Brad Williams Episode 1129

Summary

---

Fitzdog Radio – Brad Williams (Episode 1129)

Date: March 4, 2026
Host: Greg Fitzsimmons
Guest: Brad Williams

---

Episode Overview

In this lively, unfiltered episode, Greg Fitzsimmons welcomes comedian Brad Williams for a candid, laugh-packed conversation about stand-up, touring, aging, roasts, family, and the weirdness of comedy culture in America. The pair riff on everything from drinking habits and family stories to the politics of comedy clubs and the unique challenges facing comedians on the road. Brad opens up about his life as a touring comic, his Chinese-American family, the art of the roast, and the value of self-deprecating humor, all with the raw honesty and sharp wit fans expect from Fitzdog Radio.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Kickoff Banter: Peaky Blinders, Drinking, and Discipline

• Banter about hats and Peaky Blinders leads into a discussion about the influence of TV on real-life habits, especially drinking aesthetics.
• Greg’s sobriety: Greg shares he’s been sober for 36 years; Brad clarifies he’s not sober but is “trying to have a healthy relationship” with alcohol.
  • Brad: “I don't drink before shows. If I have to get up early the next day, I will never drink” (12:07).
• Drinking as a reward: Both agree post-show drinks feel earned. Brad’s a bourbon guy—recently scored a rare Pappy Van Winkle bottle after a successful Lexington gig (13:00–13:45).

2. Married With Kids: Sex, Confidence, and the Realities of Aging

• They reflect on how marriage and kids change sex life: Midday sex is preferable to late-night, and aging brings unexpected new rituals.
  • Brad: “Midday sex—save your marriage.” (15:53)
• On confidence and aging:
  • Greg: “I need midday confidence. I need, like, second cup of coffee confidence, bro.” (15:25)
• Roasts and revealing perceptions: “If you want to find out what people think about you, be on the panel of a roast.” (17:38)

3. Comedy Roasts and the Art of the Insult

• Roast culture: Brad recounts being roasted for dwarfism, but appreciates inventive, non-obvious jokes. Sklar Brothers are praised for their writing (18:30–19:12).
  • Brad: “They came up with one of my favorite jokes in that special... That was one of the tags. I'm like, holy crap.” (19:27)
• Greg’s take: Roasts provide real feedback (“You find out what people really think about you”), but can also lead to new self-deprecating bits.

4. Comedy Clubs, Touring, and the Perils of the Non-Compete

• Non-competes restrict comics from being named on local club lineups before theater dates (24:00–25:29).
  • Brad discusses using an alias (“Pappy Van Winkle”) on the Comedy Store lineup to circumvent this.
• Morning radio experiences: Brad briefly worked in morning radio, found the hours brutal, but met his wife during that stint (26:03–27:09).

5. Childhood, Parents, and Tales from the Road

• Stories about Greg’s alcoholic father driving to morning radio, drunken escapades, and childhood memories (“He used to make me wear a chauffeur’s cap...”) (28:18).
• Face-blindness: Greg discusses mild prosopagnosia and recognizing people in specific contexts (29:24).

6. Comedy Festivals & Skankfest

• Skankfest recap: Naked roasts, boxing matches, and the unique energy of the festival.
  • Discussion details seeing comics naked on stage, especially “Jamar Neighbors, who’s just hung down. It’s insane.” (32:07)
  • Brad: “If I could 3D print myself a dick, it would be Jamar Neighbors’ dick...”
• On nudity and privacy at these shows: Brad refuses to participate unless strict “no phones” rules are genuinely enforced (34:05).

7. Meet-and-Greets, Green Rooms, and the Road Life

• Meet-and-greets: Brad does free post-show meet-and-greets for fans, sometimes lasting hours. Greg worries about germs (78:22–78:33).
• Green room etiquette: Both agree good green room hangs with comics are a highlight; unsolicited guest comics can be a headache (41:46–42:51).

8. Waffle House Stories & Late-Night Tour Culture

• Waffle House touch-tune battles: The comics share legendary late-night tales, from song battles to “drugged” cooks and slow service (43:44–47:24).
  • Brad’s song choices: New Edition’s “Candy Girl,” Limp Bizkit’s “Nookie,” and Backstreet Boys’ “I Want It That Way.” (45:02)
• On “down and dirty” eateries: Both prefer gritty over pretentious, discussing dumplings across cuisines (49:02–50:34).

9. Ethics, Bystander Moments, and Social Judgments

• Challenging scenarios: What do you do when you see someone in public being attacked or in need of help? Brad’s opener, JB Ball, comments on the risks a Black man faces intervening in public altercations (54:46–55:46).
• Judgments about who deserves “saving” in a fight between, say, a dwarf and an average-sized woman? (56:21)

10. Wrestling, Childhood, and Stereotypes

• Brad’s passion for wrestling: He books Chris Jericho’s cruise and shares his evolution from believing it was real to appreciating it as storytelling (59:47–61:22).
• Discussion on public figures like Vince McMahon’s wife and Betsy DeVos running government departments (61:28–63:21).

11. Politics, Education, and Social Policy

• Greg expresses strong opinions on privatization and school vouchers: “This is all about the Christian nationalism and getting kids... into private schools.” (63:42)
• Brad uneasy sharing political opinions on air, citing lack of expertise and a desire not to be divisive (64:15).

---

Notable Quotes & Moments

On Comedy Roasts

“If you want to find out what people think about you, be on the panel of a roast.” — Brad Williams (17:38)

On Peaky Blinders “Coolness”

“If you’ve seen the show Peaky Blinders, they did okay. But they had the accents...and they were willing to kill people that said no to them.” — Brad Williams (10:28)

On Touring and Alcohol

“Some people think I’m sober because I don’t drink before shows...I drink, and I would like to continue drinking. I’m trying to have a healthy relationship with this thing.” — Brad Williams (12:07)

On Sex and Aging

“Midday sex — save your marriage.” — Brad Williams (15:53)
“I need midday confidence. I need, like, second cup of coffee confidence, bro.” — Greg Fitzsimmons (15:25)

On Green Room Hangs

“The longer I do it, the more I really need...a good hang.” — Greg (41:59)

On Meet and Greets

“I do a free meet and greet after every show.” — Brad Williams (78:22)

On Hacky Jokes

“I used to do a bit where I would say, like, I hate going into Starbucks because they always look at me weird when I order a tall coffee. That’s really bad.” — Brad Williams (73:04)

On Winning in Jokes

“The audience doesn’t want to see someone who they perceive to be disabled lose. They’ll be sad.” — Brad Williams (79:41)

On Apologizing and Parenting

“I like to apologize to my kids when it’s appropriate, because I feel like it really lets them see that I’m human.” — Greg (71:20)

---

Fastballs with Fitz (Rapid-Fire Q&A)

[64:38]

• Best Asian friend?
  Brad: “My wife.” (64:46)
• Tiger mom upbringing?
  Brad: No, she pushed herself hard, but not due to parental pressure. (65:05)
• Ever fought your wife?
  Brad: There was one time they wrestled for fun, “then there got to a point where it was like, oh, we should stop this.” (65:56)
• Who killed JFK?
  Brad: “I don’t know...no matter what the answer is, I wouldn’t be shocked.” (69:05)
• Last time you deeply apologized?
  Brad: No recent major apologies; regularly apologizes to wife, encourages apologizing and forgiveness in life (69:48–72:49).
• Hackiest bit ever written?
  Brad: Starbucks “tall coffee” joke when starting out (73:04).

---

Memorable Moments & Humor Highlights

• Skankfest’s “Naked Roast” and festival absurdity—Jamar Neighbors’ anatomy gets endless riffing (32:07–33:49).
• Childish tales and family vulnerability: Greg’s story about his daughter asking if “this is where you blow up the balloons” while pointing to his wife’s nipples, and Brad’s own candid family anecdotes (39:02–39:16).
• Waffle House song battles and the high social stakes of jukebox picks (45:02–46:48).
• Both comics laughing at the reality that “hacky” jokes often kill, but haunt a comic’s sense of pride (74:01).

---

Important Timestamps

• 09:49 – Brad’s opening quip / Podcast start
• 10:56 – Discussion of alcohol and performing
• 15:24–16:05 – Sex, marriage, and aging
• 17:38–19:12 – Roasting and self-image in comedy
• 24:00–25:29 – Comedy club non-compete contracts & aliases
• 32:07–34:05 – Skankfest Naked Roast stories
• 41:46–42:51 – Perils of guest comics/green room politics
• 43:44–47:24 – Waffle House stories
• 49:02–50:34 – Dumpling discussion
• 54:46–56:39 – Observing a fight, social judgment, and prejudice
• 59:47–61:22 – Pro wrestling, Vince McMahon, and storytelling
• 64:38–72:49 – “Fastballs with Fitz” rapid-fire Q&A
• 73:04–74:42 – Brad’s hackiest comedy bit
• 78:22–79:19 – Free meet-and-greet and audience response
• 79:41–80:51 – Writing jokes where the “underdog” wins

---

Takeaways

• Touring comedy is a unique grind: Both comics reveal the ways the road tests a comedian’s discipline, health, and social skills.
• Roasts are a double-edged sword: They expose insecurities but are also a creative catalyst.
• Self-awareness and humility are key to longevity: Both Brad and Greg openly laugh about past missteps and continue evolving as performers.
• Comedy is community: The best moments often happen after-hours, over Waffle House or in the green room.
• Adaptation and sincerity connect with audiences: Brad stresses writing jokes where the “underdog” wins, and both hosts tout the importance of apology and forgiveness.

---

For Listeners

This episode is an unfiltered backstage pass into the life of working comics. Expect plenty of raunchy humor, honest admissions, and deep respect for the grind of stand-up—and a heap of stories about late-night diners, green rooms, and the psychology behind the jokes. If you’re a comedy fan, don’t miss Brad Williams on tour—or a single minute of this laugh-rich conversation.

---

Transcript

[Ad Voice]

When you want your spring break to feel like. And your kids pool day to feel like. And your hotel bed to feel like. Ooh. And room service to feel like. Because at Hilton hospitality feels like your cabana's ready.

[Tom Segura]

Would you like fresh towels?

[Ad Voice]

It matters where you stay. Book [e-mail] Hilton for this day. We all have that dream trip we've been wishing we could go on. But too often, life or usually price gets in the way. That's why Priceline is here to help you turn your dream trip into reality. With up to 60% off hotels and up to 50% off flights, you can book everything you need for your next adventure. Don't just dream about that next trip, book it with Priceline. Download the Priceline app or visit priceline.com and book your next trip today.

[Tom Segura]

Go to your happy price Priceline.

[Brad Williams]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with a message for everyone paying big wireless way too much. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop with Mint. You can get premium wireless for just $15 a month. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying. No judgments. But that's weird. Okay, one judgment anyway, give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment of $45 for

[Ad Voice]

3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. Mint mobile.com.

[Tom Segura]

Hey now, coming to y' all from Houston, Texas. Yeehaw. Rodeo was in town this weekend and lot went on great crowds. Dave Williamson did a great job featuring such a good hanging and the club treated me great. Thank you guys for coming out and weird, weird fucking weekend though. There was some kind of a beauty pageant festival happening. Our cheerleaders, they were cheerleaders, but it looked like a beauty pageant because these, it looked like the JonBenet Ramsey lookalike contest was happening in town and these girls get tarted up by their moms with like dripping in makeup, like loud blue mascara, I don't know what you call it, big hair. And it was a lot. It was a lot. And what's weird is that normally I would see this girl, you know, and they're like 10, 11, 12. Normally I'd see them be like, oh, what cute little girls. That's so sweet. And now post Epstein, it's just like I don't look anywhere near them and God forbid I like happen to look at one, I'll look up and the father will be standing there looking at me like what the fuck are you looking at? And I'm Like, I don't know. I just glanced. She's got fucking makeup. And so I just stare at the dads now. The whole time I stare at the dads, and then I'll glance at the girls, and they'll be like, the fuck you looking at my dad for? So the whole thing was weird, and I just expected. I kept waiting for Bill Clinton or Bill Gates or Trump to walk up. The moms are just hanging on. They've got. They. They're. They're tarted up like the daughters are. And they. You know, they've. They got their skeletal. They all look like they. They just work out constantly and only eat carrots. And they very. A type. A very weird scene. Um, but, you know, look, whatever turns him on. I mean, this is Texas.

[Brad Williams]

It's.

[Tom Segura]

It's a. It's a whole different world down here. Meanwhile, I'm trying to get distracted. I think Netanyahu tricked Trump into bombing Iran for him. He told him that the Ayatollah had the Epstein files stuffed up his ass. And so Trump did the only thing he could do. And now I'm sitting here, and I'm obsessed. Literally spent probably six hours looking at videos of the strikes. And it's. It's incredible. It's like watching an action movie on cgi. You can't believe it's real, though, the number. Like, when a. When a. When they're shooting down a fighter jet, there are just hundreds of rockets flying up and curving and leading it, and then you see an explosion, and then they. Just. Because the aircraft carriers are launching the rockets. And it's a lot. It's a lot of rockets. Like, hundreds go up to kill each jet. And I just was thinking about, like, how much did each of these rockets cost? Like, probably a fucking million dollars for each. I'm just looking at them going, like, okay, there goes health care, and there goes Medicaid, and there goes school lunches, and there goes Social Security. And I just kept thinking about that. But you know what I didn't think of once the entire time? The Epstein files. And I think that was kind of the point, wasn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, coming to your town, I got Neil Brennan coming up next week. This week, we got a great guest. I will be in Fort Worth again in Texas next week at Hyenas, March 6th and 7th. Then I'll be in Los Angeles for the St. Patrick's Day Show. March 17th, Janesville, Wisconsin, at the Comedy Cabin. March 20th and 21st, Bakersfield at the. Well, April 18th, Escondido, Grand Comedy Club April 24th and 25th. Then I'll be up in Boston. Laugh Boston May 29th and 30th. After that, heading up to New Hampshire and maine. Go to fitzdog.com, get some tickets, come out and say hello. Now let's talk about our sponsor. This week we're talking about Tempo. I always have this thing where I'm going to be the guy that goes to the farmer's market and buys carrots and fresh chicken that's been grass fed and I put it in the basket of my bicycle like Dorothy from Wizard of Oz and I take it home and chop it up. It doesn't happen. It doesn't happen. I don't make my stew like, like I think I'm gonna do. And that's why I end up eating, you know, peanut butter with a spoon over the sink at 9 o'. Clock. That's why I like Tempo. Tempo sends fresh chef crafted meals straight to your door. Not those like gross. I feel like there's been zero progress on some of these, like icy freezer burned bricks that taste like regret that these other companies are sending this way. You get good portions, you get clean ingredients, you heat it up in two minutes, you're eating like an adult. Two minutes. I spent longer than that arguing with myself about whether cereal counts as dinner. They drop 20 new recipes every single week. So you're not stuck eating the same like sad chicken bowl. You want high protein, they got protein packed meals with up to 330 grams. Trying to cut calories. They got calorie conscious options. How about you're on some GLP1 plant, they got balanced meals for that too. It's convenient without feeling like you've given up on quality. And I mean, it just really fits in with a lifestyle where a lot of us are working too hard. You're trying to fit in an exercise class. Maybe you want to date, maybe you want to hook up, maybe you want to feel those sweet, sweet feelings of love in your life. Well, you don't have time to eat also or prep to eat. So now even Maria Sharapova, it says here is on it. Look, I know she's a little bit busy and I know she looks amazing because she's eating Tempo right now. Tempo is giving my listeners 60% off your first box. Go to Tempo meals.com fitzdog that's tempomeals.com fitzdog for 60% off your first box. Trust me, you are gonna love it. Let me know which meals you're getting by the way. They're great. Okay, let's get to my guest, Brad Williams. What do you say about Brad? He's a consummate pro on stage. This guy has been killing relentlessly for so long. He cares about the craft. He is a great podcaster. He's a super dude. You know him, you love him. Here's my chat with the great Brad Williams. All right, my guest today is Brad Williams. He's a comedian. He's done a little bit of acting. He's.

[Brad Williams]

There's a woman on all fours right now, which. No. Which. Normally, if I'm doing a podcast and there's a woman on all fours, I immediately turn around and go, this was not what I intended it to be.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, but.

[Brad Williams]

But this is fine.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

She was trying not to get into the way of the camera now. Not. Not in a leather.

[Tom Segura]

She was not, as they would say in nature. She was not presenting.

[Brad Williams]

No, no, there was no presenting. I mean, and it's hard to believe that she wasn't with these two absolute sex symbols.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Here at this table. But no, she. She was just doing her job and doing it well.

[Tom Segura]

Has there ever been a guy that women want to fudge who wears the hats we're wearing right now?

[Brad Williams]

You know what? The only way I would say it is if you've seen the show Peaky Blinders.

[Tom Segura]

Yes, they.

[Brad Williams]

They. They did okay.

[Tom Segura]

Right?

[Brad Williams]

But they had the accents, and they had. They had razor blades in the hats, and they were willing to kill people that said no to them. So maybe that had something.

[Tom Segura]

And they had the. The cigarette dangling from the lip.

[Brad Williams]

Like.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, like an art. Oh, the way they dangled their cigarettes.

[Brad Williams]

That. So you watch that show.

[Tom Segura]

I'm obsessed with that show, okay.

[Brad Williams]

As a. As an alcoholic, because I know what it made me want to do after I watched that show. It made me want to drink whiskey because they made it look like. How do you. How do you. How are you with that when you're watching a show like Peaky. The Peaky Blinders.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

When you're watching that and they're pounding whiskeys every two seconds, and it just looks like these are the baddest, coolest guys ever. How are you going. No, don't do that. Like, how do you know?

[Tom Segura]

Sometimes I'll be alone in my hotel room, and I'll have a glass of water, and I will literally go like this, and then I'll gulp from it like it's whiskey.

[Brad Williams]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Just to feel. Just to do it.

[Brad Williams]

Just have to. Have to have the routine of.

[Tom Segura]

It affects me man, when I. I've been. I've been. I haven't drank in 36 years.

[Brad Williams]

Wow. For reference, I'm 42 years old.

[Tom Segura]

Don't fucking say it like that.

[Brad Williams]

No, but that's how good you've been.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, that's how. That's how good you've been. 36 years.

[Tom Segura]

How many years for you?

[Brad Williams]

Oh, I'm still very much. I'm still very much drinking. I'm still very.

[Tom Segura]

You're an alcoholic. I thought you meant, like, sober.

[Brad Williams]

No, no, no.

[Tom Segura]

You're practicing.

[Brad Williams]

I'm practicing. I'm. I'm damn near perfecting.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Brad Williams]

No, but here's the thing. Some people think I'm sober because I. I don't drink before shows. I will. I will never drink before shows. Yeah. And if I have to get up early the next day, I will never drink. Yeah. And some people will see that and be like, oh, Brad doesn't drink. I'll be like, no, no, no, no, no. I drink, and I would like to continue drinking.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

I'm trying to have a healthy relationship with this thing. So not as. To not go too far to.

[Tom Segura]

Where do you have a drink after the show?

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Tom Segura]

Does it feel like you've earned it after a show?

[Brad Williams]

Yes, after a show.

[Tom Segura]

The same drink every time?

[Brad Williams]

More or less. I'm a bourbon guy.

[Tom Segura]

Straight bourbon.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I was just in Lexington, Kentucky, this past weekend. Oh, have you done that club?

[Brad Williams]

I've done the club. I did a theater there earlier this year, and they have a. They have a. The airport in Lexington has a whiskey store in the airport that has some of the best whiskeys and bourbons. Like, they're hard to find. I found. I found a. I found a Pappy Van Winkle in the airport, and. And I'd be lying if I said that. That I did not buy it right there, because that is a very rare bottle to find. Yeah, yeah. Bought it because I had a. I. I had a good time at that show. Had a nice paycheck, and I was like, you know what? Okay, let's do this. Once again. Earned it. You know, Didn't. Didn't buy it before. Got. Got it on the way out.

[Tom Segura]

25 grand?

[Brad Williams]

No, no, no, no. Not. Not. Not 25 grand. 50 for the bottle?

[Tom Segura]

No. How much did you get paid? Oh,

[Brad Williams]

the first number. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was like, yeah. I was like, I could do this.

[Tom Segura]

I was looking at your calendar, man. Well, now I want to stay on drinking for a minute. We'll get to your calendar. But I am so jealous, because I really enjoyed drinking. I had. And I mostly stopped because my father was an alcoholic, and I didn't want to end up like my father.

[Brad Williams]

Sure, sure. You saw the writing on the wall was like, ah, that's where that's going.

[Tom Segura]

He got so drunk, he would write on the wal

[Brad Williams]

he literally put on the wall.

[Tom Segura]

He used to do the Doors logo all the time on our front door. I was like, what the is that?

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. So, like, his. His rock bottom was actually throwing rocks at the family and hitting them with the bottom of rocks. It was very literal. He's a very literal man.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And when he stopped cold turkey, he. He literally. The only thing he did was stop eating. Cold turkey?

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

He kept drinking.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, Warm turkey's fine. Yeah, yeah. You just stopped cold turkey.

[Tom Segura]

So he, you know, he showed me what you don't want to do. And so I. I quit when I was about 25 or something and 24, actually. And I had so much fun. I was so much funnier. I was looser. I was able to be more affectionate with people and open to the possibilities of the night, you know? And now I'm like, sit on the couch, eat two pieces of chocolate, watch whatever series me and my wife are watching.

[Brad Williams]

Yep.

[Tom Segura]

Don't even throw a move on her late at night anymore.

[Brad Williams]

No, you don't have the confidence.

[Tom Segura]

I don't have the confidence. I'm like, I need midday confidence. I need, like, second cup of coffee confidence, bro.

[Brad Williams]

Okay, let's talk. Let's talk about this for a second. As a. As a single guy, you're always sort of conditioned to, like, all right, sex is the reward at the end of the night, right? At the end of the night, yeah. Married with kids sex is. We just dropped the kid off at school. Now is the time. Midday.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Brad Williams]

Let's go. Because if you're like, no, let's wait till the end of the night.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

You're gonna get tired. The. Something's gonna happen during the day where you're not in that. Right. Mindset. Yeah. Midday sex. Save your marriage.

[Tom Segura]

Also, mentally, I need to be focused now. During sex, I used to be able to. Oh, get. Getting a. I'd get in a fist fight in a bar, and then I'd be laughing, and then, you know, a cop would chase us, and then I'd fuck.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Now. Why not now? It's got to be early enough in the day where no distractions are going to get my mind off my boner. I need to focus on my Boner.

[Brad Williams]

Which is ironic that you can keep it when you're just focusing on a hard day.

[Tom Segura]

Yes, yes.

[Brad Williams]

You're just thinking hard dick, and then you keep the hard dick. That's amazing. Because if I think hard dick.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

I'm not going to keep a hard dick.

[Tom Segura]

No. Although I will cause another guy to have a hard dick if I think about it enough.

[Brad Williams]

Exactly.

[Tom Segura]

But no, like, midday sex, man. I used to do late night sex followed by. I wouldn't even pee. Just wake up and bang.

[Brad Williams]

Oh, that's a good one.

[Tom Segura]

Now I gotta pee, like, minutes before I have sex.

[Brad Williams]

Right. I gotta drain it because you gotta have the. You got to have the tubes completely cleared. Yep, yep. I get that, man. Ah, aging. Ain't it fun? It's not.

[Tom Segura]

No, it's not.

[Brad Williams]

But your brain gets better.

[Tom Segura]

I'm turning 60 next month.

[Brad Williams]

You're.

[Tom Segura]

You're 60? No, I'm not 60. You know, turning 60.

[Brad Williams]

Oh, you're turning 60. Amazing. Because you don't look like, you know, a day. A day over 73.

[Tom Segura]

No, that's the problem is I really do look 60. Like, whenever there's a roast.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know, and you roast the other panelists. It's all I get. What a old piece of.

[Brad Williams]

I look like, you know what? And I don't know if you and I had this conversation or if I had this conversation with somebody else, but when you do a roast, you really find out what other people think about you. Like, if you want to find out what people think about you.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Be on the panel of a roast because you're like, no, I'm just a normal dude. I'm just a fine guy. And then three people go up there and be like, he's such a prick. He's so cheap. He's such an. And that's just what I hear. But, like. But I think Kreischer told the story about, like, how he was doing a roast. And, like, after the fourth comic, when. After the fact that he never sees his kids,

[Tom Segura]

he's like, huh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Maybe I need to check in on that.

[Tom Segura]

What do you get?

[Brad Williams]

Well, thankfully, I just get. I just get dwarfism.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

People just look at the dwarfism part, and when I've done a roast, they just attack the dwarfism. And I'm completely fine with that. Although I did a roast battle against the Sklar brothers, and they did the most creative. I wish I could had some examples, but they did really creative jokes. Yeah. Where I was, like, looking at them, like, how did. I haven't written these. How the hell. Well done.

[Tom Segura]

The sclars are really good writers.

[Brad Williams]

They're really good writers.

[Tom Segura]

Like, you know, obviously their performance levels off the charts because there's two of them and the way they have the rhythm. But they really are the kind of guys that will come up to me after a show and go, hey, that bit you do about that, have you thought about. They always have tags and they got it.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, there they came up. I'll say this on this podcast in my most recent special called starfish. It's on YouTube. They came.

[Tom Segura]

Seven million views.

[Brad Williams]

Eight now. Hey.

[Tom Segura]

Damn.

[Brad Williams]

I looked. They came up with one of my favorite jokes in that special. I'll give them credit. No. Yeah, it was. My. My wife is half Chinese. I'm half. That's a Sklar brothers joke. I did their show. Tag it at the Comedy Store where they will literally sit there, watch your set. And when you come up to them afterward, they have 20 tags for all your eight minutes of jokes. And that was one of the tags. I'm like, holy crap.

[Tom Segura]

That's like an off speed pitch.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. A guy's throwing heat. The guy's throwing heat. All of a sudden that change up comes in and you got nothing for gets you. Shout out to the scars.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, shout out to the scars, Lars. Especially Randy, not Jason.

[Brad Williams]

All right, you and I are in agreement there. I think we like Randy.

[Tom Segura]

That would be funny if before a roast, if they were get. If they were on the panel.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

If everybody beforehand decided to. On Jason, I talk about what a great, great guy Randy is.

[Brad Williams]

Randy, I got nothing for you. Jason. This piece of that. That would be very good.

[Tom Segura]

No, but I really, I. I gotta say, I don't like Kill Tony. They kind of. Everybody roasts you when you the panel and Kill Tony.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And they all say I look like a. Like I have AIDS or cancer. And I'm like. And I look in the mirror later and I'm like, Jesus Christ, do I look that bad? And then like, I'll say on stage, I'll make a self deprecating joke about my appearance. And I only do it because of these roasts.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then the audience always goes, no, you look good. And like, they mean it.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. So it's like getting it from one area. But then, see, that's scary because I'm. I'm gonna be a panelist on Kill Tony coming up in April.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah.

[Brad Williams]

And yeah, I'm like, oh, boy. Here we. Yeah, but like, like we said, that's when you find out more about like, more. I'll find out more doing a roast than my therapist will discover.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Brad Williams]

Because I'll be like, oh, this is what people think about.

[Tom Segura]

Right, Right.

[Brad Williams]

This is what people truly think about me.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And the thing is, is that's. That's the joke that works.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know?

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Like, if it's really specific, personal.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Like, I did. I did a roast, remember? Adam Egot left and went to Austin, so they did a roast for him. And Tony Hinchcliffe had just gotten canceled for the Chinese thing he did at the mothership.

[Brad Williams]

Oh, right.

[Tom Segura]

He made fun of the Chinese guy.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Looking back on it, you go like, are you fucking kidding me? All he did was, like, make some very generic Asian slave for the stuff

[Brad Williams]

that has common sense.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Brad Williams]

Not. Not saying just for Tony, but just in comedy in general. Like, yeah, we. We. We jumped the gun a little fast.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So anyway, so he was. He'd been canceled, like, three days before.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And so I went on, and I go. I go, oh, before we get started, anybody interested in a slightly used Corvette license plate? I roast.

[Brad Williams]

Man, that. That is so good for comics.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Because Tony used to drive a Corvette.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

With the license plate Iros.

[Tom Segura]

Iros.

[Brad Williams]

And time. I was driving back from Phoenix, home. Home to la, and I just saw this got. I. I just saw Tony just go right by because I saw the iro.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Brad Williams]

License plate, and I was like, I feel like I have to do something with this information. Like, I. Like, I have to call him right now and prank him some way, like, do something. Because there was. Jimmy Kimmel had this legendary prank one time where he saw someone, like, break the law in traffic. But he knew the person.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

But then he. Or. But then he's like, oh, I know that person.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

So he would call them and harass them. Like, no, you ran over my plants when you did that turn. That was my plants. I'm coming after you. And, like, the guy was terrified, scared out of his mind. But Jimmy knew, so, like. Yeah, like, I. I felt like I should have done something like that to Tony. Yeah, yeah. It. It's like, yeah, he had. He. He had that Corvette, y'. All. You always knew when he was at the store.

[Tom Segura]

So we were talking before the podcast started, and I asked you if you're doing spots in town. Yeah. Because I see you're on the road a lot.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And you can't announce. Like, they can't put your name on a lineup at the Comedy Store.

[Brad Williams]

Correct. Right now. Because I'm doing the Wiltern Theater in November. In November?

[Tom Segura]

It's. Yeah, February.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. So, but it's this thing where it's this non compete clause and they.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, but usually it's like six weeks or two months.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. This is a long time. So these venues are very serious. So if, if you see a random name on a Comedy Store line, think

[Tom Segura]

of the name because, you know, what's her name? Ali. Ali Wong.

[Brad Williams]

She has one. Yeah, we're not gonna say what it is, but yes, she has one. And. Yeah. So I don't know if I'm gonna do like something serious or it's just like a random name or. Or it's like, do I do a joke name?

[Tom Segura]

What was the name of that bourbon that you got in Lexington?

[Brad Williams]

Oh, Pappy Van Winkle.

[Tom Segura]

Dude, you gotta do Pappy Van Winkle.

[Brad Williams]

I mean, it's rare, it's valuable. It's kind of like what I want to be.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Brad Williams]

I like this. All right.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brad Williams]

That is my novel hat. Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

So, yeah. And that. Yes, but it's only on the lineup. Now. The person will announce me, obviously.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Brad Williams]

As Brad Williams. But like, it's only on the lineup. So people don't know that I'm. The whole philosophy is if they go see with the comedy store, do 20 minutes, they won't buy a ticket to see my one hour show. Which I don't like that mentality because it's like I. I would think you'd go buy a ticket to see the full hour, but that's right.

[Tom Segura]

It's like a trailer.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, it's like, I saw the trailer.

[Tom Segura]

Cool.

[Brad Williams]

Now I want to see the movie.

[Tom Segura]

How many seats is the wheel turn?

[Brad Williams]

Like 2000.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's a lot.

[Brad Williams]

It's a lot of seats. So. And I'm that guy where I'm selling well, but I'm not the guy where you just put my name on there and then boom, tickets are gone. Yeah. Like, so it's like there's.

[Tom Segura]

Do you do local LA radio? Yeah, I, I think there are some really great morning shows.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, I love doing. I love doing Heidi and Frank.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

I love doing Klein and Ally because I used to.

[Tom Segura]

Cline and Ally are great because I

[Brad Williams]

used to work with them. Yeah, I used to work. I was the third person on that radio show in, in San Francisco.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, no kidding.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, I stopped doing stand up. I was burned out from the road and I was like, what? What is something? And then I got into the very stable world of morning radio and they said, yeah, there's a Show in San Francisco. Kevin Klein, at the time was doing Playboy radio and then brought me up there as he was interested in, like, wanting me to join the crew. So I did and I. I lasted about two months, man. And then I had to get out of there.

[Tom Segura]

Just couldn't get up that early.

[Brad Williams]

It's so like. And I would. We. We all know a lot of people in morning radio.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

So I'd call our friends and be like, hey, when do you get used to it? They went, oh, never. You never get used to waking up at 4 o' clock in the morning and then you're up and you got to be on. Up on. Good. And then. And then when you go to sleep at night, you're tr. Like, if. If it's past 8:00pm you're stressing out.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Because now. Because now you're counting the hours, you're like, oh my God, I'm only gonna get whatever hours. So. Yeah, but they, but they did. Well, the, the. I was up there for three months. Lost money, don't care. Because I actually met my wife when we were up in San Francisco.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, nice.

[Brad Williams]

That's how, that's okay. That's how I met her. So. Yeah. So overall it's a win. But, yeah. Love going on Klein and Allie, though. They're so. They're so fun.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. My father did morning radio and I used to have to drive him into work. When I remember I was really. I was in high school as an alcoholic.

[Brad Williams]

Your dad did morning radio?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, well, he mostly did afternoon radio, but he got a morning job for a while. And so I was in high school. And I remember I would be out. I'd be out drinking. Yeah. You know, so one night I'm out drinking. It's a Thursday night, I'm out with my buddies and we, you know, we're annihilated. We end up in a 711 in town. And my. My friend gets yelled at by the guy behind the. This is at like 4 o' clock in the morning. It gets yelled at by the manager, 7:11. So we start taking the garnish station and we're throwing handfuls of relish and onions and we're fucking laughing our ass.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then we.

[Brad Williams]

Now I know why you quit drinking.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And so we, we leave. Got to drive my dad at 4:30 in the morning. So I just go upstairs.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I'm drunk.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And he comes and gets me. He used to make me wear a chauffeur's cap. And he had a. He had a Lincoln Town car. So I would drive the car, and he'd sit in the back and read the newspaper, and I drive in, and we would always stop at 7:11 to get coffee. And so we walk in to get the coffee, and the manager's yelling at me. My father's like, why is this guy yelling at you? I got to worry about.

[Brad Williams]

It wasn't a Clark Kent scenario where you come in with a chauffeur's hat and he doesn't recognize you.

[Tom Segura]

Right. Right. Dude, I.

[Brad Williams]

Here's another thing about, like, getting older. There are certain people that I only recognize because I see them in the same place every day.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Like, literally, this happened right before I came in here. There were. There's a. There's a mom in our neighborhood who I always see at school pickup. She. That's where she is. She's at school pickup. And then I. I just came from the gym, and she was there, and she starts talking to me like, we're friendly, and I don't recognize her. My brain does not put two and two together. I'm like, who's this chicken on me? Like, I'm doing all right. Oh, she's not hitting on me at. Oh, it's a mom. Oh, like, it's that five minutes in the conversation, she said something, and you're like, oh, that's where I know you from. But I faked it the whole time.

[Tom Segura]

Well, I have this. There's a disorder where you don't recognize faces. Yeah, I have.

[Brad Williams]

Oh, really?

[Tom Segura]

I don't have it really bad, but I have a. Pretty bad.

[Brad Williams]

Huh. So why do you recognize me all the time? Is. Do. Do I have any other thing that stands out? It's the hat.

[Tom Segura]

It's the top of that.

[Brad Williams]

Specifically, I was telling people that, like, someone was asking me at the Comedy Store why I. Why I wear the hats and the real reasons. Because I have thin hair and then a bald spot on the back, which. Yeah. So I wear the damn hats. And. And they. They went, oh, but it's. It. It's really, like, giving you, like, a gimmick.

[Tom Segura]

And I'm like, yeah, like, I need one.

[Brad Williams]

I don't need a gimmick. I got one.

[Tom Segura]

You should always born with shorts, if that remember you.

[Brad Williams]

That's what I should do. Yes, absolutely. I laugh so hard. I don't need a gimmick.

[Tom Segura]

Like, no.

[Brad Williams]

No one books Brad Williams and goes, the hat guy. If you Google hat comic, I guarantee you I don't pop up. If you Google something else before a comic, I guarantee You.

[Tom Segura]

I'm the first guy now, we did. Last time we hung out was at Skank Fest.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And we did. Whose podcast did we do together?

[Brad Williams]

Oh, was that Mark Norman? Tuesdays with Stories.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, that's Mark Norman. Joe List.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. And we had a lot of people on. We had Lewis. Yeah. And it's so hard to do the comedy festival. Skank Fest. Tell people that you did the comedy festival. Skank Fest. And if they don't know who it is or what it is, it's impossible to explain to them that it's not an actual Skank Fest, isn't it? Like, it kind of is, but like. But like it's a comedy festival. Yeah. It's not like we're going to the AVN Awards and they're. And they rebranded it Skank Fest.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Brad Williams]

So. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

They did have a Miss Skank Fest contest this year.

[Brad Williams]

Oh, they did.

[Tom Segura]

They did.

[Brad Williams]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

The winner. The winner. They reunited her with her parents and rehab for her daughter.

[Brad Williams]

Wonderful. Yeah, yeah, wonderful. For her five year old daughter. They sent her to rehab. That was very kind of them. Very kind of them to do that.

[Tom Segura]

There's some hard women in that contest.

[Brad Williams]

There was. And then they had a boxing thing.

[Tom Segura]

And boxing. Alice beat the. Out of somebody.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then they had a nude roast.

[Brad Williams]

And the naked roast was exactly that.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Brad Williams]

It's the roasters and the panel. Everyone on that stage was naked. Yeah, I saw. I saw some friends. Penises.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Brad Williams]

That I never intended to see.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, what's his name? I mean the black guy.

[Brad Williams]

Jamar Neighbors, who's just hung down. He's dragging that thing behind him. It's insane. I thought he brought a fire extinguisher

[Tom Segura]

on stage and not.

[Brad Williams]

Turns out it's his dick.

[Tom Segura]

Not only he. And it shoots foam too.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, thick, Thick foam.

[Tom Segura]

Fucking thick. And. And it. And it's actually really well shaped too. Sometimes the big ones get. They hang off to the side. Right. Band or whatever.

[Brad Williams]

Maybe there's a bad circumcision. There's weird like. But nah, his.

[Tom Segura]

His is straight down.

[Brad Williams]

If you. If you. If I could 3D print myself a dick, it would be Jamar Neighbors's dick. Now. It would look really confusing with my skin tone.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, but. But no, no woman is gonna have a problem with that.

[Brad Williams]

None. No, no, no one would look at that dick on me and be like, ah, the skin tone. It's crazy.

[Tom Segura]

You can have a tattoo of Hitler on the show. She's still gonna. You.

[Brad Williams]

When you get a boner at Heils. That that would be. See, this is the kind of stuff that'll get me canceled. Why not?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Why not just throw it out there?

[Tom Segura]

History month.

[Brad Williams]

Sure. Yeah. But then that's why we're celebrating. Jamar, Neighbors.

[Tom Segura]

That's right.

[Brad Williams]

And his dick. Which literally, his dick could be his opening act.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

When he walked out with. With his dick, I thought he was gonna grab his dick because he was gonna talk into it. I thought it was the microphone.

[Tom Segura]

Right, right.

[Brad Williams]

I thought it was. It was not. It was actually his dick.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Amazing. And. And he really, like, he's got the ass, too. Like, then he turns around and he's got this. The cheeks are uplifted and. And they go. The hips. They. It narrows. The cheeks are less wide than the hips.

[Brad Williams]

He's got that V cut.

[Tom Segura]

Get the V cut.

[Brad Williams]

It's. I don't know how you get that V cut, but well done, Jamar.

[Tom Segura]

What is his workout?

[Brad Williams]

I don't know. Running away from child support. Hey, I don't even think he has a kid. I just said that. I was trying to think of a joke.

[Tom Segura]

Well, if you had a kid, you wouldn't know about it.

[Brad Williams]

But I was. I. It's weird because I. They were. Right before they started, they asked me like, hey, do you want to be a panelist? And I was like, yeah. And they're like, okay, well, you're gonna get naked. I'm like, no, not gonna do that. And they said, oh, no, it. It's okay. We lock up the cell phones, and I go like, oh, you got those yonder bags? And I go, well, no, we have a paper bag. And we put the phones in a paper bag. Then we hand the person the paper bag, and we tell them not to take photos. I'm like, not doing it. Not doing it.

[Tom Segura]

I think I might have done it when I was younger. I'm not sure. I mean, I have a. I have a good sized dick. I have a very. Like, I've always gotten great responses from it.

[Brad Williams]

Well done.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. About you.

[Brad Williams]

I may. I'm the definition of a grower, but not a shower.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Soft. It's sad.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

It's not.

[Tom Segura]

And as you get older, it gets sadder.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Version.

[Brad Williams]

It's going to get worse. Yeah. Now once it. You know, once it's at attention.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

I'm good, baby.

[Tom Segura]

You're good.

[Brad Williams]

I'm fine. That, and on me, right? It looks bigger.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Because people always think that, oh, little guy is going to have, like. But then, like, on me.

[Tom Segura]

Oh. I've always heard that dwarves have gigantic penises.

[Brad Williams]

I mean, it's just the proportion. It just looks so big on us.

[Tom Segura]

Right, Right.

[Brad Williams]

It's like. You didn't expect that. It's like.

[Tom Segura]

It's like mag tires on a Honda Civic, right?

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, exactly. Like, if you put. So my opening act is a very funny comic. His name is JB Ball. He's a 6 foot 3 black guy. If you put my dick on him, man.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

It's like. That's not what I expected.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Brad Williams]

But my dick on me. Yeah. Good God.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. What a. I always wondered if my father had a big penis, like where I got it from.

[Brad Williams]

You never saw it?

[Tom Segura]

Never saw my dad's penis.

[Brad Williams]

Really?

[Tom Segura]

You saw your dad's penis?

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

How?

[Brad Williams]

There was one time in the dark

[Tom Segura]

in your room, and there was one

[Brad Williams]

time that I saw it when we were on vacation together. And like it's four people in a. It's four people in a hotel room. And he just. He came out of the shower and walked and got his underwear and put him on like. Like it was nothing really. And. And Yeah, I was 29 years old. No, no, I'm kidding. I was a young kid. I was young back when you could do that kind of thing.

[Tom Segura]

What did you think of his penis?

[Brad Williams]

Thought it was huge.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

I don't know.

[Tom Segura]

Probably fluff before he walked in. He didn't want his son thinking he had a small penis.

[Brad Williams]

No, he's. Yeah, he was probably in that shower. Like, I gotta put on a show. Yeah, yeah, I gotta do that.

[Tom Segura]

I remember, I got. We have a hot tub in my backyard and I get. And I go in naked.

[Brad Williams]

Sure.

[Tom Segura]

And so I was getting in naked one day and my son walked out and I did. I don't think he had seen me naked before. And I was not in a good place. I had tight underwear on and I was. I was all.

[Brad Williams]

It's before you get in.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, no, after I get out. Forget it. That's. That's my best.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. Because if it's before you get in.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Shrinkage is real.

[Tom Segura]

It was shrank and he saw it and I wanted to go. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Come back in 12 minutes when I get out.

[Brad Williams]

Hold on. Because.

[Tom Segura]

Because.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. Because you only really have one shot with your.

[Tom Segura]

With. That's right.

[Brad Williams]

You. You. You can't do it again. No, you can't be like. No, you come back here. Yeah, right now. Hold on. Okay, now you can come back now. Hurry. You can't do that. My daughter's monster.

[Tom Segura]

My daughter's never seen My penis.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, well, don't. Well, don't act like you're sad about it. You had this look on your face like, one of my biggest regrets in life.

[Tom Segura]

I'm a bad parent.

[Brad Williams]

I'm a horrible parent. Never. I didn't even show my daughter my penis. Because. Yeah, I'm. Yeah, because I'm like. Because I. I have a daughter. She's sick, and my. My wife, sometimes they'll. They'll. They'll get in the bath together, take a shower together. Fine, whatever. And. And. And she'll be like, daddy, are you gonna take a shower? I'm like, no. No, I'm not. Yeah, because I'm gonna have my hot, naked wife and then my daughter right there. No. Absolutely not.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

This is not happening. And I don't want this to come up in therapy years later. Yeah, no, let's. Let's. Let's have it be something else.

[Tom Segura]

My daughter and wife used to take a bath together. And I remember my daughter was like, two, and my wife has big tits.

[Brad Williams]

Good for you.

[Tom Segura]

And she breastfed the kids for two years each.

[Brad Williams]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

So my daughter was in the bathtub with my wife, and she. She pointed at my wife's nipples, and she goes, is this where you blow up the balloons?

[Brad Williams]

That's so good. That's so good.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

And you go, no, that's where Daddy blows into. That's where. I mean. Yeah, you put. You put Daddy's mouth on that. Something's getting inflated.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you ever try to breastfeed your wife while she was breastfeeding the kid?

[Brad Williams]

Be like, hold on, I got you.

[Tom Segura]

You never tasted it?

[Brad Williams]

No, never did. But we did. So we found out that there are several people in the bodybuilding community that want breast milk.

[Tom Segura]

No kidding.

[Brad Williams]

They think there's, like, extra protein in there, or there's some sort of. Some protein in there that's not found in regular milk or whatever.

[Tom Segura]

Like, it's colostum or something.

[Brad Williams]

Something. I don't know. Ask Rogan.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, right?

[Brad Williams]

It'll probably be like, oh, yeah, yeah,

[Tom Segura]

he's got a bottle of it under his desk.

[Brad Williams]

It's just pounds it in between. Yeah. Podcasts. But, like, so we got, like, offers from people. Like, I would get DMS from absolute strangers. Because, you know, once we made the pregnancy announcement.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Like, on Instagram or whatever, like, fans would write and be like, hey, I know this is weird, but if you're planning on breastfeeding, is there any way I could get some of that milk? And I'M like, no, I block it.

[Tom Segura]

This is weird. Yeah, this is weird.

[Brad Williams]

Anytime you have to start out a sentence, I know this is weird. Just stop, dude.

[Tom Segura]

When I'm reading DMS from people, strangers, and they say something like that, I generally don't keep reading.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Or if they go, I got a pitch for a show. What do you think? I just immediately write back. I don't read pitches.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Because if I were to sell a show down the road that's in any way related to what you're pitching me

[Brad Williams]

now you're suing me, right? Yeah, it's the. The. The. The part that I am almost like, I'm sad about is that because now comics find out that I'm coming to their town and whatever, local comics will DM me. Like, hey, can I get a guest spot?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

And it's like, I all. I always say no, because it's like, now it's like, I'm not doing the Chuckle Hut on a Thursday. Now I'm doing a theater. Yeah. Like, I can't have you as I. And. And I don't know who you are.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Go up for five minutes, do your joke about, you know, Hitler wasn't that bad. And then all of a sudden, like, that's. That's on the Brad Williams show.

[Tom Segura]

That.

[Brad Williams]

That. That happened. It's like, no, I got my crew.

[Tom Segura]

Well, good. There's a. There's a lot of reasons not to do it.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

One of them is they come in and they do a premise that you have.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And now you can't do that joke.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Or they come in and they bring their girlfriend and their buddy, and they sit in the green room for the entire show, and they're annoying.

[Brad Williams]

And now I don't have my green room anymore.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Brad Williams]

And I. That. That has happened at clubs.

[Tom Segura]

No. The longer I do it, the more I really need. Like, I had a good hang this weekend. There's a guy that I knew from the comedy Off Broadway that he was there, and then this woman featured from Cincinnati who was fucking great.

[Brad Williams]

Awesome.

[Tom Segura]

And it was just one of those weekends where I was just really digging the green room.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Really fun hang, dude.

[Brad Williams]

When. When people. When people say, like, what's the best part of the road? Or whatever, or obviously the shows are fun, but for me, it's the 2:00am Waffle House.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

With. With. With my buddies.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Who are both comics. Like, I bring JB Ball on the road with me, and then he works at the comic store sometimes Quincy Weekly.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah. I know.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. And I bring them with me and sometimes Sarah Keller as well. But, like, when they're. When, when. When we're all together at the end. At the end of the night, Hell yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Love a Waffle House. I will. I will mess up a Waffle House. Do you have a Waffle House ordered? Do you have. Do you have it memorized?

[Tom Segura]

I don't go to Waffle House.

[Brad Williams]

You don't go to Waffle House? You think you're too good for us?

[Tom Segura]

Yes, I do. I really do. I look down on Waffle Houses and the people that go there.

[Brad Williams]

Oh, I love it because, I mean,

[Tom Segura]

I like the videos of the fights.

[Brad Williams]

Oh, that's the thing. Yeah, because that's why you go to a Waffle House. You're hoping to see something like that. Because at. At worst, you. I mean, I. I guess at worst, you get killed. So that's. Yeah, yeah. But like, I've had some legendary. So, like, they're. One time we all went to the Waffle House and they had one of those Touch Tune jukeboxes in the Waffle House. And in. In the Waffle House, it became a competition. You got control of the touch tunes for three songs.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Brad Williams]

And then everyone judged your songs.

[Tom Segura]

And is it like Spotify? Like, you could pick any song?

[Brad Williams]

Pick any song.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

So you had. You had three songs and. Bro, I felt more pressure picking my songs because. And these are all strangers, so no one knows you.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Brad Williams]

So they don't know anything about you. And I felt more pressure picking those songs.

[Tom Segura]

And then you pick a song like, you know the End by the doors, which is 13 minutes long, and it's a bummer of a song.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, yeah, it was.

[Tom Segura]

This is the end.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, yeah. I did a Jesus of Suburbia by green day. 12 minutes.

[Tom Segura]

No, I hate Green Day.

[Brad Williams]

You don't like Green Day?

[Tom Segura]

Hate Green.

[Brad Williams]

I love Green Day.

[Tom Segura]

Bubblegum punk. They call themselves punk. They're not punk.

[Brad Williams]

Well, it's like, what's your definition of punk?

[Tom Segura]

That anti establishment. They're a bunch of rich kids from Northern California that play the same. Like the lead singer's voice has no grit to it.

[Brad Williams]

Oh, man, I love them, but that's. That's. Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Well, why don't you go to the Waffle House, listen to Green Day, and I'll just take a pass. What were the other ones?

[Brad Williams]

No, no, my. My songs that I picked, I led with Candy Girl.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Brad Williams]

And Candy Girl made the whole place go. Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Didn't expect this little white boy to bust out. Candy Girl. So That. So that. That got him on my side, that New Edition. I believe so. Yeah. Yeah. So you go, candy girl. And then I did a complete 180 and did limp Bizkit nookie. And that made everyone go like, wow, where do his. Where did his allegiances lie?

[Tom Segura]

There's no GPS here.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. And then ended with Backstreet Boys. I want it that way. And people were very happy. They were very happy with that.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Brad Williams]

But, like, there was a couple people that did some that had a Waffle House full of strangers booing them. Yeah. And that's just like. So that's when. When it finally got to me, I was scared. I was fucking nervous.

[Tom Segura]

What are my three songs?

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. If you're at a Waffle House now, also, you're a comedian, so you have to analyze the audience and be like, what do you got? And this Waffle House was mixed race, mostly black and mostly young.

[Tom Segura]

So you're not gonna lose with Prince in that. In that group. That's a good. That's a good call.

[Brad Williams]

But which Prince song? Because if you go with Darling Nikki, I. I don't know.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, you could say she was a sex fiend. I think I'd go with Prince. I think I would go with the Clash. I don't care what color you are.

[Brad Williams]

Okay. It's a good one.

[Tom Segura]

London calling. And then I'm gonna play some. God, if it's probably black, I'd go

[Brad Williams]

see. This is very lot. A lot of thought goes into this.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, some P. Funk or some Parliament.

[Brad Williams]

Okay. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay. Play like some George Clinton or something.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Okay, good. Yeah, yeah. It's that. That was a lot of pressure, but that. But that was one of my favorite Waffle House stories. There was one time the whole crew went to Wall House. We. We were the only people in the Waffle House. The cook was on a drug. I don't know what this drug was. I don't know what it was. Because he kept cooking. He was never not moving.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

And it took over an hour for him to make three orders of eggs.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Like, so he was always moving. Nothing was getting done. I have no idea what this drug was. My wife would argue, I'm on this drug at the house, but where I'm just moving constantly, but nothing. Nothing happens. But, yeah, I was fascinated by it. And then the waitress, the one waitress that was there was on whatever is a slows you down drug. I mean, probably.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

I don't know, because all the tables were still dirty and she was just looking at Them like, wow, there's some dirty tables.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

But.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, here's the thing about the Waffle House. When you say the table's dirty, the table's always dirty because they come over with this rag that's soaking in bacon grease, and then they wipe it across the table and your hands stick to it.

[Brad Williams]

Yep.

[Tom Segura]

And flies are attractive because there's, like, maple syrup baked in.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, but those waffles are good.

[Tom Segura]

Are they?

[Brad Williams]

I like them. I love. I love.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, I love coffee shops because I'm from New York. I love a good. But I want a Greek coffee shop.

[Brad Williams]

Greek coffee shop. Now. Why now? Why Greek?

[Tom Segura]

They just. It's what they do. They made the first coffee shop. I mean, picture the. The quintessential New York coffee cup is the blue. It's the Parthenon, the Acropolis. Right? And then they. They're fast service. They get you in, they get you out. The food's not spectacular, but it's consistent.

[Brad Williams]

Now, when you have a coffee shop, do you want the. Do you want the pretentious coffee shop or, like, what do you like?

[Tom Segura]

No, no, I want down and dirty.

[Brad Williams]

Okay. Yeah. All right. So. So you're. We're kind of on. We're getting to Waffle House. No, but you don't want pretentious.

[Tom Segura]

Waffle House is next to a truck stop.

[Brad Williams]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Waffle House is

[Brad Williams]

certain food. I want to be scared while I'm eating. Yeah, certain food. And, like, late night Waffle House. That's one of them Mexican food. I don't want to be too fancy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Give it to me from a truck.

[Tom Segura]

Right?

[Brad Williams]

Where they're. Where they're like. I don't want to. If there's a grade on the window that says C, you're like, cool.

[Tom Segura]

This is good for cool.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. This is gonna be awesome.

[Tom Segura]

Right? Right?

[Brad Williams]

This is gonna be delicious.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Not worried about it at all. Yeah. But there's.

[Tom Segura]

Last time we got food poisoning.

[Brad Williams]

Oh. Actually, not that long ago. Yeah. I got the chicken and dumplings from Cracker Barrel and that. That got me.

[Tom Segura]

Dumplings will often give you food poisoning.

[Brad Williams]

And see, I love. See, every culture has a dumpling, a version of a dumpling.

[Tom Segura]

Right?

[Brad Williams]

And so it's like, I love that my wife's Chinese. She's introduced me to, like, really good Chinese dumplings. Like the. The. The. The ones that are filled with hot soup.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Soup dumplings.

[Brad Williams]

Oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

Those are amazing.

[Brad Williams]

What the. Get her act together, white people. What are our dumplings filled with? I mean, ravioli.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's a dumpling. Italian.

[Brad Williams]

That's Italian dump.

[Tom Segura]

You got knishes. Those are what, German?

[Brad Williams]

Okay. Those are pretty good pierogies.

[Tom Segura]

Pierogies are Polish.

[Brad Williams]

I've had really good pierogies.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

But. Yeah, like. Like, they. Like. Oh, man. But hot soup dumplings. Those are my favorite.

[Tom Segura]

Just the. Just the sensation of biting down on it, and it squirts delicious fluid into your mouth.

[Brad Williams]

It's amazing.

[Tom Segura]

As your teeth working way through the pasta.

[Brad Williams]

It's amazing.

[Tom Segura]

And then.

[Brad Williams]

And then. And then you get some good pork meat, possibly mixed with crab. Oh, it's amazing.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that.

[Brad Williams]

That's what I like. But, yeah, chicken and dumplings from Cracker Barrel. Because. Yeah, we went into Cracker Barrel after the. The rebrand fiasco. Yeah. And where it was like, they took off the. The guy and now. And then all of a sudden, like, right wing came up and was like, put the racist back on the cracker thing. And then, like, put them back on there. And then we're like, all right, let's go to Cracker Barrel. When it's chaos.

[Tom Segura]

Why they take the guy off?

[Brad Williams]

I forget. It was just. I don't know. It was like a rebrand or something, and then they took.

[Tom Segura]

It had to do with race.

[Brad Williams]

No, I. I don't know. I don't know.

[Tom Segura]

But that's cracker right in the name.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Take that out.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. You just kind of assume. Do you remember the club in Indianapolis, Crackers?

[Tom Segura]

Yes. There was two. There were two downtown, and there was Broad Ripple.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. That. That. That club. This. This is my favorite story from me playing that club. And it's. No. It's no longer there. So it's like, we could talk about the club and the club owner now. I showed up.

[Tom Segura]

Woman.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. And I. And I showed up to the club, and there was another dwarf in the green room. When I got there, I. Oh, I opened the door, there was another dwarf. And I was like, hey. Because this is all. Also the time when I'm like, I'm not really bringing my features on the road.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Wasn't making as much money.

[Tom Segura]

Is that like walking in on your wife with another guy?

[Brad Williams]

It's already another dwarf. I thought, maybe there's a dwarf comedian. And I was like, hey, dude. Like, are you the host or. He goes, brad, I came here to see you. I walked in the front door. They walked me right back here. That happened. A dwarf walked into my shit. What if I had been late? What if I had showed up late? Would they just look at him, like, get up there? Yeah. He's like, I bought a ticket. That. That. That was my favorite. That was my favorite story from that

[Tom Segura]

club I was at, the Tampa Improv, which is a very rowdy club. It's down in the Ibor. What's it called?

[Brad Williams]

Ybor City. Lots of roosters, is there? Yeah. Lot of chickens and a lot of wild chickens and roosters running around.

[Tom Segura]

It's funny because it has, like, a combination of all the worst elements of Florida. You've got, like, truck trucks, monster trucks with the big wheels, with rednecks with the wraparound sunglasses.

[Brad Williams]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

And then you get a low rider, a Cuban guy and a low rider. And then you get some black people in a SUV with the music so loud that you can't. You have to stop your conversation when they drive by.

[Brad Williams]

So glad you. You actually had a description. And you just say, like, the worst white people with this, this, this, this, this. The worst Cubans with this, this, this. And then black people. I'm glad you did. I'm glad you had descriptors.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

And you didn't. Just.

[Tom Segura]

Just black people. Then a long pause.

[Brad Williams]

I just look at you like, you

[Tom Segura]

know, but the people that play their music that loud and it's. And then. Or. Or the motorcycle with no muffler, where you go like, okay, so in the 20 seconds you're driving past me on the street, I literally have to stop my conversation.

[Brad Williams]

Yes. Yeah. You're a dick.

[Tom Segura]

That's how entitled you are.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

If I was a cop, that would be the number one thing I would do all day. Because they have a meter where they can gauge how loud your. Your. Your motor is.

[Brad Williams]

Oh, the noise.

[Tom Segura]

And they write you a ticket. I would do that all day.

[Brad Williams]

You would make the city so much money.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Brad Williams]

Tampa, and specifically, Ybor has a. It has. There's a specific type of person there. And so. Oh, I remember. So my opening act is from Tampa. JB Ball is from Tampa. And we were walking back to that hotel that we all stay at.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Brad Williams]

And we saw. We saw a fight, and it was between a man and a woman. And I. I was. And I'm. I'm like, holy, we gotta go. Like, help. And he grabs me and goes, I can't help, because if I run over there and then the cops show up, they see a black man standing over a white woman.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Brad Williams]

I can't argue my way out of that. And I'm just like. Like, you ever have those moments where you're like, oh, I never thought about that. That is something you have had to live with.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Brad Williams]

And you have had to come to grips with. And there might be people watching this, listening to this, that go, that wouldn't have happened.

[Tom Segura]

Like he's had experiences, didn't have to put 20 bucks on the guy.

[Brad Williams]

He didn't have to cheer him on. He didn't have to yell out, hit her again. Like, you didn't have to do that. But that was one of those moments where I was like, oh, we have lived different lives, my friend.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Brad Williams]

But then, but then, so upon seeing that, we started having a debate because I, I see a, a man like hitting a woman, I immediately think, okay, you got to go in there and help that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

No hesitation.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Brad Williams]

And then I've been in scenarios where someone is threatening me, where strangers come up and immediately back me up because they see a, a dude, a tall dude fighting a dwarf. You're like, wow, the, the dwarf is innocent here. Like, like that, like that's what they assume.

[Tom Segura]

Right? Right.

[Brad Williams]

What if, what if, hypothetical, what if male dwarf is fighting average sized woman? Who do you help?

[Tom Segura]

Interesting.

[Brad Williams]

Who do you help? Who do you, you know what I mean? That's a, like in that snap judgment, who do you, who do you run in and save? I don't know.

[Tom Segura]

I guess you gotta beat them both up.

[Brad Williams]

Little Dusty Rhodes, flip flop and fly. And you, you just gotta deliver 2K and then go on my merry way. Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I saw a guy, I was in Brooklyn, I wrote on Crashing for a few seasons and we'd shoot in New York for like three months.

[Brad Williams]

I loved that show.

[Tom Segura]

So were you on it?

[Brad Williams]

I was never on it. I was the one comic. But, but we shot New York.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, a lot of New York.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, I loved it. Here's for the people that didn't like crashing. A lot of comic. Some comics didn't like crashing and the, the reason why was always, dude, he's getting everything so fast. All of a sudden he's, he's doing this podcast, he's doing this show, he's on tv, he's doing this. That's not realistic. I'm like, if you want realistic, the show has got to be open mics for seven years.

[Tom Segura]

Exactly.

[Brad Williams]

You can't do that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And you do think that when you, when you join the cast of ncis. Oh yeah. There really is a crime every seven minutes. Investigating.

[Brad Williams]

Oh my God.

[Tom Segura]

No. It's a lot of driving around, a

[Brad Williams]

lot of just like, like, yeah, yeah, yeah. When, when you watch New York based cop shows, they don't, they don't just Go to a diner and sit. And sit there for the entire hour. That would be very realistic, too.

[Tom Segura]

Exactly.

[Brad Williams]

Has to happen.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

So, yeah, I loved crashing, but.

[Tom Segura]

Well, yeah, but the reason I bring it up is I. We were. I was living in Brooklyn and I came out one night and there was a guy beating a woman, you know, black. And. Yeah, he was. And. And so I started walking towards them. Looking at them.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Just because that's. I don't give a. How big they are. I'm going to break the fight up.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So I keep walking at the guy, and then he pulls a gun.

[Brad Williams]

Oh, and did that change your direction of moving?

[Tom Segura]

Change my direction. And I walked away. And then he hit her again.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And I called 91 1. And knowing in New York City they'll be here in 45 minutes.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

These people will be gone.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And it disturbed me for so long.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, of course it would. Because you felt like I. You should have done something, but at the same time, guy's got a gun,

[Tom Segura]

he will shoot me.

[Brad Williams]

What are you gonna do? Yeah, yeah. There. There's. When. When. When stuff like that happens, I'm very aware of my dwarfism.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Because I'm like, I'm gonna. No, I'm not. Yeah. I'm not. I'm not gonna do. Or. Or if I come up, they think it's like a prank show that's, like, running up on him. They might stop because they think, well, if he's here, there's gonna be cameras.

[Tom Segura]

Right, right, right.

[Brad Williams]

They're gonna be following if he's here.

[Tom Segura]

13 more are on their way.

[Brad Williams]

There's never just one. Where. Check under that car right there. There's got to be more under there. Yeah. We hop out of the sewer drains. That'd be really fun.

[Tom Segura]

Make a pyramid top. Guy jumps on you, just form up.

[Brad Williams]

Power Rangers type.

[Tom Segura]

Are you into world, like, wrestling?

[Brad Williams]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, you are?

[Brad Williams]

I'm very much into wrestling.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, I didn't know that.

[Brad Williams]

Oh, yeah. I book the. The Chris Jericho Rock and Wrestling Rager at Sea.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, I know about that.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, buddy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. So that I. I book it. It's. It's. It's wrestling, it's comedy, and it's Metal on a Boat for three.

[Tom Segura]

That's amazing.

[Brad Williams]

I love wrestling because I. I see it for what it is. I'm not the guy that's going, like, he's actually kicking his ass. Like, I'm not doing that. I'm. I see it as just another form of storytelling, and I really enjoy it. And.

[Tom Segura]

But when you were a kid, did you think it was real?

[Brad Williams]

Oh, yeah. When I was a kid, I thought, yeah. And then, like, there's that Santa Claus moment where you go,

[Tom Segura]

yeah.

[Brad Williams]

But now I actually really like the fact that it's amazing to me that there's a time when in our country where like. And not long ago in like, the 70s and 80s where people actually thought, no, these are two guys really fighting.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Brad Williams]

Like, yeah. You thought a guy doing a drop kick off the top rope was, like, actually happening, but now, no, because when

[Tom Segura]

it started and it was like Captain Lou Albano, like, they really didn't do the kind of. Of

[Brad Williams]

acrobatic.

[Tom Segura]

Acrobatic that they did later, it did seem like it was possible.

[Brad Williams]

Yes, yes. You watch some old clips and you're like, okay, yeah. But then now that we know it's scripted now I think wrestling gets to be more fun.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Because you get to. Now, now we know it's scripted, so now we can really do some crazy.

[Tom Segura]

What do you think about Vince McMahon's wife being the head of department?

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, listen, she might be good at her job. I don't know. I don't think she is. But just the fact that it's Vince McMahon's wife.

[Tom Segura]

So funny.

[Brad Williams]

You could tell me, like, well, she ran a Fortune 500 company. I'm like, that doesn't mean she knows what. So the. The.

[Tom Segura]

The person transportation. Or is she education?

[Brad Williams]

I think she's education. I'm.

[Tom Segura]

Or is education.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the person that put on, like, Hulk Hogan versus all that. And like, she ran. She ran the company. She, like, that's the person that's in charge of.

[Tom Segura]

Because she, like, she worked in an office at a school for, like, six months at one point in her life. That was her credentials. Yeah. Cool. Let's put the future of our children.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

In her hands.

[Brad Williams]

So I just did a show in Michigan where I was at the devos Hall. This is Grand Rapids, I think. And it's the DeVos family who was

[Tom Segura]

the last Betsy DeVos.

[Brad Williams]

So I was asking people, because I'm like, I'm doing the DeVos Hall. So I was asking some locals, like, what do you guys think about the DeVos family?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

And a lot of them were like, listen, that family has been great to our city. They built halls. They. They've done so much for charity. They've infrastructure, they've donated so much. And then this, like, they don't like Betsy because she went and was out in public. It's like they used to be the family that was like, hey, we'll do our politic thing on the side. You won't know what we're into. But now we're just. But. But we're gonna help the city.

[Tom Segura]

Right?

[Brad Williams]

And now it's like, now people see it when they just think of. They just think of Betsy. So that's what that town thinks of them, which is very interesting.

[Tom Segura]

She's evil. She's evil because she.

[Brad Williams]

Because she was also Secretary of Education.

[Tom Segura]

Education, yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. So it's.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Brad Williams]

What do you got? You think in order to be Secretary of Education, you have to have, like, a degree in, like, child psychology or child development or educational planning or something.

[Tom Segura]

What Trump is doing, he wants to sink. I don't know why, but the Republicans don't like the Department of Education. Like, they think it's brainwashing or something from the left. So they want to. They want it gone.

[Brad Williams]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

So they purposely put somebody in that would fail it. And I think it's the same with the U.S. postal Service.

[Brad Williams]

Oh, they want that to be.

[Tom Segura]

They want it all. They want everything privatized. That's why they're giving school vouchers out. They're giving any kid that wants it in certain states $10,000 a year to go to a private school, which usually means a Christian school. So this is all about the Christian nationalism and getting kids taking that money that would go to a public school in the pool to help everybody. Now they're putting it into these private schools.

[Brad Williams]

I don't know enough about that that.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, Brad doesn't like talking politics. I. I saw you go neutral on me when I started talking about it.

[Brad Williams]

No, the thing is, I clearly have my opinions, but at the same time, I never want to tell someone something and then just be so far wrong.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brad Williams]

And I'm so far wrong on so much where I'm like, don't trust me.

[Tom Segura]

All right, well, I have so many other things I want to ask you. Let's get to fastballs with fits.

[Brad Williams]

Ooh, fastballs. Okay. We had our change up earlier. Let's do fastballs.

[Tom Segura]

Who's your best Asian friend?

[Brad Williams]

My wife.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, that's right.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And your kid.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, my wife and my kid. Yeah. Oh, the kid. Hate the kid. No, but. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My wife is my best Asian friend. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So. Yeah, yeah, That's. That was a pretty easy answer.

[Tom Segura]

Now, did she come from, like, a tiger mom kind of a family?

[Brad Williams]

No.

[Tom Segura]

They push her hard.

[Brad Williams]

She pushed herself hard.

[Tom Segura]

She did, yeah.

[Brad Williams]

She like yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Did she get that work ethic from her family, you think? No, it was all her.

[Brad Williams]

It was. I mean, her mom worked. Her mom worked really hard, but this was not a. This. This is a weird topic because she doesn't want me talking a lot about her family. But, yeah, she. She got her work ethic. She developed it. And also got it because my. My wife enrolled in martial arts at a very young age and got the work ethic instruction there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fourth dawn black belt. So, like. Yeah, now. Now you know why I'm being very careful with my words and why I don't want to piss her off.

[Tom Segura]

Have you ever fought her, like, for fun?

[Brad Williams]

We did one time wrestle, like, and then there got to a point where it was like, oh, we should stop this. One of us is gonna get hurt.

[Tom Segura]

Emotionally or emotionally.

[Brad Williams]

Physically. Something. The cops are gonna be called. We're gonna be on the show. Cops right there. They're gonna absolutely air it because dwarf with tall, attractive Asian woman. Yeah, that. That's gonna make the cut.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

So, yeah, there was one time where we're like, yeah, we should stop.

[Tom Segura]

If you videotape that, you could have gotten a lot of money.

[Brad Williams]

So much money. I think about that all the time. I think about it all the time. I'm like, if I only just didn't have these morals and if I just didn't care.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

About the mental health of my child.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Oh, I know.

[Brad Williams]

I could be so rich.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God. You should see my feet.

[Brad Williams]

Oh.

[Tom Segura]

If I put them on only fans, they're beautiful.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, I. I like that. And I got dwarf feet. That's a really niche fetish. So, like, people really want to see that. Really want to see that. That I could start stomping on cupcakes and just get so much money, but I don't.

[Tom Segura]

You could reenact that. Remember the first viral video of the woman stomping the grapes, and then she,

[Brad Williams]

like, fell over and she made a noise that can only be described as from the depths of hell.

[Tom Segura]

That was the greatest.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That was the first viral video.

[Brad Williams]

And then cut. And then cut back to the newsroom. Hey, it looks like she's hurt. Oh, that looked like it didn't feel good.

[Tom Segura]

And he gets. And they left the sound on. So you can still hear.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, Just in the background. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. It's.

[Tom Segura]

So there's certain videos I can go back to watch over and over and over.

[Brad Williams]

That's one of them.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Thousand percent. That's One of them. Yeah. Yeah. I always. When you do morning tv, morning news people, they have to remain.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Stoic or like because you say anything controversial on a morning news show. Yeah, they always do the. Oh, hey, hey. It's like, I didn't say anything bad there. Yeah, I, you know that. That's why I love Sam Morrell.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. He always does it.

[Brad Williams]

He always does it. He goes on those shows on purpose to be like, I'm going to say the word. I'm gonna say, you have pedophiles in your newsroom.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brad Williams]

And then watch. And then they still new shows, keep having them on. That's how much research they do.

[Tom Segura]

Dude, you know what you should do? Have you ever done Good Day la? Yeah, they're great. First of all, they're all smoking hot, but they're also really smart and funny and fast. Yeah, I love going on there.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, that one's fun.

[Tom Segura]

Do that to promote your little theater show.

[Brad Williams]

I should promote the Wiltern in November care tickets. Bradleyscombony.com

[Tom Segura]

who killed JFK?

[Brad Williams]

I don't know.

[Tom Segura]

Don't say Jackie.

[Brad Williams]

Isn't that. What Weren't. Isn't that one thing Trump was gonna do? Wasn't gonna release the files.

[Tom Segura]

Yes, he was.

[Brad Williams]

Was he gonna. What? What, what did he say? I'm gonna release the files. He looked, it turns out it was his uncle or something. I have no idea.

[Tom Segura]

Now I think there is some dead blood people that are not going to allow those files to get out.

[Brad Williams]

When you look into who JFK was and then more importantly, who his family was and where they came from. Yeah, almost. Almost nothing would shock me.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Brad Williams]

Like, I don't know, the, like, like Jackie wouldn't even cut the top 10 of things that would shock me.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Brad Williams]

You know what I mean? So the answer is I don't know. But the answer is, no matter what the answer is, I wouldn't be shocked.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

If you said no, Frank Sinatra pulled the trigger, I'd be like, like, of course.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Like, I wouldn't, like, nothing would shock me at that point.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. When's the last time you, like, deeply apologized?

[Brad Williams]

I'm married every day.

[Tom Segura]

No, I mean deep though. Not like getting out of a little,

[Brad Williams]

like so not just, oh, sorry, I peaked at the waitress, like, right.

[Tom Segura]

No, like when you've had to like pre plan what you're gonna say type of apology.

[Brad Williams]

Oh, what did I. First of all, what did I do?

[Tom Segura]

What did I do?

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, what did I do? It's always gonna be, man, because, like, I apologize to my wife a lot. But, like, there's never a. Like a. There hasn't been a. Ugh, fuck. Like, I really fucked up.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Waking up with blood on your hand. What did I do?

[Brad Williams]

What did I do? Like, I haven't had that moment. I'm thinking, Apollo, where. Where's my deep.

[Tom Segura]

Maybe you're just a really good guy.

[Brad Williams]

No, that can't be it. That can't be it. I can't. I can't be a good. You know, nobody didn't do anything wrong there. Next. Like, I. I. I had to fire a representative recently.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, that's tough.

[Brad Williams]

I felt really bad and. But, like, I apologize, but I didn't do anything wrong. Yeah. But I just felt bad.

[Tom Segura]

Felt bad for the situation.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. It was like a. It's a business.

[Tom Segura]

All right.

[Brad Williams]

But, yeah, like, I. I don't remember a really deep apology. And that. And maybe that's a bad thing because that. Maybe that means. Oh, I probably have some that are owed.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I like to apologize to my kids when it's appropriate because I feel like it really lets them see that I'm human, and it lets them see that it's okay to apologize, no matter what you think the power structure is or

[Brad Williams]

anything, which is a very important quality.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Because that's the thing is right now, we're. We're living in a time where it's like you. Where it used to be, like, oh, you do something wrong, if you have shame, like, you apologize now. It's like, never apologize.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Never say you're sorry. Never show weakness. It's like.

[Tom Segura]

It's not.

[Brad Williams]

It's not weakness.

[Tom Segura]

Right. Because.

[Brad Williams]

Because, you know, I would. I trust someone more if they apologize to me when they are obviously in the wrong.

[Tom Segura]

If they acknowledge they did something wrong. Up.

[Brad Williams]

No.

[Tom Segura]

Now just repeat the lie. Repeat the lie.

[Brad Williams]

Repeat the lie and just, you know, go in. And I don't. I don't like that. I don't like. I don't want my daughter to be raised with that mentality. Like, no, if you fuck up, apologize. And also, here's. Here's. Here's the next one. If someone does give you one of those heartfelt apologies. Okay. You have to, like, you can't be three years later.

[Tom Segura]

Like, you got to accept it immediately.

[Brad Williams]

You got it. You got it. You got to accept it.

[Tom Segura]

Yep.

[Brad Williams]

And, yeah, so that's. Yeah. That.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Brad Williams]

That. Those are the rules. Like, yes, encourage to apologize, but also encourage to forgive apologies.

[Tom Segura]

All right, last question.

[Brad Williams]

Okay. I feel like I've been bad on These questions. I feel like I need a really good answer for this.

[Tom Segura]

This one's gonna be good.

[Brad Williams]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

What's the hackiest bit you've ever done? Look at the wheels turning. Oh, man.

[Brad Williams]

The hackiest bit. The one I'm ashamed of. All right. Yeah. I used to do a bit where I would say, like, I hate going into Starbucks because they always look at me weird when I order a tall coffee. That's really bad. That's really bad. I didn't. That was a. That was a bad. I'm sure I could go back.

[Tom Segura]

Can I get a half calf?

[Brad Williams]

Can I fill it with half and half? That's my creamer of choice. There's so many. So many jokes like that. There. There. There's a bunch of jokes wave. When. When I started. But, yeah, the tall coffee ones.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that was pretty bad.

[Brad Williams]

That's pretty bad.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

And.

[Tom Segura]

And it killed. That's the thing about the bad ones. They kill, and then you can't let them go when you're starting out.

[Brad Williams]

No. Yeah, It's. There are so many jokes. Whereas comics, we see them and we see them work and. And we go, mother.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

You know what I mean?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. It's like having sex with an ugly girl who has great tits. And you're like, I'm coming back. I can't take her out. I'm not taking her on a date.

[Brad Williams]

I'm not telling my friends that I'm going out with her, but I'm coming back. That's what a hack joke is. Because when you're brat, yo. You're on a podcast or you're all talking with other comics, you're not gonna. You know. Oh, I'm doing this bit right here where I said tall coffee. And.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Fucking. They're all gonna look at you like, are you. I can't be friends with you anymore.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Like.

[Tom Segura]

But then you used to do a thing. Who was telling me about in New York, they used to do a thing called maybe. Bobby Kelly told me this called Hack Court, where, like, Colin Quinn and Patrice o', Neill, and they'd stand around you in Geraldo and they would dissect your set and call you a hack on certain jokes, and you had to stand there and take it. Hack Court, man.

[Brad Williams]

And with. First of all, with that. If that's who the deus was. Quinn, Patrice, Greg.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

You. You have to accept whatever they're.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Brad Williams]

Because Patrice is going to tear you up, even if you're not. And Greg and Colin are just such good writers that if, like, there Are. There are certain people, like, there are certain comics out there. If they called me a hack, I'd be like, I do not care what you say to me.

[Tom Segura]

Right?

[Brad Williams]

Like, I don't care. You can. You can never say anything to me, though, that would make me give a fuck.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

But there are definitely certain comics out there where, if they looked at me, went, ooh, yeah, that's your joke.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

I'd be like, oh, oh, no, no. Like, for me, if. Like, if. If Conan o' Brien was ever on a podcast and said, I really don't like Brad Williams comedy. He's very simple. I'd be like, that would fucking kill me. That would kill me.

[Tom Segura]

I was on a New York radio show and the guy said, have you done spots in town? I was like, yeah, I went out last night and I had to follow. This guy was the worst. Just so hacky and, like, lame crowd work. And the guy. And he said, what club? I said, I'm not going to say what club. I'm not going to say who it was. And then somehow he pulls it out of his ass and he names the guy, and I just didn't say anything. So it comes back, the guy, DMs me the next day.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And he kind of, like, goes like, hey, man, maybe you shouldn't pay so much attention to the guy. Sorry you didn't have a good set. But then I saw him and I said, hey, man, I really. And I apologized on the dm, sure. But then when I saw him, I said, hey, man, I'm really sorry. He goes, no, you know what? I need to change my act. He goes, oh, I am a hack, and I'm not proud of what I do, and I know I can do better. And I was like, well, I didn't expect that.

[Brad Williams]

That guy, Dave Chappelle. And now he's. Now he's one of the best comics in the world.

[Tom Segura]

Brad Williams. You can see him live at Missouri State. Tulsa, Oklahoma, Lubbock, Texas. Duluth, Grand Forks, Winnipeg.

[Brad Williams]

Going to be called Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. The Club Regent Event Center.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Oh, yeah. We sold out the first show, so we added a late show. Nice. Yeah. Sell some tickets available for the Late Show.

[Tom Segura]

Louisville, St. Louis, Kansas City, Sioux City, Minneapolis, Milwaukee. Go to BradWilliamsComedy.com get some tickets. I mean, what can we say about your live shows? They're like, you're a fucking powerful comic, man. You kill. It's original, it's funny. I'm not the guy that's gonna call you a Hack. I'm gonna call you a good comic.

[Brad Williams]

Thank you for that. And it's been a long, you know, it's 22 year career so far, so. Yeah, when I started off, definitely a lot of the tall coffee jokes.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brad Williams]

And a lot, a lot, a lot of the most basic dwarf humor. There was a lot of that, you know, I could take a bath in a thimble. That's weird. A lot of. But now it's like, I, I'm. I've gotten to a point where I'm really happy with the actual. The responses are really great and people come up to me. One of my favorite responses is I do a free meet and greet after every show. You do free meet and greet?

[Tom Segura]

How long does that take?

[Brad Williams]

Two hours?

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, I'll meet everybody who wants to meet me. Oh, you guys, the fans pay my mortgage. It's the least I could do.

[Tom Segura]

Don't you worry about getting sick?

[Brad Williams]

Yep.

[Tom Segura]

That's what I hate about the meet and greet, because people want to take a picture and they put their arm around you when they talk, like three inches from your face.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, I'm getting that. I'm getting that immune system up.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Now when I'm. Now probably when I get over 50, I'll be like, I should stop that because.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Because pneumonia could take me out.

[Tom Segura]

Oh.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. So. But yeah, the, the number, the thing I love hearing is when people come up going, I, I didn't know who you were. I'm here because my date brought me, my friends brought me. I like you. You're really good.

[Tom Segura]

I go, yeah, no, people feel good after your shows. Your, your comedy is very like, it's not like you're doing uplifting things, but just your energy is very conducive to people feeling really good.

[Brad Williams]

Thank you. That is, that, that is conscience. Like that. I, I do that on purpose. Yeah. Like. And I found, I, I found this out when I do it. Someone told me this years ago, and it was great advice. They say, when you write a joke, make sure you win because the audience doesn't want to see someone who they perceive to be disabled lose.

[Tom Segura]

Interesting.

[Brad Williams]

They'll be sad.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Brad Williams]

So I'm like, oh, you're right. And I'm conscious of that. So when I write a joke or I tell or I tell a story normally I, I win in the end in some way. Now once you learn the rules, you can learn how to break them. Yeah, but so that I don't just, just, you know, triumph in every joke I tell. But there's ways to do it. And yeah, that, that's a. That's an effort. I want people to feel good. I. I'm not trying to divide people. I'm not trying to. I'm not.

[Tom Segura]

No, you won't even talk politics.

[Brad Williams]

Oh, it. Is that a hot button issue in our country? I had no. I had no idea.

[Tom Segura]

So if you can never lose, is that why Gary Goldman goes up and talks about being depressed and his life sucks?

[Brad Williams]

Bucks. Because he's a beautiful, beautiful six foot seven.

[Tom Segura]

Like, we don't want him winning.

[Brad Williams]

No, I want to see you lose. It's like Tom Brady can't go on stage and be and. And just say, yeah, life is great. You're like, yeah, we know.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, look at you. Right? Like, when he got divorced, people were like, yes, yes.

[Brad Williams]

You can't have it all.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Brad Williams]

Have it all.

[Tom Segura]

Brad Williams, thank you. Thanks for coming back on the show. Always love you.

[Brad Williams]

Thanks for having me. I will come back to the show whenever you me.

[Tom Segura]

You're the best.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, buddy.

[Tom Segura]

And now we're going to do a meet and greet for two hours.

[Brad Williams]

Okay, let's go. Give me the hand sanitizer. Close your eyes.

[Ad Voice]

Exhale.

[Brad Williams]

Feel your body relax. And let go of whatever you're carrying.

[Ad Voice]

Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-contacts. Oh, my gosh, they're so fast.

[Tom Segura]

And breathe.

[Ad Voice]

Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste. Visit 1-800-contacts.com today to save on your first order.

[Tom Segura]

1-800-contacts.

[Ad Voice]

My dad taught me a lot, including how easy it is to forget to cancel things. So I downloaded Experian, my BFF Big financial friend. Experian could help me cancel my unused subscriptions and lower my bills, saving me hundreds a year. Get started with the Experian app today. Your big financial friends here to help you save smarter. Results will vary. Not all bills or subscriptions eligible. Savings not guaranteed. $631 a year average savings with one plus negotiations and one plus cancellations paid. Membership with connected payment account required. See experian.com for details.

[Tom Segura]

Experian.