Robby Hoffman - Episode 1097

Summary

Fitzdog Radio Episode 1097: Robbie Hoffman

Release Date: May 21, 2025
Host: Greg Fitzsimmons
Guest: Robbie Hoffman
Title: Robby Hoffman - Episode 1097

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1. Introduction and Setting the Scene

Timestamp: [00:00 - 05:00]

Greg Fitzsimmons opens the episode by sharing his recent break from "Fitzdog Radio" due to personal commitments, including his friend Mike Gibbons picking up his daughter from Michigan. He reflects on his time performing in Dayton, Kentucky, at "The Commonwealth Sanctuary," an old church converted into a comedy club. Greg emphasizes the creative freedom smaller venues provide, allowing for risk-taking and deeper audience connections.

---

2. Personal Anecdotes and Early Life

Timestamp: [05:00 - 16:16]

Robbie Hoffman recounts a vivid memory from his teenage years, detailing his experience washing and waxing his 1981 Corvette to perfection. He shares a pivotal story involving a childhood bully, Clem McCann, highlighting themes of forgiveness and personal growth:

Robbie Hoffman [10:45]: "I forgive you, Clem, if you're listening right now. And I forgive your kids, who are probably not great kids and are probably beating up other kids in Tarrytown right now."

This anecdote underscores Robbie's ability to reflect on past conflicts with empathy and understanding.

---

3. Societal Observations and Critiques

Timestamp: [16:17 - 30:07]

Robbie delves into his frustrations with platforms like Yelp and Consumer Reports, criticizing their shift towards corporate favoritism and loss of neutrality. He laments the societal obsession with complaining over minor grievances, which he believes erodes loyalty and genuine relationships:

Robbie Hoffman [11:59]: "Yelp is just basically a device. It's an indication that we as a society have met our needs to such a gross degree that we are so spoiled that we have this device where we just go on and we complain about the shit that we take for granted."

He contrasts this with his 25-year marriage, highlighting his personal commitment and stability amidst a culture of disposability.

---

4. Family Background and Upbringing

Timestamp: [30:07 - 48:23]

Robbie provides an in-depth look into his family life, growing up in an Orthodox Jewish household with nine siblings. After his parents separated, his mother moved the family to Montreal, emphasizing education, culture, and frugality despite their limited financial means. Robbie describes his mother's resilience and dedication:

Robbie Hoffman [41:00]: "My mother was very cultured. She still is. You know, she doesn't have a cell phone. She reads. We had books. We were at the library every single weekend."

He shares how his upbringing instilled in him values of tenacity, hard work, and a deep appreciation for education and culture.

---

5. Journey in Comedy and Career Development

Timestamp: [48:24 - 65:00]

Robbie discusses his foray into the comedy scene, starting in Montreal before moving to Toronto where he found greater success. He highlights the challenges faced by new comedians, especially those without financial backing or "nepo" (nepotism) advantages:

Robbie Hoffman [25:02]: "But not like I also don't falter. Those kids. It's like, what do you want? Like Will Smith's kid making me. It's like, what do you want this kid to do?"

He emphasizes the systemic barriers that make it increasingly difficult for aspiring comedians to break into the industry without resources, despite his own hard work and dedication.

---

6. Current Projects and Future Endeavors

Timestamp: [65:00 - 81:30]

Robbie shares exciting developments in his career, including developing a show with HBO and hosting his own Patreon-exclusive podcast, "Too Far." He boasts about his appearances on popular shows like "Hacks" and hints at new podcast episodes that listeners can subscribe to for exclusive content.

Robbie Hoffman [81:15]: "You can subscribe, which is also addictive."

Additionally, Robbie outlines his ongoing stand-up tour across the U.S. and Canada, highlighting upcoming performances in cities like Chicago, Minneapolis, Pittsburgh, Toronto, and Edmonton.

---

7. Personal Relationships and Lifestyle

Timestamp: [81:31 - 94:00]

A lighthearted segment explores Robbie's personal life, including his marriage to Gabby, a former contestant from "The Bachelorette" and "Dancing with the Stars." They humorously discuss navigating their relationship amidst Robbie's demanding career and the quirks that come with it.

Robbie emphasizes the importance of open communication and reconciliation within relationships, sharing anecdotes about apologizing to his sister and maintaining strong familial bonds.

Robbie Hoffman [77:10]: "It's a sorry, but to my little sister. You'd have to accept it because she's not taking any accountability."

---

8. Closing Thoughts and Final Remarks

Timestamp: [94:00 - End]

Greg and Robbie wrap up the episode with a fast-paced Q&A segment, addressing topics ranging from physical altercations on stage to Robbie's friendships. They touch upon broader societal issues, reflecting on themes of race and socioeconomic status, with Robbie offering a thought-provoking perspective:

Robbie Hoffman [71:14]: "Socioeconomic. No. Because it's integrated into richness or poor."

The episode concludes with Robbie promoting his upcoming shows and podcast, leaving listeners with a sense of his multifaceted personality and commitment to his craft.

---

Notable Quotes

1. Forgiveness and Growth:
   Robbie Hoffman [10:45]
   "I forgive you, Clem, if you're listening right now. And I forgive your kids, who are probably not great kids and are probably beating up other kids in Tarrytown right now."

2. Societal Critique on Yelp:
   Robbie Hoffman [11:59]
   "Yelp is just basically a device. It's an indication that we as a society have met our needs to such a gross degree that we are so spoiled that we have this device where we just go on and we complain about the shit that we take for granted."

3. Family Resilience:
   Robbie Hoffman [41:00]
   "My mother was very cultured. She still is. You know, she doesn't have a cell phone. She reads. We had books. We were at the library every single weekend."

4. Challenges in Comedy:
   Robbie Hoffman [25:02]
   "But not like I also don't falter. Those kids. It's like, what do you want? Like Will Smith's kid making me. It's like, what do you want this kid to do?"

5. Promoting His Podcast:
   Robbie Hoffman [81:15]
   "You can subscribe, which is also addictive."

6. Socioeconomic Observations:
   Robbie Hoffman [71:14]
   "Socioeconomic. No. Because it's integrated into richness or poor."

---

Conclusion

Episode 1097 of "Fitzdog Radio" with Robbie Hoffman offers a deep dive into Robbie's personal history, his journey in the comedy world, and his insightful critiques of modern societal trends. Through engaging storytelling and candid conversations, both Greg and Robbie provide listeners with both humor and thoughtful reflections, making it a compelling listen for both fans and newcomers alike.

---

Follow Robbie Hoffman on Instagram @RobbieHoffman and subscribe to his Patreon-exclusive podcast, "Too Far," for more in-depth conversations and exclusive content.

Transcript

[Robbie Hoffman]

Foreign.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Hello, everybody. Welcome to Fitz Dog Radio. I took a week off last week. We took off Fitz Dog Radio and Sunday papers last week. It's just. It's just spring. Spring's here. Mike Gibbons was in Michigan picking up his daughter who graduated college from Michigan. Very impressive young woman. So they drove back across the country, and Fitz Dog Radio. I forget what happened. I don't know. I just can't do it. Every single week. I was on the road. I was in Dayton, Kentucky, which, by the way, attendance was not what it could have been. And I blame myself. I was promoting Dayton, Ohio, because I didn't read the contract that my agent sent me. Dayton, Kentucky, is basically a suburb of Cincinnati. And I was saying Dayton. Anyway, long story short, great club. There's this club, and it's. What was it called? The Commonwealth Sanctuary. It's an old church that they turned into this little comedy club. And it's getting great names like Todd Barry just came through and Rory Scoville. And it's just like. Have a kind of a magic little place. And I just came up with so much new shit. It was amazing. Sometimes, you know, smaller clubs are more conducive to being creative and taking risks. And I feel like the crowd, really, they support you, they stay with you. It was pretty great. So anyway, if you're in that neck of the woods, check it out. They got some good acts coming up today. You could tell from the color in my face. I got color in my face. Today I went out and I washed and waxed my own car. Which when you. You know, when you don't love your car, you're not gonna do that. But now I got my Mustang. It was like. I swear to you, it was like making love to an inanimate object. I was out there, washed it, dried it down with some towels. And then Windex the windows and wiped down the interior. And then I got the wax out. And you small this. I got some thick, pasty wax. And I rubbed it in. In like, small, hard circles and then let it haze a little bit. And then I buffed it with. With these special towels that I bought at the automotive store. And Armor all the tires. And it's just. It looks fucking beautiful. It feels so good. And it's what I did when I was a teenager. I had a lot of jobs as a teenager, but one of them was I used to go. I parked cars at a country club. And on the days that I wasn't parking cars. Cause all these golfers would come in on the days that I wasn't parking cars. I would arrange with one of the members to hand wax his car while he was playing golf. So he'd show up, you know, 8am I'd meet him at the club, grab the car, drive it to Tarrytown, which was about 15 minutes away, to my driveway. And I would hand wash and wax, and I would shampoo the upholstery. And, I mean, I was take. I would only ask the best cars, the people with the best cars, because I was charging one 25 bucks cash, which back then was a lot of money. Nobody was getting that kind of money. And then they tipped me on top of it. But anyway, I would come back to my house with a Rolls Royce or a Porsche, and I had this 1981 Corvette. It was a special engine block called an L84. It was super fast. And so I drove it to my house and I waxed the shit out of it. This thing was shining. It was like a dark green, but it looked black until you wax it. And then the green kind of came out. T top, roof top was off. And so I'm driving through Tarrytown, and we get to this road called the 117, which it kind of connects you from the country club to my house. And it's a long straightaway, and I pull up to the light and sit next to me is this kid named Clem McCann, who was a bully, who bullied me, who was very mean to me. I was very intimidated by him. He was what you called a motorhead. He was like one of the kids in town that, like, you know, bought muscle cars and fixed them up. And he was from this area called Weber Park. And anyway, so he had a 69 Mercury Cougar, which was a badass car, and he had it jacked up with a scoop on the hood. And so he had always, like. I don't know if he ever beat me up, but he would push me around, and I was afraid he was going to beat me up. And he was a shitty kid. I remember we went to the Grateful Dead at Madison Square Garden one time and, like, ran into him and his crew. And then he got all wasted and threw up on the shoes of a cop at Madison Square Garden. And everybody used to call him puke on your shoes after that. And he was a redhead. You know, Clem McCann just sounds like some guy who lives in the fucking, you know, in the. In the Appalachian mountains, smuggling moonshine. Clem McCann. Hope he's not listening to this. Anyway, so we get to the red Light. And I'm sitting there and he pulls up next to me and he looks at me in this fucking Corvette and he revs his engine. And I rev my engine. I'm like, all right, I'm gonna blow this fucking old car off the road that this is. At the time, I believe it was the largest factory engine made in America. And it was a five speed. And so I'm like, all right, let's do it. Clem and Billy Farrell sitting in the front seat. And I was like, all right, that's just adding weight, you two fat fucks. Light turns green. He guns it. Rubber peeling on the road. I gun it and I popped the clutch. And the car lurches and stalls. And he. And I just see his fucking tail lights pulling off. I was like, mother fucker. Could have redeemed myself. This could have been a story I told on a podcast years from now. But it wasn't to be. Wasn't meant to be. I hope Clem is fine. It's like I'm doing an interview on this podcast with Robbie Hoffman, and she talks about Grace. She doesn't say that word, but she's describing Grace. She's describing knowing that Clem was a fucked up kid, probably because he had fucked up parents or whatever his life situation was made him ornery and a bully. And I. I forgive you, Clem, if you're listening right now. And I forgive your kids, who are probably not great kids and are probably beating up other kids in Tarrytown right now. So. New pope. I don't. I haven't talked to you guys since the new pope, Pope Leo, and it's very exciting. Is from Chicago. And I guess he is not a Cubs fan. He's a White Sox fan, which is good that he's not a Cubs fan because a lot of the past popes have been Cub Scouts fans. And I guess he is a fan of the White Sox. I'm wondering if. Because he's from Chicago, the. The. The wafer, the eucharistic wafer will be deep dish. Do. Is this on? Is this mic on? Can you hear me? These are my new pope jokes. People been working in the clubs. Don't fucking judge me. Um, all right, what else? I went on Yelp and I was going to. Originally I was going to take my car into a car wash and get it hand detailed and waxed, but then I was looking at the reviews of the place I normally go to, and they were not good. Good. And so I went on Yelp and I asked Yelp about what's the best car wash in Venice Beach? Not. And first of all, Yelp Yao now uses AI. So I'm writing my what I need into the Yelp, but it's really putting it into AI. So it lists a bunch of shitty like. Like they're not even car washes. They're like car upholstery replay. It totally fucked the whole thing up. And then. So I get out of the window, within 20 minutes, I've got a dozen spams from car wash places. Specifically, like custom car wash places where they come to you for 200 bucks and do whatever, 300 bucks and hand wash. When did Yelp become. When did they start spamming my shit out to businesses? First of all, Yelp is supposed to be neutral. It's supposed to be a place where it's user generated and it's a neutral arbiter for what's good and what's bad. And now, once again, it's another corporate behemoth that is just sucking the teat of the corporations getting paid off. You can same with Consumer Reports. You go on Consumer Reports, I pay an annual fee so I can get an unfettered opinion on what is the best tv, what's the best blender, what's the best coffee maker. But then you go to the listings and it says this. This brand is a sponsor of Consumer Reports. So Consumer Reports is taking advertising money from these products and then giving them better ratings. So what fucking point is it? Why am I paying this money? What's going on in this fucking country? Seriously, where are we headed? Yelp. What is Yelp? I used to talk about this. Yelp is just basically a device. It's an indication that we as a society have met our needs to such a gross degree that we are so spoiled that we have this device where we just go on and we complain about the shit that we take for granted. Like, you talk about, you know, Roma's pizza place on Abbot Kinney, two thumbs up your ass because they. The waiter didn't smile. What. How is the food? Well, fuck them. I want to ruin their business. It's like, can you imagine somebody from Pakistan or say, a poor country. That's a. That's a poor country. What if they knew that there was a place where you complained about somebody bringing you food and you. They'd be like, but what? Did they bring the food? Yeah, yeah, they brought the food.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Food.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But the attitude wasn't. They weren't really kissing my ass. But why did they get. They had food. They give it why they give it to you? Well, because I paid them to. But why did they not eat the food themselves? Why? Because it's. I don't know. There's no loyalty. Always yelping, looking to jump to the next best thing. So there's no loyalty in this world. I'm in a 25 year marriage. I've been in the same house for 23 years, had the same friends. I just talked to my friend that I've been friends with since I was fucking 11 on the phone yesterday, Talked to my brother today. They don't change everything. Christ, I got the same style I've always had everybody. Marriage doesn't work and they get divorced. They lease their cars. I never leased a car in my life. I buy it and I run it into the ground. I've driven my cars for a decade. 15 years each. 20 years. Keep it simple. Nobody has family heirlooms anymore because they move so much. They had to downsize when they move to feed. So they sold grandma's china. Don't like your phone service switch. Just like that. I always hated that guy from the can you hear me now? Guy. He became a billionaire for. I guess it was Sprint. Was it Sprint? He started with Sprint and he was the can you hear me now? And they paid him money every year for year. And then one year he was working for fucking at and t. Same guy, now he's doing. Answer, you piece of shit. How do you fucking live with that guy if you're his wife? How do you live with that fucking traitor? That guy who will. He will leave you for the next chick he shoots a commercial with if she's hotter. Fuck that guy. He's the guy that, like, lives in New York. And then if the. If the Mets are playing better this year, he. He, he puts his Yankees cap away, buys a Mets cap. You know, he's the mascot for millennials. You have no weight. You have no bearing. Anyway, I don't know how strong of a close that is, but welcome to the podcast. Welcome back. Sorry I missed last week. We got a bunch of good guests coming up in the near future, Steph Tolev. And I got a bunch of people I can't remember, but my guest this week is a very funny comedian who's got a bunch of cool stuff going on right now. I just saw her in hacks. She's got a nice season run in hacks this year. She's on FX's show Dying for Sex. Netflix is verified. She's all over the press lately. And I just love Her. I hang out with her Comedy Store a lot and I've been wanting to get her on for a while. So we just talked today. And this is the intro for the interview. And now here's the interview, if you want to come see me. By the way, I should mention I will be in Tampa Bay at side Splitters Comedy Club June 5th through the 7th. Then one night in Naples, Florida, off the hook, June 8th, Torrance, California, June 29th at the end. Then I will be at the comedy mothership in Austin, July 4th through the 6th, Point Pleasant, New Jersey, at Uncle Vinny's August 1st and 2nd. Then I'll be in La Jolla, Vegas, Chicago, New Orleans. Go to fitzdog.com, get some tickets, support the show. And here we go. Here is my chat with the wonderful Robbie Hoffman. Robbie Hoffman is my guest. Welcome. What a beginning. You came in.

[Robbie Hoffman]

I come in too hot.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, you came in early, which is.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Very unlike a community. I had to pee so bad.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I thought you were actually going to go in your pants.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Oh, I had to pee. And I am unlike. I'm. I'm very punctual. Yeah, I get that from my mother.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, It's a good. It's a very good quality.

[Robbie Hoffman]

I can't us on time is late.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Yeah. Because I've lost opportunities in life. I've gotten to meetings late. And it start. It starts the whole thing off.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Know. Could never.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Bad energy. Right.

[Robbie Hoffman]

It could never be me. I'd rather wait for you. I'm like the teacher at the front of a rowdy class. She just waits and they'll settle down.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

You know, if she talks or tries to do anything, if she just stays there waiting.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

They. They feel the disappointment more than anything she can say.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Robbie Hoffman]

You know, so I don't know. That's the way I am. Like, my mother was so had such a reverence for doctors. You know, we went once a year for annual checkups so she could send us away to a camp. But day camp, not concentration.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I know when you're Jewish, you really have to make the distinction.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah. And we were at the doctor's office before the shit opened. I remember it's like the building's not open. Security is like unkeen. And I'm like, mom. She's like, I brought a book you. Because she would never keep a doctor waiting. Even though they had a waiting room.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Like, she and my sister also like, if she's. If she says she's coming over for noon, it's like my other sister is like, Scram. She's like, you know, she'll be here 10:30.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Because my sister is like, if you're late for my older sister, she's like, if the queen invited you for dinner, would you be late?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

And I'm like, no. And she's like, I'm your sister. Like, you don't even.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You don't even know the queen. Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

You don't love the. You love me. I mean, flesh and blood, right? So we've just been ingrained. We're very well.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Fear mom with having. Would you have 10 kids in your family? When you've got 10 kids and you're a single mom, being on time. If you're not, then stuff gets backed up. If you don't get the dinner on time, that means the baths aren't on time. That means the pajamas aren't on time. All sudden, it's one in the morning.

[Robbie Hoffman]

It's amazing to me that people think, like, I watch a lot of, like, lifestyle programming, tlc, disastrous families. I watch sister wives and poly family and all things with big families, Kardashians. I just relate to a lot of voices, you know, coexisting at the same time. And the more chaotic, the better. And it's like when I was watching like, you know, John and Kate plus eight or any of these trash shows, it's like their big thing was like, getting people out of the house is the hardest thing. It's like, I don't know. My mother, we. We didn't even have the car. We were on the bus and we were on time. Really?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's amazing.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Like, it was like, yeah, we took transit. Yeah. My mom. No, she doesn't have a license. My mother, not even that. Still doesn't have a license.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Damn. And if with 10 kids, you're at a certain time, they're probably going to three or four different schools.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Well, we knew. Yeah. And we knew the bus routes. Like, if you miss the 1213, it's not coming till 1247.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Robbie Hoffman]

So there goes the doctor's appointment. So we're half hour early or a half hour late. You know, when you're on a bus schedule, maybe it's. The bus comes four times an hour is nice, but sometimes twice an hour. There's very rare buses that come once an hour. So it was either. She'd rather take the hour early bus than the hour late bus.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Robbie Hoffman]

But people who can't get, you know, I have friends now have one or two kids. Like, we can't get out of the house.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. I know, I know.

[Robbie Hoffman]

And it's like, that's. It really is on you.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, yeah, it really is on you. And it's a team effort.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Thank you so much for this coffee. See how easy I am? I come in.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You really are. You're a piece of cake. You're a piece of cake, and you're good. Here's the thing I like about you is this. New comics. Like, I love the Comedy Store because you get to see comics that, you know, I wouldn't know you. You know, eventually I would have met you somewhere else.

[Robbie Hoffman]

But now I know of you, because my brother Shmuley. Shout out to Shmuley, who thought somebody was you.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

And took a picture. And I let him think that because it was very fast. And I made it seem like these celeb types, and I'm like, just going for the pick. And he's like, go away and I'll go out.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

And now he's. Will you tell Greg? I see low. I'm like, shmuley, here he is.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Didn't we put him on a FaceTime one time?

[Robbie Hoffman]

We put him on everything. Every time I see you, it's never enough for him.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, I gotta meet him.

[Robbie Hoffman]

He likes it every time. He just left my house. My little sister graduated. But you were going on to compliment me.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, I was. What I was gonna say is, like, you see, new comics, they come up, and there's a lot of people going into comedy. When I started, it was for the misfits. It was for. It was for the alcoholics and the people with ADD and depression and abuse and, like. And then all of a sudden, comedy is like, you know, you got some kid who's graduating from, you know, Penn State, and he's got a. He's got a degree in marketing. And he just decided, well, I. He's no life story, no background, nothing interesting's happened in his life. And then I see somebody like you come along where. I mean, I don't know how much people are familiar. Most people know your story, but if they don't, you know, you grew up in a. In an Orthodox home with 10 kids. You moved from Brooklyn to Montreal.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah. Wow.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You had no dad.

[Robbie Hoffman]

No dad.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You came out at what age?

[Robbie Hoffman]

I was outed brutally at about 17 or 18.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So, I mean, you've lived a life like, that's something you can draw not just material from, but it gives you a state of mind about life. That's something like you've had to be in control of your life.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah. You know, What? It's, it's. I, you know, I'm. I'm like old at heart. You know how people are young at heart. I, I like feel like a trans person in the way that, like I'm like 73, stuck in my 30 something body. Like, I'll finally get this, you know, trans person. They finally have all their surgeries, they go through all the cosmetics and the stuff, and finally at a certain point, they look in the mirror and who they are matches who they've been inside. I feel like I'm gonna turn 93, look in the mirror, and finally my body will match who the hell I've been. My program's on.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You identify as a ma' am.

[Robbie Hoffman]

As a ma' am.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

As a ma' am.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah. Like a very old. Like, I'm gonna be like. And Jeopardy's on in the other room. But at the same time, I have like a childlike growing up. So different. I'm still endlessly. I'm either 7 or I'm 73.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

And to say on the point of some other people, I don't have any qualm with anyone. Like, there are people I know who do clips only or whatever. I do very well with that.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

You know, there are people who went to Harvard and have become incredible entertainers. You know, Conan comes to mind or things like that. And honestly, I have no. Like, to me, I want everybody to be doing them and whatever. However the best they can be is great. Like, for me, I'm. I work hard, I write hard. You know, I write a lot. I do a lot. I take stuff seriously. But at the same time, I love to watch somebody like Pete Davidson.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Who. Who kind of dials it in whether it's on purpose or not. He can smoke and kind of roll with it. And it's very loose because that's the opposite to me. I wouldn't consider myself loose and laid back. So you just have to know what you're doing and do that thing. But I don't, you know, I don't. Some people get so jealous in the scene. Oh, Matt Rife is doing clips and he got so big on this. I'm like, he killed it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right?

[Robbie Hoffman]

He did his. I don't do that.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Okay. That said, he did something and it worked.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Robbie Hoffman]

You can't. I can't ever be mad at that.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No. When All Boats Rise with the Tide. Not just in like at the Comedy. He started working at the Comedy Store recently. He wasn't passed.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Well, we were passed the same week. I will Say this. Matt Rife and I were passed the same week.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Congratulations.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Which is phenomenal. And he was a lovely guy. Like I don't have any qualms about that. I think I have a more general qualm of being impoverished and. And it being less and less accessible to people without resources to pursue their dreams and passions. That's where it lies. But not.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Wait, explain that.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Like, you know, more and more it's. It's very. Like it's becoming fewer and further between that People without support become artists.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes, absolutely.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Because you know what I mean? So now we do have a lot more of what you're talking about. These people who went to pen. Yeah. Like they have nothing to lose. Like they don't. You know, they can work on their music, they can work on their comedy versus kids like me who are working full time. Will. You know, whilst also doing this full time. You know.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Robbie Hoffman]

But so, so that's what they call. But not like I also don't falter. Those kids. It's like, what do you want? Like Will Smith's kid making me. It's like, what do you want this kid to do? Work at the bank? You want Will Smith's kid Jaden at the bank? Like that's even weirder. Like let Nepos. Nepo too. You know, let rich kids be rich. Like they can only be who they are.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Robbie Hoffman]

It's the systems that I have problems with that can be more equal. But not the individuals.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No, I think the problem is you've got these. Start these starting jobs in the industry. Say you want to become an agent. Right? Right. That's your dream for whatever reason.

[Robbie Hoffman]

This is a great example. Yes.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

If you want to become an agent, you have to work as an assistant where they're paying you not enough money to pay your rent.

[Robbie Hoffman]

You're working an internship start internship for free.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So who can afford that? Rich people. Nepo kids. And it's the same thing with stand up. Like nowadays it's so competitive to get. So like when I started, I started in college and I was literally making a living by the time I graduated because there was so much work in New England.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Right.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Not to say I was a good comedian. I had a car and I could do 15 minutes of material and with that I could make 500 bucks a week in cash and make a living. Nowadays you have to spend 10 years to even get to the point where you're featuring on the road and making. Making five, same amount that people were making when I was doing it. And meanwhile the Clubs are making more money than ever.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Are they? I don't know. I always, like, I always. I ebb and fly. I think. I think the Comedy Store is about to pop off again in a big way. And it's not just because I'm there, but I think there's a new vibe. I think it kind of took this dip in Covid, but I think now with some new blood in there and I think just like just the energy. The past few weeks with this booker here has been off the charts.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Robbie Hoffman]

You know, that's why I can never be mad at somebody like Matt Rife or somebody who thinks that he got something that they didn't get or something like. Because it's like if he fills the club and I get to do three sold out shows because of him, I'm grateful. Well, not only that, you know what I mean? It's a better show for me. More people know me. So I just feel like it's a good mix to have. To have the all. All the mix.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Sure. Yeah. Now there's a. There's a new guy there that is a guitar act. And traditionally people mock people that play guitar on stage because somehow it's a crutch. It's not a crutch at all. This guy happens to be an amazing comedian who plays guitar and.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And sometimes I think people like that were kept out of the Comedy Store. And now he's in. And. And also, like Matt Rife, there's always a comic that is the whipping boy. You know, it was.

[Robbie Hoffman]

And it's because he's successful. You wouldn't be talking about him if he wasn't huge.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And I watched his clip lips because I didn't know him really. And you know what? He's really good at crowd work. Like, like, amazing at it.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah. And so I don't know. I don't. And also, I don't think everything is fair or everything is. I didn't grow up with that. But it's not our job. I do think the system's job is to. We need to rework the system. Not, not the individuals who, you know, like Plinko, you end up, you throw. Oh, you're a rich kid, you're. You're poor, you're whatever. Okay, then they all. We all have to deal with the cards. But the systems should be set up to help out everybody a little bit more.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, one system that's very productive for fostering talent is that the door. People at the Comedy Store get to do sets because then they can make A living at a club, if people don't know this, all the security, some of the wait staff, door people, ticket takers, they all do comedy, and so they get to do two or three spots a week. But in order to get the job as a door guy, you. You have to audition. So they make sure that you're a good enough of a comedian, and then it becomes sort of like an internship.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah, no, it's pretty good. I mean. Yeah. You know, it's interesting to me. I met somebody who was working at restaurant and trying to be a comedian. It's like, you can't. You need a day job.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Exactly.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Like, this is a nighttime thing. So the door guy. The only thing that would worry me is the schedule because I'd want to be going out to other clubs. Yeah. So. So I. I don't know. But then again, I never got to take any of those things, so. Yeah, I don't know. But. But there's been some real success from that. I mean, wasn't Tony Hinchcliffe a. A door guy?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Tony Hinchcliffe. Ari Shafir. Mark Marin.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Oh, my God.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, no. The list goes on and on.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah, the list goes on and on. So Ally Makovsky, I know, was a door. Door guy. So I don't know. There's a lot of ways.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

What was your day job when you were first starting stand up?

[Robbie Hoffman]

I was an accountant.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, right, right. You got to. Did you get. You went to college for that?

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yes, I got into McGill University in Montreal, where I was living. It was only school I applied to because it was free to apply. And my thing was like, well, I'm. Either I have to work or I got to go into something. I could pay this back.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Like, I just. But I ended up getting a scholarship for the first year. So it was 6,000. I didn't have to pay. And in Montreal, I mean, this is. It's a worldclass school. It's $3,000 a semester.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

And that's expensive because the. The other school, which is less of a brand, is like 2000 or 1800 a semester. But still, at the time when you're. I'm like, how am I going to $2,000? Like, I couldn't even imagine such sums. And so I was told by academic advisor, if I go into accounting, and I always liked math and arts, I liked both, that they'll give me a job that summer. I'll get a laptop that keeps.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Really?

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah. So I was like, bro, I got a laptop. Like. Like, you know, and it was a really Good job. Yeah, it was. And every two weeks I was paid. I remember my brother Shmuley showed up. My mother wanted him. He was working at Purolator, which is like FedEx in Canada. Do you. Do we have Pure relator at all?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Okay. So it's like FedEx or USPS. And he showed up to my office, this big office building. I was like a junior. I was making, like, you know, 32K a year or something, which is. Was amazing even to have a salary. But he showed up with the oranges, like, looking for a job. And I'm like, what bribery with these oranges? And then it's like, my mother was like, can't you help him with. I'm like, I went to university. Like, I literally did.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Wait, your brother says, I want to visit you in the office?

[Robbie Hoffman]

No. So my mother was like, he showed up with a resume and, like, orange. Like, he's gonna like. I'm like, who am I giving these oranges to that.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Hey, you know what? That might work, actually. Nobody does that. Nobody shows up with oranges.

[Robbie Hoffman]

I remember being in the lobby, and the lobby looks like out of a movie, you know, it's like. It's like. To me, it was like, devil's worst. I'm, like, in this huge office building downtown. Like, I went to university for this thing. I got it. I got the thing. And now I'm getting paid every two weeks. It's directly in the account.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You got your own apartment?

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yes. I moved out at, like, 17. I was living on my own.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

What about wardrobe? When you get into a corporate job.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Like, they gave you $5,000.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

No.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yes. Yes. I went to Jacob, which for anyone in Canada, knows it's that women's, like, suit store. I bought a 300 suit. I bought two of them. I pocketed the rest of the money. I just wore the same things. I changed out my shirts a lot, but I wore the same suit.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Why not?

[Robbie Hoffman]

What do you care?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Unbelievable. So you're in Montreal and you're going out to. Was it the Comedy Nest? Is that the club in Montreal?

[Robbie Hoffman]

I did the Comedy works.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Comedy Works, right?

[Robbie Hoffman]

And I did. Yeah, the Comedy Nest. So they've never been to. It was the kind of scene. Montreal. I was only in Montreal for a year and a half before I moved to Toronto, where I really, like, hit the ground running. It was a very, like, bitter scene. Yeah, I will say it was. First of all, they had the big festival there, but it had nothing to do with the local scenes.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, they don't Take a lot of.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Resentment there from the older comics, Right. Some of the comics that were really stale, they were, you know, much older than me at the time, maybe in their 40s and 50s, and doing the same. 5. Doing the same. 10, because whatever. That's. That's. That they're staying in Montreal. They're not really. You know, And I was funny early and right away. And for me, you know, I would get lectures from some of these guys, like, it takes, you know, 10 years, like that thing you were saying, like, it takes 10 years, like, to get funny. But they were, like, saying it's differently than you. They were saying, it takes 10 years to find your voice, not to make your money. You know, take 10 years to find your voice. And that was the opposite. What I had. Everybody asked me where I come from, that I had such a. That was the first thing I had. So it really didn't matter. The content. I spoke about anything that was being talked about. Even if I talked about it, it was always in a different way. It was a new take. It was. Somebody steal your. It was fresh, you know, it was like. It was like. It could be tough, but nobody was looking at, you know, just because the curiosity in which I entered the world or something. But they resented that. I remember doing very well on the open mic nights and always being kind, which I think people are surprised by me because I'm aggressive but kind. Opposite Ellen, Okay. She pretends to be kind, but you find out she's a terror. Right. I come off aggressive, rough around the edges. I'm actually a delight, am I not?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Let me tell you something. I wrote for Ellen DeGeneres for two years.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And I've known you for two years and vastly different experiences so far.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Wow.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Care to elaborate or you're too.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, no. Look, I won four Emmy awards, so I have. I made a lot of money. It was a really good producer credit. It got me other work. I met some people that I absolutely love. And you know what? Most of the people I've written for TV for 20 years, and I've written for some monsters. And after a while, the staff knows they're a monster. And you get extremely close because you're supporting each other and you're easing the tension with each other by laughing about it.

[Robbie Hoffman]

That's what I love about a job is. Is the goss.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Is the vent.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right, Right.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Is the. After, you know, the subway ride home, whatever it is. That said, Ellen, you know, we're in part to blame for all these things. I mean, the came out, you canceled everything. She's going to harden to some extent. You know what I mean? It's like, you know, it's like maybe she started out happy, go lucky. And then you take everything from someone because of who they are and, you know, so she doesn't try, you know, I think she's Mount Rushmore, and I don't think, you know, oh, as far.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

As comedians go, you know, it doesn't get any better. She's one of the great.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Mean is like when you're dealing with men and with Cosby's and what you hear of. I'm like, mean, we'll take any day.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, right, right. But I know it's like you, you realize, like, especially for daily talk show hosts, the pressure of. Because I've written on a bunch of them, you got to get there first thing in the morning and you are already looking at scripts, you're already approving jokes, you're already sitting in on meetings. You're already doing a morning radio show with Orlando to promote that, that, that area. Then you got to go through wardrobe, then you got to get makeup, then you got to get prepped on the guests you're going to interview. And all the while, you know, you're expected to be nice to everybody. You're doing it the next day.

[Robbie Hoffman]

No, first of all, I don't think it's too high an expectation. But now that we know, we also have to take everything into context. You know, for me, it's very hard because I believe in almost no punishment and no prison. Like, I can explain away everything, really. Like, if you show me a man who's on death row or somebody who's killed a bunch of people or something, I'd be like, well, his father. Hold on, let's go back.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, he was.

[Robbie Hoffman]

His father kept him in a corner. Five years old. Like, I can ex. I can take the full context and be like, I don't know, I can explain everything away in a way that, like, just extreme compassion almost.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, it's a deep philosophical question is like, why is there good and evil? Or how much of that is circumstance? How much of it is your wiring? Some people, I come from perfectly good upper class families and they go on to kill people because there's just something wrong.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah, there's something wrong. But, you know, it's extreme compassion. Right, but, yeah, but somebody like Ellen, who started off happy, go lucky and had to be so funny.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

You know, looking at, you know, and I know she wasn't out, but come on, look at her, you know, and, you know, early on. So. So whatever. I don't even know how I got to her, but it was like, going back, going back, going back. That's the problem with me. I'm too.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, that's why it's a podcast.

[Robbie Hoffman]

I have the Trump weave. We have it back. Oh, yeah, Montreal. So they were very bitter. Like, I was funny early, and I would win something called the Best of Open Mic, which was like, the audience would vote of all the open micrs, maybe there was like 20 open micrs or whatever the night was, and they would vote and then you got to do the weekend. But it never. For me, the. The. This is an interesting one of the booker was female and a comedian. She had. So it was both. I was dealing with like, the older kind of stale dudes who hadn't left the small scene.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

You know, and then see me, and I was already like, I'm leaving, you know, as soon as I'm starting here. Because I was serious about it. And then she was like this. She just wouldn't book me for the full week. Like most people who won that and did the weekend, and I did very well, would get like, real spots on the weekend, but I never did. I always had to win it and then work the weekend. I never then was like, included on the weekend. And so I don't know, I always. I always felt, yeah, I. I don't know, they were. They were really wildly jealous. Do you think of anyone who was like, it just wasn't a good vibe to start.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right, right, right, right. Yeah. Well, maybe that's good in a way. I think that can give you an edge, that can propel you and make you tough and, you know, but, you know, I think that a lot of. A lot of the people that have. That are holding on to that, you know, and didn't leave, you know, you can get that in a secondary market versus New York or la, where, you know, people support each other more. I think there is a lot of camaraderie. Whereas if you're. If, you know, if you're a big fish in a small pond, you've got to protect your space a lot more. So how did. I'm just curious about, like, you have nine siblings. Like, you turned out amazing. And I don't just mean, like, you know, things are going on in your career and all that, but, like, you know, you're in a healthy relationship and you are very grounded and you have gratitude. Like, how did the other nine siblings in your family turn out? Are they all over the place or do they mostly turn out positive?

[Robbie Hoffman]

Mostly really good.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

I will say that my mother. We grew up, yes, very poor, on welfare. My mother left the Hasidic community without my father and then moved to Montreal where we were. There's a lot of good social assistance there. She's from Montreal, so she's Canadian. And we were. We were born Canadian because she was Canadian. So we were born dual. But my mother was very cultured. She still is. You know, she doesn't have a cell phone. She reads. We had books. We were at the library every single weekend.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, we talked about this. Right? You know, yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

So she was very. We had like, in the end, like, I had an abundance of education, not necessarily school, even though we did have. I went to a good school. In the end, it's just like we. My mother is like very into art and culture in a way. Like Gabby, my wife, it's like she's like, grew up minimal. She's like. I went to like, nobody, you know, they were watching big action movies. My mother was like Jody Kravitz and we have to watch this.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And she's taking you to the museum, too.

[Robbie Hoffman]

You told me my grandfather, we went to the museum. They had free. Anything that had free, like, drawing program. Like, you go to the museum and you would take up a page and draw a Monet or whatever came. Like, we did all that. But that said, she also was the exact example we needed. Like, my mother, we don't have like a very. My mother is not like my best friend. She's very meat and potatoes. Like, these kids are going to be fed, they're going to be sheltered and they're going to be educated, you know, no frills. And. Yeah. And then one. And then she and my grandparents were not by. My grandparents offered to babysit once a week for my mother to go to university. And my mother graduated university the same year I graduated university. Even said mine was three and a half years. Hers was over 12 years. She took a single course, but she never talked. Like, she never, like, told us any. She said she would say, school's not for everyone. Like, she never put pressure. Nothing and. But she took one class a night for every once a week through the summers. And eventually she was like, oh, I'm graduating this year. Like, we didn't. We looked up unreal because we knew Ma had school my school night tonight, you know, and she would have a paper. And I remember she had like a group project where it's like some 20 year old showed up because my mom's taking some undergrad. You know, she was doing an undergrad, but she was doing continuing education. But she had some classes with the regular feed.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Where it's like a group project. And you can't say no to my mother because she turns to. You're 20 in the class, she goes, would you like to be my partner? I gotta be. And my mom has done all the reading, like she loves, like her school is the break, you know, from her life. So we had this 20 year old. I'm looking for Constance or Connie. I'm like, ma, somebody's here for you. And it's like, that's what your mom.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Told you when the 20 year old guy came over?

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah. And I'm like. She's like, it's my. It's my school. Come in, come in. The kids are. Are settling.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

My mother's like. And she. She just did. By example. We just saw that type of tenacity, like slowly but surely over. Over a decade.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Robbie Hoffman]

She got her degree. Like she has it. And we went, you know, it was just.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And was she a calm presence or.

[Robbie Hoffman]

No, very stressed.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

She gets stressed out.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Very worried. You couldn't kidnap us if we tried. She was very weary of pedophiles and people around us, like we did when we moved to Canada. Some social worker put us in the Big Brother, Big Sister program.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

You know what that is?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Sure. I was involved in it.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah. So you have like. I had like a fake big sister on like a Sunday afternoon, would take me, like to a fair or to see the pet store or something. Like, just so I would like, if I had any questions about being a girl or getting my period or whatever, I could ask her. We would just walk around. And my brothers had the Big Brother program. But I remember my brother Schneer's big brother was gonna take him to overnight for camping for like, just like boys camping. Like, I don't know, they would go to a canoe and they would. Yeah, they would spend the nights. And that was the end of the Big Brother program for my mom.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Really.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Because she was like, he's not sleeping in a tent with you. I'll tell you right now. So my mother just sat my brothers at home and she was like. Because she really wanted to give. The only reason we were in the Big Brother big sister program was because we had left. My dad wasn't involved and she wanted my brothers, I have five brothers, to have a father figure. But then she right away said, you know what? There's not gonna be a father and there's no figure. Okay. This is just the way it's gonna be. You could not Michael Jackson us if you tried. Because my mother was so leery of other people, like she never would have. I don't think he's going there.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. So what kind of directions did they go in? What do your siblings do?

[Robbie Hoffman]

A lot of sales. Very successful. Some didn't go to university. Started working so soon that now they're like wildly successful in sales. Yeah, because it kind of was like in the beginning and I know one of my sisters had shame about not doing university. And. And then at the same time, once, like all the. Once the tech boom was finished, like we realized like most heads of these companies didn't even finish school.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Robbie Hoffman]

You know, and it became.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Or they studied a completely different thing than business.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah. And she's. So my sister's in tech sales, for instance, and ended up having more respect by the street cred of how good she became at that. My brother, the same thing. My brother who was just with me worked construction now. Now sales. My little sister, who. Why my brother Shmuli and my sister in law, shout out Mariana were staying with me and my little sister Yehudis was because my other sister Devorah just graduated USC in social work. She's been volunteering for years and she's been working for children's services as a practicum the past year and now she'll officially have her job. So. So everybody came in for that. So she's doing great. My little sister just started her. My other little sister just started a family, has a baby. We love her. People are doing.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Did they really? Well, any of them stay in the Jewish faith? Because I know you.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah, we're all in the Jewish faith.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, I thought you kind of slid from it.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Well, I mean, yeah, but you know, I'm scissoring now, but. But you know, but still it's like, you know, it is what it is. Like, you know, I. It's like my mother found that I was going by Robbie because in the beginning when I was an accountant, I went by Rifka. Just my name. But then when I was starting to do. I really wanted to keep my job. I was like, this is the greatest thing to happen to me. Like, yeah, I won't do. Like, I'm just. Money is the only thing. I'm not somebody. I've been poor. I don't like a struggling artist. It does nothing for me. And it's only when I had that job That I even thought of about becoming. Thinking what I would do or. I never thought like that. What I would do or something like that. A dream. Yeah, we never, we were, we were incur. If anything, we were told we couldn't do anything.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Like if we wanted to do something, she'd be like, well, I don't know if I can pay for all that, you know. But in the end, she randomly did educate us and was the perfect example we needed for tenacity and working and just one foot in front of the other.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But, but how much was Judaism involved in all of that? Was there? Was there. Did you feel like you were part of a community like the Jewish community in Montana?

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah, we were like, you know, we, we were, we were in a more religious community. Still not as religious as we were in New York, but we were. My mother went to Shoal and stuff like that. We were kosher. I was always like the most religious kid at my new Jewish school. Like it was a less religious. It was still religious to most people, but it was still not fanatic.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Like I was born into and. But I was still the most fanatic at that school. I was kosher always.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

How does that work at school, being kosher? You just bring your own stuff?

[Robbie Hoffman]

Well, the school was kosher.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, okay.

[Robbie Hoffman]

So. But, but I'm saying most of those families, they. They ate non kosher at home. Maybe they could order pizza or something. So I would go to friends houses and I would have. They would be having steak or something and their mother would make me, which is very nice. But you know, I would make me like a kosher Mac and cheese or something that I could eat. But my mother, remember when I started going by Robbie because I didn't want the company to find out that I'm doing stand up because I don't even care about. I'd rather have. I'm here, I'm. I'm committed to the firm.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Accounting, it's my shit. You got me.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. I got two dress suits and I'm.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Like ready to go. Like I don't even care really about this.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

You know, even though it felt like right at home, but it was like, you don't get to feel at home. Right. You know, that's not a thing. So I went by Robbie, which my uncle's name, My uncle Rob. I never heard a bad thing about him. I wanted to keep the R initial. And I think it was, you know, the fact that it was a kind of a unisex or I was starting to inch into being a dyke, but to. I don't know to what extent. I mean, obviously I got gayer over the years, which I always wonder if you. If you get gay or do you have to come out again? Like, you know, I wasn't as gay.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, it's like getting remarried, you just.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah, it's like, actually, it's reached another level. Yeah. Yeah. It's like I. I didn't think it would end up here, but here we are. And my mother was, like, really upset that my name. I'm not calling her Robbie. And you. You tell her and. And such a, you know, a non Jewish name, you know, thinking that I would be ashamed. But I'm like, ma, within three seconds of me being on stage, what do you. What are people going. I wonder if she's Catholic. Like, there's no, you know. So when you ask me, I'm Jewish, like.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, it's just so ingrained in you. It's just part of you.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah, it's more of a. You know, I know that people debate. Is it a culture, it's a religion. Like, there's no debate about it. It's like it's everything. And it's either thing. Whatever you think.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. My wife is Jewish and she grew up in New York City and the Upper west side, which was very. And they. They did not practice Judaism, but she grew up going to kosher delis and, you know, everything around her was Jewish. So she considers herself culturally Jewish. But not. We. We didn't raise our kids with it at all.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Oh, I got. I gotta put in milk or something. Or this. Okay. I'll be right back.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Do we have milk? Oh, okay.

[Robbie Hoffman]

If we got nothing. Do we have sugar?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, I think there's some sugar.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Thank you. I'm very. Yeah, no, but that. But that's the thing. It's like. Well, your kids are Jewish.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

They are Jewish.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Right.

[Robbie Hoffman]

So.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Or if you don't think. I mean, so it's like. I don't know why we have to settle any of these debates. Like, people like, love. Like, is it this? Is this. Like, not everything is like. It's just. It is the debate. Like, it's just. We can just leave it there. So I don't know.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. I grew up Irish Catholic, and I.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Always say that's very similar.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I have. Well, I have. I say I have God in my heart, but I don't have the Bible in my head. And it's like, you know, the spirit of it, you know, walking a life of charity and.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You know, humbleness and believing in a higher power. Like, I took all that stuff away from it, but there's a lot of stuff that I left behind. So.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah, for me, it's like, exactly that. It's like. I think it's as fantastical that we're living here that there would be an afterlife. I mean, I'm not plugged into the wall. I don't have batteries, and I'm running. I think that's wild.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

And so I can't imagine, you know, maybe there's a. Not. Maybe there's not, you know, but I. I never. There's nothing I don't believe in. I can believe in all of it. What. What trips me up is a very specific narrative. Like you get into the Catholicism or the. You know, and this saint, and then Joseph and then his father. His father, Jesus's father, but the mother was. And then the cousin's like, okay, well, we have a general. We maybe have a general feeling at most.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Robbie Hoffman]

And now you have such a specific. If you do this, this, and then this on this. It's just that is. Is too specific to me not to say that it's not one of a billion possibilities.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Robbie Hoffman]

I give you that. I give everything a possibility.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, I think it's the literal. The. The literal interpretation of text.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Thank you so much.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You know, text. You've got text in the Bible that was written, you know, so much 2,000 years ago. You have dialogue in the Bible that was spoken 300 years before it was written down. And then they're trying to pick apart the verbiage of whether or not a man can lay with a man. It's like, well, that's a. That. That's an oral thing that was passed down for. For 300 years. And now you debate. So, you know, I think that. I think that what's great about living in a country like this, and obviously Montreal is very multicultural as well, is that you can. You can pick stuff you like from. From each. And make it your own.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah. You can or you can't. You could do it. Like. Like, I don't know. It's just we've never solved it before, and we're never solving it now. You know, I don't think, like, for instance, like, world peace is just. It's fantasy, just like the tooth fairy is.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

It's never existed.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Robbie Hoffman]

It will continue not to exist. It's not. I mean, people. New Jersey isn't even together. You know, we haven't even solved, like, a single state. Like.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

You know, there's problems in a building complex, there's problems in a neighborhood, let alone the world. People can't even stay married. I mean, it's like, I just think these are all fantasy ideas. They're great. They're definitely better things to live forward. I think like you said charity, like helping others is to me the best of the best religion that we could try. Just if you even help one or two people, whoever or what even helping yourself, if you're down and outs and taking care of your. It's like I tell my little sister because we all moved out early because my mother was like, you, you know, at 18, you could pay her rent, you could move out or you could, you know, go to school. Like, it wasn't, you know, I'm like, I'm not paying. I don't even have my own room. Like, what am I paying for the bottom bunk? Like, I'd rather pay rent and like, you know, have a, have a over. Like, what am I doing?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So.

[Robbie Hoffman]

But my little sister, you know, when I was just telling her what a, like how proud I am of her, I'm like, you know, it's a thankless job when you, you know, a lot of people are filling out their taxes. Do you have a dependent? Do you have a Chad's? Like we had, like, you have a dependent, you have a 20 year old, fully grown woman that you have to make sure is well fed, inspired, fulfilled, you know, getting working, sheltered emotionally, okay. And stable. And it's just, you have a dependent and it's yourself. It's a thankless job. If you even can help yourself and take care of yourself. And then when you're strong enough to take care of somebody else, like the mask on the airplane, then that's fantastic. But I don't know. These, we just, you know, you hear a lot. Like, we have so many wars happening right now. It's like, well, we just want peace. It's like, well, that's not like a thing right now. Yeah, like, it's never been a thing, it seems. And I guess men set up society and now we're ingrained in war. Like women to women. We'd never like, think to resolve something. I'm gonna bash her head in. It's like, it's like we would talk for like the Middle east if it was started by women. If it was women thousands of years ago and we were wanting to share the land or something, we'd be like, well, her loofah's already in the shower. Like, yeah, why don't you use it? Just. We'll come in next week. Like, should we get a work wheel going? Like, we would like, literally just talk for 10 years. Not war for 10 years.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Which. Which are both kinds of war. But one is talking.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Robbie Hoffman]

And I don't know. So now we're in this and it just feels like too exponential to.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I wonder if there was ever any societies. I know there's been science fiction movies about it that were women, that were led by women on islands where there was a matriarchy, a political system that was matriarchal. And I wonder how that played out.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Listen, there would be a lot of other issues, too. I'm not saying it's perfect. And also women are informed by men, so we'd have to. Like, there's no. These are all also fantasy. Like, basically, we live in the world as it is from. From. I don't have faith in our generation that we're going to be. Oh, there's. There's never been world peace. My generation is going to do it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Yeah. Right.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Like, I just. I just so. I don't even think that large scale.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Anymore. I just like you, like just my sister's social worker helping, you know, every family she helps every week is like, feels like lifting the world and it's amazing. So just if everybody can focus a little bit more. But yeah, we have so much going on now that I don't know. But yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, let's talk about what's going on in your career right now.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

My God.

[Robbie Hoffman]

My God, it's so fun.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I actually didn't know. I mean, I hang out with you at the store and. And I saw you on Hacks, which you were great.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Apparently, I'm in the last two episodes as well, so. Keep an eye. Keep an eye, I think.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

But you got a ton of going on now you're developing a show with hbo.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yes. Sold it in the room.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Sold it in the room. That doesn't happen. Nobody does that.

[Robbie Hoffman]

I felt like it was a movie.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. So you go in and you're with your agents.

[Robbie Hoffman]

I can't even talk about anything, but.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Can't even talk about it.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Okay, Very exciting.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So you go in, you sell a show to hbo. They love you. You were in Vogue magazine today. Yeah, today.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah. Listen, I'm a covergirl, baby.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I love it.

[Robbie Hoffman]

I'm a cover. I am low key. Pretty.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You are.

[Robbie Hoffman]

You're going to know this about me. Okay.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes.

[Robbie Hoffman]

I mean. But low key. Low key. I actually. And I have beautiful eyes.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Let me say.

[Robbie Hoffman]

I got green. I know. I'm telling you.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

That's why you wear the wire rim, so you get a little more access to.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yes. I keep it light. My natural features.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Great skin. Skin.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Fantastic skin. I get that from my mother as well.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You know what I never noticed is your ears. You have great ears.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Amazing. Cute. Small.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Cute and small.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Perfectly proportional.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yep. You're not hard on the eyes.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Not hard on the eyes. I'm a Vogue cover girl, baby. I don't. I'm not on the COVID yet. Yet.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yet. But. But you're hard of. You're part of, like a. I guess a pretty. Pretty hip lesbian couple, which is pretty cool.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Are you a power couple where the. Listen, Gabby became a lesbian a minute ago. She's already the biggest lesbian in the world.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. I love it.

[Robbie Hoffman]

It's like, first of all, when she came out, it's like, I had to come. I never came out. I realized I never even told nobody. I was, like, caught. When I was 17, I kind of was like, it's not true, you know, And I just, like, lived as a gay person, but just didn't, you know, My family would lay low, but as my. My hair. My brother said, what's with your hair? You know, my sister says it's such a shame. Like, you know, like, she thinks, like, with my figure, I would wear this or that, you know? She's like, you were supposed to be the pretty one, you know? And I'm like, I think I still am pretty. Like, low key.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I think you're low key. Pretty.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Thank you.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And Gabby, Is it Wendy? Is that. Yes, Gabby. Windy. If people don't know. She was on the Bachelorette and the Bachelor.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And Dancing with the Stars. She came in second place. She was a cheerleader for the Denver Broncos five years.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Go, Broncos.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I mean, this is a hot catch.

[Robbie Hoffman]

This is crazy.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

What I've done is because dykes do get mad at me. Lesbians get mad at me like that. I don't. Like, oh, they didn't see me at Pride or. I didn't post for the Glad or I didn't make a. I didn't speak up for the. Do you see what I've done for this community?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You're banging a cheerleader.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Like, literally NFL cheer. Like, like, for me to get her. It's like Michael Jordan levels, like, in proportion. Like, I'm literally an inspiration to this community.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes. Yes.

[Robbie Hoffman]

And you want to ask me what I've done for the. What the fuck is your ugly dad Son with the community. I got Gabby. The bitch had 25 boyfriends two years ago, and now I am married to her. Yeah. Like, do you understand this is a.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Recruiting drive of a lister?

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah. This is like. What I've done is unbelievable.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. I'm proud.

[Robbie Hoffman]

They should have a float for me at this fucking pride. Okay, then maybe I'd go. Then maybe I'd go.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So do you get asked to do gay events with her now? Do you get invited to all the big.

[Robbie Hoffman]

We don't go to anything.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You don't?

[Robbie Hoffman]

No. But Gabby is.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, that's her now.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Why is my phone on fully.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Stop talking about me.

[Robbie Hoffman]

I'm on a pod.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Put on speaker.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Oh, no, this is Carrie. Oh, you're on Fitzsimmons pod. Hi. Okay, so I can't. I miss you. The. What's going on? Oh, great. Okay. I'm gonna call you in the car on the way back. Okay, bye. Who's that person I'm making the show with?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, yeah. Nice, Carrie. Okay, so you're actively working on it now?

[Robbie Hoffman]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Love it.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah, no, it's great.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, you got stand up. How much stand up are you doing on the road these days?

[Robbie Hoffman]

Tremendous.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Really? Okay.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah. I mean, for me, it's tremendous. We just finished, like, kind of a big leg. Then I have actually, this is. I just lock this in Chicago and finally come back to you, I believe. June 20, Minneapolis. June 21. End of August, I will be back in Pittsburgh at the Bottle Rocket. Four shows instead of one this time.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

What about Canadian dates?

[Robbie Hoffman]

I did a Canadian theater tour. My first tour, so Canada, you're up.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Next year now, making that 70 cents on a dollar. I just did that. I did Toronto and my. And I get the booking and it's, you know, it's what I make decent. Yeah, it's what I make. It's my quote. And I get up there and I get the check.

[Robbie Hoffman]

No, it's.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And I'm like, what? Where's the other 30% of this fucking money? Plus, then you got to pay all these taxes. You get the top of the exchange rate. Oh, you do?

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah. You'll declare them when you make your taxes. The accountant coming. Okay, okay. Because. Because the thing is, you're not going to pay taxes again. You already paid taxes.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Oh, I see. Right. Okay.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Okay. Versus everything you make here. You'll have to pay taxes there. You're kind of done. And if there's a difference in the rate, you'll get back.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, I love it. Well, I loved working up There Toronto crowds are amazing.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Toronto is the sickest city in the world.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It really is.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah. Shout out to Toronto. Love you. Comedy bar.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Comedy bar. That's where I was.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Unreal.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. And now they get the second room.

[Robbie Hoffman]

I know. You know what? I was just. I'm so married to the old county, but that's my home club.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

The Comedy bar on Blur. But now I really want to do the one on Danforth. Cuz I was speaking to Tolev, you know, to. And she was like, it's the best club. And I was like, you know what? Cuz I said no to the Danforth to. Because I didn't want to. Like, I wanted to be at my home club. But Gary, I'm coming to the Danforth next time.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's like the whole front row, it's got this wide front row.

[Robbie Hoffman]

He knows what he's doing there and.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Everybody'S right in front. It's kind of like the. Or if it was twice as wide, that front row.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Do you perform the Cellar in New York? Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, yeah. That's where I started.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah. So the Cellar downstairs, I feel like, is like that too wide.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right, right.

[Robbie Hoffman]

I love that.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. That connection. I just did this gig in Cincinnati, actually, in Kentucky. It's like 10 minutes over the border from Cincinnati and it was an old church and it holds about 150 people. We did four shows over the weekend and it was like the most. It's like. It's not about the money always. It's about the. You know, you can go first about.

[Robbie Hoffman]

The money and then everything else.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, I. As long as over the course of the year.

[Robbie Hoffman]

No, exactly.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's great to mix in these small.

[Robbie Hoffman]

You have to just.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I swear to God, I came home with 15 new minutes of material. No, it was so intimate. It was amazing.

[Robbie Hoffman]

It's the best.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

What's. What are the clubs you work in? In L. A. I see you're at Largo sometimes.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah, I do the Largo a lot. I was. Yeah, I do the Largo a lot. I love Flanny, who books that. And I really wanted to get into that and he took to me and has been a lovely support. I do the improv. I love Rita at the Improvis the greatest. And you know, I do all the small rooms still and all the stuff in between. Yeah, for sure. You know, I miss. I miss the satellite every day. It's been five years since COVID but I don't know, I was just getting into that spot. I really like it there. But Yeah, I do all the small rooms, too.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. All right, it's time for fastballs with fits.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah, let's do it. So do I. Do people call you Fitz? What do you want me to call you?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Call me Fitz.

[Robbie Hoffman]

I love that.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, Fitz. Fits. Guy wears a hat like this, calls himself Fit Fits. You feel like you know somebody.

[Robbie Hoffman]

It's the best.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You feel like if you needed to make a bet, you know a guy now I do.

[Robbie Hoffman]

I'm so happy to know. And you're a father. It's nice to have in my life people who, like, you know, are men. Yeah. Grown man.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, thank you.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

All right, here's. What is your closest friendship in your life?

[Robbie Hoffman]

Probably my sisters. I mean, I like having friends. I have very close friends. But having a sister is. It's like, you don't even need friends. Like, I do. Like, I'm happy to have friends.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Rocks.

[Robbie Hoffman]

And, Carm, I love you. But, Natalie, I'm not forgetting. But having, like, Dvorah and your hoodies and just. I don't know, it's a little more like big baked in.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's baked in. And there is. For me, it feels like no matter who the friend is, there's always still a level of, you met this person later in life, and you still have to work on it. I feel like with a sibling, there's no work. It just is what it is. You are. You have a shared experience. You know, not to say that you're talking about your family all the time, but you come from a mindset. Like, your siblings all came from the same.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah, we understand. Like, Ma's. She doesn't have a cell phone. If she tells you, you know, you got to go pick her up at 10:30, she'll be outside at 10:30 waving you down. Like, we all get it. That said, it's not like I don't work on my relationships. We've had, even with sisters and stuff, you know, we've had, like, a lot of people, like, either dipping in and out of the family. You know, we've had, like, a lot of trauma. Like, some people need breaks and whatever.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Robbie Hoffman]

And also, I do have friends where I don't have to work at all. Like, Natalie and I fight like sisters. You know, most recently, when I was staying in Toronto, I insisted on staying with her rather than the hotel because it's a way for me to see her. But we actually realized I've outgrown staying with her.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

After I flooded the toilet and whatever. And I.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Are you demanding on her?

[Robbie Hoffman]

I Mean, am I demanding? No. A pill bottle fell down the toilet, and they. It took 600 for them to. So I don't know how the pill blood. She had a very rickety cabinet on top of her thing, and I flushed it. I don't even know what happened. So fast. I couldn't even grab whatever fell in.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And a plumber had to come over.

[Robbie Hoffman]

$600. Wow. So we realized, just for the sake of the friendship, you know what? They give you a free hotel. Take the hotel.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Always take the hotel.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. People don't understand that. My family understand that I go to New York and I stay in a hotel a block away.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

What is the closest you ever came to a physical altercation on stage?

[Robbie Hoffman]

A physical? Not close. Except for in Toronto at Yuk Yuks, which I don't. Never really performed or got in on that a man took out his penis. There was like a bachelor party or something, and I had some type of a joke and he said, like, oh, you know, you want to see it? And I said, no. And he was. He was like, taking his penis out. And then his friends, security did. There was no security. Wow. But his friends, thank God, I think, removed him or something.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Really?

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Was he facing you? Were the audience?

[Robbie Hoffman]

Right. Facing me. He was like, oh, my God.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Isn't that amazing? In our line of work, like, that's your workplace. That's nice. And somebody pulled their penis out.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

And they just left. There was no, like, charges from H R or a lawsuit. It's just what we do on any given night.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah. And you know what? It wasn't that traumatizing.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, Fine. Right.

[Robbie Hoffman]

I don't remember it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Like, he's a loser. Like, I don't know. I'm happy. It wasn't a big deal. Like, if I was like, I don't. You know, I'm not. First of all, if you're traumatized, fine. But, you know, it takes a lot for me to, you know, get there.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

So it was just, you know, I obviously don't think it should be happening, but it can happen.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Sure.

[Robbie Hoffman]

And now that I live in la, I mean, you could be at a red light and the same thing happens. So it's like, you know, it's just not just your place of work.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Who is your best Asian friend?

[Robbie Hoffman]

You know, I would say Irene, too, but I don't know. I have a bunch of Asian friends. Probably Irene, because she's also a dyke. So it's not like I have to see her a million times. Like, we. Right away Know each other?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

You know, it's kind of like Jews see each other. They know. It's like, if I see, like, a butchy dyke, it's like, you know, we understand the predicament we're in.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

It's a. More of an understanding friendship.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I like that. Yeah. She's great. She's playing that club that I was just in and.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Oh. Oh, really?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

She's there next week.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Great. Yeah. And I don't get to. Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

There are two types of people in the world go.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Rich and the poor. Wow.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It's that simple.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Everything else. That's why I don't. I don't take the bait on anything else.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

It affects the most people, and it includes all your. That you're crying about. Anything else is a distraction issue at this point and has been for a long time.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Wow. So race is not as important as.

[Robbie Hoffman]

No.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Socioeconomic.

[Robbie Hoffman]

No. Because it's integrated into Richard Poor.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Robbie Hoffman]

You'll notice most people are poor also. You know, often brown or black people in this country and other countries. It varies, but you'll notice that it. It integrates everything.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes. Wow. I like that. Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Those who come for money and those who don't. That's why when I met Gabby early on, first, you know everybody, you know, I met her outside the second question I asked, because first it's like, who are you? Somebody said, the bachelor. I said, the bachelor's gay. I don't know. Maybe they make a gay bachelor now. I don't know. And then it's like, oh, you know, I asked her, does she come from money or not? That's the second question you asked me. I'm like, well, to me, it's like religion, really. To me, it's like dating outside of the faith. Like, I don't like dating. Catholic is not as interesting. Somebody grew up rich like I did. Somebody who grew up rich. It's just. It's. It's day in and day out, your way of living. You know, even if I have money now and I go to a store and I want raspberries, but they're 6.99. I'm not in the mood to spend 6.9 on raspberries. I understand money's in the account. I'm not in the mood to spend 6. 9. I'm not there yet.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Robbie Hoffman]

You know, I don't have to explain. Somebody who grew up like me. We understand.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Robbie Hoffman]

So I think you either come from money or you don't.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Would you guess that I come from money or not?

[Robbie Hoffman]

I'd say probably middle class.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Upper middle class.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Because you mentioned already that you did comedy in college.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right.

[Robbie Hoffman]

And you would go around, and that feels like a very rich thing.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

That you were in college. My dad paid for college, and you mentioned New England.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

So there was a lot. Yeah.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Plus, I think my general sense of judgment of other people and entitlement and snobbery and slight racism. I think that all.

[Robbie Hoffman]

No, I think you've been humbled a bit.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Over the years.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

You don't feel maybe as. That maybe you had some of that gung ho in the beginning, but I think. Yeah, I think for white men, it's probably difficult because they probably expect the world, and if it doesn't happen, then it's really. Because I think Fran Leibowitz had a great quote. If you're a white man in this country and you didn't become president, you failed. I've always thought of that. Because they have a lot of, like, you know, you have a lot of great examples. Me, it's like, oh, I'm lucky to be here.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right. Well, we grew up middle class, but my parents both grew up poor in the Bronx, and they. My mom was one of seven, and.

[Robbie Hoffman]

So she's the youngest, so I'm seventh, too.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, okay.

[Robbie Hoffman]

I'm always looking for sevens because you know how, like, people are like, oh, I have such a middle child syndrome.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Or I'm the eldest, I'm the baby. I'm like, what's your seven?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Like, yeah. Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Am I a typical seven?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So I think I inherited their mindset of, you know, working hard. And my mom was very frugal, to say the least. And I have that. I just washed and waxed my own car this morning.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah, well, you did. You knew how to do that. That's, by the way, a really nice thing. Thing to know how.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Because I didn't know when I first got my car, my first car here in la, like, seven years ago, I was washing it, but I scratched the whole car. I didn't know I needed a type of.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Microfiber.

[Robbie Hoffman]

You know, I just used, like a shrimp. Like just a nothing towel.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

And I have, like. I permanently scratched the car for. I just got it. I mean, it was a used car for 3, 600. But it's like, for me, it was, like, so brand new.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

And. And I kept thinking, like, why is it so scratched? And then as I was doing, I was like, I'm doing it.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Right. I did that. I used to do it in the summers, it was one of my jobs was I would wash people's cars. So are you going to buy a new car now that things are kind of taken off for you?

[Robbie Hoffman]

No, I got a new car like maybe a few years ago now. I was able to trade that car that I got. That 3, 600 car was a Toyota Corolla Celica.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

And it ended up becoming vintage and selling for $6,000, which is like wild.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, the Celica.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah. Because it turned 30, apparently, like if a car turns 30. So this guy gave me 6,000. So I got my car, I split the difference. I got a car for 13,000. So I'm, I bought a 2007 Porsche. Came in base.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Nice.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah. It needs a new water pump. The light in the back repairs are.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Not cheap on a porch, but I.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Haven'T done them and they're fine.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah, good.

[Robbie Hoffman]

I've been driving for years. Listen, I fill my own coolant. The light comes on, it's like, yeah, the water pump's leaking. It's like, okay, so I'm just gonna fill my own. I'll fill coolant once a month. I'm not buying a 600. Like, I will drive this car till the wheel, you know, it's a 17 year old car, whatever. And it's fantastic.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I love it. All right, last question. And then we're going to send you off back into Hollywood to continue your quest for greatness.

[Robbie Hoffman]

I can't wait. For greatness. Guys, you heard it here.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

When's the last time you apologize to somebody?

[Robbie Hoffman]

I apologize all of the time. My sister Yehudis, she came, she was very demanding at my house. She came at. So she was sleeping on the couch last minute. I was only supposed to host Shmoly and his wife, but she said, oh, she wants to come too. I said, no problem. Come stay on the couch. Suddenly we can't go to cvs. I, I picked her up at the airport. I pick. I. First of all, right, When I get to the airport, their flight landed. Five, ten.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

They don't understand I'm going to pick them up. It's like, you don't have snacks. Like you didn't pick up pretzels and oranges. I go, first of all, thank you for coming to pick me up.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

At the airport. Anyway, we got into a fight that night because she wanted to go to CVS because she lives in Canada and she likes to check out cvs. I said, what do you need at cvs? She said, she needs an enema. She's doing these enemies. I'm like, do you actually need the enema? And she's like, yeah, you know, I get backed up. I need the cinema. So she makes me take her to the cvs. She doesn't even get the enema. She just got snacks.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Really?

[Robbie Hoffman]

She's like, actually, no, you know, they didn't. So I was like, you know, it's just I was doing so much. So she was demanding all weekend, but she also felt like I was, like, asking her to, like, clean up too much or whatever. But it's like, it's also Gabby's space. You're staying on the couch right last minute. So, you know, and she was good about folding that away, but then she would be like, oh, I need this type of milk, or you don't have this, or your coffee is like this. Like, I actually can't use that coffee. So. But then I apologized to her.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

For what?

[Robbie Hoffman]

For picking at her. Because I was picking at her too much. But I really wanted to get her to admit that she was demanding, which everybody agreed to. But I right away, I said, I love you. And, you know, and that's how it is in my family, too. Like, she's my baby sister. She's demanding, whatever. But I right away apologize if I was actually hurting her feelings at one point. So I said, I, look, I'm sorry, but you are demanding. So it was a sorry, but. Yes, it was a sorry, but.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

A sorry but has got a big asterisk on it, for sure. I don't accept sorry, buts.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah. No, A sorry, but to my little sister. You'd have to accept it because she's not taking any accountability.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

To Gabby, even a little thing. If I said she didn't. Like. Like, I was watching the hockey game yesterday. The Maple Leafs.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

And it was brutal.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

It was brutal.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah. So I was watching. So she didn't, like, you know, I was like, oh, you know, I was upset about the game. And she goes, oh, it sounds like you're upset at me. So, you know what I said later, Two minutes later, I said, you know what? I'm sorry that you thought I was upset at you. I was upset, obviously, at. At the Habs. She's reading. So she's at the. At the Leafs. You know, she's reading. She doesn't know. But she was like, oh, thank you so much. You know, I'll go out of my way to extra apologize, even if it's something light. To her. We really. But still, sisters is a different relationship. They may get A sorry, but a little bit more.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah. I also think that's a very healthy part of the Jewish culture, is that there is. You don't leave things under the surface. They are brought up, they are confronted, they are dealt with. And the Irish culture is just. You just push it down.

[Robbie Hoffman]

No, it never even gets down in the Jewish. It's all just right here, you see, right? It's like. It's like, what the hell? This is your towel. Whose towel is this?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Right?

[Robbie Hoffman]

I'm like, hello, Whose towel is this?

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Oh, that's mine.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

I was like, well, are you gonna. You know, why don't you put your stuff in Schmol's room? But he's going to sleep now, so make sure you got all your stuff for the morning. She's like, I have everything. Then he's in bed. She's like, oh, I need my phone charger. I'm like, I told you not to wake him. You know, this is your brother shmoly. He's waking up very early for his flight. Oh, yeah, Schmol. Can I just go in? And this is like, you know, so it's all right here. It never even has time to. To. To sink.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

So how big is your place?

[Robbie Hoffman]

My place now is really nice and big.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Really?

[Robbie Hoffman]

This is like a pinch me place. Well, we have one extra bedroom.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

So no, my sister's on the couch. It's a big apartment.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Is it a fold out couch?

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah, my. No, not in the living room, but yes, in my second bedroom, which I use also as an office. It's a fold out. Okay. It's a sofa bed.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Which, you know, those can be uncomfortable.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

I bought a support.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Good.

[Robbie Hoffman]

I bought a. And then the top, I bought foam.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yeah.

[Robbie Hoffman]

So it's actually quite nice.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh, that's great.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yeah. I supplemented. I'm at such a point where I don't have to. We don't have the base. We have just a level higher than the base.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Well, we're all happy for you. Thank you. And thank you for coming on the show. I hope you had a great time.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Thank you for having me. I had, honestly, an amazing time. You're a doll. Lovely. I am Robbie Hoffman. Follow me on Instagram at Robbie Hoffman. My podcast, Too Far.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes, Too Far is. And it's a Patreon podcast.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Patreon only. We are Patreon only. The Too Far podcast. We do not accept any corporate dollars because they won't give them to us.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Is this you and your wife doing this?

[Robbie Hoffman]

No, it's just me The Too Far Pod.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Oh.

[Robbie Hoffman]

New York Times calls the podcast addictive.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Really?

[Robbie Hoffman]

$5 a month. We do three episodes a month. So five divided by three, 166. For less than the price of a cup of coffee. You can subscribe, which is also addictive.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes. That's great. I tried to look up your tour dates from your website. It only gave me May 23rd at Brea.

[Robbie Hoffman]

I'm gonna be in Brea this Friday. I forgot to tell anyone. I'm doing one show and it's a last. I'm fitting the. You know, I'm filling a 9:45pm slot that they had. I said, sure, I will be there, Brea. I'm there Friday. I don't even know when this comes out. So you comes out tomorrow? Oh, it comes out tomorrow, Brea. Yeah, tomorrow, Friday.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

I will be there July 2nd in Edmonton.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Yes. I'm going to Canada. You asked me about Canada. I forgot. I'm going. I'm there. Canada Day weekend. I am there July 2nd and July 3rd. Two shows.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

The grindstone Theater.

[Robbie Hoffman]

The Grindstone. It's gonna sell out. It's very small. Edmonton. Run and do it. It's two shows. They will sell out. And I'm not. I don't. I don't. I think you. I'm not. I don't care about the DMs. I don't care. Sister cancer. I don't care. I can't increase the venue size now.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

You just gotta get there fast. And then 9 11, which is a national holiday through 9 13, you're gonna be in D.C. where one of the planes actually hit one of the buildings. I know.

[Robbie Hoffman]

I am very worried about D.C. but I do like going there because my. My. My. My cousin, Daniel latofsky lives in D.C. he's a Republican. Very nice. Nice man. Daniel, I look forward to seeing you in D.C. i am very worried about. About flying then.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

Yes. Get in nine. Get in on 910. Yeah, yeah. And don't connect through Newark. All right. Thank you, Robbie.

[Robbie Hoffman]

Thank you so much.

[Greg Fitzsimmons]

See you this week at the store.

[Robbie Hoffman]

I can't wait.