Why Atlanta Has the Best Strip Clubs: Bruce Bruce Tells All! | First Date with Lauren Compton

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Why Atlanta Has the Best Strip Clubs: Bruce Bruce Tells All!" | First Date with Lauren Compton

Introduction

In this engaging episode of First Date with Lauren Compton, host Lauren Compton sits down with the legendary comedian and actor, Bruce Bruce. Tapping into Bruce's extensive experience in the entertainment industry and his candid insights into dating, the conversation delves deep into various topics ranging from strip clubs in Atlanta to personal relationships and family life. Released on January 21, 2025, this episode promises a wild ride through Bruce's humorous and heartfelt stories.

---

Meet and Greet

Lauren welcomes Bruce with enthusiasm, highlighting his ongoing tour and upcoming Netflix comedy special.

Lauren [00:48]: "Hello and welcome to another episode of First Date with Me as your host, Lauren Compton. My guest today today is a legendary comic and actor... Give it up for Bruce."

Bruce responds with confidence and charm, setting a lighthearted tone for the conversation.

Bruce [01:06]: "I feel super sexy today, you know?"

---

Discussing Friendships and Wrestling

The conversation kicks off with Bruce sharing his connections in Atlanta, mentioning notable friends like Mark Henry and Stone Cold Steve Austin. Their mutual appreciation for wrestling creates a relatable bond between them.

Bruce [01:28]: "He used to be a wrestler. The world's strongest man. And of course, Stone Cold Steve Austin."

Lauren adds her own experiences, reminiscing about WrestleMania and Triple H, further cementing their shared interest.

Lauren [02:03]: "He's not even my favorite. I like Stone Cold Steve Austin."

---

Strip Clubs in Atlanta: The Heart of the Discussion

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to Bruce's insights on why Atlanta boasts some of the best strip clubs. He paints a vivid picture of the unique offerings in Southern strip clubs, emphasizing their diverse amenities and quality of food.

Bruce [06:45]: "Strip clubs got the best food. I'm from Atlanta, Georgia. Right. I'm from Atlanta, Georgia. So, you know, in Atlanta, Georgia. So, you know, in Atlanta, Georgia. So, you keep it in your purse like."

Lauren expresses her surprise and curiosity about the multifaceted nature of these establishments.

Lauren [07:11]: "Do you even look at the girls?"

Bruce humorously clarifies that their visits are more about the dining experience than the entertainment.

Bruce [07:29]: "It's excellent. These guys take pride in their cooking."

---

Personal Anecdotes and Family Life

Bruce transitions into more personal territory, sharing stories about his family, including his relationship with his wife and his adorable granddaughter, Emily. He highlights the joys and challenges of married life, blending humor with sincerity.

Bruce [19:14]: "My son is 41 in this month. And when he was born, I stopped drinking."

Lauren and Bruce discuss the dynamics of open relationships, with Bruce providing his candid perspective on their viability.

Bruce [11:05]: "It's a dead wife. No, I didn't say that. I'm joking."

---

Overcoming Vices and Embracing Sobriety

A heartfelt segment unfolds as Bruce opens up about his past struggles with alcohol. He narrates the turning point influenced by his son's birth and the loss of his uncle, Hustler, a functioning alcoholic whose battle with addiction profoundly impacted Bruce.

Bruce [24:03]: "What made me stop? My son. He'd be 41 in this month. And when he was born, I stopped drinking."

This admission adds depth to Bruce's character, showcasing his journey towards sobriety and personal growth.

---

Navigating Relationships and Marriage

Lauren and Bruce delve into the complexities of relationships, discussing red flags, the importance of consistency, and the challenges of balancing personal habits with mutual understanding. Bruce shares anecdotes about past relationships, emphasizing the significance of compatibility and genuine connection.

Bruce [31:14]: "They do. Most women think that. And I'm gonna say this... You are not gonna change a man. You're gonna... Only time he's gonna change is when he want to."

---

Proposing and Wedding Stories

The episode crescendos with Bruce recounting the elaborate and humorous tale of how he proposed to his wife. From renting a historic building for the proposal to the mishaps with wedding planning, Bruce's story is both entertaining and revealing of his dedication.

Bruce [36:36]: "I rented that building, right? Their building was ten grand. To rent it for that one day, okay."

Lauren and Bruce laugh over the challenges and unexpected twists that come with planning a wedding, highlighting the importance of compromise and understanding between partners.

---

Closing Thoughts

As the episode wraps up, Bruce offers light-hearted advice to Lauren and the listeners, blending humor with practical wisdom about parenting and managing finances.

Bruce [44:27]: "You should wait. See, one thing. See one thing about relationships, you know, sex is easy. That's really easy. We know how to do that."

Lauren expresses her appreciation for Bruce's candidness and humor, rounding off the episode on a warm and inviting note.

Lauren [45:02]: "Well, thank you for coming on my show."

---

Notable Quotes

• Bruce on Strip Clubs in Atlanta [06:45]: "Strip clubs got the best food. I'm from Atlanta, Georgia. So, you keep it in your purse like..."

• Bruce on Relationships [31:14]: "You are not gonna change a man. You're gonna... Only time he's gonna change is when he want to."

• Bruce on Sobriety [24:03]: "What made me stop? My son. He'd be 41 in this month. And when he was born, I stopped drinking."

---

Conclusion

This episode of First Date with Lauren Compton offers a blend of humor, personal stories, and insightful discussions with Bruce Bruce. From the vibrant strip club scene in Atlanta to navigating the intricacies of marriage and sobriety, listeners are treated to an authentic and entertaining conversation. Whether you're a fan of Bruce's comedy or seeking relatable stories about dating and relationships, this episode delivers a compelling and enjoyable experience.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

First date, baby. First date.

[A]

I can't wait.

[B]

First date.

[A]

Hello and welcome to another episode of First Date with Me as your host, Lauren Compton. My guest today today is a legendary comic and actor. He's on tour right now. He has a Netflix Come special coming out later this year. Give it up for Bruce.

[B]

Bruce, how you doing?

[A]

I'm good. Thank you for coming on.

[B]

Well, thank you. I feel super sexy today, you know?

[A]

You look sexy.

[B]

Yeah, I feel sexy, you know.

[A]

How long are you in town for?

[B]

I'm here for three days. I'll be here Friday, Saturday, and Sunday and at Cap City and we're just gonna have a ball. It's a nice area, nice club, and the people come out and support. I like that.

[A]

Do you have any friends here?

[B]

Yeah, I have one. His name is Mark Henry.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

He used to be a wrestler. The world's strongest man. And of course, Stone Cold Steve Austin.

[A]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

Who we adore. Who's the coolest dude in the world?

[A]

I just started watching the new WWE live on Netflix last night.

[B]

Yeah. So Stone Cold is cool, man.

[A]

That's cool. I used to be really into WrestleMania.

[B]

Oh, I love wrestling.

[A]

I love it.

[B]

Oh, I love. I mean, I've been as a kid, like, Teddy Long. I don't know if you remember Teddy Long. He went by Theodore Long. And he's been. I've been a friend of his for, like.

[A]

I'm in a triple H. Yeah. Triple H, like, era.

[B]

You kind of bougie, you know, triple eight and. Yeah, you're kind of bougie.

[A]

He's not even my favorite. I like Stone Cold Steve Austin.

[B]

Stone Cold is the man. He's.

[A]

He was always the man.

[B]

But my favorite wrestler is the Undertaker.

[A]

Oh, he was a good one, too.

[B]

Oh, yeah, the Undertaker. And when he come out and roll his eyes back, like he's demonic, you know, I'm like, it's all an act. This dude is making my. He's so Demonic. He's got the devil in him. Ain't no devil. And I do my eyes like this. Ooh, you're demonic, too? No, I can't do that. But the undertaker, when I met him, he say, somebody told me you was coming. He was really cool. And he was back in the back with the chiropractor. Cause, you know, they get thrown around a lot, and the chiropractor was working on him and everything, and. But he was super cool, you know.

[A]

When I was growing up, I wanted to be a chiropractor. I'm glad that didn't happen.

[B]

Did you?

[A]

I did, but I. I don't think I could have. I don't have the muscle to, like.

[B]

Well, I don't know what I was gonna be. I didn't care. Like, when I grew up, you know, my aunt like, bruce gonna be a doctor. Bruce gonna be a lawyer. I'm like, no, I'm not. I knew I wasn't gonna be this. No, I am not gonna be this. And my uncle said, you're gonna be a fool. I'm like, you the man, you know? So I didn't know. You know, like, most kids have a dream. I want to be a fireman. I want to be a policeman, you know? I know. I didn't want to be none of that. I just wanted to be me.

[A]

Well, that seems like that's exactly what you got.

[B]

That's what I did.

[A]

I wanted to have my own practice, and I wanted to have a little white dog named Bones.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yep. Because I thought that'd be cute for a chiropractor's office.

[B]

Well, you know, I used to like dogs. I'm scared of them now, you know? Dude, stick the dog on me back in the day when I was, like, 10, and he had a chain on the dog. You know how you have a chain on the dog? It was, like, three miles long. So he was standing. Yeah. And we was. I'm running from the dog. And the dog was still coming. I was like, this dog is still coming, and he's standing back laughing, you know?

[A]

But was it like a pit bull?

[B]

It wasn't a pit bull. It was probably a German shepherd mixer or something. But he was fast. But he went faster than me.

[A]

Those are all scary dogs.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Pit bulls are scary.

[A]

I'm talking about, like, a little miniature schnauzer or something.

[B]

You keep it in your purse like.

[A]

Some little shitty dog, you know?

[B]

Yeah. My cousin had a. They had a little Chihuahua.

[A]

He used to drink beer.

[B]

He used to drink beer. Oh, I mean, straight out the bowl, he just drank the beer. He ate corn on the cob. I couldn't believe this thought. He just eat the corn on the cob. He was weird. His name was Petey.

[A]

Petey.

[B]

Yeah, Petey. Hey, Petey. He had a deep voice, right? Cause he drink beer all the time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm surprised he didn't smoke cigarettes.

[B]

Little fat belly. Little fat belly. You know, he was not big, but that belly was big. Peter, drink.

[A]

Dang. He sounds comfortable.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Here are some appetizer questions. Okay, so we're gonna get into your dating life.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I've got some easy questions.

[B]

Well, let's do it.

[A]

Got some harder questions. Okay, let's see here. Do you like sports?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Do you think that a sporting event is a good place to take someone for a date?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you like what? What's your favorite sport?

[B]

You know, football. Basketball. Now, baseball to me is boring. Baseball is for old people, you know, like your grandmama, granddad. They sit there all day. Oh, he's gonna walk him. He's gonna walk him. You know what I'm saying? But basketball is the best time. Playoffs, football, year round. I love it. I can look at football all day. But the key thing is, if you got a girl you wanna take out, let her know upfront, hey, I like sports, and I like to go see basketball, and I like to go see football. Do you like that? You know, you got to let her know upfront.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. You gotta get an understanding.

[A]

What is the worst place you've ever been on a date?

[B]

The worst place I ever been on a date. Or this girl wanted to take me to a strip club, and I'm like, we can go. But why? And come to find out, she knew all the strippers. You know, I'm like, this. I'm right with this one right here. Yeah. I was like, no, I'm not cool with this. You know? Cause I, you know, I wanted the strip, but, you know, I didn't have a body for it. I was gonna name myself Lemon Pound Cake.

[A]

Oh, my goodness. Lemon Pound Cake sounds delicious.

[B]

Give it to him. You know. But, yeah, strip club. And she knew everybody. That bothers me.

[A]

How did she know everyone?

[B]

I don't know. Did she.

[A]

Was that her place of res work?

[B]

No, she didn't work there. And, like, we go out to eat or something. Like, we go to just go eat. And she. It'd be a female waitress. And she go like, hi, how are you doing? And she looks her up and down like a dude. Would. Hi, how are you doing? Like, what's up here? What's going on right here? But, you know, that was her thing. She was gorgeous, though. She was gorgeous, but it was something about her.

[A]

Do you think it's weird for you for, like, guys and their buddies to go have lunch at a strip club?

[B]

No, that's the thing. Strip club got the best food. I'm from Atlanta, Georgia. Right. I'm from Atlanta, Georgia. So, you know, in Atlanta, the strip clubs, some of them have swimming pools in them, some of them have barbershops.

[A]

Swimming pools.

[B]

Yes. Nail salons in a strip club? Yes. Yes. In the South? Yes. And you get there and they got a full menu. Pepper steak and rice with green beans and what? Mashed sweet potatoes. Oh, yes.

[A]

Do you even look at the girls?

[B]

Not while we eating. I'm telling you that we're not studding the girls.

[A]

Not this Lemon Pound girl.

[B]

And what's crazy, crazy, we got her dancing. You know, we might be paying her to dance, but we just paying her to dance. We're eating. You know, you might have steak, baked potato with a salad.

[A]

All good.

[B]

It's excellent. These guys take pride in their cooking. I mean, you know, you might have a ribeye with a bone in it, you know, Ribeye bone. You know, big, thick cut.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Nice baked potato, butter, sour cream and chives. A nice salad, you know, water, iced tea. And that's. Most women go to strip clubs just to eat.

[A]

My mind is so blown right now. You know, my first I. So I used to live in California, and I lived in Covina.

[B]

Covina.

[A]

Covina. And there was like. There was a place that was close by called City of Industry, and I was looking for a job, so. So I went on Craigslist and I think I was like 20 or something. I was like, pretty young. And there was a place called Cocoon nightclub, and they were looking for cocktail waitresses. And so I applied and they were like, are you. It's. And it said that it was a sushi bar.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And so I went and I had an interview, but I didn't go in the actual venue. I like when you go in. There was a staircase to the manager's office, and so I went there and that's where I had my interview.

[B]

Mafia style.

[A]

Yeah. And I was like, yeah, cool. This is great. I'll be a cocktail waitress here and everything. He's like, okay, come on Friday night, 7:00, and we'll just kind of throw you in. I was like, okay, cool. And it was a strip Club. And it was the first time I had ever been to a strip club. And I just kind of like, froze. And I. I was like. And they had a full on sushi bar.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

At this strip club. And it was called Cocoon. And I worked on. I worked there one night. I couldn't do it.

[B]

No, if it ain't for you, it's not for you.

[A]

I couldn't do it mainly because I saw how much money everyone else was making.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I was like.

[B]

Did you put in your mind that you wanted to strip a little bit? No. You didn't? No, I wanted to be a stripper. I did.

[A]

I was. I. I thought they were beautiful and I thought it was so cool what they could do, but I couldn't do it.

[B]

Well, see, you gotta understand, you got the black strippers and the white strippers, okay? Now the white strippers walk around like stallions, you know, hi, how are you? You know, hi. You know, black strippers get down to it.

[A]

What does a black stripper do?

[B]

Everything. I mean, they get straight naked.

[A]

Do they offer you sexual favors?

[B]

Well, no, I offer them, you know, but, you know, but they. They just get down to the nitty gritty. I mean, they just straight give it to you. You know, you'd be like, oh, my God. You know, when you see them dance and you be wanting to take home. Yes, you do.

[A]

Are they better dancers?

[B]

Yes. Oh, yes.

[A]

I would think so.

[B]

Yeah. Better dance.

[A]

More rhythm and flow.

[B]

I was in the strip club one time, and this girl, she's, I really like you. And I'm like, no, you don't. You like the money that you want me to spend. You are a stripper. How could I even like you? You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, you're a stripper.

[B]

I mean, you do this every day. You say this to every dude to spend money. So, no, I can't be your dude. I'm sorry.

[A]

T Pain was in love with a stripper.

[B]

That's the song he made, was T Pain had a wife. He didn't know. His wife probably stripped for him. Yeah, I used to make my wife strip, you know? Yeah, I like, put these clothes on. She's like, for what? I said, now take them off.

[A]

That was the fastest wardrobe change ever. What's the most amount of money you ever spent in the strip club?

[B]

Oh, my God, $500.

[A]

Okay, I have.

[B]

Yeah, I've sent a few to college, but this is $500, like every weekend. You know? I'm like, for real?

[A]

Is there a Favorite place that you like to go.

[B]

I used to. I don't do it anymore. But, you know, Atlanta was full of strip clubs. Magic City, the Blue Flames gentleman's club.

[A]

You know, it sounds like the strip clubs over there are way better.

[B]

Oh, they are, they are. They are. And you meet some interesting people.

[A]

I bet you do.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In the underground. Are you. How do you feel about open relationships?

[B]

Well, normally you can talk about it, but people can't handle it. I think after a period of time, maybe want to stop now. I knew people have been in open relationships and. And it didn't work out. Like, I knew, like, when they swing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I'm saying? And I know this guy. He was. He was a swinger. He was black guy, you know, and his wife. And he's been really blessed, you know, down there. You know what I'm saying? So they're gonna swing with this white couple. White couple. And they did swing. But the black guy was really masculine and dominant. And the white guy, like, that's enough.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

That is enough. His wife was like, oh, it's okay.

[A]

She was enjoying it a little too much.

[B]

Oh, my God. Yeah, it's all right. Just calm down. That's enough right there. Stop it. You know, this brother was. You know, he was pretty blessed.

[A]

Hung like a horse.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Every time I see a horse, I get pissed. I'm like, you lucky dog.

[A]

I don't think open relationships really work.

[B]

No, they don't. They don't because it comes back and bite you later.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Now, how do. How do. Let's say Africans? How do they have three, four, five wives? I couldn't do it. I can't even handle one woman. So I know I can't handle.

[A]

It's a lot.

[B]

It's got to be a lot on them.

[A]

Five women having their periods all at the same time.

[B]

Oh, my God. And the women you did for her, what you gonna do for me? So you gotta do. You gotta be equal. You got to. I knew a guy, his dad had eight wives. He was from Nigeria. He had eight or nine kids by each one. And then his dad ended up passing away. He moved back to Nigeria just to help all the mothers with the kids. Wow, man. That's crazy. I couldn't do it. The one I got now is crazy. My wife is crazy. You know, you women are crazy. You know that, right?

[A]

Of course.

[B]

Crazy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yes. My wife the type person to steal your money and help you look for it. You know what I'm saying? She said, you had a 2250s and 100, you'd be like, yes. I hadn't seen it.

[A]

Of course not. She sounds smart.

[B]

Yeah. She's crazy. She likes to shop. She's a very sharp dresser. The only thing with my wife is she's cheap. Very cheap with her. She don't want to spend any money. But me.

[A]

You can spend it all.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Absolutely.

[A]

How long have you guys been married?

[B]

Well, let me see. 14 years and. But I've been with her about 4:30.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I tried to get rid of her, but she won't leave.

[A]

No, she's locked in now.

[B]

Is she locked in? You know, people always say, happy life is a happy wife. I totally disagree.

[A]

What do you think it is?

[B]

I'm not going to tell you.

[A]

But why not? I need these key tips.

[B]

Happy life is a dead wife. No, I didn't say that. I didn't say that. I'm joking.

[A]

It's okay. Tom Segura says the same thing.

[B]

Yeah? Yeah. So, you know, I don't think they hap. See, the thing is, my granddaddy used to tell me something when I was a kid and I wanna see if you think this is true. He said, if you buy a woman a new diamond ring today it's a old diamond ring tomorrow. Do you believe that?

[A]

I mean, it is a day older.

[B]

Yes, it is. So my point for telling you this, you're not really gonna please him. You just have to be consistent.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Am I right?

[A]

Yeah, I think being.

[B]

You got to be consistent.

[A]

Yeah. You have to be consistent.

[B]

But I would like for her to be consistent with me too.

[A]

In what way?

[B]

Every way.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I don't want to hear. Not today. No, we're doing this today, right now. You know what I'm saying? But, you know, I don't like it. Whatever, let's do it.

[A]

Is she a good cook?

[B]

Yeah, but I'm more. I used to be a chef, so I cook all the time. I show a lot of things to do.

[A]

What's her best quality?

[B]

Her best quality? Shopping.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Going to get clothes, you know, shoes. And she don't like. You cannot get nothing from Target or Walmart. It's Louis Vuitton, Gucci, Birkin, bags, stuff like that.

[A]

Has she always been like that?

[B]

Well, I think she grown to be like that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. She's crazy.

[A]

So whose fault is that?

[B]

Well, it's probably hers and the guy she dated before me. Cause it's definitely not mine.

[A]

What is your best quality?

[B]

My best quality? I'm like, good all the way. Around. See, when I was a kid, I was taught how to do everything. My uncle taught me how to cook. My aunt taught me how to clean up. My other aunt taught me how to wash clothes. My mother taught me how to keep my body clean so I can do everything. Like, in my house right now, I do all the laundry. My wife does no laundry. I do everything because I enjoy doing it. So she just. I said, just put it in the laundry room. I got it. I know how to hang the bras up and everything so they won't stretch out of place. I was taught this. I do all the laundry. I pay all the bills. She don't pay any bills. I pay everything.

[A]

Where does a woman find a guy like you?

[B]

Well, it's nobody but me. Like, she'll say, my car's making a funny noise. I said, give me the keys. I go out there and I got personal friends or mechanics, and I get every. I get it done. That's the way I was raised, though. I get it done. So I learned to just depend on me, not nobody else.

[A]

What's your worst quality?

[B]

I don't have any. God didn't make but two perfect people, and that was Him. And he ain't caught up with me yet. But, no, I try to. I strive to do good, you know, I strive. And like, my. My wife, she would say something crazy or do something crazy, and I used to get on her about it, and I be right. I be right. But she looked at it as I was attacking her. You know, when I. I say something to her and she like, what if she get quiet? Won't say nothing. So now I changed my strategy. She'll say something stupid or do something stupid. I just look at her like, we'd be in the car, and I look over there, and she'll look at me and she'll say, I shouldn't have said that. That's what you want. I don't say anything anymore because she thought I was, like, beating her up, and I wasn't. I was just telling the right thing. But then I had to realize, I'm not dealing with a kid. I'm dealing with a grown woman. So I had to let her figure out what you're doing.

[A]

What was the turning point in the middle of 30 years to get married?

[B]

That's a good question. Very good question. My mother passed. March of this year will be 15 years. And I took care of my mother thoroughly. And I said, well, I'm by myself. I need to be. You know, I need somebody with me and she's always been there, just hanging around, you know, won't let me go. But I'm extremely good to her, so, you know, you can't let that go. You know, I'm extremely good to her. I do things for her family and everything. So that was what made me. When my mother passed, I said, well, I want to be by myself.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And. And I got married.

[A]

That's sweet.

[B]

Yeah, we just come off a cruise with. I take about. About 30 people.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I do. I do.

[A]

That's a party.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I pay for everything. I pay for the cruise. I pay for the airline tickets. I pay for everything.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's super generous.

[B]

But see her, she has a big family, but she has a sister, has some kids and. Who I adore. I love the kids. You know, she got 13 years old. That is my heart. Her name is Emily, and she's a little girl. She love her uncle.

[A]

That's so sweet.

[B]

She loves her uncle. When something go wrong, she said, I'll tell my Uncle Bruce. She don't say, nobody else call Uncle Bruce. She know. Cause I'm gonna take care of it.

[A]

That's sweet.

[B]

I take her on a cruise, and she loves Bluey. You know, the little cartoon Bluey. And she love Peppa Pig. And she loves. I had to look at this all day. It's so boring. Pepper pig. Oh, my God. She'd just be staring at TV like, it's the pepper pig. Bluey. And. And somebody else. What else? And it's so stupid, but they make the kids like this. This little girl is three. This is the only little girl I know that love vegetables. I never seen this before. She like broccoli, green beans. She likes squash. She like. She loved fruit.

[A]

She's an alien.

[B]

Yeah. And she's like, it's healthy. Because my wife told her that that's not healthy. She said, bruce, strawberries are healthy. Yes, they are. It's my baby, though. It's my heart. She's a. She's. She's my heart. She asked my wife the other day, where's Bruce? She said, he went to work. When he coming home.

[A]

That's so cute.

[B]

Yeah, but that's like I told you, like, when you have your baby, he gonna get you.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

And when they look at you and you look at them and. And you see yourself in them, you just gonna fall in love all over again.

[A]

I just want him to be super clingy.

[B]

He will. He will. My buddy. Excuse me. His daughter had a little girl. She said she had A little boy first. And oh, man, this little boy. It pulled me out and said, I'm never having another kid. And after about a year, she said, oh, my God, I love this little boy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I'm saying? She. I told him, I said, she's gonna fall in love with that little boy. Now they have a little girl and the little girl is. I see. You gonna have another one? No, she's. Now she's iffy about it because she loves her kids and they're super smart.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel. I've heard. I've had a lot of friends that have had boys and they're like, oh, they're so clingy. And I'm like, that's all I want as a little boy. I want a guy to never leave me.

[B]

Oh, yeah, he's not gonna leave you. He's gonna say, why? Yeah, he going like, what are you doing? Why? You know, I be, I'd be paying bills and stuff. Emily will walk up, what are you doing? I said, I'm paying my employees. Why? I said, because they work for me. But why? And he should get right in front of me and look at what I'm doing. Hey, first date with Lauren Compton, listeners. Roy Wood Jr. Here and I want to tell you about my new stand up comedy special. It's hoolarious and it's streaming now on Hulu. I did this special because the world has lost connection. We don't interact like we used to. You won't talk with your mom on the phone for 10 minutes, but you'll listen to a stranger talk on a podcast for an hour. You can listen to the podcast and call your mom back too. We all just need a little perspective. So don't miss my new stand up special. Roy Wood Jr lonely flowers now streaming on Hulu.

[A]

This episode is brought to you by Shopify.

[B]

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[B]

She is so smart though. She's three years old, no ABCs and everything. Wow, everything. She speaks well. She's good and we teaches her. You know, she don't go through strangers. She'll look at you like you crazy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If you're a stranger, she go like, she'll look at me like she sees Something that she's uncomfortable with. Let's just say we in a restaurant, you know, and somebody walked to the table. You know who she come to?

[A]

Who?

[B]

Me. She'll come right to me and stand right here. I said, uncle got. You ain't gonna let nothing.

[A]

You sound like the Kid whisperer.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I love kids. I love. And when I. When I look at TV and I look at the news and someone hurt a child, I'm like, are you crazy?

[A]

Yeah. That's wild.

[B]

Just put me in a room. Put me in a room. Six by six room. With a baseball bat. I got him. I got him. He won't do it again. Trust me. I love kids.

[A]

Do you?

[B]

I have 10 grandkids.

[A]

10?

[B]

10. My kids are doing it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yes, they are. They're doing it a lot and they're doing it well. Yeah. I love them, though. I love them.

[A]

How about some main course questions? Do you have any vices?

[B]

Like.

[A]

Like, do you smoke or drink or.

[B]

No. I used to. I used to drink a lot. I used to drink so bad, I used to get so drunk I could not walk to my door. I had to crawl to my door from my car and knock at the.

[A]

Bottom of the door like the wolf of Wall Street.

[B]

I'm serious. And what made me stop? My son. He'd be 41 in this month. And when he was born, I stopped drinking.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

So I hadn't drunk in 41 years. Wow.

[A]

You haven't even had a sip of alcohol?

[B]

No, I can taste it now. It don't bother me anymore. One time, my son and his buddies, they was drinking. They had some Hennessey said, drink with us. And I drunk a little bit, and I was sloppy drunk. They had to take me back to the room.

[A]

Really?

[B]

I mean, it was just. But I don't drink. Only thing I smoke now. I might smoke me like a cognac cigar.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. Cause I think I'm cool. But other than that, no drugs, nothing. I'm just clean.

[A]

What was your drink of choice when you did drink?

[B]

Miller Highlight beer.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Oh, I would drink two cases over a weekend. That was nothing.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

But it gotta be cold. Got to be cold. Super cold. And I'll never forget, this is my second marriage. So my first wife was like, me or the alcohol. One of us has got to go. And I sure did miss her. I did. I sure did miss her. I really did.

[A]

Well, the good thing about alcohol is it can really numb your pain, you know, sometimes.

[B]

But the pain is coming back.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I Got friends that drink don't even bother them. You know, they can drink it. Don't bother them. I had an uncle. What made me really stop, I thought about my uncle years ago. He was a brick mason. You know what a brick mason is? They build buildings and they lay bricks on the buildings. And he was a mathematician, but he was a drunk. And he could look at something drunk and tell you exactly what the problem is. And. And his name was Hustler. And he would. Early in the morning, when he go to work in the morning, he looked drunk, but he wasn't drunk. You know, he's sober. And the guys would come get him in the truck and he'd go. And when he get off in the evening, when the truck come back, everybody's drunk on the truck, including the Hustler. He'll fall off the truck. I'll see y'all in the morning. He was a functioning alcoholic, but he worked every day. But I never forget when he got sick. And the doctor said, listen, we was in the room, the hospital room doctor said, if he don't stop drinking, he's gonna die, you know. And Hustle was in the bed, and he lift up. He said, if you all take this, I will die. So either way it go, he was living just off drinking. When they took him off, he lasted about a week and he passed away.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

Yeah. Uncle Hustler. He was a cool dude, though. He said, come and go with me. You know how to mow me. Come. I'm finna go down the street. You didn't know what he said. He mowed. I'm gonna go build a mailbox. And he would go up the street with a wheelbarrow, drunk as a fool. I'd be with him. I'm a little kid, right? And he asked the lady, you want me to still build this mailbox for you? And he will build a brick mailbox for her.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

$25. Give me $25. That's all he.

[A]

What a deal.

[B]

And he every. He did. He did like, two on Saturdays. That's all he wanted to do. And he lived with my aunt, which was his sister, and she took care of all his money. When he got. He gave her his check, she put it in the bank for him. His name was Hustler, and that was my man.

[A]

See, if that was your wife, she would put all those checks in her account.

[B]

That's right. That's right. And buy her shoes. It's. So my wife has five closets. You cannot walk in them. And that's just crazy.

[A]

Sounds like a dream come true.

[B]

That's what every woman says. But every man be like, oh, my God, I wish she just. You'd be hit by a bus or something. No, I'm just kidding.

[A]

How'd you meet your wife?

[B]

Well, it's a long story, but I'm gonna tell you. I used to be at this. I used to do comedy at this club years and years ago. And she would always sit in the same spot. I was doing comedy. It was a nightclub, but we did comedy on Tuesday. So on Tuesday we have 500 people in there. I mean, just every Tuesday. And I said, every time I come in here, I see you sitting in the same spot. She's like, yeah, it was her and three of her girlfriends. So I said, I know your face from somewhere. And she started telling me who her cousins were. And her cousins used to live around the corner from me. We lived in some apartments and I used to see her sitting on the stairs when she was younger. I said, you used a little girl used to sit on the stairs. She's like, yeah, so. And I was married to my first wife then. And then she's all grown up now. She called me Chester. Chester child.

[A]

Oh yeah, you robbed the cradle.

[B]

I did, I did. But she took advantage of me, though. I didn't want to do it, she made me do it.

[A]

That's what they all say.

[B]

You women, y'all. You women are clever. Yeah, you all are very clever.

[A]

You're not a compliment.

[B]

You are. But you know how to get whatever you want.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. My boyfriend's six months younger than me and he likes to throw that in my face all the time.

[B]

Well, he's right. He's right, dude. But see, one thing I learned about a woman, women can do whatever they want to do. They just don't do it with everybody. They only do it with whom they like.

[A]

You have to say that again slower.

[B]

Okay. Women do whatever they want to do.

[A]

Uh huh.

[B]

But they don't do it with everybody.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

They do it with whom they like.

[A]

Oh yeah, that's true.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

Yeah. Okay, so I agree with that.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

How soon should you introduce someone that you're dating to your parents?

[B]

Oh my God. You should wait. See, one thing. See one thing about relationships, you know, sex is easy. That's really easy. We know how to do that. But the key thing is learning how to do it to the person that you like. So the key thing is getting to know that person. You need to get to know their habits. Do you want to tolerate these habits? You get to. You need to know the anger issues, you know, do you want to deal with this? See, relationships is about what you want to do and what you don't want to deal with.

[A]

Right?

[B]

So, you know, if you got somebody that like to get high all the time and that's not what you like, that's probably. Probably not who you need to be with. You know what I'm saying? So you got to pick and choose what you like. And then if you can talk to them and they kind of. You come to an, you know, understanding, that's good. But really, like, I'm doing what I want to do. No, that's not gonna be. I used to date this girl, you know what I mean? She used to smoke cigarettes and drink all the time. I said, why you smoke all the time? Don't you know, if you don't like what I do? So she's history. Holly.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm not gonna tolerate it. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

She sounds very attached to those cigarettes.

[B]

I mean, chain smoker and can drink beer like a Jamaican pimp. She put down Pooh and she put him down. And I used to think I could.

[A]

Do it, but at that point, we're hiding. We're hiding something. Something. Something's going on that we're trying to suppress.

[B]

And then you ask, how long you been doing this? I've been doing this all my life. So, you know, it's something big.

[A]

Red flags, right?

[B]

Absolutely. And we got to understand the stop signs. We need to know when to stop.

[A]

But I think some people feel like they can change a person.

[B]

They do. Most women think that. And I'm gonna say this, and I don't want you to get offended when I say this, okay, because you're very pretty and all this, but most women lie to themselves, okay? They do. They really think they can make things happen. They can change a man. You're not gonna change a man. You're gonna. Only time he's gonna change is when he want to.

[A]

I accepted that a long time ago.

[B]

So don't think that you are the one, because you're not the one. It's. Whenever he make up in his mind that that's what he want to do.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Then he will do it.

[A]

I feel like when a guy wants to do something, they do it right.

[B]

And that's the same with the women. But some women can be. They can make a man change by not doing anything. Just kind of going along with it. Just. And then. But if he really like her. He'll start making changes. Yeah, you know, I met a girl one time. I'mma tell you this story real quick. Can I tell you this story, please? And this probably was about 20 years ago. And she's. She kept asking me about my kids and she was very pretty. She had on, she owned two hair salons, had like 20 chairs in each hair salon. She had a nail salon. She was very, well, you know, set. And she kept asking me about my children. And I said, well, they're really smart. And I say, I think my daughter was like 14, my son was like 15 and my oldest son like 17. And I said, you're real good in school. So she took me to her house. She had a very nice home. She lived in Houston and she had a six door garage. And when she mashed the button, all the doors came open. And I'm like, whoa. I say, and I saw these cars. I said, hey, if you got a guy, you shouldn't have brought me here to your house. You know what I'm saying? I say, she said, I don't know, these are my cars. And what made me think that? Because she had like guys cars. She had a convertible vet. She had a convertible Mercedes. She had a 96 impeller SS. She had a Range Rover.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

She had a.

[A]

She's a drug lord.

[B]

No, no, she, she just wealthy. She did. Well, I say, these, is these your cars? She said, yeah, these are mine. So I walk in the house and I'm walking, I'm looking for dude's clothes. I'm trying to see if I see anything. It's hers. The house was laid French furniture. It was the very nice. And she propositioned me. She said, I want a baby. And she said, I would like for you to give me a baby. She said, I will get a lawyer and you don't have to take care of the child. Just. I just want a baby. I said, now let me ask you this. I said, what kind of man will I be to get you pregnant and not want to see my child? I said, I can't do it because I didn't want any more kids at the time. I say, no. I said, I would love to if I was a younger man, you will be the one. But I cannot get you pregnant and then sign some papers saying I never have to take care of the child because if I have a child, I'm gonna take care of my child.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And she was upset about it. You know, she really, really liked Me and I come. I go to Houston. Like three years later, she was pregnant.

[A]

She got what she wanted.

[B]

She did. By a goober. I mean, what she did, she did the same thing to me. Goober took her to her house. He saw all this stuff, like, whoa, this is a come up for me, man. This dude done wrecked all her cars.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

You know what I'm saying? And I end up seeing her about two years ago, and she said, hey, you remember me? I said, of course. I know who you are, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I say, how's your son? She said, He's 22 now. Okay. I said, how's the dad? She's like, oh, that's a whole nother story, you know, but she just wanted a baby and she got a son. But she really wanted him by me. She did it again. You sure you don't want any kids? No.

[A]

You have three.

[B]

I have three, and then I have grandkids now.

[A]

10.

[B]

Oh, yeah. 10. Oh, yeah. They my hearts, though. 10. They think I'm the baddest dude in the world.

[A]

I would have more kids if I wasn't so old.

[B]

Really? That's another thing you women do. You put a time limit on everything. If I hadn't had a child by the time I'm 30 or 35, then you gonna have a baby. If you got a dude that want kids and you want kids, have your kids.

[A]

We're doing that. But I mean, I think so, but I'm 37.

[B]

But you're doing it well.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

And you're doing it, and you're doing it well.

[A]

There's a song like that, LL Cool J. Yeah.

[B]

But I think you can do one more.

[A]

Oh, for sure. Do one more.

[B]

Yeah, one more. It's fun doing it, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

I haven't hated pregnancy. It hasn't been the worst.

[B]

That's a cool thing. But the key thing is he got to get in and help you a little bit, you know, and.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Let you know. You know, you got to be there for you.

[A]

Well, he's a kid whisperer, too.

[B]

Okay, that's good.

[A]

He loves children.

[B]

I love kids.

[A]

I love kids.

[B]

I do. I love. I've been in the grocery store messing with other people, kids. And the mother be like, what are you laughing at? You know? But I'll do something to a baby and they'll bust out laughing. I mean, I won't touch them or nothing. Mother, what are you laughing at? When the mother look at me, I'm looking the other way. I'm like, I do not let him know. I turn around one little girl say, he's funny, but say who? I'm looking the other way. I love kids.

[A]

That's awesome.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So my last question is a dessert question. How did you propose to your wife?

[B]

Well, she wanted to be swept off her feet and romantic, you know, And I went with that. I'd been married before, but she hadn't been married before. So that's why weddings are for women. They're for the women. Totally. Okay. And I'm gonna tell you a little story, okay? I walked up to her and I said, listen, we was at lunch one day and I say, she's always, you need to propose to me like that. I said, well, I said, you want to get married? She said, yeah. I said, let's get married. Would you marry me? She said, yes. Okay. But she wanted me to get on my knees and I went with all that, you know, I wasn't. I wanted me to get on my knees and you either marry me or you. We've been together for 15 years. So, you know. But let me tell you, traditional way with marriage don't. The bride's father pays for the wedding, right? Unfortunately, my wife dad has passed.

[A]

Uh huh.

[B]

So I said, look, you know what? I pay for everything. You know what I'm saying? I'm trying to act like a big baller, you know what I mean? Not realizing how much it costs, right? You understand what I'm saying? So I thought I bought the. I went to the building, I rented a building in Atlanta's old train depot where, where the trains used to come through, you know, dropping, you know, stock off and everything. It's huge. I rented that building, right? Their building was ten grand. To rent it for that one day, okay. And the people that was over the building, they had a chef and he said, what would you like to eat? And so we was telling him. So he said, I'd like for you to come down, let me prepare all this food that you want, taste it, see if you like it. And if you like it, I will give you a good price on. If you don't like it, you have to pay for the meal that I made today. The meal was like 200 bucks, right? So we go down there. It was like brown rice with wine, red wine. And it was, it was chicken and shrimp and it was steak. And he fixed, he prepared him, and it was excellent. So I said, we're using you.

[A]

Okay, okay.

[B]

And then I went to get wedding cake, which I used to make wedding cakes with My uncle. So I knew all how to. How to do wedding cakes. And we went to this lady, and I started explaining to her. She's like, have you did this before? I said, yes, I used to do it. My uncle. So we had. Our wedding cake was everything. The cake was white, but it was 17 cakes. All right. But every cake was different. One was red velvet, one was lemon cake, one was key lime, one was buttercream. But the cake, the icing was white. You follow me?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it had a staircase and three cakes coming this way and three cakes this way and three cakes going. I designed the cake.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

So then when. By the time I paid for the photographer, video person, and the limo and the chairs, she wanted a winter wonderland wedding. It was in November. So after I got through adding everything up, it was like 100 grand. You know what I'm saying? So I had told her, so she went to get fitted for the dress. You know. You know how they walk on a little stage and her family's out there and friends and she tried to dress on. They'd be like, oh, my goodness. They eating full course meals while they look at this. You know, not finger sandwiches. They're eating real food. So she came home and she told me, I found the dress. You know what I'm saying? I really. She said, this is the dress of a lifetime.

[A]

Oh, man.

[B]

I said, you sure this is the one? She say, yes, this is the one. I don't. I don't want another dress. This is the one I want. So I said, well, how much does it cost? She said, 10 grand?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I say, well, let me tell you, I said, I spent so much money, I say, I said, everything I'm gonna spend with the people doing the. The decorations and. And the food and the videos and the camera and your ring. And I said, I'm gonna spend about 140 grand. You know what I'm saying? I said, so what I want you to do? I say, I told you, I pay for everything. And I said, I will. I said, but why don't you just pay for your dress? Right? I want you to pay for your dress. And she say, me, pay for my dress? She looked to go like.

[A]

Like, I asked her to see, like, you just grew a third eye.

[B]

Right? Right. You know, so, yeah.

[A]

What a wild.

[B]

You know what she did? She went back to the drawing board. She went back and found. And went back to get fitted for a dress. So her whole family and friends came and everything. She tried dress on, and she's trying all these dresses on she came home, she said, guess what? I found the dress. She said, it looks exactly like the one that I found. She said, you can't tell them apart. I said, well, that is a dress for you. And I said, well, how much is this dress? She said, $400. I say, what, you finna tell me 10 grand? But you found one for $400? And then, you know, people don't know this. When you. When you get a dress and they fit you for it and all that, when you wear it, they want you to sit it back and they clean it and put it on a mannequin.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

They put it on a mannequin and they put it in this box and you put it in the closet. Like if you. You have a daughter, something, they want to wear it or something. Or you want to wear it again sometime. So it scared me. One time I opened the closet, the dress was like that. What the. I thought it was a lady body, but it was a dress. But, you know, it was good. And I cried and I said, where did I get myself into? I'll tell you. But I cried like a baby, but. Aw. But I hurt a lot of other women, though. They did. They was upset.

[A]

Well, you had to pick one, you know.

[B]

Yeah, but I had one. Ask me. She said, I had two to say, why did you marry her and not me? And I say, well, I think you're setting yourself up for a question that you not ready for.

[A]

Yeah, that's a hard question to ask.

[B]

I won't tell them, though. I won't tell them. I won't tell them. But they. Why. Why her and not me? And I'm like. I say, it's not you, it's me. I blame it on me. Because they're not ready for the answer.

[A]

Yeah, they're not ready.

[B]

I had one girl. One. Oh, she. You know, you hurt me so bad. But you're married now. How could I hurt you? And you're married now. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

You know, women just want it all.

[B]

They do. And they get it all, too. But I want you to. I want you. When you get. Are you married?

[A]

Not yet.

[B]

Well, I want you to be a good wife.

[A]

I will be.

[B]

Be a good wife.

[A]

I'm a great girlfriend.

[B]

Are you really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, I'm a better friend. No, but just be good to him and just support him.

[A]

I do.

[B]

And talk to him. Don't talk to your single girlfriends, because what can a single girl tell you about your husband?

[A]

Yeah. Luckily, all of my friends right now are pregnant.

[B]

Are they. Okay, well, when they get married, that's when. When you. You need to talk to.

[A]

Yeah, they're so. They're a little bit ahead of the game of me. Like, they're married, and I have five girlfriends that I'm really, really good friends with. And we're all due two weeks within each other.

[B]

That's cool. So y'all decided to do this at the same time? No.

[A]

None of us even knew. No, but we go have brunch together, and we'll go. We'll go eat, and it's kind of like a pregnant sex in the city. And so it's. It's fun because we all. We all just have the same stuff.

[B]

To talk about something I don't want you to do. Okay, you listen to me. Very good. I know this is your first child. Do not buy this child everything, because the child is gonna grow.

[A]

What should I not buy him?

[B]

Clothes. You get him a few clothes, but this child is gonna grow every day.

[A]

You sound like my boyfriend.

[B]

Do not keep buying clothes. Do not buy him new Jordans. Cause they coming out with them. You know what I'm saying? Just get him what he need. Cause he's gonna grow out of it in a couple of months. Done.

[A]

I know it's the only thing you.

[B]

Can do is sell your stuff on ebay or something. I have a little baby shoes if you have a baby. But just. I know it's your first child and you're gonna want him to have everything, but be very careful about what you do.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

Yeah, Just be careful. Your boyfriend sound like a smart dude. I like him.

[A]

He's smart. You'd like him.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, thank you for coming on my show.

[B]

Well, thanks for having me.

[A]

Where can people find you?

[B]

You know my Twitter, Instagram, Facebook. At my Bruce Bruce this. Tell me your likes and your dislikes. If you don't like something, give me a chance to fix it.

[A]

I always say if you like something, tell me about it. If you dislike something, don't.

[B]

That's cool. No, I want to hear it. I want to hear it. Yeah. Cause people find fault in everything. They find fault. You know, I don't like the way his. I don't like his body. Well, I don't either, but we gonna deal with it.

[A]

Well, this was great. I really appreciate you coming on.

[B]

Well, thank you.

[A]

Have a great tour. I can't wait to see your Netflix special.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

And guys, if you want to find him, find him at my Bruce Bruce.

[B]

That's correct.

[A]

And we'll see you next time.

[B]

Bye. Bye.

[A]

Are you really drinking a glass of milk with dinner? You told your mom about me? Just say, you ready? Delete my number. First day your parents are your roommates.

[B]

Thursday.