Scared to Propose for a YEAR?? w/ David Cross | First Date with Lauren Compton

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Scared to Propose for a YEAR?? w/ David Cross"

First Date with Lauren Compton (YMH Studios)
April 28, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this lively episode of First Date with Lauren Compton, Lauren sits down with legendary comedian, actor, and writer David Cross. Together, they embark on a faux first date, exploring David’s uniquely winding road to marriage, his nerdy romantic misadventures, parenting challenges, and the joys and absurdities of long-term relationships. The conversation is candid, laugh-out-loud funny, and sprinkled with memorable anecdotes and philosophical musings on adulthood and family life.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Life in New York, Family, and Daily Routine

• David’s Move to New York:
  • Moved in 2001, originally from Atlanta.
  • Loves New York despite its cost:

    "I would not live there if I didn't love it because it's expensive, but I love it, love it, love it, love it." (00:57)

• Dad Duties:
  • Most of his day is spent on childcare and basic living, not just creating comedy.
  • Daughter (9 years old) goes to public school nearby.

Secrets to a Long Marriage

• 14 Years Married:
  • Married to actress Amber Tamblyn, going on 14 years:

    "It will be 14 years in October." (02:46)

• Secret Sauce:
  • Being with someone who understands the demands of the entertainment industry is crucial.
  • Time apart for work can actually strengthen the relationship:

    "Spending time apart is good as well." (03:53)

  • Humorously credits having a kid:

    "Kid helps... It hurts but it helps." (03:11)

The Serendipitous Love Story

• Multiple Missed Connections:
  • First met at an industry event while David was in a bad place post-breakup.
  • David left Amber a note on a film set in NY via a PA—she never responded.
  • Months later, they randomly met on a tiny plane to Shreveport. Amber glared at him until he recognized her.
• Developing Chemistry:
  • Became friends in Shreveport, hung out platonically for six weeks, hesitant due to her being a fan and younger.
  • Eventually, the undeniable chemistry led to a first kiss:

    "I kissed her. And that was it. And she basically moved in after that... We've been together ever since." (14:35)

• Amber as a Fan:
  • She had a T-shirt with David’s face and loved Mr. Show and his standup.
  • Lauren: "But she loved. She was, like, already in love with you." (14:34)
  • David: "Yeah. I didn't know that... I thought she just admired me." (14:37)

The Notorious Year-Long Proposal Saga

• David’s Procrastination:
  • Custom designed and made a ring—and carried it around for a year, through multiple countries, never finding the “perfect” moment.
• Failed Proposal Plans:
  • Planned to propose atop the Santa Monica Ferris wheel but backed out:

    "If she said no, then I'm at the top of a Ferris wheel... That's why I pussied out." (17:18)

  • Next plan: hot air balloon in England—canceled due to weather.
  • Considered a safari proposal, but someone famous did it first and “ruined” the idea.
• Actual Proposal:
  • Finally, after returning home exhausted from another failed attempt, proposed spontaneously in their tiny London flat:

    "I just changed... I don't remember a whole lot... I just sort of threw the ring at her and asked her to marry me. And it's really bad, cause I don't remember. I was a mess... I was, like, so fucking nervous." (21:32)

Wedding Details

• Epic Wedding Weekend:
  • Three-day camp-style celebration at a rented Jewish kids’ camp in upstate New York.
  • Activities included ziplining and cabins for guests.
  • Food trucks, performances by Yo La Tengo, DJ set by Questlove:

    "It was awesome... Had Yola Tengo playing... Questlove DJ'd... Huge party out by the river. It was beautiful." (27:39)

Parenting: The Realest Talk

• Lauren’s Journey:
  • Delays her own wedding due to pregnancies and wanting to enjoy the party.
  • Describes the difficulty of juggling wedding plans and breastfeeding.
• Sleep Survival:
  • David’s take: hiring a night nurse was life-changing—eventually:

    "I want at least two weeks of knowing... not getting any sleep... right before she was supposed to come, she got sick... I was fucking going nuts." (32:29)

• Routines & Milestones:
  • Both discuss nap routines, toddler eating habits, and sleep training wins.

Food, Tattoos, and Growing Up (Sort Of)

• Food Adventures:
  • Lauren’s husband owns Black’s Barbecue; both share their kids’ early love for brisket and BBQ.
• Tattoos:
  • David’s first tattoo: a pretzel, then covered up, then expanded into an elaborate "God spanking Hitler" cartoon, and a pig for BBQ.
  • On maturing:

    "I didn't really grow up until I was in my mid-40s." (44:17)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Life with Kids:

  "If you don't [sleep], absolutely nothing works... the wheels fall off the bus." (34:49) — Lauren

• On Proposing for a Year:

  "And then I just sort of, as she describes it, just sort of threw the ring at her and asked her to marry me. And it's really bad. Cause I don’t remember. I was a mess... And I wasn't high or drunk or anything. I just. I was, like, so fucking nervous." (21:32) — David

• On Parenting:

  "Get that woman here. I don't care what the fuck she's got. I don't care if she's got aids. Get her here. I can't do this anymore." (33:58) — David (On desperately needing a night nurse)

• On Wedding Parties:

  "It needs to be a party… I want champagne. I want wine. I want to, like, enjoy it.” (29:31) — Lauren

• On Time & Maturity:

  "I didn't really grow up until I was in my mid-40s." (44:17) — David

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:57 — David on Loving (and Hating) NYC
• 03:11 — Secret to 14 Years of Marriage
• 07:42 — Serendipitous “Meet Cute” with Amber
• 13:29 — Realization of Chemistry
• 15:38 — The Year-Long Saga of the Proposal
• 21:32 — The Actual, Awkward Proposal
• 24:24 — David’s Shift on Marriage
• 27:39 — The Legendary Wedding Camp Weekend
• 30:29 — Lauren on Pregnancy/Wedding Timing
• 32:29 — The Hell of Sleep Deprivation
• 37:38 — The Kids’ Diet Chronicles
• 38:41 — Tattoos and Regret
• 44:17 — Delayed Adulthood

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Final Thoughts

David Cross’ hilarious, brutally honest storytelling combined with Lauren's warm, playful style makes this episode both deeply relatable and thoroughly entertaining. Listeners are treated to tales of awkward romance, spectacular wedding parties, the hazards of parenting, and the unpredictable journey toward growing up—a little. Whether looking for relationship wisdom, parenting tips, or just a good laugh at the chaos of adulthood, this episode delivers.

Transcript

[Interviewer]

I'm so excited to see you tonight. First Date, baby. First date. I can't wait. First date. What is up, you guys? Thank you for watching another episode of First Date. My guest today is an actor, a writer, producer, comedian. You can see his new special, the Actor the End of the Beginning of the end on YouTube. Now give it up for David Cross. Oh, that's all the interaction we get with a live studio audience.

[David Cross]

Great. I'll take it. I'll take it.

[Interviewer]

How are you?

[David Cross]

I'm good. How are you?

[Interviewer]

I'm good. We were just talking. So you live in New York?

[David Cross]

I do.

[Interviewer]

Were you born there?

[David Cross]

I was not. I was born in Atlanta, where I mostly grew up.

[Interviewer]

When did you move to New York?

[David Cross]

2001.

[Interviewer]

Do you like it?

[David Cross]

I love it. Yeah. I would not live there if I didn't love it because it's expensive, but I love it, love it, love it, love it.

[Interviewer]

What do you do on like a day to day basis in New York?

[David Cross]

Well, I mean, now it's mostly about my kid, but, you know, just chores and like right now I'm putting material together for a new set to go out on tour eventually. So a lot of that just entails walking around and trying to notice things.

[Interviewer]

How old is your kid?

[David Cross]

Nine.

[Interviewer]

Oh, wow. So he's like an adult.

[David Cross]

He is a she, Madam.

[Interviewer]

She is an adult.

[David Cross]

Sorry.

[Interviewer]

I have a boy, so I'm so used to saying he.

[David Cross]

I mean, for now she's a girl. Who knows what with the kids today, who knows. She. Yeah, she's in. She goes to school down the street. Public school, like two and a half blocks away. So I take her in the morning and. And then I'll deal with the dog. And then, you know, as I said, like, if I don't have. If I'm not working on a project or I'm not, you know, there's a bunch of stuff I kind of need the computer for, but I don't know, two hours tops a day. And then the rest of it is kind of like, you know, getting ready to do a set that night or something like that. You know, there's not a. If I'm not working on stuff or like doing press, you know, for this last special. It's. It's just sort of trying to live life.

[Interviewer]

Right. Yeah. Do you. I see. You say you're married?

[David Cross]

Yes, ma'. Am.

[Interviewer]

How long have you been married?

[David Cross]

It will be. I know this because I had to figure it out for this other podcast I did. It will be 14 years in October.

[Interviewer]

14 years what is the secret?

[David Cross]

I mean, is 14 years a secret?

[Interviewer]

What's the secret to keeping it going?

[David Cross]

To keeping it going? Yeah. Well, kid helps.

[Interviewer]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

In.

[Interviewer]

In many ways, that's how I trapped my husband.

[David Cross]

It hurts, but it helps. You know, I'm. I got lucky in that I married somebody who is in the business and I. For a long time I had this kind of stupid rule like, I'm not going to date actresses or anything like that. And. And it really helps. She's very understanding of the necessities that go into what I do. And so I think with other relationships, when you're gone for months, that's not cool. That's not great. And it's actually beneficial. I think also spending time apart is good as well. But she. She understands the time constraints and I understand hers because she's has the same kind of requirements. So that has been helpful. How.

[Interviewer]

How did you guys meet?

[David Cross]

So initially, I know this is going to. All right. So initially, we met at. It was either. It was like the Golden Globes or a Fox thing or something like that. And I knew she was a fan. I know this sounds creepy as fuck, so I had been in this relationship with somebody and my being away, having to go to LA to work on Arrested Development was not good. And. And I understand we had a bad breakup and she broke up with me in a kind of shitty way. And. But I understand that this was not what she signed up for. We had been going out for like three and a half years, and then I was just gone all of a sudden for quite a bit. And. And then somebody on the show unarrested, knew my wife and said, oh, I've got the perfect person for you. And I was not interested. I wasn't in a place to date or anything at that point. It was still too fresh and I was processing all this stuff. And also, again, it was a shitty breakup. And she told me who it was and I was like, what? She's a child? And I had met her and I had this kind of awkward interaction too, because I was high, as I was so high, anytime I went to those Emmys or any of those things, I. I wasn't comfortable. And I, you know, tried to compensate by drinking and getting high and all kinds of stuff. And so all that is to say that I'd met her prior to. Years later, she was shooting a movie across the street from my apartment in New York, and I had. So I had an interaction with her prior to this. And then I was going to walk my dog. It was A puppy at the time. And I saw she was shooting, and I. It was at a pizza place, video place on the corner. And I tapped on the window when they were on a break, and she gave me the little heart symbol with her hands. And I was like, I'm walking my dog. You know, mouthing, I'm walking my dog, but I'll blow whatever. So I. I got. I left her a note to get I. That I gave to a PA to give to her saying, hey, I don't know how long you're in town for. I live right here on the corner. If. If you don't know New York, I'm happy to tell you where to go or take, you know, whatever. You know, that kind of thing. You know. Let me know if you're interested. Never heard from her again.

[Interviewer]

I wonder if the PA gave her the note.

[David Cross]

I think so. I think she got it and then lost it or something. I think. I can't remember because she left. She was shooting. That was the last of her work. And then she was going back to. I think she had to go shoot in Greece or something. So she was going back to la, where she lives, and lift.

[Interviewer]

And.

[David Cross]

And. And I just. I didn't think twice about it, right? Like, whatever. Then maybe six months later or something like that, I was on a. I was shooting a movie in Shreveport, Louisiana, which is an awful, awful place. Terrible. Lauren. Don't ever go there. Don't ever go there. Don't bring your. Anyone you love there. Certainly not your boys.

[Interviewer]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

All right. Soon. It's just terrible. And so I was on a little. One of those little puddle jumpers from Houston to Shreveport, going back to work on this movie. It was a long shoot. It was like four months. And I had a little break, so I went home. And then I get on this tiny little plane, and there's this woman, attractive woman, who's just staring at me, like, across, like one aisle back and across the thing and. But shooting daggers. Like, like really, like. Like this kind of. Like, I know we're on a podcast, but just like this, like. Yeah, like that kind of look. And. And I glance over like, what the fuck? And I, you know, I'm like, weirded out.

[Interviewer]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And I'm. And I'm looking to get the In Flight magazine, like, what is going on back? And she's still staring at me. And I'm really wigged out, right? And then I look back again. I'm like, oh, it's Amber from the thing. Oh, hey. And. And then she. We start Talking. And we're talking, and then the woman who's like, I'm in the window seat, and the woman who's in the aisle in the middle of us is like, do y' all want to switch seats or something? You. You can. And. And like, yeah, sure. So she sat down next to me. Turns out she was going to Shreveport to start a movie. And I said, listen, this Shreveport is a bummer, but there's a handful of cool places. And, you know, gave her my information, if you want. You know, there really isn't much, but I'll let you know. And then. And then we started hanging out in a very, you know, completely platonic way. And she's quite younger than I am, and I knew she was a fan, so that's super extra triple creepy. If I put the moves on her. There was undeniable chemistry. It was undeniable.

[Interviewer]

What was she a fan of? Like, was there a specific movie that you had done that.

[David Cross]

She was Mr. Show and my standup, so she knew those two things. And I hadn't done too much, Stan. I probably had a HBO special and. And at that point, I had HBO special and a half hour and an album. I think that was it. And. And also a movie called Run, Ronnie Run, and then. Which came from the show. I did Mr. Show. So she knew those things. And. And she. She even had a. She even had a T shirt with my face on it.

[Interviewer]

Really?

[David Cross]

Yeah, I think somebody. She. She wore it on. What was that MTV show Re. Oh, it was one of those MTV shows where you. Your. I can't remember, but it's like where they have, you know, people are, you know, promoting their. Whatever. Irl. No, that's not it. What was it?

[Interviewer]

I don't know. I. I didn't. I haven't watched it.

[David Cross]

You're too young.

[Ari Shaffir]

Martin Luther King, John F. Kennedy, Malcolm X. And now dog piss has the stage. All hail dog piss. Guess what? Violent, horrendous. A show where I do. I guess what I do best, which is complaining way too much about. That's not that important. I think all YouTubers should be jailed. An army of drunken, screaming Santa Clauses. The devil stick guy was the doctor. Shut the. Come along for this beautiful, disgusting, violent, horrendous journey. My new YMH show. Subscribe. Smash that, like, button. We're going to be doing this every other week. This is vile and horrendous.

[David Cross]

Here you go.

[Interviewer]

I'm giving this to you.

[David Cross]

But I am Ari Shafir, okay? It's a fucking crazy night. We're gonna have here. Shit's about to go down. Look.

[Interviewer]

And we're here to talk ball.

[Ari Shaffir]

This is a love story. Chlamydia, herpes, gonorrhea, aids.

[David Cross]

I'm desperate. I'll stab you in your motherfucking love. One of the worst things that could happen. What's your favorite Bible verse, Mike?

[Interviewer]

I don't know. Did you just shit your pants? It's not my shit.

[David Cross]

If you're out there, lady, don't call me. I'm the bad guy in the story. I know that I'll be a better person tomorrow. At least he's consistent. Finally, something we can agree on. Discuss it in heart. It's not the evening I planned, but I'm having a blast. Now, if you'll excuse me. It was. Anyway, it was a show that was around for a while, and you, you know, you go sit above Times Square and whatever. Anyway, so she. And she had a. She wore a shirt with my picture on it. Anyway, so I knew all this stuff, and I thought even though there was. If it was somebody else, I definitely would have made the moves way. And she wasn't that person wasn't as young. I would have put the moves on right away.

[Interviewer]

But this sounds so serendipitous. I mean, you guys, oh, for sure. Met so, so many times. It was like screaming in your face.

[David Cross]

Yeah. And I didn't know how funny she was. She was really funny. I, I, I just thought, oh, she's this actress, poet girl. And, and my friend, or mutual friend who had tried to long ago get us together who was like, oh, she's perfect for you. You guys would be great together. You know, I had that in my head too. Even though I was like, I, I don't get it. But then when I actually met her and hung out with her, because on the rest of that flight, we just sat and made fun of the Sky Mall. Remember those things?

[Interviewer]

Y.

[David Cross]

So we made fun of Sky Mall. And I, and I was like, man, she is whip smart, funny smart, super hot. And I just, you know, was like, I, if I try to make a move, I'm just gonna be the creepiest. And I would, I would hate myself.

[Interviewer]

But she loved. She was, like, already in love with you.

[David Cross]

Yeah. I didn't know that. I, I, you know, I thought she just admired me. I didn't, I didn't, you know, or like, my work, whatever. So eventually we were at one of the, oh, decent bars in Shreveport. And, and at this point, we're talking like, it's been six Weeks of hanging out. And a lot of hanging out, too. And. And then I. I remember they were playing. There was a jukebox, I think the Spider man theme that from the TV show was. Was on the jukebox. And I played it and I was like, oh, it's our song. And then I kissed her. And then that was it. And that was. And she basically moved in after that. Yeah, that was it. And we've been together ever since. That was what, 18 years ago? That was 18, yeah.

[Interviewer]

Like, wow.

[David Cross]

Over 18 years ago.

[Interviewer]

How did you propose?

[David Cross]

Oh, man, it was. It's better to hear it from her side because I was a fucking mess. And she. So, okay, we're in this teeny, teeny, tiny little efficiency flat in London. And I was working on a show there that she was on. I cast her as. As like a girlfriend type character in the show. And we had been. I had a ring that I had made. You know, I picked out the gem and I picked out the. Made the design and with somebody and made the ring and I carried that fucking thing around for a year. That thing went around that. That. That ring has traveled internationally because I either pussied out and so I had it. I was in la. I was gonna. I had this idea. She's from Santa Monica, right? And her folks are still there and everybody gets along great, both of our families. And we were having like a Thanksgiving there. And I was gonna go to the pier and pay some kid, whoever's running the Ferris wheel, listen, when it gets up to top, give him 100 bucks. When it gets up top, stop it. When I get to the top and give me like two minutes. And I totally pussied out on that. So wait, but did it happen?

[Interviewer]

It didn't stop.

[David Cross]

No, I didn't.

[Interviewer]

So none of it happened?

[David Cross]

No, that was the idea.

[Interviewer]

Okay.

[David Cross]

Did not do it. And then I was like, okay, we'll do it in. What was the other idea? I had another idea.

[Interviewer]

Why did you pussy out, though?

[David Cross]

Because if she said no, then I'm at the top of a Ferris wheel that is stopped and then we have to go down and walk a mile back to her place where all our families are. That's why I pussied out. And then I had another idea. What was it? I was going to do it. Oh. Somewhere. And then literally that week, somebody else, somebody famous, I don't remember what. It was proposed in the same exact way that I had planned.

[Interviewer]

No.

[David Cross]

And I want to say it was. No. This would have been pre Prince William. It was something Big. Some big thing. I was like, oh, well, there goes that. Then I had it in England, I had gotten as a present a balloon. A hot air balloon ride. I was like, this is where I'm going to propose and it's out. So I had it. I was out. And it was like an hour and a half outside of London. And we went and we took a train to a bus to, you know, then a taxi to this, like, soft, slow, rolling hills and really beautiful setting countryside. And they've got like five or six of these balloons with, you know, various people. You're going to be in there, and you four will be here. And I had it where it was just going to be the two of us. And we sat there and these two. It's a family that runs this hot air balloon thing and these two brothers. And like, there's a lady, you know, they're all in this family, and they're sending balloons up. And he's like, yeah, it's too windy up there. We're not gonna be able to do it. And this is after sitting around for like an hour while they're trying to figure out whether we can go up. And then they just go, yeah, sorry. And we're like, well, he's like, yeah, you know, you'll get your money back. Or, you know, you can use the coupon some other time. Like, there's what I don't.

[Interviewer]

The coupon.

[David Cross]

We can't send you up. It's too dangerous. And. And then we're like sitting out in the middle of nowhere. Cause we got a taxi there from a bus station, from a train. And then this. And I've got the ring on me. And then this couple, this very nice couple is like, we can give you a ride back to town to get a bus at least. I was like, all right, thank you. And then. So later that night, and I had to shoot the next morning. And it's a show that I wrote and acted in and produced. So it's early. My hours are, you know, 18 hours a day. And I was like, fuck this. I'm going to propose enough. It's been a year since I've been carrying this fucking thing. And I think I had. In South Africa, too. I think I was going anyway. So that was it. That was the thing. Somebody was on a safari. That was it. So I went on the safari. That's the other thing I was. It was like. I want to say it was Prince William or somebody, but somebody famous was. Was on a safari and proposed to his. Also famous Wife. And I'm like, motherfuck. It was like literally six days before. I'm like, God damn it. And so I said, all right, enough's enough. And I. You know, we're having a completely normal evening. We're in this tiny little flat that had, like, those round stare of things. And I just changed. This is where it's better if she tells the story, because I don't remember a whole lot. But you just blacked out kinda. I went up the stairs and I came back and I started talking to her, like, so, you know, you're really important to me. Whatever I said, I don't remember. You have to ask her, because she. She's like, what the fuck? And she thought. And she said this to me. She. Did you go upstairs and get high? She thought I was high. She thought I had done drugs. And not even, like. Not like an unspecific, unspecified drug, just a drug. You clearly drugged yourself because you're not acting normal. Your eyes are flying all over the place. What. You sound weird. Like, what's going on? And. And then I just sort of, as she describes it, just sort of threw the ring at her and asked her to marry, you know, if she'd marry me. And then. And it's really bad. Cause I don't remember. And I was a mess. And I wasn't high or drunk or anything. I just. I was, like, so fucking nervous.

[Interviewer]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And then. And then I made. I didn't. Cause I wasn't thinking. It was very spur of the moment, in a sense. And, you know, I have to get up in like, six hours and work all day, and I'm in, like, almost every scene. And. And then she is taking pictures of the ring, posting it on, you know, Twitter and stuff. And. And. And now the phone is going off the hook and I'm like, I have to go to sleep. You have to take that downstairs. And. And yeah, so then we, you know, went to the set the next day, and I think she was shooting too, and, you know, showing everybody the ring. Everybody was happy.

[Interviewer]

So when you talked to her about this, did she know that there was any of these instances that you were going to. That you didn't like the hot air?

[David Cross]

Yeah, I eventually told her, like, I don't know if it was right then, but certainly within, like, 24 or 48 hours. I was like, I've had this fucking thing forever.

[Interviewer]

Did she know? Was she ever expecting you to propose? Then? You didn't?

[David Cross]

No.

[Interviewer]

Oh, really?

[David Cross]

I don't think so. I. No, I doubt It, I doubt it because I was also one of those people who, and I truly believed it, who was like, I'm. There's no reason to get married. I'm not, I wasn't anti marriage. I. None of that. I had no attitude towards it other than like, it just doesn't seem. We don't need to. What's the point? And, and we would joke about what an awesome wedding we would have if we had a wedding, but in a very. Not a specific way. Just, you know, because you'd go to weddings too. Her friends, my friends go to these weddings and she's like, that was boring. You know what I'd do if we got married? We'd do this, you know, and that was the only time it ever came up. And I had, I had said like, I'm. I'm just not, you know, I, I don't see getting married. I don't see the point. And then eventually you meet somebody you want to marry.

[Interviewer]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

So I did.

[Interviewer]

How was your wedding?

[David Cross]

Awesome. Great.

[Interviewer]

Had a great time.

[David Cross]

Great. Yeah, it was really great.

[Interviewer]

Where did you get married?

[David Cross]

Upstate, along the Delaware river, where I have a place. And I had a place, like even before I met her, out in the woods. Tiny, tiny little town. And, and so we rented a Jewish kids camp, like summer camp that's been around forever and, and just had, you know, rented the cabins and everything. And it was like a three day thing where we had ziplining and all the stuff that they have at the, at the.

[Interviewer]

Oh, fun. It was like an adventure.

[David Cross]

Yeah, yeah, it was great.

[Interviewer]

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[David Cross]

and then had all these little silly little kind of events and things planned and it was a awesome group of people and then it was a big old party and then, you know, it was. We like had our favorite food trucks from the city come up and my sister's food truck from Atlanta and. And then had like, I'm, you know, had Yola Tango playing friends of mine and they were like the band and, and played a bunch of requests and it was great. And questlove DJ'd and it was just this huge party out on by the river. It was beautiful.

[Interviewer]

That sounds like a perfect wedding.

[David Cross]

It was awesome.

[Interviewer]

It needs to be a party.

[David Cross]

Yeah, it was a big party. Yeah.

[Interviewer]

That's kind of what I haven't got. I haven't had a wedding yet. I'm married, but I haven't had my wedding.

[David Cross]

Why?

[Interviewer]

I've been pregnant.

[David Cross]

I'm sorry, this is your second?

[Interviewer]

My second. But I got. I got engaged.

[David Cross]

So, you know, there's a part in between when the first baby comes out and then the second dose of sperm goes in.

[Interviewer]

Right?

[David Cross]

There is time.

[Interviewer]

The thing is, I was breastfeeding all the way up until like 13 months and I was breastfeeding a lot. And so like every couple of hours. And so I don't know how to have a wedding where I have to be like, all right, we gotta really, we gotta really Walk down this aisle quickly. Cause I have to get back. And so I was waiting. Dude, I would just leak. Like, I just. I. And I was like, I'm not going to. I'm not going to do. And I couldn't drink alcohol.

[David Cross]

Oh, fair point. Fair point.

[Interviewer]

And I want to be f ed up.

[David Cross]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Interviewer]

I want to party.

[David Cross]

You do? You do? That was. That's. Yes. You're absolutely.

[Interviewer]

Yeah. And all my family and friends, they were like, oh, just have, like. We'll just, like, cheers with Pellegrino. And I'm like, fudge you. No way. Like, no. I want champagne. I want wine. I want to, like, enjoy it. And so I was going to get married right after I finished breastfeeding, but I got pregnant. It took us six months of trying the first time.

[David Cross]

Yeah, we were trying, too. It took a year of trying to.

[Interviewer]

I thought it was gonna take a while.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

And so I was like, oh, we can start trying. And then we were looking at venues for months. We were. I mean, we were this close. I already bought a wedding dress. I mean, I was. We were like. All we had to do was nail down the location and send out the invites, and we were like, on it.

[David Cross]

Are you. You do live here in Texas?

[Interviewer]

I do, yeah. And I. Literally, the first time we tried, I got pregnant.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Interviewer]

And so I took a pregnancy test. Not because I thought I was pregnant. I just was curious because we were having unprotected sex. And I was like, well, before I, like, have Thanksgiving and, like, down a bunch of alcohol, I just want to make sure that I'm not pregnant. I also felt kind of weird. And I was like, this is just. You just know. There's just things that you know. And I was like. So I took a pregnancy test and it was positive.

[David Cross]

And I was like, similar. And were you happy or sad or both?

[Interviewer]

I was both.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

I was thrilled to, like, be getting it done. And I want it because I want to have. I wanted to have two kids close.

[David Cross]

I had heard that from so many people. Like, you're already in this mindset in this world. You should.

[Interviewer]

In baby mode.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

Yeah. Once my son gets out of baby mode, I just don't know if I can go back in.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Yeah. I completely understand.

[Interviewer]

So I wanted to do it. So I was really happy, but I was also just inches away from planning a wedding.

[David Cross]

I love how this all basically is. Cause you wanna get hammered. When you think about it, it's like, oh, fuck, I wanna. I hammered. I did.

[Interviewer]

I really did. I Wanna have a party? Because having a kid after like a year old was so much. It's so much work that. Yeah, I wanted to like, kick back, throw my shoes off.

[David Cross]

Yeah, no, I.

[Interviewer]

Throw me a bottle of Vuv.

[David Cross]

I totally get it. And, and do you. Do you have like a sleep schedule for your kid?

[Interviewer]

Oh, yeah, we're on a hardcore routine. Yeah, yeah, but it works.

[David Cross]

It. No, we had a. We had a. What do you call him? A sleep. Sleep lady. What is that called?

[Interviewer]

Like a night nurse.

[David Cross]

Night nurse, yeah. We had a night nurse for couple months and what a difference. And I had a bunch of people telling me that is the absolute best money you will spend. Trust me on this. And, And I. When, when my daughter was born, like my wife wanted a night nurse immediately. And I said, and I said, no, I want to experience this. We'll get a night nurse. We will. But I want, you know, I want at least two weeks of knowing. Of. Of not getting any sleep and dealing with this and dealing with the newborn. And. And I wanna, I wanna share that experience, you know? And. And my wife had a scheduled C section because there was some complications. So she was sort of bedridden for a while after, and I was doing all that stuff. And then. So we had the. So I said, let me do it for two weeks. And then we had this woman scheduled to come two weeks in, and right before she was supposed to come, she got sick. She's like, I can't be around the baby for at least four or five days. And I was fucking going nuts. Get that woman here. I don't care what the fuck she's got. I don't care if she's got aids. They can get her here. I can't do this anymore. You know, as I was doing, taking care of my wife and taking care of the kid, not. I mean, the sleeping is. Forget it.

[Interviewer]

It's crucial. You have to have sleep.

[David Cross]

Yeah. And it was. I was just, you know, going crazy by then. It was like three weeks. And I was like, dude, I was gonna cry when that lady got.

[Interviewer]

My son is a rock star sleeper.

[David Cross]

That's great.

[Interviewer]

He sleeps so good. And I was just saying the other day, I was like, you know, if there was different battles that I had to choose, like if he wasn't a very good eater, like if he was a picky eater or he wasn't a very good sleeper or I'm like potty training right now and he's killing it. And if. So I was like, if he wasn't

[David Cross]

you or Your son are potty training?

[Interviewer]

I'm potty training him.

[David Cross]

Okay, you're potty training him. Okay. Yeah. Cause you know, you got it down, right?

[Interviewer]

I've been pretty good for like, okay, okay, 30 something years.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Interviewer]

But sleeping is the battle I'd want to win.

[David Cross]

Yeah. I, I, believe me, I've been there.

[Interviewer]

If you don't, absolutely nothing works.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

And so the wheels fall off the bus.

[David Cross]

And it's also, it, it's not just about that moment. It's about every moment from then on. You know, I mean, my kid's a good sleeper. And you know, even it was, it was like the adjustment of like, okay, it's not gonna be three naps. It's gonna be two naps. It's not gonna be two naps. It'S gonna be one nap and then no naps. And just, it was, it was glide right through that.

[Interviewer]

Yep. You know, I'm still on two naps, but we're getting to the point how old? He's a couple days away from being 14 months.

[David Cross]

Okay. Yeah.

[Interviewer]

So we're still. I'm pushing the first nap back and back and back and back because he's just not tired enough to take the nap. So we're getting to a point where we're gonna drop that one nap and it's just gonna make me so sad.

[David Cross]

Yeah, it's hard, you know, having to hang out with this fucking thing.

[Interviewer]

I know. I'm like, man, that's my two hour break. And then he's just gonna be up.

[David Cross]

Go to God damn sleep. Would you sleep? You're not talking yet. You've got nothing to say to me? You want me to hang out?

[Interviewer]

Just wine.

[David Cross]

Wine, Yeah.

[Interviewer]

I feel you.

[David Cross]

What does your kid eat?

[Interviewer]

Everything. Just about. But I cook. I'm like a Michelin star chef for this kid, so I'm constantly making him new foods and new meals.

[David Cross]

That's great. That's great. That also pays off at the end.

[Interviewer]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And my daughter eats. I mean, she eats crap too, but she eats tons of, you know, broccoli, zucchini. She loves that fruit, you know?

[Interviewer]

Yeah. My son will eat two eggs in the morning and a small pancake that I make from like banana and applesauce and yogurt and then like a handful of fruit and just crushes it.

[David Cross]

That's great.

[Interviewer]

And I, I mean, that's like breakfast.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

And then lunch. My husband owns a barbecue restaurant and so I shred up brisket.

[David Cross]

What is the barbecue, Terry?

[Interviewer]

Blacks.

[David Cross]

Okay. Is there any in house?

[Interviewer]

No. But if you want to go get some afterwards, I'll hook you up. Oh, I'd love to hook you up.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Yeah, that'd be great.

[Interviewer]

I give him brisket and then he gets green beans and I toast almonds and olive oil. And he just eats the green beans and almonds and the brisket. So I mean. And then for dinner I usually make a pasta and he likes. I do either like a cheddar sauce that I make or I do a marinara, tomato marinara that I do. I mean, he's just. Just eaten. Eaten away.

[David Cross]

And barbecue. That was the first thing that my daughter. Oh, God, I don't know how old she was. Probably three months maybe, something like that. And there was this place. It's not there anymore, but one of those, like big, you know, interior rooms where they had like four or five different food pop up stalls and this big bar.

[Interviewer]

Oh, yeah.

[David Cross]

And there was a barbecue place there for a little while. And it's like a food hall kind of food hall, but yeah, more of a bar with food.

[Interviewer]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

But anyway, got some barbecue, dipped my finger in the sauce, and that was the first thing she had that wasn't like milk or. Or you know, like mush. Mushy puree purees. Yeah. And she. She liked it.

[Interviewer]

She was like, yum.

[David Cross]

Yeah, she likes her barbecue. Hey, that's what dad gets that from.

[Interviewer]

Dad, you like barbecue?

[David Cross]

Love it.

[Interviewer]

Is that your favorite food?

[David Cross]

I mean, it's one of them. I have a barbecue tattoo. That was my first tattoo.

[Interviewer]

Oh, my goodness.

[David Cross]

Yep. The pig offering you.

[Interviewer]

And then you got the Blues Brothers.

[David Cross]

That is not the Blues Brothers. Oh, Jesus. What kind of person would I be if I had the Blues Brothers John

[Interviewer]

Belushi on your arm?

[David Cross]

Oh, God, no.

[Interviewer]

Who is that?

[David Cross]

It's Jim Belushi and Dan Ak. No, it's. Oh, no, it's the COVID of.

[Interviewer]

Is it Jim Belushi?

[David Cross]

Jim Belushi took over for and toured.

[Interviewer]

What did I say?

[David Cross]

You were right. It was John Belushi.

[Interviewer]

Okay. Oh my gosh, you're messing me up.

[David Cross]

No, it was John Belushi. John Belushi died. His brother Jim went, oh, there's some money here. And he went. He took over for John Belushi.

[Interviewer]

I did not know that.

[David Cross]

With Dan Aykroyd. And they toured as, you know, the new Blues Brothers or whatever.

[Interviewer]

Had no idea.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

And so then who's that?

[David Cross]

This is the COVID of Masters of Atlantis, the original cover, which is one of my favorite books by Charles Portis.

[Interviewer]

I feel like if you Just would have said the Blues Brothers. I would have.

[David Cross]

I don't. I don't even. As a joke, I don't want people to think I got the Blues Brothers tattooed. And on my back is a full. Full Jim Carrey as Ace Ventura.

[Interviewer]

What's your other tattoo on your arm?

[David Cross]

This one is more so it's a like, Old Testament God spanking Hitler, but it's like a cartoonish Max Fleischer Hitler. If you can see that he's spanking them. He's got him over his knee and he's spanking them. And then Hitler's tears are creating the clouds. And then it's raining on this farm, and you can see a farmer and there's my dog following. And so that's how Hitler's tears are creating the bounty from which we all enjoy. There's peaches and corn and stuff.

[Interviewer]

And where did you come up with that idea?

[David Cross]

Hmm. I was probably pretty fucked up. I don't. I'll be honest with you. I was probably all. I probably high as a motherfucker, man.

[Interviewer]

It seems like a high tattoo.

[David Cross]

It's. I got. It was. Yeah. I don't know.

[Interviewer]

Well, when you wear a shirt, all I can see are some corn on the cobs and, like, a couple of cherry tomatoes.

[David Cross]

I think those are peaches, but. Yeah. Okay.

[Interviewer]

Okay.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

I've been wrong about all your tattoos so far.

[David Cross]

So far? Everything. Yeah. Wrong about everything. Yeah.

[Interviewer]

Are those your only tattoos?

[David Cross]

These three. Yeah.

[Interviewer]

Yeah, yeah. How old were you when you got your tattoos?

[David Cross]

Oh, that's so much judgment behind that. Good night. Good night. So the very first tattoo, which was on the back shoulder, this turned into this thing was a pretzel. And I was with my then girlfriend, and we decided we had. We were like. I was living in LA at the time, hey, let's go down to Hollywood Boulevard. And we're just going to do everything that the tourists do on Hollywood Boulevard. So we went to the Ripley's Museum, believe it or not. We did all this stuff, got up and then both decided neither one of us had a tattoo. Like, let's get a tattoo. People get their tattoo parlors. And so we both got a little pretzel on our back shoulder blade. And eventually we broke up, and I was with this other girl, and I was like, you know what? I think it's kind of wrong that I have this matching tattoo, this X, and I'm just gonna go change it. And I lived down the street from a tattoo place in la, and I walked down there and it's like, hey, can we make this something else? And they're like, oh, how about a crown with a. They showed a design. It was, like, great. And nothing. Not intricate at all. Just I was in and out and 45 minutes, and then that was just sitting there. It was like, that's weird. It just looks weird. Why is that my only tattoo? Like a completely meaningless sort of symbol that looks like it would have meaning? And then I got to tell the story over and over again. So then I was like, all right, I'm going to change that into something. And then I came up with this idea. Initially, it was just God spanking Hitler. And then I had the second half half done.

[Interviewer]

Are you done getting tattoos? Are you gonna add on?

[David Cross]

I have an idea for a tattoo.

[Interviewer]

What?

[David Cross]

And I will say this, that I did not answer your question. How old I was? I. I was 20. I'm gonna say no. I was probably 30. It's probably 30.

[Interviewer]

Big jump from 20s to 30s.

[David Cross]

Well, clearly not emotionally or. But in the maturation, who I was

[Interviewer]

in my 20s to 30s was just different people.

[David Cross]

Oh, not barely me. I didn't. I didn't really grow up until I was. I mean, I didn't really, like, act my age until I was in my mid-40s.

[Interviewer]

Really?

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

And even then, I had a digression. I was, like, so much of an adult in my 20s. And then I hit my 30s, and I was like, I need to party. I need to, like, make up for this lost time. We actually are out of time, though. Where can people find you?

[David Cross]

Well, the special the End of the Beginning of the end is on YouTube right now. And I will be in Brooklyn doing shows, getting new material. It's called shooting the shit, seeing what sticks. And then I'm going to take it out on the road a little bit, still getting material ready. It's some clubs here and there, sprinklings through the spring into the early summer. And so check me out if I'm going to be. I don't know. I know Denver. I know Madison. I know Providence. I don't know when. I know Pittsburgh.

[Interviewer]

Look at you go.

[David Cross]

Minneapolis. Oh, that's. That's like six, right? So there's two more where I don't. Sacramento, I think.