Ralph Barbosa - Episode 1108

Summary

Fitzdog Radio – Ralph Barbosa (Episode 1108)

Release Date: August 21, 2025
Host: Greg Fitzsimmons
Guest: Ralph Barbosa

---

Episode Overview

This episode of Fitzdog Radio features an in-depth, candid, and hilarious conversation between comedian Greg Fitzsimmons and rising comedy star Ralph Barbosa. The focus is on Ralph’s meteoric career, stories from his Texas upbringing, comedic philosophy, mental health, parenting, car obsessions, and insider perspectives on the world of stand-up—complete with riffs about feuds, industry politics, and podcast life. The conversation is peppered with sharp jokes, reflective moments, and stories both wild and touching.

---

Main Themes & Structure

• Comedy Career Trajectory & Industry Choices
• Texas and the Austin Comedy Scene
• Mental Health, Suicidal Ideation, and Coping Mechanisms
• Car Culture, Thrill-Seeking, and Near-Misses
• Parenting as a Young Comic
• Comedy Community, Feuds, and Representation
• Language, Censorship, and the Purpose of Comedy
• Money, Touring, and Financial Advice for Comics

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Ralph's Rise, Hulu Special & Comic Trajectories

[11:43]–[13:04], [38:04], [67:31]

• Ralph talks about the success of his Hulu special, Planet Bosa, and why he switched from Netflix:
  • “Everybody’s wondering why I did Hulu. I did my last special with Netflix and everybody’s like, why did you jump to Hulu? Because Hulu doubled the money.” (Ralph, 11:48)
• Fitzsimmons discusses the comedy special market and other comedians migrating to Hulu.
• The conversation turns to the comedic process, special presentations, and the awkwardness of walking to the mic:
  • “It’s hard walking to the mic on a special... you overcompensate by, like, acting psyched up when maybe you're not even really feeling that.” (Greg, 38:36)
• Ralph jokes about creative ways to start a special, like climbing out of the crowd or being a planted heckler.

---

2. The Texas & Austin Comedy Environment

[13:11]–[15:55]

• Both discuss Texas crowds’ openness and Austin’s emergence as a comedy capital.
• Austin’s live scene — clubs like The Mothership, Vulcan, and The Cave — is dissected, especially its wild, party-centric 6th Street ambiance.
• Comic culture in Austin, balancing “offensive” comedy, and navigating an edgier scene:
  • “Austin… a lot of comics want to be offensive first and then funny… that should be the other way around.” (Ralph, 67:01)

---

3. Mental Health, Suicidal Thoughts & Comedy

[17:47]–[24:53]

• Open, darkly humorous exchange about depression, near-misses, and finding catharsis:
  • “I think it’s okay to fantasize about it at a low level. I think it kind of helps balance out your feelings.” (Ralph, 21:56)
  • “You’re only in danger when you actually make a plan. When you actually start buying rope…” (Greg, 21:28)
• Ralph tells a harrowing story of a drunken blackout in Houston that ended with firemen and cops rescuing him, and being kicked out of a hotel (17:47–20:46).
• Both riff on the role fantasy and black humor play in relieving comic tension:
  • “I think it’s like a stress reliever. When you go like, all right, there is an emergency exit.” (Greg, 23:13)
• Hilarious sidetrack: If the plane’s crashing, what song do you jerk off to? (24:12)

---

4. Cars, Danger, and the Thrill-Seeker’s Rush

[26:32]–[48:03]

• Ralph shares his way of coping with pre-tour anxiety by driving his Nissan GTR up to 190 mph at 3:30am outside Houston:
  • “I knew, like, food would taste better and the air would taste sweeter... I’d be able to appreciate all the opportunities that I have because, like, I'm not dead.” (Ralph, 27:52)
• Both men bond over cars, car accidents, and the “flow state” of race-car culture:
  • “It puts you so in the moment. You can’t be anywhere except the exact moment.” (Greg, 28:10)
• Greg tells an old story about being in a car with a friend on angel dust, driving a VW Karmann Ghia at 100mph (46:24).

---

5. Fatherhood, Guilt, Generational Cycles

[50:11]–[57:48]

• Ralph discusses the challenge of raising a child as a touring comic, childhood discipline, and breaking generational cycles.
• Greg provides reassurance: “As long as, you know, they got a support system while they're home and you're checking in with them and the quality time you give them when you’re there, it's what they're used to.” (51:25)
• Both men reflect on their family histories—Greg’s father’s death, Ralph’s decision not to hide feelings or discipline “like his dad.”

---

6. Comedy Feuds, Representation, and Identity

[57:50]–[61:15]

• Fitzsimmons broaches the “George Lopez feud.” Ralph is unbothered, emphasizing everyone talks trash on podcasts and the dialogue about representation often becomes reductive.
  • “Just because we're both Latino doesn't mean we're similar.” (Ralph, 59:46)
• They discuss being pigeonholed as “the next George Lopez” and how others project community expectations onto comics.

---

7. Comedy, Censorship, and What’s Off-Limits

[61:15]–[67:23]

• They review Carlos Mencia’s downfall, language policing (“beaner”), and why context, audience reaction, and voice matter:
  • “I don’t think people should be cancelled for stuff like that, especially not comedians. I think comedians should always be allowed to at least try it out.” (Ralph, 65:41)
  • “If it happens to get a laugh, that’s the test.” (Greg, 66:08)
• They critique Austin’s “offense-first” comics and agree that “funny” should always be the aim.

---

8. Touring, Money, and Practical Advice for Comics

[67:31]–[70:04]

• Ralph describes slowing down his tour schedule to recover from years of non-stop gigging.
• Fitzsimmons offers advice on setting up retirement and college accounts:
  • “It’s called a 529 account… If you start it now… it’ll accrue enough money to pay for college.” (Greg, 69:23)
• Ralph jokes, “No, I just left a map to where I buried cash for him!” (Ralph, 69:55)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Hulu vs Netflix

• “Hulu doubled the money that Netflix offered… Thank you, Hulu.”
  — Ralph Barbosa (11:48)

On Fantasy and Low-Key Depression

• “I think it’s okay to fantasize about it at a low level. I think it kind of helps balance out your feelings.”
  — Ralph Barbosa (21:56)

On Stand-Up Motivation

• “I think standup is more like, makes me feel like I’m earning my spot on the planet. Like, when people laugh… I’ve never felt like I’ve done good jobs at jobs. I’ve never felt like, yo, I'm doing my part for society… I make everybody laugh and they give me money.”
  — Ralph Barbosa (48:16)

On Offensive Material

• “Austin… a lot of comics want to be offensive first and then funny… that should be the other way around.”
  — Ralph Barbosa (67:01)

On Being Compared to Lopez

• “I feel like I’m working hard to be creative and find my own style in comedy so that I’m not compared to George Lopez… just because we’re both Latino doesn’t mean we’re similar.”
  — Ralph Barbosa (59:46)

On Parenting as a Comic

• “As long as… you’re checking in with them, and the quality time you give them when you’re there—it’s what they’re used to.”
  — Greg Fitzsimmons (51:25)

On Risk & Thrill

• “I knew like, food would taste better and the air would taste sweeter… because I’m not dead.”
  — Ralph Barbosa (27:52)

---

Key Timestamps for Segments

• [11:43] – Why Ralph chose Hulu; comedy specials market
• [13:11–15:55] – Austin comedy scene; club culture
• [17:47–24:53] – Depression, suicide talk, and coping humor
• [26:32–29:53] – Ralph’s 190mph speed run and thrill-seeking mindsets
• [35:46–38:04] – Early driving mishaps and childhood stories
• [50:11–57:48] – Parenting, generational trauma, and discipline
• [57:50–61:15] – The “Lopez feud” and identity projection
• [61:15–67:23] – Comedy censorship, language, and jokes on identity
• [67:31–70:04] – Tour life, financial planning for comics

---

Wrap-Up

This episode is a deft blend of honest, sometimes raw, sometimes riotous conversation between two comics generations apart but united by sharp wit, shared vulnerability, and a love of their craft. Whether discussing stand-up mechanics, real risks, family, or the politics of representation, Fitzsimmons and Barbosa offer a behind-the-scenes look at a comedian’s life—reassuring, irreverent, and genuinely funny throughout.

---

Catch Ralph Barbosa’s special "Planet Bosa" – Now streaming on Hulu!
For tour dates and info, visit fitzdog.com or follow Ralph on socials.

Transcript

[A]

Lowe's knows tough jobs call for tougher tools. The new DeWalt Elite Series power tool accessories are built to last. For the pro who doesn't stop with precision, fitment, durability and impact resistance, finishing jobs faster has never been easier. Shop the new DeWalt Elite Series at an everyday low price exclusively at Lowe's. We HELP you save mint is still $15 a month for premium wireless. And if you haven't made the switch yet, here are 15 reasons why you should 1. It's $15 a month. 2. Seriously, it's $15 a month. 3. No big contracts.

[B]

4.

[A]

I use it. 5. My mom uses it. Are you. Are you playing me off? That's what's happening, right? Okay, give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment of $45 per three month plan $15 per month equivalent required. New customer offer first three months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See mintmobile.com this episode is brought to you by Greenlight. Get this Adults with financial literacy skills have 82% more wealth than those who don't. From swimming lessons to piano classes, Us parents invest in so many things to enrich our kids lives. But are we investing in their future financial success? With Greenlight, you can teach your kids financial literacy skills like earning, saving and investing. And this investment costs less than that. After school treat start prioritizing their financial education and future today with a risk free [e-mail] Spotify greenlight.com Spotify welcome to Fitz Dog Radio. I'm sitting in the actual studio. The Greenlab studio is where we shoot the interview. I'm about to sit down with Ralph Barbosa, who is a hot young comic who is going to chat with us about his life growing up in Texas. A feud he had with George. I don't know. We'll see. If I bring up the feud with George Lopez. It happened a couple years ago. He's probably tired of talking about it. Maybe he doesn't want it to be out there, but maybe. I'll ask that first. Get it out of the way. He's a great comic. He was in the he won the New York International Latino Comedy Festival. He won Funniest Comic in Texas a few years ago. I know a lot of funny comics in Texas, so that's high honors. He hosted the HBO Max Special Entree. No, he was on the Tonight Show. He did a Don't Tell comedy special that got like 5 million views. Jesus. My special got 500,000. Is Ralph Barbosa 10 times funnier than me. Maybe. What else? Got a new special out. It's called Planet Bosa. It's on Hulu, and I think you'll enjoy it. I want to talk. What did I want to talk about? I got some stuff I want to talk about here. We only have a minute, but let's see. Ralph Barbosa intro I wanted to talk about. Oh, yeah, this is funny. My niece is staying with us for a few days. She lives in San Diego. It's my sister's daughter and we fucking love Julia. I got her a job. She's a waitress at the Comedy Store down in La Jolla. And she's just cute as hell fun. I took her down to play paddle tennis on Saturday. So we find this phone, we come out of the paddle tennis courts, and in the sand is a brand new shiny iPhone. And so there's that part of you that's young that goes, oh, I got a new iPhone. And then you go, oh, oh, no. I'm 59. I have to give this back to somebody. So I go, how do you do that? I know that they can use the Find my iPhone app and then they can find it, but how do I help them? Trying to be a good role model for my niece. So we go home and I get on Instagram and his name is on the phone. Like, if you hit the emergency button on the home screen of a phone, you can get the name. So I DMed him on his Instagram. And then my niece starts looking at the Instagram profile. And he is gorgeous. He is ripped. He's 6 foot 3, ripped, abs tatted up. He was clearly on the paddle tennis courts. And so she starts getting excited. She's like 26, he's like 33. And she puts on a new top, she brushes her hair and. And we're all like fantasizing for her. We're like, he's gonna take you out tonight and blah, blah, blah. So they give the address to the guy, he rings the bell, she goes outside. I can see her from the other room. And she goes outside, and he's got his shirt off and tan, and he pulls the shirt on as she's opening the door, and she goes, oh, here's your phone. And he takes it from her hand, looks down, down goes thanks. And walks away. Walks away. Are you kidding me? What barn did you grow up in? His name is Robert. Evan. I'm not. I'm not going to say his last name. Evan Field or something. He's dead to me. If I See him at the paddle tennis courts. He lost a good one. Julia is a great find. Not just a date, but to marry. She would birth you beautiful children, you little paddle tennis, fucking inked up loser. You zero. You broke her heart. Anyway, that happened and then I was. We went to see Tedeschi Trucks. It's great band. If you don't know them, check them out. We saw them at the Greek Theater in la, which is probably the best theater to see live music in la. It's outside, it's nestled in the bosom of Griffith Park Mountains behind you and blown away. Blown away. And then they ended with the Beatles. Little help from my friends. They're like a blues rock band. They're like the Allman Brothers and the guy Tedeschi. No, she's Tedeschi, he's Trucks. Derek Trucks. And he played with the Allman Brothers before. That was his gig before this band. Um, anyway, so we're driving there and I'm with Mike Gibbon. It's. It's Fitzsimmons, Fitzgibbons, Gibbons and Gubbins. It's my guys, the Irish Mafia. And we're driving out there from Venice, which is an hour and a half drive at rush hour. And these guys are putting Tedeschi Trucks on the radio. It's like that. You don't fucking listen to the band that of the band you're about to go watch. That's like eating a fucking. That's like eating French fries before going to a great restaurant. You don't spoil your appetite. You want it fresh. You don't want to be tired. You don't want to be tired of listening to them. By the time you see them. And on the way there, there's a homeless guy in the street. He had a T shirt on that said who ate all the pussy? And he wanted some change. I gave him $3. All right, dates coming up. La Jolla Comedy Store, August 29th through the 31st. That's gonna sell out. Get your tickets. Denver Comedy Works September 18 through 20. Comics in Connecticut. September 26 27, Fairbanks, Alaska. After that, Chicago, New Orleans, San Francisco, Hasbrouck Heights just announced December 26th and 27th. Cleveland, Atlanta. Go to fitzdog.com, get some tickets, come out, see some live comedy while it's still happening before this comedy boom goes bust. Okay, now let's sit down with my guest, Ralph Barbosa. Welcome to my guest, Ralph Barbosa.

[B]

What's up, man?

[A]

How are you?

[B]

I'm good, how you doing?

[A]

I feel like Barbosa Must mean something in Spanish. Is there. Is it a word for something?

[B]

I don't know. Maybe. I've never really cared about the name too much to do research on it.

[A]

Why would you care about your own name?

[B]

Yeah, I think Barbosa, like Barbara, like beard.

[A]

Yeah. Okay.

[B]

If you take away the R, it just means babosa, which means like drooling idiot. I think I'm more on the drooling idiot side.

[A]

That should be the name of your next tour. Barbosa.

[B]

Barbosa the drooling idiot.

[A]

Fitzsimmons means it's. I'm Irish. So whenever you know how you hear Fitz in front of a lot of Irish names. Fitzgerald, Fitzgibbons. It means bastard son of, which means, like, Simmons was the family that came to Ireland, overtook the land, and their name was Gibbons, where they were before. So they put a Fitz in front of it to make it Gaelic.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

So my people were taken over.

[B]

You got a lot of nicknames growing up, like Fitzy or anything?

[A]

Fitzy. Fitz Dog.

[B]

Fitz Dog.

[A]

Yeah. The podcast is called Fitz Dog Radio.

[B]

Fitz Dog.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You should have just called the Fitzies.

[A]

I like that better.

[B]

Fitzies would. This is like a cool name for a podcast. Would have been like a cool name for a bar.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Fitz Dog. Just sounds like you got really into hip hop in the 90s.

[A]

It's a really bad choice. It's one of my biggest regrets in my career is the Fitz Dog moniker. It just made me sound like a frat guy kinda.

[B]

That's a good name. If I'm being 100 honest with you. I hadn't listened to the podcast, but they said it's called Fitz Dog, and I was. Yeah, that sounds like a cool name.

[A]

Yeah. All right, good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, you're here.

[B]

I'm here. Thank you.

[A]

We got the same publicist.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Michael o'. Brien.

[B]

Thank you, Michael.

[A]

Thanks, Michael. Have you met him?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know. He's in New York once or twice. Yeah. You met him in New York?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. He's the best.

[B]

He held my hand throughout my press tour.

[A]

Oh, my God. He's the best guy to have around. Best energy. He just. I just took him out to Keane's Chop House in New York, this big steakhouse with my son.

[B]

I gotta try that.

[A]

My nephew. Yeah.

[B]

Chop House.

[A]

He's probably not that much younger than you. He's 24.

[B]

Okay, nice.

[A]

What are you, 28?

[B]

28, yeah. Yeah. You got a good eye.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I need to sleep more.

[A]

Yeah. I want you to be like, tired.

[B]

Yeah. I want you to be like, oh, I thought you were 21.

[A]

No, 28 is the perfect age. 21, you don't take somebody seriously.

[B]

Yeah, that's true.

[A]

You know?

[B]

Yeah. Even I don't. I catch myself doing it now when I meet 21 year olds or like, even 19 year olds.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm like, look at this. I can cuss.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

I'm like, look at this piece of.

[A]

Yeah, right.

[B]

Like, do something. I'm becoming. I'm becoming, like, grumpy fast. Anytime I see younger people, I'm just like, do something.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do something with your life.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wake up.

[A]

I like young and grumpy. That's good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm just tired, man.

[A]

Well, I think grumpy is sort of a pretty good mindset for a comedian. I think you. You're just kind of dissatisfied with life and you're talking about it a little bit.

[B]

Yeah, I've spent. I've spent the last 27 years just really curious and confused about things. And I've spent the last year just really grumpy about things.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm not liking it very much, Fitzy.

[A]

Well, look, this is your year, though, man. You've had an unbelievable year. If this is the year you're grumpy, I'm worried about your future.

[B]

Nah, I'm having the great.

[A]

Everything's popping for you, right?

[B]

I got a Hulu special out. Please watch it.

[A]

Yeah, Hulu, it's called called Planet Bosa.

[B]

Planet Bosa. Yeah. And everybody's wondering why I did Hulu. I did my last special with Netflix and everybody's like, why did you jump to Hulu? And cuz Hulu doubled the money that Netflix offered. So. Yes. Thank. Thank you, Hulu.

[A]

Oh, my God. Bird jump ship to Hulu Gaffigan. Jump ship to Hulu. I think Sebastian maybe.

[B]

I wouldn't doubt it.

[A]

I mean, like, the biggest specials on Netflix are all on Hulu.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Hulu's Hulu's dope. Netflix was great to us. Don't get me wrong. They made a good offer, but Hulu was really trying to come out strong this year with specials.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I think they did. They got some great. I think Burrs. Bill Burr special got nominated for an Emmy.

[A]

Oh, did it really?

[B]

I think I'm not. I might. I don't know. Now that you're doubting, it makes me.

[A]

Well, is mine eligible if it went out on YouTube is my question. Probably not, right?

[B]

Maybe not. But we should try.

[A]

Have you seen it? No, it's unbelievable.

[B]

I bet.

[A]

I mean, it's. It's rock solid.

[B]

I'll check it out and then I'll come back and then we'll talk about.

[A]

Yeah, let's have a part two. We talk about my special.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's this one's. I feel like this about yours. The Mothership in Austin.

[B]

Okay, I like the mothership. Yeah, in the. In the big room.

[A]

Yeah. What is it called?

[B]

The Fat man or something like that?

[A]

Yeah, the Fat Man.

[B]

Yeah. That's cool.

[A]

Yeah, it was a good. It was a good vibe. You know, I think Texas crowds. You're from Texas. I think Texas crowds are about as good as they get because they got like. Like Texas has a big personality and they really think they're the best, but they don't mind you coming in and shitting on them because to them it's.

[B]

Just like there's one big party.

[A]

They're not affected by a New Yorker. Yeah.

[B]

I mean, especially if I feel like. Yeah, I feel like it's always fun performing back home in Texas, but I think. Especially in Austin.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think now a lot of people from Texas have realized that Austin is like the comedy town. Yeah, there's a lot of comedy going on there, so they're even more buckled in, you know, I mean, like.

[A]

Right.

[B]

They want to hear some.

[A]

Yeah, they do. They come to Austin, like on a trip, like the destination, to go to the mothership. To go to. I forget the other name of that.

[B]

You know, those other spots.

[A]

There's other spots? Well, there's one that's big. That's where Kill Tony used to tape. Oh, yeah, the Vulcan. Vulcan has good shows. And then you got freaking.

[B]

The Cave has good shows.

[A]

Yep. You've got about a dozen places downtown where you can just pop in and see good comments.

[B]

What's cool is that they're all walking distance from each other. They're all along 6th street or just, you know, near 6th Street.

[A]

Well, 6th Street I wouldn't call walking. I. I would call running.

[B]

Running with your head down.

[A]

It's like the apocalypse out there.

[B]

Yeah, it's. It's like a little skid row almost.

[A]

It's funny cuz, like, all these guys, like Joe left LA because of all the crazy homeless. And then it's like this is where.

[B]

You'Re setting up, right in the. Right. Where like all the homeless congregate. Yeah, it's like right there.

[A]

Right. It's like the. The craziest part of 6th street is right there. And I love it. I love the people watching. I walk outside after my show and they. They have these Navy SEALs that do security at Joe's club.

[B]

Yeah. And that's intense. They're so nice.

[A]

They're so nice. The gentlest Navy SEALs you've ever met. Yeah, but they're killers.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they always want to walk me back to my hotel, you know, But I don't want to be walked back to my hotel. I want to, like, walk outside and kind of like just meander and stare.

[B]

And I want to get to your level because they've never once offered to walk me. I've performed there multiple times.

[A]

Do you headline for the whole weekend?

[B]

No, I didn't. No.

[A]

You got a headline for the weekend, then they'll walk you.

[B]

All right. Maybe next time.

[A]

Well, it seems like I don't want.

[B]

Them to walk me. I just want them to offer to walk in.

[A]

You keep hanging around them, just kind of looking at them.

[B]

Yeah, I just want the offer.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, I mean, that feels good, right?

[A]

It's like going to. It's like going to Fashion Week.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You don't want to go to Fashion Week, but yeah.

[B]

I've actually been in New York during Fashion Week. Only once that happened and, God, it was a mess. Like, it was cool, cuz there's like, we're doing a show right next to, like, where they're having, like, art meetups and stuff.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So it's cool to like, meet those people after and like. But the traffic was horrible. And I never usually. I never take Ubers in New York. We usually just take the subway everywhere. But even the subways were backed up just like, damn, you got a woman.

[A]

On the subway with a swan dress on.

[B]

Yeah, it's all this stuff.

[A]

Her husband's strapped in tin foil.

[B]

I'm like, just put a T shirt on, let's go.

[A]

Let's do it.

[B]

Yeah. It's too much.

[A]

Do you even own a suit?

[B]

I do. I like. I like suits.

[A]

You do?

[B]

Yeah, but I rarely have the need to wear one, so I own like two suits.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I can mix and match them. I can turn them into like five, six suits.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Depending on how the you know the combinations.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But yeah. How many suits you got?

[A]

I used to wear shark skin suits on stage for like 10 years.

[B]

That was like your thing.

[A]

That was my thing. I had like the thin lapel. Like, I look like Don Draper and Mad Men, except bald and pale and short. But I had these, like.

[B]

So you're more like. What's his name? Was it Peter?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're like an old Peter.

[A]

I was an old Peter. And, and you know the tie clip and some shiny patent leather, you know.

[B]

I clip like the little clip on the tie or like a clip on tie?

[A]

No, no, the clip, the clip on the tie.

[B]

That's good to know. I don't, I don't really respect those clip on ties. I don't like that.

[A]

No, you need a tie you can hang yourself with at the end of a bed. That's why you wear them for a really bad night.

[B]

Real men have the option to hang themselves.

[A]

Yeah, right. Either that or you got the ring with the, you know the cyanide in it.

[B]

The cyanide CIA style.

[A]

You ever try to kill yourself or get close?

[B]

Not on purpose. I think I've gotten close on accident one time. I mean not like. Yeah, some people might say it was, what do they call it, like subconsciously on purpose. I got super, super, super drunk and start. Yeah, I got left at a hotel by myself and I, I don't remember. I remember being at a party with a bunch of people and people handing me a lot of bottles and stuff and blacked out and I just woke up and there's this. I think it was a fireman.

[A]

That's a bad sign when they skip over the cops and go right to the fireman.

[B]

Yeah, cops showed up later.

[A]

You know, you're up.

[B]

Yeah, cops showed up later. It's like firemen and paramedics and. Yeah, I was like. I was in a bathtub and the water, because I my throw up like clogged it up. I don't think I was choking though. I'm not, I don't remember. I just.

[A]

Oh, was this your hotel room?

[B]

The water like clogged it up and like just was seeping out or whatever and I, I think it was the people in the hotel room next to mine that saw the water coming out. Yeah, from under the door. So they called 911 and they, they busted in the door and then cuz like paramedics and like firemen were there first and then, and then like the hotel staff came up there like what the. And then, and then they called the cops and the paramedic lady, I remember she was really cool.

[A]

Wait, so you got firemen, cops and staff in the room and you're butt naked at this point?

[B]

Yeah, we're just missing the coast Guard.

[A]

Some boy scouts.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Trying to put on my boxers but they were like, they were wet because all the bath water, throw up water and stuff. So I put the Pillow over my junk. And I was really confused, like I couldn't talk. I was just confused. Really drunk, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then they started asking me more and more questions and I kind of started like sobering up and realizing like, if I don't answer these questions, they're going to put me on a stretch and take me out of here. But not answered the questions. I just kind of like nodded yes. And I would say. And I called my friends immediately and they were like wanting to take me to the hospital, but I, I kept refusing cuz I'm. No.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was just like, no, I'm good. And then they just like, are, Are these people going to stay with you? Like, are these people? But then the cops showed up with the staff and they're like, he has to go. Like. And the cops were like, we could take him right now or whatever. And paramedic lady, she was really cool. I should have got her name. She was just like, he hasn't done anything wrong. Like he's gonna leave. Like, but he's not, he's not in the condition for you to like just drag him out of here. Like he's, he needs medical attention with her. So like she got the cops off my ass.

[A]

But the hotel didn't want you dying.

[B]

In the hotel was like, get the right, right hotel. Like you need to leave cuz you caused a disruption.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

It was like my bad.

[A]

But they let you stay?

[B]

Nope.

[A]

Oh, you did get bounced.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But you didn't go to the hospital.

[B]

I didn't go to the hospital and the cops didn't touch me.

[A]

So you packed your drunk out of your mind, not even knowing where you are?

[B]

Yeah, my friends packed it.

[A]

What city was this?

[B]

This was Houston, Texas, huh? Yeah.

[A]

That's pretty normal in Houston, Texas. That's a Saturday night.

[B]

My. Yeah, my buddy, I told him, I was like, man, I got kicked out of a, of a hotel, you know, I mean like I need to chill out. And he said what you said? He's like, man, that's Saturday night in Houston. He's like, calm down, dude.

[A]

It's good for the story though.

[B]

What about you? What was your suicidal story? We don't have to talk about if you don't want to. No, it's crazy looking your eye.

[A]

No, I'm just thinking about. I have depression, so I've like fantasized about it. Low grade my whole life. But they say you're only in danger when you actually make a plan. When you, when you actually start buying rope and like that.

[B]

But I heard a rumor that Home Depot won't sell you rope if you're crying.

[A]

That should be their logo. Home Depot. We won't sell you a rope if you're crying. Yeah.

[B]

I think it's okay to fantasize about it at a low level. I think it kind of helps balance out your feelings, you know what I mean? Like, how who, like, who isn't just at. Maybe some people more often than others. Right. But I feel like you. It's just so human to just be like, bro, kill myself right now. I don't want to deal with this. Like, I'm just.

[A]

It's an option.

[B]

It's an option.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So why not? Like. And it's an imaginary place. Just like we do comedy and you take. Sometimes your stand up goes to imaginary places.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You could talk about some wild on stage.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That doesn't mean you're gonna do it, right. I mean, you're not. You're not in the act of doing it. I was at Chappelle Summer camp this weekend. Donnell Rawlings was up. I'm a big fan of Donald Rawlings.

[A]

Oh, sure.

[B]

He was doing the joke about how, like, he's playing out a scenario of having to, like, shoot a dog and put it down. There's a lady in the front row who just wasn't liking it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Dog lovers don't like that he got in her face. He's like. He's like, ladies, this is just a comedy show. Like, it's all fake. He's like, the dog is not real.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, this is not a real story and make. He's like, watch. He's like, watch this. He's like, I'm gonna kill this dog and it at the same time. And he's just like, so, like, if we could take our mind there. Why can't we just take our mind to a suicide scenario every now and then? Just to kind of like.

[A]

I think it's like, it's a stress reliever. When you go like, all right, there is an emergency exit. Like, if you. You're like that. If I'm on, you know, like in a crowded nightclub and I get claustrophobic and I. I see the exit door. I know, okay, I'm probably not going out that door. But it's there.

[B]

This door?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Or even on an airplane. Like, I like that there is same with the emergency exit doors right there. It's like, I like to know I have that door.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If they told me that the plane was going down, I don't want to die next to the random dude they sat me next to.

[A]

No.

[B]

Hearing him crying. Yeah, I want to fly.

[A]

What a light that would be. You know you're going to die. So like people say, like, you know, live your life like it's the la. You're living your life like it's the last three minutes.

[B]

Yeah, you're.

[A]

You probably jerk off and sing in the sky. Yes.

[B]

I'm going there anyway. Or maybe not, I don't know.

[A]

But what would you sing while you were jerking off?

[B]

I don't know though. I guess the first one that came up to my mind was I Believe I Can Fly. I mean, I'm already falling. Right? Or that one. The Free Fall.

[A]

Yeah. Tom. Patty. Yeah, that's good. Fly like an Eagle by Steve Miller.

[B]

I might have to. I might have to sing like more like sexual type music because if I'm trying to keep a. An erection, like if I'm drinking.

[A]

Right. Some Lou Rawls or Barry White.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Nice, right?

[B]

This is a good. Yeah, I like that image. I'm gonna think on that more. I'll have better. I have a better playlist for you.

[A]

Yeah. Put together a suicide flying jerk off playlist.

[B]

I'm gonna have to like fly with that playlist just ready to go.

[A]

People like, why are you staring out the window like that? Why do you have an erection?

[B]

Why is this guy playing Bootsy Collins? Full blast.

[A]

We got the funk. Yeah. I think the closest I got to suicide is I wrote a book and I had a deadline because I had a deal with Simon Schuster and they were busting my balls about it. Had to be in by November 1st. And I was like, I had an office and I would go to the office and I would write until like 6, 6:30 in the morning, all night. And then I had little kids. So I would drive home, feed my kids, see them off to school, sleep for five or six hours, then go back to the office again. And I was under so much pressure that I used to sit. I had a La Z boy in the office and I would sit on the La Z boy and I would choke myself as hard as I could with my thumbs right on the jugular veins until I lost consciousness. And I would only go out for like a little bit, but I felt like it was just knocking at the door. And then I would come back and I would like, my whole head would be clear and I would be present and I would able to. I'd be able to start writing again.

[B]

Holy crap.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I. I'm realizing A little bit about myself here. I didn't do that. I didn't do that. But I did. This press tour makes me really nervous.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that. And then we're also pitching a lot of shows this week. No, we're not. We're pitching one show. We're just doing a lot of pitches this week. I've never done a TV show pitch before. Just felt really uncomfortable. And knowing that I'm gonna be away from my kid was also giving me a lot of pressure. More family stuff that I'd rather not mention. But the day before leaving, me and my buddy took my car out and I was just like, yo, I'm gonna hit 190.

[A]

What do you got? A Ford?

[B]

I got a 2024 Nissan GTR 935. I was like, I'm going to hit 190 on the highway.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I'm not. I'm not parking this car until I hit 190.

[A]

No.

[B]

And, man, we did it. It was really fun.

[A]

What time? Late at night?

[B]

Yeah, it was like 3:34am Something like that. Out in the middle of nowhere.

[A]

Was it on the highway?

[B]

Yeah. Still dangerous. I would never do it again. Next time I do that, I'll go to, like, a track, so.

[A]

Wow. Wow.

[B]

But there was something in.

[A]

How did it feel at 190?

[B]

It felt like all the cars on the highway were standing still.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And very sensitive. The wheel felt very sensitive. It felt nice. But I knew. I knew that once we came back and we're just driving regular speed limit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I knew, like, food would taste better and the air would taste sweeter. And I knew that I'd be able to focus and appreciate all the opportunities that I have because, like, I'm not dead.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I was like, bro, like, I'm going to go kill these pitch meetings. I'm going to go do this press tour. I'm going to, like, work out, new stand up. Like.

[A]

Like that. Yeah. I mean, I can see, like, why people that do these, you know, rock climbers that go to the top of Big Mountain, like these thrill seekers, you know, extreme mountain biker. Yeah. Because it puts you so in the moment. You can't be anywhere except the exact. Are you going to do the Adam Carolla show?

[B]

I don't know if you'll have me.

[A]

He would have. I'll call him.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

He's great.

[B]

I appreciate that.

[A]

But he's a race car driver. That's his hobby. And he was telling me yesterday about how he was racing. And I go, and this is exactly what he was talking about. He was. He was talking about flow state, you know, where you're only in the moment where you're not thinking about because you can't. You don't have the luxury of thinking one other thought for one second.

[B]

I love race cars. I went to that thing in Vegas. Speed Vegas.

[A]

Oh, did you?

[B]

Yeah. And the instructor just tells you how to drive.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So, like, the first couple laps, just really listen to what the instructor was saying. By the third lap, I kind of pushed it a little further. I almost lost control of the car. I drove a Porsche GT3 RS, but I needed to, like, almost lose control to really know the limit of the car.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Then the fourth and fifth lap, I think were my best laps. And I was. I wasn't afraid to, like, I still listened to the instructor, but I, like, delayed, like, Like I'd break later.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, gave it a little more gas, you know.

[A]

All right, it's cool. Did you. Did you have a line? Did you, like, follow a line? You just felt it?

[B]

Yeah. Well, I mean, he would tell me, like, I, you know, I mean, you want to go more towards the left. Like, come in from this angle that way.

[A]

Oh, so he was in the car?

[B]

Yeah, he's in the car.

[A]

Oh, I thought he was in a headset.

[B]

No, no, he's in the car.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

That's really easy. It's really easy.

[A]

Yeah. How much does that cost?

[B]

Well, we got to do it for free. We. Me and my buddy have an automotive channel.

[A]

Oh, yeah, right.

[B]

Formula bean. Yeah, it's just stupid. We just do stupid stuff. Buy some cars on marketplace, put some nitrous in it, blow it up.

[A]

Nice. I saw a Datsun 260Z that you guys bought. Yeah, that's a nice car.

[B]

Wait, my buddy has a few Datsuns. He built one from the ground up.

[A]

That's beautiful. Adam was racing yesterday.

[B]

A Datsun.

[A]

Yeah, it's an old Datsun.

[B]

That's sick.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But yeah, we. We got to go for free. I mean, we got to go and shoot content there. Like, it was cool. We spent unreal. We spent like almost. Almost the entire day there. Yeah, we did that. And then we did the go karts. The only, the only thing we didn't do was they have those off road trucks like the Baja series type. Yeah, yeah, but we didn't have enough time.

[A]

Yeah. Have to go back.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I'm going to be in Vegas next month. Maybe I'll go check it out. At least do some go karts. That'd be fun.

[B]

Yeah. Speed Vegas, y' all. Check them out. There's.

[A]

But let's talk about the 260ZX, because my friend had a 280ZX and I had a 200. I had went. When it became Nissan, there was a 200sx that I had that was a 5 speed. But is the 240 faster than the 260zx?

[B]

I don't know. You know, I'm a little out of my depth.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I know the 260 is like the first one, right?

[A]

Yeah. Right.

[B]

60S one.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I think those are the lighter.

[A]

Ones because I was a parking attendant at a country club in New York and guys would come in with Porsches and Ferraris and I swear to God.

[B]

That Datsun was like Dotson's, the poor man's Porsche.

[A]

It just was. It just. It shifted so nice. It's, it's. It's a hard ride. It's the, It's. There's not a lot of cushion going on, but. But it's a beautiful car.

[B]

So the, the 260 that I now own that I got from my buddy doesn't run. It's just rust bucket.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But we'll fix it up. I'm hope I got a. I got a zero miles brand new Hellcat motor.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

I want to throw that in there.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

So that. Yeah. But I was learning a little bit about that one. I think that's. I think that's the lightest option.

[A]

Is that a Dodge, the Hellcat motor?

[B]

Yeah, it's from the. It's from like a brand new Hellcat.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But my buddy also has a. A 280.

[A]

Huh.

[B]

Which I'm probably getting this wrong, but I, I think I like those better. I think the windows on those, they have like the. More of the square look.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Where I think the 260 has kind of like a rounder look.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Right.

[B]

But I like them both. And I'm hoping that people aren't going to be able to see too many details on it anyway. It'll be moving too fast.

[A]

That's right. Yeah. That's why you got to be careful what color you're driving. I mean, if you, if you're going to go 190 miles hour on the highway, you probably want a black car that the cops aren't going to see. Yeah. What color is yours?

[B]

Black.

[A]

Yeah. Right.

[B]

And the Datsun's black. You know, my buddy. You brought up the 240. My buddy actually bought a Nissan 240 for about 600 bucks. It's a, it's an automatic and we put a turbo and nitrous on that one, but we didn't tune it at all. It has a. Has a. The motor makes like 100 horsepower tops. So we wanted to just blow it up. It's a little KA motor. So our plan was like race it, blow it up for content, and then put in an ls. But the motor didn't blow up. It's definitely messed up. It doesn't want to start anymore. But we blew up the, the coupler tube for the turbo.

[A]

And so this would be blowing up in your face as you're driving it in front of me?

[B]

Yeah, it's like not in my face, but definitely in front of me, you know.

[A]

Well, no, you got that sheet of glass between you and the exploding eng engine.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

So that's fine.

[B]

And the hood.

[A]

Sure, that'll help you.

[B]

The hood ended up all bent because it did like pop, but because, because.

[A]

The hood could then fold back across.

[B]

The windshield as a, as a big shield.

[A]

Yeah. What's the worst car accident you ever had?

[B]

I've actually only been with me driving. I've been really just two fender benders. Yeah, I was 13 and 14.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. At 13, I took my grandma's Jeep to Gamestop to try to buy, I think one of the Grand Theft Auto games, of course.

[A]

And they didn't buy.

[B]

Yeah, they didn't want to sell it to me though. I was too young. So I, I had like 90 something bucks to my name. I had brought all the money with me and I was gonna leave. I was leaving the, the shopping center and the busy street kind of scared me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And the, the front of the car was sticking out too much, Right. So without even looking behind me, I just put it in reverse and gave it gas and I hit somebody's truck. It was this big white dude. It was a Dodge Ram and I dented his bumper. And my, you know, my grandma's Jeep was fine. And he was just looking at me like, what the hell? And he was like, do you have insurance? Like, like, what's your name? What's going. Like, do you have any type of. Do you have your parents? Like, what are you doing? I said, man, sir, I'm going be honest with you. I don't have insurance. I don't know how insurance works. I said, I don't know if my grandma has insurance. I said, she's asleep at home and I took her car. I said, I know that, you know, body work must be expensive. I said, this is all my money, like, ever like that I own in the world. Like you can.

[A]

90 bucks?

[B]

Yeah, it's like 92.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he just looked at it. He grabbed the money. He was like, man, just get out of here. And I just. I drove off. But I think it's crazy because I was like 12 or 13.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think it's crazy that the guy was like, all right, go home.

[A]

But like, well, that's especially funny because, like, you probably looked even younger at that age because you. You look young for your age now. Even though I called you 28 before I knew it because I read it on the Internet. So I knew your age, but I would. I would have guessed. I bet you get carded. So when you were 13, you probably look 10. You're only 5 foot 7.

[B]

At that time, I was like 4 foot 6 and still. Yeah, I was a small kid, like.

[A]

So you were sitting on the front of the seat.

[B]

I actually brought my buddy with me so that he could be my second pair of eyes because I couldn't see, like, everything. He was my navigator. We're like rally car drivers.

[A]

Oh, my God, that's hilarious. So she never found out I made.

[B]

It home before she even woke up.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I basically just went on a 92 joyride.

[A]

Right. Oh, my God. Just the irony that they wouldn't sell you the grand theft auto when you're living Grand Theft Auto at that moment.

[B]

I'm like, bro, like, I. I wanted to tell them, like, I drove myself here.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think I'm old enough to play Grand Theft Auto.

[A]

Right. Right. Yeah. Are you. Did you rent a car for LA now?

[B]

Hulu. Hulu that, you know, because they want me to impress. They. They hired a driver.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's cool. He's a nice dude. He's. I think he's. I think he's Armenian. He's telling me his ex wife comes from, like, Russian politicians, like some oligarchy stuff or something.

[A]

And he broke up with her.

[B]

Yeah. He said they gave him hell. Oh, yeah. But now he's doing good, you know, I hope they don't find him now. I just.

[A]

Yes. So you got the same driver the whole time staying with you?

[B]

Yeah, our first driver. I don't know what happened to him. For some reason they changed him.

[A]

You think it was you?

[B]

Nah, he was cool. I had the first driver we had. He was like, do you want to listen to anything in particular, music wise? And I was like. He put radio head and he was like, yeah. And then he dropped us off at our first location. And apparently while he was waiting for us, he made, like, a Radiohead playlist for the other drives, but for some reason, they switched them off. I think it was like, maybe the car was too small. There was a lot of. I got, like, this whole crew with me right now.

[A]

Yeah, sorry, we didn't let your publicist in.

[B]

I don't. I don't care.

[A]

Just.

[B]

It makes me uncomfortable as I'm a little. I'm a little suffocated with all the.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, they're. They're nice people and they're helping you. They're your champion. But at the same time, like, in the back of your head, you're. Every time you say something, you're wondering if they're, like, upset about what you're saying, you know?

[B]

Yeah. Shout out. Shout out to Hulu. But they were just like, you gotta mention the name of the special and that it's on Hulu.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm like, I'm pretty sure I did. They're like, you didn't.

[A]

I'm like.

[B]

I'm like, how close are you watching me?

[A]

Yeah. Planet Bosa. On Hulu.

[B]

On Hulu.

[A]

It's. I like how it starts. You don't. Around. You just. It just starts. And you're on stage, like, at the beginning of a joke, there's no, like, you. Unless I tuned in at the wrong time, maybe.

[B]

I don't know. I just walk on the stage. I just walk out and I'm like, hey. And then I'm like, you know, thanks for coming. And I just get into it.

[A]

It's hard walking to the mic on a special.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, you're walking out and you're not saying anything, and they're looking at you, and you haven't started what you do yet. And you feel kind of self conscious a little bit. So then you overcompensate by, like, acting psyched up when maybe you're not even really feeling that. So that's a false beat.

[B]

Yeah. I think the next special, I just want to do a toaster thing. Let's just hop up.

[A]

I'm just like, oh, that's good.

[B]

And then I just start the jokes.

[A]

All right. Like Beyonce.

[B]

I think it'd be funny to do a special where I'm in the audience and then they're like, there's those lights that are, like, searching.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's like drums. It's like, all right. Like, the moment you guys have been waiting for. I Want you to give it up for Ralph Barbosa. And then I'm there. I'm just like, whoa, what, Already? And then I just, like, run to the stage.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then get into it.

[A]

That's good. You know, being funnier is if your opener is up there and you're heckling him, and then he finishes and walks off, and then you get introduced.

[B]

I think that would be cool. I also think it'd be cool to do it in, like, a whole other country where they don't even understand me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But they just laugh when we tell them to laugh.

[A]

Yeah, that's good.

[B]

And then people wonder, like, wait, do they understand them? Like, I just do it in Japan in front of a Japanese crowd.

[A]

I think China would be more apt to do exactly what they're told to do. Communist country do.

[B]

Is there a way to get into North Korea? I heard, like, if you're, like, the first people in line, like, at certain time of the.

[A]

It's not Disneyland.

[B]

Yeah, no, it could be. I think there's a way to get into North Korea, man. I think there's, like, a certain amount of people, like, press or something that.

[A]

Can go, oh, yeah, if you're press, but they escort you. They have, like, a T. It's like. It's like having a Hulu special. There's people with you every step of the way.

[B]

I was telling this dude from Hulu, like, why didn't they just send me to North Korea?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That been. That would have been way better than doing, like, 80 podcasts. This is one stunt.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I guarantee you everybody would hear about it.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Planet B, the most viewed comedy special.

[A]

Look what it did for Dennis Rodman.

[B]

He went to North Korea. Yeah. I thought he just, like, met the guy, Kim Jong.

[A]

Yeah, he went over there. Yeah. He took him over and think he was talking about setting up a basketball league there or something. He was, like, an ambassador for the US I think it was during Trump's first run in office. I think he sent Rodman over there. How many podcasts have you done today?

[B]

You know what? Not many.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Just a lot of radio.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Who you do, like, a Mexican radio station is called, like, mega something in Spanish. It's like Spanglish.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If I don't go somewhat Spanglish, Mexicans get mad.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Hey, this guy don't know Spanish.

[A]

Yeah, right.

[B]

I don't know. I don't know. What's the deal? I did one with the LA Times. This.

[A]

I read that.

[B]

Yeah. No, I just did it today.

[A]

Oh, you did with the LA Times a couple years ago.

[B]

Yeah. But the one today, they made me do a photo shoot and the photographer wanted me to like sit on the ground and lean my head against the wall and I just like. I was like, sir, no offense, I'm not going to do that.

[A]

Like, can you put your thumb in your mouth?

[B]

Yeah. I'm like, I'm not a. I'm not deep, man.

[A]

Right. Right.

[B]

This. There's no pain here. There's no pain in my comedy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There's no message.

[A]

Uhhuh.

[B]

I was like, let's just take the. I'mma smile.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, I'm probably throw up a peace sign. Let's get the out of here, man.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. And. And then sometimes they get mad because you don't want to do the poses they do. But it's like, bro, like, I'm not writing music.

[A]

Like, right.

[B]

It's too deep.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, walking to the microphone is difficult. Coming up with the artwork is difficult because it's all stuff that we don't do. Like, we just want to tell jokes. We just want that to be everything. So at least with podcasts, it's loose and you're not like, even radio. It's more like set up do material they're kind of on.

[B]

It's not that chill n. The podcasts are easy going.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There's. As long as, you know, I mentioned the special.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Everything else is just right hang out. But the. The photo shoot thing, that was weird.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then. And then I don't know, like, I don't know if that the. What's his name? Philip. Like, I don't know if he'd like the way this is going. Probably would. I don't think you'd have an issue with it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But yeah, you're right. Sometimes when the publicists sit there, they're just watching you. It's just like, come on, say it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

They're like, say the special. Say Hulu.

[A]

Put the T shirt on.

[B]

Yeah. Put on your Hulu hat last time.

[A]

Meanwhile, the headline is going to be Barbosa suicidal. That's gonna be the takeaway from this one.

[B]

Sorry, I got.

[A]

I think driving 190 on the highway is. I think that's suicidal. I think. I think 150 is insane. I think 190 is suicidal.

[B]

200. Now that's suicide.

[A]

Yeah. You need a car that can go 200.

[B]

190.

[A]

You think you had more left?

[B]

No, I don't think so. I also read this thing, you know I wasn't just doing it out of suicidalness, Fitzy. I was doing this out of educational purposes, doing research.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

I was reading this thing that said. Well, my buddy was reading it, but he told me about it. Pretty much, like, the faster you go, the harder it is to get faster than that. So, like, once you reach, you know, 170, it's. It becomes just that much harder to reach 171 and then harder to reach 172. Like, so I. One, it was kind of. It was tough to get it to 190. We kept running out of space. Like, we needed straightaways. Curves were coming. Two, I was, like, watching the road. Like, I would check the dash. Like, I'd glance at it, and then I just keep. Keep my eyes on the road. But when it hit 190, a red light came on that I'd never seen before. So I think maybe, like, the. The computer kind of doesn't let you do past 190 maybe. Or maybe the.

[A]

Oh, is that what the car company picks as the number 190? Maybe the people at Nissan are like, you know, 185 seems reasonable, but 190 is excessive. My car does that. I have a Mustang. And whenever I go, when I try to weave, if I get too close to a car in front of me, it set. It puts out this red. This red thing comes up. Like accident is about to happen or something, which just me up. It throws off my concentration.

[B]

Yeah, it me up. It's more dangerous than if they just let you do it.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I don't like when they, like, what do you call it? Stop? You, like when the car stops?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

On its own without you pressing stuff?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like even. Even. I don't know. I'm not talking about, like, speeding. I mean, like, when you're just reversing.

[A]

When you're reversing and it thinks something.

[B]

There so it, like, jams, and you're like, bro, I know what I'm doing. Like, get the out of here.

[A]

That's because your. Your camera on the back by your license plate is. Is faced wrong. I had to fix mine.

[B]

Oh. I. I mean, it was in. It ended up being counterproductive, but I. I took one out of the car.

[A]

Oh, you did?

[B]

Yeah. Of one of the cars.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But now I can't get. Because it's, like, in, like, it's like, stuck inward. I was trying to poke it out and I poked it in. And so now whenever I put in reverse, my camera just thinks that like something's always in the way.

[A]

Cuz it's face, it's facing inside the car.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So you have like an only fans in your back seat.

[B]

It's just sees nothing though. It's like stuck in the slot.

[A]

Yeah, it's.

[B]

Yeah, it's annoying.

[A]

You want to hear my craziest car story?

[B]

Your sex in the car.

[A]

I did have sex in the car many times.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

But one time I grew up in New York and we were about 15 minutes.

[B]

The craziest part about this story already is that you have a car in New York.

[A]

Well, we grew up outside the city.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

We were about 15 minutes outside the Bronx. And so we used to go to the Bronx to get drugs. And so my friend Dave will do. Yeah, it's not. It's the worst drugs, but it's the closest drugs. And so we went down to my friend David. A lot of them smoked angel dust, which you probably never even heard of, but that was a big.

[B]

I've heard of it, but I've never.

[A]

Yeah, people don't smoke it.

[B]

That wasn't really. Yeah, that wasn't really a problem for my generation.

[A]

No, it was kind of a. It was kind of a 70s and 80s thing. And so Dave went down and he got some angel dust. And we're driving back and he had this Volkswagen, you know, this Carmen Gias. It's like a. It's almost like a hatchback looking old Volkswagen. And the engines were actually okay. It went fast just because it was so light. And so we're driving back and he's on angel dust. And he goes, I can get this car up to 100 miles an hour. And I was like, Dave, you can't get this car up to 100 miles an hour. You're on fucking angel dust right now. And we're on this road that's pretty bendy. Sawmill River Parkway. And so he just floors it. And his red eyes are like this. And we're going like 85, we're going 90. There's a girl in the car, she's crazy crying. People are screaming at him. The car is like shaking like this. And then. And then all of a sudden it hit 100 miles an hour. And he took his hands off the steering wheel and started going like this. And I'm grabbing the wheel and I was. I just remember my hands were shaking for like a half an hour after that. And I was only 100, but that's a different car.

[B]

How'd you feel afterwards?

[A]

Exhilarated. Alive.

[B]

Live. Right?

[A]

Yeah, I felt Good. I did.

[B]

Yeah. See, I don't think I'm suicidal. I think I just like the feeling of surviving something kind of crazy.

[A]

Well, that's why you do stand up every night.

[B]

You think so? That's why.

[A]

Yeah, that's why I do it. I need that charge. I need that rush.

[B]

I like stand up. Stand up's fun. I just, like, I think. I don't know, I think I do it for a little bit of a different reason. I think standup is more like, makes me feel like. Like I like, like I'm earning my spot on, on the planet. Like, when people laugh is what, like, validation.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So, like, I've never felt like I've done good jobs at jobs.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So I've never. I've never felt like, yo, I'm doing my part for, like, society.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And like, I make everybody laugh and they give me money. I'm like, all right. Hell yeah.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, it's kind of like some people look back a lot and they go, you know, I. I do this because I like to bring joy to people. And, you know, that's, that's nice, but I don't know that, that, that's not everybody's motivation. So I think it's good that that's part of your motivation because I think maybe you can aspire to things in comedy instead of fear. I think a lot of stand up comics are driven by the fear of failure on stage, and so they're a little bit too. They're in attack mode a little bit. And you don't always see who they are underneath that, you know?

[B]

Yeah. I think a lot of comics are good at, like, hiding real motives because there's too many comics that I've met that are. That can't. We can't all be alike, you know? You know what I mean? Like, this is so many comics that are like, oh, so they're so supportive of everybody.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's like. Or maybe I'm just the. Maybe I'm just one of the few evil ones.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

But even my. I mean, I try to be honest, though. Like, I don't like to hide feelings.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So, like, I like to talk to my friends, but I also like to congratulate them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I mostly like to talk when they're, like, slacking. I like to remind people that if they don't, you know, take advantage of opportunities or, like, work hard, they're gonna be pieces of shits.

[A]

Right, Right. Hey, wait, you Have a kid, wait till your kid gets older. That's everything. My kid's 24 and I'm still like. I try not to distance him from me by busting his balls, but I try to inspire him. I try to hold him accountable. It's fucking tough. That's the hardest thing about you think all the early years are hard and they are, but in a very different way. When they get older, it's much more about that how do you give them that character?

[B]

And I bet focus. That's really scary. I'm not looking forward to that part of fatherhood. I mean, I am. I want to see my kid grow up and, you know, get older. But man, every day, like today, I was on FaceTime with him.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was getting after him for trying. So he got his first homework assignment, he's in first grade. And he lied about it. He hid it because he didn't want to do it. And not that it's going to be the same, you know. And I love my older cousin, but my older cousin used to do that when we were kids and he ended up in and out of jail. So I'm like, I'm like just thinking.

[A]

Way first grade, you're already thinking about.

[B]

Yeah. I'm like, I'm like, I up my kid, I'm out of town too much and now he's, you know, he's lying to his mom and he's gonna go to jail as soon as he's old enough to go to jail. Because I'm out here hanging out with Fitzy.

[A]

Let me tell you something. Don't you gotta free yourself from that thought? Because I had that thought a lot of my career. Because I've been on the road, you know, a lot. I write, I write for TV shows as well. So I'm not always on the road, but like half the time I'm doing that instead of writing. And my kids turned out great. I know a lot of comics that raised really good kids while they're on the road. As long as, you know, they got a support system while they're home and you're checking in with them and the quality time you give them when you're there, it's what they're used to. Like if you were a stay at home dad and you saw them every night and tucked them in, it would fuck them up if you suddenly weren't. But if you're consistently being the guy that you are, your kids are going to be fine.

[B]

Yeah, I hope so. I appreciate you saying that. Yeah. When I'M home. I try to spend a lot of time with him, try to do things that are just about him. Or try to bring him with, like, errands that I gotta run.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know what I mean? I can't let him get too. Too spoiled now.

[A]

No, it's good, you know, you can't. I think sometimes parents cater too much to their kids. They make the kid the center of the world and when they should be part of the world, you know?

[B]

Yeah, 100 agree.

[A]

So does he like to read? You read books to him?

[B]

He hates reading, but I'll make him do it. No, that's part of his homework is he has to read a book every day after school.

[A]

Huh.

[B]

But I make him read, like, the menu items at a restaurant. Or like, I make him read, like, we'll go do fun stuff. We'll go to the movies or arcades and stuff. Yeah, but, like, we can't keep going, like, in the Dave. Unless he reads. Like, I won't order food until he reads me the entire menu. He's pissed and tells me I'm not funny.

[A]

He's already found out. Your spot, your tender spot.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a little. Sometimes.

[A]

That's hilarious.

[B]

How old were you when you became a Dad?

[A]

I was 33.

[B]

Okay, that's good. I messed up, man. I was 21, 22. Do you feel like you were established? Were you planning on having kids? Were you like, all right, I'm married. Let's have some kids.

[A]

I never aborted one, you know, I got lucky. I don't know why.

[B]

I'm glad you never had to pay for the board.

[A]

I know I wouldn't have my paying for it, but living with it would have been weird, you know, not to judge people who do. I'm just glad I didn't. But no, we planned it. I met my wife at 30, fell in love with her. And Paul knows her. She's pretty. She's pretty magic, wouldn't you say?

[B]

Yep, absolutely. She's a business owner now.

[A]

She's a stay at home mom.

[B]

Your wife's a business owner?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Sorry.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, she was a stay at home mom for. She was Julia Roberts assistant. And then kids. She left that did nothing but raise our kids for Julia.

[B]

Mad. Was she, like, what, I'm Julia Roberts?

[A]

No, because she had a kid around the same time.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Oh, she lived right in our neighborhood.

[B]

That would have really been mad. I'm like, I just had a kid.

[A]

Yeah, right this.

[B]

Right now. Julia Robertson. I'm a mom now.

[A]

Raise both our kids. I gotta go do a movie, so. And then she started working. Now she's a doula. She. Once my kids got older, she's a dual. A doula. Like working with mothers right after they have their babies, teaching them how to breastfeed and sleep, coach and nutrition, and stays with them for like four or six weeks and gets them going.

[B]

Do we have that for men?

[A]

That's a great idea. Male duos. A dulo. Yeah, yeah, Dulo. He teaches you how to, like, dildo, smoke a cigar.

[B]

Teaches you how to, like. Yeah, like the kid. And give up and get frustrated and give up.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. He coaches you on, you know, not being your worst self in front of your kid. He's teaching you to count to three. Three. Before you say something.

[B]

Sometimes it teaches you how to give him a little smack on the back of the head.

[A]

No, no smacking.

[B]

Just a tiny one. Just to let them know, like, hey, yeah, you'll do that? No, I do a little one on my son's head.

[A]

Really?

[B]

I'm gonna show you how hard.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What if I just, like.

[A]

Like to do it on my hand?

[B]

No, I'll be like, hey.

[A]

Oh, that's all right.

[B]

That's all right.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Be like, hey. But I. And maybe this is bad too, because it's like, like my dad says, like a respecting order, but I let my son do it to me.

[A]

Oh, that's fair.

[B]

Yeah, right? Yeah, yeah.

[A]

No, that's what I say, because my father used to beat the shit out of me. He was 6 foot 2 from the Bronx, tough guy. And I used to look at him when I was like, you know, 8 years old. I look at him like, dude, this is so unfair. You're so much bigger than me. And I used to think when I got older, I can't wait till he gets weak and old and I'm at my height. I'm at my peak. And I'm gonna beat the. Out of that guy.

[B]

You know what happened? You ever surpass him?

[A]

He died. He died before I had the chance. He died? When? When he was young.

[B]

I'm sorry about your dad dying when you were young.

[A]

Yeah, that's. Thank you. He was a great guy. I really loved him. He was amazing. But I never got to beat him up.

[B]

That's probably for the best, you know, show him mercy. Yeah, you got to be better than the. Than the last one.

[A]

Well, my son and I have always wrestled a lot. Like hardcore wrestling and throwing them around. And then as he got Older. When he was, like, in high school, we would wrestle, but it started to get, like, intense. And then one day, he got me in a chokehold, and I couldn't get out.

[B]

Oh, you're about to give, bro. How are you gonna get whooped by your dad and your son?

[A]

I know, right? I'm getting it from both sides. Right.

[B]

Right now, me and my son, we do that, but it's kind of just to get, like, each other's attention when we're, like, really locked in on something. So, like, if my son's on, I'll let him play on the tablet for a while.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But if I'm like, hey, go brush your teeth. Go do this, and he's not doing it, then I'll give him a little, like, hey, like, I might get serious.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But then he'll do it to me, too. If he feels like I'm ignoring him or whatever, he'll give me, like, a little. He'll be like, bye.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm like, all right, all right, all right. What's going on?

[A]

Right, right.

[B]

But that's it. We'll play fight. Like. Like, I'll flip him on the bed and stuff, but no wrestling. I don't think I want to go that route if my son kicks my ass.

[A]

It was the worst moment of my life, I swear to God. I was in that chokehold, and I'm looking at my wife, and I'm just like, I gotta. I gotta kick him out of the house now. I can't have this kid in my house. He signed his own fate with that and. All right, so a couple things I want to ask you about.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I'm not gonna ask you about that Carla, that George Lopez thing.

[B]

Oh, it's all right. Whatever you want to do, man. I don't mind.

[A]

All right, so the George Lopez, you got into it. He was on a podcast with. Who was he on with?

[B]

What's the dude's name? Trevino.

[A]

Yeah, Steve Trevino.

[B]

Steve Trevino.

[A]

So Steve was, like, shouting you out, and then George said, nobody knows that guy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then I guess he got a lot of blowback about it. And then. And then George called you and apologized?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. George got a lot of blowback from it. I didn't even, like, mind. It was like, let him. You can say what he wants, man. He's a grown man, Right? It's a podcast. People talk on podcasts all the time.

[A]

Yeah, we've On a couple people on this podcast, right?

[B]

Yeah. It's like, so what? Yeah, so, like. And I, like, I don't know George Lopez. I don't. I. I've heard of him helping out a couple of my buddies, but, like, I've also heard that he's big, like, against helping out people. Like. Like he was saying on that podcast. You know, he strikes me as the type of person that even when he does help people, he probably doesn't want, like, recognition for it.

[A]

Uhhuh.

[B]

But I don't know. It's like, why, like, to that dude Trino is like, why even bring it up if. If you know what he's going to say? Like, you know. Oh, I say, you know, he's anti helping people. So, like, why even bring me up? Like, it almost. It almost felt like he said, enough George to be like, well, I'm. I help people.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know what I mean? So, like, that. That kind of bugged me because I don't have anything against George Lopez, but when I was starting out, everybody that I would meet at open mics would be like, are you gonna be the next George Lopez? And I was like, no, I don't. I was like, did you not watch my set? I don't think it was anything like that.

[A]

No.

[B]

So it felt like races, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I feel like I'm working hard to be creative and find my own style in comedy so that I'm not compared to George Lopez.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because he's his own comedian. I'm my own comedian, you know? I mean, like, just because we're both Latino doesn't mean we're similar. And then. And then Steve Trevino doesn't stop bringing me up on his podcast, and next thing you know, I'm attached to Lopez forever. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Which is, like, fine. It's whatever. I don't know what whose intentions were, what if Lopez actually knew who I was or not. But I got nothing against George Lopez, man. I'm always. I respect the veteran comics. I think he's a great comedian.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, he's a great comedian. But, yeah, I've heard that. I've heard that. He's not always that supportive. He was very nice. I did his. He had a talk show that I did stand up on one time, and I was really close to. My son's soccer coach was this guy who. His mom was dying of cancer, and they're a Latino family, and she watched him every night. And so I brought her to the show and I brought her backstage. I already knew George because we had developed a show together one time, and so I'm Backstage. And I introduced her to George. Didn't even tell her that she was dying of cancer. He spent 45 minutes hanging out with her, talking to her, taking pictures. And she died, like on the way home.

[B]

Oh, my.

[A]

No, no. But she died soon after. Well, she was just crying from seeing him and she crashed. The car died. It wasn't even the cancer that got her. She's going 190 miles an hour on the 405.

[B]

She was driving the GT Healer. Oh, my.

[A]

But let me ask you about saying bean. Cuz, like, I know Carlos Mancia got in a lot of trouble. He got almost cancelled over saying beaner.

[B]

For real?

[A]

Yeah, like, yeah. I mean, people don't know how big Carlos Mencia was. This is before your time.

[B]

No, I remember he was huge.

[A]

He was huge.

[B]

I. I was in. I was in like the fourth, fifth grade. He was huge.

[A]

Playing arenas and a TV show. Yeah, it's like the number one show on Comedy Central at one point.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then.

[B]

I. I don't understand how that didn't get him canceled. He could say beaner, but he can't go. I mean, he can't say beaner, but he, he could make his D3 his catchphrase.

[A]

Oh, the. The mentally challenged person. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

That he would do that way more than he would say being it.

[A]

Well, I think there was a Latino group that was after him. They had him in the crosshairs and they really made it their business to bring him down. And then Latino group it was. It's always the fucking Chicanos, man, after the Latinos. And so he also got accused of stealing. Not accused. He did. I mean, obviously you saw the tape bit. So like between those two things, he all of a sudden like, dude, I'll be playing at the Atlanta punchline. I see his headshot right next to mine coming next week. I'm like, damn.

[B]

I used to open for. No, I opened for him one weekend.

[A]

How you did?

[B]

Yeah, I opened from the Addison Improv.

[A]

That's a fun club.

[B]

Yeah, I love that.

[A]

I love that club.

[B]

I was just doing a guest spot and he liked the set. He was like, you could do the whole weekend.

[A]

Oh, nice. That's cool.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Great guy.

[B]

Yeah, he was cool. I didn't ask him about joke stealing or nothing. Yeah, I just wanted some stage time.

[A]

Yeah. I asked him to do this benefit because my kids went to Spanish immersion school from kindergarten through high school. So their school was half. Half the kids were from Spanish speaking homes and half were from English speaking homes. And then they Taught them only in Spanish for the first three years. So, like, my kids, first three years of school, every subject was taught in Spanish. Oh, so they're fluent, right?

[B]

They know more than I do, probably.

[A]

Yeah. So anyway, we want to do a benefit for the school because, like, a lot of the kids were on food stamps. And so we. I asked Carlos if he would headline a comedy show. He said, great, I'll do it. He was in, like, Iowa the night before the show was on a Sunday night. He was there on Saturday night. So he got a private plane to fly in, do the show. The week before the show, that group started making noise about that he's a racist and that he doesn't represent the Latino values of this school, and that they were going to protest, and they said that they were going to sit in the audience and heckle him throughout the show.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

They were going to pick at the show. Meanwhile, we'd sold the tickets out. You know, we had $40,000 in ticket sales. It was sold out. And then the school board canceled it the night before because they didn't want a big scene. And I had to call Carlos and say, hey, man, thanks for renting a private jet, but they don't want you on the show.

[B]

I would have been so mad. I would have been like, can somebody reimburse my jet?

[A]

Right?

[B]

Reimburse the jet, God damn it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't. I never thought that was, like, even a crazy word being there. Like, beans are good. Give you Ted. Beans.

[A]

I love beans.

[B]

I love beans.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So, like. Like, I get it. Like, if I. Trust me, I'd get. I would get so pissed if somebody's using it. What do you call it? In a derogatory way? Like, if they're trying to insult me. Yeah, it's gonna piss me off, but it's not gonna hurt that bad either. I'm like, whatever. I don't think. And then for the dude is. The dude's a bean himself. He can't say it.

[A]

Well, that's what people say, is that he's. Ha. He's only half. He's half Honduran and half, like, German. So that didn't qualify him to say the word.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Even though he grew up in East LA in a Latino neighborhood. And I think also some of his views were very anti immigrant, anti undocumented, which obviously there's a lot of in this country. I don't know where you fall with that, but you don't talk about your views. So I'm not going to ask you how you feel about undocumented Latinos who are part of your heritage.

[B]

I think that if you look Latino as hell, you should just say it. Nobody's ever looked at Carlos Mencia and thought, look at this German.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It's like, I don't know. I. I don't think people should be cancelled for stuff like that, Especially not comedians. I think comedians should always be allowed to at least try it out. You know what I mean? What is it Patrice o' Neal said? Like, the attempt.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm not saying go out there and say the most offensive ever, but I mean, he. The guy got laughs.

[A]

Say it if you can get laughs. Yeah, that's. That's the test. Like, people like, well, Sarah Silverman, she does. You know, she went in blackface on her TV show and she said, can you say chink? Yeah, she said chink on the Conan o' Brien show. And she got canceled. But then it didn't stick because you know why? It got a laugh. The jokes all got laughs.

[B]

I think that you got to break it down to, like, can you guys.

[A]

Laugh after I say chinks?

[B]

I don't get canceled if. If at least 50% of the room left.

[A]

Yeah, you're good, you're good.

[B]

You're good.

[A]

Especially if there's some Asian people in that half of the room, which usually there are. Usually the race that you're making fun of. Like, I do jokes about black people.

[B]

They're the first ones laughing if it's funny as. Yeah, man.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Yeah. I'm not saying go out there and offend the. At everybody, because I feel like a lot of comedians do that too, nowadays.

[A]

Where they're like, well, Austin's a lot like that.

[B]

Austin. Yeah. I feel like in Austin, a lot of comics want to be offensive first and then funny. Like, they're more worried. Like, that's their top priority. Where I feel like your top priority should be. Be funny. If it happens to a fan who saw what.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

And if it happens to make a point, that's secondary to getting the laugh.

[B]

Yeah, the laugh should be number one priority.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

In my mind. But what do I know? I'm just a kid.

[A]

You are a kid, but you got a. Got a big future.

[B]

I have a Hulu special called Planet Bosa, Planet Barbosa.

[A]

He's also got some tour dates coming up. He is going to be at the Beacon Theater. Dude. Beacon Theater.

[B]

We're at the. You know what? We're kicking off. You know what?

[A]

We're Kicking off at the York Comedy Festival?

[B]

No, we're kicking off the Bean With a Cause tour. That's the name of my tour.

[A]

Really?

[B]

No joke, dude.

[A]

It's not going to go. Nobody buying tickets to that. Bunch of racists are buying tickets to that. And then I don't see a lot of dates, though. And then you're not working till October 24 at the Yamava Theater in Highland, California. And then the next night, you're at the Muckle Shoot. Your agent mad at you? The Muckle Shoot Casino in Auburn, Washington.

[B]

He's probably mad that I dropped so many days. Well, we're leaving a lot of space open to pop. Pop into cities, do. Do club shows, workout material and whatnot.

[A]

November 7 at the Chicago Theater. That's beautiful. December 19 at the Majestic in San Antonio. That's. You don't even get on a plane for that one, right?

[B]

Nope. Just drive. Right now.

[A]

December 20th at the Choctaw Casino in Durant, Oklahoma. I mean, did you. Are you not taking his calls, or what are you doing by agent? Yeah.

[B]

No. So he started off with, like, this whole route, this whole grid.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I was like, can you knock off a few cities? I'm a little tired. And then. And then he did. And then I was like, knock off a few more? Yeah. We've been touring heavy for the last, like, three years. You know, things happen pretty fast for me, and I took advantage of every ticket I could sell.

[A]

But you put the money away?

[B]

I kind of. I'm not the best with money, but I'm not a complete idiot.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I've got some investments, so, like, if I was ever to, like, lose all my money, I'd still. I'd be okay.

[A]

Did you set up a retirement account?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You set up a college account for your kid?

[B]

No.

[A]

It's called a529 account, and it's tax deductible. You can put up to, like. You could put up to, like, $10,000 a year in it. And if you start it now, you'll get compound interest on it, and you really only have to put it in for, like, the first 10 years of his life. It'll accrue enough money to pay for college.

[B]

But what if he doesn't go to college?

[A]

Then you can take it out, pay a penalty, and he can use it for, like, a trade school or to travel or whatever.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But it'll get him started in life.

[B]

That would be cool.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, I just left a map to where I buried cash for him.

[A]

It's in the engine of a 69 GTO.

[B]

Hell yeah.

[A]

Yeah, right. All right. Good. All right, man. Thanks for being here.

[B]

Oh, thank you for having me.

[A]

This was a great hang.

[B]

Hell yeah.

[A]

I'll see you around the clubs.

[B]

It's nice meeting you.

[A]

Yeah, you too. Want to live better? We got a lot of work to do. Join Chris Hemsworth in National Geographic's new Disney plus Original Series series Limitless Live Better Now. I'm diving head first into cutting edge science to uncover three powerful secrets to living better right now. The growth that occurs through any challenging experience is really what we see. Chris Hemsworth stars in Limitless Live Better Now. Now streaming on Disney plus and Hulu, it's showtime.

[B]

This episode is brought to you by FX's alien Earth, the official podcast. Each week, host Adam Rogers is joined by guests including the show's creator, cast and crew in this exclusive companion podcast. They will explore story elements, deep dive into character motivations and offer an episode by episode behind the scenes breakdown of each terrifying chapter in this new series. Search FX's alien Earth wherever you listen to podcasts, support for this podcast and the following message comes from America's Navy the Navy offers new graduates hands on training and experience in careers like computer science, aviation and medicine, plus education and sign on bonuses. Parents help your grads start their career [e-mail].