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Neil Brennan
To realize the future America needs. We understand what's needed from us to
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
face each threat head on.
Neil Brennan
We've earned our place in the fight for our nation's future. We are Marines. We were made for this.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Hey, welcome to Fitz Dog Radio. I'm in Fort Worth, Texas. Good town, very Christian. Little right wing. I'm going in. Guns ablazing though, at Hyenas Comedy Club. Sold out last night. See how it goes tonight and got a bunch of dates coming up. St. Patrick's Day. Don't forget that Hollywood Improv. 20th anniversary of the St. Patrick's Day Show. We got. We got Adam Ray performing. We got Laura Kitelinger. We got a big surprise guest who is so big we can't advertise him because he's doing a huge theater show soon in la, but it's gonna be fun. Come on down, get tickets. Fitzdog.com Also coming to Janesville, Wisconsin, Bakersfield, California, Escondido, Boston in the spring. But I just came from Florida and I spent five days with my mom, which was a joy. She's just a fun, cool person to hang out with. And we went out to a lot of dinners and did crossword puzzles and walked on the beach. It was great. So we're on the beach and I don't know if I told on Sunday papers I talked about Florida. I don't remember if I talked about this one guy. We're sitting on the beach in our chairs and there's two couples in front of us and it's windy out and the guy sits down in his chair and then old dude, like 80 gust of wind comes and he falls over backwards in the chair and his legs are in the air and I think he got the wind knocked out of him and he had his legs up. Everybody's coming over and they're grabbing his arm, they're trying to help him. He's waving people off. He's humiliated. He wants to get up himself if it's his last act on this ball of cheese, this spinning ball of cheese, he's getting out of that fucking beach chair. And it took 90 seconds, which doesn't sound like a long time. It's a long time and not enough that I pull. I did not pull out my cell phone and videotape it. And it will be one of the biggest regrets in my lifetime because it would have been the perfect viral video. I could have been huge. I could have broke through.
Neil Brennan
Oh,
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
what else happened there? Everybody does the same thing. You talk to the old people. Her building is like old People, it's not an old folks home, but it's like a, you know, retirement community. And it's a big building across the street from the beach. And everybody says the same thing. Hey, Billy. This is my son Greg. Hey, Greg. When did you get here? When you leaving? Hey, this is Robin. Hey, Greg. When did you get here? When you leaving? And then they walk away. It's incredible. They all. You have these 30 second conversations with people in their situation 70s and 80s, and then they sort of like dart off like there's somewhere more important to be than talking to their good friend Pat's son, who's a comedian, by the way, who's kind of a big deal. Not a big deal. I'm a medium deal. That's how I would describe myself. I started going to a shrink. Yep, I'm that guy. I'm the 60 year old guy who's trying to figure himself out. How sad is that? It's not sad. I look, we all go through patches where you're feeling like maybe you're not feeling like maybe you're floating through life and you're not engaging in thinking things to the fullest that you could. And I want to be more present, I want to be more alive. Fucking turning 60 next month, it's like, come on, what are we doing? What are we doing for the final act, we going to rage into the dying of the light. Was that Blake the poet Blake? Rage, rage into the dying of the light. So I went, I've had shrinks before. I had one when I was in my 20s. Her name was Sheila. We were in New York City and I started seeing her and it was like a sliding scale. I think I was paying like 50 bucks a session or something. And she was just starting out and she was smoking hot. She looked like a young Meryl Streep. And she would come in and she would sit cross legged in a skirt, a fairly above the knee skirt. And we would. I got raw with her and we got honest and we broke some boundaries. Like we were on the Upper east side and I lived downtown. We would get on this, we would walk to the subway and, and get on the subway together and go downtown. She came to one of my comedy shows. Do you know what a violation is it? Hipaa. She violated something. And I told her once during a session, she goes, what are you feeling? And I said, I feel like I want to have sex with you. And she blushed. And she said, we can't do that. And I didn't throw the move. I look back on my life, not videotaping the guy falling in the beach chair and not making a move on Sheila. It might be my two biggest regrets. And not buying bitcoin when it was about $400 and my chiropractor told me to get in, he said, put 10 grand in there, I'd be fucking rich. Rich, I tell ya. Anyway, I want to talk also about this time of the year, Tempo. Oh my God. Tempo delivers you fresh, chef crafted, dietitian approved meals right to your door. These are not frozen bricks. This is not the gross Salisbury steak you had as a teenager. This is like pasta and chicken and beautiful. And don't send me a bunch of ingredients and tell me to make it. Well, what am I paying you for? 2 minutes. That's all it takes for protein packed meals up to 30 grams of protein. Calorie conscious. It fits the way you want to live. You're quick, you're working, trying to get out to the bars. You're trying to get to the gym. You don't have time for this. So, you know, next time you feel like you want to get your life together, get involved. For a limited time, Tempo is offering my listeners 60% off your first box. Go to tempomeals.com fitzdog that's tempomeals.com fitzDog fitzdog for 60% off your first box. Do it. My guest today is a very dear friend. I've known him for 30 years. He used to be the doorman at Boston Comedy Club on McDougal street in the Village. And he got to know Chappelle really well, co created the Chappelle show and Half Baked he wrote with him. He's got a great podcast called the Blocks Podcast. One man shows that have been on Broadway, not Broadway, off Broadway and on Netflix that were great. You know him from the Daily Show. Trevor's friend Neil used to be on there like every week. We had a really good chat, got deep. At a certain point he took over and started interviewing me. And we go pretty deep. I hope you enjoy it. Here's Neil Brennan. Welcome to the podcast. Neal Brennan is here. He is award winning model, hand model, foot model.
Neil Brennan
I'm not gonna bail you out of this.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Oh, Jesus Christ. Thanks for coming in. I know that I did not expect you. I very rarely do zoom interviews with people because it just feels kind of disconnected and whatever. But I reached out to you thinking you were in New York and we were gonna do a zoom interview because I like you that much as a guest.
Neil Brennan
I love it.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
And then you go, I'm here. And I was over the moon.
Neil Brennan
Let's go.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
What are you doing in town?
Neil Brennan
Directing a commercial.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
You are? For what,
Neil Brennan
a Australian phone company?
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah. So how many days of shooting?
Neil Brennan
Two days of shooting.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Any big stars in it?
Neil Brennan
No. Well, I can't say, but the director of photography. This is the thing I'm most excited about, is a guy named Janusz Kaminski who was the director of photography on Schindler's List and Saving Private Ryan.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Right, right. That's where our business is right now.
Neil Brennan
Well, it's always been like. They always do commercials.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah.
Neil Brennan
But every once in a while, I'll get like, a crazy.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
As soon as you said Kaminsky, I was like, wait a minute. Yeah. Yeah.
Neil Brennan
So I'm like, I've. We'd scouted the other day, and I was already like, you know, it's great.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
That's amazing.
Neil Brennan
Yeah. So fun.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah.
Neil Brennan
And I got to shit on a movie that he made.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Which one?
Neil Brennan
Not gonna say. But I said, that movie's no good without you. And all of his grips and gaffers were like, no, it's grape. Did I. And Janis was like, I didn't understand it when I read it.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
I saw Hamnet last night. Have you seen that yet?
Neil Brennan
No.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Dude, it's so good.
Neil Brennan
Devastating. Okay.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
It's devastating. I sat on the couch with my daughter and my wife.
Neil Brennan
Well, it's about a kid dying, right?
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah.
Neil Brennan
Yeah. So that'll do it. Especially what's happening.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
I don't know. I'm just feeling it. I was feeling what I was feeling last night, and then I feel like you pulled out of the emotion.
Neil Brennan
Yeah, because I wasn't. Didn't see it. I wasn't there.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Should we watch it now?
Neil Brennan
I love it.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
That would be a great podcast. Me and you crying. A couple of Irish guys that shove down their emotions. Years of it all.
Neil Brennan
Not me. I did, but then I. I monetized it with Stand Up Special. Emotional Stand Up Special.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
That's right. The third mic.
Neil Brennan
That's right, guys. That's where the real money is.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah.
Neil Brennan
That's where. You gotta guess where the. That's the dip. That's the moneymaker.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
It is like, I find that with Stand up, like, I went down. I was in Lexington, Kentucky, last weekend,
Neil Brennan
so it's like one of those going down is. Right? Go ahead.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
It's one of those gigs. No, it's a fun little. You ever play comedy off Broadway in Lexington?
Neil Brennan
I've heard of it.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
It's just like a really. It's like you're in the pocket, you know, you just like, you feel like you can. They're, they're supportive, they love to laugh. It's a, it's a second tier, third tier city. So they're really grateful that you came to them. So anyway, I started going down.
Neil Brennan
But it is a good. I've heard good things about the club.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
It's Paul Reiser's headshot is on the wall. That's how long this club has been around. And so I started talking about, like, running away when I was a teenager and being beat by my father and like, stuff that I had no plan. But it was like, I just started kind of free flowing because I felt so comfortable.
Neil Brennan
I'm in Kentucky.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah, right?
Neil Brennan
Talk about Kentucky stuff.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Nobody's gonna know. I mean, when you're in a city like that, if you bomb, nobody knows.
Neil Brennan
But no, who believed them?
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yes.
Neil Brennan
They're like, Greg Simmons came through here. He was bombing so bad. Come on, come on. Put a shirt on.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Define bombing. Was he over your head?
Neil Brennan
You didn't get it big. A lot of big words. Two, two and three syllables.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Did he have a political stance slightly different than yours?
Neil Brennan
Did he believe that life doesn't begin?
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
And dude, I do abortion jokes and they went flat. I've never seen abortion jokes do worse than they did in Kentucky.
Neil Brennan
That's very funny.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
I do this joke about how, like, you guys, like, you, you can get an abortion here, but it's a race to the clinic. Like, you like, the time limit to get it is like 45 minutes.
Neil Brennan
Yeah, that's fine.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Like, you have to run with jizz running down your leg into the clinic. Did I make it in time?
Neil Brennan
Great. They didn't like it. Nothing. Then you act like it's a setup for another joke.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Exactly.
Neil Brennan
So, yeah, I mean, that abortion's crazy. People got a lot of ideas.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
I'm in the middle of 10 straight weekends of road work.
Neil Brennan
Okay.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Which I. This is my time of year. Like, January to the spring, I work nonstop. And then the summers I take off and. And then halfway through, I'm about seven weeks in right now, and I start to get depressed. I start to, like, hole up in the hotel room.
Neil Brennan
Yeah.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
And then the standup's not great because I'm not really accessing the emotions as much. So is that where you've.
Neil Brennan
Oh, the stand up? Like, not your writing, it's like the actual performance?
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
No, the performances are okay, but I'm not writing as much as I should be. Like, I come back after 10 weeks and I'm like, wow, you probably have a new 45, right? It's like, no, about 10.
Neil Brennan
Yeah.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
You know, because you just sort of like, I don't know, getting through the day after the fourth or fifth week starts to be more of maintenance than growth. You just trying to. You know, you and I both have depression, and. He did a fucking show about it.
Neil Brennan
Fuck.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
So, you know, you go out there and you got to protect yourself from life on the road of, like, being put in a hotel where you get there and you go, like, where's the restaurant? We don't have a restaurant, but we're in, like, an office park. There's, like, nothing to walk to. And you look at the club owner like, what was your plan for me eating for these three days? Did you think out, like.
Neil Brennan
And he goes, how old are you? I don't know. What was your plan for you eating? Why is it his responsibility? Hey, whoa. Who's going to feed me, mister?
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
What am I supposed to do? GrubHub it three times a day for three days? And then. You don't know. Are they coming up to the room? Do I got to go down to reception?
Neil Brennan
Go to the lobby.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Go to the lobby.
Neil Brennan
You don't want them knowing what room you're in. It's too much. You don't. They'll break in. They'll steal.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
I want a restaurant in hotel.
Neil Brennan
Steal my jokes. Yeah, they, they, they. Yeah, I. I hear you. Yeah. The road's not enjoyable. No, I mean, it can be, but it's like, it. If you're. The bad hotel road is like, yeah, yeah, this is no good.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah. And then it's also a matter of if you work the club regularly, then at least you got some familiar faces and you feel like, you know the lay of the land. Maybe there's some audience members that come back that you get to know. That makes it. That makes it a lot more doable. And also, I won't do connecting flights anymore because that's a whole night.
Neil Brennan
You never. Yeah, don't. Don't do it.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
It's a deal breaker.
Neil Brennan
Yeah. For what?
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah.
Neil Brennan
Where am I going? You guys couldn't get a fucking international airport? Call me. Like, call me when you get in it. Call me when you have any. You couldn't. You. No one wants to go directly to Los Angeles or New York. Nobody.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah, right. Yeah. They want to go to Chicago and then they go to your town.
Neil Brennan
Jesus. Yeah, right. Yeah, that's a. That's an issue.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah.
Neil Brennan
Let's talk about not stand up all Right.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Let's talk about the Olympics.
Neil Brennan
I haven't seen a frame of it other than Cash Patel, Olympic gold winner.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Oh, yeah. Cash Patel, who has a little bit on his plate right now, is suddenly in Italy drinking beer with the. With the hockey team.
Neil Brennan
I mean, the Chappelle had a joke about Herschel Walker that I think applies to Cash for Town, which is. He is. He is observably stupid.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah.
Neil Brennan
You look at him, you go like, that guy.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah.
Neil Brennan
Like, you can tell by looking at him, which is a stereotype. But, like, he just does not look like if he came out of the manager's coming. And then he comes out, you're like,
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
fuck, yeah,
Neil Brennan
manager's on his way. And then he comes out.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah.
Neil Brennan
With the eyes and everything.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Right, right. But I think that's true for a lot of the administration right now.
Neil Brennan
I think it's the entirety of the administration.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
I think he's hiring people that if they don't do what he wants, they get fired and they have no other options.
Neil Brennan
They have no other options. That's correct. Now, having said that, I believe that a lot of the people, I think most of Congress was relieved that the Supreme Court stopped the tariffs.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yes.
Neil Brennan
I think they're all. It's a hostage situation at this point, and they're just hoping, someone, please stop this guy, because if I try, I'll get primaried. And I actually think they're more worried about getting violence visited upon them than. Right. I really believe that. Like, There it is, January 6th. Like, they would have killed Ted Cruz, they would have killed Mike Penton. They would have killed anyone they get their hands on. So I genuinely believe that most of them are scared. So they're just.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
You mean in the sense that the tariffs are going to hurt local business? It's going to hurt them Congress. Yeah.
Neil Brennan
So it's going to. So they're like. With any of this stuff, they're like, it's such a big deal for them to say, like, no, I think we should stop pedophilia. This is. I come to you with a head. This was a tough decision for me, but I'm against pedophilia. Oh. Like, that's how bad it is that they're afraid to say, I'm anti pedophile.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah.
Neil Brennan
So their hope. I mean, that's why some of them are retiring. They're just like, fuck it, this is unbearable.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
And they're also having to stand behind abortion being made illegal when they know 70% of the country wants it, 90% of the country wants Healthcare, and they all social. Well, health care. And. And they're just standing there going, like, what do I even stand for anymore?
Neil Brennan
Well, they. They stand for whatever's going to get. I mean, the issue is that it's. Yeah. It's like, how many people in their district will they vote? It's like, more complicated, I think, a little bit. But, like. But there is this. You ever have a boss that's kind of crazy and they have bad ideas, and you're like, I wouldn't do that. And they're like, we're doing it. You're like, okay. And you just kind of have to sit back and wait for them to realize that's what I think is happening.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
And you can't remind them later that it was your idea.
Neil Brennan
You have to act like you're surprised.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yes. Well, that's kind of the thing now. SNL did a good sketch the other night, and they don't do a lot of them. I mean, I really do try to watch SNL just out of curiosity. And. And, you know, there's always a couple really talented people, and there's always a couple smart premises, but the execution is usually so linear, and it's sometimes just the same beat five times, and then there's no ending.
Neil Brennan
Yeah.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
But they did a really funny thing about the. This mother realizing that Trump was not. Good job. And I was like, all right, that was smart. Yeah. And I think the spirit of it is we can't give people shit for coming to their senses.
Neil Brennan
Yeah. I got. People got mad at me for that. I don't know. A month ago, three weeks ago, I just said, like, stop yelling at people that are admitted they made a mistake.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yes.
Neil Brennan
Even if they promoted Trump, had him on their podcast, if they're now like, yeah, I was wrong. You have to go. Welcome.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yes.
Neil Brennan
You cannot scold them. And liberals. You're not gonna believe this. You know what liberals did when I posted? They scolded me.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Unbelievable.
Neil Brennan
Nobody saw it coming.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Really? Were they sensitive?
Neil Brennan
I threw up.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
That's the thing about my podcast. A lot of the guests will throw up.
Neil Brennan
They will throw up. Yeah. So it was. They can't help themselves. And then I had to individually. People would DM me. And I go, so how do you. How do liberals win another election if they're going to yell at the people who are trying to be on their side and no one has an answer? And finally, like. And then I looked it up on ChatGPT, and it was. I was righter than I thought I was, which is rare. Because I already think I'm 100%. It was like, what happens when you try to scold someone who agrees or like, does scolding ever work?
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah.
Neil Brennan
And it was like people get entrenched in their old point of like, they get defensive. It's like, it's why liberals just lose and lose and lose. Cuz they can't go, hey, welcome, have a seat. Yeah, you changed, you were wrong. It's fine, it's fine. Like we want your vote.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Right.
Neil Brennan
You can pick up two votes with that. Like a negative. You know what I mean?
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
And it's also going on the road. I talk to people and you realize like the Democrats like to say they're all dumb, they're all stupid.
Neil Brennan
Yeah. They don't, they don't understand what's wrong with that. Like, you can't say people are deplorable or like that voice I did earlier of the Kentucky. Not good.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
No, we're gonna edit that out.
Neil Brennan
Not a good voice. Make it like British if you can put an app.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
But you meet individuals on the road in Kentucky who think different than you and you realize like, oh yeah, it's like when people talk about how monkeys and humans share 99% same DNA. We're like that. The different parties, like, we all want the same fucking thing. There's a couple window dressing issues that have been shoved in our faces by our own bubbles. And I mean the fact that like I go on stage and I talk about being from California and people boo and I go, why are you booing? And they go, fucking Gavin Newsom. And I'm like, well, what did Gavin Newsome do to you? What decision in his life affected you in any way? And you hate the biggest state in the country with the fourth fucking economy in the world.
Neil Brennan
Yeah.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
And it's because they've been told this one thing and you know, homelessness, meanwhile,
Neil Brennan
it's all people from your state.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Exactly. I do a whole bit about that. Yeah. Yeah, Right.
Neil Brennan
I'm doing a bit about it now too.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
You and I have had similar bits in the past.
Neil Brennan
We had one. Right.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
We had one about the war in Israel. I like Palestine with the points.
Neil Brennan
Yep. Did it. I have a, I have a, I have a better version now that you'll never think of. What is it because you're simple minded?
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Because I'm deplorable.
Neil Brennan
I'm not going to tell you. Come pay like everybody else.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Come see the special that I haven't decided what I'm going to make.
Neil Brennan
Yeah, but they can't Not. They don't want to win. They just want to scold people. It's like, you're not going to persuade. You have to persuade them. They're too smug to persuade. Too smug. They refuse. It's not my job to teach you. It's absolutely your job to teach me. If you think I'm. If you want me to do something, I'm not just going to do it because you're my mom. You're not my mom.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah.
Neil Brennan
Sorry for you. You're not my mom.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Do you think this also. I'm sorry you're not my mom.
Neil Brennan
I'm sorry you're not. You'd have a lot. You'd have a nice. My mom lives by herself. 92.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
No way.
Neil Brennan
Yeah. Yeah. Lives by herself.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
And you have 10 siblings.
Neil Brennan
Yeah.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
And is anybody nearby to keep an eye on her?
Neil Brennan
Yeah. No, not yet. There are. Yeah. No, there's a couple. My sisters. You know how women will. Sisters?
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yes.
Neil Brennan
Women will do the family, like, sort of generational care thing.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
It's usually the youngest one that has to stay behind and take care of the mom. Is that the case?
Neil Brennan
It's the youngest and the oldest. We doubled up. We got back up.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Do they feel resentful that they're doing all the work?
Neil Brennan
She doesn't have to. They don't have to do anything. She's nice. She lives by herself, really. It's like she. She still drives, I think.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
No, you gotta stop.
Neil Brennan
Yeah, no, take her in. Villanova PI. Go. Go. Drive. Drive around. You should be all right.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
You'll see if you'll see a Chevy Nova with hazard lights.
Neil Brennan
Yeah. I mean, yeah. So. Yeah. So she's. I asked her if she was gonna go to assisted living, and she was like, no. And I was like, why not? She's like, I just don't want to be with all those people. And I was like, oh, you're the antisocial one. I thought it was my dad who was the asshole. Turns out I get it from both sides.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Wow. Does she have friends or they all die?
Neil Brennan
Yeah, but no, they're mostly died. Yeah, that's. Mostly died. This funeral. That funeral, it's old. Like, there aren't many people statistically over 90 or over.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
So when you talk to her, like, what does she have to talk about? Are you.
Neil Brennan
Well, you know what's interesting? You say talk. It's at this. It's yelling, right? So it's because she can't. So you just have to go like, I love you. And it sounds hostile. Cause you're like, no, but. Yeah, we talked her. It's just, you know, it's just your basic. Your basic stuff. Yeah, it's like, literally, like, local. I did a commercial with a guy who played for Villanova, and she's like, did you have fun on the commercial with. Yep, yep.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah.
Neil Brennan
You know what I mean? It's just like. It really is a bit. I mean. Yeah, it's a. It's a bit like the they. You know, you become the. They become the child.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah.
Neil Brennan
It's not that. It's not that condescending.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
No, but it's. It is in the sense that, like, there's a sense of wonder. Like, I'll talk to my mom and she'll be like, first thing out of her mouth, so where are you? And I'll be like, I'm in Lexington. You travel.
Neil Brennan
Yeah.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
And it's like, Yeah, I know. We. You say that every time, and I'm in a different place. Isn't it crazy?
Neil Brennan
Yeah, I know, but it's. I. It's also generational.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah.
Neil Brennan
Like, that's what they talked about. They were like this. They were the small talk generation. Like, I'm sure it was like that forever, but. But, yeah, that's just. They just talked about. They don't have podcasts.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
They talk to each other.
Neil Brennan
They talk to each other about small shit. I mean, talk about throwing a conversation away. Not to not record it and broadcast it. No, that's what they talked about. Where. The weather, the basic stuff.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Well, there was. I mean, somebody had the theory about, like, you're only supposed to know 200 people and the business of 200 people. You're not supposed to know about what's going on in the Middle east or who's starving in the Sudan.
Neil Brennan
What I do is I'm aware of it, but I don't care.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Good for you.
Neil Brennan
Yeah, that's my hack.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah, just freeze it, bring it in, shrink it down.
Neil Brennan
I read it, and then I tear the. I tear it up. I print the paper out, and then I toss it in there and go, whoops, don't care. Whoopsie.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
If I cared, I'd tell a joke about it.
Neil Brennan
No, you don't care. After. You do care. But after a while, you literally reach a point. Point where you just go, oh, I don't. I did a joke about it where it's just like. You're like, oh, that's a. And then you just go, oh, I don't care. Yeah, you can. You can only. It's like saying no to people. You can if five people ask you to do a podcast that you don't want to do in a day, trust me, I would know if. I know. But five people ask you on the fifth one, you're gonna.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Okay, yeah.
Neil Brennan
You can only, like, be that after a while, like, you. It's just a finite. So I'm number five, you're number one.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Come on. I love it.
Neil Brennan
Come on.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
But talking about talking to parents, though, sometimes I break through. Like, my mom is 83, and, you know, it is like, she's fun. I actually love talking to her. But then once in a while, it really does go deep and profound. Like, you know, my father died when he was young, and it was a very sudden death. He had a heart attack in a restaurant at Rao's in Harlem and didn't
Neil Brennan
affect Greg one bit. Go ahead.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
I didn't think it did as much as it did. He realized his residual shit. He was 53.
Neil Brennan
Yep.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
And so it was a sudden heart attack. And I remember talking to my mom. She called me to tell me, and she said, we're in the hospital. It doesn't look good. And I'm on the phone going, like, what the. I'm talking to the doc. And the doctor goes, no, he died at the restaurant. But she couldn't wrap her head around it. So we were watching. I don't know if you saw Succession, but remember, the father has a heart attack on the boat, and they're all in complete denial about it. It was the same thing. And we watched it, and it was so. I mean, the episode for anybody was very intense, but for us, it suddenly triggered this. Like, we both just started crying, and she had to leave the room, and then she came back, and it was the first time in. Whatever it was, 40 years since it happened, 30 years since it happened, that we talked about him dying.
Neil Brennan
I mean, it's very Irish watching the Succession episode.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Once it ended, we talked about. She told me the details of what happened that night, how she was feeling, how she handled life afterwards. And it was like this moment that I was so glad we'd had that conversation, because who knows how many years she's got left? And we would have never had that conversation. I never would have known how she was feeling and what was going through her head when it all happened. So those are amazing times.
Neil Brennan
My mom had one of those. I can't remember. She did say something, like, my dad said, like, he didn't like kids after their 10th birthday or something. Just one of those. Like, fuck. Just, like, she had a. She, like, Let one loose. Yeah, like that. But no, they are. It is like a. There's something kind of haunted about it.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah.
Neil Brennan
And do they know to not tell you stuff? Do they. Are they keeping a secret? Do they even think it's a secret? Like, did your mom. Did your mom. When she was telling you about it, was it like, I should have told you this sooner or was it.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
No, I think it was. I mean, you come from an Irish family. I just don't think. We talk about emotions a lot and so anger.
Neil Brennan
We talk about.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
We talk about anger. Yep. And we. We romanticize fighting and all that stuff. But sadness and loss are very. I think it was just buried down. And I think that that episode, which is an argument for art in general, you know, makes you feel, makes you communicate. And I think that that show just broke down walls of having shoved it down for so many years was.
Neil Brennan
What did she tell you that was interesting to you?
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
I think she said that she knew she'd never be with somebody else at that moment, and she never was, because.
Neil Brennan
What do you think that is?
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
He had charisma. Like, nobody you've ever met in your life. He was just lit up a room. You know, he was just the guy that, you know, he was kind of famous in New York, and we walk into any bar and, hey, Fitz. And.
Neil Brennan
Yeah.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
You know, and he really was funny and made people feel special and funny and. And he was romantic with her. They went on dates. They had, like, they still enjoyed each other. And, you know, so I think every guy she ever met that she would have dated fell short by a lot. So it just never happened. And she felt in that moment that it never would.
Neil Brennan
What do you make of. Your dad died at 53? You're older than that. What do you make of time and, like, death? Because I get. I'm. I don't think I'm gonna die soon, but, like, I'm just like. I'm. I'm aware of it in a way that's like, I have wasn't before.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah.
Neil Brennan
And I'm like, it's not better death to thinking about, like, having it around.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah.
Neil Brennan
It's not like. Oh, good.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
I know.
Neil Brennan
You know what I mean?
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Like, it's like a weight.
Neil Brennan
Yeah. And I don't know what to. It's. I don't know what to make of it.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah. I think for me, I feel like I'm on bonus time right now because my father's parents died in their 40s.
Neil Brennan
Great.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
And so there's a lot of heart issues in Our family. But at the same time, I quit drinking 30 years ago. I don't smoke, I exercise. I actually am one of the people that does meditate.
Neil Brennan
Yep.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
And, you know, but at the same time, I feel like outliving your parent is really weird. The year that I turned 53 was. I really felt it that year. And since then, I've kind of moved past it. I realized I'm a different person and I'm in a different.
Neil Brennan
Yeah.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
He was also very stressed out, and.
Neil Brennan
Yeah. And your mom's not 80, so.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah. Right. But I'm. I'm ready for death. Like, I don't really. I don't.
Neil Brennan
Yeah.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
I don't. I welcome death.
Neil Brennan
Welcome it. Yeah.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
I'm tired.
Neil Brennan
Well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. Me. But that's what I. It is like, is that what happens when you die?
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Does that prepare you for death?
Neil Brennan
No. No. Like, just being tired and being, like, over it or sort of like you. It's a. It's a joke. It's like I've had every night. I know what's gonna happen.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yes.
Neil Brennan
Knowing what's gonna happen or, you know, within reason.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah.
Neil Brennan
Is like. Is even the road. It's like, I used to go on the road, like, for. To, like, for. To get late. I mean, get laid's a big word. But, like. But, like, I have. I'm basically married. So it's like, the idea of, like, going on the road and, like, what am I doing? What am I in. I'm doing money in it. Like, the. The exchange is. I just. I wonder once you've done a bunch of stuff and, like, I wonder what it'll feel like if I do this in life. And then you do it and you're like, oh, yeah. Kind of like life before.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Right.
Neil Brennan
Like, very little of it is. Exceeds expectations.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah. And I think that for me, I always wrote for TV as well as doing standup, so it broke it up. And now I haven't written for a TV show since the pandemic. So I've just been on the road, and I think that that's put me into a headspace of, like, yeah, the expectations are the reality. There's no curve balls anymore, you know, Especially when you're. You know, I'm married. I don't drink. I'm not fucking around. And so going back to the room and watching Netflix or scrolling is getting pretty tired. And I just started therapy again yesterday because I'm turning 60 in a month, and I'm looking at this last Phase of my life. My kids are growing up. I'm not in charge of them anymore. That. That's over. My marriage could not be better. Absolutely. 100% love it. But career wise, I mean, I don't want to retire, but I want to change gears. I'd like to maybe take the pod.
Neil Brennan
I don't want to retire, but I don't want to do it, be in comedy anymore.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah.
Neil Brennan
So.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Right.
Neil Brennan
So you what? What?
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
I'm tired of being funny.
Neil Brennan
I'm so tired of this burden.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yes.
Neil Brennan
This incredible burden.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah. No, the comedy I love. It's the traveling.
Neil Brennan
Yeah.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
That sucks.
Neil Brennan
Yeah.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
And. And I also wish that at this point I didn't still.
Neil Brennan
I'm not.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
I'm not a jealous type, but there are moments where I'm on the road and the ticket sales are low, and then I see that so and so is in town playing an arena, and you go, I'm funnier than that guy. Yeah, I know. I'm funnier than that guy. What the fuck? Like, I wish I could let go of that and just go, there's a million comics wishing they were at the.
Neil Brennan
Yeah.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
This comedy club on the road right now making what I'm making.
Neil Brennan
Yeah.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
And I wish I could, if I could improve.
Neil Brennan
3,500 for the weekend.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Is that on the cue card? Do not put my pay on the 3500.
Neil Brennan
No bonus.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
I just got screwed on a bonus recently and my agent called the club and he goes, bonuses. My agent goes, what the fuck? And. And they mailed me a fat check.
Neil Brennan
They didn't give you that? They didn't give you the bonus? They tried to fuck it.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
They paid me five times the bonus because they felt so bad.
Neil Brennan
Oh, that's good.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
But the point is, Neil, I'm in therapy and I'm trying to figure out what the final act is at this point. How do I. How do I stay creative in a way that still gets me excited? And I think stand up on the road is not getting me as excited as it used to.
Neil Brennan
Well, yeah. I mean, and what got. What got you excited about it back before?
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Oh, everything. I mean, we talked earlier about, like, comedians you looked up to and revered. Like, I saw the guys that went on the road and, you know, being a struggling New York comic and seeing Brian Regan go out and play these different cities and you hear stories about it and then come back and you go, like, oh, that's what you do. You. You, like, stand up. Has always felt like a privilege. From the first time I stepped on stage in an Open mic night. I felt like I am so graced to get this 10 minutes of people paying attention to me to do what I want to do. And I've always felt like that. So I think maybe I'm not feeling like that as much when I'm on the road a lot. Like, I don't think I want to do 10 weeks in a row. I think a week or two on, a week or two off would make it where I would still be more presence.
Neil Brennan
And do you wanna. You. So you like being. Create even the idea of like being creative and it is interesting to like, what to do with your time.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yes.
Neil Brennan
It's just a. It's a bit of like a. Huh. Because most of what we consider like purpose or drive or ambition is like necessity.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah.
Neil Brennan
And then if you get to the point where like you got a rental property plus. Plus your own property, plus you rent one out for the side little for
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
the vig talking about you or me, you don't.
Neil Brennan
You have a rental property. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like what do you. So now it's just a matter of like doing it for what. It's just. It gets a little like.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
No, it was always like, look, I had fucking kids, man. I mean, I was grinding and I was scared and you know, I hate that fear was such a big motivator for me in my life. Like, I look at some people that do it in an interesting way and you're included in this. People that like, no, they carve a path that's based on, you know, more of a aesthetic. Like. Like, what do I want to do creatively and say. And all that. And I think maybe in this phase I want to explore that a little more than I did when I was operating out of fear so much.
Neil Brennan
Ah, yeah. Well. And then. Well, yeah, that's a whole other thing which is like. And is it a worthwhile thing?
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
What, the thing you're pursuing? Yeah, even that's overstated.
Neil Brennan
Like, even the. Even the, like the deification of any. Or like the. The. The importance of it or the it, you know, once it's like just a thingy flick past.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah.
Neil Brennan
Which isn't to say like it was important, it seemed more important.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Right.
Neil Brennan
But now that like, you know, the smoke has cleared a little bit and you're like, huh?
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Well, yeah, because I think you have to operate within who you are. I mean, some people are not meant to go up and do a Bill Hicks set.
Neil Brennan
Right.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
And I think a lot of people feel like that's what we all aspire to be. And it's like, no, Gabriel Iglesias is going out and he's doing silly comedy and he's fucking killing. He's bringing a lot of joy to people, and that's what he's meant to do, you know, And I think we have to look at ourselves that way and say, what's. You know, why am I judging myself against, you know, what other people might be doing that's more significant or more, again, significance.
Neil Brennan
It's like how often you think about Hicks, right? I say this all the time. It's like, I love comedy. I haven't watched the Richard Pryor set in 20 years. George Carlin. I'll see a clip every once in a while. Even Pryor will see a clip. And like, cool.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah.
Neil Brennan
You know what I mean? Like, and it was incredible. And Richard, okay, the only one that
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
makes me feel like that's still. Well, Two people, Norm MacDonald and Don Rickles are still the guys that I watch and go, what the fuck? This is.
Neil Brennan
Oh, I'm not saying it's not great. It is great.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
No, but I'm not saying great. I'm saying it moves me every time. It makes. Yeah, yeah.
Neil Brennan
And what do you. So that's what you're. So that's. Your aspiration is like, I would like to be able to do something that moving. Or I would like to.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
I would be. I would like to be as authentic as those two guys. They. They are literally doing what is inside of them that is an expression of their humor without trying to please or conform or succeed. You know, I mean, not that they're not trying to succeed, but it's very much on their own terms.
Neil Brennan
Yeah, I guess it's. I. My question is the. Why. The. If it's. If it's for attention, if it's to fulfill something, right? It's like, well, what if I. What if I do that? What if I fulfill it and then I don't need to do comedy? Then you have 24 hours a day and you can only sleep, like, 13 or 14 hours.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
But that is the thing is, like, the people that go from project to project, look at Sandler, right? I mean, not that that guy, he's made some very artful movies, but for the most part, he's putting out entertaining movies and he's driven to continue. He finishes one, he's already. I've heard the stories about, he's in his trailer filming and he's writing the next one, you know, and he doesn't seem stressed about it. It seems Very organic to who he is. He's. You know, I know people that tour with him, and he's having a blast.
Neil Brennan
Yeah.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
But what is it that gets him out of bed to do it the next day? You know, Is it for. Is it selfish? Is it.
Neil Brennan
You know, it's just like. Yeah, the desire to the. He's fulfilling. He's filling something or fulfilling or filling or. And I don't want to put it in, like, a psychological. Like, Adam's at a deficit. Like, I don't. I'm in the same boat at some kind of deficit. But, yeah, I'm just like, what's the. What is it? What are we all. What are we doing?
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
What are we doing?
Neil Brennan
What are we doing? It's just. That's the other thing. It's like you. If you do it long enough, you were like, what am I?
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Right?
Neil Brennan
What is this?
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah, what am I.
Neil Brennan
This thing's making me itchy.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
But there's something.
Neil Brennan
Yeah, I gotta get away from this.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah, it's. It's. It's bad.
Neil Brennan
It's giving me the ick.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah. But if you spill something on it, including hydrochloric acid, it will not damage it at all. It won't go through it.
Neil Brennan
It'll damage the acid.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah. Yeah. I think.
Neil Brennan
Am I in focus?
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
But I mean, it's. It's the same with a relationship, you know, it's like, why. What am I doing? Why am I conceding things I want to do in my life? Why am I compromising to.
Neil Brennan
To further a relationship that's easier to understand? To me, that's like, connection. Yeah, right. Like, that's just connection. And, like, what happens in comedy is like, a lot of times I'm like, well, I'm not going to stop because I don't want to. It's like, so and so is going to get satisfaction. Meanwhile, no one's paying attention. But relationships are, like, they're rewarding. They get more rewarding, I think. Whereas comedy, it's like. It's harder. It's harder. And the. And no one cares.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah.
Neil Brennan
It's like in. It's the inverse of relationships in a lot of ways.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
And if you care that people care too much, you're fucking lost. When I see people that are that consumed in their fame and their success, I just think, what else. What's missing in your life?
Neil Brennan
Like, they don't. I. They just. They just. People just put it all in. In work.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah.
Neil Brennan
And then, I mean, it's just taking me so long. I talk about myself it's like taking me so long to realize, like, there's
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
not a lot of camaraderie in comedy. Yeah, we have camaraderie.
Neil Brennan
I agree. But like, that's pretty rare.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah.
Neil Brennan
I've just started. Like, I used to think of like clubs as like a clubhouse.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah.
Neil Brennan
And now I just recently started thinking of like, this is like base camp at Everest. It's just a bunch of people. Like, when am I going up? Yeah, when am I going up?
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Someone falls down.
Neil Brennan
Yeah. Like they don't. Like, I'll give you a pull from my air one. You get one. Okay. Like, that's all you're getting in this. In this club that we're all. And it's a.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
And there's no rope connecting us all as we go uphill.
Neil Brennan
There's no rope. Or it is, but it's connected to nothing. Like, don't pull it because you'll be like, oh, fuck. So. But it's taking me until three weeks ago, two weeks ago, to come up with that analogy.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Really?
Neil Brennan
Yes.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Okay.
Neil Brennan
Because I was still like, we're gonna. And then.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah.
Neil Brennan
It's never, it's been proven over and over and over. It's not that. And I'm still like, it's that dumb. That's why I'm so against reverence.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah.
Neil Brennan
All the reverence I had in this guy and David Letterman just whatever. All this. And then he just said, yeah, have them. They die.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Uh huh.
Neil Brennan
Yeah.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah. David Steinberg, like when I listen to his albums.
Neil Brennan
Huh.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
I really think to myself, why did I have David Steinberg on? Did he write a book or something?
Neil Brennan
It's a really. That guy's gone. That's a real character arc. Started with the. The David Steinberg's and now he's like, why did I have David Steinberg on? 40 minutes later, he's like, can I just stop this podcast? Fuck David Steinberg.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
No, I'm not shitting on him. I'm just wondering what brought him to my. In my scope. He must have. I must have been offered him by a publicist. And I went, David fucking. Like, when I was coming up, David Steinberg was like, you know, he was producing one of the big. Com. Like, remember there was all those stand up series, like comedy on the road. And he was producing one of those. And that's how it was such a big deal to get that credit back then, you know, to get. Because I didn't have any credits. Right. And he was a gatekeeper, so.
Neil Brennan
Right. There are no gatekeepers. So. So that I, that I'm questioning, like, this, the significance of all of it. And like having a partner and she's got a kid and like, that being more meaningful.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah.
Neil Brennan
Like, oh, oh, this is Tony Rock one time said, like, his daughter loves him the way he wanted everyone in the world to love him. And I know what he means.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yes.
Neil Brennan
I'm like, oh, okay.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah.
Neil Brennan
But it must be weird to like, it must be a gear shift to go like, okay, I gotta do good. If it's not to support that person.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
He. I'll tell you the converse of that or the inverse of that, which is. My son was about 15 and I was in Denver and I had the family with me because we were gonna go skiing after I did the Comedy Works. So my daughter was too young, so my wife took my daughter out to eat. My son came to the Comedy Works, which is, you know, arguably the best club in the country. Top three clubs in the country. And so it's a Saturday night, sold out show, and they see them right in the middle of the crowd, bring him a Pepsi, they bring him some fucking chicken wings. And, you know, the Comedy Works always has like two or three really good comics that go on first. And then I come up and you know how it is when there's somebody significant in the audience. There's another gear that you hit when you start doing well where you don't just accept this is good. You go, no, I'm fucking gonna. So I annihilate. And then I get off and we walk down to get a slice of pizza and he started saying things to me like, that was amazing. Like, I haven't laughed that he was saying things that like a stranger would say to me after the show.
Neil Brennan
Hilarious.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
And I felt 15 and I felt crushed and I felt disconnected and I felt like I had just cheated him and tricked him. Because that part of me is the projection of me that I give because I'm afraid of people seeing who I really am on stage.
Neil Brennan
You?
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yes. And my son.
Neil Brennan
Your son was like, where? Why isn't this at home?
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Right.
Neil Brennan
Interested that really what he was kind of like, eh?
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
No, I don't think that as much as he saw behind the curtain and I didn't. I wanted him to love me for teaching him how to play catch, doing his homework with him, wrestling with him. I want him to love me for the consistent love. I didn't want him to think more of me because of this trick that I do for strangers.
Neil Brennan
Interesting. And do you? Are you right? What do you think of that now?
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Maybe that goes back to me feeling some dissonance between who I am and what I'm doing on stage.
Neil Brennan
Yeah, I mean, I don't. I. Because I'm thinking about my girlson, like seeing me do like, he'll watch. She's like, he wanted to watch you be silly. So he, I don't know, watch the clip. And it's like so sweet to me, but I. So I don't. I can't. Do you really think he thought more of you or he was just like, oh, that's cool.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
It wasn't more. It was just that.
Neil Brennan
Which is why your daughter's never seen you do stand up.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Well, they both regretted my last.
Neil Brennan
You caught her watching her you special and you beat the shit out of her so that you could never feel whatever that feeling was again.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah, she can never watch comedy at all.
Neil Brennan
Yeah,
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
no, I think it was just. I don't know, I guess my, my need for love from an audience is different than my need for love from him. And I didn't like the two intersecting.
Neil Brennan
Well, one of them's gross.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah, right.
Neil Brennan
You know, I mean, like, that's maybe the thing that you're like. Because, I mean, you could make a case of like, you were ashamed that you. His love wasn't enough. If you want to play psychiatrist, I'm not going to prescribe, but we'll do psychology.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
No, I feel 100% love for my son. I don't question that. So I think it was more that stand up comedy is a dominance of the audience. It's not a communication. There's no parody. And I feel like I raised him to feel equal to me. I didn't ever try to make him feel like a kid that I was in charge of. And maybe the dynamic that I have with the audience in stand up, I didn't want him to be in that. I didn't want him looking up to me afterwards like, whoa, hey, that was, that was great.
Neil Brennan
This is a very subtle problem. This is because, like, meaning, like, I'm like, I can't even really track your logic on.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
I can't either. I can't explain my reaction to him.
Neil Brennan
Guys, sound off in the comments. What's happening? What. Please make sense of this.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Dm. Dm, Owen Fitzsimmons. Ask him what he was really feeling that night.
Neil Brennan
It's not about what he was feeling. It was never about him. It's always been about you, if you can believe it. The whole. Your feelings are mostly centered around you.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yes.
Neil Brennan
It's one of those rare Rare instances.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah. Right.
Neil Brennan
I'm, like, truly kind of dumbfounded where I'm like, you're mad. You felt gross. Did you let on yet you felt gross?
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
No. Till today, I think I just felt, like, distant from him because I think maybe I. I don't know. I don't know. The more I talk about it, the more muddled it gets. I'm just telling you.
Neil Brennan
He was. From the beginning.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
I'm just telling you a human experience that I had, and now you're making me feel like I'm not.
Neil Brennan
It's not even narcissist. I don't really think it's narcissism. I was selling the joke like it was. I think it's just more like the human experience is like, I can't take your word for it. I can't take his word for it.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah.
Neil Brennan
Everyone's just trying to make sense of something, right? Of just, like, chemicals and what's. Yeah, and the comedy works. And pizza.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Don't say pizza. We're talking about my kids.
Neil Brennan
So that's funny.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
No, we had. But my. My wife has never given a shit about my comedy. Like, not everybody girl comes.
Neil Brennan
It's like. Or I'll send her clips or whatever, and she'll be like, it. I feel like we're on the same side.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah.
Neil Brennan
It's never like, if she's like, it was great. I don't think it's like, she's in the audience.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah.
Neil Brennan
I think she's seeing it from, like, from my point of view.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Right.
Neil Brennan
Like, how that went well.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Right.
Neil Brennan
That new joke worked.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
I feel like that with my wife, but I think with the kids, it was different. But my last special, I talked about having sex with my wife in depth, and they saw it, and I think they were very uncomfortable with it. So now I don't think they're gonna watch a lot more of my comedy.
Neil Brennan
You know what?
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Good.
Neil Brennan
Everybody's doing their job.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yep.
Neil Brennan
Two views you're not gonna get.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
You like the house? You like your car, your phone, you
Neil Brennan
fucking piece of shit. How do you think I got it? From fucking your mom? Talking about it publicly, shaming this whole family for money.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
All right, Neil Brennan, you've earned the right to go to the final round. Fastballs with fits.
Neil Brennan
I love it. What a segment. What a. What a. What a zing. What a. What is that? Five syllables. Fastballs with fits. Four.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Four. That's the key. I would have gone with two in comedy. It's thin.
Neil Brennan
I'm going with. Maybe I. Would you want to keep it under 3 or lowest.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Fastballs. Our new segment. Fastballs. Fitz Balls, have you ever been arrested?
Neil Brennan
Hello? Fitz balls.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Fitz balls.
Neil Brennan
I thought about it for eight seconds.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Wow.
Neil Brennan
And beat it.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
That's longer than I thought about it.
Neil Brennan
No kidding. Here we go.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
You ever been arrested?
Neil Brennan
Yeah. Underage drinking.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Where? High school.
Neil Brennan
Villanova? Yeah, high school. Junior year.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
In the parking lot?
Neil Brennan
In the. No, we got pulled over like 2:30 in the morning. Idiots. Fucking idiots.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Were you driving?
Neil Brennan
No, I didn't drive until I moved.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
So they basically. Did they write you a ticket or did they bring you to jail?
Neil Brennan
Yeah, no, we had to go to the jail and I think my mom came and picked me up and I did go to like, alcohol education.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
No way. It actually worked.
Neil Brennan
It was like very, very. Like, I never really. I didn't love drinking anyway, but it was like, oh, this is. Once they said alcohol is a dehydrant. I was like, oh, yeah, this is stupid.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
And you were 16?
Neil Brennan
Yeah, maybe 15. 16. Yeah.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Your dad beat you?
Neil Brennan
No, not for that. Like, that's.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
He did beat you?
Neil Brennan
Yeah, it was. Yeah, it was a good amount of smacking.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Did he beat you too much or just right?
Neil Brennan
He didn't. He beat everybody else a lot. With me, it was like every once in a while.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Were you the youngest? Right. Yeah, he was tired,
Neil Brennan
punch drunk. Late rounds.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Have you.
Neil Brennan
10th round.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Have you ever won any awards?
Neil Brennan
I've won. I got nominated for a bunch of Emmys. I won. I kind of won for snl. For writing for snl.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Oh, yeah.
Neil Brennan
Kind of like, I think maybe I won a Writers Guild Award.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Okay.
Neil Brennan
And just the week Chappelle hosted. And I wasn't. They. I was. I kind of won an Emmy for that too.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Okay.
Neil Brennan
Kind of. But like, I got a certificate. Just one of these things of like, I wrote the best sketch. Don't worry about it. You guys have fun.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah, but that Weekend Update bit was way funnier.
Neil Brennan
Yeah. Yeah.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Boy, that was. It was weak. This week they're starting to do that Colbert thing where they're really like going for the Clapter, you know, and trying to take big political swings. And it's like, no, it's got to be funny first. Guys, they'll.
Neil Brennan
They'll. They'll hear you, I'm sure.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
When's the last time you apologized?
Neil Brennan
Recently. I remember because I hated it so much. I mean, I apologize to my girlfriend all the time and I apologize something work wise. Just like, you know what I do, it's like, if it's close, I'll just apologize for the most part. Although, man, a lady on set got me on the commercial I just did. She goes. She goes, you remind me of Steven Spielberg. I work with him a bunch.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Really?
Neil Brennan
And I'm like, on a commercial, I'm like, oh, yeah, How? And she goes, well, he's not friendly with the crew either,
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
really.
Neil Brennan
So it was just like, what? And I was like, why I came here to work. I don't know anyone. Like, I say hi to people. I don't. What do you want me to.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
You tell me. You make people wear names. Yeah.
Neil Brennan
Wear people name name. So I know their name.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
All right. I think that's a nice thing to do.
Neil Brennan
Not enough. Apparently not. Not according to Lori, the script lady. Know her name because it was on her name tag.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
I know her name because I'll never
Neil Brennan
hire her again because she's on my no fly list.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
You know, you remind me of.
Neil Brennan
Who? Steven Spielberg?
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
David Steinberg.
Neil Brennan
David. One of your David Steinberg's, Proverbially or literally.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
All right, finally, what is the hackiest bit that you've ever done?
Neil Brennan
It's a great question. Oh, I also won a BET Comedy award. I'm just remembering.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Oh, good for you.
Neil Brennan
Yeah. 2004. I won two. And then they discontinued it the next year.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
I think as you're giving your speech,
Neil Brennan
they're in the back too many.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
They're in the back going, like, that
Neil Brennan
hackiest bit. Uh, well, I. You know what's funny? You ever do a bit and then you're like, I was doing the bit where. About first Class or when they closed the curtain.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah.
Neil Brennan
And then I just. And then I was like, I looked it up in Seinfeld, and I'm like, yeah, this is 25 years old. I did it like twice. I was like, you know, when you bit, you're like, something about this feels familiar.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah.
Neil Brennan
And it was.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah, yeah.
Neil Brennan
So that. It's more like hackiest. I mean, I have a punchline now where I'm like, I'm bloated as a woman. I'm doing a joke about being bloated, which is like, are you really doing a bloated punchline? But it.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
It's literally a bloated punchline.
Neil Brennan
No, I mean, it's like about, like. It's so. Like 1988. Yeah, but that was 40 years ago.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah, right.
Neil Brennan
But, like, literally, it doesn't feel hacky because so much time has passed.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
It's cycled down.
Neil Brennan
Like a woman being bloated isn't even really a thing that women talk about anymore. It Was like one of the number one symptoms of like period commercial. Like a tampon commercial. Be like bloating. And we'd all be like, right, ladies? And now it's back. I brought it back.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Neal Brennan. I'm so happy you're in town. Thanks for coming in. Thank you for helping me try to figure out what happened with my son
Neil Brennan
when that Denver massacre.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
I don't think we figured it out. But we did.
Neil Brennan
I think we added. It's worse.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
I think it's more complicated. I literally am going to call my son on the ride home and ask him about that night.
Neil Brennan
Yeah. I don't. It's. Why he's got nothing to do with it.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
No, he doesn't. You're right.
Neil Brennan
You might as well not ask. I mean. Yeah. Ask yourself. It's between you and you.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
I didn't want him to idolize me. And I think part. Here's what it is. Here's what it is. My father.
Neil Brennan
I'm laughing at how self important human beings are. Like, you know what it was I did. Meanwhile he doesn't think about it ever. And you're like, you know. But the thing for me with Denver is it's there was it. Something happened and you're going to be dead. And that thing happened. And then. And then I was very important. And I remember
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
you'd be a great therapist.
Neil Brennan
Dust in the wind.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
You should see patients. I will actually be the best thing for patients to come in and talk for an hour. And you just go like, nobody cares. Nobody's gonna die.
Neil Brennan
It's what I mean that told me today about. About therapy. And I was like, you just repeat shit like an incantation. Like a spell.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Right.
Neil Brennan
Either change or don't. Right. But all this like. No, I don't think I read a thing about this guy Adler. There's a book called the Courage to Be Disliked which is not really app. Well named, but it's a good title. It. He doesn't believe in trauma. He doesn't believe in. He doesn't really even believe in like the past as a script for us. And it's like a funny thing to consider.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yeah.
Neil Brennan
Of like. No. Maybe it's just because that's kind of what where I am. Where I'm like, I don't care. I don't care about my parents. I don't care about whatever. Like not even like fuck me. It's just like I could be. I can like based myself in it or just be like, I don't know.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Well, you did.
Neil Brennan
I really did.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Yes.
Neil Brennan
Yeah. And now I just finished basting.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Right. But I don't think.
Neil Brennan
And now I'm shitting on anyone who's basing.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
But I don't think you have to change. I think you have to change the way you're viewing your own life.
Neil Brennan
It's literally what story are you telling yourself?
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Right?
Neil Brennan
What? And the thing that's funny about Denver is you can't even decide. You're like, you know what? No, you know what? New draft. New draft.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
Where as you were, as you were on me just now, I it clicked and I figured out what it is and I'm not even telling you.
Neil Brennan
And you think I give a. Goodbye forever.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
It's tax season, and at Lifelock, we
Neil Brennan
know you're tired of numbers, but here's
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
a big one you need to hear. Billions. That's the amount of money and refunds the IRS has flagged for possible identity fraud. Now here's another big number. 100 million.
Neil Brennan
That's how many data points LifeLock monitors every second. If your identity is stolen, we'll fix it. Guaranteed.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
One last big number.
Neil Brennan
Save up to 40% your first year. Visit lifelock.com podcast for the threats you can't control. Terms apply.
Fitzgerald (Fitz) Simmons
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Date: March 11, 2026
Host: Greg Fitzsimmons
Guest: Neal Brennan
This episode of Fitzdog Radio features a deeply honest and often hilarious conversation between host Greg Fitzsimmons and comedian, writer, and creator Neal Brennan. The longtime friends, both with deep roots in stand-up and TV writing, dig into comedy, aging, creative fulfillment, parenthood, personal regrets, mental health, and the search for purpose. Sprinkled throughout are candid admissions, personal anecdotes, and unguarded reflections, all in the duo’s sharp, self-aware style.
Greg and Neal maintain their signature mix of sharp-tongued humor, raw honesty, and workplace camaraderie. The overall mood oscillates between reflective and irreverent, with frequent digressions into self-deprecation (“I'm tired of being funny.” – Greg (38:39)), philosophical musings, and wry industry observations.
In this episode, listeners get an unfiltered glimpse behind the curtain of comedy life—and the complex, often contradictory feelings that persist even after decades in the business. Neal and Greg’s willingness to second-guess themselves, poke fun at each other, and linger in uncomfortable emotional territory makes for a conversation as thoughtful as it is funny.
For more, visit: Fitzdog Radio
Production: Gotham Production Studios (skip ad placements and outro)