Mary Lynn Rajskub - Episode 1096

Summary

Fitzdog Radio Episode 1096: An Engaging Conversation with Mary Lynn Rajskub

Release Date: May 8, 2025

In Episode 1096 of Fitzdog Radio, host Greg Fitzsimmons welcomes actress and comedian Mary Lynn Rajskub for an honest and humorous deep dive into her life, career, and personal experiences. This detailed summary captures the essence of their engaging conversation, highlighting key topics, insightful discussions, and memorable quotes.

---

1. Opening Monologue: Greg's Love-Hate Relationship with California

Greg Fitzsimmons kicks off the episode with an impassioned monologue about his deep connection to California, addressing common misconceptions and showcasing the state's gritty authenticity.

• Greg's Defense of California:
  "California is your friend. California helps you... There's adversity. There's some struggle. There's art, real art... That's not art. I want to see a Coke can that's been twisted into the shape of the devil and spray painted black with a Doors emblem on the side of it. That's art."
  (00:00-14:20)

• Addressing Crime and Homelessness:
  "Every decent city has some crime. Keeps you on your toes. Don't be a pussy pussy... I feel alive."
  (Around [04:00])
  Greg emphasizes the vibrancy and realness of California, particularly Venice Beach, countering stereotypes with vivid descriptions of the local culture, art, and community dynamics.

2. Introducing Mary Lynn Rajskub

Greg transitions to introducing his guest, Mary Lynn Rajskub, highlighting her extensive acting career across various renowned television shows and films.

• Mary Lynn's Career Highlights:
  "You were on 24 for all those years... Always Sunny in Philadelphia... Mr. Show with Bob Odenkirk and David Cross... Little Miss Sunshine... Legally Blonde... The Tomorrow War with Chris Pratt."
  (14:20-15:00)

Mary Lynn brings a wealth of experience from both acting and stand-up comedy, setting the stage for an insightful discussion.

3. Career and Personal Experiences

The conversation delves into Mary Lynn's journey in the entertainment industry, her experiences on set, and her approach to comedy.

• Mary Lynn on Performing and Coping with Depression:
  "Performing has taught me to be aggressive... Transition from internal to external."
  (Around [18:26]-[18:34])
  Both Greg and Mary Lynn share personal stories about overcoming challenges and using performance as a means to express and manage their emotions.

• Recollections of Past Projects and Collaborations:
  "Girls Guitar Club with Karen Kilgariff... It was like folk with a bad attitude... 'For those about to rock, we salute you.'"
  (31:14-32:11)
  They reminisce about their time at Largo, discussing the creative synergy and the unique performances that emerged from their collaborations.

4. Mary Lynn's Comedy Special: "Road Gig"

A significant portion of the episode focuses on Mary Lynn's latest stand-up special, "Road Gig," which she taped in Chicago.

• Feedback and Reception:
  "Chris Van Norman, 4524. He said, I just thought that... 'I just want to go on record. Colon wood.'"
  (74:35-75:31)
  Mary Lynn shares positive feedback from fans and discusses the creative choices behind her special, including the intentional "dirty" shooting style to capture genuine audience reactions.

• Humorous Anecdotes from the Special:
  "I just went to this healer who did like sound, but she was very matter of fact... 'Greg Fitzsimmons taught me how to be aggressive and be a man. Just shove your hand down there, right?'"
  (52:00-56:25)
  The duo exchanges light-hearted jokes about personal relationships and comedic scenarios, showcasing their chemistry and improvisational skills.

5. Fastballs with Fits: Rapid-Fire Questions

In the "Fastballs with Fits" segment, Greg poses quick, unexpected questions to Mary Lynn, leading to spontaneous and humorous responses.

• Examples of Fastball Questions and Responses:

  • "What's your best female friendship?"
    "I don't have any friends."
  • "What's your best male friendship?"
    "I don't have any friends."

  (69:13-72:14)

This segment highlights their playful banter and ability to think on their feet, adding an entertaining dynamic to the episode.

6. Advice for Aspiring Actors and Comedians

Mary Lynn offers candid advice to listeners looking to break into the entertainment industry, drawing from her own experiences with auditions and career setbacks.

• On Auditioning and Persistence:
  "It's a hard business. It's so hard to get hired somewhere... You need to be your own voice. You gotta be your own voice."
  (43:09-44:35)
  She emphasizes the importance of rewriting, resilience, and maintaining one's unique voice amidst the competitive landscape.

• Handling Rejection and Staying Motivated:
  "I read a script. It was mediocre... He's gonna be fine because they're going to do it regardless of what I say."
  (46:05-47:11)
  Mary Lynn discusses the emotional toll of constant auditions and the necessity of perseverance.

7. Personal Relationships and Humor

The conversation takes a more personal turn as Greg and Mary Lynn share humorous and sometimes awkward stories about their past relationships and personal lives.

• Funny Sex Stories and Relationship Dynamics:
  "I'm a Jenna Fischer type, mild-mannered white woman who's like, indecisive... I'm always the boss."
  (55:40-56:47)
  • "Frozen fourth base... Take control of the situation."
    (60:27-61:44)

These anecdotes provide a relatable and humorous glimpse into their personal lives, enhancing the authenticity of the conversation.

8. Closing Remarks and Promotions

As the episode winds down, Greg and Mary Lynn promote each other's projects and express mutual respect and admiration.

• Promoting Mary Lynn's Projects:
  "Go see the show. It's called 'North of North.' It's got a hundred percent Rotten Tomatoes... 'Road Gig' on YouTube."
  (81:00-82:15)
  • Mary Lynn on Supporting Friends:
    "I don't see her very often, but I love her when I see her... You can't live far away and meet someone."
    (70:19-71:14)

Their genuine support underscores the strong rapport between host and guest, encouraging listeners to engage with Mary Lynn's work.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

1. Greg on California's Authenticity:
   "California is your friend. California helps you... There's adversity. There's some struggle. There's art, real art."
   (00:00-14:20)

2. Mary Lynn on Overcoming Challenges:
   "Performing has taught me to be aggressive... Transition from internal to external."
   (Approximately [18:26]-[18:34])

3. Discussion on Auditions:
   "It's a hard business. It's so hard to get hired somewhere... You gotta be your own voice."
   (43:09-44:35)

4. Fastball Humor:
   "Why are you Puerto Rican just now? These are not fastball questions."
   (72:43)

5. Closing Promotion:
   "Go see the show. It's called 'North of North.' It's got a hundred percent Rotten Tomatoes."
   (81:00-82:15)

---

Conclusion

Episode 1096 of Fitzdog Radio offers a captivating blend of humor, personal stories, and professional insights as Greg Fitzsimmons converses with Mary Lynn Rajskub. Their shared experiences in the entertainment industry, coupled with candid discussions about personal growth and relationships, make for a rich and engaging listen. Whether you're a fan of Mary Lynn's work or simply enjoy authentic and humorous interviews, this episode is a testament to their enduring friendship and mutual support.

Transcript

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Foreign.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Hey now, welcome to Fitz Dog Radio. It's Tuesday. I just interviewed Marilyn Rice Cobb, Marilyn Rice Cake from my podcast at the studio. We had a great time. That'll be on in just a moment, but I'm enjoying my Sweatseedo today. I show it off in the pod. I don't know how much we showed in the podcast because we walked away from the microphones, but given to me by a fine Canadian company. No ad. They're not paying me. I just wanted to say, go to sweatseedo.com, pick one up. It's about a buck fifty. It's the best money you'll ever spend. If you buy one, take a picture, send it to me, I'll put it on the air. Also want to remind you guys, Sunday papers is every Sunday. Tell your friends and family about both podcasts, spread the word, and what else I got. I just been on the road a lot, and here's what I'm getting a lot. I'm on stage and I talk about being from California. And I think I've talked about this on the podcast before, but merits saying again, people boo. People have a hatred for California. California represents something to a lot of the country, which you need to fucking get over. Let me just say that right out there, California is your friend. California helps you. Oh, there's. There's crime, there's homeless people grow up. Every decent city has some crime. Keeps you on your toes. Don't be a pussy pussy. What do you want to. What do you want to sit in a gated community in the suburb of some town that's a suburb of some city where you. Where there's open carry because you're so. You got to protect your life. You got to walk around with a gun in your gated community to protect your, what, Life? Nothing happens. Protect your life. Take it. Take your life. Now that's. That's a bit strong. I'm just saying, like, I feel alive. I live in Venice Beach. A little bit of crime. I look over my shoulder, I notice what's come along. There's adversity. This. There's some struggle. There's art, real art, spray painted on the sides of walls and splayed out on the boardwalk in front of hippies that may or may not be homeless. I think they may be homeless. Couple nights a week, couple couches, maybe a motel here and there. But there. There's a. There's some art that's coming from somewhere. Not your. Not your beachfront down in fucking Costa Verde with the art, with a Wave. A wave cresting with a unicorn coming out of it and a rainbow in the background. That's not art. I want to see a Coke can that's been twisted into the shape of the devil and spray painted black with a Doors emblem on the side of it. That's art. Show me that. Screaming in the distance. Some sirens, some helicopters. You know, you go into bed, you hear some helicopters, you go, ooh, what's going on? Maybe it's close. Maybe something's going on. This is where I want to raise my kids. Kids learn how to. They learn how to deal with it. Learn how to take a public bus and walk past somebody who's dangerous and not, not look at them, but not look away. That's the key. That's what I taught them. You don't look them in the eye, but you don't look scared. They can take that anywhere at the drum circle on Sundays. Bunch of old hippies and hipsters and hip hoppers and tourists all in a circle. About a hundred people with drums playing in some sort of syncopation. It's. It's a little off, but people are dancing, sometimes topless as the sun sets on a Sunday night over the. Over the ocean. And then that night, Sunday night, there's a gang of people that go around on beach cruisers with dayglo streamers and lights. And they ride in a pack, about a hundred of them around Venice beach through Santa Monica. There's always one guy with, you know, dreadlocks and he's got a bike trailer with a boombox playing P. Funk and a pit bull sitting there, a pit bull named Zephyr who can hang. Who's a good pit bull, but he can be a bad pit bull too. Don't fuck with him. They get these waves that happen here in Venice Beach. They're phosphorus, they call them phosphorus waves. And it's like a blue. And when anything trips up the water, there's a splash or anything. You get a black ocean at night that suddenly glows blue. And people surf at night and you sit there and you take mushrooms and you watch the. You watch a trail of blue blazing through the black. It's unfucking believable. Old dudes on a long board, 68 year old guys on a long board riding waves. You're not a bunch of woke. This whole woke mob shit. That's not us. That's maybe in the universities, it's like that maybe in, you know, the mansions of Santa Monica. But that's not Venice. Venice beach is fucking gritty. And real. I'm tired of it getting a bad time. California in general, you got a ton of Latinos, good Latinos, not like your Latinos who were docile and afraid of getting deported. These are three generation Chicanos that run businesses. My son worked for them, their companies. Two different. One working at a soccer camp that these first generation Mexicans started. Work for the good fucking men with good families. And these are guys that they're not taking the bus. They got 57 Chevys, Impalas with fucking low riders and they throw parties that last for decades. Yeah, they look ridiculous. Yeah, they're dressed like 12 year olds with shorts that are too long and socks that are too high. But whatever. What's wrong with a neck Tattoo? Oh, but LA's overpopulated. Yeah, you know why? Because you keep sending your stupid fucking kids here. All your kids, they graduate college and they come out here to follow their dream. Good, let them come out. But, but that's not. And then they end up homeless. Cause they can't act and they can't sing. But they followed fucking Simon Cowell, told them to follow their dream. So they got on a fucking Greyhound and they came into Hollywood. And guess what? You weren't that good. Because you didn't live a life first. You lived in a fucking pillowcase. You never had any adversity. How you gonna be an artist? Come out here, you're fucking. You did Grease as a senior. You got to play Fuck the John Travolta part, who cares? And now you end up homeless. And the rest company go. Country goes. All these Californians are homeless. No, your people are homeless. Get them off our fucking streets. We don't end up homeless, you know. Oh yeah, we're a drain on the economy. No, guess what? Look on, look on the Internet, okay? Who gives more money to the federal government than California? There's a thing called a taker state and a thing called a giver state, depending on if you take more from the federal government in subsidies than you give in taxes. And guess what, can. California gave $78 billion in surplus beyond what we took last year. The number one state for being a giver. So what the fuck are you talking about? Oh, but our immigrants. Yeah, our immigrants fucking pay taxes. Or we got trans people reading books to kids. Oh yeah, that's what we're all about. That's our identity. There's nothing else going on here, right? You like fast food? How about this? McDonald's, Jack in the Box, IHOP, Taco Bell, all from California in and out burger. You don't believe me? Google it. Oh, yeah, Google. Also invented in California. You like wine? Oh, good. 80% of it is made right here in California. And if you drink too much of it, you can come here and go to rehab. Because we have the best rehabs in the country. One stop shopping. You like the X Games? You like skateboarding? That was invented about half a mile from my house. You like bottled water? Yeah, we give it to you. We don't even have a lot of water. We give you all the bottled water we got. How about the Navy seals? You like those badasses? That's ours. Mexican food. The best. The best Mexicans, period. All the good Mexicans come through California. Get diversity. We got the best, best weather in the country, best looking people. Don't look at me. I'm not a representative of this. But in general, I think we have the best looking people in the country. I mean, look, I. I'm a New Yorker. I love New York better than California. But as somebody who's been here for 25 years, I'm tired of the fucking hate. Look at. We give you all your tv, all your movies, all your apps, Uber, Lyft, everything. So ease up. That's all I'm saying. All right? Not in California. I got a buddy in Georgia, Frank Jackson, one of my best friends growing up, excellent human being. He just launched a coffee company, coffee delivery service. And I want you guys to get behind him. Let's launch. His company is just launching this week. The website is now up. It's called sleepy hollow coffee roasters.com he's got. He gave me a bunch of samples. This stuff is like the best coffee I've ever had. It's rich. You like the taste of fresh blueberries? That's the Katrina. There's a jolt of flavors with sweet nuttiness melting into rich dark chocolate. That's the Ichabod. Like Ichabod Crane from Sleepy Hollow. That's where we grew up. It's roasted fresh. He's got a whole process. He's been, he's been researching and practicing for a couple years now. It's launched. I want you guys to get online right now, sleepyhollow coffeeroasters.com and try it out. If you do, you're gonna get 15% off your entire order with promo code Fitzdog and also orders over 50 bucks ship free. There's memberships or whatever you call it, you know, subscriptions. You can do that. But try it out first. See what you think. Don't take my Word for it. Do it yourself. SleepyHollowCoffeeroasters.com promo code, Fitz Dog, 15% off. Okay. Get the old Dutch. That's the other one. I love the old Dutch. It's like a mocha java. Oh. Oh, it's good. Some tour dates coming up. I will be in Escondido this weekend at the Grand Comedy Club. That's May 9th and 10th. I'll be in Cincinnati in at the Commonwealth something May 16th and 17th. Tickets on the website. Tampa Side Splitters. June 5th through the 7th. One night in Naples, Florida. Off the hook June 8th. Then I'll be in Torrance, Austin, Texas. Point Pleasant, New Jersey, La Jolla, Vegas, Chicago, New Orleans. Go to Fitzdog.com, get some tickets. Check it out. There's also some new merch for. For the fifth anniversary of Sunday papers that's also on the website. My guest today. Let's get to her. One of my dear friends. I love this interesting, complex, artistic person. You know her, she was on 24 for all those years. She was one of the Main stars at 24. She's in Always Sunny in Philadelphia. She was on Mr. Show with Bob Odenkirk and David Cross. She was on Larry Sanders Show. These all. She was a regular on all these shows. Brooklyn 9 9. Veronica's closet. She was in. Dude, Where's My Car? Sweet Home Alabama. Punch Drunk Love. How about Little Miss Sunshine? She was on King of Queens. She was on Legally Blonde too. What else? She's done it all. She was on the Tomorrow War with Chris Pratt. Uh, Theranos. Anyway, you'll hear all about it now. Had a great hang with her. Always fun. Here is my guest, Mary Lynn Rice Cobb. Marilyn Rice Cake is my guest, Gregory Fitzsimmons.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah, your special is great. And I really was just cramming it because I knew I was going to be here or else I think I would have watched it in one sitting. We were just talking about that. So funny, Greg.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, we're not here to fill the room too. Well, I. Look, I really appreciate you saying nice things about my special.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I know how to start a podcast.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And if you could say some nice things about my podcast, that would be great, too. You've been on it as much as anybody. I think you've probably done this podcast eight, nine, ten times.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

You know, with the way that my brain works, it's like the first time every time.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Really?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Is that good or bad?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

It kind of is the best because I feel like I know you. I know I'm gonna enjoy Talking to you.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes, I know. I've been looking forward to it. But you know what we need to do, because this is pre performance, you and I have certain rituals that we do. We do to get in the right place to get grounded. Let's do it. Now we're gonna stand.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

We're gonna stand up.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Cactus. Stretch it out.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

This one's the star. Oh, my gosh. Look, we're touching hands into the stars.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And now tap it into the universe.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Oh, I was gonna do.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, you got another one.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I was gonna do a couple.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Okay.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

We could do a couple more.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Cactus.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I mean, this honestly is so good.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

This one is.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

That's happening in the beginning.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

If people don't understand what this is. When something positive happens in your life, especially something that you put yourself out on, you took a risk, it worked. Then you hug yourself and you tap it into the universe, because this is what they call emdr.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

But we didn't even do anything yet, and we're already congratulating you got here.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You got here from your town. I'm not gonna say what town you live in, but it's not close.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

What am I doing?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You didn't know you were gonna be starring in a new show that's got 100% on rotten tomatoes in order to second season. And you could have lived closer to Hollywood and not weigh the fuck out wherever you are.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

You know, life.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Life is provident.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

It's. And I told. I probably. I'm sure I've told you at some point why I moved out there was. It was smart.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I made some smooth moves.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I went from Encino way out to the West Valley during COVID Yeah. Made some cash.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You did make some cash. Well, here's the thing about you. Life. Life has worked out well for you. And sometimes I go like, Mary Lynn is making it in eight different ways.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

She's got to.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

She. By the way, can I get some feedback on the suit? You want to touch it?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I do. I like how it has one thin green stripe. You're rocking it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's called a Sweatseedo, and it's made by this guy in Canada.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Shower shoes.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes, Shower shoes.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

All right, Wait, that's a custom.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

This is made by someone in Canada. Sweatseedo. Oh, I just realized we weren't on mic that whole time. But that's all right.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Nobody. We don't. I mean, we care.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, we care.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Let's get on. Mike.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So listen, you're on this show. It's called north of north, and it is name that because it is literally in the Antarctic. It is way, way up there.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

It's way up there.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. And you are playing a kind of a Karen character in it.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yes.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Which is so unlike you because you're the opposite of a Karen.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Thank you for saying that.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Do you ever have anything. No. I. I don't see you exploding at people.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I don't. I do it internally. I explode internally.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

And I explode on stage, which is why it's so good for me. We're very different people, but we have some similar intersections.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Of depression. That's why this. This works so well.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

To transition from internal to external.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right, right.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Performing has taught me to be aggressive.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

You were already aggressive.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, I was always aggressive, but I think a lot of that was overcoming my size. You know, I'm only five, seven and three quarters. And I grew up £115. And so I always was intimidated by other guys.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

You just fought your way out.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I just made up for it by being super aggressive. I was the annoying little dog.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And I used to fight. I used to get into fist fights.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I remember this.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

About you.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, with women. Asian women mostly.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Only exclusively. Try me. Yeah, I never got into fights. I always did the.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You never got in a fight in your whole life?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Not really, no. I got punched in the face once. I fantasized about fighting people. That's the thing. I was always trying to do the right thing. I was trying to not show what I felt.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Ever.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Trying to react.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Be.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Be good. And so punch in the face. In high school, I was on the bus, sitting by the window with two people next to me, and she sucker punched me and left. Why? Because I made fun of her. One of the rare times I let it out, you know, it was in me. I just tried to hold it in. Sometimes I get punched. I don't. I don't think it was very clever. I think it. I was making fun of her eye makeup. I don't even remember what the. Here's what a. I was making fun of her because she was making fun of the teacher, and he was old and he was feeble, and I felt bad for him. And then she got her gang of misfits to come after me.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

You better watch it. It was one of those, you better watch it after school. So all day you're just like.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

All day you're waiting.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Oh.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So I was worse than the punch in the face.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

It is. It is.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

And I got to go right home after the punch in the face because my I had to sit on the bus for a couple minutes because her stop was just before mine. So, yeah, I just sat there with the hot, embarrassed tears of humiliation.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It is humiliating because you didn't hit her back, but you really couldn't. You were tucked in on that third seat by the window.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

And then I was steaming about how, like, just cowardly that was of her to punch me like that.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember once I was walking through Times Square. I was, like, maybe 12 or 13 years old. We used to go down and walk around Times Square during the day and just, you know, get high and make fun of people. And I'm walking past this guy, and he's kind of like, you know, he's an indigent kind of a guy and greasy. And he's hacking coughing.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And so I do a hack cough to make fun of him. Yeah. My friends. And he fucking hauls off and cracks me across the jaw.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Oh, my God.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And again, I was a little kid, and this guy was nuts.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

And so I didn't uncall.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I didn't say anything. And then what's worse is my friends just laughed at me for, like, five minutes. There's nothing worse than. You got to punch back. You got to punch back.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah, I never. But yes. Yes. The TV show is fantastic.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

All right, let's transition back to TV show. Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I am. I'm not where I'm done. I don't have any more punching stories.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I mean, I could tell you about bleeding through my pants. I don't have to transition out of other humiliating moments. Yeah, we don't, you know.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Was that your first period that happened?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Not the very first one. It was around the first time. You don't know how. How much the flow's gonna be.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Standing up and it's like, in the seat. Oh, I think I had a sweater in class. In class.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, yeah. Wow.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Isn't that funny how. Remember those times? Those. And right now, it's just like. It's not that big of a deal.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

But it takes all. Living all this life, but at that time, when it's the first, you're just like, just. It's just humiliating.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

To be alive.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

And to have a period is humiliating.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, my God. Men get off easy. Well, we get off easy also, but, you know, we don't have to deal with childbirth. Menstrual. My wife is going through the, you know, the menopause thing now, where her temperature, you know, sleeping in bed with her. It's like being in a crock pot.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's just all sudden. I get hot.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

She's so hot.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Look at me. Making it about me.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah. You're by proxy hotness. Poor me.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I know.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Having to sleep next to her. And then I'm trying to face out because I don't. I don't brush the back of my hair. That's why I have, like, my shower shoes. And then I want. You know, I want to face forward.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Because you like the set. Isn't it nice?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

It's really pretty.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Top right. That look good?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You look fantastic.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I do look really good. Come on.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Clear glasses with the blonde hair.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Just sit up.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Sit up. Nice.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Put makeup on.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Did you put makeup on?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Earrings in.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Have to.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Paul, we're good.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

He wants to help.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I know, right? I know, but it's fine.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

It's fine around, so.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

All right, so let's talk about the special a little bit. So I don't understand something. I can't stand cold. I know you grew up in Michigan, so you're. You're pretty good with freezing. But.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

No, this is a whole other level. I. You know, I've been in LA for.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

And I live in the hottest. I don't. I. You're. You know, you're. This side is cooler. I live in West Valley where It's at least 10, 12 degrees hotter.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah. No. And there's nothing. Where I went to is three hours north. Plane ride. Three hours north of Ottawa. Straight up.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Wow.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

And there's no comparison to the cold that it was.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

When I landed.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I took a breath and I was like, am I gonna be okay?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Moisture in your nose. Freeze.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

You know what?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Did you get that?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

No. My friend went out with wet hair and it instantly froze. But I got used to it. I got used to it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You did?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Well, I mean, I had issues. Cause I'm very fair. And, you know, I had, like perpetually chapped lips after a while that I would just. And you do have to. We had a long email of instructions of how to dress the layers. You know, you have to put the wool. I. I would wear like three or four pairs of pants to go walk.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

To get like Kurt Cobain for, you.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Know, to walk the point three miles. And you would. They. They said you need like a neck cover thing and another scarf so that you have two layers of scarves because one of them is going to freeze over. And then you want to have another one. And then.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So weird. Is the only other place you see women dressed like that is in the desert where it's like 110 degrees.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

What gives?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Sharia law.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah, I practiced my own Sharia law. I said, just look at my eyes and wonder how hot this is.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Wonder about the undergarments.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Wonder about it. And your fingers. If you wear mittens, only your fingers can freeze together. So you want to do like a glove and a mitten.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Really?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah. But then, you know, I was up there. There were certain days where you thought it was mild once I was used to it, where you think it's mild and then a wind will blow and then you're like, oh, this is. We're done. Yeah. But, you know, sometimes it'll be deceiving because you sort of acclimate and then the sun is bright and, you know, I'm walking out with my jacket unzipped. And.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

What month of the year is this?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

We started end of March and went to. To November. So when I got there, it was 20 below and some of the crew had just been there and I just missed a blizzard. Next level.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So wait, March to November?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

No, Mar. No, sorry. That's going to be what? Because we just got picked up for season two. It's up. It's probably will take place. Okay, I'm making stuff up. March, April, May. Came back in June.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And so.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

And by June it was 30 degrees.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And the sunlight changed. In March, I guess you're not getting a lot of sunlight.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

March was regular sunlight. And then by the end, it was 24 hours.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, it wasn't.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah, we would go for bonfires after work because there's like the town and then there's a vast nothingness.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

So you just drive a little bit and you're just surrounded by what? And we would have the, you know, put pallets on fire and they had DJ out there. And then the sun would start to set. Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Where do they get the dj?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

There's. It's an arctic dj, bro.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No way.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

He's. He's just, you know, making stuff out of ice and you can break it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

On your back, like.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

That's right.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's right.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Conducting. Making electricity using snow and ice.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So you're raving. Everything's melting around you.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Raving.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

But yeah, the sun would start to set around midnight or. And then it would start to come back up around one.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

So it just would never completely set and come back up. And I talked to some people from there and they said you. Your body never acclimates to that.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Right.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

And there was some anecdote. There's no real story to it, but it just stuck in my mind about little kids that. Just throwing rocks, like at 2am because they're. They're just running around in the middle of the night, so people are sleeping. There's just little kids throwing rocks.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right, right. I could see that. Yeah. Well, I. There was that other show about Alaska, about the. Oh, no, that wasn't Alaska. But the one about the. It was an Indian reservation. Reservation dogs.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah. Kirk Fox was on it. I haven't watched it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So good.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I heard it's so good.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It was about that. It was about, like, gotta go home and watch delinquent kids in the. In the. In a reservation.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

But I'm so proud of the be on our show. I play the white lady. I play Karen type. And, you know, my son had no problem believing that I could be a Karen type. I said. I said, do you think I could play? Yes, I said, you could act like you're thinking about it a little bit. So to him, I am a Karen type.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I think every mother is a Karen to this.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah. I'm like, dude, you know, you got the coolest mom in town.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, he does. He does. Does he ever know that? Are there moments where he sees you in a movie or a TV show and he goes, hey, man, he's old enough to watch Mr. Show.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I mean, he is not interested.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Has he watched Mr. Show?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

He hasn't watched 24.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Really?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

We've watched this show. He's 16. 16? Yeah. He doesn't really. He watches tick tock and YouTube. Some of his friends are into movies, and they'll turn him on to certain shows or movies. We watch Stranger Things together.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Sit down and watch 24, because then you're gonna have season two. You started. Right.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

That's the thing.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He will respect you so much more.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

You know what happened One time he came home, he goes, mom, were you in a movie called Punch Drunk Love? And I was like, yeah, I was. His friend who's into movies, told him, yeah. And I said, yeah, it's a Paul Thomas Sanderson movie. You might want to Google. Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And see Adam Sandler. Right?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

But, like, he's one of the best filmmakers ever. And my son's just like, has no idea.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Did you date him?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Who?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Pta.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

No. But thank you for thinking that.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, he dated all the cool chicks in Hollywood, you know, I like that.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

You think of me like that.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, you were. I mean, you still. We hung out together, but back in the Largo days, you know, you were in the inner Circle of the Cool Kids, you know, Girls Guitar Club with Karen Kilgariff, which I would. Honestly, if you guys had gotten your shit together and promoted that and stayed.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

With it, the producer and you just came out.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It makes me angry because I really would watch it and I would be like, this is different than anything I've ever seen. It was your guys talent in singing. Your chemistry was so unique. And it.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

It was like both of our strengths hit when we were together and it crushed.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

If people don't know, there was this at Largo in la, which is this indie club. These guys during everybody. Bob Odenkirk would be going up and Jeanine Garofalo be going up and Margaret Cho and Paul F. Tompkins and Greg Baron. It was like a very cool show. And then you and Karen would get up with guitars and you were sort of like. You were like. It was folk with a bad attitude. And you would sing rock and roll songs sometimes and you would always start the show with. For those about to rock, we salute you.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah. It was a club for girls who were learning how to play guitar.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And you were the cool kids. It was like Sarah Silverman and you guys and Laura Kightlinger. You were like, you know, and what happened? What happened?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

What happened? You know, things happen.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Now you're the cool mom.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Now I'm. I'm the cool mom. Isn't it weird who lives off the 118 off Topanga? Check me out.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Driving past horses.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Went to Costco yesterday. Oh, Costco, Simi Valley.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Let me tell you something.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

With my Old Timer neighbor, he drove me past Spahn Ranch. That was pretty fun.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, Manson's ranch.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Wow.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah. I mean, it's not there anymore, but he drove me to where it was.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's pretty sweet.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah, it was pretty sweet, but. Yeah. And I get to go back to the Arctic.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

All right. I got some questions for myself.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Oh, yeah, let's get. Let's get serious because we got to be serious.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Was it tough growing up Korean? How was your experience on Mad tv? Oh, this is Bobby Lee script. I brought the wrong script.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I auditioned to be on Mad tv.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Did you?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Did you?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

You were the.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I wasn't.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Right. You were the cool kid. Writer, producer. No, I remember being very. Yeah. And you were on the road.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

But I was always, like, impressed with you. Like, oh, he's like a boss.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Really?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah. Because you were writing and producing and that was. You know, I was so out of my mind. I mean, I still am to a certain extent, but that I couldn't I was like, how do you like people would be writing a sketch packet? Like, I just didn't know how to deal with my mind.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right. Right.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Or socially. I had so much to iron out that I couldn't sit down and write.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

It's not happening.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It is a weird thing.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

You know, a much better nap close now.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, you've written and produced stand up specials and a one woman show. Met multiple one woman shows. You did, you did. Ed, I want to ask you about Edinburgh because that's coming up this summer and it's something that.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Are you gonna go?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I don't think I can do it. Like, I don't think it sounds like an awful experience. You have to go for a month.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

It's terrible.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And you have to promote your show every night and you're competing with a hundred other shows.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

It's terrible.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, okay.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I'm here to tell you.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I don't know why you're talking about it or why you're thinking about it. Also, they don't like. Especially because I went in with some credits or some notoriety and they're just like, why are you coming to Edinburgh? Like, that's. The implied energy is like, we'll see.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Because they like for you to do it five, six times before you kind of prove that you are the real deal.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

And they're really putting you on this critique level of.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So you're starting off already judged.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And marginalized.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I may have had a better time because I've heard of a lot of people doing the bar shows, the pass a hat shows where you can just do sets would. Would have been better than trying to do an official show and get an audience every night. And people just leave, you know, because they're going to another show because it's a festival.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So how many people would you have in a crowd?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I mean, sometimes it would be full. I did really well considering I was never less than half full, which is more than on the road for Stand Up. So in that respect, it's kind of amazing that I was able to fill it every night.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Like that. At all.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

But some shows would be bad, like just energetically, you know. And some shows, people would leave midway through. Some shows were great. But it's.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And it's a month, so it's a month. I mean, I did three nights in a club. I'm ready to get the out.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yes. And now at this point in my life, like, maybe if I would have went in my 20s, but even then it's just Hard. You have to be a certain kind of person, you know? And looking back on my life, I definitely was that person. If someone else was leading the cause, like, if. Like, if I had a friend who was like, oh, we're going to this club and then this place and then this show, but to seek it out, I just won't do it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You need it.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I'll just hold up. Yeah. And so there's like bar shows and past the hat shows, and then you stay out until 4am and you just do all these shows and you hang out. It's like, I don't. I don't want to do that now.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Maybe again, when you're young and you've never maybe been out of the country or had that type of experience. It is incredible that there's so much.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And there's not a lot of money in it, right?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

No, no, absolutely not.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's not like north of north, where you're making serious money.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Oh, I am.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Has money watched down over the years?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Like, has money come down?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Like, are your quotes lower than they used to be?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

What kind of question is that?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, I just hear, like, I ever.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Does money come down? I thought you were saying, like, residuals at first. Like, do you get. I mean, like, people for your one episode of King of Queens. Yeah, that does come down. After a while. They're not paying as much as they were not in the 90s.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

But I will make more on those network shows than other things. Than, like, 24, for example.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, really?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah. We've talked about this before.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

No residuals. Yeah, they're selling that the world over.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Oh, my God. That would have been pretty sweet.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

No, I mean, I'm happy to be working. Like, the. The fact that this show is so special. It. It's one of those things that I didn't think would happen, and I'm just like, it's. It's.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And it's amazing that this soon on they picked up season two.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah. It's just something that I'm proud to be a part of, you know? And I was wishing for this. I was like, look, can I. Before the end of my career, it would be so nice to play something where I'm a real character in a world that I can have fun. That's like a shot, like a show, like a real show. Because for so many years, for at least a decade, and I'm not. I'm doing really well. I'm very lucky. But it's so many, like, guest roles, and you show up and you're new to the. You know, you're on for a couple episodes, and then you're gone. So you got to meet everybody, and then you leave. And you're on the hustle for that. And I just thought, I just want to have another go at it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And also, you know, like, our career is tough because most people change careers. I don't know, now, but in the past, you know, three times. You get a new job. We get a new one every week.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

We're in St. Louis, and then we're auditioning for a fucking pilot. And then, you know, it's like you're constantly. You got an agent sending out your resume, and you're grind. Like. Like, talk about, like, for a guest episode, typically, how much auditioning is involved on your part?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Well, it depends. I mean, I do have. Every once in a blue moon, I will get an offer. But a lot of times it'll be like, oh, we are definitely not offering it because it's so competitive, even for guest stars. So you can do. I don't know. It's different nowadays because it's like a tape. And then you don't know if they've watched your tape. And a lot of times you'll just hear nothing.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

You won't even hear thank you for sending your tape in. It's just. Okay. And then, you know, I've done zoom meetings with directors that are auditions and talks. The one I got was for this Christmas movie, there's a story on stage where I talk about dating a white supremacist. That's a whole other thing. But I had told him about a movie where Ludacris and then Lil Rel play Santa Claus.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

And Ludacris is like the Screech character. But. And because he was. He would get into these rants this guy was dating, and he's like, why would there be a black Santa? And I had forgotten that. I. And I was like, where is this coming from? And I'm like, why wouldn't there be? I go, you're saying that because you're white. No, Santa's white. I'm like, santa's not real. Like, why?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Where?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

But he just. What would you do if I bought you a gun? I'm like, well, I would prefer Tiffany's, but I guess if you feel like you have to buy me a gun. But when it started, I was like, oh. I just thought he was like a conspiracy. That's the problem.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Of course Santa's black. I mean, he's got a posse he only works one day a year.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

He's a pimp. Yeah, you work for me. But what was my point in saying that the audition with that it was only because I played the bumbling bad guy that's trying to bring Santa down. And, you know, in life, you're like, okay, it's a Christmas movie. It's not like I'm against it. But there are certain things where you're like, they're gonna have a type in mind. Like, there's nothing I can do to win it over. So that in this case, it worked to my benefit.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Because I got on the zoom, and I was just really sarcastic and, like, around. And because of the director was cool and funny, we kind of, like, had a meeting of the minds, and I got it from that. I would not recommend going into an audition and just fucking around and being sarcastic. But in that case, it worked for me because it made him laugh. And then I said, like, the two lines, and he was very focused. And I appreciated that, too, because a lot of directors don't do that.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

And so he's, you know, reading, and he's looking, and I'm. And I'm. And I'm just looking at him. He goes, is that it? And I laughed. And I go, yeah, that's it. There's like, two lines or so, and then he starts laughing. And then we just started messing around. And. And I did try to make the lines. I took a chance and, like, made them funnier or just, like, did my. What I would do with it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

You know, like, what riffs you would do.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Again, I don't recommend doing that necessarily.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Would you?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

But with something like that, I was like, let me go for it. And it paid off, you know.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Do you ever get friends asking you to meet with their child because they want to go into acting?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

No, never.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Would you recommend that person go into acting, or would you try to talk them out of it?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Do you have, like, teen. No. Your kids are older now.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

They're 24 and 21. And neither one wants to be an actor. But I do get asked by people, you know, like, my. My nephew wants to go into stand up or my.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Like, my neighbor or something.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, they're like, 18 to 25.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Oh. I have gotten asked that by, like, oh, my. You know, my friend's daughter is coming to town in Hollywood. Will you meet with them and talk to them. Them about.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Do you find it hard to tell them to pursue their dream? Yeah, it's such a hard position to be put in. You Know, I have nothing.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

You know what, though? The people that I've talked to now, you're. You're, like, refreshing my memory. I've probably talked to a half a dozen. I would say three. I just talk, and they're not getting it, or they're just listening. The other three are already doing it and have little fucking attitudes, like. And I'm like, oh, you're going to be fine. And I would say those three are. I could tell, are comics because they already are, like, yeah, like, doing sets. Or they. You know, when you're, like, really young and you don't know better and you just think you're the shit? And I was like, oh, they're going to be fine because they're going to do it regardless of what I say. They already. They've written five minutes of material, and they think they're, like, the greatest thing that's ever happened.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And that's the only way you're gonna make. It's not the only way, but that is the most consistent way, is just blind sort of egoism.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yep.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And just, like, just. Your mother loved you too much and told you everything you did was great.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yep. And then the first three are the ones that are too nice or they think, oh, and I'm. There was one guy who was so nice and so talented, and I was just hammering him, and I'm like, dude, you gotta. What do you want to be in. You need to call. You need to. You know, who was there. Sometimes kids think, well, okay, I'll just finish college and communication. It's almost like, well, I don't want to talk you out of being in college. That's always a good thing. But on the other hand, if this is what you want to do, that's. You're not. You're not gonna get anywhere by trying to do everything right. You've gotta, like, put yourself. You've gotta be your own voice. You gotta be. You gotta, like, coach the people. You know, sadly, it's the people who are quiet, who can be really talented, that need to learn from the ones with the big ego. Like, you gotta talk yourself up a little bit.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes. Well, you know what I like is there's a woman that reminds me of a young Marilyn Rice kid, and she is a friend of mine's daughter, a guy that I wrote with for on a couple different shows. And he's like, you know, really nice guy, but, you know, kind of mellow. And so his daughter. He's like, yeah, my daughter got on snl.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I'm like, what got on us? And now she's on SNL right now. Wow, that's incredible.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And. And she's Wickline. I can't remember her first name.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Oh, yeah, I. I saw a couple of her, like, Tiktoks.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, yeah, she's big on TikTok. And then she.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I think it. Because I saw. And I was like, what is this? 19 years old?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

She plays it really dead, man. And very clever, but understated and quirky and like, you're realizing not everybody's gonna get this, but the right people will get it a lot.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You know, so. But then I had a friend, Tom Wright, who's an actor, and he asked me to meet with his son who wanted to be a writer. And so I met him at a coffee shop, and he showed me a script. And it was mediocre. It wasn't bad. But, you know, it was like a first step. You could tell. Like, some kids, like, they. They think they vomit something out and they. They should be showing it to people. Like, yeah, you should rewrite the shit out of that before you show it to somebody. Have all your friends give you feedback. And. And so I read. I was like, it was okay.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

And.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And then I kind of said, you know, this is a hard business. I go, I got. I'm going to be honest with you. It's like so hard to get hired somewhere. And, you know, and then. So then I saw my friend Tom a week later, and he's like, what.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

The fuck did you tell my son?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He doesn't want to do it anymore.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

You're supposed to encourage him.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Victory. Victory.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Where did you. Going back a couple seconds. I'm interviewing you now. Where did you learn how to, like, rewrite and rewrite?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, I was an English major in college. I wanted. I wanted to be a novelist.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

That's where it started.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's funny because yesterday I wrote like four pages of kind of free flow, Kerouac style thing about Venice beach. And a part of me woke up that hadn't been alive in a while. And then I went back today, this morning, and I wrote more. And I'm really into it now, and I forgot the joy of writing. And the thing is, is I was. It really is about letting it come out, knowing you're gonna rewrite later and that. And that if you're trying to rewrite as you write, you'll never get it out.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Right.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And so I've come to think about rewriting as just as creative as the original writing, you know, because it's really fun to then read it and go, wow, look at you. You were on a roll here and this is fucking dead. Cut that out, right? And you feel like you're taking like, you know, or and turning it into a mineral, you know, you're chopping and you're buffing and that to me is great. I'm not good at the final polish. That's where I need somebody else to come in. But I'm really good at the first, first and second rounds of rewriting. And I, and I really enjoy a lot of the writing jobs I've gotten over the years have been punch up jobs where like, like crashing. I was there for three years and I would just be on set 18 hour days for like four months. And I loved it. I never got tired of doing it. I loved being, you know, standing behind the director and just throwing out lines and you know, after work, going back, getting the script for the next day, punching it up. I love that. And I, that's why I think I could be a good teacher. But there's no money in teaching. Like literally. You can't live off teaching money.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Well, yeah, if you like go to a public school.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, I'm talking about like a college. Like teaching, teaching screenwriting in college.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Well, what, you don't need the money?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I don't. I have so much money.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

You have so. Look at.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Jesus Christ. I know. I got it for free.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

You got that?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I have so much money. It's literally like some of the banks that my money's in will call me and they'll be like, we can't handle this. It's not. The FDIC will not allow us to keep this much at one branch. So I'll have to go there and they give me gold bricks.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And I'll have to bring it to another state.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

The bricks.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

The bricks of gold and then go.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Visit your go gold bricks.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, yeah, yeah. I like to go. And I'll bring a different car each time. And that's the other thing is my life.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Whatever happened to Trump and Musk when they went to go look at the gold? Yeah, they go to Fort Knox. Yeah, we're going to go.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That is because they have so much extra time on their hands. They don't have anything else to do. They just are going to go on a field trip. They're going to hold hands with a bunch of other oligarchs.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

What is this world? They said that out loud and then they did it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And what were they gonna do? Were they gonna weigh the bricks? They go we don't think it's all there, so we're gonna go check. Oh, all right. Clousel, why don't you go investigate the gold bricks? Oh, my God, that's so disturbing. Do you have any expensive jewelry?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

No, I wish. My wedding ring. This probably was a harbinger.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Harbinger and an Arbinger.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Is that the right word?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I don't know if it's harbinger or arbinger.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Harbinger. I've never even heard that word. That's why I went with Harbinger. Okay, Mr. English professor, that's arbinger. I'm so mad at you right now.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

What about the people like Norm MacDonald that say what? But they put the H first.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

What?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He used to do that. I think it's a Canadian thing.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Oh.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

What? Where?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Who?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Who? No, who already does it.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I tried to add an extra.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Whoo.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Who, Who, Who, Who.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So what's the ring worth? The wedding ring?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Uh, I lost it in the ocean in Poipu. In Kauai.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Are you serious?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

But here's what's funny.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

While you were still married.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yes. I was so upset, but he never. He didn't know that you're. He didn't know that you're supposed to get an engagement ring and a wedding band.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

So he just got the wedding band and I lost that. I never had an engagement ring.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, I know.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Maybe someday, so you don't have to. Maybe in the afterlife.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, come on. Let's get you married again. What happened to the Elvis impersonator?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Oh, I wish. He was so troubled.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes, but the sex was fantastic.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I bet. You know, the sex was so good that I couldn't enjoy it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

He was too good at it. I was like, take it easy with the attention on. I'm used to being ignored. That's how I get off.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I find ways around to please myself.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You're basically.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

When you're focused on me. That's very jarring.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

But, yeah, no, he was. He was really, really knew a lot of different things.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He did?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He's an elderly impersonator. Oh, that's right. He was a big guy, wasn't he?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

No, he was just strong and agile, like. Like stamina.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, Strong. Right.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

And I don't even mean like just the sex, just lots of different physicality and the. And, yeah. Switching it up, switching it up, keeping it going.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right. Who does that nowadays at this age? You don't want. You don't want to be looked at during sex. You don't Want positions where there's visual contact.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I do.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You do?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I do. Not that much, though. I want it like. Okay. Like, I just went to this healer who did like sound, but she was very matter of fact about it. And I was like, no, you got to bring me, like, I'm speaking. You got to bring me the woo woo. That's what I want. I want sex to have like a romance and an emotion to it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I want you to look at me when you're having feelings.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Okay.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

And then you look away because you're in your own thing. And then you. I want like a saga.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Like in and out.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Trilogy.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah. I want a trilogy.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

In the. In the lovemaking. I want a trilogy.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Is that so wrong?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No. And then you can play characters. I mean, a lot of people get into characters.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

You can do a lot of things.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Wow. But the intimacy. I like that. Even on the one night stand. Because this was a one night stand originally, Right?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

This was a one night stand. But he was very good. It was more intimate than most relationships I've had in my adult life.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Wow.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

And he was hammered.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He was, Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I was like, no offense, but you've had like 13 drinks and you seem fine. And he goes, oh, I'm a highly functioning alcoholic. I was like, cool. Because this is the most.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Were you worried he couldn't perform because of the amount of cocktails? No, no, no. Not with that energy.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

It would. It, it, it. He could perform.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

It was. Never seen anything like it, honestly.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

How many nights was it?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

One night.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's it.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

That's it. The first night we tried to meet up, but he came to see me and my show was sold out.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Nice.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Which was. Yeah, it was pretty good.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Big dick move. Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I didn't even know. That's. That's me. I'm like topping from the bottom. I don't even know.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

That's a new thing I'm exploring in my stand up because I talk about the beginning of it, which I've already said, you know, now I already said it on the Tonight show, but I'm like, I'm a Jenna Fisher type, mild mannered white woman who's like, indecisive.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Like, that's my type.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

But I. The more I'm in relationships, I'm. I realize I'm just the boss. Like, I'm always the boss.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

But that's like, it's a joke, but it's also a real thing. I'm exploring on stage where it's like, please take Care of me.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I beg of you. Yeah, Somebody pay for me. Like, why am I paying for men?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

And I'm like, Hugh Hefner. I'm just like, here's 10 grand. Get the out of here. But I'm. But I want to be, like, soft.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And feminine, but I feel like the roles you play.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

And I go, yeah, you're Elvis. Like, come to my show. You're Elvis, you. And then he's like, oh, I couldn't get in. And I was like, oopsies. Guess I'm the boss. Not really.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

But it was. It was a big dick move. And I. I can't help myself.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I want to get more personal about your sex life in relation to this, but I don't want to say anything inappropriate, but, like, do you dictate the order of orgasm?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

No, not at all. That's the thing, because I'm from another thing I said on stage recently. There was a bunch of people like, my age, our age, in the audience, especially women. I have this line where, you know when you say something and you're like, I can't believe I said that. And now I'm like, yeah, this is so true for me. I go. I just. I rift it. And I'm like, this shit is true. I said, I just found out sex was consensual two years ago. This one night, I got this reaction because there were women of a certain age group, and I was like, right. Like, that's our shit. When we were growing up. Like, think about it. It was like. Like, this is terrible. I don't want to be like. But it. But I used to have fantasies of, like, oh, I'm sleeping.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right, right, right, right.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Like, take me.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

It's not just a great fantasy, but it was normalized. Like, wait, like, it. Like, you know when you hear songs or you hear stories? I mean, this is still happening of, like, men getting together with children, and it's condoned. And I think that was the same thing with like, okay, yeah, this is an unsavory no, but I will say, but that was true. I should feel weird that I'm committing it to a podcast, because when I was at the live show, I was, like, saying to these ladies, I'm like, right, this was normal. We used to fantasize. Like, first of all, I'm making out with Luke Skywalker. Second, I'm, like, sleeping. And then, like, what? And then I'm like, someone's fucking me. Like, that was, like, normal. And so because of that, I developed. Developed a Very like more passive during sex. But my thing in life is like as time goes on, I'm like, oh, I'm the boss of everything. Maybe I need to learn how to bring that into the bedroom.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, I think it starts at a young age. Like I remember being like you know, 14 and I'm with this girl Claire and I grew up in New York, so we used to drink outside at night in the winter. You, you know, we'd get a case of beers and we'd make a fire and then we'd all hang out. We'd have a boom box and smoke some pot. And then if you had a girl or you met a girl, you'd slip off into the woods.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And so I went off into the woods with Claire. And you know, for 14, she had really big tits. And so I remember like putting my hand up her shirt and not even undoing the bra, for God's sakes. Just jamming my hand under this bra, which could not have been comfortable for her. My hand is like 22 degrees.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And I'm grabbing, I'm not caress. I realize, like I look back and I go, there was no joy for Claire in that situation. That was 100. A 14 year old boy trying to feel a tit.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

That's right.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And even, even like you're probably scared.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

So you're like, I'm just gonna do it in one motion. Cuz you're. You like feel stupid.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yep.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Doing anything else. Because that's the weird thing.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Asking her, I would imagine.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

You weren't. Yeah. You weren't trying to be you.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I was trying to get to second and then even third base. Like was too insecure to like even take the belt off. Just jamming the hand down and back then, you know, girls didn't shave. So you're putting. Pushing your way through pubic hair with your fingers. That's got a sting. And then fingering her. Not. Not looking for the clip. I didn't know what a clip was. I wasn't trying to pleasure her in the way.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Terrible.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I just stick it in with my 22 degree finger.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

While she pretends that this is good.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah, it's terrible.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And it's all consensual. But I get what you're saying is it's not consensual. It's not consensual in the sense that we're communicating and on board about each other's needs.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Right, right. Or just maybe even warming up our fingers a little bit.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Maybe. Actually, that feels amazing.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You know, well, Shocking. Probably not.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Probably not.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Maybe like on the ass. It would feel amazing.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, Maybe just freeze your finger. Put an ice pack on your finger and then halfway through sex, slide the ice pack off and.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

No, not in the ass. Just like a. That would, you know, where would. You could take the cold? Yeah, I mean, I'm trying to keep it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Sorry, I took it a step further.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

It's all right. You were like, good idea. It should be frozen so it could go in easier. And I'm thinking of somewhere that would be nicer now that I have something cold.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

There's no way you're not going to be trying that move in the future.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

It sounds terrible.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Take a guy to bed, some Elvis impersonator.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah, I'm gonna do it to him.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

All the things, they're a cold compress on that.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I'm be like, Greg Fitzsimmons taught me how to be aggressive and be a man. Just shove your hand down there, right?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

They call it a frozen fourth base.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

That's called taking control of the situation. Here's what I want your dick hard now.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I want your dick hard and your finger cold. Let's go.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Why don't you put a bra on? You put a bra on for me. Put. I want you to put on some tight panties. We'll see how that works for you.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Go ahead. Put your thumb in your mouth and put the cape on. Put the Elvis cape on. Now you start dressing all your four you future lovers is Elvis. Because that's your fetish now.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah. I like that you remember that. That you're picking up right where we left off last time we talked. Because I remember last time we. I was on the pod. It had just happened. That's how long it's been.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It happened that weekend. It just happened.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah. Cuz I remember I was like, oh, I don't even know if I should talk about this.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, you were so excited.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah, I was still in it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I was still in it. You were texting with him still or you were trying to text me?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

He didn't text me.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He didn't text you back? You were waiting for a text back.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah. Because at that time I was like, I'll just go meet you in another city.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And I was like, elvis has left the building.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Elvis has left the building. He left. Yeah. You remember that? Yeah, yeah, I was. That was a fun time.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

All right, listen, it's time for fastballs with fits.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yes. Let's go.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

The other thing I was telling you with Elvis is because you were asking. I was asking if you have sex on the road a lot. And so that after the Elvis story and you said no and I gave you some techniques and I said that. Really? No, I think this was later. No, we were texting later and I suggested that you sell merch and try to hook up with guys at the merch table. Oh, you know, like you could sell.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Sounds awful.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You could sell.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Leave men live like this. Like I could see guys doing that with women.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, guys totally do that.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

But guys are gross.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Why is it gross to make love to a woman who just enjoyed your comedy?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

No, women are great. Guys are gross.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Like we used. If you start from that basic premise.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I mean I get.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Women are gonna be clean.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. I think about how impossible.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Maybe it would be easier with guys cuz guys are already want to have sex.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I only had a few years of being single and being on the road and I did have sex with women on the road. You did? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of times it was a waitress.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah. Shove my ice cold fingers up their bra and grab the titty. Snapped a few bras bruised. A couple pussies trying to get through the pubic hair. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Hey baby, why don't you go in the bathroom and freshen up. I'm going to the ice machine. I'll be right back.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

How's this? You like a hand that's dirty. I can't feel anything. Your hand is numb. Like she can still feel it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh. But so I only had a few years of that and then I met my beautiful wife. And so I don't know what it's like on the road. But then I was thinking recently how impossible it would be for me to have a one night stand because there's so much preparation now for me to go to bed. I have to like fly. I have to floss as soon as I get back to the hotel room. So there'd be flossing. I. I have to take a piss. I would. I got to put on my night. My. My tooth. My sex guard.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah. Sexy.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And then I have this thing where I sleep wrong with my wrist. So I have to put my wrist guard on. Oh, that's a powder.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

My balls like a little baby bird. He's got to straighten up his wrists.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

There's a lot involved. I don't think I could. I do these back stretches before I get into bed. I mean, can you imagine a woman waiting for all of that? Just sitting in the corner?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Oh.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I mean, listen, I don't have to get into my.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I don't know.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, did you like that text that I sent you of the Russian woman who looks like the absolute worst version of you?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

No, I didn't like that.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Did that. Did that offend you?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

No, it didn't offend me. No, you go in the opposite direction.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I really feel like. I wish we could. I'm gonna hold it up to the camera.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

No, I saw the. What you were saying.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I know. I want the audience to see it.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

That she would be. She probably orders men around in bed here for sure.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I'm gonna hold it up to this camera here.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Wait. Okay.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

There. Yes. Here. Camera. Oh, yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

There we go.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

All right.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Colder. Stick your ice. Ice cold finger in the camera. Oh, she doesn't brush the back of her hair either.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Like, we all have a version of ourselves. Like, how I see myself is way worse than the way the world sees me. Like, I do. Sorry, I was on a mic.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah, but that's how you see me is way worse than the world sees me.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, I wanted you to see how I think you see yourself.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

That's. You know, your wife is a very patient woman.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

She's patient with you.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

But there's also something rude about that. Yeah, but there's also something very sweet about that.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, she is patient.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I know.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Honey, Wait here. I just gotta hit the freezer real quick.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

After I floss.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Did we talk about Jay Johnston on the show?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Dude, what is he, like, pardoned now?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

There's a guy. You did Mr. Show with Bob and Dave back in the 70s, and Jay Johnston was a member of the cast. And I wrote with him on a TV show.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Oh, that's right.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Cedric the Entertainer presents Nicest Guy in the World. And he so funny. He invaded the Capitol on January 6th and was put in prison, I believe. I think he was imprisoned.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I think so, too.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I think.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I don't know any more than that. I don't know where, for how long.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And then, like, all those other monsters, they all got pardoned. Like people that killed a police officer were pardoned. So Jay's loose now?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I don't know what he's up to.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

He started a new improv team.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Did he?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Called the Sixers, the Invaders.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

He's.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

He's a regular on Gutfeld now.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, yeah, right. He's playing. He's headlining the Capitol Theater.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

He's doing the Correspondence Dinner now replacing Amber Ruffin is Jay Johnston.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, that was crazy.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

He just does physical comedy and it brings everybody together.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

He's not critiquing anyone. He's just doing, like, prat falls.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. And if he bombs, you know, the crowd just pardons him.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I got a bad taste in my mouth from that last joke. This is called Fastballs with Fits.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Okay.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Tell me about your best female friendship.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Oh, this isn't a fastball.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's a name. It couldn't be faster than that.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Mm. I don't want to talk to you about that.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

All right. What's your best, best male friendship?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I don't have any friends.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's not true.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

No, that's not true.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I don't. Who's the woman you always bring to the comedy shows with you? Rachel. What's her name?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

That was a. If I'm thinking of who you're thinking of. She. See, this is a bad example, okay? Because she started as a fan, and then she worked as my assistant, and then we were friends, and then I had to let her go.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Let her go as a friend?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yes.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So is there a point at which you can say that because her.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Something was connected to her bank account? Because it was faster for her to do that than to text me and get information to help me with something. Oh, yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's not a fastball.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, that's not a fastball.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I do have a lot of friends and a lot of close relationships, but it's not going to be a cute, like, oh, my best friend. We go to the.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

What about your ex roommate, Sarah Silverman? Are you guys still friends?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I don't see her very often, but I love her when I see her. The last time I saw her was at. Yeah, see, if you prompt me, I'll have lots of fun fastball anecdotes. The last time I saw her was at a benefit with the. A lot of the cast from Mr. Show and. And I was doing. My whole set was about dating, and she came up to me, asked her where. It said nothing about the actual set, but she goes, mary, you can't. You can't date. You gotta move to where people are. You can't live out there and meet you. She was, like, genuinely concerned with, like, if you wanna meet someone, you can't live way out there. You have to. That was very sweet.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

So, yeah, I don't. Maybe I should need to move back.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So I can see people, have coffee with people. I know.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

See, I kept, like. Like, not running, but, like, I'm gonna move here and everything's gonna, like, make sense and be calm, and it is. I have a very good life. But Like, I feel like Sarah got a place in West Hollywood and just stayed there, which was really smart. Probably should have done that.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Probably go to college in a year, right?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah. And then I'll be pretty. Pretty freewheeling.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Maybe you could. Did you buy that place up?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I did and I just decorated it. It's really pretty. I'm not going anywhere.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, have a place, party, then invite a bunch of people.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Think people will come out.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I'll come out.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

You will.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's hard cuz it's chat. It's chat. I want to say. I don't want to say the town you're in, but it's far.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

It's. It's far.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, I'll.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I'll make a. I'll have to make it worth it. Like I'll make the party, you know.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Make it a theme.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah, make it a theme. Or I'll have some food that you can't get. Yeah, that'll get people out there.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

People love 80s parties.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

80S parties. Or I'll have some weird entertainment and then people will come out to see that. That would be fun.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It would be funny to get a really awful comedian to perform.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

That would be fun. But then they would be humiliated or not.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I mean, they could revamp their career. Who's the first, who's the worst person that ever opened for you, like, on the road? They like give you.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

These are not fun fastball questions.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Why'd you sound Puerto Rican just now? These are not fastball questions.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Did you see, did you see the Timothy Chalamet, Bob Dylan?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Did you love it so much?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I didn't love it so much. I liked it very much.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I loved it so much. I thought he was so fantastic. And I thought for a biography, it really treaded in a fun way. That kept me interested.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, I like that they didn't try to cover his whole life. Biopics. You got to pick a couple points.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I thought they were conscious that it was a biopic and did it. And they did it in a really smart way. I thought he was so good. And so was the actress that played Joan Baez.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes, she was great.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Bad opener. I have one in mind that would do like an AIDS joke, a dead baby joke, a Jerry Springer's joke. Jerry Springer, just all old references or like racist or homophobic or talked about his wife. Oh, there was one guy who talked about abortion, but like his stance on it and it's like, dude, how, like, how out of touch do you have to be? And you could tell he was this guy that no one ever said shit to. So that, that was actually pretty fun because the first 15 minutes of my set, okay, maybe not that long, but I just went, oh, you did hard at him. Yeah. Oh, that's just like, what, what are we doing? Like, I don't remember the specifics, but I just went through point by point, like, and how you think we care about what women like, oh, like he's raiding women and how hot women are or not. I was like, wow, that was.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Can I read?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

You know, so then the best, the worst opener becomes the best opener because that was actually really fun.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I read some comments about your new comedy special, which is called Road Gig that you taped in Chicago.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I taped at Zany's. One night, one chance only. Only I just got like a, A lighting pack and a sound pack.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

800 pound gorilla did it with you.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah. But I didn't, I self produced.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, they didn't shoot it right. Oh, God, it looks great.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Thanks.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, it's crisp and I, I like the way you. It's shot dirty. You get the backs of the heads of people, so you get the reaction.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

That was a deliberate choice because my manager, she was like, well, tell the staff. And I was like, you know what? This is what it is.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

We tried to, tried to like take down the Zanies and it looked worse. So I was like, this, it's, it's, it's a road gig.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right. Paid you for that. Anyway, first comment in your comments, which were very good, was Chris Van Norman, 4524. He said, I just, I thought that.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Was giving his phone number. He wants to go out with me. He's like, I got a couple of freezing cold hands for you.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, my ass is cold. Here's his comment. I just want to go on record. Colon wood. So that's.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

It was that I was making a joke that it was going to be that. And then as you started it, I hoped it would be something actually about the comedy or being funny, but just would me. That's great. I'm really making good strides in life that I could be attracted to somebody having nothing to do with the material or the show that I did. Thank you, Chris. Chris Numbers Norman Van. Thank you so much.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Who is your best gay friend?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Who was my best.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Who is your best friend?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Who is my best friend?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

They don't have to be currently. I know you fire your friends sometimes.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

My dog is pretty gay.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

The shih tzu.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I don't have a shih tzu.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's a very gay dog.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

No, My dog's a golden mix. Which you think wouldn't be.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

My cat died, which was my ex's cat.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

And I'm. I was. I had taken the cat for granted because it was my ex's. And I also thought it was gonna live twice as long as the dog.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, feeding them probably would have helped.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

I. I thought they got. They were cats and they just got it themselves. They just helped themselves to things, knock stuff off. Well, if you can do that. Oh, you're gonna open the door, then get your own shit. The cat died the morning after. I was mourning so hard because I didn't realize. I saw the dog. That's my dog. And my first thought was, we don't really have anything in common. And I wanna do my. I'm. I'm working on a joke that the cat's the gay best friend that just is always there. Like, that I didn't realize would go in the bedroom. 10 seconds. Like, I checked it out, everything's okay. Like, looks. Are you gonna wear that? And, like, goes in the bathroom. It's clean. I looked like, the toilet's ready for you. And in the morning, we had a whole language. Like, the cat and I see the dog and I'm like, do you even listen to me?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Like, he's just like, do you have a hot dog?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

The cats or the dog's just like, the husband who's just like, can we get hot dogs now? It's like, can you? Can we?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. And the. And the gay cat can kind of go do his own thing and not give a about you for a little while and then all of a sudden wants to be really close.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yes.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah. The cat is brunch.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Is non stop. We had a whole language.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

It's going back and forth, rubbing up again on the counter. Is that a good enough answer?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, that was good. There are two types of people in the world. Go.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

These are not fastball questions to me. There are two types of people. I used to think people were inherently good. So now there are two types of people. The people that you think are good until you talk to long enough and you realize they're terrible.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Is that kind of like with me? Because I think you've always thought of me as a good person.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Now I talked about the finger up the ass with the other ice.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Exactly. I feel like, see, all this time I would. It's like I'm waiting for the shoe to drop, and then it's like, just show me the truth of who you are right.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Show me how cool Russian drunk woman.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

And go, oh, this is the. You. Like, I haven't talked to you in months. And that's how you reach out. You show me some.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I know I randomly said that overweight.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Ugly woman who doesn't brush the back of her hair just like me. I'm all trying to angle, like, don't look at the back of my hair. And you're like, this is like you, right? Just how every woman wants to hear. You guys saw the video. This is you, right? Cool. Thanks, Greg. And how are you? How are your ice cold hands?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Finally. What is the last time you apologized.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

To you about being late coming here?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, that's right. But then I apologize to you for the studio being so far away. It's a great studio. And if you live in Hollywood, it's a hop, skip and a jump. But if you're outside the Hollywood area, there's no direct highway to here. You kind of have to go around.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Do you think, like, be psychic. Look at me. Take a breath.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Do a cactus box breath.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

When my son goes to college. Now, keep in mind, I'm going to be spending three months in the Arctic. Do you think I'll move to Hollywood? No, I'm not going to move. I just psychic myself.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Maybe what you can do is rent out your place for three months and feel it out.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Do that. I might do that.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

My place is really nice. Do you have somebody who's really cool?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Do you have a room or a garage you can lock everything up in? Like your valuables?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Well, I don't really have any valuables, but. Yeah, like my personable.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

My personable personables. Yeah, yeah.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

My personables. My papers. My. Yeah, my set lists.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Your set lists? Cats are gay.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Lock that up. Important stuff.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

All right, listen, go see the show. It's called north of North. It's got a hundred percent. It's Rotten Tomatoes.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

It really is so good.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And it's got picked up for second season. It's streaming right now on Netflix.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

You should watch it with your family.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I am gonna. I'm gonna watch with my wife. I don't really watch much with my family. They're off doing their own thing. But definitely with the wife. I watched the first episode. I thought it was great.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

You did?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I was totally hooked in Totally Hooked.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Did you really?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. The lead actress is really very talented.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Has she done much acting before?

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

She was in True Detective.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, right.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Yeah. And then one of the. Do you remember in True Detective when all the indigenous ladies who died and then they're all in that room, like, chanting and stuff. One of the women from there is also in our show.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Okay.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

And, and, but anyway, the. The lead actress, Anna Lamb, in our show is from where we shot she's.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Awesome, and you're awesome in it.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Thank you.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Also, the special's called Road Gig. You can catch that on YouTube. And that's it.

[Mary Lynn Rajskub]

Look for my new bit called Greg's Icy, Icy Fist.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

In the woods, in the woods. Sa.