Annie Lederman - Episode 1114

Summary

FITZDOG RADIO: Greg Fitzsimmons with Annie Lederman
Episode 1114 | October 29, 2025

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Overview

Greg Fitzsimmons welcomes comedian and close friend Annie Lederman for a candid, hilarious, and at times deeply personal conversation. They riff on awkward medical procedures, family chaos, comedy club drama, personal growth, spirituality, trauma, sex, and surviving the stand-up grind. Both showcase their signature blend of brutal honesty and quick, biting wit, blending raw storytelling with comic catharsis.

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Major Topics & Key Insights

1. Medical Mishaps & Middle-Age (01:08–18:00)

• Greg’s Colonoscopy Adventure:
  • Details the awkwardness and indignity of a colonoscopy, including a fanboy anesthesiologist, bidet rituals, making jokes while exposed, and dealing with Home Depot incompetence.
    • “You can’t go hard wipe on any of them. We have a bidet. Thank Lord Jesus Christ in heaven, who I believe invented the bidet…” (05:12)
    • “I treat my asshole like it’s a war protester in the 1960s. Hit it with the fucking hose, baby.” (06:15)
• Taking Pride in Avoiding ‘Manly’ Repair Jobs:
  • Greg admits he’d rather call in a real handyman than fix a toilet himself, even if his wife claims, “it’s two screws!”
    • “I tell jokes and I podcast. That’s what I do. And I make good money and we hire people to do [that].” (13:03)

2. Comedic Chemistry & Camaraderie (19:51–23:14)

• Old Friends, New Riffs:
  • Greg welcomes Annie, lauding her style and honesty. They bust each other up about quirks (Annie’s on-off sunglasses, family tics) and shared history working on Chelsea Lately, Trash Tuesday, and David Spade’s show.
    • On Annie’s glasses:
      “It’s a nervous tic. My brother has Tourette’s…this is my Tourette’s.” (20:48)

3. Family Dysfunction & Emotional Growth (22:02–27:17)

• Childhood Chaos:
  • Annie unpacks the explosive, tumultuous energy of her family:
    • Her twin brother’s Tourette’s, her dad’s non-violent screaming, and her mom’s chaotic parenting (“she’d press the gas [in the car] and say ‘why don’t I kill us all?’” 22:51).
  • Both reflect on how rage cycles and ego play out in comedy, and resisting the ego-driven urge to “pop off” at staff.
    • “I love in those moments, showing grace. But then when I don’t get…like, thank you for showing grace, then I have to be like, show grace to that.” (24:50)

4. Comedy Club Drama, Ego & Staying Grounded (23:36–31:56)

• Backstage Stories:
  • They recount run-ins with door guys who don’t recognize famous comics (even Bill Burr gets turned away).
  • Annie and Greg bond over resisting the urge to lash out, choosing “grace under fire,” and their ambivalence toward comedy’s competitive culture.

5. Best Buddies Benefit, Neurodiversity & Comics Community (28:51–32:22)

• Heartfelt Moments:
  • Both are visibly moved recalling the recent Best Buddies benefit for people with intellectual disabilities.
    • “It’s like an infusion of joy. People with no cynicism.” (29:25) – Greg
    • “They help people with intellectual disabilities. That’s why I’m a member. They’ve done so much for me.” (29:14) – Annie
• Norm Macdonald Anecdote:
  • Norm goes out of his way to connect deeply with a comic with Asperger’s, creating a beautiful, unguarded green room moment.

6. Woke Audiences, Traveling Comics, and Cancel Culture (34:34–37:20)

• Nuanced Views:
  • The two riff about the controversy over U.S. comics performing in Saudi Arabia, finding themselves amused or bemused by the outrage.
  • “Who’s this? Why do people suddenly pick things to get involved? Oh, now all sudden, you’re going to be political?” (33:04) – Greg

7. The Writer’s Block & Procrastination Game (34:38–36:46)

• Hacks to Productivity:
  • Annie confesses her lifelong struggles with procrastination, while Greg shares how dictating stories and paying someone to transcribe his book broke through his inertia.
    • “Writing is easy. Sitting down is hard.” (34:59) – Greg

8. Flakiness, Friendship & ADHD (39:06–41:37)

• Addressing the Elephant:
  • Greg gently probes Annie about her tendency to drop off communications, which they both interpret as classic ADHD.
    • “I don’t reach out to people, and then they think I’m mad at them.” (39:34) – Annie

9. Comedy Podcast Studios & Industry Inside Baseball (41:08–43:46)

• Podcast Hustle:
  • Annie talks about recording at multiple studios, the unwelcome attempts at club “ownership,” and the merits of working from home vs. showing up like a job.

10. Fan Q&A: Sexcapades, Celebrity Friends & “Most Improved” (43:50–78:57)

• Spicy Confessions:
  • Woodsy sex, accidental threesomes, and the perils of being a “comedy groupie.”
    • “I like banged this guy in the woods once, but I got a twig inside…I pulled out a twig later.” (44:46) – Annie
  • Discusses her “most improved swimmer” childhood award, and how it helped fuel her drive for self-improvement.
    • “It’s what I…felt like. It resonated with me as a kid. I was like, oh, I liked it because…it showed I liked progress.” (77:23) – Annie
• Celebrity Friends & Imposter Syndrome:
  • Anecdotes about Aquafina and Olivia Munn, Annie’s supportive role, and how success sometimes deepens self-doubt.
    • “I like really helped her…like she talks about me in interviews about how I helped her through this imposter syndrome. And then she like blew up, and then I got imposter syndrome.” (54:01) – Annie

11. Trauma, Resilience, and Spiritual Growth (80:44–84:11)

• Coping with Pain and the Past:
  • Annie opens up about trauma: family violence, molestation, a serious childhood car accident, and healing through openness, humor, and alternative spiritual practices.
  • On spiritual forgiveness:
    • “Every time you’re met with someone that bothers you, annoys you, feels toxic…oh, I actually called them in so I could overcome something.” (68:59) – Annie

12. Closing Reflections, Road Stories & Upcoming Dates (90:35–end)

• On Community & Growth:
  • Both reflect on what keeps them going: helping one another, “walking each other home” (Ram Dass quote), and the weird, rewarding family of comedy.
  • Annie plugs tour dates and her “Annie Wood” podcast, feeling she’s “in a groove right now where these are the best shows of my life…so fun. I feel very connected. It feels like such a vibe.” (91:44)

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Memorable Quotes & Exchanges

• On Colonoscopies:
  “My rectum being stimulated by hot flowing water makes me smile. It feels good...I treat my asshole like it’s a war protestor in the 1960s. Hit it with the fucking hose, baby.” – Greg (05:00, 06:15)
• On Childhood Family Chaos:
  “My mom had like a psycho moment when I was a teenager where she would…press the gas [in the car] and she’s like, ‘why don’t I kill us all?’” – Annie (22:51)
• On Comedy Club Ego:
  “It’s like so embarrassing…you didn’t make yourself successful enough to be a household name for that person. Like it’s on me if someone doesn’t know who I am.” – Annie (23:53)
• On Community:
  “It’s like an infusion of joy. People with no cynicism...” – Greg (29:25)
• On Imposter Syndrome:
  “Success sometimes deepens self-doubt…she blew up, and then I got imposter syndrome.” – Annie (54:01)
• On Flakiness and ADHD:
  “I probably was being like…‘oh, I haven’t been around’, ‘cause I was just like, get it off of me. I was just kidding…No, I don’t feel that way.” – Annie (39:59)
• On Comedy Clubs & Ownership:
  “Suddenly they wanted, like, ownership of it or something…I bounced after that. Prefer less hands on my business.” – Greg & Annie (41:42–41:48)
• On Trauma and Healing:
  “I owe him, in a way, an apology because I asked for him to be incarnated on this earth to teach me these lessons, and I made him suck. I made him be a…child predator.” – Annie (68:22)
• On Walking Each Other Home:
  “You know the Ram Dass quote? We’re all just walking each other home…I mean, that makes me almost want to cry…” – Annie (71:27)
• On Awards & Progress:
  “Most improved is kind of a loaded award. Because it says that you used to suck.” – Greg (77:17)

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Notable Moments with Timestamps

• 00:01–18:00: Greg’s colonoscopy and Home Depot story
• 19:51: Annie introduced; playful banter about style, Tourette’s, and nervous tics
• 23:36: Rage issues/generational trauma; “pop off” vs. grace moments
• 28:51–31:56: Tearful Best Buddies benefit memories
• 43:38: Annie’s kinkiest story—sex in the woods, plus crabs and twigs
• 48:45: Awkward group sex/threesome anecdotes
• 54:01: Aquafina story & imposter syndrome
• 74:09: Comedy Store feud with Donnell Rawlings; “pop-off” story
• 80:44: Annie’s teen trauma, family reckoning, powerful spiritual reframing

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Podcast Tone & Closing

The conversation is raw, fast, and hilarious, but refuses to flinch from real pain. Annie and Greg joke about everything from being molested to inflaming headaches, but always with humanity and self-awareness. The episode is a must-listen for fans of honest, unfiltered comedy whose catharsis comes from laughter and truth-telling.

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Annie Lederman Tour Dates & Podcast

Check Annie’s latest dates and catch her "Annie Wood" podcast for more unfiltered, unapologetic comedy.

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For more, visit:

• fitzdog.com
• annielederman.com

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End of summary.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Hi, welcome to Fitz Dawg Radio. I am, ah, I just, I just came from my colonoscopy and boy is my asshole tired. I don't know how old my listeners are, but I think most of them are younger than me. Here's what you have to look for. Forward to every well, my mom had colon cancer. She's fine, she's fine. Oh, she's fine. My mom is fine. Actually my mom was very beautiful. She won a beauty contest in the Bronx, the Rose of Tralee Pageant in the Bronx in like 19 fucking 66. I don't know how, I don't know what year it was, but it was a long. Well, I was born in 66, she was born in 42, 52. She was probably, it was probably like the late 50s anyway. She was striking and you know, I didn't get my. Let's just say I didn't get my looks from my father, okay? And let's leave it at that. Actually, I did I look like my father. Anyway, the point is I got my colon looked at this morning. What a transition that was. And it's not that bad. Everybody makes such a fucking big deal out of it. My wife is like acting like, oh, I'm gonna hold your hand and we're gonna get through it. And it's like, alright, so you don't eat for a day. I thought that would be hard. It wasn't hard at all. You just drink a lot of juice and then you take these three bottles of calcium something and you just run to the bathroom constantly and and you shit, which I love. I love shitting. I'll say it. No one else is saying it. It's a good feeling. Does that make me gay? Because my. My rectum being stimulated by hot flowing water makes me smile. It feels good. I mean, and here's the key. You can't go hard wipes because you go probably a dozen times. You have to run to the bathroom. You can't go hard wipe on any of them. We have a bidet. Thank Lord Jesus Christ in heaven, who I believe invented the bidet. I think. I think God created man and then the oceans. What are the seven days? I think on the seventh day they say God rested. No, he did not. He started to rest and then a light bulb went off. And he invented that. He invented the light bulb and then he invented the bidet. And he put the light bulb above the bidet so you could see how much came out when you blasted your little dirty asshole with water. We got the cold water bidet. We're not pussies. Give me that cold after you grunted out a number two. It's hot back there. I need a cold plunge. I need a little. I need a little. I treat my asshole like it's a war protester in the 1960s. Hit it with the fucking hose, baby. I'll take it. Anyway, so I go to this place, my wife drops me off because you can't. You can't drive home because they're gonna put you under. So my wife drops me off. They have me put on this. Take off all your clothes and you put on a gown opens in the back. And then you walk down the hallway into the room, which is awkward because I'm holding the back of the gown. I get to the. I get to the room and I'm laying there with my ass hanging out. And the anesthesiologist comes in and. And he. And he picks up my chart. He doesn't even look at me. He just picks up my chart, looks at my chart, smiles, and then whips his head up and he goes, fitz, Doc. No, no, no. I don't want you to be a fan. I feel like I'm gonna lose a fan in the next hour. He tells me that he listens to the podcast. He listens to me every time I'm on corner. He's mentioning things from the sh. It got. It got a little bit. It was a bit much cuz my ass is hanging out. And then he starts looking at my chart going like, so you're on a lot of medications, huh? What's that all about? What are we, small talking? My. I go, I have depression. And he goes, you. I go, yes, yes, I do. I do. Sorry to ruin your image of me as a professional fucking circus clown, but stand up. Comics suffer from depression. And my asshole's out, and it's breezy in here. The fucking air conditioning is cranked, my dick is the size of an acorn. And I got this guy fanboying me. Then he brings me in the wrong room, literally wheels me into the wrong operating room, and they start to hook me up, and then they look at the chart and they go, you're supposed to be in room four. And so now I've already, like, done all my colonoscopy jokes with all the doctors, and now I gotta redo all my colonoscopy jokes. They wheel me in and I go, the lady goes, you can't drink for 12 hours. You can't drive a car for 12 hours. I go, well, when can I drink and drive? Big laugh. And then they go, we're gonna use the propofol on you. I said, oh, fantastic. Will you put a leather jacket on me and play Thriller? Big laugh. I'm killing in there. And then they wheel me out. I'm not gonna redo the bit. It was. I'm not that comic. I do my colonoscopy bits once. So now I gotta go to a new room and just act like a regular guy. I got no material left. And then there was a. There was a woman in there who was very, very attractive. I think she had a mask on, but she had that voice. She had that really sexy voice. And then I. And I was like, oh, this is nice. This is nice being around, this energy, you know? And then I realized, oh, she's gonna see my asshole. And then I was, like, so humiliated. I felt like such an amateur. Like, what's the big deal? Like, they see assholes every day. It's only me that should. There's only one person that looks at my asshole, and that's my wife. Lucky her. Is that why they give you a wedding ring? And now this woman with the sexy voice is gonna see my asshole? And I'm just thinking, you know, it's not a big deal to them. They're never gonna remember it. But I think they'll remember mine because I put lipstick on. I did. I wanted to dress up. I thought it was formal. I put red lipstick on my asshole. Anyway, I spent the night. I woke up and I felt great, you know, and went to get something to Eat. But the whole night was, you know, taking this running to the toilet. But I was. I was watching the Dodgers game, which, you know, look, people go, oh, you from New York? You're a Dodgers. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a fan of the team, of the city I've lived in for 25 years. I'm not one of those guys like, oh, I'm from fucking Milwaukee. Really? And how many games are they piping into your TV every week that you can watch? How about none? If I live in la, I can watch every Dodgers game for free. Actually, I can't. Regular season, they. They fucking. Ugh. I'm so tired of corporate America. But anyway, I'm a Dodgers fan now. And I'm. And I'm fair weather. I'm post. I'm a postseason fan, but I'm enjoying the shit out of it. There's such an exciting team. And last night's game, I don't know if you have had your head up your ass, but it was the longest, tied for the longest World Series game in history. It went like 17 innings, 18 innings or something. And it was like six hours and 40 minutes. And I watched literally every pitch. I sat down on the couch at 5 o' clock when it started, and I finished at 11:40pm and I. Other than sprinting to the bathroom where I had my phone in my hand with YouTube TV streaming it so I wouldn't miss any of the action, and I watched the whole fucking game. And it was. It was one of the best baseball games I've ever seen in my life. Everything happened. Ohtani hits two home runs, two doubles, and then they walked him five times. Enough with the fucking wa. Make it illegal. Make pitch to the guy. And this. I didn't realize this. I knew there was two Japanese guys on the team. Yamamoto, who pitched a full game in game two, I think it was, and then offered to be a reliever. Last night after we ran, we. There was. The game was so long, we ran out of relief pitchers and. And Yamamoto got in the fucking bullpen and started warming up. He's like, I. I go in, they're all Japanese. There's Yamamoto, and then there's another reliever. I forget that guy's name. They got three Japanese guys. And I thought, maybe what's happening is we're transitioning as ICE is stepping up in la. We're moving away from the Central American pitchers and starting to bring in the Asian ones because they're not coming. I haven't seen ICE going after too Many Asians. So we're safe. This toilet I was on last night, my. My toilet seat broke a couple days ago, and my wife goes, fix the toilet seat. She was out for the day. And I go, I don't do that. I said, I don't fix toilet seats. I tell jokes and I podcast. That's what I do. And I make good money and we hire people to do. And she goes, it's two screws. Yes. So I go to Home Depot and I'm, you know, you got to park a mile away. And then I'm walking around, and the people. I gotta tell you something. Employees at Home Depot, a number one fantastic. They help me out. I get a seat, I bring it home, and then I gotta deal with the bidet. So now I gotta unscrew the bidet. I don't know why. Oh, I know why. Well, I don't think I did have to unscrew somehow. I'm replacing a toilet seat, and there's a flood. Long story short, I flooded the bathroom. I don't know how that happens. The bidet was not intricately involved in the two screws part, but I started just turning things. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't like doing it. I'm not one of those guys that feels like, hey, I love to roll up my sleeves on a Sunday. There's a fucking football game on. I'm missing the 49ers so that I can be knee deep in ass water and my sleeves are wet because it's spraying out. And you know what I did? I called the fucking plumber. My wife was still out. She comes home, plumbers there putting a toilet seat on. That's right. That's right. That's what I do. I hire real men to do the shit around the house that I can't do. Good. Judge me. I don't give a shit. I'll be watching the fuck. I'll be watching Dallas tonight playing Denver. That's the other. The other guy. Deal with the toilet. Anyway, all right, let's get to it. Um, we got, oh, some dates coming up. Den theater in Chicago. One of my favorite places in the country to play. November 8th, Appleton, Wisconsin. The next night in Wisconsin, Lafayette. Club 337. That's in Louisiana. November 12th. Then I'll be at Skank Fest. Then I'll be in Phoenix at the desert Ridge Improv. November 28th through 30th. Then I'm coming to San Francisco. Hasbrouck Heights, New Jersey. Cleveland, Atlanta, Sacramento. Go to fitzdog.com get some tickets that come out also. Oh my God. Now that I. I have. We have a new sponsor. Who's we? I. It's my podcast. I have a new sponsor that I absolutely love. Tempo Baby Tempo is a food delivery prep service and they delete. They. Look, I'm not gonna lie to you. I get they comp me the service, but I have to go through the website. I have to do everything you have to do. And I'm telling you something, it is easy peasy. I breezied through it and I got myself. They have this filet mignon with creamy mushroom sauce that you swear you were in a fancy LA restaurant. It's so good and juicy and creamy. What was the other thing I had that I liked? The bowl. Oh, a spicy chipotle beef and sweet potato bowl. Oh, look, it's like I don't replace toilets. I don't cook food. I don't cook. I make breakfast. I don't cook meals. And especially when I got to prepare stuff. What am I going to shop? You want me to shop and cook? Get out of here. I clean, I clean the dishes. That's what I do. And then I reach for Tempo for some balanced, fresh meals. They're all good for you. They taste amazing and they're ready in like two minutes. I think it's two minutes so you don't have to. I don't deal with takeout. Calling some guy and he throws it over the wrong fence. If you got kids, maybe you got a lot of stuff to do this time of the year. They're playing sports. You, they're getting ready to trick or treat. You should be making costumes with them, not slicing mandarins. Is that a thing? Plus you got the holidays coming. You need that extra time. We all need time. And food prep is a pain in the butt. And that's coming from a guy that just had a colonoscopy. So I can tell you what a pain in the butt is. Ready, cooked, ready in minutes. Look, it's chef crafted dietitian approved meals. You can get lunch, you can get dinner. 20 new recipes every week, no matter what your goals, is a meal for you. Protein packed meals with 40. No, I'm sorry, I was gonna say 40 grams of protein. It's only 30 grams of protein. If that's a deal breaker for you, if you're a 40 gram person, then I'll tell you, maybe this isn't the meal program for you, but 30 grams, which is a lot, should be plenty. Calorie conscious carb conscious, even fiber rich, they are a partner of the 2025 CrossFit Games, proving their meals are built to support optimal nutrition and performance for a limited time. Tempo is offering my listeners 60%. Is that right? All right. It says 60% off your first box. Go to tempomeals.com fitzdogg F I T Z D O G. That's tempomeals.com fitzDog for 60% off your first box. Tempo meal tempomeals.com fitzDogg rules and restrictions may apply. All right. Also, want to give a shout out to pebble and Patty. I am an Irishman to the core. I took my ancestor DNA. I'm 99% Irish and I've spent a lot of time over there. And one of my good buddies from when I started traveling there when I was 18, and he's an amazing guy from this incredible family, the Hoare family. They live in Blarney in County Cork, where the Blarney Castle is. Anyway, his brother came up with this very cool thing that he sent to me. And whatever part of Ireland you're from, they've got these handcrafted frames with a piece of Ireland in it. They sent me one for my mom. We're from County Kerry and it's got a little bit of rock from County Kerry with a pin and a flag of Ireland. It's hard to describe, but if you go to the website pebble and Paddy P A D D Y, you will see it's not expensive. It's kind of a perfect price range for a Christmas gift. It's like 65 bucks or something, but you can get one. There's 32 different counties they offer them from. Nice verbiage. Real good quality. Check it out. Pebbleandpaddy.com all right, let's get to it. My guest this week is my neighbor. She's my very dear friend and she's a great comedian. You know her from her Annie Wood podcast. She used to do Trash Tuesday for a long time. I used to do Chelsea Lately with her and a million other shows. She's great. Here is my Talk with Annie Letterman. My guest today is one of my dearest friends in the world. She is. She's got style. She's got flair. She's got attitude, class. She's got. I wouldn't say you have class. No, I mean, look, you have a camouflage thermos. You have faux fur. You have style.

[A]

This is.

[B]

It's crass more than class.

[A]

This is a real black bear.

[B]

No, it's not.

[A]

And I, it To death.

[B]

It was like Revenant. It was like Revenant except him getting inside of the bear. The bear got inside of you? Oh, yeah.

[A]

I was like, leo, you're such a puss.

[B]

Why are you putting sunglasses?

[A]

It's odd punctuated joke.

[B]

Yeah. George Burns had the cigar. You can put on the glasses on everyone.

[A]

You know, I, when I used to do David Spade show, which we did together.

[B]

Yeah, many times. Many used to apologize to me after the taping.

[A]

Right. Step on your jokes. Bobby Lee was mad at me for 27 years. I've known him for 13. He was mad at me for extra years. He over stepping on his joke once. I didn't know that his punchline was like looking into the camera. I was like, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that there was a but anyway, so when I used to do David's but, they were like, you have to stop putting your glasses. Because they couldn't edit it. Because my glasses were on and off.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's a nervous tech. My brother has Tourette's. My twin. So this is my Tourette's.

[B]

He has Tourette's.

[A]

Yeah. My Tourette is. I just have to be like really cool every once in a while. Yeah. My twin brothers is Tourette's.

[B]

Yeah. Have you seen a show called in the English Teacher?

[A]

I watched a little bit of it.

[B]

It's so. It's really good.

[A]

I. I know. I, I shifted off of it. Sometimes I just get on something and I can. I completely forget about it, the whole thing.

[B]

What's great about it is a lot of shows are so heavy now that I call that a palette cleanser. So I'll watch a couple episodes of, you know, task and then I'll throw on an English teacher before I go to bed. Yeah, but it's, it's making fun of these woke students. And one of the girls goes, I have undiagnosed non symptomatic Tourette's.

[A]

I remember that line. I remember that.

[B]

But wait, let me talk about your brother. Put the mic up a little closer to your mouth. I know you like putting black.

[A]

I mean, I was like, that was like sexual. That's the most sexually we've gotten.

[B]

Push it up, push it up a little bit.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

You work in this studio. You know how it works them up?

[A]

Push them up.

[B]

So your brother, your twin brother has Tourette's. So when did it start? And was it fun?

[A]

He. No, it was so annoying because I had like sensory problems where I got like intermittent explosive disorder symptoms. From my dad. My dad had.

[B]

Do you know you mean anger?

[A]

No, they diagnose it. They diagnose it.

[B]

You told me about your dad.

[A]

My dad came home and we were like.

[B]

That was so funny.

[A]

My dad is a non violent screamer.

[B]

Let's just say the computer almost crashed over your mother's head.

[A]

He was really. He's funny, my dad. I just like having someone. I'm so much like. It's so funny to just be like what a mess we are, you know? And then my mom had like a psycho moment when I was a teenager where she would like when I was 14, we'd be fighting, she would press the gas and she's like, why don't I kill us all?

[B]

No.

[A]

And I would have to kick the.

[B]

No.

[A]

Yes. And I would have to kick the.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

So she would stop because she was afraid the airbag would explode. So I had to like make it real. And my dad loves bringing that up because that was like her psycho moment.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

Listen, she's adopted. I forgot where she. No, but I had like, like it was like a lot of like expressed rage.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In my family. And then I was actually thinking about it recently getting coffee earlier. I being like kind. And I get off on not exploding on people. Like it feels so good in moments when like. Okay, so for instance, when you go into the A comedy club and they card you or something and you're like, I'm the headline. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How many times have you seen comics egos have. I've seen it so many times. That specific moment comics like screaming at the door guy or screaming at the. It's like so embarrassing because it's all ego and it's like you didn't make yourself successful enough to be a household name for that person.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Like it's on me if someone doesn't know who I am. So.

[B]

By the way, they did it to Burr at that club in Times Square last year.

[A]

I thought you say in Riyadh.

[B]

He should. He. He showed. Yeah. Who. Who are you?

[A]

Can you imagine that?

[B]

Yeah. He showed up at. I forget what it's called the New York something comedy club. And the door guy didn't know him and didn't let him in.

[A]

I mean it's. Times are changing, I guess.

[B]

Anyway, talk about your thing.

[A]

Did he. Did he get mad?

[B]

No, he laughed. He left.

[A]

Oh, he left.

[B]

Yeah. And the owner was. That's so ballistic towards the. The door guy.

[A]

That is hilar. I mean and that is like. Cuz you have enough of a job where maybe Google image the person. I don't know.

[B]

Well, that's good. About the store and a lot of other clubs is they hire aspiring comedians to work at the club. So they know, but not the security guards don't know. Oh, they don't.

[A]

So the security guards, they do it all the time. I've seen people like in the street trying to fist fight them where you're just like, this is so embarrassing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so I love in those moments, showing grace. But then when I don't get like the extra like, thank you for showing grace, then I have to like be like, show grace to that. Show grace to that.

[B]

That's the next tattoo I want to get. I want to write grace under fire.

[A]

And it's under your pubes.

[B]

That's the problem. I don't want people to think it's about a woman named Grace. Do you think people would think that if I got grace written on my arm?

[A]

Maybe.

[B]

It also looks like I'm one of those program guys that gets up at 6am and goes to Santa Monica for a six step meeting.

[A]

I will say though, it's kind of surprising you didn't name your daughter. Great. I could see that's such a good Irish name.

[B]

Oh, it is.

[A]

It's crazy. JoJo's so cute though. But what's her full name?

[B]

Is it Jojo Josephine Rose.

[A]

Oh, that's cute.

[B]

Rose was Aaron's aunt who he loved in the Bronx. She lived to 93, was born physically born in the house. She never lived anywhere outside of that house for 93 years. And she was in it alone for the last 40 of those years.

[A]

Isn't that.

[B]

No the key.

[A]

Just lessen any outside noise. Just. I'm going to just stay here.

[B]

She lives in a neighborhood in the Bronx that I was born in, as a matter of fact, and my mother grew up in. And it was all Italian and Irish and it was like you go to the butcher and then you go to the Baker and then you go to the, you know, fish market.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, it was like Italy, like all the little shops and you know, the train to the city was right there. It was the last stop on the subway out of New York City. So it's like a good. It was like 40 minutes to get to midtown. But the Bronx is amazing. It's the most overlooked borough.

[A]

I. I'm going to be honest, I don't know if I used to stay in a place. I don't know if it was the Bronx. I can't even remember the address. I think it was the wrong.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Did you ever see the JLO documentary where she goes back to the Bronx and nobody knows who she is? It's like hilarious. Like, they kept this and like, whoever was editing, like, must have snuck that in under. Because I'm like, this is so bad. Yeah. But I like it. If she had a sense of humor about it, would be awesome. If she was like.

[B]

Well, I don't think she has a huge sense of humor. Nor does her husband, Ben Affleck. Ex husband, I guess.

[A]

No. You know that he did that, that genealogy show?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Pbs. And they found out that he had like, that he had like Nazi or slave owners. Something. Something racist. And he was trying to get them to not air it. Pussy. Pussy.

[B]

I would have them error. It's just to say, look at the growth I've made.

[A]

Look at. I only have two slaves. Okay.

[B]

I love how you land your punchlines to camera three.

[A]

Always. Is that my camera?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

It's the one I'm.

[B]

That's right there. Yes. What am I going to go like that? You know, you know, you know your camera. Unbelievable. I mean, you really do. You have style. You have pizzazz. You know how to work a camera. I don't think you have to have everything, Annie.

[A]

This really got real. And I started getting sad.

[B]

Wait. I wanted to get real for a minute. Can we get real for a minute?

[A]

Yeah. And I also want to finish that. I like that doing the grace thing, but I also like popping off.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And there's still a part of me that loves a pop off.

[B]

Well, you're from Philly.

[A]

Oh, it's so good. My sister in law's from Jersey and sometimes she'll like, she'll start popping up and I have to just be like, why am I. I'm older than her.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She has a child. Like, she's got like, burdens I don't have. I'm like, let her pop off and just show her grace. But sometimes I start to pop off and then I'll go, I love you. I'll call you back.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I hang up.

[B]

Do you know that pop off is a really bad Russian vodka? You can get it like Walmart, literally.

[A]

I wish I was wearing fake boobs. I could pop them off right now or something. I wish I had like a physical pop off, but go ahead. Sorry.

[B]

So let's get serious for a second.

[A]

And I want to tell a pop off story.

[B]

We have so much comedy. You and I could sit here and be fun.

[A]

Love Each other hours.

[B]

We love each.

[A]

He goes. Listen, everyone. Last night we did an amazing show. Best Buddies benefit. Guys donate to Best Buddies. Best Buddies is so cute. I could cry right now thinking about it. It's such a good organization and it's so fun.

[B]

I did cry last night.

[A]

I'm literally about to cry. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's so touching. Yeah, it's such an amazing organ. I'm gonna cry. It's beautiful. It's just really pretty. It's a beautiful.

[B]

They help people with intellectual disabilities.

[A]

That's why I'm. I'm a member. They've done so much for me.

[B]

Well, but you used to work with people with disabilities.

[A]

It's so fun. You actually feel like it's like a cheat sheet. You're, like, kind of getting more out of it than anyone else.

[B]

Oh, my God. It's like an infusion of joy. People with no cynicism, they have no negativity. Like one of the. One of the comics that I kind of mentor, and he performs on the show every year. He's got Asperger's.

[A]

Craig Robinson.

[B]

Chris Tenney is his name.

[A]

He's so funny.

[B]

He's done it every year for 10 years. He killed Night Crushes. And he just stands up there and he's very monotone and he's got his jokes written out in his hand. And he does. I say do 10 minutes. He does 9 minutes and 54 seconds. And. But being around him just makes. It makes the green room, like, have this great vibe. Because comics, I never say to comics, hey, there's a guy in here who's got mental illness. You know, I just leave him be and people come in. I just like to see how people interact.

[A]

It's kind of redundant that there's a green room. There's gonna be one or two with mental illness.

[B]

But you know who handled them the best over the years? Norm MacDonald. Oh, really? He came in and Joe Rogan was there. And Joe Rogan gave Norm a joint. They smoked a joint together, which was a blunt.

[A]

I smoked a joint with Norm once. It was great.

[B]

But he doesn't smoke that much, so he's baked out of his mind. And then he meets Chris.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he just sits about six inches from. And he just looks in his eyes and he's like, yeah, so tell me, what's it like? Yeah, like goes deep, right into it. And the thing is, people with Asperger's Day, they're not self conscious about talking about their disorder.

[A]

It's so cool. It's just like, telling you exactly what they're thinking.

[B]

Yep. And Chris was just telling him about how his day goes and what he likes to do, and Norm was being funny with him and. Oh, my God, it was the most beautiful moment. I'm going to cry.

[A]

This is like a cry podcast already.

[B]

I know, but we raised a lot of money last night.

[A]

Yay. It was so cool.

[B]

We had Joey McIntyre from New Kids on the Block came out. He made a huge donation after the show.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What are we talking?

[B]

Don't worry about it. It was a lot. And then Lisa Loeb was there.

[A]

Oh, I met Lisa Loeb at the Best Buddy's bowling benefit.

[B]

Well, she's very close to Mark Wiley, who we love. We love runs Best Buddies. And then one of a kind, Chris Chaney, bass player for AC dc, was there. Tom o', Neill, some of the cast of Gen Z was there.

[A]

I should have stayed.

[B]

You should have stayed and hung out. It's like that Davitel bit. He's like, you ever notice everything cool happens right after you left? Dude, where. How was last night? Oh, after you left, this sorority house showed up. Even the guy with the Babylon 5 T shirt got a hand job from.

[A]

Skanks for the memories.

[B]

Yeah. The greatest comic number one.

[A]

It's so funny.

[B]

More. More jokes packed in. In per second of any.

[A]

Stupid.

[B]

So stupid.

[A]

It's just stupid. It's like, oh, yeah, we're supposed to be. Well, we don't have to be. You can be thoughtful and.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Trying to push culture. Or you can just be stupid.

[B]

You could just be stupid. Yeah, I know. It's funny when you think about it. Like, I was talking to Santino last night because, you know, he went to Riyadh and he was talking about how people gave him about it. And, you know, my feeling is like, dude, do. Do whatever you want to. I mean, who's this? Why do people suddenly pick things to get involved? Oh, oh, now all sudden, you're going to be political and judge Andrew.

[A]

Pete Davidson's going, I'm cool with it. Well, Pete's going all go.

[B]

I was talking to Spade about that. And he goes. He goes. I was just hoping Pete was going to do, like, a John Wick thing because of his father. Just whip. Whip out a gun on stage.

[A]

Can I just tell you that? John Wick. I didn't watch it forever, and Todd kept being like, we're not gonna watch it. And I was like, this is like my type of movie. And then I watched and I saw what the premise was, and I Was like, why did you let me watch this? I don't want to watch a dead dog.

[B]

Oh, I didn't see the movie, but.

[A]

I watched the whole premise is someone kills his dog and he loses.

[B]

All I know is the guy sitting next to me on the plane watching it. And I thought it was a parody of one of these people are getting shot every four seconds for the entire 24.

[A]

The show where it was an hour.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he killed like a thousand people every hour.

[B]

All because of one person. There was like one diplomat that got killed in Afghanistan and he wipes out. Yeah.

[A]

Well, it's also any of those movies.

[B]

Like James Bond movies. It's always about like this one guy, he's avenging and they. But they always have to drive through a fruit stand and kill 12 Chinese guys on the way.

[A]

I know. We should do spin offs of like what their family feels like.

[B]

Right? You know, I know.

[A]

This is ridiculous.

[B]

That's a funny idea. You're talking about writing a script. Make that a scene in it.

[A]

Oh, I'm talking about it. I've been talking about it for a while.

[B]

Let's talk about Annie Letterman, who's clearly prolific, funny, hard working. Well, and why not apply that to writing a feature film? Film.

[A]

I want to. It's in my heart. And I have these procrastination issues from. Since I was very little, my mom used to write my papers for me. I would, you know, when you. You push through that, like anxiety of writing.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And you get to the other side. I never got to the other side. My mom just.

[B]

No, but the thing is about writing. Writing is easy. Sitting down is hard.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You just have to find a way. You know what I did when I wrote my book?

[A]

Vibrating panties.

[B]

What?

[A]

I just guessed.

[B]

I hired my agent's assistant, would finish her day at work and then come to my office and sit there and type.

[A]

And she was wearing the vibrating panties.

[B]

She. Everybody was.

[A]

That's actually so funny. You're just. You have a lot of like buzzers in your hand.

[B]

And I would talk and she would type and.

[A]

For four hours.

[B]

For four hours. And if you have somebody. And I was paying her, so I was not going to waste any time.

[A]

How much did you pay someone like that?

[B]

20 bucks an hour. I mean, this is going back 12 years. So that was a fair wage.

[A]

Yeah, but that may as well go to rehab with those prices.

[B]

She was not thinking of the words. She was typing the words.

[A]

No, she did nothing. She was. She was nothing.

[B]

But. And then I. And then I had a Recorder. And I would walk around the park across my office, and my book was. You know, most books are a collection of stories, and I would hit record, and I would just tell a story for 15 minutes as I walked around, and then I could plug it into my computer, and it would transcribe it into words.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All you need is what they call a sloppy rough draft. You need to vomit out a first draft. Just type, type, type, type, sloppy right into camera three. Unbelievable. Right down the barrel. Is that what you used to do on at Midnight?

[A]

Yeah. I did everything I've ever done. I find my camera. People used to get so mad. They're like, she keeps looking at camera. I'm like, I. I feel like we're cultivating a hang, and I'm including the audience.

[B]

Oh, that's nice.

[A]

I'm letting the on. So I do have many more stalkers than most people because of it, but.

[B]

Yeah, a little bit. Can we get serious?

[A]

Sure.

[B]

I mean, we're gonna have a lot of fun. We're gonna have a lot of laughs.

[A]

Let's get serious.

[B]

Let's get serious.

[A]

No, but I like what you're saying, because I did have an epiphany once, and then I let it disappear. I have the problem with dopamine, where I get an idea and I tell one person and they go, it's a good idea, and we're done. Moving on. Who wants to go to yoga?

[B]

But you've got Todd. Todd seems like a methodical guy. He seems like he went to.

[A]

He went to school for movies. He went to movie school. Film school.

[B]

He went to school for movies.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Is that a sentence you want to put out to the world?

[A]

Well, I. Can I just tell you something about my childhood?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I. In my high school, they had a movie class where you laid on pillows and you watch movies.

[B]

Really after.

[A]

Yes. My high school was for Juno Delinquents. They wanted us on pillows. Yeah, they got them on pillows.

[B]

Onto the pillows.

[A]

No, they wanted us on pills because then we wouldn't tell our parents.

[B]

You got molested in high school.

[A]

Did you get it?

[B]

Listen, a lot of podcasts would really focus on.

[A]

No, who cares? We're done.

[B]

Care. As it happens.

[A]

I'm glad it happened. Maybe an artist.

[B]

Oh, now you go with the sip instead of the glasses. Yeah, there you go.

[A]

Ah, it's a full sip. For those that know.

[B]

I don't know if I was molested. I feel like I buried it. I feel like I was, but I don't remember who did It.

[A]

I mean, that is so cute. You want to be molested so bad.

[B]

I know.

[A]

It is. There is. There's got to be fomo. You got to be like, was I ugly? Or. You gotta think about that sometimes. Because I was. I know. I was like, I was cute.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, my brother. My twin brother went to this thing called Cine Kids, which was like a. It was a little film school for children and a movie school, some might call it. And. And the. The counselor, the owner of it, this older guy, he got accused of touching the kids or doing something to the kids. And Max was like, he never did anything to. You know. And I was like, I don't. I found some pictures of my brother that were so cute. I was like, he would have passed this one up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No way. But I think he got exonerated of all this.

[B]

All right, so let's get serious for a minute.

[A]

Okay. Let's stop joking around about.

[B]

I just want to address something that we haven't really talked about.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Which is. I feel like you got mad at me.

[A]

No.

[B]

Last month.

[A]

No.

[B]

I feel like we were out of touch.

[A]

No way. I've never been mad at you.

[B]

I don't know if mad or maybe you felt like you said that I was too busy for you or something. Are you one of those people that can't talk about this stuff?

[A]

No, no. I'll talk about it. But this is a theme in my life that's been coming up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I kind of, like, flake a little bit on people. Like, I just dip out. I'm like, whatever, preoccupied with myself or something, self involved. And I don't reach out to people, and then they think I'm mad at them.

[B]

So that was it.

[A]

I wouldn't. I'm never. I've never been mad at you. I can't even imagine being mad at you.

[B]

Okay, good.

[A]

I can't imagine a thing that I would be. No. And I think we're communicative. If there was ever an issue.

[B]

Yeah, that's what I. That's why I was surprised.

[A]

I probably was being like. Like, oh, I haven't been around. Because I was just like, get it off of me. I was just kidding. Like, whatever. No, no, no. I don't feel that way.

[B]

Okay, good.

[A]

I feel like. Yeah. If I. If I need you there.

[B]

Yeah. Always.

[A]

No, but I had. I've had, like, my shamans think I'm out of them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, people were like, what?

[B]

I don't know. I think you have ADHD because you can't focus you can't concentrate and you disappear emotionally a little bit.

[A]

I definitely have. You thought you was there. Like, was there a question?

[B]

Oh, I didn't know if you'd ever. Did you already know that about yourself.

[A]

They had me on Ritalin when I was a baby.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're classic.

[A]

They put it on my mom's nipple.

[B]

They should put it on your teacher's balls.

[A]

No, I never got. Yeah, he was above.

[B]

Oh, he was above.

[A]

Yeah. In his semen movie.

[B]

They could have put it his way.

[A]

In his semen. They could have put it in, like, in his penis hole. So then when it ejaculated, it, like, kind of squirted out of me, I think.

[B]

All right. There's a lot of things I want to ask you. As Annie works here at the studio. It doesn't work. She does her thing.

[A]

I perform.

[B]

She performs here at the. At the Green Lab studio.

[A]

I have three studios I perform at.

[B]

Wow. Which one's your favorite?

[A]

Well, this one's the coolest.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This one has the most pizzazz.

[B]

Y.

[A]

My favorite might be my house because it's so easy because I was like, turn it on. I know, but it's hard to, like. I had to get out of there because it is hard to, like, remember. It's your job.

[B]

No, you got to go to work.

[A]

Yeah. And then I do at the Comedy Store sometimes because it's. I. It's right before my sets.

[B]

Yeah. They were a little weird to me when I did mine there. Suddenly they wanted, like, ownership of it or something.

[A]

Oh, yeah. No, they. They've completely stopped doing that. But that was. I wasn't going to do it when they were doing that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Absolutely not.

[B]

I bounced after that.

[A]

Prefer less hands on my business.

[B]

Yeah. So I asked the staff here. Amber and Paul. I shouldn't call them the staff. It makes it sound like they're janitors or something. They're producers. They are creative people.

[A]

Janitors. I'm wondering.

[B]

They're on strike. They're a union. So they had some questions for you.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

One of them said, did we land on the moon? Yeah, we did.

[A]

I think so. Yeah. Why? Because we're in a green screen studio and we could. We could.

[B]

No, it's just seems amazing things that are happening.

[A]

It does seem like fake.

[B]

I mean, it was 1969. I had a 1969 Chevy, and I used to drive from Boston to New York, and it would break down about half the time. That was 200 miles.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Not a million.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, that was the technology at the time, the computers. The computer in your phone dwarfs all the computing power that was involved in the first Apollo.

[A]

I've never heard the word computic.

[B]

I didn't say computic.

[A]

Okay, roll the tapes.

[B]

Staff.

[A]

Hey, janitors, can you clean up this mess he just created?

[B]

They showed up on the moon all of a sudden. They had a rover. They had a car to drive around the moon on.

[A]

Yeah, I guess.

[B]

Where'd that come from?

[A]

It was a little kind of fake too.

[B]

It looks totally fake.

[A]

Yeah, I guess. I have the same birthday as Neil Armstrong. So I want him to be a star. Because I felt like really. I felt connected.

[B]

He was a wife, Peter. No, but he had a lot of real right wing Christian thoughts.

[A]

Which is funny to be an astronaut and have right wing Christian. I know you know as right when Christian thoughts. But I'm such a fan. Question, question, thoughts.

[B]

Are you baby Wawa. All of a sudden.

[A]

They landed on the moon. They landed there. I love. And this is ADD I love Pat Sajak. Oh, he's so funny. Yeah, he's the funniest guy now.

[B]

Do you. Do you ever. Did you ever see when there was a Jeopardy? He was Jeopardy. Right? No.

[A]

Wheel of Fortune, the one that I could understand. Jeopardy. Was a little hard for me.

[B]

And the clue was clam blank. I G G E R. And it was supposed to be clam dinner.

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

And the guy said N. And it cut to Pat Sajak and it went. That noise like boop, boop. And he just like a long par. He did like this. This thing in his eyes. That was genius.

[A]

And he knew his camera, didn't he?

[B]

Yes, he did.

[A]

That's my guy. We follow each other on Twitter.

[B]

All right, Amber wants to know what's the kinkiest thing you've ever done?

[A]

The kinkiest thing? Don't. Why are you big glazing down, looking away?

[B]

I'm looking at scams.

[A]

I ever did. I like bang this guy in the woods once, but I got a twig inside. I pulled out a twig later.

[B]

So I was like out of your ass.

[A]

My ass or your boobs? The vanilla, not the chocolate.

[B]

Jesus is whole.

[A]

Yeah, the Lord's whole.

[B]

Wow. You pulled a twig out?

[A]

There was a twig.

[B]

You sure it wasn't a log?

[A]

He gave me crabs too. And I wonder if I got them from the outside air.

[B]

Sure it wasn't ants?

[A]

Fire ants? I don't give any.

[B]

So you had sex with him in the woods? Was it like a one night stand? Was it like A first experience.

[A]

Yeah. He was working on a movie. I was living in Santa Fe and he was working on a movie in Santa Fe. And I was a go Go dancer at the nightclub. And he was there for like a month and a half. And we just kind of were like a thing for then. And then we were driving. We. There was this. There's a spot, 10,000 waves up in the mountains. And so we went there and then we just banged on the way down.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

Just pulled over.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

A little bangaroo. But the twig. And then I was like, you know, maybe this isn't for me.

[B]

Ever do the beach?

[A]

Yeah. But I was. It's. Yeah.

[B]

On a blanket or on the sand?

[A]

Well, I don't remember.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

I woke up. I was on a. On a trip to Central America and I woke up. I got wasted and I woke up, like, having hooked up with this guy and I had the wrong shoe. Like, I was a regret.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I just. Like this Jose guy didn't use a condom. I was like. I think I was like 17. I was like, oh, my God. Like, there was some guy named Jose. Where is he?

[B]

That Latino spoon sperm really takes.

[A]

And it does take. And I. You know, but so I. I remember we were leaving the next day and I had no clue who he was or whatever. And I was like. And then I. I had the wrong flip flops and they were like they had melded to someone else's foot.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

So every time I would step, it would like. And it would be like. You're so. Like, oh, my God. This kind of. And I went swimming too drunk. That was actually so scary and felt great.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Amazing, right? But I was like, oh, that could have been just it.

[B]

All right. Paul wants to know, have you ever had a three way?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You have two girls and a guy or two guys in you?

[A]

Well, we've had a range.

[B]

Really?

[A]

I'm schizophrenic. So every time is a threesome at least.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No. I had a boyfriend in college who was flaming homosexual. He is married with kids. I don't know what. Why he won't just come out. He does own the studio too, but I just don't. It's so weird. But he was so gay. He would wear a suit. We lived in Santa Fe. We were like in college at this school that doesn't even exist anymore. It's like this. Not real college, you know? And he would wear this suit around town. And gay men, when we'd be out of bars, would reach. They would try to touch him. And I would slap. I'd be like, he's not out yet.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he would always be like. We'd have parties at his house, and he would always somehow get a guy to come in.

[B]

Would he fool around with the guy?

[A]

It wouldn't. It would never go that far because it would. I remember my one friend joined in because he wanted hook up with me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then it just ended. He was like, he keeps staring at me. He was giving me eye contact. So then he was like, I'm gonna do the playlist. And then. And then when I moved to LA for the first time, female comic and I were, like, having annoying things with guys where we were just trying to have casual things with guys. And they kept being like, I can't be what you want. We're like, we don't want you. We're busy. We're thriving.

[B]

Right?

[A]

And they're like, sorry, babe, you're too attached. We're like, nobody's attached. Like, nobody likes. Like, what are you talking about? So we were like, let's go hook up. Let's go to Venice, and let's find some surfers, and let's, like, hook up with some surfers. So we go to Venice. We go to. The first bar was, like, a wine bar. I can't even remember. And I don't drink, by the way, so I'm like, I'm just gonna figure it out at this point, so. And there's some, like, hot guys, you know, but we're like, we can do better. So then we end up going to this, like. Like, more college type bar afterwards. It's like, near Main Street.

[B]

I'm thinking maybe.

[A]

Main Street? Yeah, I think so. Is it on Abbot Kinney?

[B]

Is it Abbott Kitty turns into Main street when you hit Santa Monica?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. It's more, like collegiate, so but it's.

[A]

Like, almost last call. Like, we're like, now we just have to deal with. Because we just set out this goal. So we just. Like, one guy recognized me. I was so, like, it was so weird. He recognized me from a show I used to put on at a restaurant I worked at in New York. He's like, oh, I've been to your show. And I was like, oh, this isn't ideal. He wanted to be a little more anonymous, but it was like he just was latched on, so. And then his friend was talking to my friend, so I was like, all right. So she had grown up in the area, so we went to her childhood home, her childhood bedroom, and she pulled Like, a mattress off. So there was, like, a mattress on the floor for me. And then she was on the bed with her guy. And I was like, oh, this is gonna be, like, fun. This is, like, so, like, fun. You know, like hotel rooms with two beds. And I'm, like, making out with my guy. And then her guy just sits up. It's like three in the morning. He goes, I gotta go. And he runs out. So I'm like, girlfriend or tiny penis? We don't know. And so he jets, and it's just the three of us. And I was like, all right. So then we just, like, started making out. And then they started hooking up. And she was like. She goes, annie, suck it. This is so gross. And he's. I'm like, married. This is crazy. But whatever. Who cares? She's like. She's like, annie, you suck his dick or you go down on him or whatever. So I'm like, okay. And then he. She goes, come on her face. So I literally was like a sock. I just ended up being a. I'm like, they could have just 69. And I just was like, what? It was so funny. I was like, do you really just did it? We were laughing so hard. It ended up being so fudgeing funny.

[B]

So she got the sack. She got the discharge.

[A]

Yeah, she. No, he was like. I think he was, like, fingering her, something. So she came. I was talking, and then I just.

[B]

Got like, yeah, no pleasure for you.

[A]

And it was so. It was absolutely hilarious because it had originally been my guy. But I would obviously like things to be a funny story.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Over anything else. So then. So then later on, he kept trying. I blocked him on everything. So I was like, I never want to see you again. And not like. There was no.

[B]

I was never gonna block him that night.

[A]

There was never. While I blocked his aim. But I didn't want it to get on her childhood posters, so. But there was no chance I was ever going to not block him. Like, it wasn't like, he wasn't like. I wasn't, like, this fudgeing asshole or anything. Like, I definitely thought it was hilarious, and. But I just never wanted to see him again. And so I blocked him all things. And then the Ways app, the driving app, he tried to friend me on that. And I didn't even know you could friend people. I remember being like, why do you want to know where? So when I'm stuck in traffic, you can come roll down the window, jerk off in my face again.

[B]

You got your wind, fiance.

[A]

Yeah, I'M like, I'm ready for him, But I thought that was funny. That's good, but.

[B]

All right. Amber wants to know if you were gonna play a celebrity. No. If you were gonna get somebody to play you in a biopic, who would it be?

[A]

Probably the middle Hansen brother. I don't know if he's a good actor.

[B]

I love Hanson. That was always my thing.

[A]

You loved Hands.

[B]

Everybody hated Hanson. I was like, hey, look, they're real brothers. They write their own songs. They play their own Christian boys.

[A]

They had kid. They all had, like, 20 kids by the time they were, like, 18. Yep. You're giving me time. Getting flashbacks of people screaming that at my head. When I was in middle school, I looked so much like them. I looked like the lead singer of Silver Chair. I looked like a lot of boys in high school.

[B]

Right?

[A]

But my dad always calls me his little handsome boy. He's like, oh, look at my little handsome brother. I love my dad.

[B]

All right, Paul wants to know who's your biggest celebrity friend? Your most famous friend. Not biggest, because that's obviously Tim Dillon.

[A]

Oh, I love that. Timmy D. Yep. I love him. Gay sugar daddy's really where it's at, guys. Nobody has this life.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Nobody's up on that private chat. Not sucking dick, dude. If I suck dick, I'm. I'm shot out. There's a button.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's like, get your nasty tuna away from me. Maybe Nora Aquafina, or maybe that's pretty good. Olivia Munn, maybe.

[B]

Yeah, those are both good. Aquafina. What's she like?

[A]

Oh, she's so amazing.

[B]

She's from Queens, right?

[A]

Oh, I love her. Oh, she's so good. We did Girl Code together, and we were like soul sisters. Like, we got along so well, and she got. She was rapping. She had, like, comedic raps that she would do. And then she got on Girl Code, and she's just like. She's a character, but she's herself, you know? She's just, like, so funny and so cool and so unique. And then. And they. She was asking me, like, what manager again? I hooked up with my manager at the time, and then she got on ocean. Ocean's 11. No, I actually. I've. I fired that manager so much. I love him. I always. I'm like, it's hilarious. I love him.

[B]

I think I know who you're talking about.

[A]

He is. He is one of a kind. I do love him to death. But I. We kept breaking up with him. Yeah, we're like an. We're like Ross and Rachel. But so, so she gets Ocean's 8 or Ocean's 11, whichever one was the one with. That was the female version.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And she calls me and she's like freaking out and she's like, oh my God, I don't know what to do. Like she was just having. So I was like explaining to her imposter syndrome and stuff. And, and I like really helped her. Like she talks about me in interviews about how I helped her through this imposter syndrome. And then she like blew up and then I got imposter syndrome. And then I stopped reaching out to her because I didn't want to bug her. All of a sudden I was like, I don't want to be a nuisance or whatever.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So then years later, I think she sends me an invite to her birthday party. And I had just been looking at her book. She had this coffee table book and she had written in it something like so sweet, like. Yeah, very like, you're the funniest person. Just something very like sweet. And I was. And it was just at the same time I was looking at it, she sent me this thing and I was like, oh my God, what have I done? You know? So then I called her and she was like, where have you been?

[B]

You know, a few weeks ago I.

[A]

Weren'T intimidated by your success.

[B]

Yes. Everybody feels like an imposter around me.

[A]

I do.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

I'm like, how am I worthy?

[B]

Yeah, I know. Of a bald, middle aged man I do love.

[A]

I was talking about it today to Todd. I was like, it's so funny. This 59 year old ball guys, I just one of my best friends on this earth. I love him so much.

[B]

It's because I'm safe. I'm married.

[A]

You're a good married, married, sober guy. You love your wife, you love. It's like a package deal. Yeah, but I get like a whole family of friends.

[B]

I'm not a threat to you in any way.

[A]

I know, but guys have posed this way and been threats. So it's you. It's not just your situation. But it is like I am like, that's why I said to Todd today too. I was like, you see what you can do when you just love your wife? If you just choose to love your wife and your family.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You can be friends with everyone. You can have all. You can develop different. It's like such a more dynamic, fun world.

[B]

Yeah, well, you're stepping into that world right now.

[A]

I love it.

[B]

When are you guys gonna tie the knot?

[A]

I don't know, I just don't have, like, wedding fever. It's like the opposite. Yeah.

[B]

But it's so much fun.

[A]

I don't feel the fun.

[B]

Oh, then don't do it.

[A]

I feel there's a lot. They're large families.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's drinking. Not that that's really it, because it's like, whatever, who cares? That end up being funny. But it's just my people pleasing is triggered hard during a wedding. I had people come up to me that I'm barely friends with, that like, that are like, I better be invited. I barely know you. If you think that. Who, like, I don't like the idea of, like, leaving people out or inviting people that I don't want there. I think what I. I had an epiphany the other day where I was like, oh, just. If you make this about you and you're like, what do you want your day to be? That's fine. But I guess I just don't feel. I just get a day every night, so I don't have this, like. I know it's different because it's our union and everything, but I don't know. I.

[B]

No, I lost my wedding. We had like 200 people. And, you know, because we are in a very social line of work. So you. Not to mention, I also have 27 first cousins, right. And so I couldn't invite them all because there's two of them. I wouldn't know in a lineup. Like, they're way older than me. They weren't part of my life. And so my mother's like, you have to invite all the cousins. I was like, I can't because they're married. They have kids. So 27 of them and have spouses and kids. So right there, that's like 60 or 70. 80.

[A]

And then you're looking at a venue change. Like, okay, we have to get a bigger.

[B]

So I said, I can't invite these two. And she goes, you have to. And then I said, I'm not. And then she called me back. She goes, your aunt is really upset about her two boys not being. So I didn't invite them. I held the line.

[A]

So we go to the fun John Wick. If your aunt comes and just shoots up the whole thing, we go to.

[B]

The wedding, and then we go to the reception. And the two cousins are standing in front of the reception venue with their wives.

[A]

I'm unable to accept it. Yep, I'm unable to accept it. I can't allow this to be truth.

[B]

They weren't nice to Us?

[A]

No, they're mad. They want to ruin your day.

[B]

You know why they all wanted to go? Because my wife used to be Julia Roberts assistant when we got married and they all thought Julie was going to be there.

[A]

You call her Julie Julia? No.

[B]

I had saliva in the back of.

[A]

My throat thinking about her. Me too. I would have been standing out there, I would have had a. I would add a little thing to go like that to her.

[B]

What is that from?

[A]

Pretty Woman holds the thing and she goes. She's.

[B]

Is this your own little thing?

[A]

You are nobody.

[B]

None of you are nothing. None of my.

[A]

You are around Julie Roberts and you never. You dare call her Julie. And you don't even know that scene.

[B]

I wasn't a fan of her. She was my wife's boss. No, I love her.

[A]

I'm not a fan of her.

[B]

I'm not a fan where. I know what this is.

[A]

She must have been a tough one.

[B]

She wasn't a tough boss. She was a lovely boss.

[A]

I know that. You've already told me that, but I'm teasing you now.

[B]

She's a lovely boss.

[A]

That's so scary.

[B]

And then she moved to our neighborhood. Like, Aaron left her to move out here. And then she moved a block from us and we used to hang out with her in the neighborhood. And so one day we're sitting in the living room talking to Aaron, had two friends over. And then Julia just walked in. Like she was there with her cousins.

[A]

Just standing there.

[B]

And just walked in. And her friends, like, Aaron never talked about that. She worked for her. She just was like a non disclosure thing, which I'm breaking right now. And. And she. She walked in and the two friends are just like, why did Julia Roberts just walk into your house?

[A]

She's like, I'm not Julia Roberts. I'm just a girl standing in front of my oldest sister and her family and friends. He doesn't know her. He doesn't know her videography. He doesn't know the joke. I'm doing all right Notting Hill. But I will say also Jeanette McCurdy. And. And oh, my God. Miranda Cosgrove. Both of them were in icarly. My nieces. That's like the perfect age. They freaked out about them. So those were the girls that when I FaceTime. My nieces.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They were shook.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They saw. It was so cute because they're usually like, pretty. Like they saw Miranda Cosgrove on FaceTime. Like, it was so cute. That's fun to do with your family. Struck. Yeah.

[B]

Who was your Celebrity crush. Growing up, I liked Leave.

[A]

Schreiber. No, I always had a crush on Leave.

[B]

I see that. Are you Jewish?

[A]

Like, quarter Jew. I grew up in a really Jewish area. In fact, I heard. I was talking to my dad about this and he was like, yeah. I was like, I guess it's 2.2% of the population is Jewish or something. Or feels like 02. I know, but I was going to say in our neighborhood, I guess I was seeing the world through Rose or Manishevitz colored glasses. That was a joke that only landed on my dad, and I never got to say it any other time. But. Yeah, no, we were in a really Jewy neighborhood, so I was surrounded by.

[B]

We have Schreiber. Yeah, that guy is the real deal.

[A]

But then someone told me he's, like, not good. Like, he's like, really nice person. Well, just like, annoying. Like. No. What did they say? They just said he wasn't like. He just was, like, very serious and not.

[B]

I think most great actors are not easy to be around because they occupy roles and often they're kind of a vessel and to be.

[A]

I wanted to be a vessel. I was like, I'll be your vessel.

[B]

Yeah, me up.

[A]

Filth. Me over. But he. Yeah, I always like big noses. I don't know. I liked prominent noses. Todd is a big nose, but it's like, kind of like an Asian, like, sideways cute.

[B]

It's a big nose for an Asian man.

[A]

It's such a cute. Yeah, so cute.

[B]

You missed him when he was away?

[A]

Not so much. I had a great time when he.

[B]

Was gone for like, six weeks.

[A]

I had my cluster headaches and I. So I got cluster headaches. And then I was. I met all these spiritual people kind of through Paul. It was like a weird thing. And I was. Every crazy, debilitating headache I got. I could call one of these people and they would talk me through it. And I was figuring out things. My body needed me to, like, release. And I was like, quantum leaping every time I got it. It was the I. Todd came up to, like, a new person.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

It was so. And I needed him to be gone because I needed to not have him to lean on during the cluster headache. It's so debilitating. But I had to survive. I had to do it on my own. And it was perfect timing. And, yeah, I just grew. So I didn't. It's not like I didn't. Obviously I love him, but it was like. And me and Randy got really squishy and close and. Yeah, we're just obsessed with each other.

[B]

Well, I'm a little hurt that during your cluster headache saga, I was not one of the people that you reached out to.

[A]

Well, why don't you take a spiritual class or two? Offer me a little enlightenment for once? No, it was. It was great. No, I see this guy, Tom, he's like, smoke cigarettes and he's like. He's from Jersey. And he's like, yeah, I don't know. I mean, maybe God's telling you you need to do this, but what do I know? He's, like, the best.

[B]

I know. He didn't see me. I didn't see him.

[A]

So he's so awesome. And then Natasha, Paul's friend, who is just like this weird alien angel witch. I don't know what the hell she is, but she like. But I kind of dipped on her, and she's like, what the fuck? And I'm like, I don't know, maybe it's too intense.

[B]

Do you think that some people worship Jesus because he's so hot? Like, do you think some women, like, do you think they portrayed Jesus as a. Just a live. Kind of like, he's. He's like. Who's that actor?

[A]

Jared Leto?

[B]

Yes. That's so funny that you guessed that. Like, they made him look like Jared Leto. Do you think, like, do you think that if God looked like Jeff Garland that less people would believe?

[A]

I think my God knows how to handle his calories.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think he's counting his macros.

[B]

Right, Right.

[A]

Is all I'm saying.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Can we leave it at that?

[B]

Well, he trained in a robe, but then when it was showtime, when it was time for the cross, they went crop top. They showed the abs.

[A]

Was it crop or was it just. It was just torn.

[B]

It was. It was just loin.

[A]

Yeah. He was topless.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, way to bury the lead. Jesus. We. If we'd known all those years, maybe they wouldn't have killed you.

[A]

Well, also, let's see what you're packing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Drop it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What's holding it up? They put nails there, too. The hell's that? What if they nailed his penis to the cross?

[B]

Well, somebody had a joke about.

[A]

That's why penises.

[B]

What, did they only have, like, three nails? Like, one for each hand. And then. Jesus, can you just put your feet together? I wish I could give credit to whose joke that was. It was mine.

[A]

Oh, let's just steal jokes like the children are doing.

[B]

But, like, the Virgin Mary was smoking hot. Like, surprising that she remained a virgin in that Part of the world.

[A]

Right. So my time, my day, my smoking shaman.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He said that Mary Magdalene and Jesus are the. Are the yin and yang of the masculine and feminine in each person.

[B]

Interesting, huh?

[A]

But what does he know?

[B]

What does he know?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Take it or leave it. I love him. I met him for the first time in person yesterday.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

It was great. I was. It was weird to look at him. I was like.

[B]

Do you think you ghost him at some point?

[A]

Oh, I flaked. He called me out on it. In a good way.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Working on the flakiness.

[B]

Do you believe in God?

[A]

Yeah, I think so, but not like, I think so.

[B]

That's not gonna go well when you get to the pearly gate.

[A]

I don't believe in that. Yeah, I think that God. Yeah, I believe. I think you like, our energy that exists, and I think that you get another opportunity to come down, but maybe not right away.

[B]

Do you think you come down in the same human form, animal?

[A]

I think you come down as people that have hurt. Like, not like. Like, if you. So in this, like, I. I've been a. Probably a sexual predator in another life. I've been a. I've been. I think we've been all. Everyone. Different types of people.

[B]

Wow. If you started to say. And I thought it's an interesting idea, as you come back as the people that wronged you, because then they have a choice to make when they come back of whether or not you can come back as them and you could create more negativity or you could change that person.

[A]

Yeah, I believe that. Well, I think, like, it's. It's also just like. Like, you. You want to come down to earth and that you want this experience. You want to be incarnated. So you're like, sometimes your karma is you get to have, like, a good life.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And sometimes your karma is you suck. Right. And so I was, like, really holding on to this predator for my high school, you know, forever, like, dry. He had white guy with dreads. I was, like, dragging him by his dreads into every day. I was like, come with me. For years, like, I was just taking him with me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And just keeping connected. Just so wounded. Such a victim of it. And. And then through, like, working with different people, I kind of like, what has landed on me that wouldn't have landed at the. At a different time. But what I'm ready for, because I want to release these things and I want to move forward, is that I actually owe him, in a way, an apology because I asked for him to be incarnated on this earth to teach me these lessons, and I made him suck. I made him be a. Like a child predator.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

So.

[B]

Jesus, that's.

[A]

So I actually. It's like, it has to be like, well, I actually apologize to you for making you that so that I could learn these lessons. And then having that sort of like. Like overall just acceptance and then accepting just complete responsibility and not in a. Like, it's my fault and this or that. Like, not in a victim way, but just in a, like, oh, every time you're. You're met with someone that bothers you, annoys you, feels toxic or whatever. Oh, I actually called them in so I could overcome something.

[B]

I like that. That's.

[A]

It just gives me a lot of peace. And it would have pissed me off in my moments where I needed to be a victim, where, like, that was serving me. But at this point, when with the headaches, like, I just was like, I can't. Like, it hurts so bad. I have to surrender to whatever I need to surrender because I can't be in pain like this anymore.

[B]

Do you think the cluster headaches are psychosomatic or do you think that they're physical?

[A]

I mean, it's hard because it's like, zapping me. It's, like, so painful. It's so up. And it's hard to say because I don't want to because I've had, like, working situations where I've worked with people who have used. Said my cholesterol headaches are fit and where you're just like, what? Like, I don't even. So it's like, I don't want to say like, they're psychosomatic because it wasn't like a thing I created to get out of something or to be irresponsible, but I think it was my body. Like, I think it was so much tension built up in my body, so much anger, so much like fear that my body was like, zapping me because it's like trigeminal neuralgia where it's. Your trigeminal nerve is like. It's like a whole pain map through your. It was so cool. I went to this acupuncturist that Natasha introduced me to. So much of this comes back to Paul and comes back back to you for introducing me to Paul. But. So this acupuncturist, when I went in, he was like, don't ever get your tooth removed. And I was like, how do you know it goes into my gums? He's like, oh, I know what you're. And I'm like. Because no doctors, like, understand it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So for him to just know, like, the pain map and the nerves that it hits, I was like, oh, my God. And then I asked him, I go, well, what. Why do I get this? He goes, you don't love yourself.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's like, people that don't love themselves get it?

[B]

And I was like, wow.

[A]

And then he poked at me later, and he went, he's like, you. You look strong, but you're not. You're weak. And I was like, all right, chill on the shadow work. Jesus, my friend. My fucking head hurts.

[B]

I think I'd rather be, like, weak.

[A]

Well, good.

[B]

Than somebody who has no sense that they're not all powerful and wonderful. Like, I think about the podcasting world, and there's certain people, you just go like, jesus Christ, where does your ego end?

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, Like, I like to think of myself as a podcaster that kind of, like, I'm vulnerable, and I share things that I'm like. We talk about imposter syndrome and all that stuff, because some of these people that are just. And it's not just men. There's some female pot.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's just, like, you let the guard down a little bit.

[A]

So I think we're here. I really do think we're here to serve each other. And we're here, like, you know the Ram Dass quote where it's like, we're all just walking each other home.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I mean, that makes me, like, almost want to cry, but it's like. It is like we're just all going home, and it's like, help each other there when you can, you know, I.

[B]

Mean, have your balance going home. Like, have you ever tried to cut off a Waymo or, like, step in front of it?

[A]

I almost got. I almost got sideswiped by Waymo. In my head, I went, do I make so much money off that? Oh, how much? I. On the way here, I went, oh, my God. How much money do I get from that? Or are they, like, actually, waymos are perfect, and they try to blame me for it.

[B]

Yeah, right, right, right. And they also are videotaping you so they would know if I'm like.

[A]

I'm like.

[B]

You see my footstep Exactly.

[A]

Like, blowing bubbles, smoking a joint.

[B]

I honked at one the other day.

[A]

Is that fun?

[B]

Yeah. I didn't mean. I, like, kind of wasn't registering. It was a waymo. But the light turned, and I just honked, and I Was like, oh, it's not a person.

[A]

Well, isn't it funny when you pop off on, like, a. Because I'll get so mad at the automated systems.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then. But is that a good lesson for life? Because it really isn't. It could just be a robot getting mad at.

[B]

I know.

[A]

It's just yourself. You're just getting mad at yourself. It's just bouncing back at you. Yeah, I popped off. I got in a fight with Donnell Rollins at the Comedy Store the other day.

[B]

Oh, I heard.

[A]

Oh, it felt so good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, he's my friend, and he started it. And I was, like, tired. And I was like, I'm. I'm a Philly bitch and I don't have my tools. I'm sleepy, and let's fucking go. We're gonna stay friends. We're not gonna not be friends. Who gives a fucking shit, you know? So he wanted to switch spots with me. The show was running late. He wanted to switch spots with me so he could get to another spot. I had a big audition in the morning, and I had been there for an hour and a half doing another show. I was fucking exhausted. And he wanted to switch spots with me. And I was like, no, I can't. Sorry. And he was like, you're corny. And he was, like, saying. It was, like, started to, like, step to me. And I was like, oh, really, bitch? Like, it was just like. I don't know what he thought I was gonna do, but I was, like, so mad. He ended up getting the spot. Cause I was too rageful to do the spot.

[B]

Just the irony of a black guy wanting to be early.

[A]

No. And complaining about it being late. Oh, I'm so sorry. Is this a problem for you now? Yeah, but. So he's like. And I'm, like, not even paying attention. I'm just dealing with the fact that he's mad. It's late and putting it on me. And I'm like, this is unfair. Whatever childhood wound it's hitting. And I'm like. And he. At one point, he's like, who the do you think you're talking. I was like, who the do you think you're talking to? And he was like, say. He's always trying to get me to say the N word. He's like, say it.

[B]

Ah, no way.

[A]

I was like, I would never give you the satisfaction.

[B]

I was like.

[A]

We were just, like, fighting. We're, like, kind of joking, but, like, screaming at each other.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then one of the managers comes out from the comics and they're like, what's going on? Are you okay? And I go, Donnell's taking it out on me that the show's running late. And while I have here. Why the are the show starting? Like, I was just like, bing, bing, bing.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And I also think that I. I have the privilege of knowing that I have a good relationship with the comedy story and that they will love me through my pop off. So, you know, I was putting on the theatrics a little bit, but it felt, I was like, it was fun, you know. And then as the Lord humbles you, I'm driving out my key for the Tesla's like a card and they put it in my, like, windshield. So it like went into my car. So I had to like, stop and try to get it. I couldn't get it out. So then I had to walk back.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To the scene I had just left you, you know, I had to walk back and be like, get my key out, you know, please, sorry, here's 20 bucks. And. And so then that Donna's like, look who's back. And I was like, shut the up. Right?

[B]

Oh, it continued.

[A]

Yeah. Because then he was starting to talk again because I was like, oh, she had to come back.

[B]

And I was like, and.

[A]

But it was funn the whole time. It is funny. Then I get my car, I look at the clock. It was 10 minutes late, the show.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It was barely late.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So then I have to call up the Patrick of the com. I have to call the people and be like, guys, I'm sorry, it wasn't that late. I mean, 10 minutes could be just a few people ran the light a little bit. Yeah, that's like nothing.

[B]

That's Marin and Whitney.

[A]

It's nothing. Yeah, maybe a Letterman too, but.

[B]

All right, one more question.

[A]

But anyway, Donnell, I was on the phone with him and we were laughing about it, like moments later.

[B]

Oh, that's good.

[A]

Yeah. He was like. I was like, shit, is she not going to talk to me for another two years? I was like, no, you didn't talk to me for two years. I would never. I'm always your friend.

[B]

Have you ever won any awards? Any trophies, plaques?

[A]

I won most improved swimmer when I was like eight. And I had the best.

[B]

Sucked when you were seven. Well, I drowned when you were seven.

[A]

I was a perfectionist. Yeah. So I would beat myself up and then I got this coach Joe Jackson. This is really an emotional. I'm gonna cry again. Who was this? Like, he always had a. I. I guess it doesn't Matter that he was black. But I just want you to. I want to.

[B]

Michael Jackson's father.

[A]

Yes, it was Michael Jackson's father. He made me come butthole first to every practice. No, but he. But I. But I want to paint the picture of this man because. So he would wear, like, a wife beater, and then he had suspenders, and he always had, like, a. A dum dum lollipop. And he had, like, a hat like yours.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he coached me. A dum dum. You actually look like a dum dum.

[B]

But also, the irony of a black guy teaching someone how to swim.

[A]

I know, I know. I never really got. I was like, I don't understand the stereotype. But he. I taught him how to cook fried chicken, and we had a great relationship. No, but he was so good with me, and, like, he was the right amount of hard on me and soft with me, and it was just. I was very starved for that as a kid and. And I really improved a lot. And then he ended up. He was. I remember my mom had to tell me he. After that year, I swam with him. He was driving with his daughter home from a restaurant, and he had a heart attack while he was driving, and she had to, like, take the wheel and stuff. And he passed away.

[B]

No. Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry.

[A]

No, but he was so. He was like, so. It was, like, so cool. There were so many people that kind of, like, popped into my life and gave me these, like, really valuable, like, confidence boosts.

[B]

Right.

[A]

That I needed when I was a kid.

[B]

And then you got that trophy.

[A]

I got my trophy.

[B]

The most improved is kind of a loaded. It really is a loaded award. Because it says that you used to suck.

[A]

Yeah, it does. But it was. But it. It's what I. It felt like, really. It resonated with me as a kid. Like, I was like, oh, I liked it because it did. It showed. I liked progress. And I think I've carried that with me in my life. Like, I do. I'm very. And I think people like us that are raw and open. What else would you be looking for in life?

[B]

Yes. Keep growing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Who would you give the most improved comedian plaque to?

[A]

I can show you who's gotten worse.

[B]

The least improved comedian.

[A]

But he might get mad and start talking shit on me.

[B]

No, because sometimes you see a comedian and they get older. Like, take Harlan Williams, who's a guy who has always been such a killer comedian. So original, so funny, so consistent. But then something happened, like, two years ago, maybe three years ago, where he, like, hit overdrive. Like, he got better when you didn't think he could. Who do you think is another example of that? You're so used to talking, you can't.

[A]

Think of one positive, nice thing about a comedian? I'm like, to you, you've called me to be like, let's address the elephant in the room. And you've just eviscerated people that weren't even on my radar.

[B]

Yeah, I love doing that. I love bringing somebody new into the mix.

[A]

I'm like, oh, my God. I don't think I've watched their setup. Do they suck? I just assume they didn't suck. Who's most improved? I had one for a second. I forgot.

[B]

Oh, you don't have to answer it. I. I'm sorry to make you say something positive. If you had to teach, what would you teach? If you had no choice but to be a teacher? Teach anything.

[A]

Stand up comedy.

[B]

I would never encourage anybody to do this. I feel like anybody that needs to be taught shouldn't be doing it.

[A]

Well, you do. I. I think the whole thing is learning your own voice. I think that's Was my approach myself. I wanted to be myself. Yeah, I'm joking. I'm. I would never teach comedy in my life, but I. So I always thought it was so counterintuitive to what I thought comedy was, which was like you expressing yourself, your voice, your point of view. And. Yeah, I just remember hearing early on, like, someone said that they're like, the best comics are the ones where you. You don't even need to hear. You could just hear the joke and you know it's them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But let's see.

[B]

You could teach swimming.

[A]

No, I'm not great at swimming anymore. I. I got in a car accident when I was 12, and I broke my foot and I stopped swimming.

[B]

I didn't know that.

[A]

Yeah, I was gonna swim all the way through ice. No. I was gonna train for the Junior Olympics. I was starting the Spirit swim team that was at George School, I think, and it was so sponsored by Spirit cigarettes. Oh, my God. Spirit Airlines. Which is more dangerous, which is slower. That raises slower death. And I ended up just not pushing through, but I. But I was gonna. Like, they were doing, like. It was really cool. It was like, doing. They were doing, like, dry land. And then you were swimming, and it was great. It was really cool. But. Drunk driver had on collision. But. But I'm.

[B]

The trauma you've had in your life.

[A]

Annie, that I thought was normal.

[B]

Yeah. Now you've gone through A lot of trauma.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You had a father with an explosive temper. You were molested.

[A]

Yeah, I was.

[B]

You had a car crash.

[A]

Yeah, when I was 12. Then we went to Club Med.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

With the money that we got. I had to lie to the judge and be like, I'm gonna spend the money on books for college. And then we took the money and we went to Club Med. We took the family to Club Medicine. My mom was in the accident with me. She wasn't driving, but she was in it. So we took the settlement when we went to a Club Med in Huatuko, Mexico. And the. There was like a teen group. So my parents, like, didn't pay attention to us, but we were never with the teen group. But my parents just, like, assumed we were. But we were, like, just wandering Club Med in Mexico by ourselves. And the Archer instructor was this, like 26 year old. I was 13. And he. He did a weird sexual thing to me where he. Yeah, he was like, going to walk me back to my place and then he walked me to his apartment and he put on Journey. He were on journey for me for a while. He put on Journey. And then he wouldn't let me leave until I made out with him. I was 13.

[B]

No.

[A]

So guess what your girl did. I would go down to the archery classes and I go, he's a pedophile. I go, that guy's a child molester.

[B]

No way.

[A]

And I just humiliated him. I told his boss and he got fired while I was there. He got fired. And my parents never knew any of it happened. I had a whole.

[B]

I love that thing. I went. Me and my brother and sister. No, just me and my brother. We used to have a house down in Florida, and there was like a Club Med that was nearby, and we used to sneak in because they had a pool table. Me and my brother were like, maybe 13 and 12. And we used to ride our bikes there at night and we'd shoot pool in the bar. They'd let us in. So this guy was like playing pool with us. He was like a middle aged guy and he had a few drinks and then he left. And then we left. And there was a note taped to our bicycle that said, I'm in room 313 if you guys want to party. And we just.

[A]

We should be calling it Club Ped because this is two for two.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

All right, final question. What's the. What's the last time you, like, sincerely apologized to somebody? Not including what you'll probably say to me after the show? About you flaking on me.

[A]

I don't feel bad about that.

[B]

I know I take you for granted.

[A]

I've done a lot of oponopono. Pono. Pono. You know what I'm talking about.

[B]

Pornography.

[A]

You know, the, like, Native American. No, it's. Let me get the prayer up.

[B]

You did a Native American prayer?

[A]

Yeah. I apologize for culturally appropriating their prayer. It's.

[B]

It's.

[A]

You say, I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. So I have, like, these grudges in my head. Right. I have had in the past, just sort of these. I've always had, like, an opponent.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Right. At every avenue my life, there's someone I'm like, fighting. And I was like, I don't want to do that anymore. So I've been doing that, like, in my. Like, to myself, to them. So I've been doing a lot of energetic.

[B]

So you haven't expressed it to anybody?

[A]

Well, I'm really working on boundaries, and there's people that must leave my life, and I can't. That. It's not about them. It's about sending it to them through myself and, like. And cutting that cord with them rather than if I were to reach out to them and apologize. Oh, I actually have a good one.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Good apology, too. It's so embarrassing. So I did. I did a show that was six episodes. We did six episodes in one day, and there was a actress on it.

[B]

Oh, you told me this last night. I love this.

[A]

And I don't want to say the names because I don't want to put any more energy into the most humiliating thing I've ever done. And I don't want to take flowers away from these women. So this woman, and I am a fan of hers, I've seen her work, and they said her name and everything, and I still. I went up to her and go, I think I met you at the Comedy Store. And she goes, I no. And I go, no. Yeah, you came in. She goes, nope, that was this other woman. And I went, fuck, fuck. Here I am. I'm trying to connect with this woman. I want to, like. I want to honor her career. She's older than me, you know, And I wanted to be like, you mean, you. You not mean a lot to me. Because that's maybe not true, but, you know, you prolific.

[B]

Can you add a detail to this story that might illuminate this to people?

[A]

Well, I'll just say this. The black producer came up to me afterwards and said, oh, we all look alike. And I said, well, these specific women tend to look a little bit alike. I go, am I really. Am I crazy? Do they not look alike?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It was so embarrassing, and it was just so, like, the opposite of the feeling I was trying to give this woman. And so I. I just went, so.

[B]

But the truth is, and I said this to you last night. This was not about you. This was about her. She's been confused with this other person throughout her career.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And when you're somebody that looks. When you have a doppelganger in show business, it brings you both down. Like Ryan Reynolds and Ryan. What's his name?

[A]

Seacrest.

[B]

No. Who's the other Ryan?

[A]

Ryan Reynolds is doing fine.

[B]

Gosling.

[A]

You think I brought them down?

[B]

The two having the same name has worked against the two.

[A]

They're doing just.

[B]

They are not doing as well as they could be. There's.

[A]

There's no one that could be doing better than them.

[B]

All right, bad example. What about. What about.

[A]

It's like Jesus and. And Jared Leto.

[B]

What about Dennis Quaid and Randy now.

[A]

Which I named my son after? I named my dog after Randy Quaid.

[B]

Did you?

[A]

Randy Jackson Quaid? I should put Savage in there, too.

[B]

Didn't Randy spin out and end up in Canada drunk? Yeah.

[A]

Yes. He wouldn't pay his nanny. Oh, he's the best.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's great. He's the best.

[A]

He's the craziest guy. And I have a Dennis Quaid story. Do you want to hear it?

[B]

Please.

[A]

So I'm. I'm hanging out in New York. I was living in la, but I was doing Girl Code, shooting the show Girl Code for MTV in New York. And I was staying, like, somewhere around Times Square. And I run into this guy. His name is James Maddern. But he went. He used to go by Mad Dog Modern. You ever. Someone drops their nickname and you go, there was an option to call you James. Yeah, you made me call you Mad Dog for the song. But anyway, very funny guy. But he talks like. He's like. He's very crowd working, and he, like, says crazy things all the time, Right? So we do a show at Gotham, and he's like, let's go meet Anthony DeVito. He's up in Times Square with Train. I don't know what he's talking about with Train. On Train. Whatever. I'm like, yes, we'll take the train to go see Anthony DeVito. Whatever. So we go and we go into the lobby of this hotel, and Anthony DeVito's hanging out with the band. Train.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you don't even know, you know, what they look like till you see them. You're like, is that Train?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so we're, like, hanging out with them, and I'm having, like, a good hang with them. You know, the. The lead singer's doing the thing, and a lot of people do where they're like, if I wasn't gonna be a musician, I would have been a comedian. What you guys do is so brave. And he's nice. He's fine. He's drinking a little. And I'm the only girl at the table. We're all hanging out. It's good. I'm shooting this thing in the morning. I'm feeling like, you know, I'm somebody. Yeah, we're all hanging out. Fun, fun, fun. Dennis Quaid stumbles over Wasted.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

Okay. I guess they had seen each other in the. In the elevator.

[B]

Randy or Dennis?

[A]

Dennis.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

So they've seen each other in the elevator. And when famous people see each other, they're kind of like, you know. So they clocked each other. And then. So Dennis Quake comes over, and they're talking about. They go, you jam, right? And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're, like, talking about private jets. Like, it was just so fun to be there. And I was like, oh, and be included in this? And he was like, yeah, yeah. And they're like, do you have any of your. He's like, yeah, my guitar with me. They're like, bring your guitar up to our room. So we go up to Train's room with Dennis Quaid. It's so. It's Anthony DeVito. Anthony P. DeVito, Mad Dog. And was there. No, no, it was just. And me and then Train and Dennis Quaid.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

And we go up, and I, at, like, at that point, had not really listened to that much music. They start playing songs that are. All the songs are songs that, like, my dad played. Like, I knew every word. It was just such a beautiful, fun night, and we're saying these things. At one point, Dennis Quaid is shirtless on his guitar playing Gin and Juice acoustic. It's so good. It's so fun. And I have to go because I'm shooting in the morning. So I'm like, all right, guys, I got to go. What a perfect night. So awesome. Thank you guys so much. I hug Dennis Quaid goodbye. I say goodbye to everyone and my hands on the door. Now I'm about to leave. The lead singer of Train, he goes. He goes, wait, you're not going to fuck our roadie. And I went. I threw my purse down and I go, train, I was just about to leave the perfect fucking night, and you had to go fucking do that. And then I left. And then I was at Bumbershoot, the festival doing comedy in Seattle. In Seattle, maybe two years later. And they had a comics area to eat, and then they had the band's area. And the band's era was way nicer than ours, but it was like pouring rain. I had my computer with me. We couldn't find the comedy one, so we were like, go to the security guard. Can you just let us into this? We're. We're performing. We have our bands and everything. So they like, radio over and they're like, yeah, you guys can come up. So we come up, I look across the room and I go, well, well, well, Train, we meet again.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And he's like, oh. He's like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. And then he, like, texts my friend Anthony and was like, tell her I'm so sorry. So Train and I, we no longer have beef, but we had beef for a while.

[B]

And did you end up the roadie at Bumba Shoot?

[A]

Well, I'd already banged him.

[B]

There you go. Annie Letterman. I want to give out some tour dates coming up. You're going to be busy at the beginning of the year especially, but coming up this month, on November 4th, you'll be in Pasadena at the Ice House.

[A]

We're doing a dating show. Me and Jelliang Summers, Skank Fest.

[B]

I'll be with you.

[A]

Yay.

[B]

New Orleans in November. November 18th, you'll be at the store doing your.

[A]

You should come do it.

[B]

I would love to. That sounds great. I'll be away November 20th to the 22nd. You'll be in Houston.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

December 26th and 27th, Pottstown, Pennsylvania. Love that place.

[A]

Going to Soul Jos. And it's, you know, I'm from Philly, so it's cute. I'll be near the fam.

[B]

It's very cute. I love the people that run that place. January 9th and 10th in Austin. Columbus, Ohio.

[A]

They say they got a lot of soul.

[B]

Columbus, Ohio. Bloomington, Indiana. Fort Worth, Dallas, Tampa, Edmonton. Go to Annie Letterman. L E-E-R-M-A-N.com get some tickets, come out. See, really just a killer show. Everyone is different. Everyone is hilarious.

[A]

It's. I'm. I will say I'm in a groove right now where these are the best shows of my life. They're so fun. I feel very connected. It feels like such a vibe. It's really. I'm very grateful for everyone that comes out, and it's so fun. So please come party.

[B]

And also, the Annie Wood podcast comes out every week. Check that out on all the streaming services. Annie, what a pleasure.

[A]

Thank you for reading my credit or my dates for me. That was beautiful.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Thank you, Greg.

[B]

Love you. Love you, too.

[A]

I never talked to him again. This is the last time I ever talked to him.

[B]

Probably. Then you'll have to apologize.

[A]

Sa.