Waist-High Wisdom w/ Brad Williams | First Date with Lauren Compton

Summary

Podcast Summary: First Date with Lauren Compton

Episode Title: Waist-High Wisdom w/ Brad Williams
Release Date: May 6, 2025
Host: Lauren Compton
Guest: Brad Williams

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Introduction

In the "Waist-High Wisdom" episode of "First Date with Lauren Compton," comedian and viral content creator Brad Williams joins host Lauren Compton for an engaging and humorous conversation about the intricacies of dating as a little person. The episode delves into Brad's personal experiences, his marriage, comedic career, and his perspectives on dating red flags.

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Height and Dating Dynamics

Brad opens up about the challenges and humorous situations that arise from his height in the dating world. He discusses his attempts to navigate physical interactions gracefully to avoid awkwardness.

• Brad Williams [02:02]: "I really wish I was gay because, man, I. I would just be killing it. I'd be doing great. I got small hands. Like, everything looks bigger. Gay men typically love me."

Lauren and Brad humorously debate the nuances of physical interactions, such as hugging, emphasizing the unique dynamics when both partners are little people.

• Brad Williams [01:16]: "I try not to. I try to be aware of the fact that, like. Like today, when I met you for the first time, I gave a little, like, side hug to try to be."

• Lauren Compton [01:29]: "Like, okay, because you would motorboat me, I think, if we gave each other a full frontal hug."

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Personal Life and Marriage

Brad shares heartfelt insights into his married life with a fellow little person. He reflects on how their relationship has flourished despite societal challenges and personal insecurities.

• Brad Williams [13:32]: "I'm married. Seven years with my wife for nine."

He recounts the story of how he met his wife through a unique radio show game and the unconventional proposal that ultimately led to their lasting relationship.

• Brad Williams [39:41]: "I was playing a game on the radio show called Tinder or Grindr... And through that game, I ended up going on a date with my wife."

Lauren expresses admiration for Brad's relationship, highlighting the importance of finding a genuine connection.

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Comedy and Career

Brad delves into his experiences as a comedian, discussing the highs and lows of performing live, handling hecklers, and the impact of his stature on his comedic style.

• Brad Williams [31:20]: "That's ego. I'm a comedian. I want it to be about me. My job is I go on stage and I expect a room full of 1200 people to be absolutely quiet and let me talk."

He shares amusing anecdotes about dealing with unexpected heckles and maintaining composure on stage.

• Brad Williams [32:34]: "I've been comedian for 20 years. B, dwarf, you get some heckles."

Brad's commitment to his craft shines through as he explains his strategic approach to engaging with his audience and overcoming challenges.

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Dating Preferences and Red Flags

A significant portion of the conversation revolves around what Brad considers red flags in dating. He emphasizes the importance of how one treats service staff as a primary indicator of character.

• Brad Williams [27:10]: "How they treat the wait staff."

Lauren concurs, acknowledging that this is a common red flag among listeners.

Brad elaborates on his stance, citing personal encounters where disregarding service staff led to his disinterest in potential partners.

• Brad Williams [27:24]: "If someone calls me a midget in a hateful way, it offends me. But it's all about the context."

He also touches on other personality red flags, such as chronic negativity and the inability to find joy in everyday situations.

• Brad Williams [29:26]: "Their life's very negative. I've met people that are never happy."

---

Anecdotes and Stories

Throughout the episode, Brad shares a series of humorous and relatable stories that shed light on his dating life and career.

• Proposing on Air: Brad narrates his initial plan to propose to his wife on a radio show, a concept that was met with skepticism by her father. Ultimately, he opted for a more personal and heartfelt proposal, which successfully secured his wife's "yes."

  • Brad Williams [39:41]: "She came home from work one day and she had moved in, and I had rose petals leading out to about. To a balcony. There was candles all around. I was in a suit... And then I proposed. And she said yes, thankfully."

• Comedy at an Orgy: Brad discusses a hypothetical scenario where he was booked to perform comedy at an unexpected orgy, highlighting his discomfort and the chaotic environment.

  • Brad Williams [37:27]: "I've never been to an orgy, but if I did I would never want to do comedy at it."

• Encounter with Ron Jeremy: An amusing tale about meeting adult film star Ron Jeremy, Brad humorously describes his anxiety over potential STDs.

  • Brad Williams [35:30]: "He looks like the carrier of all STDs. It looks like the STDs are having a convention in Ron Jeremy's body."

---

Handling Hecklers

Brad provides valuable insights into managing hecklers during his performances. He shares techniques such as staying quiet to let the heckler's voice be heard, often leading them to retreat and allowing him to regain control of the stage.

• Brad Williams [32:52]: "If someone heckles you, just let them talk. They'll end up saying something stupid and then you can jump on it."

His approach emphasizes patience and strategic responses, ensuring that humor remains at the forefront of his performances.

---

Conclusion

The "Waist-High Wisdom" episode offers a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and insightful discussions on dating dynamics for little people. Brad Williams' candid conversations with Lauren Compton highlight the unique challenges and joys of his personal life and comedic career. The episode underscores the importance of genuine connections, respectful behavior, and the resilience required to navigate the dating world successfully.

Notable Quotes:

• Brad Williams [27:10]: "How they treat the wait staff."
• Brad Williams [13:32]: "I'm married. Seven years with my wife for nine."
• Brad Williams [31:20]: "That's ego. I'm a comedian."
• Brad Williams [39:41]: "I had rose petals leading out to about. To a balcony... And then I proposed. And she said yes, thankfully."

---

This episode serves as a humorous yet heartfelt exploration of Brad Williams' journey through dating, marriage, and stand-up comedy, providing listeners with both laughs and meaningful insights.

Transcript

[A]

I'm so excited to see you tonight.

[B]

First Date, baby. First date. I can't wait. First date.

[A]

Hello, and welcome to another episode of First Date, with me as your host. I have a very funny comedian in the house today. He's got a new special out on YouTube called Starfish, and he's bringing his growth sport tour all over the country, so you can find tickets at. Brad William Comedy. Brad Williams comedy.

[B]

Correct.

[A]

Brad Williams Comedy. We'll say at 3strongtimes.com. Brad Williams.

[B]

Hey. Yes. Applause from the background awesome.

[A]

This is our live audience.

[B]

I love them. They're. They're. They're. They're very enthusiastic. I was debating when I was coming in here doing the Mark Norman and wearing. And wearing the glasses, but I think I'll be okay.

[A]

Yeah, I think so too, you know.

[B]

Because we're both married. I don't want to be inappropriate. I want to have a nice conversation. Talk about some stuff, you know, be fun. It'll be all right. I have that problem, though, because my height. I'm boob height. When people stand up.

[A]

Yeah. How do you. How do you combat that? Do you just go for it?

[B]

Do you lean into it with permission? I mean, like, I try not to. I try to be aware of the fact that, like. Like today, when I met you for the first time, I gave a little, like, side hug to try to be.

[A]

Like, okay, because you would motorboat me, I think, if we gave each other a full frontal hug.

[B]

Yep. And now there's people scrolling like, all right, let's find out if that happens. That's some. That. That's gotta be somebody's fetish.

[A]

I don't know for sure.

[B]

Dwarfs motorboating. It's something.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But. Yeah, so I try. I try to be very aware of where I am in terms of when I give a woman a hug. And it goes in the opposite effect. If I give a dude a hug, it's just, Whoa, a lot of dicks to the face.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Take a lot of dicks to the face.

[A]

You probably prefer to hug women a little bit.

[B]

Yeah. But I really wish I was gay because, man, I. I would just be killing it. I'd be doing great. I got small hands. Like, everything looks bigger. Gay men typically love me. I'd be a power bottom. I got a great ass. It's fantastic ass. So. So, yeah, I really feel like I missed my calling by not being a gay man.

[A]

Damn. Well, do you? What is. So I feel like tall people love to watch.

[B]

We call you reachers.

[A]

Reachers.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That's what you guys call us?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Reachers.

[B]

Yeah. Go to the grocery store with me, you'll find out. Why.

[A]

Are you offended if someone calls you a midget?

[B]

Yes. Not really. I don't know, I'm like, you just.

[A]

Gave me three totally different answers.

[B]

I know.

[A]

If you are, you are.

[B]

It's context for me. Like, because it's like if someone says it in a hateful way, then, yeah, that offends me. Or, or. But if most people don't know and I don't know, I don't really want a word to have power over me. Like, I don't want you to be like, if you call me a. It's not like I have to do a thing. Like, I don't, I don't know. I don't want to be so upset by it. So for me, dwarf, little person, midget, it's all kind of the same, but it's all in how you use it. Because if you say like, ah, that like. Okay, so prime example, I was literally at a party yesterday and I brought my family and I had to leave the party because a little six year old girl walked up and just pointed at me and just went, you're small. I just started laughing hysterically, hysterically. And I was like, ah, I can't slap you. So I left the party because I don't think it would have been good if I called her a twat. So I had to leave. I. I had to leave the party. But so like that she just said, you're small. Which is accurate. But it was like how it was delivered that.

[A]

The pointing the finger and the laughing hysteria.

[B]

Yeah, that's, that's the part that got me.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

It's like so for me, like, I feel like we're friends even though we just met for the first time in person today. So like if you said my midget friend Brad, I'd be like, eh, cool, whatever.

[A]

Well, I was just curious if it was offensive because like massage therapists, now you can't call them masseuse.

[B]

Oh, you gotta call them handjob artists. Right? Is that not PC?

[A]

Yeah. The happy ending experts.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, Story writers. There you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Why did that job get the happy ending?

[A]

Well, you have to get naked. There's a stranger. And some people feel like they just want more bang for their buck, I guess.

[B]

I don't know. But like I don't need a hand job at the end of a massage. I'm pretty relaxed, I'm good.

[A]

But imagine if you got a hand job at the end of that, how much more relaxed you'd be. I'm not trying to sell you on.

[B]

Happy endings because like, I'd rather have it. Like, I'd rather have it.

[A]

Like you're saying that you'd rather not have a hand job.

[B]

No, like I like hand jobs. They're fine, you know. You know, use some lube, don't make eye contact. That's weird. But you know, like, they're just more jobs that would be better suited, I think to where like I'm already relaxed when I'm getting massage. Whereas if I'm in line of the dmv, I'm pretty stressed out. Like there. I could use a hand job. It's like read the eye chart and jerk you off a little bit. Like we would all take like very cross eyed photos for our life.

[A]

Yeah. Who would be able to. That would actually be really hard to read the things. And they always make you do it backwards too. Not like it's like memorizing the Alphabet or anything. But I don't know how you'd be like L, C, Q. Oh, I think.

[B]

We just saw your O face. Is that, is, is that a first for this show? Maybe. Possibly.

[A]

Probably not.

[B]

All right, I gotta go back to the catalog then. Let's go.

[A]

So what are you. Do you have any Reacher fetishes?

[B]

Reacher fetishes? I hate to say Snow White, but kinda I really want, you know, I've like, I want my wife to dress up as Snow White so that you.

[A]

You can be one of the. One of the dwarfs.

[B]

Yes, I do. I legit do.

[A]

What would you wear?

[B]

Oh, I. Dopey for sure. You know, he's got the loose sleeves. You could hide more toys up there. But like I feel like it's. It's like a hack joke to say I have a Snow White fetish, but I do because. Because she friend zoned all seven of those fuckers, okay? Like all seven dwarves were friend zoned. They saved her. They gave her a place to eat, a place to live, a roof over her head. They're diamond miners, for God's sakes. Like, what more do you want, lady?

[A]

Dude, seriously, I never even thought about it.

[B]

Give happy is ending.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Hashtag give happy is ending that.

[A]

Have you ever had a girlfriend that dressed up as Snow White for Halloween?

[B]

Because I want my wife to do it. I will say no, okay? I want her to think she's the first. Although my wife is Chinese, so it looks like a knockoff Snow White, but that's okay. Yeah, I'm all for it.

[A]

But she still has black hair and pale skin. I'm sure we're close.

[B]

Mm. Sorry. I'm getting excited. I don't know. And like, I. I used to. I grew up in Orange County. I used to work at Disneyland. I was not one of the seven. My job was. I was actually a bodyguard for the characters. So I'd stand with the characters to make sure, like, yeah, everything worked out. But I got to be with Snow White a few times, and it was awesome. I would just let the jokes fly all day. It was great.

[A]

How did Snow White get seven small.

[B]

People to not fuck her? I don't know.

[A]

Because, I mean, that sounds like you could get. She could get gang banged.

[B]

I mean, I'm sure there's that video on the Internet.

[A]

I'm sure there is.

[B]

It should. It should be.

[A]

That's definitely in the porn.

[B]

Yeah, that's there.

[A]

Rolodex somewhere.

[B]

That's absolutely there.

[A]

But she got them to, like, totally help her. They're all just a bunch of simps, I guess.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know. Are they all cucks? Do they just all want to watch her and the Prince?

[A]

They're just like, oh, yeah.

[B]

And by the way, the prince who, like, this is how much as a dwarf, we, like, hate that story because she picks the prince, who essentially is a necrophiliac. Like, makes out with her while she's legally dead.

[A]

True.

[B]

And she's like, oh, that guy. I love that dude. Not the diamond miners that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That have been protecting me and saved me from the. The prince didn't save. He showed up, she's in a glass coffin. Like, I guess I'll make out with her and then she'll love me. It's the dumbest thing.

[A]

We need a Snow White rewrite.

[B]

I mean, and how. Yeah, Especially with the live action one. Like, let's make that happen.

[A]

Yeah, delete the live action one.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

And let's do another remake.

[B]

All right. Starring me. Let's go.

[A]

I love it.

[B]

Just digitally copy me. I'll be all seven.

[A]

Like, eight times.

[B]

Yeah, I'll be all seven. That's. That's a porno. That's a trip. What's your category of porn that you, like? Do you have a category that you, like, go to?

[A]

Hmm.

[B]

Cause mine's not dwarf porn. People assume it's dwarf porn. It's like, I don't. I don't watch what I am. Like, that's. Yeah, I want to watch a dwarf porn. I fuck my Wife next to a mirror. Look left. It's not that big of a deal, but. Yeah, but, like, do you have a category?

[A]

You know, I don't really. Porn kind. Kind of is a little too desensitizing for me. Like, I will. I will just search so many different things.

[B]

Oh, so it's like Tinder for you.

[A]

It's like, I can't.

[B]

It's in the swipe.

[A]

That's the fun part thing where I'm like, oh, yes. I'm just like. It's like too many guys. And then I'm like, well, they have.

[B]

Ones with less guys.

[A]

And I'm like, oh, my God, 30 dudes and one girl. I'm like, that's so many. And then I'm like, what does it look like with four? Yeah, you know, and then I'm like, that's like. That's like, still not doing it. And then I'm like, what about just. What if we just eliminate all the guys and we just do girl on girl? And then I'm like, no. I'm like, why am I watching a dildo? Be a dick. Like, then I go back to the guys, and then before I know it, I'm like, late for my podcast.

[B]

And I'm like, you were doing.

[A]

I gotta go.

[B]

Yeah, so, okay, so for you, it's all about the search. So it's like, a lot of guys. Before streamers. Before streamers, kids, we'd have remotes and we'd have to channel surf. Like, but that was the fun part, was just seeing what else is on tv.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So that's you with porn. You just want to see what else is out there.

[A]

That's also Netflix. Now, when is the last time that you went to watch something on Netflix and actually found something within five minutes?

[B]

Oh, no, never.

[A]

You don't do that, right?

[B]

Yeah, it's like, if I'm not going on there for a specific thing that I know is out, then, yeah, I'm scrolling like crazy. Like, whoever said Netflix and chill. You can't. Like, you have to go so fast is chill. Yes. Because that's what you're doing.

[A]

There's nothing else to do.

[B]

Nothing. You're just scrolling finding something. Do you like this? I don't know. I don't know. So here's a question for you. What? If you are going to Netflix, you're.

[A]

Asking me the question.

[B]

Yeah. Why not? Why not?

[A]

Because I want to get to one more question. Then I have questions for you.

[B]

Oh. Oh, but come on, what's your. So if you're to Netflix and chill. What kind of movie is the best if you want to advance the situation to a physical relationship? Like during the Netflix and chill.

[A]

Horror.

[B]

W or H?

[A]

I knew you were gonna ask that. I was. As the minute I said horror, I was like, wow. I just stick. Stepped into that.

[B]

Yeah, because you really didn't emphasize the o in the horror. Like the second syllable.

[A]

No one does, Brad. No one says horror. Ours are not hard.

[B]

Tell an Asian that. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I'm married to a Chinese woman.

[A]

Anyway, I would say either a horror.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Film, because that's like stereotypical, right? You watch a scary movie so the girl cuddles up next to you. Or turn on like if you want the girl.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

A romcom. Something sappy like Bridgerton.

[B]

Cuz I. Cuz I think they'd be too into the story.

[A]

You're right.

[B]

Where they'd be like, hold on. Yeah, I want to see.

[A]

Don't kiss me.

[B]

Yeah. I want to see if they fuck. I've tried to.

[A]

Yeah. No, I get it. Gosh, I don't know. You tell me.

[B]

I'd say Fast and the Furious.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

Something for everybody.

[A]

But then with the guy, the guy is like getting all revved up. He's like, yeah, he wants a Corvette.

[B]

Exactly. That's how we stay hard longer.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

We're thinking about the Corvette.

[A]

Brad. Something's off here.

[B]

You can tell I'm married. My. My mind isn't in the right spot.

[A]

How long have you been married?

[B]

Seven years with my wife for nine.

[A]

And you have a kid?

[B]

Mm, five year old. And. And she's also a little person. She's the best of both of us. She's an Asian dwarf. My wife gave birth to a Pokemon.

[A]

Is she a reacher?

[B]

No, she's a dwarf. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

No, your wife.

[B]

Oh, yes, yes, wife. Yes. I'm very funny. My wife is tall.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

That's. That's how you know I'm good at my job, folks. Wife is tall.

[A]

That's awesome.

[B]

Yeah. So all you guys out there that can't get a woman. This is beating you. I'm kicking your ass. You're losing to this.

[A]

Can we know your daughter's name?

[B]

I don't like saying it. It's not hard to find. But I don't want to be publicly.

[A]

That's why I asked.

[B]

Thank you. But yeah, I love being a dad. It's a lot of fun. But that's not why your listeners are here. Your listeners are not here for that. They're like, get to the fetish. Stuff.

[A]

But I also. How did you date a lot before your wife?

[B]

Yeah. And range? I would date little people and I would date average sized women. So it'd be like, yeah, my shortest girlfriend ever was 3 foot 7. My tallest was 6 foot 2, so I've got pretty good range.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah. 6 foot 2 was a volleyball player. And that was fun.

[A]

How do you meet people? Or how did you meet people in the world?

[B]

No, just being a comedian. It's great. You would travel, you know, people see you be funny. Women in general like funny guys.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So that would really help. Some of them were fetish people that absolutely just wanted to bang a little person and really happy to oblige. That's, I don't get the people that are like, well, didn't, didn't that make you feel exploited? I'm like, I was coming. No, why would I feel exploit?

[A]

You're like exploited. You mean exploded.

[B]

Exactly. I didn't feel exploited at all. They got something out of it. I got something out of it. It was a great transaction.

[A]

It was wonderful.

[B]

It was, it was delightful. But, but then dating little people is interesting because I don't like, I'm, I'm attracted to little people. But then you, you find out, like, oh man, I really need someone. This is, this is so bad. I, I, I need someone a little physically more capable because, like, I can't do shit. You can't do shit. This is not, this is not going to go well. We need someone to be tall so stuff can get done around the house. Yeah.

[A]

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[B]

For me personally or just for you?

[A]

For me personally, I don't care about the other dwarfs.

[B]

Okay. For me personally, the main difference is that tall woman don't like pubic hair. Dwarf have to have pubic hair.

[A]

Have to like dwarf. Women have to.

[B]

Yes, for me.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Because when you shave a dwarf, it's too much like a kid. Oh, it's too much. I feel bad. I got little size 2ft, you know, and I'm holding them and it's, it's. I have to look down and see like. Okay, good. Like, like, like you know, you're, you're a woman. Like I have to make sure and then. But if a tall woman. Yeah. Take it off. I don't care.

[A]

How old were you when you lost your virginity?

[B]

20. I was late to another little person and man with two dwarfs bank. It's magical. It's just there's rainbows afterward. It's a lot of confetti. Yeah. Lost my virginity when I was 20. The girl I lost my virginity to was 19. She was very religious. And before she said, she agreed to have sex. And we were like, yes, we should absolutely do this. But before we did, she made me pray with her right before. Right before. So I'm praying with a boner. And that's weird. I don't want that involved when I'm talking to God.

[A]

Why did she want you guys to pray? What were you praying about?

[B]

Just to, like, ask for forgiveness for what we were about to do. And I'm like, what are we about to do?

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's what she was doing?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I had. I'd ask for forgiveness for the actions that we were about to engage in. Wow.

[A]

You're like, sorry, not sorry.

[B]

Yeah. I'm like, it's anal happening. Is that why we got to apologize? Like, what, like, what's going on? I'm not ready for that.

[A]

Was she a virgin?

[B]

No. Which was interesting.

[A]

She wasn't a virgin, but made you pray for forgiveness?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Okay. Where did you. Where did you lose your virginity at?

[B]

Hope her mom isn't listening. On the couch at her mom's house.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah, Mom. Mom went out and we had a good time.

[A]

Did you date her for very long afterwards?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then she left me for another dwarf. Which. Yeah, that happens in the dwarf world too.

[A]

Dang.

[B]

Another Oompa took my Loompa. How's that for a song? Comes out. What do you get when you can't satisfy her? Yeah, I get taken. That's what happened. Yeah. And I think they're still together, so good on them.

[A]

Have you dated more little people or tall people?

[B]

Tall people. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

What is the longest relationship you've ever. Besides being married for seven years?

[B]

Besides being married. Had a two. Had a two year relationship. So I. I've always been a relationship guy, but I like being in a relationship. I like the comfort of having your person.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Knowing, like, not just for, like. I like knowing that when stuff happens, when cool stuff happens, I could text someone and be like, one, like one person. Like, hey, this cool thing happened. Or like if you're going to a concert or an event or something, you have the person to take. It's like, yes, I will take this person.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because like going to like a big event, like, because I would go to concerts sometimes and take a woman on, like, like a first date. And I don't know what kind of first date horror stories you have. I've got some, like, where I one time I took a girl to a concert. She ended up getting backstage. Did like a lot of stuff backstage and then came back and was.

[A]

You didn't go?

[B]

No, I went, but I was not allowed backstage.

[A]

That's what I mean. You didn't go backstage with her?

[B]

Nope.

[A]

She went without you?

[B]

I mean, they didn't want me, but.

[A]

That'S so rude of her to accept that invitation and go without you.

[B]

Yeah, but there's a certain band I can't listen to ever again.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

So, yeah. Yeah. That was fun.

[A]

Is that. Do you drink alcohol?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What's your favorite drink of choice?

[B]

Whiskey. Whiskey, Scotch, Bourbon.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Love it. Didn't like it until I met my wife. My wife introduced me to scotch and now I thought I hated scotch. Turns out I hated bad scotch. And then my wife showed me good scotch. I'm like, this has been here the whole time. This is awesome. But I don't drink that much. I have a very healthy relationship with alcohol. One or two drinks and I stop because. And I never drink before shows. Some people ask me like. Like, they'll see I'm not drinking before the show. They'll be like, oh, do you not drink? I go, no, I drink. And I love alcohol. I'm trying to keep a very good relationship with it.

[A]

That's good.

[B]

I don't want it to get out of control because I get drunk very quickly.

[A]

You have a high. You have a low tolerance.

[B]

Very low. Very low. My. My nickname in college was Two Beer Brad. Because that was just two beers. That's it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I'm good. I'm a cheap date. Saved a lot of money.

[A]

What do you. Where would you typically go for a first date, man?

[B]

I like the traditional dinner. Just like, get to know each other, talk. Hate clubs. Hate clubs. Hate you. I can't. I can't.

[A]

And there's nowhere to sit.

[B]

Nowhere to sit. You have to pay money to sit.

[A]

To sit.

[B]

Yeah. You gotta be like, I would like to be able to sit at this establishment. Cool. $2,000 and here's your bottle of cheap champagne.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, but yeah, I. I like a typical dinner.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And. Yeah, just that kind of stuff. Some. Somewhere you can get to know each other. Something to where I could talk a lot because I have very low self esteem with my looks. So I feel like I have to talk to impress the person. If I talk, then I can be funny, then I can let you know that I'm cool. But if it's just like, I can't be one of those guys, just sits Back and goes, yeah, I have a jawline. Like, you know, like. Like, thank God Matt Rife is good at crowd work because he doesn't have to do it. He could just sit back and be like, jawline, look at me. Incredible jawline. So, yeah, that's all he has to do for me. I. I have to be funny and charming and everything, so.

[A]

Well, you crush it at that.

[B]

Thank you. It's been. It's been good. It's been a good few years. Covid was very kind to me because people were home and they started passing around my clips and then everyone's like, hey, there's a dwarf telling jokes. Yeah. And the word spread and now we're doing really well. We're selling out theaters and on the Grossbert tour, and it's been really cool.

[A]

Does your wife get to go with you?

[B]

Not that much. Because, like, now when you do theaters, it's like, it's not. You're in a city for four days, you're in a new city every night. So it's like, that's not much of a trip. You know, it's like a.

[A]

Because like, every day, it's not like a vacation.

[B]

Yeah. You don't get to see the city. Like, I've been to all these cities where it's like, oh, my God, you were just in D.C. what'd you do? I'm like, went to the theater, did a show, worked, left in the middle of the night to go to Baltimore to do. To do it the next night. Like, that's kind of. That's kind of the life. But I did get to take the family on a couple of shows. It's funny. They're not too interested when I'm going to Joliet, Illinois, but when I got a gig in Hawaii, they're like, we're going. And I went to Hawaii. We took. Took the family, took them to the Disney Resort. It was awesome.

[A]

What do you think is the biggest red flag in when you go on a date with someone?

[B]

Yeah. How they treat the wait staff.

[A]

You know, that is the most common thing people say.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's common.

[A]

That is a super common red flag.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

A lot of people feel that way.

[B]

Yeah. Cuz like, my thing is like that and like, if you send your food back and there's not an egregious error, I can't. I can't be with you. Like, if you're like, I said no tomatoes, and there's three tomatoes on your shit. Take. Take the fucking tomatoes. Flip them around the room. I Don't care what you do with it. Eat your burger, don't sit. Send it back like that. That drives me nuts. And maybe just being in comedy clubs, being around a lot. A lot of wait staff.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I see how bad some of these people are. And so many waiters and waitresses are my friends that it's like, I feel. I would feel horrible if someone was mean to mean to a waiter. I can't. Huge red flag.

[A]

Do you. Have you ever left a review on a restaurant?

[B]

Never. I just don't go back. That's the review. The review is, I don't go back. I don't tell my friends. I don't say, hey, you gotta go here. I just don't go back. How's that thing? Shitty. I don't go there. Like, that's it. I don't. I've never had such an egregious act committed against me where after we go home, I'm like, they have to know how I felt. Like, I don't care. I don't care. I said medium rare. Like. Like it was that. That's it. I don't. End of transaction. That is all. I go to the restaurant, it's fine. We'll go back. If it's not, I won't go back. Done. I. That would be a red flag. That would absolutely be a red flag. If I. If we're walking back to the car and she's on her phone and be like, oh, what are you doing? She's like, leaving a review for that shitty restaurant. I'd be like, this ain't gonna work. This is not gonna work if you're a leave reviews type person, which sucks. Cause I need people to leave reviews. So then when I look at the restaurant, I know if it's good or not. But I can't.

[A]

I can't be the best. I agree. I don't leave reviews, but I read them.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

If I'm going somewhere, like, I look at how many stars the restaurant has, let's do it. And I'm like, what do people like? And I look at the photos.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, I'm like, I need to know where we're going.

[B]

Absolutely. Gotta know what's good.

[A]

Yeah. I'm gonna spend time, money, and calories.

[B]

Yes. And get calories.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The good. The good kind. Yeah. That's a huge red flag. Would be leaving reviews. And I would just say so. Okay. I also found this out recently during therapy, so. Which I think therapy is very good. So my personality is. I feel responsible for other People's happiness, good reason. I'm a comedian. I want everyone to be happy around me. Found that out through therapy. There was a lot through my upbringing, yada, yada, yada. Anyway, but so if you ever meet those people or just everything is a problem for them. Everything, like everything's an issue. Their life's very negative.

[A]

I've met people that are never happy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, it's impossible to make someone happy.

[B]

Yeah. You have to be able to have a good time. You have to be able to smile, you have to be able to laugh. I have friends were like, I've never been in an Uber with them that hasn't gone to where they're in an argument with the Uber driver at some point. Like, I'm just like, I can't be with that person. Like, everything is an issue. You're in a fucking Uber and within an eight minute drive you got into a verbal argument like, no, just sit back, relax. I'm the best Uber passenger ever. You could say the worst political opinion ever. And I'll just be in the back like, huh. I'll agree with everything. You just be like, yeah, baby. Killing. I'm all for it. Great. Cool. We should be punting them too. Absolutely. They fly far. Like, I don't care. I'm not going to engage.

[A]

What do you think is your personal red flag? Like that you. Your biggest downfall.

[B]

Oh, me?

[A]

Yeah. Your red flag.

[B]

Oh, man, that's. That's ego.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I'm a comedian.

[A]

Does it get in the way?

[B]

Yeah. I want it to be about me. My job is I go on stage and I expect a room full of 1200 people to be absolutely quiet and let me talk. That's an ego. That's an ego.

[A]

So what do you do when someone, like, heckles you?

[B]

Oh. Make them want to not live anymore. So I take heckles. It depends on the heckle. So, because there are supportive heckles where people are just kind of agreeing with you, but loudly and annoying. And I try to kind of stop that. One of the tricks I have is I. Some people get louder when they get heckled. I get quieter. I get quieter because then I found out that people then notice their voice more and a lot. And a lot of people will be like, oh, shit, I could be heard like, and they'll like go back into their shell and then they'll let me talk more. But yeah, that, that's, that's one trick. But then if someone's mean with a heckle, then I can respond mean and if I respond mean I'm gonna make you hate your life.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Cuz also, you don't think I've been heckled before? A, I've been comedian for 20 years. B, dwarf, you get some heckles.

[A]

All right.

[B]

I got heckled by a six year old yesterday.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I'm used to it. You're not gonna yell out leprechaun. I'm like, oh, my God. And just cry and run off stage. I've got lines.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So, but it's like you can't respond with really, like a lot of aggression if someone just yells out. That's true. You can't be like, shut up. Like, you can't. That's too big. That's too big. You have to be like, hey, what was that like? And talk to them. General strategies for hecklers are just let. Actually let them talk. Because if they talk, they'll end up saying something stupid. And that's when you jump on it because they're not prepared.

[A]

I know. I hate it, though, when someone else is trying to start their career in the middle of mine.

[B]

Yeah, that's not gonna happen.

[A]

Just wait it out. If you think you're funny, go try stand up.

[B]

They have open mic nights.

[A]

I did a show in Catalina one time, and it was a rave.

[B]

A show at a rave.

[A]

It was a rave.

[B]

Oh, that's not gonna go well.

[A]

There was a giant DJ that was performing. It was like, not Tiesto, but like big. Like a big, big dj. And so everyone was going to Catalina for this rave. And then they also. They had like, stand up comedy at the same time. So you could either go to this rave or you could come to the stand up comedy. And I was performing with two other comics.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And as we were performing, I went on first. I took the bullet spot. I was like, I'll do it. I go out there and I'm. And everybody.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Was sleeping.

[B]

That's not what I thought you were gonna say.

[A]

All I could think is, I'm just like, guys, the molly y'all have taken is not good.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You should not be asleep right now. Either make out with each other or you should think I'm beautiful and hilarious. But I don't know why all of you feel motherfuckers are asleep right now. So it was like they went and they just came to the show to take a nap.

[B]

That's the biggest heckle I've ever heard.

[A]

I know. So the next time that you think someone heckling you sucks.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Just remember they could be passed out.

[B]

They could be passed out. That would be even worse. I have had people fall asleep. There's one time. Okay, there, there, there. There's one time at the Laugh Factory in Hollywood. He's been canceled since. But before we knew, Ron Jeremy came to the show. And Ron Jeremy, we found out that night, has narcolepsy. Because in the middle of a set. Not mine, thankfully. In the middle of a set, we just hear from the back, and you look back, and it's Ron Jeremy just. Just passed out.

[A]

I've met Ron Jeremy. He breathed on me one time, and I thought, I got an std.

[B]

He's got a musk.

[A]

But I gave him a hug, and I was so paranoid about being around him that, like, I felt his sweat and his breath, and I was like, oh, I'm gonna die. I'm dead. I'm gonna die. I have aids. You have Jeremy aids. Yeah. It was all I could think about because he looks like the carrier of all STDs.

[B]

Yeah. It looks like the STDs are having a convention.

[A]

Yeah. In Ron Jeremy's body.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah. And I didn't know how. I don't know how to not hug someone if they, like. They're like, oh, my gosh. And, like, they come for you.

[B]

Yeah. And he. And. And he did.

[A]

And you're. And I'm just like. You know, like, I'm like, what do I do? The only person that I've ever met that is really, really good at, like, taking a step back and being like, oh, fist bump.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is Howie.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Oh, my God. You know.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Howie's great. So Howie has this story. You won't. You want to talk about gigs? Howie Mand. Has he been on this show?

[A]

He has.

[B]

Okay. You need to have him back just so we could tell this story. I'm gonna tell it, and then he'll tell it again. Better. Howie Mandel once was booked to do a private gig at a party. Just. And he said no. Then they told him a certain amount of money, and he said, okay. And he shows up to the party. It's an orgy, and no one told him.

[A]

What did he do?

[B]

Well, that's why you gotta have Howie on the show.

[A]

Just jump to the good part.

[B]

He didn't join. That's for sure.

[A]

Well, did he stay?

[B]

Yeah, he stayed. He did. He did the act. He did the. Like, the guy who hired him was receiving a gift from a woman, and he was like, oh, he just do the glove bit.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah. I've never been to an orgy, but if I did I would never want to do comedy at it.

[A]

But, you know, you think about someone who's like, such a germaphobe, like, him at a place where everyone is just licking each other.

[B]

Oh, is that what happens at the orgy? Everyone just licks?

[A]

I mean, if you're not. If you're. If you're saliva and bodily fluids, like. Yeah. At an orgy, that's what you're doing. You're sharing each other's spit.

[B]

I. The. The idea of an orgy, to me sounds better than I think it actually is. I. I think in my head, I've romanticized what. What an orgy would be, and I'm like, yeah, everyone's just, yeah, you're with me, then you're with me. And then. But then I would show up and be like, oh, no, this is not what I thought it was.

[A]

Oh, no. If I feel like, oh, I think that thinking about an orgy just makes me really grossed out. That's just. And I'm not a germaphobe, but just thinking about that many people trying to touch you and just, like, swapping in and out. I know that that's like a lot of people's fetish, but for me, like.

[B]

You, like missionary with eye contact.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's what you just. Intense eye contact. Just stare at me. Let me know you love me.

[A]

What?

[B]

I just. One partner.

[A]

It's like the Ron Jeremy thing. It was like the sweat and the breath and I was just like, too much.

[B]

Too much.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Like, at least I knew I didn't get an stuff. But in an orgy, you never know.

[B]

Once again, maybe one day, probably when I get to a retirement community.

[A]

Yeah. When your life is over and you don't care anymore.

[B]

Why not?

[A]

My skin can burn off.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Fuck it.

[B]

Exactly. It's like. Yeah.

[A]

Well, I have my dessert question. This has been so fun.

[B]

Is it done already?

[A]

I know.

[B]

Has this been. Yeah. Wow. Okay, man. This is. See, this was a fun. I hate saying first date because it's the name of the.

[A]

It is. It was a fun first date, right?

[B]

It's a fun first date.

[A]

Would you come back for another one?

[B]

I would absolutely come back for another one. I got more stories. You don't think a dwarf has sex stories? Come on.

[A]

I know we got stories. We're getting to the juicy part now.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We'll have you back for a second date.

[B]

Let's go.

[A]

So for my last question. What? Well, I have two. I always want to know this about people that are married. First of all, how did you propose to your wife?

[B]

Ooh, this is a fun story, because I was corrected on how to propose. Not by her, thankfully. So I met my wife when I was working in San Francisco on a radio station. Long story. Boring. I was playing a game on the radio show called Tinder or Grindr, and I flip a coin. Basically, when it landed on, it would go on either a Tinder date or a Grindr date. And through that game, I ended up going on a date with my wife. So I thought, wouldn't it be a great idea if I proposed to her on air at that same radio station?

[A]

Wait, hold on. So you found her on the app?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, hold on.

[B]

So this is a long story, but it's good.

[A]

We'll go over for this. Okay, so you. So you went onto a radio show and you're playing this game.

[B]

Yes. Tinder or Grindr?

[A]

And you pick Tinder?

[B]

I've. Okay, so I was.

[A]

You picked Grinder.

[B]

I was working on a radio show. This was a job I had. I had to move to San Francisco to do this job, and I didn't know anyone. So the game we played on the show was Tinder or Grindr, so I can meet friends. So we flipped the coin. Day one, it landed on Grindr, and I went on a Grinder day. That was fun.

[A]

This sounds like a great show.

[B]

Yes, yes. Starting next fall, my podcast, Tinder. Grinder. No, but. So. But in someone. Yeah, it landed on Tinder, and then I matched with her. She had been listening to the show.

[A]

And so she knew who you were.

[B]

Just based on that.

[A]

Okay, but isn't Tinder. Tinder has, like, a huge index of people. Okay, so she randomly knew who you are, and you went on a date.

[B]

Yep. First date. I knew. Yeah, it was done.

[A]

Really.

[B]

Like, we had. We had. We had matched up. And the essential thing was when I say she knew who I was. She heard me one time on a radio show called Loveline, and she thought that that guy has a sexy voice. It was just on the radio. Couldn't even hear me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Didn't even see me.

[A]

Dr. Drews.

[B]

Yeah, Dr. Drews. Oh, my God. Yeah, she heard. She heard me on that show and was like, he's got a sexy voice. Looked me up and was like, he's very confident, interactive. And then later ended up matching on Tinder as part of the game. We got on a date. We were really just meeting to be like, hey, are you psycho? No. Are you psycho? No. Cool. Let's fuck. That was what we were gonna do. But then within 10 minutes, it was like, ah, crap. I like you.

[A]

Really? Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, it was that.

[A]

How many Tinder dates had you been on before her?

[B]

That was the first one.

[A]

So you went on a Grindr date and then a Tinder date, and you met your wife. Wow.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And then you fast forward, how long did you guys date?

[B]

Two years. And then I was gonna propose on the same radio show. And I told that idea to her male parental figure. I don't wanna say dad. Cause he's not. Cause her dad's a dick. But. Yeah, but the guy, I said, hey, I'm gonna propose that. You know, I asked for permission. I'm old school like that. And he said, how are you going to propose? And I told him the radio show idea. And he stops and he goes, is that idea for you or for her? And I went, oh, that's good, because that's for me. That's. That. That's definitely for me. That's not a thing she would like. So instead of that, she came home from work one day and she had moved in, and I had rose petals leading out to about. To a balcony. There was candles all around. I was in a suit, Our song was playing, came over, and we danced. And then after the dance, I proposed. And she said yes, thankfully. And she was crying, and she was very happy. And then she was like, I thought you were. I didn't know you were gonna propose. I just thought it's because I called you earlier and I had a bad day at work. I'm like, you think this is for a bad day at work? Do not get used to this. This is not a bad day at work. This is not what I do. Bad day at work is. I have a bottle of whiskey open when you get home. Maybe a foot rub. That is a bad day at work. Not me in a suit. Come on. No. So, yeah, that. So that is how I actually proposed.

[A]

Wow. Yeah, man. That wraps up our show.

[B]

You think? Is that. Is that a good button on the end?

[A]

That's so good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I can't believe we ended with that, but I love it. I love that we ended with such a sweet story.

[B]

Yes. It's first dates. It's a sex podcast. Let's talk about relationships, let's talk about meeting, let's talk about some dirty shit. But at the end of the day, we're all just looking for a connection. And when I found that connection and I found that person, that was it.

[A]

That's awesome.

[B]

That's it. And now I keep trying to prove to her every day. That. That was a good decision.

[A]

Oh, great. Well, thank you for coming on my show.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

Where can people find you?

[B]

Bradwilliamscomedy.com that's the website. It's got all my stuff. Side note, I just released a hot sauce. I have my own hot sauce.

[A]

What, what's it called?

[B]

Death by Dwarf.

[A]

Okay. Is it really, really hot?

[B]

One of them is. There's like, there's five flavors. One of them's.

[A]

Next time bring me some samples.

[B]

I'm going to send a box to here and. Yeah, we're going to. You guys can do.

[A]

Okay. You hear that, fuckers? When that box gets here, you give it to me.

[B]

Yeah, so go to bradweemscomy.com. there's a. There's a link to all the tour dates. You can follow me on Instagram. Brad Williams comic. That's the main one that I use. And yeah, go to the website and order some hot sauce and buy a ticket and see me live.

[A]

Hell yeah. I can't wait to have you back for a second date. Let's go, guys. Thank you so much for watching another episode. We'll see you next time.

[B]

First date.

[A]

Baby, are you really drinking a glass of milk with dinner?

[B]

First date. I can't wait.

[A]

You told your mom about me?

[B]

Just say, you ready?

[A]

Delete my number. First date, your parents are your roommates.