The Most Wholesome Australian w/ James Donald Forbes McCann | First Date with Lauren Compton

Summary

---

Podcast Summary:

First Date with Lauren Compton — The Most Wholesome Australian w/ James Donald Forbes McCann
YMH Studios | August 26, 2025

---

Episode Overview

This episode of "First Date" features Australian comedian, writer, and poet James Donald Forbes McCann joining host Lauren Compton for a playful, candid, and insightful “first date”. The duo navigates questions about relationships, marriage, parenthood, dating habits, creative passions, and what it means to really connect with someone. With Lauren’s signature wit and James’s self-deprecating humor, the episode explores vulnerability, love, family life, and the not-so-glamorous realities of adulthood and dating—always with plenty of laughs.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Life in Austin, Parenthood, and Family Choices (00:09–08:21)

• Austin Living:
  • James describes moving to Austin for comedy, praises the comedy scene, and jokes about the oppressive Texas heat ("The heat is oppressive…there are some good things. There are some nice bookstores." — James, 01:10).
  • Both hosts discuss how the climate affects raising children and daily life.
• Parenting Real Talk:
  • James has three children (ages 6, 4, and 2), and Lauren’s son is five months old. They share the challenges of keeping kids entertained in the heat, the adventures of indoor playgrounds, and candidly recount the stages of babies learning to crawl and walk.
  • Humorous exchange about breastfeeding, attachment, and "leathery nipples" ("The nipple has changed irrevocably." — James, 05:53; "You think you go back to having sweet 16 nipples again?" — James, 05:57).

2. Marriage, Love, and Relationship Values (08:21–14:00)

• James’s Love Story:
  • Met his wife at Melbourne International Comedy Festival, where she was a "flyerer" (handing out flyers).
  • Moved together from Australia to the U.S. with their kids.
  • His wife homeschools their children due to their travel-heavy lifestyle.
  • Practicality, teamwork, and mutual support are highlighted as keys to their marriage.
• Dating Habits & Partner Qualities:
  • Jealousy discussed as a sign of care: "I'd like them to like me enough that that would be a problem, which my wife does." (12:47)
  • Lauren and James both note that comfortable companionship trumps everything.

3. Dating Red Flags, Friendship, and Love Languages (12:44–17:17, 26:50–48:01)

• Red Flags and Honest Self-Assessment:
  • James admits to not being especially tidy, once struggling with poverty, and being slow to leave relationships he doesn’t want to be in.
  • He warns against over-focusing on "types" and red flags, arguing that real relationships are built by adapting to each other, not by finding someone who ticks all the boxes ("You fall in love with someone and you make it work, you know…love should change you and have you destroy all parts of yourself that get in the way of that." – James, 42:09).
• Friend Circles:
  • James considers himself lucky to have 7–10 close friends, emphasizing the importance of friendship support systems in relationships.
• Love Languages:
  • Mainly values acts of service and quality time. Lauren resonates ("Time spent is a big one…spend a lot of time together." — James, 47:01)
  • Both discuss the meaning behind gifts and thoughtful gestures ("If you give someone a really good gift…there’s a lot of an act of service there." — Lauren, 47:40)

4. Creativity, Poetry, and Artistic Hustle (17:17–26:49)

• Poetic Side:
  • James plugs his new poetry book, Disquieting Levels of Egg.
  • Lauren reveals her own poetic past, selling her book Cases of a Poet unsuccessfully at Venice Beach ("I sold one copy…to a 10-year-old skateboarder who felt bad for me." — Lauren, 24:42).
  • They talk about overcoming embarrassment, the unpredictability of success in art, and the value of perseverance.
• Music and Rap Aspirations:
  • James recalls pitching beats to rapper Danny Brown and creating bands like “Snorty Morty and the Sporty Forty.”

5. Views on Relationships, Breaking Up, and Growing Together (29:04–52:10)

• Breaking Up:
  • James found ending relationships difficult, often waiting for an excuse rather than initiating.
  • He shares that his first real breakup in high school was devastating, showing vulnerability and the lingering impact of first loves.
• Finding the Right Match:
  • Advocates for letting love change you, ditching rigid dating checklists, and being open to unexpected connections.
  • Observes American gender role rigidity and its effects on dating and friendships.
• Marriage Realities:
  • Wedding story: Couldn’t afford a ring, used his mother’s, and proposed on steps that smelled of urine ("…they started to reek of piss. And I realized that's the student housing…" — James, 30:58).
  • Both discuss minimalist/non-traditional weddings.
  • Emphasizes that spending time together, even in mundane ways, is now the peak of romance in a busy family life ("At this point, we take great solace in just having a coffee together in the morning or watching something together in the evening." — James, 49:31).

---

Memorable Quotes

• On Parenting:
  • "Quality of life comes down once they can move, wrecks the apartment." – James (04:24)
• On Dating Qualities:
  • "I found that really helpful…to say almost nothing and that a woman has decided if she's sexually interested in you pretty quickly. You can only stuff that up by showing who you really are." – James (39:26)
• On Love and Change:
  • "Love should change you and have you destroy all parts of yourself…It's a very destructive impulse that can ruin your life…hopefully you get a new beautiful life at the end of it." – James (42:03)
• On Marriage:
  • "There’s something about saying you’re not gonna fuck other women in front of both of your families. That’s very powerful." – James (32:35)
• On Artistic Failure:
  • "I self published it. I made 500 copies…No one bought a book until the very…very end." – Lauren (25:17)
• On Romance After Kids:
  • "…just having time with the two of you to talk and be with one another, it’s important. What have you got if you don’t have that? You got nothing." – James (50:05)

---

Notable Timestamps

• 00:09 – Introduction, James arrives; joking about previous guests
• 01:08–02:24 – Austin life, heat, and parenting
• 02:29–04:03 – Raising kids; challenges with indoor playgrounds
• 05:24–06:08 – Breastfeeding mishaps and physical changes
• 07:13–08:21 – Meeting his wife, moving countries, family life
• 10:45–11:48 – Road rage and neighbor awkwardness story
• 12:44–13:07 – Jealousy in relationships
• 16:03–16:26 – Ideal first date (movies & talking after)
• 17:17–18:02 – Meat and vegetarianism philosophy
• 21:05–21:54 – Rap aspirations and musical persona
• 22:12–23:22 – Orwell’s Keep the Aspidistra Flying and poetic mediocrity
• 24:13–25:57 – Lauren’s Venice Beach poetry hustle
• 29:04–31:08 – Saying "I love you" and proposal story
• 32:35–33:09 – Reflections on wedding costs and meaning
• 39:26–40:52 – Honest dating advice: say less, let people project
• 42:03–44:06 – Cultural takes on love, types, and gender roles
• 49:31–50:05 – Sweetest marital gestures and daily meaningful time

---

Takeaways for First-Time Listeners

• This episode is packed with warmth, sharp humor, and real-life relationship wisdom.
• James and Lauren’s conversation is a reminder that healthy relationships are not about perfection or strict checklists, but partnership, growth, self-awareness, and finding joy in the everyday.
• Whether parenting stories, failed poetry sales, or deep dives on love, the chemistry and candor make this a memorable “first date”—and a celebration of all that comes with growing, loving, and learning together.

---

Transcript

[A]

I'm so excited to see you tonight. First Date, baby.

[B]

First date.

[A]

I can't wait. First date. Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of First Date. My guest today is a man of many talents. He's a writer, a comedian, and a poet. He's on tour all of the. All over the country. And you can check out his podcast. I'm gonna read this right off. James Donald Forbes Macan Catamaran plan. Make sure you write that down. Give it up for James Donald Forbes McConnell.

[B]

Hello. Oh, thank you, people behind the glass.

[A]

I'm gonna call you James from this point on.

[B]

James. Thank you for having me. This is so nice.

[A]

Yeah. Thank you for coming on my show.

[B]

I'm gonna be so much less exciting than the previous Australian you had on the show.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

I don't think I have anything like that. When he was talking about being in the pool and his willie touching an older woman, I was moved.

[A]

We all were.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Out of the pool.

[B]

I'm so dull. Anyway. No, I'll try and seem interesting.

[A]

Do you live in Austin now?

[B]

I'm in Austin, yeah.

[A]

Do you like it?

[B]

I wouldn't know. The heat is oppressive. I like many things about it. I like that there's a comedy scene where you can really work. That's super rare. There's like three cities in America and there used to be two, and now, you know, that's good. But to live, I have many complaints. Oh, there are some good things. There are some nice bookstores. There's genuine, you know. But Barnes and Noble is everywhere.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So Barnes and Noble has everything. Just about. I grapple with it. I like some things about it. You have a child now.

[A]

I do.

[B]

This is a bad city in which to raise children.

[A]

It can be.

[B]

No, I'm saying in the abstract. And for sure it is. It's. There's. Cause in the heat, there's very few places to.

[A]

You know what? That is the worst part. And I say it every morning, like a broken record. I wish it wasn't so hot. Cause I would go on a walk.

[B]

It's not possible. I've been taking my kids to indoor playgrounds. My wife has been unwell. And so I like, take the kids off for several hours in, like, one of those indoor play centers.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they're just full of kids who are too rotten to go to daycare. And they're weird and the food's bad and the air con is unsettling. It's nice to be cool, but it's.

[A]

Like, I think you can get sick. I'm sure I am on that high.

[B]

I've been on for like six, six consecutive days of going to this. I sit on a laptop, my children run around and I try and reply to emails.

[A]

How many children do you have?

[B]

I got three.

[A]

Three? How old are they?

[B]

Six, four and two.

[A]

Wow. How is it?

[B]

It's a constant state of bliss. No, it is good. I mean, it's great. I would not give any of them away and I would welcome more.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

How old are you?

[B]

I'm 33.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. Am I shit? 34.

[A]

34.

[B]

How old are you?

[A]

Is that your final answer?

[B]

It's rude. It's a lady. I don't Wanna know.

[A]

I'm 37.

[B]

No, I don't believe it.

[A]

And my child's five months old.

[B]

I do. I can believe that. That's a hard moving, crawling.

[A]

No, he's just now sitting up by himself and he can play.

[B]

Quality of life comes down once they can move, wrecks the apartment. All your low lying stuff has to go up. You can't have the quality of it.

[A]

I think it's getting better. My quality of life is getting better. Now that he can move.

[B]

You have such joy that your child can do things. But. But then the trouble. The trouble comes. I assure you, I promise you, the.

[A]

Minute they start crawling. How old are. How. When do they start crawling?

[B]

Huge variation. Some babies right to it. Motivated. Some babies are too big to crawl properly. If you got a big hefty baby.

[A]

I do have a big hefty baby.

[B]

Sometimes their weight is an encumbrance. And then when they crawl, they don't want to walk. But crawling's good. You get all the hand, eye coordination stuff. Good athlete. Okay, this is my tip, son.

[A]

But like right now I feel like. Because it doesn't matter. This isn't a podcast about my baby.

[B]

Oh, but your podcast is about things that could lead to having a child.

[A]

That is true.

[B]

This is an important part of the equation that people think, I like it.

[A]

More now that he can sit up and play with a toy and potentially fall on it so that I can go get a cup of coffee. That is good because before he was a baked potato.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I had to carry him everywhere. He would scream, cry.

[B]

Well, the attachment issues can be a problem. And when they can talk, a lot of, you know, they can really. They can. Sometimes you have to wait till 2, 3 years old until they can talk properly.

[A]

But then I don't need him to talk to me.

[B]

It's nice because then they Can. They can express the issues, you know, it's not just a random scream. And you go, what. What is that for?

[A]

I don't care if he cries.

[B]

I'm like, you got a quiet cry. No. The shrill cries of my children wound me to my soul. I just pick them up.

[A]

If I pick him up, he stops crying. I just. He just wants to be in my arms. We're learning more.

[B]

That's beautiful. But your husband, if he holds the child, does the child stop crying? Yeah, not as much.

[A]

I mean, I'm Mommy.

[B]

Have a mother.

[A]

I'm Mommy. Isn't it important you can tell that I'm Mommy. I hold him and he'll go to sleep.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I hold him and I feel.

[B]

How do I yearn to be mommy?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's just you can do so much more for the child as a mother. You've got a big milky tit that you can wedge in the mouth.

[A]

If you do that, it is one. The one boob pretty much stopped producing milk. Really? Yeah. So now I just. He lives off my left boob.

[B]

One for show, one for business.

[A]

Yeah. And it's crazy. Like, now they're, like, lopsided.

[B]

It'll. I'm sure. I'm sure they're great, but.

[A]

I just want him to go back to normal.

[B]

Never. The nipple has changed irrevocably.

[A]

No.

[B]

What, you think you go back to having sweet 16 nipples again?

[A]

No, no, no, no, no.

[B]

But that's also good. You know, the good, tough, leathery nipple. That's what a man wants. That's what I love.

[A]

No.

[B]

Oh, sad pink, flexible nipples. Gross. I like that. I like that put to use. What is the podcast about?

[A]

This podcast is about what it's like to date you.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

So let's get to it. It's been six and a half minutes.

[B]

I punch. Nah, I'm joking. I would never domestically abuse anybody. I. What's the audience for this podcast?

[A]

They're a riot.

[B]

I didn't know how dirty and nasty to go with that.

[A]

I'll start asking you questions and you answer them.

[B]

Okay, I'll do it.

[A]

How long have you been married?

[B]

About eight years. We were together for 3ish years before that.

[A]

Where did you guys meet?

[B]

We met at the Melbourne Comedy Festival. She was a flyerer. She. She was handing out flyers at a film festival.

[A]

What do you call that?

[B]

There's no good word for it, but. Flyer.

[A]

A flyer.

[B]

She was handing out flyers. Flyerer.

[A]

A flyerer.

[B]

Flyerer.

[A]

Flyerer.

[B]

A pilot. And yeah, she was handing them Out. And we met and got talking and I loved her and it was great.

[A]

Where was this?

[B]

At the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. I was doing a musical I'd written and directed and was playing piano in a musical based on the Sound of Music.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

The Sound of Nazis. It was a. Big. As big a hit as a festival show.

[A]

I would love to watch it. That sounds fun.

[B]

I think we got an audio recording. But Hitler had some great songs and. Yeah, we met there. She was from New Zealand and she moved to Adelaide to live with me. And we lived there for a while and we just. We moved here two years ago.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And.

[B]

With our children. With our three small children. What a journey.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What a time.

[A]

What does she do now?

[B]

She cares for three small children.

[A]

Yeah, I was gonna say.

[B]

Yeah, she's homeschooling. Cause we travel a lot. I try and take them with me when I can. I don't know how long this beautiful America adventure goes for. At some point they'll kick me out. I've only got a visa.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

But it's three. Well, so we'll see. But I. I got to take him to New Orleans. I got to take him to New York City.

[A]

Did you just try to say New Orleans?

[B]

New Orleans.

[A]

You tried to say it with like the New Orleans people say.

[B]

I tried to say it the way the New Orleans people say. Where are you from originally?

[A]

Dallas.

[B]

What a fine city.

[A]

I grew up in a suburb called Mesquite.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's nothing to write home about. I never go visit it. It's not cute.

[B]

You don't have family there still?

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay, well, then there's probably no good.

[A]

No. No family there.

[B]

Suburbs just means white here, doesn't it? It's like a little better section off.

[A]

Of Dallas because Dallas is like a big.

[B]

I've seen it. And you got the Fort Worth, which has its own distinct, beautiful identity.

[A]

Yeah, it's like big.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so I live in a small. I grew up in a smaller town.

[B]

So this is. So you followed the path of all lesbians in Texas, which. From a big city to Austin.

[A]

Is that what lesbians do?

[B]

That seems to be what Texas lesbians get up to. I'm not saying that you are a lesbian. I'm saying that's the. That's the lesbian journey. I've seen the vegan cafes. I think this is, you know, Manhattan is a long way away. Do you know what? Yes. The gluten free cookies and all their little beautiful businesses. These. They've all done it.

[A]

They love you.

[B]

They've all done it. That's the journey they're on. They probably all come from Houston.

[A]

They all probably just came from the.

[B]

I didn't know that. Are you really from Houston? Athlete? Yeah. There you go. They're like, I gotta get out of the Woodlands immediately and have real culture in Austin. It's like, I'd be like, hot in the fucking soccer team. How good's Book People anyway? Have you been to Book People? Yeah, I don't mind it. A lot of gay trans ideology books there. It's very left wing bookstore. I go in there and it's just all books, you know what I mean? You go to Barnes and Noble, there's a book about fighting a dragon or being a princess. You go to book people and it's all books about, you know, that sort of carry on how to be trans just about. They don't come out and say it like that, but you read between the lines.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's okay to be a unicorn. Is it not in my house to be having any unicorns in the McCann family resident. I just mean that literally. Sorry, I don't mean to interrupt. We've gone for 10 minutes and you haven't started. I apologize.

[A]

No, we have.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I've learned a little bit about you, but I want to learn more. All right, so how about. Is your road rage on a scale from 1 to 10?

[B]

It's. It's a 6, 7, depending on how I'm feeling. Recently it's been worse. I recently honked. I was pulling into my. They weren't even doing anything wrong, but it was like, you know, they've constructed this thing by my house where someone that can turn in onto a Rhode island and I'm making a right so they have to wait for me. But they just kept moving a little bit. They were gonna stop for me, but they were just, like, letting me know that they could move in. And my house is here. We were both going to the same. It's my neighbor, someone who lives. I didn't register that. I didn't think. When I honk this person now, I don't even think I honked. I gave him a look. I gave him a look through the windshield like, what? What the fuck are you doing? And then we both pulled. I pulled in first, and they pulled in after me. And then I saw them park right next to where our houses are. And I had to go and do a lap of the block so I wouldn't have to encounter them because I was so ashamed for the angry look that I had given them out on the highway. That's fine. Yeah, I like a honk. I, you know, I wouldn't get into a.

[A]

Do you get jealous easily?

[B]

Do I get jealous easily? No, I respect that quality in a man. I think it's good to be. I think jealousy is a godly attribute and. But I don't know nor squeamish about things being clean. I have almost no impulse for disgust. Do you know what I mean? Maybe I'm expressing this badly, but no, I don't get especially jealous. One woman I was with had a lower sex drive and she offered me to be in an open relationship, but on one side she was like, you can go out and have the intercourse with other women and I will stay with you and you just tell me when you've done that. And I couldn't. Not once did I undertake that because I found that revolting. You want someone. I would like to be with someone who's at least a little jealous of me and who has some care about what I'm doing.

[A]

It's not like, hey, you can go out and fuck other people. It's fine, I don't care.

[B]

Yeah, I'd like them to like me enough that that would be a problem, which my wife does. That's great.

[A]

That is good. It sounds like you found someone better.

[B]

I wouldn't, you know, better is such a big. I mean, well suited. I think we're really. I don't get. We don't get. Yeah, you're with the wrong people and you have a lot of problems. Better for me, for sure.

[A]

You know, when I was younger, I dreamed big, like many of us do. But as I got older, those dreams shifted from wild ideas to something more real. Turning my skills and passions into a business like starting this podcast and launching our merch. It all felt so exciting, but also overwhelming. I worried, what if I can't build a website? What if I don't know how to find customers? Those doubts are totally normal. That's why I love Shopify. Shopify powers millions of businesses worldwide, including big names like Mattel and Gymshark. But also brands that are just getting started, like ours. We actually use Shopify to run our own merch store and it makes everything so much easier. They have beautiful ready to go website templates so you don't have to be a design expert. Need help with product photos, descriptions or discounts? Shopify's AI tools cover that. Want to grow your audience? Shopify makes email and social media campaigns simple. And if you get stuck, their award winning 247 support is always there. Turn your big business idea into With Shopify on your side. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.comdate go to shopify.comdate shopify.com Date One of the best pieces of money advice I ever got was don't wait to start investing. Just start. And that stuck with me. Getting advice is one thing, but actually putting it into practice is another. That's why I love Acorns. It makes building healthy money habits automatic. Acorns is the financial wellness app that helps you invest and save for you and your family's future and spend smarter. You can even start automatically investing with just your spare change. And Acorns puts money into an expert built portfolio. What I love about Acorns is how effortless it is. You don't have to spend a bunch of time and effort into investing. Sign up now and Acorns will boost your new account with a $5 bonus investment. Join the over 14 million all time customers who have already saved and invested over $25 billion with Acorns. Head to acorns.com for or download the Acorns app to get started. Paid non client endorsement compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns tier 2 compensation provided investing involves risk. Acorns Advisors, LLC is an SEC registered investment advisor. View important [e-mail] state what is your idea of a perfect first date?

[B]

I Gosh, it's been a long time now. I enjoy going to a movie and talking about it afterwards.

[A]

Okay. Even still today, that's if you go.

[B]

On a date with your wife, you get the time. I mean we got the three kids so now it's like we'll watch one of the new King of the Hill episodes and go, that was not as good as it used to be. That's about it. But I really. Yeah, the talking and having a nice meal.

[A]

Do you like to cook?

[B]

No, no, I don't. I've been doing breakfasts every day this week. I, you know, I've cooked other times as well, but I'm, I'm not. It's not my strength and I'm not good at it. And we, you know, when we were growing up, my brother was a very fussy eater and so we would just have like three meals but we would have like. And everyone was a vegetarian so we would. It was pasta, just about everything.

[A]

Are you a vegetarian?

[B]

No, no, I left that behind. Thank you.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

I would have been like 21 from like 9 to 21. I would have been a vegetarian. And then I didn't want to.

[A]

I don't blame you.

[B]

I think it's good to kill. I think killing fills us with a certain kind of joy that can't be found. Excuse me, I'm just having a big silly one.

[A]

No, no, But I did. This is like some crazy thing that autistic. And I'm gonna it up just like I always do when I try to like express a fact that I heard. But agriculturally, yes. A lot of animals die.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

When, like even when you're vegetarians. Are vegetarians because they don't want to kill farm life. Right. They don't want to kill.

[B]

But the number of bugs that have to be crushed and.

[A]

And squirrel. The wheat and other animals.

[B]

Yeah. I think if you're. If you're living a full permaculture lifestyle on a commune somewhere, go for it. Yeah. No, you have to.

[A]

But do you know what I'm saying?

[B]

Death is all around us. I think that's what you're saying.

[A]

I'm trying to say that vegetarians aren't not killing animals by eating vegetables.

[B]

Yeah. They're just not as directly responsible. And also. But that's true of every person trying to make their life better in some way. You know, you could. People can go, I'm not gonna. I don't. I'm gonna thrift instead of buying new clothes. So I don't have the itty bitty orphans in Indochina ruining their fingers on the loom.

[A]

Do you go thrift store shopping?

[B]

Yes, but it's because I'm poor. But I think, you know, there's moral problems with thrifting. I mean, for one thing, people who buy new clothes then feel free to buy even more clothes because they go, I can just give this to a thrift store afterwards. You're not like ending the cycle of horrible sweatshoppery by going to a thrift store. But how good to do your best. What a nice thing. I like that the vegetarians are giving it a go. I don't believe that that's a proper way to live. But. But maybe I'm wrong.

[A]

No, I agree.

[B]

Yeah. Hagrid's meat. Isn't meat nice?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Isn't it nice to think of the Indian emigre who's there in the abattoir?

[A]

What?

[B]

Hmm. No, I'm just. It's not just the animal that's suffering to get the meat to table. I mean, it's like those people who.

[A]

Have to go and do their job I believe that. I'm not gonna let that animal die in vain.

[B]

Sure you're. It's.

[A]

Yeah, he's dead. They're selling the meat. Who am I to walk past it and say die in vain?

[B]

I feel that way about child. That's a joke. I'm kidding. But they're making it. It's out there.

[A]

Okay, I see what you're saying.

[B]

I could have phrased that. I could have picked a better example. You could have picked a better example. James could have done something that wouldn't be so clippable in such an egregious fashion. Let's take that one again. How do we take that one again? I'll put the heroin in my. Wouldn't that have been better? Fuck. Thank you for having me.

[A]

Yeah. Do you have any irrational fears?

[B]

Yeah, I'm sure I do.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I'm trying to think about what they are. Drugs.

[A]

Have you ever done drugs?

[B]

I briefly. I mean not. Not illegal drugs. But there was a time when I was drinking alcohol and having codeine. It was a beautiful summer where I was doing that. It's not good for you long term and it'll. You know. But that. That was a winner. Wow. That's a. That's a good time. But I've never smoked a marijuana cigarette. But I did do alcohol and I was sipping on a scissor. Yeah. Rest in peace, Pimp C. Scared me straight.

[A]

You seem kind of gangster.

[B]

Yes. Danny Brown didn't want any of my beats, but that was fine. He was right. I tried to make rap beats for Danny Brown.

[A]

He didn't like them.

[B]

He laughed. Rude. He didn't want to use them. No, no. He was. He was good natured and he was really kind about it. But you know, I'm gonna work harder on making beats.

[A]

Do you take it seriously?

[B]

Music making? Very much so.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What's your music name?

[B]

I got a couple. Mr. Very good rapper Snorty Morty and the Sporty 40. That was a short lived band where I wanted to get 40 guys dressed as tennis athletes while I had something that looked like cocaine covering my face. I would be Snorty Morty. Snorty Morty. Anyway, that one never got off the ground. I just released the EP the James McCann Orchestra. The James Donald Forbes McCann Orchestra. Currently just my own name. Sometimes I wish we were a catamaran. Out now on all digital platforms. It's like 14 songs.

[A]

What was the last good book you read? Since you're going to bookstores all the time.

[B]

It's a great question. The last One that really. It's been a while since one really got to me. But I keep the Aspidistra flying. I audio booked it.

[A]

I'm sorry.

[B]

It's by George Orwell. It's George Orwell, Keep the Aspidistra Flying. It's not as well known as Animal farm or like 1984. The Epidestra Aspidistra. I might be getting that wrong. Am I getting that? I might be getting that wrong? But it's about. It's a kind of plant that working class people had in England. And there's a guy who doesn't want to be a working class man. He wants to be like a poet, and he's not a good poet. And he, you know, his girlfriend. He never has money and no one wants his poems. He. He works in a crappy bookstore for not enough money to get by. And I had to drop a spoiler on the ending. But he. He thinks it would be weak and wrong to pull out during sex intercourse. When he finally does get to go to bed with his lady and she becomes pregnant and he goes, right, fuck it, I'll just be a middle class. I'll just. I'll go and get a good job at a copywriting agency and I'll get the plant that everybody has and I will be a boring bougie person. It's kind of an optimistic ending that you can be a boring. You can live a very boring normie life and still be fulfilled working for your family.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. And also that condoms are gross and pulling out is always wrong. That's the other big part of the novel that people don't talk about as much.

[A]

So you're a poet.

[B]

New book of poetry at Now. Disquieting levels of egg.

[A]

Disquieting.

[B]

Amazon. Disquieting levels of egg. That's my new book of poems.

[A]

You know, I'm a poet too.

[B]

Get out.

[A]

I am. I wrote a book called Cases of a Poet.

[B]

How did it sell?

[A]

I sold one copy on the Venice Boardwalk boulevard to a 10 year old skateboarder.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

Who felt bad for me.

[B]

You got to get it on Amazon.

[A]

I don't think anybody fucking cares about my book of poetry. I don't know.

[B]

You got a podcast now. People might. People would.

[A]

Oh, my gosh. I. Let me tell you about this book. So when I moved to California, I don't think I've ever. Have I ever even told anyone this? I think I've ever said this before. So when I moved, I moved from Dallas to California. When I was 18, Los Angeles. Yep.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

And the only way that my dad would help me pay for my car and I lived with my grandparents, so I moved in with my grandparents. My rent was free.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I had this car payment and I had to eat. And so my dad told me that he would help me pay for my car and my food if I went to college. So I went to a community college. I took all the fun classes. I took theater, language arts, biblical. No, wait. I took Shakespearean literature. Biblical literature and English literature.

[B]

Great. That's not piss about subjects. That's good study.

[A]

I. I liked to read. So I. In my Shakespearean literature class, we had to write poetry.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

So I started writing poetry and I started falling in love with it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Thought I was the next Shakespeare. Wrote like over 100 poems. Put it in a book. I self published it. I made 500 copies because I was like, that might not even be enough for how many I'm gonna sell when I go to the Venice boardwalk where all these hippie people walk by and buy books for $10.

[B]

Now I've been to that boardwalk. That's a scary.

[A]

I went and I didn't know you had to get a permit.

[B]

I didn't know that you had to.

[A]

Get a permit to be there. Yeah, you have to for your little tiny space.

[B]

Yeah. There's a lot of guys smoking crack out there who I don't think have a permit for that.

[A]

I didn't get a permit. But the problem is, is that when someone else came up to me and they were like, this is my spot.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm like, I thought this was like a free for all. You come, you claim your spot. And they're like, no, this is my spot. So I had to move down the boardwalk until I found a spot that no one was at. And it took me forever. And then I was there all day long for 12 hours. No one bought a book until the very. Until I was like, you got these books? Yes.

[B]

Put them on as much.

[A]

499 copies.

[B]

Merch for this show and you will.

[A]

These are the world's wor. I went back and started reading them.

[B]

That might make people want to buy more. Mine are not great. I just do it. Just persevere. It's not for us to decide what's a good poem. It's for posterity. Get them out.

[A]

They'd be fine. If you want a book, if you want a book, let me know.

[B]

Bring them in.

[A]

I'll bring em in. These people would love to see ymh can let em fly off the shelves.

[B]

I think you would sell copies of the book.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Let's find out. You'd sell some?

[A]

We'll find out.

[B]

All right.

[A]

If people will buy them, I'll bring them here.

[B]

Leave a comment below. If you would buy a comment whether it. Buy a poetry. What's the book? What's the book?

[A]

Cases of a Poet.

[B]

Cases of a Poet. I'm excited. Like to hear more. That's a better title than this. Quiet.

[A]

All right, on to more dating questions.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

How many close friends do you have?

[B]

Well, that's a good question.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Um, a lot.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You look like the kind of guy that has a lot of good friends.

[B]

I could really. I mean, there are people always say, like, oh, how many close friends do you have, really? I. I think I probably have, you know, seven, eight people that I could call in a. Maybe more. Maybe. Yeah. 10, 10 very close friends. I got a lot of other. I got a lot of friend friends, but close, close friends that I could call and talk to about anything.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I got a big, big lovely network. Isn't it nice to have friends? Is that an important dating question that's important to women to know if a man has friends?

[A]

Yeah, I think so. I think. What do you think is more important when you introduce your girlfriend to your friends or your parents or your friends?

[B]

I mean, for me, my friend, Right. If I was the heir to a fortune, it would be my parents, but I'm not. So it also depends. I mean, my. But for having a family. I mean, if you've got a family, it's very important that the family's on board with the relationship. If you're gonna. If you're gonna have kids and, you know, if it's gonna go the distance, because that's a lot of support is necessary.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Right. You need a lot of help to have kids, but. Yeah. Your parents don't have to see your partner all the time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But your friends, your friends will. No, I think friends for sure.

[A]

What, man? I had a good question about friends. Oh. How long do you wait until you say I love you? Typically, Bickley. Typically.

[B]

Oh, typically. I thought you said too bickley. I thought. I don't know that person.

[A]

Like when you're dating someone.

[B]

No, pretty. I. All the relationships I had, I didn't have that many of them, but they, you know, I. I would get bored with people very quickly. You know, you're hanging out and you're seeing each other, and then maybe by the second, third date, you go. I feel a very oppressive sense of wanting to get out of here.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And not be with you anymore. But, you know, if that didn't happen, I think, you know, within months. For my wife.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you remember where you were when you said it?

[B]

I think we were on the phone because she was in. Yeah. She would fly. She was in Melbourne and she would fly to Adelaide. This is like. I don't know what the comparable be like Austin to Florida. She was a ways away, so I.

[A]

Would say, that's a long way away.

[B]

She would fly out and I would fly out. And then in a. I don't know, like, nine months later, she came to live with me. But. So not a lot of contact time, but some phone calls.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Very quick to do it.

[A]

And how did you propose to her?

[B]

I was very. I was poorer then than I am now. I'm still very poor, so I couldn't afford a ring, but my mum owned a ring, and I scabbed the ring off my mum. And we were in New Zealand, and I asked her. I'd asked her father and her mother if that was all right, if I did that. And then I wanted to take her. There was a big butterfly exhibition, like a room in the museum that was filled with beautiful emperor butterflies. I thought that would be romantic because we were in our hometown. Anyway, it was closed. I took her to the museum and then that was closed. And then the only thing open was like, a mechatronic dinosaur thing. And that didn't seem as romantic. So I just took her for a walk outside of there. And finally I found some steps that looked quite nice. And then we got close to the steps and they. They started to reek of piss. And I realized that's the student housing and they're just pissing all over the place. But so I knelt down there and she was having a hard. She'd used her mum's. Her mum had, like, pinkish hair at the time, and she'd been using her shampoo, and it was like dye retention shampoo. So she has brown hair. But then it was weirdly pink that day. And she felt sort of weird and embarrassed about that and kept complaining about that. And I was like, don't complain about that. I'm gonna fucking propose to you. It's hard to pick the. Right. Yeah.

[A]

Did you have a big wedding?

[B]

No, we had a lot of people come. We had a lot of people come, but we didn't. A lot of favors were called in. The reception was in My parents backyard. We got the church super cheap.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, I feel like, should you even have to pay a church?

[B]

I mean, they gotta open it up. They gotta open it up. You gotta tip the boy who's helping the priest. You gotta, you know, 50 bucks or something. But no, I think the whole thing was probably under ten grand.

[A]

Yeah, that's. I mean, isn't it crazy how expensive it is to get married?

[B]

Well, we're sort. We were. We remain sort of bohemian type people, so there was no big pressure to. But like, I know a lot of people, they've expectations and family and, you know, they feel a real burden that it's a massive social faux pas not to have a beautiful sit down wedding or not to have, you know, the dress that you really. And I don't, you know, Good for them. Good for everyone who. I don't. You have a big wedding.

[A]

I have not had a wedding.

[B]

I thought you. Did you get married?

[A]

I am married. I don't even have a ring. He hasn't even proposed. We went to the clerk's office.

[B]

Well, that's better. I mean, some people do that because the. The pressure to have a big wedding is so enormous. We gotta rip it off like a band aid.

[A]

I don't really care to have a wedding.

[B]

Really. I think it's nice. I do. There's something about saying you're not gonna fuck other women in front of both of your families. That's very powerful.

[A]

I agree. Very important.

[B]

Flee from the embrace of all others is how they phrase it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's what you.

[A]

I think that we will have a wedding. But there's so many other things now.

[B]

That you have a child that you'd just be. I mean, it's Helter skelter.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Once you got a kid, it's hard to plan anything, I find.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How about a car seats?

[A]

Terrible.

[B]

I got three. We're gonna ban them. Oh, they. People. People have fewer children because of the car seats.

[A]

The car seats are actually awful.

[B]

They prevent more children than they save. That's what I've read. People decide not to have another child because they don't want to deal with a fourth car seat.

[A]

I can't. I was, I was telling everyone here in the studio, they're like, bring your son and we can watch him. But putting him in the car and driving, it's no deal. Is a nightmare. He just screams. He gets hot in there. I don't know why they haven't made one with like a little fan on the Back. Like on the back end that you can turn on so it can co them.

[B]

I bet they do. I bet Louis Vuitton. That's a beautiful.

[A]

Probably. I don't know. But the thing is just terrible.

[B]

I'm sorry.

[A]

It's okay. How. Oh, man. I need to start writing these questions.

[B]

Down because I have it.

[A]

But I have mom brain. So every time that I have like this good question, it just goes and just flies out of my head.

[B]

It's going to be a long time. It's going to be a long time for the road to normalcy. I still am waiting.

[A]

We were talking about weddings.

[B]

Yes. Good cheap wedding. I'm a big fan of good cheap wedding.

[A]

Man. I guess I'm just gonna have to revert to one of these other questions.

[B]

Oh, okay. Go for it. I'll do my best.

[A]

Do you like traveling with your kids? Not in a car. That doesn't matter.

[B]

No, I mean, even in the car. I don't mind. We just did a big road trip to. We drove to San Jose.

[A]

Does it get better as they get older in Yosemite?

[B]

Does it get. Yes. Yeah. The smallest one was the biggest problem. But we had a great. I loved it. I loved Doing a. I like. Big road trip with the family is a great. It's hard. And then I start getting angry out of nowhere. That's dangerous as a parent.

[A]

That's your road rage.

[B]

It's. It's. But even then, the car's basically. It's not hard to drive on an American freeway. You just sort of sit there doing 10 kilometers, 10 miles over the speed limit and don't worry about anything. So no one over. You know, it feels more safe that way somehow. But I don't know. We got to go to the Billy the Kid Museum in New Mexico. That was great. You get to decide what things you're gonna stop in and see. We drove past the pistachio land, the theme park. To the pistachio. That was great.

[A]

Oh, I remember.

[B]

My question's. All right, go on.

[A]

What is the most important thing to you when you're dating, like in a relationship? What is the most important thing?

[B]

What's a fantastic. No, I'm just joking. I'm just having a laugh. I'm just trying to be silly. I don't think people should have sex before they're married. The important thing with dating. What's the most important? To enjoy each other's company. Really? Maybe this is me. Maybe I'm a cantankerous person, but I would just feel so oppressed. And then like be in relationships that are dragging on and I didn't want to be in them. And I never had the. I would always yearn that the person would cheat on me so that I would have a reason to break up with them or that they would just break up with me. This was a problem that I had. It's not easy. I did not find it easy to break up with somebody, but someone you can be yourself with and not feel like you're spending energy while you're together. Do you know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah. How did you break up with people?

[B]

Oh man. Slowly. I remember one relationship I was pretty sure I wanted to break up. And then I got talked into having like a trial period and then getting back together. And then a week later it's like I still want. Just get the fuck outta here. This is dreadful. Once with a phone call, which was a mistake. We were in different cities and I didn't know how to.

[A]

Why was that a mistake?

[B]

I just. It's a good thing to do face to face. It's always hard. There's no good way to. If you're in a relationship with someone, there's no good way to break up. But.

[A]

Were these long term relationships?

[B]

Some of them, yeah. I don't think I ever had like one. I've only dated someone on a short term basis once. I think, I think every other relationship was either a one and done, you know, in and out or quite, quite long term. But I think like in terms of like a three weeker only once and I did not handle that great either. It's very awkward dating someone and having feelings and they. You know. You know what I mean? I don't know how to talk about it. Yeah, it's a hard. I found breaking out with people really difficult.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I found being broken up with. I think it only happened twice. Wow. It's not bad. Yeah. A lot of people get broken up with a lot. Twice. Once a high school girlfriend. Devastating. Devastating. Wow. It was so sad. And then the other time it was fine.

[A]

Why was it so sad?

[B]

It's first proper girlfriend. It was like your first love, you know. I was very enamored. She was a great lady. And then Adam, I mean, just, you know, high school girls breaking your heart. It's gone on to this day. No, you know what I mean? It's difficult.

[A]

What is your personal biggest red flag about you?

[B]

Oh, I think that I do that people.

[A]

You do? Yeah. What is your biggest red flag?

[B]

Fuck. There'd be a couple. I mean if I dated. I don't know. I think I'm a very different person to who I was when I started dating my wife. But if, God forbid, something were to happen and I was back on the dating scene, what about me and my personality would trouble people?

[A]

Ah.

[B]

I should think about that more. I mean.

[A]

Well, it doesn't really matter now. Is that you're married.

[B]

Well, no. And that's a joy that you don't have to do that sort of self criticism because I remember when, you know, I was dating people and you'd have to hide parts of yourself from the other person to.

[A]

Yeah. Especially like until you got them.

[B]

I mean, sometimes that's also bad. I remember, like, when I figured out how to get a one night. How to take a lady to bed that I met. The answer I found was to say almost nothing and that a woman has decided if she's sexually interested in you pretty quickly. And you can only stuff that up by showing who you really are. Who you really are is gonna be the problem because that's rare to have a soulmate you want to spend the rest of your life with. So if they can project on you, I found that really helpful.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

It's just the opposite to a good way to have a. Yeah. Healthy relationship. But I think that's the secret to actually just starting dating somebody is don't let them know at all who you are. I guess. I mean, my red flag. I. I'm not. I'm not an especially tidy person.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I'm a deeply untidy person. I mean, for a long time there would have been heaps. I'm shocked that anyone possessed interest. But I was like super poor, didn't have a car, couldn't drive until I was like 26. That probably set me back. I think it's probably important to have a car if you're on the dating scene. But I would bust to the date and man, I don't even know. I'm trying to think about it. Red flag's a tough one because people have. I hear my friends who are perpetually single talk about this all the time and there'll be things that they. Then they identify things that they know they don't like about people in general and they call a red flag. I don't think this is helpful to being in a healthy. I think there's a reason some of those people are single all the time is because they're. They're trying to find someone who fits into their category of what they want a partner to be. And that's not really how a proper relationship works. You fall in love with someone and you make it all work, you know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because you love them. But this thought of, I'm gonna get someone who does this and earns this and looks like this and doesn't do this and he won't. I don't think that's especially. I understand having some things like, oh, he's punching walls at a restaurant. That probably means he's a violent fella. But no, I think you should just take people as they are and see if you can love them. I suppose people lose the ability to fall in love as they get older. Do you think?

[A]

I really do think that people lose the ability.

[B]

People get callous, people get. They carry around a lot of their past experiences and traumas and maybe it's harder for them to really get excited about a person or picture themselves with them. I see this all the time. Where people have built a personality that's not really open to being carried away by love. There's just no room. And they have two materialistic. I don't know if that's the word, but like systematized way of thinking and acting to allow things to be love should change you and have you destroy all parts of yourself, you know, that get in the way of that. It's a very trick. It's a scary, transformative, weird, bad thing in many ways to fall in love. It's a very destructive impulse that can ruin your. What was your life. And hopefully you get a new beautiful life at the end of it. Yeah, but I think that's sort of what being in love requires.

[A]

Love does change you a lot.

[B]

It has to. And if you. If you're going, have you seen the movie the Materialist? I hated it. But. And they're also attacking this. I just thought it was a really bad movie. But yeah, you. You can't, you can't. First of all, I don't think you should have a type. No one should think they have a type. Because a type is. There's an Amos Gilbert. It's a great bit, but it's true. It's a type is everyone that it hasn't worked out with in the past. If you're like, ah, this is my type, leggy blonde, pointing in the abstract. I'm pointing at you. I'm sure you've got great legs. Can't see them. There's a table. But, you know, maybe it doesn't. And it hasn't never worked out. I don't know. I find a lot this is an American problem. More so than I noticed. The genders here are not great at treating each other like people. Is that. Do you know what I'm saying? No Cross friendship. Friendships with men and women are not thoroughly common.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I find that men and women don't really. It's quite. It's not expected that your romantic partner will be your best friend necessarily. She's in woman world and you're in man world and you come together to make that work there. But still, she's got all the woman friends over here and you got all the man friends there, and some of that's good, but it's like people are really playing a. You have a very strong sense of gender roles in America. A woman should look like this, a man should look like that. And they're very restrictive. And I think that's why so many little boys are trying to chop their dicks off. Because what is a man is so limiting. And what is a woman is very limiting. Excuse me, I've gone off on a tangent.

[A]

So what was your red flag?

[B]

Probably that I say things like this and I have to hide that from someone on a date. In case that turns them off, you shut up and go, I like that band too. Yeah, great.

[A]

What is. So what is your biggest red flag?

[B]

In someone else or in you?

[A]

Ding dong.

[B]

I mean, I'm a very strange person. I don't know what to.

[A]

You don't know?

[B]

I mean, I know there's a lot of. That last Aussie you had on the show who was like, everybody wants to fuck me. Why do they all want to fuck you? I can say confidently that I'm giving out. A lot of, you know, people do not typically, I think, want to fuck me. And that's great. That makes being married a lot easier.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But if I look at my Instagram DMs, it's all men or women going, my husband thinks the world of you. It's nice. No one is going like, come over. Go get over here. Put it. Shove it right in me. They don't do that to me. I don't know what I'm giving out, but I'm happy to be giving that out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. So would be nice to have a few more birds trying that I could reject.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But there we go. I'm a burly man's man. I honestly don't. I don't know.

[A]

Do you like to drink?

[B]

Sure.

[A]

What do you like to drink?

[B]

These are the sorts of things. These are the sorts of things that are effects. I like two to three beers in the evening or a white wine. Red wine gives me a headache. Or if I'm having a bad time, I'll hit the dark liquor.

[A]

Oh. Like whiskey.

[B]

Whiskey. Whiskey's a lovely thing to have. Or with friends, but. Yeah, just not. I don't have the constitution. I see all these men who can really put them back. Really? You go ahead. Some of the comics, they really.

[A]

They know how to put them down.

[B]

They don't really drink. And I get very sleepy.

[A]

I do, too.

[B]

Yeah. I have three drinks and I'm really. I've had about enough.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

What is.

[B]

I vomit in the front yard if I. If I mix them up. Hasn't happened in a while. I've been very cautious, but certainly my wife will go, don't drink red wine.

[A]

Would you consider yourself romantic?

[B]

Uh, I think these are hard. These are too hard. I don't think I would be described as being romantic. Maybe I feel romantic.

[A]

What is your love language?

[B]

Acts of service.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

Yeah. Love. Time spent. That's probably time spent. I like spending. I get very. You know, I think codependency is great and more people should.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you do.

[B]

You're living life as a team.

[A]

I'm super codependent.

[B]

Time span is a big one. Spend a lot of time together.

[A]

I'm the. I think I'm all of them.

[B]

Yeah. I'm not opposed to a couple of words of affirmation.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Gift giving.

[B]

Who doesn't like a gift gift? You know, sometimes it's. Do a little active service, do a little giving.

[A]

I think it's crazy when someone can pick just one.

[B]

There are some people for whom when you give them a gift, they. I've seen it transform people. You love getting a gift that much?

[A]

I love it.

[B]

Well, now's a good time to tell you that I've actually brought you this beautiful nicotine patch.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I will need that later on.

[A]

No, I. I feel like gifts take so much thought. If you give someone a really good gift.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You have to work for it. So it takes your time, takes your money, and it takes thought. And you have to like. And you give it to someone that you care about. And I think there's a lot of an act of service sort of there.

[B]

I mean, it's. All of them are basically showing that someone cares.

[A]

Cares for you.

[B]

Cares about you.

[A]

Yeah. What is the sweetest thing your wife has ever done for you? Is she romantic? This is my last question.

[B]

Is she romantic? Yeah. I mean, we used to. I think it's Hard within. Within the. Here's what our life has been like for the last couple of years is we had three tiny children and the. The baby was. He was not yet one when we came to America. And then we just sort of. We had to move around a lot to figure out how to make it work financially. And we landed in Austin and that's been much more stable. But even so, it's like I'm traveling a lot. This. I feel as though this is a weird time in our marriage and life where she. She doesn't drive, doesn't have like. It's quite hard to make a new network and community and fall into that. And we have so little time for one another so that, you know, when we are doing something romantic and nice, it really, at this point we take great solace in just having a coffee together in the morning or watching something together in the evening. Just like spending. Resisting the urge to go to sleep and to spend a little time with one another.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's the sweetest thing we get to do for each other at the moment. And those are the most beautiful parts of my day.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Other than the time spent with children or crushing it on stage. So many tour dates on sale right now right across America. It's. I think there will be time for it. I know people who like get a date night all the time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that's great. I would love to have a date night and I've got to take my wife on a couple of dates in America, but not a lot, but that, you know, just having time with the two of you to talk and be.

[A]

With one another, it's important.

[B]

Wow. What have you got if you don't have that? You got nothing in the relationship. You don't want to become a stranger to one another. And we're not even close. That's nice. I know a lot of people that have kids and the man has to work a lot. And then they, you know, you grow further and further removed. You have two separate lives that grow up and then 30, 40 years, you go, what do we. Even then you have a late stage divorce in your 60s.

[A]

It's terrible.

[B]

Seems disgusting. Seems like a huge waste of everybody's time and effort.

[A]

It really does just make it work. You're 60. Anyway.

[B]

Death is around the corner. What sort of life do you think you're gonna.

[A]

Anyway, Death is everywhere.

[B]

The time for that was in your 40s.

[A]

For real?

[B]

100%, you know, excuse me.

[A]

It's true. I've already been divorced. It's not that Fun. It doesn't seem great, and what's out there isn't any fucking better.

[B]

That is a nice. I remember having that as a realization when thinking about, like, if I had a new relationship and it was great, you'd get back to here, you know, and here can be great. You get older, you get older, you grow together. Big fan. Yeah, big fan.

[A]

I'm a big fan of growing together.

[B]

But I don't like being a wife. I don't talk about. This is. I mean, I'm. I feel odd. I had a lot of big pauses on this podcast, I feel. Cause I don't. There are men who traffic in having a wife and how close they are and how beautiful their relationship is, and that makes them seem like a sweet, nice person. And it's almost always a big lie. And he's fucking the producer. He's got the producer bent over the buttons. Do you know what I'm saying?

[A]

We hear you. Well, James. Where can people find you?

[B]

Are we done?

[A]

We're done.

[B]

All right. I'm saying that's bad, and I don't want to be that person. I'm saying. So I feel bad even saying that I have a wife. I want to keep it all hidden. I want people to just regard me as a bad boy.

[A]

You're not a bad boy.

[B]

Party's hard. Tells it like it is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm on the Instagram dfmcann. So many tour dates. New comedy special. It's called Black Israelitin.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

All about black America and the state of Israel.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's a great time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And disquieting levels of egg potentially out now. Get your book of poems out there, people. Can't wait. I've gone on for so long. This is meant to be a half hour podcast. You've been very good for having me here.

[A]

It's okay. I liked it. Thank you for coming on my show.

[B]

Thank you for having me, and thank.

[A]

You guys for tuning in to another wonderful episode. We'll see you next time. First date. Baby, are you really drinking a glass of milk with dinner? First date. I can't wait. You told your mom about me? Just say, ready? Delete my number. First date. Your parents are your roommate. First date.