Ron Funches (Fitzdog Radio #1136) | Greg Fitzsimmons

Summary

Fitzdog Radio #1136: Ron Funches | Greg Fitzsimmons
April 30, 2026
Podcast Link

---

Episode Overview

In this energetic, laughter-filled episode of Fitzdog Radio, host Greg Fitzsimmons sits down with comedian and actor Ron Funches for a wide-ranging conversation that blends industry insights, personal introspection, stand-up shop talk, and deeply funny anecdotes. The pair reflect on Ron’s recent experiences on the reality show The Traitors, what it's like being diagnosed as an autistic adult, evolving paths in comedy, the pains and perks of showbiz, and why their off-stage personalities might surprise fans. The episode also delivers memorable moments—from theories about the moon landing to must-hear stories of awkward green room encounters.

---

Key Topics & Discussion Points

---

Comedy, Commercials, and Self-Improvement

[07:33 – 14:20]

• Funches jokes about his custom WWE water bottle and upcoming merch.

• They riff on the weirdness of ad sponsors for podcasts, with Greg joking about illicit mail and Funches pushing for Royal Crown Cola.

• They discuss bad ad reads and the hazards of trying unknown sponsored products, like Kratom.

  • Quote:
    "So I tried the Cranium [Kratom] the next day and I had to cancel my show that night. I was so full out. I was in a stupor." – Greg [10:01]

• Hair loss, weight loss, and Ron’s transparency about getting a hair transplant (in Istanbul) and working out.

  • Ron discusses improving himself physically, partly for his career—jokingly calling it the "Nikki Glaser plan" for industry hotness.

---

The State of TV, Acting, and Character-Driven Comedy

[14:20 – 17:47]

• Ron’s role on Loot (Hulu/Apple TV), and why shorter streaming seasons changed the feel of TV.

  • Greg feels the show would be an awards juggernaut if it were still on network.
  • Quote:
    "It’s one of those shows that, if it was on one of the networks, it’d be one of the biggest shows..." – Greg [15:34]

• Nostalgia for 22-episode seasons and holiday episodes (like Roseanne’s Halloweens and The Simpsons).

• Ron laments missing out on holiday-centric episodes as a cast member/comedian.

---

Wrestling, Politics, and the Surrealism of Modern America

[17:47 – 19:41]

• Ron admits his love for pro wrestling (WCW Nitro), and segues into Linda McMahon's bizarre role in government.
  • Quote:
    "It's just a clear indication of how you can't take anything serious going on around you. It's wrestling in politics." – Ron [18:15]
• Conversation turns to how environmental issues are buried in the news, with Greg highlighting climate change as a core existential threat.
  • Quote:
    "It should be the only thing we’re talking about...all these fights don’t matter if the world’s going to end.” – Greg [19:07]

---

Ethics, Consumption, and Living with Conscience

[19:41 – 24:00]

• Greg poses moral hypotheticals about stock tips (hemorrhoid cream vs. war profiteering), and Ron draws his personal ethical lines.
• Ron reflects on eating rare meats (horse in Japan, for example), and how he balances curiosity with conscience.
• Ron explains meeting his friend Red online, their shared love for eclectic music, and the internet’s power to create real connections.

---

Parenting, The Internet, and The Eric Andre Show

[24:00 – 25:58]

• Ron and Greg swap stories about their sons encountering shocking internet content (e.g., beheadings in middle school).
• Ron praises his experience as a writer for The Eric Andre Show, what he learned about ego, and finding value in collaborative creative rooms.
  • Quote:
    "He’d just get a bunch of amazing comedians to come in and then...pick what worked in his voice. I learned a lot about protecting your energy.” – Ron [24:25]

---

Reality TV—The Traitors and Autism Diagnosis

[26:23 – 39:00]

• Details of Ron’s time on The Traitors—an emotionally taxing, “social experiment” reality show blending reality stars, comedians, and more.
  • Quote:
    "I learned that I am exactly who I say I am—that I have a set of morals and values that don’t change...whether I’m under pressure or tempted by money...I stay myself." – Ron [27:10]
  • He was voted off early, felt out-of-place among reality TV personalities (“not a big believer in naming my credits”), and felt misunderstood.
  • The experience prompted Ron to pursue an adult autism diagnosis—he discusses his lifelong discomfort in groups (“personal hell is dinner with more than six people”) and why solitary or one-on-one settings suit him.
  • The diagnosis reframed his self-understanding and relationships, both professionally and personally.
  • Quote:
    "Sometimes I felt in my life I’ve tried to force myself into a suit that was two sizes too small to fit in. I’ve given myself permission to not do that.” – Ron [37:26]

---

Comedy Shop Talk and The Craft

[28:28 – 32:56]

• Ron on 20 years in stand-up: career swings between making little for a lot of work, and making a lot for little work.
• Both discuss giving 100% effort onstage, whether at a small club or a lucrative corporate gig.
• Ron explains his “sandwich” writing method: mixing old reliable material with new bits to keep things fresh for both audience and performer.
• The personal connection is crucial: realness, vulnerability, and the ability to interact and be in the moment distinguish live comedy.
  • Quote:
    "Even if I’m working on the same material, I let the energy change, be live in the moment." – Ron [32:03]

---

Introversion, Green Room Life, and Performing

[39:03 – 43:32]

• Ron and Greg share their offstage introvert tendencies—needing quiet after performing, why they avoid post-show hangouts, and how they protect their energy.

  • Quote:
    "When I’m on stage, I can really put myself out there. And then…between shows, I need 45 minutes to just scroll or read a book." – Greg [40:05]

• Ron talks about not being the “offstage class clown,” why smaller circles serve him better, and handling perceptions of standoffishness.

• Differentiating between comics who constantly perform (Andy Kindler, Todd Glass, etc.) and those who don’t.

---

Industry, Special Fatigue, and The Fickle Nature of Success

[43:32 – 52:47]

• Both lament the current comedy landscape: social media-driven casting, YouTubers and influencers selling out clubs but with little experience, and why Netflix would rather give specials to TikTok stars than seasoned comics.

  • Quote:
    "Don’t call it comedy…call it a performance. Don’t put the word comedy in there." – Greg [49:10]

• Ron discusses the uphill battle to sell/produce a new stand-up special, follower obsession in casting, and why he chose the reality show route to boost his profile.

  • Ron went from 600k to ~777k followers after The Traitors.

• Both agree that the YouTube/POD era is a double-edged sword for comedy’s artistic value, but expanding their online presence is essential.

---

Animation, Voice Work, & Early Career

[54:00 – 55:07]

• Ron on doing voices (BoJack Horseman, Portlandia, Aqua Teen Hunger Force) and why stand-up and voice acting invite lots of “how can I do that” questions.
  • He only does “this voice and versions of this voice,” but his uniqueness is now marketable.
  • Quote:
    "The thing that they mocked me for is the thing I make money off of." – Ron [55:06]

---

Money, Happiness, and Family

[55:10 – 56:09]

• Comics muse on the joy of “having money,” whether it buys happiness, and the financial logistics of the comedy life.
  • Quote:
    "People say it can’t buy happiness. Who? What are you talking about? You never been to Kyoto?" – Ron [55:18]
• Brief stories about rich vs. “cash poor” comics, property, and lifestyle.

---

Rapid-Fire: Fitz Balls (Lightning Round)

[57:03 – 71:05]

• Virginity: Ron lost his virginity at his parents’ house—eventually married that person and had his eldest son. [57:53]
• Awkward Green Room: Worst opener ever—a delusional, cocky opener who failed at comedy and etiquette, then asked to clear the green room for a blow job. [59:36 – 60:54]
• Artistic Regrets? Ron regrets periods where he said “yes” to work solely for money and didn't enjoy the projects. [68:50]
• Comedy Name: Funches jokes that having “fun” in his last name gives audiences a pleasant expectation and affirm he’s not hiding behind a fake stage name. [70:04]
• Awards: Ron is proudest of being named Variety “10 Comics to Watch.” [66:03]
• Moon Landing: Both agree it’s “more fun if it didn’t happen” (i.e., the conspiracy is more interesting), even though rationally they know it's true. [67:01]
• Best Asian Friend: Ron struggles to choose (not Bobby Lee!), jokes about exes and friends. [63:58]
• Hackiest Bit: Early material about “man boobs” and an onstage reveal involving cut-up pantyhose. [79:02]
• Apology: Last real apology was to a friend for misdirected anger. [71:07 – 72:40]

---

Memorable Quotes

• On Morality in Showbiz:
  "I can work so hard for so little, then work so little for so much…it makes the job interesting." – Ron [28:39]
• On Autism and Self-Understanding:
  "I’ve just tried to force myself into a suit two sizes too small…now I’ve given myself permission not to do that." – Ron [37:26]
• On Off-Stage Personality:
  "I keep my energy to myself…not like a super extrovert…It takes a lot for me to, like, perform two shows. I’m not trying to be the class clown offstage."' – Ron [39:03]
• On the State of Comedy:
  "The industry just wants drama. They ask, 'Is it got some drama to it?' It makes comedy look terrible." – Ron [49:44]
• On Hair Transplants in Istanbul:
  "Here in LA, it can be $30-50,000. I'm not doing it here—I’m going to Turkey." – Ron [74:22]
• On Happiness and Money:
  "People say money can’t buy happiness. Who? You never been to Kyoto, Japan?" – Ron [55:18]

---

Notable Moments

• Greg’s wild, irreverent intro about OnlyFans and reality TV pitches [00:47].
• Funches’ revelation: The Traitors led him to seek an autism diagnosis, reframing years of social discomfort [36:19].
• Both comedians bemoan the commodification and TikTok-ification of comedy on streaming services [49:10].
• Green room horror story: hopeful opener gets fired after a spectacular bomb (and a rude request) [60:06].
• Ron’s transformation (weight loss, hair transplants, showbiz strategy) and transparency about personal evolution [10:41, 74:22].

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• The Traitors and Autism Diagnosis: [26:23 – 39:00]
• Comedy Shop Talk: [28:28 – 32:56]
• Industry & Comedy Specials: [43:32 – 52:47]
• Fitz Balls Lightning Round: [57:03 – 71:05]
• Ron’s Family, Hair Transplants & Istanbul: [73:45 – 75:46]

---

Episode Tone

• Irreverent and self-deprecating, with classic comedian’s vulnerability.
• Open, honest, and occasionally poignant, particularly on matters of neurodivergence, family, and the comedy grind.
• Fast, punchy dialogue with plenty of detours into industry gossip, career frustrations, and life lessons.

---

Final Notes

• Ron’s Upcoming Shows: Details at ronfunches.com—including Netflix Festival, Stardome (Birmingham), and European tour dates.
• Call to Action: Follow @RonFunches on YouTube for stand-up, sketches, and gaming content.

---

This episode is a must-listen for fans of stand-up, behind-the-scenes stories, and authentic, off-stage insights into two working comedians navigating a rapidly changing entertainment landscape.

Transcript

[A]

You can't reason with the sun. Trust us, we've tried. This summer, it's time to put that angry ball of fire on mute. Colombia's Omnishade technology is engineered to protect you from the sun's harsh rays that can burn and damage your skin. The sun is relentless, but so is our gear. Level up your [e-mail] to spend more time outside and less time slathering on aloe lotion. You're welcome, Columbia engineered for whatever. Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same Premium Wireless for 15amonth plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to [e-mail]

[B]

Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate, first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees, extra fee, full terms at Mint Mob. Hi, welcome to Fitz Dog Radio. My guest Ron Funches will be here in just a moment. That's not true. Ron Funches was just here and I already talked to him. And I can tell you right up front, it was not a good interview. No, it was fantastic. Ron's the best. He's got. He's got a little touch of the. He's on the spectrum. So we talk about that. We talk about this reality show he was on that I didn't see. I like to watch the projects that my, my guests do before they come on. But I can't, I can't really watch reality shows because I just, I feel like the time I'm spending watching it can be spent in so many other way. I'm in the middle of a crossword puzzle and, and that it's far outweighs watching. And this isn't knocking. Ron, he'll tell you it was not a good. I shouldn't. I blew it. Spoiler alert. It was not a great experience for him. But I just wrote in, here's a big announcement. If you live in la, this is very, very big deal. I wrote in my first Waymo. I had not been in a Waymo before and I was alone so it picked me up and it was just so weird. Driving alone in a car and jerking off and you're used to the driver yelling at you stop, whatever. Or jumping in the back, whatever. But this was just me alone and I real. And then I Saw the video camera and I got more excited and I felt like I was on Only Fans. I think Only Fans should do. They should sponsor a wh Mo car where it's free, it drives around la. You can get in it, you can go where you want, but you have to be naked in the wayo. And it's one of those uber pool things where other people are going to get in and they're going to get naked and then whatever. That. That's my reality show is Way Mo, but it's way more Way Mo. That's what we call it. Or as black person would just say, way Mo. That's racist. And Ron's coming on. I took an Uber. This is true. I took an Uber from the airport and my driver was Indian and he had his phone mounted on the dashboard. And then he was watching a Bollywood movie while driving me. And I was going to report the guy, but the movie was fucking great. I actually wanted to see the ending. So I stayed in the car for his next three rides. I want to see if the prince got the woman from the lower caste system to come to the big ball at the palace where they wave the colored ribbons around. And it didn't happen. I want to talk a little bit about. Did I talk about Disneyland? I don't think I did. I went to Disneyland last week. I was invited by the Woody show, which is this big radio show in la. And they. They broadcast around the country and they rent it out Disneyland for the night. And they invited their listeners. They were all contest winners. There's thousands of listeners in the park. And then I was at the. I brought my wife and my friends J.C. and Nick. And I found out driving there, my friend JC was a tour guide. She grew up near Anaheim. She was a tour guide in high school and then in college she was a VIP tour guide. So she would bring some celebrities to Disneyland. And I said, well, who is the best? And she says without hesitating, she goes, that John Stamos was the b. He was the nicest. He was the most fun. So we get to the park and there's like a VIP restaurant that's for the VIPs. And obviously I'm a VIP. And so we go in there and it's free food and free drinks and it's a bunch of celebrities. I'm hanging out with the drummer from Green Day, whatever his name is. And then I said to Jayceen, I go, don't look to your right. Right now, John Stamos is standing there and she's just like, what? And so we walk up and I know John from the standup world over the years and I was good friends with Bob Saget. And so I go, I go, john J. Scene was your tour guide like 10 years ago when you came to the park. He goes, I remember you. He goes, I was with Bob Saget, my daughter. And she's like, yes. And he couldn't have been sweeter. Totally remembered her. And they hung out and he made love to her in Mickey's ear. Yeah, Mickey heard everything. So anyway, that was just a fun night. I'm not a Disneyland fan, but when the park is closed except for you. It was from 9pm till 1am and there was nobody there except the listeners, so there were no lines. So much fun. Thank you. Woody Show Shout out tour dates coming up. I will be at the Brea Improv on May 8th. I will be there with Amber Easton. She will be opening Boston Laugh Boston May 29th and 30th, Rochester, New Hampshire. The Opera House June 5th, Agunquit Maine at Jonathan's, June 6th. Then I'm coming to St. Pete's and Cincinnati and Columbus and La Jolla. Go to fitzdog.com, get some tickets, come out, see some live comedy and don't forget Sunday papers as well. All right, here's my interview with the great Ron Funches. My well hydrated guest is Ron Funches.

[A]

Two waters.

[B]

Let me see your crazy water bottle. What do you got WWE on there?

[A]

There's a custom bottle and they made me a bottle. This one's for actually my so took from him and then they made me one one of my jokes that I'm gonna start selling his merch. So this is good promo for me. Now look out for custom rom punches Nalgene water bottles coming soon. Probably on Rom punches.com is my guess.

[B]

Look, this show is not about commercialism. Stamps.com is the best way to send stuff at any time because whether it's drugs or guns, if you use bitcoin and stamps.com, you can get anything to anybody anytime. Fitzdog promo code on stamps.com.

[A]

love it. Yeah, you know, my favorite cola is Royal Crown because it's got a deeper flavor.

[B]

Yeah, and the thing that goes really nice with Royal Crown is Fritos. They're like fritos but about 50% of the cost. Same corn flavor. Flavor, same delicious salt.

[A]

I love that about freelows. Oh, I have to do another one now.

[B]

Threes, right? I think we did three. Have you ever done a commercial on Your podcast and then said, I can't do that one again.

[A]

Yeah. If I've tasted some of the stuff. Yeah, it was like. It's bad, I think, like. Yeah, the Magic Spoon. Magic Spoon was tough.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Magic Spoon was tough.

[B]

Is that a food delivery service?

[A]

No, it's a cereal. They didn't get you during. You weren't in the Magic Spoon.

[B]

They did. I liked it.

[A]

You liked it?

[B]

I liked it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

There was like, a Shredded Wheat one. It was like a frosted Shredded Wheat one that I kind of liked.

[A]

All right. I don't think there was.

[B]

I did Kratom. Have you heard of that?

[A]

I've heard of it. It's like a synthetic opioid.

[B]

Yeah. So they sent it to me and I don't know what it is. I get the ad read the day before and I'm starting to read them and they don't come out and say it's.

[A]

I didn't know you could just do drugs like that. I didn't know you could get a sponsorship from, like, just like, LSD or, like.

[B]

Yeah, right, right. I know. Well, you. And you can't for weed. Like, I've never done a weed spot. But anyway, so I tried the Cranium the next day and I had to cancel my show that night. I was so full out. I was, like, in a stupor.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I liked it. And. And I like this because I love opioids. I. You know, give me some vi. Here. Pull that mic up by your face.

[A]

I will.

[B]

Like, give me some Vicodin. Give me some hydrocodone and I can talk to any. I always save one for Christmas.

[A]

I don't like those. Those make me itchy.

[B]

Really? Oh, you get like a. Like a heroin addict.

[A]

Like, I don't like the feeling of. I don't like pills in general. Yeah, not a pill guy.

[B]

No pills.

[A]

Minoxidil and finasteride.

[B]

Let me see the head.

[A]

It's coming in.

[B]

Oh, damn. Look at you. You lost all this weight. Your hair is coming back.

[A]

Oh. I mean, it's also a hair transplant. I'm going back for my second one, so.

[B]

Oh, was it the front?

[A]

Front. I mean, and some of the crown, but the crown's still lagging, so we had to go back and do a second one.

[B]

You're a hot property right now.

[A]

I'm working on it. Trying to get up there.

[B]

You don't work the apps. You don't need to. We're stand up comedians, right?

[A]

No, I don't no, no. I got a girlfriend I enjoy.

[B]

So you're just upgrading for her?

[A]

Just for me and for work, you know, I got. You know, I've been on a plan that I call, like, the Amy Schumer upgraded recently to the Nikki Glaser plan. Where you, like, work real hard and you convince the industry for a couple years that you're. You're hot, and then they give you a bunch of money and then just let go.

[B]

That's it? Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, that's my plan. And right now I'm in. I gotta get hot. Part of it, which Nikki is crushing. I send billboards for her everywhere. Good girl. Look out for her on Hulu.

[B]

I know. She. I literally, after her transformation, I saw her at a party and I said, hi, and she said hi. And I thought I was just saying hi to, like, a fan, and I stopped and I went, oh, my God, that's you. You know, she had the. The fake tan and the hair and.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know what else, but, like, I didn't recognize her.

[A]

Yeah, she looks great.

[B]

She looks amazing.

[A]

People should be allowed to change. Allow the money to show. What's she supposed to do? Get a bunch of money and not change.

[B]

If I got a bunch of money, I would get. I'd get my neck done.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Look at my neck.

[A]

Yeah. Terrible. Gross. And also, I kind of want. Fuck it.

[B]

It's sexy. Gross. It's alluring.

[A]

How that got you at the.

[B]

My eyes. A smile Deep. No. Jeremiah Watkins just came on and he told. He told me I look like the tortoise. In what show? Some movie or something.

[A]

Franklin, probably. You look like Franklin the Turtle. Ninja Turtle.

[B]

Ninja Turtles.

[A]

No, that's. Not. Every turtle is a Ninja Turtle.

[B]

Snl, whatever. If you guys can't get me the information.

[A]

Oh, like Dana Carvey.

[B]

Dan Carvey's movie.

[A]

Oh, yeah. But that was already a weird look. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No, yeah. No, you just. You mean you. You're getting older. Who isn't?

[B]

Yeah, but I mean, I was just saying if I. If I came into a ton of money, I would definitely do the. I don't give a fuck about the hair. The hair is.

[A]

The hair is gone. Although I wouldn't even say, don't even try to get a transplant. It's gone.

[B]

I have thought about going, like, old school comic wig, because those guys just wore wigs and they didn't give a fuck. They were like, yeah, I'm wearing a wig. I'm a comedian.

[A]

You know, it's fun.

[B]

It's fun.

[A]

The showman yeah.

[B]

You could shake it up. You try a different one on a different night.

[A]

Yeah. Wow. You really. When you make facial experiences. Yeah. You see every. I see the story of your life

[B]

in my eyes everywhere. Steep.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, Irish skin. I mean, they say black don't crack.

[A]

Irish cracks. Yeah.

[B]

Irish shatters.

[A]

It really does.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Age like milk. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. And I also. I've been in the sun a lot. I've really. And I see that as like when you say I'm fat, they're like, yeah, I enjoyed my life and I feel like that with my wrinkles. Like, I laughed. I've laugh lines.

[A]

I mean, who are you trying to not wrinkle for you marriage. You got. Everything's settled for you. You're good. You could be as wrinkly as you want to be.

[B]

Right. I'm not looking for any roles. I'm not like. You're a legit actor.

[A]

I love acting.

[B]

You are. You are so good. If. If nobody's seen the show I'm going to look at. I'm going to do another ad right now. Watch the television show Loot. It's on Hulu and it's on Apple tv. No, it's on Hulu.

[A]

Is it on Hulu now?

[B]

They move it. No, I just had a. You never know where you show is.

[A]

No, no, no. That's why I say with my son's cartoons, I'm like, oh, the Mario movie was on Netflix. Now I got to go to Peacock. You know where it gonna be next.

[B]

Right, right. But anyway, this show Loot with Maya Rudolph and on tube Matt. What's Nat's our same Paxton Faxon. He is so great. I play golf with him.

[A]

I believe that he's a great guy. That's probably a laugh. Oh, he's fun.

[B]

He's so fun. The whole cast is great, but you are fantastic.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You.

[A]

Is that what you're gonna say?

[B]

Can we roll back the tape? I don't remember saying I think my Rudolph might be the best one in it. But you're a close second. But I feel like it's one of those shows that if it was, there's no reason why it couldn't be on one of the networks and it would be one of the biggest show you. Because it'd be winning awards.

[A]

Thank you. I think it's a great show. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Any more seasons?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

You did two, right?

[A]

Three. Wow. You really don't keep up. You don't even know what network is on or many.

[B]

It kind of jumped the shark after two.

[A]

Yeah, that's true.

[B]

No, I didn't. I just didn't. I probably did see the third. I just don't remember. They all blend together, and while, you

[A]

know, they don't get much momentum anymore, you don't get, like, boom every fall. You know, when something's coming out, it just kind of comes and goes.

[B]

And then it's only, what, 12 episodes? 10 episodes. So we used to watch 22. Like, my daughter right now has gotten deep into Desperate Housewives, and we sat on that couch and we'll watch four or five episodes every night. It's so goddamn good.

[A]

I miss the day when you could just get a nice filler episode.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Just people hanging out, reminiscing. Previous episodes.

[B]

And then they give you the. What happened on the last episode before you watch the episode where they talk about what happened on the previous episode.

[A]

I loved it. I miss it. You got to love the characters. You got to experience holidays with the characters, which I think I. I've always lamented. The fact that we've never gotten, like, a Christmas episode, Halloween episode. Like, I love. I mean, those are my favorite. Watching Roseanne and stuff and waiting every year to see what they were going to do for their Halloween episod was always a big deal for me.

[B]

Simpsons Christmas episodes are pretty legendary.

[A]

House of Horror Halloween episodes, Halloween one.

[B]

And yeah, they did them all. They would do Valentine's Day. No summer ones, because the show's usually in reruns in the summer, but sometimes

[A]

they go on vacation, like when Mama's family, when they. When she went on Jeopardy. And so they went to Hawaii and

[B]

that was the summer break.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, that's funny.

[A]

Three episode arc.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Three greatest TV shows of all time for me. Yeah.

[A]

I Love Lucy, King of the Hill. And then probably. No, I want to say that out of respect, but that's not true to me. And then WCW Nitro.

[B]

What's that?

[A]

It's a pro wrestling show that ran for a good 10 years.

[B]

How do you feel about Linda McMahon as the secretary of Education?

[A]

I mean, it's just a clear indication of how you can't take anything serious going on around you. It's.

[B]

It's wrestling.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's wrestling in politics.

[A]

She doesn't know what's going on at all. I mean, they made her a thing about small business. And as a lady who tries to destroy unions and keeps everybody not classified as workers.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I mean, it's just none of it tracks nor makes sense. They try to be like, look, kid, Rock is art. Like, good stuff. Drink whole milk. And like people, RFK is healthy. The whole thing is insane to even try to wrap your mind around. So I tend to not.

[B]

Yeah, it's funny. They just. Trump yesterday fired the entire board of the science Department because they're all fighting for. Here's the thing, that in all the chaos of everything that's happened in the last two elections, how often have you heard the environment talk about. I mean, if you talk about the biggest existential threat to humankind right now, it's the environment. And it has been completely sidelined. It should be the only thing we're talking about because all these little fights, big fights we're having, don't matter if the world's going to end.

[A]

No, it makes sense. I mean, it's all just here to be a grift to pocket as much money of our tax money as possible and then leave us in a dire straits while they can go move to wherever country or planet they choose to.

[B]

Ethical question for Ron Funches. You have a friend you went to college with. Did you go to college?

[A]

I went to community college for three weeks. Does that count now?

[B]

But this guy wouldn't end up in politics in Washington.

[A]

He could. No, you don't know the pipeline that Chemeketa provides.

[B]

There is a master's program there. So this guy, you know, a guy, he goes to Washington, he emails you, he goes. Pfizer is about to launch a new hemorrhoid cream.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's going to be huge.

[A]

I'm on board.

[B]

You buy the stock?

[A]

Sure, why not?

[B]

Okay. What about. He said he sends you one that says there's about to be another war in Cuba. Halliburton is poised to sell a thousand missiles. Do you buy that stock?

[A]

No.

[B]

So we found the line.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, I won't buy. There's this Game Boy that looks pretty cool, but I won't buy it because it's made by the guy who makes drones, that Palmer. Lucky. That guy, he also makes Game Boys.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Wow. Yeah. And. But I'm like, it looks cool. It looks like a great Game Boy, but I can't buy it because he makes. He uses the same. They actually have marketed a Game Boy that they make out of the same material that they make the drones out of.

[B]

Wow. Yeah. Yeah. That's crazy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I'm trying to think this. I still want to veal. Trying to think of the conscientious things that you love.

[A]

I like it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You good?

[B]

It does. It doesn't matter. To you how the little calves are treated.

[A]

It does. I don't like the idea of it, but I had it. I don't go out of the way going, like, give me the ville. But if it's been offered to me and I've tried it, I liked it. I've eaten a horse before. That was also delicious. It was.

[B]

You've eaten horse?

[A]

Yeah. In Japan.

[B]

How was it?

[A]

It was wonderful. I was like, why would you give this to me and then force me to go back to a land where this is shunned?

[B]

Plus, the great thing is they don't have to truck it in. It just shows up on its own.

[A]

It just.

[B]

They ride it to the restaurant.

[A]

Going on the horse you came in on. I didn't know it was eating that. I haven't tried it since. Yeah, but I did not hate it, that's for sure.

[B]

I was in South Africa and I ate giraffes.

[A]

Yeah. And you've been repping ever since.

[B]

All right. Elephant. I've been there a few times. I've been there three times. Elephant, giraffe.

[A]

You really are just like my friend Red. I love how much you guys look alike. And then he would absolutely be wearing an outfit that says South Africa right now with the same exact hat. Like men.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. You remember my friend Red that looks like you?

[B]

Is he Irish?

[A]

Yeah, I think so. Why would I remember Red? Because we. Because I posted a picture of him, of his birthday and said happy birthday to him. And then you commented, is this me?

[B]

Oh, that's right. How come you don't post on my birthday? And Red chimes in.

[A]

Because we. You didn't go to Japan with me or to Europe with me during my divorce and help me process my divorce. He did.

[B]

For how long?

[A]

I mean, a couple years.

[B]

A couple years?

[A]

Processing. No, I mean, I went to Japan for three weeks, and then I went to Paris for a week.

[B]

And he was there for you, Red. How do you know Red?

[A]

Through the Internet, playing video games during the pandemic streaming on Twitch. And then we would hang out, and then I would play a lot of different music. Like, I Pretty eclectic musical taste. And he was the only guy in a group of people that would be like, oh, I know that song. And then would be like, do you know this song? And I wouldn't. And I'd be like, oh. And so I learned to respect his musical taste. And then now, in which I should, because he's amazing. He's worked with a lot of great musicians. He's great. He is a Great.

[B]

Oh, he's in the music industry.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, cool. Yeah.

[B]

Wow. Isn't that amazing? Like the Internet, really? That was the intention of the Internet was going to be. It was going to bring people together, ideas and, you know, I mean, it still does to some extent. I guess. You got it. You got to be proactive about your Internet use. You got to really choose and protective. Yeah. Especially with your son.

[A]

Right?

[B]

My kids, I. I tried. Well, I found out my son was watching beheadings in like seventh grade. Remember when that was a big thing?

[A]

Yeah. No, they would put a lot of them in the writer's room of the Eric Andre show.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right.

[A]

Yeah. What was that like, the writing process?

[B]

The writing room at Eric Andre.

[A]

It was really cool because it felt like an all star game because. And it taught me a lot about, like, lowering my ego and the way that he would just get a bunch of amazing comedians to come in and write for him and then just want pick the best things that worked in his voice and I wouldn't always be able to do. I learned that I'm not great at switching from someone else to someone else's voice from my voice, but he also still found some value in some of the things that I would pitch and stuff. And it just really taught me about how to run a room and how to like, protect your energy and stuff. He's like. He's one of my favorite people in the industry for sure. He's just a really good guy.

[B]

He's a really, really. That show. When I think about my favorite shows of all time, that's in my top 20 for sure. Maybe top 15. You know, just the fucking punk. It was punk rock.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, it was just, let's blow it all up. Let's just fucking destroy.

[A]

Late night comedy and destruction. Space ghost. Very. I mean, just very zeitgeisty. And it's so cool how, like, it wasn't even out during the Memey era and then it's become such a meme and become like, more popular in the last few years than it was at the beginning of the series.

[B]

Ericandre. Does that mean they'll bring it back? It's kind of hard because people know that. They already know.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know. I mean, he does a lot of stuff back doing stand up, which is a recession indicator to me, but I'm glad to have his voice back out there.

[B]

Right, Right. Yeah. So hold on. I get. Will you do me a favor? Will you grab my black bag? And bring it over here. I have some questions I want to ask you.

[A]

No shoes. Her socks. From him?

[B]

Yeah. No, he's just at home.

[A]

Huh.

[B]

Is that why you do it? Yeah. All right, first question.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

This thing, Traders. You're on the. You were on a reality show called Traders?

[A]

I was.

[B]

And this was for how long?

[A]

I mean, it's like eight days.

[B]

Are you locked up together for eight days?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

In a mansion or something?

[A]

In a castle.

[B]

In a castle. And it's like other reality stars.

[A]

Yeah, it's like the Avengers are like fortnite of reality. And it just makes people from different franchises and then throw like, you know, comedians, sometimes they do a politician from the uk. It's a real mix. And yeah, put you all together in a like, psychological experiment and then. And have you accuse each other and, and defend yourselves, you know.

[B]

What did you learn about yourself in that dynamic?

[A]

I learned that I'm not really like, I am who I am. I learned I am exactly who I say I am and that I have a set of morals and values that don't change. Whether I'm put under pressure or whether I'm lacking sleep or are being tempted by money or fame, that I stay myself. And that. I think I thought that, but I didn't know that. And so now to know that has been really reaffirming for me and, and makes me feel good and I think it's allowed a lot of people to. Is reinvigorated a lot of my fan base to come back out and see me. Either people who didn't know me or people who did know me but, oh, kind of forgot about me or coming back out and. Yeah, yeah, they're like, oh, this is our guy. And like, he is. He's had. As we thought he was.

[B]

Yeah, I guess there's a cash prize that you didn't win, but in. But. But you won a different prize.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, for sure.

[B]

What was the cash prize?

[A]

Like two hundred and something? Thousand.

[B]

That's nothing. You make that in two years doing stand up comedy.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

There are weekends where you go like, wow, I gotta have to. I'm gonna have to work a lot this year if this is what I'm. And then you get a gig that comes along and you're like, oh, I can take the summer off.

[A]

Yeah, it's really. I was talking to my girlfriend about this, where I was just like, this is what I've learned. Coming up, October be my 20 years in comedy and to find so many things where, like, I can work so hard for so little and then work so little for so much and it makes the job so interesting and you never know what's around the corner and it makes me just try to keep faith and have fun. I was on a, doing a carnival commercial of the guys from trade. That's again one of the ways where I won. Like I made friends with this guy and we now we're shooting commercial together and putting money in my pocket and all I got to do is go hang out on a cruise ship for three hours like. And I'm like, okay. And this is going to be more than I make in like months, you know, so it's beautiful.

[B]

Yeah. And the thing that I don't know if they, the world knows it but like there is no difference when I'm doing 15 minutes at the Comedy Store at 11 o' clock on a Tuesday or I'm doing say some corporate gig at a five star hotel where they're paying me way more money than I deserve. I'm trying just as hard as both those shows. There's never a time I walk on stage that I'm not giving a hundred percent.

[A]

Yeah. I mean there's some times where I'm freer to like where I'm like came out here on a Comedy store on a Tuesday or improv on a Tuesday night. Am I gonna try to like, like do well? Yeah. But I'm also, if I have, I might come in on those shows with a certain like, oh, say something new. Work on this specific thing that you need to, to get a tag on that might be weaker, you know, so I'm not necessarily.

[B]

But the presence is always there. Yeah. The intention.

[A]

Yeah. Being open and just being in play. Because those Tuesday night shows can be more fun than those weekend shows.

[B]

Oh yeah. And they can be better.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

For the audience because they love it. People always go like, you know, I only do new stuff in town when I'm on the road. You know, when I'm on the road and I go, do you guys mind if I try some new shit? 100% of the time there's like an applause break. They love it when you pull out a piece of paper, you know, not the whole set but you know, for 10 minutes. Maybe like 2/3 of the way through the set for 10 minutes. They love it.

[A]

Well, yeah, I mean I've been doing the balance now because again the people coming out from the Traders. So I'll talk about it for like the first 10 minutes and then I'll be like, well now you guys Gotta let me work on some new things. Yeah. Try some things out. And I've. It's always been a big believer in this, the sandwich method of, you know, work something established or something new. Something established. I always just try to do that when I'm working.

[B]

Yeah. And it. And there are clubs that really allow you to do that. You go to the Punchline in San Francisco or the Denver Comedy Works. There's certain clubs where you just feel, like, supported. And sometimes a lot of it is. The sound system's great, the room is small. It's physically just creates a crowd that is in. They love feeling like you are talking extemporaneously.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, people. And I think that's one of the things that I try the most is I've gotten compliments where like. Like a friend of mine who doesn't like comedy, well, she's like, I liked your stuff because it didn't seem like you were just doing an act to me.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Seemed like you were talking to. To us.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And so I always try to, like, even if I'm working on the same material, I let the energy. I mean, you know, I guess we're doing for a podcast, but I want to talk to you about this. You know, just change your energy levels. Be live in the moment, try to interact with the crowd, try to have as much fun as possible. Those are the things that I've been enjoying. If they get a real kick about how much my career is all over the place, how I can be, like, on, you know, a nice show, I can be in a castle. I could be on a thing. I could be in a private jet, or I could be in a mall underground at a comedy, you know, and just learning to be appreciative of every area that I'm in and also carry myself with the same respect wherever I'm in. Like, just because you're seeing me at a mall doesn't mean I'm not, like, amazing. You're lucky to be seeing me, you know, 100%.

[B]

100%. You know, anyway, enough about stand up.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

Let's get back to this show. So you got thrown off.

[A]

I did.

[B]

Was there. Was it ugly? I mean, it seems like it's always. It's always a little bit. I mean, was there drama with you being kicked off the show, or were you just sort of elegantly made your dismount?

[A]

You didn't watch any of that? You didn't do any research? Huh?

[B]

I don't like reality shows. I don't dislike them. They Just don't capture me. I want to see. I want to see, like, dramas that make me. I like suspense cop stuff. I like. I like. Was it M6? What's the. It's the British MI6. I like anything with MI6.

[A]

Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah. You sound like red for sure now. Yeah, yeah, just old.

[B]

I can't even name the agency.

[A]

I mean, the whole thing is just people accusing you of being a murderer or not. Or then like a lot of them are just reality show people who have high self esteem of themselves and if they don't, aren't aware of your projects, they weren't very kind or like, interested in you, you know? And I'm not a big believer in being like, I've been in this, I've been in that. I've been in this. I do this. I don't come in like that. So I think a lot of them didn't see much value in me at the time. And at the same point, I don't want to be like, oh, I wasn't. I think a lot of them were jerks. But at the same time I judged them and was like, I don't think we'd get along out of here, you know, And I think. And I'm. As much as sometimes I try to be in a game where there's like deception stuff. I was pretty readable of being like, I don't like you guys. And they were like, oh, okay, we don't like you either. And also because of that, now we think you're a traitor and we don't feel the need. Feel the need to be nice to you or treat you with basic human respect.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so then. Lf, after that, then they voted me out.

[B]

Yeah. Did you expect it to go that way?

[A]

No, I would.

[B]

You would have done the show. But I mean, isn't that every reality show? Don't they always play out like that?

[A]

I thought we were playing a game. I was like, we're gonna play a game. I'm gonna make some mistakes. We're gonna be like, you're a traitor. I'm gonna be like, no, I'm not. And then it goes called cut. And everybody's gonna be like, high fives. And it wasn't like that.

[B]

You mean it was like all the other ones.

[A]

Yeah, it was like all the other ones.

[B]

Yeah, you're right.

[A]

But I similar. You. I didn't. I didn't know that. I'm a big believer of trying new things and, like, get invited into this world and. And it certainly wasn't a mistake. It boosted my numbers in the clubs tremendously. It helped me, I mean I'm doing, going touring overseas in the summer, doing some UK shows which I hadn't done in Dublin, uk, so it's got the Netherlands. So it's been overall a tremendous plus. I just like, I always put it like it's just like a bad week at work when you're going to like my co workers. This is why I tend to work by myself. And then it helped me go get my autism diagnosis because me, some of them were just straight up but there were people who just, we were having this disconnect where I felt I was being very clear and they thought I wasn't. And it was like a thing that reminded me of cycles I've had in my life or jobs that I've had in my life. I've never been really good in a group setting. I always strive more in a one on one. In fact, like being one of my personal hells is being at a dinner table with more than six people. And I just assume that that was just how everybody felt. And to see it play out, see some of my mannerisms on TV and then get a lot of people saying that they saw themselves in me as a late diagnosed autistic adult made me go, you know, get a diagnosis. So it's all turned out to be pretty positive. I just didn't enjoy those people. And then some things that I was about to say to you because I forgot that the cameras are on, but I'll tell you later.

[B]

Isn't that interesting though that you can have a bad experience and take something out of it that that's life changing. I mean to be diagnosed with something that you can now use the resources that you've probably used on your son and because your son has. Has autism.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

And so now you can change your life in a positive way. It sounds like this bad experience has been good in a lot of ways.

[A]

Yeah, no, it just helped me understand the way I work and sometimes the way I've been putting it is like sometimes I felt in my life I've just tried to force myself into a suit that was two sizes too small to like fit in. And I've given myself the permission to not do that. Like even in the way that like just in our interactions and when we were texting back and forth like before, I think I would have been like, oh, I'm so excited to be here, I can't wait. And then you remember and I just write yes, because that's me.

[B]

No, you didn't write back. Yeah, I confirmed you. And then you didn't answer. I had to be like, hey, you okay? And then you're like, yeah, I'll be there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But then you show up and I

[A]

see the Lord right on time.

[B]

Yeah. You have to be in person.

[A]

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I get that. No, yeah. And it helped me because I've had this thing where a lot of people either love me who get to know me or like, oh, Ron's kind of standoff and she's kind of a jerk. He's real quiet.

[B]

Yeah. Before I knew you, I couldn't get a read on you right away. It took me a minute to get a read on you. And then we were outside. We were in the Comedy Store, in the front room, in the lobby, and I said something. I can't remember what it was, but I was, I was a little bit blowing my own horn about something. And you annihilated me. And I was like, I didn't know that guy. And it made me love you. Okay. Because that's. I'm from New York. That's my love. Language is like a little, A little jab, especially when you're getting cocky. And he just took me right down. I was like, oh, I never saw that side of him before.

[A]

Oh, yeah, no, that's me.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I mean, I think just in general and as I've gotten older and had two divorces, I'm just more. I keep my circle a lot tighter and I just, I keep my energy, like, to myself. So, like, it takes a lot for me to be like, perform two shows and, and like, I'm not like a super extrovert.

[B]

So.

[A]

Yeah, I'm not. I've never been like the Kindler or thing where I'm like, hey, off stage, I'm like trying to bust jokes around you. To me I'm like, that's a sign. You need to go to therapy. And now that he has gone to therapy, you're doing a better Andy Kendler,

[B]

Todd Glass, get into therapy. No, I mean, those people, I'm glad they are the way they are because I enjoy it. But I feel like you like, poor them, they can't ever take a break. Jeez, that's a lot of pressure.

[A]

The people who have to live with them or live near them on a 20 more, more than 8 hour basis.

[B]

But no, but I can relate to that. Like, I think I'm an internal extrovert. Like when I am on stage, I can I can really put myself out there. And then when I get off and then I sell my merch, which is really hard because then I gotta interact with everybody. And then when I'm between shows and then the club owner will come in to chat, I'm just like, dude, I Really, I need 45 minutes to just scroll or read a book or they

[A]

try to come in and chat with you. Yeah, yeah, white thing. Because they don't ever do that.

[B]

Not really.

[A]

Ever. I don't usually see them until the end of the weekend or the features.

[B]

Got his girlfriend.

[A]

Sometimes that happened. But I bring my feature usually.

[B]

That's smart.

[A]

But the host sometimes. Yeah, I think a lot of times because the host will be like, oh, he doesn't even want to talk to me or.

[B]

Yeah, I've let go of that a long time ago. I used to think if I don't treat the local host really well then I'm going to get a bad reputation as a bad guy. So I'll just say to them, hey, I just, I like to really chill between shows, so don't take it personally, you know. But no, I need that downtime. And then after the show people go, hey, you want to go out for a drink with us after show? I'm like, I literally can't think of anything I want less than to go out for. I mean, if it's like a really good friend, absolutely. But not people I marginally know.

[A]

Not especially on a two show night. Yeah, that sounds terrible. I don't, I don't want to. My, my dream would be to have a show six, 6:30, get out of there, having a nice early dinner and go to bed. My shows now are just like, yeah, 7:30, same thing. Do my, my merch. And then I would bring my little Steam Deck video game system. And I'm usually just on that until they call me back on stage again.

[B]

Oh, you do it during the day? Really? Do you twitch or whatever that's called?

[A]

No, not currently. I mean sometimes I do, but I have big money in that they try to make you how there is. If you're like, you know, it's like anything like gambling, sure. But if you, if you really want to make money streaming, then you gotta do it like every single day, like 18 hours a day. Like you got, you're not God, I'm not doing that. I'm not streaming like that. And I don't believe in that. I mean, that's another thing I think in my diagnosis has helped me with because I've always been like, oh, why can't I be like all these comedians that talk about things, they're like every subject they have an opinion on and I'm just like, like I don't care about this, I don't care about that. And I'm like, oh, it's cuz you can hyperfocus on things that you really actually care about and that's okay. And I, I don't have to like get that to me like I don't mean I, I, it's not a masculine trait to me to be up there like gossiping about every single thing every week. Like I don't care, I could care less.

[B]

Right, right.

[A]

I don't care about what Cardi B is doing. I don't care about make the stallions relationships. I'm not going to go up and

[B]

you hear what happened with Meg in Stallion.

[A]

Klay Thompson girl.

[B]

Oh my God, that was crazy.

[A]

Oh my goodness.

[B]

And show the video. So what were some of the questions?

[A]

Good bit.

[B]

That'll be the clip this week. Yeah. So what were some of the questions in the diagnosis that immediately were like buzzers? Is that too personal of a question?

[A]

No, it's not. I appreciate it. It, they were about developmental questions for the first week. So it was just asking about things where she would bring up things, physical things or my development as a kid that might have been delayed.

[B]

What kid?

[A]

As a kid? My, just my development as a child.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And mostly it was just being reminded that like I used to always very much enjoy enclosed spaces that I would have panic attacks at Walmart of the fluorescent lighting. But these are all things I thought were just like everybody was doing.

[B]

Interesting. Yeah, yeah. And the bigger groups of party. Bigger parties.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Because it's just too much.

[A]

Too much.

[B]

Well, I think that that's what makes an artist a lot of times is we feel more and I think that's maybe why you find a higher incidence of autism related or you know, adhd. I think you get people that hyper focus.

[A]

One of people who I've been wanting to find out and I have a strong suspicion that Kobe Bryant was autistic. He has a lot of autistic traits. He's not very social, he's hyper intelligent and then he hyper focus on specific things and I feel like he was

[B]

probably autistic and also the amount of time he could practice, he famously would just practice and practice. Everybody else would be done, he'd keep going.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Interesting. Yeah. I mean a few comics. Lara Bites just came up.

[A]

Bites is autistic. I seen her naked. I should definitely explain. She. I have a pool party every summer. June, July 3rd. You can come to this next one if you like. She went to the bathroom to change because could think I didn't know that she had gone to the bathroom. And then she did not lock the door. And then I open the door and there's a jar. And then I saw everything. And that's. I told her, I go like, well, good. You know, I saw everything, But not in a sexual way. She's a wonderful woman and hilarious.

[B]

I'm trying to think if I've seen any comedians nake. Well, I've had sex with several comedians.

[A]

Hell yeah. You and Mark Marin lone standing relationship. Yep.

[B]

How did you know about that? I really felt like that was the one thing nobody was going to find out about. And that's why I found out that's

[A]

what they call it.

[B]

What the this podcast. It's like, what the fuck? Can you imagine the moment after sex with Mark mar how awful that would

[A]

be as a pile of cats descend upon you

[B]

and he starts sharing all his self doubts about the sex. I was good, man. I was good. I was good, right? Was I good?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Was I good? I wasn't good.

[A]

But a lot of lady want to have sex with him. I heard he's the what's who's considered the most sexy of our industry.

[B]

Who said that?

[A]

I've heard it. Multiple people have said that.

[B]

The most sexual or sexy. Sexy, like women are attracted.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Women like that. Women like that guy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he's kind of nailed his grooming, you know, Like I've known Mark. We started and he's stylish.

[A]

Yeah. He's got a real silver fox and he's got the dad. He feels like a disapproving dad to them.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

So they want to earn his approval.

[B]

Interesting. Yeah. And he's. He's deep on stage. You know, he's a very smart guy on stage. His Persona. Persona as a deep guy is really good. Oh my God.

[A]

Brutal. He's deep on day.

[B]

That's so funny. Oh, he's gonna see this clip.

[A]

So funny. I. I called him on something the other day or a year ago. He was. I don't even remember. So I don't want to get into a full gist of it, but he got a like, attitude about it where he's like, yeah, somebody's got to say it. And I go, no, a lot of people have been saying it. They just listen to you because you're old and white and a Man, but thank you for also saying it. You're not the only one saying it.

[B]

Right, right.

[A]

But he likes to think that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Anyway, we're back gossiping. Go. What else you got, girl?

[B]

Let's talk about. You heard about the comedian who. No, I was trying to think of something.

[A]

I thought you were talking about Bobby Altoff in that show, how people are mad about that.

[B]

Who's Bobby? Oh, yeah, she's the one who's a. She's a social media person. She's doing. Yeah. I mean, Netflix. Seriously? You Netflix? I've been doing this for 35 years. I'm on the road 40 weeks a year. I put together a new hour that I shot and I spent 40 grand shooting it. And I was proud of it. Everybody that saw it went, this is really one of the best specials I've ever seen. I sent that shit to Netflix. They wouldn't even look at it.

[A]

I believe you.

[B]

And now you got this chick Bobby, who's never done stand up comedy and she's being paid enormous amounts of money to do a special. And I just think that. Don't call it comedy, you know, call it a performance. Don't put the word comedy in there.

[A]

And I'm not just talking about freak show.

[B]

She's an extreme example of it.

[A]

It.

[B]

But there are a lot of people somewhere between me and Bobby mostly leaning towards the Bobby end of. I've been doing it for five years, but I've got some narrative or some hook. It's gross. It's gross.

[A]

It's very destructive for our industry. It makes comedy look terrible.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And which it has for the last few years. And I mean, she. Most of the industry pitches. I do right now. They're just like. Well, I don't know. Is. It got some drama to it.

[B]

The other thing they do is my friends and directors. Actor and he sold. He sold a movie and they wouldn't let him cast him who he wanted because they're. They're. They didn't have enough followers. They look at the followers of every person they're casting.

[A]

That's why I went on the Traders.

[B]

How many followers you got now?

[A]

Oh, right now it's 777,000. What? Yeah.

[B]

And how many did you have before this show?

[A]

Oh, I mean, like 600.

[B]

That's a lot.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. That's a lot. Lot. No, because adding new followers these days isn't like it used to be. People don't follow anymore. People that. I was reading about this. People watch clips, they get referred to clips. They figure out their algorithm. They don't feel like they need to follow anymore.

[A]

They feel like it's been curated, authentic and you gotta have a thing that people want to be like I, I, I with this guy as a person or yeah. And luckily that is what I'm good at. So I think it's been helpful for me in that regard. But yeah, no, and same thing I' I remember I sent you my special that to look at when I was working on it. Shot it in October. They've been pitching it around saying luckily for me, my man, because I was like, I want to shoot it myself and spend my money. And then we found super nice guys who produced it and they paid me. But that's been the same thing where like, I'm like, when is it coming out? Where is it going? Who's going to. You know? And it's just a bad, terrible market at right now. So. But at least I got, I didn't lose money, I got paid.

[B]

I know, but like look at you, you're a comic.

[A]

I know you with just on traders. You would think I would. But put the traders back in. How many other comedians is on the traitors? How many, how many good comedians in Pixar movie? How many other comed like, you know, I mean, actually a lot comedians in Pixar movie. But

[B]

all that away. Take all that away. And it's a great comic that's been doing for 20 years who's interesting, who has a different voice.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

Your voice is not like anybody else's in Stand Up.

[A]

I agree with you.

[B]

You come out there, you hold the microphone down by your dick.

[A]

Yes, I do. Because that's where I speak from you.

[B]

Right. It's like a puppet act.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

But you make them shut the up and hang on every word. I see what you're doing.

[A]

I really appreciate because a lot of people go, oh, he doesn't know how to hold a microphone. I'm like, I know exactly what I'm doing.

[B]

Yeah, there's a lot of things you do that are very unique. I mean the way you are so personal and vulnerable up there and, and you don't chase punchlines. They happen when they happen. It's not like you need one every 15 seconds, you know. So the fact that you can't get a special is, you know, and you say you put it on YouTube. It's not the worst thing in the world. More people end up seeing it. Yeah.

[A]

You know, I just gotta let it play out because they paid me. So I gotta Let them. Yeah. What they doing? But it is frustrating because I would assume. I thought it'd be out by now.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So.

[B]

All right, let's get to the next question. You started out in Portland?

[A]

Sure. Yeah.

[B]

Did you know Reggie Watts back then?

[A]

What? Reggie was from Portland.

[B]

He was living in Portland.

[A]

No, he wasn't.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

No, Seattle.

[B]

No, Portland.

[A]

Seattle.

[B]

Can we edit this out of the show? I just read his biography, too, and I said it was Portland.

[A]

Everything in the Pacific Northwest, it draws together. Yeah, yeah. He wasn't in Portland. You want to do a new question?

[B]

What about Fred Armisen?

[A]

Did he work with Fred Armisen? I did. That was my first TV credit. Portlandia, was it? Yeah.

[B]

See, you're one of the cool kids. That's one of the cool shows to get on. BoJack Horseman, Portlandia. But on both of those, Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

[A]

No, I didn't do that.

[B]

Yeah, you did.

[A]

Did I?

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Oh, I did do that. I did do that. I forgot. Yeah. A very small part.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

How'd you like doing BoJack Horseman?

[A]

It was cool. I mean, I just like that show. I just like working in animation. I like doing voices in particular. Big part of my career. So I.

[B]

Isn't it funny, though? Like, people think when you do a show, like, you must be buddies with Will Arnett and everybody, and you go, no, actually, I was alone in a room with a microphone.

[A]

Yeah. No, usually I. That and I feel like standup and voice acting are the two where everybody just goes, I could do that, too. Too. How can I do that? That's the number one question I get about voice acting is how can I also be doing that? And I'm just like. I don't know. Everybody has a different path with that. People are good mimics like Eric Baza, who's tremendous and does all the Looney Tune voices and all that. And that's a different style.

[B]

Me, Billy West.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah. I only really do this voice and then different versions of this voice.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But people like it because it's unique and it's me. And it's like, you know, my best thing about it is that it's the thing that people mocked me the most about. And now I make money off of it.

[B]

I know. Isn't that great?

[A]

I love it so much.

[B]

I love money. Don't you love money?

[A]

I am a big fan of money.

[B]

I mean, people say it can't buy you happiness. Who?

[A]

These people?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What are you talking about? You never been to Kyoto, Japan?

[B]

You've never been To Burke Williams, motherfucker.

[A]

Get outta here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You never shopped off the road. Which I have not either.

[B]

You've never driven a Ford Mustang. That's what I'm driving right now. I'll tell you nothing makes me happier. My wife asked me to go to the pharmacy to get some pills for her the other day. I'm walking out to the car and I'm smiling. What the fuck am I smiling about? Oh, I get to get behind the wheel on my Mustang.

[A]

I love must that.

[B]

I love it. But you know. Which isn't to say poor people can't be happy, but they, they have to try.

[A]

Not as happy.

[B]

Not as happy.

[A]

No.

[B]

No. Although I am's poor so she. We shouldn't say anything. Paul's rich.

[A]

I can tell. Cuz of the lack of shoes.

[B]

Your wife spends it all.

[A]

My wife's. My wife's rich.

[B]

I not.

[A]

Oh, she's the money maker.

[B]

What do you mean? Her family has money. No, no, let's not go. Oh, is that like the old joke? My wife's. No, but Paul owns a lot of real estate.

[A]

Oh, cool.

[B]

Yeah, like this place, he owns this place in the dance store downtown. And then he owns a bunch of rental properties.

[A]

That's pretty great. In Los Angeles. That's.

[B]

But he'll always say that he's cash poor because the money's all tied up in the real estate. And then. And as he's leaving for Africa and Europe this month, he's telling us how I give. What are you you paying with an apartment? You're going to bring an apartment over to Rome?

[A]

This is like a pre vacation vacation. It's not even his vacation. Right. This just a trip.

[B]

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Now that's. There's no work involved. He's just. All right, let's get to. Here's a thing called fastballs with fits.

[A]

That's terrible. I don't like that name.

[B]

Didn't we rename it recently?

[A]

No, no.

[B]

Well, let's rename it now. It's a series of short questions.

[A]

Nuts in baseball at all.

[B]

Fitz Balls.

[A]

Now we're talking.

[B]

Fitz Balls.

[A]

I like it.

[B]

All right, we'll call it Fitz Balls. And that graphic is just too orange pubic hair on a couple of wrinkly balls at me.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

It's just starts swinging between us. I ask the question swings over to you. And I go ow. All right. Have you ever been arrested?

[A]

No.

[B]

Well, this isn't going well. Where did you lose your virginity?

[A]

In my parents home in Salem. Oregon. Yeah.

[B]

Which Bed your own? Yeah, twin.

[A]

Yeah. Yes, a twin bed.

[B]

Did you see her again after that?

[A]

Yeah, she ended up being my first wife and had a kid with her who was my oldest son, the first.

[B]

So you only had sex with one person until you were like, in your 20s?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Did you think she was good in bed?

[A]

I mean, I had no way of.

[B]

Well, that's what I'm. That's what I mean. Yeah.

[A]

I thought so at the time.

[B]

You thought so at the time?

[A]

I thought so.

[B]

And later on you said,

[A]

Now that I've seen the world.

[B]

Right, right. First time someone put a finger in your ass, you're like, wait a minute.

[A]

Yeah, this is sex.

[B]

I remember the first time a woman put a finger on my ass. I literally. I thought I was gonna have to go to the hospital.

[A]

She didn't ask first? Nope, just did it.

[B]

We were doing cocaine pain and she had nails.

[A]

Yeah, that's a. Nails.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

No, work up. She didn't. Did she? Did she. Did you, like, lick your ass first or did she just. Straight finger.

[B]

It was a blow job. She was licking my balls and then she stuck her finger in there and I. I thought I must be bleeding or something. And I lost my erection.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then she got mad at me and I blamed the cocaine.

[A]

Wow. You didn't send up for yourself at all.

[B]

I didn't sit down either for a while.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Who is the worst opener you've ever had?

[A]

This guy who just don't remember his name. Very cocky, really thought the world of himself. Did not not remember my feature's name. I bet him $20 that he would not get my name right. Because he wouldn't. He wasn't saying it right. Backstage. Went on stage. Have you. Usually you either get like. When someone's bad, you're like, okay, they got no good jokes, but they have some type of charisma or rhythm.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or they have no real good charisma or rhythm, but they've written some jokes and they're just more writers, you know? And he was the. The worst of both worlds.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, no char, no rhythm, no jokes. And then bombed for 10 minutes. And so then he's coming backstage and I'm getting ready to be like, oh, this is going to be fun. We can talk about how you just bomb. And he gets on stage and he's like, hell, yeah, crushed it. And then proceeds while I'm on stage to ask my feature if he wouldn't mind leaving for a while so that he could get a blowjob in the Green room.

[B]

No way.

[A]

And so then I fired him.

[B]

Which I've assumed you were the guy giving the blow job.

[A]

No. Cuz he did so good. Yeah,

[B]

he did so good I put my finger in his ass.

[A]

He had to. Yeah. So we fired him. Which I've only done I think twice in my 20 year career if I've ever fired a host. And then he showed up the next day to get his $20. Cuz he said my name.

[B]

Right. Hilarious. Yeah, well, I mean, that's the thing is when you see somebody delusional and they bomb and they don't know it, you realize. Oh, you're never.

[A]

Yeah. There's nothing to help here.

[B]

You're never gonna fix.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because you think you're great and you're terrible. You won't. I. You can work with someone who's terrible and knows they're terrible.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But if you think, if you're terrible and you think you're great, there's nothing to do.

[B]

David Tell almost never gets off stage and feels good about the set. He just did. That's why he's so great.

[A]

I don't think that's healthy at all either. Have you, have you seen him walking around? It doesn't look healthy.

[B]

No.

[A]

I feel like you gotta have a balance. Like, cool. All right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But it's like, you know, buy some clothes, you know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like you can have some self esteem in the middle of it. I never been a fan of that. I don't like, oh, he's the best. Because he thinks no dis. He is amazing legend. But I don't like, I'd rather be kind of not that good. But then like life is in the better in the middle.

[B]

Yeah, I guess a lot of great artists are miserable. You know, you look at some actors and some of these method actors that really go into it for six months, they'll go into a really like Daniel Day Lewis.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I hate those type of people. Yeah, I hate those people. Like Joaquin Phoenix. Those people where you're like, oh, you're going to prank me and you're going to be a terrible person because you're playing this character. We're in a movie, pretend.

[B]

Right, Right.

[A]

Chill out, out. You're not good of enough of an actor that you can't get back into

[B]

it later or you're going to lose. You're going to lose 75 pounds. Because somewhere in the script the writer wrote he weighs 125. You're like, all right, we can change that. There's. There's there's, you know, there's a delete button, and you write in 175.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's not that integral to the character half the time. I mean, if it's like, Dallas Buyers Club, you go, all right, you had to lose the money for Dallas Buyers Club. But there's other ones where they're really just doing it to show they can do it. By the way, you look great.

[A]

Thank you so much. I also feel like I just went off on Dave Hotel because I met him in New York the other day, and he didn't, like, show me any love whatsoever.

[B]

Oh, yeah. He's like that.

[A]

Yeah. So I felt like I. I don't want it to feel personal.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Yeah. Because it felt like you had a lot of love and respect for him.

[B]

It's one of my best friends.

[A]

I could. I felt like it when I said it before. It's like when I went on. I went on someone. Oh, Jim Norton's. And I was trying to make fun of Patrice a little bit. He wouldn't let me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because you guys get real personal about that.

[B]

Yeah. But I also see your side of it. I wish Dave was happier. I wish he could feel better about his sets, you know, And I do. But it's one of those things where you go, like, you know, people want to suffer for their art. I guess that's their choice.

[A]

But maybe that's what makes them happy.

[B]

Yeah. Right.

[A]

Right now, we found it. We found a common ground.

[B]

Who's your best Asian friend?

[A]

Oh, who's my best Asian friend? I think. I don't know. I don't know who my.

[B]

By the way, you're not allowed to say Bobby Lee. That's a clause in this question.

[A]

I was going to say my friend, Chef Wendy, because she's a chef. I don't really see her that often. Kim, New money. I don't see her too terribly often, but new money.

[B]

That's her last name.

[A]

Yeah. She's a photographer. Yeah.

[B]

Did she make her money on her own, or did her family have it?

[A]

She probably made her money on her.

[B]

So it's new money.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Hilarious.

[A]

Yeah. I don't have a lot of friends in general, so I can't really be like, who's my best Asian friend?

[B]

Right. At least you name two. Some people get stumped entirely.

[A]

They don't have any.

[B]

And then they go to Bobby Lane. I go, nope.

[A]

Not allowed to say Bobby's a bully. So he. He's. He. He's funny, but he bullies. I don't Think we're like, he's my best Asian friend. I was dating a Korean lady named Ennis for a while. She was my best Asian friends. Ennis. Oh, like tennis Jesus. For a while. She was my best Asian friend for a while. But not anymore.

[B]

This girl gave me a blow job on coke once. Her name was Anus.

[A]

Her name was Anus?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

I don't believe it.

[B]

I don't either.

[A]

You got a lot of coke stories.

[B]

No, I was. I was a call back to the other one.

[A]

Oh. The same day she said, oh, in my head that lady was black. Who put your finger on your butt.

[B]

Fingered out. Wasn't that long.

[A]

Thank you for getting. Why you got

[B]

it didn't have a diamond glued on.

[A]

Was like we use that long finger now. I thought it was a black woman. I love that you got white right away.

[B]

But it slid right in because of the shea butter on her finger.

[A]

I got to. Oh, smell of shea butter.

[B]

Have you ever won any awards?

[A]

I got a couple awards. Just small awards. One for hosting a game show for. It's like a marketing based award. I have a variety. 10 comics to watch. Does that count as an world?

[B]

Sure it does.

[A]

That's it. I think those are the only ones.

[B]

I have nothing. Growing up as a kid.

[A]

No.

[B]

Tough childhood.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There are two types of people in the world.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Go.

[A]

There's a wolf and. And then a different wolf.

[B]

There's a wolf and a different wolf.

[A]

Yeah. And they're fighting inside you. That's it. Right. That's what you're doing.

[B]

Not like there's an angel and a devil existing. No. There's two wolves. Yeah.

[A]

And they're frightened. Right.

[B]

It sounds very mythological. Yeah. Yeah. She.

[A]

She gets it.

[B]

Yep. Did we land on the moon?

[A]

I. I mean, I imagine eventually. I don't know if we did. We.

[B]

At that time in the 6.

[A]

In.

[B]

In 1969. Did we land on the moon?

[A]

I think it's more fun if not. No.

[B]

That's my feeling.

[A]

Yeah. It's more fun if. No. Yeah. I think if we did, then it wouldn't be so difficult to do. So now, you know, it seems difficult now.

[B]

It's been 60 years.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think we could do it again.

[A]

But we're like, oh, no.

[B]

It was just gonna take us two years. They said to get ready to do it again. Kennedy had them do it in less than two years. In the 60s with a. Like, they started the engine like a lawnmower.

[A]

So probably not. But great TV production.

[B]

Yeah. Yes, it was. Well, it was Kubrick you know, shot.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

You know that.

[A]

That's. No, I've only heard I. You know, small conspiracy theories of it, but I don't really look too deep into it. It's older one.

[B]

I don't look too hard because I don't want it to be true. It's so much like you said, it's so much more fun that it's not true.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, but then one Buzz Aldrin, like, he'll fight people. Yeah, but to me, that's almost like.

[B]

But then Neil Armstrong won't talk about

[A]

too much, you know?

[B]

Right.

[A]

You. Why you fighting? You fighting so hard.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. But then Neil Armstrong, like, just won't talk about it. Who would you want to play you in your biopic?

[A]

Me. Can I be in it?

[B]

You're trying to play you.

[A]

Well, can we CGI it?

[B]

I. That's going to be the new thing, is everybody's going to be doing their own biopic.

[A]

Yeah. Let me do me.

[B]

Okay. Any projects you regret?

[A]

Nothing that I regret. Even the ones that I didn't enjoy. Taught me something.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You know, I wouldn't say that there's anything I regret. There was a. More of like, a time period where I was like, oh, just was saying yes to anything for money. And I didn't like that because then it led me to some situations where I'm like, I'm not having any fun at all. And I. I don't know if I'm funny. And, you know, you get trapped on these jobs where you're on set and everybody's just like, you're a genius and you're crushing it. You're thinking, but you don't feel it. Yeah, but everybody's hyping you up and you're like, I don't feel funny. This doesn't feel funny to me. We're not even, really, like, trying hard to go the extra mile to be funny. Everybody just wants to go home. Nobody wants to improvise or do anything, you know?

[B]

Right.

[A]

But I just took the job for money, so I'm stuck here until I. My run is out, you know, so that taught me that I don't, like. Like, no matter the amount, I really can't do that. I have to have, like, a deeper reason and for the job. And it doesn't have to be much more than money, but it's got to be at least one more thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know,

[B]

do you think it's helped you that the first three letters of your last name are fun? Mm.

[A]

I do. Other than the fact that it leads people to this false sense of security that they. That I'm going to be fun to talk to off stage, you know, when I'm not.

[B]

You know, I think also when they see you announced at a club, maybe they haven't heard of you, and they go, fun, just. Yeah, Yeah. I think it puts them over the edge.

[A]

Yeah. It's not a bad one. I mean, I know it was a good comedy name because people kept asking if it was a fake name.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When?

[B]

Well, there was a goalie for the LA Kings named Johnny.

[A]

Quick Johnny Quiz.

[B]

Good name.

[A]

Yeah. I think a lot of people are named for their job. You know, if you. You sound like you're meant for the job. I think Greg Fitzsimmons sounds like a comedian to me.

[B]

Greg Fitzsimmons. Fits of Laughter. That's pretty good.

[A]

It's not bad. It's not bad at all.

[B]

The name of my first comedy cd, Fits of Laughter. Fits of Laughter.

[A]

Mine was Get High or Die Trying off of the 50 cent.

[B]

Oh, yeah, that's good.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

Final question. Oh, and then I'll let you go.

[A]

That's. Wait. But it took me so long to get here.

[B]

I mean, we can go longer. I want to keep you. What's the last time you ever apologized? Like, a real apology?

[A]

What do you mean? What's the difference?

[B]

Not like, oh, sorry I'm late. But more of like, hey, I'm fundamentally sorry about something I did or said.

[A]

I mean, I imagine I can't think of anything specifically right now. Oh, I think probably, yeah, I can now. I can. One of my friends, I apologize to her because I yelled at her when I was mad at someone else, and I put my anger out on her because it was a safer place and. And that wasn't the right thing to do. So I apologize to her for that.

[B]

How did she receive it?

[A]

She received it very well.

[B]

Had you guys. Was there lingering problems from you saying it, or you could have just gone on and ignored that you'd done that?

[A]

I think she wouldn't have cared because I don't think it was as big of a deal to her, but it was just. Was a big deal to me to just. I mean, just to properly. If I'm gonna yell at someone, I should yell at the right person.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And I just don't like treating people who are there for you poorly because, you know, that's what people tend to do, you know, when you're like, the people that you're closest to. You let out on because you're like, I can't do this to this other person, you know?

[B]

Well, that's what I say to everybody that's. Parenting is like, your kid. People go like, why is my kid act so fucking mean to me? And then they're fine at school. It's like, because when they're at school, they're being told to sit, they're being told not to talk. You get out of school, you go play sports, your coach is telling you, don't do this, do that, and then you come home. It's the one place where you can just. You need to let it out. It's been bottling up all day. And so you got to just. Like, now you have to absorb it, but you got to see that that's what's happening.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, well, that's completely different with the kids. I just like to have your home be a safe space for them to be whatever wild little freak that they can.

[B]

Right, Right.

[A]

Then send them to school and let them, you know, be. But more buttoned up and then come back home and we just play Smash Brothers all day.

[B]

So, yeah, I love it.

[A]

But, yeah, that would be the last time I apologize. And I don't think I had to, but for me, I had to.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Good. Did you have another kid?

[A]

I have two.

[B]

Oh, right. How old's the youngest? One? Four.

[A]

He's four. Well, they nailed it.

[B]

Couldn't remember if you had a kid and then knew exactly how old you got it.

[A]

I'm gonna try to show them to you, but I got too many notifications in the way. All these notifications popping up over my kid's face. There they are. Both their birthdays were this week.

[B]

Oh, my God, they're both gorgeous.

[A]

Yeah. But, like, look at my hair from the transplant.

[B]

That's really the key to the picture. I noticed you're leaning it in.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're angling it in so we can

[A]

see it, see more of it.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. What's the cost to get hair transplants?

[A]

Depends on where you go. If you're here in LA, it can be very expensive of 30, $50,000. What?

[B]

Are you serious?

[A]

Yeah, but I'm not doing it here in la. I'm going to Turkey.

[B]

You've already been to Turkey.

[A]

Yeah, I did. I was in Turkey. Yeah.

[B]

Did you enjoy the trip?

[A]

I loved it. It was a beautiful time. They had cats instead of rats. Beautiful mosque, the Blue Mosque. Beautiful place to go. Hair of Istanbul. I will promote them because they're also taking money off of this one,

[B]

They should have given you a sponsorship.

[A]

They did this time. Oh, they did this one? Yeah. The first one. No, but then. This one now. Yes.

[B]

This one. Oh, yeah.

[A]

Second one. One.

[B]

Okay. So how much did you pay them the first time?

[A]

What was it? Four? Four grand.

[B]

Four grand. And this one's free?

[A]

This one I still have to pay a smaller amount, but then you gotta fly there. Yeah.

[B]

Do you fly business class?

[A]

I do, yeah.

[B]

And that. So that's a good six, seven grand.

[A]

Another four.

[B]

Four. Then you got to stay in a decent hotel.

[A]

No, the hotel is included.

[B]

Oh, it is.

[A]

Hotel travel. A hotel in the transportation and all that's included. I know you're too late, but it would have been good for you.

[B]

No, I'm into the. I'm into the wig.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I'm committed. I got the Mustang.

[A]

Get the wig. Yeah,

[B]

it's actually got a wig holder.

[A]

It comes with it. Beautiful.

[B]

Have you ever not.

[A]

Oh, nice. Another question.

[B]

Well, you said you want to stay later.

[A]

I did.

[B]

All right, two more. Have you ever not finished a set on stage?

[A]

No, never. Never not finished. I slept, almost overslept. One, but never not finished.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I end up making it and they just pushed it, so it was fine.

[B]

Good. Yeah, I missed one last night because it was a Tuesday night and Chris Spencer asked me to do a show he does in Beverly Hills and, you know, whatever, a few weeks ago. And then like I confirmed it last week. And then yesterday, you know, I played golf. And then me and the wife started doing a puzzle, jigsaw puzzle. And then my daughter came in and we started watching Desperate Housewives.

[A]

Your soul was full. You were like, there's nothing else I need. Nothing else is missing from my life right now.

[B]

And then 10 o' clock, I get a text from Chris Spencer. Hey, it's 10 o'.

[A]

Clock.

[B]

I was supposed to get there at 9 and I was just like. And luckily I guess somebody else stopped in. But I just felt like such an amateur. Like I just net. That never happens. But that's why whenever I schedule a Sunday, Monday, Tuesday night show, I gotta literally get an old timey alarm clock and put it and set it. Because I won't remember on those nights of the week.

[A]

No, I get that. Yeah. I just try to look at my overall schedule and be better at. Because I used to be like. Like just overload and say yes to everything. And then the day would come and I would miss it and would feel bad and get in trouble. So, yeah, now I just look at my schedule and I'M just like, usually on Tuesday. I will sometimes go do shows on Tuesday nights, but most of the time that's just my day with my son. And so I will just be like, we're just hanging out. I'm not doing anything. Because I would rather, I hate missing things if I already said yes to them.

[B]

So, yes.

[A]

I just try to be more, more precise on scheduling rest time.

[B]

You get asked to do a lot of podcasts.

[A]

Yeah, since the traders, for sure. Yeah. People like that show and they want to talk about it a lot, especially the people who saw it. If you had seen it, you have so many questions for me, but you didn't see it, so you don't know what to even ask.

[B]

Yeah, but I feel like there's a different angle on asking somebody about a show that you haven't seen that might be more refreshing.

[A]

That's true. Like, what is it?

[B]

I would bet you of people that watch my podcast, I would Bet less than 4% have seen this show, as opposed to you're at. You're being asked to go on podcasts where 90% of them have seen the show.

[A]

Yeah, probably.

[B]

You know, but I'm going to watch it. No, I'm not going to watch it now.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Because I don't like how they treated you. I know you, I know you learned a lot and you got a lot out of it, but I, I, I would, I'd get very uncomfortable watching them treat you like that.

[A]

Thank you. Great.

[B]

Last question. What is the hackiest bit you've ever done?

[A]

I did a. One of my first bits was about just man boobs. I did five minutes about man boobs

[B]

and you had them, I'm assuming.

[A]

Yeah, of course. For sure. And talked about, like, some home remedies and man boobs that I read about. Because back then, not only would I do a joke, I would then research the time topic of the joke. I really should have known. I had autism earlier.

[B]

Yeah. He had pages and pages of pictures

[A]

of man learned about, like this home remedy that where men would cut the crotch out of stockings out of pantyhose and put their arms through the legs and then use that kind of like Spanx. How spanks are now but before Spanx. And so then my bit would be talking about it for. Then make fun of that. And then I take my shirt off and be wearing. No, the thing.

[B]

No. Yeah. Oh, my God.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So before you went on stage every night, you had to go backstage.

[A]

I only did this once.

[B]

Oh, you only did it once? Yeah. Wow.

[A]

One time that was my first set.

[B]

That was your first set?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is there videotape of that?

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Oh, I would pay so much money to see that. More than to see Larabites naked. If you want to see Ron Funch's Live, which I highly recommend. Truly one of the unique voices in comedy. He kills every time. Not just kills with laughter, but there's some people that, like, they can kill. And then the audience walks out and they don't retain any of the feeling of the experience of the show.

[A]

Popcorn.

[B]

Yes, exactly. And this is more like a ground round.

[A]

Thank you. That's what they call me. Ground Round. Round punches.

[B]

There used to be a restaurant chain called Ground Round in Massachusetts, and there was a comedian named DJ Hazard, and he played guitar. It was a great guitar act. And he used to do a spoof of Ground Round. It was like really bad low end steakhouse. It was like the. It was like this. It was like a sizzler, you know?

[A]

Know.

[B]

And he. And he'd sing. When you're not nervous about prices or service, there's a place to go. Ground round.

[A]

I like that.

[B]

But he had like five verses to it and it just destroyed.

[A]

You see the one where there's this guy and he's like in a suit and he's like depressed the whole time and his whole commercials is like. He's like. His wife hates him and stuff, but he's like a fast food restaurant mascot. Got. Does it make any sense to you? I don't. I'll have to give it a Google, but it cracks me up. There's like just this weird fast food mascot of a guy who is a cartoon, black and white cartoon character. He's wearing a suit that's checkered, and then he would just go on these, like three minute diet tribes that had nothing to do with fast food, but would.

[B]

But it was an ad for fast food.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, interesting.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I feel like I should do another verse of Ground Round now.

[A]

Do it.

[B]

I can't remember. All right, all right. If you want to see him live, he's going to be doing some shows for the Netflix festival. They don't give you a special and then you do shows for them.

[A]

I do. I do voices in the animated show.

[B]

Okay, Sarah, enough.

[A]

The festival, I mean, to me is like. It's like. It's like getting mad at a toaster now.

[B]

It's ubiquitous.

[A]

Yeah. Like, why would I get. All right, I don't. This toaster doesn't work the best for me. I'm gonna get mad at it. No, it's like, all right, we'll do the shows.

[B]

All right. He'll be at the Toast Festival. May 4th at the Improv. And then he's doing another one at the Hollow. Hollywood.

[A]

Hollywood Bowl.

[B]

That's pretty exciting.

[A]

I'm very excited.

[B]

Who are you on that with?

[A]

Well, like a lot of people, it's an autism benefit night of too many stars.

[B]

Oh, that's triumph.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, Right. And then. Thank you. You always come out and you support my. My benefit that helps best buddies, which helps people with intellectual disabilities. And you come out every year.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Love it. They love it.

[A]

I even knew I was in there. I know, I know.

[B]

Present.

[A]

I know.

[B]

I knew. That's why I asked you. You were the last to know, truly. Birmingham at the Stardome. Spokane, Indy Cobbs in San Francisco, Magoobies in Baltimore, Dallas, Improv, Philly, Montreal, Boston, New York City at the winery. Fort Wayne, Houston, Milwaukee, Appleton and then Dublin and London. If you want tickets, you go to Ron funches.com and you pick them up there. And anything else you want to promote?

[A]

No, if you want to follow me on my YouTube, I'd love to keep building my YouTube. I love that. Just at Ron Funches on. Over on YouTube. A lot of comedy, a lot of fun, weird sketches and video game based stuff. So come over there.

[B]

Great. Well, Ron, thank you so much as always. You're one of my favorite guests to have.

[A]

Oh, I love you, Greg. You're a great dude in a fun. Just a legend of comedy and people love you and you have so much respect.

[B]

Thanks, man. That's nice to hear. I appreciate it.

[A]

You know it.

[B]

Well, it's nice to hear though, you know. All right, see you.