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- [00:00]
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- [01:00]
Carol Leifer
Foreign.
- [01:09]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Hello, fans of Fitz Dog Radio. I hope you're doing well. First of all, apologies about last this past week's Sunday papers. There was a production gaff and the team in St. Louis uploaded the last Fitz Dog radio to the Sun. It's since been corrected, but my apologies. A lot of you reached out. We're very concerned that we'd been hijacked or hacked or jacked or hacked. You know, but we're fine. Everything's good. We're back. It's. It's a. It's an exciting week here in Hollywood. I've been running around. I opened for Louis CK this past week. I don't know if I talked to you about that last week. Jesus Christ. Christ. His new hour is so fucking funny. I wish I could quote from it, but I don't wanna. I don't wanna spoil his hour when you go see it, but that was great. St. Patrick's Day show. I'm sure we talked about that. Did we? I'm sure we did. I. I'm a little lost on where we are at this point in the world. Uh, I've been on the road too much. I'm going on the road again this week. I'm going to fucking Canada. But I don't know if they're anti America right now. I don't know who's gonna show up. Hamilton, Ontario, March 26. Toronto, at the Comedy Bar, March 27. And then Pittsburgh this weekend. But anyway, I don't know. I got. I got nothing against you Canadians. I love you guys. I'm sorry that our dictator. I'm sorry, President is. Is a little out of control right now. We don't want to take you on as another state. States. Actually, we'd like to give you a couple of states. Might I suggest Mississippi? Would you like a little Mississippi? I know it's very far from you, but we kind of like our northern states. That's how we feel about you. North Dakota, good people. Minnesota, love them. Maine, some of the best people. We can't spare them, but Louisiana is all yours. Can I say Texas, or am I losing a lot of audience? I don't know who listens to this show, but let's just say we don't want Canada. We enjoy you, but we can't afford you. Anyway, am I helping or hurting myself? I also did a show. This was so funny. I did a show two nights ago at the Laugh Factory. Packed out house, crowd was hot. I had a really fun set. Then I get off stage, Paula Abdul walks by, and I'm standing backstage and she looks at me and she gives me a big smile and she goes. She goes, that was amazing. And I was like, thank you. And then she went into the shitter. I don't know if she shot. I'm hoping she didn't. At a comedy club. That would be vulgar. Who goes to a comedy club and takes a shit? So I don't think she did. But anyway, I didn't say anything about the fact that we had once spent an entire day together. And I'm sure It was literally 20. I would say it was 30 years ago. I was about 28 years old. I was a sparkling young comic. Handsome, good, good head of hair, white teeth, cocky. And I was hired to do this private event. It was at FAO Schwartz. They emptied out one of the floors of FAO Schwartz. They were launching this new line of watches. Do you remember Swatches? If you're a little older, you'll remember there was a very simple watch called a Swatch. They got hot for about five years. Anyway, they were launching a new one and they hired me to do a presentation, to emcee a presentation. And Max, this craziest lineup. Max Weinberg went up and Paula Abdul went up and me and Paula. It was literally like a six hour thing. And she and I had a lot of Downtime. And we were flirty, we had a very nice time. And she was, she's. I think she's a little bit older than me, but either way, we flirted. And I had just met my girlfriend who is now my wife, and it was bad timing. I. If I had met Paul at another time, I probably would have flirted more. And I get a phone call from the producer of the event asking me if he can give Paula my number. She asked for my number and I said, I'm flattered, but I'm kind of taken right now. I'm off the market. And thank God I did. I mean, think about it. Who knows if she's crazy? I would imagine she's in show business. She was probably, it probably wouldn't have lasted. So that was that. And then cut to 30 years later, she's smiling. And then I go to my Instagram the next day and it said, paula Abdul is following you. She just started following me and I'm like, wha. So I followed her back. I don't know, is that wrong? You tell, you tell my wife that me and Paula Abdul are following each other. And watch her fucking yawn. Watch her not give two fucks. Cuz it's over between she and I. We had our day. Literally our day. And that's it. But I thought that was kind of funny. I thought that was a funny story. It was a show with a guy named Bassem Youssef, I think is how you say it. He's an Egyptian comic and he's huge. He was like, I remember him from the news because during the Arab Spring, he was very vocal and he became a big hotshot. He was, he started, I think he was a surgeon. Then he went into stand up comedy and he had his own TV show. And anyway, like, I'm watching him on stage and I'm like, wow, I can't believe I've never seen this comic before. And so I look up his name and it's like, yeah, he's got 12 million followers on, on Twitter. And he was funny, you know, satirist, political satirist, which is dull. Nobody wants to watch that. It's just too limiting. You're just so limited in what you can talk about and, and how far you can go with your premises so you don't lose your satirical audience, you know, and, and I, and his, his, his Wikipedia said that he was the John, the Jon Stewart of the Middle East. And I thought, well, that's, that's great, but which Jon Stewart, like my friend, is like, you know, I like the old Jon Stewart and I'm like, what does that mean? Does that mean you like the Jon Stewart from the 90s, from, from MTV days? Or does that mean you like old Jon Stewart like the old Jon Stewart or old Jon Stewart like, you never hear people say that. Like, I like the old Rolling Stones. Well, you mean the guys that are old. Cuz I'll agree they're still great, but I don't know which ones you mean. Anyway, I like my old wife. What do I mean by that? I like my old version of my wife. And I also like now that she's old, she's great. My wife gets better with age because this, you just don't sweaty when you're young. You fight battles because you think there's gonna be progress. Then you had to hit a certain amount of years. You just go like, oh, no, this is, this is what my wife is and this is what my husband is. And you just, you just embrace it. It's like, reminds me of It's a Wonderful Life. Remember George Bailey as he's running down the stairs of his house and he grabs the, the handle at the bottom of the banister of the stairs and the handle of the, there's like a little thing and it falls off and he gets frustrated. This fucking handle at the bottom of my stairs of my new house is broken. And at the end of the movie when he's embracing his life as it is and appreciating it, it comes off in his hand and he smiles and he puts it back happily. And that's what old marriage is. You go, yeah, the handle's a little loose, but I know that I'm not trying to fix that handle anymore. My guest today is a woman that I've gotten to know just really over the last, I don't know, five or six years, it turns out. She's been a fan of the podcast, the Sunday papers, and she listens every week, which I'm flattered by because she's a very smart, accomplished, funny woman. We'll get into her in a moment. But her book, she wrote a book called how to Write a Funny Speech. And I was thinking about speeches that I've written that have been funny over the years. I'm very good at speeches, like even better than I am at stand up comedy, I think, because I'm not intimidated, I'm not scared of a new weird situation. It kind of brings out the best in me. And I remember I was like, I was like maybe 10, 10 years old. Maybe 11. And I already loved comedy, loved comic books. I loved, I loved old, like Bill Cosby. This is pre. This is the. I like the old Bill Cosby. Huh? Which one am I talking about? I like the pre. The pre pervy Bill Cosby. Anyway, so there was a, there was an award show. I was on the swim team and I was a horrible swimmer. I just didn't float. And I came in last place. But it was one of those things where everybody gets a trophy. So like they, and so they're calling out everybody's name and they go up and they get their trophy and they shake Mr. D, Mr. D was the swim coach and he'd shake your hand and all the parents would clap and then you'd sit down at your table again and finish your chicken. So they call me up and for like last place in breaststroke because breaststroke is the closest stroke to drowning. And so that's what I basically did. Just slapped at the water and kicked like in a frightened way. And so I get the trophy and I take the mic out of Mr. D's hand and I start thanking everybody. I was, I remember I thanked Jimmy Carter. So yeah, I must have been 10. Jimmy Carter was elected when I was 10. I thank Jimmy Carter. Then I put a peanut in my nose and then I started thanking everybody that made this possible. I did like a very funny, long, stupid speech for a 10 year old. And I fucking crushed. And I was off. And that was like my first time doing stand up. And I've always like friends, birthday parties, I always jump up. You know, I'll make a few notes, I'll prepare. I don't over prepare, but I have some thoughts. And I got up at my friend Mary's 50th, 50th birthday and her whole family was there and about 50 friends at a restaurant. And I got up and I told a story about how I was out to lunch with her in New York and we came home one day and we. It was middle of the afternoon, it was like 3:00 in the afternoon. And we walked into her apartment and her boyfriend was on the couch passed out drunk. He was a day drunk and he used to bartend at an airport and he was day drunk and he was passed out on the couch with his pants around his ankles and tissues on his stomach. And I said. And my friend Mary started hitting him and screaming, you don't fuck me. And then you jerk off in the middle of it. So I'm telling this crazy, these crazy story. I tell stories that embarrass people, but it kind of works. Until it doesn't. There's times it doesn't work, and those are pretty painful. But you gotta put. I like God. I was in Ireland one summer with my family, and we have all these Irish cousins and we get together for this, for this dinner at their. At the, like this Uncle Tim Harrington's house. Is that his name? I forget. But we were having lunch or dinner and there's a whole bunch of us. And then my mother goes, oh, Greg's a comedian. Greg, why don't you tell some jokes? And everybody's like, yeah, yeah. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm like, no, it doesn't really work like this. This was a lot of years ago. And I was like, no, it doesn't. It does not work like this at all. Like, no, no, no. Every. God, come on. So I stand up and I start doing stand up comedy and bombing. Meanwhile, you're in Ireland where everybody's funny. Like, all my relatives are innately funnier than I'll ever be as a trained stand up comic. And the rest of the night I just sat in the corner alone. Like, mom, you fucked me on this one. What else did I bomb? Oh, when I bombed once, I gave a toast. Well, it wasn't a toast. I was hired at a wedding once. It wasn't a friend. It was like. It was this Jewish couple and the husband was like 78 and the wife was like 35. And so I got hired by the groom's daughter. The groom's daughter hires me to do standup comedy at the Waldorf Astoria. It's the nicest hotel in New York. And they've got this gigantic ballroom and it's like, you know, tablecloths and chandeliers and like bouquets of roses on every table. It's like expensive. And tablecloths. Yeah, that's how white trash I am. Like, yeah, tablecloths are a big deal. So everybody's sitting there and they're having drinks. They sit down and then they bring me up and they. And the, and the daughter says to me, now everybody thinks it's really funny that, like, he's older than her and he's in on the joke and, you know, just. So tease him for being older than her. I said, okay, no problem. I got it. And this was like a week before. So I wrote a bunch of jokes about an older husband and a younger wife. And I go up and I'm talking about how, you know, he's marrying her. So that she'll empty his bedpan. And you know, he's talking about getting, getting the inheritance. And, and, and nobody is laughing, especially not the bride and groom. But you know who is laughing? The daughter. You know, the one who's not getting the inheritance because of this, this, this young bride. And I realized the whole thing was a setup. She was paying me five grand to come in and just take a. On her father and this young bride who's, you know, half her age. So that went poorly. And when else? And, and I, I don't know. I think my father's funeral, I didn't do well. I was too distraught. It was a surprise death. He was 53. No one expected it. We were not speaking at the time. It was very difficult for me to process. So I wrote a poem for my dad for his funeral. And I wrote it the night before at like 3 in the morning. Then you know, the mass was in the morning and I read it and I look back on that poem now and I think that's, that's bad poetry. It was really heavy handed symbolism. It was bad. And I cringe when I think about that. I should have just said a few words, but I didn't know what to say. Cause I think a lot of his friends knew. I stopped talking to him for a little while and anyway I. That's a whole other podcast. You guys have been down this with me before. Gibbs gave a great speech at my wedding. He got up and we had 200 people at the wedding. And Gibbs stands up and he goes. And there was a lot of funny comedians there. There's a David Tell was there and I think Kevin Brennan and the old Kevin Brennan. And by that I mean when he was younger. Who else was there? I think Louis was there, I think Eddie Brill was there. Tom Cotter, Al Ducharme. Anyway, he gets up in front of a bunch of funny people and the first thing he says is, I met Greg in college and like all of you, I couldn't stand when I first met him. That was the premise. And he just teed off on what a cocky, obnoxious young drunk I was. And he killed.
- [18:31]
Carol Leifer
He.
- [18:32]
Greg Fitzsimmons
He killed. That was nice. Anyway, let's get into it. What are we doing? This is a long intro. It's too long. Am I even recording this? 18 minutes. Jesus Christ. All right, as I said, Hamilton, Ontario, Wednesday night, Toronto, Thursday night, Pittsburgh, the 28th and 20th through 30th of March. Boston, Laugh Boston, April 4th and 5th. Let's sell it out. Huntington, California, May 4th Escondido, May 9th and 10th. Then I'm coming to Dayton, Kentucky, which I think is near Cincinnati in May. Also Tampa in June. Torrance, Austin, La Jolla. Also, we got some merch. We got the new Sunday papers, mugs, T shirts, hats, all@fitzdog.com. get some of that stuff. And now my guest. She's amazing. She has won Emmys and Golden Globe. She writes for Hacks right now. She writes for Curb youb Enthusiasm right now. She wrote for Seinfeld. She is the character that Elaine from Seinfeld is based on. She did Letterman 25 times. She's done it all. And she's just such a sweetheart and such a. Just I have so much respect for. So please welcome my talk I had last week with Carol Leifer. Hello.
- [20:08]
Carol Leifer
Hello.
- [20:09]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Hello.
- [20:10]
Carol Leifer
Hello.
- [20:11]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Did you ever do the Meisner technique in acting where you're supposed to repeat each other?
- [20:16]
Carol Leifer
No.
- [20:16]
Greg Fitzsimmons
It's all about listening and paying attention. So when I say hello, you say hello back. But you're reflecting how I said it to you, not mimicking it.
- [20:26]
Carol Leifer
Right.
- [20:27]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Reacting naturally to the. To my energy. So if I said hello, I'd say hello? Yeah. Yeah.
- [20:37]
Carol Leifer
Or I'd say, I saw you five minutes ago. Why are you saying hello again?
- [20:42]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, we just. Yeah, Brando did it. De Niro. Yeah, they all went to the neighborhood playhouse. It was a Sanford Meisner school. Yeah. So. And you're a New Yorker. So nothing in here.
- [20:58]
Carol Leifer
It's like, did I finish this order? There's nothing in here.
- [21:03]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Can we get a bottle of water? Wrist leafer. Oh, there you go. Yeah. Okay. Wait, so you went. Did you go to college in New York?
- [21:13]
Carol Leifer
Yeah, I went to SUNY Binghamton.
- [21:17]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Oh. My nephew just graduated from there. It's the Harvard of the SUNY schools.
- [21:21]
Carol Leifer
It is. I don't even think I could get in now.
- [21:23]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- [21:24]
Carol Leifer
And then, you know, I transferred to Queens College for my senior year because that's when I chose to become a comedian and stay in the.
- [21:33]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Didn't Seinfeld go to Queens College also?
- [21:35]
Carol Leifer
Yeah, he graduated from Queensland.
- [21:37]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And my old friend, Jerry Red Wilson. I don't know if you ever heard of that guy. He went to Queens College.
- [21:42]
Carol Leifer
Jerry Red Wilson.
- [21:44]
Greg Fitzsimmons
He had a sitcom for a little bit. But the reason I bring him up is that it ties directly into your book, how to Write a Funny Speech for a Wedding, Bar Mitzvah, graduation and every other event you didn't want to go to in the first place. I read it. I loved it.
- [22:03]
Carol Leifer
Thank you.
- [22:03]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I mean, look, I do this for A living. And I still glean some stuff in there about how to be concise.
- [22:13]
Carol Leifer
Y. Y.
- [22:14]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Know where you are, know what time it is? No. Well, you also say. Don't say here's. All right. Can I start with my problem with the book?
- [22:25]
Carol Leifer
Yeah. Well, all right.
- [22:27]
Greg Fitzsimmons
You list things that you shouldn't say and there. It's very funny. You have like a couple pages of jokes of bad ideas and what to say. I would do every one of those.
- [22:36]
Carol Leifer
Well, of course. Because you're a professional.
- [22:38]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [22:39]
Carol Leifer
You know how to work a crowd. What I say to people is every comedian is a speech giver. Every night when you do a set, it is essentially a sort of speech.
- [22:50]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right.
- [22:50]
Carol Leifer
So you know what you're doing. But this book was written really because I've gone to so many events as my writing partner has Rick Mitchell, Emmy winning Rick Mitchell comedian as well. And people. It's painful, the speeches that they give. And you know, we felt like this is short handy. It's 15 something on Amazon right now. Come on. That's two lattes maybe.
- [23:20]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And you'll laugh. You'll learn and laugh.
- [23:23]
Carol Leifer
Right? And we. Soup to nuts. Beginning, middle, end.
- [23:27]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- [23:28]
Carol Leifer
Jokes to use. Should you need a joke from two professional comedy writers, take them. We have templates for lazy people. If you're really afraid of giving a speech, we give you like a Mad Libs. Just fill in the blank. Here, here, here, here.
- [23:42]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I would suggest to people, if you're getting married and you're worried about your best man or your maid of honor, buy this book and send it to them. Maybe even fill out the template for them.
- [23:54]
Carol Leifer
That's a really good.
- [23:55]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I'll take this book a step further and I want to work on this with you as the next project. And I'm not k. I already had this idea before the book, but I think it's a good extension of the book.
- [24:04]
Carol Leifer
Okay.
- [24:06]
Greg Fitzsimmons
We set up when. When I die, I want things done a certain way. I know I want Van Morrison into the mystic playing. I know that I want. There's a series of wedding photos of me and my wife that I want laid out in order throughout the wedding. I got a guest list. I got people I don't want showing up. Not only do I know who I want to speak at the funeral, I know which stories I want them to hell.
- [24:33]
Carol Leifer
Ah, perfect. And I bet you have an order of the people that you want them to speak.
- [24:38]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Mike Gibbons. Closes.
- [24:40]
Carol Leifer
That's right. That's easy.
- [24:42]
Greg Fitzsimmons
So I think it's a website. I think you pay like a dollar or two a month to maintain your. It would be all this information. You would upload your photos.
- [24:55]
Carol Leifer
Yep.
- [24:55]
Greg Fitzsimmons
You would upload your music, you would upload your guest list and you would have the stories written out. And then you could even have comedians come in and punch it up if you're not funny.
- [25:06]
Carol Leifer
Ah, that is a very good idea.
- [25:09]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right?
- [25:10]
Carol Leifer
Yes. I have to leave now to go put it together.
- [25:14]
Greg Fitzsimmons
You know, I wish you'd committed. I like when a comedian goes all the way out the door.
- [25:19]
Carol Leifer
Yeah, you really should have.
- [25:20]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [25:21]
Carol Leifer
I didn't want people to see my galoshes.
- [25:24]
Greg Fitzsimmons
All right. Did you expect more rain today?
- [25:27]
Carol Leifer
I did, I did. I over prepared.
- [25:30]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I was thinking when you got here how I have gratitude for this podcast, because if I didn't have this podcast, I never would have met you, you know, you. I think you reached out to me the first time we made contact.
- [25:44]
Carol Leifer
I wouldn't be surprised.
- [25:45]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And then we marched the picket line together. We went to lunch.
- [25:49]
Carol Leifer
We went to John O Groats together.
- [25:52]
Greg Fitzsimmons
What a place.
- [25:53]
Carol Leifer
Oh, yeah, the homemade biscuits.
- [25:56]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Oh, my God, we gotta go again. Yeah, let's do it.
- [25:59]
Carol Leifer
Yeah. And put this website together. Okay. Yeah, today.
- [26:02]
Greg Fitzsimmons
So anyway, I'm grateful that you're here.
- [26:05]
Carol Leifer
Thank you.
- [26:06]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. So the book is also something that you're gonna make money from and this is going to charity, of course.
- [26:15]
Carol Leifer
Every penny will be going to the Carol Leifer fund.
- [26:21]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Take the D off the fund.
- [26:24]
Carol Leifer
Look, I got a kid who's going to college.
- [26:26]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, I know. Is he a senior this year?
- [26:28]
Carol Leifer
He's a senior. Yeah. Yeah. So it's all. All happening.
- [26:33]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. That's an interesting time. And then you're looking at empty nest for.
- [26:40]
Carol Leifer
Yeah.
- [26:40]
Greg Fitzsimmons
How long were you and your wife together, living together before you had your son?
- [26:47]
Carol Leifer
I would say probably 2002. We started living together. Yeah.
- [26:52]
Greg Fitzsimmons
So about three years. And then you became parents. And now you're gonna be alone in the house.
- [26:57]
Carol Leifer
Yes. But getting married was a good idea because the best thing about it was that now I get to call her the wife, you know, Ya ta da, ya du duh. The old wife. And then I didn't even realize straight guys, they have the perfect excuse all the time for getting out of anything, you know, it's like, hey, you wanna go to Vegas? I can't. The wife.
- [27:21]
Greg Fitzsimmons
The wife.
- [27:22]
Carol Leifer
Yeah.
- [27:22]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right, right.
- [27:23]
Carol Leifer
So I got into that club.
- [27:25]
Greg Fitzsimmons
So you're both playing that card. It's a double win.
- [27:30]
Carol Leifer
Yeah, that's true, I guess. Yeah. I. I haven't been Privy to her saying it. But I bet.
- [27:34]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. Right.
- [27:35]
Carol Leifer
But then I also share with straight males the feeling of 8 o'clock on a Sunday night, Saturday night, already very late for an engagement with friends or a show.
- [27:48]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- [27:48]
Carol Leifer
Pacing by the door, saying very loudly.
- [27:52]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Come on, let's go.
- [27:56]
Carol Leifer
You know, it's like, what's happening in there? Does she have another face that she bought?
- [28:01]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right. It is amazing. And it's like. It's. The people that are late are consistently late. I get. I'm late sometimes because something happened.
- [28:10]
Carol Leifer
Right.
- [28:10]
Greg Fitzsimmons
But when you get a friend that is always 15 minutes late you go, why are you not making this adjustment after 50 years of life?
- [28:18]
Carol Leifer
I know. But I will say a lot of women, namely my wife.
- [28:24]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- [28:25]
Carol Leifer
Runs very late.
- [28:26]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right, right. But what about for work?
- [28:30]
Carol Leifer
For work?
- [28:31]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Does she show up late to her job?
- [28:33]
Carol Leifer
No, she is not working right now. She's on a lot of boards and that sort of thing does important work that way. But, yeah, she's pretty prompt. I'm much prompter.
- [28:46]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yes. You strike me as a very prompt person. You're a pro. You're the kind of person that I feel like. Well, you. You know, you talk about how you dated Jerry Seinfeld. Obviously, you were the inspiration for Elaine. But that you watched his work ethic and you learned early on that being a comedian is not just because you're funny. It's because you're. You're doing the writing work. Right.
- [29:14]
Carol Leifer
Yeah. I mean, I remember coming up in the old days when we were coming up in clubs.
- [29:18]
Greg Fitzsimmons
What year was this?
- [29:20]
Carol Leifer
It's like 77, 78, 79. Because he was the emcee who put me through the audition night.
- [29:26]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Catch a Rising Star.
- [29:28]
Carol Leifer
Comic strip.
- [29:28]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Comic strip.
- [29:29]
Carol Leifer
Yeah. And, you know. You know, the life of comedians, we around all day.
- [29:35]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- [29:36]
Carol Leifer
First of all, we go to sleep at like, 3. You get up at noon, then you around. And Jerry would always be at some point going, all right, I need to head back to my apartment. Why? I need to write.
- [29:48]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- [29:48]
Carol Leifer
And he would write at least an hour every day with the yellow pad, big pen. And, you know, never. Never once didn't do it.
- [30:01]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. I remember him saying once. You know, a comedian is never gonna amount to anything when they go on the road with golf clubs. I don't fully agree with that, but I respect. I respect the work. So did you. Did. Is. Did you try to do it that way? Did you get the yellow pads and try to sort of do it exactly the same as him?
- [30:18]
Carol Leifer
I was a very typical comic that way. But My writing style, and I'm interested to hear about yours, is more. Something will come to me, and I'll write it down in the moment. I don't really make a concerted effort to do it, or I'll get an idea about something, then I'll sit down and start to do it. But he really just. It's the blank page, and he really starts from nothing, and he comes up with something.
- [30:48]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Well, you say something in the book that I'd heard before, and I swear by, which is tell yourself you're gonna do it for 15 minutes.
- [30:55]
Carol Leifer
Right.
- [30:56]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And you will write longer, but if you don't, that's fine.
- [31:00]
Carol Leifer
Yeah.
- [31:01]
Greg Fitzsimmons
You always write longer.
- [31:02]
Carol Leifer
Yeah. And if you tell somebody to do something for 15 minutes, it doesn't sound horrible.
- [31:07]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- [31:08]
Carol Leifer
It's like, okay. And especially. Cause people do not want to write a speech. They just dread it. Dread it. And if you say, all right, I'm gonna give it 15 minutes, there's not really anybody who starts doing that and then says, you know, after 50 minutes, all right, that's it. A lot of times it's like, you have your speech done.
- [31:26]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yes.
- [31:27]
Carol Leifer
In 15 minutes.
- [31:28]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yes.
- [31:29]
Carol Leifer
Because it's really not that hard to.
- [31:30]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Well, also, I think writing is a lot of germinating. I think. I do think that we, like. You talk about your kid writing a term paper.
- [31:39]
Carol Leifer
Yeah.
- [31:39]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And they're putting it off. And they're putting it off. Guess what? They're doing it in their head.
- [31:44]
Carol Leifer
Yeah.
- [31:45]
Greg Fitzsimmons
But you need that time where you're subconsciously getting the ideas together, and then it. That's why it comes out so fast in the. In the 11th hour. Yeah, but my writing process is my. My notepad in my phone.
- [31:59]
Carol Leifer
Oh, okay.
- [32:00]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I'll just, like. If I have an idea during the day, I'll tell you what my most recent ideas are. For jokes, I'll just write down, like, a sentence.
- [32:08]
Carol Leifer
Okay.
- [32:09]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And then I will try to sit down and write a few beats. Then I take it very raw on stage.
- [32:16]
Carol Leifer
Oh, not that worked out.
- [32:18]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Record it. No, riff on it. Record it.
- [32:20]
Carol Leifer
Yeah.
- [32:20]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Then I listen to that because I just know that if my adrenaline's not up, my creativity is not at its peak, and I need to be at the kitchen table like I was when I was 12, trying to make my parents laugh.
- [32:32]
Carol Leifer
Yes.
- [32:33]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And feeling the pressure to make them laugh, and. And I put myself back in that situation, and it all just comes. Married for 25 years. People ask, what's the secret? As if, like. Like we won't tell it. Like, we don't want to share because we're competitive or something.
- [32:53]
Carol Leifer
Yeah.
- [32:56]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And these people that write books about it are traders.
- [32:59]
Carol Leifer
Yeah, yeah. Right. Like, oh, no, that's privileged information. It's like the Manhattan Project. No, nobody can know.
- [33:07]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, I don't know about the bomb analogy, but otherwise that works. I need to track down the guy that hacked my computer so I can find out what my passwords are. That's cute, right?
- [33:23]
Carol Leifer
Yeah.
- [33:23]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I'm trying to think, though. Is it better if I say it about my mother? Like, my mother got hacked?
- [33:29]
Carol Leifer
Yeah.
- [33:30]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I want to find the hacker so she can finally know what her passwords are.
- [33:34]
Carol Leifer
Because older people are worse with passwords. I don't know. I think it's better with you because everybody doesn't know their passwords.
- [33:44]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right.
- [33:44]
Carol Leifer
And has trouble with it.
- [33:46]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right.
- [33:46]
Carol Leifer
So, yeah, I would say that.
- [33:48]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Okay.
- [33:50]
Carol Leifer
I have a joke. I could ask your opinion.
- [33:52]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yes, please.
- [33:53]
Carol Leifer
Okay. I do a lot about plastic surgery and how much I hate it. Hate looking at it. And the joke is, you know, I saw a woman walking around Beverly Hills and I wanted to ask her, did you go to a board certified surgeon or a puppet maker? So what do you like?
- [34:21]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I like it. I like it.
- [34:23]
Carol Leifer
Or a marionette maker.
- [34:26]
Greg Fitzsimmons
No, I like the puppet maker. Because then you can do a little tag about Geppetto. I don't know what the line is, but something about. Is it Dr. Geppetto?
- [34:34]
Carol Leifer
I like that. That's good. Yeah.
- [34:36]
Greg Fitzsimmons
She's walking and I'm looking for the strings. I was she walking without the strings?
- [34:45]
Carol Leifer
That's great. Yeah, I'm taking that.
- [34:47]
Greg Fitzsimmons
That's funny.
- [34:48]
Carol Leifer
All right.
- [34:48]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I like that puppet more than marionette. I gave her a glass of water just to see if she could drink it and talk at the same time. Now, speaking of which, you look amazing, which I said to you before the show. Have you ever had any work done? Botox filler?
- [35:05]
Carol Leifer
No, I just.
- [35:06]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Are you serious?
- [35:07]
Carol Leifer
Yeah. Keep it natural. Yeah. Thank you very much.
- [35:11]
Greg Fitzsimmons
That's pretty amazing. Well, I mean, not that you're old, but you are older than me and I'm. I look like I was in a microwave.
- [35:20]
Carol Leifer
No, you don't, Greg.
- [35:21]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Look at my neck. No, no, your voice just went three octaves higher.
- [35:27]
Carol Leifer
No, no, no, you look great just the way. Here's how I look at it. I've seen so many people, especially here in la, with work, as opposed to sticking with gravity.
- [35:42]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- [35:43]
Carol Leifer
And gravity is okay. Sure, it's okay. It's just people are afraid of it and then they start doing. I know A woman who's 25, who got a brow lift.
- [35:54]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [35:55]
Carol Leifer
And I was like, why? And she's like, I look tired. It's like, take a nap.
- [36:02]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, you look tired now. You look surprised. Yeah, I mean, I talk to a lot of young women now that have gotten Botox and things because they want. I mean, have you seen the before after picture on. Who's the. Who's the one that's dating Timothee Chalamet now?
- [36:28]
Carol Leifer
Oh, it's one of the.
- [36:30]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Kylie Jenner.
- [36:31]
Carol Leifer
Yes.
- [36:31]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Have you seen the before after picture on Kylie Jenner?
- [36:34]
Carol Leifer
Well, you mean from way back. Because she had.
- [36:37]
Greg Fitzsimmons
From when she was like 18. Pre work.
- [36:39]
Carol Leifer
Yes. I mean, she looks like a different person.
- [36:41]
Greg Fitzsimmons
It's a completely different. And you know what? There was nothing wrong with her before.
- [36:46]
Carol Leifer
I know, I know. Yeah. No, those Kardashians. It's a full time person at the house.
- [36:54]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yes. Yeah, yeah.
- [36:56]
Carol Leifer
Just whoever. Which sister's next? Come on. Gotta go, gotta move.
- [37:02]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, yeah. I mean, I. If. Look, if I could have gone back in time and my hair, which is starting to thin out, if I had caught it when it first started. They have hair plugs now that are. Look at every rock star that's on tour from the 60s. These guys will have full heads of hair and they look amazing. And I do. I did spend a lot. And I wish I could go back and either go to enough therapy where I could accept myself no matter what I look like, or get some goddamn plugs.
- [37:34]
Carol Leifer
I see. I don't know the plugs. I think a lot of people, a lot of women appreciate when guys are bald or, you know, losing their hair and they just go with it. It's like a confidence thing.
- [37:50]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, that's true.
- [37:51]
Carol Leifer
Because, you know, that's another thing that can go really bad, like in. Especially years ago with the bad hair plugs, you know?
- [37:59]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- [38:00]
Carol Leifer
Joy Behar and I used to call it Doll's Head. We visited.
- [38:06]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Because it's just Rose. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, I know. Joe Rogan got him and then he shaved his head and now he's got a line across the back of his head because, you know, they take the follicles out of a line underneath the hair that will always be there. Yeah, but he shaved that, so now he's got this scar across the back of his head and he shaves his head so he doesn't even. Yeah, yeah.
- [38:38]
Carol Leifer
It. I don't know with men. To me, it's not about the hair. It's.
- [38:42]
Greg Fitzsimmons
What's it About.
- [38:43]
Carol Leifer
It's about the face.
- [38:44]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. It's about the eyes.
- [38:46]
Carol Leifer
The eyes are important.
- [38:49]
Greg Fitzsimmons
You know what's hard is eye contact for some people. And for some people it's. They're looking down. For me, my family were known for maniacal eye contact. Yeah. And people get a little bit off put by how hard we look into people's eyes.
- [39:08]
Carol Leifer
And that was part of the family.
- [39:10]
Greg Fitzsimmons
My brother has it, my mother has it, my brother has it a lot.
- [39:14]
Carol Leifer
Wow.
- [39:15]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- [39:15]
Carol Leifer
Where it's creepy or see, I think eye contact is good. And younger people don't know how to do it anymore.
- [39:22]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right. Yeah, my daughter has it.
- [39:24]
Carol Leifer
Oh, that's good.
- [39:25]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I've talked to her about it. She's like, dad, how do you know when to look away? I really don't know. I consciously look away sometimes so that it's not too intense. But my inclination is to, is to just stay laser beamed into the eyes.
- [39:44]
Carol Leifer
Wow.
- [39:44]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- [39:47]
Carol Leifer
Yeah. Eye contact is, is a good thing.
- [39:49]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- [39:50]
Carol Leifer
Yeah. That's funny though, about when you're talking about your family. I just heard Amy Poehler on a podcast and she was, it was a very interesting observation. She said, like, when you're growing up, your family is kind of like its own country with its own rules. And then you leave your family to go out into the world and you see other things going, oh, oh, that's not how we did things. Yeah, that kind of stuff.
- [40:15]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right.
- [40:15]
Carol Leifer
Interesting.
- [40:16]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right? Yeah. It is definitely something you pick up. Obviously. I mean, literally your first human, human interaction is when you're breastfeeding and your, your mother is looking in your eyes as you breastfeed.
- [40:29]
Carol Leifer
Right.
- [40:30]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And, and then as you get older, how you get socialized, how much they look, how much they look away. I mean, definitely social media, if you grow up watching a parent on their phone, you are going to get on your phone.
- [40:41]
Carol Leifer
Right, Right. And the other thing that I don't, you know, my son, who's a senior, I don't think his generation understands is like, if I have a conflict with someone and it's gotten to texting and, you know, it's not looking good, I make sure that I get together with them to work it out.
- [41:01]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right.
- [41:01]
Carol Leifer
Because you can't from here. It's like you get together with someone, it changes the whole dynamic. And especially if you come in with an attitude like, I really want to work this out because we're not in a good place. That's, it's, you know, younger people are afraid of like talking on the phone to somebody.
- [41:22]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right.
- [41:22]
Carol Leifer
Which, you know, I love. I don't like catching up by texts. Like, let's take 10 minutes and talk.
- [41:29]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I have phone friends and I have text friends.
- [41:31]
Carol Leifer
Yeah.
- [41:32]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Like my friend Matt Malloy. I will call.
- [41:35]
Carol Leifer
Oh, the actor, right? Yeah, yeah, he's good.
- [41:38]
Greg Fitzsimmons
He's bald and he made a very good living as a bald actor. He and I have very. And Paul, who owns the joint, he knows Matt very well. He's the kind of guy, when he answers the phone or I answer the phone. Since we're both 100% Irish, here's how we. I'll do it. I'm going to do it for you.
- [41:54]
Carol Leifer
Okay.
- [41:55]
Greg Fitzsimmons
So you can see how we answer the phone every time. Hopefully this gets picked up by the.
- [41:59]
Carol Leifer
Hello? Hello.
- [42:02]
Greg Fitzsimmons
You'll hear it is the Irish phone answer. And he always answers my calls.
- [42:17]
Carol Leifer
Really?
- [42:17]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I'm saying that now, so it's all right. So I'll just have to tell you. So when he answers the phone, I, He. We go. And then he says it back. And we will go back and forth for sometimes five minutes.
- [42:36]
Carol Leifer
Really?
- [42:36]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And everybody in our house just walks in the other room.
- [42:39]
Carol Leifer
That is hilarious.
- [42:40]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And then he got this dog who freaks out because it's a high pitched and the dog starts barking and going crazy. So he can't do it when his dog is around.
- [42:50]
Carol Leifer
Oh, that is so funny. See, I'll have to do that now with my Jewish friends, you know, say on the phone.
- [43:05]
Greg Fitzsimmons
That's good.
- [43:06]
Carol Leifer
I'm going to do that.
- [43:07]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Do you feel a kinship with Jewish people more than you do with, like. Because I do with Irish people.
- [43:11]
Carol Leifer
Yeah. Oh, absolutely.
- [43:12]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. I mean, it's, it's the, it's reverse racism. It's a race that I just like more.
- [43:18]
Carol Leifer
Yes. Yeah. No, you definitely feel a kinship. There'll be certain things that you experienced growing up in a Jewish household. Yeah.
- [43:29]
Greg Fitzsimmons
What would you say is the best thing to be culled from growing up in a Jewish household?
- [43:37]
Carol Leifer
Using coupons whenever necessary. Yeah, I, I think because Jews, you know, we come from a long line of comedians.
- [43:55]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right.
- [43:55]
Carol Leifer
Comedy. You know, in the. The old days, it was pretty much most of the tribe.
- [44:01]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yep.
- [44:01]
Carol Leifer
Were comedians.
- [44:03]
Greg Fitzsimmons
You mean starting in the U.S. or before that?
- [44:05]
Carol Leifer
I think in the U.S. yeah. Yeah, yeah.
- [44:07]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Cliff Nesteroff has a great book about how Jews started comedy.
- [44:10]
Carol Leifer
Oh, yeah. He's on CNN a lot.
- [44:12]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, yeah.
- [44:13]
Carol Leifer
Right. I would think that. But also, you know, if I'm with someone Jewish, it's not unusual. I, I don't feel as awkward saying waiter. You know, I have failed. I did ask for And I see that kind of stuff.
- [44:35]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Will you not do that in front of a goy, but do it in front of a fellow Jew?
- [44:39]
Carol Leifer
I have to feel it out.
- [44:40]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, yeah, yeah, right, right.
- [44:42]
Carol Leifer
Yeah. But.
- [44:43]
Greg Fitzsimmons
But if you're with Larry David, there is going to be a lot of sending back. There's going to be a lot of customizing the order.
- [44:49]
Carol Leifer
Yeah. And that's all fine.
- [44:51]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right? Yeah, right.
- [44:52]
Carol Leifer
I mean, ask a Jewish person, how are you? Here's something you'll never hear. Can't complain.
- [44:59]
Greg Fitzsimmons
It's like that old joke about the waiter comes over to four Jewish women and he says, is anything all right?
- [45:06]
Carol Leifer
Yes.
- [45:10]
Greg Fitzsimmons
But what I. And I married a Jew. So what I love about the Jewish culture is there's a raw honesty to it. There's dialogue that I feel like. There's not the feeling like I'm Catholic. And I think there's sort of like an impetus to conform to what's already been said, to fit in, to be a part of. It's tribal.
- [45:36]
Carol Leifer
Right.
- [45:37]
Greg Fitzsimmons
To fit in with the tribe. And I feel like with Jews, it's. It's a dialectic and it's challenging. And do you agree with that?
- [45:45]
Carol Leifer
Yeah. Like, give me an example of what you're like.
- [45:50]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I mean, on a. On a base level, like, what restaurant should we go to? And an Irish person will go, well, let's go to Murphy's Pub. And every guy, yeah, great, we're going to Murphy Pub. And the Jews will go, you know, I don't. The pasta there is dry. What do you think about. And there's a lot of debating.
- [46:06]
Carol Leifer
Right.
- [46:06]
Greg Fitzsimmons
But I think on a. On a higher level, I think that I've talked to my. My wife's father was a communist. And we would talk deep into. I mean, he was a guy who nobody agreed with, and he represented this far left.
- [46:21]
Carol Leifer
And this is Julius Rosenberg. Is this.
- [46:24]
Greg Fitzsimmons
No, no. Joel Covell. He was very famous. He published a lot of books. He had. He had a chair at Bard College. He taught sociology or socialism at Bard College. And really intelligent guy. And so I had these amazing talks with him because it's so refreshing to talk to somebody who's impervious to being judged about their belief system.
- [46:46]
Carol Leifer
Yeah, yeah.
- [46:47]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Very powerful.
- [46:49]
Carol Leifer
Yeah. You know, now that you are talking about it, that I think about another thing about being Jewish is also, like, in my family and I think in the culture, you know, like, my mother would always say, you don't ask, you don't get, you know, so it's also about asserting yourself, you know, but you know, I've talked about this before. You have to be careful with asserting yourself. You know, the squeaky wheel gets grease. But, you know, you don't want to be a pain in the ass. It's like making the balance right. But advocating for yourself seems to me to be a good Jewish attribute.
- [47:27]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. I think it shows confidence. I think as a father of a daughter, that's something we really try to instill is like, I'm not.
- [47:37]
Carol Leifer
That makes your kids Jewish or.
- [47:39]
Greg Fitzsimmons
No, Kind of. Actually, my daughter sort of, like, fell under the spell of Catholicism through my mother a little bit. Not that she, like, practices it, but she's kind of, like, taken by all the mysticism. Like, you know, we took her to Cathedral St John the Divine in New York, and they have. It's this whole thing about the ascension and Jesus ascending and whole thing about the transfiguration of the wine into blood and, you know, for little kids, that really kind of captured your imagination.
- [48:11]
Carol Leifer
Yeah, it's very.
- [48:13]
Greg Fitzsimmons
So every time we go to church, my mom would take her to church all the time, and she would sit and she would. She said she was about 9 years old, and she sat there. We walked in, and she lit a candle. She got on her knees, and she sat there for 10 minutes like this, head down, praying. And she got up, and I go, what were you praying for? And she said, your father, who she never met. She never met my father.
- [48:35]
Carol Leifer
Wow.
- [48:36]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I was like, wow. Yeah.
- [48:40]
Carol Leifer
That's intense. In a really good way.
- [48:44]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, I think so.
- [48:45]
Carol Leifer
Yeah.
- [48:46]
Greg Fitzsimmons
But getting back to it, like, I just wanted to raise her to feel that she could assert herself.
- [48:51]
Carol Leifer
Yeah. Yeah.
- [48:52]
Greg Fitzsimmons
In relationships.
- [48:53]
Carol Leifer
Right.
- [48:54]
Greg Fitzsimmons
You know, advocate for herself in school, you know, so, yeah, she's gonna play. I'm doing a St. Patrick's Day show at the Improv, and she's. She's gonna write. I've done it every year for, like, 15 years.
- [49:07]
Carol Leifer
Oh, wow.
- [49:08]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And we're gonna start the show off with me, my friend, and her playing some Irish songs together.
- [49:12]
Carol Leifer
Oh, nice.
- [49:13]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And she's gonna play guitar, and then she's really good at the flute.
- [49:15]
Carol Leifer
Wow.
- [49:16]
Greg Fitzsimmons
California dreaming.
- [49:17]
Carol Leifer
Ah, cool. I used to play the flute.
- [49:20]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Did you?
- [49:21]
Carol Leifer
Yes, when I dated men.
- [49:26]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Was it phallic? Is that what you're saying?
- [49:29]
Carol Leifer
No, I. I played flute in my grade school band and then my high school band. I was first flute.
- [49:38]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Really? Damn.
- [49:41]
Carol Leifer
Yeah. All county band.
- [49:42]
Greg Fitzsimmons
That's amazing.
- [49:43]
Carol Leifer
I admire other loudest.
- [49:45]
Greg Fitzsimmons
When's the last time you picked it up?
- [49:47]
Carol Leifer
Oh, God, a long time ago.
- [49:50]
Greg Fitzsimmons
You still have it?
- [49:52]
Carol Leifer
No, no, no. But it was a gamine heart. I don't know if they still make flutes.
- [49:57]
Greg Fitzsimmons
No. And did you ever play like in a folk band or a rock band with it? No, just school.
- [50:07]
Carol Leifer
Yeah.
- [50:08]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Marching.
- [50:09]
Carol Leifer
No. I don't know how I. I'm still. I. I love marching bands mostly because I'm stupefied that, like, it can play and march like good. Where you stay in step at the same time. That blows me away.
- [50:24]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right, right.
- [50:25]
Carol Leifer
But I'm also blown away that, you know, ice hockey players can skate backwards.
- [50:30]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, yeah, I know.
- [50:32]
Carol Leifer
Yeah.
- [50:32]
Greg Fitzsimmons
No, ice hockey is kind of mind. As somebody who's grown up, I still play ice hockey.
- [50:37]
Carol Leifer
Oh.
- [50:37]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Um. The coordination of moving on your feet in a different way than you've been raised to do.
- [50:44]
Carol Leifer
Yes.
- [50:45]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Having a stick that you have to be looking at the puck and out of the corner of your eye looking out for 180 pound guy who's going to level you.
- [50:53]
Carol Leifer
Right.
- [50:54]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And looking for other ice.
- [50:56]
Carol Leifer
Right.
- [50:56]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Looking at the ice, you're looking for the other players to pass to. You have to, you know, eye hand coordination. You have to stand in front of the net and when a 90 mile an hour puck comes, you have to be able to tip it to move directions. It's really, I think it's the most involved sport.
- [51:11]
Carol Leifer
Yeah. Yeah. It's amazing when you watch it.
- [51:14]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. What was your sport growing up?
- [51:17]
Carol Leifer
Field hockey.
- [51:18]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Nice.
- [51:18]
Carol Leifer
Yeah. And then I was surprised that I became a lesbian.
- [51:23]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Did you ever own a Subaru?
- [51:26]
Carol Leifer
Not yet.
- [51:27]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Not yet.
- [51:28]
Carol Leifer
No.
- [51:28]
Greg Fitzsimmons
All right, so you're not there yet. You're still slowly coming out of the closet after 20 years.
- [51:34]
Carol Leifer
But I did love the field hockey. That is a fun game too.
- [51:37]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Oh, it's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My sister played that. We used to go watch her play. But not in college.
- [51:44]
Carol Leifer
No. Sweeney. Binghamton did not have a. I don't think they had at the time, any sports teams. I don't know.
- [51:51]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Well, you can't go outside during the school year in Binghamton. All right, I want to ask you about. You're working on hacks now. Like over the years you had a lot of nominations for Emmys from multiple shows. Never won one.
- [52:08]
Carol Leifer
No.
- [52:08]
Greg Fitzsimmons
So all the industry used to talk about is, when's Leafer gonna get the gold?
- [52:12]
Carol Leifer
It was the talk of the industry.
- [52:14]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yes. Variety magazine would comment on it. And then now you're working on hacks and you won an Emmy and a Golden Globe. Yes. I mean, what a morality tale. Right. Just keep working.
- [52:28]
Carol Leifer
Yes. After 40 years of writing.
- [52:31]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Unbelievable.
- [52:32]
Carol Leifer
Only won an Emmy and a Couple of people have been like, really? Was it that important to you? Yes, it was very, very important to me.
- [52:40]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- [52:41]
Carol Leifer
And then the Golden Globe. I didn't realize when Hacks won the Golden Globe, like, the writer producers get one too. So it's coming tomorrow to the house. They deliver it to your house.
- [52:54]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Nice.
- [52:54]
Carol Leifer
Yeah.
- [52:55]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Wow. That's gotta feel good.
- [52:57]
Carol Leifer
Really. It does.
- [52:58]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And had you gone to the award ceremonies for all the times you were nominated?
- [53:02]
Carol Leifer
Yeah, I'll always go. You nominate me. Yep. Go get the dress, get the hair and makeup.
- [53:08]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yep.
- [53:09]
Carol Leifer
Put me in a limo, and I'm there.
- [53:11]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- [53:11]
Carol Leifer
Yeah, but.
- [53:13]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And what was the mood like after? You wouldn't win, would you? Would it get to you?
- [53:18]
Carol Leifer
It kind of bugged me during Seinfeld because we always lost to Frasier.
- [53:24]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Frasier always won. That's right.
- [53:26]
Carol Leifer
Frasier always won. So that was disappointing.
- [53:30]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I feel like Frasier was an actor's show, and Seinfeld was a writer's show.
- [53:35]
Carol Leifer
Yeah. Yeah, I felt that too, of course. But no, we didn't win. But this year, what was funny was Hacks was nominated, and I was offered to write for the show.
- [53:49]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- [53:50]
Carol Leifer
And I was thinking, you know what? The bear was supposed to win as a comedy.
- [53:56]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, I know.
- [53:57]
Carol Leifer
But they had really kind of won a string of awards up to then. So I was like, you know what? I'll take the gig writing the Emmys because I don't want to sit there and lose. And I wrote on it. It was fun. And then right before the award, the stage manager comes over to you in the, you know, backstage and says, you know, you need to come with me, because if you win the Emmy, you're gonna walk out from this side instead of the audience. And I was like, okay. So it's like, you know. And then they said, hacks. And I was. I was blown away. I just got to walk out.
- [54:30]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Wow, that's so cool.
- [54:32]
Carol Leifer
So the only bummer was I was wearing, you know, my sneakers backstage and wasn't really all that glammed up.
- [54:39]
Greg Fitzsimmons
But who gave the acceptance speech?
- [54:43]
Carol Leifer
One of the three showrunners, I think. I think it might have been Paul Downs.
- [54:49]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. Paul Downs. Wow.
- [54:52]
Carol Leifer
Yeah.
- [54:52]
Greg Fitzsimmons
So is that show. Do they improvise the lines at all? That seems like it's pretty tightly scripted.
- [54:58]
Carol Leifer
Well, the interesting thing about Hacks is the writers. It's written all on zoom. And then once the shows and the scripts are done, the showrunners go off and shoot it. So I haven't been there when they've shot it.
- [55:16]
Greg Fitzsimmons
No kidding.
- [55:17]
Carol Leifer
Yeah.
- [55:17]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Have you met the actors?
- [55:20]
Carol Leifer
Yeah, I've met the actors.
- [55:21]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Hannah Festbinder. Is that her name?
- [55:24]
Carol Leifer
No, Hannah Einbinder.
- [55:26]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Einbinder, yes.
- [55:27]
Carol Leifer
Lorraine Newman's daughter.
- [55:28]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right, right, right. She's fantastic.
- [55:29]
Carol Leifer
Yeah. No, I've met them and seen them at many hacks social events, but we're not there.
- [55:36]
Greg Fitzsimmons
They're never in production.
- [55:37]
Carol Leifer
Yeah. Which is crazy because when I worked on Curb youb Enthusiasm, it was the opposite. Like, just when you start shooting, they would bring me in to be on set wherever we were.
- [55:48]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right, right. Wow.
- [55:50]
Carol Leifer
Yeah.
- [55:50]
Greg Fitzsimmons
That's fun. Yeah. I feel like Curb is a show that. I mean, there's not like a room like there was with Seinfeld with a process. Right. It's just more like. Like I've even heard that writers send in just log lines, like. Like a series of log lines, and then Larry will look at those and maybe pick one.
- [56:15]
Carol Leifer
Maybe some people pitch that way. But going back to what we were talking about earlier, Greg, when I would want to pitch to Curb.
- [56:23]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- [56:24]
Carol Leifer
I would reach out to Larry and say, can I come into the office and pitch? Because as you know, pitching to someone is much better than something written on the page. And you can kind of elaborate on it or get.
- [56:38]
Greg Fitzsimmons
You can see what they're reacting to and embellish on that. Right.
- [56:43]
Carol Leifer
But I knew the first time I pitched my stories to Larry, I was nervous, of course, as anyone would be.
- [56:50]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- [56:50]
Carol Leifer
But I went. I knew this first one he would like, which he did, which was. And you'll totally relate to this. You know, as a comedian, don't you hate when you're with regular people and you tell a joke or say something funny and one of them goes, badum.
- [57:07]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Oh, yeah.
- [57:10]
Carol Leifer
You know, you want to yell them. And he loved that. He's like, oh, yeah, yeah. So we used it in the show. But that relaxed me because it was like I had a good, strong feeling he was going to take to that.
- [57:24]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Were you. Did you guys start out in the 70s together?
- [57:27]
Carol Leifer
Larry was before me, but he was the emcee at Catch Rising Star when I went on my open mic night and he put me through.
- [57:35]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Why would he be an emcee? He's the least warm human being in the world.
- [57:38]
Carol Leifer
I never thought about that. That's so true.
- [57:41]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I mean, was he a good emcee?
- [57:43]
Carol Leifer
Yeah, yeah. You know why it was good for him, Craig? Because, you know, Larry. What people don't know about Larry David, the comedian, is that if you went on after him at the improv, if his spot was 8, 20 and yours was 8:40. Normally come in and get there, make sure be there 8:35. You had to be there at 8:20 because you never knew when.
- [58:06]
Greg Fitzsimmons
That's what I heard. Right, right.
- [58:08]
Carol Leifer
If somebody didn't laugh, he'd be like, all right, none of your laughing, forget it. And he'd just walk off. You know, it was that kind of thing. But I think what was good about him emceeing was he could do a.
- [58:19]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Couple of bits and then pick and roll. Right, right.
- [58:24]
Carol Leifer
So he didn't have the pressure of, you know, a 20 minute set.
- [58:28]
Greg Fitzsimmons
It's so funny how, you know, people can start out and stand up and gravitate to different. Like obviously you went in the writing direction eventually after a lot of standup. I mean, the thing is, like I was a Letterman fanatic as a kid. I started watching when I was like 10 years old and I saw, I don't know how many times you did letterman, but I 25. I saw you at least a dozen times. I mean it was like you were. It was like Bill Hicks a little bit, I guess, a little after that he was probably like 90, late 80s, early 90s. But did that, did that become something that they didn't do a lot of pre producing with? Did you kind of say, I have a set and then just come on.
- [59:15]
Carol Leifer
What was amazing about Letterman was he recommended me to the Tonight show after the New York Laugh off, you know, that contest. It was on Showtime and I got a call from Jim McCauley, who was the talent booker on the Tonight Show. He said, oh, David Letterman saw you and recommended you. And I sent a tape to the Tonight show and they passed. And then when Letterman got a show, he put me on, I was on within two months of the show, really. But literally after that, Greg, he was like, you have an open door here. Whenever you have a set ready. Come on.
- [59:51]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Unbelievable.
- [59:53]
Carol Leifer
Never had a.
- [59:54]
Greg Fitzsimmons
You never vetted it.
- [59:55]
Carol Leifer
I only had to do it. Whenever I did the Letterman show, I would be in my dressing room and the sensor would come in and you'd have to do it for, you know, of course, running your set to the person who's just sitting there like, oh.
- [60:10]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Just as you're getting ready to go out.
- [60:12]
Carol Leifer
Yeah. And like, okay, that brand name, you can't do that. Other than that you're good to go. You know, that was it. But anytime I wanted, I just call them and set a date. So he was so instrumental and kind in developing my standup career.
- [60:30]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Wow, that's really cool. And did that have an effect on road work for you, or were you not somebody who did a lot of road work?
- [60:36]
Carol Leifer
I did do a lot of road work and it helped me a lot in getting gigs. But I don't know if I've ever told you this story. Have you talked to your audience about what the comedy condo was?
- [60:48]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Oh, I mean, not enough. It can't be dealt with enough.
- [60:53]
Carol Leifer
Well, to refresh your audience's memory, club owners, not the most on board, above board people in the world, figured out that instead of putting up comedians at a local hotel, I can buy a shitty condo and put the comedians up in that.
- [61:15]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- [61:15]
Carol Leifer
Get to write it off, blah, blah, blah. So I started doing.
- [61:20]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And the. The housekeeper was the waitress.
- [61:23]
Carol Leifer
Yeah.
- [61:23]
Greg Fitzsimmons
It was never a pro. Right, right, right.
- [61:25]
Carol Leifer
It was a sty.
- [61:27]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- [61:28]
Carol Leifer
So I got to a point where, like, I'm like, I don't know if I can do this comedy condo thing anymore. It's just disgusting. So I did a gig with Sue Kalinsky.
- [61:39]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Oh, sure.
- [61:40]
Carol Leifer
At this comedy club, I think it was in Phoenix. And we knew we were going to Comedy Condo, but we were together, so at least I had a buddy with me. And we get to the condo and the guy's there, ready, and he's like, hey. And hey. And he's like, you know, there's a pool out here if you guys, you know, okay, great. We hung out and it was like 7:00 and we got ready to go over to the show. So sue and I are at the door and we yell up to the guy, hey, we're ready to go to the club now if you want to come with us. And he comes down, he goes, I'm not a comic, I just live here. These sleazy club owners just gave the room.
- [62:23]
Greg Fitzsimmons
He was ahead of the Airbnb. Yeah.
- [62:26]
Carol Leifer
To one of their friends.
- [62:27]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Oh, that's amazing.
- [62:29]
Carol Leifer
Yeah. And that. Yeah. And that trip I forgot to pack my rape with.
- [62:35]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yes. By the way, you know, my grand. Here's another joke I is in my notepad that I just started is. My grandfather was an inventor. He sucked. He invented the first rape whistle, but it sounded like this did not sell.
- [62:52]
Carol Leifer
That's a great joke you're doing.
- [62:54]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I just started doing it last week.
- [62:55]
Carol Leifer
Yeah, yeah. And it's killing.
- [62:57]
Greg Fitzsimmons
It's killing. Yes.
- [62:59]
Carol Leifer
Because you don't see it coming.
- [63:01]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Well, I'm nervous about saying the word rape in a joke. Sometimes people just really pull back and they get a laugh.
- [63:06]
Carol Leifer
But see, you know that as a professional comedian, when someone is writing a speech, normal person this book is chock full of things you need to know.
- [63:16]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Thanks to know. And thanks to. To. Not the. The best is what not to do. Hold on, I got to read a couple of these.
- [63:22]
Carol Leifer
Yeah. Well, did we talk about. The first thing that people 101, that most people don't do is that when you get up to give a speech, you need to tell the audience who you are to the person being celebrated.
- [63:41]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yes.
- [63:41]
Carol Leifer
Now, do people get up there, they start talking, and two or three minutes in, you're like, who? Always this person.
- [63:48]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right.
- [63:48]
Carol Leifer
Comes like an episode of Murder, She Wrote. Like, who? Who? What?
- [63:53]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, here's things not to say at a funeral.
- [63:56]
Carol Leifer
Okay.
- [63:57]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And again, I'd say all of them, but I'm a pro.
- [64:00]
Carol Leifer
You are?
- [64:01]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Okay. I mean, he was in his 80s. I'm opening with that at my mother's funeral. Everybody would fall down laughing. That's so great, Margaret, I'm sorry for your loss, but since you're single now, her hair and makeup never looked this good when she was alive. All right, who's ready to put the fun in funeral? I mean, literally, I would open with any of those.
- [64:32]
Carol Leifer
You should. You should. Right. But any jackass getting up there who's also a few drinks in.
- [64:39]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. That's the other advice you give. Do not drink before giving a speech.
- [64:43]
Carol Leifer
Right.
- [64:43]
Greg Fitzsimmons
But the other thing that I. Because I get asked to do speeches all the time.
- [64:48]
Carol Leifer
Of course.
- [64:49]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And the number one thing I do, which is in this book, is canvas friends and relatives for stories because they've all got one gold nugget of a story.
- [65:01]
Carol Leifer
Yes.
- [65:01]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And as long as you give them credit, which they'll be happy for, right now you got a great piece of material.
- [65:06]
Carol Leifer
Exactly.
- [65:07]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Um, so I remember my friend Dave Halanan died, and we were poker buddies. You know, we played poker together for 15 years. And, you know, and we went on hikes together and whatever, but he wasn't, like, my best friend. And then his wife asked me the day before to give. To give the speech.
- [65:25]
Carol Leifer
Yeah.
- [65:26]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And I'm like, fuck. So I got stories from his son, from his friends, and Carol, it's the best set I've ever had in my life.
- [65:36]
Carol Leifer
Really.
- [65:37]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Because when they're at a funeral, they wanna laugh so bad.
- [65:40]
Carol Leifer
They do. That's another misconception. And we talk about that, putting in funny stories, because it's celebrating the person, you know, you want to enjoy their memory as opposed to being sad and depressed.
- [65:54]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- [65:55]
Carol Leifer
Like, my cousin died prematurely at 55 of cancer, and I spoke at his Memorial. And, you know, it's also good, besides testing your speech out on someone who knows them, you know, if you have something that you're not sure to say, you can also check, you know, directly with someone. Like, my cousin Jay was like the biggest partier. He self made. He had a yacht. We'd go on these vacations. He's just. I called him the Pied Piper of fun because he just. Whatever. We do this right. And what I wanted to say at his memorial was he's the person who partied the hardest of anyone I know, and especially if someone who's in recovery, which he was. But I asked his widow, can I say that about being in recovery? And she was like, oh, absolutely. People, yeah. They know that about him, you know, so if you're a little worried about something, you can always ask somebody.
- [66:58]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. And the best funeral that. Well, Irish. Irish wakes are famous, Right. So, Jerry Red Wilson, who's the guy that I told you about, he died very pyramid. He was probably 36.
- [67:13]
Carol Leifer
Oh, what happened?
- [67:15]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Spinal meningitis. Yeah, it was really weird. He got it like that. They thought it was an ear infection. And if it's undiagnosed, it's like within 48 hours you're in a coma. So anyway, so he dies. And the father asked me. We went to the. He was from Queens. We went to the funeral and we went to this Irish restaurant in Queens. And the father says to me, would you mind getting up and saying a few words? And I said, yeah, but do you mind if I bring up some other. Because there was a bunch of comedians at the funeral.
- [67:44]
Carol Leifer
Yeah.
- [67:45]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And so I got up and I just did my best. He was a dear friend, so I had some really good stories. And he was a Pied Piper as well. He was the fun guy. And those are the deaths that really hurt, you know, because those. Those people, you. You really. You don't get a lot of those.
- [67:59]
Carol Leifer
And you miss them so bad.
- [68:01]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. Right. Kevin Meaney, I miss every day. He was one of my best friends. Yeah. And so I get up and I kill. And then I bring up Greg, Geraldo. I bring up David Tell, I bring up Jim Brewer, I bring up Colin Quinn.
- [68:17]
Carol Leifer
Wow.
- [68:18]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And it goes on for an hour and a half and everybody's dying. And the father says to me afterwards, he goes, we need to do this every year. And so we did it at Caroline's a year later, and we did it as a benefit for spinal meningitis.
- [68:31]
Carol Leifer
Wow.
- [68:31]
Greg Fitzsimmons
After two years of Caroline's, we moved it to town hall. Which is 1500 seats.
- [68:36]
Carol Leifer
Yeah.
- [68:36]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And we would get, you know, all the biggest comics would come out and do it and, and we did it for 10 years. We raised hundreds of thousands of dollars for meningitis. And his whole family would be there every year, his friends. We'd have a big after party.
- [68:51]
Carol Leifer
That's so great.
- [68:52]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- [68:52]
Carol Leifer
Well, you see, that must have been a great show because you had all professional comedians telling these stories. I mean, a big reason why we wanted to write this book is also to console people. Like the bar is set very low for a person who's not in show business to give a speech. No one's expecting. You get up there and Jerry Seinfeld, you know, so that should take a lot of the pressure off to begin with, that it's not going to be like that event that you had where one after another, it's a laugh riot, you know, so.
- [69:26]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And also what you say is you kind of can't lose if you're sincere.
- [69:31]
Carol Leifer
Yes.
- [69:31]
Greg Fitzsimmons
If the comedy comes from, you know, like you said, celebrating your friend being fun or if it's something that, you know, at the end of the day, it's not a stand up set. So if you have moments that are sweet with no punchline, that only makes the joke that comes next even better.
- [69:48]
Carol Leifer
Yes. And we talk about too, the ending of a speech should always be heartfelt.
- [69:56]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yes.
- [69:57]
Carol Leifer
You don't want to, you know, at the end you want to speak from the heart about how you felt about this person and even another 100. One thing that we talk about in the book is, you know, how awkward is it when someone gives this great speech and they, they do a toast, which you should do, and then they just wander back to their seat, like go over to the person that you're celebrating, shake their hand, give them a hug, a kiss.
- [70:21]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- [70:21]
Carol Leifer
It's just weird. And they just exit stage left over.
- [70:25]
Greg Fitzsimmons
To the buffet table.
- [70:27]
Carol Leifer
Yeah.
- [70:28]
Greg Fitzsimmons
You know who gave the worst speech I've ever seen was Garry Shandling.
- [70:33]
Carol Leifer
Really?
- [70:33]
Greg Fitzsimmons
It was Kevin Nealon's maybe 60th birthday.
- [70:37]
Carol Leifer
Yeah.
- [70:37]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And Shandling showed up and they were very dear friends.
- [70:40]
Carol Leifer
Yes.
- [70:40]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And Shandling is one of my all time idols. Just one of the funniest, most unique. But, but he got, he was sitting at a table in the corner and the speeches were later in the party and he wasn't talking to anybody. And he's scribbling, he's, he's coming up with stuff.
- [70:57]
Carol Leifer
Yeah.
- [70:58]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And he ends up trying to talk about the driveway coming up to the country club where the Party was. And it was very. It had nothing to do with Kevin. It was just like a stand up.
- [71:12]
Carol Leifer
Wow. I'm very surprised.
- [71:13]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [71:14]
Carol Leifer
Because he's, you know, so funny and a thoughtful person.
- [71:18]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [71:20]
Carol Leifer
I mean, the, the other thing that people do now that's a big mistake is they go to AI to write their script.
- [71:26]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Oh, God.
- [71:28]
Carol Leifer
Yeah. And that is a big mistake because we did it with the book. We took. A friend of mine asked me to help her write a speech for her daughter's wedding. So I didn't know her daughter at all, but I sat down with the mom and we got some funny stories and little tidbits about her and like bullet points about her daughter. We gave it to AI. It was such a nightmare.
- [71:52]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- [71:52]
Carol Leifer
What it came up with, like facts that are wrong. Like if somebody told this speech at her wedding, it would have been a disaster. So we also talk about how, you know, writing speeches, the personal stories are the gold.
- [72:09]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yes.
- [72:10]
Carol Leifer
And especially because you're the, maybe the only one who has that story about this person. So that's what you need to share with the audience because people love that. And AI is never going to have that because it doesn't have a heart.
- [72:23]
Greg Fitzsimmons
It doesn't have a heart. Yeah, I have a heart.
- [72:28]
Carol Leifer
Taking that in.
- [72:29]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Well, I'm thinking about my heart. I'm thinking about how much stand up is about heart. Because I have depression and when I go to a gig, sometimes I get it, it comes down like a heavy blanket on top of me and I can't. And so there's times where I'm sitting in a hotel room in the dark, the show is in two hours and I'm going, how am I going to get myself on stage, really? And then I go on stage. And because of the nature of the sport, you must be vulnerable. You can't go up there shut down or the audience is shut down and you never can. So every time I go on stage when I'm depressed, I find some way to just rip myself open. And not that I'm up there talking about my childhood traumas. Doesn't matter what I'm talking about. It still has to feel like I'm present in this moment and I'm connecting to you people. And every time I do that, I walk off stage and the cloud is gone. It's miraculous.
- [73:25]
Carol Leifer
Yes. I have sort of the same thing. A lot of dread sometimes. And I don't know how I'm gonna do this in this club and what I'm getting paid and you know, the whole litany of things. And then you get out there and it's like, hey, as everybody do. And then. Yeah, it does. There's something in our DNA that performing does that.
- [73:46]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Well. That's why I don't think I could ever stop, because I think it's built into my mental health. I need this burst of dopamine and acceptance.
- [73:54]
Carol Leifer
Yes.
- [73:54]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Creativity that's being affirmed by laughter, you know? How much standup are you doing these days?
- [74:01]
Carol Leifer
I've been doing a lot lately. I wanted to write. My act was getting a little. I always call it, like, performing Oklahoma. Every night. I'll start with this. And then there's a brighthold and haze. So I started to write new stuff. And as you know, when you write new stuff and it starts working, you are re. Energized.
- [74:26]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yes.
- [74:26]
Carol Leifer
And so I've been doing sets at the Comedy and Magic Club on Saturdays because, you know, they do that 10 comics for 10 minutes each.
- [74:35]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Okay.
- [74:36]
Carol Leifer
And you do two shows. And it reminds me of the old days in New York when I would do, like, six sets on a Saturday night and to go up and do an entirely new 10 minutes. And it works. Yeah, it's just like Nirvana.
- [74:49]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [74:51]
Carol Leifer
So I've been doing a lot.
- [74:52]
Greg Fitzsimmons
That's amazing. Great.
- [74:53]
Carol Leifer
Yeah, it's nice.
- [74:54]
Greg Fitzsimmons
All right, it's time for fastballs with fits.
- [74:56]
Carol Leifer
Okay.
- [75:02]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Is that a triple take you just gave me?
- [75:04]
Carol Leifer
I think I did.
- [75:05]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Oh, my God. What's a project that you regret?
- [75:12]
Carol Leifer
Who? Let's see. There have been so many along the way. It's a project that I regret.
- [75:22]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Does it rhyme with the generous? Well, and I wasn't loading that. That's not why I was asking that. I asked everybody this question.
- [75:35]
Carol Leifer
Yeah.
- [75:35]
Greg Fitzsimmons
But I know you and I have both worked for her, so.
- [75:37]
Carol Leifer
Right.
- [75:38]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- [75:39]
Carol Leifer
It was not the easiest time. You know, I co created her sitcom with Mitch Hurwitz.
- [75:46]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right, the great Mitch Hurwitz.
- [75:48]
Carol Leifer
Yes. This so funny. Incredibly funny Mitch Hurwitz. I don't regret it, though, just because, you know, Ellen is a very talented person.
- [76:02]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yes, she is.
- [76:03]
Carol Leifer
Yeah. I mean, mega talented. And I like to be around talented people, however, whatever their makeup is. And we had great writers on the show, so, you know, and the writers room, to me, it's a big reason I went into writing as opposed to taking the standup route. I love being in a writer. Being with other funny people is so my jam. I love it so much. I'm now with every. The funniest person for every high school, you know?
- [76:34]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yes.
- [76:35]
Carol Leifer
And that synergy and that combination is just.
- [76:40]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Well, what's amazing is, like, I've been on shows that are tough, that have talent. That's difficult. And a lot of times, that's when the writers get the closest because you really have to bond and commiserate. Yes, yes. And sometimes an easy show, you kind of go like, okay, I want to bring up Johnny Mack is a guy who you write with a lot. John Mac's.
- [77:01]
Carol Leifer
Yes. I just worked with him on the Oscars.
- [77:04]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I noticed he was, like, the only person that you acknowledged in your book. Oh, that was very sweet.
- [77:10]
Carol Leifer
Yeah.
- [77:11]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I wrote on an award show with him one time, and, yeah, he really stuck with me as just, like, this guy who's just like a utility infielder. He can do anything.
- [77:18]
Carol Leifer
Yeah. And he's great. When I had jokes that I wasn't sure, you know, marionette or puppet, that kind of thing. He is very laser focused on jokes and joke writing and what's good and what to maybe throw out. He's a good editor.
- [77:35]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Just so people know, like, he's probably the most prolific award show writer in history. He writes for the Emmys, the Oscars, the Grammys, probably the Tonys. I wrote with him on iHeartRadio Awards. He writes for every award show, and he's got three going at one time sometimes.
- [77:52]
Carol Leifer
And he worked with Gibby on the Globes.
- [77:57]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Oh, right, right. The Golden Globes.
- [77:59]
Carol Leifer
Yeah. He came in. He's not only amazing, he has, you know, he's a double threat because he's not only a great writer, he's got, you know, the comedy, but he's an amazing manager. He can juggle an incredible amount of shows all at the same time. And he's really good with people, and especially the Oscars. All this info is coming at you, and he can just juggle it.
- [78:25]
Greg Fitzsimmons
So professionally, I remember he was writing on that show and two others, and then he was getting on a jet for the weekend to help Mariah Carey do a roast in Orlando or something. Crazy.
- [78:37]
Carol Leifer
Yeah, yeah. He is that utility player.
- [78:41]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. All right. There's two types of people in this world. Yeah.
- [78:48]
Carol Leifer
Oh, it's pretty simple. Nice people, not nice people. Yeah.
- [78:59]
Greg Fitzsimmons
What do you think causes that?
- [79:05]
Carol Leifer
Well, I feel like not nice people. And I see it a lot on the Internet.
- [79:12]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- [79:12]
Carol Leifer
Comments and stuff. People who are unhappy with themselves and. Yeah. Just take out their anger on other people.
- [79:23]
Greg Fitzsimmons
It's amazing.
- [79:24]
Carol Leifer
Yeah.
- [79:25]
Greg Fitzsimmons
This world of, you know, call them incel, call them whatever, but it's mostly angry young white men, of which I'M one. So I don't want to knock them too much, but they're mad at the world. And this. They're feeling like they have a voice when they critique things.
- [79:43]
Carol Leifer
Exactly. Yeah. And when I see some things that people write, I mean, I just. I mean it, really. I can never picture myself wanting to hurt someone like that. I don't know. I'm. You know, I'm not Mother Teresa, but it's like, I was raised to, like, just be a nice person.
- [80:03]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I think that would be a really interesting docu series. Maybe even a series is you track down some of these really vitriolic haters and you just interview them. Just find out what is your life, what caused this? Do you know, the effect? Like, let them meet, you know, Alec Baldwin and let them have a conversation with the guy that they just hated on and see. See how they feel about.
- [80:28]
Carol Leifer
Right.
- [80:29]
Greg Fitzsimmons
That's. That's a good show. We should do that.
- [80:31]
Carol Leifer
Yeah, It's a little like catfish.
- [80:34]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yes.
- [80:35]
Carol Leifer
Yeah.
- [80:35]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- [80:36]
Carol Leifer
But, yeah, I. I just always look at those kind of comments and, like, I mean, did your mother raise you?
- [80:45]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. Right. Is this book out yet?
- [80:49]
Carol Leifer
Oh, it's out.
- [80:50]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Okay. Because I'm wondering, but I. But is any. Are you're not getting any hate mail about this book? I'm sure not.
- [80:57]
Carol Leifer
I don't want to say not yet, because. Clickety clack.
- [80:59]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- [81:00]
Carol Leifer
Clickety clack. Oh, and today on Amazon, it's 15 bucks. No, come on. Yeah.
- [81:09]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Really?
- [81:09]
Carol Leifer
Yeah. Yeah.
- [81:11]
Greg Fitzsimmons
See now. Great. Now we lost my whole audience because they're all at Amazon now. Thanks.
- [81:17]
Carol Leifer
That's good.
- [81:17]
Greg Fitzsimmons
It's.
- [81:18]
Carol Leifer
They're watching the podcast and at the same time.
- [81:21]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Okay.
- [81:21]
Carol Leifer
Clickety class ordering on Amazon. Click $15. Great book club. Great gift.
- [81:28]
Greg Fitzsimmons
All right, final question from Fitz. Fastballs with Fitz, and then I'll let you go.
- [81:33]
Carol Leifer
I hope I wasn't too Pollyanna on that last one, but I don't know.
- [81:38]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Do you want to do it again?
- [81:40]
Carol Leifer
No.
- [81:41]
Greg Fitzsimmons
All right. What's the hackiest bit you've ever done?
- [81:46]
Carol Leifer
Oh, God, I have to think.
- [81:53]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I mean, 25 lettermans, that's a lot of material. There must be one joke in there that you look back and you watch the set and you go.
- [82:03]
Carol Leifer
I don't. I don't know. I. I love all my jokes.
- [82:08]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Now that's Pollyanna. I love all my jokes. I'm gonna make a T shirt for you, Pollyanna.
- [82:16]
Carol Leifer
Or incredibly narcissistic. I love all my jokes. Can I do a joke that didn't work enough?
- [82:26]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yes.
- [82:26]
Carol Leifer
I always loved.
- [82:27]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yes.
- [82:28]
Carol Leifer
Okay, but I have to stand up.
- [82:29]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Oh, great. Okay.
- [82:31]
Carol Leifer
Finally see my galoshes? All right, which camera do I Stand.
- [82:34]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Back here and play to that center camera right there.
- [82:39]
Carol Leifer
Right there. Okay, Wait.
- [82:42]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Stand back a little further. Can you bend your knees? There you go. We got it. We got. Okay. Okay, good.
- [82:51]
Carol Leifer
It's gonna hurt the bit a little bit.
- [82:53]
Greg Fitzsimmons
All right.
- [82:54]
Carol Leifer
All right.
- [82:54]
Greg Fitzsimmons
He fixed it.
- [82:55]
Carol Leifer
Okay, this is my impression. You got to go back to Archie comics.
- [82:59]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Okay.
- [82:59]
Carol Leifer
Okay. My impression of Veronica walking away mad Tim's out.
- [83:11]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I don't get it. I don't get it.
- [83:14]
Carol Leifer
Veronica, you know, she was Archie's. He liked her.
- [83:18]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
- [83:18]
Carol Leifer
Like the kind of. And that's how she looked in the comics.
- [83:21]
Greg Fitzsimmons
She was always like that.
- [83:24]
Carol Leifer
Yeah.
- [83:25]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Show me Superman flying away mad.
- [83:30]
Carol Leifer
Hair done.
- [83:34]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Show me Jesus. Mad. He must have been mad. Yeah.
- [83:42]
Carol Leifer
Anything else?
- [83:43]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, that was great. Worth being the camera. All right. Carol Leifer's book, how to write a funny speech for a Wedding, Bar mitzvah, graduation, and every other event you didn't want to go to in the first place is on all Internet streaming. I loved it. Carol. I love you. Thank you so much for being here.
- [83:59]
Carol Leifer
I love you, Greg. All right, let's have serious eye contact.
- [84:05]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Hey.
- [84:23]
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