Jay Mohr - Episode 1071

Summary

Fitzdog Radio: Jay Mohr - Episode 1071 Summary

Release Date: October 2, 2024

In Episode 1071 of Fitzdog Radio, host Greg Fitzsimmons sits down with renowned comedian and actor Jay Mohr for an in-depth and candid conversation. The episode delves into Jay's extensive career in comedy, his personal battles with addiction, his journey through recovery, and his insights into the art of stand-up. Below is a detailed summary capturing the key points, discussions, insights, and memorable moments from their interaction.

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1. Greg's Alaska Adventure

[00:55] Greg Fitzsimmons opens the show by recounting a recent trip to Alaska, expressing mixed feelings about the experience. He shares frustrations about being confined to a hotel and not renting a car, which limited his exploration of the vast and scenic state. Despite the initial disappointment, Greg highlights the warmth of Alaskan audiences during his performances, noting their appreciation and humor.

Greg Fitzsimmons: "If you don't get any walkouts, you're not doing your job. But I got stir crazy."

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2. Introducing Jay Mohr

Greg introduces Jay Mohr, emphasizing his multifaceted career spanning TV shows like Action, The Ghost Whisperer, and Gary Unmarried, as well as his stint on Saturday Night Live. Jay's impressive resume includes voice acting in Paulie and a nomination for an Emmy for his role as host and executive producer of Last Comic Standing.

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3. Jay Mohr's Personal Struggles and Recovery

A significant portion of the conversation revolves around Jay's battle with addiction and his path to sobriety. He recounts his experiences with various substances, including Adderall and other prescription medications, and the challenges of overcoming dependency.

Jay Mohr: "The minute I have it, it's all I think about, is how do I get more of this?"

Jay discusses the impact of addiction on his personal and professional life, including his time in rehab and the 12-step program that facilitated his recovery. He reflects on the importance of confronting personal demons and the role of supportive relationships in maintaining sobriety.

Jay Mohr: "The greatest laughter I've ever had in my life was those 30 days in that first rehab."

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4. Insights into Stand-Up Comedy

Jay shares his creative process, highlighting how performance under pressure and presence of an audience can spark spontaneous and genuine comedic material. He compares the flow of stand-up to a "transcendental" experience, similar to musicians drawing inspiration.

Jay Mohr: "There's a veil between consciousness when I'm on stage."

Greg echoes this sentiment, drawing parallels between the improvisational aspects of comedy and music, emphasizing the ephemeral nature of creative inspiration during live performances.

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5. Personal Relationships and Marriage

The discussion shifts to Jay's personal life, particularly his marriage to Jeannie. He candidly talks about the dynamics of his relationship, the challenges they've faced, and the support Jeannie provided during his recovery.

Jay Mohr: "She saw something in me worth hanging around."

Jay humorously describes aspects of married life, including routines with their children and the humorous misunderstandings that arise, showcasing his relatable take on family dynamics.

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6. Anecdotes from Jay Mohr's Career

Throughout the episode, Jay regales Greg with numerous stories from his career in comedy and acting. From his interactions with fellow comedians like Buddy Hackett and Jeff Ross to memorable experiences performing at various venues, Jay offers a behind-the-scenes look at the life of a comedian.

Jay Mohr: "If you want to see him live, he's one of the great stand-up comics that's out there today."

He recounts memorable moments, such as being physically confronted during a performance in Boston and the chaotic yet humorous experiences in different cities like Denver and Nashville.

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7. The Art of Listening and Personal Growth

Jay delves into the transformative power of the 12-step program, emphasizing the importance of genuine listening and presence in personal interactions. He shares a poignant moment where he facilitated a deep conversation in a support meeting, highlighting the impact of being truly present.

Jay Mohr: "Turns out that's listening."

Greg and Jay discuss how these skills parallel the attentiveness required in effective stand-up comedy, where understanding the audience and responding authentically is crucial.

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8. Reflections on Friendship and Community

The episode touches on the significance of community and friendships within the comedy scene. Jay reminisces about his relationships with fellow comedians and the supportive yet competitive nature of the industry.

Jay Mohr: "We're brothers. We started together."

He also humorously addresses the challenges of maintaining friendships while navigating the demands of a career in entertainment.

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9. Closing Thoughts and Final Questions

In the concluding segment, Greg and Jay engage in a playful "fastballs" segment, posing rapid-fire questions that showcase their camaraderie and quick wit. This light-hearted exchange underscores the deep mutual respect and enduring friendship between the two comedians.

Greg Fitzsimmons: "Who is your best Asian friend ever?"

Jay Mohr: "Like, Bobby Lee never counts, right?"

The episode wraps up with Jay sharing a memorable comedic bit about rapping as a cow, leaving listeners with a final dose of his signature humor.

Jay Mohr: "Some people think of cows. My mind is in the gutter. Well, all you humans can suck my utters."

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• [12:10] Jay Mohr: "I never took Ritalin, Adderall. I just wanted to fit in."
• [17:35] Jay Mohr: "That's why I know anything about, like, presidential history, jazz art."
• [25:23] Jay Mohr: "This is like some occult or something here. I don't know."
• [41:04] Jay Mohr: "I quit cocaine in an afternoon."
• [54:03] Jay Mohr: "You keep him out of here, I'll give you free oil changes for as long as you want."
• [66:57] Jay Mohr: "Like, I'm gonna do whatever."
• [78:30] Jay Mohr: "That's the ism like me."
• [85:48] Jay Mohr: "Do you think it was like a repressed memory or he just never talked about it?"

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Conclusion

Episode 1071 of Fitzdog Radio offers a profound and entertaining glimpse into Jay Mohr's life, blending humor with heartfelt reflections. Greg Fitzsimmons expertly navigates the conversation, allowing Jay to share his vulnerabilities, triumphs, and the wisdom he's gleaned from years in the comedy trenches. Whether discussing the nuances of stand-up or the complexities of personal recovery, this episode stands out as a compelling narrative of resilience and the enduring power of laughter.

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Upcoming Shows and Support

Greg encourages listeners to attend his upcoming live comedy shows across various cities and highlights support opportunities through his bookie, MyBookie AG, offering promotions for new users.

Greg Fitzsimmons: "Jay Moore, you're a pleasure. Love you too, man. Thanks for being here."

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Stay tuned to Fitzdog Radio for more honest and hilarious conversations with Greg Fitzsimmons' friends and fellow comedians.

Transcript

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

New year same great savings. All in the Fred meyer app. Get 10 for $10 on select varieties of Kroger pasta, Starkist tuna pouches or Powerade. Then get Tender Fresh Heritage Farm boneless chicken breasts for $2.49 a pound, all with your card. Shop these deals at your local Kroger today or click the screen now to download the Fred Meyer app to save big today. Fred Meyer fresh for everyone. Prices and product availability subject to change restrictions apply. See site for details. Hi, welcome to Fitz Dog Radio. I'm just back from Alaska, one of the non contingent US States. Although. Is it. Can you drive to Alaska from. Oh, no, I guess Canada. I think it goes Washington state. And then you got a little piece of Canada. And then we went, hey, Canada, fuck off. We're gonna grab this little chunk with the oils. Uh, it's. I had a. I'm not gonna lie to you. I was so excited to go to Alaska. It's so mysterious. It's so. Everything's big. It's epic. And I was bored out of my mind. I got. I got. I get stuck at a hotel. I was in the hotel room for four days and I didn't see anything. I took one walk, you know, it's just. I needed a car. I needed. I should have rented a car. And I didn't. And then I had a ton of work to do, like podcasts. Anyway, I didn't see shit, but it is. What I did see is beautiful. I guess landing on the plane was nice. I went to Alaska before and I had way more adventures. The shows were amazing. Love the crowds, which is so weird because the people in Alaska in the wild, when you see them in a store or they're the front desk people, they are so boring and without any humor whatsoever. And then you do a show and they were amazing. They were so great. I would even think about taping a special there. They had this theater that we did this beautiful like 400 seat theater. And the people were. They got it. There's a real mentality in Alaska of like, nobody tells us what to do, so they're not offended by anything. I had two walkouts on some Christian jokes I was doing. But that's. That's about right. Yeah. If you don't get any walkouts, you're not doing your job. But I got stir crazy. I was just. It was a suite, but it was a. It wasn't a great hotel. I think I would have rather had a smaller room in a nicer hotel, but I don't know that There is a nicer hotel in Fairbanks that might have been as good as it get. I don't know. But I was pacing back and forth. I would go to the gym, but the gym was literally dumbbells. The heaviest dumbbell was 20 pounds. I'm not a monster, but I need more than 20 pounds. And they had, like, two bicycles. And that was it. That was the gym. So that sucked. But again, the shows were great. I also felt a sense of freedom when I did the shows, because I really was like, I was doing my new hour. I've got a new hour since I did my special. And it's not 100%, but it's about 90%. And I was working it out. And my first thought was, if this doesn't go well, who's ever going to know? This is. This is total freedom. This is like, you know, playing with a net. What's the expression? Something with a net. Anyway, that's what it was, but it didn't matter because they made the special better. I grew. I grew as a comic and. But it is weird. Like, winter's there. It's already winter. It was in the 30s, and I could see the look in their eyes. Like, they were starting to look a little distant. Like, the winter's coming. They were shutting down. There's pot shops on every corner, liquor stores. I don't. I get why you go to Alaska. I don't understand why you stay. Why would you live where it's below 08 months of the year? Fuck that. These are rugged, tough people. Like, they really. And everybody does their own shit. Like the guy. There was two guys that booked me that were great dudes, and they. They took care of me. I did go to dinner at one of their houses. We had some nice salmon. But, you know, that day he had chopped wood, and his wife was. She had a power saw out. She damaged her hand. Like. Like, they do it. They do their own shit. Like, they dug drainage in their yard. And, um. I don't know. I don't want to do any of that. I want to hire people to do that stuff. So, anyway, I'm back. I did a show with Harlan Williams last week. Holy shit. We did a clip that blew up. It's got, like, 4 million views, which was a lot of fun. It was about me counting to 10 in Spanish. And then my other clips are doing good. I'm. You know, I'm new to this social media thing. I've always posted, but usually just like, announcing what shows are coming up or clips from my Podcast. But I've been doing some of my standup clips from my special and some of these interviews I've been doing. And it's good. I'm getting good traction which feels nice. I got to keep it going. I had shoulder surgery on this shoulder, my left shoulder today. I can lift it for the first time in eight years because it's got cuz they put painkillers in it, you know, it's steroids and painkillers and now I gotta get a physical therapy and whatever. It was good. Finally got it done. I got a. I got Jay moron today. So I'm gonna keep it short. We had a really good talk. He's an old dear friend, a brother in this world of stand up comedy. I got dates coming up on the road. Tulsa, Oklahoma, Bricktown, October 10th through the 12th, Kansas City at the Funny Bone, October 18th and 19. Then I'm coming to Philly, Tacoma, Tempe, San Francisco, Cleveland, Atlanta, Janesville, Wisconsin, Nyack, Raleigh, Milwaukee. It's [e-mail]. get some tickets, come out and see some live comedy. It doesn't get any better than that. It's the best night you can spend out. There's all people say to me, I on the way out of a show. I haven't laughed this hard in so long. This feels so good. I needed this. So come out, have a few laughs. Also, support for Fitz Dog Radio comes from my bookie. I signed up for an account and I'll tell you something, it has gotten me so much more. I'm not gonna lie to you. I am really a football fan. I don't watch basketball. I don't. If you do, you can watch a ton of different sports. You can bet on a bunch of different sports with my bookie, I use it for football and I ended up buying like the full package this year so I can watch all the games, which would have been a waste of money normally, but now that I'm like putting money on the games and I can click back and forth between any game and I, I can see my parlays like I played a parlay. If you don't know parlay, you, you basically bet like multiple games at once and then the earnings are astronomical. So I, I hit a parlay this weekend, baby. It was nice. I had, I have San Francisco, Kansas City and I think Houston. And so that was. I didn't bet a lot, unfortunately. I should have put a lot down and then I lost some of it back. I bet the Jets. Why do I break my rule? Never bet for or against the jets and the Giants. They break your heart every time. So anyway, they have these risk free bets, thousands in cash prizes. And again, the fun thing is you can bet from your phone. You can be waiting online at cvs. You can be at your job. Maybe you got one of those jobs where you got a little downtime. And there's these weekly no sweat win win bets all CV season. Sign up now at MyBookie AG. Use my promo code Fitz. That's F I T Z. To cash in on a double deposit bonus. You can literally double the cash in your account before you even place your first bet. But don't wait on it. It's only going to be available for a limited time. Turn the football knowledge. You got into some big time payouts with my bookie. They've got this reward loyalty rewards program. My bookie. Plus, the more you play, the more you earn. And you go through different like tiers and there's exclusive promotions and giveaways and so there's a lot of ways to do it up, you know, bet, bet on underdogs, upsets, bet on backdoor coverage, overs and unders. Make your football season a week, a winning season with my bookie. Bet anything, anytime, anywhere. Okay? My guest today, the lovely and talented Jay Moore. He was in a TV show called Action that was really great. It was coming after him doing Jerry Maguire. So it was that kind of a character. He was on the series the Ghost Whisperer. He was on Gary Unmarried that lasted a few years. I think that was on like cbs. He was actually on Saturday Night Live for a few years. He did, he was great on that. Suicide Kings, Paulie. The Adventures of Pluto Nash. Are we there yet? Street Kings. On and on, tons of credits. And he had a podcast called SM Oddcast. I don't know what that. SModcast, whatever that is. I don't think he does that anymore. And he was nominated for an Emmy for the host and executive producer of Last Comic Standing. Anyway, here he is. He's a very complex guy. He's very intelligent. He's got incredible memory. He's got like a freakish ability to do impressions and he's ballsy as hell. He's a real true voice. I love him. Here he is, J. Moore. Jay Moore is my guest. He's just pulled out a couple of. What are those, nicotine patches?

[Jay Moore]

Yeah. Just in case.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So you. You're jacked on testosterone? You're taking testosterone?

[Jay Moore]

I wouldn't say I'm jacked on it. I was prescribed It. Because I had none.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I don't have any either.

[Jay Moore]

Doctor thought I was an old Asian woman.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, wait. Did it affect how you looked or how you felt?

[Jay Moore]

I was obese. I was prediabete.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, yeah, you were. I forgot about that.

[Jay Moore]

I had a fatty liver. Oh, yeah. You saw me at that event.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I saw you when you were fat.

[Jay Moore]

When I wheezed up to the mic.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. I think Chris Spencer called you Jay Way more.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah. That's a good one.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Like that? Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Way more way or just way more is good?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

My guess is way more.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah. So my testosterone didn't register, so I got prescribed. Testosterone?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

So I don't know if I'm jacked on it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, you seem. You seem like you're in great shape.

[Jay Moore]

A lot of work.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Oh, boy. I was Gregy. So I was coaching wrestling on speed?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Like, you know, so I would wake up, paddle to the Malibu Pier and back. That's six miles. Then I would go to wrestling practice, then I would stay up all night, then I would paddle to the mountain. So, I mean, you burn a lot of calories if you don't sleep. So I was like this rail wiry speed guy.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

This is once you got on the testosterone?

[Jay Moore]

No, this is when I was using three and a half years ago. And then you stop using everything, and then you just sit in meetings all day where they serve cake.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

So it's like if you like the old equalizers on stereos, you' max it all out all day, every day, and then you hit it to zero and your body just kind of freaks out.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

When you say speed, do you mean like Ritalin, Adderall, all of it? Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah, I love that. I'm a pill guy. I love pills.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

See, that's interesting because I've taken Ritalin for 20 years.

[Jay Moore]

I never took Ritalin, Adderall. I just wanted to fit in.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But I've taken Adderall. But, like, I never felt the need. It's weird to me, that particular drug, because opiates, I get it. I've been hooked on opiates. I was an alcoholic. I quit drinking. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not sober. I still, once in a while smoke weed or take some mushrooms, but I haven't had a drink in 34 years. But Adderall and Ritalin, I take it. I take 15, 20 milligrams and I'm like, I'm, you know, up and I can't see taking more. Like, I can't see what's the benefit. When you take more than that, there's no benefit.

[Jay Moore]

That's. You don't have the physical allergy that I have, then. Yeah, then maybe you label yourself an alcoholic, but maybe you're not an alcoholic. Because my allergy is, the second it touches my body, I'm like, I need. I need more.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Okay.

[Jay Moore]

Like, whether it's booze, Nyquil, cough medicine with codeine, weed pills, Vicodin, Norcoxy, cut. No matter what it is. So it doesn't.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's a buffet for you. It's just getting something in your body.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah. And the minute I have it, it's all I think about, is how do I get more of this? And the mental obsession I have is. I keep thinking this will be the substance I can use like a gentleman.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Jay Moore]

And then no matter what the substance you abuse, it. It goes into this sinkhole where I just pull everybody.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Are you like that with women at any point in your life?

[Jay Moore]

I'm like that with men, with people. Just affection, Val.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, right.

[Jay Moore]

More and more and more and more.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But when you were. I think about you when you and I were coming up in New York, and I want to talk about this a bit, you know, in a minute, but we were, you know, in the Boston Comedy club, Comedy Cellar, Comic Strip, Stand Up, New York, banging out sets every night. And you were just a. You were not hard on the eyes. You know, you had this blonde, wavy hair, and you were kind of ripped. And you were doing tons of college shows. And, like, I remember, like. Because I used to college shows, too, but you were on the COVID I would try to get it to NACA conventions. You were on the COVID of NACA.

[Jay Moore]

Magazine, National association of Campus Activities.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jay Moore]

They book all my boxer shorts on the beach. You.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And you were jumping. You were midair. And I was like, who the fuck is. You know, I'm used to being in a smoky club in the Village. We're all dressed in black. This motherfucker is in a bathing suit, jumping. Jumping through the air on the beach, bathing suit, boxers. Yeah, whatever. But you were. I mean, what was it like doing those colleges? Did you ever hook up with the girls when you did the colleges?

[Jay Moore]

I'm gonna go on record as saying, for me, it's a lot harder to hook up on the road than people think.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes, that's true.

[Jay Moore]

It's almost impossible. It's like a Herculean task. Cause you say goodnight and go that way. They get up with a date and go that way. So if you want to hook up with somebody, you have to. Pardon me, excuse me, pardon me, excuse me. Through your own crowd. Sign this, shake that, take this picture, and then approach that person and go, hey, you were just sitting there for an hour. I just thought maybe it's really.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You got to be.

[Jay Moore]

You almost have to be like a psychopath.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, the guys that do it have after parties.

[Jay Moore]

I think you also have to have a psych. You have to, like. I have some psychopathy to you, where you have to truly be a psychopath.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes.

[Jay Moore]

To not care about. Get the fuck away from me, asshole.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

And I. I'm too consumed with the validation aspect. Like, if you reject me, you're afraid of rejection. I just don't. I don't know how to act if you don't, like, I don't know who I am.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

So I find out what you like and I fill that container.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Jay Moore]

Like, oh, but that's how I became knowledgeable codependent. No, it's just insecurity, I think, like, I'm gonna do whatever. I think it just comes from being the child of, like, an alcoholic and being the youngest kid on your neighborhood by four years, youngest kid in your family by six years. Youngest person on the wrestling team, youngest person in the standup comedy world, youngest person on Saturday Night Live.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

The first movie being Jerry Maguire. It's like you're always imposter syndrome.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Constantly.

[Jay Moore]

So if there's a conversation and they're talking about jazz, I'm gonna go become a savant with jazz, and then I'm gonna come back to this conversation just to fit in with this group.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I see, I see.

[Jay Moore]

That's why I know anything about, like, presidential history, jazz art.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Like, it's all because black culture. Because in New York, black art, just.

[Jay Moore]

From hanging out with our guys.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, that's what I'm saying. Like, you. I remember that you became very comfortable hanging out with the black comics in New York. And I remember thinking, that's weird. Cause I don't see you as coming from that world. No, but you learned it.

[Jay Moore]

I just think show business kind of trumps any racial or social impact.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Isn't it amazing?

[Jay Moore]

Yeah. Like, when people go like, you're kind of racist. It's like, I'm in fucking show business. What are you racist, homophobic?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

What? Yeah, you got the wrong guy.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Sexist. Sure.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I mean, of all the places they try to integrate, stand up comedy was never a problem, you know, I mean.

[Jay Moore]

You don't have to try to integrate. It's just. It's already in there.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's there. You're backstage. You're at. You're in the green room. You're at the table upstairs at the Cellar. And it's Patrice and it's Keith Robinson, and it's Chappelle, and everybody's just hanging, and you're busting on each other for race. Tough crowd with Colin Quinn was like a social experiment.

[Jay Moore]

All right, you know, let's not go down memory lane too hard. You know, Fitzsimmons, the only guy I know who. How good did we have it? If you look at like that, like, outliers book, like, well, you have to be a marathon runner. It helps to be Kenyan and come from a long line of people that ran 20 miles to run down a gazelle going back thousands of years, or.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

To be a computer programmer to grow up in Silicon valley.

[Jay Moore]

In the 80s, we were in New York. And I mean, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. On a stoop for hours. Me, you, Rich Voss, Keith Robinson, Jim Norton, Dave Attell, Colin Quinn, Patrice O'Neill, Dave Chappelle, Neal Brennan, Jeff Ross, Jim.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Ross again, Jeff, like Greg, Geraldo, Any.

[Jay Moore]

Combination of six of those names was every single. Not like once a month. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Every single night, from the moment I woke up, I couldn't wait to walk across Washington Square park and just go.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Hey, look at this guy, right? And sit in the back of the room and watch people bomb, you know, because the Boston Comedy Club, it was brutal. There was rough nights there. You had Asian NYU students mixed in with some bridge and tunnel Italian guys. It was all over the place.

[Jay Moore]

Well, you got let in for free.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You got barked from the street.

[Jay Moore]

He would just be walking by, and Jason Steinberg would be like, nah, man, it's free. Come on. You guys need drink tickets. And I love. My two favorite heckles were Dane Cook on stage, and a guy just came in. Jason pulled him off the street, and he had grocery bags. And Dane goes, you seem really pissed off. Are you okay? And he goes, I got ice cream in here. You better be funny. And then Todd Barry going head to head with this Puerto Rican guy. And he, like, really went in on the Puerto Rican guy. And the Puerto Rican guy, like, had his feelings hurt. And his out was, okay, Planet Head. He called Todd Barry Planet Head. But, like, with his tail between his legs, leaving. Okay, Planet Head.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's hilarious.

[Jay Moore]

Tony woods sleeping in the back.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Hey, shorty. Oh, am I on? Okay, I guess we're doing comedy, man. Tony Woods. We had to tell him the show started at 6:00pm yeah. For an 8:00pm show.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

And he would still be.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Guy likes to smoke weed.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

One of those guys. We were talking earlier about somebody else, but Tony's one of those guys. Everybody goes, why was that guy not a star?

[Jay Moore]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Good looking, smooth, funny material.

[Jay Moore]

You got to be on time to your own.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, that helps a lot.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yep.

[Jay Moore]

Just. That's one of the few guys you can actually say, this is why. Probably.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Probably. It's not amazing.

[Jay Moore]

Like, a tell is everybody's favorite. I put a tell on the other day. My wife was feeding the dogs, and I just put on skanks for the memories. And my wife's like, yeah, like just a dog whistle to a random white lady.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I mean, that guy, he continues to get good, but at that age, he was just. He changed comedy. How many people do you know that have a tell inflection in their voices? Like famous comics today.

[Jay Moore]

All right. Yeah, don't take us there.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Boogly.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

A boogly.

[Jay Moore]

Merlin, teach us your ways.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Take him to a game, Jebediah.

[Jay Moore]

Oh, give it to me, you. A blinking looking whisker burn where it counts.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Bound and gagged in the back of.

[Jay Moore]

My trunk Watching the sun come up through the windshield.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Could you be more Asian?

[Jay Moore]

I like him. At the Cellar, these Mexican girls were in the front row.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He's.

[Jay Moore]

He's just fucking bombing. And he goes, what is it, ladies? Did Selena die again? Like, I don't. But do you find this when you're on stage, like, I've been tripping on this lately. You'll ad lib something. It's the most perfect thing. It's genius.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

You didn't think. There was no thought. It just.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Like, there was never. Do you get that?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, I really do think. And you hear musicians talk about it all the time, about, I didn't write that song. It came to me, like, you know, whether or not you want to attribute it to God or. You know, some people just believe in music as a. As sort of this transcendental thing that maybe it's like, in the unconscious and you just kind of draw from it or it comes to you. And there's no doubt that standup comedy is like that. Like, when people say, how do you write? I always go, I don't know. I've been doing this for 35 years. I don't know how I write. I got a notepad, and I jot down a thought when I get it. But then I got to bring it on stage. The only Way I'm going to write that bit is when there's an audience in front of me and the juices are flowing and I'm in the zone and my confidence is eight times higher than it is for the rest of the day. That's when I'm my true self. And then I insert that bit into my head and out of the. I have adhd. I don't write, but ADHD means I can hyper focus in the moment when there's pressure and that's when it all happens.

[Jay Moore]

You know you also have odd. We're a little odd. Yeah. But there is some like. It's almost like there's a veil between. I sound like fucking Russell Brand. There's a veil between consciousness when I'm on stage. But how many times do you walk off stage after killing.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

No idea what you said.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Jay Moore]

And then a friend will go, I like that bit you did about ghost riding your bikes as kids and you're like, yeah. Oh, that was like 20 minutes ago.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Yeah. That's why I tape every set.

[Jay Moore]

I can't listen to myself.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

I mean I can, but I'm like, I get. Yeah. You know what? I just don't. We're talking about it off mic. I just don't.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

I've invested the least in me of anything I've ever invested in. In my life.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Now you mean.

[Jay Moore]

No, that now it's. I mean, I just. Being sober, like, it's. I had to just.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Like it's kind of all I do.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Jay Moore]

But like Barry Katz used to be like, why don't you invest in yourself, man? Like, I don't. I don't know, I just, I don't like, sit down. Like I don't have like a structured writing time.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

I. Index cards all over my house with like words on them.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Huh.

[Jay Moore]

Like if, by the way, if I was ever murdered and the detectives went through my house, it would just be like gay ghost. Anal.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Jay Moore]

Proposing during anal sex with a rhino. Rhino sex. Zebra balls. This guy was into some freaky gay ghost is written everywhere. This is like some occult or something here. I don't know.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

A month later that same detectives on stage at the Comedy Cellar doing the material.

[Jay Moore]

Boo. Be scared.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He cracks the code on all those bits you've been struggling with.

[Jay Moore]

Good luck. Do you find like you do the bit, it kills second time you do it. It's like 30% what it was.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

And then there's a six week process of getting it. What do you think that Is.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, because you're not in the moment. I mean, if you. If you're. If you're in the moment, then each word that's coming out of your mouth is connected to you. And then when you try to regurgitate it, when you try to repeat it, you're an actor now playing that script. You know what I mean? You're trying to conjure up what it was.

[Jay Moore]

I think doubt comes in too.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

When I'm self conscious of it. Because I'll have bits like. I'm like, eh. And then I'll have friends that go, yeah, I hope you do that.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

I'm like, really?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Jay Moore]

And then it gets good again.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yep.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, I have. I have bits that I have worked on. I have this bit about God, how I believe in God and millennials don't believe in God, they believe in computers. And then I have this analogy about God is the cloud. Like you believe in the cloud. I've been working on that bit two years, and 90% of the time it gets almost nothing. But I know there's a great fucking idea and I just keep playing with it. Switch the order, change the words. I mean, I did it one night and Sebastian came up and he's like, dude, it bombed. And he goes, that bit.

[Jay Moore]

He's never spoken that fast in his life.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

How did he say it to me?

[Jay Moore]

That bit about the cloud.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

How different is your Dice impression? Your Sebastian impression? Dice is up here.

[Jay Moore]

Andrew Dice, Gay. So I start sucking his dick. It was beautiful. Yay. I like the story. Dice is on. Everyone's on at the Comedy Store. And there's a. There's a mother and daughter in the front row and they're ridiculously hot. And they're like, yeah, they're out. They're out.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

They're both hot, the mother and the daughter.

[Jay Moore]

But the daughter is just a. Like Lawrence Taylor. She's just a killer. And every comic, Lawrence Taylor, just like something. Just significant. Yeah, sorry, it's a weird reference. So every comic's like, that's your daughter.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Whoa. And then Dice goes up like last and goes, that's your daughter. Every comic comes up here, they want to fuck her. Yeah, where the fuck. Not me. I like Mommy. I like Mommy. You're the only guy that would laugh like that.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Everybody else is, I guess, because I've been there. I've seen mothers and daughters. Well, how old's your daughter?

[Jay Moore]

I don't have a daughter. I have two sons.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I have two sons. I think you had a daughter. My daughter's right here.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Why don't you 21 and 13. No, that'll alarm me.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Mine are. My daughter's 21 and maybe she should meet your son. You think? Is he available?

[Jay Moore]

No.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, he's got a girlfriend.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah, he's at Oregon.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, he's at Oregon. Go Ducks.

[Jay Moore]

Dean's listing everything.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Get out of here.

[Jay Moore]

Oh, and shit. I don't even understand, like molecular or something or other. Really a lot of microscopes and stuff.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That'S gonna lead to an actual. There's a lot of majors out there that you go like, hey, guess what, pal. AI just took their whole workforce.

[Jay Moore]

It's either a job or a bunker.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

There's no middle ground. There's no, like, I'm getting by.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Study molecular biology for eight years.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

See there you're either in the woods with a series of shovels.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Or you got a great job.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

And I got my 13 year old who's he's now playing. Is this the most West LA shit ever? He plays flag football for his school.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Uh huh.

[Jay Moore]

But my nanny goes. I go, where's Mackie? He's at fag football. She just has no idea that she's saying it wrong. Mackie's at fact football.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Isn't that the best when you hold your tongue?

[Jay Moore]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Just go like, oh, no, I need to hear that.

[Jay Moore]

But then I get to practice. Whoa.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Those guys. No. A fact football.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

A fact football.

[Jay Moore]

He's a fag football.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He grabbed the. He grabbed the handkerchief from the other.

[Jay Moore]

He pulled the other man. How come I said I don't even know how to speak Spanish.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's what fact phobos, like you grab the guy's dick to get him down.

[Jay Moore]

Everybody wants to get tackled.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I have so many things I want to ask you.

[Jay Moore]

Let's do it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Can you tell me you got married twice? You've been married twice?

[Jay Moore]

Three times.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Three times, yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Once again, Jeannie is my third.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Okay. The first one was that actress, right?

[Jay Moore]

Nicole. Nikki. Jeannie.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, Nicole. I didn't know Nick. I didn't know Nicole. Who was she? She an actress?

[Jay Moore]

My son's mom.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Not to be spoken of on a public forum.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, very good.

[Jay Moore]

Out of respect. Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. So when you got married. I don't know which marriage this was, but Buddy Hackett came to the wedding. Can you tell a story about that?

[Jay Moore]

Buddy was like a father to me. I don't really.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Were you on a TV show with him?

[Jay Moore]

Action. Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Well, I met Buddy. I auditioned for the. And got the role of the voice of the bird in Paulie.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

And they sent me a picture of this bird, and I'm like, what do I know? It's DreamWorks.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

So they're like, it's DreamWorks. It's a big deal. I'm like, all right. Then they sent me a video. I was like, I'm not gonna go in. Then I got a VHS video of a blue crowned conure sitting on a perch, which was four hours long of.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Just a bird squawking or just sitting.

[Jay Moore]

Just sitting.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

They just had, like, surveillance footage of a bird.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

And then Sunday, I get a call. It was a Sunday. I get a call from my agent like this. This whole movie is going to go away if. If you don't go in like some bull, you know?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

So I'm like, all right, I'll go in. But I'm like, what voice do you do? Do I do my own voice? Like, who wants to hear that? And I'm like, don't do something hard, because you're gonna have to remember which. And I started doing, like, a New York accent. I got the picture of the bird taped to my steering wheel to just make me nuts.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

And I start doing Ed Norton from the Honeymooners. Hey, there. But the bird's a little cuter. So I started going a little higher. Hey, man. I realized I'm doing buddy hacking. So I'm like, oh, my God. I'm gonna do a buddy hacking impression for this bird.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Now I'm like, flying, running. Red light. I can't wait. I put this thing off for two months now. I'm like, woo. I got a. I get in there. I'm like, I wish I could fly. I get in there like, you want the sides? I'm like, nope. You want something to drink? Nope. They're like, okay, we're ready for you. Buddy Hackett walks out of the room.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No way.

[Jay Moore]

How does that. That only happens to guys like us.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's crazy.

[Jay Moore]

How are you, pal? Yeah. And I'm like, well, I either just do it and act like a psychopath.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Jay Moore]

And so I did it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

I get the part. He gets hired to be a part.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You got the part.

[Jay Moore]

Doing him.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Doing him.

[Jay Moore]

Right.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So it's like that classic thing of like, who's Jay Moore? Get me Jay Moore. Get me a Jay Moore type type. And then who's Jay Moore?

[Jay Moore]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So you. You became. I did a buddy.

[Jay Moore]

Buddy Hackett impression. That was my plan. He walks out of the room. I go in. Just stick to it anyway. I get the part, but I also get a speaking part as a grifter. So I'm in a pawn shop. Buddy Hackett is the pawn shop owner. The birds in the corner. If you close your eyes, you don't know who's talking.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Between the three of us. And then one point during. Between setups, Buddy Hacker goes, I'll never understand how you got a part doing me. And I go, I think they just wanted a younger sounding you. He goes, fair enough. You know what the fly said when he walked over the mirror? That's one way of looking at it. It's a constant barrage. So, yeah, I don't. I don't really remember him at the wedding so much. Like, nothing significant. He was just.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Wasn't there a story?

[Jay Moore]

That's Barry Katz's wedding.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, Barry Katz's wedding.

[Jay Moore]

He threw the wine on the.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, tell the story.

[Jay Moore]

You know when you, like, unplug, equip, or you stop playing equipment, but you still have that, like, that barely audible hum from, like, shitty speakers.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

So apparently that was happening. And then Buddy's like, you gotta get.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Rid of the hum before he's making a toast. Right?

[Jay Moore]

He's doing the toast. You gotta get rid of the hum before. Before my toast. I can't be giving me a headache. And he throws water on the, like, Casio keyboard and ruins it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So the band can't play for the rest of the time without a keyboard.

[Jay Moore]

Kind of. Thank God, right? I like live music. That's, like. Live music.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes.

[Jay Moore]

My new absolute. Nothing's above this pet peeve. I go to a restaurant to get a nice quesadilla and chips, and there's a fucking guy in the corner playing Guns N Roses on an acoustic guitar.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Okay.

[Jay Moore]

She's got a smile. It's like, you know, it'd be better if you were not doing that.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Like, if you vanished this with my dining experience.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

With, like, the tide coming up.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. The exception more than words.

[Jay Moore]

Like, what the fuck is going on?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Why is this a good idea?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

You could just play the song.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right? And he's doing it with the confidence. Totally unwarranted confidence.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah. When they do the same. When they bang the guitar drum fill.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right. The volumes at 11, bro.

[Jay Moore]

You are the worst. Even when they're great.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. The one exception. Vegas lounges. Yeah. Cookie.

[Jay Moore]

He didn't have a guitar. He just pressed a button.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He played well. No, but he built it. He layered it. First he played a little riff on the piano. He put it on a loop, and then he then he recorded a little riff on the guitar and he put that on a loop. And then he was the original Reggie Watts. He was. He really was. And people don't know this. He had a big hairpiece. Kind of like it was like Elvis meets.

[Jay Moore]

A governor. Like a mayor from Rhode Island.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, exactly. It was like Italian Elvis.

[Jay Moore]

It was like a. Like Jeremy Renner and fucking with the big. I don't know the name of the movie. That was a terrible reference. Rich Voss and me are at cookie jar at the Continental in Vegas.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Rich Voss says to me, give me a hundred dollars. I just lost my money at cramps. I'm like, all right. We are sitting seven feet from Cookie. It's in the lounge. It's not like. It's not like you're. It's. It's this size.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

I give him a hundred dollars cookie jars, like, you know, doing his thing. And then ain't no particular time. He's got that different. He Guy would change wigs each performer.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yep.

[Jay Moore]

So Voss comes back five minutes later, give me another hundred dollars. I have a system. I give him another 100. And I just gotten paid. And I asked for cash. Some cash. So I was. I had a lot of dough on me.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

So I give Voss $1,000, like, fucking. Just. I don't give a shit. Like, now I just want to see how far this goes. As Rich Voss is taking the money. Cookie jars, right there. He goes, if you don't know me, my handcuff him to the chair. He's got a sickness. You'll never have a knee.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That was his thing. He'd be in the middle of a heartfelt bow, and he'd pepper in some fucking dead on crowd work and all that. I mean, I think.

[Jay Moore]

Handcuff him to the chair. He's got a fucking.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I got a system.

[Jay Moore]

Oh, my God. We get in the cab and go Continental. And the cab driver goes, airlines or hotel? And boss goes, do you see any fucking luggage, dummy? Just. But then you go. You come up with those guys.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

And I don't know if you have this experience, but then you go out into the real world and you continue to act that way. Yeah, not such a good fit. Now you want to set. You're like, hey, nice pants. Would you blow your b. And people are like, oh, no, I.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Play golf with them. And he does that. They'll pair us up with somebody else. And he'll go in hard on them. And it's either a friend for life or complete shutdown.

[Jay Moore]

Well, I Would just continue that. And then when you have success and you still do the dozens in your day to day life.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Doesn't go over very well now.

[Jay Moore]

Now I think about how I am envious and am I less than days jealous of guys that are like selling out? Like if they walked into a room and started shitting on me.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

I'd want to. I'd want to murder them.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Jay Moore]

So I'm like, oh, my whole. There's 20 years of my life now that makes sense with how people felt about me.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

How did people feel about you?

[Jay Moore]

I don't know. You have to ask them now.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

I don't know.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I think people have a lot of respect for you.

[Jay Moore]

I think now I've kind of. There's no more chase in me.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

You know when you stand in line for medication at 50 with no drawstring in your pants and no laces in your shoes.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

That's kind of humbling.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

And then, I mean I was. I mean I was out of show business.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Greggy.

[Jay Moore]

You look at my IMDb page and there's like a huge. It's like Keanu Reeves, Forest Whitaker, Al Pacino. Then there's like a gap. Big gap. And then there's like a talking dog movie. And I'm not like, I'm not a lead dog.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, you're in the pack.

[Jay Moore]

I'm the salesman at Chewy Vuitton. I work at Bark Williams. And then there's another huge gap and it's, you know.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, it's.

[Jay Moore]

I was unhirable.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Because it, you know, I remember when you.

[Jay Moore]

I'm a drug addict. Right.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, I remember when you were spinning out. Hanging out with you a couple times at the clubs. And yeah. You were really, you were manic. And I didn't know, I didn't know it was drug fueled. I thought that you were just having manic episodes. Was it both or was it drugs?

[Jay Moore]

Well, I mean, if one makes the other.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Jay Moore]

And one made depression really bad. So I could, I would go to a psychiatrist and be prescribed four different medications for bipolar disorder and manic depression.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

And then I go into a program and I work 12 steps and I realize, oh, my biggest, my biggest mental illness is alcoholism. And then you just slowly get off the medications and.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Jay Moore]

Which is fucking bananas.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So they were prescribing all these bipolar medications without looking.

[Jay Moore]

I was snorting Adderall in the guy's bathroom.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

And then coming in like.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

She's like, I think this guy's having a. He probably thought the same thing you did. You try to get off like an antidepressant? Yeah, it's like six weeks.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Six weeks? Dude, it took me a year to get off one.

[Jay Moore]

I quit cocaine in an afternoon. Yeah, but the shit you prescribe, you take two pills, take one of them, break it in half, do that for three weeks, then we're gonna go. How do you feel?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

You okay?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

It's like. Jesus.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, it changes the way your brain works. I took. I took one for 10 years and it took me literally a year of shaving. Shaving a piece off every day.

[Jay Moore]

Crazy.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And if I did more than that, I went dark, you know?

[Jay Moore]

Really?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And the truth is, like, you know, nobody ever said to me when they started prescribing this stuff, are you exercising? Are you meditating? What's your diet like? Do you have a lot of. You got a lot of bad carbs in your diet.

[Jay Moore]

How's your morning routine?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, right, right. You know, how's your friendships?

[Jay Moore]

So, yeah, so I replace like every morning now. I've kicked the shit out of the day by 9:00am yeah, like, we were just talking about late spots. Like you said a 1040 spot. I'm like, I said, bro, I'm getting up to piss at 1040. Yeah. Like, I'm literally waking up to take my first pee of the night at 10:40.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

I can't do it. 8:00. I'm like, yeah, when's big brother coming on? So I do love big brother.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And then you're up at what, like six?

[Jay Moore]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Well, on weekdays, me and my 13 year old go to the gym. We're at the gym at 6 because he wants to lift before seventh grade.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Get out of here.

[Jay Moore]

It's the fucking best.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Damn.

[Jay Moore]

I'm stunned that he hasn't quit. That we started in May.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Huh.

[Jay Moore]

And we're. And he's like, you got to get me up earlier. I want to walk to the gym. When it's like dark, dark, I'm like, let's do it. Which is great. But at the same time it's like, Jesus Christ, now I gotta get up.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Which means I gotta go to bed at nine.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. And then how long do you work out for?

[Jay Moore]

40 minutes. Because he's got his whole route. He's got to get home, shower, have breakfast, get his books ready.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Jay Moore]

So we're out the door at 7:40.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No cardio, just weights.

[Jay Moore]

Warm up a little bit. I was doing cardio and then I transitioned to just weights.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Because I was fat, you know, I couldn't. I'm like, I'm not gonna run. I hate running so much. So I do the elliptical. I do a bit about it where it's like, I'm on the elliptical and in my mind I'm like a UFC fighter cutting weight for a fight. And I'm just, I'm listening to AC DC like I'm rolling thunder and I'm pound rain. But if you look at me, just.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, I mean, that's the secret to life. That's the secret to life, man. What is it? What is it?

[Jay Moore]

Dance through the whole place.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Dance like nobody's watching. Like you just. When you can't, when you don't give a. That you look like that guy.

[Jay Moore]

I don't care. I dressed up to come here.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. All right, so I want to ask you about your wife now. Do you want to talk about your wife now?

[Jay Moore]

Sure.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Okay, so Jeannie is somebody who I think a lot of people are familiar with from the, from the miniseries that she was in. What was that called? Dynasty or Winning Time. Winning Time, yeah. Great series. And how did she feel? She. How did she feel about the depiction of her?

[Jay Moore]

And I mean, I'll, you know, she'd have to answer for herself, you know, But I will say, I will ask you to imagine there's a TV show about the Fitzsimmons family and no one, nobody asked you for any input whatsoever.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Okay. Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

And then you sit on your couch and they're like, oh, they nailed that.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Uh huh.

[Jay Moore]

I don't remember that.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, it's.

[Jay Moore]

It's like an out of body experience. But my friend Jim Hecht is one of the producers and he invited us. He goes, I know this is a no, but we recreated her childhood home. If you guys want to come to set on the weekend and just check it out, I'm like, yeah, probably a no, but I'll ask. And she was like, yes. And she said, like to the tile. They nailed it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No shit.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah. Like she was kind of freaked out. Like at the bottom she goes, you have no idea how many days I stood right here at the bottom of these stairs waiting for my dad to come down.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Wow.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah, it was creepy.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's amazing.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And you know, they did that I wrote on Crashing and they recreated the Boston Comedy Club. Did you hear about this? I'm telling you, Jay, it's on a soundstage and you walk in and the steps, you know, when you walk in the door, you go up.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Exact three steps, same headshot. They had photos. The million photos of the Boston Comedy Club. The stage, the height of the stage, the backdrop, the headshots. Crazy what they can do, you know?

[Jay Moore]

Set designers are insane.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

I mean, you look at, like, Jerry Maguire, the firing scene with all that. Yeah, that was. That was a soundstage.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Oh, really? And it had an upstairs.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah, it was just this giant ass office.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

And the phones. Some of the phones actually work. I had business cards. I wish I still had it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Bombshell. Yeah, yeah.

[Jay Moore]

With the name of the place.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So she wasn't unhappy with the depiction. Why? She'll have to speak for herself, but that is a weird. Did you guys sit and watch the show every week as it came out?

[Jay Moore]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was happy with some. Really happy with some aspects of it that I'll tell you off, Mike, and other ones. It's. Yeah, I think there's a sense of, like, finally people know what I'm fucking dealing with here, you know?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, you deal with somebody that is obviously very driven. And according to the show, a lot of that drive was coming from not the healthiest place because.

[Jay Moore]

Is it better, dad?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Oh, no, I wasn't talking about him. But yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

So, yeah, she was. Look, man, we've been. I say when I speak at a meeting, I'll say it sometimes. And it's. It's. It's true. Ish. My wife's been with me seven years. I've been with her three.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Okay.

[Jay Moore]

You know, like, I was just a maniac, you know?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So she was.

[Jay Moore]

She stuck with me. And I. You know, she was at my intervention. I thought. I thought she did the intervention. So when I. When I packed for rehab, I just angry packed, and I never took my eyes off her, like. And then when I got to rehab, I just had 14 pairs of socks. I hate to call her and go, could you bring me pants? How you doing? What are you doing right now? You want to drive down to San Clemente and maybe bring me a shirt? What's that? Oh, yeah. Shoes. Just like. How do you pack for rehab?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, right.

[Jay Moore]

Like, we're gonna leave right now.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

All right.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Wow.

[Jay Moore]

Like, what do you bring? Right, bro? You want to laugh? The greatest laughter I've ever had in my life was those 30 days in that first rehab.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Because I did two back to back. So I did the one, and there was a zoom call with, like, Frosty and Chappie.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

And the guys that were at my intervention.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

What's the first thing on my script?

[Jay Moore]

Chappie.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Love him.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Love, Kevin Chapman.

[Jay Moore]

I thought they were gonna argue over, like, who got to come pick me up. Instead, they. Chappie held up a brochure to another rehab. Like, no, no, I got a guy coming to get you. He's going to take you to this other place up north. JJ the bus broke down, but they didn't fix the bus. They just kept an eye on it. This next place is going to fix the bus. I was like, bro. Oh. So then I went to the. But like that first it was like, all Mexican gangbangers and me.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Wow.

[Jay Moore]

And I remember playing Scattergories, and one of the topics was, name us. Name a celebrity whose name starts with R. And this big gang banger goes, queen Latifah. I got Queen Latifah. Hand to God. I said, you're a fucking ape. And he goes, what the fuck did you say to me? I go, I said, you are an ape. Como el Garrillo. It was on. Yeah, but those are your guys, like, the guys you get sober with. Are they like.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, Kevin Chapman is a guy that I first met him because he had a club in Boston. It was a Sober Footprints. Footprints, yeah. Down at Quincy. And he used to bring the comics down there. And because of his personality, he was doing stand up. And he got to know everybody. Sweeney and Gavin and everybody. Jackie Flynn and Kevin Flynn, Lynn. And we would all go down to Quincy and we would do the sober club. And people like, sober people because, like, the misconception is that they're, you know, straight laced and boring and. No, they have the same energy they had when they were drinking, but now they're not dull. Now they're sharp.

[Jay Moore]

And they were younger than I thought.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

They'D be, and they. They were the best crowds. And Chappie was such a character. Oh, he still is. He. I just haven't seen him in a while.

[Jay Moore]

He came with me to buy my first car, Galpin Ford. And it was like 11pm on a Wednesday. And this guy Terry, this towhead blonde guy is sitting there and he goes, that's the best I can do. He doesn't know that Chappie used to sell cars.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He did, right?

[Jay Moore]

And Chappie. This is what Chappie said, Terry. It's a little warm for a ski mask. Why are you robbing him, Terry? You're forgetting about the rebate you're gonna get when you tax this part and you switch that over to your ioc. The guy goes, let me go in the back, talk to my manager. And he goes, terry, there's Nobody back there. It's 11 o'clock on a Wednesday. He's at home with his kids, Terry, why you robbing him? Why are you wearing a ski mask, Terry? So it's six months. So I got it for sticker price. And then six months later, I called up and I go, hey, do I. I asked for the guy, Terry, and I go, do I get free oil changes? And he goes, are you gonna bring that guy Chucky Chippy with you? I go, chappie? He goes, yeah. I go, no, he's in Boston. He goes, you keep him out of here, I'll give you free oil changes for as long as you want.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He gave me. He put me in touch with a guy that he used to work with to buy a car. I bought a Volkswagen Passat from this dude. And this guy was like, you know, real fast talking, red hair slicked back, and you know, the horrible fucking suit. All polyester, real, like Feline's basement, Filene's basement suit. And he's like, you know, gives me this deal and he's Chappie's guy. And so. And I. I didn't know what the fuck I was paying. I should have bought Chappie with me, but I trusted the guy because. So anyway, the guy was doing a lot, and he come to my shows after that, and he was always, you know, fucking clearly doing blow. And then about six months later, he calls me and he had gotten sober and he gave me $3,000 back.

[Jay Moore]

Oh, financial amends.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

How hard he had taken me.

[Jay Moore]

Financial amends. Yeah, yeah, it's nice. When I made amends to Barry Katz. You'll love this more than anybody. We meet in Malibu at this restaurant at night, and I go, you know, because of my addiction, I did this, this and this and this. I just want you to know I don't live like that anymore. If I left anything out, I hope you'll tell me. And mostly, Barry, I'll hope you tell me how I can make it up to you. He goes, did you bring a checkbook? I said, no, I'll think of something, man. Did you bring a checkbook?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's amazing. What the fuck, dude? Who can. Who can make a fucking movie about Barry Katz?

[Jay Moore]

Undeniable.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I knew Barry Katz when he, you know, he was working in a basement in Allston. It was a one bedroom apartment with Nina, who was his assistant, but really she was doing all the booking. And he walked around in his socks. He's six foot six.

[Jay Moore]

It was his house.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It was. Oh, did he live there? He left and he was booking like a good 22 rooms around New England. And they were like. They mostly hell gigs. Some of them were great and. But, you know, paying everybody cash out of. You show up at the office and you get paid.

[Jay Moore]

Can you bring Don Gavin to the Tipperary pub? He's there the week after you. Yeah, yeah, it was $900.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, that's a headline for the.

[Jay Moore]

Monday to Sunday was 900 bucks.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

It was a million dollars.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yep.

[Jay Moore]

To get a $900 check at 20, 19 years old. It was a million dollars.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yep.

[Jay Moore]

How do you have a grudge against a guy that did that for you?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, yeah, I love him so much. No, he would. And the thing is, he would always make you bring the headliner because they all lost their licenses. They were all drunks. And so you'd have to drive and pick up Mike Donovan in Brooke Rock.

[Jay Moore]

You're gonna have to leave now.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You're gonna have to leave.

[Jay Moore]

He lives in New Hampshire.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, you know the famous story about him, right? He's. I'll do it. No, you do it. Cause you got a better. You got a better impersonation.

[Jay Moore]

Hey, Papa. Hey, Greg. Are you sitting down? I have a gig for you. It's in Weymouth, Massachusetts, if you want it. You have to leave now. You have to pick up Steve Sweeney at his grandmother's house in Warwick, Rhode Island. It pays a thousand dollars. Do you want it?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, I'll do it.

[Jay Moore]

Oh, man, it's canceled. I got a. I got an addendum to that. Hey, Greg, it's Barry. Are you sitting down, man? Yeah, I don't. You're not going to believe this. This. So the. The country, China, they want to do Stand up on the Great Wall of China. It's going to be covered by cnn. And out of thousands of comedians, they chose you. They want you to do stand up comedy in communist China on the Great Wall of China on New Year's Eve. It's going to be covered by every major network. You're going to be times man of the Year. It pays a half million dollars. Do you want the gig?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Oh, that's fantastic. Do you know how to fly a Learjet?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No.

[Jay Moore]

You've never flown a Lear jet?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No.

[Jay Moore]

I'll tell him.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Okay?

[Jay Moore]

I'll tell him.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

If people could only know how spot on that impression is. I will beg of you, go listen to State of the Industry, the Barry Katz. Just listen to five minutes just to hear his voice.

[Jay Moore]

I love him. And he looks exactly like Dirk Nowitzki. If you're wondering.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes, he does.

[Jay Moore]

It's not what you would think. A talent manager of that fame.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, yeah. He always sees me and he goes, you're one of the good ones.

[Jay Moore]

You deal in the light, man. There's some of these guys, man.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

That's why I don't like the comedy stories. Just too much darkness. How's your wife and kids?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Good. Really good. Yeah. My wife is. She started a new career about five years ago where she's a doula. Postnatal doula. So once they have the baby, she helps them with the breastfeeding and the sleeping and coaching them on the early days. She loves it.

[Jay Moore]

Breastfeeding has been coming up on my algorithm on Instagram. I'm not complaining.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Dude. I'm kind of into those. Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Now the.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But they're fake babies.

[Jay Moore]

No, that's. I was gonna say the who is. They figured out the Instagram chicks have figured out how to get around this censorship.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

They just have a doll and they whip out their boob and.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Like this.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Because you can't have nudity on the Internet unless it's like, it's your breastfeeding doll. Yeah. So they get these dolls and they put a little bit of drop of milk on it, so when they pull the baby's face off, you get a nice drip. Yeah. Yeah, it's nice. And then Jojo, who, you know should have been here, she fucking flaked out. We got to talk to her. She. She usually comes in and in here. Yeah, she's doing good.

[Jay Moore]

Good kids. You got good kids. I remember going to your house to do your podcast.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

And it just. It was just like being at my. Your wife's. Just like, you staying for dinner? What are you doing? Like, the kids just. Your kids are. They were like, my kids, we're doing something right. Just come. Their. Their social IQs are up to charge.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes.

[Jay Moore]

Like, they were in high school and they're like, hey, how you doing?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, like, oh.

[Jay Moore]

Like, I. We went bowling and my. My friend was visiting from Japan, he teaches English in Japan and he brought his 18 year old Japanese daughter. And they just got off the plane. There's like 10 of us at this bowling alley. And after like 10 minutes catching up, my son, my 13, he was 12 at the time, goes, I don't think I introduced myself. I'm Mackie. I'm Jason. And I was like, what am I worried about his grades for? That's. Who's gonna sell Leo jets.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yep, yep. Who cares about 100%? I feel like that about my kids is they're confident. They feel like they're. They feel like they're, like, invited to the party.

[Jay Moore]

Well, they are.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

They're comfortable in their own skin.

[Jay Moore]

They're the kind of guy. Like, I'm the kind of guy, too. Like, here's our table. It's going well. Who's. Who's coming with us?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Right.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I think it's how we were raised. I mean, I was raised by two parents that were both. I think they cared about people's experience, and I think that might have made me a comedian as well. I cared that people were having a good time, that they were laughing. If things were. I mean, this was. It was a little too much pressure on this, but if things were boring, I had to fix them. And that was. That was adult child stuff, you know, that I was dealing with. My dad was an alcoholic, but, yeah, that's.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah. Like, that's just leaving me now. And that's why it's the worst when you invite friends to a show.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Because in the moment when you invite them, you really mean it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

I'm doing a show. You should come. Oh, great. They're gone. And then you get to the show and you're like. Then they're, like, texting you, where's the bathroom?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Like, this fucking guy.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, I got a rule. No friends at shows. I don't. People ask me, hey, I'd love to come out and see it. Not in la. Not New York. If you're in Boise, Idaho, and I'm playing, great. Love to see you. I'll put you on the guest list. Not LA or New York. When I'm in. When I'm in la, I want to be in the back hallway fucking around with Craig Robinson and Fahim Anwar and whoever. You know, those are. Those are my. That's. I'm at work.

[Jay Moore]

You don't want to turn to your friend every fifth sentence, go see that. Rich Walsh is the guy we know.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Right.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah. My thing is.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

It's that I want everybody to have a good time. Like, that's my role. Also, like, every pause in a conversation, I have to do something. I think that's ACA shit.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I notice it with. When people do get sober and they're really, you know, working it, suddenly they're silent. At times, they can let silence happen.

[Jay Moore]

You and I stared at each other so long. A little earlier, I thought there was a glitch.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, that's what I mean. I felt it from you earlier, you know, oh, thanks.

[Jay Moore]

You know, like on the Internet, they're like, watch this person glitch out.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

And like you and I, there was just a pause and we just stared at each other. And I'm like, wow, this is a long time. And then you finally said something.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I love a silence.

[Jay Moore]

I do.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jay Moore]

I love. In a meeting when they're like, all right, anybody want to share, raise your hand. And nobody raises their hand. It's like breaking the sound barrier. People just can't take it. They're like, hi, I'm Mark. I'm an alcoholic sell out.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

We had a real moment going there for a second.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah. Just look around the room.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, also, if you, you know, I've got it with my wife. I mean, Jesus Christ.

[Jay Moore]

That took a while. What? To being able to just be quiet.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Just be quiet. And I remember my father said that about my mother. He's like, I knew that we were meant for each other when we could be alone in a room and quiet.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah. You know, so the first time I did this, walked another guy through the steps, like I had been taken through them. Now I gotta return the favor, right?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. What is that, the 12th step?

[Jay Moore]

The 12? Yeah. Yeah. And that's when I realized. Cuz I. I wanted. This guy was sharing things with me that were heinous. Like felonies. Got to get all the secrets out. His hands were shaking, holding this notebook. And like, whatever you're thinking of that he. Yes. Like there. Nothing's off the table. It was a vile. And I wanted to like jump off the couch and go. Just so you know, you're doing great. And I was like. But I listening at. At this. I was 51, 54. Now was an entirely new skill set.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Mm.

[Jay Moore]

Like actually being a person sitting present, not thinking of what I'm saying next. Because then you're not listening. I didn't know how to do it so much. I did an impression of my sponsor listening to me. I went like this. And he's like a big Texan. And I just kept going. Turns out that's listening.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, right.

[Jay Moore]

Turns out that's listening.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And that's what draws people out.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Because if you guide them now they're saying, what, what, what, what you're coaching them to say?

[Jay Moore]

Wouldn't it be the. Wouldn't you be if you were. If you were like an attorney. Oh, shooting fish in a barrel.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Oh, yeah. I had a guy at my house doing a fourth and fifth step. And when he was done with all his resentments, I go you know, the two questions afterwards. I go, you ever been molested? No. Any gay stuff? No. I go, okay. Any. Any. Any secrets? Like, now's the time, man. And I saw him go. That little. That just something metaphysical.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

The.

[Jay Moore]

33 minutes we sat in silence for 33. I knew we had something. And then finally it got out, really? And he just starts crying.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Wow.

[Jay Moore]

Like, I've never told anybody this.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Do you think it was like a repressed memory or he just never talked about it?

[Jay Moore]

No, I'm never telling anybody this.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Jay Moore]

And he just had somebody sit across from him that he felt safe with. Go. And I think that's.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But let me ask you one thing.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Is it like, when you're talking to a shrink where there's. If they tell you about a felony, is there a certain point you have to report them? Like, if somebody said, I raped a girl, you just listen? Wow. That's powerful.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah. Like, my sponsor knows my most vile shit.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

And I did the steps twice my first year. I just. I like the effect produced by it so much, I just got back in line.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Like drugs.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Right.

[Jay Moore]

But then the second time, I'm like, oh, I left some shit. I left some nooks and crannies, you know, and these two guys. Just. The most beautiful thing I've experienced was men in my life. Older men made time for me. They were never put out. They sat me a fourth step, fifth step. It can take a couple days. Like, I got a guy. It took like, three days.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Which. Which ones are those?

[Jay Moore]

I. All my resentments. What's my part in it. And my part in it is always I'm selfish. I'm only thinking of me. I kept secrets. I'm petty. I want different rules for you than apply to me. And my expectations aren't met. And I'm pissed I didn't get my way.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Wah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

It's just all that little kid, child of an alcoholic, in the crib, crying until somebody fucking hands him something. There's no tricky curves. Right.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But what's underneath that? That you don't feel that your needs are gonna be met?

[Jay Moore]

Oh, yeah. It's all a fear of being left alone. And then. So it's. The fourth step is I'm resentful towards blank. So that's column one. Column two is for doing X. And then the third column is, this affects my pride, self esteem, ego, personal relations, sexual relations, ambition, financial security and feeling of safety. So whichever one applies, you tick that off. Fourth column. What's my part in it?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Jay Moore]

So like if you were molested as a kid, my. My only part is I'm still holding onto it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Jay Moore]

But usually it's like, well, I. I've done something in the past to step on that toe. Where it comes back karmically. Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Jay Moore]

And that's. And then when. And then what's the underlying fear? Going back to your question, what's the underlying fear with all of these defects of character that I have? And it's always I'm afraid I'm going to be left alone.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And the first step, which is admitting.

[Jay Moore]

I'm powerless and my life has become unmanageable.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right. And that part you have to keep coming back to, I guess. Right.

[Jay Moore]

I mean, every morning.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And then the higher power is step two.

[Jay Moore]

Step two is I'm willing to accept the fact that maybe somebody else could run my life better than me.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Jay Moore]

Step three is committing to that step three prayers.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Jay Moore]

A daily thing.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So is that then fill you up with a sense that if there is a higher power, that you don't have to be afraid that you're gonna be abandoned and left alone and not provided for and financial and all that stuff.

[Jay Moore]

I don't think it ever goes away, Greggy. I think it's. I think you just get a relief from it for longer and longer periods of time. Like when I got married, that was a. That was a big weight. Like. Okay. I mean, I married pretty well. Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

So it's like, I do, I do. I'm. Wow. She's not gonna leave me.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Like, we're married.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Jay Moore]

So I think I was kind of like the woman.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Uh huh.

[Jay Moore]

Like, when are we gonna married? When we get married. When are we gonna get married? When are we gonna get married? You know? You know what I'm talking about.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

But we have separate. It's. If life was fair, I would not be with her. She's. I gave her every reason to leave me.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. What do you think made her stay with you?

[Jay Moore]

She saw. She saw something in me worth hanging around. You know, it's. It's like a bad neighborhood. There's a fucking. A toy store with a broken window and there's guys in there smoking cigarettes and rolling, but way in the back, like. That's a nice bike. Flat tires.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

No handlebars. Like. No. Well, that's. Whose guy.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Whose bike is that?

[Jay Moore]

I don't know. It's a weird analogy, but we were. We were supposed to be together. And obviously you and your wife were supposed to be together. You guys, you Guys cohabitate. Well, like, I was. I was. I was like, oh, this is how you do it?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

That was 10 years ago.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. I mean, it's 25 years this summer. And. And I realized, like, when people talk about how much work marriage is, I feel so lucky. I'm like, it's really not.

[Jay Moore]

No.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

If you can find the right person.

[Jay Moore]

It'S like, you gotta know when to leave each other the fuck alone.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Exactly. That's what it is.

[Jay Moore]

Last. We have three dogs, right?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

One is her baby, like the Maltese. It's. It's one and it's hers. So they have. We have this routine like, we watch TV and then we take the dogs out, and her dog won't take a shit, so she's got to take it out by herself because she knows where it likes to go. And the dog kind of leads her around. So I'm like, I'll go with you. And just. Something was. Something was off in that walk. And about, you know, eight minutes in, I go. If this energy is weird, you know what? I just went back upstairs. Like, it just. It was weird. Like, that's their thing.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jay Moore]

You know what I mean? Yeah. Like. And I never had. I never had a woman that liked me.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Like, that truly was attracted to me all the time, admired me and liked me, bro.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But she liked the bad you.

[Jay Moore]

She put up with the bad me.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Really? There was the new year.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah. Right. I had sex twice in a day last week. I haven't done that since my 20s.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Because I'm an old fucking man.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, yeah. I got the shot clock. 24 hour shot clock.

[Jay Moore]

That's it. And, like, we just had sex four weeks ago. What do you. Leave me alone? Like, we just did it last month.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

All right. And you know what it took the second time? I mean, I'm talking like, four hours apart, which is incredible. I'm 54 fucking years old. I did so many drugs it shouldn't even work. But it works. You know what? It took the second time for me to get bonered up. We're laying on the bed. Not in the bed, fully clothed, on top of the bed, watching Big Brother. And she just looks over and goes, you're so handsome. I'm like, let's go finish before the nominations.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I love it.

[Jay Moore]

Got. Got it done before the noms. And I said that out loud.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Finish before the. No.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, yeah. Because that second one. That second one can take a minute.

[Jay Moore]

No, it was great.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

All right, we're going to do a Thing called fastballs with fits. Do you need some water? Here, take some of my water.

[Jay Moore]

No, mine's full. I only spilled half.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, okay. Good. You.

[Jay Moore]

You noticed that glitch, that moment?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

That was great. You're the best.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, I don't call it a glitch. No?

[Jay Moore]

No. In my mind, I'm like, oh, this is like on the Internet when they go, these two guys glitched.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. No, I mean, we're brothers. We started together.

[Jay Moore]

I love you, buddy.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I love you too, man. Yeah. I was so excited you were coming, and it was so easy. Texted you 30 seconds later, when and where. Yeah, yeah.

[Jay Moore]

You're my guy, dude.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

As John DiMaggio would say.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And what would Joe DiMaggio say? He's dead, all right? He's through the money store. Remember? He.

[Jay Moore]

No, I was still with Zodo. Joe DiMaggio did. Mr. Coffee. Let me get a fastball. What do we got?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right, right. Okay. Who is your best Asian friend ever? Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Oof. Like, Bobby Lee never counts, right? Yeah, he's tough to pet.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's really hard. He's tough to pet.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I know. Yeah. It's so funny.

[Jay Moore]

We all chasing this guy around.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

We all want to be closer to Bobby Lee.

[Jay Moore]

CO2.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Tough to pet.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yep.

[Jay Moore]

They probably really like you, and I want to. All right. My closest Asian friend ever. Wow. That's not a fastball. That's a fucking knee buckling curveball.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, I thought of it this morning.

[Jay Moore]

That's a Hideki Matsui screwball. I don't think I've ever had a close Asian friend.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Interesting.

[Jay Moore]

Right now there's an Asian guy going, what the.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

What's he saying?

[Jay Moore]

What? Oh, motherfuck you.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Jane. No more.

[Jay Moore]

Hold on. I got an answer for this. No, I don't know. I think I've ever had an Asian friend.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Okay.

[Jay Moore]

Who's yours?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I don't think I have one either. I would. I'd like. Bobby Lee is also my Bobby Lee. If you were to be trans, would you rather be a woman who was born a man or a man who was born a woman?

[Jay Moore]

Can I. Would I rather transition to being like me now becoming a woman?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, no. Just in. In more of a. In more of a supposition.

[Jay Moore]

I think I'd rather be a guy becoming a woman because then I could still fight and protect myself.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Interesting.

[Jay Moore]

If I'm a woman becoming a man and somebody rolls up on me, I'm. You know, I'm still that 106 pound chick from the Roller derby.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right. I see that, but I feel like the man who became a woman is going to attract more conflict and cock. Ever won any awards?

[Jay Moore]

People's Choice Award.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Did you really?

[Jay Moore]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No shit.

[Jay Moore]

For Gary Unmarried.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But wow, that's pretty cool because that's the people.

[Jay Moore]

I won a Recovery Award, which was just how, you know, rock to recovery. Like, we can get this guy out of function. We'll give him an award. I think I was honored to have it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Right.

[Jay Moore]

But I was like, sure.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Were you at the People's Choice Awards to receive it?

[Jay Moore]

Yeah. And Carrie Ann Inaba from Dancing with the Stars went up to the podium, looks out at me and goes, the nominee. I'm like, jesus Christ, where'd you learn to fucking hustle?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Who did you thank in your speech, Barry?

[Jay Moore]

Undeniable man. I remember.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

My wife just saved the marriage. This way.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Who do you want to give your eulogy?

[Jay Moore]

Wow. Jeff Ross.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Nice. Good call. Yeah. He knows, because I think about. Jeff is great roaster, but also.

[Jay Moore]

Or T.D. jakes.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Who's that?

[Jay Moore]

Preacher. Big black preacher.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I don't know this motherfucker, but come on.

[Jay Moore]

Can I get any? What about Jeff? He's got a big heart.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He's got a big heart.

[Jay Moore]

He's a beautiful guy.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He's a Jewish mensch. You know, Gotta think about. I think I married a Jew. I love the Jews because they're very emotive. They're fucking direct and honest.

[Jay Moore]

He's a Jersey Jew, so he's got a double.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you ever borrowed a lot of money?

[Jay Moore]

I'm thinking about Asians.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I know.

[Jay Moore]

How do I not have any Asian friends?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

There was a kid.

[Jay Moore]

They are tough to pet.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

They are tough to ever have an Asian neighbor.

[Jay Moore]

You never. You never turn around in your street using that driveway, do you?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, you don't.

[Jay Moore]

There's a force field somewhere.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's right. That's right.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah. We. You never. Of all the times you've ever done this, like, I'll use that driveway to make a U turn.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

The Asian.

[Jay Moore]

Never the Asian driveway.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Because the landscaping is so precise. You're afraid that you would.

[Jay Moore]

I had this conversation last night. We have so many Asian neighbors. I'm like, our property values are up. Yeah. If I can get gay Asian neighbors.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right. Well, what do they say? The artists. If it's a bad neighborhood, the artists come in first, then the gays come in, then the Jews come in, then the Asians come in.

[Jay Moore]

Not my neighborhood. Playa Vista is just Asian and Russian.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Really?

[Jay Moore]

Yeah. It's like the embassy fell or something. Have you ever borrowed Recording now.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Have you ever borrowed a lot of money or lent a lot of money?

[Jay Moore]

I've always lent money. Just giving it away. Like when I was up and running.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

I would give out like 10 grand like it was lunch.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No shit.

[Jay Moore]

Somebody had a baby.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Just.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

With no expectations of it being returned, you know? Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

You can't give a sizable thing like that. It's like. But that was like my big shot ism.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

That's the ism like me.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You ever give any to Rich Voss?

[Jay Moore]

Yeah, that day, that night. You know what, Rich? You fuck. You probably owe me a grand from the fucking Continental and Cookie jar. I never thought about that. And I. Yeah, I used to take. No, I never really borrowed money. I always had the hustle.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

When I was high and needed money for drugs, I went online as a life coach.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No shit.

[Jay Moore]

I was great at it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Wow.

[Jay Moore]

As you would be, too.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, yeah.

[Jay Moore]

And I had a simple formula. I feel blank. Because blank first blank, use a one word emotion only. Second one, you can write as much as you want.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

The first one is always a veil over I'm afraid or angry.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Mm.

[Jay Moore]

And the second one, they just. They're just sending fucking postcards. They know. It's like. They just. You're like, oh, okay.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So you just throw them that up top. All of a sudden, it's 50 minutes. Wrap it up.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah. And I had like, packages or we could zoom.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah. So I. I didn't borrow money, but I always found ways to make money.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

But then I. Wow. You know, then the IRS put a lien on my house, so I wasn't very good at it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh.

[Jay Moore]

I sold off. When I lived in the Palisades, I sold a four million dollar house. I made seven grand.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Why?

[Jay Moore]

Because I was that much in debt with taxes.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, that's to be cleared after all the. The liens on the house. Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, wow.

[Jay Moore]

I remember when I got to zero, I was so in debt. I remember telling everybody, I'm at zero. I have zero dollars. Everybody's like, oh, that's terrible. I'm like, no, no, no, no. I'm coming from the other way.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

I was, like, thrilled. I was like, zero.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

All right. You're above water. Have you ever not finished a set on stage?

[Jay Moore]

Oh, yeah. Only getting heck older's like, there's no reason for this to keep going. Just maybe twice. Like, what the fuck am I doing here?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Mic in the mic stand. Bounce.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right, right.

[Jay Moore]

How about you.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I got beat up on stage one night. So that didn't. That didn't finish. And then one.

[Jay Moore]

Jesus, tell me the story.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I was at Stitches, remember?

[Jay Moore]

I loved it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And they had a Jewish comedy night. And it was like, you know, like young Jewish, like college students. It was like this before, you know, social dating from Brandeis and Brandeis and Harvard and BU and Northeast. They'd all come in. No, no, they weren't like that. No, they were. These were Long Island Jersey Jews, and they come in and they're gonna meet. And so this guy, this kid shows up. Not a kid. He's in his 20s, probably 30, and he's a cab driver from Israel, and his name is Simka. And I'll always remember that because that was the name of the village idiot and that Woody Allen movie, Love and Death. And so I said that to him as he's heckling me. I tell him that. And I'm destroying him because he showed up to meet a Jewish girl. But they don't want to meet a cab driver. They want to meet a pre med guy from Harvard. So he's getting no love and he's taking it out on me, so I'm annihilating him. And then he goes, nothing more. And then I said, all right, let me know when your friends get here. Because he was alone. Comes up on stage, fist clenched. I take the microphone, and it's one of these Game of Thrones, old school, you know, the. The steel mesh head.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah, yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And I just crack him in the forehead and he's bleeding. And then he does some Krav Maga, Israeli shit. And he gets me in a headlock. He's spinning me around, my legs are kicking around. And the bouncers finally get up there and they drag him off. And then the Harry Conforti, who is the club owner, says to me after they reset the tables, he goes, all right, Fitzsimmons, you got five more minutes. Sends me back up. I get a standing ovation because it's a. It's Boston. They'd rather see a fight than a comedy show. And so they finally calm down. And then I look out at the crowd and I go, all right, who's next?

[Jay Moore]

How many heart attacks have you had on other people when you're on set, on stage? Ever had a heart attack in the audience? No, I've had two.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Really?

[Jay Moore]

I was at. What's the place in Nashville?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Zany's.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah. And a guy has a heart attack. And, I mean, that's a small room, you know, and they're taking them out on a stretcher, and he's like, four points restraint. Like, he's got the straps across his arm, and as he goes past the stage, he goes, you were great. Just give me one of these. And I was in. I was in Denver two years ago, actually. I wasn't on stage. The middle guy was on stage. But it was at my show, I guess. And, you know, comedy works. They have the balcony and the Greenwood Village room, and somebody has a heart attack up there, and they're like, is there a doctor in their house? And I had all these AA guys at my show from Denver. One of the guys was about to get his leg amputated. So he's in a wheelchair, and it's. It's pinned straight out like this.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

And this lady, fine woman, goes, I'm a doctor. Runs down the aisle and trips over this guy's leg and eats shit. Now we need a second doctor for the doctor. It was fucking chaos.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And you haven't even got on.

[Jay Moore]

No. I'm like, jesus Christ. But that. You know, Denver is the greatest town.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. It's the best.

[Jay Moore]

Anything could happen. Could be the fucking Dust Bowl. You go up there and kill.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. I was just there a couple weeks ago. It was amazing. You end up coming home with 10 minutes of new material.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Did you stay at that condo with the.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

With the Pac man machine? Yeah. It's nice.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, it's great. It's the only condo in the country. I'll stay at same. Yeah. Although now the comedy mothership has a condo.

[Jay Moore]

Oh, yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's. It's a penthouse, and it's got two bedrooms with a balcony looking out. Overall, it's like. It's.

[Jay Moore]

I've never been to Austin.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, really?

[Jay Moore]

Just one of those weird. What's the town that's like. For some reason, you just never played it. Mine's Austin.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I never played Nashville. I went there for the first time last year just because I'd never been. I always wanted to go to the Ryman Auditorium and see a show. So I went. I saw Jason Isbell. And then. Have you heard of Wheeler Walker Jr. He's this comic who plays a country music character, but he's really funny. But, yeah, great city. I'd like to do stand up there. But they. They haven't. They haven't had me.

[Jay Moore]

I was doing Zany's Nashville, and then I had to do Knoxville. Three hours away. Steve Gorman, drummer for the Black Crows, was gonna do my podcast. We finally connected in Nashville.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Really?

[Jay Moore]

He picked me up and drove me. We recorded it on my laptop as he drove. Really? I'm sitting in the passenger seat with a mic.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No shit.

[Jay Moore]

It's the best. And we were still friends.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Dude, I saw them for the first time this year. Cried. I cried. I need a Ram on this.

[Jay Moore]

I fucking love, but no Steve Gorman, though.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Chris Robinson, one of the greatest frontmen in history, still brings it, 100%.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah. Steve Gorman's. I love Chris. I've always gotten. He's a good guy.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Steve Gorman's book, Hard to Handle about the Crows.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, really. They went hard.

[Jay Moore]

There's a reason he's not on this tour. Yeah, they were touring with Jimmy Page and they did, like, the Tonight show and then the day off, and then they're going to do Irvine Meadows with Jimmy Page, and it's going to be the most money they ever made because it's. It's a small. You know, you're doing 1500 seats.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

So it's like, two weeks in the United States, week off. Two weeks in the United States, a week off. Two weeks in Europe, week off. Two weeks in Europe,. Week off. Everybody clears 2 mil. Net.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Nice.

[Jay Moore]

And it's like, wow. So they. They do the Tonight show with Jimmy Page. Then it's like 9am and they're sitting by. Rich, the guitarist, is sitting by the pool with a bunch of strippers that he pulled. Hasn't gone to bed yet, strumming his guitar. Jimmy K. Jimmy Page comes out and goes, listen, I. I really like playing with you guys, you know? And I got 40 years of led Zeppelin riffs I've never used. I. I'd like you guys to have them, and I'd like to produce your next album. And Rich Robinson's like, we're good, bro. Appreciate it. But, you know, we're the crows. At 5pm or 8pm on the night off, that night, Steve Gorman gets a call from the manager and goes, we got a problem, Jimmy. Jimmy went home. And he goes, is it. Is it his back? He goes, no, England. He's home. So from that conversation, Jimmy Page got a Learjet and, like, he was so.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Offended that he fucked these guys, flew.

[Jay Moore]

To England, home, back to his Aleister Crowley castle. And he goes, which one was it? See the Rich or Chris? Poof. Wow.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Amazing. Final question, Jay Moore. What's the hackiest bit you've ever done?

[Jay Moore]

Well, I got a lot of them. My first closer was, I would rap as a cow.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, you did.

[Jay Moore]

And it goes a little something like this. I was In a restaurant and I saw on the menu beef medallions. Anybody, ever. I've seen a lot of cows in my life. I've never seen one wearing a medallion. What is this? A rapping cow? What is this? LL Cool Cow walking around with a big Mercedes medallion. My name is Bessie. I'm white with black spots. I sleep standing up, not in a cot.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Cot.

[Jay Moore]

I wear a bell. You can all go to hell surrounded by menorah. So of course I smell. Some people think of cows. Mind is in the gutter. Well, all you humans can suck my utters. Utters. Utters. Good night, everybody. I love you.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Dude. You're the best. Thank you so much. I'm gonna remember that I asked that bit. That's always the final question. That is without a doubt the best one.

[Jay Moore]

You're crying.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I'm crying.

[Jay Moore]

Some people think a cow's mind is in the gutter.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Suck my utters.

[Jay Moore]

Utter. And I remember Johnny Lampard going, you should go like utter. I was taking notes on this thing, like, oh, yeah, because just.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, yeah, dude. 1992, that crushed.

[Jay Moore]

That's why you play a lot of colleges.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Doing that. Stupid teenagers.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Jay Moore, if you want to see him live, he's one of the. One of the great stand up comics that's out there today. Fucking crushes every time. Tacoma, Washington, October 4th and 5th. Mohegan sun in Connecticut, October 17th through 19. Uncle Vinny's in Point Pleasant, October 25th. So much fun. BYOB is it now?

[Jay Moore]

What's more, it always has. What's more Italian than that, guys with a fucking Galliano bottle on the table and flying from home. Yeah, that long Galliano stem.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. City Winery in New York on October 26th. And then the Kravitz center in Palm Beach, November 5th through 6th. Jay Moore, you're a pleasure. Love you too, man.

[Jay Moore]

Thanks for being here.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

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