Placenta on the Menu w/ Sara Weinshenk | First Date with Lauren Compton

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Placenta on the Menu w/ Sara Weinshenk" | First Date with Lauren Compton

Release Date: February 11, 2025
Host: Lauren Compton
Guest: Sara Weinshenk, LA-based comedian and podcaster

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Introduction

Lauren Compton welcomes Sara Weinshenk to the show, introducing her as a comedian and podcaster known for "This Bitch Podcast" and "Shank Podcast." Sara expresses her excitement about joining the episode, highlighting her connection with Lauren's work.

Notable Quote:
Lauren (00:41): "Hello and welcome back to another episode of First Date. My guest today is an LA based comedian and podcaster... Give it up for Sara Weinshenk."

Background and Current Life

Sara shares her current living situation, balancing between Los Angeles and Austin due to her podcast collaborations. She mentions spending a month in Austin, primarily because her podcast co-host, Kim Congdon, recently relocated there.

Notable Quote:
Sara (01:15): "I live in LA, but I come to Austin a lot because I have the podcast with Kim Congdon and she lives here, so I'm here for a month."

Dating Experiences in LA vs. Outside

The conversation delves into Sara’s challenges with dating in Los Angeles. She describes LA as a tough environment for finding lasting relationships, leading to a degree of desensitization and jadedness.

Notable Quote:
Sara (02:14): "I'm used to it, but I kind of got desensitized and jaded. Like, I was like, it's never going to work with someone that I meet in LA."

Current Relationship Dynamics

Sara discusses her current relationship with her boyfriend, who resides in LA and has two children aged three and eight. She reflects on the complexities and exhaustion of dating someone with children, balancing her desire for a family with the realities of her boyfriend's existing parental responsibilities.

Notable Quotes:
Sara (02:25): "I have a boyfriend and he has kids, so we'll see what happens."
Sara (25:00): "Yes. It's exhausting on another level... The three-year-old's a lot more work."

Dating Preferences and Red Flags

The duo explores Sara’s "ick" factors in potential partners, highlighting traits that deter her from continuing relationships. She mentions an aversion to overly religious individuals, extreme vegetarians (vegans), and those obsessed with trends like NFTs.

Notable Quotes:
Sara (27:35): "I don't really love a vegan. Anyone who's, like, too religious is an ick."
Sara (27:44): "I dated someone who was obsessed with NFTs. That was an ick."

Humorous Take on Parenting and Relationships

Sara shares amusing anecdotes about her interaction with her boyfriend’s family and the challenges of integrating into a household with children. The conversation touches on the unpredictability and adjustments required when dating someone with kids.

Notable Quotes:
Sara (28:15): "Like, he's a barbecue man. Yeah, but he's not the hottest guy you'll ever see in your life."
Sara (31:34): "He was mean and I was like, why am I with you?"

Pregnancy and Childbirth Discussions

A significant portion of the episode centers around pregnancy, childbirth, and the unconventional topic of placenta consumption. Sara and Lauren humorously debate the merits and myths surrounding eating the placenta post-birth, discussing various methods like encapsulation and the supposed health benefits.

Notable Quotes:
Sara (36:20): "I'm gonna eat my placenta. It’s supposed to make you heal."
Lauren (36:32): "If that were true, put some on your tree."

Lactation and Postpartum Experiences

The conversation shifts to lactation, with Sara recounting her experiences with lactation consultants and the humorous yet awkward scenarios that arose during her preparation for breastfeeding. They discuss the oddities of lactation classes and the practical aspects of breastfeeding.

Notable Quotes:
Sara (41:01): "And then she rubbed the colostrum back onto my nipple. And then I had one beautiful nipple all day."
Lauren (42:16): "This is so crazy. Why don't people put this on video?"

Final Thoughts and Relationship Insights

As the episode wraps up, Sara reflects on her relationship dynamics, emphasizing the importance of mutual support and understanding, especially when children are involved. They discuss the balance between personal desires and the responsibilities that come with blending families.

Notable Quotes:
Sara (24:28): "But also, like, if I didn't have kids and I ended up with him, I do love his kids, so it seems like it wouldn't feel like I was missing something."
Lauren (25:33): "How old are his kids?"
Sara (25:55): "I've been losing it on people. Just for fun."

Conclusion

Lauren and Sara conclude the episode with light-hearted banter, wrapping up their candid and entertaining discussion on dating, relationships, parenting, and the unique challenges that come with blending personal lives.

Notable Quote:
Sara (46:34): "Wow, this went by so fast. You can find me at Princess Shank on Instagram and Twitter..."

---

Key Takeaways

• Navigating LA Dating: Sara’s experiences highlight the difficulties of maintaining long-term relationships in a fast-paced environment like Los Angeles.

• Blending Families: Dating someone with children introduces unique challenges, including balancing responsibilities and adjusting to new family dynamics.

• Personal Preferences in Dating: Identifying "ick" factors helps in understanding non-negotiable traits in potential partners, contributing to healthier relationship choices.

• Unconventional Pregnancy Practices: The humorous exploration of placenta consumption sheds light on modern childbirth trends and the blend of health myths with personal preferences.

• Lactation Realities: Preparing for breastfeeding involves navigating awkward and unexpected situations, emphasizing the reality behind postpartum expectations.

---

Useful For

Listeners who enjoy candid conversations about dating, relationships, and the humorous side of navigating personal life challenges will find this episode both engaging and relatable. Sara Weinshenk’s insights offer a blend of comedy and honesty, making complex subjects approachable and entertaining.

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Note: All timestamps correspond to the moments when the notable quotes were mentioned, providing context and relevance to the discussions.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

First date, baby. First date.

[A]

I can't wait. First date. Hello and welcome back to another episode of First Date. My guest today is an LA based comedian and podcaster. You can find her on this bitch podcast with her best friend and her own show, Shank podcast. Give it up for Sarah Weinshank.

[B]

Yay. I'm so happy to be here. I always see your clips and I'm like, I want to do that one. It looks fun.

[A]

I'm glad that you're here.

[B]

Yeah. Thank you for having me.

[A]

Do you still live in la?

[B]

I live in la, but I come to Austin a lot because I have the podcast with Kim Congdon and she lives here, so I'm here for a month.

[A]

She just moved here though, right?

[B]

Yes, she just moved here.

[A]

Yeah, she texted me and she told me that she moved here and I asked her where she moved and I think she's one block block away from where I live.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. That's like walking distance. I just can't walk there.

[B]

Yeah, that makes sense.

[A]

Like, we'll hang out.

[B]

Yeah, you should. She's fun.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, that's cool. Well, hopefully you move here too. Is it in the cards or.

[B]

No, it's maybe in the cards. I have a boyfriend and he has kids, so we'll see what happens.

[A]

And he's in la.

[B]

He's in la? Yeah.

[A]

Okay. How long have you guys been together?

[B]

A year and a half.

[A]

That's a pretty long time.

[B]

It is a long time, Especially in L. A. That's like seven years in a regular city.

[A]

Dude, seriously?

[B]

Yeah, Dating in L. A was really bad.

[A]

Yeah. Have you. Where are you from?

[B]

I'm from L. A. Oh, okay. Yeah.

[A]

So then you. You kind of are used to it.

[B]

I'm used to it, but I kind of got like, desensitized and jaded. Like, I was like, it's never going to work with someone that I meet in L. A. And then I met my boyfriend, but he's from Texas.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

So. And we met in la and he.

[A]

Doesn'T want to move back here.

[B]

I. I mean, he also has, you know, a baby mom.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Yeah. So.

[A]

Man.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What a bummer. I forget that those exist.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When you think of a guy with kids, you're like, yay. Like, oh, yeah, someone gave birth to those kids.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

It's still in the picture.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean? It's like, you can't just. Whatever.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Anyway, so you have your own podcast. You're doing stand up. Are you on tour right now?

[B]

Yeah, I'm on tour. I'm going to Phoenix, and I'm going to Florida, and I'm going to Canada, so.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How old are you? You look really young.

[B]

I'm 37.

[A]

No, you're not.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Fuck right off.

[B]

I swear I can't move my forehead because I have Botox.

[A]

Well, I have some questions for you.

[B]

Wow, you have a big question book.

[A]

I do have a big question.

[B]

It's like a menu.

[A]

Yes, that's exactly what it is.

[B]

It's a menu, right?

[A]

It is a menu. And I have appetizer questions.

[B]

I did see appetizers, and I was like, does she have, like, a Cheesecake Factory menu? But then she puts her notes in there, like, what's happening?

[A]

I wish we had a waiter that would come serve us hors d'oeuvres.

[B]

That would be awesome.

[A]

While we did the podcast.

[B]

Pigs in a blanket.

[A]

Girl speaking to me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yes. And then we have main course questions.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And there's a tasting menu.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

This is legit.

[B]

This is legit.

[A]

This is legit. How we.

[B]

Very on theme, very organized.

[A]

Thank you. Food has never made more sense on my podcast than it does at this point in my life.

[B]

Does that make sense? Sense.

[A]

So we'll start with some fun appetizer questions. What is the furthest place you've ever traveled to?

[B]

London or Italy? I don't know. Which one's further?

[A]

I think they're, like, the same.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Europe.

[B]

Europe.

[A]

Which one did you like more?

[B]

That's really hard. I loved Florence and Italy. I think. I think Italy. But London had such cool things. Fashion. I was really into London too, so that's hard for me to decide, but I guess I'm going Italy.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Did you go by yourself?

[B]

No, I went on a. It was in college. I did, like, an art history class, and we went to go look at art, but really we were just, like, drinking wine and, like, we looked at. We looked at a million photos of the same thing. It was like the Virgin Mary and Jesus as a baby, like 500 times.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I was like, okay, can we paint something else, dude? What's happening here? It's like naked men statues and the Virgin Mary holding Jesus. Yeah, it's like Madonna with Child. It's like Madonna with Child part two. I'm like, this is all the same.

[A]

It is the same.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Did you. How long were you there for?

[B]

A month in Italy.

[A]

Did you date any guys there?

[B]

No.

[A]

Did you find anyone that was attractive?

[B]

I don't think Italians are for me. I don't want to get. I just feel like they're so Italians.

[A]

Like, honestly, I don't need you.

[B]

I don't know. It's not really my vibe. I feel like they're hypersexual in a way that I'm like, you're a little too sexual. I want you to be horny, but not horny all the time.

[A]

And none of them are circumcised. I'll just go ahead and let you know.

[B]

Yeah, No, I like them. I like a circumcision.

[A]

Yeah, they don't do that over there.

[B]

Yeah, no. I rather fuck a British guy, I think. Do you guys disagree? I just heard a clip from off camera. Someone got left for a British man.

[A]

Dude, you know, I got a problem with the British because they expect women to be super independent over there.

[B]

Do they?

[A]

Oh, yeah. Like, if you go out with a British guy, you're doing the double Dutch, splitting the check thing.

[B]

Okay, I'm out.

[A]

Same.

[B]

And their teeth are messed up.

[A]

They look like rock chompers.

[B]

Yeah. Call me once you get that figured out.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know.

[B]

Willing to pay for my first date, at least.

[A]

Being a dentist over there is not on the top charts of careers.

[B]

Yeah, but being a dentist in America, they have the highest suicide rates. Can I say suicide on the pod.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know. It's 20, 25. We'll put live rates.

[A]

We'll put a little asterisk.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Caption that seems to solve all problems.

[B]

It does. It does.

[A]

Yeah. I didn't know that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, if I had to look at people's disgust, you know what I mean? All day long, I'd be like, you're.

[B]

In charge of scraping plaque off of a stranger's teeth.

[A]

Gross.

[B]

And then telling them, hey, you need a root canal, and that's going to cost you fifteen hundred dollars. Like, what?

[A]

Yeah. I think the medical field is very strange also. Respiratory therapists are, like, the number one smokers really? In the medical field, people who, like, examine your lungs smoke the most amount of cigarettes.

[B]

Cause it's too much, dude. It's stress.

[A]

I guess they just realize we're all gonna die.

[B]

Yeah, that's true.

[A]

You know, so they're like, smoke one after every time they see someone's decrepit lungs.

[B]

They're like. Pass me my lighter, please.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's dark.

[A]

This is actually very entertaining. I'm loving it. Do you drink alcohol?

[B]

Yes, but not a lot, but yeah.

[A]

What do you like to drink?

[B]

Tequila. Oh, yeah.

[A]

A girl after my own heart.

[B]

Tequila is my favorite. If I drink wine, it's. I don't feel well. I like the idea of wine, like, in theory, like, yeah, let me have a glass of red wine with pasta. And then the next day I'm really hungover. Yeah, I have wine.

[A]

Do you have more than one glass?

[B]

I can just have one glass and get hungover if it's wine.

[A]

Really?

[B]

If I have tequila, I'm a lot better, which is weird, but yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Back in my day, yeah. When I was drinking, I would drink so much wine that my teeth and my mouth would turn purple.

[B]

Yeah. Been there.

[A]

Yeah. I have no. That story goes nowhere. I just wanted you to know that my teeth and my mouth would be the color of my dress.

[B]

Do you drink or.

[A]

I did.

[B]

Before you got pregnant or just in general, Like a lot. Will you. Will you drink again after baby?

[A]

Not for a long, long time. I'm so tired of being fat.

[B]

You're not fat. You have a literal life inside of you. But I get it. I mean, I get if I know.

[A]

How you probably feel, you can imagine. I'm not gonna share my fat stresses with you, but I'll tell you that the amount of cellulite that you gain, no matter how hard you work out, is insane.

[B]

But at least you get a baby out of it. I have cellulite. No baby.

[A]

God, it's incredible how, like, positive you are.

[B]

I'm trying to be positive.

[A]

You are. You're being extremely positive. And I'm so not used to it from a comical standpoint. You know, people are usually very self deprecating. But I can't thank you enough for your positivity.

[B]

We all have cellulite and we're all gonna die, man.

[A]

So seriously, smoke this cigarette and have the baby.

[B]

Yeah. Drink a Red Bull with a straw. It's fine.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But, yeah, I don't think I'm gonna drink for probably a year.

[B]

That's what you say now. Aren't you kind of looking forward to having a drink post baby?

[A]

I'm really not.

[B]

You're not?

[A]

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[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is losing weight. So I mean, if you have like one nemesis and I've already been like off of it for nine months Right.

[B]

That's true. What about smoking weed?

[A]

I don't like weed. I have lost many a boyfriend to smoking weed.

[B]

To not smoking weed.

[A]

No. If I do smoke weed, I shut down as a person.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I become so quiet and strange and I.

[B]

The guy's like, I gotta go.

[A]

Yeah. I'm not a fun weed smoker.

[B]

Really.

[A]

I just. I. So quiet that it's weird. Like, guys won't go out with me again if. If I smoke weed around them because I'm so weird.

[B]

Okay, I get that.

[A]

Do you smoke weed?

[B]

I smoke weed. Yeah. And I get weird, but I just lean in.

[A]

Dude, good for you.

[B]

Yeah, I'm like, I'm high. You know, I'm high. We smoked weed together. So if you don't like who I am when I'm high, then you don't deserve me when I'm sober. The Marilyn Monroe quote, all of a sudden.

[A]

I appreciate that, though. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, my. My main vice was alcohol.

[B]

Alcohol.

[A]

But believe me, when I get back down to like a happy weight, I'm back, baby. I'm sure I'll throw a few back.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what?

[B]

Like, what?

[A]

Tequila.

[B]

Tequila goes hard. Especially with the Tajin rim.

[A]

I know some gay guy invented that. He had to.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, they know what is up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's like, we're not gonna add some south.

[B]

Yeah. Some gay Mexican man.

[A]

Yeah. And I don't know if that's not a Mexican accent. I've never been good at accents. My acting career didn't go far, but.

[B]

Or something.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Yeah. He's like some chile on the rim.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And then that's how it happened.

[B]

It's fucking amazing. It's a perfect situation.

[A]

Yeah. Tahin on the rim. I don't know why that's not a song. You put Tajin on their rim and the lime on the skin. I don't know.

[B]

I like it.

[A]

I don't make the theme songs around here.

[B]

Not yet.

[A]

What's your favorite hobby?

[B]

I like hiking, but now I don't really do that since LA burned and there's like asbestos in the air and carcinogens.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Sorry. I know. I was being super positive, but it just took an abrupt.

[A]

It's okay.

[B]

Yeah, no, I like hiking a lot and I like yoga, but I haven't done in a while and. Yeah, I think that's it. Is that boring?

[A]

Kinda.

[B]

Like, what am I. I don't. Am I supposed to pick up crocheting so I can say I have, like, A hobby. Do you know what I mean? I'm not, like, a hobbyist. Like, I'm not like, oh, let's go golf. That's not me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I guess my interests are kind of limited, I guess, in a way.

[A]

Well, you're constantly.

[B]

I like to shop.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

That count as a hobby? Not. Not a hobby. Yeah, not. Not a hobby.

[A]

I mean, it is something to go do thrifting. Okay. Thrifting is more of a hobby than shopping in general.

[B]

Than shopping. Okay. Thrifting. We're looking for treasures, you know?

[A]

Yeah. Define a treasure. In a vintage store, what's a good find?

[B]

So it could be anything for me. Like, I could see, like, an ET Thing and be overly excited, dude. Like, I could see, like, a troll doll. I wouldn't buy, like, a troll doll on a whim, but, like, a T shirt with the troll doll on it would be fun for me. Like, I like something quirky. I like. Like, a good. Like, finding a good vintage leather jacket would make me really happy. Like a really cool band T shirt.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Vintage one that's, like, rare, and I find it somewhere, and it's like, I get it for, like, $25, but it retails really for, like, 200. But the person who. Who sent it to Goodwill didn't know.

[A]

Yeah, that's.

[B]

That's a good time for me. Like, the dopamine that I would get from finding a rare vintage T shirt. Unmatched.

[A]

That sounds like a good date day.

[B]

Yeah, but the guy's got to be into shopping, too.

[A]

Yeah, some guys are into the vintage shopping, though.

[B]

Yeah, but those ones are hipsters. Yeah. And I. I. That never led me anywhere good. No, I remember I was, like, really into this guy. We went vintage shopping. I flew to New York to spend time with him. I thought we were gonna date. And then after I was there at his apartment where he had roommates for four days, and we went vintage shopping, and I thought the stars were lining up and we were gonna be, like, this cool thrifting couple. He did my podcast, and on my podcast, he was like, yeah, I don't really believe in monogamy. I was like, this is a weird way to find out after I've been here for four days, and, like, we're kind of dating, and, like, we're. Don't go thrifting with me if you're not into monogamy, dude.

[A]

Yeah, that's.

[B]

What kind of pig are you? Seriously?

[A]

That's some bait and switch shit. Yeah, dude, I get it, but I have a really Good girlfriend of mine who just started dating a set designer and he's a hipster. And when I was in LA before I burned down, I went and I met them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And she's like, what do you think? I'm like, he's cool. You know? And then the next thing I know, she's texting me how to sign up for OnlyFans to sell her feet and, like, feet pics and stuff.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm like, I don't like the hipster guy.

[B]

Was he encouraging it?

[A]

Yeah, he was, like, wanting to do the feet pics too.

[B]

No, not a no. I need.

[A]

I know. This was like a dual adventure. Yeah.

[B]

And then I'm like, I get 10% of all your. Your feet pics. But the worst part, Kris Jenner, I.

[A]

Couldn'T wrap my head around is why are you asking me? Like, I know how to sell feet pics. I don't know how to sell feet pics. And she didn't want to, like, put it on social media. She wanted it to be, like, hidden. And I'm like, that's not how you make money. I only know how to sell your soul publicly.

[B]

Yes. I mean, same. But in feet pics. Can't be that hard to be honest.

[A]

Right? You don't have to put your face in those.

[B]

Yeah. And the people that like feet are off anyway, like, it doesn't have to be well lit. They just want to see those toes.

[A]

Is it the wrinkles in the bottom of the feet that are so hot? Is that what people like?

[B]

I don't. Their wires are switched and they think feet are like vaginas. There's something off with them.

[A]

I mean, it's so weird. What about baby feet pics? I'm asking for a friend.

[B]

Baby feet pics. Kris Jenner again.

[A]

Could you imagine the little tiny, itty bitty fe going up for sale? Smallest feet you ever did see. Ew, gross. I'm grossing myself out. He's not even born yet. And I'm like, well, I guess I know why she asked me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How soon into dating someone do you think you should introduce them to your parents?

[B]

Okay, well, I used to just do it really fast. And then my mom would be like, hey, unless you've been dating them for six months, like, I don't really want to meet them because I can't ride this roller coaster with you. And I was like, well, when I introduce you to them, I think they're the one. And then shit happens. Dude, like the guy I went thrifting with that Was in New York. I was like, can you come to Thanksgiving? And she was like, you've been dating him like, three weeks. And I was like, so?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And she's like, I don't want to meet him.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So my mom set some boundaries. She was like, I can't ride this roller coaster. I'm like, listen, I don't want to ride the roller coaster either.

[A]

Yeah. Why do you have to ride it alone?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's not fair.

[B]

Are you my mom or are you not my mom?

[A]

Yeah. Yes.

[B]

I'm 37. But you're supposed to.

[A]

She's supposed to be a down ass bitch.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. So. But now. But now I kind of get it because she did meet a lot of ones that she didn't have to meet, you know, and then she goes, I get attached. And I'm like, you can't get attached.

[A]

You can't.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

Is your mom cool?

[B]

My mom's cool. Yeah.

[A]

Have you ever dated someone where you like their family more than them?

[B]

I dated one guy whose mom I really liked. Like, I loved. She was like a hippie. She had like a peace sign tattoo. She was like. And she sends me memes still. She'll send me memes.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I think she misses me. And I miss her too. She was one of my favorites.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There was only one that I was, like, really amped about. Yeah.

[A]

Okay. When was the last time you needed to go to a doctor, but you pushed it off, made the excuse, I'm too busy. It'll heal on its own. I don't need help. I think we've all been there. Booking a doctor appointment can just feel so daunting. But thanks to Zocdoc, there's no reason to delay. They make it so easy to find and book a doctor who's right for you. Well, I'm here to tell you that you don't have to settle anymore. When it comes to finding the right doctor with Zocdoc, you've got options. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. We're talking about booking in network appointments with more than 100,000 doctors across every specialty, from mental health to dental health, primary care to urgent care, and more. I know whenever I moved to Austin, finding a doctor was almost impossible because I just didn't know where to start. And Zocdoc helped me find the right doctor for me. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zocdoc.comdate to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Z O C D O C.com date Zocdoc.com date.

[B]

Have you ever spotted.

[A]

McDonald's hot crispy fries right as they're being scooped into the carton and time just stands still? Do you think that the guy you're dating now is the one?

[B]

I mean, I think so, but anything can change at any point. Like, I do really love him and I love his kids.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Which is awesome.

[A]

So a year and a half. What is the longest relationship you've had out? Is that the longest relationship?

[B]

Like five years?

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Can I ask what happened?

[B]

Five years, I wanted kids and he didn't.

[A]

Oh, yeah. After five years.

[B]

Yeah, he like, thought that he wanted kids and then life started and it was harder than imagined. And then he was just like, I just don't think I can have kids. So we broke up.

[A]

Well, it's good that you could leave a relationship.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That, that was that long off of what you wanted.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you want to, since your boyfriend has kids, would you want to have more kids with your boyfriend?

[B]

I would have one kid. But once you see how much work it is to have two kids already, you know, it puts things in perspective. So if the stars line up and the timing lines up and it makes sense for all of us, then yes. But also, like, if I didn't have kids and I ended up with him, I do love his kids, so it seems like it wouldn't. I wouldn't feel like I was missing something.

[A]

What do you think is the hardest part? Since you're observing someone with kids, what is the hardest part of, like, you're basically a mom.

[B]

Yes. Yes. It's exhausting.

[A]

Cool.

[B]

It is exhausting on another. It's exhausting on another level. Dude.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, when I first met him, I was like, how do you go to bed? Why do you go to bed so early? Because I'm like out late all the time. And he's like, dude, you'll see. So we hung out like one day and I was. By 6pm I was like, I cannot move. It's like another, like a different level of exhaustion.

[A]

How old are his kids?

[B]

Three and eight.

[A]

Oh, wow. Yeah, it's a big age gap.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

I'm assuming the three year old is a lot more work.

[B]

Yeah, the three year old's a lot more work.

[A]

So at which point in childhood do you think they, like, teeter off and it becomes easier?

[B]

Well, it's definitely not three. It's Definitely not two. I think it just changes because then.

[A]

You start when they're 18, there's, like.

[B]

New things that come up. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, it's like, oh, okay, they stop having tantrums, but now they want. I don't know, they want, like, unlimited screen time or they want, you know, like, the thought of a kid wanting to be on Instagram scary. Or the thought of a kid going to a party is scary. It just, like, changes, I think.

[A]

Yeah. Hmm. I don't know. I feel like we could just put him in a cage.

[B]

A cage is a good move.

[A]

That's my go to. I'm, like, looking at chemicals.

[B]

Crate.

[A]

Yeah, a crate seems like a good place for time out.

[B]

Yeah, a crate.

[A]

Yeah. Just locking.

[B]

Trained. Yeah.

[A]

I'm joking. For anyone.

[B]

Yeah, you gotta say that.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, I will get canceled for saying I'm gonna crate train in my child before you get canceled for saying dentists commit suic.

[B]

Yeah, that's true.

[A]

So I just want everyone to know that I'm not serious about crate training my kid. And if I was, I wouldn't tell you. How long into a relationship do you.

[B]

Say I love you a while.

[A]

Like, more than three months.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I would never last.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Oh, my boyfriend told me he loved me after two weeks, and I was like, finally.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, Yeah, I. Wait a while. Cause listen, I've said I love you, and it turns out I didn't love them.

[A]

Well, what was it?

[B]

You know, when I got the ick?

[A]

Oh.

[B]

I was like, ew.

[A]

What's your biggest ick in a guy?

[B]

I don't really love a vegan.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

Yeah. A vegan's a nick. Anyone who's, like, too religious is an egg.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Anyone who's like, I need. I don't mind, like, someone who's spiritual, but if it's, like, extreme, I don't like extremists. I dated someone who was obsessed with NFTs. That was an ick. I dated someone who liked video games so, so much that that was an ick.

[A]

I see what you're saying. Like, any. It's like sometimes things can be too much.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You need some balance in your life.

[B]

I did a lot of alcoholics, and then when they're sober, they get very into, like, the addict thing transfers over, so they'll get obsessed with something different.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, you know, maybe it's pins and patches for your jacket or maybe it's, I don't know, like, NFTs.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, if you're not tease.

[A]

Are they still a thing? That was like. Oh, that was like.

[B]

That was like peak pandemic.

[A]

Yeah. I was gonna say it's like, we're.

[B]

Gonna sell these JPEGs for a hundred thousand dollars.

[A]

Yeah. That was weird.

[B]

That was weird.

[A]

I never understood that. There was some people that I feel like any. Were you into NFTs? Oh, man. I was hoping he would get offended that I called him out for that.

[B]

He probably would have.

[A]

He probably would have.

[B]

No one wants to be publicly called out for it.

[A]

Well, he's a very, very smart. Like he handles all the cameras and stuff and like, he's.

[B]

It'll get. It gets even the smart ones.

[A]

You know what I mean? He's. Don't you. Doesn't it seem like any would have been to. In. To NFTs? He said he's offended.

[B]

I also think, like during the pandemic people were like losing their minds. So they're like, yeah, what if I did, you know, buy this ape jpeg?

[A]

Yeah. Red flag.

[B]

It was. It was a red flag.

[A]

What does your boyfriend do?

[B]

My boyfriend's a model.

[A]

Hot.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. That's all he does.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He makes money off of his looks.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Where'd you find this guy?

[B]

On Raya. Oh, yeah.

[A]

So he had like a great profile.

[B]

He had a great profile to the point where I thought maybe I was getting catfish and that. Like we were going to go on one date and then never.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Talk again. Because he's very handsome. He's handsome to the point where people like will be like, like, we'll go out and people would be like, that's a beautiful man.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yes. Yeah.

[A]

I don't know if I've ever seen any. My boyfriend's medium ugly.

[B]

Yeah. That's normally my type. Dude.

[A]

Yeah. Like, he's a little chubby.

[B]

We like a little chubby.

[A]

He's got like facial hair.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's like the epitome of someone you would think owns a barbecue restaurant.

[B]

Okay. That painted the perfect visual.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Whereas his way around a smoker, you know. Yeah.

[A]

He's like a good cook. Yeah. We like that big personality.

[B]

That's fun.

[A]

But he's like not the hottest guy you'll ever see in your life.

[B]

Yeah. But like, that doesn't matter because at the end of the day, like, you know, once you start dating someone, it you don't even think about it anymore kind of thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But then when I bring him places, people be like, he's very good looking. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I always get your boyfriend Is so cool.

[B]

You're so cool. Yeah, that's good that he's like the.

[A]

Coolest person to hang around.

[B]

Yeah. But the thing with mine is I thought that he was going to be an. Because he's really good looking, but he's not. He, like, opens the door for me all. It's weird.

[A]

He's sweet.

[B]

He's really sweet. And I've been with, like, really ugly guys who are mean. I thought that maybe I was with one guy that was so ugly, I thought for sure he was going to be nice. Then it was mean and I was like, why am I with you? You can't do that.

[A]

You can't be both. Was audacity on sale?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, it's bad.

[A]

You can't be ugly and mean at the same time. No, you've got to have a better.

[B]

The uglier or fatter that you are, the nicer.

[A]

The nicer and funnier you better be.

[B]

Yeah. It's a coping mechanism. But when those stars don't line up and they're like. You're just so mad that they're ugly. It's like an incel walking around in real life.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, that was a bad one.

[A]

This sounds like a shit boyfriend.

[B]

He was.

[A]

Fuck him.

[B]

Yeah, I forgot about him.

[A]

I've got all kinds of extra testosterone running through my veins.

[B]

I respect that.

[A]

I've been losing it on people. Just for fun. I've been really letting myself go. I'm like, very contained and I'm very nice, but these days. I don't have a container.

[B]

You're free?

[A]

Yeah, I don't have. I have zero container. There was some guy that was walking by me the other day, and I know he was trying to be respectful, but I was. I was like, walking down a hallway and I want to make it clear that this hallway was large, large, large hallway. And as I was waddling down it, I wasn't in the middle. Right as I was waddling down it, he hugged the wall. Like, I had Covid. Remember people would do that with COVID They like, yeah, try to do that. And he, like, hugged this wall and I just, like, stopped. And I was like, dude, I will belly bump you if you don't just walk like a normal person.

[B]

Yeah, that would piss me off, dude. That would piss me off.

[A]

Nothing made me feel like an Oompa Oompa.

[B]

More.

[A]

More than that moment. And I was just like, fuck.

[B]

Okay, so do you think you'll do it? Yeah. Like, so you're not loving being pregnant?

[A]

I don't love the last two weeks. I'm like, I've got two weeks left.

[B]

I don't think anyone loves the last two weeks.

[A]

I can't breathe.

[B]

So, like, icky. You could go into labor right now, right?

[A]

I could. It's possible.

[B]

Okay, well, that would be wild, dude. If your water broke right now, that would be wild.

[A]

Yeah, it would be wild. But, you know, so my midwife was telling me that, like, your water doesn't even always break, and that's. It's not the sign of going into labor.

[B]

What is? The contractions.

[A]

Contractions are.

[B]

Have you been having them?

[A]

There's fake contractions. How fucked up is this? There's fake contractions called Braxton Hicks.

[B]

I've heard about these.

[A]

I'm having one right now.

[B]

No.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you think we manifested that?

[A]

I'm sure we did. My body's been hearing everything.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

And so what happens is your whole stomach tightens up, but it doesn't hurt. It's not like a painful contraction. It's just like really flexing your abs as hard as you can for like a full 60 seconds and then it stops and it goes away and then it's done. And I get those probably 30 times a day. They're fake contractions.

[B]

I don't like that at all.

[A]

And so the real ones hurt. So when it starts hurting, I know that that's a real one.

[B]

Okay. I don't like the idea of a faux contraction.

[A]

I know. Why are we doing that?

[B]

It's unnecessary.

[A]

It does help the baby get head down, though, like in the.

[B]

Okay, we like that.

[A]

We like that.

[B]

He needs to come down.

[A]

And then they say that you should practice breathing, which I feel like I've been practicing breathing for 37 years.

[B]

Do. Have you gone to any. Yeah, you have? Have you gone to any, like, classes?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Was it too much? Are you leaning in? Cuz I. I like, like the idea of going in blind. I like the idea of going in blind, dude.

[A]

Of labor.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No, you don't.

[B]

I'm telling you. Yes. I think if I know too much, it'll freak me out and I'll never do it.

[A]

If you don't know enough, it'll freak you out because so much stuff will happen to you and you won't even know what to say.

[B]

No, no, no. You see, you're involved. That's good.

[A]

I know.

[B]

That's good. Yeah. I'm like, I don't think I could do a home birth. I respect it so much, but I'm like, jude, give me the epidural clothes hit me up when the baby's wrapped in a blanket. I know that's not what it's gonna be like, but that's my fa. That's my fantasy, you know, that was my fantasy, too, until you got pregnant.

[A]

Until I saw the ob. So I went to an OB first, freaked you out. And I was the same way as you. I said, I want all the drugs, I want the epidural. I want all the things. I don't want to feel it at all. And I just wanted it to be over with.

[B]

I mean, what I'm saying is actually really horrible. And my hippie friends in LA would be disgusting, disgusted with me. Are you gonna.

[A]

So hippie.

[B]

Are you gonna eat your placenta?

[A]

I'm gonna encapsulate it.

[B]

Yeah, you are.

[A]

Yeah. So the doula takes it, and then she dehydrates it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then you put it in capsules, and then you take them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's supposed to, like, heal you. She also makes a tincture and, like, a salve.

[B]

She'll probably make you a little smoothie right after. No, you don't want that. No, my hippie friends were like, put it in the smoothie. It's great.

[A]

No, some people cook it like a.

[B]

Steak, a little acai and placentia girl. You can also sell it on the Dark Web, I think, for a lot of money.

[A]

I'm sure you can. I'm so surprised when people, like, just throw it away. I had a girlfriend that, like, gave birth, and I was like, what'd you do with your placenta? And she's like, I don't know. They threw it away. And I'm like, they don't throw away.

[B]

The hospital probably sold it, dude.

[A]

I'm sure they did.

[B]

I was reading about how that happened.

[A]

Thousands of dollars.

[B]

Thousands.

[A]

Thousands.

[B]

I know. I was thinking about getting pregnant just to sell the placenta. That's the Jew in me. It's like, I don't know if I need the baby, but I could use the extra thousands.

[A]

Thousands.

[B]

Yeah, dude.

[A]

Yeah. No, I'm gonna eat it.

[B]

Yeah, swallow it. That's what you're supposed to do.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

So listen, I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna. I know. I'm gonna eat my placenta. And the thing. It's gonna make you look, you're not even gonna need Botox after you eat your placenta, dude. It's gonna heal you.

[A]

If that were true, put some on your tree. I was gonna say I just rub it and then just put it on my face?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. This is by far the wildest conversation I think I've ever had on the show.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. No one's ever asked me about my placenta.

[B]

Oh, I'm. Placenta's heavy on my mind now because I'm in the childbearing age. So, yeah, I think about placenta. To be honest, the placenta part, it doesn't scare me as much as the birth. Wait, what happened when you went to the ob? And then you're like, well, my boyfriend actually told me.

[A]

He was like, I don't know if you know what you're talking about when you say you want an epidural and you want Pitocin and you want all of these things.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's like, so why don't we just do some research and I'll let you come.

[B]

The research is what? Really?

[A]

Yeah. He's like, you can come to your own conclusion. And at the end of the day, if that's what you want to do, then, of course I'll support you. He's great. I love him. He's barbecue man. Yeah. But we did the research. We watched some things. You can start with the Business of Being Born.

[B]

That's the one that my friends keep telling me to watch. They don't understand how much that movie comes up in my life. They said, you watch the Business of Being Born, you'll rethink it all.

[A]

You will.

[B]

I guess I'll cross that bridge if and when I get to it.

[A]

I recommend it.

[B]

I don't. See, I just.

[A]

Trust me, it's not as scary as you. It's scarier going into labor not knowing than going in knowing.

[B]

Yeah. No, no, I know. You're right.

[A]

Call me when you get pregnant.

[B]

Oh, I'll call. Here's my first call.

[A]

Dude, I'll be your first. I'll be your. I'll be your.

[B]

I'm more excited to breastfeed than being pregnant. That seems, like, sweet. I don't know.

[A]

I don't like my nipples being sucked on.

[B]

But then it's like this really cute thing that loves you, and it's like a little bit of you and a little bit of your boyfriend or husband. What? And then you bond, and it's like. I think your primal instinct takes over. But I don't fucking know because I haven't ever been pregnant.

[A]

I feel like I'm just. My boyfriend wants to suck my nipples, too, and he wants to taste the breast milk and that.

[B]

That's how you know it's love, dude.

[A]

He wants it in his coffee. He's like, I want to, like, put it in my coffee.

[B]

It might give him, like, superpowers.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Put a little in his coffee.

[A]

I mean, apparently, it's really good for you. It's like liquid gold.

[B]

Are you going to drink it?

[A]

I'm gonna taste it.

[B]

You gotta. I also have some friends. This is really crunchy of them. They put their breast milk on their face before.

[A]

If you put. So it's like. I'm telling you, the. The benefits of breast milk are the same.

[B]

Like, if you have my friend, after she gave birth, she had some zits and she put some. She was putting breast milk on her.

[A]

Face and it worked.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I love that for her.

[B]

Yeah, dude.

[A]

See, I got curious the other day, and I was like, I wonder if anything comes out if I, like, squeeze my nipples.

[B]

Does it?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's so cool.

[A]

It's called colostrum, and it's clear.

[B]

Yeah, dude.

[A]

But, yeah, I squeezed a nipple so.

[B]

You could pump right now.

[A]

I squeezed a nipple on, like, even when I was scared. I had a French lady come over.

[B]

A French lady come over.

[A]

A French lady come over.

[B]

She would be French.

[A]

She was French lady.

[B]

That's such a French thing to be. Like, oh, periscope.

[A]

Oui. She was a lactation consultant.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I wanted to make sure that I knew how to lactate and correctly. I guess there's, like, you know. You want to make sure everything's in working order.

[B]

Yes, of course.

[A]

These sprinklers need to sprinkle.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's good.

[A]

So this lady came over with a suitcase, which I thought was gonna have, like, a series of different kinds of pumps, some different things that she was gonna, like, pull out and show me.

[B]

What was in there.

[A]

A bunch of babies. Fake babies. They were like. They were like.

[B]

I wasn't ready for that.

[A]

I know. I really flung that at you.

[B]

A bunch of babies in a suitcase with a French lady.

[A]

Could you imagine her going through the airport? But she had this suitcase, and there was, like, a black baby and a white baby, and she was like, pick your baby. Yeah. And there was all these different babies, and they all had their mouths like that. Yeah. And she shows you how to hold the baby and how to breastfeed.

[B]

It's like a sex doll, but like a baby.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. And then she had this thing that looked like a stencil, and it had all these different holes in it of all different size, some of them going up to, like, this big. And it was to measure Your nipples. So then she holds up the stencil with all the different holes to, like, see what millimeter nipple you have, because you have to get the insert for.

[B]

This is so crazy. Why don't people put this on video? I don't know, but I'm like, that's fascinating, dude.

[A]

It's pretty crazy. And then she put on gloves.

[B]

Oh, not the gloves.

[A]

And she.

[B]

When they put on gloves, it makes me weak. Like, when my gyno puts on gloves, I'm like, just feel my cervix and let's get out of here, dude.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And she squeezed my nipple, did it and came out.

[A]

And then stuff came out, and she was like, that's colostrum. And then as it was dripping down my boob, she took it and then she rubbed it into my nipple. It was a little sexual. And I was like, whoa. She rubbed, rub, rub the colostrum back onto my nipple. And then I had one beautiful nipple all day.

[B]

Did it totally change your.

[A]

It did. It was, like, such. It was like the smoothest, prettiest little skin. And I was like, wow, that's so crazy how pretty that nipple is. And then this one's still just, like, normal.

[B]

The French lactation consultant comes over, milks you, and then rubs a little milk on your nipple and leaves after taking out a bag of babies.

[A]

Correct. See, don't you want this?

[B]

It's like a bad acid trip, honestly. But yeah.

[A]

Yeah. So that's what I've been doing on my Saturdays. I've been having French ladies come over and squeeze my nipples.

[B]

I want it for the story. It's a good. It makes for a good podcast.

[A]

I'm telling you what, I've been logging all of it.

[B]

Yeah, you gotta log it all.

[A]

Yeah. So it's pretty crazy. I gotta come up with a whole book on.

[B]

Did you always know you wanted to have a baby?

[A]

I didn't think I could have a baby.

[B]

You didn't?

[A]

No, I thought that. I didn't think that I was capable of childbirth. Bearing.

[B]

Plot twist.

[A]

Plot twist. Yeah, I got. I was. I have pcos.

[B]

Polycystic. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

So I thought that that was, like, an infertile kind of thing, but apparently it's not that bad. And I got on Metformin for one month, which, like, can really help with fertility.

[B]

I did hear that about Metformin.

[A]

And then I had a wild night.

[B]

Bam.

[A]

Pregnant.

[B]

Can you take Metformin when you're pregnant? No.

[A]

No. But you can take it when you breastfeed?

[B]

Hell, yeah, dude.

[A]

Yeah. But you know what you can't have?

[B]

What?

[A]

Botox.

[B]

Yeah, I know. Cause it's a neurotoxin.

[A]

It sucks.

[B]

It really does suck. But, dude, think of how the break and then when you finally get it, you're probably gonna need less because you're not gonna have a tolerance. I don't try to be positive.

[A]

No, I appreciate knowing.

[B]

What do in the meantime? Snail jelly.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Put a little placenta on your face, put a little breast milk on your face and just lean in.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know what I mean? Lean in.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Make a pregnancy playlist. You know what you're gonna push to, like, what? Music?

[A]

Literally silence. Really, girl.

[B]

Dude, Maybe a little James Taylor. I mean, I'm. I'm not trying to DJ your birth, but I feel like.

[A]

But when I get in pain, I don't want anyone near me. I don't want you to talk to me.

[B]

My friend pushed to rob Zombie.

[A]

You know what? That is probably the only thing that would make real sense.

[B]

Just lean in.

[A]

It's like, you know, screaming to it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Maybe I make a heavy metal, like, screamo playlist.

[B]

Yeah, that would give me personally anxiety. But it's your birth. You know what I mean? Like, if heavy metal is what you want to birth to, then go for it.

[A]

I am gonna have all the candles.

[B]

The candles. The candles are what's up.

[A]

The candles are gonna be cool.

[B]

It's like, you want sex lighting. You don't want, like, sterile environment. Like, the thought of doing it at home does appeal to me with the.

[A]

With the. The lighting.

[B]

The lighting. I don't need fluorescent light. Me shitting myself. And then the man that did this is looking at it. If it's candlelit, it's just a little more romantic.

[A]

Definitely call me when you get pregnant.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Where can people find you?

[B]

Wow, this went by so fast. You can find me at Princess Shank on Instagram and Twitter. I put all my tour days up there. And then you could find me every Monday on this bitch podcast with Kim Congdon and I and then Shank on Wednesday and. Yeah, thank you.

[A]

Of course. Thank you for coming on, guys. Thank you for tuning in to another episode of Me and My Placenta. We will see you next week.

[B]

First date. Baby.

[A]

Are you really drinking a glass of milk with dinner? You told your mom about me? Delete my number. Your parents are your roommate.