Maz Jobrani - Episode 1073

Summary

Fitzdog Radio: Maz Jobrani - Episode 1073 Release Date: October 16, 2024

Hosts: Greg Fitzsimmons and Maz Jobrani

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Introduction and Personal Updates [00:25 - 11:29]

The episode begins with Greg Fitzsimmons reflecting on his recent experiences and personal growth. He shares anecdotes about his trip to Tulsa, involvement in sports betting, and his ongoing commitment to Fitzdog Radio, which has been running for 14 years—a quarter of his life. Greg emphasizes his New Year's resolution to say "yes" more often, recounting a missed opportunity to join a drum circle that haunted him for the day ([00:57]). He also touches on his interactions with friends like Burt and Tom, expressing genuine happiness for their successes and the positive energy they share.

Notable Quote:

"I don't resent anybody's success. That's not true. A couple people. But I'm truly happy when people like Burt and Tom do well because they just share it." – Greg Fitzsimmons ([07:30])

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Maz Jobrani’s Background and Comedy Career [11:29 - 25:49]

Maz joins Greg for what appears to be their third conversation on the show. They discuss their shared experiences as dads and husbands, highlighting how their personal lives influence their comedy and interactions with their children. Maz delves into his family's history, particularly his father's experiences during the Iranian Revolution. He narrates the peril his father faced, the decision to flee Iran, and the emotional toll it took on the family, including leaving his baby brother behind temporarily. This segment underscores Maz's advocacy for immigrants, emphasizing the resilience and hard work of those who flee oppressive situations to build new lives in America.

Notable Quotes:

"The fact is, these guys are coming here to work their asses off." – Maz Jobrani ([24:47])

"Americans are so stupid when they go, these guys are coming over here. Do you think someone's in a great situation? ... We're not going to benefit from what we need, what we count on, which is a workforce constantly coming in here." – Maz Jobrani ([24:23])

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Challenges in the Comedy Industry [25:49 - 45:58]

Greg and Maz explore the evolving landscape of the comedy industry, particularly the shift towards social media and the difficulties veteran comedians face in gaining traction against social media influencers. They discuss strategies for comedians to adapt, such as producing high-quality YouTube clips, leveraging diverse audiences, and utilizing QR codes to increase viewership and engagement.

Maz shares his struggles with maintaining a consistent online presence due to potential ADHD and the necessity of having a partner or structured environment to stay on track. Both comedians emphasize the importance of traditional stand-up skills while acknowledging the new dynamics introduced by digital platforms.

Notable Quotes:

"What I've learned is you have to be funny. It's not about being nice; it's about being funny." – Greg Fitzsimmons ([35:07])

"If you're really serious about this, get on stage as much as you can, write as much as you can." – Greg Fitzsimmons ([37:55])

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Social Media and Content Creation Strategies [45:58 - 61:34]

The conversation shifts to effective content creation and social media strategies. Greg discusses the importance of visually appealing thumbnails, engaging captions, and the strategic use of QR codes to drive audience interaction and increase views on platforms like YouTube. He shares insights on how to make content stand out in a saturated market by being authentic and leveraging unique audience demographics, such as Iranian communities abroad.

Maz echoes these sentiments, highlighting his own efforts to subtitle his content in Persian to reach a broader Iranian audience and experimenting with multilingual comedy to engage diverse groups. They both stress the need for creativity and adaptation to stay relevant in the digital age.

Notable Quotes:

"Every time you do it, who’s seen my special? ... I want YouTube to think you watch it. If enough of you watch it, I make a dollar." – Greg Fitzsimmons ([65:08])

"The base of my fan base in certain places, like Stockholm has a lot of Iranians. They find you through that connection." – Maz Jobrani ([41:53])

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Personal Stories and Anecdotes [61:34 - 76:57]

Greg and Maz share personal stories that highlight their cultural backgrounds, family histories, and personal challenges. Maz recounts an incident where his joke about John Bolton led to a confrontation with an audience member, illustrating the complexities of addressing sensitive topics in comedy. They also discuss the impact of addiction within their families, offering reflections on maintaining sobriety and supporting others facing similar struggles.

Maz narrates his experiences in the entertainment industry, including his audition for "Cedric the Entertainer Presents," where he met future collaborators like Fred Armisen and JB Smoove. He describes the challenges of balancing career opportunities with personal commitments, ultimately choosing to prioritize his long-running European tour over a promising role in a heist movie based on a book by a friend.

Notable Quotes:

"I wonder if my heroes of peace ever lost it." – Maz Jobrani ([75:55])

"These guys are coming. I speak the language. My work is great. Let's go somewhere where they hate us." – Maz Jobrani ([24:47])

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Comedy Techniques and Writing Insights [76:57 - 84:28]

The duo delves into Maz's comedy writing process, particularly how he navigates stereotypes related to Middle Eastern identities. He emphasizes the importance of incorporating "left turns"—unexpected twists in jokes—to prevent them from feeling hacky or clichéd. Maz shares his experience with creating the "Arabian Nights" comedy group, which evolved into the "Axis of Evil Comedy" collective during the height of the War on Terror. This evolution showcased his ability to address serious topics with humor while avoiding reinforcing negative stereotypes.

They also discuss the significance of mentorship in the comedy circuit, with Greg mentioning his role in guiding emerging comedians and the challenges faced by new talents in breaking through a highly competitive environment dominated by social media influencers.

Notable Quotes:

"If we really were trying to hijack the plane once it landed, I go. I think that's, like, not the objective." – Maz Jobrani ([77:48])

"It's about like, you're a brand. Right. So if whatever that thing is that gets them in the door." – Greg Fitzsimmons ([42:14])

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Closing Remarks and Upcoming Projects [84:28 - End]

As the episode wraps up, Greg and Maz promote upcoming shows and projects. Maz announces his European tour and the filming of his special “Small Wiener Loser,” highlighting the diverse venues he will perform at across Europe and the United States. They encourage listeners to attend upcoming shows and engage with their content through various platforms.

The episode concludes with a brief segment of "Fastballs with Fits," where Greg and Maz engage in rapid-fire questions, demonstrating their comedic chemistry and spontaneity.

Notable Quote:

"You're up in the morning and you're going to the amusement park, and then you're going to. You know, they have people come. They had a petting zoo one day." – Greg Fitzsimmons ([75:57])

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Key Takeaways and Insights

1. Immigrant Experience and Advocacy: Maz Jobrani provides a poignant look into his family's struggles during the Iranian Revolution, underlining the resilience required to rebuild lives in a new country. This personal history fuels his advocacy for immigrants and highlights the importance of support systems for those fleeing oppressive regimes.

2. Evolving Comedy Landscape: Both hosts discuss the challenges traditional comedians face in the digital age, particularly competition from social media influencers. They emphasize the need for adaptability, high-quality content, and strategic social media use to maintain relevance and grow their audiences.

3. Mental Health and Creativity: Greg touches on his potential ADHD and its impact on his creative processes. Both comedians underscore the importance of mental health awareness, structured routines, and support from peers to sustain long-term creative endeavors.

4. Cultural Sensitivity in Comedy: Maz emphasizes the delicate balance required when addressing cultural stereotypes in comedy. By incorporating unexpected twists, comedians can challenge prejudices without reinforcing harmful tropes.

5. Mentorship and Community: The episode highlights the significance of mentorship in the comedy industry. Experienced comedians like Greg and Maz play crucial roles in guiding emerging talent, fostering a supportive community amidst a highly competitive environment.

6. Personal Growth and Saying Yes: Reflecting on his New Year's resolution, Greg illustrates the personal benefits of embracing opportunities and stepping out of one's comfort zone, a theme that resonates throughout the episode.

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Conclusion

Episode 1073 of Fitzdog Radio offers an intimate and engaging conversation between Greg Fitzsimmons and Maz Jobrani, blending personal narratives with insightful discussions on the comedy industry, immigrant experiences, and the importance of adaptability in a changing world. Through their shared stories and professional wisdom, listeners gain a deeper understanding of the challenges and triumphs faced by comedians navigating both traditional and digital platforms.

Recommended for listeners who enjoy:

• Insightful and humorous discussions
• Personal stories from industry veterans
• Reflections on cultural identity and mental health
• Strategies for succeeding in the modern comedy landscape

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End of Summary

Transcript

[A]

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[A]

Foreign.

[B]

Wow, what a day. What a day. We'll get into all of it. My guest is Maz Gibrani, who will be Spoke to him earlier today. Great dude. Old friend, very funny. Had a nice chat. We're both considered nice people, we realized. And whether or not we resent being known as that versus funny. I mean, I think people think we're funny. But the paramount, the overriding cardinal trait seems to be nice. So we'll get to that. We'll get to a lot of it. But last week, oh, by the way, I'm wearing a shout out to Burt and Tom. I'm wearing their post Porosos. I don't even know what the fuck it is. I know it's alcohol. I don't know if it's vodka or scotch or tequila. I don't drink. So I don't really know. But I'd like very much to promote their product because I love them both very much. I don't know if I can express to you how I feel about Burt and Tom. Burt in particular this year. I've spent a lot of time with and what did Tom's podcast. I just. They're fucking. Just solid. I'm just so. I'm happy. I don't resent anybody's success. That's not true. A couple people. But I'm truly happy when people like Burt and Tom do well because they just share it. They share the joy, the wealth, the experiences, the excitement. It's great. Anyway, whatever. Who gives a shit about them? This is about Fitz Dog Radio coming here for 14 years. What is that? A third of my life? Jesus Christ. No, it's a quarter of my life. A quarter of my life. I have done this podcast every single week. What the fuck? Get a life, Greg. But I am getting a life. Last week I talked about how I didn't play the bongos. We walked past a drum circle. I was invited in. I declined. And it killed me for the rest of the day I thought about that. My intention this year, my New Year's resolution, was to Say yes to more things. And I didn't. And so it reminded me. So this week I very much played the bongos. I went to Tulsa, which is a city, believe it or not. It's a city that's close to my heart. We went there last year for the Springsteen concert. Me and Gibbons and Dudley and Jack and Gibbs, fiance and her two friends and Tom O'Neill. A big group of us, we all flew into Tulsa from different parts of the country, from all over the place. And we met up and we saw Springsteen. We went to the Dylan. Bob Dylan Museum. So anyway, I was back this weekend doing a club, great club, called Bricktown. Thanks for coming out. And went to the museum again, the Bob Dylan museum again. But I. But I bought my friend Dion Curry, who is not a Dylan fan, didn't know a lot about him. And so it was like an education for him, and he dug it. And then we went to this place called the Church, which is this recording studio that Leon Russell started back in, like, the early 70s. And like, George Harrison recorded there. Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers did the. No, I think it was back when it was Mud Crutch. He did his first couple albums there. Everybody. Clapton is historic. Great studio. So the guy that owns it, or actually the guy that runs it, sent me a note, a DM to come take a tour. So I went, and the woman that runs the place, who owns it, refurbished it. The place was completely run down. She threw $14 million or something into it and refurbished it. It's amazing. And you can actually. You can take a tour. Not as good as my tour, but you can take a tour if you go there in Tulsa. And then we went to what they call black Wall Street. There's a museum dedicated to the massacre that happened. And I think it was around 19, in the 20s. 1920s. I won't get into it, except to say I was not taught it in school. It was. There was a town in Tulsa, a section of Tulsa that was built up by the black population. Bankers and barbers and lawyers and accountants. And it was a very upscale neighborhood. There's a lot of oil money. And it was a black community that invested in itself, that was proud of itself. That was post. Post slavery was like, you know. You know, showing what was possible to other black people and to themselves. And one night, a bunch of KKK and other white people burned it to the ground. Murdered hundreds of people. Burned thousands of homes and businesses to the ground. It was just. Your fucking heart is in your ass. Where is your heart? When you go to a museum like that, it's not in your chest. It's sunk down. It's in your asshole. So that was pretty intense. And then we did a couple shows, and then I flew back. I get invited to the Dodgers game at the last second. I'm sorry, I should say the Mets game. So last minute, went to the Mets game. And then last night I went to the Clippers game. Whatever I do, I'm living life. I had a big full week, and this is back where I'm gonna be, where I'm gonna stay, stay involved, have fun, play the bongos. And also, like, watched a lot of sports. The Mets. I took the Mets to win at the beginning of the playoffs. And I've been making money with the Mets, beating everybody, coming from behind. And I should mention that support for Fitz Dog Radio comes from my bookie, and my bookie is making me some money. I usually do a lot of football. I love football. I do do a lot of betting on football. I've been doing very well with the unders this year. The underdogs are not the unders. The underdogs, two different things. The underdogs have been beating the favorites. I got knocked out of my suicide pool in week four. There was only about. I think there's only three people left out of 250. Lot of upsets this year. And that's where the money has been made. I am rich. I am rich. Thank you, my bookie. So, you know, it's just fun. It's like you watch a game and it's. Obviously, I love sports. I love sitting on, watching a game. But then when you can put bets on it on the side, not a ton. I'm not a lunatic. You throw a little bit here and there. You spread it around, and it just gives you, like, that much more to. To root for and get excited. Maybe your friends make the same bets or they, you know. So anyway, there's a great way if you want to get in the game, you don't know where to start. You don't want to make too many mistakes. Well, here's a great way to start. Use promo code Fitz, F I T Z. And they will double your Bankroll with a 100% deposit bonus. It's just a way to start with more money. I don't know why they do that. If I'm on the business end of this company, I think this is a bad move. As an advertiser, I don't like it. But as a fan and as somebody who's going to use this app. I think it's a great deal if they don't go out of business. If they. If they. I don't know what they're doing. I don't know who's in charge over there. And then there's also my bookie. Plus for people that bet a lot, that use the app a lot. It's a loyalty rewards program. The more you play, there's like different tiers. Yeah, there's. You put more cash in your account. So get involved. They've also got risk. They've got. My book is risk free Thursday. Endless ways to bet and win all season long. Look, what are you waiting for? The season is. I don't know if we're week six or something, but it's time. When you're ready to get started, use my promo code Fitz, F I, T Z to claim a bonus that doubles your money on the very first deposit. You heard that, right? Double your money with promo code Fitz. That's F I, T, Z. Before you even place a bet. Okay. Bet any time, anything, anywhere with my bookie. The sportsbook that gives you control and rewards you for every moment of play. Okay. Speaking of playing, come on out. I'm playing in Kansas City this weekend. The Funny Bone, October 18th and 19th, Helium, Philadelphia, November 7th through the 9th, Tacoma. The Week after that, Improv and Tempe. After that, San Francisco. Punchline. December 5th through 7th, Cleveland, hilarities, December 13th and 14. Then I'm coming to Atlanta, Janesville, Wisconsin, Nyack, Raleigh, Milwaukee, Vegas, Hollywood, Pittsburgh. Go to fitzdog.com, get some tickets, and don't forget, the special broke 400,000 views this week. Thank you for the support. Go check it out on YouTube. It's called, you know me. My guest today, he's an author. He wrote I'm not a terrorist, but I've played one on tv. He's been in everything you've seen him on. Curb your enthusiasm. Shameless, Grey's Anatomy, Done. Stand up on Colbert and Cordon. What else? He's been in a million things. Showtime specials up the wazoo. And again, we had a great talk today. I hope you enjoy it. Here's Maz Jobrani. Maz Gibrani. Welcome to Fitz Dog Radio.

[A]

Thanks for having me, man.

[B]

Well, you've been here before. I think this is probably. Probably third time on.

[A]

I think it's possible this is the third time. I always enjoy talking to you. So it's like. I mean, we talk off air at the club and then we talk, you know, whenever you invite me I'm in.

[B]

I know. That's the thing about the Comedy Store is it's just. It's such a good hang and, like, you know, people's schedules are different, we're on the road or whatever, but whenever I see you, man, I just light up. It's just so. Always so great to see you and hang out.

[A]

Right back at you, man. Yeah, it's. I think we have a lot in common in terms of just being dads and husbands and all that stuff. And I just love listening to your stories, and I love the fact that. And I don't know if you did this with your son, but my son has enjoyed coming to the clubs, so he'll come with me.

[B]

What's he, like, 18 now?

[A]

He's 16 now.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So some nights, if he's home and I'm about to head out, he goes, can I come along? Sure.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. So I got a chance to bring him, and a few times he just sits there and watches. One night you were there and he was enjoying it because, like, you know, they're. Think about.

[B]

It's got taste.

[A]

Kids got taste.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And also, you know, you get a little raunch here. Which kid, like, you know, they like that stuff. I mean, I was, you know, I was a fan of Eddie Murphy's at the age of 10, so it's like.

[B]

You know, I know. So he went through. You and I both put our sons onto a soccer team in. On the west side of LA called Santa Monica United.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And it's the premier team. It wins the championships in California. It's literally one of the best teams in the country.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so both our sons were pretty talented and they got on the team, and then we both. And. But we got on the team and we. I was warned. This is no joke. Like, these guys are training these kids like they're professional soccer. And the coach was British.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they are savages. And my son came in and he. He just. He was good, but he wasn't at the level the coach wanted him to be at. And he made him feel like a piece of shit. He belittled him and my son. We took him off the team, we put them on another team. It took him two years to get his confidence back up again.

[A]

Absolutely. Same experience as you. And if we're going through that, I think. How many people must go through that? Because the truth is, there's a couple of factors. First of all, there's the factor of beyond Santa Monica United, when you would go out and travel and See other teams. There's some other teams. Like, I just remember one time watching this team before us, these Latinos, and I honestly thought they were in an older age group. And I go, oh, these guys are what, two years older than they? And the dad was like, no, they're in our division. Division. I go, what?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And these guys, it was amazing. Their skill level.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, they weren't as fit as we were. Yeah, but their skill level was sick.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And to the point where, you know, you know, as someone who appreciates soccer, you know that if you're good enough, you know how to use your body to kind of keep the guy away if you don't have to be the fastest, but if you know how to use your. These kids knew how to use their bodies to, like, oh, you know you're.

[B]

Going to lose to the other team when the coach is coaching in Spanish.

[A]

Yeah, that's what happens.

[B]

Yeah. Let's just wrap it up, kids. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. So you have that level, and then you have. Within the club itself. And I think it's not just Santa Monica, but a lot of clubs, they want to be able to tell young potential parents that would spend money to sign their kids up, look at how many trophies we've won. So that's what they're concentrating on. Yeah, they're not concentrating on, let me develop your kid.

[B]

No, it's not a developmental team. It's a. It's a competitive team, and it goes into the culture of the parents. To the parents that have their kids there, they. They want their kids beaten down. And. And it's just like, I. I wish I had heeded the warnings because that place was really dysfunctional.

[A]

Yeah. It was interesting because after we left, like you, we had about a year or two where he had to kind of regroup and get his head together.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then we went to this one team that our friends were on. They said, this coach is amazing. This one coach, he. I guess he trains professionals, and he's British, and he's just. He's all about development, developing these future.

[B]

Which club was that?

[A]

This was at the time they were called the Vikings. It was this one British guy got with this one Norwegian guy, and as you know, there was actually an article written in the New York Times about how Norway does kids sports the best.

[B]

No kidding.

[A]

Yeah. And they said the reason is. The reason Norway has so many Olympic gold medalists isn't just because they come from a cold environment and they win all the Winter Olympics, but also because they encourage their kids to Play everything and just play to play and have fun and play until you're like 13 or 14 and you start thinking, oh, this is the thing I want to do. And then you focus.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Versus our kids, they go, oh, you're eight, you should play soccer all year round and wear out your knees and wear out your love for the sport.

[B]

Exactly. They're burnt out by the time they're 14 years old.

[A]

Burnt out. So by the. So this guy got. This Norwegian guy got with this British guy and they put this team together, the Vikings. And when I went with my son to try out, it was interesting because my son coming from smu, which was one of more of these standard win, win, all cost kind of things. They taught the kids to pass the ball quickly, which is great. Like Barcelona does. Yeah. But it's not a creative way to learn for kids. Kids should also have the freedom to try things.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So my son, a lot of times I would see him with the ball and he was like the coach that said, like, just pass it off and I don't want to mess up, so I pass off.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I was constantly, as a dad, I was like, buddy, you got to try. Take that guy on. Try it. And part of it was for my own entertainment. Part of it was like, experiment, have fun.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I remember when we went to try out for this Vikings team, you know, my son did well, Dara. And then the. And then the coach comes over and he goes, you know, we'd like to have you on the team if you want to. So great. And then I said, coach. And he goes, any questions? And because I talked to Dar about that, I go, like trying stuff. I said, coach, we got a couple questions, you know, like, what if he tries something and it doesn't work out? And he goes, are you kidding me, mate? Yeah, if you're not trying stuff, then I'm not doing my job. And he goes, I'm not going to take you out because you tried something and you didn't succeed. Try it.

[B]

Look at Ted Lasso.

[A]

He had the method there with the hula hoops. Yeah.

[B]

So. And how Iran is pretty into soccer as well, right?

[A]

Iran is. The sports in Iran are soccer and then wrestling.

[B]

Wasn't there a story about an Iranian player that blew a game and then he was like killed after the game?

[A]

No, that was Colombia.

[B]

Oh, there's Colombia.

[A]

Yeah, that was Columbia. That was the. There was actually a great 30 for 30 done by ESPN, called the. The two Escobars. Cuz that was Andre Escobar. Pablo.

[B]

He owned the team.

[A]

Pablo Escobar. Pablo Escobar was a big proponent of soccer.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they said. And I'm not. I think the timing works out. Yeah. Because I think that was a 94 World cup, because I remember that was when it was in America.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they. The theory in this documentary is that if Pablo Escobar had still been around, because I think they took him out in, like, 89, 90 or something. They said if he'd still been around, that Andres Escobar would not have been killed because Pablo Escobar protected the soccer players.

[B]

Oh, I see.

[A]

But the story goes. I think Andres Escobar goes back to Colombia, goes to some nightclub and gets in an argument with some guys, and they shoot him.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

But I think part of it had probably to do with the soccer. Who knows if it had other. Other. Other aspects to it.

[B]

So Iran is soccer, and what else?

[A]

Iran is soccer, wrestling, weightlifting. Those are, like our cricket things. Cricket is the Asians.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

But no, no, no. Cricket is the Indians.

[B]

But I. Oh, it's the Indians. Yeah. I was thinking, whatever the British colonies was, you guys weren't colonized by the British. You were just basically, they overthrew the government.

[A]

They took our oil.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So in the early 1900s, when oil is. I used to do this joke. I said, being. Having oil is like being a drug dealer.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You got to. You got to know when to get rid of it. You got to look out the window. You're like, oh, shit, the Americans are coming. Flush it down the toilet. Flush it down the toilet. And Iran was one of those where. So the Brits find there's oil, and they come in. In like, the early 1900s, they make a deal with the Iranian government and they go, listen, we'll just set up British Petroleum here, and we'll give you a little percentage of the. You know.

[B]

And then in like, 1950, they wanted to nationalize the oil, so they overthrew the government.

[A]

Yeah. 53. There was a guy named Mossadegh who was the prime minister.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he goes, you know what? We've had enough. We're going to nationalize our oil. And that's when the Brits go to the Americans and they go, this guy's a communist. And Iran's geographical location, it's Soviet Union to the north. So it's actually placed in a very precarious position. And just like. Like countries like Italy, where they have the Communist Party and the Socialist Party and then the, you know, the. Whatever the, you know, the Conservative Party. They have all these parties. So Iran did have a communist party. And so the Brits tell the Americans at the time, Communism, Cold war, big thing, early 50s, that was the playbook.

[B]

They did it in Central America. It was always about, call them communists.

[A]

Yeah, that's it.

[B]

And then send, send weapons to the, to the rebels.

[A]

Yeah, and let's go overthrow them.

[B]

Oh my God, it's so crazy. Yeah, yeah. My, my brother in law is Iranian and I think he, he fled the country right around the same time you did. Was that in like the late 70s that you left?

[A]

Yeah, late 70s.

[B]

So late 79 was the, the overthrow of the government.

[A]

79. The Shah leaves. So before that, protest started in the streets of Iran. And I would say like probably like in the early, like early 78 or so protests start.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And some of the things that were happening was there was one big fire in this theater, I think it's called the Rex Theater. There was a movie theater and there's people inside. They set fire to it.

[B]

Yeah. And was it a Steven Skull movie?

[A]

Is that why it was a seagull movie?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they were, they were speaking of which side story real quickly. You know, America is supposed to be the Great Satan.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I was talking to this guy who was in Iran during the. Because after the revolution a war happens between Iran and Iraq and it's like about a ten year war with like a million Iranians die. This guy told me. And they would get all these young men to be recruits, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This guy told me, he goes, during the Iran Iraq war, America's the great Satan. But he goes, it would get him and a bunch of other teenagers. They would take us into a movie theater and they would show us Rambo, the most American movie.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And he goes, we'd all get fired up with all these young guys. He goes, we'd come outside of the theater, we like playing karate and stuff. And then the guy would come and be like, no, go do that to the Iraqis. So they were using Rambo to round these guys up. How crazy is that?

[B]

I could see that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyway, so the protest started and then, and then my, my father was actually, my father was a successful businessman in Iran. He had his own electric company.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I always compare him to the Don Vito Corleone because he was the kind of guy who was well connected and people that needed things done would go to my dad. My dad would take care of, take care of things. So he was in New York on business and I didn't know this till more recently. My mom told me, because my father had. He was friends with, like, the chief of police, a general. He had a lot of connections within the Shah's government. And once the revolution was starting to happen, they were starting to arrest and execute anybody who was in the Shah's government. So my dad, I think, felt like I'm at risk here because I'm not in the government, but they could equate me to such. So my mom told us, tells a story of how my dad was in New York on business and called my mom and was like, I'm not coming back. No. Yeah. And she goes, what do you mean you're not coming back? He's like, my life's in danger. I can't come back. And she's like, what do you want me to do? Because I want you to get the kids and come to America. And she's like, no, I can't leave my family. He goes, well, then you're not going to see me. And then my mom tells a story. So we lived in. We had, like, a compound in Iran. My dad was again, well off.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So we had a compound where our house was upstairs, like, up. Up on the property.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

My grandmother, my. My father's mother was on. On in a house at the bottom of the property.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And my father was the oldest son of the family, and he'd lost his father at a young age. So his relationship with his mother was very close. Yeah, he'd helped raise the kids. He'd, like, he was the one who was successful and helped, you know, but he worshiped his mother. So my mom tells a story. She goes, I was devastated. I was like, what? What does he mean, he's not coming? So she goes, I walked down to your grandmother, my dad's mom, and I was like, I just. She goes, I told him, I just got off the phone with my. Your son. And he said, he's not coming back. And she goes, I said that? And he goes, My grandmother just bursts out in tears, like, what? What?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then my mom goes, I realize, oh, my God, I forgot, like, the relationship these two have. So she's like, he's not coming back for a couple months. And so she kind of, like, cleaned it up. And she's like, you know, okay, okay, long story short, my mom got me and my sister, we had. My baby brother was in Iran. He was a baby. So we didn't bring him with us because we thought, maybe we'll come back and shortly.

[B]

But you leave him with the grandmother.

[A]

Left with the grandmother and nannies and aunts and stuff.

[B]

Oh, you had a staff?

[A]

We had a staff, yeah. So we. My mom brought me and my sister. I always said we packed for two weeks and we stayed for 50 years or whatever.

[B]

Sell the house.

[A]

Well, the, The. The sad thing was that my grandmother never got a chance to see my father again. She passed away there. And that's why I'm such a proponent.

[B]

Of, like, about your little brother.

[A]

My little brother. We got him out like a year or so, like six, seven months later, like, you know, but. But that's why I'm such an advocate for immigrants, because I go, yeah, Americans are so stupid when they go, these guys are coming over here. I go, do you think someone's in a great situation? And they're like, you know what? I speak the language. My work is great. Let's go somewhere where they hate us.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No, they're fleeing a bad situation, Right. And most of them are coming here to work their asses off.

[B]

And a lot of them, you know, they try to paint it with one brush that all, you know, Trump with the all. They're going to hear him the other day, they're going to come in your house and they're going to slash your throat. They're rapists. They're evil. It's like, first of all, immigrants have a way lower rate of crime in this country than citizens of the United States. Yeah, they are like your father, a lot of them are successful businessmen. And if they're not, if they're poor, they are fleeing death, which is what America is. Stands for. It's what it's always stood for. And if you start rounding them up and throwing them out of the country, you are going to. People are going to start going to Australia instead. They're going to start going to England instead. And we are not going to benefit from what we need, what we count on, which is a workforce constantly coming in here. Unemployment in this country is under 4%. Who do you think is going to do all of the manual labor and, you know, the, the agriculture work, all this stuff.

[A]

It's such a old playbook. Like, they've been doing this for years and years. You blame the immigrants, right?

[B]

The immigrants, yeah.

[A]

And I always say, first of all, I go, what's going to happen to your, like, inflation? Your price of your, Your basket of strawberries is five bucks right now, is going to be 25 bucks because no one's picking them anymore.

[B]

They're dying on the vine.

[A]

Dying on the vine.

[B]

It's been happening the last couple of years.

[A]

Yeah. And also, you know, just. Just the. The fact that most immigrants come, and I. Again, I try to help it whenever I can. There's an organization. She's great. Her name is Mary. It's called Mary's List. This, like, just white Jewish lady with. With a couple kids. She says she got a email from a friend of hers going, like, oh, your ba. Your kids are older now. Do you have any car seats or anything left around? Because some. Some, you know, refugees came. We want to give it to them. So she starts rounding up different things for these refugees as they come. Eventually, she starts this organization called Mary's List that helps refugees resettle.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

So I've volunteered for her a few times, and I volunteered one time to do this event, and she had me interviewing this Afghan family that had recently come. So I'm sitting there talking to the husband and the wife from Afghanistan, and I go, what's your guy's story? The guy goes, I was a translator for the American government, and then when the Taliban took over, I was told that within 48 hours, I had to leave or they were going to capture me and execute me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So he goes, I went home, I got my wife, my two kids, put it all in a suitcase, said, bye, mom, bye, dad, bye, uncle, by life, and here we are.

[B]

The Americans facilitate him leaving and getting.

[A]

I think there was some help with them, you know, but there's.

[B]

Because I know there was a lot that were left behind.

[A]

Yeah. But my point is that these guys are coming. Like that guy. That guy, first of all, is traumatized.

[B]

He put his life on the line to help the United States.

[A]

And also, by the way, you're saying bye to your whole life. Like, it's like. It's like saying, imagine if, like, you know, how. Again, don't want to make this all about Trump. But just recently, he was like, you know, I want to go after the enemy within. Right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Imagine if he wins the election. And then they go, oh, we've been looking at. At people's tweets and stuff, and you tweeted against them a lot. So you got two days to pack and go.

[B]

No, it's scary. It's slippery, slow. Wait, so let's get back to your family. So grandma passes away over there. Your brother comes over. Did you sell the house?

[A]

Yeah, so the house. So. So this is what happened. So the. My father had a lot of property in Iran, comes to America with a lot of money. He's one of the guys who Got money out, actually.

[B]

So he liquidated stuff as he got out.

[A]

He just had a lot of money, like from different business. He was, he was doing business with like these multinationals, like the Halliburton of the world, Beck Tell and stuff. So. So, like, they were paying him to build a, like an electrical, an electric company in one of the cities and stuff. So, like his company was a big multinational company. Yeah. And so he had the money and he comes here and he buys property in the early 80s in Glendale. No, Northern California. We were in NorCal. He buys Northern California property, turns around, sells some. He's like, oh, this is great. I'll become a real estate guy. And then he buys a bunch of property. And then the early, the recession of the early 80s hits and nobody wants to buy the property from him and the interest rates are high. So he bleeds a lot of that money out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So within that next 10 years, like through the 80s, bleeds out a lot of his money. And that's when he realizes, like, 10 years later, the Iranian government comes out and says, because the Iranian government there was a big. There was a big brain drain when the revolution happened.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So the Iranian government realizes, oh, we lost a lot of people. And they go, listen, if you were not in the Shah's government, but you have property here in Iran, come back. We'll let you do, you know, work with it.

[B]

So my dad property just been sitting idle this whole.

[A]

Just been sitting there. So, like, you know, we had some properties in different places. And. And so my dad goes back in the early 90s, and when he goes back, they go, listen, you haven't paid like, taxes and stuff for years and years. You owe a lot of cash, okay? And he didn't have the cash. And then they do something where they go, you're not allowed to do any business till you pay these taxes. So he has to go find someone who's got cash, say, let's partner up together. You pay these fines, and then we will, you know, get these businesses going, get these properties going. And so the home where I grew up, later, my father basically got with somebody and they built like a high rise in that, in that space. And then he had, like a condo within the high rise.

[B]

So he rebuilt.

[A]

He rebuilt a little bit, but again, he was older and basically, like, by the end of his life, he passed away. In 2009, he came back to the US and he wasn't. He wasn't doing well. So we went to some hospitals and stuff, and, you know, he passed away Basically, he passed away broke at the end of his life, like. Yeah, he kind of bled it all out.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

So you're thinking your whole life I'm sitting pretty, I'm going to inherit some money from dad.

[A]

You know, Greg, it's funny because I. The route that I chose, and being the oldest son myself, my father had instilled in me, like, you know, be self made.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Even though my father, as a kid, again, my dad was like, you know, he was very kind of mafia. Like, he'd have. He'd have a role at hundreds, you know. So I go with my buddies to this day, my buddies. Like, I remember we'd go to your dad. We were like, we're going to go to McDonald's. He. But about 100 for everybody here. Go get yourself. You know, that kind of guy.

[B]

Yeah. How old were you when he died?

[A]

I was, well, what, 14, 15 years ago. I was like, like 35, 36.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So there's a word, the word is large. L, A, R, J, like large. But large. Large is like someone who's very generous and doing that kind of stuff.

[B]

That's the name of your next special.

[A]

Large.

[B]

Yeah, I like that.

[A]

Actually, my next great word. I'll tell you the next special I want to call Mazio Brownie Small Wiener, Loser. And I'll tell you why. Because I do a whole thing now where during the show, I'm actually going to film it soon. I show people like yelling at me on social media. I show the slide and I did this one joke where I did like what I thought was a Pakistani accent. And this guy loses his mind. He's this Pakistani guy from, from. From England.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he like tweets at me like six, seven times, like throughout that, like while I'm still sleeping. He's just going nuts. He's like, I can't believe. Yeah. He's like, you small.

[B]

You're not gonna do the accent again.

[A]

I do it, I do it. I do it. The small, Small way Small, wiener, loser. It's just so funny. He loses his voice.

[B]

Hilarious.

[A]

It's really funny.

[B]

So your dad. So at 35, you were successful. You'd been doing stand up. Your father must have been really proud of you, because I know, I mean, just so people know the background. You were on track. You were on the. You were on the corporate track. You went to Berkeley.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Then you were getting a law degree, was it?

[A]

No, I was going to get. So my parents wanted lawyer again. Immigrant parents don't know any of this. Stuff, you know, I mean, non immigrant parents barely know how this, this crap works.

[B]

They want lawyer.

[A]

Doctor, lawyer, doctor, engineer, right? Yeah. And so I went to Berkeley. I was going to go go to law school my junior year in college. I studied a year, a year abroad in Italy and realized I don't want to be alone.

[B]

Did you get laid over there?

[A]

Yeah, I had a girlfriend, was great. Italian girlfriend, dude, it was the best year. No, she didn't speak English. Orietta.

[B]

She didn't speak English.

[A]

She didn't speak English. My Italian was amazing. When I left, I was writing papers in Italian. I was reading, like, novels, love letters. I was great. Yeah. Meanwhile, like, all the other Americans are stuck together. They were like, all right, ciao. Yeah, you know, I had it, I had it down, but. But I had a professor there, Vincenzo Pace, that was his name. And this guy had a goatee and he had like the blazer with like the. I think he might have had the patches. And he had like a little pocket watch. And the class was the Sociology of Islam.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so before every class, like, there wasn't a class, he'd look at his watch, he'd whip it out and he'd like, wait, like, three, two, one. And then he'd close it and he'd look at us and go. Which means like, okay, let's talk about Muhammad, you know? And I was like, I want to do that. That's awesome. So I came back, I wanted to be a professor, got into a PhD program at UCLA. And then I quickly realized being a professor is not this waxing poetic in front of a bunch of, you know, college students, but rather publish or perish.

[B]

Yeah. It's about the administration, it's about politics, and. Yeah. It's such a shame, you know, because that was my dream too. Like when I was, you know, like in high school, I think a little bit. I was an English major in college, and I thought about, you know, teaching, and then the more teachers I spoke, like, I talked to my professors on the side, like, what's it like? They're like, you don't want to be a professor.

[A]

Yeah. Isn't it crazy when you talk to someone in that field?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That was like my parents telling me to be a lawyer. And it was funny because I thought, oh, they know. You always assume your parents know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then. And then I would talk to lawyers at, like, different parties where they were at, and I was like, oh, you're a lawyer. What was it like? He's like, oh, don't do it. Or they'd be like, you really got to love it.

[B]

Well, young comics say to me, you know, what should I do? Or I'm thinking about going to comedy. Unless you have no other options, do not go into comedy. I go try it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Go have fun.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Go to an open mic night. You know, go. Go to and friend's wedding and make a toast. That's funny.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But if you're talking about taking it on as a career right now it is nearly impossible for comedians to get any traction. There's so much comedy and, you know, even if you break through, you're not gonna make any money. Guys like us, we're grandfathered in. We were on the road back when there was, you know, a place for people that weren't social influencers.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

You know, I'm competing on the road against guys that have, you know, 10 million followers and they do some funny videos that get traction. And now they're headlining and they're selling it out. And I've been doing it for 35 years. And I come in and, you know, and I'm a vet, I know how to do an hour of real stand up comedy. But I'm doing it to 3/4 full crowds and stuff.

[A]

Sold out.

[B]

But you and I can do that because we've built up a reputation.

[A]

Yeah, well, that's crazy too. It's funny you say that, because I also am confused about. Because there was a minute there where I got on that social media wave.

[B]

Oh, you did?

[A]

Well, I would post con. I would post stand up or crowd work or whatever. And it was like. And the numbers were going, going, going, and then suddenly it's just gone like this. And there's this algorithm thing where I'm like, I either have done something that it's suppressing me, something weird is going on.

[B]

How long did this happen?

[A]

This is probably like when within the past year, year and a half, where I feel like, like it used to be where, you know, a video would get hundreds of thousands, if not a million views. Now it's getting like tens of thousands. If it gets a hundred thousand, I'm lucky. And it was interesting because. And then I, I kind of thought about it the other way. Like, I follow a bunch of people. I will only see the same five people over and over again every time I open up my page. So something definitely different is happening in that world. And to your point, like, I always feel like I still got the goods. You go to my show, you're gonna leave. Going like, that was a good time. And I'm gonna feel like it was a good time right now.

[B]

I just watched your special. Like, you know, it's. It's an hour. It's an hour. It's not 15 minutes spread out over an hour, which is what you see a lot.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

A lot of these people are getting specials because they check some boxes for Netflix.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They've never left New York or LA, so they've never done more than 15 minutes. And now they're doing an hour special. Your special that you did at the Comedy Store is just bam, bam. It's like your feet are planted on the ground and you're delivering strong comedy, and you don't see that in a lot of specials.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. No, that's in the same. You know, not to. Not to make this a complimentary.

[B]

Please do.

[A]

But yours, too. I was watching yours last night. I was laughing. The. The one you did in the mothership. I. I was like, it's. It's finishes. Goes to the next thing finishes. And it's just like you said. But that's what we learned. Right. That's how we. But. But that's. And so to your point, when you say you tell people not to get into it, I always say, because it's funny. I give the same advice to everybody. I go, if you're really serious about this, get on stage as much as you can, write as much as you can. I think that still is a thing. Except now I tag on top of that, put out clips and work your social media.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But the fact is, I've said that to so many people, and many have kind of been like, oh, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, that guy's not going to do it. And then there's been some that I will see again, like, five, ten years later. And they hustled and they're doing it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they're serious.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And we know those guys.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then. And I'm. I almost take pride because in our. Unfortunately, in our world, it's not like music where you then can say, you know what? I'm going to produce you. I'll produce you. And you guys are under the Greg Fitzsimmons label. We can advise them and take them on the road with us, but then they're on their own.

[B]

Yeah. There's. There's people that I have men and women that I have kind of mentored. You know, Like, I look at their. Like, a guy yesterday sent me a guy I've been working with for probably 10 years, and he hasn't Broken through at all. But I believe in this guy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he's, you know, and he's. He's. He's just super funny. But he's in la, and I keep saying, man, go to Denver, go to Cleveland and get tons of stage time. Start working the satellite rooms. You can start doing 45 minutes on a regular basis. Drive, you know, drive two hours to an Indian casino or whatever. Yeah, but la, it's just. You're not getting. Jacob Feldman is the kid's name. And, like, he just sent me a tape yesterday. It's like he just keeps getting better all the time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But, like. And I bring him on the road sometimes, but it's just so hard.

[A]

But, you know, also, I think now these guys do need to do the. The videos and on the online stuff. I. I say, like, I got into.

[B]

This business, he doesn't do enough of that.

[A]

Yeah, I got into this business to be, you know, Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy, George Carlin, whatever, Whoever I was watching at the time, I wanted to be like those guys. Now you got to be Martin Scorsese. You got to have your camera get the shots.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

And I watch a lot of. I get clips come along because our boys now, and our. And our daughters, too. But my. My son sends me clips of people that he finds. He's like, oh, look at this guy. And I'm like, I didn't know this guy. And I. And I look at the angles the person has, and then. And then there's this whole thing of, like, the way you label it and the way you.

[B]

You know, that's what I like about your videos. You have really good. They call them thumbnails, which is the. The shot that you're seeing that invites you to the video. You get good captions. You got, like, colors up there. They look great. Yeah, I got to take a page from your book on that.

[A]

Dude. I. And I. And I.

[B]

You do all that yourself?

[A]

I barely know what I'm doing. No, I got, like, different people that, like, helped me. I had. I had people that I would pay to do stuff for my Instagram. Now I got this. This girl. She's overseas and she's helping me out.

[B]

Overseas? Where's that?

[A]

She's in. She's between Finland. No, Iceland and. Iceland and Italy. She's a Persian girl living.

[B]

Where did you find her?

[A]

Because there was this Persian guy that used to do my stuff who was. Who was really, like, a nerd about this, all this stuff. He found me because he was a fan and he was like, hey, your Instagram is. Because I just post myself is like, it's just really not where it needs to be. Let me help you out. And he was. And he suggested something that helped me for sure, because being there aren't that many Iranian Americans in the game.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so he was like, look, you have a lot of fans in Iran that if you put subtitles, that'll. They'll. They'll start following. So I was like, all right. If you can subtitle it in Persian. So if you look at my Instagram, it's got it in English and in Persian.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

My TikTok is just English.

[B]

So are you like Russell Peters, where you go to certain countries overseas and you're a bigger draw than you are in this country?

[A]

Not necessarily, Russell. See, there's Indians everywhere. Yeah, Indians are everywhere. I've married one. I mean, I, you know, Russell, I think, helped me with that line. He's like. He's like, yeah, you got Indian wives. Like, you know, odds are you're going to marry an Indian or a Chinese person. It's like, that's how many there. But I. I was. There are Iranians everywhere as well. I always say, I go, if you really want to have a good touring career internationally, come from a country that had turmoil because then they all have to leave.

[B]

Spread out. Yeah.

[A]

So the base of my fan base in certain places, like if I go to Australia or I'm getting ready to go to Europe for a tour. So, like, Stockholm has a lot of Iranians. The base of the audience are Iranians. And then others discover you by being either Iranian adjacent. They married in.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or they find you. Obviously, the algorithm. Right. If enough people see something, then the algorithm pushes it out. So I. My numbers are not nearly as big as Russell's are, but it does help.

[B]

Nobody have those people.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Huge.

[A]

It's crazy. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

No, I go. I try to find the Irish people. And that's My new tour is called Crazy Rich Irish.

[A]

Crazy Rich Irish. I like it. Why not? Listen, dude, here's the thing. It's like, it's. It's about. It's about like, you're a brand. Right. So if whatever that thing is that gets them in the door. Yeah. And then you're going to deliver.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's the thing we have. Which is like 20, 30 years in. We're going to deliver. We're not going to be just like, you know, I hate it when people. I try to emphasize. I do this little bit at the end of my show where I go, guys, you know, and I, and I do, I love, I love having a diverse audience. And I go, guys, this show is for everybody. And I go to this day. And this is true, like every once in a while I get this email from this one Persian lady. It's a different Persian lady, but it's the same Persian lady who will say, you know, I want to come to the show and bring my colleague. But I don't know if he's going to understand the show because he doesn't speak Persian. And I write her back. I go, well, the show's in English. And she goes, it is. I go, yeah, have you seen any of my clips online? She goes, no, I don't watch that bullshit.

[B]

Can you do a show in Persian?

[A]

Not really. I speak Persian fluently. Yeah, but the problem is that you have to have the. A, you have to have a command of the language. B, you have to have a command of kind of like pop culture. Pop culture and all that idioms, you know, Like Maximini has done stand up in Persian and he did a great job because he lived there for a while later in his life.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I sometimes I tell him, iranian. Yeah, he's Iranian. I go, max, you doing this in Persian? I go, messed it up for me. Because they think just because you did it in Persian, yeah, I'm going to do it in Persia.

[B]

Well, there's more guys doing Spanish shows now. Like, I talked to Jesus Trejo. He goes down to Mexico and does shows all over the place. Yeah, I talked to. Who is the other guy?

[A]

Probably probably Francisco Ramos. Marcelo Hernandez was doing.

[B]

Oh, yeah. So Marcel, dude, that guy's funny.

[A]

He's great. I was pulling into the lot at the Comedy Store. He's such a nice guy too. He's like, hey, Maz. He goes, he goes, do you speak Spanish? I go, a little bit. Because you want to do five minutes on my show. I go, marcelo, it's going to be very disappointing because I'm going to go up there and be like, hola, como estas? And then I'll be like, that's all I got. Yeah, but that actually made me go. I want to like, because. Because I did speak Italian, I want to start taking Spanish classes just to get five or maybe ten minutes of Spanish stand up.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Because by the way, the Spanish speaking audience, I think is more like my audience coming from that part of the world. They're more conservative. Not religiously conservative, but just a little more buttoned up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Again, engineers. Right. So if you Go out there and you start doing like fart jokes and stuff like that. Or like, you know, like raunchy jokes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think that they might be a little more judgmental.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But I feel like the Spanish speaking audience is a little more open to, like, rauncher material.

[B]

Yes, definitely.

[A]

So I was watching that audience and I was like, I'm envious of these guys. I should learn, just as a challenge, I should learn some Spanish and go do a 5 to 10 minute set and just be like, you know, like the Gary Owen of the. You know, like, you know how he's the white guy in the black rooms?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Well, there's a. There was a bunch of guys. It was Ricky Gervais and a couple other guys might have been. Who's the trans?

[A]

Eddie Izzard.

[B]

Eddie Izzard, yeah. And like one or two. And they all went, let's learn. And I can't remember the language. It might have been. It was. I think it was a Scandinavian language.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They bet each other that in a year they could all do a show.

[A]

Oh, that's cool.

[B]

It's like we're all just struggling to write jokes in English. These guys are writing them in other languages. Meanwhile, Eddie's running. Not Eddie anymore. I forget his. Her new name, but she runs. You know about this, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

30 marathons in a month.

[A]

Yeah. I, first of all, I didn't realize that he. He became she. But I do know I met him one time. We were both doing stand up in Istanbul. There was a comedy festival.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I sat. We had. We had lunch together and Great, great person. And. And I. And was telling me about the marathon stuff. That's someone who's like a genius level kind of person who's like, I'm going to run marathons and I'm going to do. They did stand up in, I think multiple languages in multiple countries.

[B]

Oh, and is running for parliament.

[A]

Yes. And is smart enough to actually know stuff once they're in that position. But I actually, I'm actually going to go because. Because I'm doing this European tour and I always do it all in English, but I'm going to be in Italy for the first time. Found a 200 seat room in Milan. So I'm gonna go to Italy. And I haven't really. My problem, Greg, is I think I might have adhd. And we recently were involved in trying to figure out for our kids if they have it. And as we were talking to the therapist, I was like, oh, my God, I have every symptom you're talking about. So I come up with these ideas that I think are great and you.

[B]

Don'T follow through on.

[A]

I just don't put in enough time. So going into my Italian show, I'm not gonna sit and write jokes leading up to it, but the night of, I will get on stage and clown around in Italian.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And just have fun with it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, and.

[B]

And they'll love it. I love it. Even just. I remember going to Montreal and like, I speak. I studied French and I actually was in Tulsa, Oklahoma two days ago, and I was taking the Uber with my friend Dion Curry, who features for me on the road. And we get in the cab and an Uber and the guy is talking French. He's. And I just start talking to him in French. And I was like, I did not know. I remembered French. And we talked for 15 minutes. We got out of the cabin. Dion's like, what the fuck was that?

[A]

I go, I don't know. I don't know what just happened. Yeah.

[B]

But like, when you go to Montreal and you open with just a couple sentences in French.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They go crazy. They love it.

[A]

Dude. I wish, like, I wish I. And. And that's one of the things that I'm. I'm a little regretful with my kids too. I wish I would have spoken Persian with them. My wife. My wife being Indian, we just spoke English at the house.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But just like being multilingual is such a cool thing. And it.

[B]

My brother in law, he only speaks in Farsi to. To his kids. Wait, if he's Iranian, why does he speak Farsi?

[A]

It's the same thing is we say Persian or we say Farsi.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know, it's like there's a whole. Our people don't get along with each other. Like my people, it's like they argue over everything. Are we Iranian? Are we Persian? Are we. Are we speaking Persian? Are we speaking Farsi?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is it Noruz, which is the new year? Or is. Is it spelled N O W R u Z? Or is it N O U R O's? We are.

[B]

Well, it's like the Dutch, you know, they're different. It's. It's the Netherlands, but they're Dutch and they speak Flemish. The.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. There's so much of that stuff. I guess the thing was like, I think the. The word Persian comes from, like, I think it was the name that the Greeks gave the country. I was listening to this great podcast. It was called Empires. They go through all the empires. It's these British people love that. It's on. It's on Spotify. Just look, look it up. They go through all the empires. These, like, British people who that are. That are, like, you know, historians, and they bring on different guests, and it's great.

[B]

And here's who. We colonized and destroyed their culture this week.

[A]

It's so great because you. You hear all these, like, crazy stories of, like, you know, the things that they were doing back then. Like, I just. I actually was having dinner with another history professor the other day, and I was. My son was with me, and I go. And he. And they were giving me some information. I go, this is why I like having dinner with people that are smart. You learn stuff. So they were telling me, for example, before the, The. The dynasty or the. The monarchy that was overthrown in the. In the most recent Iranian revolution was the Pahlavi's that was named Reza Pahlevi. Before them, there was the Qajars. Q, A, J, A R. So they were telling me they go, back in the day, the Qajars would. If they wanted to kill somebody, they would put poison in their coffee, and it became known as the kajari coffee. Like, right. So he said later on, like, under the Pahlavis, there was the, The. I guess the prime minister, whoever it was that was in Parliament, would sometimes be like, give that guy a kajari coffee. Which was like, get rid of him. I was like, how cool is that, man? These little things.

[B]

You offered to bring me coffee today.

[A]

Yes, I did. I was going to bring you. Not the kajari. I like you. I like you.

[B]

All right, all right. So let me ask you some questions here. I got some. I got some. You're. You were. Oh, I noticed this on your resume. I looked it up. You were on Cedric the Entertainer Presents, which I was a writer on. I don't remember what you did on the show.

[A]

So this is actually an interesting story. So they put a call out. They said, if you have a. A sketch you can do solo.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Come and audition with it. So I, at the time, I was doing sketch comedy at the Acme Theater, which is kind of like the Groundlings, but a lower level. Not Laura. It just wasn't as well known. Yeah, it was lower. Alex Borstein was there. Adam Carolla, Joel McHale.

[B]

Oh, there you go.

[A]

We had a handful. Anyway, so I went on audition. I had this one sketch that I'd done where, like, this guy, he's this Middle Eastern guy doing food delivery for this American lady, and he works at his, like, you know, he's come from the Middle east and he's working his uncle's, like, falafel shop, and they've sent him to deliver. And part of the delivery, the uncle has said, when you do the delivery, you also got to do a birthday dance. And the birthday dance is me. Just, like. I just. I put on this music and it goes ding, ding, ding, ding. And it goes. It's like this Middle Eastern music. I just. I start going, happy Birthday. And they go. And I go, happy birthday. I just keep doing it. I just start stripping.

[B]

Kind of coming back to me.

[A]

Yeah. And then. And then. And then the sketch, the girl is like, what? No, don't do it. It's like, please, I have to do it or I will be fired. So I just do it all the way. So I was like, oh, we could do this as a sketch to the camera. Right. So I come in, I audition. I get the part. I get that. I get. I get cast.

[B]

Ken Jiang.

[A]

Royale Watkins got cast. He did a bit about golfing. And the third guy that got cast was Fred Armisen, who used to do his ideas. Me as the drummer.

[B]

I remember that.

[A]

So me, Fred and Royale are getting ready to film it. This is for Fox.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

We're getting ready to film it. And we all get calls from our agents. They go, don't film. Don't film. I go, what's going on? We read the contract, the long form. It says, they will own your character. Yeah. And they're paying you a thousand bucks.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And at the time, I'd never had any of my work be on tv, so I was like, but I really want to get it on tv. They go, don't do it. So we leave. And in the interim, first of all, good for Fred Armisen, because in the interim, he ends up getting cast on snl, which, by the way, if he had signed the paper, done it, Fox could have been dicks about it and been like, no, you can't do that character on snl. That was one of his big characters. And I think for Royale and I, they worked it out where they said, the Fox will own it for six months. You can't do it anywhere. And. Yeah, where else am I going to do it?

[B]

Right. Right.

[A]

So I came back and I did it. And I think Louis actually was the director of that bit. I think. I think they had him direct it.

[B]

Yeah, Louis was the co. Ep. And then he used to direct all. You know, he would do the. The single unit stuff.

[A]

So they had me. So That's. I did that. And as a matter of fact, that's where I met JB Smooth.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

And his wife. And ever after that, whenever I would see them, they'd be like, happy Birthday. And then they. And then they brought me back for a couple of other, like, sketches.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's like a guest star.

[B]

Yeah, I. I vaguely remember. I mean, it was. That was a long time ago. That was two.

[A]

Probably, like, 1 3, 1001.

[B]

Yeah. My son was 1 years old when I got hired on that.

[A]

Sean Majumder.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Amy Brissette. Was that her name? Amy?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I just saw Amy maybe a year and a half ago in Denver. I was doing shows. She reached out. I said, come out.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. And then. What's his name?

[A]

Of course. Kyle Dunnigan.

[B]

Kyle Dunnigan. And then the writing staff was crazy. It was Louis. Jerry Miner. Remember Jerry Miner?

[A]

Yeah. Remember Jerry? Yeah.

[B]

And then there was a guy who, by the way, Ken Jeong also did one of those sketches. And he did. He came out with an acoustic guitar, and he did a rap song.

[A]

Yeah, I remember. He was great.

[B]

And that was his first TV credit also.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But there was a writer on the show who was, you know, good dude, really funny. Right. He'd written on Mr. Show. He was a very accomplished writer.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And he came on. He used to score a lot of interesting stuff on the show. And then he was sober since. He was one of these guys who was sober since he was, like, 17.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, he'd really fucked up as a teenager.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he knew that I hadn't drank. I'm not sober, but in the sense that I don't go to meetings, but I haven't drank in, whatever, 34 years.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So at the time, I haven't drank and whatever. So he says to me, you know, I'm thinking about drinking just because I haven't, and I don't know if it was just a teenage thing and that I would be able to drink now. And he goes, what do you think? And I go, I don't know. It doesn't sound like a good idea. I go, let me talk to my aunt. Because my aunt had been an AA for her whole life. Sure, call her up. I say, there's this guy on the staff, and he's thinking about trying it again. I go, what do you think? And I'm convinced she's gonna go, no, that's terrible. She goes, sometimes you need to touch the bottom again. Sometimes you need to remind yourself.

[A]

Oh, geez.

[B]

I was like, really? She's like, yeah. So I tell him and he's like, every Friday we would have scotch. I wouldn't. But the staff would all have scotch at the end of the taping.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Friday night. So it would be like 11 o'clock at night. We have some scotch. So he has a glass of scotch.

[A]

God.

[B]

And then we all leave. And then Monday comes, he doesn't show up for work. Tuesday he shows up unshaven.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

And he went down the. He went down that fast. That fast. Like lost his relationship.

[A]

Blah, blah, blah.

[B]

The last I heard of him was pictures of him. He had charged the Capitol on January 6th.

[A]

Are you serious?

[B]

I swear to God.

[A]

What the hell?

[B]

Jail.

[A]

Now, I think, oh, no. Oh, man.

[B]

So I gotta call my aunt and.

[A]

Just say, bad advice.

[B]

Maybe go a different direction next time somebody asks you.

[A]

Well, you know, it's funny because I've had. I've had relatives that, that, you know, struggle with that as well. And, and it's. I remember somewhere they were saying, I was at some meeting, listening to people talking. One of the guys was saying, he goes, you know, when your mind sees that pill or that drink at a party, and it just kind of clocks it. He goes, that's your mind getting ready to. To, you know, basically go, you know, try it in six months. Like it plants the seed.

[B]

Well, that's the thing that I've learned because I did go to. I did go to AA early on, and I went to a lot of Al Anon because my father was an alcoholic.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And I learned that when you clock that pill or that drink and I would find myself smelling drinks.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And when that happened, you immediately go, that's a red flag. What's going on in here.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And to stop, go to therapy, talk to some friends, journal.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Figure out what the fuck is going on. That's why. That's how I've last. That's the number one thing that's let me last this long. Is that exactly what you're saying? When you notice that. You're noticing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That means that you're. I mean, what is. I mean, substance abuse is basically, you're running away from anxiety and loneliness.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so the greatest thing you can do is if you're feeling like that, reach out to a friend, go to lunch, say yes. That's my thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

When somebody says, like, I. I say yes, now. That's my thing. And I forgot to recently.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Me and my wife were walking last week and I talk about this on the show a little bit last Week. And we were walking through the marina, and there was a bunch of people set up at some picnic tables, and they had bongo drums, and they were gonna get a drum circle going, and they go, come on over and play a drum. I said to my wife, should we do it? She's like, I don't know. And I was like, all right. And we just kept walking. And it haunted me for the rest as, like, I didn't play the fucking bongo.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And it reminded me my New Year's resolution was say yes.

[A]

Yeah, you're right.

[B]

So then I was. So I went to Tulsa this weekend, and I went to the Bob Dylan Museum. I went to the. There's a famous recording studio called Church that I went to. I went to Tulsa. There was a Tulsa Massacre. Do you ever hear about the Tulsa.

[A]

Yeah, of course. Yeah.

[B]

They have a museum I went to. Went to that. Get. About to get on my flight, I get a text from somebody, hey, I got two tickets for the Dodgers Mets game tonight. Do you want to go? Meanwhile, I'm fucking exhausted. I'm getting in at 4:15. The game's at 5:15. And I text. I go, no, I really can't. And then I. What am I doing? I go, if it's not too late.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I text my wife. She picks me up at the airport. We go to the game. At the game, my friend goes, hey, I got the Clippers tickets tomorrow night. I'm like, now? I haven't been home in four fucking nights.

[A]

Jesus.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

See you there.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Take an Uber down, meet him. And. And. And every time I do it, I get energy from it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You always think I'm too tired to do this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You forget that when you do things, you. You draw energy from it.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, you got to go. You got to go for it. You're absolutely right. I. You know, because as touring comedians, it's, you know, we're up at night, we're wired up, you know, and then the next day. Sometimes I sit there and I go, I just want to sleep in. I don't want to do anything. Especially, like, I. I do drink, but, like, I try to control. I also. My father was also an alcoholic.

[B]

You drink red wine, right?

[A]

Red wine, sometimes. Sometimes tequila.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I. And I see, I lost my brother to addiction, actually, so. So we. We've had addiction in our. In our family, so I get a little worried sometimes if I do, like, too many nights in a row, and I'm like, okay, you got to Slow down. But if I don't, it's funny, because especially as I'm getting older, when I don't have a drink the night before I wake up the next day, I'm like, I feel so fresh. And I'm like, what? What am I thinking? Why am I drinking the night before? Yeah. And to that point, I was actually in. We were in at Denver and. And we were just talking about the Dodgers were in town because we saw a lot of people walking around with Dodger jerseys. And I'm an A's fan, but I'm also living in LA now, and they. Shohei Ohtani.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I told my opening, I go, you know what? Let's get a couple tickets. Let's go to the Colorado Rockies game. We went up and we hung out and was fun, you know, it was interesting.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You gotta go for it.

[B]

I know. And also, like, if you have a podcast, like, I need shit to talk about, I need to. You look at Bert Kreischer.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, I go on tour with him once in a while. And I mean, you're up in the morning and you're going to the amusement park, and then you're going to. You know, they have people come. They had a petting zoo one day. Like, they have, like, a local animal, whatever. And his people arranged to have animals bought over.

[A]

Was he always like that? That energetic?

[B]

Always like that?

[A]

Right. Because I know he used to do.

[B]

Morning radio, and he would invite everybody on morning radio to not go to work that day. Meet him at the club at noon and drink.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

And he would do a show at noon and everybody gets shitfaced. He'd drink all day.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Do his shows that night.

[A]

Wow. He really is regular.

[B]

He's the machine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's no joke.

[A]

Yeah. It's funny because to your point, I like. I've actually. I had a podcast for a while, then I stopped, and I've been wanting.

[B]

To start Minivan Men.

[A]

No, we had Minivan Men, which we should have continued. We didn't. It was me, Al Madrigal, Chris Spencer.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then we just all got distracted and went other ways. And then I had one called Back to School with Maz Jobrani. We did that for a while, and then I stopped. And again, this whole thing of the adhd, and it's not an excuse, but I think that I just have these ideas and I start and I don't.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I do want to get back. As matter of fact, as I was driving over here today, I was like, gosh, if I had my own podcast, I'd have to be like, you know, doing research, getting ready. I was like, am I ready for this? Because there's so much going on. You know, I told you, we're remodeling the house, and I got to get this. And I got the. So. But you do. You got to just focus and compartmentalize and get it done.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

And you got experience List.

[B]

I have ADD Bad, and I take. I take Ritalin. I write lists.

[A]

It helps a lot. Huh?

[B]

Oh, without the list, I literally, like, when I wake up and I can't find my list, I go into a complete panic.

[A]

What about the Ritalin? I'm asking about the riddling Ritalin.

[B]

I don't take it. I used to take it every day for 15 years.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And now I take it as needed. I didn't take it today because, I don't know, I was. I was like, if I have a guest, I'm like, oh, God, I better take Ritalin for this one. But it's you. And I'm like, we're good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. But if I have a. If I'm ever writing projects that I have deadlines on, I'll take it. Or like, sometimes on a Monday, I've been away. I know I gotta accomplish a lot. I got a big list. Take a Ritalin, get it done.

[A]

Wow. Okay.

[B]

But, you know, it's different for everybody. It really is. I mean, the thing that people don't realize is with add, before you go to the drugs, get on an exercise program.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Learn to meditate.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Make lists.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Read a good book about it. You know, there's. There's a lot of resources besides the drugs.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then if you do the drugs, try to do them as minimally as possible, especially if it's a kid.

[A]

Yeah. No, I. I hope to. Like you said, I hope to not have to do the drugs. But I. My best writing, when it comes to, like, script writing or. Or even doing the podcast as of, was when I have a partner.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So then I've been. I've had to show up.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

I'm saying that always helps. Or if I've taken a class. Classes are great, too, because they go, you need to have this thing done by that date. Because otherwise, like, I just started the screenplay and I got like 20, 30 pages in. I'm like, okay, let me give it a break. And then I started one man show, and I'm like, about 20 pages in, but I want to do it. I'm doing It. But. But then you look back and you go, oh, my God, 10 years have gone by and I haven't done it.

[B]

I'm a starter. I'm a great starter.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But that's what's great about this studio is we're here, and my producer, Paul Roman, who owns his place is. You know, he's got this green screen studio.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he is just got a ton of great equipment, and he's calling it an incubator space. And I'm really excited to, like, grow projects out of here. And if you ever have stuff you want to do.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This is the place you come. And we're gonna.

[A]

Maybe I'll start my podcast and come here and then we'll just shares and I'll interview you.

[B]

Right. And the background. Can you see the background? We do a different background every show. We're gonna start to do. What's the technology we're doing next? We're not talking. Oh, that's right. We're not talking, but we have a whole new technology we're bringing that nobody else is using.

[A]

Oh, great.

[B]

And it's. It's. It's incredible. So I'm excited to follow through on. On this stuff.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And because you talk about social media and plateauing, I just put out a special.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's been out for a month, and we got like 400,000 views. But now it's plateauing, and I realized for me to keep pushing it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I need to do interesting social media stuff. So I'm trying to come up with segments that I can do on this stage to put out that look different, sound different.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because if it looks like everybody else's, it's just gets lost in the. In the.

[A]

Yeah. I think part of it is like, you know, we look at, like. You know, you look at, like. Like the Bobby Lee, Andrew. Andrew Santino. Like, they. They did a good job of cutting those clips up and putting them on YouTube. Like, them. And then. And I think those caught or like, Theo Vaughn's another one who's. Yeah, I think. I think if you cut these things in a. In an interesting way.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It catches. The other thing I started doing with my special, because I also started plateauing. I started at the end of my show because I. I mean, I have this. This little thing where I show people tweeting at me, but you can also. You don't have to have that, but you. If you find a way to get QR codes that lead to your special.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

At the end of my special. I put the QR code on the screen. You could actually have every club just get these little flyers, have them at the. At the tables, and at the end of the show, go, guys, who's seen my special? Because I. Every time I do it, who's seen 10 people in the audience?

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

I go, guys, I don't. I go, do me a favor. Just get your phone out, hit the QR code. I go, I don't even care if you watch it. I just want you to hit play, walk away. I want YouTube to think you watch it. If enough of you watch it, I make a dollar, you know? And so people reluctantly would take their phones out and do the QR code. So at least you're getting, like, over a weekend, you're getting whatever the number of people are over and over and over again seeing your thing, and they're.

[B]

Going to tell people.

[A]

Yeah. And getting the numbers.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So that's one way for you to reach to your actual. Or even if you're doing, you know.

[B]

The podcast, can have the QR code.

[A]

QR code. You know, at the beginning when you go, you know, hey, this is who we got this week. Don't forget, hit the QR code. Don't have to watch it. Just hit the QR code. If you like it, keep watching it. If you don't. Yeah, walk.

[B]

Leave it on for 20 minutes.

[A]

Leave it over 20 minutes. You have two devices.

[B]

Two.

[A]

Two QRS. Get the hell out. Yeah, just. Just. It's this. That's the game.

[B]

All right. It's time for fast. Fastballs with fits.

[A]

Fastball with fits.

[B]

Answer these questions. That's all you got to do.

[A]

Fast. Let's go.

[B]

There are two types of people in the world.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Go.

[A]

Good and bad.

[B]

That's it.

[A]

Oh, you. Oh, you want to elaborate?

[B]

Do you really think.

[A]

I thought you wanted. I thought you wanted, like, quick. Oh, you. Okay. I mean, not that quick.

[B]

I mean, good and bad. What are you. Jesus Christ.

[A]

There's like. And then there's, like, people, like.

[B]

Because there's grades of it. Some people have parts of them that are. But then they're also altruistic.

[A]

No, there's very. There's a lot of type people.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which it blows my mind. How they can be and how. How okay they are with being right.

[B]

And how successful they can be.

[A]

And how successful can be. And how they can spiral and make excuses for their asshole. Ness.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Right. They're the types who you'll be like, yeah, you know, you. You stole. You stole your way to the top. They go, yeah, well, you know, you got to pull yourselves up from the bootstrap. You know, that kind of guy. Yeah. You're like, what a dick.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then there's the other kind who. And of course, there's many people in the middle, but then there's the other kind who shock you, how nice they are.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm like, what? Like, how. How are you?

[B]

I worry.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

Those people. I don't trust them.

[A]

No, I. Well, no, I. I sometimes think, wow, this person is just like, they. They have a hard time being an. And also, to your point, they probably have deeper issues to deal with.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, they're. They're compensating for something that happened as a child. And, like, they just. They just. They don't want to harm anybody.

[B]

You know Matt Knudson?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Matt Knudsen is a guy who I've known for so long, I play golf with him every Friday. Not every Friday, but a lot of Fridays. He is the nicest guy I've ever met. He's absolutely and truly nice to his core.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I look at him sometimes, and I go, when are you gonna snap? Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna find out something about you. But I never have. He really is that guy.

[A]

Matt is one of those guys. There's a guy named Eunice, the guy who does my videos now. Eunice Darrer. This poor guy, he left Iraq as a young kid. He fled Iraq with his family. Lost his father at a young age. Nicest guy. You're so nice. And actually, now I try to be nice to people. And it's funny because I've had a few people tell me Dom Aero was like, hey, I was talking to some other comedian, and we decided you're the nicest comedian. And I was like, oh, thanks. I go, not the funniest. Yeah, nicest. I'm like, well, that sucks, dude.

[B]

That happened to me. Santino and Lee were doing their podcast.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, no, no. It was Bobby Lee and Theo Vaughn. And Bobby goes, who do you think are, like, the 10 nicest comedians? And they. They riffed on that. And then Bobby goes, number one. Greg Fitzsimmons. Theo Farmer. Absolutely. And I went, same thing, not the funniest.

[A]

Isn't that crazy?

[B]

Cause, like, I worked with a guy this weekend who was the feature, and the opening act was horrible.

[A]

I've been there.

[B]

And so. So we walk out, and I go. I go, man, that guy was awful. And then he goes. He goes, yeah, he's a really nice guy. And I go, who cares?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Who cares about that? You got to be funny. It's so funny. It is really our ego. And the other one that I had, which was along those lines, you know, Debbie Gutierrez. Debbie hits me up. She goes, oh, my God. I was listening to Marc Maron right now and I listen to Marin's podcast. That's where I heard you recently. I told you guys did a great job together. She goes, I just listen to Marc Marin. And at the end of his podcast, there was a Q and A. And someone asked him, someone emailed, said, if you were at the Comedy Store, you're about to die, who'd be the last person you'd want to see? And he said, maz Jobrani.

[B]

No way.

[A]

It was crazy. Of all people, Mark.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

So I hit him up and go, oh, hey, Mark, you know, Debbie told me this and thanks. And then he goes, yeah, you're a nice guy. And again I was like, wait a minute. You just want to see a nice face on the way out. He just didn't want someone to be like, Maren, you don't have a laugh.

[B]

On the way out. Don't laugh with her.

[A]

I don't. Was funny. That again, it was a. It was like a compliment.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And a little thing to the ego.

[B]

Now look, at the end of the day, I'll take. I'll take nice at the end of my life.

[A]

Why not?

[B]

That's not bad. Have you ever won any awards?

[A]

Yes, I did a movie called Jimmy Vestford. American Hero.

[B]

Produced and wrote that, didn't I?

[A]

Co wrote it with my buddy Amir Ohepsian. We co produced it and it was like my homage to the old Pink Panthers. Was a bumbling idiot who comes from Iran to America and saves the day.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

And the movie itself was, you know, it had, it had some. It was, it was funny for like the first 20 minutes and then it kind of like, I think loses its steam a little bit. And again, it was fun, it was silly. And it was made for 12 year old boys. And to this day I run into 12 year old boys who are like quoting it. And that's all I wanted. And so we entered it in the Austin Film Festival. Not south by Southwest, but there's Austin Film Festival. We won best comedy screenplay and we also won, I think best comedy movie. I think we won. We won two awards. I'm an award winner.

[B]

What have you turned down recently?

[A]

Oh, gosh, I recently turned down this part just because of the timing and it really bummed me out. This just shows you how crazy this business is. I have not, like, worked on a movie or a TV show in a while. I mean, I've done a little.

[B]

Nobody has. This hasn't been a business.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. But, you know, maybe like a little thing in an independent film. I keep getting people hitting me up, going like, we're shooting this five minute short and it shoots in Ottawa. We'll pay for you to fly out. You know, you got no lines in it, but, but we want you in it because you have like, whatever, a bunch of followers on Instagram and maybe it'll help sell it. I'm like, no. So there's, there's a, a project. I know that it's based on a book. There's this author wrote and he's had a lot of movies made and I know the author. So when the audition came in and the part of the. And the part was an Iranian guy in LA who's working in the, like, gets caught up in the jewelry business. And it's a small part, but in a big movie with big stars. It's like a heist movie. And basically his, his jewels get stolen. Right. And, and it was great because it was like, I'm not gonna be, I'm not gonna be a terrorist. I'm not gonna be, you know, whatever. I'm just this guy, you know, and, and, and when I saw that it was based on the book of this author, I know the author from having him, had him on my podcast, and he was very complimentary about my comedy of his. So I reset. I go, hey, man, I just got an audition in this movie based on your thing. He goes, oh, I'll put a good word in for you. Fantastic. Comes back and I do the audition and I felt good about it. They come back and they go, yeah, we need you from this date to this date. And it happens to be. I've been sitting around twiddling my thumbs now for a while. It fell exactly on the dates of my European tour where I'm about to take like, it was from day one to the day.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I go, what are the. And now we're going back and forth going, can you guys move it at all? It's a four month shoot. You can't put it somewhere else. No. You know, if you really want to do, you got to cancel European tour. And it's not like I'm canceling a weekend at now.

[B]

And you've been selling these tickets for the last three months. Yeah.

[A]

What are the odds of that? So I had to turn it Down.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah. There you go.

[B]

Have you ever not finished a set on stage?

[A]

Have I ever not finished. No, I've. I've finished the set. The closest I got to not finishing a set, so. In 2006, we're. We're currently experiencing this crazy war with Israel and Palestine. In 2006, Israel was fighting with Lebanon against Hezbollah, and there was a lot of bombings going into. Into Lebanon. And at the time, they were bombing these buildings and they were saying that there's Hezbollah in the buildings, but innocent people were dying. And there's a guy named John Bolton who was the. He's the hawk. And he was the U. S. Ambassador to the United Nations. And this is under the Bush administration.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he was.

[B]

He was the head of the nsa later.

[A]

Head of the nsa. He was all that. So he was. He came out and there was a quote of him. He was an interview, and he goes, well, America's not calling for a ceasefire between Israel and Lebanon because we don't know what that would accomplish. And when I saw that, I go, what do you mean you don't know what that would accomplish? Is less people dying. Just in general, I'm anti war, so I was in D.C. doing a big show in front of a D.C. crowd, which tends to be more liberal. And I. And they also knew at the time who John Bolton was. I did the joke and I did. I did a joke about. It wasn't. It wasn't the best joke, but I did a joke about John Bolton. He looks like a walrus. I kind of made fun of him. The audience liked it. A couple nights later, I was in New York at the Comedy Cellar doing the same joke on, like, a Tuesday night. And as I'm doing it, some Jewish guy in the audience with, like, the yarmulke, like, hardcore, like, pro Israel, he starts kind of, like, booing me. And I go, what are. What are you booing? And he's like. He's like, you don't know what you're talking about. I go, what do you mean? I don't know. Ceasefire. And he said something, I said something. We start arguing, and it starts escalating, and Artie Fuqua jumps back on stage. I've never had this in my life. The host of the night, Artie Fuqua, just back on stage, grabs the mic from me, he goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, guys, calm down. Calm down. I'm like, artie, what are you doing here?

[B]

I got this.

[A]

Yeah. He's like, no, you calm down. And I go, no. I go, this guy's an asshole. And then so a little bit of back and forth, and eventually I think they escorted the guy out, and I. And I got the mic back, and I finished my set. Because I'm from the Comedy Store, you do your shit. Right. I finished my set, and then I go back upstairs, and Keith Robinson and a couple other comedians are sitting around, and I go, guys, I was just down there. This is what happened. You know? And I go. And then Keith Robinson kind of laughs. I go, what is it? He goes, it's funny because he goes, you were trying to talk about peace, and you ended up getting in the fight. That's really funny. And then I worked that into one of my. Into my act about, like, I was like, I wonder if my heroes of peace ever, like, lost it. Like, I wonder if anyone ever said something to Martin Luther King where he wanted to fight or the Gandhi where he's like, that's it. You know, the flip flops are coming off, you know.

[B]

Well, Jesus lost it at the marketplace. Remember? He flipped the table over.

[A]

Oh, did he?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No one talks about that story.

[B]

Yeah, there's this famous parable about how they started selling merchandise. They had a merch table set up at church.

[A]

Hilarious.

[B]

And he got pissed off, and he. He flipped over the table and yelled at everybody. The only time he got mad.

[A]

Wonder how he'd feel about the. The Trump Bible right now. Really?

[B]

I love it. All right, final question. What's the hackiest bit you've ever done?

[A]

The hackiest bit I've ever done. I'm trying. You know, anytime I do a bit where. Again, being Middle Eastern, Anytime I do a bit where, like, I kind of play into the stereotype of, like, the terrorist thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I always think, like, is this hacky, or do I have a. Do I have a. A left turn on it? You know what I'm saying? So, I mean, again, I think that theme in general, and then I try to have the left turn on it, which is to make fun of the idea of, you know, how stupid would it be if you guys were thinking this? Like, currently, I have a bit. I'm talking about. This is. This all happened, which was Mitzi Shore put me, Ahmed. Ahmed Aaron Kader together and called us first. First she called us the Arabian Nights. Iranians aren't Arabs. Yeah, it was great. It's crazy. So it was called the Arabian. But first of all, I give her cred. I go, she's the only one that was giving us stage time. All right. But she calls it the Arabian Night because she used to have, like, black comedy night, Latino night, women, and then the Arabian nights. And on the Arabian nights was everybody who was brown that wasn't Latino or black was on our show. We had Indians, we had a white girl who belly danced. We had all kinds of shit, right? So. And then Iranians would come to the show. Iranians notoriously hate being called Arabs. They're very snooty about it. And they come out, they go, we had a good time at this show. But, you know, Maz, we are not Arab. And I've been like, I didn't name it. The Jewish lady named it. Get the hell out of my way. So eventually, me, Ahmed and Aaron, we spin off and create. We call it the axis of evil comedy.

[B]

Of course, we lean into Comedy Central.

[A]

Yeah, we lean into it. And so during the height of the war on terror, like 2006 or so, we had a show in Boston. And we go to the airport at like, 6 in the morning to get on our flight from LAX to Boston. They tell us. They go. They go, oh, the flight's full. We can't get you on. We go, but we have a show. They're like, okay, the one way you can make it is we're gonna put you on a flight from LAX to jfk. You get out at jfk, you get in a cab, you take the cab to LaGuardia, you get on a plane at LaGuardia, you take that plane to Boston. Logan, if everything goes smoothly and there's no delay anywhere, you'll just make it. You'll be like 15 minutes late to the show at Northeastern University. And that time, by the way, it was a good paying gig, so we had to do it. Yeah, let's go for it. They put me, Ahmed, Ahmed and Aaron Cater. Middle of the time of the war on terror. The only seats left on the LAX to JFK are the three last seats of the whole thing. So they got three minutes. Yeah, the terrorist seats in the back of the whole thing. We're sitting there, we're charming the flight attendants the whole way as we're landing, we go, listen, we gotta get on. We gotta catch a cab to LaGuardia. And they go, listen. We go, can you announce for everyone to stay seated?

[B]

So we can.

[A]

They go, we'll announce. But they go. Usually people get up. So what you need to do is they go, before the plane stops, get up and just go for it. And we go, are you sure about this?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They go, yeah.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

So you got three hilarious. So you got three Middle Eastern dudes, middle of the war on terror, backpacks on, running down the aisle, just, like, out of my way. I'm on a mission, you know? And. And when I tell the story on stage, I go. I go. It was like. It was a miracle because I go, when we get to the front, door opens. I go, with such a miracle, I had to turn back and go, aloha Akbar. God is great. You know? And then I go. And then I just tag it with, like, the left turn, which I go, by the way, I go, if we really were trying to hijack the plane once it landed, I go. I think that's, like, not the objective. We get a call from human resources going, like, no, you know, you hijack in the sky, not on the. Yeah, no, you're gonna. We're demoting you.

[B]

You're late for work.

[A]

You're late for work. You got to do it in the air. So that's kind of the twist on that story.

[B]

That's good. All right, listen, Maz Gibrani is gonna come see you. He's gonna be at the San Jose improv this week, October 18th through the 20th. Yeah, great theater. I love that old theater.

[A]

I'm actually gonna shoot Film that special Small Wiener Loser on Saturday night.

[B]

Oh, no way. I'm gonna go, what a great place to shoot.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Then you're coming to Amsterdam, Belgium, Amsterdam, Copenhagen, Berlin, Zurich, Oslo, Munich, Milan, Paris, London. Then he'll be back in the States doing Minneapolis, Skogie, Vegas, and Glendale in December.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Come see him. Mazjabrani.com Maz J O B R A N I Boom. My friend, what a pleasure. So great to see you. Oh, let's reach. Yeah. All right. Thanks, man.

[A]

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