Erik Griffin - Episode 1083 - Fitzdog Radio

Summary4 min read

Fitzdog Radio - Episode 1083: Eric Griffin

Release Date: January 22, 2025

Host: Greg Fitzsimmons
Guest: Eric Griffin
Title: Erik Griffin

1. Host's Travel Woes and Setup (00:00 - 07:00)

Greg Fitzsimmons kicks off the episode by sharing his recent travel misadventures. From his stay in Janesville, Wisconsin, to a troubled flight from LaGuardia plagued by snow delays and pilot antics reminiscent of "Mary and Joseph in Bethlehem" (00:00), Greg recounts the chaos that unfolded, including a frightening incident where the pilot circled New York City dangerously low over the Empire State Building (06:45). Despite these hurdles, Greg maintains a positive outlook, highlighting the charm of small-town hospitality and the quality of local establishments like The Tavern and Levity Live in Nyack, New York (03:30).

2. Introduction of Eric Griffin (07:00 - 12:20)

Transitioning from his travel story, Greg warmly introduces his guest, Eric Griffin—with a “K”—a seasoned comedian and director known for his podcast "Riffin with Griffin." Greg praises Eric's work ethic and his growing ventures into directing comedy specials (12:20). He sets the stage for an engaging conversation, emphasizing Eric's significance in the comedy scene.

3. Personal Background and Life Updates (12:20 - 22:00)

Greg and Eric delve into personal backgrounds, discussing the nuances of Eric's name pronunciation across different regions (12:20) and touching on family dynamics, including Eric's recent fatherhood. Eric shares heartfelt moments about his family, particularly his mother's passing due to a blood clot, highlighting the challenges within the medical system and the importance of family support during tough times (47:00).

Notable Quote:
Eric: “I don’t know if she knew, but she loved babies, so I have a great picture of that.”

4. Comedy Career and Experiences (22:00 - 35:00)

The conversation shifts to their careers in comedy. Greg discusses his upcoming shows and Eric shares anecdotes from his performances, including dealing with hecklers and performing in challenging venues like Prince Albert, Canada. They both reflect on the resilience required in stand-up comedy, comparing it to a "street fight" where the comedian must adapt and survive (45:00).

Notable Quote:
Greg: “Standup comedy is like a warrior’s battle. You’ve been through tough gigs, but you emerge stronger.”

5. Health, Medical System, and Personal Challenges (35:00 - 52:00)

Eric opens up about his experiences with the healthcare system, criticizing its inefficiencies and lack of personalized care. He emphasizes the importance of advocating for loved ones in medical settings and shares his mother's struggles with dementia and her subsequent passing (49:00).

Notable Quote:
Eric: “Our medical system is trash. You don’t know it until you need it.”

6. Relationships, Marriage, and Family Dynamics (52:00 - 57:00)

Discussing personal relationships, Greg and Eric explore the dynamics of marriage and parenting. They talk about balancing personal ambitions with family responsibilities and the impact of having children on their lives. Eric reflects on his marriage vows prioritizing family above all else (54:00).

Notable Quote:
Greg: “Nothing will come between you and your life, including your children.”

7. Social and Political Commentary (57:00 - 61:00)

The duo engages in a candid discussion about politics, expressing frustration with the current state of governance and the influence of corporations. They debate the roles of the president versus Congress, highlighting the systemic issues that plague the political landscape (61:00).

Notable Quote:
Eric: “The President is like the commissioner of a sports league. They take all the blame while corporations run the show.”

8. Stand-Up Anecdotes and Fastball Segment (61:00 - 65:00)

In the "Fastballs with Fitz" segment, Eric answers rapid-fire questions, sharing his closest encounter with a fistfight on stage and his thoughts on humor within tough environments. He recounts an intense moment at the Comedy Store where a heckler escalated into physical confrontation (58:00).

Notable Quote:
Eric: “I threw a chair back at him, and then I punched him in the face. It was crazy, but I finished the set to a standing ovation.”

9. Closing Remarks and Upcoming Shows (65:00 - End)

Greg wraps up the episode by promoting upcoming shows for both himself and Eric, providing dates and locations. He encourages listeners to support their performances and check out Eric's podcast. The episode concludes with final well-wishes and a humorous exchange about everyday mishaps (65:00).

Notable Quote:
Greg: “Get your tickets at EricGriffinWithAK.com and check out Griffin with Griffin.”

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

Greg on Travel Delays:
“We take off, we get to LaGuardia and we start circling because the airport is closed. So we're like Mary and Joseph in Bethlehem trying to have the Virgin child.” (06:30)
Eric on Medical Advocacy:
“When you have an elderly person in your life and you go, go with them to the doctor and be their advocate, fight for them.” (51:52)
Greg on Stand-Up Resilience:
“Standup comedy is like a warrior’s battle. You’ve been through tough gigs, but you emerge stronger.” (45:00)
Eric on Political Figures:
“The President is like the commissioner of a sports league. They take all the blame while corporations run the show.” (61:35)
Eric on Stage Fights:
“I threw a chair back at him, and then I punched him in the face. It was crazy, but I finished the set to a standing ovation.” (58:37)

Conclusion

Episode 1083 of Fitzdog Radio offers a blend of personal storytelling, professional insights, and candid discussions. Greg Fitzsimmons and Eric Griffin navigate through tales of travel chaos, the rigors of stand-up comedy, personal hardships, and societal observations, all while maintaining a tone of humor and camaraderie. This episode stands out as a testament to resilience, the importance of advocacy, and the unbreakable spirit of comedians.

Note: All timestamps reference the provided transcript segments and are approximate for context.

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Transcript679 lines

[00:00]
Eric Griffin
Foreign.
[00:09]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Welcome to Fitz Dog Radio. I'm your intrepid host, Greg Fitzsimmons. Traversing the map here in the United States of America. A lot of travel this week started out. I say too much. Stop it. I'm in New York City right now. I'm staying at the beautiful hotel in Midtown. I had a great couple days, started off rough, started rough, but we got here, I flew. I was in Janesville, Wisconsin, which is a town outside of Madison that is just, you know, it's just like a midwestern big town. Not a city, it's a, it's a big town. And the people were amazing. They brought, I talked about people donating clothes. I think last week they had a giant cardboard thing set up to collect clothes. And I said to them, this is so nice. This is clothes for the fire victims in la. I said, but looking at what you're wearing now, I don't think the people in Hollywood, California want to see, want to wear the stuff. You look down on, this stuff you're getting rid of. There's no chance that a corduroy sweater vest is going to get worn by, you know, Steven Spielberg. They don't, they don't want your overall. I mean, it's so sweet. It was so nice. And these crowds, I gotta tell you something, I work some very nice rooms. You know, the Denver comedy works and the punchline, it's like his historic, beautiful rooms. I'm working Levity live in Nyack, New York this weekend. It's 500 seats. It's state of the art. This place was like in a big building in the basement, small. And I gotta tell you, one of the best comedy experiences I've had in years. The most amazing crowds. I was killing as so much fun, but it was 90 minutes from Chicago. It's. And you know, it's. You're not in a city, you're in a town. And I'm, and I'm kind of a snob. So I go to this restaurant called the Tavern and I, and I was like, oh, I better order safe, because this is. We're in fucking Janesville, Wisconsin. I got a tuna, you know, like ahi tuna, sliced on some, on some, in a bowl, in a rice bowl. It was one of the most well prepared, well presented, delicious meals I've had in years. And here's the thing, you can move to small places now. It's not like the old days. Small towns have great chefs and they have nice state of the art breweries with 51 different beers on tap and they've got entertainment like Greg Fitzsimmons coming to your basement of your office building. Anyway, it was kind of inspiring. Shout out to the Tavern. So I fly out of there to LaGuardia. That. So I got to drive 90 minutes from Janesville to Chicago. I get to the airport and there's an hour and a half delay to get on the flight because there's snow. And there wasn't snow at LaGuardia when we were supposed to leave on time. But some flight attendant didn't show up. And so, you know, 150 people are now waiting because somebody was fucking hungover. We finally get on the plane, we get deiced and then we have to sit in the plane for another 90 minutes because LaGuardia may or may not be open. So finally we take off, we get to LaGuardia and we start circling because the airport is closed. So we're like, we're like Mary and Joseph in Bethlehem trying to have the Virgin child. And this pilot, I'm not making this up, did three laps of New York City and he flew about 20ft above the Empire State. This guy was strafing Manhattan. And I freaked out. I thought 911 was happening again. I swear to God, I thought this guy was going to go into a building. I'm like, why the fuck are you doing this? This is so triggering. I hate to use the word triggering, but I was triggered. I almost ran to the front of the plane like, you know, like, let's roll. It was almost a let's roll moment for me. Anyway, so we finally get. We circle, circle, circle. And then they finally go, after about 45 minutes, they go, we can't land, we have to go to Boston. So now we fly 45 minutes to Boston. We land, it's snowy, it's shitty. We get off the plane and it's like people scrambling to talk to an agent to try to get a hotel. It was like the fall of Saigon. There was people yelling, there was arguing, there was little kids screaming and crying. At this point it's like 9:00 at night. And I end up get. Finally getting a certificate to go to the Chelsea Residence Inn. Chelsea, you have to know, is maybe the shittiest neighborhood in Boston. And It's a good 25 minute drive. And I. And oh, and by the way, my phone had died on the plane and American has no plugs. There's no jacks for a fucking phone. So my phone is now dead. So I can't take an Uber to the hotel. I gotta wait outside in the Snow for a taxi, which there are none. So finally I get in one. We get to the hotel and I have not eaten since breakfast. And now they tell us that the restaurant's closed. Supposed to be open till 10, it's now 9:45. They're saying that there's no food and I can't do it. I can't go to bed without eating. So finally this one woman, who was a Spanish speaking woman, spoke to the cook and convinced him to make some food for us. So we got some not bad fish and chips. And the only thing that's saving me this whole time, I'm a huge Rams fan. The Rams are in the playoffs. And I've got YouTube TV on my phone. So I've got the. I've got the game taped. And I'm gonna sit in the room exhausted and frazzled and missing my three shows in New York at the Cellar that night.
[07:01]
Eric Griffin
And.
[07:01]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And I'm going to watch the Rams game. And then my brother texts me and he goes, he goes, I'm pulling for the Rams. This is such a bummer. And I was like, no, I mean, I get it. He and I go back and forth about football on the phone a lot, so I get it. He probably assumed us and they watched it live. But then I just watched the whole game. But I knew the whole time that we were going to lose. And they did, which was a double bummer that they lost. And then I. My room was so fucking hot, I put the air conditioning on, didn't sleep. Get to the airport. Flight is two hours delayed to get to New York. Get to New York. It's like one in the afternoon. Check into my hotel and then I go down. I did some shows last night, went to the stand, went on after the wor. I won't even say the worst comedian I've ever seen. The worst thing I've ever seen. And he's killing. He's killing in the hackiest, most awful way. Everything he says is. And this guy over here is thinking, blah, blah, blah. And what about this guy? Yeah, okay, guy, you got come on your face. And what about this guy's talking about this guy? Everything was this guy. Talk about you. You're the comedian on stage. Stop talking. So, I mean, look, doing a little bit of crowd work, I love artful crowd work weaved into material is elegant. But when you just agree. This guy had the gravelly voice and he was in their faces and the crowd laughs, they just, they're, you know, you appeal to the most bait base. But Then when I go on, now they fucking suck because I'm a little low key and whatever. So it just. It was a bummer. Did I do well? No, I pulled it out in the end by. What did I do? I did crowd work. That's the only thing they would laugh at at that point. Went to the Cellar, the Village Underground, and very excited about my set. And then Sam Morrell was on stage killing. So funny. Oh, shout out to Mark, by the way, who just had a baby. Mark Norman had his first kid this week. I was supposed to be. They might be. You might be drunk. But we had to let Mark be a father for a little while and. And then Judd Apatow and Jimmy Miller show up. Jimmy's like one of the biggest manager producers in Hollywood, so they show up and now I'm up there with a bunch of dick jokes and stuff about California fires and. And I want to do well. So I scrambled. I did okay. And then we all went out to dinner at the. What's that place called? The Marinette Marriott. It's play. It's a great Italian restaurant around the corner. And now I'm going to do Bobby Kelly's podcast today, so. And then I'm off for Levity live in Nyack, New York. I got my favorite coming out. I got about 40 people coming to see my show, so it's gonna be like a reception. I'm gonna have to host, like, a wedding reception after the show, and then I have another show after that. So it's a little overwhelmed. What am I complaining about? Life is good. Life is very good and I'm enjoying it. All right, let's get to it. My guest today. Oh, dates coming up, obviously. I just said Nyack, New York, this weekend. The 20. Whatever. 4th and 5th maybe. And then I will be 23rd and 24th. Then I'll be in Raleigh, North Carolina, the 25th and 26th. Milwaukee Improv, January 31st to February 2nd. Then I will be in Vegas, Fontana, California. Atlanta, Hollywood for the Improv for the St. Patrick's Day Show, March 15th. That always sells out. Get the tickets soon. Ontario, Toronto, Pittsburgh. Go to fitzdog.com get some tickets. Tampa also coming up. La Jolla. All right. My guest is. Is great. He is one of my favorite people. He's a regular at the Comedy Store. He just direct. He's starting to direct big specials. That's his new thing, which is pretty cool. He's got a podcast called Riffin with Griffin, and he's a delight. Just had a baby. Here's my chat. Oh, and if it seems like we're behind the news, we did this conversation about a week ago. So as far as the fires, the progress of the fires or whatever, keep that in mind. Okay. Here's the great Eric Griffin. My guest is Eric Griffin with a K. Eric. You can hear it when you say it. Eric.
[12:20]
Eric Griffin
It just depends on where you're from, too. Like, if you're from Texas, my name is Eric. If you're from the east coast, my name is Eric. So.
[12:29]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And if you were Scandinavian, there'd be an H at the end, right? Eric.
[12:33]
Eric Griffin
Eric, yeah.
[12:35]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Eric and Griffin.
[12:37]
Eric Griffin
Like a Viking.
[12:38]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Griffin is an Irish name. You have some Irish in you?
[12:43]
Eric Griffin
No, I could. Who knows? I got to do that. I have to finally.
[12:46]
Greg Fitzsimmons
You don't know.
[12:47]
Eric Griffin
I have to do that thing because.
[12:48]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Your dad wasn't part of your life, right?
[12:50]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[12:51]
Greg Fitzsimmons
So I don't know, like, from day one.
[12:52]
Eric Griffin
Day one.
[12:53]
Greg Fitzsimmons
So you don't know your ethnicity?
[12:55]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, could be anything.
[12:59]
Greg Fitzsimmons
That's. That's kind of cool because, like.
[13:01]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, because people want to know what you are so they can know how to hate you. No.
[13:04]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Well, that's what I was gonna say is, like, you can go to any neighborhood or hang out with any group of people, and you'll know if they don't like you. It's you.
[13:18]
Eric Griffin
Oh, my God, you're such a dickhead. Can you find a fatter angle of me, please?
[13:27]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Oh, it's the angle. That's what's doing. Yeah, we set up the camera. Oh, my God. I heard a rumor that you are getting a colonoscopy.
[13:40]
Eric Griffin
Rumor? Yeah, I just told you that.
[13:42]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Like, the Byron Allen Show.
[13:44]
Eric Griffin
Oh, please don't do that.
[13:47]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Where you know what the bid is, and then you just set the guy up. Did you do the.
[13:51]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, yeah. He would be like. So I hear you hate your grandma, you know, and then you have to be like, you know, when grandmas be, you know, grandmas be crazy.
[14:01]
Greg Fitzsimmons
When I was on the road, I was obsessed with watching the Byron Allen show.
[14:05]
Eric Griffin
What was it called? Comics something.
[14:07]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Comics Unleashed.
[14:08]
Eric Griffin
Comics Unleashed.
[14:09]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And then. And then he did, like, other ones. He did. He always had this thing where he owned that hour in syndication. So I don't know if you know how syndication works.
[14:21]
Eric Griffin
Yes, yes.
[14:21]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Basically, they rather. Rather than a network just having a show on NBC and all the NBC affiliates play it. Syndication means you got to go to St. Louis and sell the show there. Then you got to go to Dallas and sell the show there.
[14:34]
Eric Griffin
And he did it.
[14:35]
Greg Fitzsimmons
He went to Every state sold it everywhere. But then if a show crapped out, he had another one in the pipeline. He put it right in and they would all just buy the new show. That's how the guy. He's a billionaire, dude.
[14:47]
Eric Griffin
Yeah. Yeah. But then, remember there was like a big lawsuit. We actually ended up getting money.
[14:52]
Greg Fitzsimmons
He sued McDonald's for something about the way they market it in the inner city.
[14:58]
Eric Griffin
Oh, God. Really?
[15:00]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. It was a class action lawsuit against McDonald's. And he won.
[15:05]
Eric Griffin
Good old Byron. Shout out to Byron Allen.
[15:08]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yep.
[15:09]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, but I'm getting a colonoscopy on Friday.
[15:12]
Greg Fitzsimmons
This is your first one.
[15:13]
Eric Griffin
Yeah.
[15:14]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Dude, I heard the drugs. I did one and I remember coming out of it, I felt good. Some people feel really high for a while when they come out of it. Oh, that's the good part.
[15:25]
Eric Griffin
Well, I mean. God, I gotta go pick up the stuff.
[15:28]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Oh, yeah, yeah. You know, I heard you don't need to do that as much anymore.
[15:32]
Eric Griffin
You still have to do. You got to be cleared out.
[15:34]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[15:35]
Eric Griffin
What do you mean you got to be cleared out or. They can't. They're. It's gonna. The camera's not gonna see anything.
[15:41]
Greg Fitzsimmons
There'll be shit on the lens. Yeah.
[15:43]
Eric Griffin
You don't want that. Like a bad gay porno shoot.
[15:51]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. You know, there's like colonoscopy porn. Yeah, for sure.
[15:57]
Eric Griffin
It's just a camera that just goes.
[15:59]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[15:59]
Eric Griffin
Just right into some dookie.
[16:01]
Greg Fitzsimmons
The camera goes down there, it finds like a guy's class ring.
[16:04]
Eric Griffin
Yeah.
[16:05]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Condoms.
[16:06]
Eric Griffin
Yeah. I don't wanna. Yeah. And then it's like, you know. You know, every time a comic, they get. It's like when a comic has a baby, they have that. The same baby material. And the comics go get a colonoscopy and they have like, put a finger in my. You know, it's all that. I'm just.
[16:21]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I don't give a shit. I'll talk about anything. I don't care if it.
[16:24]
Eric Griffin
Whatever your own perspective is. Right.
[16:25]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yes. It's a new take on it. I used to do a joke about the proctology exam. I don't give a shit. It happened to me. I had an interesting take on it, which is after he put his finger on mass. I was sad for like two days and I didn't know why. And that's a very interesting take because I think some people kind of relate to that. And some people.
[16:46]
Eric Griffin
It just meant. Your father was right. You're a big. I'm not even gonna say not big. Little.
[16:53]
Greg Fitzsimmons
That's all it Is imagine a big one. I'd be sad for a month.
[16:58]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, you can't have a fat finger doctor.
[17:02]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I think when you're meeting new doctors, you're just checking out his hands.
[17:05]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, yeah. It's like you want like Brad Williams to be the.
[17:12]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. You want some anorexic woman.
[17:15]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[17:17]
Greg Fitzsimmons
But anyways, so you're checking out your, your ass. You're how old now?
[17:22]
Eric Griffin
52.
[17:23]
Greg Fitzsimmons
52? Yeah, I'm 58.
[17:26]
Eric Griffin
Oof.
[17:27]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[17:27]
Eric Griffin
Oh, man, I'm.
[17:29]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I'm at the age where I recently went online and I checked my Social Security payout to see what I'm gonna get when I retire.
[17:34]
Eric Griffin
Oh, good for you.
[17:35]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I'm like, well, I have like a stock guy and he's like, we got to do your financial plan for retirement. I was like, retire?
[17:41]
Eric Griffin
I said, I'm still going strong.
[17:42]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then when he said, said it, I started thinking I'd be kind of not. I've been going hard since I was in college. I started doing this when I was in college. I've never let up off the game other than the pandemic. I have never not worked. Every single week.
[17:58]
Eric Griffin
I get it.
[17:58]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And I'm like, I don't know, maybe it's 63, five years from now.
[18:04]
Eric Griffin
Well, for me, like now I have.
[18:06]
Greg Fitzsimmons
To keep going you up.
[18:08]
Eric Griffin
I did. Yeah, I did. I regret. I don't, I don't, I don't. I regret.
[18:12]
Greg Fitzsimmons
You have a nine month old.
[18:13]
Eric Griffin
We should say 11 month old. You know, it's still, it's still like, what are we talking about? You know? And then I just bought a house that I'll have to pay for till I'm 80.
[18:22]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Dude, do you have fire insurance?
[18:25]
Eric Griffin
You have to have.
[18:26]
Greg Fitzsimmons
They can't. No, they canceled mine four months ago.
[18:28]
Eric Griffin
I know, but you have to have it on a new house.
[18:30]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Oh, right, right, right.
[18:32]
Eric Griffin
They canceled yours. Did you, what, did you get a different one?
[18:34]
Greg Fitzsimmons
A lot of people in California, but.
[18:35]
Eric Griffin
Did you get another one?
[18:37]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Well, the, the, the mortgage company got us a fire policy, but it doesn't cover anything flooding. Like somebody having an accident on the property and suing you. Oh, God, none of that stuff.
[18:49]
Eric Griffin
But just the fire stuff.
[18:50]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Just fire. Which I'm in Venice. I'm not going to catch on fire.
[18:54]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, that's what the people in the Palisades thought too. When you look at that map of the fires, there's nothing in you if you live in the Palisades.
[19:02]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[19:03]
Eric Griffin
And you have a 3,4 million dollar plus plus house. And you're living in a neighborhood full of houses. There's nothing in you that thinks that if a house, even if a house across the street catches on fire, you're thinking, well, they're going to come take care of this. Yeah, there's no, no, there's no thought process that the, A fire the size of this destruction, the size of Manhattan, what's going to happen?
[19:24]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right?
[19:24]
Eric Griffin
I mean, come on, man.
[19:25]
Greg Fitzsimmons
That's like the embers. It's the flying em.
[19:28]
Eric Griffin
Well, that's what I'm saying.
[19:29]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I originally thought it was just trees and shrubs, which we don't have in Venice. I mean, we have very few if some palm trees and succulents we don't even have. That burns.
[19:40]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, I'm in Santa Clarita. So it's like this whole thing.
[19:42]
Greg Fitzsimmons
You're in Santa Clarita?
[19:43]
Eric Griffin
Yeah.
[19:44]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Where the is that?
[19:44]
Eric Griffin
Santa Clarita is like Valencia, like going towards Magic Mountain.
[19:48]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Oh, yes.
[19:49]
Eric Griffin
This is a big deal that I came here for you, but you, I.
[19:51]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Thought you were already in town.
[19:52]
Eric Griffin
It doesn't matter. I still, you know, you always try to get extra credit.
[20:01]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Is that why you didn't call it come when I asked you to do it a month ago?
[20:04]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, I, I know because I. We had a doctor's appointment and it was like I would have had to have gone back and forth and you.
[20:10]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Know, you're one of my favorite people and I'm so excited that you're here to do.
[20:13]
Eric Griffin
Yeah. And I, I would always love to do it, but it's just like, you know, now I moved out there. I mean, I am. I wanted to get a house, man. You get more for your money out there.
[20:20]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Vista before.
[20:20]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But we had like a dude. All that area now is going to be flooded with people.
[20:27]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Oh, yeah.
[20:28]
Eric Griffin
Because all the people in Palisades while they rebuilding, if they rebuild, they're going to move to Culver City, Santa Monica. All those apartments and condos are going to be jam packed.
[20:37]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Well, dude, my, my friend's a realtor and he said that every place that he had for rent, the owners call them and said, jack it up. That's put it up 20%.
[20:47]
Eric Griffin
That sucks.
[20:47]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[20:48]
Eric Griffin
Pieces of shit out there, man.
[20:50]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I mean, it's just like I look at that devastation and you know, I talked to a guy, my gardener. Gardener? Is that what you say? Or landscaper?
[20:59]
Eric Griffin
Yeah. I don't know. Is that, is that racist to say no?
[21:01]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I just don't know. It's like everything is that like midget.
[21:04]
Eric Griffin
You can't say. We don't say the G word.
[21:07]
Greg Fitzsimmons
That's actually weird because he is a little person, which. Which helps because he can really get in there and weed, you know, but.
[21:14]
Eric Griffin
The palm tree doesn't hurt his back. He just can pick. He just. He's just. He's just walking around like this. Oh, we're terrible.
[21:23]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. So anyway, he. He. He said 90 of his business is in the Palisades.
[21:29]
Eric Griffin
Oh.
[21:29]
Greg Fitzsimmons
So he's.
[21:31]
Eric Griffin
That's right. You don't even think about that.
[21:32]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right.
[21:33]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, it's like.
[21:33]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Because it's not like he can suddenly, like, what's he gonna start poaching?
[21:37]
Eric Griffin
Yeah.
[21:37]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Other people's properties. Everybody's got their landscape.
[21:40]
Eric Griffin
That's terrible.
[21:41]
Greg Fitzsimmons
You know, And. And he's not doc. He's undocumented, so he can't, like, go get financial aid or anything like that. So. And the other thing is, I just put three gates on my. Yeah, I saw that earlier.
[21:55]
Eric Griffin
Yeah.
[21:56]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Was that mustard or egg?
[21:57]
Eric Griffin
I have no idea. This is crazy. Just like, fat guy stuff.
[22:00]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. That's the thing. When you get to a certain weight, you don't even know what to stand.
[22:03]
Eric Griffin
Yeah. Or just ate. Like, dude, I went and got some pancakes. You go to Dupars? Yeah, so I actually went to Dupars before I had time.
[22:14]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Really?
[22:14]
Eric Griffin
I hadn't eaten today. And I was like, you know, I get some pancakes. But the thing is, they give you too many pancakes.
[22:18]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, they give you way too many pancakes.
[22:20]
Eric Griffin
So I said, I just want two pancakes. The guy goes, well, you know, we're still going to charge you for three. You know.
[22:31]
Greg Fitzsimmons
You'Re looking for that one third discount on your.
[22:34]
Eric Griffin
No, but. No, but I wasn't. You know what? Honestly, I don't even care about that.
[22:39]
Greg Fitzsimmons
You just don't want access to three.
[22:41]
Eric Griffin
Yes.
[22:41]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right.
[22:41]
Eric Griffin
I said, just, can you. Like, I said, okay. I hate when you go to a restaurant and maybe you say, maybe it's like steak and potatoes. And maybe you say like, ah, can I get broccoli? They go, we don't do substitutions. And I'm always like, do you sell broccoli? Yeah, do you sell broccoli?
[22:56]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right.
[22:56]
Eric Griffin
You know, they're like, oh, yeah, it's a side dish. Don't put the potato on my plate.
[23:01]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right.
[23:01]
Eric Griffin
And put the broccoli on my plate.
[23:03]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right.
[23:03]
Eric Griffin
But it's all about the cost. They go, well, we have to charge you.
[23:06]
Greg Fitzsimmons
No. And then. And then you walk in and you.
[23:08]
Eric Griffin
Freaking charge me, asshole.
[23:09]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Can I get waffles? And a sunny side up Breakfast ended at 11. Well, it's 11:45. Did you throw the eggs out?
[23:17]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, yeah. There's no eggs back there. They just take care. It's just. They give you too many pancakes and it's like sometimes I just get. Can I just get one pancake? They'll still say that. Well, we still going to charge you for like, I don't need the Lizzo portion size of pancakes.
[23:32]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Say the obvious thing.
[23:33]
Eric Griffin
Yeah.
[23:34]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Can I address the elephant in the living room or the elephant in the studio?
[23:37]
Eric Griffin
Wow.
[23:38]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Why are you eating pancakes? You just said you're worried about your weight.
[23:41]
Eric Griffin
No, no, I know, but occ. Originally, you know, I don't live down here anymore, so I saw Dupars and I was like, oh, I love their paper.
[23:48]
Greg Fitzsimmons
So what's your standard breakfast when you wake up?
[23:51]
Eric Griffin
Sometimes I just have like a. I'll make a smoothie or, or I'll make like, just. I'll make like eggs. So I'll give the kid an egg.
[23:59]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[23:59]
Eric Griffin
My wife wants two eggs and I'll have one egg and then that's it.
[24:02]
Greg Fitzsimmons
That's good.
[24:02]
Eric Griffin
Yeah. Yeah. So I don't, I'm not, I'm not over. I'm not overdoing it because it's.
[24:06]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I, it seems to me, and obviously weight for me has been the opposite. I was always so skinny that I was embarrassed. Like, I never wore shorts. I always felt like anybody could kick my ass. I was like skinny. But it seems to me that for putting, taking weight off, it's about habits, right? You wake up and you know you're gonna have a smoothie, you're gonna have an egg.
[24:27]
Eric Griffin
It's still hard, man. You get to a certain age, your metabolism slows down, right? And you got to look up all this stuff about what you're supposed to eat when you're supposed to eat it. Like fats versus carbohydrates.
[24:38]
Greg Fitzsimmons
It's like it's always changing.
[24:39]
Eric Griffin
It' I don't. It's like, God damn it.
[24:42]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[24:43]
Eric Griffin
And then I was. So before we moved, I had gotten a trainer on the west side and I loved it. I was weightlifting and the weight was coming off and then we had this big move.
[24:53]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Now I remember that.
[24:54]
Eric Griffin
And now I'm out here trying to like, look for another person. And that time you gain, gain weight back. It's so frustrating, right?
[25:02]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Are you a late night snacker?
[25:04]
Eric Griffin
You know, when you're a comic, man, you coming home to the show or like, you know, but now it's like it's actually better now because I have to do this long drive at night, you know?
[25:12]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[25:13]
Eric Griffin
It's 40 minutes every time.
[25:14]
Greg Fitzsimmons
No, it's not.
[25:15]
Eric Griffin
Yeah.
[25:15]
Greg Fitzsimmons
From Hollywood.
[25:16]
Eric Griffin
Yeah.
[25:16]
Greg Fitzsimmons
No shit.
[25:17]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, it's about 40 minutes, but that's fine. Dude. Like if I had an 8:00 show.
[25:21]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[25:22]
Eric Griffin
In Hollywood, from Culver City.
[25:23]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[25:24]
Eric Griffin
That'd be 25, 30 minutes to get from there. So it's just 10 more minutes. Like it's that far.
[25:28]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right.
[25:28]
Eric Griffin
You just get more for your money. We got a five bedroom house.
[25:31]
Greg Fitzsimmons
No shit.
[25:32]
Eric Griffin
Yeah.
[25:32]
Greg Fitzsimmons
You got a yard?
[25:33]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, with a yard.
[25:35]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Dude, that's pretty sweet.
[25:36]
Eric Griffin
And then it's like if you took my house and put it in like Mar Vista, it'd be $9 million.
[25:42]
Greg Fitzsimmons
So what are you going to do with all the bedroom? You're gonna have another baby?
[25:45]
Eric Griffin
Yes, we want, we want to have, do another one. So we gotta do it right away before I'm too old, right? Yeah, but it is what it is. I'm gonna make a podcast studio for myself.
[25:52]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[25:52]
Eric Griffin
You know, do it right. And then, you know, we got. It's gonna be fine.
[25:57]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[25:57]
Eric Griffin
I mean, I've always wanted to. I never lived in a house before, so here I am.
[26:01]
Greg Fitzsimmons
When you grew up, did you live in a house?
[26:02]
Eric Griffin
No.
[26:02]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Live in an apartment?
[26:03]
Eric Griffin
Yeah. I've been in the apartment living my whole life.
[26:06]
Greg Fitzsimmons
It's your first house.
[26:07]
Eric Griffin
Yeah.
[26:08]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Wow.
[26:08]
Eric Griffin
I know. I saved so much money on my career.
[26:11]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[26:11]
Eric Griffin
Because you know you, when you're a comic, you never think you're going to work again. I don't care what job it is, I don't care how great it is.
[26:17]
Greg Fitzsimmons
You've always saved.
[26:18]
Eric Griffin
Yeah. And you always hear horror stories, you know, And I was like, I'm gonna save, then wake up. And then I have like this money in the bank. But then. And then my wife had some inheritance money which was like the down payment she inherit from her grandfather and grandfather. Yeah.
[26:33]
Greg Fitzsimmons
So how many grandkids were there?
[26:34]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, a lot. But it doesn't matter. It was enough money. Listen, man, most people can like, I think that most people can afford the payments on a house. I think like, you know, well, it's.
[26:47]
Greg Fitzsimmons
The same as rent usually, right.
[26:49]
Eric Griffin
Even less. But what they can afford is this like who got. If, let's say you're going to buy a million dollar place.
[26:55]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[26:55]
Eric Griffin
Who got $200,000 laying around? If you're an average person, right. You don't got $200,000. Just oh, let me get $200,000. Like it just that's the hard part. Yeah, but you can afford those payments.
[27:06]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[27:07]
Eric Griffin
So it's like the fact that like, I didn't have to touch any of my money for the down payment.
[27:11]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Well, the thing is when I, but when I. Hello. When I bought my house 25 years ago.
[27:16]
Eric Griffin
Oh God. You got it for pennies on the dollar.
[27:18]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And also down payments were only 5%.
[27:20]
Eric Griffin
Yeah.
[27:20]
Greg Fitzsimmons
So it was a cheaper house, it was less of a down payment. But nowadays I, you know, I see people, young people that are successful as shit. You know, my agent just bought a house. He's the vice president of comedy at the Gersh Agency.
[27:35]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, but, but people all want to live beyond their means too.
[27:38]
Greg Fitzsimmons
That's true.
[27:38]
Eric Griffin
That's the thing too. They want to live in a, like in la, it's about location. So like, like, you know, you're gonna, you know, a million dollars, a million dollar place in LA going towards the west side is a dump.
[27:54]
Greg Fitzsimmons
It's a condo, it's.
[27:55]
Eric Griffin
Yeah. And not a good.
[27:57]
Greg Fitzsimmons
You cannot get a house. You can't get a house on the west side.
[28:00]
Eric Griffin
Yeah. So, so if you're, that might be like. Oh, yeah, but that means you're going to have to put. So you're talking about, you know, they want to get like 2, 2 million, 3 million dollar house.
[28:09]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[28:10]
Eric Griffin
That's almost a 600, 000 down payment.
[28:12]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And then you've got to pay taxes on that every year. And then, and then even the taxes, the roof leaks. You need a new roof all of a sudden that's.
[28:20]
Eric Griffin
Well, we're, we're in a new build, so at least I have a year of the WARranty and then 10 years, you know, I mean, that's the thing about these, like, you know, I don't know, man. Think of all the, Think of all the, like, the one, the, like you say, the insurance gets taken away from people like, you know, think of all those people that probably decided, I don't think I need to get this insurance. I think we'll be fine right now.
[28:43]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right? Sure.
[28:44]
Eric Griffin
A lot of people made that choice.
[28:46]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I know.
[28:46]
Eric Griffin
And now these like Blackstone companies are going to come in and be like, yeah, I know your Property is worth $25 million, but, oh no, they're already. We're going to give you six.
[28:57]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Private equity is already lined up, ready properties.
[28:59]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, well, can we get this for six fires? And then what are you going to do? Yeah, you know what I mean? Where you going to rebuild? You know, it's like you're going to.
[29:06]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Be like, all right, well, the thing is, when you get money for the. From the insurance, they don't pay. You say your house is worth $2 million. They're not giving you $2 million. They're giving you the cost to rebuild the house. So if maybe 400,000.
[29:20]
Eric Griffin
Yeah.
[29:21]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And so your property is most of the equity of your, you know, your. Your home. Yes, the land.
[29:27]
Eric Griffin
It's crazy.
[29:28]
Greg Fitzsimmons
So anyway, I. I feel bad for people. I've been donating money to people like, there's a lot of good gofundmes out there. I'm gonna list one in the intro for the show. There's a guy who's a football coach in Altadena and he's been there, his family was there for generations. He lives there with his daughter and his wife. He's a guy that's helped everybody in his community for 40 years coaching, reaching out. Lost his house, burned to the ground.
[29:59]
Eric Griffin
So I'm gonna put, especially in that neighborhood too. People like, you know, you know, in that neighborhood, you know, there's like a distrust for insurance companies and the government and immediate, you know, media. It's like, so you just kind of like people got money in their mattresses and like, you know, no insurance policies and shit like that, so. Yeah, but you know, you know what sucks too, man, is like, did you see that story about the guy dressed as a fireman robbing people's houses?
[30:24]
Greg Fitzsimmons
No.
[30:25]
Eric Griffin
They should burn people like that alive.
[30:27]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Really? Was it the guy from the Village People? No, cuz he's probably having hard times.
[30:33]
Eric Griffin
Oh yeah.
[30:33]
Greg Fitzsimmons
That guy needs money.
[30:34]
Eric Griffin
He was sucking people off too, at the same time. Is that what.
[30:40]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Then the construction worker comes in next month to fix the place up.
[30:44]
Eric Griffin
He's still robbing him. It's like, oh, man. Finless people having a tough time, so.
[30:49]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Oh my God. So who's your best friend that's gay?
[30:54]
Eric Griffin
My buddy. My buddy Cody.
[30:55]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Cody. That's a game.
[30:57]
Eric Griffin
He's super gay.
[30:58]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. How long have you known him all?
[31:00]
Eric Griffin
Forever now.
[31:01]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Really?
[31:01]
Eric Griffin
A long time.
[31:03]
Greg Fitzsimmons
What does he do for work?
[31:04]
Eric Griffin
He works at a drug treatment center.
[31:06]
Greg Fitzsimmons
No shit?
[31:07]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, yeah.
[31:08]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Good man.
[31:09]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, he's good. Good. He's a good dude. Very, very, very good dude. He's like a bro. I always tell him people, he's my brother.
[31:16]
Greg Fitzsimmons
How'd you guys meet?
[31:18]
Eric Griffin
I don't even remember now.
[31:19]
Greg Fitzsimmons
That's weird.
[31:20]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, it was like. So I wanted him to be in. Oh, I remember I was looking for somebody to be in a video. I was doing a comedy video.
[31:29]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[31:29]
Eric Griffin
And I needed like a, like a little, little gay boy to like.
[31:39]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Was that the name in the credit?
[31:40]
Eric Griffin
It was a. It was, yeah. It was perfect for the, for the thing. It was this video. I did it with Justin Martindale too. It was a funny video.
[31:47]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Who's kinda gay also, right?
[31:50]
Eric Griffin
You think he's in the dictionary undergay?
[31:56]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Is Cody in a couple or has he been in a couple over the years?
[32:00]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, he's. He's kind of. He's a little bit of a. Yeah, they all are. Yeah, he's like, he's in and out of stuff.
[32:07]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Dude, my. My friend is 64, 65.
[32:19]
Eric Griffin
Still out there doing it.
[32:21]
Greg Fitzsimmons
You know what? Young guys love it. There's like a dad. You know how there's like. You're a bear, obviously, but like there's a daddy thing too.
[32:29]
Eric Griffin
You're like a former twink. I think I'm a former twink.
[32:32]
Greg Fitzsimmons
You're a big former. I can still twink it.
[32:35]
Eric Griffin
Are you kidding me?
[32:37]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I'm a twink, Daddy.
[32:39]
Eric Griffin
You're like a twink that's been pickled. You've been freeze dried.
[32:49]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I'm a twunk.
[32:50]
Eric Griffin
Yeah. I was in New York and I was hanging out. Excuse me. Cut.
[32:57]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Is that from the fires?
[32:58]
Eric Griffin
No, no, no. I was like. A couple weeks ago I went to Alaska.
[33:03]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Oh, did you do that gig?
[33:04]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, I went to Alaska. Yeah. No, no, no, it was, it was in Anchorage.
[33:08]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Oh, it's a different one.
[33:09]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, good club. But I just got like. Yeah, it was crazy. But I was in New York and I was hanging out with Gerard Carmichael. Yeah, he's a good buddy of mine and we're sitting. Have you seen his show on. On HBO?
[33:22]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Haven't yet, no.
[33:22]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, he just base. Basically spent $3 million to come out of the closet. But anyway, it's.
[33:28]
Greg Fitzsimmons
It's like a reality follow around.
[33:29]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? But it's like, you know, only he would do it that way. You know what I mean? Most of us just say, hey, I'm gay. He's got to do it in a show, you know? But anyways, we're sitting in a deli and this like quintessential New York gay guy walks up to us. He's like 60, whatever. He's like, oh my God, Jarrod Colmichael, you know, and he's like, I love your show. You know, and it was just so. I was so. It was fascinating, the interaction, because he was like, that's my husband over there in the terrible shirt. You Know, Jeremy, say hi. You know, it's like that.
[34:04]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Let me tell you, man, being a gay icon is good.
[34:08]
Eric Griffin
Yeah.
[34:09]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Ticket sales. You look at people like Kathy Griffin or Margaret Cho, like the. The ones that gay people love, like, they kill it. They've always got an audience built in. I mean, not that that's going to be his whole audience because he's a really good stand up anyway. He's going to have the black audience, he's going to have the gay audience. He's going to have the, you know. What else did he do? What was his. Well, he did the Golden Globes, right?
[34:35]
Eric Griffin
Yeah. Disaster.
[34:37]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Wasn't good.
[34:38]
Eric Griffin
He just was like. So only, like, he sat down on the steps at one point, hit him up. I was like, only you would do that shit.
[34:45]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, that was crazy.
[34:46]
Eric Griffin
Well, he's sitting down on the thing. I thought Nikki did a great job this year.
[34:49]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Nikki killed it.
[34:50]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, it was so good.
[34:51]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. My friend Mike Gibbons wrote for her.
[34:53]
Eric Griffin
Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, it was good. I hit her up before and after. I was like, just be you. You know, she was at the Comedy Store one day, right. Working it out, and she was like, hey, if you have any tags, you know, And I was like, no, you're gonna be. You're doing this is it like nine writers. I know, but. But you know what? Because she. Because they were so like, if you're Nikki, you're. You're the next comic. And then all the flat that poor Joe Coy got.
[35:15]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[35:16]
Eric Griffin
From the year before, you know, you. You don't want to be. You don't want to be worse than that or perceived to be worse than that. And so you want to kill it. So, like, good for her for doing the work.
[35:27]
Greg Fitzsimmons
She always does the work.
[35:28]
Eric Griffin
She does the work.
[35:29]
Greg Fitzsimmons
She always kills on the roast. She. She goes out. I remember seeing her before a roast. It was at the Laugh Factory, and the roast was like five weeks away, six weeks away. And she showed up in sweatpants with a. With tissues. She had the flu. Not the cold. She had the flu. And she was up there with her paper trying out, not take a night off.
[35:51]
Eric Griffin
I thought it was great. I thought it was like. It wasn't too mean. It was like right amount, like, funny. And then in her delivery, she looked great. It was just like. It was perfect. You know what I mean? Good.
[36:03]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Doesn't she?
[36:04]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, she looks great.
[36:05]
Greg Fitzsimmons
That I didn't recognize her. She went through a transformation where she started wearing the tan, the spray tan, which she admits. I'm not putting her out of school. She changed her hair, started dressing better, and all of a sudden, it's like. I always thought she was attractive, but she's. She's kind of hot now.
[36:21]
Eric Griffin
I got to tell you something right now. There's a shadow from your hat on your head.
[36:26]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[36:26]
Eric Griffin
That makes it look like you look like a little German boy. You know what I mean? It was like, with one of those, like, weird. He makes you look like. It's like, oh, wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but anyways, yeah, she looked good. And I'm trying to put it out there, you know, I directed Matt Rife's last two Netflix specials and about to do another one, and then Nikki hit me up because she saw his last one. She was like, I love what you did. And I was like, let me do yours, you know, So I got it. I got to put that out in the universe, you know? I want to do that. That's what I want to get into.
[37:02]
Greg Fitzsimmons
That's amazing. It's a good. It's a good racket. And the thing is, is, like, you do. I did a couple. And the thing is, I didn't charge much money. I was like, let me learn how to do it. Let me get credits, and then you can become a guy who, like, you can make some real money. You become a guy who's good at it.
[37:18]
Eric Griffin
But I like doing it. And also, I'm a comic. You know what I mean?
[37:20]
Greg Fitzsimmons
So you can give them tagline.
[37:22]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, I can help out. You know what I'm saying? So it's, like, good, you know, I'm. I love. I love get. I want to get into that more, you know, I was just at a. I was at a commercial audition, you know. Yeah. And the producer is out here talking to me, and I told him, too. I was like, yeah, I want to do this too, man. How do I want to get into directing?
[37:37]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[37:37]
Eric Griffin
No, because the first thing he said to me was. He was like, the directors are in there. He said, you know, they're younger than I would like, you know? And I was like, oh, like, fresh out of film school, you know what I mean? And it was. It looked just like that. You know what I mean? And it was like. It was like a duo. I shouldn't even be talking about this.
[37:53]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Well, I don't think it went well anyway, because we had an 1130.
[37:57]
Eric Griffin
No, it did go well.
[37:58]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And then you were like, all right, I'm done.
[38:00]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, callbacks are quick, man.
[38:01]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[38:01]
Eric Griffin
You go and you do what they ask, and you get out of there.
[38:03]
Greg Fitzsimmons
What's the product?
[38:04]
Eric Griffin
I don't even. You know what? I don't know, actually. I signed an NDA, so I can't even say.
[38:08]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Do you ever get offered an audition for a product and you go, I don't want to endorse that product?
[38:16]
Eric Griffin
No, I've never. What are you talking about? My podcast studio that I. I do my podcast. Riffing with Griffin. By the way, where's my camera? Riffing with Griffin. Come check me. I gotta get you on. You gotta come out to Santa Clarita.
[38:28]
Greg Fitzsimmons
We can shoot it here.
[38:30]
Eric Griffin
We could. I don't mind.
[38:31]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Let's do it right after this.
[38:32]
Eric Griffin
Yeah. Riffing with Griffin. You know, they're always hitting me up like, erica, this. This thing wants to sponsor. And I go. I keep telling them, yeah, yeah, yeah, like, what are we talking about? Like, I'm not gonna, you know, unless it's like, you know, give money to the. You know, the. The Swastika foundation or something. Like, you know, they're not even gonna want me there. And, you know, whatever it is, who cares?
[38:52]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Well, I. I've done erectile dysfunction. I've done stool problems.
[38:57]
Eric Griffin
Yeah.
[38:57]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I've done dating apps, even though I'm married. The one thing I stopped doing was there's a product called Cranum. You ever heard of Cranium?
[39:06]
Eric Griffin
Right.
[39:07]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And it's basically. And they gave me a sample of it. I took it, and I got high out of my mind. And then I looked it up online, and there was all these testimonials about, like, my brother tried to get off it and he committed suicide. It's like, it's. It's. It's an opiate. Basically.
[39:23]
Eric Griffin
Anything is possible at this point. Like, I don't trust or believe. You don't want to trust or believe anything that, you know, I always tell people that my baseline for this kind of stuff is the actual OxyContin.
[39:37]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[39:38]
Eric Griffin
So the fact that that happened.
[39:39]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right.
[39:40]
Eric Griffin
Okay. So that actually happened. Doctors were selling it.
[39:43]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[39:43]
Eric Griffin
Doctors were prescribing it. They knew it was a drug.
[39:47]
Greg Fitzsimmons
They were refilling it.
[39:48]
Eric Griffin
They were refilling it for years. It destroyed millions of lives.
[39:52]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right.
[39:53]
Eric Griffin
That actually happened. If that happened, then anything's possible.
[39:57]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[39:57]
Eric Griffin
So when you hear, like, RFK talking about the WI fi. Yeah, man, that could be a thing.
[40:02]
Greg Fitzsimmons
What do you say about the way.
[40:03]
Eric Griffin
Oh, he's like, you know, that it's causing brain damage and all this kind of stuff, and people go, oh, this guy's a kook. Do you know that if you look on your Phone that they have a warning on your phone.
[40:13]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[40:13]
Eric Griffin
No one knows about it because no one sees it or even cares. But you go to the like, you go to like your, you go to your settings, man. You go to like about this phone, you know, you go to general. You go to about.
[40:27]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Do not put phone next to head.
[40:28]
Eric Griffin
You know what I mean?
[40:29]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And you go, they do not put next to balls.
[40:31]
Eric Griffin
They have all kinds of like warnings on the phone, dude. So anyways, my point is when I hear like. I know what you mean. You have a product like. So you go, how did they sell that product? Yeah, because anything's possible.
[40:43]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. You know who's the worst feature act you've ever had on the road?
[40:48]
Eric Griffin
That's tough. Come on, man.
[40:49]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Is there ever one like they set you up with a feature?
[40:52]
Eric Griffin
Oh, yeah, yeah. Those little low.
[40:54]
Greg Fitzsimmons
That's what I mean.
[40:54]
Eric Griffin
I remember one. I don't remember the kid's name, but I was in. I was in Canada doing the House of Comedy, you know, and this guy goes up, he bombs, you know, and then I was like, what was that dude after the show? So what were you doing? He was like, look, I'm in my bat. He goes, you know what? Next show you're not going up if I don't do well. So when he called, when he gets off the stage and the host goes up, he's coming over to me. I say, so am I not going.
[41:28]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Up because he bombed. Yeah.
[41:33]
Eric Griffin
Should I go home? What we doing?
[41:36]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Wait, why would you not go up if he bombed?
[41:39]
Eric Griffin
He was just trying to be like.
[41:40]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Oh, yeah, you know, you brag like.
[41:41]
Eric Griffin
I'm going to do well this time. Yeah, there's a lot of crap guys that are, you know, those local guys.
[41:47]
Greg Fitzsimmons
That club is it Edmonton that it's in, it's a, it's a route. It's oil. It's oil men. Yeah, they come in out of the oil fields. They've been out there for a month straight. They come in and it's. It's route, it's kind of club where if you got balls, you can kill in that room. But if you can't come at them like saloon comedy, then they'll just start talking and it's over.
[42:12]
Eric Griffin
I've had some of my like, like hardest experiences in Canada.
[42:17]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, well, it's a different culture.
[42:19]
Eric Griffin
I remember this guy, this guy had this Calgary Comedy festival. He was a real snake. I forgot the guy's name, but like he, you know, so he would do this festival and like you would be doing shows all over the city, in places that they shouldn't be doing shows.
[42:34]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[42:34]
Eric Griffin
So I remember the worst one I did was it was at a bar. Okay. The hockey game's on.
[42:41]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. Oh, God.
[42:42]
Eric Griffin
Okay. And then they said, we're gonna start the show the moment the hockey game ends.
[42:46]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[42:46]
Eric Griffin
Okay.
[42:47]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And you. And if they lose, you're fucked.
[42:49]
Eric Griffin
Guess who was playing. Anaheim is playing Calgary. Calgary just loses. Oh, the screen's going up. And the thing. They go, all right, guys, we're gonna start the show. And From California. So. You piece of. Dude. I was like. And I know he did it on purpose. Hit the stage. But I was. At that time, I was like, man, you, dude.
[43:15]
Greg Fitzsimmons
No, I was just gonna say, sometimes that's the greatest thing in the world, because then you come out swinging, and if you get them, they know. They just got got.
[43:23]
Eric Griffin
Now, my worst, worst, worst, worst experience in Canada, like that is. I was doing, you know, Saskatoon. You know, it's a little town in the. And it's. It's in the middle. It's. It's outside of Calgary.
[43:34]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[43:35]
Eric Griffin
But then there's another town outside of Saskatoon to take a Greyhound bus. No. Yes. And this. And then. Oh, God.
[43:42]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I'm just kidding. I'm kidding.
[43:44]
Eric Griffin
I was going to tell you. All right. The guy. It's a long time ago, though, but the guy. Okay, so the name of the town was Prince Albert.
[43:52]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Oh, yeah, yeah. I've heard of Prince Albert.
[43:53]
Eric Griffin
Prince Albert. But Prince Albert is a ring.
[43:56]
Greg Fitzsimmons
That's right.
[43:56]
Eric Griffin
Anyway, in this town, there's paper mills and prisons. Okay. So it stinks.
[44:02]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[44:03]
Eric Griffin
And it's just like, you know, and you're. You're in a bar upstairs. It's. I called it. It was combat comedy.
[44:12]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. And then there's always music downstairs, and you can hear the bass.
[44:15]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, yeah. It's just like. It's just like you. You know, and after. There's a certain point where you get to a point where I'm just like, all right, we doing this.
[44:23]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[44:23]
Eric Griffin
You know. Well, your mama's a bitch.
[44:25]
Greg Fitzsimmons
You know, And.
[44:26]
Eric Griffin
And then it was a table, right. That just was the rowdiest people. And I'm just like, yeah, shut up. You know, And I'm going in. And. You know. But I actually, when I think about it, at the end, I had a great time.
[44:36]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[44:36]
Eric Griffin
Because when I finished, I was like, I'm done with you guys. Fuck you guys. And they were like, yeah. You know, so then at the end, that table, they go, comic, come over here. And I get over there they're all. All cops.
[44:51]
Greg Fitzsimmons
No.
[44:52]
Eric Griffin
Yes. They're all cops. And people that work their horses out front, that's who they were. They were like. And I was like, oh, wow. Y'all are the. The worst in the city. You the worst people here.
[45:04]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And I got you.
[45:05]
Eric Griffin
Yeah. You know what I mean?
[45:06]
Greg Fitzsimmons
So it's like, that's a good feel. That's the thing about standup comedy, is, like, I consider myself a warrior. I've been doing it for 35 years. I started in tough clubs in Boston. I worked the trenches in New York. I've done the hell gigs. Like, what you're talking about Prince Albert type gigs. And I'll tell you something, when I get thrown a show like that now, I love it. I love that I can break away from my material, throw that shit to the side, and whatever part of me let me survive for 35 years comes out. Yeah, guy comes out.
[45:39]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, I know.
[45:40]
Greg Fitzsimmons
But I'm able to wrestle that crowd, and it hurts. It doesn't feel good at the time. But when you're done with that set and you go back to your hotel room, you go, I'm an entertainer. Like, I. I can do this.
[45:51]
Eric Griffin
This is. This is what I trained for.
[45:53]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right.
[45:53]
Eric Griffin
You know, it's like. It's like. It's a kind of. It's a kind of talent that you have that you don't want to use, but you glad you have it, pull it out, you know? Yeah. I always.
[46:03]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I feel like it's like a street fight, but that.
[46:05]
Eric Griffin
But I feel like that's why I still get spots in the city. I mean, there's a lot of young comics coming up, and they're trying to push us old guys out. But you're not funnier than me.
[46:14]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right.
[46:14]
Eric Griffin
You know, so until you. Until, like, I'm still staying relevant. I'm still talking about whatever's happening now. I'm still doing it in my way, you know? So I think you have to do that, or these young kids are gonna come in and take it over.
[46:27]
Greg Fitzsimmons
There's a rough show in the main room, and there's a young comic. They can't handle it. They can't work their way through it. And you see a seasoned vet. And those are the shows that you really. That's why you booked that comic?
[46:38]
Eric Griffin
Yes.
[46:38]
Greg Fitzsimmons
In case things. You're wrong, who. Do you want to give your eulogy when you die?
[46:43]
Eric Griffin
Damn. I don't know. The part of me is like, do I want it to be funny?
[46:51]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Of course. No.
[46:52]
Eric Griffin
No. But I don't know, I'm thinking about my family, though, Thinking about my wife and my kid now. I don't know if they. Is that what they're going to want? Like, what I want? Like, I don't know. I could just. I could pick some comics I know, and be like. Well, that would be, like. I could say Bobby Lee.
[47:07]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[47:07]
Eric Griffin
You know, I know, but I know it would be terrible, you know, Andrew Santino, you, for instance. You know, I mean, so I think, like. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know if I'd want it to be one of my friends that knows me or be somebody that, like, understands me.
[47:23]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right.
[47:23]
Eric Griffin
You know?
[47:24]
Greg Fitzsimmons
When you die, do you want it to be instant, like a heart attack, and you're done, you feel no pain? Or do you want to have, like, two years or do you want to have.
[47:36]
Eric Griffin
No, man, I just.
[47:37]
Greg Fitzsimmons
A month.
[47:38]
Eric Griffin
I don't know.
[47:39]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Hospice, I think.
[47:40]
Eric Griffin
Well, that's what happened to my mom just recently, you know.
[47:43]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And how long ago?
[47:44]
Eric Griffin
About, man, like two or three months ago, My mom. Yeah, my mom died.
[47:48]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Sorry.
[47:48]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, it's all good.
[47:49]
Greg Fitzsimmons
You know, she was on hospice.
[47:51]
Eric Griffin
Yeah. In the end, she was in hospice.
[47:53]
Greg Fitzsimmons
But is there something kind of graceful about that?
[47:55]
Eric Griffin
It can be. And it was because she, like, you know, it's just like, I was on the way to the airport, you know, my. But they live away in Oxnard.
[48:03]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[48:03]
Eric Griffin
So my stepfather's like, you got to get here. And I said, I'm not gonna make it, man.
[48:07]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right.
[48:07]
Eric Griffin
You know, and it's like, I. You know.
[48:10]
Greg Fitzsimmons
But you had time before that to say.
[48:12]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But. But even still, though, it was like, you know, my mom had dementia, so it's like. It's a tough, tough thing, you know, but on the last day, you know, my stepfather had her on the phone, and I could see that she was like, not there. You know, she was like, you know, And I was like, oh, wow. This is how you go.
[48:27]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[48:28]
Eric Griffin
When I think about. I'm going, glad she went out like that, dude.
[48:31]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Morphine drip.
[48:32]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, whatever. As opposed to, like, whatever that, you know. You hate when. I hate the words. They lost their battle with cancer.
[48:40]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I hate that.
[48:41]
Eric Griffin
You hear that. I'm like, ah, right. Because that. Just that.
[48:44]
Greg Fitzsimmons
That they're a loser.
[48:45]
Eric Griffin
That.
[48:46]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[48:48]
Eric Griffin
See, that's why you have a comic. Do your eulogy. You know what I mean?
[48:52]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right.
[48:52]
Eric Griffin
This guy, 0 and 1 versus cancer.
[48:54]
Greg Fitzsimmons
This guy defeated. Yeah. Out of the playoffs, one battle.
[49:00]
Eric Griffin
He's like, yeah. What is this guy? Lamar Jackson. In the playoffs, you know, so. Yeah. Yeah, man. So I hate those words because that word, that whole wording sounds like that didn't sound fun.
[49:10]
Greg Fitzsimmons
How long did she do you die of dementia?
[49:13]
Eric Griffin
Well, what happened was. Yes, you do. Your body forgets how to do all this stuff, but that's not what happened. She got a bad blood clot in her leg. Yeah. And it went to her heart in the leg and went to her lungs. You know, the thing, the thing is like, you know, our medical system is trash.
[49:29]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right.
[49:29]
Eric Griffin
And you don't know it until you need it.
[49:31]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[49:32]
Eric Griffin
So young people on Medicare, you know, she had great insurance. It doesn't matter though, dude. When's the last time you went to the doctor? You go to the doctor, they don't know shit, these doctors. You know, that's why our. Our society, if you're a conspiracy guy, our society is being placated by medical shows. You know, so we have this idea that, that we go to the doctor and it's House and it's good doctor.
[49:57]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right.
[49:57]
Eric Griffin
And it's Grey's Anatomy and they're fighting for your life.
[50:00]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[50:01]
Eric Griffin
Let me tell you something right now. They are not. No, they are not. They're more like. They're more like public school teachers that have a class of 68.
[50:09]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[50:10]
Eric Griffin
And they want to help, but they just can't.
[50:12]
Greg Fitzsimmons
They're also afraid of getting sued.
[50:13]
Eric Griffin
Yep.
[50:13]
Greg Fitzsimmons
So they do the protocols. The product and the insurance company set up the protocols.
[50:18]
Eric Griffin
Yeah.
[50:18]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And if there's a drug that's cheaper, that's the one you're getting, dude. The doctors know that.
[50:24]
Eric Griffin
I'm telling you that they're not looking out for your well being. I went to one doctor and I was like this. What? I just felt it. I felt the, like, oh, I. I got to get rid of you.
[50:33]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[50:33]
Eric Griffin
I got. I like, I look for, like when it says, you know, you look at the description when you look at your insurance, you know, and it'll be like holistic. Part of the thing is holistic. I'm all about that.
[50:44]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[50:44]
Eric Griffin
Because then I know that person is thinking outside of the box.
[50:47]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Absolutely.
[50:47]
Eric Griffin
You know, preventative medicine. And it's just like, it sucks.
[50:50]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I've had the Same doctor for 20 years. This guy Joel Isaacson on the west side of la. This guy has a smile on me like this. Is that Jewish? Isaacson?
[51:01]
Eric Griffin
I just like saying that.
[51:02]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. I wish he was Jewish. I believe in him even more. More. But he's got a file on me like that. And when I come It's a 90 minute appointment.
[51:12]
Eric Griffin
Good for you.
[51:13]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And he remembers that I had asthma when I was a kid. He remembers that my dad died of a heart attack in 53.
[51:19]
Eric Griffin
Well, he's probably got that like, devil, worse Prada thing going on where before you're coming in, the assistant comes in and goes, all right, remember he's bald and his mother's name is Bum Bum. He's like, okay, thank. But you know what? If they're putting that work in, I like it.
[51:30]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. Well, good, good. Yeah. Show me that.
[51:32]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, yeah.
[51:33]
Greg Fitzsimmons
It's like when you call your agent.
[51:34]
Eric Griffin
Yeah.
[51:35]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And he starts going, how's. Click, click, click. Owen. Doctor.
[51:40]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, man.
[51:41]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[51:41]
Eric Griffin
So I just feel like, so what? Anyways, I'm saying that to say, I think that, like, if you have an elderly person in your life and you go, go with them to the doctor and be their advocate, fight for them.
[51:53]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I know I'm flying down to see my mom in Florida in two weeks to do exactly that.
[51:57]
Eric Griffin
But let me tell you something, man. When you're in there and the doctor's like, don't let the doctor be like, well, you know, your mom's. No, no, no. I want you to treat her like she's 30.
[52:06]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right.
[52:06]
Eric Griffin
And so if you need to do a CAT scan and an X ray, do that.
[52:09]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[52:10]
Eric Griffin
Because they could have caught this blood. Caught.
[52:12]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right.
[52:12]
Eric Griffin
But like, when you have dementia, they don't know what to say. She forgets that. Oh, yeah. Oh, my leg hurts. Did I already say that? You know, they don't know. And then it just got bad. And then we had to make this terrible choice because it's like at her age, you go in for surgery, they don't come out of surgery the same.
[52:28]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[52:29]
Eric Griffin
And it's like, what, what's the. What's her quality of life? It was already 80, 82.
[52:35]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Okay. You know, my mom's age.
[52:37]
Eric Griffin
So it was. She was already. The quality of life was already at a point where it was like we had to have a wheelchair and a walker and like.
[52:44]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Was she living at home?
[52:45]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, she was living with my stepfather, you know, in a. In a facility. But it was like independent facility. Independent living, though.
[52:52]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Was there any healthcare workers helping out?
[52:55]
Eric Griffin
No, not the way they should.
[52:56]
Greg Fitzsimmons
A lot of pressure.
[52:57]
Eric Griffin
But it's independent living. I know. That's another thing, too. And so, like, I'm not going to go in there. He's living with her all the time. And, you know, at the funeral, I thanked him. I just let him know, like, without him, I couldn't have the life I have right now. He, he being in my mom's life allowed me to pursue my dreams and actually achieve them.
[53:19]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right.
[53:20]
Eric Griffin
And get married. And now I have a kid, is what she always wanted. And I have like a great picture of, you know, my mom, she loved babies, so I don't know if she knew, but she, you know.
[53:30]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Oh, really? Oh, she got to see the baby.
[53:32]
Eric Griffin
Yeah. So I have these pictures of. She was like, very, like, oh, you know, I had this great picture of them head to head, you know, she was like. So I'm like, okay, I have this. And this is what she wanted. She always wanted this for me. Yeah, because it's different when you have a kid. When you, first of all, when you get married is different.
[53:46]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[53:46]
Eric Griffin
You feel the difference, you know? You know what I'm talking about?
[53:49]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Oh, yeah.
[53:49]
Eric Griffin
You feel like it's different.
[53:51]
Greg Fitzsimmons
It's different.
[53:52]
Eric Griffin
And then when you have a kid, you're like, oh, shit, this is like a whole different type of thing that. And you know what also makes you do it makes you like, work on your marriage again. Because immediately when you have a kid, it's so easy to, okay, this is my sole focus. And then like with this person maybe is going to do something and you go, hey, hey. Why?
[54:13]
Greg Fitzsimmons
No, in our wedding vows, one of the things we said is nothing will come between, nothing will be more important than you and my life, including our children.
[54:26]
Eric Griffin
That's great.
[54:27]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Because if you guys don't stay solid, divorce is a fucked up thing for a kid.
[54:32]
Eric Griffin
My wife said to me, we had our kid. And she said to me, you know, you're still my number one. And she goes, because, she goes, because this kid is eventually he's going to hate me when he turns 14, he's going to leave and I need you. You're still going to be around. And I was like, oh, this is why we're together. Because she's got that like in, in her to like say that. Something like that.
[54:54]
Greg Fitzsimmons
So she's also hot. Your wife's hot. Yeah, that helps.
[54:58]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, yeah.
[54:59]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I mean, if you marry.
[55:00]
Eric Griffin
Hey, hey, I'm on tv. Like, what am I doing with an old. You know what I mean? Like, what are we talking about? You know, it's so. Oh, my God. This, you know, I always like, I, it's like, I talk about this on stage, but it's just such a weird, we have a very weird relationship with like young women. Like the dislike in their 20s, I'm saying, right? Like these women in their 20s, we have this like weird, like condescending, protective.
[55:27]
Greg Fitzsimmons
You and I do.
[55:28]
Eric Griffin
No, I think society does. Yeah, society does. You know, so it's like, that's why I always feel for guys our age, that age bracket of like 40 to and up. They get divorced or they've been single and they're trying to date, and then they're trying to date some 29 year old, 27 year old. Bro, you got. You're going to get no grace.
[55:47]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, you, you, you.
[55:48]
Eric Griffin
She got to turn 30 because that's when we start holding women accountable for their choices and decisions. 30 is the age where we go, all right, what are you doing?
[55:56]
Greg Fitzsimmons
People used to get married at 21, 22. I know now the 20s is the new teen years. They're still figuring it out.
[56:03]
Eric Griffin
They're treat. But they're treating them like that no matter what they're doing. They could have a job, they could have, they could have a career, they could have their own money, they could do. They could have all this stuff. But if they start dating Leonardo DiCaprio, everybody's like, that's a baby.
[56:17]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, she's a child.
[56:19]
Eric Griffin
You're like, wait, what?
[56:20]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, I got a friend who's, you know, my age and he got divorced. He started dating a girl that was in her early 20s. And I was like, dude, but he's the kind of guy that can keep up. Like, I wouldn't do it just because I don't have the energy. Bro, I want to go to bed at night.
[56:36]
Eric Griffin
That's what I'm saying.
[56:36]
Greg Fitzsimmons
She wants to go to a rave.
[56:38]
Eric Griffin
What are you gonna do, old guy? What are you talking about? There's no way. Stop it. It.
[56:42]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I'm not making ayahuasca.
[56:44]
Eric Griffin
Yeah. I always say this. If you want to have a family, if you want to have a. If you're. If you're plus 40 and you still want to be a dad.
[56:51]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[56:52]
Eric Griffin
Well, you're not going to start with somebody 48. You know what I mean? I mean, that's just biology. It's not always about like, oh, older men, like younger women. He's like, no, we want to have kids.
[57:02]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[57:02]
Eric Griffin
And I can't start with an old. What are we talking about? Yeah, they call a 36 year old geriatric.
[57:12]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[57:12]
Eric Griffin
So what are we talking about?
[57:14]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I need you to outlive me. Yes. My wife's four months older than me and I fucking torture her during those four months. Called my older wife. All right, we get to a point in the show called Fastballs with Fitz.
[57:27]
Eric Griffin
I Think I've done this before. Is this a new thing with the new studio?
[57:31]
Greg Fitzsimmons
You've done it before, but there's new questions for Fastball. What do you think?
[57:34]
Eric Griffin
No, no, no. I'm saying this segment is the same segment. Okay.
[57:37]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, yeah.
[57:38]
Eric Griffin
All right, I got it. Let's go.
[57:41]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Trump.
[57:42]
Eric Griffin
No kidding?
[57:43]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. How would you do in prison?
[57:49]
Eric Griffin
It would be tough because I wouldn't know what gang to join.
[57:52]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right.
[57:54]
Eric Griffin
You know what I mean?
[57:55]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[57:55]
Eric Griffin
It be whoever's winning. You know what I mean? If the Latinos are winning, I'm like, I am with you, my friend. What are we.
[58:04]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Use the henna tattoo in case.
[58:06]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got. I'm ready to go. You know what I mean? If the. If the black dudes are winning, I'm over there. The Italians, the Jews, I'm wearing. What do you need? So it would be tough. That'd be. Being multi racial is cool. Unless you in prison.
[58:21]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I like that. That's good. What's the closest you ever got to a fistfight on stage?
[58:27]
Eric Griffin
It was at the Comedy Store. It actually was a fist fight guy. A guy was heckling Nick Kroll before me, and when I went on stage, he was still going.
[58:38]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[58:38]
Eric Griffin
And I was like, all right. So I. I got what I wanted because I. I'm a comic. You're not gonna verbally beat me. So I was giving it. This guy rushed to stage. No, he rushed through the crowd in the original room, rushed to stage. He threw a chair at me. Yeah, man, it was crazy. And I threw a chair back at him, you know, and then, like, freaking Adam Ego was there. Adam grabs him, you know, and I punched him in the face. Yeah, man, it was crazy. And then I finished my set and got a standing ovation. Yeah, it's great.
[59:13]
Greg Fitzsimmons
You killed.
[59:14]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, I killed it. Damn. Because I just remember, like, standing ovation.
[59:17]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Because there's no chairs left.
[59:21]
Eric Griffin
And that's the comic. That's. That's why you get a comic to do your eulogy. They're gonna take away all of your successes.
[59:30]
Greg Fitzsimmons
What is. Have you ever joined any clubs in your life? Clubs, associations, or clubs? No, comics never do.
[59:40]
Eric Griffin
Yeah. Because we have self esteem.
[59:42]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Well, I joined the Friars Club when I was in New York.
[59:44]
Eric Griffin
Oh, that's a different type of thing. Yeah, yeah. Didn't help you, though.
[59:47]
Greg Fitzsimmons
What about high school? Were you in any clubs?
[59:49]
Eric Griffin
No, not really.
[59:50]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Sports?
[59:50]
Eric Griffin
I was in sports. You count that as a club? Yeah, I played sports.
[59:53]
Greg Fitzsimmons
No, not really.
[59:54]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, Basketball.
[59:56]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Really?
[59:56]
Eric Griffin
Yeah.
[59:57]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Still play?
[59:58]
Eric Griffin
Not anymore, as you can see, but I Did for a while, right. I played. I tore my ACL playing when I was 26. Just playing with friends.
[60:05]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Jesus.
[60:06]
Eric Griffin
You know what I mean?
[60:07]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Wow. When's the last time you apologized to somebody? It's probably my wife, you know, you don't remember specifically.
[60:16]
Eric Griffin
Yeah. Cuz I apologize all the time, you know, every time I fart, you know, every time I, you know, I just like, I know that I don't, I don't have a problem with that. My mentality is I'm a gambler. Okay. So when you're a gambler, you know you're gonna take some Ls.
[60:33]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, yeah.
[60:33]
Eric Griffin
That's how I argue, Right. I'm gonna be like, I think this is right. If it's not right, I'm like, ah, you got me.
[60:40]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right, right, right.
[60:40]
Eric Griffin
But I'm going to argue like that.
[60:42]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah. Strong character trait.
[60:44]
Eric Griffin
Yeah. My wife doesn't do that. She just wants to win.
[60:47]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[60:47]
Eric Griffin
So she's going to have an ace up her sleeve. And, you know, she's.
[60:50]
Greg Fitzsimmons
My wife's a counter puncher. I always say, like, I'll say something about. I'll say, look, I got to tell you, it really upsets me when you blank. And then she goes, yeah, but you blank. Totally different thing. That's a counter punch.
[61:05]
Eric Griffin
Oh, my wife.
[61:06]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Does that stay on the fucking thing I brought. Because I'm not, I'm not trying to like shame you, right. I'm just telling you how I feel so you can be aware of it. I just need you to go, I hear you. Yeah, I hear you. That's how I will be aware of that.
[61:19]
Eric Griffin
But that's how people argue everything. And I hate that. It's like if we say we're talking politics, right? And I might say, you know, if it's. If you're a conservative, you're going to be like, well, you know, Obama did this, this and this. And that person goes, well, Trump did this. And my thing, I always go like this, oh, which one you want to talk about first? Because I'm saying they both ain't shit. So you want to start with yours? And then we'll go, people don't know that their brains can't function like that.
[61:45]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[61:45]
Eric Griffin
You know, they're just like, well, wait a minute.
[61:46]
Greg Fitzsimmons
All this politics is so stupid because at the end of the day, it's the corporations, they fund these campaigns, they write the fucking bills and they hand them to the politicians. The President put them on the floor.
[61:58]
Eric Griffin
The President is like the commissioner of a sports league, right. They're just there to take all the blame and to be the figurehead. The people that are actually in charge of the United States. It's the Congress, it's the Senate.
[62:14]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah, but they're all getting funded by people.
[62:16]
Eric Griffin
I understand. But regardless, what I'm saying is, it's not the president.
[62:22]
Greg Fitzsimmons
No, no. He's a quarterback that's getting all the calls.
[62:25]
Eric Griffin
Yes, man. That's why. Yeah. You got to sit next to Obama.
[62:29]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Yeah.
[62:29]
Eric Griffin
You know, that's what. You know, he's like, well, I want to do that.
[62:32]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Right. All right, so what's the last thing I'll ask you? What's the hackiest bit you've ever done?
[62:44]
Eric Griffin
Oh, God. Jesus. Oh. Some of my first bits when I first started doing stand up, I remember it was. It was like, how come there's no black people on Jeopardy? You know? And I'd be like, well, even if they were, you'd have to change all the categories. You know, Barbecue holidays. Wait, Blind singers. Man, am I. And one of my very favorite. And then in that same set, one of my. Here's another.
[63:24]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Instead of saying, what is? You gotta say, what be.
[63:26]
Eric Griffin
Yeah. See, I wish I would have known each other. We would have tagged it up. That's why I sent you that bit, man, because we talked about it outside.
[63:35]
Greg Fitzsimmons
I was in a movie, so I couldn't read it. Show you a tag you use.
[63:40]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's about that Megan Fox movie. But then another bit in that same one was. It was like, how come. How come they don't know Clark Kent as Superman? And then I would be on stage, I'd be like, let me show y'all. Clark Kent, Superman. Let me do it again. Clark Kent, Superman.
[64:04]
Greg Fitzsimmons
The hackiest part is you redoing it. Yeah.
[64:07]
Eric Griffin
You know what?
[64:08]
Greg Fitzsimmons
In that second laugh, I love it. All right, brother. Thanks for being here.
[64:14]
Eric Griffin
Anytime.
[64:14]
Greg Fitzsimmons
You're the best.
[64:15]
Eric Griffin
Yeah.
[64:16]
Greg Fitzsimmons
And you got some dates coming up. You're gonna be.
[64:19]
Eric Griffin
Yeah.
[64:20]
Greg Fitzsimmons
At the Improv in Dania Beach, Florida, Florida. January 24th and 25th, Comedy Mothership.
[64:26]
Eric Griffin
Unless I book this commercial, but yeah. Oh, I'm doing a mothership. Yeah.
[64:30]
Greg Fitzsimmons
4-11-13. That's gonna be a nice little paycheck.
[64:33]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, I love that Check.
[64:34]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Comedy Club of Kansas City, April 17th through 19th. La Jolla Comedy Store, April 30th through May 5th. Get your tickets at Eric Griffin with a K dot com. And check out Griffin with Griffin, which is his podcast.
[64:50]
Eric Griffin
Yeah, buddy.
[64:51]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Thanks a lot. Thanks, man.
[65:10]
Eric Griffin
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[65:13]
Greg Fitzsimmons
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[65:16]
Eric Griffin
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[65:23]
Greg Fitzsimmons
Shop these deals at your local Kroger today or click the screen now to.
[65:27]
Eric Griffin
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