She Flew to Kansas for a First Date… Then Married Him w/Elyse Myers | First Date with Lauren Compton

Summary

Podcast Summary

Podcast: First Date with Lauren Compton
Episode: She Flew to Kansas for a First Date… Then Married Him w/Elyse Myers
Date: April 21, 2026
Host: Lauren Compton
Guest: Elyse Myers
Studio: YMH Studios

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Episode Overview

This episode of "First Date with Lauren Compton" features comedian, author, and viral content creator Elyse Myers. Elyse recounts the extraordinary story of meeting her husband at a deli counter in Australia while both were studying abroad, flying to Kansas for what was essentially their first real-life date, and marrying him soon after. The conversation opens up into an honest discussion about relationship dynamics, communication styles, red flags, and how tiny comments can shape our entire worldview. With warmth and humor, Lauren and Elyse also swap stories about parenting boys, food cravings, and the emotional intricacies of relationships.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Elyse's Love Story: From Grocery Store to Kansas

• Meeting in Australia:
  • Elyse and her now-husband Jonas met at the deli counter of an Australian grocery store – she was buying roast beef, he was getting salami. Both were at a trade school, and introductions were made through mutual friends.
  • Elyse: "We met deli. Yep. Yep... And then we just like, never stopped talking." (00:49)
• The Fateful Invitation:
  • After brief encounters and a lot of FaceTiming, Jonas invited Elyse to Kansas for a week with his family, stating he thought he wanted to marry her. They weren't even officially dating when he made this offer.
  • Elyse: "I want you to come to Kansas for a week and I want you to spend time with me because I don’t wanna keep talking if long distance, there’s no plan of being together." (06:26)
• First Date in Kansas:
  • Elyse arrives, sets firm boundaries ("I'm not your girlfriend, do not hold my hand, do not kiss me"), but is quickly disarmed by Jonas’ genuine respect and kindness.
  • The first night includes a memorable incident with Jonas’ father artificially inseminating a cow on their family dairy farm, prompting Elyse’s first glass of honey whiskey.
  • Elyse: "One of the cows was being impregnated that day, like, artificially inseminated. Glove to, like, the shoulder." (09:59)

2. Building a Relationship on Friendship and Respect

• Slow-Burning Attraction:
  • Their connection built over months of deep conversation and friendship, with Elyse describing Jonas as her closest friend by the time they finally got together.
  • Elyse: "By the time we ended up, like, getting together, we had talked so much that I was like, you’re kind of… one of my best friends... It was a really powerful and bizarrely strong and deep connection very quickly." (14:08)
• Their Engagement:
  • After long-distance dating, Elyse moves to Omaha, and Jonas proposes to her three days later.
  • The engagement itself is charmingly awkward, including Jonas kneeling in goose poop by a fountain during sunrise.
  • Elyse: "He’s in… kneeling in goose poop. I thought he was, like, tying his shoes… And he’s like, 'Will you marry me?' And I said, 'Are you making fun of me?'" (54:35)
  • Memorable moment: Elyse never said "yes," just put on the ring. Jonas had to clarify as they walked away.

3. Relationship Insights: Communication Styles & Red Flags

• Red Flags & Communication Dynamics:
  • Elyse and Lauren dive into their different conflict styles: Jonas’ family is immediate and talkative in conflict, while Elyse needs time to process.
  • Elyse: "He’s a verbal processor, and I am an internal thinking processor... get away from me or I will say something to hurt you so that you shut down." (21:22)
  • Lauren relates, expressing a preference to clear the air immediately to minimize misunderstanding.
  • They explore the importance of respecting each partner’s needs while trusting that time apart in conflict won’t lead to abandonment.
  • Elyse on compromise: "I have to, like, give me five minutes. Let’s figure it out. But you have to trust me that I’m not going to run away... and then we will always come back and talk it through." (29:15)

4. The Impact of Words and Emotional Scarring

• The Power of Small Comments:
  • Both share anecdotes of offhand comments that deeply affected their self-esteem and worldview.
  • Elyse: "His sister moved out... I put on her bikini... He goes, 'Why are they uneven?'... I never, ever, ever, like, felt comfortable with my body ever again." (44:00)
• Forgiveness vs. Grudges:
  • Debate on the meaning of holding grudges, forgiving, and not forgetting.
  • Elyse: "Forgive and forget is a crazy statement. Forgive and tattoo on the inside of my eyelids, like, what?" (28:51)

5. Parenting Boys & Pregnancy

• Elyse has two boys, Lauren is pregnant with her second boy.
• They bond over hiding baby bumps, the wildness (and exhaustion) of parenting, and pregnancy cravings.
  • Lauren: "I'm pregnant with my second boy." (03:33)
  • Elyse: "I’m so tired. I'm fucking… I'm so tired. I'm so tired." (31:39)

6. Food, Self-Care, and Comfort

• Fluid, funny discussion about favorite and least favorite fast food places, cravings, and the emotional connections to comfort food.
• Elyse introduces Lauren to Culver’s and “concretes”; Lauren proclaims Chipotle as her go-to.
  • Elyse: "After all my OB appointments, I would go to Culver's and get myself a concrete." (49:51)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On immediate connection:
  • "He knew when he met me. I was dating someone when we met… I couldn’t fathom someone liking me and meaning it. I was like, you’re a liar." — Elyse (02:10)
• On boundaries and respect:
  • "I didn’t want him to think I was flying to Kansas to fuck. Like, sorry, can I cuss on this podcast?" — Elyse (08:54)
• On finding ‘fire’ in a relationship:
  • "I just knew there was something in me that was like, this is like, 95% great… But I was missing the, like, fire. Like Jonas. I said, I'm obsessed with you." — Elyse (15:18)
• On forgiveness and remembering:
  • "Forgive and tattoo on the inside of my eyelids, like, what? Forgive and like, never again." — Elyse (28:51)
• On awkward proposals:
  • "He’s kneeling in goose poop… I said, 'Are you making fun of me?'... I never said yes. I just put the ring on." — Elyse (54:35)

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Important Timestamps

• 00:49 – Elyse explains meeting her husband in an Australian grocery store
• 02:03 – Jonas invites her to Kansas, stating he wants to marry her
• 06:26 – The fateful FaceTime and invitation to Kansas
• 09:59 – Elyse’s first night in Kansas includes witnessing a cow being artificially inseminated
• 13:00 – Building a foundation of friendship via FaceTiming
• 20:10 – Why Elyse ended her previous relationship: missing the spark compared to Jonas
• 21:16 – Discussion on communication styles and red flags
• 28:51 – On forgiveness, grudges, and remembering emotional pain
• 44:00 – The high school bikini story: power of small, cruel comments
• 54:25 – The proposal story: sunrise, fountain, goose poop
• 55:54 – The aftermath of the proposal and moving to Omaha

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Guest Plugs

• Elyse Myers on Socials: Find her under @elysemyers everywhere.
• Book: That's a Great Question, I'd Love to Tell You — a collection of stories, poems, and illustrations reflecting on formative moments in Elyse’s life. (42:00)
• Lauren Compton: Host, comedian, and content creator.

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Tone and Style

The episode is friendly, humorous, and candid, filled with self-deprecating jokes, touching vulnerability, and the kind of open-hearted storytelling that makes every listener feel invited on an intimate "first date." Elyse’s warmth and honesty, especially about past traumas and the work marriage and emotional health require, add depth to a lighthearted and fun vibe.

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Summary Verdict

In this episode, Elyse’s story about meeting and marrying her husband offers both a romcom-worthy narrative and a thoughtful lens on what makes relationships last. Her reflections on communication, boundaries, and healing through partnership, paired with Lauren’s relatable questions and anecdotes, make for a rich, funny, and insightful exploration of love, dating, and self-acceptance.

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For fans of heartfelt humor and real talk about dating, relationships, and personal growth, this episode is a must-listen!

Transcript

[A]

I'm so excited to see you tonight. First Date, baby. First date. I can't wait. First date. What's up, you guys? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of First Date. My guest today is a hilarious comedian. She's a New York Times best selling author. She's a content creator. Give it up for Elise Meyers. Yay. Thank you for coming on my show.

[B]

Thank you for having me.

[A]

Where do you live?

[B]

Omaha, Nebraska. Why a boy?

[A]

It's always because of a boy.

[B]

It's always a boy.

[A]

I moved to Austin for a boy.

[B]

Austin's a cooler move though, I feel like than Omaha, Nebraska.

[A]

How did you meet someone in Omaha, Nebraska?

[B]

I met him in Australia at a grocery store. So. So I was getting roast beef and he was getting salami and we met. And we met deli. Yep. Yep. And he had a friend and I had a friend that knew each other and we did the, like, introductions and then they started talking. So then I was like, well, I don't. This is. I guess I'll just talk to this person. And then we kept talking and they were like, we don't have anything to talk about and just went away. And then we just like, never stopped talking.

[A]

Really. How long ago was this?

[B]

This was. So we've been married for eight. Eight years. 19, 23, 25. Eight years.

[A]

What were you doing in Australia?

[B]

We were in school.

[A]

What were you studying?

[B]

It's like songwriting.

[A]

What was he studying?

[B]

Kind of the same thing. Like a leadership in teaching and leadership kind of vibes. It's a trade school in Australia, so it was more like a you go for the summer camp experience, but then you end up just staying for a few years. And then I actually. We connected the week before he left the country and was going back to Kansas, and then I was going back to California. We FaceTimed a bunch and our first date, he just introduced me or invited me to Kansas and he's like, I think I want to marry you, so I just want you to be sure. So just come to Kansas for a week with my family.

[A]

How far into the relationship was this?

[B]

Zero. We're not dating. We literally are not together.

[A]

And he knew right off the bat that you were the one.

[B]

He knew when he met me. I was dating someone when we met and then we didn't talk. And then I broke up. It is. It's a whole movie. It's wonderful. Yeah.

[A]

We all going to the same school in Australia.

[B]

Same school, but totally different campuses. And because we didn't have cars, because we were like broke 45 minutes away. Might have been like another planet. We just would never have seen each other. So the only thing we had in common was school. By the way, before we started, did I hit myself and I'm bleeding or.

[A]

No, you're not bleeding.

[B]

I love that.

[A]

But I'm supposed to help you fix your bangs.

[B]

Okay. How did you. Did God just tell you that? Yes. Oh, your ears. Sorry.

[A]

Well, I'm glad that someone looks out for you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Fucking hell, dude. I have an episode that's out. That still pisses me off. It'll piss me off forever. And I have a big, giant, like piece of green cilantro on my tooth.

[B]

It's diabolical.

[A]

I know, it's rude.

[B]

This reminds me of something that is not relevant probably at all, but do you know who Blippi is?

[A]

Who?

[B]

Do you have kids?

[A]

Yes, Blippi, I have a one year old.

[B]

Okay, well, I don't know if I'm even allowed to say this on this, but there's a whole episode where he goes. He does a night tour in a cool aquarium and his fly is down the entire episode. And there's a whole Reddit thread about like, Blippi at night of like. That had to be intense. It was really funny. So anyways, that's not relevant. Anyways. Yeah.

[A]

That's so funny though.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know where we were before that.

[A]

Do you have kids?

[B]

I do. I have two kids. I have a five and a two year old.

[A]

Wow. Boy, Girl?

[B]

Both boys.

[A]

I'm pregnant with my second boy.

[B]

Oh, my God. Congratulations. How far along are you?

[A]

About halfway. I'm 20 weeks today.

[B]

What the fuck? You don't.

[A]

I'm wearing a fluffy dress.

[B]

You look so. It's there though, the second one. Usually you pop so much earlier.

[A]

I did. If I wore a tight dress, you'd

[B]

be like, oh, I would never. Wow, I'm so impressed.

[A]

I'm pretty large. I'm just. I'm hiding it well.

[B]

Well, the dress is a. Is great. Also, you're allowed to be large when you're pregnant.

[A]

You are?

[B]

Any. Anytime. Pretty much. But I'm just shocked. Wow.

[A]

A five and a two year old. So you got married. Hold on. So he said he wanted to, like, mar you.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. And.

[A]

And so you went to Kansas.

[B]

Went to Kansas. Well, I said, well. Okay, let me back up. Can I just do the full story?

[A]

This is. I'm literally here to hear about your dating life.

[B]

Yeah, no, no, that's true. That's fair. So we met. I was Dating someone. He. His friend, when they walked away, said, geez, why don't you marry her already? And he goes, maybe I will. And then he goes home.

[A]

When was this?

[B]

This was when we. At the meat counter at the grocery store.

[A]

Someone said that.

[B]

Yeah, his friend. So we had both had a friend with us.

[A]

This is sort of like Truman show where everyone had ear. Like they all. This was.

[B]

Everyone but us knew. Yeah, well, he knew. I'm actually the only one that didn't know, but I'm traumatized. So. Yeah. I couldn't fathom someone liking me and meaning it. I was like, you're a liar. You know, boys are just horrible. Yeah, until they're not. And so you're. Yeah. Anyways, so. So his friend was like, geez, why don't you marry her already? He's like, maybe I will. He goes home, he looks me up on Facebook. He's, I'm dating someone. And he's like, well, that sucks. But it's cool. Cause he's like, I. Before that, I couldn't picture putting anyone else trying anyone else on my mind and actually wanting to be with them. And so he's like. It gave me hope, basically, that, like, there were Elises out in the world. And I thought he was so hot, but, like, I was. It wasn't like a, I want to be with you because I was so committed to this person, Broke up with this person. We ended up seeing each other again, like, eight months later. And he didn't know I was single, so he didn't talk to me. I. I thought he knew I was single, and I thought, like, oh, he just doesn't like me. So I tried one time to chat with him, but he kind of ignored me. And then. And I was like, okay, that's fine. I'm leaving the country. Like, we're doing other things anyways. And then I saw him again one month later, which was like a week or a couple months later, a week before we. You're like, I'm taking notes.

[A]

No, I have questions to ask, and

[B]

I don't want to forget. No, it's okay. We connected again. And then he knew I was single, and he asked me on a date. It didn't work out because we were, like, working at this conference thing, so we never. Our schedules just, like, didn't line up. So he's like, you should just have coffee with me in Kansas or in Kansas or in Omaha. And I was like, well, I'm moving to Texas, so that's a long commute for this coffee. He's like, it's worth it. It's fine. And then he messaged me and said, basically, I wanna be with you. I want you to come to Kansas for a week and I want you to spend time with me because I don't wanna keep talking. If long distance, there's no plan of being together.

[A]

Did you ever meet up or did y' all go get. I missed that.

[B]

No, we never. It never worked out because our schedule is.

[A]

So you guys never met up again.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. And so we just. We FaceTimed a few times. He went to like a four week, like, Europe trip after college before he kind of started his normal real life with, like, a job.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And we FaceTimed while he was gone. And then when he got back to Kansas, he said, I want you to come and hang out with my family and me. And I said no. And I went to my mom because I assumed, of all people, my mom would be like, this is crazy. And she goes, free trip to Kansas. And I was like, what the fuck is in Kansas? Like, why would I wanna go to Tonganoxie, Kansas? And I just. I, like, I was. Nobody in my life was like, this is weird. Don't do it. So I just felt crazy, like, for

[A]

thinking it was weird.

[B]

Yeah. I'm like, is it me? Like, am I the only one?

[A]

Why was he in Kansas?

[B]

So he was in Kansas. He was stopping by before he moved to Omaha for a job. So he was like, kind of gathering his things and packing up and then was going to make the move to Omaha. So he was there for like a month. Kind of a landing pad after college, before, like, work.

[A]

And were you in Texas at this time?

[B]

I was in California. I know that it's. The geography is crazy. We are both. People just moved around a lot. Yeah, but my. But I was doing the same thing. My home was in California and I was about to move to Texas for school, and he was about to move to Omaha for work. So we were both home in our states for like four weeks together at. Well, separate but together. So that's when he was like, come to Kansas before I moved to Omaha. Cause I would like us to know whether we should basically keep talking, because we talked all day. But there was like, I was gonna be in Texas for like, years. And it just didn't make sense. Like, we didn't spend enough time together. There was no pre established relationship. So to spend that much time investing in somebody that was so far away, it was like, we should probably hang out in person one time to kind of figure out whether we want to keep doing this. And so I said yes. But before I left, I said, I'm not your girlfriend. Do not hold my hand. Do not kiss me. Like, I didn't want him to think I was basically flying to Kansas to fuck. Like, sorry, can I cuss on this podcast? No.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

Okay. I'm like, sorry. I just realized. And I'm like, this isn't like a cross state, like, booty call. I'm like, I really.

[A]

Actually. I can imagine that after waiting this long of you guys talking and meeting, that he has to know that this isn't a booty call in general.

[B]

I know. But also, I have never dated a man that respected me. Like, you know what I mean? And so I couldn't imagine him assuming that I had to say it out loud for myself to get on that plane. And then I immediately regretted it because I got there and he wouldn't let me carry my bags. He, like, opened every door for me, and I was like, oh, no, now I can't kiss him because I told him not to. So I'm gonna look like I'm going back on my. And the very first night we, like, hung out. Oh, by the way. Oh, my God. We. Okay, we get there. His dad is a hobby dairy farm farmer. So he lives on, like, a dairy farm. It just happened to work out. One of the cows was being impregnated that day, like, artificially inseminated.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Glove to, like, the shoulder.

[A]

Some IVF going on over there.

[B]

Yeah, I didn't know. So we're watching, and all of a sudden his arm disappears into this cow. And Jonas is, like, mortified, and his dad's like, it was on the schedule. I couldn't. I couldn't change it. I'm just like, what is going on? What is going on? So I had my first glass of honey whiskey that night. Cause I was like, I need alcohol in my system, like, so fast right now. I needed a while ago. All right, now I'll tell you that story.

[A]

I got a phone call one day. I wanted to make this thing. It's a way for other comics to show themselves.

[B]

Oh, that's right. You.

[A]

You're not hosting your own show.

[B]

They did them dirty. Aria figured out a way to put it up somewhere else.

[A]

You thought about bringing it back? All the time. I need your and Tom's help.

[B]

You guys ready for this? Okay.

[A]

It's a fucking crazy night we're gonna have here.

[B]

Shit's about to go down.

[A]

Hello. And we're here to talk Paul Kelly

[B]

show telling true, true stories. Word for word.

[A]

What happened?

[B]

My favorite. Please tell them the story. My story is a love story. It's about my first threesome.

[A]

Bad first date.

[B]

About ball football.

[A]

Got arrested.

[B]

Shit in your pants. What the fuck?

[A]

What the fuck? What the fuck is going on?

[B]

That's my story. Don't think about it. Just laugh.

[A]

It's funny. Ah, shucks. Please get it off. Mr. Tony Hitchcock Region. I'll give you everything I have in my wallet. Oh, yeah, give me all of that.

[B]

That would have been the all time best story to tell on this show. And then we hang out and then that night we're on the couch downstairs. I'm like staying in the basement of this childhood home. And he leans in, he's like, can I kiss you? And I said, you said you wouldn't. And he goes, you're right, I did say that. He's like, goodnight. And he goes upstairs and I just face plant into this bed. And I'm just like, he's gonna respect you because you said no. He's gonna respect you because you kept your word. And then the next night we kissed. And we've been kissing ever since. Yeah, it's amazing.

[A]

Did he look the same after seeing him in the grocery store to waiting so long?

[B]

Oh, like, yeah, better. I mean, like, I just, I was looking at him through the lens of like, whoa, I want to make out with you. You know, and the first time I met him, it was meeting a friend's friend. Like, I wasn't really, you know, thinking anything else this time you were attracted to him. Yeah. Now I was just like, whoa, you're so hot. And he was wearing this cutoff. Oh my God, this like red gym shirt. I mean, so on purpose. But it was like, I can. You basically are not wearing a shirt, but on top of that, you're wearing

[A]

this thousand waiting to meet up with you. He probably went through his wardrobe so many times.

[B]

A thousand.

[A]

He's like, how do I look? Hot but look like I'm not trying.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, no. He looked so good. I was, I was obsessed.

[A]

Did he sit? Was he. Were you guys sending each other pictures? Like selfies and stuff?

[B]

Totally. Yeah.

[A]

You knew what he looked like. And y' all were FaceTiming.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. The very first time we FaceTimed. He, we, we. It was like at 1 in the morning until about 4 in the morning when he left for Paris. He shaved his beard on the call and he had his shirt off and it went. He was like, it was down here. And he started shaving. He goes, that's a little too scandalous. So he puts it up. And I was like, I. What is happening right now? Like, he just. It was like he felt so immediately comfortable with me. I have never in my life met somebody like that because that's how I am with people that I feel safe around. It takes me a lot to feel safe around you, but once I do, like, nothing is really off limits, like, no conversation. Like, I'll say things that I'm like, maybe that was inappropriate. But I just. I feel very safe with people. And for him to do that with me, I was like, wow, you're my people. Like, I love this so much. But I thought he was friend zoning me because he talked so comfortably with me that I was like, maybe I'm misinterpreting this. Do you know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah, like, a little. Y' all are getting along so well that may.

[B]

Yeah. I'm like, you're my friend.

[A]

I'm interested in friendship.

[B]

Yeah. Because I've never been. I'd never had a friendship with somebody I dated. It was, like, immediately romantic. And there was no friendship foundation, like, built there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he truly, by the time we ended up, like, getting together, we had talked so much that I was like, you're kind of. You almost feel like one of my best friends, if not best in terms of like, bff, best friend, but, like, my closest and most frequent talk to friend. Like, at that point, moving away from a country where I now am going back home, I just felt like it was this weird, like, changing of lives. And he was the one consistent thing in that. And he knew my past life in Australia, now going back to the States. It was like, I couldn't actually imagine having dated anyone that couldn't relate to what I had gone through for, like, three years in another country. And so it was really powerful. Like, it was a really powerful and bizarrely strong and deep connection very quickly that by the time I got there in Kansas, I pretty much knew his mom. So they dropped me off at the airport. They got home, his mom, on an envelope, starts writing down the names of everyone they're going to invite to our wedding.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

It was, like, immediate. We just knew, like, immediately we were engaged seven months later and married like, six months after that. And we've married ever since with two. Two babies.

[A]

That's awesome.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So let's back up a little bit. So why did you break up with the guy that you were seeing?

[B]

He was an incredible human Being. And I would have had a great life with him if I married him, but it would. I just knew there was something in me that was like, this is, like, 95% great, and I'm so lucky to have a 95% there kind of partner that I could be with, But I was missing the, like, fire. I was missing that, like. Like, Jonas. And I said, I'm obsessed with you. And I couldn't imagine having said that to the person before, you know? But I have nothing bad to say about the dude. The kindest soul.

[A]

That's disappointing.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Honestly, how long were you guys together?

[B]

Who?

[A]

The guy before Jonas.

[B]

We were together for, like, eight, nine months, but most of it was long distance because I was in Australia and he was in California. We met online.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so I think that I thought it was gonna be there. And then when I. We dated, we started dating long distance, and then we met up, and it was like, the fire just wasn't there. That, like, I wanted to do that. I get that. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And so then I got back and tried to kind of convince myself that maybe it was me or maybe it was like, I was tired, it just didn't work out. But after a few weeks, I was like, I just don't. I don't want to spend the rest of my time here tied up in somebody that I know probably isn't the one. And so we broke up.

[A]

In the back of your mind, did you still have Jonas there?

[B]

No, not at all. Not until I saw him at conference. I kind of forgot he existed a little bit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, that much time apart makes sense.

[B]

I mean, we didn't cross paths at all. No mutual friendships or anything like that.

[A]

So how much time was it between when you met at the deli to when you went to Kansas?

[B]

So we met at the deli in October. I broke up with my boyfriend in February. We met the first time where he didn't know I was single in March. And then July was when he knew I was single, and we connected, and he asked me on the date. It didn't work out because of our schedules. And then we FaceTimed the next day, basically, when he went onto that trip. Four weeks. And then August was Kansas.

[A]

So this is all in, like, a year.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. The.

[A]

What was the other question I had? Oh, what was it about Jonas that got you initially?

[B]

Well, there's a story in the. In my book, it's called House Clothes, and he. When I met him in the deli, he was wearing his house clothes. And I had been ruthlessly made fun of. Not like, for real, but kind of. I just. I liked to wear comfy clothes to the grocery store. And I had a lot of friends that loved to dress up all the time. And they were like, that's like, you could run into anyone at the grocery store, and, like, you're wearing your pajamas. And I'm like, I'm not trying to impress anyone at a grocery store. Like, what are you talking about? I'm trying to get, like, roast beef to eat with my hands and eat out of a bag. Like, what are we doing here? And so. So he was wearing his house clothes, and. And I. That was the only thing I remembered from that. You're like, soulmate, literally. No, I. It wasn't, like, a romantic meeting because, you know, the boyfriend. But I was like, I love that this dude is wearing comfy clothes to the grocery store. And that really stuck with me because I was like, you care more about being comfortable and just going and doing your thing than how people perceive you. And it was like, I loved that because that's my whole life. I loved that so much. And then after that, I'll never forget this. My mom told me after high school, she said, you're never gonna find a man that is soft and strong. Like, gentle and strong at the same time. Like, manly and masculine, but also, like, gentle and kind and soft and tender and empath. She's like, you have to pick one. They don't exist. And I just remembered thinking, like, I'm sad that you'd think that, because that's a bummer. And I know my brothers are that way. And I'm like, I know that exists because the kindest and strongest men are, like, around me with my brothers. And so I am sad that you don't believe that that exists for you. You know, she's divorced, by the way, so that's not. I'm not, like, shitting on my dad back there, but. And so I remembered once I was single, and we connected, and he didn't know I was single. I remembered clocking that he. He was leading this team. It was the. It's called the refresh team. But essentially, he was cleaning toilets and dumping trash, and he was, like, the janitor for the. This conference. And he had these. A bunch of dudes around him. He was, like, a third year, and then he had these interns that were first years, and he was leading this meeting, and I was on the ground in the kitchen, like, hovering over, like, this little Trash can eating my food really, really fast because I had, like, five minutes to eat, and he stopped. And all these men were around him, looking at him like they respected him a lot. And I just thought it was so cool because I had experienced, like, a softness with him. And then to watch him lead a bunch of dudes that looked up to him, I thought to myself, like, it. It does exist. And I didn't think he liked me. So it was more just clocking that, like, they. You. A man can be soft and strong at the same time. And I just thought that was so beautiful. And he has been that way consistently. That is, like, not an illusion that he just, like, put on. He is so, so soft and so strong, and it's beautiful. It's the most beautiful thing about him, I think.

[A]

Well, when you're. When you're with someone for so long, do things do come out that irritate

[B]

you and make you just a thousand percent?

[A]

What would you say is, like, his biggest red flag?

[B]

Mm, that's a good question, I think. Well, I mean, everyone has a few, right? And so the first one, I think was I don't like to react in conflict. And he comes from a family that is, like, the moment something happens, we're gonna sit and talk about it. And I think that comes from a place of insecurity, where it's like, I can't handle you being upset with me, so I. I need to make sure that we're good.

[A]

You're like that.

[B]

No, no. Him and his family are like that.

[A]

So when something happens, he's like, hey, we need to address this now, right now.

[B]

And there's a difference between, like, that's me, but there's a difference between, like, I want to address it right now because I want to fix it, versus an insecurity of, like, I can't handle you having anything but positive thoughts and feelings about me, regardless of whether they are justified or not. You know what I mean? I. If you put me against a wall and I feel cornered, I will hurt you, because I feel trapped, and I want to get away, and I'll do anything I need to to get away.

[A]

So you don't like having that confrontation?

[B]

No, no, I do, but I just want a second. I need to cool off. I need a second to process. He's a verbal processor, and I am an internal thinking processor. So he wants to fix it, and he's fixing it as he's talking, and I'm like, literally, get away from me or I will say something to hurt you. So that you shut down and don't want to talk to me. That's my red flag. As both of our red flags are waving at each other and like, crossing into the sword fight of our red flags. And we had to learn immediately that, like, you need to just give me five minutes. I need to choose when that happens. I need five minutes. That's why.

[A]

Because that's five minutes that you could process something incorrect.

[B]

So why does that scare you?

[A]

Because I completely understand your husband with this one.

[B]

No, but I know. But I'm curious. Cause from a. I have the male's perspective of it and I want to hear your perspective of it.

[A]

I feel like if something is going, like, if I say something that, like, you take wrong and I didn't mean for it to go that way. And suddenly, like, you're offended and you get upset and you're physically upset and I can tell then I have to smooth it over and clear the air because A. I didn't mean for it to be that way.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

And the longer that you sit with that you stew, the more you're going to have feel a certain way.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then it's more work for me to have to undo that.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

If I give you the time to

[B]

sit with that, it sounds like you take a lot of responsibility for other people's feelings.

[A]

For sure.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I think that that insecurity can cause more problems than the actual conflict itself. Yeah.

[A]

But I don't want. I. I would rather cause more problems. Sure.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And have more to talk about. Because the more we talk, the better I feel.

[B]

Right. Okay. That makes sense to me.

[A]

I'm like, you want to talk more? Let's talk more.

[B]

And I love talking until you die. Literally. Tell me everything you're thinking all the time. But I. I just shut down. I. I come from a home where, like, I'm a very, like, I'm like a trauma. I've experienced a lot of, like, trauma in my life at early childhood. And so I cannot process something in front of you. I was in a place where if I did that wrong, I would never be forgiven for that. Like, and so I don't want to say something incorrectly and I don't want to. I just. I can't figure out how I feel in front of you. I don't know how to do that then as.

[A]

Then if I were to respect that, then I would say we are going to peaky Promise.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That if the I let yout go and process alone without me always you come back. Then you have to at least come back and hear me out.

[B]

Always. Always.

[A]

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[B]

is it takes that trust but then

[A]

I die inside a little bit for those five minutes I like want to go hang from across.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

So just know yeah that internally I'm

[B]

going f. You know, that's okay. I think that's okay. I think that's your responsibility to like figure out I Think. I mean, honestly, then we're out of.

[A]

But then why is it okay that you get to go have your time to process the way you want? Yeah, but it's, like, disrespectful for me to process the way I need to process.

[B]

I think that both you're. You're processing by talking. I want to talk. I. If you want me to talk, I have to have some time. There'll be no talking if we. If I don't have, like, five minutes.

[A]

I'm so glad I have a son. I would take it. I'd be like, listen, you and I need to talking to someone else who just looks at me and goes, dada.

[B]

I know. I think. I think that it's just communication styles, and at the end of the day, there has to be give and take. I would rather not say anything about it. I would rather be like, it's my fault. I'm internalizing this and I probably need to fix something in myself, and I would rather just us never discuss it so that. Whoa. Yeah, I hate it. I don't want you to be mad at me. And I would rather just assume that what happened is my fault.

[A]

Do you hold grudges?

[B]

I do, but it's shape me well, rightfully so. I'm like, I used to not. And now it's like I've been healing to the point where I'm allowed to keep people accountable in my mind for what they've done and also forgive them, but never forget. Forgive and forget is a crazy statement. Forgive and tattoo on the inside of my eyelids, like, what? Forgive and tattoo on the inside of my eyelids. Forgive and like, never again.

[A]

Oh, I get that.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. That's so. To me, that's a.

[A]

That I think remembering what someone does to hurt you is a good thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I think forgiveness is key.

[B]

I guess for me, grudge is the never forget part. But is grudge. Can you have a grudge if you forgive? Does that do those, like.

[A]

So the only way I can answer this. So to me, a grudge is when. If you and I were to talk something out and clear the air, and we both agree that, like, what happens?

[B]

Oh, then you just never stop bringing it up.

[A]

Yeah. A grudge is continuing.

[B]

Oh, no, I don't do that.

[A]

The next time you throw it in my face.

[B]

Well, remember when you did it.

[A]

That's a grudge thing.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no. I don't do that. No. But I don't. I really struggle with, like, letting people down. I'm so afraid I'm sitting here and I'm like, I hope I don't let her down. But, like. Like, with this podcast, like, I'm so afraid of not being what someone needs and wants of me and from me that I. I would rather. My. My personal red flag is like, I would rather just assume that if something goes wrong, it was my fault, let me fix it and come back, and you don't have to take any accountability at all. But for me and Jonas in this, like, meeting in the middle, it's like, I have to. I have to, like, give me five minutes. Let's figure it out. But you have to trust me that I'm not. I'm not going to run away in that five minutes or that however long I need, and then we will always come back and talk it through. And I think that that is where that. That. That compromise comes from. You know what I mean? Does he handle that well now? He does, yeah. Because he sees how healthily our conflict resolves. It didn't work beforehand, so it doesn't. Actually, we're not getting the result you're wanting by me talking immediately, but if you just give me a little space, it's a very healthy, like, repair and those, like, repair attempts. And the more proof you have of that, the more your brain stops to struggle to, like, let somebody walk away for a second, because you're like, my brain has enough proof that you're going to come back. You're not going to leave me, and you're not going to. The underlying, like, big B belief that we have in each other is like, I know you love me, and if some. If we hurt each other, our goal is to fix it. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I'm going to take my dying breath with you at 300 years old at the same day, same time. Like, I want to spend our whole lives together, and so I want to repair, but what I need is to not feel like I'm backed into a corner. And so, yeah, it's just a. Learning how to merge two lives of two people that have completely different backgrounds is wild, honestly. Like, people that stay married or just stay together in relationship. Relationship is, like, miraculous to me. Like, you're telling me that two people that can't read each other's minds have to communicate and have to meet in the middle. And every single relationship is so different, and for people to stay together, it really feels like actual magic. It's pretty crazy to me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so, yeah. And I think that your whole life with somebody is learning how to meet in the middle. And sometimes it's 70, 30, sometimes it's like, you know, it's hard. And especially with kids. Oh, my God, I'm tired. I'm fucking. I'm so tired. I'm so tired. I'm so tired. Oh, my God. Yeah.

[A]

I think that for me, one thing I've never done in a relationship is say something I don't mean to someone. Like, I've never negatively thrown words out at someone that I didn't mean, even unintentionally. I'm really good at holding in no matter how I feel. I would rather be silent then have to go back and apologize for saying something that I don't mean because I feel like words, when they hit you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's really, really deep down how someone

[B]

probably can't take them back. Yeah.

[A]

And so I feel the same way.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So when someone says something attacks me verbally to me, that's. That there's no verbal construction that I can do to, like, retract that or fix that. That's probably the only time in a relationship or anything where I digress and I'm like, okay, that's how you feel.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right. And I have nothing to say. But then that wasn't my fault either. That was someone else coming at me.

[B]

Right. But then I guess my question is, how are you just incredibly, like, healthy? Because how do you have a me? Like, how. I'm impressed with your ability to process your emotions in real time and also hold things back and not say anything that you don't mean. How are you. How are you thinking and processing and talking at the same time? Can you do all those things?

[A]

I don't think I talk a lot.

[B]

So then why do you want to talk immediately?

[A]

I only want to talk if I really do. If I do do something to upset someone else. But usually it's my actions that will upset someone, not something I say.

[B]

Right. So then. So if you want to repair immediately, is it only when there's. You think there's been a misunderstanding that you didn't mean?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So you. You really hold yourself high in the regard of, like, you mean what you say and you say what you mean, and if someone misunderstands it, you're like, I have to clear that immediately.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Where does that come from?

[A]

I don't.

[B]

Were people mean to you with words when you were younger?

[A]

People have. I was in a relationship for, like, seven and a half years, whereas someone was very mean to me verbally then And I like, came to really hate this person because I'm like, wow, you hate me?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I can't believe we're. We were. We are lasting so long.

[B]

Yeah. Why. Why did it last so long?

[A]

Because I was married. So I was in this, like, mindset of for better or worse and like, till death do us part. And I was really married to that thought. And I was just like, I can't. I don't want to leave this person. Because I was comfortable. I was like, in a life that I enjoyed everything around the verbal. The negative verbal stuff was great. And I was like, like everything besides it. Everything besides that.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I really enjoyed where we lived, like

[B]

all of our friends, like, nothing to do with him. Yeah.

[A]

I was just comfortable in life.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

And I didn't want to stir the pot and uproot everything over the fact that this person said things that he didn't really mean all the time.

[B]

How. When did that start?

[A]

Probably like three years in.

[B]

Oh. So not immediately. Was there signs of that before?

[A]

We had a two year long distance relationship, so there was never any room for that. And so then we started living together. But we lived. He lived in Italy and I lived in America. And so he moved over and we got married to give him a green card. And then within the year, which was the third year of like living together, it just started small. And by year seven, it was big.

[B]

Was it ever physical? No, no. Just words? Not just.

[A]

He wasn't big enough. He was my size. I would have beat the shit out of him. So he had no chance. This short king was like, me and my. I worked out every single day. I was like, bro, I'll fuck you up. But the verbal stuff still hurt my feelings. Like, sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can actually hurt me.

[B]

Like, for real, for real. There are things that I hold onto, even said in passing, that affect me more than some of the biggest and worst fights that are like, like little comments that I. That literally shaped my entire worldview and my sense of self that, like, made me afraid to make big decisions in my life that were like 20. That happened like 20 years ago. Do you know what I mean? It's like, words are so powerful. And what's interesting when I hear you say that is we are coming from the same place when I need a break. Because I know that because I've been hurt by people's words so much that I'm like, I can't trust myself to. To not say something that I don't mean. Not it's not like a. I want to hurt you, so I'm gonna, like, cut you down. It's like, I don't know how I feel. I. I'm a. I get really flooded. Like, my body floods with emotion to the point where, like, I'm a 10 or a 0 on this. On an emotional scale, there's no middle. Jonas is a five all the time. To the point where, like, when we first started dating, I was like, we would, like, a concert or something fun. I'm, like, jumping up and down. I'm like, two, like, vodka sodas in. And he's like, my DD and he's just chilling, and I'm like, what are you. Like, what's wrong? Are you mad? He's like, no, I'm just pacing myself, and I'm like, for what? Like, this is the time you should be, like, using the energy and, like, that. It, like, really hurt my feelings at first because I was like, am I not worth, like, the excitement? Like, I felt like I was, like, dragging him to these things, and he wasn't excited. And now, like, eight years into our marriage, I'm so grateful that he's steady, because, like, an hour later, I'm on his shoulder, and he's, like, carrying me through the crack, you know, Like. And I'm so grateful I have this, like, steady human being, but I am just. I get flooded with feelings and emotions. And so when we are fight. Not. We don't actually really fight that often, to be honest with you, but, like, if. If it ever does get to the point where someone hurts each someone else with their actions or just, you know, missing something, I don't know. To me, I. I care so much about words that I'm like, I want to make sure I say the exact right thing. I want to make sure I mean what I say. Yeah. And he just isn't a big talker. He's very quiet. And so when he wants to talk, it's more like, I just want to be here and listen. And I'm like, I can't. That doesn't work for me. So it's interesting because I think we're coming from the same place with that. Yeah.

[A]

Words are so easy to throw out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, like, if I wanted to be that way, I could. But then I know that I would have to apologize for that.

[B]

Yeah, you do.

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

Is it, like, a pride?

[A]

I'd rather get my fingernails pulled out, really. Bamboo shoved underneath them than.

[B]

What was the last. What was the last time you had to do, like, A full apology to somebody. I don't know.

[A]

I think I blocked it out of my mind.

[B]

You're like, I don't know. I disassociated.

[A]

So terrible having to apologize. I hate having. I just probably something to my mom. It was probably like from being frustrated about something and like just getting short tempered and then having to go to my mom and like, apologize. Luckily my mom, it's like kind of senile, so she forgets a lot.

[B]

And so luckily my mom's senile.

[A]

I don't have.

[B]

This is a wild statement. Thank God. Thank God. Honestly, she's like, wait, what are you apologizing for?

[A]

I was like, I was just saying I need to go get a manicure.

[B]

Your hands are gross, Mom. You look bad. Okay, I love that.

[A]

But I feel like. I feel like if I. If I have something to say and I hold and like, like in the heat of a moment where I could fire off all these things that I could say.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I would rather hold it in. I also am terrible at conversation. When it comes time for me to talk. Like, I'll go throughout the whole day and I'll like map out exactly how I feel. And I'm like, I'm gonna say this, this, this and this. And then I'll take a shower and I'm like. And then I'm gonna say it like this, this, and this. And then I get in front of someone and I'm like, I do you. Are you hungry?

[B]

You're like. It all goes like, what's your name again?

[A]

Yeah, I'm just like, oh. And then everything I felt, and then I feel like I processed it all so much that I'm like, you know what?

[B]

Just let go.

[A]

Yeah, this is going to be so much.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And just.

[B]

Yeah. There's a. In my book, there's a story called Everything she's ever wanted in parentheses to say, but only remembers when she's angry and taking a shower. And it's a whole conversation that happens. And it's of this person that calls me and he only ever, ever professed his love for me when I couldn't say it back ever. And it was like I wanted him so, so badly. And it. I knew he didn't actually want me, he just could not imagine me belonging to like, anybody or being with anybody else. And you realize halfway through the story that I'm. I'm having this conversation with myself. And then I'm in the shower and then it goes back to the con. Like I get soap in my eyes or something. And then it go back to the story, and it's like, I rehearse things so much, and I will, like, like, build this whole world up in my head of what happened. And then one of the lines is just like, why do I only think of these things when it doesn't matter? And I'm, like, alone. Like, I wish I could say these things in the moment. Totally. And then when I was tracking the audiobook, I realized I'm saying these things. Like, all of the things I ever wanted to say to people that I wrote in this book because I never got to say to them. I tracked it in my audiobook. I said it with my mouth and put it in, and I sound designed it and, like, edited it and put it out into the world. And I was like, I got to actually do it. It was, like the craziest and most like, healing experience that I got to just, like, close that loop in so many ways. And it was really powerful for me, honestly.

[A]

What is your book called?

[B]

It's called. That's a great question. I'd love to tell you. That's what it's called. And that's cool. Yeah. But if I don't say it's called, then people will be like, what's your book name? And they're like, that's a great question. I'd love to tell you. No, that's the title.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What is it about?

[B]

So it's short stories and poems and illustrations about my life. It's not like a memoir or a biography, but it's essentially a really artistic and creative way to share all of those little moments that kind of like what we were saying, where it's like a little passing comment could end up shaping your entire worldview. That was what it was. It's not a lot of those big moments in my life, and it. It kind of seems like random. And then once I meet Jonas in the book, everything kind of starts becoming chronological after that, which is cool, because when you meet the person that you want to actually spend the rest of your life with, they kind of help untangle all of those little things, and you start to make sense of all of them. And so, yeah, honestly, it's the coolest thing I've ever made. I'm really, really, really excited and proud about it.

[A]

When did you release it?

[B]

October.

[A]

Oh, so it's like, fairly recent?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Well, congratulations.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

What is a comment that shaped your world?

[B]

Well, I mean, the very first thing that came to mind is not going to be very deep, but it really impacted me was I had a boyfriend in high school who was on the phone, and his sister moved out. She was in college, left all these clothes behind and they were going to donate them. And his mom was like, do you want to try on any of these. My daughter's clothes that we're going to donate? I'm like, yeah. She had this bathing suit. And I was. And this girl, I, like, looked up to her. She was so cool. You know, she's in college and, like, was my brother's best friend, and so I just thought she was so cool. And so she had this. This cool bathing suit. I put it on, and he's on the phone. I go. And I'm like, this is cool. I was like, I look so hot. It's a red bikini. I was like, I look so hot. Not even talking to me on the phone. He goes, why are they uneven? He's like, why is one lower than, like, my boobs? And I was like, I never, ever, ever, like, felt comfortable with my body ever again. I. I think about it to this day, like. But it's those things that, like, I'm like, you weren't even talking to me. You were so on the phone with someone else. So casually cruel, like, to comment. Make that comment, which. It just. It really. I was not aware that that was not normal. And I mean, it is. It's so common. But, like, that comment made me immediately just, like, self conscious. And so it's like those kinds of things that just end up shaping the way I was comfortable in my skin for the next 20 years of my life. Like, it was. It was wild. Not 2015.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm like, how long have I been out of high school? Yeah. Anyways. Yeah, it was wild.

[A]

I was, I was. Whenever I was doing standup, I was having a conversation with a really close friend of mine, and I was like, you know, I feel like I've, like, really lost my funny. Like, I just. I can't find my funny. And I. And I was like, so serious. In conversations lately.

[B]

Did it have anything to do with postpartum at all or.

[A]

No, this was before I had kids.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And so I was like, in this moment, and I was just talking to her and she was like, well, you look really good. Have you been dieting or anything? And I was like, yeah, of course. I'm like, always on keto. It's like one thing that makes me feel great. And she goes, well, the first thing you lose on a diet is your personality. And I was like, let's Go have pizza.

[B]

She's like, so you're like, so you agree I'm not funny?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm like, that's like. I wasn't actually looking for you to agree with me. Oh, God.

[A]

My. My God.

[B]

Did you get pizza for sure.

[A]

I was like, why are we having coffee and giving me so much adrenaline? I'm like, let's go eat some shit food.

[B]

I love that for you.

[A]

And then I. I, like, found my funny shortly after I stopped dieting. And so then ever since then, if I feel like I've lost my funny, I eat something really unhealthy and it somehow helps.

[B]

I love that so much. I just like eating unhealthy foods all the time. I don't actually. The term unhealthy is like, wild to me because it's like, what, Healthy? What does that mean? Like, if it's good for me because it makes me funny and happy, it's great. That's a very healthy behavior, like for me. Taco Bell at 2 in the morning? Exclusively. Like, a little high and a little drunk. Like in my bed watching reality TV with Jonas. Yeah, very healthy behavior because it makes me very happy.

[A]

What's your favorite fast food twist?

[B]

I don't know your favorite fast food, Honestly, either Taco Bell or. Or like a. We. We have a, like, raising. Do you guys have raising canes? We do, yeah. Yeah, I love raising canes. Or like, Chipotle is a good one. I don't know if Chipotle is fast food. You can't get it delivered or a drive through.

[A]

Remember that little piece of cilantro? I was Chipotle.

[B]

I live for Chipotle.

[A]

I eat Chipotle so much.

[B]

I live for it.

[A]

It's ridiculous.

[B]

It's amazing. It's good quality. You can get a bunch of, like, meat and protein and vegetables.

[A]

Extra steak.

[B]

Oh, double steak for sure. What's your order? What's your order?

[A]

At Chipotle, I get white rice, black beans, double steak, sour cream and cheese, and the green sauce on the side because I like to put it on myself.

[B]

I do a base of fajita veggies. No rice or beans, double steak, cheese, corn, salsa, lettuce, guacamole, sour cream. And then the mild and the hot, the hottest salsa.

[A]

Add a tortilla, you got a fajita.

[B]

Love it. I love fajitas.

[A]

I do too.

[B]

What's your least favorite fast food?

[A]

Oh, hold on. It's gonna come to me. I gotta think of all the fast foods that I don't like. Probably Like Burger King.

[B]

Oh, have you had it recently?

[A]

No.

[B]

It's so good.

[A]

No. What do you mean? It's my least favorite.

[B]

It's so good. The flame grilled. Like, it's so yummy for me to have a burger.

[A]

It's gotta be like Shake Shack. Shack.

[B]

I don't like Shake Shack.

[A]

What the heck? Why?

[B]

It's. Do you like Culver? Have you ever been to Culver's? Do you have Culver's here? Okay.

[A]

Do we have that here? Oh, yeah. Is it a burger place?

[B]

Culver's is Culver's with cheese curds.

[A]

Culver's. Where's the cheese curds? It's south of here.

[B]

It's so good. Dude, it's me. Zero, go and get a double. They're called butter burgers. My mouth is literally watering talking about this.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. It's called a butter burger. They're not like, smash burgers, I don't think. Right, right.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, they're not. No, no, no. They're like normal patties. You have a bacon. Do you like bacon?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. A little bacon cheeseburger and then a side of cheese curds.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Hold on. What's it called?

[B]

She's like, Culver's.

[A]

Culver's.

[B]

And so then. And then they have these things called concretes. So it's like a. Have you heard of Freddy's? So it's like a custard based. Like, you can make. It's like a Dairy Queen, but custard based. And so you. I get a vanilla base, double Butterfinger and double Heath. Like, mix in that. And then. Oh, and get kids meals. You get a free scoop of ice cream with it. And you can redeem it at the same time. So my kids get a whole.

[A]

Like, they're showing me on this screen.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

What is this place called? Concretes.

[B]

These are concretes at Culver's? Yeah.

[A]

Oh, it's at Culver's.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Oh, dude, this seems like a competitor for Shake Shack.

[B]

It's not. I don't think that they're in the same realm.

[A]

It's more like a Dairy Queen.

[B]

Yeah, It's a way better Dairy Queen. Yeah.

[A]

I'm gonna have to try.

[B]

Shake Shack is like a competition for In n out.

[A]

I think that would make me pretty funny.

[B]

It would make you very funny. Yeah. Yeah. It's the funniest. Yeah. I go twice a week.

[A]

The next day, I feel like I'm losing my personality.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm gonna go to Culver's.

[B]

I love It Anytime, ever. So I. When I was little, my mom would celebrate me going to the doctors by getting me a chocolate milkshake after because I'm so terrified of the doctors. So now when I. When I was pregnant, after all of my OB appointments, I would go to Culver's and get myself a concrete.

[A]

Yum.

[B]

And then I would do the cheese curds and dip the cheese curds.

[A]

That is such a pregnancy thing.

[B]

I know. No, I would. I would throw the cheese curd in the concrete and then I would scoop it back out with it, and I would just sit in the parking lot and I'm like, I did it. I went to my doctor's appointment and then I. Yeah, I loved it. It was amaz.

[A]

I like to get cheese, and I'll shred this cheese and I will fry it over the stove to make, like a cheese crisp. And then I put pickle spears in it, and then I roll it and then I eat it like that. And it's like this salty, cheesy, pickly thing.

[B]

I do that with breakfast burritos. I make the same cheese crispy, but then I put my breakfast burrito and roll it up.

[A]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

It's really good.

[A]

That sounds so good.

[B]

That's so good. I mainly eat lower carb and do keto, and so I do all those little tricks. Yeah.

[A]

Dude, I could talk about this all day.

[B]

I know. Same. We probably don't have all day, though. We don't.

[A]

You only have five minutes.

[B]

Damn it.

[A]

Well, very quickly, in like 30 seconds or so. How did your man propose to you?

[B]

He. He took. So I had. I moved to Omaha on a Friday, and on a month, that Monday, he was. He proposed to me.

[A]

How. Wait, so you went to Omaha? How long were you there?

[B]

I was. So I moved on a Friday, and then the Monday, I. He proposed to me.

[A]

But wait, you had to go out there just to visit first, right?

[B]

Oh, yeah. I visited him while we were dating long distance. So in Tex. From Texas. I took a couple road trips up and spent the weekend with him.

[A]

So you had been there a few times?

[B]

A couple times, yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. I quit school because I hated it. I'm really bad at school. I don't have a degree. I'm really, really bad at school. Turns out I'm not actually a bad learner. I'm just bad in classrooms. So I'm self teaching now, and it's really fun. But I decided to stop doing school, move to Omaha on a Friday. The Monday he picks me up because I Love a good like sunrise. And I. When I tell you people, like I know people lie and say I wasn't really expecting it. I really, really was not. I thought he would want me to be there because we had talked about me living there for like six months just to make sure. Because we had never dated in person. Like we have never been together. Only on trips, you know, like total grand total of like a week and a half spent together in person. And one of those weeks basically was like me in Kansas before we were dating. Yeah, but we just knew, I guess. And so not I guess. We just kn. Period. And so when I moved up there, he was like, let's go watch the sunrise. I had. Oh, he goes where he says something. Oh, wear something like warm because it's gonna be really cold out. I was okay. So I sent a picture of my outfit and he's like, not that I'm wearing. I'm basically matching you. And I was like, oh, so he hates my clothes. Like in my mind I'm like, so he doesn't like my clothes. Like, which is. Cause all my shit was vacuum sealed in my bag.

[A]

He should have picked something else to

[B]

wear and set that exactly. I'm like, why wouldn't you just change and be like, you look looks stunning.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Because also I have no other options. Everything is packed away. And I was like staying. I know. He, he was just out of his mind. So nervous. Like I think that he wasn't thinking.

[A]

He's like, I can't change my outfit.

[B]

No. He's like, this is the outfit I literally can't change. Oh my gosh. Looking back, the whole day was like, that's how it should have happened. But it's so very much us. So he like shows up with these flowers and I'm like, I love flowers. And I thought it was like a welcome to Omaha. Cause I was staying with a. His. One of his friend's parents. Like my house wasn't going to be ready until like the next day or the next week picks me up. He's like, I want to take you to this fountain. Cuz he kept talking this fountain up in Omaha. It's like so beautiful and sunrise. And he's like trying to beat the sunrise. And I'm like talking to him and chatting and he's like ignoring me. And he's like not. And I'm like, this is mind you. I just moved. And I'm like, whoa, this was a big mistake. Like he doesn't actually. I was like, maybe he feels like I Invited myself here. And I don't really. You know what I mean? Like, maybe he doesn't. He's not happy I'm here. He's just trying to, like, think about the fact that he's proposing we show up. He can't find this fountain. He, like, forgets where it is. He parks really far away. He's, like, rushing me. I can. I thought we were just trying to find the sunrise. I can see it. You look up and we're looking. Like, we don't need to be at this fountain to be at the sunrise. We finally get there, it's off. The fountain's off.

[A]

No.

[B]

So you're standing there, and I'm like, but it was beautiful. I can show you later this photo of, like, the. We were at this water, and because the fountain was off, it was completely, like, glass still. And the sky was insane. Like, these clouds that were so bubbly and like. And then the complete direct, like, mirror image into the water. It was like, the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen that I couldn't stop looking at it. And I was like, wow. And so then I was trying to make him feel better. Cause clearly he was disappointed this fountain wasn't on. So I was, like, trying to be like, wow. Like, it's so beautif.

[A]

Beautiful.

[B]

And he's like, I love you, Elise. And I was like, I love you too. Like, what? Like, really, I'm so grateful. And he's like, no. Like, I love you. And I was like, I love. Yeah, I get it. I love you too.

[A]

You're like, I just moved here.

[B]

I get it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And anyways. And so finally, he turns around and he's, like, on his knee, but he's in. This whole. This whole sidewalk is covered. Coated in goose shit. Like, so much goose poop everywhere. And he's in. He's kneeling in goose poop. And I'm all. I am. Like, I thought he was, like, tying his shoes or something. And I was like, get. You're on, like, goose poop. And he's like, no, no, no. Like, will you marry me? And then I said, are you making fun of me? And then he goes, no, I love you. And then I go, I'm gonna throw up. So I never said yes. I just put the ring on. And then as we were walking away, he's like, to clarify, like, this is to be married. Like, you wanna marry me? I was like, yeah, sorry. Sorry. Yeah. And then we ended up walking back. And then the whole morning, I then was just, like, doing the dissecting. Thing of, like. So you're not mad at me? Like, you're. You're like, you don't like. You like my clothes? Like, it was just a lot of like, he's like, I'm sorry.

[A]

Like, I was so overstimulated.

[B]

Talk about. I was flooded. Like, and then I. And then I was like, so you don't. Like, you didn't want to look at the sunrise? I just was really confused. And also, I was. Yeah, I was nervous. And I was also, like, 22 and just a baby. Like, both of us were like, had no idea what was going on, but we just knew we really liked each other to the point where we're like, let's hang out forever.

[A]

That's cool.

[B]

It was cool. It was like, the coolest day. Yeah.

[A]

That's amazing.

[B]

It was amazing.

[A]

Thank you for coming on my show.

[B]

Thank you for having me. This was fun.

[A]

I would talk to you longer.

[B]

No, I know.

[A]

Me too. I think you have a flight to catch.

[B]

Sort of. Not really. Yeah, we're going to a South by thing I keep.

[A]

I'm getting like, a countdown, so.

[B]

Love. Okay, bye.

[A]

Where can people find you very quickly?

[B]

All socials. Elise Meyers. You can Google me. I'm a New York Times bestseller. And you'll figure it out. You can find me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Cool. All right, you guys. Thank you for tuning in to another episode of First Date. We will see you next time. First Date. Baby, are you really drinking a glass of milk with dinner? First date. I can't wait. You told your mom about me. Delete my number. First date, your parents are your roommate. First day.