Raanan Hershberg I Greg Fitzsimmons - FitzDog Podcast

Summary

Fitzdog Radio: Greg Fitzsimmons with Raanan Hershberg – Episode Summary

Main Theme/Overview (00:00–04:43) This episode of Fitzdog Radio features comedian Raanan Hershberg in a lively, honest, and frequently hilarious conversation with host Greg Fitzsimmons. Against the backdrop of Greg experimenting with accidental sleeping pills, the two comics delve into the realities of stand-up comedy—covering everything from tough gigs, club dramas, and comedy culture, to venereal diseases, social perceptions, political comedy, and parenthood. Throughout, their blunt, self-deprecating banter keeps things both insightful and funny as they trade industry war stories and life lessons.

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1. Life as a Stand-Up Comic

The New York vs. LA Comedy Scene

• Raanan praises the New York “factory system,” where doing endless sets among great comics makes you better (05:13–06:03).
• Greg notes that LA offers fewer set opportunities compared to NY.

Quotes:

• “You just see guys like you get better and better. New York helps.” — Greg (05:18)
• “Being in that community climate where there’s one guy who makes you want to quit kind of makes you work harder.” — Raanan (06:03)

How Hack Comics Affect the Crowd

• Both discuss the way “hack” comics can make good comedians resent audiences for laughing at bad material (06:25–06:39).
• “That’s why hacks suck, because they make you hate the crowd for laughing at the person.” — Raanan (06:29)

Drug-Induced Hosting

• Greg explains the episode is unusual since he accidently took sleeping pills, compensated with copious Ritalin and coffee (07:31–10:05).
• Raanan shares similar experiences and jokes about pill mix-ups.

Memorable:

• "So if you could carry this podcast a little bit, I’d appreciate." — Greg (10:00)

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2. The Brutality and Surprises of Club Work

Nightmare Gigs and Hecklers

• Raanan tells a story from Dead Crow Comedy Club, getting the brutal heckle: “My kid died of cancer, so I don’t find that very funny” (12:24–13:09).
• Greg adds his own worst heckle: overhearing an audience member whisper, “The poor bastard,” which he says is even more demoralizing (13:27–14:23).

Physical Incidents and Fights

• Neither comic has faced on-stage attack, but both have witnessed wild club violence (15:40–18:05).
• Raanan: story at Tacoma Comedy Club where a heckler was choked out by security, leading to a massive brawl—and how violence in the room kills the mood for comedy (16:03–18:11).

Old-School Comedy Venues

• Greg reminisces about comedy in Boston and how, in the 1980s, Chinese restaurants doubled as comedy clubs (19:02–21:29).
• No Asian comics back then; all "straight white dudes."

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3. The Evolution of Stand-Up and Comedic Influences

Performance vs. Material

• Both prefer comics with great material over just great performance (21:42–22:30).

Influence of Present Surreal Comics

• Raanan discusses being inspired by Todd Glass’ in-the-moment delivery style (22:18–22:37).

Unique Comedians

• Eddie Pepitone, Andy Kindler, Todd Glass: comics who deconstruct on stage and aren't road warriors (22:50–23:09).

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4. TV Appearances and Comedy Specials

Byron Allen’s "Comics Unleashed" (23:10–24:57)

• Raanan describes the show’s rigid format—no religion, dirtiness, or politics.
• Prompt questions can be hilariously obvious and awkward, e.g., “How’s the road going?”
• “It’s a fun show, man. … I’m sick of this where you’re asking me a question and I have to think of something on the fly, you know?” — Raanan (24:57)

Greg on Raanan’s Specials

• Greg highly praises Hershberg’s “Morbidly Jewish” special on YouTube (26:14–26:53):
  • "Truly like a guy who’s going to be blowing up ... It’s real, it’s quality."
• Both recall gigging together in Kentucky and Greg’s habit of stealing peanut butter bars from Starbucks (27:01–28:01).

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5. Wild Stories and Self-Deprecation

Venereal Diseases and Morality

• Both comics trade tales of STDs, scabies, and the randomness of sexual luck (33:17–34:51).
• Greg lists his "old-school" STDs: “I did get chlamydia twice, I got gonorrhea once, I got the crabs a couple of times” (35:59).
• The conversation is open, raw, and very irreverent about stigma and sexual health (34:06–34:59).

Bizarre 9/11 Tangent

• Raanan shares how he (jokingly) feared he caused 9/11 because he prayed to God for an excuse to be late to class (29:08–30:24).
• “That’d be a pretty roundabout way for—I feel like God could have done other ways to…” — Raanan (30:19).

Life Lessons

• Both reflect on how bad fortune may have unexpected positives, with Greg telling a story about almost having sex as a teen but being “saved” from chlamydia (32:04–33:04).
  “You never know if something’s good fortune or bad fortune.” — Raanan (33:04)

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6. Comedy, Politics & the State of the Industry

Political Comedy, Rogan, and Making Fun of the Powerful

• Raanan explains why he targets Joe Rogan: “He’s more than that [a comedian] … I also just really am very much against conspiracy theories” (41:06–41:44).
• Greg, a recurrent guest on both Adam Carolla and Joe Rogan’s podcasts, notes how these hosts’ politics surface, and how riffing is key to navigating differences (44:00–45:20).
• Raanan on Rogan’s audience reaction: “It’s a religion … most conspiracy theories’ anti-Semitism is the glue that holds them together.” (44:13–44:36)

Comedians Normalizing Politicians

• Both discuss the risks of comics “normalizing” powerful figures.
• “You’re the court jester…you’re not supposed to be serious.” — Greg, referencing a Zach Galifianakis interview (47:12)

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7. The Business Side and Industry Oddities

Special Lengths & Clean Comedy

• Both agree the trend is toward shorter specials; people don’t have the attention span for a full hour (49:03–49:20).
• They discuss clean comedy’s opportunities—and the suspicion aroused by comics who are “clean for business” rather than by nature (70:05–71:45).

Comedy’s Past Gatekeepers

• Stories of sociopathy in the business (notably, the chilling Vince Champ segment: 66:04–68:43).
• “There’s some of them that are like Brian Regan, that are just naturally clean, but the ones that are doing it to be clean sometimes really do worry me.” — Greg (70:05)

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8. Real Life: Addiction, Family & Parenthood

Drug Addiction & Comedy

• Both discuss personal challenges with Adderall and opiates—Raanan’s tough phase with Adderall, Greg’s reliance on Ritalin and TV-writing “patches” (53:13–54:42).
• Reflection on how creative people with ADHD might be “wired” for stand-up (54:46–55:05).

Childbirth, Breastfeeding, and Marriage

• Raanan’s new fatherhood: “We just had a baby.” (62:02)
• Both candid about the challenges and awkwardness of modern fatherhood, breastfeeding, and shared responsibility (62:07–64:03).
• Greg’s wife is a postnatal doula; offers help to Raanan’s wife (63:15–63:30).

NYC Comics and Living Situations

• Raanan’s living arrangement in Astoria, surrounded by other NYC comics (64:08–65:28).

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9. Plugs & Creative Projects

Raanan Hershberg Specials

• Four specials on YouTube, notably plug for “Morbidly Jewish.” (72:30)

Short Film – "Memory Room"

• Psychological thriller premiering Friday, May 8 at 7pm ET on YouTube; won Grand Prize at International New York Short Film Festival (73:20–74:00).
• Plot: A caretaker suspects her charismatic dementia patient may have committed murder, inspired by comedians’ own fear of “what leaks out” as you age (74:00–75:10).

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Notable, Outlandish, & Memorable Moments

• Greg’s “Maniacal Eye Contact”: “People call it maniacal eye contact. It runs in my family.” (76:02)
• Raanan on anti-Semitic Rogan Fans: “Look at that Jew with his, like, dark, lifeless eyes. It was like Robert Shaw talking about the shark in Jaws.” (44:56)
• Stealing from Starbucks: “I would never steal from a mon pa shop, but I steal from corporations.” — Greg (28:01)
• Parenting and Comedy: “It’s nice to have a kid and be like, well, I guess I’ll be a good parent.” — Raanan (73:17)

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Important Timestamps for Key Segments

• 04:43 – Raanan joins; naming mishaps and NYC vs. LA comedy
• 12:24 – Nightmare hecklers and difficult gigs
• 16:03 – Comedy club brawls (Tacoma story)
• 19:02 – Old-school Boston and Chinese restaurant gigs
• 21:42 – Material vs. performance discussion
• 23:10 – “Comics Unleashed” TV experience
• 26:14 – Greg endorses Raanan’s YouTube specials
• 29:08 – “9/11 was my fault” story
• 33:17 – VD discussion
• 41:06 – Discussing Rogan, politics, and comedy responsibility
• 47:12 – On comedians normalizing politicians
• 53:13 – Adderall and addiction in comedy
• 62:02 – New fatherhood and breastfeeding
• 72:30 – Special plugs and short film announcement
• 73:20– Short film "Memory Room"

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Final Thoughts Through moments both outrageous and heartfelt, Greg Fitzsimmons and Raanan Hershberg deliver a raw, honest exploration of life on and off the stage. The episode effortlessly weaves confessional comedy shop talk, pointed social commentary, and raucous storytelling, with plenty for comedy fans, industry insiders, and those interested in the real lives behind the punchlines.

Transcript

[A]

Foreign.

[B]

Hi, welcome to Fitz Dog Radio. My guest, run on like run on sentence. Hirschberg will be here in a minute. Full disclosure for this podcast. I just recorded it with him and I did explain this to him, but I'll just mention it briefly. I woke up this morning. I have extreme add. So I have a lot of pills I take. Some are in a morning case, some are at the nighttime case. I woke up this morning and I took my nighttime pills, which include a sleeping pill. I am currently on 20mg of Lunesta. So to counteract that, I took Ritalin and three cups of coffee. And this is an experiment right now and we'll see how it works out. But I feel good. My mouth is a little bit dry and I'm gassy, but I'm going to hold that in for the sake of the people that work here in the studio. Matt Peters is here, who is the producer of the show from New York, and Amber is here who's the producer of the show from la. They work together to bring you this show. So I want to thank both of them from, from my heart. Thank you for doing this. You guys getting very emotional on all these drugs. So let's talk about. I did a gig. I was in Seattle this weekend and I flew up and it was at this very ritzy private club and I went up on stage and it's very weird to have people out there that are richer than me. Usually when I perform, the crowd is poor and I like that. I like a poor crowd. I like feeling like I'm smarter than them, I'm wealthier than them and I'm better looking than them. That just helps give me a little bit of an edge on stage. These people were more confident. They had that billionaire confidence. And you know, rich people are better looking because it's Darwinism. If you're wealthy, look at these fucking Silicon nerds. They're all with smoke and hot chicks and then they have beautiful kids and then those kids have money so they attract better looking people. And so the wealthy just keep getting better looking and eventually you will know somebody's worth based on what they look like entirely. And the uglier you are, the poorer you are. And that sounds cruel, that sounds like a social experiment from an Orwell novel. But it's getting there. It's getting there. Anyway, my kids are good looking and I've always felt that that's going to help them out. But I grew up with acne. I was skinny, big freckles, pale skin, red hair. And I think that gave me an edge. And I married a woman who is very beautiful. Amber. You've met my wife? Yeah, she's hot. She's hot, right? Yeah. She's fucking 60, and she's still. Like. I grope her around the house. She's got. She's got 34 D cups that are full. They're. They're good, and I'm all over them, and. And I really enjoy that I married a beautiful woman and I got to have beautiful kids because it's a sign that I improved my family's lot. If you have ugly kids, you're a failure. No, no. Sometimes they're just ugly. All right? I don't know what I'm saying. I'm on sleeping pills. Let's do this. Let's talk about where I'm heading. I will be in Brea at the Improv, May 8th. Boston. Laugh Boston, May 29th and 30th. That's going to sell out. Get your tickets now. Rochester, New Hampshire, at the Opera House, June 5th. A gunquit at Jonathan's, June 6th. Then I'm going to be in St. Pete's Cincinnati, Columbus. All [e-mail]. link it up, buy them, enjoy them. And now, here is my conversation with the great Renan Hirschberg. My guest, Renan Hirshberg.

[A]

Good to be here.

[B]

The right way to say it.

[A]

Yeah, sure. Why not?

[B]

How else do people say it?

[A]

Every way. Ra, non, Renan. Renan. I did the ET Ride. You remember the ET Ride at Universal? Do you remember that? From years ago, that automatic ET Says goodbye to everyone. They type in the name.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

He was like. My whole family was like, bye, Ben. Bye, Eileen. Bye, Renee. So that's how ET Pronounces it. But it's ra, non or renan. It doesn't matter.

[B]

Well, whatever it is, I'm really happy you're here. You were here once before.

[A]

Oh, yeah. I would love to see you. Yeah.

[B]

Your comedy is so fucking good.

[A]

Oh, thanks.

[B]

You really are. You're another guy that's coming out of the New York factory system.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Just tons of sets and good crowds, and you're watching great comics, and you just. You just see guys like you get better and better.

[A]

New York helps. I. I would. I. I mean, I. I'm sure LA does, too, but like, I said that so condescendingly. I'm sure la. But no, it is.

[B]

It's. You don't get as many sets.

[A]

I feel like when I moved to New York, I would watch shows that I wanted to be on. And you know, you watch it, you want to be on. You're new to the city, you're like, that guy sucks. That guy sucks. But there's always one guy on every show that made me want to quit comedy.

[B]

And that was, he was so good.

[A]

So good. And that usually I'm like, everyone sucked. And one guy was so good it made me want to quit comedy. And I think being in that community climate where there's one guy who makes you want to quit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Kind of makes you work harder.

[B]

Yes. Like there's one guy that wants me to quit. It makes me want to quit at the Comedy Store. But it's because he's so bad. Oh, he's just so bad.

[A]

You don't want to have to ever hear him.

[B]

And he can't. He doesn't kill, but he does well. And it's just awful. And I don't want to go on after him because I hate that the crowd laughed at him. So now I don't want to.

[A]

That's why hacks suck, because they make you hate the crowd for laughing at the person.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And then you. And then you're like these idiots. I don't want them to like me too.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, right, right.

[A]

I have to like bomb just to feel like I'm a good comic.

[B]

It's like there was this girl at my gym and she's super hot.

[A]

Uh huh.

[B]

And I would watch her from afar, kind of a creepily.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, that sounds. Yeah.

[B]

The way she. And I had this whole image of her. She had a. I don't wanna describe her cause in case she's watching, but I had this image of her, her backstory, I had it all fleshed out. Like I'm a writer, you know, I imagine creative.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I heard her talking to her friend. She's like. She had that dry voice. What do you call it when you have the dry voice?

[A]

Horse.

[B]

No, women would have fry. Vocal fry. She had vocal fry and she made goofball faces. And I was over. I never looked at her again. So women shut the up.

[A]

Wait, how that, what does that have to do with the.

[B]

I gotta give you full disclosure on this podcast. This is a very, very unusual podcast.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I woke up this morning and I have two different pill boxes. One for the morning and one for the evening.

[A]

The wrong pill.

[B]

I took my evening pills, which includes a Lunesta, which is a sleeping pill. Oh my God. And I got. So I got up around 7:30 in the morning and I Knew we had

[A]

this like a Doug Benson High podcast.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. I should give you one. And so. So I get up, you know, to do my. Do my work. I always research the guest. I want to watch your special. Blah, blah, blah. So I'm on the couch and I'm watching your special and I am fucking nodding off. And I was like, why am I falling asleep? This is a really good special. And I would only wake up because my wife was next to me on the couch and she was howling. She was fucking. Well, she's a Jew also. That's why she's your audience.

[A]

Just cause she's Jewish.

[B]

I mean, it's such a fucking good special. And I'm a. Sleep, sleep. I'm telling you, I missed three quarters of it.

[A]

I don't know how you could. I'm so loud. I don't know how you can fall. Strong medication.

[B]

Oh, I had it on mute.

[A]

Just my. Just my, my.

[B]

Your physicality is striking. Yeah, you're like a dancer up there.

[A]

That's so funny. I did Adam Carolla's pot and he watched a special and he's like, I couldn't watch your face. I just listened to it. He's like, it's better just listening to it.

[B]

Why couldn't he watch your face?

[A]

I guess he didn't want to. I don't know. He was. I think he was maybe insulting me, you know, radio face or whatever, you know? Yeah, whatever they call. But he was like, it's better just listen to. And then you're like, no, it's better to just see it.

[B]

Not yet. So anyway, I woke. I woke up. I took a Ritalin. Oh, normally take. And I drank two cups of coffee and I took a long walk. And then I live in Venice, so I took an Uber. I didn't.

[A]

I wouldn't.

[B]

I wouldn't have possibly driven here.

[A]

So. Ritalin, two cups of coffee, Lunesta. That seems like you're pretty much normal. Balance.

[B]

Cut this coffee too now. Yeah, I feel good. I feel like maybe this is actually it.

[A]

You're. You're regular. You're like. What do you call it? What's it called? Baseline.

[B]

Baseline's good. I think this is my cocktail.

[A]

You seem a little sleepy. I definitely. If I were to guess if you were on Ritalin right now or Lunesta, I'd probably go as Lunest over Ritalid.

[B]

But Lunest is.

[A]

But you're a laid back guy. I guess.

[B]

Yeah, but I'm not this laid back. So if you could carry this podcast A little bit, I'd appreciate.

[A]

That's the theme of the podcast. You actually take a different pill every.

[B]

Every pill. That's a great podcast. Except both people should have to take it.

[A]

You know, I've done what you've done. I take a sleeping pill at night. And a couple times I've actually. Because it looks a lot like whatever pill I take in the morning, whatever pill makes me not want to kill myself in the morning, you know, it looks similar to the one that gets me to go to sleep at night. And I took it. And it sucks because you take it. You're like, I just have to sleep all day. Yeah, it like ruins the whole day. It was awful.

[B]

I did it. I did it a month ago. Woke up, I was doing a gig in Wisconsin, which I got to get you on this gig. It's kind of fun. It's this Little Place holds 150 people. You do four shows in a weekend, so it's not a ton of dough, but the guy takes good care of you.

[A]

How desperate did I sound? You just had a gig, and I was like, sure, I'll do it.

[B]

Well, it's really funny. I was talking to Chris Spencer yesterday, you know him, black comic. And he goes. He goes, yeah, you gotta help me out, man. I'm doing this corporate gig. It's at a country club in Hawaii, and they just sent me the layout for the gig. And it's gonna be corporate executives and their kids, and they don't want you to talk about sex. They don't want you to talk about blood. And I go. And he goes, this fucking brutal. I go, yeah. I go, who's booking that?

[A]

Of course. Yeah, of course. Well, it probably pays well.

[B]

It pays extremely well on those. At least you have that phrase, think about the money.

[A]

If it pays well, you can get through anything, you know?

[B]

Yeah, you can, but it doesn't. It doesn't not hurt. It's. It still experience a gut punch that stays with you for at least.

[A]

Like, really? Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah. I had a nightmare gig the other week. I'm still. You ever have like a gig? Like, you know, you do this for long enough, you're like, I got it. I. I figured it out. And then you have a gig.

[B]

I figured it out.

[A]

Then you have a gig that, like, you're kind of grateful because you, like, it's so bad that you're like, oh, that really woke me up.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

It reminds you that anything can happen, right? I had a show, I ended up doing okay, but I You know Dead Crow Comedy Club?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Good club, great owner. I had a show one night, I'm on stage, and I got, I think, the worst heckle you can get. I'm actually curious. You're good with, like, you know, kind of on your feet. I'm curious what you would have said to this.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's a little bit of a heckle where it's kind of. It's kind of the one heckle it's hard to come back from.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I have a line about make a wish something. It's very harmless, just something. And then this woman staring at me angrily. And she's. She had been heckling, too, earlier. She was kind of shitty and drunk, and she just goes, front row. Everyone can see her.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She goes, my kid died of cancer, so I don't find that very funny. Or make a way wish line.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

That's a hard one. That's the hardest heckle. Right.

[B]

I would have said, I wish I could make a wish right now. I wish to come back. Am I right?

[A]

Yeah. I. I mean, it is a tough. It is. It is a tough one.

[B]

You wanted the worst heckle I ever got. And it wasn't even meant as a heckle. It was something that I overheard somebody say in the front row to somebody else. Oh, yeah, I'm in Bost, and I've been doing it for, like, three or four years. And I mean, Boston crowds, they can be tough. Well, it's like saloon comedy. It's like Irish and Italians that are in unions and they drink and they kind of don't. There's no sort of acceptance that because you have the microphone and the stage, that you're the funniest one in the room. They kind of need you to prove it to each and every one of them separately.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so. So I'm. I'm up there and I'm bombing, and I'm waiting for somebody to yell, but it was a. You could hear a pin drop. And there was an older couple in the front row, and. And I hear her whisper to her husband, the poor bastard. And that was worse than any heckle anybody could overhearing.

[A]

Pity for yourself. The overheard pity. The overheard concern and pity. The overheard concern and pity is not great.

[B]

Have you ever been anything physical happen on stage? Anybody try to get on stage or anything?

[A]

No, I exude a vibe that says it's not worth it to fight.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It would just be, like, awkward.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Be in the fetal position. You just be kicking someone in the fetal position. So I think Because I don't send out any of that masculinity. I think it's created a force field where no one fights me. I bet you. I bet people.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Because you. You send out a vibe that, you know, you. You might fight back. Yeah, I don't send out that vibe. I'm like, kind of like a woman.

[B]

So you kind of think you've never been like. Yeah, yeah. If they, if. If they were. Boat were sinking, they would say women and children

[A]

or not. But then I'd sink the boat. So they wouldn't let me out. But I had to get there before you. But.

[B]

And then you'd see the boat.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I've had. I mean, I've said horrible shit on stage. Like anyone. And I've had. I've had, like, people say horrible shit, but I don't think I've ever had anyone come on stage to attack me. I've had fights in the audience.

[B]

Oh, that's good.

[A]

I was at Tacoma Comedy Club once.

[B]

They're wild out there. They're wild.

[A]

It's a rough place. And I was on stage, some guy in the audience. This was at 5pm 5pm yeah. It was like an early show. What's his name was after me? Carlos Mencia. So they gave me like an early headlining show.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I was in a really bad mood. Cause I got to the club, it's a great club, booked me back.

[B]

Great club.

[A]

But the club did tell me, the manager, I come in, I was like, worn out. And the manager goes, you can't go in the green room. Carlos Mencia's merch is in there. And in his contract, there's not allowed to be anyone near his merchant. So I'm literally. I'm literally. I can't go to the green room because I found out on the hierarchy that I love Carlos T shirts is above me. I can't go. I can't go in the green room. And I have to sit on the back while his shirts are just having a great time. His shirts are getting blown in there and whatever.

[B]

No, it's the best green room. Their green room. They have every type of candy. It's like being at a candy store. They have drawers of every candy you

[A]

could ever get, which I actually hate because I have poor willpower.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

But like, so I. So I go on stage and some guy is, like, kind of drunk. I guess he's heckling. I don't really hear. But a waiter comes up to him and I guess he asked for another drink. And the waiter just, I think politely is just like, we can't serve you anymore. He just chokes the waiter out. I'm serious. Like, chokes him out. The lights go on and it's Tacoma. So five other people who are just looking to get in a fight jump on the guy that. Not the guy, the choker. The choker. And they beat him. Like, beat him. So it's a giant brawl and I'm just on stage. I can't even hide in the green room.

[B]

Yeah,

[A]

I'm like, at least Carlos's. At least Carlos's mugs and pillows or whatever are safe. And they kick the guys out and then I actually do the rest of the show. And this is how hard comics are on ourselves. I did get laughs, but it wasn't as great as laughs as before. And I was really hard on myself. I never got them to exactly the place I had before. But then after I was getting hard on myself, I go, well, they did just see real violence.

[B]

Yes, that's a hard one. That's what they'd rather say.

[A]

Once you show them violence, they're like, well, we don't wanna see comedy. Yeah, we.

[B]

Yeah, that's like. There used to be a lot of stand up comedy at strip clubs. They would have these kind of cabaret type shows where comics would mix in and like after you see a nice pair of tits, you're like, you know, my. My day job, I.

[A]

You gotta hear a fat guy talking about his tits. Yeah, it's tough.

[B]

But I did a show in Worcester, Massachusetts. You ever heard of Worcester?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

It's like a post industrial factory town in the west western Mass. And so I go there and I'm playing at this place called the AKU aku. It's a polleny. Well, the thing was, I see young comics today. I see guys like you and you really. I gotta give you a lot of credit because you broke through at a time where it is way harder to break through in terms of getting real club work and making a living at

[A]

this in the 80s, you just needed five minutes and a manageable coke habit.

[B]

No, you know what? You needed a clean driver's license because all the headliners had lost their licenses. So if you could drive the headliner to the show, you got to open.

[A]

It's tough.

[B]

Yeah. So anyway, and one of the reasons there were so many gigs is because every Chinese restaurant, some of these producers realized they've all got banquet rooms in the back. Comedy, Comedy blew up and suddenly there was like, you couldn't build enough Comedy rooms.

[A]

Oh, interesting.

[B]

So they would go into these Chinese restaurants and they would say, hey, what do you do with that room on Tuesday nights? Oh, it's empty.

[A]

And they go, well, that's not a great Boston accent. Is that what you're trying to do?

[B]

Oh, no, no. This guy's Persian.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

He's a booker. He goes. And they go, what if we put in their comedy. We'll take all the tickets, you'll get all this food. We'll bring in 150 people that are gonna order food and drinks.

[A]

Right? Wow.

[B]

Chinese guys goes, yeah. Sound like, good idea. So every night. Monday night you'd be in Revere at a ch restaurant. Tuesday night you'd be in Weymouth at a Chinese restaurant.

[A]

Oh, wow. Because it also. The Comedy studio was Chinese restaurant too, right?

[B]

The Hong Kong.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. The. Feels like. So it was a real Massachusetts thing, the Chinese restaurant.

[B]

Yeah. And the funny thing is no Asian comics.

[A]

No Asian comics. This was like the 80s, right?

[B]

It was all white dudes. I mean, there was straight white.

[A]

What was the first Asian comic? It was like.

[B]

There actually was a guy. It was a guy named Bobby Lee who was very funny.

[A]

I know Bobby Lee.

[B]

Do you really?

[A]

Bobby Lee?

[B]

Yeah. Oh, no. Bobby Lee. No, no, no, no. I'm sorry.

[A]

You're like, there's a guy. There's a guy. There's a guy named Dane Cook. He did.

[B]

I'm on sleeping pills, man. I love that. Any up. I do on this podcast, I play the sleeping.

[A]

I was like, did Bobby Lee die? That's not surprising.

[B]

I forget this guy's name, but, yeah, there was one. And was he good? He was very good. Well, he was a great writer. A lot of the comics I started with in Boston were. Well, they were in two camps. There was the very esoteric camp. David Cross, kind of ran a club in Cambridge called Catch a Rising Star. And you had Grant Taylor, Mark Marion, Brian Kiley. A lot of guys that were smart, and some of them were not great performers. So there were five or six of them that came out to LA, especially with Mr. Show.

[A]

Right, right.

[B]

And they became writers on Mr. Show. And then, like, John Groff is, like, the biggest showrunner in sitcoms, and he was a guy that you'd watch at these Chinese restaurants, be like, all right, this guy's bombing, but this material is fucking great.

[A]

I take. What would you take? Would you rather watch a comic with great performance and bad material or great material?

[B]

Oh, material.

[A]

That's how I feel.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, Right. Because performance on material is just pointless.

[B]

I mean, it depends if the. If the. If the bad material is bad in a campy, funny way.

[A]

Well, yeah. Yeah.

[B]

You know, like, when I see somebody like Todd Glass, who I love, he's not trying to do, like. He's giving you fun observations, and it's about his transitions and it's about him being in the moment. And I think he's, like, one of the most brilliant comics out there, so

[A]

I think I learned a little from him. I've never met him, but I used to listen to his albums and the way he would be present.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Before he talked to the Joke, he would talk about in a way where it was clearly like he was hearing himself.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, he'd be like, well, and this is a thing. And, well, maybe it's not full. You know, he'd, like, interrupt.

[B]

He deconstructed as he was doing it, and it really.

[A]

It really was like, oh, I've. I've taken that a little. Just kind of, like, reminding myself, like, in between bits, to, like. It's okay to, like, be like. Some people do this. Well, maybe not everyone, but some people just to, like, correct yourself. Present, you know?

[B]

Yeah. Kindler does that. Eddie Pepitone does that. There's a handful of guys in LA that are really, really special and don't. Don't really hit the road. I mean, Todd does the road, but, you know, not. Not with the regularity, because they're, you know, they're kind of unique.

[A]

Hard to do it like a dumb club.

[B]

Yes, yes, yes. So you've just come from. Congratulations. You just did Byron Allen's show. What is it called?

[A]

Comics Unleashed.

[B]

Comics Unleashed.

[A]

I was Unleashed. Couldn't talk about religion, couldn't do anything dirty, couldn't do anything political other than that. Off the leash.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think. I think Norm MacDonald called it. The comics completely leaked.

[A]

Well, he had that great thing about how the prompts are so obvious. I don't. I don't know if Norma Donald is making this up. It might have been real where John Lovitz was on. And Byron Allen goes, so, John, I hear you're getting older. He's a nice guy. Very nice guy. The prompts are fun. He's like, yeah, hey, I hear you're a fat Jew. I hear you're.

[B]

Was that your prompt?

[A]

No, no, he said, I. So you give him the bits and then he writes the question. Okay, so one bit was about, like, a nightmare gig I did 16 years ago. And then the question was, how's the road going?

[B]

Literally the least effort you possibly could have put into that.

[A]

I had to be like, the road's going well. Sometimes I remember these old gigs

[B]

and. Does that in any way pertain to the next person's question?

[A]

Some.

[B]

No.

[A]

He asked different questions for each person. Sometimes they're the same question. There was a really embarrassing part where it just happened that all the other comics, the question was, how do you stay so healthy? And they asked all, like three times and then turned to be and asked a different question. It looked like he just changed it on the spot, but, I mean, I didn't have that question.

[B]

That's hilarious.

[A]

It's fun. It's a fun show, man. It was. Yeah, it's fun to. It's fun to get a prompt to just, you know, I'm sick of this where you're asking me a question. I have to think of something on the fly, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Ask me a question from my hour.

[B]

Sure. What would happen if your mother walked into a situation where everybody was waiting?

[A]

It's funny.

[B]

You got for customer service.

[A]

You just do it like so.

[B]

Dude, that. That bit's so fucking funny, which is a bit. I was asleep for the beginning of it, but. But then you're talking about how everybody is, like, sheepishly standing around and there's a wait for something, and then she comes in and she goes, what the fuck is going on here? Who's in charge?

[A]

Wait, what is this? That's not a bit of mine.

[B]

Yeah, maybe it's not the last special.

[A]

Maybe it's an earlier special, comedy seller. Yeah, that's not my last special. I've done one since then.

[B]

Okay, but that's.

[A]

I mean, that's a good. That's a good bit, too. I do. My last special is called Morbidly Jewish. Well, good plug. Which you can watch now on YouTube.

[B]

How many views has it had?

[A]

I take the fifth, five views.

[B]

It's gonna pop up. I'm gonna tell my audience right now. And I have a lot of comedians on the show, and I don't have on comedians that I don't think are good. I can't.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But this particular gentleman sitting here with me is truly like a guy who's going to be blowing up and is starting. Is starting to get. He's going to start getting really big numbers and watch the special right away. It's. It's real, it's quality.

[A]

Watch out, Morbidly Jewish and say you came from this pod. Say it in the comments. So.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Say Fitz Dog sent me.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And then you can see just how small my audience is.

[A]

I gotta get the data, so I don't care what it is.

[B]

No, but really, check it out.

[A]

I mean, well, you're one of the best. You know, we. I opened for years ago. It was great. It was so fun watching you.

[B]

I'm trying to remember.

[A]

It was an awesome comedy off Broadway.

[B]

Comedy Off Broadway in Lexington, Kentucky.

[A]

You stole a candy bar from the Starbucks. And I didn't know if you were stealing it or you were just having, like, old man dementia. And I was afraid to bring it up because you just took it and put it in your pocket.

[B]

Yeah, well, I do that every single time I go to Starbucks. I steal the peanut butter.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Bar.

[A]

I assumed it was that every single time, but I was worried, like, what if you just forgot? I don't want to embarrass you.

[B]

You weren't afraid of embarrassing by calling me a klepto? Because that's what it is. I'm so sometimes embarrassing than just forgetting. Yeah, I guess it depends on who the person is.

[A]

Well, I gotta hand it to you. You did it in a way where it looked like you could have forgotten. Got. So maybe that's part of the.

[B]

Well, what I do is I pick up two.

[A]

Uhhuh.

[B]

And then I put one back. So it looks like I've put it back, but the other one I've got clipped with my thumb and the flat part of my hand.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I slide it into my hoodie.

[A]

Yeah. It's a good gesture because I didn't know if you were just not real. Yeah, it was good.

[B]

I would never steal from a mon PA shop, but I steal from corporate. From corporations.

[A]

That makes sense. Yeah, that's val. It victimless crime.

[B]

I think so.

[A]

My friend once did a grift on the airport. He. It's pretty brilliant. Grift. Actually, my other friend, she thought of it. She was like, I'm going to fly in. She was flying into some gig or. No, he was. And she was going to pick him up. And before he. Like, once the plane landed, she pulled up and she went in the airport, got a suitcase and put it in the car. And then when he came out, he was like, my suitcase is gone. And he filed the whole thing. They gave him like 2500. No. Yeah.

[B]

Wow, that's. That's a big one.

[A]

Yeah. And he was fraud, like. Like a Muslim during a criminal activity at the airport. But a fun one.

[B]

Hey, if they're gonna do them, let it be that one.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, but where were you on 9 11? Where was I?

[B]

Yeah,

[A]

it just seemed a little interrogative or just.

[B]

Just curious. 9 11.

[A]

I was nowhere near there. I'll tell you the true story about 9 11. I feel bad about this, but it is true. I was.

[B]

You feel bad about 9 11?

[A]

Well, I'll tell you why I feel responsible.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Because I. I flew one of the planes. No, I. I was at my high school. I was a senior.

[B]

Where was this?

[A]

Louisville, Kentucky.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Dupont manual. And I was late to a class and I didn't know about 911 yet. They didn't even call it that day, you know, they call it that later, you know.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And I'm walking to my class, I'm late, and I literally remember praying to God, like, God, create some excuse so I don't get in trouble because the teacher is really mad that like I was late. He said I'd get to attention if I'm late again. I'm like, God, get me out of this. And then as I'm walking, someone goes, did you hear like a building hit the. The towers, you know? And then when I got in class, the teacher was like, what the hell? And I'm like, turn on the tv. And he turned on tv. The whole thing was forgotten, me being late. So I'm kind of worried. I mean, that'd be a pretty roundabout way for. I feel like God could have done other ways to. Roundabout way to. I feel like he could have done something.

[B]

Yeah. Fire alarm could have gone off in

[A]

the store or just had the teacher not give me a detention.

[B]

It sounds like, funny if he's like,

[A]

all right, I guess you give me no choice.

[B]

But. Would be the good first scene of a movie that you realize you have that power.

[A]

Right? Right. Yeah.

[B]

You don't know how to temper it. Like the power is too strong and you're trying to learn how to, you know.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, it's fun to have that power, you know? Like, you ever, like, you ever like miss a flight or something and they have to put you on another flight, it really screws up your day. But then you just hope that first flight crashes so you don't feel regret.

[B]

Oh yeah.

[A]

Hopefully that flight will crash and then I'll know I made the right decision.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, you need like 400 people to die just to so you don't feel inconvenienced.

[B]

Well, there was this girl, Dory Stewart, that I was gonna have sex with in a few field when I was a teenager. Like, that's not. I Didn't chase her there. It was like we were all partying.

[A]

Really gotta. You really gotta explain that one.

[B]

Well, I was like, we're have sex

[A]

in a hole I dug in the woods. We're gonna have sex in this.

[B]

We.

[A]

We're just randomly having sex in this rape dungeon I built.

[B]

No, you know, we'd all go. We'd all go high school. You know, you'd all go into a field and you'd build a fire, and then you'd sneak off, and so I snuck off with her and I got her pants down. And my pants were down, and I was about to make love to her, which, you know, we were 16.

[A]

Maybe the phrase I got her pants down.

[B]

Yeah, got.

[A]

Yeah, she took her pants in the future.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

That could also sound a little racist.

[B]

Yeah,

[A]

I got her pants down. Right, right, right, right. Seems like she wasn't really involved.

[B]

You know what I also don't like is I took her. Her virginity.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's a bad phrase.

[A]

I don't like. Yeah, I don't like it either. Took it. Yeah.

[B]

But. So anyway, I was about to make love to her, and then her sister walked over and she put her clothes back on, she left, and then she had friend. She had sex with my friend, Sneaky Pete. The next week, Sneaky Pete got chlamydia.

[A]

Oh, that's great.

[B]

So that's my 9, 11.

[A]

That's great. That's a great story. Really. Did you pray for it or. Or you better get chlamydia. I don't regret this. Yeah, that's great. So that other sister really. That sister really saved you?

[B]

I don't know if she knew her sister had chlamydia.

[A]

No, I'm not saying that.

[B]

I mean, that would have been a real solid.

[A]

I just want to say. Yeah, unintentionally. Yes, you should. You know, it's. You never know. You really can't complain about anything because you never know how it's gonna end up. You never know if something's good fortune or bad fortune.

[B]

Well, that's very Buddhist.

[A]

Yeah, you were probably. When she left, you're probably like, I should have just, you know, taken her on the field. You know what I mean? She was just buried her there. Killed, you know, you felt regret, but you never know she had chlamydia, you know?

[B]

Do you ever get any venereal diseases? I.

[A]

And I'm really. I feel really. I got scabies once, and it was the first time I ever hooked up with a black girl. And it made me feel Like, God was racist and was punishing me. You know, I started to wonder if God. God is racist. But that's the only time. And I got it from her scabies. Yeah, but.

[B]

Well, God did invent the nword. I mean, he created everything.

[A]

That's true. I guess that is true.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I got scabies. That's the only one I've ever gotten.

[B]

Scabies, like crabs.

[A]

It's. Yeah, it's like a little bug in your skin. Like, it's pretty gross. It's like. Does anyone know it or does it

[B]

embed itself in your skin?

[A]

Yeah, it's pretty gross. Yeah. And, you know, my wife, she says this, too. She has herpes.

[B]

Your wife has herpes?

[A]

Yeah, but I don't have herpes because we don't have sex. I've not had sex with her. No, No, I don't have her. She has herpes.

[B]

Yeah. So you have to wait till she's not festering to do it.

[A]

No, she doesn't. Really? Yeah, it was called outbreak.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Which I guess isn't a great term either.

[B]

No, Like Ebola.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Like, it's a chip. Like that little monkey's gonna come out of her. It's not festering. It's. It's an above. It's called an Ebola outbreak. No, she gets a. She gets it every once in a while, but, yeah, it's not a big deal. I mean, it's very. You know, herpes is very. It's overly stigmatized, but a lot of people have it, you know.

[B]

No, a third of all Americans have it.

[A]

Yeah. I think the thing that's annoying about herpes is that people act like it's a big deal. If people didn't act like it was a big deal, there would be no stigma, you know?

[B]

Does she get on her lip?

[A]

No, no, no.

[B]

Down there.

[A]

If she got on her lip, I don't think that would be, like, an issue, really. Right.

[B]

I know. I know women that have, like.

[A]

But everyone. Herpes on your lip. You don't even have to, like, make an announcement.

[B]

No, you get a blister.

[A]

Yeah, but you don't have to, like, before you have sex, you don't have to be like, I just want to let you know, sometimes I get herpes on my lip. I don't think you have.

[B]

No, but you're walking around with a big herpes blister, and everybody knows that's what it is.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, but I'm saying you don't. If you were having sex with Someone. You don't have to debate whether to have sex with them if they get herpes on the mouth. Right?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I first, I have no idea how I didn't catch herpes because I was very unprotected. Unprotected.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, you also may be impervious to it. I mean, I think a lot of people. A lot of people have it and don't have symptoms.

[B]

I never caught Covid.

[A]

You never caught Covid?

[B]

Caught Covid.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I did get one.

[A]

You did get aids?

[B]

I somehow didn't get aids. I did get chlamydia twice.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I got gonorrhea once. I got the crabs a couple of times.

[A]

These are all like old school. Like sailor std.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

You got. You got the fun ones that you can get rid of with a little medication.

[B]

Yeah. Or like the rind of a grapefruit.

[A]

How is. What is crabs like? That's chlamydia, right? No, that's the clap.

[B]

No, I think gonorrhea is the clap.

[A]

Gonorrhea. They all have nicknames. Gonorrhea is a clap. And then crabs is.

[B]

Crabs is crabs. There is another name for crabs, but I got it in Denmark and it actually wasn't sexual. I was in a steam. I was in a dry sauna in denmark. I was 18. I was 18. I traveled around the world when I was 18, six months by myself and I ended up in a Danish sauna.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And then I also, I cried. I hadn't had sex with anybody. And I realized it was. It was from there. And so I. So I had to go into a Danish pharmacy, like an all night pharmacy. And the woman behind the counter doesn't speak English. And I'm trying to pantomime. I'm going, I'm going like this. Wait a minute. Crotch. You're going like that. And then she nods and she gives me this cream and a little comb. And you gotta comb them out.

[A]

You had to charade Krabs.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Crabbins.

[A]

Yeah, One word. Crab.

[B]

I'm trying to show her butter crackers.

[A]

That's a hard one. You're like singing the Little Mermaid song under the sea. I my bodega next to me. There's always like a little kid who works there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And sometimes I have to get condoms. And it feels so uncomfortable because he's like 11 and I have to like,

[B]

why is he working there if he's 11?

[A]

Like a family run shop. And it's just like, I Don't know. They just. He might not. Maybe he's a little old. Everyone looks very young to me.

[B]

Like Dominican or something?

[A]

No, they're. They're Syrian.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And I'm pretty sure. And he's like 11. And I have to like, be like, can I get. It feels like a crime. I'm like, can I get condoms? You know, and then I have to be like, you want me to show you how to use them? No, I. But I. But I buy them from. It just feels very uncomfortable. That's all I have to say to that.

[B]

This. When I was.

[A]

Because I pantomime having sex to him.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Because he doesn't know English. And then come. Sorry.

[B]

So when I was in health class when I was in like 8th grade, the gym teacher came in to do sex ed for us. And he comes in and he stands in front of the class and he goes, you know, I'm gonna show you guys how to put on a condom today. And he had a banana in his hand. And he goes, and if you're wondering why I'm holding a banana in my hand, it's because I can't get an erection on an empty stomach. That's a Dan Natterman.

[A]

Natterman joke. I actually did. I was. I was gonna. I didn't know where he goes. I was gonna actually reference that joke. It's a very funny joke.

[B]

He is one of the great joke. It's such a good joke that it's now a street joke. I have people telling it to me on golf courses.

[A]

I think Louie brought it up on it.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is an amazing job. He is so funny.

[B]

Like, that's another guy. Like, you go, like, he should be huge.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, I don't think that, but he is really fun. You're like this. I shouldn't say huge 60 year old man.

[B]

I mean, I think he should have.

[A]

No, he's great though.

[B]

Like, Todd Barry has a really cool career.

[A]

He should have more of a Todd.

[B]

He should have more of a Todd Barry fight where he can go out.

[A]

And I was imagining arenas and I'm like, that was hard.

[B]

No, no, no, no. Who wants that anyway? Who the wants to play arena? I mean, I'm not knocking the guys that do.

[A]

The bigger the room, the less fun it is. Honestly.

[B]

I've done those, I've opened for Bert. And it's. You go up there and it's like, right. It. It's like wearing clothes into a swimming pool.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You don't feel the water. You don't feel in control because they

[A]

can talk, so it's like they don't even have to.

[B]

They're very polite.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, you don't hear a lot of

[A]

that, but that's what I'm saying. But it happened. So there's no real sense of like. Like a silence.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Right, right, right. Yeah. I went up to the rafters while other guys were on stage just to see what it was like. Nobody's laughing up there.

[A]

Yeah. They're just watching because it's not a. It no longer feels like a, you know, whatever. Like theater.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

It just feels like a sports game. Yeah.

[B]

Don't get me wrong, Bert. If you want to pay me a ton of money again to go out and sleep on a bus and have fun, I'll gladly do it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But you. I. I want to bring this up because you are very outspoken towards Joe Rogan online. Is this something you don't want to talk about?

[A]

No, I don't care. I talk about online. Yeah.

[B]

So that's interesting. Now, is. Are there other comics in that sort of. What do they call it? The bro. The bro sphere or whatever that you take issue with, or is it specifically Rogan?

[A]

It's not that I take issue.

[B]

Because you've been on his show.

[A]

I have been on a show.

[B]

More than once.

[A]

Just one time.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's not that I take issue with him, even. I just. I'm a political. I'm a comedian who does political jokes.

[B]

Jokes. Yeah.

[A]

And Rogan is a part of politics, and it just feels hypocritical to be like, I can't make fun of him.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Because he's, you know, because he's a comedian. Because it's just, like, he's more than that.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And I make fun of whoever's in charge. I make fun of maga. I make fun of all that. And to me, he's part of that. So I don't know. I also just really am very much against conspiracy theories and that kind of. So, you know, I just, you know, make fun of it for that.

[B]

Are there any conspiracy theories that you believe stock in? Did we land on the moon?

[A]

Yeah. No, I'm avidly against conspiracy theories. Except for that one. Except for the one that would make you not believe it.

[B]

Here's how I describe that one. It's probably not true. The theory that it didn't happen is probably not true, but I refuse to let myself believe that because it's too much fun.

[A]

It's a fun one.

[B]

It's a Fun one.

[A]

But when you're saying, like, vaccines don't work, that's not as fun.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Right, right, right.

[A]

I, you know, I did the show. He was very nice, and I didn't make fun of him afterwards anytime soon, but it was around the time he, like, endorsed Trump. And then he had Elon Musk on and like, Elon Musk had done the defunding of, you know, you know, usaid, and he was just letting Elon Musk be this, like, mouthpiece for his lies. And at that point I was like, I think I can make fun of him.

[B]

Yeah, right. Have you ever gotten any feedback about. Has he had a reaction to it?

[A]

I don't think he knows. I don't know. Yeah, I will say I did Adam Carolla's podcast yesterday, and he's like, I think he's pretty right wing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the first thing he said to me was like, man, I watched your last hours. So funny. And I was like, I think if Joe Rogan would have said that, I would never have made fun of him.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, Right, right, right.

[A]

Like, Adam Carolla said that. I'm like, yeah. I'm like, I can't ever call out this guy.

[B]

Yeah. Well, look, you know, in full disclosure, like, I'm the most frequent guest in the history of the Adam Carla show. I've done it like, 110.

[A]

I had a blast.

[B]

He is such a prolific riffer. Yeah, he is. I mean, a loyal friend to me.

[A]

He's also trying to be funny, which

[B]

is like, it funny. I mean, he does. He does stop down and get super political, but he doesn't do that much when I'm on the show because I think he knows that we're on different. We're in different places politically, and this isn't really a place. Like, he had Gavin Newsom on and I think they mixed it up, but I'm not there to mix it up politically.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I'm there to be funny.

[A]

Well, that's the thing with Rogan. I went on Rogan and he's so serious. And we brought up conspiracy theories. And then I, like, kind of argued with him and it led to thousands of people messaging me that I was,

[B]

you know, oh, really?

[A]

Cuz it's a religion.

[B]

Any positive ones or were they all bashing all bad?

[A]

I mean, my favorite was a lot of anti Semitic, which is, by the way, most conspiracy theories. Anti Semitism is like the glue that holds them together. You know, anytime there's a problem with them, you're like, well, the Jews, like,

[B]

okay, well it always ends up there.

[A]

It always ends up.

[B]

It could be the moon. And eventually it's like, it's the Jews. It's just the ball just trickles down and then Jew.

[A]

So all the comments, like all, like, not all of them, but like large amount of comments were anti Semitic. On Rogan. My favorite was one says like, oh, a Jew doesn't believe in conspiracy theories. That's hilarious. I thought that was pretty funny. One said, look at that Jew with his like dark lifeless eyes. It was like the, like Robert Shaw talking about the shark and jaws.

[B]

He's got these Jews, tall eyes, Jews and jaws Jews.

[A]

Yeah,

[B]

yeah.

[A]

So that was also annoying to get so much anti Semitic. I don't know, it just made me, I, I just like. So with Rogan you would like argue with him and then it gets a whole thing. But Corolla, you're just, he's just like having fun.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then sometimes he brings up right wing stuff. You just kind of work your way around.

[B]

Exactly. No, I mean people will comment sometimes like, wow, that was a really good three minute pause you took. And my eyes just go down and I literally just, just, you know, think about other.

[A]

He. It's actually a kind of a fun game. It's like a challenge. Like you'll say it, you're like, oh, how do I like riff my way out of it?

[B]

There have been times where I have, I have definitely said my piece at

[A]

times, but I can't stress enough at him saying that he really liked my last hour. I cannot stress enough how, how it makes it really hard not to like someone.

[B]

But dude, that's what they say about Trump. People that on the bubble they meet him and they walk away going like, hey, even Bill Maher, I know he

[A]

knows how to do it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm not saying charming, I'm not saying Corolla is like that. But like Trump, I'm hoping Cara is not a sociopath who just said that to get me on his side.

[B]

No. Corolla has a deep respect for stand up comedy. He really does. And he knows good comedy.

[A]

But Trump knows how to say what you want to hear.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Which is a sociopath ethic thing. He knows how to be whoever you want him to be. And he's definitely tricked a lot of comics.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I actually think it's embarrassing if you're a comedian who got tricked by him because it's like as a comedian you're supposed to be like self aware and it's like if you're Tricked by, like, such an obvious con man. I mean, I guess he knows. I guess, if you're talking to me. But, like, just the fake hair, the fake voice, the fake skin, it's. It's a little cartoonish.

[B]

The chronic lying.

[A]

Yeah. It's just weird to be tricked by him. It's like if after George Carlin had a long bit, he then went, but Santa Claus is real. You know, like, it's just, like, kind of.

[B]

So. No. Zach Galifianakis did an interview with Conan o' Brien this week, and he talks about the comedians that are talking to Trump and normalizing him and saying that they're failing at their job. Because you're the court jester.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're not supposed to be serious. You're supposed to be the one challenging.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The person. And not, you know, and I. You know, and I don't have, like, look, Joe. Joe's the other one. I've been on Joe's podcast 25 times, my 25th appearance, and he's a close friend.

[A]

Funny. If he came out and beat me up.

[B]

I know, but with Joe, it's the same thing. I feel like we don't get into heavy political stuff. And I also, like, I don't think that Joe has ever said anything disingenuously in his life. When he says something, he believes it. He's not a grifter. He's not a guy. No.

[A]

But he did endorse Trump and help him get elected. Whether he's a grifter or not. It's, you know, I don't begrudge anyone who's, like, goes on a show or friends with him, but I do think that's something you can at least make fun of.

[B]

Right.

[A]

If you're going to endorse Trump and possibly help. I'm not saying he got him elected, but my rule is I don't make fun of comics. Unless you and help Trump. Unless you help a psychopath get elected who's destroyed the world, then I can make fun of you. And I think that. Okay. I don't think he's a bad guy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I do think it's hypocritical for me to, like, make fun of, like, MAGA and avoid, like, people I think did help him, you know.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I just think it's hypocritical.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And once again, let me just stress, he did not say he liked my last hour. He would have said that.

[B]

Well, I technically have not told you I like your last hour because I watched the wrong one.

[A]

True. Good.

[B]

Talk about one I watched was at the Comedy Cellar.

[A]

Yeah, that was too.

[B]

Was that at the Comedy Underground or in the Cellar?

[A]

The. The one you saw was probably Village Underground.

[B]

Yeah. Is that a good place to tape?

[A]

Great place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did. I did my last one a different place just to mix it up.

[B]

I might do my next one there, but my next one's going to be a half hour. No more one hour specials.

[A]

Oh, nice.

[B]

No, you look at the. You can see where they fall off. I know after 20, 25 minutes it goes like that. Not just. I'm not. For me, everybody's specials are like that. People have no attention span. So I'm giving. I'm wasting 30 minutes of material when I do a one hour special.

[A]

I made mine. My last one was like actually only 45 minutes. 43 minutes shorter.

[B]

A tells was 41. Yeah, well, because I think he. I think it was 30 actual obligations. Did you hear about this?

[A]

I think he said it on the show. Like he was contractually obligated, so he added like a thing.

[B]

He added two minutes of him playing the. Playing a. With a recorder to the Seals at the Bay in San Francisco.

[A]

So great.

[B]

So great.

[A]

But he had such a line for himself on that one. Like, I know I look like a hobo on open, like talent night or something. With the recorder.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's the way he phrases. Everything is always amazing.

[B]

It's amazing.

[A]

He like has his own. It's gonna sound pretentious, but he almost has his own world he's created. Yeah, it's like Dylan with like the circus and all this shit. Like everything in his world is. He's like. He's like the only comic who world builds. Like, he has a world of like hobos, sailors, sailors and midget pirates. And pirates. He's like. He's the only comedian who like builds their own universe.

[B]

And then he loves the cops and the firemen.

[A]

He'll.

[B]

He'll drive to Montauk to do a benefit for a fireman, like. And he get. He donates so much of his money to different channels.

[A]

I actually don't.

[B]

Soldiers.

[A]

I came out to sell it. I'm very nervous by him because I feel like he. He like doesn't. He's like a feral cat. Feels like if you go up, he'll like run away. So I just keep my distance.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, he's been one of my close. He was at my wedding. He's one of my closest friends for a long time. And it's. It's like we'll talk on the phone. He'll be in Cleveland, I'm in Lexington, and we'll talk on the phone at three in the morning.

[A]

I hear he does this thing where he calls you to see if like you have a similar joke. Oh, that's like, he can't just be like, let's talk.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

That's the old school comics. It can't just be like, hey, how's it going?

[B]

And then I'll be in New York for five days and I'll be like, hey, man, you want to grab a meal or something? And immediately it's like a kitten you're trying to hold down. Just like, oh, no. You know, I got to. He's a phone guy.

[A]

He's a phone guy.

[B]

He's a phone guy. And he's sidewalk outside the Comedy Cellar guy. He likes the sidewalk and he likes,

[A]

he does love that sidewalk. Yeah, that alley. He loves smoking that. Yeah. I mean, yeah, he's, he's, he's influenced on me in a ways that I like haven't always like thought about consciously. But like the way he gets to a punchline in the middle of a sentence.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Like, he'll get it to. On the third word or the fourth word. Sam Morrill said. He's like, he described it well. He was like the shortest swing in the business. Like just getting to it as.

[B]

It's like an off speed pitch.

[A]

I really. That has like, I try to be, I mean, I'm not anywhere as good, but I try to be like. I like to have those jokes where you can get a punchline right in the middle.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Those are really fun. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I have a joke. It feels like a joke. Yeah. I say, I was like, oh, I was in Texas. I said, and it's just a minute ago I was swimming in the Gulf of Ivanka's pussy or whatever it's called now. They change the name every week, you know, I can't keep up. But it just feel so like getting the. Not that the joke is like his, but just the fun of having the punchline where you like in the middle as opposed to the end of the stage. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah. I remember there was these Asian girls sitting up front and he, he w. He just walks over and they had on all black and the red lipstick and like the designer bag and he goes, could you be more Asian? That's all it took.

[A]

Yeah. He's amazing.

[B]

All right. I wrote a script.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I was, while I was on the sleeping pill without the Adderall and the coffee.

[A]

You wrote that before the Adderall?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Was it Adderall or Ritalin?

[B]

Ritalin, actually.

[A]

That's so old school.

[B]

I took Adderall, but the crash when it ended was so.

[A]

It's intense.

[B]

Oh, my God. I couldn't get addicted.

[A]

I got it. Addict to it.

[B]

Oh, you did? Did you snort it ever?

[A]

I didn't snort it. No. I. I didn't like. I mean, I liked. I liked it. I actually like time release, but I got. I would do like 90 milligrams a day for a while.

[B]

No, are you serious?

[A]

I was a serious addict, dude.

[B]

I take 15.

[A]

Yeah, no, I was a serious, bigger guy, but that's like 15 to me. But I eventually, like, ran out of. And then I, like, bought, like. I thought it was, like, synthetic Adderall on the street. It turned out to be, like, bath salts. I had to go to, like, the hospital. I ended up doing it on the street where, like, a guy I knew had, like, something his uncle made some bullshit. He's like, it's like, Adderall. I'm trying to be bath salts. I, like, had, like. I thought I was going to die. Went to the hospital, like, and ended up doing outpatient rehab. This was years ago.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Before I was doing comedy and. Or maybe when I started, a couple years into it, I'm doing the Todd Glass thing. Well, maybe. But. Yeah. So I. I can't do Adderall anymore. I loved it. It's the. The best drug. I miss it.

[B]

Well, it's great. I. I was on it every day for. I used to take a patch, which was the best. I love that you slap the patch on. It's slow release. And when you want it, like, I. This is when I was writing on TV shows. I'd be done with work. Peel it off.

[A]

Beautiful.

[B]

And it's. And you stop getting.

[A]

I love this slow release. I don't want it all at once. I just want to just slowly release it so I never have to feel real feelings ever throughout the day, you know, just.

[B]

I just find I. I have extreme adhd.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, I took the wrong pills. Like, I do 10 things like that a day.

[A]

Don't you think you need ADD to be a comedian? Because to me, part of, like, being a comedian is like, you need to be able to, like. What do you call a stream of conscience to be like, oh, that reminds me of this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You kind of need that, like, for writing. I feel like, to have that meandering.

[B]

I Think so. And I think, you know, if you look at ancient civilizations, they were always the, the writers and the artists and they were left alone. They didn't have to go in the fields and they didn't have to fight wars. They were left to paint and write. And they. I went to Bali in Indonesia, and they still have that. Abood is their artist center. And you go there and it's just a bunch of guys sitting around.

[A]

I know. It's. It's. Art is the one thing that was actually easier to do back in the day.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because people like you look at, like, the painters, they all had fucking benefactors.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't have a benefactor. I don't have some rich guy being like, we need to support Ronan's dick jokes. You know, these fuckers had like. These fuckers had like, like, just like all the artists, all the Renaissance painters, some rich guy. Yeah, they probably had to suck their dick every once in a while, but they had some rich guy who just, like, supported them. It's harder to be an artist now. You got nothing.

[B]

It's true. You end up with these really tough day jobs, and then your art ends up being about your day job.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like, you know, I, I don't want to hear another open mic or talk about their fucking barista job.

[A]

I was told early on, I mean, rules are meant to be broken, but I was told early on you shouldn't. Even if you do have another job, you probably shouldn't bring it up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because you do want the audience to think you're a professional.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And even if you're not.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I think that's good advice. I think.

[B]

Did you have support from your parents when you started doing stand up?

[A]

They, I mean, they're Jewish, so they're just like, be a lawyer. I wish you were a lawyer.

[B]

You go to school for anything like that?

[A]

No, I went to school for, like, screenwriting and didn't really, really carry on to other jobs or help with it.

[B]

Did you get a degree?

[A]

No, I didn't finish.

[B]

Oh, that must have broke their hearts.

[A]

I did get a lot. I have the debt without the degree. And I was doing a state school in New York because it was like a conservatory called SUNY Purchase.

[B]

Yeah, My wife went there.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, we must have brought this up before. So it's a state school, so everyone local.

[B]

It's a great school.

[A]

It is a good school, but I was paying out of state tuition for state school, so I paid out of state tuition for a state school and did not Graduate and just have, like a bunch of debt. And now I don't really care. I don't really pay it. But I'm married now.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the thing about marriage, I forget. It's like now she's like, worried about it because the debt's affecting her now.

[B]

Wasn't there a moment in time where you could have erased your college debt? Didn't that happen during Biden where they

[A]

were like, it was on, it was frozen. It was part of the. Trump is. Trump shifted it. Another reason I talk about Rogan Trump, I'm. I called the, like, Trump changed it all. So, like, they're now allowed to, like, put you in jail and murder you if you have student debt. He, like, wouldn't reverse it. I called the. I forget the people who take care of the loan now it's like the government and it was scary talking to them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I was like, all right, so what could I owe? Like, I mean, I don't owe a huge amount, like 40,000. I mean, I guess that's quite a bit.

[B]

It's quite a bit.

[A]

I mean, you know, it's quite a bit. But I was talking to them, I'm like, okay, so can I get on a payment plan or pay a certain amount? And they're like, you cannot. Well, is there anything I can do to, like, pay off? They're like, you cannot do anything. And I'm like, so what do I do to get out of. Because I was in. What do you call it? The. I was trying to get out of the. What do you call it?

[B]

The. I've never had debt. I have no idea.

[A]

Out of the. What's it called? Like, you're in, like, delinquency.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they're like, you want to get out of delinquency, you have to pay it all.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's no help anymore.

[B]

I thought there was. Like, I think you could hire agencies that help you negotiate a new.

[A]

I think Trump destroyed all that. Trump has really switched around.

[B]

But let's get back. Let's get back to SUNY Purchase because

[A]

I want to talk about Trump and have all your listeners please.

[B]

That's not what I was doing. My wife went there and my buddy Matt Malloy is an actor.

[A]

I know that guy.

[B]

You know him? He's bald. He's been in everything.

[A]

Is he the guy in Elephant?

[B]

He's in paradise right now. That show Paradise.

[A]

He like, kind of like, wait, is he an older nerdy looking guy? Yeah, he is in. He's the principal in the movie Elephant Right, The Columbine movie.

[B]

Maybe. He's the. He's the vice principal in the movie Election.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yes. He's an elephant, too. I love that guy.

[B]

You know, he's one of my best friends.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

So he went to SUNY Purchase.

[A]

Elections were my favorite.

[B]

And his best friend at SUNY Purchase was Edie Falco.

[A]

Right. She went there. She's a lame. I think I saw her speak. And Stanley Tucci went there, too.

[B]

Stanley Tucci went there. There's a really huge director who went there. I can't remember his name. Yeah, there's a bunch of people. It's a great school. And I grew up 10 minutes from there.

[A]

You're in Westchester?

[B]

Yeah. I grew up in Tarrytown.

[A]

Oh, I love Tarrytown. Tarrytown is beautiful.

[B]

Yeah, Tarrytown.

[A]

I was. I was going there with my wife. I was like, I want to live here. It's gorgeous.

[B]

It's gorgeous. And, you know, so much of it is. The land is undeveloped because Rockefeller owns it.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

So the estate said, we'll donate this land to the town. But you can't. You have to not develop two thirds of it.

[A]

No wonder. Yeah, it's gorgeous.

[B]

Big lake there. Towns from, you know, the 1800s.

[A]

Beautiful town. I will say Purchase was a good school. It was gritty. Like, when I went there a lot. Like, there was a lot of drugs.

[B]

A lot of drugs. We used to go to buy our

[A]

drugs, but not the drugs out was expecting in college. Like, I thought people be on weed. I knew a lot of people were on heroin.

[B]

Yeah, there was, like, a lot of

[A]

heroin at the college. I was like, this seems like an intense drug for a college.

[B]

Yeah. They had a big, ultimate Frisbee scene there. And so we used to go up there and we'd play Frisbee and buy drugs.

[A]

A lot of drugs. I mean, I just did cocaine and weed, and I was considered straight edge there by everyone else's.

[B]

They didn't know about your Adderall?

[A]

I knew people, like, on, like, heroin a lot.

[B]

Yeah. I was like, geez, you never snorted it?

[A]

Heroin?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No. One time I. I like painkillers back in the day.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I guess I still do, but I don't really get them that much.

[B]

It's hard to get these days.

[A]

I know, I know. You know, you just have to go to a old person's home and look through their bathroom.

[B]

My knee. I just got surgery on my knee and they gave me like 30, which I thought was generous.

[A]

It's hard to get 10 now the Sacklers, they really. It.

[B]

They it up.

[A]

Yeah, it sucks. You can't used to get them for everything.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Go to dentists, wisdom teeth, anything.

[B]

I had shoulder surgery, and I had my surgeon, my general practitioner, and the rehab guy all separately prescribing drugs for my shoulder. And I got hooked on this for, like six months. I was taking three, four pills a day.

[A]

Yeah, I could the bad. I'm like, that sounds awesome.

[B]

It's bad. It's really bad for. It's like coral. It gets so dry.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. It is bad for shitting, and it can make your face itch. I remember my wife, we just had a baby.

[B]

Oh, congratulations. How long ago?

[A]

Three months.

[B]

No.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wow. Good for you.

[A]

My wife didn't want to get an epidural at first, and at one point she was like, would you get an epidural if you were pregnant? And I'm like, I've been on Vicodin just because I'm. Just because I'm dealing with the pain of boredom. So, yeah,

[B]

my wife didn't want one either, but she ended up. Well, she ended up with a C section, so.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Kind of had to.

[A]

But, yeah, my wife didn't want one. She's like, don't pressure me. Don't do anything. And then, you know, that first contraction, she's like, someone shove heroin in my right now. Someone get me fentanyl right now. No, I'm joking. She was actually a trooper. And she, like, waited out a long time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

For her to get the medication, and she. She popped out the baby very quickly.

[B]

She breastfeeding okay.

[A]

Yeah, she's breastfeeding. Okay. We're trying to transition to the bottle. Breastfeeding is nice. You don't have to, as a man, do much.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's pretty great.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You. I mean, I'm here to help.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But there's a limit to how much I can do.

[B]

No, it's extremely effective. We traveled with my son quite a bit. My, my, my, my. For. My wife's a doula. She's a postnatal doula.

[A]

Oh, no way.

[B]

So she teaches breastfeeding, and that's why I asked.

[A]

You might need some help because we're trying to get rid of the bottle.

[B]

Please, please put her on the phone with my wife. They'll get on a zoom. She'll help her through it.

[A]

Well, she actually doesn't have pro. Problem breastfeeding. We have a problem now with her.

[B]

Yeah, she can help with all bottles. She does all that? Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah.

[B]

But no, we. We flew to Australia when he was like three months old and he didn't fucking peep because every time the ears started to pop or whatever, throw them on the tit and the sucking clears the ears.

[A]

Yeah, it's great.

[B]

The milk makes him drowsy, so he falls back asleep again. Yeah, it was great.

[A]

Yeah, no, it's. Breadfitting is great. I'm all for it. Because I'm like. Some people, they go to the bottle right away, but then the man and the woman have to.

[B]

It's a lot of work.

[A]

They have to split it in half.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

Really? So I've. From the beginning, I'm like, breastfeeding. You got to do that?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, right.

[A]

No, I'm kidding. She wanted to do breastfeeding. Dating and.

[B]

So where are you guys living that you have the baby?

[A]

We live in Astoria.

[B]

Everyone lives in Astoria.

[A]

Astoria. We have. Yeah.

[B]

How big's your apartment?

[A]

So I used to live in Joe. You know Joe List?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Good. Really good friend of mine, I moved into his place. I lived across the hall. He moved out. I moved into his place and he had a really nice setup.

[B]

Wasn't he with Dan Soder before?

[A]

Maybe years ago.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

He. He. He has a kid now too, and he. He has like a two bedroom, but he rents out the basement. So I got. If you put it all together, I have like a house. I have a two bedroom, but it's two flights of stairs down, so it's not really connected. Two flights of stairs down. I have like two other rooms and like a bathroom. Yeah.

[B]

Really?

[A]

So you combine it, but it's not combined. You have to walk down two flights of stairs.

[B]

And what's. And he lives in between.

[A]

Joe. Yeah, no, no, I'm saying that's where he. That was his setup and I took it over, so he moved.

[B]

Wait, so if there's a basement, then the other apartment is on the second floor?

[A]

So. Yeah, my apartment's two bedroom on the second floor. You go down two flights of stairs.

[B]

Oh, that's what I'm saying.

[A]

So there's a.

[B]

There's a family in between you.

[A]

They're actually all comics. You might know. You know Steve Rogers? Yes, him. It used to be him and Caitlin Palufa. They. They got a divorce or. No, they were whatever. They. Him downstairs and you know Derek Stroop?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was on the podcast.

[A]

He lives across from me.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Very funny guy.

[B]

Yeah, he was great.

[A]

He's great. Yeah. So it's very loud yeah, he's clean,

[B]

though, isn't he, Derek, Strip.

[A]

He is clean. Yeah, but. But don't hold.

[B]

I still like him, though.

[A]

He's clean, but he's not one of those, you know, serial rapists. Clean.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

He's not one of those. Bill Cosby, one of the biggest serial, prolific rapists ever.

[B]

And Bergazzi is an animal.

[A]

He's a rapist now.

[B]

That's gonna get clipped.

[A]

Yeah, no, but there was. What's his name? I'm not saying for clean, but Vince Champ.

[B]

Remember him, Dude, Vince Champ. We had the same college age.

[A]

I guess it's just black clean comics that are the problem.

[B]

Wayne Brady. Vince Champ was a comic who my. My. My agent represented. We had a college.

[A]

Did he let you have some of the victims as part of the same age? That's horrible.

[B]

We would. We would go out.

[A]

Just offended myself.

[B]

We would go out. I'm like. I'm like. I'm on Corolla right now. I'm just looking down. And we. And I would do a gig with Vince, and then afterwards, I'd be like, hey, man, you want to go grab a burger or something? He'd be like, nah, I'm heading out. Which is weird because we'd be in, like, you know, Iowa north area community college with his. Nothing.

[A]

You're with a comedian on the road. They're like, I got something to do. Yeah, a crime is about to happen.

[B]

So what happened was.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

He was raping women, but not at the school he was at.

[A]

I didn't know.

[B]

He would drive two hours to another school.

[A]

Oh, I didn't know that.

[B]

And do it there. And so they never caught him. And these were brutal rapes.

[A]

I know. I. I believe he. I mean, I heard that it was like, he'd use, like, the music room or, like, the sound.

[B]

Yeah, he go into, like, mask. He'd go to the music rooms where they were practicing music.

[A]

You were. It's like, I'm like, talking to, like, Ted Bundy's like, like, neighbor or something. It's crazy.

[B]

So what happened was they caught him on one of them, and then they looked at his tour map over the last five years, and they started putting stick pins where the gig was and drawing a circle around it and realizing that school was. When he did this school. And they got the DNA kits out, and they connected dozens. And he's in jail, like, for life.

[A]

It was your schedule too, right?

[B]

I did the same school. So I go to.

[A]

Were you, like, a suspect for a while?

[B]

No, I was never even interviewed, but I went to a school, and before I go on, I go. I go, so anything you guys want me to. You never know if this, like, school shooting or something, anything you guys want me to avoid talking about, blah, blah, blah. And they go, don't bring up rape. And I go, how come? And they go, well, Vince champions here. I swear to God. I go, so let me get this true comic.

[A]

Not. Not. Okay, but how come?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Not. All right, I won't bring it up. But if. But if I'm going to not bring up rape, you have to have a really good reason that you need to tell.

[B]

So let me get this straight. My agent booked Vince Champ to your school, he raped somebody, and then you called my agent back for another comic?

[A]

He must have been a hell of a comedian. He must have been. They were like, well, he put on a good show.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Jesus, that's crazy.

[B]

What was he like with Sociopath, I guess, like, exactly. Said, like, positive, nice, clean, no hint of anything.

[A]

None. Now, this is so great to ask you, because I've always wondered. I mean, it's horrible, but I've always wondered, like, what is a. I feel like we all feel like we know some sociopaths, but you never know for sure. But you know for sure. A sociopath, right. And you get to know. And I've always wondered, do people. Is there really no tell? Is it just. Is it just like anyone else, or is. Or is there some kind of something a little off, and you're here to say that it's no different.

[B]

I wasn't looking for it at the time.

[A]

Right. You typically don't think.

[B]

And also, he's in show mode. You know, you're backstage performing, and even backstage, you're sort of. You got your face on a little bit. You know, we never did get that burger, so I never get to see that, like, you know, guarded side.

[A]

The tell was a clean comedy.

[B]

A tell what?

[A]

The tell was a clean copy comedy.

[B]

Yeah, Yeah. I. I do have a thing about clean comedians. Like, there's some of them that are like Brian Regan, that are just naturally clean, but the ones that are doing it to be clean sometimes really do worry me.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, I think, like. Yeah. Like. Yeah, it depends on what. What you. Was Reagan, who's, like, the greatest comic ever? It's kind of like, for him, it's like. I think when you're talking about, like, this kind of Seinfeld observational stuff.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It is tough to curse.

[B]

Right.

[A]

If you're like, what's the deal with these Pop Tarts? The minute you say it, everyone's like, what do you care? The minute you bring in.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Who gives a.

[B]

It has to be a restraint observation.

[A]

Yeah. So I get. I get it for, like, observe. I do get it for that, because it is hard. And I feel bad with saying Seinfeld handles himself very well now on stage, but it is tough now that, like, some people in the back yell, like, genocide.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then he has to go back to a bit about, like, you know, scuba diving or Pop Tarts. It's like. It's tough to, like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, you don't want to hear the word genocide and then have to go back to that.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Though he handles himself very well. He's very funny about it. But. So I get that. I think Derek is similar to that, where it's like kind of this observational stuff, but it does. It is annoying when it feels calculated.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You know.

[B]

Yeah. This dry bar thing is really good for people because it's a huge audience.

[A]

I did it.

[B]

You did? Yeah. I mean, it's a really good thing to do, but it definitely is encouraging more people to be cleaner than they normally would be.

[A]

If you're. Everyone I know who's clean makes a lot more money than me.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

That's not a high bar.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But, like, it's clean is the way to do it if you want to really make money. Well, what's annoying is I feel like some of these clean comics, like, who need clean openers, they got to get a comic who's clean all the time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They can't have any evidence. I can do clean comedy just because I have so much material. Yeah. Some of it just happens to be clean.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But they never book me. I'm like, Nate Burgasy should book me. I'm fucking. I can be clean.

[B]

You just cursed, as you were saying.

[A]

But I'm sensitive. I'm saying I can be clean. I just. It's like, you can't have any evidence of cursing. Yeah.

[B]

You have to, like, calm down. It's like I just said something about Israel. So listen, people can see your special. You can see. You have three specials, right?

[A]

I have, I think, four. Yeah. Downhill. Ever since Brave Jokes from the Underground ground are Morbidly Jewish.

[B]

All on YouTube.

[A]

All on YouTube. YouTube.

[B]

All right, well, I can't wait to see this new one. No, really. I can't wait to say.

[A]

I really appreciate it.

[B]

Really. I enjoy your stuff. And I also.

[A]

Can I plug one other thing Please plug everything.

[B]

I looked for your tour dates, but I didn't see anything for the next couple months. Are you taking a sabbatical? Taking a little breather.

[A]

This is like in college when someone asked if I was a virgin in front of everyone.

[B]

It's all right. You got a new baby. It's fine.

[A]

I have stuff coming up, but it's in, like a couple months and I just haven't. I should actually put it up, right? I need to put it up. But, yeah, it's in a couple of months. I'm taking a break. Because of the kid.

[B]

Because your kid.

[A]

It's not because.

[B]

No, you're really. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you got to say. You got to assist with the breastfeeding. You got to be there.

[A]

It's nice to have a kid and be like, well, I guess I'll be a good parent.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, right. Either get work or be a good parent. But I made a short film called Memory Room. It's a thriller. Psychological thriller. And it's premiering on YouTube. This. When does this come out?

[B]

Tomorrow.

[A]

It's premiering on YouTube Friday.

[B]

Oh, amazing.

[A]

7pm Eastern. It won the grand prize at the International New York Short Film Festival.

[B]

No kidding.

[A]

Yeah, and it's, you know, I'm very proud of it. And if you want to watch it live, that helps with the algorithm. Yeah. Because, you know, if it gets. If it goes viral.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We can raise money to make the feature, you know.

[B]

So Friday at what time?

[A]

7:00pm Eastern.

[B]

7:00pm Eastern. So 4:00 clock on the west coast. Tune in even if you don't watch the whole thing, then click it then, so he gets the match.

[A]

But don't not watch the whole thing. But, yeah, watch it either way. But you.

[B]

Why are you yelling at me?

[A]

Just makes it feel like you're really telling them they don't have to watch it. Try to watch it. You're like, just watch it for a second, you know?

[B]

You know, take an Ambien, turn it on, see what happens. And who's in the film?

[A]

These two wonderful actors that you haven't Suni purchased. Edie Falco and Stanley Tucci and Matt Malloy. No. Some great actors. Daphne Gaines, Hal Robinson. It's about a caretaker who she has, like, a patient with dementia. And he's like a really nice, friendly guy. Kind of like the Vince champ. Like, really friendly.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then one night, they're, like, listening to old record. He looks like he, like, remembers a song, and she's like, oh, you remember this? And he's like, this song was playing the night I strangled Rosie. That's all he says. And then he kind of goes back into his weird, you know, dementia thing. So she's trying to, like, you know, investigate it, see if he actually, you know, killed someone.

[B]

I always think about that. Like.

[A]

And then she finds his tour dates.

[B]

What if. What if you get old and you have dementia and does it all leak out any secrets that you have?

[A]

Scary, right? I think it does.

[B]

That's why you don't. Don't around. That's gonna come out.

[A]

That's a whole bit of mine. I have a whole bit, like, don't, you know, make sure you're not racist in your heart.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Once you have dementia, that shit's coming out.

[B]

Yeah. Apparently, we all dislike Filipinos.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All right, man. Well, how did you feel about my hosting skills under the.

[A]

I thought the last time. I think you should keep doing it. I think it was good.

[B]

There weren't any. Like, I didn't drift off at all.

[A]

No, I mean, a couple times you stared at me like, stone cold, which is kind of, like, scary, almost like that kind of psychopathic stone cold thing. Yeah, that's what I just reminded myself. You're just about to fall asleep.

[B]

Yeah, no, I have that. People call it maniacal eye contact. It runs in my family. My brother has it.

[A]

And so it felt more intense, maybe.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. But I think it was good.

[B]

I think.

[A]

I think he did great. I wouldn't have noticed.

[B]

See the hat?

[A]

Oh, yeah. Great town.

[B]

Terry Town.

[A]

Great town.

[B]

All right, Ronan Hirschberg. Check him out on YouTube. Go to his website. R A A N A N H E R S H B E R

[A]

G and for Instagram, R A N A N comedy.

[B]

If you want to follow me on Instagram. Okay, great. And thanks for coming back, man.

[A]

Always a pleasure. Best.

[B]

Yeah, thanks.