Timmy No Brakes: Jacket Stays On | First Date with Lauren Compton

Summary

Podcast Summary

Podcast: First Date with Lauren Compton
Host: Lauren Compton (YMH Studios)
Guest: Timmy No Brakes (Comedian & Kill Tony Golden Ticket Winner)
Episode Title: Timmy No Brakes: Jacket Stays On
Release Date: September 9, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode of First Date with Lauren Compton features comedian Timmy No Brakes, known for his wild, unfiltered humor and viral moments as a Kill Tony “Golden Ticket” winner. The podcast playfully simulates a first date, with Lauren using her signature quick wit to probe Timmy’s red flags, romantic history, and philosophy on dating. The episode is lively, irreverent, and peppered with bold banter, self-deprecating jokes, and sardonic observations on love, sex, and the modern dating landscape.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. "Golden Ticket" & Comedy Roots [00:34–02:47]

• Timmy’s Background: Timmy explains how he became a “Golden Ticket” winner on Kill Tony—a prestigious recurring guest status on the live podcast.
  • “It’s this homosexual show that I got on...I didn’t know it was gay, but I did it...And then he had me back on there. I thought it was to fuck me and I was like, I don’t want to.” – Timmy [01:27]
  • Explains perks: lifetime access unless revoked (“If anybody tries to take my fucking golden ticket, I’m gonna, boom, shoot him in the face. Cut that. Let’s take that part out.” – Timmy [02:49])
  • Comedy room slang: "Knock the place off," meaning killing onstage.

2. Dating Status & Polyamory [03:10–04:08, 37:18–38:23]

• Timmy is single and self-identified polyamorous:
  • “I’m poly...if you’re the guy, you can have sex with as many people as you want. And then the woman is monogamous...That’s kind of like what I do.” – Timmy [03:20]
  • Lauren questions whether women agree to that; Timmy admits it sometimes doesn’t go as planned.
  • “Right now, solo. Right now, you don’t have anybody?” – Lauren [38:20]
  • “Nobody. So is it just 0 to 5 real quick? ...Once you have—like, when you are with somebody who is absolutely in love with you, it supercharges your confidence...” – Timmy [38:23]

3. First Date Preferences & Where Timmy Meets Women [04:38–06:26, 16:21–17:17]

• Ideal First Date:
  • “I want to go to Dave and Buster’s and I want to meet Dave and then bust.” – Timmy [04:43]
  • Loves competitive activities, Dance Dance Revolution.
• Where He Meets Dates:
  • Claims to use Blacked (a joke referencing a porn site and not a real dating app), "Asian with a Z," Hinge.
  • Describes infiltrating niche dating apps for fun.
• Who Pays on First Dates:
  • “Woman, I think. Well, I get asked out. I’ve never asked.” – Timmy [16:21]

4. Bad Habits & Personal Quirks [06:26–07:33, 29:53–30:43]

• Bad Habits:
  • “I come very fast; that’s a bad habit I’m trying to work on.” – Timmy [06:29]
  • Admits to road rage and doing cocaine before dates: “I literally did cocaine right before this, so I don’t know what you...” – Timmy [07:16]
  • “I meditate a lot. I’m a very calm person.” (contradictory, highlighting his wild energy) [07:31]
• Turn-offs:
  • “If she had bad breath, I think that would kind of turn me off...” [29:53]
  • Excessive farting, lack of ambition, or not finding him funny: “I think her not finding me funny...that would be a big turn off for me.” [30:43]

5. Dream Analysis & Lucid Dreaming [07:33–10:22]

• Discussing dreams and lucid dreaming:
  • Lauren shares recurring nightmares (“I’m always running away from something, but I can’t run fast enough.” – Lauren [07:52]).
  • Timmy interprets it as shopping addiction, then suggests deeper meanings.
  • Timmy’s dream: “I was a rabbit...running from a bear...” [09:24]
  • Lauren playfully analyzes: “You have to stop running from your fears.” [10:14]

6. Sexual Preferences, Taboos & Porn [12:24–13:20, 31:49–32:13]

• Discussion of porn genres and turn-ons/offs.
  • “Do you watch pornography?” – Timmy [12:25]
  • “My mom was telling me she didn’t like missionary...she’s like, I’m a doggy style gal. Which is very invasive.” – Timmy [13:01]
• Turn-off in bed:
  • “I think when she’s like, ‘Put it in my butt,’ that just weirds me out, you know? Cuz, like, poop comes out of there.” – Timmy [31:53]
  • Lauren: “It’s nice to hear a guy not be into anal.” [32:05]

7. OnlyFans, Playboy & Sex Work [19:08–24:18]

• Lauren’s history as a Playboy model and brief stint on OnlyFans:
  • “I was a Playboy model. I was a Playmate.” – Lauren [20:49]
  • Explains distinctions: Playboy vs Hustler and Penthouse (“Hustler is, like, spreading spread eagle...” – Lauren [21:25])
  • Discusses how she ended up doing Playboy: “It was a dare...cattle call in San Diego.” – Lauren [23:27]
• Timmy’s relationships with sex workers:
  • “I got jealous one time because I dated a prostitute...” – Timmy [17:21]

8. Attachment Styles & Emotional Openness [36:41–37:18]

• Exploring emotional tendencies:
  • Lauren: “I’m super clingy...more anxious.” [36:39]
  • Timmy: Told he is "avoidant," gets uncomfortable when people love him—ties into polyamory.

9. Comedy, Age & Personal Claims [28:01–29:01]

• Playful, unreliable storytelling:
  • Timmy quips about being 18 (unlikely and presented as a joke), claims to have aged due to “Aegis cancer,” lampooning the seriousness (Lauren struggles to tell if he’s serious).
  • “It’s not funny to laugh at someone with cancer who’s 18.” – Timmy [28:27]

10. Romantic Gestures & Vulnerability [41:00–41:44]

• Most romantic thing done:
  • “One time I bought a girl a horse...I brought the horse into her home, and she came in and the horse fucked up everything in her home.” – Timmy [41:00]
  • Lauren: “Sounds like a really good TikTok.” [41:28]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On dating multiple women:
  “I get so much satisfaction from a woman loving me, you know, that I need to keep getting it.” – Timmy [37:49]

• On dreaming and subconscious fears:
  “You gotta stop shopping on Amazon.” – Timmy (interpreting Lauren’s dream) [08:33]

• On romantic dealbreakers:
  “I think her not finding me funny...that would be a big turn off for me.” – Timmy [30:43] “It’s like somebody saying your vagina sucks. That’s how I feel.” – Timmy [31:00]

• Lauren on her Playboy/OnlyFans history:
  “I was a Playboy model...fully nude...It was a dare.” – Lauren [20:49, 23:27]

• Playful, surreal energy:
  “I want to go to Dave and Buster’s and I want to meet Dave and then bust.” – Timmy [04:43]

• On emotional openness:
  “I think when someone doesn’t find you funny, that’s like the worst.” – Lauren [30:48]

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Important Timestamps

• 00:34–02:47 — Timmy’s intro, Kill Tony, and the “Golden Ticket”
• 03:14–04:08 — Timmy’s relationship desires and polyamory
• 04:43–05:17 — Ideal first date (Dave & Buster’s)
• 06:29–07:31 — Bad habits, including premature ejaculation and road rage
• 07:52–10:22 — Dream interpretation and lucid dreaming
• 16:21–17:17 — Who pays on a first date; where Timmy meets dates
• 17:21–18:11 — Dating a prostitute and emotional fallout
• 19:08–24:18 — Lauren’s Playboy and OnlyFans backstory
• 29:53–30:43 — Romantic dealbreakers (“icks”)
• 31:49–32:13 — Sexual turn-offs (for both)
• 36:41–37:18 — Clingy vs. avoidant attachment styles
• 41:00–41:44 — Most romantic gesture (the horse story)

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Tone and Takeaways

The episode is playfully outrageous and fast-paced, with moments of real vulnerability woven between Timmy’s permission-to-be-shameless comedic persona. Lauren keeps the conversation balanced with empathetic curiosity, sharing personal stories, and challenging Timmy to go deeper between the jokes.

• Both admit to emotional insecurities and failures in relationships.
• The banter covers a spectrum from sexual humor to genuine childhood stories, making for an unpredictable but revealing “first date.”
• The emphasis on polyamory, emotional neediness, and modern sexuality underlines a recurring theme: vulnerability and honesty—even (or especially) when swaddled in jokes.

Listeners leave with a strong sense of both the comedic extremity and the authentic, albeit quirky, layers behind the podcast’s dating-game format.

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Memorable Moment to End

“I just came.”
– Timmy No Brakes [42:01], ending the faux date with a signature absurd punchline.

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Overall:
A hilarious, raunchy, yet revealing “first date” episode that both lampoons and examines the emotional chaos of modern dating, courtesy of two uniquely candid comics.

Transcript

[A]

I'm so excited to see you tonight. First date, baby. First date. I can't wait. First date. Hello and welcome to another episode of First Date with me as your host, Lauren Compton. My next guest today is a Kill Tony golden ticket winner. He performs all over the country. He's been in some legendary rooms. You can watch his stand up literally anywhere. Give it up for Timmy. No breaks.

[B]

What's up? Make it loud. Give me some claps. Thank you. Thank you very much. It's great to be here. This is fucking sex dungeon. What is this?

[A]

No, I took all the sex.

[B]

Am I able to say fuck, by the way? Yes, fuck.

[A]

Did it feel good?

[B]

That felt good. So we're on a date. Aren't you married?

[A]

I am married.

[B]

So you're like poly or something?

[A]

No.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

But I want to find out what it's like to date you.

[B]

Oh, it's pretty good. It's pretty good. I'm hard all the time, so I'm like, good to go.

[A]

Isn't that hard?

[B]

Yeah, that's a good pun. I like what you did there. Are you a golden ticket winner?

[A]

I don't think so.

[B]

Oh, okay. Yeah. So being hot all the time, it is a little tough, but wait. Yeah.

[A]

What is a golden ticket winner?

[B]

So, golden ticket winner. There's this gay show called Kill Tony. I've kind of thought about it. I don't think y' all are supposed.

[A]

To laugh that much.

[B]

No, no, no, it's okay. So it's a. It's this homosexual show that I got on. I didn't know it was gay, but I did it. And then people liked it. And then he had me back on there. I thought it was to fuck me and I was like, I don't want to. And then it turns out wasn't to fuck me, it was to do stand up comedy. And so go on there, Rip. I'm talking. Pull the clip up. Fucking boom, boom. Punch, set up punch, back and forth. I think I hit like that many punch lines and next thing I know, this guy, this gay guy is like, hey, you are golden ticket winner. And I look at this guy. Can you believe this shit? I'm like, thanks, Willy Wonka. That's gay. And then apparently, and it's this life changing thing where you get to go on this show with a big following, you know, so I get to go on whenever I want because I have this golden ticket and just in Madison Square Garden, which is like kind of a smaller room and, you know, just knock the place off. That's an expression. In comedy, knock the place off, that means you do really well.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So I go into these rooms, I knock the place off, and just, you know.

[A]

How long do you get to hold onto this golden ticket?

[B]

Forever. Sometimes it's revoked. Actually, I think it's been revoked for some people. But if he tries to do it, I'll kill him. If anybody tries to take my fucking golden ticket, I'm going to, boom, shoot him in the face. Cut that. Let's take that part out.

[A]

Do you have a girlfriend?

[B]

No.

[A]

Do you want a girlfriend?

[B]

Desperately.

[A]

How many girlfriends do you want?

[B]

4. At the same time.

[A]

What would you do with all four of them?

[B]

Fuck them. Yeah, I'm so. I'm. I'm poly. Polyamorous. If you don't know what that is, that basically means that if you're the guy, you can have sex with as many people as you want. And then the woman is monogamous. So that's kind of like what. What I do. And so I've been operating that way for a long time. I've had multiple relationships with multiple women at the same time. But right now I'm going through a bit of a dry spell. I haven't had sex, I think, in 13. I'm just itching, you know? Itching. That's why I was excited to go on this date. And then you're unavailable, so I'm like, I'm fucking hard. What am I gonna do?

[A]

You're gonna have another. You're gonna add one hour to that routine.

[B]

Yeah, I know I gotta come, but. Yeah, tell me more about you. Or is this a one way thing?

[A]

No, it's not a one way thing. You can ask me questions, but you have to be more specific.

[B]

Yeah. Tell me about your tits.

[A]

Well, I just milked them.

[B]

Oh. If you need help.

[A]

Thank you. No, I don't want to help.

[B]

Why not?

[A]

Have you ever seen someone?

[B]

My mother, she breastfed me for a while. Like, I was conscious when she was breastfeeding me. I'm like, is this going on too long? And she's like, no, shut up and suck.

[A]

It's crazy that you could talk.

[B]

I know. I mean, my mouth was full, but let's move on.

[A]

Yeah. Where is your idea of a perfect first date?

[B]

Perfect first date? So people, like, see me and they're like, this guy likes spaghetti. He probably wants to go to like a Rao's in New York or something like that. Not true. I want to go to Dave and Buster's and I want to meet Dave and then bust. You know what I'm saying, but I want to. Before I do that, I want to play all the games. I like playing Dance Dance Revolution. I got good moves, you know, maybe I'll show you later. I don't know. And then, yeah, I like to go ideal date Dave and Dave and bust and then go home. Bust.

[A]

Lots of busting.

[B]

Yeah, big time. Buster.

[A]

Okay. And where do you typically meet girls?

[B]

So I use a couple dating apps. I use Blacked.

[A]

Blacked.

[B]

It's not funny because it's so true, but it. Sometimes when I say it, it sounds so ridiculous, you know? But, yeah, so I. So I don't discriminate. I just like a beautiful woman with a great personality. In that order. Beautiful, then great personality. And so, you know, black is a dating app for just black people. But I go on there. It's kind of like if you're on Bumble and you're a guy, but you're gay, and you say you're a girl so you can match with straight guys.

[A]

But don't you think that people on black'd are disappointed when they match with you?

[B]

Yeah, they say that. And then I win them over with my charm. I'm like, I'm white, but maybe we can make a mixed baby. And they're like, that might be fun. And so I've gone on a couple dates that way, date a few black girls. And I did Asian with a Z, which is. That's an app just for Asian people. So I infiltrated that. The only app I think I don't use is Caucasian with a Z. And then I use hinge.

[A]

Do you have any bad habits?

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Where do we start?

[B]

Where do I start? I come very fast, so that's a bad habit that I'm trying to work on. I'm not perfect, you know, I'm a good lover, but for about two to three seconds. And yeah, fast, comma, that's a bad habit. I. I also. When I'm driving my car, I sometimes have road rage. You know, if somebody. I drive a Tesla. Cyber. One of those cybers and cybers. Yeah. But that's what we call cybertrucks. Short for cybertruck is cyber. Sometimes I just call it a truck. Sometimes I call it a truck. And you sound exhausted. Is this day not going well? That's a rude thing to do. I don't understand.

[A]

Breathe.

[B]

I just. I literally did cocaine right before this, so I don't know what you. That's what I do before every date. I come, I do coke, and then I come here so, yeah, so sometimes I deal with road rage. I meditate a lot. I'm a very calm person.

[A]

Oh, no. Do you journal?

[B]

Yeah. Dream. Dream journal. Have you done it?

[A]

No. Oh, what is that?

[B]

Dream journaling is you wake up and then you write down what your dreams were.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And it's a way to lucid dream because if. Do you know what lucid dreaming is?

[A]

I know what it is, but I don't. I don't think I have lucid dreams. I have nightmares.

[B]

Oh, you do? Tell me of your nightmares. I'll tell you what they mean. I'm a dream interpreter.

[A]

I'm always running away from something, but I can't run fast enough.

[B]

Mm. So you're running away from your own.

[A]

But I'm, like, not moving. Do you know what I mean? I'm, like, running, but I'm not running fast enough.

[B]

Okay, last stream. When you were running, what were you running from? Can I guess?

[A]

No, I was in a warehouse, and there was, like, those crate boxes, like, all those wood. Like a bunch of wooden crate boxes. And I was trying to escape out of the warehouse, and I could, like, see my exit, but I couldn't get there. Okay, what's it mean?

[B]

So what that means is you gotta stop shopping on Amazon.

[A]

Fuck.

[B]

You're trying to run away from Amazon and the temptation to buy things impulsively, and you're addicted to it. What's the last thing you bought on Amazon?

[A]

A Baby Walker.

[B]

Okay, maybe stick. Yeah, that seems good. You have a baby, right? Maybe that dream meant something else. Did you ever work in a warehouse? Did you ever do something bad in a warehouse?

[A]

No.

[B]

You ever kill a man in a warehouse?

[A]

No.

[B]

You ever been to a men's warehouse?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay, that's it. You're a woman. Stop going to men's warehouse. You're running away from the fear that you're a man. Oh, that's one possibility. I think it's the top one that we have right now.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

What was the last dream you had?

[B]

Last dream I had was I was a rabbit. And I was running through a prairie. You know, prairie rabbit. And I was running really fast. I was running from something. I think it was a bear or something like that. And I couldn't get away. And I ended up doing some research with grok, which is an AI search. Grok is the best. And, you know, I was typing in things like, what's the biggest dick? And, like, you know, fun stuff. And then I was like, oh, I had this dream and it came back to me. I asked what it meant, and it meant that in a past life, I was a rabbit and I was afraid of bears. So it's literal.

[A]

Too literal? Yeah, it's so literal. It's. See, I wouldn't have interpreted your dream like that.

[B]

How would you. How would you do it?

[A]

I would say that you have to stop running from your fears.

[B]

I'm literally not afraid of anything. That's the craziest shit I've ever heard in my life.

[A]

You're not afraid of bears?

[B]

No.

[A]

Everyone is afraid of bears.

[B]

Literally. I fought a bear. Fucking one. One hit knockout.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Have you ever seen the Revenant?

[A]

No.

[B]

That's insane.

[A]

Wait, is that with Leonardo DiCaprio?

[B]

Yeah. He gets up by a bear.

[A]

I have seen it.

[B]

Oh, you have?

[A]

I have seen it.

[B]

Yeah. It's not a memorable movie.

[A]

Forget it.

[B]

Wow. You didn't like it?

[A]

I don't really like Leonardo DiCaprio.

[B]

Why? What's your problem with Leo?

[A]

He just gets on my nerves.

[B]

Yeah. He's just the best actor of all time.

[A]

Is he?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You think?

[B]

Do you act?

[A]

Not much.

[B]

Give me any character right now. I act all the time. I can do any. I can act like I'm having fun. I can act like I'm having a fun.

[A]

Hannah Montana.

[B]

Oh, what's up? My name is Hannah Montana. So that's like.

[A]

That's accurate.

[B]

Yeah, that's. That's kind of. That's probably my best. My best one. I play a good woman.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Does anyone ever tell you that you look like someone else? Like a celebrity?

[B]

Yeah. Jason Biggs. What were you gonna say?

[A]

I wasn't gonna say anything. I was just curious.

[B]

Yeah, one. One person said Sloth from the Goonies, which I thought was fucking crazy. Another person. Another person. One person did say Leo in Two Years in Tibet, which is a Brad Pitt movie, so that didn't really make sense. Another person said Bert Kreischer, which I know is a guy you know. So it's. It's all over the map with me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Could go any direction.

[B]

I'm getting from you. I'm getting this. She's a porn star, but her name is Big Tits. That's her name. Her porn name. And that's. That's kind of the vibe I get from you, if I really had to think about it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Have you gotten that before?

[A]

Even have to think that hard?

[B]

Yeah, it really just came to me. It was a dream. Yeah.

[A]

Very vivid.

[B]

I know. Super vivid. Vivid is a porn production company. Do you watch pornography?

[A]

You know what kind of porn do you think I would watch?

[B]

Amputee. That's a. It's just a guess. It's just a little guess. Give me three choices. Okay. That midget porn, is that something you do?

[A]

No, I'm just giving you options.

[B]

Okay. I would say no to that. Gay porn? Missionary porn.

[A]

Ooh, that's fun.

[B]

I love missionary.

[A]

Who doesn't?

[B]

I think my mom was telling me she didn't like it. She's. She's like, I'm a doggy style gal. Which is very invasive. Yeah, I would say. I would say most people do. I love eye contact.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

Woman, I think. Well, I get asked out. I've never asked. Do you? Yeah, yeah.

[A]

How do women ask you out?

[B]

They say, hey, what's your name? And I say, timmy. No breaks. And they're like, why is your name Timmy? No breaks. And I say, because I'm all gas. And they're like, I am so wet right now. And I was like, what are we in a water park? They laugh and then they take me out.

[A]

And where do you typically let Dave and Busters? Oh, that's right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah, if it's my idea. Sometimes we go for wine, you know, sometimes we go for mini golf. I like mini golfing a lot. Sometimes we go to dinner, sometimes we don't go anywhere. We just stay right where we were, you know, like I was go karting and this girl was giving me the eyes and we ended up just staying and go karting for another hour or so. Didn't work out. But yeah, I'm a very competitive person so I like competitive dates.

[A]

Are you jealous? Do you get jealous easily?

[B]

I got jealous one time because I dated a prostitute and you know, so she was sleeping with other people, making money that way and I think that made me jealous.

[A]

How did you know that you were dating a prostitute?

[B]

Because I was paying for her.

[A]

So isn't that not. That's not considered dating.

[B]

Well, I was in love with her.

[A]

That's your.

[B]

She said that. She said she was like, you're my main.

[A]

I think that's a line, a tagline that, that prostitutes.

[B]

How do you know so much about this?

[A]

This is sort of public knowledge.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Are you serious?

[A]

I think they tell everyone that they're the one, they're the main one.

[B]

She's literally the mother to my son.

[A]

That sucks.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Well, we can move on from that. So I guess you don't get very jealous.

[B]

This is like, a lot for a first date.

[A]

It's heavy questions.

[B]

Okay, keep going.

[A]

What's your favorite kind of food?

[B]

I love pizza. And what is your. You don't like pizza?

[A]

I love pizza. But it's like.

[B]

You just think that's a bad answer.

[A]

No, it just. It's like, so typical.

[B]

Oh, really? Okay, well, I can give you a more a.

[A]

No, you don't have to be different. Just be you.

[B]

Well, I mean, I like other stuff too. Salad. Like a Caesar salad. I could go crazy for that. Smoothies. I love smoothies.

[A]

Smoothies.

[B]

Yeah. Do you not like smoothies?

[A]

I like smoothies.

[B]

Okay. We have a lot in common. This is going great. I don't really understand this. I. I don't know. Shut the door. We're gonna. All right, sorry. Keep going.

[A]

Would you date someone on Onlyfans?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

I'm sure you would. I mean, your prostitute is a mother to your son.

[B]

Yeah, but. Well, maybe not anymore. Like, I have to find that out. I mean, that's. That's a lot. So I. I don't know. Only fans. I mean, so there's. There's various levels on only fans, right? There's the only fans girl that do solo masturbation play. There's only fans girls that just do, like, look, I'm hot, you know, here's some pictures or whatever. The only fans girls that you know are, you know, porn. There's only fans girls that send their. And I'll know how I know this, but send their underwear. There's only fans girls that do the fart stuff.

[A]

So do you think that girls on Onlyfans are real models?

[B]

I think it depends on the girl. Like, I've seen some girls where I'm like, yikes. You know? Like, that's why I say when I see them. And I've seen other girls where I'm like, I want you to be my wife. Like, maybe I wouldn't be poly with you and those girls. I'm like, that's. That's a model, you know? Yeah, it's a model of, like, that.

[A]

This girl is hot, but is a model. A girl who only models on onlyfans. Like, she doesn't have any other modeling going on. Just onlyfans. Is she a model?

[B]

Could she get other modeling gigs if she wanted?

[A]

Probably not.

[B]

I'd say no. She's probably not model material. Yeah, that's what I would say.

[A]

Yeah, I agree.

[B]

Do you do Onlyfans? No.

[A]

But I'm just curious about what'd you do before this? Before this?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I had an Onlyfans count.

[B]

Oh, tell me about it.

[A]

I was a Playboy model. I was a Playmate.

[B]

Oh, shit.

[A]

So I went from Playboy.

[B]

I just got nervous for the first time in my life. Whoa. So you would show your boobs?

[A]

I was on the COVID Okay, so.

[B]

You did vagina, too?

[A]

Playboy is fully nude.

[B]

Oh, no way.

[A]

Huh?

[B]

What is Hustler?

[A]

Hustler is a little bit more sexual. It's like, I would sit in this chair. It's a Playboy, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You would be nude, and you would, like, have an angle where your legs are, like, extended and they're together, and it's like soft nudity, like they say. It's not, like, super vulgar.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Hustler is, like, spreading spread eagle, like, straight down the middle of camera.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Like, you can see the uterus.

[B]

Okay. That's my shit. But whatever.

[A]

I love that's Hustler and Penthouse.

[B]

Yeah, I love uterus stuff. Yeah. That's great.

[A]

Wow. So a girlfriend of mine who was also in Playboy many years ago, I guess this was, like, I don't know, maybe four, five, six, six to seven years ago when Onlyfans was kind of, like, just popping off. She got on OnlyFans and she made a million dollars in, like, three months.

[B]

And she was just like, I'm leaving. I'm going there.

[A]

She told me she was like, you should get on Only Fans and, like, post some pictures like they do in Playboy. So I hired a Playboy photographer to take a bunch of pictures of me, and then I posted them on Onlyfans.

[B]

Do you still have your only fans?

[A]

I deleted it.

[B]

That's so stupid. What the hell? That's crazy. Yeah, but it's still on the Internet, I guess, right?

[A]

I'm sure.

[B]

Okay. Does it. So you have a. You have a child, right?

[A]

I do.

[B]

Okay. Are you worried one day that he or she will see that? Or you're just like, whatever?

[A]

I mean, I think at least he'll be like, oh, I have a hot mom.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, at least I'm not one of the.

[B]

I've seen my mom naked.

[A]

He sees me naked every day.

[B]

That's crazy. That's.

[A]

That's, you know, like, take my top off. And I'm like, are you hungry?

[B]

Do you do uterus stuff? Okay, let's move on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What else? But that's. But that's super interesting. I Had no idea that you did Playboy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's cool. What'd you do before that?

[A]

Before that, Arby's pretty much. I was a. I was a gymnastics teacher at a little tiny gym for kids called the Little Gym of La Canada in California. And I was a gymnastics teacher for, like, kids. Like, kids babies.

[B]

Yeah. Which is similar, you know.

[A]

And then I. And I did Playboy.

[B]

Wow. How'd you make that jump?

[A]

It was a dare Someone dare.

[B]

Do you just submit a naked photo.

[A]

To, like, you go online, you sign up, and then it's a cattle call. So it was in San Diego. And you just go. And anyone can go. You just have to submit online and get the invitation. And then I went.

[B]

Were there some cows there?

[A]

There were some. There was a wide variety of cattle.

[B]

Okay, okay. Wow.

[A]

And then I auditioned, and then when I left, that is, I had a casting director run out after me and he was like, hey, we want you to work for our company. And then two days later, I was on a plane to Argentina. And then three months later, I was.

[B]

On the COVID Holy shit.

[A]

And so I quit the gymnastics stuff. Gymnastics?

[B]

Yeah. Did you show them the. You're like, hey, here's why I'm quitting.

[A]

I, like, got fired. I tried to go back.

[B]

Oh, you did? And they were like, hey, you're naked.

[A]

You're like a porn star.

[B]

Yeah, I don't think that's.

[A]

I don't think you should be around kids.

[B]

When does it become porn?

[A]

I guess when you, like, touch yourself or someone else and you're naked.

[B]

So I don't know if you masturbate.

[A]

Masturbation.

[B]

If you masturbate. That's porn. Yeah, I guess. I guess there's levels to it. Like, I did some solo masturbation stuff, but I never thought it was, like, porn, you know?

[A]

Yeah, but did you post it on the Internet?

[B]

Yeah, I posted it on. Do you know Ebomb's World Post. That was like one of the first people, I think, to put solo masturbation content out. And I made, I don't know, like 100 bucks from it.

[A]

Sweet.

[B]

Well, not really. I wasn't making a million dollars. So that's when I shifted to selling drugs. And then I moved on from that. Started doing stand up comedy. That's kind of my journey.

[A]

Did you make more money selling drugs.

[B]

Then onlyfans or only e bombs or stand up? Stand up. Well, I do arenas now, so stand up. I'm making way more money.

[A]

That's nice.

[B]

I just did Madison.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Square.

[A]

I think we've heard of that garden? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

What?

[B]

There's no garden. It's not square massing, circle building or something, you know?

[A]

Yeah, but they can't do that.

[B]

That's funny. That's really funny.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Write that down because I don't have a pen.

[A]

You should. You have a golden ticket. Go pitch that one.

[B]

How do you think this works?

[A]

I think I'm gonna.

[B]

Come on. I'm pitching something. There you go. Okay, I'll tell you what. If next time I go on, come on naked and we'll do it together. No, think about it. You're going to think about it. Have a dream about it. Don't run away from your fears. Embrace it. Come on with me. Get naked. I'll breastfeed. All right, Sorry. Keep going.

[A]

Okay, let's see here. Pick a number. One through ten.

[B]

Three.

[A]

How do you. Relax? Don't answer that.

[B]

Yeah, you might want to move on from that. You might want to move on from that. I know how. I'm. I'll answer that. I'll answer that. So you just pumped, and so I'm gonna go make a latte with your breast milk, and then I'll just pass out.

[A]

I don't. You know, let's see. How many close friends do you have?

[B]

Close friends? It's a good question. So I got Ronnie, Jimmy, Hernando, Schmin, Shmin. Yeah, he's Norwegian. He's this Norwegian guy. We used to work at the same pizza place. And then Doug. So I have, like, five best friends, I would say. Okay, that's a good. That's a green flag, right?

[A]

Yeah. To have, like, five literally count all five on one hand.

[B]

Trip planner by Expedia. You were made to outdo your holiday, your hammocking and your pooling. We were made to help organize the competition. Expedia. Made to travel. Well. How many best friends do you have?

[A]

Sarah Michelle. Oh, you know what? If I start naming names, the ones that I don't name will be mad, so I can't name.

[B]

You could just. You could just say the number if you want.

[A]

I would say probably five.

[B]

So we have the same amount of best friends.

[A]

Yeah, my friends are. Some of them are single. Do you have single friends?

[B]

No, I think it's just me right now. All my friends are, like, 40 and above.

[A]

How old are you?

[B]

18. It's literally how everybody reacts when they say my age is so fucking crazy.

[A]

You're not 18.

[B]

I am 18 years old.

[A]

You promise?

[B]

Promise. Swear. My mother. So I have cancer that's why. Nice. I'm serious. I'm serious. I have a cancer. I'm. You know, I think I'm in remission, but it aged me a lot. It's not funny to laugh at someone with cancer who's 18.

[A]

I'm not laughing. Well, you were before you said you had cancer, but I can't tell if you're telling me the truth or not.

[B]

I'm telling you the truth. Ask your producer.

[A]

You had cancer?

[B]

Well, I'm still. I think I'm in remission right now.

[A]

What kind of cancer?

[B]

I think it's called Aegis cancer.

[A]

Yeah, see, that's. How am I supposed to take you seriously, Timmy?

[B]

Well, I don't know the exact name of the cancer. I, like, kind of tuned it out. It's a very traumatic. Have you had cancer?

[A]

No.

[B]

Oh, you gotta not get it.

[A]

Try it out.

[B]

I would not get cancer. It sucks.

[A]

Sounds like it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Let's say you meet your soulmate.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

You're. She's a 10 out of 10 banger lover. What could she do to ruin it?

[B]

Like, what gives me the ick?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think her saying, ah, man, black people, they suck. That would really piss me off because I. I like all races and think that's racist. I think her being, like, sex, not into it.

[A]

I can't imagine you going out with someone who wouldn't be into sex.

[B]

Well, I mean. Oh, oh. Okay. So like, maybe, like, we're going out for, like, three months where the things she. Okay, okay, okay. Okay. Well, so it's, like, revealed after, like, a couple months maybe.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

You're in love. You think she's the one. And then. Oh, no.

[B]

If she had bad breath, I think that would kind of turn me off a little bit. If she, you know, like a couple farts and stuff like that, that's okay. But if she every night was, like, farting in her sleep and waking really up.

[A]

That's a bad one.

[B]

You think that's a good one?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

What do you mean, you don't know?

[A]

I feel like farting is so normal.

[B]

Yeah. But every night in her sleep, so loud that it wakes me up. I'm just spitballing. I mean, she's my soulmate. It would be really hard for me to fall out of love with somebody like that, but I think that might do it. I think her not having a job, like, I like an ambitious woman. I think her not finding me funny. Wow. I'm really opening up right now.

[A]

Yeah, it feels good, doesn't it?

[B]

Wow. A little bit.

[A]

I think when someone doesn't find you funny, that's like the worst.

[B]

Yeah, it's like somebody, you know when you were doing Playboy, being like, I don't like your tits. Yeah, same thing, right?

[A]

Terrible.

[B]

Yeah, it feels the same thing. It's like somebody saying your vagina sucks. That's how I feel.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so, yeah, I think that would be a big turn off of me. I think I'm all stuffed up right now.

[A]

You need Kleenex?

[B]

Just feeling a little emotional.

[A]

You can get you a Kleenex?

[B]

Can you get me a Kleenex, please? Can I get a Kleenex and have orange fizz or something?

[A]

An orange fizz.

[B]

Maybe a little bit of garlic bread for the fucking table or something. Here you go. It's okay.

[A]

To your right. Thank you.

[B]

It's just like I haven't thought about my wife like that. Haven't talked about my insecurities in a while.

[A]

What is your biggest turn off in bed?

[B]

I think when she's like, put it in my butt, that just weirds me out, you know? Cuz like poop comes out of there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I think that weirds me out a little bit.

[A]

It's nice to hear a guy not be into anal.

[B]

Are you into anal? No. What is your turn off? Have you answered all this stuff?

[A]

Eventually, at some point I'm sure I will.

[B]

Okay. Why don't you. Do you want to answer it right now?

[A]

Sure. My turn off in bed. Let me think. When a guy comes and then he's done and I'm not.

[B]

Oh, that's like kind of my thing. Well, sometimes. Sometimes. I'm not gonna lie, sometimes you can't.

[A]

Finish before a girl. And I think if you finish before a girl, it's disrespectful.

[B]

I think that's never happened before. The problem that I have is girls come before I even get inside of them. I know you're thinking that this is not true, but I'm serious. I can make you come right now just by looking at you. Oh, you wanna do it?

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay, so somebody came. Somebody fucking came. I can tell. I can tell you might. You need the tissues now.

[A]

Need a Kleenex. Thank you. Clean up on aisle nine.

[B]

Whoa, that was emotional.

[A]

What are your thoughts on condoms?

[B]

Prefer to, you know. Oh, that's okay. If I cry? I kind of wanna. Yeah, no worries. Are gonna pick that up?

[A]

No, I'm not gonna bend over in this dress.

[B]

That's a bummer. Condoms? Depends on the type of woman I'm making love to. I make love. I don't fuck. So really slow.

[A]

You're a real sweetheart.

[B]

Real sweetheart. Really slow. Eye contact, Eye contact. That's why they come. So I would say if I don't know them, I will wear a condom. If I do know them. I wouldn't. If I'm in love with them, wear a condom, poke a hole in it. You know, those are like the three, three options I would say that I normally do, I think. What about you?

[A]

You know, I'm curious if like poking a hole in a condom is all it takes.

[B]

It hasn't worked yet.

[A]

Do you know what I mean? Like how much can really get through?

[B]

Well here's. You want to know the science of it? There's something called spermicide in condoms which is meant to kill the sperm. So you got a lot working against you.

[A]

Is that true?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is that true?

[B]

Boom. A 22 year old knows more than you. That's crazy.

[A]

It's not crazy, it's typical.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well an 18 year old knows more than you do.

[A]

So shut the front door.

[B]

You should not tell somebody to shut the front door when they're ready to open it. That's a metaphor.

[A]

So spermicide.

[B]

So spermicide. Anyways, the way condoms work is it's double protection. So they've got, you know, obviously you're all wrapped up so that sperm isn't supposed to get out. But there's also spermicide which is working against the sperm and killing the sperm. So there's, it's. The best way to impregnate someone is actually without a condom just coming in them. But if they don't want to be pregnant because they don't know if they're in love with you or want to have a child, you poke a hole in it and you have a chance. Low chance. But I think like I have very high potency sperm. I've never gotten it tested but I just feel it just like the way, the way it looks and like the consistency. I'm like there is a, a lot of sperm in there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is my guess.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know but I've, I've not. I've only impregnated one woman through that method and that's why I have a, a child.

[A]

And how old is your child?

[B]

2. He's mentally which is fine. Which is fine. I still love my boat. I still, still love my boy. But yeah, he's. It's like having a dog a little bit.

[A]

Uh huh.

[B]

You know. Is your son like a Dog. Special needs.

[A]

No, his mom is.

[B]

Yeah. And you're the mother of your son. I think you're very special. You give me. You don't give me needy vibes yet. So I just say you're special, which does sound like I'm calling you retarded.

[A]

So maybe I'm very needy.

[B]

You are.

[A]

I'm super clingy.

[B]

Oh, you are.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

So your attachment style is more anxious.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Not avoidant.

[A]

No.

[B]

You know the attachment styles, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Avoidant. I would only avoid you if I wasn't attached and didn't like you.

[B]

I never understood avoidant.

[A]

Yeah, I don't. I think avoidant is when someone is afraid to like someone, so they. They try to, like, distance themselves because they're genuinely afraid of falling in love.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

But I don't know. That's just my guess. I don't remember the book.

[B]

Apparently, I'm avoidant. That's what I'm told. Because if somebody loves me, I'm, like, not into it, you know?

[A]

When was the last girlfriend you had?

[B]

That was two months ago, I think. Yeah.

[A]

How did it end?

[B]

So she. I thought she just knew. I just expect that they know that this is a poly thing, and she didn't.

[A]

And so why are you so into poly?

[B]

Because I just. I think it's probably the avoidant behavior a little bit, but I also think it's just, you know, I get so much. Can you pass me the tissues?

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay. I'll just. I'll let it loose. I think I get so much satisfaction from a woman loving me, you know, that I need a. Keep getting it. And so I get one girl to do it. And I love them. Right. I feel love for them, but it's not enough. Like, once I get it, I just kind of need 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Normally I need 5. So I normally am, you know, with five girls at the same time.

[A]

But right now, solo, Right now, you don't have anybody.

[B]

Nobody.

[A]

So is it just 0 to 5 real quick?

[B]

It normally happens pretty fast because once you have. You know, I'm a confident guy, but, like, when you are with somebody who is absolutely in love with you, it supercharges your confidence. And so it makes it easier to move on to the next one and then the next one, and then each time it gets easier and easier. And I go to these clubs and just kind of post up there, or I go to the racetrack and post up there, and it kind of, you know, like I said, like, girls will come up to me because I'm exuding a level of confidence. And I also think that there's something interesting about being a guy from New Jersey wearing a leather jacket during the summer outside and just sweating a lot.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They're just like, what is this guy doing? What is his deal? Why is he wearing a leather jacket? It's 110 degrees.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they come up normally. That's a conversation starter. And then I'm like, you know, the reason is because I. I run very. Was it cold or hot? Yeah, I run cold. Cause I grew up in New Jersey.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I like to always be like, I'm freezing right now.

[A]

So cold.

[B]

I have no idea how you're doing it. I have no idea how you're doing it right now. You must be fucking shivering.

[A]

Shivering.

[B]

But you seem fine.

[A]

I'm okay.

[B]

You're just a hot, hot bitch. Sorry for calling you a bitch. I'm trying to change that. I'm trying to be more progressive.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Are those hearing aids?

[A]

They probably look like hearing aids. No, it's just so I can hear better.

[B]

What?

[A]

I guess they are hearing aids.

[B]

Well, you can't. You can't hear me?

[A]

No, I can, but I can hear you. I can actually hear you breathe.

[B]

Wow. You want to hear me breathe?

[A]

I can hear you breathe.

[B]

So. I know I'm hard all the time. I just got harder.

[A]

Okay. Are you crazy Romantic?

[B]

Yeah, I told you. I contact missionary. People, like, expect me. So I always. With a leather jacket on, not to be cool, but just because I'm so cold and. But yeah, I'm a. I'd like to think I'm a tender lover. You know, I. You know, I. You know, I might be dating multiple girls, but I'm always a one, one girl at a time lover.

[A]

Oh, that's sweet.

[B]

Sometimes they watch afterwards because they film it all, but. But yeah, I think I'm a tender lover. I think I'm kind.

[A]

What is the most romantic thing you've ever done for someone?

[B]

One time I bought a girl a horse, which is expensive, and I surprised her. This is really stupid, I'll admit it. So I wanted to surprise her with it, but, like, I didn't want to surprise her outside. I didn't want to do the thing where I'm like, open your eyes and then there's a horse there. So I brought the horse into her home, and she came in and the horse fucked up everything in her home.

[A]

Crazy.

[B]

So that was.

[A]

Sounds like a really good TikTok.

[B]

Yeah, I'm not really a TikTok guy. I'm more of a truth.com wish. And Instagram is. Those are my channels.

[A]

Where. Where can people find you, Timmy.

[B]

No breaks. Yeah, that's just it.

[A]

Timmy. No breaks.

[B]

Yeah, I'm on YouTube. I am on TikTok, but I don't really use it, and I'm on Instagram.

[A]

Well, thank you for coming on my show today.

[B]

It's been incredible. Hopefully there's a second date. It's kind of balls in your court.

[A]

All right, I'll let you know.

[B]

I just came.

[A]

Thank you guys so much for watching another episode of First Date. We'll see you next time. First d. Are you really drinking a glass of milk with dinner? You told your mom about me? Just stay ready. Delete my number. First date, Your parents are your roommates. Thursday.