, like, a glass or two of wine and then if I'd go out to dinner, I'd Have a cocktail or two and then a glass or two of wine. That was like, my standard.
- [37:56]
B
Must be nice to be that fucking thin. Or it could just get you.
- [38:00]
A
That would get me wasted?
- [38:01]
B
That would get you wasted.
- [38:02]
A
Oh, man. I'd be like, stumbling home.
- [38:06]
B
This is how my story is. I would quit drinking for six months, and then I would fuck up again. But even then, I would need, like, 12 beers to get drunk for whatever reason, you know? And edibles is the worst because I do. I totally do the marijuana maintenance thing because it doesn't. It doesn't. I can do it before bed. It doesn't get in the way of my work. That's my whole thing is, like, my work and my wife, you know? But, like, I would, you know, I do not want to drink. But then, like, the gummies, your percentage. Like, I was taking, like, 400 milligrams where I went to bed, just, like, go to sleep, and you're like, well, this isn't fun anymore. Now I can't get high.
- [38:41]
A
Yeah. You know, what was your. How much would you drink when you were drinking?
- [38:46]
B
It just wouldn't stop, you know, it just depends on whether I get blow or pills, too, you know?
- [38:50]
A
Wow.
- [38:51]
B
You know, look, man, if you could. If you kids can still do 10 drinks and not ruin your life, keep going. I'm. You know.
- [39:00]
A
That's terrible advice. Terrible advice.
- [39:03]
B
Well, you know, there's so many people say this is the worst. No, I am not a good example of someone who should know. But, you know, as my mom died of it, my grandpa died of it. It's like, Michael Arians has this great joke. My family tree. My family tree has a car wrapped around it. Oh, no. Shut up, Mike. But, yeah, so no, but now I'm enjoying, like, you know, the things I like. If I could just enjoy a 5 milligram gummy and like, an Adirondack chair, James Taylor wife dogs, I'd be happy. And I think I'll get there at some point.
- [39:39]
A
What do you like to do to mellow out when you go home?
- [39:42]
B
Well, the problem is, is, like, I start. I really used to, like, My dumb thing I used to love was pro wrestling. And then I got hired by him, and then I got fired. So then I just totally lost. Like, I was like, I get angry, you know, like a girl who gets a bad boyfriend, and then she's like, a lesbian for six months. Like, so I haven't watched wrestling since then. But so then I started getting really back into the news again, and I always kind of was into the news, but I was like, I was a little bit. So now I like, listen. I like, listen like four to six hours of news a day. It's all the most depressing shit possible. And I don't know why I do that. So that's my unwinding. The only thing I really unwind, you know, I gotta get better, I guess. So video games is the only thing that, like, I couldn't enjoy just. But I should get into working out or something. But, like, I'll just listen to, like, podcasts and play video games all night.
- [40:29]
A
What kind of video games?
- [40:30]
B
Right now I'm playing God of War, Ragnarok. I'm going because I don't play video games for five years and then I just hear all the good ones and I buy all of them.
- [40:38]
A
I was into video gaming off and on throughout my life.
- [40:41]
B
Homeschooling. It's like a homeschool thing. Your only friend was Star Fox, probably or something. What did you play?
- [40:50]
A
I played StarCraft.
- [40:51]
B
StarCraft? Oh, wow, you were like, in it.
- [40:53]
A
Yeah, I played StarCraft, but I worked for this company called NASL and I host. I like, helped host this stream. And that was like my job for like two years. NHSL and nasl.
- [41:08]
B
And so you really liked it?
- [41:09]
A
Oh, yeah. I'd go home and I would play for like four hours a night.
- [41:12]
B
Wow.
- [41:12]
A
I loved playing starcraft. And then I got fired from the job and then I stopped playing it and that sucked because then I really liked playing the game. But it was kind of like your situation. I'm like, well, if they're gonna. Like, if we're not. If I'm not gonna work for this company and I'm not doing all this stuff, like, it doesn't. Why am I gonna waste my time doing this? I gotta find a new life.
- [41:30]
B
Yeah. Yes, exactly. I. I just. I like disappearing into a world, but, you know, I don't. I love it on our big tv and we share the big tv, so I can only play so much before my wife's like, this is a lot.
- [41:46]
A
She's gotta play with you.
- [41:48]
B
She hates that shit. She hates that shit. Plus she doesn't like it. Cause I'll play Kosa Tsushima and then I'll just like, slip into an offensive Japanese accent without realizing it. And she's like, we have Asian neighbors. Please. I'm like, I'm. I'm sorry. I mean, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. So I, you know, that that's been unwinding for me and I'm like, really into. I have a podcast, a paranormal podcast. I'm really into, like, UAP and Italy.
- [42:13]
A
Have you seen Skinwalker Ranch? Of course.
- [42:16]
B
I really.
- [42:16]
A
Oh, my.
- [42:17]
B
Have I seen. Have you been there?
- [42:19]
A
No, but I'd love to go. It's like off limits.
- [42:21]
B
Do you have any you can get. I can't, but there's ways in. Wait, do you have any friends in the defense contracting business?
- [42:26]
A
In the what?
- [42:27]
B
Defense contracting business?
- [42:29]
A
No.
- [42:29]
B
Military, guns, scientist friends. You probably know, being in Austin, do you know anybody in the tech bubble here? People, like, higher up in the tech? Because they could maybe be a way in to skinwalker for you.
- [42:46]
A
I. I don't know if I would.
- [42:48]
B
Go for some reason, but you could probably could find a way in.
- [42:51]
A
I feel like. Like I'm such a believer in that stuff. I'd have to wait till I wasn't pregnant anymore because I wouldn't want the heavy metals to like, mess with me.
- [42:59]
B
Well, you know what's happening now is that everyone who goes there, something's following them back. No, that's happening. And that's not just like Will Elizondo, who wrote Eminent, who's been. He was in the Age of Disclosure. That documentary that just came out, it's been reported a lot, is that you go to these hot spots and then all of a sudden you get home, you don't tell your family about it, and then your family's like, hey, why is there like an orange orb in the middle of the living room right now?
- [43:21]
A
No way.
- [43:23]
B
Yeah.
- [43:24]
A
Wow, that's wild.
- [43:25]
B
It is. I mean, that's really what I've gotten into the last year is like that. Like I always. I'll play Ghost of Tsushima and listen to like a five hour podcast on either DARPA or like the Rendlesham Forest UFO incident in England. Like, really? And I'll just. I'll just lose myself and just love it. Either I'll do it sober or if it's laid in the alpha gummy. It's the best.
- [43:50]
A
My Instagram algorithm. Oh, it's all that is giving me some stuff like that too. I saw an interview between two guys, I bet you have seen this. And they're talking about being on DMT and looking at a laser. And when you're on the laser, it's like code. But if you move the laser up and down the wall, the code changes. And everyone else who's on DMT can see it too. But if you're not on dmt, it's.
- [44:13]
B
Just a light, not Only that they also see on dmt. The DMT elves. Yeah, like the same. That's crazy.
- [44:21]
A
Little people.
- [44:22]
B
Yeah. That everyone's seeing the same shit on those hallucinogens.
- [44:25]
A
Yeah.
- [44:26]
B
Well, you know, like a lot of people have those thing where they get on a psychedelic and then they download code, which is what you're talking about there. They see the code which makes you think it's a simulation. And weirdly enough, it kind of looks Egyptian too. So you're like. Then you hear about like they're finding crafts with hieroglyphics on it. Like when the spaceships crash.
- [44:43]
A
Yeah.
- [44:44]
B
So you're like, what the fuck is time? Is this all you know? But it does feel like there's this weird code behind everything.
- [44:53]
A
Yeah. Like the Matrix kind of.
- [44:55]
B
Kind of. Yeah. I feel like. I don't know, man. I mean I had a. I had a. Like I feel like something got opened up this year. But I don't know about you, but I feel stuff sometimes. Like as weird as that sounds like I don't feel like. I don't. I feel like the best people to feel stuff are I think, gay men and indigenous children. And that's a weird. No, I'm serious. Like this isn't even a joke. Like this is that. That's what the military apparently uses. They like go to like. Cause a lot of these new craft, like this craft, spaceships they're fighting, they're all controlled through psionics. And the best people who do that for whatever reason or gay men who have not. Don't have a history of drug and alcohol issues and indigenous children who've never seen a tv. And then apparently somehow they found a way to open the craft through the kids minds.
- [45:43]
A
No way.
- [45:44]
B
And through the. Yeah, that's what I've heard through a few people.
- [45:46]
A
Like I find this stuff fascinating.
- [45:48]
B
I could talk to you about this for seven hours. I will do that tonight after my show. Tonight that is what I will do when I get home. I have like a four hour documentary I wanna watch when I get home.
- [45:57]
A
What is it?
- [45:58]
B
Well, that one's a little more depressing. That's about the Presidio child daycare center scandal in the 60s involving Satanists. Oh, so that's another. Like my algos. Fuck, my algo is half Brazilian butts, half dissected aliens. So it's impossible to masturbate too. That's what I'm trying to say. But my favorite. Is my favorite fucking UAP thing that I've heard lately or this paranormal thing. I've heard that Bigfoot is a Navy SEAL sent from other dimensions to go into ours, grab the crashed aliens and bring them back. Like an X Files version of like Black Hawk Down. Now this sounds nuts, but Chris Davis, you can google him, he's got a ton of government contracts. He made millions and millions of dollars. I don't know who I'm yelling at, by the way. Millions of dollars of government contracts. He said just casually in this documentary. Oh yeah, we were looking at a portal. This like eight foot monkey guy just kind of walks out, walks past us.
- [46:58]
A
You know, no big deal.
- [46:59]
B
No big deal. I think all those guys are seeing shit. They're just like dropping little morsels.
- [47:06]
A
Yeah.
- [47:06]
B
For all of us.
- [47:07]
A
They have it up. Lizard man of scape or swamp claims.
- [47:12]
B
Yes, there we go. Well, the thing that's different about. No, it's not. Is that the same Chris Davis? No. Well, Chris Davis is like a. He was. He just did. Like he was in Congress. Like, he's not, like, he's not like a wackadoo. Like, he's get. He's like. Gets billions of dollars from our defense company. So the people that are saying it now are like, well, he may not, but the people that are coming out now are all like fucking really buttoned up, cut and dry guys and girls. They're not like, they're not me, you know, like, they're. They're people who. So now you see like these whistleblowers and like you hear Dylan Borland talk or you hear Matthew Brown talk and they're two of the people that blew the lid on this, this last year. You're like, these guys aren't lying. I mean, you and I, we're in a business of lies, show business. These guys are not lying because I've never. Like, this is how I acted when I tried to lie when I was like eight. Like, they're not used to this then. So, like, it's real. So we know magic is real. We know aliens are real. We know it may be connected to maybe the afterlife. Maybe connect to things that happened before us. I don't know, man. It's like crazy.
- [48:18]
A
Yeah.
- [48:18]
B
Crazy time to be alive.
- [48:19]
A
It is a crazy time to be alive.
- [48:21]
B
It is at the craziest time to be alive, I think.
- [48:23]
A
Well, I do find all that stuff really fascinating. I watch a lot of the shows and it's.
- [48:28]
B
You watch Skinwalker?
- [48:29]
A
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [48:32]
B
I think there's definitely stuff going on there.
- [48:34]
A
For sure.
- [48:35]
B
Yeah.
- [48:36]
A
I mean, I mean, I could talk to you about that for hours as well.
- [48:40]
B
Have you seen anything?
- [48:45]
A
Not in, like, my life. I don't. I haven't. I haven't. But when I watch that show, it doesn't seem put on to me with all the mishaps and, like, electrical problems that they have, with every single person that they have brought in with the show, having problems with all of their equipment and all this stuff. Like, I don't know, it just. It doesn't seem.
- [49:11]
B
It's the same area, you know, and it's been like that forever because Native Americans, that area, they. They had the same problem with it. That's where all the skinwalker stuff came from.
- [49:20]
A
That's why I wouldn't go when I'm pregnant, because I think that there are metals in the ground there. And I just. I feel like metals would really mess with pregnancy. Like, with earth shifting and things.
- [49:32]
B
You don't know what's there. Like, Moment of Contact just came out, and it's about the Brazilian. You know, you heard about the. The crash landed in Brazil and, like, two little girls stalled two little things, and they're like two little men in their backyard and they just. This guy, James Fox, is actually gonna be our podcast Burbs Bros. Check it out. But he's like. Went to Brazil and, like, went into it and looked into it and anyway, one of the army's guys ended up catching this thing with a net, right? And it nicked him and he died three days later from. From whatever, like, biological radiative disease this thing had. It wasn't like it was attacking him. It wasn't attacking him. The little alien guy was like, the guy. He literally picked it up with a net. It was alien. And then he, like, cut his arm just a little bit on the alien's, like, skin or something like that. And then he was dead three days later. And there's a bunch of doctors who verified this. Right now, Moment of Contact. It's on Amazon. You can rent it. Now there's the first part, the second part. The second part. It's. It's wild, dude, because it's like him trying to find the witnesses and the very. He just needs one more witness. And at the. I don't want to blow it. Should I blow it? I won't blow it. I'll blow out. At the very end, he's looking for this one witness, and he sees the guy. He's like, are you this guy? And the guy's like, yeah, yeah, I am. He's like, did you see it? He's like, what? It Looked like looking into its eyes. And the guy just looks. And the guy just starts bawling.
- [50:54]
A
No way.
- [50:55]
B
And then the director, who. I've never seen a pretty buttoned up guy, he starts crying. That's just how the doctor documentary ends. Because apparently when you look into the. At least the gray's eyes, it's so overpowering. People either get sick, they pass out, they start bawling hysterically. It is. It is how you would describe seeing an angel in the Bible.
- [51:14]
A
Wow.
- [51:15]
B
Which is why they think that they're very similar, too.
- [51:17]
A
That's so wild. Well, I'm gonna have to listen to your podcast.
- [51:22]
B
Yeah, it's. You gotta come on and you got to talk about. We talk aliens. It's the best thing for. Because we know it's the opposite of a normal comedy podcast. We don't bitch about comedy or our careers.
- [51:32]
A
Yeah, no, I'd love to talk about aliens. The whole last 30 minutes, my audience is like, what the fuck are we?
- [51:38]
B
That's what I was. I was a little bit wondering. I was like, this isn't the type of probe I was looking for.
- [51:45]
A
I mean, we haven't really talked about your dating life, but we've talked about.
- [51:48]
B
Well, here's the dating. Aliens apparently do live off of sexual energy. That's like, one of the things they feed. It's like, a lot abduction stories. The guy ends up hooking up with, like, a tall Norwegian alien. All right, enough about my sex life. But what was the. Let's get back to dating.
- [52:00]
A
Well, our time has come to an end.
- [52:03]
B
Oh, shit. I'm sorry. God damn it. I know I should have talked more about titties and less about fucking E.T.
- [52:08]
A
We talked about my boobs a little bit.
- [52:10]
B
We did. We gotta bring in alien titties next time.
- [52:13]
A
Yeah, seriously.
- [52:14]
B
Let's bring both worlds together.
- [52:16]
A
Where can people find you?
- [52:17]
B
You can find me on Instagram. Dan St. Germain, normal name, Burbs Bros. My podcast, working on a new cartoon with Dan Soder about our life growing up with alcoholic parents. It's basically the alcoholic version of Muppet Babies. It's at Fox. We're hoping it's gonna go. So I'm putting this energy out there to just make it happen. I'm also ready to move with Andrew J. Cohen. Rude neighbors. Great tutor. Anyway, Burrs Bros. Is the paranormal podcast. Answer me. And I have all my specials that are free on YouTube, so check it out.
- [52:49]
A
Thank you.
- [52:49]
B
Thank you. Sorry about Mike receiving my credits at the end there. Sorry.
- [52:52]
A
No, I wanted them all. Thank you, guys. For watching another episode of First Date. We'll see you next time. First Date. Baby, are you really drinking a glass of milk with dinner? First Date. I can't wait. You told your mom about me? Just say, you ready? Delete my number. First Date. Your parents are your roommates. First day.