Transcript
Greg Fitzsimmons (0:01)
I think you're on mute.
Greg Warren (0:02)
Workday starting to sound the same. I think you're on mute. Find something that sounds better for your career on LinkedIn. With LinkedIn job collections, you can browse curated collections by relevant industries and benefits like Flexpto or hybrid workplaces so you.
Greg Fitzsimmons (0:21)
Can find the right job for you.
Greg Warren (0:23)
Get started@LinkedIn.com jobs finding where you fit. LinkedIn knows how to savor every last.
Greg Fitzsimmons (0:31)
Drop of summer with Starbucks. From bold refreshers to rich cold brews, the sunniest season only gets better with a handcrafted ice beverage in your hand. Available for a limited time, your summer favorites are ready at Starbucks. Hey there, travelers. Kaley Cuoco here.
Greg Warren (0:48)
Sorry to interrupt your music. Great artist BT Dubs, but wouldn't you rather be there to hear it live? With Priceline, you can get out of your dreams and into your dream concert. They've got millions of travel deals to get you to that festival, gig, rave, sound bath or sonic experience you've been dreaming of. Download the Priceline app today and you.
Greg Fitzsimmons (1:05)
Can save up to 60% off hotels.
Greg Warren (1:07)
And up to 50% off flights. So don't just dream about that trip. Book it with Priceline. Go to your happy price. Priceline. Hi, welcome to Fitz Dog Radio. I'm your host, Greg Fitzsimmons. I'm wearing an orange hat. If you're not watching the show on YouTube, just know I have on a green beat up sweatshirt, an orange hat. I just shaved for the podcast. Who's watching? I don't know who watches, by the way, if you're. If you enjoy the show, spread the word, tell your friends, check out the show on YouTube, leave a comment. That always helps us with the algorithm. And that's all, that's all. Just trying to keep the show growing. I had a crazy week, you know, what do they say? Man makes plans and then God laughs. So I had so much shit to do on Thursday and Friday. And then on Thursday morning, It was like 4 o' clock in the morning and somebody came in the house and I was like, what the fuck? And Aaron shot up and I grabbed. I have this knife that I keep in my end table. So I got the knife and I came out. I come around the corner and I see a figure. It's my daughter. My daughter lives in the back house and she never comes in the front. You know, she comes up during the day, hangs out, has some tea, eats her food. Anyway, she's not usually in the house at 4am so I'm like, what the fuck? And she's like doubled over holding her stomach. And I'm like, shit. And she's like, she can't even talk, she's in so much pain. So she sits down, I get her some water. She takes a. She had taken a. Whatever you take for your stomach and like, threw it up instantly. And we gave her something else, Threw it up instantly. So we kind of just sat with her, sat for a couple hours. And then urgent care opened up. So we went to Venice Urgent care, which you know, can be good in a pinch. You know, you don't want to go straight to the hospital or the doc. Doctors aren't open yet. So you go to urgent care and you walk in and it's like it. Just give it a fucking makeover. What's it gonna cost to not take some like yellowish white high gloss paint on the walls and, and black and white tiles and that? You check in and there's bulletproof glass where you check in. So. Okay, so I guess you got. You guys are good back there because I, I'm out here. There's no guard and there is this obese guy and he's, you know, talking, he's yelling at his ex wife, like yelling crazy you fucking bit. Blah, blah, blah. But I feel bad for her, but she's not there. There's no one there. He's yelling at no one. And it's very specific. There's. There is. Napoleon is involved. I don't know how Napoleon worked into his marriage. Some space people. There was. There's some people telling him stuff. Uh, and it was, you know, and I don't know. Look, I don't know why she left him. I have no idea. It could be his drinking. I think he might have a little bit of an issue with drinking. He was pretty buzzed for, for 7am he had a pretty healthy buzz working and. But the good news is he got, he got all of his winter coats out of the house before she threw him out. And I know because he was wearing all of them. Like four, like four winter coats and, and some Yeezys he's got on fucking new Yeezys. And I just thought, how funny is that? Like, the Salvation army must get flooded with probably Jewish people that bought Yeezys back in the day. And they had them in, they had them in shoebox. They never even wore them because they were gonna collect them and sell them later. I don't know what you do with Yeezys. I just know that they, they were like 400 bucks a couple years ago. And now there's a crazy homeless guy wearing them. And I just thought, it's kind of ironic that the shoes that Kanye makes are only worn by crazy people now. And they get them. I think they're like his army. Um, so anyway, so she goes in Urgent care. They check her out, they poke her stomach. They're like, it's her appendix. You gotta go to the emergency room, because if it bursts, it's bad. Her blood count was white. Blood count was very high. So rushed her to the er. We went to UCLA Medical center, shout out to ucla. Best hospital in Los Angeles. Took amazing care of us. We checked in. They did a CAT scan or a C scan, I don't know what they call it. They scanned her, and meanwhile, this is like, she just started a job the day before, and she's supposed to be. Her first week is training, and. And it's a really good job, and she's excited about it. And then she's got a call in on her second day and tell them that she can't come into work. So. But she's like, I'm glad I'm getting my appendix out, because, you know, if it was just gas, it would be a little awkward at work on the second day. So, anyway, so, yeah, she's getting her appendix out. Which. Look, as a dad, you'd almost always rather have a guy taking an organ out of your daughter than putting one in. And I know I shouldn't say that, but it crossed my mind, and I have to say it out loud. So everyone's in scrubs, which is always weird. You go to the hospital and everyone's got the same green scrubs. They look shitty, and you can't tell who's who. It doesn't matter if you. You could be the chief of neurosurgery or you could be like the. The orderly guy that takes the dead bodies out on the gurney, that wheels them out. Same. Same outfit. No fucking stripes on your shoulder or stars or metals. You're just the same guy. Like, I think they should. Like, a surgeon should have, you know, some medals. Maybe he should have, like, a heart for every successful surgery he's performed. And then the guy who brings out the dead bodies. Maybe that guy should be dressed as the Grim Reaper. Just the full hood and the sith in his hand. You know, the pole with the sith on it. And there should be, like, a Chinese guy with a gong walking behind him. Gong. Gong. Just a thought. So she gets. She gets the surgery. She go, we were there all day. I mean, it doesn't matter how good the hospital is, it's gonna be all day because they got to keep running tests and. But we end up with the guy who's the chief of surgery for the hospital, which, you know, I didn't pull any strings. That's just who we got. And I'm sure this was, this, this is a fucking no brainer for this guy. He's used to like, you know, doing transplants and shit. Now he's got to pull out a. And they just make like three or four holes. There's no, there's no big, it's, it's pretty simple. Operation takes like 45 minutes and so she gets it and then she's laying in the recovery room and she's, you know, out. She's out. She's been drugged up and she's laying there and I think it had been, you know, at this point, it had been 15 hours of me being with her and sitting by her side and dealing with all, everything and the stress just hit and I'm looking at her face and it's so peaceful and so beautiful. And I felt so in love with my daughter. I felt like so grateful that the operation went well. But I mean, I was just seeing her as a baby, as a toddler, like seeing her in these pink pajama, these onesie thing that she wore for like two years straight and Halloween, I was just seeing her life and I went so deep into was kind of beautiful. And then she came out and then I go outside and I call Blue Shield, which is my coverage to find. You know, I'm a little panicked because it's shitty coverage and I'm kind of curious, like, you know, you're supposed to check in with your insurance. And so I called the lady. Yeah, ucla. No, that's not in network. I said, well, what does that mean? She goes, well, if it's out of network, there's a $7,000 deductible. And then you owe 50% of everything on top of that. And this has gotta be a fucking $20,000 surgery. So I'm like, wait, are you sure? And she's checking again and again, this fucking moron. And I'm freaking out. So finally I hang up because she's like coming out of it now and the doctor's there. So I hang up and, and, and the doctor's like, well, you can, you know, you can go home at this point. It's like, you know, nine o' clock at night. And he's like, you're fine, you know, go to the pharmacy, pick up your painkillers. You can go home. He goes, you could stay the night. And she's like, yeah, I think I want to stay the night. I'm like, nah, I don't think. I don't think we need a $10,000 night in the hospital. If we can get you home, I'll fucking carry you. How about this? We go home tonight, and I will give you a room at the Four Seasons on a date that you pick later. How about that? I'll spend the 400 bucks. So, yeah, so we left, and we. We came home, and it was. It was really nice. Like, everybody was calling her the next day. My mom, my brother, my sister, and her cousins. And then. And then my favorite is my wife's mom. Who is this? She's a riot. She grew up in the Bronx, has lived in the Upper west side of Manhattan for her whole life. Thickest accent and just full of opinions. And she calls up Jojo, and Jojo's got her own speakerphone because we just all cover our mouths and laugh so hard. She's like. She's like. She's obsessed with the royal family in Spain for some reason, and she's like, I mean, I'm glad you're feeling better, but, you know, the Queen of Spain, she's got plantar fasciitis in her foot because she's wearing the stilettos. Why is she wearing stiletto? It's ridiculous. And then. And then Israel and Iran are bombing each other. But the shoes, it doesn't make any sense. Yeah. So that cheered up Jojo. And then we just watched a lot of movies. We watched Paddington 2, which I know you're saying, greg, that's a child's movie. It's one of those kids movies that just transcends. It's got an insane cast. Hugh Grant is in it, and that guy from Banshees of Inisher and the older Irish guy. Like, just a killer cast of people. And it's just incredible. It's funny. You laugh. And then at the end, I'm laying on the couch with Jojo, and then I'm on one end and she's on the other, and I see her shoulders are going up and down. At the end, she's. She's sobbing, and then she just picks her head up and looks at me, and she sees the tears coming down my face, and we just start laughing for, like, five minutes, we're just laughing at ourselves, crying to Paddington, too. But watch it, I'm telling you. And then I Showed her, I'm trying to get the kids to watch Woody Allen, and every time I do, they love it. So we watched Love and Death, which is absolutely one of my favorites, and she completely appreciated it, laughed a lot. We talked about Russian literature afterwards and philosophy. It's a. It's a great movie. Anyway, so it was good. But you know what's fucking weird is we're watching Woody Allen and then I'm looking at my Instagram feed, and all of a sudden I get a clip of Woody Allen. I've never gotten a clip of Woody Allen on my Instagram feed in my life. And now, literally a half an hour after watching the movie, I've got, what the fuck is that? And then I'm interviewing Larry Charles, who, if you don't know him, he was one of the creators of Seinfeld. I don't know if he's a creator, but he. He ran Seinfeld Curb youb Enthusiasm. He directs and produces it. He produced the Borat movies. I think he directed them as well. Brilliant. One of the great comedic writer directors of our time. Anyway, I'm reading his book because I'm going to interview him, and I want to read the book first. So I get. And I'm reading a chapter, and it's about how he started out on this show called Fridays, which Kramer was on. Whatever, Kramer's. Who's the actor? Who's Kramer? Whatever. And Andy Kaufman comes on an episode and he breaks up a sketch in the middle of it. Like, breaks the fourth wall, and there's chaos. Anyway, I'm reading that on my phone. That scene comes up a day after I'm reading it in the book. And I told somebody about the scene. I mean, it's fucking nuts, man. What's going on here? Oh, I don't even know. Anyway, all right, let's get to it. We got some dates coming up. I was supposed to be in Torrance at a place called the End on Sunday, but that is postponed. I'll let you know the new date. Austin, Texas, at the mothership, July 4th through the 6th. Pottstown, Pennsylvania. Soul Joel's July 31st, Point Pleasant, New Jersey. Uncle Vinny's August 1st and 2nd. I will be in La Jolla at the Comedy Store, August 29th through the 31st. Then in September, I'll be in Denver and Connecticut. October in Vegas and Chicago and New Orleans and San francisco. Go to fitzdog.com, get some ti. Why am I yelling at you? Get some tickets. Come out and watch a show. Enjoy my new Hour, which is a. I'm really proud of. I'm also proud of my guest today. This is a guy who, like myself, is a road warrior. For decades he's been pounding it out. Just a hilarious comic.