Pregnant Women Need Drinks w/ Sam Morril | First Date with Lauren Compton

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Pregnant Women Need Drinks w/ Sam Morril | First Date with Lauren Compton"

Release Date: December 24, 2024
Host/Author: YMH Studios
Guest: Sam Morril

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Introduction

In this episode of First Date with Lauren Compton, comedian and viral content creator Lauren Compton sits down with her guest, Sam Morril, for a candid and humorous conversation. The episode delves into Sam's latest ventures, Lauren's pregnancy journey, and explores the complexities of dating and relationships with a comedic twist.

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Sam Morril's Career and Projects

Sam discusses his burgeoning career, highlighting his upcoming "Errors Tour" and his role as the co-founder of the whiskey brand, Cat Bodega Cat.

• Notable Quote:
  Sam Morril: “Yeah, we've been doing it for a while. It's finally picking up some steam.” [00:48]

Sam also touches upon his podcast, We Might Be Drunk, emphasizing how his ventures align with his comedic persona.

• Notable Quote:
  Sam Morril: “We bought out our guy. We're doing fine.” [07:35]

He shares insights about his tour plans, expressing excitement about performing in diverse cities and the challenges of maintaining quality across numerous shows.

• Notable Quote:
  Sam Morril: “I'm going on hard on the road. I'm doing my new tour... If you have a city, I'm coming.” [50:45]

---

Lauren's Pregnancy Experience

Lauren opens up about her unexpected pregnancy, discussing the physical and emotional changes she's navigating. She reveals that she initially thought she was infertile and shares the emotional rollercoaster of discovering her pregnancy.

• Notable Quote:
  Lauren Compton: “I never thought I could get pregnant. I thought that I was, like, infertile.” [04:03]

She describes the physical discomforts, such as constant weight gain and back pain, and humorously compares carrying a baby to having an "alien" or "astronaut" inside her.

• Notable Quote:
  Lauren Compton: “It's like an alien in my body.” [02:48]

Lauren also discusses her disciplined approach to maintaining her health during pregnancy, including personal training and adhering to a strict fitness regimen.

• Notable Quote:
  Lauren Compton: “I walk five miles a day.” [14:55]

---

Drinking During Pregnancy: Controversies and Insights

A significant portion of the conversation centers around the controversies of alcohol consumption during pregnancy. Lauren highlights the differing perspectives between Europe and America regarding acceptable alcohol intake for pregnant women.

• Notable Quote:
  Lauren Compton: “There's a lot of controversy around it because in Europe they tell women that you can have an 8-ounce glass of wine here and there...” [08:56]

Sam expresses his personal stance on alcohol, emphasizing his preference for drinking in celebration rather than as a coping mechanism.

• Notable Quote:
  Sam Morril: “I'm not a drink to celebrate type of guy. I'm not a drink to, like, drown my sorrows.” [07:53]

The discussion also touches on societal perceptions of pregnant women and alcohol, juxtaposing them with cultural attitudes in different regions.

---

Relationship Dynamics: Communication and Conflict

Lauren and Sam delve into the nuances of relationships, particularly focusing on communication styles and conflict resolution. They discuss how different approaches to handling disagreements can impact the longevity and health of a relationship.

• Notable Quote:
  Sam Morril: “You have to be careful with those kinds of things. They'll ruin you.” [19:40]

Lauren shares her experiences with shutting down during conflicts, which can lead to prolonged periods of silence and tension.

• Notable Quote:
  Lauren Compton: “I will shut down. I don't talk. I'll give you the cold shoulder until I feel better.” [37:03]

Sam contrasts this with his own tendency to vent and engage in prolonged discussions, highlighting the challenges of balancing different communication needs within a partnership.

• Notable Quote:
  Sam Morril: “If you can communicate with someone without hurting their feelings, that's all a relationship is really.” [43:27]

---

Personal Anecdotes and Stories

Throughout the episode, both Lauren and Sam share humorous and relatable stories from their personal lives. These anecdotes range from gym encounters and dealing with difficult neighbors to the complexities of maintaining friendships and handling unexpected life events.

• Notable Quote:
  Sam Morril: “Some people are just angry. I'm a friendly neighbor. I'm not roping anyone in.” [46:37]

Lauren recounts her emotional response to the animated film Happy Feet, illustrating how even cartoons can have a profound impact.

• Notable Quote:
  Lauren Compton: “I cried my eyes out in Happy Feet.” [18:07]

They also touch upon the evolution of friendships and the importance of maintaining close connections, especially within the comedic community.

• Notable Quote:
  Sam Morril: “Everyone's messed up in their own way, but I think they've done a lot of work on themselves.” [23:59]

---

Conclusion

The episode wraps up with Lauren and Sam reflecting on their enjoyable interaction and the insights they've shared. Sam promotes his tour and latest projects, while Lauren emphasizes the importance of understanding and adapting to life's unexpected changes.

• Notable Quote:
  Sam Morril: “If you don't see on this tour, I will be coming in the fall.” [51:18]
  Lauren Compton: “This was fun.” [50:41]

Their conversation underscores the blend of humor and heartfelt discussion that defines First Date with Lauren Compton, offering listeners both laughs and relatable moments.

---

Takeaways

• Career Evolution: Sam Morril is actively expanding his career through tours and entrepreneurial ventures like Cat Bodega Cat whiskey.

• Navigating Pregnancy: Lauren Compton shares the unexpected journey of her pregnancy, highlighting both challenges and humorous perspectives.

• Alcohol and Pregnancy: The episode explores differing cultural attitudes toward alcohol consumption during pregnancy, emphasizing the need for informed decisions.

• Relationship Communication: Effective communication and understanding differing conflict resolution styles are crucial for healthy relationships.

• Personal Growth: Both guests illustrate the importance of personal growth, whether through maintaining friendships, handling unexpected life events, or pursuing passions.

---

This episode of First Date with Lauren Compton offers a rich blend of humor, personal stories, and insightful discussions, making it an engaging listen for those interested in the intricacies of dating, pregnancy, and maintaining personal and professional relationships.

Transcript

[A]

This episode is brought to you by Dutch Bros. Big smiles, rocking tunes and epic drinks. Dutch Bros is all about you choose from a variety of customizable handcrafted beverages like our rebel energy drinks, coffees, teas and more. Download the Dutch Bros app for a free medium drink. Plus find your nearest shop, order ahead and start earning rewards offer valid for new app users only. Free medium drink Reward upon registration, 14 day expiration terms apply. See DutchBros.com I'm so excited to see you tonight. First date, baby. First date. I can't wait.

[B]

First date.

[A]

Hello and welcome back to another episode of First Date. My guest today is back for his second date and he's launching his new tour, the Errors tour. And he also hosts the We Might be Drunk podcast, which makes a lot of sense because he also is the co founder of this whiskey called Cat Bodega Cat.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I haven't. Is it. You like it?

[B]

You should try it.

[A]

I can.

[B]

I'm really offended.

[A]

I'm sorry.

[B]

No, it's okay. Congrats on the baby. That's crazy.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

I know.

[A]

So you and Mark are doing this?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, we've been doing it for a while. It's. It's finally picking up some steam. So.

[A]

Yeah. How long is a while?

[B]

A few years now.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you have different ages of whiskey? Like different?

[B]

Like this is a three year blend right now.

[A]

Okay, so we're waiting. How do you say. I don't even know how you ask that question.

[B]

What do you mean? No, you nailed it.

[A]

Did I?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Yeah. No, you're crushing it.

[A]

I think I've only had whiskey like once in my life.

[B]

What?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Then how'd you get the baby tequila?

[A]

Ah, tequila makes your clothes come off.

[B]

Damn. We should have done tequila.

[A]

Fuck tequila. And some country music.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Get pregnant.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Are the fans happy for you or are they annoyed that you're pregnant?

[A]

I feel like some people just watch it and they just, you know, like when you take the screen and you just shorten it to your like above, like it's probably. They just watch it from here up.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Yeah, I don't. I don't know. I haven't had anyone ask. People still ask me if I'm pregnant.

[B]

It's a scam.

[A]

I'm like, do you think I'm just eating a lot?

[B]

I guess that's possible. Has anyone ever tried that?

[A]

I don't know. But wouldn't it like go to other parts of my body too?

[B]

One would hope so. That would suck. If you ate and only got fat.

[A]

If this was only food.

[B]

That's crazy. You're carrying a person right now.

[A]

I know. And he moves a lot.

[B]

Really?

[A]

It's like alien in my body.

[B]

An alien?

[A]

It's like an alien. No, an astronaut.

[B]

And Ash. You think you have an astronaut in you?

[A]

I mean, he's like, not.

[B]

What is.

[A]

What is the.

[B]

What does the father do?

[A]

He owns Terry Black's barbecue.

[B]

Oh, that's pretty cool.

[A]

Yeah. So he's probably gonna come out smelling like brisket.

[B]

Yeah, that's. That'd be kind of. Would that be good for a cannibal? If you dip the baby in, like, barbecue sauce. You think? No. Is that too gross?

[A]

I don't know. It's too soon to think about eating my baby.

[B]

Yeah, but. And it's Texas, so you gotta keep it.

[A]

Yeah, well, wait till he doesn't share his M&M's with me.

[B]

The baby.

[A]

Yeah, that would be.

[B]

That'd be a weird way to go Casey Anthony on a baby.

[A]

I know. If he doesn't share, he wouldn't give.

[B]

Me Eminem, so I had to. I had to kill him.

[A]

He's cut off.

[B]

Yeah. Was there ever a part of you that you're like, I don't want a baby, or were you really happy?

[A]

I never thought I could get pregnant.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. I thought that I was, like, infertile.

[B]

That sounds like someone who tried really hard.

[A]

I did.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're just on a. You're on a one night stand. Like, just leave it in. It's fine.

[A]

I was on two fertility medicines.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What are those? They just had.

[A]

I was on ovofolic.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And metformin, which are. Both help you enhance your fertility. I have pcos, so it's like a syndrome. And I. And it causes infertility and.

[B]

Oh, man, that sounds, like, amazing. So that's a great syndrome.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, I guess.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If you want to be single.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And just around.

[B]

Yeah. But you wanted. You wanted a baby.

[A]

Yeah, I really did. I was looking into IVF and all this stuff.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Suddenly I was pregnant.

[B]

I was shocked.

[A]

I was shocked that it happened because I didn't know it could.

[B]

So how'd you find out? You just weren't feeling well or something?

[A]

I peed on a stick. No, my boyfriend kept telling me that I was pregnant.

[B]

That would suck if you weren't pregnant.

[A]

He was convinced.

[B]

Well, because you were, like, just gaining weight, you mean?

[A]

He says that my boobs were just getting big.

[B]

That's a cool side effect.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's cool when boobs get bigger, right?

[A]

They've grown, huh?

[B]

I'm looking. Yeah, they're big. This is definitely more revealing than the first time. I was. I think last time I was on, you dressed for, like, a funeral or something.

[A]

Did I?

[B]

You got it. Can you pull that? There's something.

[A]

No. Was I in a turtleneck? That's so rude of me.

[B]

It was. It definitely was. Like, oh, maybe she doesn't feel safe around me. Maybe I have, like, a bad energy or something.

[A]

No.

[B]

Oh, sweet.

[A]

No. But now my boobs just rest on my stomach.

[B]

Yeah. It's pretty cool.

[A]

It's like a table.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But how are you?

[B]

I'm good. I feel like things are pretty good.

[A]

Are you dating anyone?

[B]

I'm seeing someone. Yeah.

[A]

How long have you been seeing someone?

[B]

For a while.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah, Over a year.

[A]

That's a while.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Where does she live?

[B]

She's all over. She travels for work, too.

[A]

Okay, cool. Who travels more? That's not a funeral.

[B]

It's a funeral for, like, a mob boss.

[A]

I mean, that's pretty. Like, that's, like a gangster Gwen Stefani look.

[B]

It is nice. You know what? It's better than I remembered it.

[A]

It's better than I remember it, but.

[B]

I saw you with, like, Norman and Stavi. I'm like, that's like a fucking.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You were like, definitely.

[A]

Well, I try to wear something different every time.

[B]

Yeah. No, I like this outfit.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Yeah, it's good.

[A]

So you've been with this girl for, like, a year?

[B]

Yeah, a little more.

[A]

Yeah, a little more than a year.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then. Do you want kids?

[B]

Yeah, probably. I think I gotta get my career in a place where it's a little more stable. But, yeah, I think that would be cool.

[A]

Or your whiskey just can sky skyrocket and you can become, like, the next cosm. Egos.

[B]

That'd be pretty cool, because I think.

[A]

George Clooney has made, like, a billion dollars.

[B]

He made a lot of money.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He had other stuff going on, though, too.

[A]

But he has made more from his tequila company than he ever made in acting.

[B]

Isn't that crazy that he probably made more from that tequila company than the heist in Ocean's Eleven?

[A]

Isn't that wild?

[B]

He got. He got rich.

[A]

Yeah, he got wealthy.

[B]

Yeah. So he doesn't really. He's doing a play next. That's how you know you're rich when you're like, I'm gonna do a play when a movie shows. Like, I'm just gonna go to Broad, give Up and do a show. No, I mean, he's doing. It's his good night and good luck he's going to do on Broadway. True.

[A]

It's not giving up, but it's like, I feel like if you do do a play. Because it's equity.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They. I mean, I may. Maybe he's different, and they pay him more than equity, but there's essentially not a lot of money in place.

[B]

It depends, right? I mean, like, Lin Manuel Miranda probably got pretty rich.

[A]

I guess if you're.

[B]

If.

[A]

I guess if you're really good at what you do.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Some people, the rules don't apply.

[B]

Yeah. Not a lot of money in liquor always, but we'll see. I mean, Clooney definitely got a lot of people making booze.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because they're like, that guy made a billion dollars. Yeah, but that's not how it. I mean, we're in the red right now. We bought out our guy. We're like. We're fucking. Maybe Mark doesn't want me to say that we're doing. We're doing fine.

[A]

Well, you know what? At the end of the day, if it doesn't go well, you have something to drink.

[B]

I know.

[A]

To wash your sorrows away.

[B]

That's true. I don't like to drink when I'm sad, though.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

I'm not one of those I'm a drink to celebrate type of guy. I'm not a drink to, like, drown my sorrows. I mean, I'll do it, but I don't like it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There's something depressing about being like. I don't know. If you drank around someone who's trying to, like, escape something. It's bad energy.

[A]

What do you do when you're sad?

[B]

I try to feel it.

[A]

Ew. Why?

[B]

I don't know. Cause it goes away sooner if you kind of try to, like, you know, I'll work a lot, but I'll try to be like, all right, this is why I'm sad. I'll try to deal with it a little.

[A]

Yeah, that's hard.

[B]

It's hard.

[A]

That's hard. I hate feeling things.

[B]

What do you do? Well, you can't numb yourself anymore. You're pregnant. I know.

[A]

I'm feeling a lot.

[B]

That. That's why pregnant women are crazy.

[A]

I know. Hormones.

[B]

Hormones. And you got to feel everything. You can't even do caffeine right now, can you? One cup of coffee.

[A]

One cup. I do.

[B]

A cup of coffee and like, what? Like, three glasses of whiskey is good?

[A]

I wish.

[B]

You wish you can't do any booze, right?

[A]

None. But you know what's crazy is, like, there's a lot of controversy around it because in Europe they tell women that you can have an 8 ounce glass of wine here and there, whatever. But in America, women don't have boundaries. And doctors don't trust that if they tell women that you can have a glass of wine, that you'll have 8 ounces or 6 ounces or whatever a normal pour is, they'll think you'll have a fishbowl.

[B]

Interesting. When you say Europe, do you just mean France?

[A]

I feel like that's what I was thinking of. That's what I was thinking, like Italy and France.

[B]

Yeah. Fun countries.

[A]

Yeah. That, like, know how to just have a glass.

[B]

That's why they're better drinkers than us, because they start them so damn young. For real that they don't abuse it as much, right?

[A]

Yeah, they don't abuse it.

[B]

I mean, look at. Look at how we drink.

[A]

Huh?

[B]

Look at how we drink here. I mean, it's like, it's crazy. We're sloppy drunks because we start too late, I think, because you're told you can't do it, so you're like, fuck you, I'm going to do it. And then you see a guy getting let out of a football game in handcuffs and you're like, that's not how you're supposed to do it. How many weeks are you going to see a guy just getting, like, pummeled at a game? It's fucking crazy.

[A]

It is crazy.

[B]

Yeah. But I guess my advice is don't pick a fight if you're on the lower level because the guy who's up top usually gets him.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I don't really go to a lot of sporting events.

[B]

No. What. What is your. What did your guy like to do?

[A]

He's into sports.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I. And I'm into, like, staying home.

[B]

You just like to do nothing?

[A]

I like to. I'm trying to think of what. Like, I. I'm. I like to go to certain sporting events. Hockey is my favorite sport.

[B]

Hockey's cool.

[A]

I like. And if I.

[B]

You have a team here, do you?

[A]

I don't think so.

[B]

So you don't like hockey that much? If you don't know.

[A]

Yeah, no, I'm not a fan.

[B]

Okay. No. There's no team in Austin, is there?

[A]

I don't think there's a hockey.

[B]

You got Dallas. You got a team.

[A]

The Stars.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Right? Yeah, yeah, the Stars. I'm not like, you knew that. I don't travel to go.

[B]

No. But that's a big. That's a big move. That's an investment.

[A]

Yeah. His family does though. Like his mom and dad will travel for college football. Like they're big UT fans. So if Texas is playing in like Georgia and it's a good game, they'll fly to Georgia. Georgia to go watch the game.

[B]

That's pretty cool.

[A]

So they're like really into it.

[B]

That's like family bonding too.

[A]

Yeah. So I've been getting more into it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But aside from like having a boyfriend, you don't.

[B]

Yeah. What do you like, what do you do for fun?

[A]

Well, I used to perform a lot.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And write and travel.

[B]

We could still write.

[A]

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[B]

Shopify.Comdate Got to do that Ali Wong thing. You got to go up there with it with a belly and be like, this is fucking.

[A]

I did a show a couple, like two weeks ago with and I did, like, pregnancy material and it was really fun.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I get so tired and I'm just like, I want to go home.

[B]

Yeah. Why do you think is your tired from, like, the hormones or the emotions or is it because you're actually heavier?

[A]

Do you think I'm heavy?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm top heavy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I constantly feel like I'm falling forward, so I always have to hold myself up and it hurts my back.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

So I'm just tired and I'm hungry and I just like.

[B]

I'm going to be honest, just talking to you right now feels like a lot.

[A]

I'm sorry. It's a heavy.

[B]

I'm tired, I'm hungry. I'm like, jesus. I just got here and I have.

[A]

A personal trainer and I walk five miles a day.

[B]

Wow. So he just watches you walk?

[A]

No, I walk to the gym.

[B]

Oh. Oh, that's a good. That's a lot.

[A]

I walk to the gym. It's two and a half miles and then I train for an hour and then I walk to.

[B]

What do you do, like weights and stuff?

[A]

Yeah, it's like serious personal training.

[B]

That's pretty cool. So I'm trying, So I mean, that's got to be. I bet people see you at the gym, though, like, oh, that's good for her.

[A]

Do you work out?

[B]

A little bit.

[A]

Do you like it?

[B]

I like the. I mean, during. Yeah. You kind of trick yourself into liking it. You know, you're like, I do it more because, like, I had neck problems forever on the road. I think probably just when you're a young comic, you're taking that cheapest, earliest flight out. And middle seat, I'm like 6:3, so I'd fall asleep like this all the time. And I'm like, yeah, I think that did a number on my spine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So, yeah, I was like, trying to work to just make my shoulders and back a little stronger. It was more like kind of practical just for my lifestyle as opposed to, like, I don't really. This isn't something I'm like dying to do, but I feel way better when I do it, so.

[A]

Yeah, of course.

[B]

Yeah. And I'll play basketball a little. I'm like, whatever, but I enjoy it. So, you know.

[A]

Yeah, get a little.

[B]

Get a little. Yeah. Like I have a trainer, she'll train me like a, you know, here and there and it's, it's, it's good.

[A]

What do you do for fun?

[B]

I like, I buy a shitload of movies. I still buy hard DVDs.

[A]

I love that.

[B]

Yeah. I like. I have a cool movie set up in my place. So I like to. I like to watch really good old movies. They must be old. Old. I'll watch a new movie too. I like going to the theater still, but I like the practice of putting a DVD into the player. And it's better quality too. It looks kind of cool.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I like that. I like sports.

[A]

What's your favorite kind of movies?

[B]

I like a movie where someone makes a really bad decision and it keeps kind of unraveling and getting worse, but it's like a decision that any of us would make.

[A]

Uh huh.

[B]

Like a movie like, like a lot of, like I say the word. My friends make fun of me because I say the word film noir too much. But I like the idea that you could do something like any person would do this. It's a relatable bad decision. But then it keeps getting worse. And it shows how one little thread can undo your whole fucking life. There's this movie called A Simple plan from the 90s, a Sam Raimi movie. And they find, they find, I think it's like $4 million in the snow in this kind of small town. Him, his brother and this other guy. And of course, one of them is like a loose cannon. You don't trust one of them. The brother's dumb as shit. But you're like, what would you do? Would you not take the money? It's kind of like a relatable situation.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So he takes it. But now that he takes it, it's a lie. There's been a plane crash. And his life, his freedom is dependent on one guy who's a loose cannon and one guy who's an idiot. And he's like, what other things will I do to protect myself now? It's like, I like stories like that.

[A]

Is it a comedy?

[B]

No, no, definitely serious. No, it's sad. It's fucking no. I like comedies too though. But my life is comedy. I almost use like tragedy as an escape.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like I'm at the clubs every night. Really.

[A]

Oh my gosh, I will bawl my eyes out. I cried my eyes out in happy Feet.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I didn't see it.

[A]

It's a cartoon.

[B]

That's fucking weird. You cried during a. I mean, I guess you could. I mean, cartoons will fuck you up.

[A]

Happy feet fucked me up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It was about this little penguin that can dance and like, everybody can sing, but he can't sing. He can only dance.

[B]

I get it. It's a metaphor.

[A]

Yeah. And then everyone, like, hates him a lot and they banish him from his little town. And it made me so sad. It's a tragedy. You should.

[B]

I'm gonna be honest. I'm be honest. I get it. I see where you're coming from.

[A]

It made me sad.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I couldn't even look at penguins for a long time.

[B]

Are you seeing a lot of penguins in downtown Austin?

[A]

People knew that I didn't like penguins. And they would send me like, birthday cards that were penguins.

[B]

Ooh, I gotcha.

[A]

Like, what is the gifts. They would send me, like, gifts.

[B]

I get that. You know what? And I take it back. Pixar movies will fuck you up.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, who didn't get misty in that up sequence? Like, everyone got sad. Yeah. They're like, yeah, I got you Toy Story. That'll they can mess. Fair point. Yeah.

[A]

There's something about cartoons that can make you get really lost in the moment.

[B]

Because you let your guard down. Because it's a cartoon.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then you're like, holy shit, my mom's gonna die someday. What the fuck? I got. I got you.

[A]

They can ruin you.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

I can see why. They're like PG 13.

[B]

Yeah. Are they PG 13?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Probably not. I think they're kids movies still. That we're just. But we're just. I totally get what you're saying. I see why that upsets. That. Upset you.

[A]

Yeah. You have to be careful with those kinds of things.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They'll ruin you.

[B]

Did you say ruin?

[A]

Ruin.

[B]

I think we're the only two people who use it as a two syllable word.

[A]

Why?

[B]

I get made fun of for how I say ruin? No, I say rune, I guess you say rune. Oh, shit. You say it the right.

[A]

Ruin.

[B]

Ruin.

[A]

Okay, so yeah, you're making up a word.

[B]

Ruin.

[A]

Ruin.

[B]

Wow, I didn't know that.

[A]

You have like some slang with it though.

[B]

Slang? Ruined.

[A]

Ruin. I wouldn't know what the fuck you were saying.

[B]

Damn, I'm saying it wrong. I thought I said it like you, but I guess I don't say it correctly.

[A]

Ruined.

[B]

I was mocking how you say it, but I'm the idiot that's okay. Fuck. Fucking stupid.

[A]

We can make a drinking game out of it. Every time you say Ruhn, you have to take a shot.

[B]

You can't do a drinking game with someone who can't drink. So I just have to get drunk. Yeah. That's a pregnant person. You just. It's crazy. You have to feel everything. That is pretty admirable.

[A]

Yeah. And I'll tell you what. No one needs a drink more than a pregnant person.

[B]

That's a good bumper sticker.

[A]

It's. It's so true. Cause there's. Every single day I go home, I'm like, God, I could really use a margarita Frita. I get it.

[B]

I mean, I don't get it. How annoying is that, too, when someone says, I get it, and they don't get it? Well, I'm trying to. I'm trying to say, I understand, but I don't understand.

[A]

But you can imagine wanting something and not being able to have it for health reasons, right?

[B]

Yeah, that's true. You know, it's tough because with alcohol, I can just have it whenever I want. So that's. I'm trying to think of things I can't. I did have an ulcer for a while, so I couldn't drink coffee or alcohol. That was pretty awful.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. So I was kind of like a pregnant woman.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

I had an ulcer.

[A]

How long did your ulcer last?

[B]

It was a few months, and I'm on the road, so it was like. That was annoying. I was definitely. My friend Gary tours with me and he always wants, like, a big feast for dinner. And I was like, you can still get whatever you want, but I can't. He wants to share. He likes the idea of doing family style, everything. So he was annoyed I couldn't share. I'm like, you can still get it. He's like, I know, but it's the point. And I'm like, I kind of get it. I kind of get that he wanted me to, you know, to do it with him. I'm like, I'm in pain. I can't do it.

[A]

Aw.

[B]

But I'm fine now.

[A]

That's good.

[B]

Probably not. I mean, probably. It's probably gonna come back at some point, but I'm just, like, riding that.

[A]

But you feel okay for now?

[B]

For now? Yeah. Just an ulcer suck. I'm like, ulcer? I'm not. I've had it many times in my life. I'm not old enough to be getting this shit.

[A]

How are you getting ulcers?

[B]

I know. What am I, a Detective from the forties. What the hell?

[A]

What are you doing to get ulcers?

[B]

Probably drinking a lot of coffee on an empty stomach. Because I would like to start my day with coffee before even food.

[A]

Me too.

[B]

Yeah, I know, but they say that's bad for the stomach lining and then probably booze on an empty stom. I gotta eat more.

[A]

Yeah, I think that's why your friend is trying to share things with you. He's like, eat.

[B]

I think. Yeah, I think, you know, stomach acid. It just gets worse as you get older.

[A]

How old are you?

[B]

I'm 38.

[A]

I'm 37.

[B]

Hey.

[A]

But I don't have an ulcer.

[B]

But you got a baby.

[A]

I got a baby.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, you got something you're still trying to get rid of. So, you know, it's been a couple of months.

[A]

He'll be out.

[B]

All right.

[A]

I'm gonna ask you some of these questions. Okay, let's see. How many close friends do you have?

[B]

That's a tough question, because, like, I do feel like doing comedy. You feel like you have more close friends than you actually have because of the community. Because of the community. And you see people so much. Like, I feel like, you know, there's so most jobs, you don't see people.

[A]

Who do you talk to on a regular basis? Like, if you're not just running into them and you're like, oh, we're like, really good friends. Who do you, like, text?

[B]

Well, that's where it gets tricky, right? Because if you text someone every day, is that a close friend or not? Because you are. You're not hanging out. A lot of it could be kind of, like, still superficial. But I do think. I think I have a lot of close friends.

[A]

I would say, like, more than 10.

[B]

Yeah. Is that crazy?

[A]

No. I feel like guys have more friends. Close friends than girls.

[B]

That makes. And also, I think our generation of guys are way more vocal with their emotions. Like, I think my dad's generation probably did not say, I love you, man, unless you were gonna die.

[A]

Definitely. That was, like, only something in Saving Private Ryan.

[B]

Yeah, it's a war movie. Or like, your friend gets bad test results with. With my friends, they're just like, I haven't seen you in a week. I love you, man. Like, it's like, we're very, like. And it's, like, kind of just normal. So I think you feel closer. And also, I don't know what it is, but I feel like comic friends. So many of my comic friends have been through therapy and, like, are kind of Messed up. You know, everyone's messed up in their own way, but I think they've done a lot of work on themselves, so they find it important to articulate their feelings about you. So you feel closer than. I don't know. Then maybe you are. I don't know. So it might be. But I feel like I have a lot of close friends.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If one of your friends is having a bad day, how do you lift them up? What do you say? What do you do?

[B]

I say, let's get food. Let's get, like. Let's get something. Food is like, you know, in every culture. I feel like it's like. That'll cheer you up.

[A]

Yeah. It's comforting.

[B]

Yeah. Get good. Hit a good diner. Like, I love this diner in New York called Veselka. You get, like, pierogies, a good soup.

[A]

What's a pierogi?

[B]

Oh, it's like, you know, every culture kind of has their version of the dumpling. That's like the Ukrainian dumpling. Polish do it, too. I think it's good. Oh, fuck. Yeah.

[A]

You'll have to tell me what it is afterwards. I'm going to New York in a couple weeks.

[B]

It's crazy good. Yeah. So I love that, you know, get a good dinner or something. Try to. Try to figure out why they're not doing well. You know, everyone's go through shit, but, you know, watch a game or something, whatever that person likes. You try to design the day around, you know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What they like.

[A]

That's nice.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

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[A]

Here's a random question. So what was your. When you were signing yearbooks, do you remember what you would sign for your senior yearbook?

[B]

I really don't. Probably like an inside joke for that person and then like, have a good summer. I guess senior is like, you know, we may never see each other again.

[A]

Yeah. Isn't that weird? You're, like, so close with people for four years or however long you know someone, but usually high school.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then suddenly you, like, go to different colleges and.

[B]

Yeah. I don't think that was a big thing in my school. The senior, like, the signing the book, it was more just like. I also think that's more of, like, a girl thing than a guy thing. I don't think guys are as into, like, the have a great summer, you know? Yeah, I think it's more like, you know, and I wonder, is that still a thing? The yearbook?

[A]

I don't know. That's a good thing.

[B]

Everything feels digital now. I feel like the way people text and they're always doing like. You know, these kids are doing like, TikToks now. It's like, do they. Do they.

[A]

Do they know our senior? Our yearbooks still a thing? Yes. Many schools still have yearbooks.

[B]

Some have just reduced the page counts. They're going green. They're like the memories. This is the environment. Yeah. Cow farts and yearbook pages.

[A]

Y'all have Instagram.

[B]

Yeah, but they do. I get that everything's digital now. I mean, think about how many photos you actually get developed. It's like a novelty now. You're not doing that anymore. You get every photo I have. I have a digital picture frame I got as a gift. I use that as, like, instead of an actual.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's rotating like an ad in Times Square. It'll be like, me, my mom, and then it'll just be like, my girlfriend. Then I'll be like a pug. You know.

[A]

Pictures are weird, too, because it's like, people don't frame them and put them on a mantle anymore.

[B]

Yeah. But I kind of like. I kind of like stuff like that.

[A]

I do, too.

[B]

That's what your grandparents would do. They just go to their place and they just had frames everywhere. And you're just like, oh, this is like. I don't know. It took. Thought it took effort is.

[A]

I like frames. I don't like the scrapbook things. Like, when you sit down with someone and. And, like, it's your grandmother, like, your boyfriend's family, and they're like, opening up a scrapbook, and it's like. And it's just 150 pages.

[B]

Yeah. It's a lot. Right? That was, like, a thing people used to do. They'd be like this. But I feel like they don't really do that anymore. But, like, you take your kids and be like, this is grandpa as a kid. And you're like, oh. But I feel like, does our generation do that?

[A]

No. I don't know anyone that scrapbooks.

[B]

Yeah. And also, do they even sit them down and be like, this is what your grandpa. This is him and his knickers and 33.

[A]

I'm sure somewhere. Somewhere people do that.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, they must, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I feel like you had more of those photos, and they were all together. Now it's like you find one that's, like, in your Favorites folder on your iPhone. It's not like you had a whole book full of, like. And this is his arc of life. This is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, my grandpa would, like, hold up pictures. He's like, my grandpa was in an orphanage. And he was like, this is the guy I punched out. Cause he tried to bully everybody. And it was like him holding him up. And I'm like, you got that framed? But it was like, a good memory. And I was like, I mean, the guy was bigger than him. My grandpa fucked him up because he was a lefty. And the guy. When he. When he changed his stance to a lefty, the guy's like, what's this guy doing? And he just knocked him out. And I was like, all right. That is a cool memory that you defended the orphanage against the Bully.

[A]

That is a cool memory. My mom has outfits from the 60s and 70s that she wants me to, like, try to recreate and wear, and.

[B]

I think that's really from the 60s and the 70s.

[A]

Yeah, she'll have. She has pictures of herself and these, like, really cool, like, hippie outfit.

[B]

Oh, she wants to find, like, a new version of you. That's kind of cool, I think, actually.

[A]

But I'm like, I don't know where in the world I'm gonna find some yellow knitted crop top with white daisies on it.

[B]

Like, you could find it. We could find that. You give me by the end of day, we'll find you that crop top with daisies. We could figure this out.

[A]

But who wants to see me in that right now?

[B]

The comments are exploding. Put on the crop top, please.

[A]

Let's see those.

[B]

I think the guys are still tuning it. By the way. Pregnant women is like, a fetish.

[A]

It is a fetish for some people.

[B]

Yeah. It's a weird fetish, but. Yeah, I mean, you look great, but it is a weird fetish. It's weird that, like, that's what gets you, because then why not? Is it the human life that turns you on? Is it the. Or is it the weight? I don't know what it is.

[A]

I don't know. Do people just want to fuck Buddha? I don't. Because I do.

[B]

I want to titty fuck Buddha.

[A]

I don't know. There's. It's a. It's maneuvering.

[B]

No, I was just trying to. Yes. Saying that comment. I don't actually want to. Buddha.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, I don't want that on record. I was just trying to keep the momentum. I was keeping the ball in the air. I don't want to.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If anyone. If a Buddhist is listening, I apologize for. For going there.

[A]

That's okay. Yeah, it was a good joke.

[B]

Oh, all right, we're back. No, people love. I think they love the. It must be the combination of, like, the belly. I don't know.

[A]

It's got to be a little bit of it. Like, maybe the mentality that there's.

[B]

That it's, like, kind of fragile, I guess. Yeah.

[A]

That you're like.

[B]

Maybe that you're also kind of taken. Maybe that's part of it. That it's taboo on so many levels that you're taking. That they're like, well, this is someone else's, you know, woman. Maybe that.

[A]

It's also just different. Like, sometimes people just get so bored with sex that maybe having, like. Or watching someone that's pregnant. Have sex is just different.

[B]

That's a good point. Like, maybe you see a girl with one leg, and you're like, that's like a flavor of something I never tried. You know, I'm just throwing it out there. You know, Maybe it's like, you know, you want to, you know, four toes. Let's do this.

[A]

Yeah. It's different. It's like a handicap.

[B]

Yeah. By the way, you're the one that referred to the pregnancy as the handicap. I think. I think you're blessed. No, it's exciting. Are you. Are you really sick of it? Because I have friends who have been pregnant who are just, like, miserable, but you actually seem, like, pretty joyful.

[A]

I'm okay.

[B]

Yeah. You also seem like you're a good sport, though. I don't think you seem like someone who would complain too much. I don't know you that well.

[A]

I don't. And I have to say, that's one of the things that my boyfriend likes the most about me, that you don't complain a lot. I don't complain a lot.

[B]

It's a great quality.

[A]

And I didn't, because I asked him the other day. I was like, some pros and cons on me. Like, really?

[B]

Just straight up.

[A]

Yeah. And he'll give them to me, too.

[B]

He pulled out the laminated sheet he made.

[A]

Oh, he just has it up here.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And so he'll know. And he's like, I love that you don't complain. He's like, you never. You never, like, complain about things. Like, you're.

[B]

Is he a complainer or. No?

[A]

No, he's not a complainer.

[B]

I'm a complainer. And my girlfriend doesn't complain a lot. And I think it's easy when one complains. Like, she's the one. She's just taking a constant. Like, all right, we get it. Like, I'm a whiny fuck.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I travel. There's always a lot of inconvenience.

[A]

What do you whine about?

[B]

Just like, this is a bad sign. But you ever accidentally text a friend a text that was meant for your. For your partner?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you realize the mundane shit you share with them. I text. I accidentally text my friend Mateo Lane. I text him, man, this line of Dunkin Donuts just isn't moving. And he was like, why are you telling me this? I was like, I don't know. Why am I showing this to anybody? But I'm telling it to her. Because that's what you do. You just say everything when you're dating Someone.

[A]

Yeah, you do.

[B]

But I was like, why am I putting someone through this? I'm telling her about a line at Dunkin Donuts.

[A]

You needed her to know.

[B]

Yeah. Like, she's got to write back. Like, that's horrible. You had to wait on a line for a coffee. And I'm just like, why am I doing that? But I'm doing that. And she does it to me. I'm more annoying, for sure. I'm aware that just any travel stress, I will be like. And then this happened. But that's also, I think, how you communicate. That's, like, a very New York way of communicating. Cause something crazy's always happening. Cause it's so densely populated. There's so many. There's too many people there. So I think everyone there is in kind of a constant irritated state.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So you just are like. You walk into the room, like, you won't believe what just happened to me on 34th Street. And people are like, I can't. You know, you. That's kind of how you go back and forth. So I think it's like venting. We. Most places call it complaining. New Yorkers call it venting.

[A]

It is venting.

[B]

Because that's just how we. We just communicate. So it's like you. You complain, but then you'll be like. You'll bitch for, like, 30 minutes straight. And then you'll be like, it's a good day. That's like, how we are. So.

[A]

So what does she do that annoys you?

[B]

What does she do that annoys me? She not great in fights. Like, complete shutdown.

[A]

Oh, that's me.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

I can relate to that. So hard.

[B]

Like, I'll be like. I'm almost taking, like, the stereotypically female role. I'll be like, hey, we need to talk about what happened. And she'll just be like. Be like, mm. And she'll just, like, be packing stuff. Like, she'll be like, cleaning.

[A]

I just get more and more pissed the more I hear about it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then I pout.

[B]

That's rough.

[A]

I will pout so hard.

[B]

You're just like, like, that type of pouting.

[A]

Like, I not like a child. I mean, I guess it is like a child.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But, like, I. I will shut down. I don't talk. I'll give you the cold shoulder until I feel better. And that could be like two or three days.

[B]

That's a long time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So you don't complain, but you. You do torture your boyfriend.

[A]

Oh. And I. I'll just shut down. I won't text back as much. I'll just like go do my own thing. I like won't cook dinner.

[B]

That's tough. Cause I don't like going to bed in a fight. I like to figure it out. And for some reason I always date people who fall asleep like that. Like we could be like having a huge fight and then like I turn around and they're just like out cold. I'm like, oh, come on. So I'm just stuck with this shit. They always are great sleepers and I'm not a good sleeper. So I think that's also part of being like, you know, you're a comic. You're a nocturnal.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're a nocturnal person. You work nights. So. Yeah. Oh, it drives me crazy. But she'll also do a thing that bugs me. Like if we are having a fight or maybe leaning towards breaking up. I love. She's an old dog that I love. An old tiny one eyed pug. And she'll just pack the dog first before her stuff and I'm like, you know I love that dog. And she'll be like, come here. You don't have to be around this bad man anymore. I'm like, aw fuck. I love that dog. So that bums me out. I love that dog. So you know, she knows how to.

[A]

Is it her dog though?

[B]

It is, but I still love the dog.

[A]

Yeah. You've gotten attached to it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This one eyed pug. What is this one eyed pug's name?

[B]

Winnie. Winnie's on. We might be drunk a lot. My pod with Mark, to the point that now if Winnie doesn't show up, people get upset. I think like people want to see Winnie because she's an 18 year old one eyed pug.

[A]

Why does she only have one eye?

[B]

She's found in the streets. Dang. She was a downtown LA dog.

[A]

Dang.

[B]

I don't know how a pug survived like that. But that's. That's what happened.

[A]

Oh, it sounds like it found a good home.

[B]

Yeah, tough dog. Awesome dog. But like this big and 18. Like just a tiny little.

[A]

Just a cutie.

[B]

Yeah, good Pugs are cool, man.

[A]

And she could just get ripped away from you at any minute.

[B]

I don't like it. I don't like knowing it. But you know, it's a good hand to play. I give her credit, it's a dirty move, but sometimes dirty moves, yeah, they work the best. They work.

[A]

They do work.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's so funny. So you complain.

[B]

I'm a complainer for sure.

[A]

She shuts down.

[B]

But I think that's kind of like you. You see what kind of fits together with people. Like, I've been with complainers. I've dated girls who complain a lot. And I'm kind of like, I'm not bad with. Because I'm like, I get it. So I'm kind of like, oh, shit.

[A]

Does it bother her that you complain Sometimes?

[B]

She'll be like, I'm the person you're supposed to love the most. Why do I get the shittiest version of you? And I'm like, that is a fair point. They're like, I'm with my friends. I'm, like, being fun. I'm getting drunk with them. I'm being silly. And then I come home and I'm like, the bartender was rude.

[A]

Aw.

[B]

So, no, I think she gets annoyed. But you try to turn it on for them, too. You just every once in a while when you're with someone all the time. I used to do a bit about how, like, I was with a girl I was dating, and I said, oh, I love that Chinese restaurant. She goes, you've told me that. And I was like, you want to spend all your time with me? There's gonna be reruns, you know, I can't bring it every night. It's like a. I always say it's like a TV show where the writing gets progressively worse. That's what a relationship is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Season one, you're like, this is great. Season three, you're like, we should kill off a character. That's how I feel about it. So, you know, you will get the person at their absolute best at times. But if you're gonna spend all the time with them, you're gonna get some boring days. You know, it's just. What works for you is that boring is what doesn't work about you two. Is it toxic? Or is it just, like, you can have a down day?

[A]

Yeah. You know, I feel that's such a good point that you made. That's something that bothers me in my relationship. So the reruns. If he starts to rerun a story, which happens more often than he would ever admit, I sit there and I listen to it, and I let him rerun it. And I'm just. Because I'm trying to be considerate, I don't want to cut him off. Like, you know, he's really enjoying this moment of, like, telling this story, and he somehow thinks that this is the first time. And I've heard it five times. If I start to rerun a Story. He will cut me off the minute he remembers it. And he's like, you've already told me this. And I'm like, let me rerun the story. I let you rerun your stories, and I hear your stories all the time.

[B]

So he's got. He's less patient than you are. Yeah, I. I. Look, I mean, people are different how they receive things. He might be thinking he's doing you a favor in that moment because he's like, why would I. She's gonna tell this whole story that I already know. Maybe. You know, I feel like he just.

[A]

Doesn'T really like to hear me say the same. Like, I don't know. He's like, tell me something new.

[B]

I know. Look, I get it. Like, it's like, you know, how many times have you told. Like, is this story told, like, five times or two times?

[A]

I guess there's some stories that I've told more than twice that.

[B]

Look, I'm not saying he should, like, be rude about it, but also, you want something in a relationship where, like, you're comfortable just being quiet. Like, my girlfriend talks so much, dude. Like, she's. And she's interesting. I'm not complaining. She is very. She's funny and witty and smart and interesting. But sometimes it'll be like, I'm the type of guy that, like, I need to shut down sometimes. I have bad add, so there are times when I'm just like. She's like, you weren't even listening to me. And I'm like, was it an emergency? Like, you know, I do have that fear that she's gonna be like, where's my EpiPen? I'm like, that's crazy. Wow. Tell me more. You know, I'm gonna. You don't want to space out doing a really bad thing. But it's usually like, as you said, it's like she'll be going on and on, and this is a peeve. Sometimes I'll be just, like. I'll be responding to a text, and she'll start talking and be mad. I'm like, I was in the middle of something. You gotta. If I'm in the middle of something or I'm doing an email or something, you weren't listening. I know, but, like, look, if I. If. If you're talking to me and I do the text while that's rude. But if I'm doing the thing first and you like, no, I was doing something.

[A]

And then you interjected.

[B]

I usually just Give me a minute. I'll be right there. But you know? Yeah. I think, look, listening and communicate, that's all a relationship is really. If you know how to communicate with someone without hurting their feelings.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And. And it sounds like that hurts your feelings a little.

[A]

It's rare. It's rare. That's a rare thing that, like, happens. It's just a small thing where I always listen to his, like, stupid fucking repeats.

[B]

I think women are not to generalize, but I think women tend to be more patient with men.

[A]

Yeah. I also like to hear people get excited about things, even if I've heard it before. It's like a good movie. Oh, you're like, really into this right now. Let you have it.

[B]

Yeah, it's like a Sandler movie that's on like usa. You're like, I've seen it before, but I'm gonna see it again. What the hell, let's hear it. It's a good energy. Yeah, I know. I know what you mean.

[A]

So. And then whenever I get excited about something and then I get cut off, he's like, I've heard it. And I'm like, as long as it's.

[B]

Not like a fucking brutal story. Some people that don't know how to tell stories that insist on going like, this will happen with older people a lot who have lost the edit button. They don't know how to cut something down and they take you on a ver. Like, people will tell you a guy. Had a guy kind of come over to me the other day and just tell me this, like, long story about a guy who I doesn't know. Did I just say I doesn't know?

[A]

You did.

[B]

I'm really slow today. I had a late flight last night. I'm sorry. But he told me that this guy comes over, he tells me this long story about a guy I don't know. And it's just about like, how his kid has cancer. And I was like, how do you. I was in the middle of a conversation with someone else and now I'm just like, in a 20 minute tale about, like, well, you know, you're trying to find an out. You're like, was there any light at the end of the tunnel? He's like, no, it's not looking good. I'm like, oh, no, you just came here to tell. It was like a weird moment. I was like, all right, yeah, thanks for bringing the fucking mood. That's awful. I mean, it's. I don't know what to say.

[A]

Like, I'm so sorry.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That happened to you?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. There's a guy at my gym that every time he sees me, he'll talk to me. And like I said, I have personal training sessions. I don't go to the gym if I don't have someone whooping my ass.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I've got a one hour window and I'm paying a fortune for. And this guy will always come up and try to, like, talk to me. And his wife is a friend of mine.

[B]

So it's like, is he listening to this show?

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay, good. That'd be brutal. But if he does, he might talk to you. Yeah. He's like, I. I got a bone to pick.

[A]

We just won't use this as a promo.

[B]

No, but, you know, it's. So it bothers you because you're like in the middle of a session or because you.

[A]

I think, yeah. And it's usually just an ongoing conversation that just does. I don't know how.

[B]

Well, the gym is a place. That's the thing, you know, if you know people there, they're gonna, they're gonna chat you up. That's the thing.

[A]

But when you try to, like, close, like, I feel like if you say like, oh, that's really cool. It was really good seeing you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Something like, like, you know, that's a sign that I'm done talking to you.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, I'm good seeing you as a good out. Well, it's great to see you. That's a great out.

[A]

Yeah, that's.

[B]

That's the wrap up.

[A]

I'm like, man, that's so cool. It's really good. I'm really glad that I got to run into it.

[B]

That reminds me, I know someone with cancer. You're like, fuck, yeah.

[A]

And then he just continues talking and I'm like, stop talking.

[B]

I had beef with a guy and I had a building gym in my own. In my old place. And I had beef with a neighbor and I'd see him in there. I hated him. He's an older guy. He was very rude.

[A]

Why was he rude?

[B]

I don't know why he was rude. Some people are just angry. I'm a friendly neighbor. I always give you like a hello, you know, in the hallway. I'm like, how's it going? One of those just quick driving, nothing. I'm not roping anyone in. And he would roll his eyes when I was like, okay. So I did it twice. Cause I figured he was having a bad day. But he rolled his eyes and I was like, oh, this guy's a dick. So I just didn't like him.

[A]

Was this in New York.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Very New York.

[B]

So. So there's a. There was a basement gym in the building. It's not like a fancy gym. It was just there, you know, you kind of had the basics.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's like lowest level amenities type thing. But it was there. And I was on the bench one day, and he walked over, like, how long are you going to be on that damn thing? That's what he said to me. I was like. I just said, you could use it now if you ask me nicely. And then he walked away angry. And I was like, wow, this guy's an asshole. So he came back a couple minutes later, and I thought he was gonna say sorry, but he goes, I'm having a bad day. And I said, me too. I just met a dickhead two minutes ago. And I was, like, really proud of that insult. And then he walked away. And I got an email from the building complaining he ratted on me. So I got an email from the building manager saying, can you call me? So I had to call the guy in the building and, like, talk about it. It was insane.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Cause I called him a dickhead. But the guy was all right on the phone. He was like, I just have to. I just have to make this call. And I was like, all right.

[A]

I feel like a dickhead is like a really funny thing to call someone.

[B]

Especially an old guy who was out of my mouth. He was like, oh, the disrespect. But he was always so rude, this guy. And I would continue to see him. Well, I end up moving out of that building. But I would see him all the time. And he was. And I. And I confronted him. I said, I know you. You ratted on me.

[A]

Damn. You guys started having some real confrontation.

[B]

Cause there was no reason for him to be a dick. He was always a dick. And it was always like, some people are just miserable, so they want to make other people miserable. But I was like, no, I'm going to have fun with it. Fudge. This guy. Yeah, the guy. A guy who called me from the building was like, I know this is, like, what he does. Like, he's. And I was like, so why are you. Why am I in trouble? Yeah, he's like, we got to, you know, we got to just handle it.

[A]

Fuck that.

[B]

Yeah, it was. I mean, it was, you know, whatever.

[A]

Entertaining at least.

[B]

Yeah. You know, it was one of the. I dodged the call for weeks. He got me in between, like, connect flights. I was like, oh, fine. But, you know.

[A]

Yeah, well, fuck that dickweed.

[B]

Yeah, fuck him. Dude. Anyway, he definitely doesn't listen to any podcast, this guy. Yeah, he doesn't listen to.

[A]

I don't think the guy that I see at the gym listens to it either.

[B]

That would suck if he does, though.

[A]

Yeah. Would that help me?

[B]

It would, but you'd feel bad if you saw him and he was just like. If you just gave you one of those, I think you'd feel bad because you're nice.

[A]

Maybe. Yeah, there's. There's a chance I would. I have testosterone running through my body right now, so a little bit of me is like.

[B]

Ooh.

[A]

Like, kind of aggressive.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I've noticed that I can, like, really kind of not give a fuck more than usual dudes. I know.

[B]

Dudes are cool.

[A]

I'm gonna miss it when the testosterone leaves my body.

[B]

So that's. He's. The baby is giving you powers.

[A]

Yeah. Like, superpowers. And I. And my comebacks are savage.

[B]

What if you miss it and you're like, I'm gonna become trans?

[A]

Never. No, no, I don't want to be.

[B]

What if you missed the testosterone? You're like, that was. That was making me stronger.

[A]

No, I'm just gonna lean on him, by the way.

[B]

I don't think that's how trans works. I'm a fucking retard.

[A]

Yeah. But no, it would.

[B]

Pregnant women just miss being a dude.

[A]

I would have to take testosterone.

[B]

You want a sprinkle of dude in you, though, Just like, this much?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You want baby dude in you?

[A]

Baby dude?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, a little baby dude.

[A]

I was thinking about it the other day. You know, this is, like, the longest dick has ever been inside of me.

[B]

That's true. And it's. But it's not a big one. It's tiny, tiny dick. So it doesn't hurt.

[A]

No.

[B]

Damn. That's a weird way to think about it. My dick used to be inside my mom.

[A]

Yeah. For, like, a long.

[B]

A week ago with that. Close.

[A]

Ew. Well, anyway, so, Sam, it's been 45 minutes.

[B]

Yeah. Second date, man. We did it.

[A]

This was fun.

[B]

It was good. Good time.

[A]

Where can people find you?

[B]

I'm going hard on the road. I'm doing my new tour. I'm on a tour bus for, like, the whole tour. It's, like 50 cities. It's gonna be pretty intense, but I'm going to, like, you know, Austin, Dallas, Washington, D.C. charlotte, Tulsa. Like, literally every city. Like, every city you can think of. St. Louis, Royal Oak, Michigan, Minneapolis. Every city. Denver. If you have a city, I'm coming. And if you don't see on this [e-mail] shows. I will be coming in the fall, so every city I'm hidden.

[A]

Are you gonna have a special at the end? Are you gonna film it?

[B]

Yeah, if it gets better. I'm in no rush. I released one in. In July called you'd've changed. It's on Amazon prime right now. I'm proud of that one. But it's, you know, I'm in no rush. It's. It's. You know, just a few months ago the last one came out. I got to make sure. This is really good. You gotta. You don't want to put one out that you feel is not at the standards.

[A]

Yeah, I know you want to like.

[B]

Do better, but I feel good about the last one. I think it looks really cool too. I. Yeah, I. I'm thinking. I don't know where I should film the next one. I was kind of deciding between like maybe Tampa, maybe la. I've never done like a non Northeast, I guess I did one in Chicago, but normally it was like New York or Boston or something. You know, I used to.

[A]

Where you're from.

[B]

Yeah. But I don't know, something about like an LA one could be kind of cool just. Cause I, you know, it's not on my schedule. Cause I'm doing a whole west coast run but the theater I wanted wasn't available. So I'm doing like. End up doing like. I'm doing San Diego, Sacramento, sf, like all through. But I'm not Phoenix. But I'm not doing like LA on that run. And people are like, what the fuck? And I'm like, well, not everything works. I will come. So maybe I'll do. Maybe to make it up. I'll do the. And there's nothing. Florida's very kinda. There's something about Florida that like is kind of. Tampa people are so unpretentious in like a really lovable way. They're just like kind of.

[A]

They seem like they just want to have fun.

[B]

They're just fun. They're just kind of a good time and they don't get offended. No one in Tampa has ever been offended by anything. They're just fun. I don't know. Not that I'm having that problem really on the road, but like it's just kind of a nice quality.

[A]

Yeah. Well, thank you for coming on the show.

[B]

Thanks for having me.

[A]

Of course. Come back again.

[B]

Day three.

[A]

Let's do it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Thank you guys so much for watching another episode. We'll see you next time.

[B]

First date.

[A]

Baby, are you really drinking a glass of milk with dinner? You told your mom about me? Just say, you ready? Delete my number. First date, your parents are your roommate.

[B]

First day.