We Met At My Moms Funeral w/ Jessimae Peluso | First Date with Lauren Compton

Summary

Podcast Summary: First Date with Lauren Compton

Episode: We Met At My Mom's Funeral w/ Jessimae Peluso
Date: January 13, 2026
Host: Lauren Compton (B)
Guest: Jessimae Peluso (A)

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Episode Overview

In this heartfelt and hilarious episode of "First Date," comedian and podcaster Lauren Compton sits down with fellow comedian and grief guru Jessimae Peluso. Together, they dive into Jessimae's unconventional love story—meeting her partner at her mother's funeral—and candidly explore the realities of dating, exclusivity, love languages, self-reflection, and healing old patterns. The conversation carries themes of authenticity, self-discovery, grief, humor as resilience, and what truly matters in relationships.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Jessimae’s Love Story: From Grief to Love

• Moving Between Worlds: Jessimae discusses her life split between LA and upstate New York, where her partner runs a multigenerational family farm and brewery (00:44–03:25).
• How They Met: Jessimae met her now-partner while grieving her mother's death in upstate NY. The relationship developed over years, orchestrated partly by her sister (01:55–03:25).
  • Memorable quote:

    “Girls, you’re wasting your time going to bars. You should be going to funerals.” — Jessimae (02:09)

• The Slow Burn: Their relationship simmered for years before becoming exclusive, marked by slow, meaningful moments instead of grand gestures (04:16–09:00).

2. Dating in LA and the Desire for Authenticity

• Reasons for Staying in LA: Fewer and fewer reasons keep Jessimae in LA; her heart is with her partner and the farm, reflecting a pull toward a slower, more grounded life (00:44–04:05, 15:00–16:22).
• City Life vs. Pasture Life: She contrasts the congestion of LA—“cars, people, dreams, mental illness”—with her yearning for open space, peace, and authenticity (15:00–16:22).
  • Notable quote:

    "It's like bumper cars of all of those things intersecting all the time. It's not just car crashes, it's people crashing, it's craziness crashing, it's homelessness crashing." — Jessimae (15:21)

3. Exclusivity, Monogamy & Emotional Growth

• Why Exclusivity?: Both women value being “all in” and not wasting time with noncommittal partners (04:18–05:04).
  • Notable quote:

    “Are you going to be frivolous with your one heart?... Are you out of your goddamn mind? That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard.” — Jessimae (05:22)

• Recognizing and Breaking Old Patterns: Jessimae reflects on trauma’s influence on who we attract, crediting therapy and the Hoffman Institute for helping break her cycles (16:25–18:46).

4. Love Languages, Romance, and What Matters

• First Kiss: Their first kiss was a sweet, nervous peck in a liquor store parking lot—unremarkable yet significant because their relationship was a “slow build” (08:21–09:00).
• Romantic Gestures: Jessimae realizes much of romance depends on how the giver expresses love; sometimes gestures are missed if we’re not open to them (38:11–39:45).
  • Notable quote:

    “Identifying romance and being open to it being something that you might need to interpret... might be a good tool to have.” — Jessimae (38:56)

• Food and Affection: Both bond over food as a love language. Jessimae relishes physical affection and words of affirmation, while Lauren links deep connection to sharing meals (39:27–41:36).

5. Lessons from Past Relationships

• Reflections on Exes: Jessimae details approximately five significant past relationships, viewing each as a “teacher” (26:19–28:10).
• Worst Breakup: The hardest breakup involved a restraining order on Valentine’s Day, driven by a partner’s mental illness (28:17–29:43).
  • Memorable moment:

    “Restraining order on Valentine’s Day. Go to commercial.” — Jessimae (28:17)

• Self-Responsibility: She emphasizes introspection over blame, realizing she let unhealthy partners in and that self-work is crucial (16:25–17:04).
  • Notable quote:

    “I never blame who I’m dating. I always ask... why am I attracting that?” — Jessimae (16:25)

6. What Both Women Want in Love

• Core Qualities: Peace, authenticity, the freedom to play, and deep friendship top the list for Jessimae (18:53–21:31).
  • Notable quote:

    “I want to play. Don’t you want to play?... I just want my partner and my person to be someone I can pick up the ball with.” — Jessimae (19:38, 21:29)

• Turn-Offs: Both disdain arrogance and inflexibility, and enjoy watching karma catch up with the arrogant (21:36–25:18).
• Astrology Bond: Both Lauren and Jessimae discover their birthdays are a day apart, deepening their connection over mutual Virgo status (23:48–24:03).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Attraction and Self-Growth

  “Attracting the wrong person is as simple as you and myself being able to live in that cycle of torment and that cycle of trauma...” — Jessimae (17:09)

• On First Kisses

  “You only get one. And it can indicate a lot... they can set a tone, a vibe, an intention for a relationship.” — Jessimae (08:08)

• On Peace and Authenticity

  “Authenticity is so rare... the ones that I’m most attracted to are the ones that are so rooted in who they are that they’re unfazed by anyone trying to shake that.” — Jessimae (19:28)

• On Food as Connection

  “How is food not on the fucking list?” — Jessimae (40:15);
  “If you take me to a nice meal and, like, we sit there and have conversation and we’re just like, eating well, girl, it’s over.” — Lauren (40:22)

• On Parenting and Birth Order

  “You were supposed to be a boy.” — Lauren (30:35);
  “And they saw my vagina and they went, shit... at least she’s gonna be cool.” — Jessimae (31:15–31:20)

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Important Timestamps

• 00:44–03:25: Jessimae recounts meeting her partner in upstate NY and the start of their relationship
• 04:18–05:59: Discussion on relationship exclusivity and self-worth
• 07:15–09:00: On resisting healthy love and the importance of first meaningful gestures
• 15:00–16:22: Comparing LA's chaos with the simplicity and calling of farm life
• 16:25–18:46: Self-reflection, breaking cycles, and how therapy (Hoffman Institute) reshaped her relationships
• 19:38–21:29: The need for playfulness and authenticity in love
• 21:36–25:18: Biggest turn-offs: arrogance and inflexibility; “karma” stories
• 28:17–29:43: Worst breakup—restraining order on Valentine’s Day
• 38:11–40:23: Love languages, food, meaningful gestures, and how romance is received

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Tone & Takeaways

• The episode is candid, warm, and peppered with comedic insights and raw honesty. Both Lauren and Jessimae open up about their romantic histories, revealing the growth and healing necessary for authentic connection.
• Key messages include the importance of doing internal work, recognizing our own patterns, valuing genuine connection over surface gestures, and not being afraid to seek joy, playfulness, and peace in partnership.
• The humor, vulnerability, and real-life lessons make this conversation relatable for anyone navigating love, loss, or simply seeking their own pasture.

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Guest Info & Resources

• Jessimae Peluso
  • Website: Jessimae.com
  • Podcast: Dying Laughing (making grief and laughter compatible)
  • Charity: Ambassador for Seth Rogen’s Hilarity for Charity (benefiting families facing Alzheimer’s)
  • Live appearances and ticket info available on her website

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This episode offers wisdom for those on their own "first date" journeys, plus plenty of laughs and honest reflection for single folks, coupled-up listeners, and anyone who’s ever tried to rebuild a life—and find love—after grief.

Transcript

[A]

I'm so excited to see you tonight. First date, baby. First date. First date.

[B]

What's up, you guys? Thank you for watching another episode of First Date. My guest today is a hilarious comedian. She's a podcast host and a grief guru. Give it up for Jessie Mae Peluso.

[A]

What's up, everybody? There's actual clapping and the God Mike Leadon. Woo hoo. This is real fancy and classy. I'm happy to be here.

[B]

Thanks for coming on.

[A]

Heck, yeah.

[B]

So we were just talking about LA and why you're still there.

[A]

We haven't quite gotten to an exact reason yet. Yeah, yeah, I don't know yet. I wasn't there for love or looking for love. But in the process of being there for almost 10 years now, I'm finding fewer and fewer reasons to keep me there.

[B]

Are you in love?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And he's there?

[A]

No.

[B]

Where's he at?

[A]

He's on a farm in upstate New York.

[B]

Why are you on a farm in upstate New York?

[A]

I'm living a lifetime movie like Holiday Christmas on the Hill. Why am I? I'm literally big city girl goes home, saves the farm and I'm still in la. I feel like torture.

[B]

Do you go visit the farm a lot?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. There's goats, girl. What do you mean, do I go visit the farm a lot? There are goats.

[B]

Why aren't you living on this farm?

[A]

A solid question.

[B]

Has he asked you to live on the farm?

[A]

Basically, yeah. My sister's been scamming this thing for four years. This whole. When I tell you, Lauren, this whole experience is a lifetime Christmas movie from beginning to end.

[B]

Tell me about it. I want to know. How'd y' all meet?

[A]

Great question. Glad you asked it. My mom died. Oh, my.

[B]

So y' all met at a funeral.

[A]

Is there a better place to fall in love?

[B]

Girls get you while you're down.

[A]

Absolutely. Girls are wasting their time going to bars. You should be going to funerals.

[B]

Yeah, that's what Will. What is Ferrell said in Wedding Crashers?

[A]

Did he?

[B]

He was crashing funerals.

[A]

That's right. Where's a meatloaf mom go to funerals? It's the greatest place to find love. No, my mother had passed away and I was upstate just grieving with my sister, as you do just, you know, day drinking tequila, doing edibles. We called it Eddie Bull because my sister has children.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So I'd say, is Eddie Bull coming over today? And she said, he has. He hath arrived.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I was there for a few months and going to a Place to relieve myself. Not like peeing in the woods, but hiking in the woods. And on the way home, I found his place, his farm, it was a brewery. And I started going there and working after my hikes and just processing my mom's grief. And this was years, years, years, years ago. And then every time I'd go home to visit my sister, she'd tell me about him because I introduced them. I said, you gotta go up to this place, it's amazing. Gotta bring the kids. There's a lot of fun stuff. There's goats, there's farm animals. So my sister and him and my brother in law, they all became friends.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And so for years my sister's been like, you got, come on, there's a farm. Like, come home. And I'd be like, no, I'm too busy dating narcissistic, emotionally unavailable men. Like, stop. I'm on my own journey. I gotta run this, this vehicle till.

[B]

It'S out of gas as one in LA does.

[A]

As you know, you were there. And now I'm planning on, you know, my renovations of the farm. Now I'm like, where can the horses go? Where are we putting the horses? There's a barn and there's no horses in the barn yet. Me thinks there's a problem. So when I say I don't know what I'm gonna do with living in la, that is a factor. But I was thinking that before.

[B]

Yeah. How long have y' all been together exclusively?

[A]

I don't know the math on that.

[B]

A while, though.

[A]

I mean, a short amount of time.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

We've known each other for years.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

We've known each other for a very long time. I don't know anyone that gets into a relationship. And this is just from my own perspective that doesn't wanna be exclusive. It's either. Like a guy who does at home, ketamine zoom therapy and is his own type of guru. Like, you know, like a guy in a bun who says he's a guru and like, yeah, administers ketamine. He doesn't want to be monogamous.

[B]

Right.

[A]

He doesn't want to be in like a committed relationship. He wants to be in like a cuddle puddle with a bunch of people.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Everyone else, I think, wants a committed relationship. We want monogamy and everything else is telling us otherwise. That's just my opinion. So exclusivity. I'm not, I'm not trying to get into something and have a bunch of other people to deal with. Yeah.

[B]

I don't like the Feeling of wasting time. That was always a thing to me. It's like, I don't want to date you and like, fuck around with other people. Like, either. Either we're into each other and we're going to like, give it a good solid shot, or we're not.

[A]

Right. What do we do? What are we. What are we doing time for?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're going to be. Of all things in this life and on this earth, you're going to be frivolous with your one heart. Your one fucking heart. Can I swear on this, your one heart, you're gonna treat that with frivolity? Are you out of your God damn mind? That's the craziest thing I've ever heard. Yeah, but it takes a lot of people, I think, to come to that realization, like, oh, this is valuable. Maybe I should treat it with care. It takes a lot of drugs and therapy sessions to come to that. Thousands of dollars and I'm sitting here in front of you. I hath arrived.

[B]

So what made you fall in love with him?

[A]

Goats. Next question.

[B]

Did. Did. Did he come to LA to visit you?

[A]

Not yet, I guess.

[B]

Why does he need to if he's got. If he's got the goods?

[A]

Yeah. Like, why are you coming here? Well, there. I never know where I am. I always just assume. I'm like in Los Angeles. I'm in Austin, Texas. Why would you even come there when everything that is so great is where he is? But to answer the love question, I think I did. When he told me to stop resisting, he's like, stop fighting it. And in that sentence delivered in a different scenario, like, if you're bound in the trunk, you're gonna.

[B]

Creepy.

[A]

Yeah. And also I'm gonna fight it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm trying to survive.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But that same mindset happens to people in love. Where we're coming from a survival, a place of survival. We resist because a lot of people have trauma wrapped around whatever their love language is and whatever love means to them. And sometimes when there's healthy love in front of you, you can resist it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I was resisting because I was falling into older patterns and he was like, stop fighting it. And so just like. So like, just chill. And then I just went, okay.

[B]

But like you said, it's like a Lifetime movie too. And sometimes that can, like, bring on a feeling of disbelief, Right. Where you're like, ma.

[A]

Like, where's Mark Ruffalo? He's gonna come around the corner and cause some problems. Where's the guy that's gonna fuck it all up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, there's good.

[B]

There's like a too good to be true scenario. Right. Do you remember your first kiss in.

[A]

Life or like, ever?

[B]

Within.

[A]

You know, it's funny you say that, because I was just thinking about this. And that's such an important thing, I think. Cause it goes back to the frivility thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I think we sometimes rush through stuff. I know I have in the past just rushed through things and not really savor moments. And a first kiss is an important thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You only get one. And it can indicate a lot.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They can set a tone, a vibe, an intention for a relationship.

[B]

And.

[A]

Ours was like in the parking lot of a liquor store.

[B]

Why?

[A]

It was a peck. It wasn't like. It wasn't like, you know, like a makeout sesh. It was a peck. I don't know. You know, because this whole thing has been such a slow build for so many years that I think it didn't need to be some big moment. It was cute. It was cute. It was just placed in. It was just like. Just tucked in there. And he was nervous. I could feel that he was nervous. And it felt like a check off. Like he was just checking the list. Like, meet her at the coffee shop, buy her a bottle of wine. Give her a quick peck in the parking lot. It was cute. It was very, very cute, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But don't get me wrong. Like, I want, like a whole hand behind my head, fingers in my hair.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Pull my head back and smash my head on the truck.

[B]

Did he do that later?

[A]

We're working on it. Okay. Maybe.

[B]

Maybe he'll do that for Christmas.

[A]

We're working on it. God willing. Put that in my stocking.

[B]

Is he a gentle guy?

[A]

He is. He's a. He's like a bull in a china shop. He's a big dude, but he is. Can be. He can be gentle.

[B]

Well, the bigger they are, the harder they fall. Yeah.

[A]

God, I love. I love a big. I love a thick tree trunk of a man.

[B]

I do, too.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is that your. Is that your type?

[B]

My man's that way, too.

[A]

He's a big dude. Does he just grunt? Does he even speak? That's how he talks to me, you know?

[B]

And you're like, okay, I'll get you a cup of coffee.

[A]

Fair. So fair. Can I ask, what does he do? Does he do anything with that?

[B]

He owns a barbecue restaurant. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Smoking meat.

[B]

Yeah. So he's like a real meat guy.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

And he's tall and he's thick and he's burly and he's got, like, a beard and dark hair and light eyes. And he's like a teddy bear, too. But he has, like. Like, deep down, he has, like, the anger and aggression. So I know that there's, like, a real tough guy down in there.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But he's got, like, such a big, fluffy teddy bear on top of him. But it's like, if you poke the bear.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He can. You can. He can turn into, like, the grizzly bear.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So there's always something kind of hot about that. To me.

[A]

It's always something hot about kind of being bald.

[B]

I'm just kind of like, oh, I don't know. Like, whenever he gets angry, I'm like.

[A]

Hurry, hurry, hurry to the bedroom.

[B]

I'm so scared.

[A]

I love a burly guy. Love him.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. That's good for you. I don't know you that well, but I think that's a good vibe.

[B]

It is a good vibe. You know, that was. He's the only guy I've ever really dated like that. Like, emotionally, even physically. Like, my. Every guy I've dated has been completely polar opposite, but I feel like I leave one guy and then I look for something just totally different. Then I date that guy and I look for something totally different.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So I've been going totally different my whole life.

[A]

And then you landed on the Right.

[B]

And then I landed on the barbecue.

[A]

The thick trunk.

[B]

The thick trunk.

[A]

Now, did you smell his meats? How did you.

[B]

We met at his restaurant.

[A]

I. Girl, I was like, you don't even have to tell me twice. Like, if there's food. Like, I'm in love already.

[B]

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[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If you're smoking meats.

[B]

Oh, food is what we do.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Food is it.

[A]

That's amazing.

[B]

So our whole relationship is like, we love to eat.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So we just eat our way through the world.

[A]

You met him at your. At his restaurant.

[B]

I did.

[A]

I just got to see the hands that are briskin, this brisket that are. I don't know what you do with meats, but he was brisket. Brisket.

[B]

He cooked brisket. Yeah, but he's not the chef. Like, he's not the cook. He's got people that cook.

[A]

Yeah, of course he does for him. But he's too big. Growling. He's too busy being a big guy. Growling.

[B]

What? So does. What does your guy do on this farm?

[A]

Well, they have a lot of different. It's like an event space. There's a old barn. It's a family farm. It's been in the family for like 180 years. Cool. It's like over 100 acres. And they do a lot of events. They have a restaurant as well. They have meats. They have a smokehouse.

[B]

Love it.

[A]

Donkeys.

[B]

So we know he's not vegan.

[A]

No, he's not vegan. We know he's gonna be able to survive in a storm. And if there's war, he'll have energy. He'll get through it. He'll get through it. He has a family farm that he runs with his family.

[B]

That's cool.

[A]

Ye.

[B]

So what do you think the future looks like?

[A]

If you had to guess me on a horse. Topless. Hot. Yeah. Not in front of his children. Just like, you know, on like a good day where there's no one around. Maybe on a day off. Even though farms never really have a day off. But I'M gonna change that.

[B]

You're gonna kill this man.

[A]

There's the clip. Clip it.

[B]

He's coming. He's going to have a heart attack and die. I bet if you told him that was your dream, a horse would arrive on Christmas Day.

[A]

Oh, he's already, literally already had a.

[B]

It's terrible. I hope he's okay.

[A]

You know, a lot of where I. One of the reasons why I think I want to leave LA is just because of the congestion. The congestion of cars, of people, of dreams, of mental illness. There's just so much congestion.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like bumper cars of all of those things intersecting all the time. It's not just car crashes, it's people crashing, it's craziness crashing, it's homelessness crashing. So it's overwhelming. And so I think even before getting there and having that affect me as a person, in my heart, I've always been someone who wants to be on a pasture. I want to be on a pasture.

[B]

Well, I mean, you found the pasture.

[A]

I found the pasture. Manifesting is real. Yeah, you gotta manifest and you have to be specific. Because a lot of people, and even me in my past, I would ask the universe, I just want someone, girl, you better be careful. Cause they'll deliver a narcissist. There's someone. You gotta be specific about what you asked the universe for. And so I got really specific about what I wanted, how I wanted them to be, what I wanted them to be for. Their constitution, their integrity, their moral compass. And then you get a farmer with a pasture.

[B]

So you have to go through a lot of bad seeds to get to the good one.

[A]

Well, I think the bad seed you have to crack open is the one inside of you. Cause I never blame who I'm dating. I always ask. Or I got to the point where I started to ask, why am I attracting that?

[B]

That's a good question to ask yourself. I never asked myself that.

[A]

A lot of us don't.

[B]

I'm always like, God, that guy, that guy sucked.

[A]

Him, that guy sucked. But you let that sucky guy into your life. I know. That's the bigger why.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I know. Again, tens of thousands of dollars in years of therapy to go, oh, wow.

[B]

So why do you think that you were attracting the wrong type of guy?

[A]

I think for the reason that most of us attract the wrong type of person to live in the cycle of pain that we have been accustomed to our whole life, that allows us to go through these patterns that we have identified as our love connection or the way we get love or how we need to be in order to receive love. And a lot of that is based in traumatic experiences growing up in our childhood, how our parents connected with us, how their parents connected with them. It's that rudimentary? Yeah, it's so fucking rudimentary. So I think it's just. Attracting the wrong person is as simple as you and myself being able to live in that cycle of torment and that cycle of trauma to keep us in that pattern of love that we learned growing up. And I went to a place. Have you ever heard of Hoffman? This is such an LA question.

[B]

No.

[A]

The Hoffman Institute is a worldwide institute that basically dilutes down 10 years of therapy into a week. You scream on a mountaintop and there's a lot of other things that happen. But essentially I went there and it really cracked open a lot of what I was holding onto and gave me a deeper understanding of why I was attracting these types of people. And it sort of set me free in a way. Set me free from needing to be in that cycle. I didn't. I was like, oh, I don't need to be in this cycle. I'm an amazing person with flaws, but I'm pretty dope.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, if I love you, you'll get blowjobs.

[B]

What are you looking for in a relationship?

[A]

Peace. General peace. Like, more peace than anything.

[B]

Like, you get along with someone really well.

[A]

Yeah. A friend. A friend you can be completely authentic with. Authenticity is so rare. It's so rare. And I think when people talk about magnetism, what they're really saying is authenticity. Because I think the people I've met in my life, the ones that I'm most attracted to, are the ones that are so rooted in who they are that they're unfazed by anyone trying to shake that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So, yeah. I think I forgot what the question.

[B]

Was, what you're looking for.

[A]

Oh, and also authenticity. And also besides peace. And that play. I want to play. Don't you want to play?

[B]

Always.

[A]

It sounds like you play with your husband.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Poke him a little bit. Get them to be, you know, spicy so you can run and feel like you're being attacked safely.

[B]

But I just can't be too, like, I'm. I feel like it's really easy for me to get really serious. And so I don't like that about myself because I always want to keep things, like, a little bit on the lighter, more fun side. I'm happier there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And when I just start to get too serious. Like, that's one thing I love about my husband is he can always kind of like take me out of that a little bit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or he'll say something that makes me kind of crack a little and I'm like, ah, fuck. Like. And then it like brings me back out. And so I do think that that's really important. And a lot of people are looking for someone who's funny. You know, you always hear someone, I want to laugh. I need someone who's funny.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Like, he doesn't, he doesn't need to be funny.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But he needs to be able to like, bring more of that, like, funny. Some funny thoughts out of me.

[A]

Yeah. Like play.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

We have to play. We need to have fun. Like when I was a kid, I'm sure when you were a kid, we always played with a ball, the proverbial ball, the toy, the. The world of make believe, pretend, whatever it was. Even just running. We just like to run. Remember, just running as a kid.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, you want to run? Let's go run. Like, that was so much fun. Then you become a girl and you have to run because men are chasing you somewhere. Play becomes survival. And so it's like we pick up the ball as a kid and we drop it as a human adult and forget to play. So I just want my partner and my person to be someone I can pick up the ball with.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And play with.

[B]

What's your biggest turn off?

[A]

Arrogance and inflexibility. Someone who is so rooted in an idea, a creed, a topic. I believe the more flexible we are with all aspects of life, even our faith, the more will flow. And I'm not saying to let go of your faith. I'm not saying to change it. I just think when we start to allow a little bit of fluidity into our lives and all these different facets, you like, exhale a little, you stop holding on so much. You just create some space for expansion.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think if we didn't hold so steadfast to who we are that we become who we're meant to be.

[B]

Well, I think there's a little bit of truth in kind of all religions and spirituality. Like if there's.

[A]

Did you read about that guy who's handwriting the. The Quran?

[B]

No.

[A]

There's a guy I think in. They could probably fact check Uzbekistan, I believe, and he is taking on handwriting the Quran in calligraphy. I think he's just got one copy done, but he's going through and handwriting it. I don't know if he's selling them. He should be selling.

[B]

Does this guy have nothing else to do?

[A]

It's a good question. Like maybe that sounds like a wild hobby bored person. Like, you know what?

[B]

Like I could think of 100,000 other things I'd rather do.

[A]

Right? I wanna knit.

[B]

Yeah. I didn't even wanna write thank you notes to people. I do cause it's nice and I like wanna be that person. But the whole time I'm writing em.

[A]

I'm just like, does your handwriting change seven times? Yeah. I'm like, does a serial killer write this?

[B]

My handwriting changes from the first sentence. It'll be like so pretty. And then by the end of it, when I sign off my name, it's like.

[A]

Did she write this while she was hiking?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

So anyway, is it Ubekistan? I'm a Virgo. I need the details.

[B]

I am too.

[A]

You are?

[B]

I am.

[A]

Shut up.

[B]

When's your birthday?

[A]

The 16th.

[B]

Mine's the 15th.

[A]

I peed a little.

[B]

Me too.

[A]

That's awesome. I knew I liked you for deeper reasons. I was like looking you up online. I'm like, I like this girl.

[B]

Anyway, back to. Oh, there's a little bit of truth to all religions. I also like to observe arrogant people because if you watch them, the karma that hits them is always so great.

[A]

It is wonderful.

[B]

I could never date a very arrogant person. I think it's so annoying. Like I'm just like, no, get away from me. But like, let's stay in contact.

[A]

Yeah, but let's like face.

[B]

I want to like know about the karma that hits you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because when people are really cocky or overconfident and they, they say things or like I'm better at that than you. Like, oh, I can't wait.

[A]

I can't wait. Can't wait for you to come across an unexpected shot hole.

[B]

Yeah. Like always. It always happens. So they're really fun people to.

[A]

And that's like a good point because I think if we hang onto that, knowing that when people are arrogant around you let it trigger you less because you know it's gonna, they're gonna be taken care of.

[B]

They always get their comeuppance.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I learned that from the mummy, you know.

[A]

Oh my God. Brendan Fraser.

[B]

Yeah. Whenever, like Rachel wise, I was talking to the little beady eyed Egypt guy that's like the rat and she's like, rats, like you always get their comeuppance. So I always remembered that as like, that's arrogant people. They always get their comeuppance. So just.

[A]

I'm Wheezing.

[B]

Remember that?

[A]

I'll never forget it. You think I'm gonna forget? You looked right into my soul. You were Rachel Weiss. And I pictured the rat. Yeah.

[B]

That little guy. Yeah. And he's like. Like, that's exactly how he acts with all of his, like, jingling, thievery things.

[A]

Yeah. That's a real thing.

[B]

Yeah. So how many. Let's get back to your dating life.

[A]

Cool.

[B]

So how many relationships have you been in?

[A]

I've never counted. Are we going way back to, like, Kevin Harp when I was in second grade?

[B]

I would say, like, relationships that have shaped you in some way. Like, some real relevant relationships.

[A]

I'd say about five.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Four or five. Lived with all of them.

[B]

How is that?

[A]

I'm alive to tell the tale.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Could have gone a different way.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It was really, like. It was a crash course in, like, Airbnb of the soul, you know, because we live in these little pockets of our lives, these little, like, encapsulated eras, and they're all like these little homes, like, literal and figuratively. Like, you live in a place with this guy. I lived in a place with this guy. Then I lived in a place with this guy. And I was a different iteration of myself in each place. And they all. They're all teachers. All of them were teachers for me. And I didn't realize this until afterwards, because when I'm in it without any tools or any awareness or any understanding, I'm flailing and just cycling through idiot after idiot and being like, God, why? Like, this guy's such an idiot. I'm the only. I'm the common denominator idiot in all of it. You know, so was. I don't highly recommend moving right in with anybody. Maybe do a background check. That sounds very like, a common joke that people say, but I'm not even kidding. There's people you can hire? Yeah, there's people around town. Why not? Landlords don't even let you in their place that they don't live in that they own from a distance.

[B]

That's facts.

[A]

With a background check, for the most part.

[B]

What was your worst breakup?

[A]

Restraining order on Valentine's Day. Go to commercial.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Same. You know, that was, like, one of the hardest relationships I ever had, but the most. Probably the most important relationship I had ever had.

[B]

I wish there was a plot twist and you were like, it was against me.

[A]

Dun, dun, dun. That's a different Lifetime movie.

[B]

No, but. So you had to file a restraining order against someone else on Valentine's Day.

[A]

I got it granted on Valentine's Day. I was in court on Valentine's Day.

[B]

Yeah. A day of law was like stalking you.

[A]

He was all the things he had a lot of. He had a Venn diagram of mental illness. And it was like my first real experience in Los Angeles dealing with someone who had actual clinical. Diagnosed mental illness. And I didn't know about it. It was not something like. When you meet people, they're not necessarily. Some of them may be forthcoming and transparent, but most people aren't gonna lead with their worst attributes. We've been trained to lead with our best foot. Put your best foot forward. Fuck that. Give me your wrinkled, crimpled, budget ass Ross Dress for less foot. Give me your discount bin foot.

[B]

So what did you find out about him?

[A]

Narcissistic borderline personality disorder.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Which is a fancy clinical term for run girl run run, forest run.

[B]

How long were y' all together?

[A]

Under a year and around a year and a half. And, you know, it was such a whirlwind of an experience. He was a beautiful man, an Adonis. My sister, even to this day goes. He was the best looking one. I go girl. Do you remember Court? Not very attractive. You know, your sister sounds cool. She's so fun.

[B]

Is she your only sibling?

[A]

I have. I'm the youngest of four girls. Wow. And that's a recipe for comedy.

[B]

You were supposed to be a boy.

[A]

I have always said that. And my dad. I don't think my dad thought I wasn't.

[B]

Because if I had three girls, the only reason I'd try for a fourth is to have the boy for sure.

[A]

And it's funny because the way you put it, I never thought about it that way, but I always felt like the boy.

[B]

I'm glad you are a girl.

[A]

You're a dope girl.

[B]

But you're probably so dope because you've got. You're a dude. Your parents put all that energy into you when you were made.

[A]

Right, right, right, right.

[B]

And so.

[A]

And they saw my vagina and they went, shit.

[B]

Fuck. Damn it. At least she's gonna be cool.

[A]

At least she's gonna be cool. Down to earth and like bugs and snakes. That's so freaking funny. But, yeah, I'm the youngest of three girls. And my. My dad had a marriage and two girls and then had my sister and I with my mother. And so my sister and I are very, very tight.

[B]

Okay. So then that's a different story.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But still very funny. Still gonna use it. I'm gonna try it at the comedy mothership tonight. I'll report back.

[B]

Thank you. I wanna know how.

[A]

I'm not even kidding.

[B]

If you just marinate it for like a minute. I bet we can. When people ask you why you're so cool, right? You were supposed to be a dude.

[A]

The third of the last.

[B]

The last of four girls.

[A]

Yeah, you're right.

[B]

Yeah. I even whenever we go to restaurants and I always see like a family sitting there and they have four girls. My husband and I always kind of look at each. Look at them and then we look at each other and we're like supposed to be a dude.

[A]

Supposed to be a dude.

[B]

Supposed to.

[A]

Still can. Yeah. Still can.

[B]

Never know.

[A]

Never know.

[B]

Especially never mind. You know, we'll get in there. Yeah. We've already podcast is done.

[A]

A line.

[B]

A border. A border.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Clearly. Clearly past that border.

[A]

We have to laugh about it all. So what we were talking about the hot guy, straight.

[B]

Oh, yes. Okay. Okay. So that was your worst breakup. The filing restraining order on Valentine's.

[A]

The worst.

[B]

Probably. What has been like the most romantic thing that's happened to you in a relationship.

[A]

Hmm. There's been a few things. I think probably this is like something small, but what I can remember my first like true love. We're still friends. When I was younger, 18 to 20, early 20s. Randall. Shout out to Randall. Amazing drummer, very talented musician.

[B]

He.

[A]

We had our anniversary and this is when I was living in Boston and we were living together. The first of many roommate boyfriends. He had the restaurant personalize the menu for us and had written like Happy anniversary our names on it and just made it very personal.

[B]

There's a lot of effort that goes into that.

[A]

Yeah. A lot of coordination. Probably, you know, probably a couple bills under the table, like help me out. And you know, it's funny because I can't really remember a lot more romantic gestures besides like I dated these twins. Not both of them, but there was a twin when I was in like middle school and Jeff. Jeff. We won't say his last name. He gave me cigarettes on the playground, you know, like just that like effort.

[B]

You know. When I was just in New York, I was walking by, I was just walking down the street and you know, you walk pretty fast, but we were turning a corner, so it was like a slower turn and there was like this 14 year old kid with a cigarette and he was talking to his friend who was just sitting there, kind of like staring at him and he goes, today was a pretty good day.

[A]

Take me straight to the cigarette stop.

[B]

According to. I don't Know, but I just lost it. I just lost it. It was like a 55 year old man in this little boy's body. And we both turned and looked at him and we were like, that was a kid. And just like, just had the most adult conversation with his friend. Just smoking this cigarette and he was holding it just like that too.

[A]

Today was a pretty good day. But, you know, to that I will say that kids that grow up in New York City are very. And have to be by trade, mature. They're just a different animal. It's a different animal.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They've got this like worldly understanding and worldly knowledge because of their exposure and proximity to so many different cultures.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, you walk down a New York City block, you're hearing three or four different nations, you're smelling different cultural, culinary experiences.

[B]

You're just in a really, really big place.

[A]

You're in a big place with a lot people from around the. It's the melting pot of the world.

[B]

Every time I go there, it. It's the one place in the world to me that just feels huge.

[A]

It does feel very big and expansive and like there's no. You don't feel borders.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Of any type. You don't feel. And I'm not just talking about like border. Those types of borders. I just mean any type of border. It feels so open.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In every direction.

[B]

Like it's a big, big place. So. Yeah. Being there, it's a pretty good day.

[A]

If you can say that in New York. There were so many experiences in New York where I could have been like, that was a pretty good day.

[B]

Yeah. I felt it when he said that, you know, when he said it was a pretty good day, I was like, I bet that kid had a great day on the playground. He got an extra cookie in the cafeteria.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like, yeah. That kid probably had a great. Asked a girl out and she probably said yes.

[A]

Right. It's like, ah, killed it today.

[B]

Yeah, he had a great day.

[A]

Probably made some sucking down a cigarette, made some good bitcoin investments. Kids are different now.

[B]

Yeah. I was just like, man, so, yeah, that's funny. This, that cigarette moment will live with me for a long, long time.

[A]

It'll live with me as well. It just.

[B]

Those are some moments. Yes. So that was a sweet thing that happened to you. And.

[A]

Yeah, I can't. So I was gonna say, like, I can't really. And this is more testament to me in the lens through which I have lived in my relationships. I can't remember a lot of romantic gestures and that's not that they weren't given to me. Maybe I wasn't in a place to really receive them and feel like I was worthy of them. But now my man now is very romantic and does things like he's a provider and gives. He's a giver. And so I can already feel that there are and have been romantic gestures in his own language. That's the other thing romantic gestures are really dependent on, I think, the way in which the person who's delivering them feels and experiences and identifies love. In what way do they mainly experience love? Because I think that will determine how they express it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, we talk about, like, the five languages of love. I think there's a lot. I know books can make a list, and we love a list, But I think that there's probably a few different. Maybe some more in there. But if we're talking about that, I think that's an important thing to think about when you're in relationships so that you can decipher what the romance is. It might not be a rose. Maybe your man doesn't give roses. Maybe he doesn't know or has never been told sweet nothings. He or she. So I think identifying romance and being open to it being something that you might need to interpret. Mm. Might be a good tool to have. Yeah. To have in a relationship. Cause I think. I just think about when you ask that question, me not being able to conjure up a lot. And I think that's one of the reasons.

[B]

What is your love language?

[A]

I like to. I'm affectionate. I'm a Sicilian. My. I'm surprised I've kept my hand. I think it's because the shape of the chair. I feel like I'm gonna break shit. But normally, I'm. I'm a mime. Yeah. And I'm just physical, and I like to touch, and I'm very, very affectionate. I also like to give gifts in time, like my time. And I like to receive all of it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I recently was thinking about this. I think words of affirmation I receive the most because I use words. You know, I like to write, and I speak. I'm an orator and a writer, So I feel like I like to. I can receive that. I can intellectualize that as like a Virgo.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I believe I intellectualize a lot. I'm not saying I'm a genius. It's just how I process things.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think I am analytical. So when someone speaks it to me, I can be like, oh, I know. Okay. I'm cute. Thank you. Thank you. Just tell me. What? Wake up and tell me that you couldn't wait to wake up because you missed it to me in the night, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, just tell me.

[B]

I listen to all five.

[A]

All five. I'm so greedy. Food. Is that love language? How is food not on the fucking list?

[B]

Food is on the list.

[A]

Is it?

[B]

Yeah. I even said recently that food is my love language. If you take me to a nice meal and, like, we sit there and have conversation and we're just like, eating well, girl, it's over.

[A]

We're eating well.

[B]

I'm happy. That's like, I can't be any happier than that. No, it lasts a long time. I'm full.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

You've hit my senses.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You put me in the car. I essentially want to be fed. Here's. Here's my ideal nice steak. Like a really deliciously marinated seasoned steak. I'm hearing it. Moo. Sorry to all animals lover out there, Animal lovers. We've been eating cows and animals for a long, long time. I love them. I love them in all shapes and forms, especially on my plate. And you feed me a steak and there's a fucking glass of red wine on the table, bitch. A nice glass of possibly Nero d'. Avola.

[B]

It's a good one.

[A]

It's a good Sicilian red. Very hard to find. I'm surprised you know what it is.

[B]

I do know what it is.

[A]

That's. You get those two things in a catch on fire, girl.

[B]

Oh. Throw a fireplace in, then swaddle me.

[A]

And put me in the back of the car.

[B]

Panty dropper.

[A]

Panty dropper. Just wanna be fed and swaddled. Hey. Is that too much to ask?

[B]

It's not. You're a baby.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

That's all my son wants to see.

[A]

I'm a son. I'm your son.

[B]

Yeah, you're a dude. This has been so fun.

[A]

Are we already done? I know, guys, this has been a lot of fun.

[B]

You have to come back.

[A]

I will. I like that you went deep with me.

[B]

I like that you went deep with me.

[A]

I can sense. Cause when you were just talking about that, I was like, yeah, I can sense that. She likes you like to be serious. You said you like to.

[B]

Yeah, I can go that way. But then I like, wanna go the other way too. I'm a real back and forth kind of bitch.

[A]

Yeah, I like that. I like that about you.

[B]

I like that about you too.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

This has been a great day.

[A]

Okay. Let me know if you think about me later.

[B]

I will.

[A]

I'll miss you.

[B]

Where can people find you?

[A]

You can find me@Jessie Mae.com for all things. My podcast is like a grief survival guide podcast. Making grief fun, making laughter a part of loss. It's called Dying Laughing with Jessie May.

[B]

Oh, I like that.

[A]

A lot of fun because I think it's a universal experience we all have and can be so heavy. So I'm here to bring a little joy to it. Also, come see me live. Their tickets are available on my website. And I sometimes forget to say I'm an ambassador for Hilarity for Charity, which is Seth Rogen. I'm sure you know, that's cool. And Lauren Miller Rogan, his wife. They're amazing charity. They raise funds for families dealing with Alzheimer's.

[B]

Cool.

[A]

And they raise money because a lot of times these family members end up becoming caregivers for their loved ones because the disease is tricky and sneaky and you often times go bankrupt. So their funds go towards these families. So a portion of my ticket sales and my merch sales go towards their foundation.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And you can find that information soon on my website. We're putting that together.

[B]

That's very generous.

[A]

Yeah. So by supporting me or supporting a good cause, My dad passed away from Alzheimer's, so it's very near and dear to my heart. So to be able to use my voice and my joy and my gift to help others brings me joy and connection to my dad.

[B]

That's amazing.

[A]

Yeah. Thank you.

[B]

Thank you for coming on.

[A]

You're welcome.

[B]

Thank you guys for watching another episode of First Date. We'll see you next time.

[A]

First Date.

[B]

Baby, are you really drinking a glass of milk with dinner? You told your mom about me? Just say you're ready. Delete my number.

[A]

First Date.

[B]

Your parents are your roots, mate.