Jeremiah Watkins | Greg Fitzsimmons

Summary

Fitzdog Radio w/ Greg Fitzsimmons: Jeremiah Watkins (April 23, 2026)

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Episode Overview

In this lively, honest, and often hilarious episode, veteran comedian Greg Fitzsimmons is joined by stand-up comic, podcaster, and improviser Jeremiah Watkins. They cover a wide gamut—from the perils and rewards of comedy roasts to generational anxieties, the importance of community, parenting, and growing older in show business. The conversation moves fluidly between genuine insights and rapid-fire roasting, never straying far from the irreverent tone fans expect.

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Key Topics & Discussion Highlights

1. Therapy, Gratitude, and Aging

• Greg opens up about therapy and the paradox of gratitude journaling at 60. He jokes about his therapist recommending gratitude pages and questions who he’s supposed to thank—while quipping about his “$7 million” net worth. (00:08)
• Aging and therapy: Both discuss confronting mortality, the changing priorities as an artist, and reflecting on legacy.
  • Greg: “I turned 60...I feel like I’m at the point where I've accomplished a decent amount. I’ve raised a couple kids. I’ve got this podcast, I got this fucking crew of people...I’m transitioning.” (18:10)
  • Jeremiah: "You have to figure out a way to deal with it and lean into it head on because it keeps coming, keeps happening.” (17:29)

2. Comedy Culture: Roasts & The Comedy Store

• The history of Roast Battle and “The Wave” (08:08)
  • Greg: “It was lightning in a bottle...pure silliness. You guys would rip shirts off and dry hump each other.”
  • Jeremiah: “Anything for a laugh. Just anything physical, stupid, whatever.”
• On comedy’s sometimes brutal honesty:
  • Jeremiah: “Some battlers will agree on what’s off-limits, but sometimes a comic goes for it...talking about a dead relative, you see them actually get hurt.” (10:05)
  • Discussion about boundaries in roasts, referencing Tom Brady’s roast and what should be “off the table.” (11:01)
• Community at the Comedy Store and comic camaraderie:
  • Jeremiah: “If you don’t have a social life, what’s better than just being a shitty comic and getting to hang out with all these people?” (27:56)

3. On Loss, Friendship, & Comic Support

• Remembering Alex Young, Comedy Store door guy: (21:23)
  • Jeremiah: “I watched his memorial through Zoom...the amount of comics and people who came out for him really spoke to how loved he was.” (22:15)
  • Both discuss the importance of nurturing friendships and not only “chasing career.”

4. Parenting, Marriage, and Sexual Politics

• Greg asks about Jeremiah’s family and love life: Jeremiah reveals he only slept with his wife, discussing abstinence and ultimately, “one love.” (50:32)
  • Greg (laughing): “You’ve only had one lover? That’s amazing.”
• Humor about sex during pregnancy, aging bodies, hemorrhoids, etc. (15:11)
  • Jeremiah: “I always say it’s like hooking up with a completely different person.” (15:28)
• On being a good lover:
  • Jeremiah: “I have nothing to compare it to...she could be the best or the worst ever.” (52:16)
  • Greg: “Ignorance is bliss, my friend.” (52:23)

5. Race, Segregation, and Representation in Comedy

• Greg and Jeremiah reflect on the Black/White divide in clubs and podcasting (35:16-37:49)
  • Greg: “Comedy is still a very segregated world...Earthquake should be so mainstream...”
  • Jeremiah: “Black podcasting and white podcasting...it’s like two different camps.” (36:51)
• On bringing diverse openers and the exposure challenges for Black comics.
  • Greg: “I try to bring black comics on the road with me...sometimes they get bumped up and start headlining.” (37:49)

6. Comedian Lifestyle: Cars, Basketball, & The ‘Hang’

• Car troubles and humble rides: Jeremiah’s beat-up Honda CRZ, dreams of a new VW electric bus, and why Subarus are “lesbian cars.” (29:55–31:59)
• Comedians’ basketball league:
  • Jeremiah: “I only play with people in the industry because they have something to lose.” (32:31)
  • Greg: “I played hockey in a police and firemen’s league...those guys were animals.” (33:29)

7. Life as a Working Comic: Hustle, Therapy, Success

• Anxiety, stress, and advice for young comics:
  • Greg: “Don’t stress. It’s gonna work out...Picture yourself as a kid and tell yourself it’s all gonna work out.” (20:01)
  • Jeremiah: “This is the thing. I’m living the thing. I’m in it...I’m literally gonna pursue my dream full time, all the time.”
• The comedy grind and the unpredictable path to “making it.”
  • Greg: “At 60, you know which things are working—pick one. Relax.” (19:08)
  • Jeremiah: “You gotta do it all at that age, and you don’t know which thing’s going to really stick.” (18:53)

8. Memorable Roasting Exchange (Comedian Insults)

(07:17–07:59)

• Jeremiah: “You look like the old turtle from Kung Fu Panda.”
• Greg: “You look like the guy that carries a tiki torch and Trump says is one of the good guys.”
• Jeremiah: “You look like one of Dana Carvey’s deleted characters.”
• Greg: “You would have laid on your back in medieval times and they would have told time by the shadow off your nose.”

9. Show Business, Opportunity, and The Internet

• On self-producing specials, YouTube vs. streaming platforms: (61:41–62:18)
  • Jeremiah: “I invested a bunch of money into the special...but I want to keep betting on it...I’m gonna put it on my YouTube, get eyeballs on it.”
  • Greg: “You want people to fucking see it...you want to ask your fans to pay $9 to see it?”

10. Miscellaneous Comedy Bits & Fastballs Segment

• Fast-paced Q&A covering charity work (The Miracle League/Dodgers), arrest records, worst feature act stories—plus topics from JFK conspiracies (60:04) to dreams of winning an Academy Award (58:36).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On gratitude and happiness:
  Greg (01:31): “Who am I thanking? Who the fuck am I thanking? It almost makes me feel worse ‘cause I go, I got all this shit and I can’t be happy.”
• On comics going too far in roasts:
  Jeremiah (10:06): “They go for that thing and you see it hit them...that was not on the table to roast.”
• Advice for creators:
  Jeremiah (21:00): “This is the thing. I’m living the thing. I’m in it. I’m literally gonna pursue my dream full time, all the time.”
• On 'door guy' culture:
  Greg (28:11): “If you don’t have a social life, what’s better than just being a shitty comic and getting to hang out with all these people?”

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Important Timestamps

• [00:08] Greg waxes on therapy, gratitude, and existential crisis
• [04:01] Roasting, Australia & Irish history
• [07:09 - 07:59] Rapid-fire roast jokes between Greg & Jeremiah
• [08:08] Roast Battle, “The Wave,” Comedy Central, impact of roasts
• [10:05] Roast boundaries and emotional impact backstage
• [17:29 - 18:10] Mortality, loss, and shifting priorities
• [21:23] Mourning Alex Young, the role of community
• [27:56] The social scene of Comedy Store as a safety net for unsuccessful comics
• [29:55] Old car talk: Jeremiah’s Honda and family “car shame”
• [32:31] Comedian’s sports league: industry folks only!
• [35:16] Segregation in stand-up and black/white club divides
• [50:32] Jeremiah discusses his one-love approach and losing virginity at 22
• [58:36] Dream awards (Jeremiah wants an Oscar)
• [62:05] Choosing YouTube over streaming platforms for his new special

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a masterclass in quick wit, inside comedy shop talk, and authentic glimpses behind the curtain of stand-up life. Fitzsimmons and Watkins blend raw honesty, self-deprecation, and warmth with perpetual bits and hilarious asides—making it essential listening (or reading) for comedy fans, performers, or anyone navigating ambition and meaning over a lifetime.

Transcript

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Foreign.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Hey, welcome to Fitz Dog Radio. I am just. I am. You know, I think that's gonna be the name of my next special because I was listening to Eckhart Tolle, the Power of now and he said, you're not supposed to think about I was or I will be. Just I am. So I want everybody take a second, close your eyes, take a breath and just say I am. Don't say it out loud or your wife is going to say an asshole or somebody's going to fuck up your chi. But feel good about. Feel good about yourself. I was. Can you tell? I was in therapy yesterday. I started therapy a few weeks ago, which is just amazing. It's such a good feeling to be 60 and talking about your mother in therapy. And I love my mother, but yet it comes up, it's got to come up. And, and I realize someday my, my kids will talk about me in therapy. But yeah, hopefully I'll be dead by then. Anyway, my therapist said I should do gratitude pages. You know, where you write down all the things you're grateful for. But then I thought, well, who am I writing it to? You know, like I have a lot to be grateful for. Like literally on paper. I could not be happier with my life. It's just all there and marriage, kids, I'm a. I'm worth $7 million. I'm not, but I'm comfortable. And then I think, why am I not happy? And I say, so who am I thanking? Who the fuck am I thanking? It almost makes me feel worse cuz I go, I got all this shit and I can't be happy. I'm not writing gratitude pages. Then I feel like sad for the people that don't have all the stuff I have, you know, And I think, how fucking sad are they? What, what do their gratitude pages look like? I'm friends with Greg Fitzsimmons. Anyway, we're going to get into it right away because I have a great interview today. I just wrapped up with Jeremiah Watkins, so we'll talk to him if you want to come. Oh, do I have ads? I don't know if I have any ads. Let's just say buy stuff. I will be in Escondido at the Grand Comedy Club April 24th and 25th. Brea Improv May 8th, Boston at Laugh Boston on May 29th and 30th, Rochester, NH at the Opera House June 5th, Agunquit, ME, Jonathan's on June 6th. And then I'm going to be in St. Pete's Cincinnati, Columbus, La Jolla it's [e-mail]. check it out. Buy some tickets. Come on down. Oh, by the way, Amber, do you want to open for me down in Brea? Okay, Amber will be there. One of the producers of the show. She's very funny. And let's get to it. My guest today, you know him from his Amazon prime special, family Reunion. We talked about a lot of his credits on the show, so we'll get those. But he co hosts the Trailer Tales podcast. He hosts Stand up on the Spot. He's got a lot of great sketches online, does a lot of stuff with Dr. Phil and really fun. Cool guy. Here's my talk with Jeremiah Watkins. All right, here we are. My guest, Jeremiah Watkins, in the always communicative Green studios. We're talking about Australia, where he's going to go, Melbourne. Melbourne, as he said it.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I said Melbourne because that's how the locals say it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

If you say Melbourne, they're always like, look at these Americans over here.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I don't know anything. They don't even say Melbourne.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

They don't say Melbourne. They don't know how to say Melbourne. They don't know how to be passive aggressive and late. I know I'm doing Irish. What happened? I used to be able to do accents. Wait, no worries. They don't know how to. No worry.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

That's like a little bit more British, what you're doing. Yeah, yeah, but I mean, Australia is just the prison colony.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's right. And Ireland. They sent the fucking Irish there. Yeah, they sent the Irish all over the place. Don't kid yourself. We were. England has. Has oppressed Ireland for 800 years. They've occupied Ireland. They fucking starved us to death, literally. A million Irish fled. Another million died of starvation. All while they were exporting food and fish from the island and selling it to other countries. They thought we were animals. And you know what? We showed them that we are animals. It's called the ira.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Oh.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You ever heard of a car bomb?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Oh, yeah. They usually call it an Irish car bomb.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

An Irish car bomb. Well, we taught the Palestinians how to do it.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

That's quite the flex.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, the Palestinians were the Irish.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

You're doing it all wrong. Okay, here, come, come. Gather around. This is how you actually do it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Here's how you do it.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Here's how you do it. Come over here.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes. You want the thing blowing up, not just catching on fire.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

You don't want him stumbling out of the car and making it down the block. You want to add the whole car to implode, right? Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Especially if you got a big family in there, big Palestinian family. So back in the 50s or 60s, the IRA saw Israel as a sort of an extension of England because England was creating the state of Israel. And I'm not. I'm not the guy that talks about Israel. I'm just talking about the history of Ireland. So they just reflexively took Palestine side and started teaching them how to do this kind of urban guerrilla warfare.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Okay.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And so to this day, the Irish are huge Palestinian supporters.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Okay.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I'm not one way or the other. I don't really care. I don't care.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I don't know. You've got a whole green studio, Greg. Ooh, I don't know.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And I have been drinking since 9 o' clock this morning. Are you a little Irish?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And you look like Scandinavian or something.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I mean, I'm a European mutt.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I got Scottish, Irish, Welsh, a little bit of British, but, yeah. It's mainly so nothing.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Nothing with a tan.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

German, Irish. Oh, yeah. Anything that can get skin cancer.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, Me, right?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Except you don't have the light eyes. That's a big forecaster of skin cancer. Right, right. I got that. You can see my neck. I mean, it looks like I microwaved it.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I wasn't gonna say anything.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, you're a roaster. You can fucking roast me, man.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Okay. You want me to go?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, I love it. I love being roasted.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

You look like the old turtle from Kung Fu Panda.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Not the young one. No, no.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

The tortoise. Yeah, yeah. I look like one of the birds from Kung Fu Panda. It's okay.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

The crane.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. You look like. You look like the guy that carries a tiki torch and Trump says is one of the good guys.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

You look like one of Dana Carvey's deleted characters.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, I like that. You look like in medieval times, you would have laid on your back and they would have told time by the shadow off your nose.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

That's a great sundial joke for all you historians out there. That's a very smart, good joke right there.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Now you. Are you still doing Roast Battle?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

No. I'll go up there and I'll like.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Because that's what you started with, right?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah, I started with all those guys doing Roast Battle. Kill Tony the Comedy Jam.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You were the wave during the roast.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That was funny as shit. That was lightning in a bottle if people don't know. There was this show called Roast Battle. Still goes, but it doesn't have the wave anymore. Right.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

No, I'll go up there and like Jamar, Willie and I. Or I will like guest judge or like, going to panel, that kind of thing. But yeah, we don't do the wave anymore.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, right.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That was just pure silliness. It was literally the definition of silliness. You go up there in costumes and, you know, guys would rip shirts off and dry hump each other.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Anything for left, just anything physical, stupid, whatever.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Like, how did Comedy Central not buy that show? I remember at a certain point.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Well, they did, and then they canceled us.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Did it ever air three seasons? Get out of here.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I know.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

See, I knew it should have been bought. It was why they cancel it.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Just like anything else. It's cheaper for Comedy Central to buy a new show than to raise after three seasons, the two or three season thing. And then right now they cut stuff.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

So it was cheaper for them to rerun, like south park or Amy Schumer's show or.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. You know, what's the most you've ever seen somebody actually get hurt? Like, get their. Their feathers in a. In a. However they. Whatever that metaphor is.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Ooh. I don't.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Like, has anyone ever got stung and then just gone silent?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I think I can tell on stage. I've seen it happen a couple times. Usually if they're.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

They're.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

How they do it is the battlers will meet ahead of time and they'll say, hey, all of this stuff is on the table. There's one thing that don't bring up, please.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I've seen a couple people be like, I don't care. And in the moment, they go for that thing and you see it hit them and they're talking about a dead relative or something like that. And that's when you see them get actually hurt. And like, you piece of crap. I told you that was the one thing to not talk about you. You can just see it behind their eyes. So that I've seen that happen a few times where I was like, ooh. Like, they definitely. That was not on the table to. To. To roast.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And that is the mentality of not all comedians, but some comedians of just like, killing means more than anything else.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

All costs.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I think one of the things, like on the Tom Brady roast, I think he. One of his things to say, don't touch. You can touch everything. But I said, I think. I thought I heard that he didn't want anybody to joke about his kids. He's like, don't joke about my kids. You come after me. My divorce, marriage, all that stuff don't come after my kids. I think one comic might have done one.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, he also said, don't talk about Robert. Was it Robert Kraft in the massage parlor? I think it was Robert Kraft, the owner of the Pats. And Jeff Ross took a shot at it and Tom Brady actually whispered to Jeff to cut the shit. Do you remember that?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah, that's what it was. They left it in. Yeah. It was a live broadcast, right?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. And Brady. You know, the funny thing is Tom Brady was the first. People don't realize he wasn't just the first person to get roasted on this Netflix series. He's an executive producer. So after he got roasted, he came out and said he regretted it because his kids did get upset and his ex wife got very upset and he said it was a bad experience. But why say that when you're producing four more roasts?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah. And also you, like, you've kind of already publicly said you were going to do it. So like, why backtrack on something that it made you a ton of money?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

It's kind of like, I don't know, it's kind of hard. Like when, like these only fans, models say there's been multiple times when they'll do the content and stuff. And then they're like, I'm a mom now. Please don't look at any of that stuff. It's like, right, you did the videos that like that you have the house and the cars.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

All the things from. The luxury from those videos. But now you're saying it's just like a kind of cake and eat it too kind of situation.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, this, this. Which by the way, is one of my favorite onlyfans sites, but there's a porn star named Belladonna who I became good friends with. I hosted the porn awards a couple times. So she co hosted with me once. And she's fucking great woman. Like, it's really funny. Cause she's known as one of the most hardcore porn stars. The shit that she's done.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Okay.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But she also was one of the first to create her own production companies. So she was keeping a lot of these women get paid a thousand bucks for the day and that's it. I mean, not. This is back when sales of DVDs and videos were, you know, it was. They made more money in porn than the NFL, NBA all put together. Porn was very lucrative, but they were getting a thousand bucks a day. So she came in, she started own production company and she showed a lot of other women to do it. She was Vegan. And so she was over my house one time and she was in the hot tub naked, and we were doing a podcast and she was with her husband slash manager.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

She was doing the podcast naked?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes. In the hot tub in my backyard.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

How did you arrange that, Greg?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It just happened. I didn't plan it. My studio used to be in the bonus room of my house and there's a hot tub in the backyard.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

And your wife? Fine with it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I, you know, like I mentioned earlier about we'll do anything to kill. Like, I didn't ask her because I hadn't planned it, but our bedroom is about seven feet from the hot tub and it was like, you know, 11 o' clock at night. And I really said to myself, like, this is going to haunt me. Like, I have kids. Like, this is. This is a moment where I got to tap the brakes a little bit. And so Belladonna, who used to do, I mean, every kind of porn, but one of the ones she was really famous for was late term pregnancy porn. And now.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

So the real classy stuff.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, well, so she. So she gets out of the business and she moves to, I think it's like Oklahoma to a small town and figuring nobody's gonna notice and she could just raise her kids there. But nobody's heard from her. She's keeping a low profile. She's living her life. But those kids at a certain point are going to be like, that's me.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Oh, in the video.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, they're gonna say it. Oh, their first Credit. The first IMDb entry.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Oh, man, there's my hand right there.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, my God. You got two kids now, or one?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I have two. What a transition. Got two.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Did you have sex with your wife while she was pregnant?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Oh, all the time. Loved it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. It's almost like a waiter coming over and says, can I top off your coffee? You know,

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I always say it's like hooking up with a completely different person.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Like a fat woman with a belly.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

It's like, I got another hall pass.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

All right.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

That's hilarious. Bigger tits, dude, different color, you know? Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Hemorrhoid.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah, I don't know about that.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, my wife got a hemorrhoid. I got one too.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I mean, I get them.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Do you?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

How do you deal with it?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I had to. Yeah, I had to go to the doctor recently and they're like, you gotta. I was sit. I. I sit so much with travel and like between editing and all that stuff. And then also I think I internalize stress too, so. So it just goes right to my butthole, dude.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Also, pale skin is another one. We have thin skin, that's why. Yeah, a lot of. A friend of the family was a woman who. She shat out her stomach out of her vagina. When she was older. She was quite a bit older.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

She shat her stomach out of her vagina. How do you do that?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

One of her organs came out of her. Because your pelvic floor just goes away.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And yeah, it's called prolapsed vagina. And she had to get a full hysterectomy.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Dang.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yep.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

You've met some interesting folks.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And I had her on the podcast.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

She was in the hot tub with me.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I said, what's that floating?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

What is that?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's my stomach.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

That's your plus one?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Okay. Yeah, it's not good. Getting old. You're in your 30s, right? You're. What are you, late 30s? Got a lot ahead of you, kid. I just turned 60 last I know.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Well, dude, it sucks. It's like you have so many more like people in your life, like comedians and different people who we met over time to start passing and like it's.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yep.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Rough.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's rough. But then you sort of get used to. I think you gotta wrap your head around mortality a little bit or you'll go crazy.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I think you're forced to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to. You have to figure out a way to deal with it and lean into it head on because it's. It keeps coming, keeps happening.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. And you kind of got to look at life as a gift and that it was a gift that you had this person in your life. It was a gift that, you know, those around them had. And it's funny because, like, in the scope of how much time has passed since human beings have been alive, like we're such a fraction of a razor blade edge. So what's the difference if we live to be 86 or 57? It doesn't really matter. It's what you did during those 56 years.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Very true.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's why I'm going to start living. I really feel like that I turned 60 and people like, oh, you must feel old. No, I feel like I'm at the point where I've accomplished a decent amount. I've raised a couple kids. You know, I've got this podcast, I got this fucking crew of people. Look at them, look at the excitement in their eyes. And you know, I guess my point is, like, I'm transitioning into the. I don't need to. Like, you. You're fucking. You got balls in the air and in your pants.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And you're pushing videos and you're doing live shows, and I know you direct, and you got to do it all at that age, and you don't know which thing is going to really stick. Like, you're getting traction with all of them, but you don't know which one's going to pop.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Sure.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And then at 60, you go, like, all right, I kind of know which things are working, and I need to not do all of them anymore. Pick one. And then, you know. Yeah, relax.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Sure.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I mean, does it sound like I'm having a breakdown right now,

[Jeremiah Watkins]

slowly unraveling as the podcast goes on? No, it's. It's totally fine.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I think I should pick one. I. I don't. No, I don't have the time to do more than one or anything like that. Kids are out of the house and. No, it's good. Marriage is good. It's solid. It's. Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

My agent doesn't need to call me. He gets it.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

That's fine. He knows my lane.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think he's telling the buyers, like, take it easy on Greg this year. Let's give him the summer off.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

He needs a little time. Time to himself, reflect.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He's unraveling. No, I'm not unraveling, but I am having a little bit of an existential crisis. But, like, you. Like, you, I've always had anxiety, and I really. If I can impart anything to you as a younger comic who I respect, don't stress. It's gonna work out. You know, Like, I had a therapist once, tell me, picture yourself as a kid and go tell yourself that it's all gonna work out.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I try to. Regardless of if I'm up for something, like a part or whatever or a booking or, you know, in the biz, like, before I go into it or after I do it, I'm like, I'm already happy with life.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

If I get this, this is an enhancement.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right, right, right.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

But, like, I used to, you know, go into stuff where I'm like, this could change things.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

This is that. This could be the thing. And I'm like, it's all the thing. I'm living the thing. I'm in it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I'm a. You know, I'm literally gonna pursue my dream full time, all the time.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Have family, awesome friends surrounded me. Like, great.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's it. That's the key. Family and friends.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And you know, I see some comics and they get older and they haven't nurtured friendships or family. They put it all in their career and just. And you see that and they're dead inside now, you know?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah, no, I. You know, without bringing it down too much, we just had a. We're talking about death and stuff. We had had a good buddy at the Comedy Store, Alex Young. He just passed and he was a door guy at the store. And I was on the road and this was. This is tough. I've never experienced this. I watched his memorial through Zoom because I was on the road and I couldn't. I, I literally couldn't be there. I had something on the books for over a year that I had committed to, and I watched his memorial through Zoom and the amount of comics and people who came out for him really spoke to how loved he was as a person. And you saw a real community of people come out, and it was almost better in a weird way that I watched it alone in a hotel room because I could fully grieve.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

And not be like, in the room. I would have been, you know, I would have been trying to keep my defense up, but I had nobody around me.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

And I was like, okay, let's cut loose.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a sad because he was younger than you are and he's. He's got a little daughter. And I mean, he was one of those guys. He was a door guy at the store. And every time, you know, you pull up and the door guys. And it's funny because the women are called door guys also at the store, but they're all comics. And, you know, pretty much without exception, they're like, really? They pick them to get the job. You have to be a decent enough comedian that they. Because they're going to give you spots at the club while you're working there. But you also have to have a good vibe. They don't hire people that are difficult to be around.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

You don't make it long if you don't have a good vibe there.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And he had the best vibe of anybody. When I pulled up and he was there, he just had this natural smile, this positive energy, but kind of self deprecating. And he was just. He was the best. That was. That was really sad. Anyway, what do you do if you have a friend with bad breath? Because this happened to me recently. Yeah, I'm talking the kind of breath where you go, all right, you're married. Does your. Has your wife just internalized that? Does she not Notice it anymore. I mean, it's like a rotting tooth or a garlic addiction. I don't know what the fuck it is.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I've had a couple friends, some of them comedians, who have legit bad breath. And literally, we started the podcast a little bit late because I was chewing on a mint, because that's a fear of mine, is that I'll have bad, bad breath in a conversation. Then people walk away, be like, how does he not smell that? He's got the biggest nose here.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

How's he not smelling his own breath? What's going on? So that's a. That's like a fear of mine.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Like that somebody will be like, he's not self aware enough.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's like an oven vent.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Right, Right. Just the circulation is just ridiculous on this thing. I have a buddy who. He has recurring bad breath, and after a while, like, I put up with it for quite a while, but then I'm like, I'm gonna see this guy forever. And I will sometimes, just literally, if he's in conversation with somebody, I'll like, nudge him a little bit and I'll hand him a piece of gum. And that's my sign of like, bro, you gotta start chewing some gum. You gotta get out whatever's going on. But some people, like, I keep putting it up with the gum thing, is just handing them. They get it, and if they turn it down, then I'm like, your breath stinks.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right, Right?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Cause have you ever done that? Have you ever. Hey, does anybody want some gum? And then the person with the worst breath is like, no, I'm good. No, I don't need any. No, it's fine. I just.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, you?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Nah, I don't like gum. You don't like gum? You want a mint? No, no, I just ate. I know, I smell it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Do you want a toothbrush?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah, yeah. Here's a bottle of this brand.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I thought of an idea last night about it when I was with my friend, which is an app that lets somebody know anonymously. It says you have somebody who cares about you deeply that wants to let you know. Because if you tell somebody, then it's a thing for the rest of your life. Then they're always going to. They may be hurt by it.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

They may feel weird around you after that.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

No, it is a personal thing, people.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

There's no fingerprints on it. You just let them know. And in a loving way. The app is a loving app. It does a lot of emojis of roses coming out of the mouth.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

So you Send their cell phone number to this app, and they get an anonymous text. It's brilliant. Okay. I'm on board.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I think we can even step it out to other situations. What about breakups? Well, no, because then they know who it's coming from.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

How did this happen? Do you know anything about this? The app said it. I didn't want to do this.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I hadn't thought about it.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I hadn't thought about it. But now that you're bringing it up.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right. Yeah, it does seem like. I mean, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Kind of cosmic energy.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

The app is texting you.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's God. They say it's God.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Maybe that's the name of the app. God. And you can tell people they talk too much. Some people got to go. You know what? You're fucking dominating every conversation you're in.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Dude. If you got that text from God, you'd listen.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, because he programmed you, right? Yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Can we take this to Shark Tank? Are you looking for investors or.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, what else could you use it for? I mean, you could tell people that they should quit comedy.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Oh, wow.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I wouldn't tell anybody to quit comedy because I've seen people that started slow and you really didn't get it at all. And then all of a sudden, something just.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

They just go into another gear.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yep.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And then you're like, wow, this is great.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

But then you see some guys who. You're like, I don't think anything's changed.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, that's baffling. 12 years.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

That's baffling.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right. And they're not making a living. They're sweating out a day job. And those are always the ones that romanticize, stand up and talk about the brotherhood of the other comics. And. And, like. And it's like, okay, that's what you're into. You're into the hang.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

You're down for the hang. You're not for the whole art of it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right. Yeah. Right. Because that's the problem with the Comedy Store is it's such a good hang. And it really is. Like you said with Alex's funeral. I mean, those were all Comedy Store people.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And it's really a caring group that's obviously hilariously funny. And, you know, you can't get bigger personalities. So if you don't have a social life, what's better than just being a shitty comic and getting to hang out with all these people?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

And also, you're not going to find a better hang. It's literally some of the funniest people you'll ever meet in a welcoming environment

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

at night with a bar.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You know.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And then you do get to go up and in your mind you probably think you're doing okay, even though you know nobody else does. I mean, there. There are door guys. There's one that was there for a while, a long time, and. And finally the booker just let this person go and you know, go. Go back to Lincoln, Nebraska. Start a family. Get a real job. You know, save this person.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

It's tough. It's tough because you're not seeing them grow yet.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, because all of a sudden they're in their late 30s.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And they've got no career, they've got no resume.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Right.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Walk in for a job and go. Yeah. I used to park cars at a comedy club for 12 years. I know you don't want to get into making fun of these people because you were one of them. Didn't you work at the store?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I didn't, but I hung out there so much, people thought I worked.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I thought you were one of those guys.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah, yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

People thought I was.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So you were there, but you just.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I was there so much. Yeah. I was like. Do you want me to park your car for you? I can. I was just like, anything to get past here. Sure. Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You're wearing a red vest.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah. Right this way. Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Shoulder massage.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Sebastian, Can I take your keys, please?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Thank you. Yeah. What is he driving these days?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Something pretty nice. I forget what.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

What kind of car you showed up with something really fancy the other day. I can't remember what it was. What are you driving these days?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Oh, I still got my beater. Dude.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You do?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Oh, I got a beater. And it just keeps getting worse. I'm riding this thing until truly the wheels fall off.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Is it a money pit at this point?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

No, I haven't been putting money into it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Unreal. Let me guess. It's either a Toyota. It's Toyota.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

It's a Honda.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, I was gonna say Honda. Yeah, yeah, Honda. What?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Honda crz. They don't even make them anymore.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Is that like a Mini?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

It's a two door coupe.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Two door coupe. So how do you. How do you manage that with two kids?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

My wife hates the car.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, that's no good with kids.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah. Word we're talking, I'll probably eventually have to get a sedan.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Dude, get a Subaru Outback. I've had two of them. They run forever. Easy access, great in all weather, quiet cabin.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

You're a lesbian? You live in Portland?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, yeah. You get that you do get a lot.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I mean, it's such. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do the Subaru Outback. I can't do a minivan.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I'd rather do minivans.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I would rather do. Now what I've been eyeing, but they're freaking expensive. The new electric VW buses Fire.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Dude, dude, those are amazing. And they get super long battery life.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But no, they're. I think they're a hundred thousand dollars.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

They're very expensive.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. And plus, it's one of those things where the bait, you get the baseline, but then you're gonna want the mini fridge in the back. And I know there's a lot of options on the VW bus.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah. They start at like 60 grand.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I'm like, yeah, you're gonna. Another 30 in options. Seriously? Cuz you don't want to be in that fun truck. And it's not doing the.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Not have all the things.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, it's like. It's like dating a really hot chick and she's shopping at the army and navy store or flea markets. It's like, put some decent clothes on.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Step it up a little.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Step it up.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I paid a lot of money for you. Look at you. Okay, you're dressed.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah. You, sir, roast me. As soon as I walked in, you're like, are we exercising? We doing Pilates? I'm like, first of all, I didn't realize that the shot was going to show part of my leg. I thought it was gonna be just up here. So now you extra for the people at home. Hello.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Numbers are gonna be high this week. Yeah. You got good legs.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Thanks, man.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Where do you play basketball?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I do. I'll be playing later tonight.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Really?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Comedian league.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah. It's like, I only play with people who are in the industry because they have something to lose.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

What do you mean?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I won't go. I will not play at 24 Hour Fitness or anything like that. All those guys who play at 24 Hour Fitness still think that they're going to be scouted by the NBA.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

All of those guys who play at open gyms and stuff in the back of their mind think they have a glimmer of a chance of making a professional team somewhere. And they play like it too.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

And it's elbows and. And it's how you get bloody noses and how you get, like hitting the teeth in the mouth. I'm like, I use my body for literally everything I do.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

So, like, I'll play with Other comedians and other people who have to also use their face for stuff.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right, right, right. Yeah, yeah. I play hockey. I haven't played since the Pandemic, but there was a comedian league that we used to play in.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And it was very respectful.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Right.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But then I played in New York in a league that was a. It was a police and fireman's league, and Ian Bagg was on my team and that shit. You'd go into the corner to get a puck and you got hammered.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah. Cause police, environment.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

They don't care.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

One of the teams was FBI. The FBI had a fucking hockey team. And they were the biggest douches out of everybody.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I used to play in a league where it was comedians and agents. I stopped playing with the agents because they were playing so dirty. It was unbelievable. William Morris, really? Some of those guys over at wme. I mean, just Hack city.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I was like, what are we. Yo, you rep some of the guys on the other team. Chill out, dude. Like, don't. Like, you didn't. None of us made it to college or pros or anything, so everybody calm down.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, when I started in Boston, I played in a league. It was a comedian league. But the booker of the best club kind of organized it. He was like. And so you play, and if you played, you got spots.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Oh, interesting. Yes.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And so I felt bad for the female comic. Comic in Boston.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

You know the one. The one we had felt bad for her.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It literally was. There was so few female comics in Boston and not a lot of black ones. Patrice o', Neill, I came up with him. And. And I remember he got me a gig in Roxbury, which is the black neighborhood, one of the black neighborhoods in Boston. And I went down there, and I got my ass handed to me. I mean, it was all black. And they. And the thing with the black audiences, if you get them, they're the best crowds in the world.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

It's some of the best crowds ever.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But if you don't get them, they will literally turn their seats sideways and not even look at the stage. And so I got that, and I'm up there. I mean, I had just started, and I was up there doing jokes about the Brady Bunch. And then I got.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Was that one of your opening jokes? Like, Brady Bunch?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Oh, so they're like this.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, right, right. And so I. So we go back to the white club afterwards. I was like, man, that was fucking hard. He was like. I was like. I felt like I didn't have any shared experience with anybody out there. And he just looked at me for a long time, and he goes, yeah, I get it. I was like, oh, that's you. Every show in the white clubs, it's like, yeah. And it's still a very segregated world, like comedy. You think of a guy like, earthquake, Earthquake.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

He should be so mainstream, where everybody should know him. But it is kind of fascinating that

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

it's just in the black clubs. Yeah, yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Like, he has a Netflix special and, like, a lot of recent stuff, but, like, still, he's not a household name. And he's, like, so, so fun.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. But there's a whole thing they still call the chitlin circuit, where there's, like, black clubs and, you know, kings of comedy sort of, like, put a light on that, you know, that these were great comics.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

D.L. hughley and Cedric the Entertainer and Paul Harvey, and I think there was a fourth guy.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I mean, there. There's. There's people, like, even, like, in the comedy scene, like, within podcasting, where it's. It feels like two different camps.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Black podcasting and white podcasting, which is crazy. Like, all throughout. Names of some people who. Who I think are a couple of the funniest people working today. Like, do you know Tony Baker or Kevin Stage?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Okay. I'll say their names in certain circles and be like, I don't know who they are. I'm like, they're killing it on social media, and they're selling out everywhere. And you've never heard of them?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Like, that's wild to me. Like, they. They're Kev on stage and. And Tony Baker and. And that whole crew are doing kind of like, honestly, what I'm seeing, like, what early stages, like Adam Sandler stuff did, like, where they're booking all their friends and they're making productions and stuff, and it's awesome.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's really cool.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. I mean, the Internet should be the great equalizer, but it's still. People find their. Their algorithms, you know, and it doesn'. Black comics to white audiences much. They just think they. The algorithm thinks that you just want what you are.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah. More of the same kind of a thing.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But no, I try to bring black comics on the road with me, and, you know, sometimes they get bumped up and they start headlining and, you know, and it's just exposing them to a club that they honestly have hard times getting into sometimes. You know, there's a guy named Deon Curry out of Indianapolis. He's like my main feature act. And then he comes in and Then they bring him back as a headliner. Yeah. And I can't get him to feature for me. Right, right. You ever do that? You get a fucking feature suddenly headlining on you?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah, I've had a few features over the years where I'm like, I'm stoked for them, but I'm like, oh, man, they were amazing. But I'm happy for them. Now they're headlining, which is dope. There's a bunch of guys out of Texas that I've used over the years that are. That are headlining that. They're hilarious. C.J. landry is a comic who used to feature for me a bunch, and he's starting to head. He's hilarious. Tony Casillas, he works at the Mother. They both like, worked at the Mothership. And there's another guy who is out of Austin right now that I use a lot named Joey Smith. That's great. And yeah, a lot of those Texas guys I love taking on the road.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. And it's also like, it's nice getting somebody started and then you just kick backing those sweet, sweet commission checks, you know, just.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

You take. You take commission from.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Not a lot. Just. I wet my beak, you know?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

What do you mean wet? And that's offensive, saying that around me.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Don't say wet my beak around me.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Okay. I like to just get a sniff of the action.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Okay. That's way better. Yeah, right. I'll accept that.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

What was the other thing I want to ask? Oh, I want to ask you. I was. Last night, I got invited. Do you know the Woody show? The radio show? The Woody show. It's literally one of the biggest radio shows in the country. They're syndicated all over.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

They broadcast out of la. Yeah. So I do the show sometimes. And so they had this thing, this show. Here's how big the show is. They took over Disneyland last night from 9pm to 1am where the whole. I forget which part. I guess there's different parts of the park, but this was the California Adventure.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Okay.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Do you know Disneyland at all?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah, my. My wife's family is a big Disney family.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Are they really?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

They love it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, that's so fucking weir weird. I don't get those people.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

They freaking love it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

They love it.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I've been with them one time and I'm like, I can't do it again.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No. And they want to be there at 8am and stay until the fireworks, right?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah. Like so I. I didn't grow up with it. They're. They're from California, so that's, like, one

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

of the big things.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

So we had Worlds of Fun.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

We want to talk about worlds of Fun.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

What was your action park?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

That was. It was Worlds of Fun and Oceans of Fun, baby. They were right next to each other. Like, if you were well off, you'd do both. But usually you get to only choose one or the other.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right, right, right. And it was 40 or 50 bucks to get in. Right. Disney is now.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I know.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

$240.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yes.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Not including the $40 parking.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yep, yep.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's if you get the Fast Pass, which if you don't get the Fast Pass, you're going on about three rides over the entire day. You got to get the Fast Pass.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I know. It's insane.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. That's without buying a fucking hat.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

So I'll go, like, if I happen. And, you know, I've been, I think, once or twice ever. And I told my wife, I was like, this is just not my thing now. Like, I'm happy to take the boys. Like, we went to the beach over the weekend. I'll get in the water with them. I'll get out in the ocean. Like, I'll go. We'll go to the playground right afterwards. Like, I'll do physical stuff. Basketball, soccer, all that stuff. But, man, I cannot. I'm just not a Disneyland guy.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's also, in a sense, when you're living in a crowded city, I don't want to go to a crowded park. I want to go to an empty camp.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Also, we're around, literally, audiences that are surrounding us all the time. So for me, I'm like, why would I, on my day off, throw myself into a giant crowd?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. And I'm not even performing, and it feels so corporate. Everything you see is like, oh, I didn't know Disney owned this artist's music. And, you know, everything is tied in. And then you hear about the cruise ships. And my friend. My friend's family is a Disney family, too. And she was a VIP tour guide there as a teenager because she grew up near Disneyland.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And so she was showing me the different places she had sex at Disneyland growing up. Like, there was the. You know, this is before there was cameras on everything. And so she's like. I go, well, who was your favorite VIP that you got to give a tour to? And she's like, oh, without a doubt. It was Bob Saget and John Stamos. Came down with their kids. I don't know if Stamos had a kid. At that point. But they came down, and she's like, in Stamos, I had such a big crush on him, and he was just so fucking nice and blah, blah, blah. So we go to this Woody thing, and the. They had, like, a VIP area. They had, like, a bar and open bar and food and all this stuff. But the part. The point is the park. Thousands of listeners were. It was not packed, but it was busy.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

With people that just won tickets listening to the show. And so we go to the VIP thing, and I'm with my friends. I had five tickets. I had my wife and three friends. And we walk in, and we're standing there for three seconds, and I was like, jc, look over there. It's John Stamos. And he got invited by the Woody show to the VIP room. So we walk over, and I don't know John well, but, like, enough that I went over and said hi, and I introduced her as the. I said, she gave you a tour here when she was 17 years old. And she. And I was talking to her. She was here for five years. And she said, you were her favorite tour. And he immediately was like, do you want to take a picture? And he was so cool.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

He's awesome.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, he's a great dude.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah. I got to do. We did a Dr. Phil live with him recently, and I. I played a. A kit. I do a different character in the. Dr. Phil lives with Adam Ray for each episode. And we are at the Comedy Store main room, and we did a. I played a kid from Full House, like, in. In one. In one of the. The seasons that, like, you just didn't really see. Like, I was, like, a neighbor. Right. So he did, like, one of his Uncle Jesse pep talks with me and. And Adam on stage, and it was.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's a funny idea.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

It was so fun.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

It was like. And he couldn't, like. And right before we went on, like, he's like, you got any jokes? Like, pitch me some jokes I should maybe do out there. And he used, like, one or two of mine. I was like, all right.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

And then Sagat. I'm like, I grew up like a huge Full House kid. I loved that show as a kid. And we did a Kill Tony episode years ago in the main room at the store when Saget and Doug Benson were on the show, and we played Full House characters as the band. So I played Uncle Joey, and Doug Benson dropped his marijuana pipe on the stage, and, like, it just so happened during the middle of the show, and I picked it up and I go, doug, do we need to talk about something? And they changed the lighting to a spotlight and red band started playing this music. And Saget's right there, and he's just dying laughing because he. It was like exactly the, like, one of those moments that, like, was on Full House and it was so fun. Yeah. And I'm like, I think you need to quit this habit, Doug. And Doug's like, it's kind of my life at this point. He played into it so great.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I'm doing Benson Interrupt us tonight, where you watch a movie.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Oh, yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Interrupt it and make comments on it. And I. And it's 4:20 was yesterday. So this is kind of like. This is like, you know, being in the city. The super bowl is in, of course. And you're doing a club, you're doing the funny bone, and nobody fucking shows up.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

You.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Time for Fast dogs. Fastballs with fits. Fast Dogs.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Fast Dogs with balls.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's what we should call this. Yeah, Fastballs with Fast Dogs with balls. We just changed the name of the segment.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Good man.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I think you played it before, right?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I think so. I'll do my best to try to answer fast.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

By the way, you want to also promote for Jeremiah Watkins. He's got a special called Daddy on YouTube, which I got a new one

[Jeremiah Watkins]

coming out in the next couple months called Crazy Pizza. Look out for it. I think I'm going to put it on YouTube.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's probably reference to, like, you know, pizza literally means pedophiles. Like, it means young kids.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

No, it's a. It's actually a. A sweet, innocent bit that has to do with the special, but could also be about pedophiles, too.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But you know that. That's. That's Epstein's whole.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

The pizza thing.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, yeah. Fastballs with fits. Hey, maybe that'll make it viral. Like, those kids were. What. What charitable work do you do?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

What charitable work do I do? There's a. There. I mean, this is something that. It's not necessarily that I do, but we're like. My wife and I are a part of. There's something in LA called the Miracle League that the Dodgers sponsor. And it's. Kids of all abilities are welcome to come on Saturdays and play baseball, like as a team. And my son, both my sons will go to that from time to time. And it's kids of all built. You'll see kids and teenagers, like in wheelchairs and. And there'll be kids on the spectrum teams. No, no.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Last picked kids.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Everybody's split up by the coaches and that kind of a thing.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's better. That's a way better way to do it.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

That's. That's something. But as far as, like charitable work that, that I do, I try to. What I do is I try to donate as much stage time as I can to different benefits that resonate with me.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's nice.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

And different stuff like that. Like there's an. An autism benefit that I just did recently at the upstairs comedy club and. Yeah, different stuff like that.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's the thing about being a comedian is you're doing a lot of benefits and not only you raising money, but it energizes the charity. The people all come out.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You know, and it just. Now that's good. You ever been arrested?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

No, I have not. No.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

If you get chased by the cops as a teenager, you ever get pulled over?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Been pulled over.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No ticket.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Never had a ticket.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That was the squeakiest clean guest I've ever had.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah, I, I know it's. It's boring in that regard. I, I got one. I got tags. I. I got expired tags. That's the only ticket that I've had. But like I've. Those are not moving, but. Yeah, I only have non moving violations.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's what they called my wife. Where did you lose?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Still trying to figure that one out.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's. It's kind of like a Rickles joke about how his wife or Rodney joke about his wife not fucking him. Oh, I should have said that's what they call my wife in bed. There.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

It is.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Or maybe that's what you would call Cosby having sex with a woman.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

A non moving violation. Okay, I like that. Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Usually on the third pitch, it's the best. Where did you lose your virginity? Jeremiah Watkins in some. Let me guess. There was a pickup truck involved, a six pack and a field.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah. And her name was Bessie. I. In Hollywood, California.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

How were you?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I was 22.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah. Man.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Was this a religious thing for you? Staining or were you shut?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

No, I was abstaining for as long as possible. And then I finally, like, originally I was like, I'm waiting till marriage. And then like I kept dropping things down.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Talking my way out of it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And then I was like, for marriage. Waiting for somebody I love. Yeah, I'm waiting for somebody I date.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I'm waiting if she has eyes.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

No. So I wait until I was like, you know what? If I love the girl, then I'll do it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

And the, the person who I did, she's my wife.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So you've only had one lover in your life? No. One love.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

One love, yeah. Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's amazing. Yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Only one.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Wait, how many lovers has she had?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I've never asked her.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You want to call?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

None of my business.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, I don't want to know with my wife either. She had it. She had a number though. She was not shy.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

So can we get a slow zoom in on Greg as he. As he thinks about that slow push

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

in on Greg, Pulls his calculator out on his phone. Battery dies. Do you think you're a good lover?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Based on what?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

The response.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Because there's really not a control group in an experiment.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

There's only one. There's only one. So, like, I would hope so.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I mean, I have, you know, like, you know, with my wife. Like I have nothing to compare it to.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

She could be the best or the worst ever.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

She could be awful.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

And I have no idea. And I'll never know.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You'll never know.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Ignorance is bliss, my friend.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Wow, that's amazing. One woman in your whole life. I love that. I love that. I was with a lot. I slept with a lot of women. I shouldn't say women. A lot of girls. That doesn't sound right.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah. Go back to women.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, I wouldn't call a 16 year old a woman.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

That's when. So that was your peak time when you were a teenager?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That was last week,

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Fitz.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, when I was. I was very active out of the gate from 16 on, where I grew up in New York. And everybody was drinking a lot, doing a lot of drugs, having sex a lot. And nobody even dated. It was just like you just kind of. Everybody hooked up. Gotcha. And then I got to college and college was just a. I went to Boston University. 40, 000 kids. And it was like a lot of like Jewish girls from Long island back when being called a Jap was like a real thing. And. Is that something you can say anymore?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Well, if you are talking about Jewish

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

American princess, then it's fine, you can say that.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

But if you say the other one. No likey.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I did not have sex with any of those women. I did not. I did not launch any strikes into any of those women. But. But a lot of Jewish girls and big numbers caught venereal diseases several times.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

How much. How much worry did you have? Like on your first one or two

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

about getting them pregnant or VD, VDs? No, they were virgins.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

You didn't care.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I was. I was a virgin slayer. It's the Best?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Well, yeah. No diseases down there.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's like being a skier. We call it the virgin snow.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Fresh powder, baby.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Fresh powder, baby. All right, this is getting creepy.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Okay, how many. I gotta know how many comics at the Comedy Store, when you trade the mic with them, how many of them do you whisper to them? Something like you do to me.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Only, like four or five.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Okay. Yeah. I think you. Earl Skakel, I think you might be the only two that I whisper something. Yeah, yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's something that I do well. Yeah, I do it to Fahim, you, Owen Smith, and maybe one or two other people.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And I just. I remember the first time I did it to you, you literally almost couldn't get off the stage. I whisper a horrible thing in his ear.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

So now we've started to do it back and forth in Bali. If I bring him up, or vice versa, it's very exciting.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Yeah. And so if you ever see us on stage together, really look hard at

[Jeremiah Watkins]

our lips, try to read our lips, see what we're actually saying.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I love that when they. They do that on the Internet, they find lip readers and they tell you what. Caylee Jenner, or whatever her name is. Caitlyn. Caitlyn.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Caitlyn.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, I'm thinking of the kids. Who's the one that's fucking? Timothy Shamilay.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Oh.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, Kenron. Kendrick.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Kendrick Lamar. Kylie Jenner. It's kind of.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I am so proud of myself that I could. I. I wouldn't know a Jenner or Kardashian. If I was punching them in the face, I wouldn't know their names.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I mean, that's. That's good for you.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I just feel like you got to choose what, you know.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Sure.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You have a certain amount of bandwidth in your brain and you can choose what to use it on.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You know, I mean, if you want to ask me about, you know, new wave French directors, I could go on for hours.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Really?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, God, yeah. I mean, I could break down a lot of the film noir. I can name every. Every great piece of abstract expressionism from the 70s, but I can't name a

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Jenner, and that's okay.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Ever won any awards?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah, not recently, but yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

What were the awards for?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

The awards were for. So in high school and college, I won a ton of broadcasting and filmmaking awards.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Really?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah. No, yeah, that's.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

What would you make? Short films?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Short films, Sketches, music videos, news stories. I won for all those different categories. There's film festivals that I had won. News stories, music videos.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Were they all online?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

It was like, almost pre.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Online. Right.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

It was like. That was kind of like how you,

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

like, you were ahead of the online thing. You were.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah. So, like, the film festivals and stuff. So I would. I mean, I've had my channel for that long where. Like, since like, the infancy of. Of YouTube. But the. The stuff that I would throw up on YouTube would get. Literally back in the day, If I got 100 views on something, I was like, I can't believe freaking 100 people saw leave.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I watched that video. 100.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I can't believe I refreshed 100 times. Oh, I used to. I used to try to. Before they. The. They traced IP addresses and stuff. I would just sit there and juice it, and they're like, whoa, people are gonna see this. Wow, this is awesome. Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

What's the one award you want to win in your lifetime?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Oh, easily. Academy Award. Easily.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Is that your thing? I would love to do serious acting.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Well, I mean, I do acting, and I want to do more of it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, yeah, you're the voice of Batman

[Jeremiah Watkins]

or some voice of the Joker on a Cartoon Network show called DC Superhero Girls. I've been auditioned for a lot of different roles in the DC and Marvel universe as of late. You know, hoping to book more. But, yeah, no, I've been acting since I was a little kid, and I would love to Emmy, Oscar. I mean, even Grammy. I would freaking love get an egot, man. I would love to. You know, so easily would love. You know, that's definitely a goal for someday.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I want an E. Got tavan?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony. Adult entertainment video.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

What would the category be for the adult double anal?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You want to be the other guy?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

O. I'm booked up.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So is she. Who Killed jfk? It's a podcast. Government. What branch of the government?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Legislative.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So the Supreme Court.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah, man.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Killed. Yeah. I like that. I mean, it would take 11 guys. Mm. Is it 11? How many people on the Supreme Court? Jesus Christ, look at these. Three. Is it nine? Nine or eleven?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Where were you on nine? Eleven. It's nine. Okay.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I was at school. Headed to school. Yeah. And then they cut. Then we had a half day.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, that's cool.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah, because they thought. They thought Kansas was going to be the next.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Although what's weird is that places like North Dakota is where all the nuclear arsenals are. That's where we launch all our.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

They literally were telling us we're the heartbeat of America. That's where they're striking next.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

We're right in the middle. That's where they're going next.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yep.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That'd be said. That's a good movie script. The. The Chinese going like, we. We must go Kansas. I turn Irish again.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I know.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

What have you turned down recently? It's always a tough question. When the industry fucking stalled out. Four years ago,

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I turned down a place, an outlet for my special.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, that's smart. Put it on YouTube, man. That's where it is. Right?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Turned down an outlet for my special.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You want people to fucking see it? You know?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I know.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, that's. I can make 60 extra. Extra thousand dollars if I put it on Veep or whatever it's called. Like. Yeah. And then. And then you want to ask your fans to pay $9 to see.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

That's the thing is, like, I invested a bunch of money into the special. I'm very excited about it. Self produced it, directed it, edited it. But I. I want to keep betting on it, right? So I'm gonna. I'm gonna put it on my YouTube,

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

get eyeballs on it.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah. It's called Crazy Pizza. The innocent version. Not. Not the. It's. There's an innocent. There's a bit that's in the special that it'll make a lot of sense why it's called that. I also have Crazy Pizza merch. It'll either sell real well or not well at all. Online could go huge, but in person, after the shows, people like it a lot.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And is it true you shot it on a Caribbean island?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Next question.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

All right, finally, let's ask you, Jeremiah Watkins, what is the hackiest bit you've ever done?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Have you asked me this one before?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Maybe I already did. Let me go to a different final

[Jeremiah Watkins]

question, because I feel like I might have told you I might have answered this question.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I probably did. I really have to review my podcast with guests before I do it again. What's the. What's the worst feature act you ever had go on ahead of you or opener?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Oh, it happened recently.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Really?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Okay.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I had. It was a. It was a host that I was. I was angry. I had to calm myself down before I went on stage to do my hour because it was so bad.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

This was for the taping of your special? No. Do your headlining set.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

No, there's a headlining set. I forget where I was.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

There was a local mc. You haven't met local mc.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

And it was even worse. They said that we knew each other from la, that they were visiting family. And I like, you know when you're like, no, I think I would know.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Right?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah. So they they lied. They're starting off on a lie.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Stood in the hallway with you at the store once. That was. That's how they know you.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Maybe.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

I don't know, but it was like. And I'm very, like, I'm always down to talk to the people who I'm working with over the weekend, Hang out before or after the show, whatever, if they're chill, right? But, like, this person just came in with an energy, and I was like, all right, well, like, maybe they're gonna kill. I'm hoping for the best. They did a horrible set, and then after the feature, reset the room and got it back on. On course. Like, they dug whatever. This person just buried the show. And, yeah, already I can tell the audience has lost faith in the show.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

The feature corrects it where I'm like, dude, thank you.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

They go back up there, and then they do more time before they bring me out.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Big faux pas. You never do that.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

And they go. They're taking. They go, y' all remember this song? What about this song? They start doing karaoke with the crowd. There's no punch lines. I keep waiting. I'm like, is this linked to a bit?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, my God.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

They're like, in West Philadelphia, born and raised. I'm like, what's happening? They're eating into the show's time. The audience doesn't even know what's happening.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Is the DJ playing music or.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

No, it's acapella.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

It's so. It gets so bad in the room. And I. When I got up on stage, I go, what's happening right now? I go, did they just ask you to sing? And the audience goes, yeah. I go, did they have any jokes with it? I literally asked you. They go, no. I go, all right, well, this is going to be a big left turn. Let's do some jokes.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

And then I. I hit him with material. Usually I'm like, very loose or whatever, but I'm like, they need freaking CPR right now.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right, right, right.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

So, like, I hit him with jokes for a while, and then I went in and, you know, later, Rift and had more fun with being silly. But I was like, this room is dying, Right?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

And they've lost all faith in what?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

The show person with you for the whole weekend?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

No, they were just there the one night, and I was so grateful.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Okay, good. Would you have asked to be. To have somebody else come in?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

It was. I asked management. I was just like. I was like, are they there? Are they here all weekend? And they're like, no, they're just here tonight. I go, fantastic. And I just. I didn't speak ill of them or whatever. I was just like, it solved itself. It was one of those things.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

But it was so bad, like, I might have been like, who? Like, is it possible for them to do a guest set or something instead than host? The host is a very important job that, like, a lot of times they give to the. The youngest comic on the bill and, like, that sets the tone if they're real bad.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Weird. It is weird. Like, I came up in Boston and the format and this makes a lot more sense. The headliner goes on first and does 15 minutes, and they bring the opener, who does 10. Then he goes up and does a chunk, brings up the feature, who does 20, and then closes the show with another 15. Now that's like, harder job for the headliner, but it's like their way better. It's their show. Yeah. And I believe at the end of that show, that crowd is going to remember and embrace that headliner more.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And it's a better experience for the other comics. They're getting set up to not fail.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

What I'll do sometimes on the. On the road when it's like, buddies who I'm bringing with me on the road is all, even I'll come out at the top of the show. I was like, hey, I got a couple buddies with me tonight. Like, you'll see me here in a little bit. But, like, I'll give them a real good intro from the stage.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

All right. Come to stage now is like, I've been doing comedy with this person like, over a decade. Like, we're doing sketches, all this stuff. Please welcome, you know, Peter Branchowski or somebody, you know, close buddy, whatever. And they always tell me, they're like, oh, dude, that made my set so much easier. Just you just biting the bullet of just saying hi to them and then

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

having them out stamping their car. Yeah, yeah, right, right. I like that. Earlier you said you won't speak ill of them. Do you think that when doctors have to talk to the families of patients outside the room, they mostly speak ill of the patient? I literally just thought of that joke right now, probably. Are you speaking ill of my joke?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Are you speaking ill of my joke right now?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Jeremiah Watkins. We talked about the special, but also, if you want to see him live, he's an explosive performer. You'll never see the same show twice, I'll tell you that much. Which sometimes is a relief. After the show, he will be at the comedy store on May 7, doing his stand up on the Spot show, which I've done in the past and I absolutely love.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Oh, yeah, you killed. We got to have you back, dude.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Love to.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

So fun.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

What room are you doing it in at this point?

[Jeremiah Watkins]

In the belly. We were doing it in the main for a little bit, but I do like the belly.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

The belly's where you think a new. That's the. That's the lab.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

It's. It's. It's great, like for the show. It's so like you're right on top of the audience there and you can hear all the suggestions very easily.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So also, the main room is fun, but it's a very perform. Like, when I do the main room, I don't do a ton of new. I got. You gotta hit them in the main room.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah, no, for sure.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, for sure. April 24th and 25th in Tulsa. April 27th, Jimmy Kimmel show. He's doing another stand up on the spot out there in Vegas.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah, I'm doing it with Josh Wolf Lunel and John Goblican.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Wow.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He spelled his name John Goblicon.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah. J O H N G O B L I K O n. John Goblicon.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

St. Pete's on May 1st and 2nd. Des Moines, Denver, Syracuse, Omaha, Portland. Get on board if you want tickets go to Jeremiah Watkins. That's J E R E M I A H W A T K I N S like, like, like Aunt Jemima.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Get tickets, go see him. Thank you, my friend.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Thanks so much for having me, bro.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You're the best.

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Love you.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Love you,

[Jeremiah Watkins]

Sam.