Loading summary
Transcript4 lines
- [00:02]
WhatsApp Representative
On WhatsApp, no one can see or hear your personal messages. Whether it's a voice call message or sending a password to WhatsApp, it's all just this. So whether you're sharing the streaming password in the family chat or trading those late night voice messages that could basically become a podcast, your personal messages stay between you, your friends and your family. No one else, not even us. WhatsApp message privately with everyone.
- [00:30]
Bill Burr
Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. With the price of just about everything going up, we thought we'd bring our prices down. So to help us, we brought in a reverse auctioneer, which is apparently a thing Mint Mobile unlimited premium wireless. 30, 30. Better get 30, better get 20. 20, 20. Better get 20, 20. Better get 15. 15, 15, 15. Just 15 bucks a month. Sold. Give it a try@mintmobile.com Switch. Upfront payment of $45 for three month plan equivalent to $15 per month required. New customer offer for first three months only. Speed slow after 35 gigabytes of networks busy. Taxes and fees extra.
- [00:59]
Greenlight Representative
See mint mobile.com this message is sponsored by Greenlight. With school out, summer is the perfect time to teach our kids real world money skills they'll use forever. Greenlight is a debit card and the number one family finance and safety app used by millions of families, helping kids learn how to save, invest and spend wisely. Parents can send their kids money and track their spending and saving while kids build money, confidence and skills in fun ways. Start your risk free Greenlight trial today@greenlight.com Spotify that's greenlight.com Spotify.
- [01:38]
Bill Burr
Hi, welcome to Fitz Dog Radio. It is exciting day for Bill Burr. Holy Bill. This is a solo podcast, by the way. Don't wait for a guest. There's no major showrunner coming at the end of the show like Phil Rosenthal or Larry Charles. I put out the word to Bill Lawrence, who's been on the show several times in the past. I want him back. Uh, he's, he's the best. And he's got a bunch of shows going on. He's got a lot to talk about. So the call is out to Bill Lawrence, but it's on Instagram. I lost his number. Everybody else got an address book that just like deletes info and you still have the person's name, but there's no number or email address. And you're like, well, there clearly was one and I've gone to the Apple store and they're like, no, you, you, you're dumb. That's how I feel. I feel like, they're saying, you're dumb and I'm young and so, anyway, so we got some. We got some good guests coming up. The podcast has been going for 14 years, still pushing along every week. Unbelievable. I like when I do a solo one. It's fun. There's no annoying guests sitting there taking up half the talk time. It's all me, baby. Anyway, Bill Burr, who used to open for me when we started in Boston, and who is a dear, dear friend who I absolutely love, and not just his comedy, which is amazing, but he's a good fucking guy with ethic, ethics and morals and principles. And he's fun to talk to on the phone. We have a lot of bits we do on the phone, and sometimes we. I'll get off the phone after 30 minutes, and my wife will be like, how's his wife? How's his kids? I'll be like, I have no idea. But we screamed in a South Boston accent for 27 of those 30 minutes. Anyway, he played in London, and I think the Odeon, which is where I saw Elvis Costello many years ago. And he had the Pretenders come on, I believe, at the end of his show. And they did a few songs together, which is pretty amazing. I think Chrissy Hind is the most badass rock chick of all. Why do I have to say chick? Badass rocker, period. Front person, lead singer, guitarist, writer. Read her biography if you ever get a chance. It's insane. She grew up in Dayton, Ohio, in this little shit town and just kind of, like, made her way over to London. I think she was a college dropout. Made her way over to London. She was working in a secondhand clothing store that was owned by that guy Malcolm Whatever, who created the Sex Pistols. Crazy story. Like, I think she was. She was friends with Johnny Rotten, like, way before this. Not way before, but before the Sex Pistols came into being. Malcolm McLaren. Is that the guy's name? And first album for the Pretenders. First one out of the gate, first fucking song. Precious kicks you right in the balls and says, there's something new. There's something exciting that just happened in rock. And it is the Pretenders. And all. All the musicians are world class. I don't think any of them had been, like, big success before. The drummer, definitely not. I'm trying to remember his name, but he's. He's a great rock drummer. And Bill Burr sat in and played some songs with them live. And it's just like, jesus Christ, Bill, could you make the rest of us comedians feel more lazy and uncreative? He just finished a Broadway run of Glengarry Glen Ross doing his podcast. He's doing his stand up, fucking starring it. It's. It's crazy. I mean, enough Bill. The fuck, dude. Take a fucking rest, guy. Now. I'm happy for him. It's amazing. He enjoys it. He enjoys what he's doing. Passionate. Um, and then I see the haters, like, I. I looked at some of. Like, Chrissy Hind actually posted about Bill and said that he did an amazing job and he maybe missed his calling in life. It was unbelievable. And then, of course, I read some of the comments and it's like, Bill's a libtard. It's like, Jesus Christ. Can. Can somebody have a political opinion that's different than yours without you rolling up your sleeves and getting your phone out and taking the tone that you somehow are on the same plane, the same level, the same fucking arena as this guy who's talented and brave and thoughtful and I don't give a fuck if you agree with him. You're not allowed to comment. Stupid shit. Why am I even reading? I don't even know why I read it. I don't know why I'm getting riled up about it. It's just amazing to me that somebody with no platform at all, why do they have no platform? Because they've chosen to not have a platform. Or this guy is choosing two. And what's he amounted to? He's got 38 followers and he gets to call Bill Burr names. Shut the fuck up, loser. Tired of it. I won't have it. Won't have it anymore. Anyway, I'm actually. My main mood today is not anger at all. It's sadness. Well, it's sadness mixed with excitement. My son, my only son, my oldest child has moved to this morning. He moved to New York, New York City. Got on a plane at 10, 10am he's probably there now. He's got a place up in uptown. He's uptown with his buddy. And I miss him. I already miss him. I was very. They're not gonna lie to you. There was. There was some tears for a couple hours this morning. I don't know why, it felt different. It felt like, you know, going off to college is like, you. They're going, but. But they're coming back. You know, they're coming back. It's four years and they'll. And they'll be back. And this time it feels more like, what if this is it? You know, what if, like, this is the move? And then he's Never home again. I mean, he's 24. What if Christmas and a couple vacations a year and maybe a visit to New York is it. Maybe that's it. That's hard for me and my wife and my daughter. We're a very close family and we really lean on each other. We have a lot of joy together. And it's hard. I just, I walked around. I took. Took like a two hour walk after he left. I had on the Velvet Underground. I was just walking around Venice beach feeling very emotional about everything. But it mixed with the excitement that this is going to be one of the most exciting times of his life. And this is going to be a time when he really grows. You know, this is a time just. The kid grew. Grew up with fucking. He's a California kid. I mean, me and my wife are from New York and he's always spent a lot of time there, but now he's moving there. And, you know, he grew up out here eating in and out burgers and, you know, going to the beach, skateboarding, a big skateboarder. I don't know, it's. It's gonna be a change. Um, so last night we got, you know, as a final night, we got some in and out burgers and we watched America's Funniest Home Videos, which is what we did every Sunday night. Their whole childhoods. We would go. We would sit in front of the tv. This, you know, instead of watching. These were the first memes, or as my friend Tom o' Neill said the other day, Mimi's. He called videos memes. And we used to sit there as a family when they were little, for years. Even though they were like way past the age to watch it, we still watched it. Tom Bergeron was our favorite host, no offense, Bob Saget, rest in peace. But Bergeron is the right amount of corny and laughed. And then got up this morning, I made him my famous pancakes to send him off and. Oh, and we were watching afv and it was so fucking crazy because. Well, first of all, here's what's really crazy is I began. This freaked me out. I began getting videos on my Instagram feed about fathers and their children. Like, like kids coming home from the military to see their parents. And moving moments with parents and young children. It was like, all right, what the fuck is going on here, America world? Anyway, so we're watching AFV and one of the videos they showed was this little kid and the father was asking about the wishing well, and the kid had a penny. And he said, almost exactly what my son did. We were at a wishing well when he was little and I actually ended up doing this in my act, but I gave him a penny and I said, owen, you take this penny and you throw it into the well and you wish for anything you want. So he took the penny and he threw it in the well. And I said, what did you wish for? And he goes to throw the penny in the water. And I thought, how do you get more in the moment than wishing for what you're doing at that moment? Like little kids are like little Zen masters. And I just started thinking about the shit that we used to do. Like, this is a kid, this is a magic kid. He almost died when he was nine months old. He got spinal meningitis and went to the emergency room where we stayed for like four days. And they didn't know what was going to happen. In and out, just massive fucking antibiotics and just this little tiny fucking baby. And I remember when they finally told us he was okay. And I just don't think I know I never felt that relief. I will never feel that moment of powerful relief like I did then. Like our world was all hanging in the balance and he came out and I almost felt like since then he's been a tough kid. And I felt like. I think I've always felt a gratitude for his life since then, you know, and just I was thinking about just like him being little and we used to play backgammon and listen to the 2000 year old man. Because my father and I listened to the 2000. If you don't know 2000 year old man, obviously everybody does, but it's Mel Brooks and Carl Reiner and they have, I think they made two or three albums of the 2000 year old man. So we used to listen to it and he fucking loved it. He got it. He's always had a great sense of humor. He gets it. Loved the Marx Brothers. My kids, we had this like 6 DVD Marx Brothers collection and we just watched them in rotation when they were little kids and they laughed their asses off. And then Mel Brooks, he loved. And so we were out and it was Halloween one year and he was probably about seven or eight, probably eight, maybe nine, eight to nine. Anyway, we're walking around, he's dressed like a little tiger. And we get to the street around the corner from us and Mel Brooks's son lives in our neighborhood. He's. He's our neighbor. And so we come around the corner and I go, owen, it's Mel Brooks. And he goes Someone's dressed as Mel Brooks. I said, no, it's Mel Brooks. He's here. He's walking around with his grandkids. And so we walked up to him and Owen got very. I said, Mr. Brooks, it's an honor. I've been a huge fan of yours since I was a little kid. Owen loves you. He goes, who, this kid? He goes, yeah. He goes, yeah. He goes, what does he know me from? And I said, 2000 year old man. And then, and then he goes, what do you know from 2000 year old man? And then Owen says, I love a nectarine. It's a half a peach, it's a half a plum. I'd rather eat a rotten tangerine than a ripe plum. That's how much I love. What do you think of that? That's how much. Anyway, he did. He did this little thing and Mel Brooks was laughing his ass off. And we got a. We got this famous picture of us together that we have framed somewhere. Maybe it's here. Anyway, so. Yeah, so he's gone. He'll be, he'll be back. I'm gonna. I'll see him soon, but lot of. Lot of things are gonna change around the house. Sundays he would come by and do his laundry and we would play darts and we go down to the beach and play paddle tennis, watch a movie, eat a meal. And so, you know, even though he wasn't living at home, he was only about 15 minutes away and. And he, you know, it's crazy. It's like I play him in paddle tennis. I've been playing paddle tennis for 25 years. It's a sport. It's like pickleball, but for men. It's with a real tennis ball with a hard paddle and it's faster and it's harder. And we go down to the beach and we play it and the kid already kicks my ass. He doesn't kick my ass. He can win a set off of me, which is ridiculous because he hasn't played that much. I taught him to play years ago and he just. Every sport I've ever taught him and I've taught him everything. We did a lot of sports together. I taught him how to golf since he could walk. I taught him how to play football. There's a lot right across from the house. And we used to run plays for hours when he was little. Growing up, we had a basketball hoop in the driveway and we play one on one until he could beat me. You know what it's like when your child beats you? It's Such a mixed feeling. You're proud of them and you feel old. And I guess there's some Oedipal feeling also of, like, you know, your child being, you know, more powerful than you. Like wrestling. We used to wrestle, like we say, used to. I've wrestled him in a while because at a certain point I was trying to take him down and I couldn't. And he got me in a headlock. And I was like, I never want to be in this position again, ever. You know, because there's something subconsciously accepted, it's implicit, that you can beat him if need be. Not that I ever did. Never laid a hand on Kid in my life. But if I needed to, I need him to believe that I could win. And he was probably 18 when he realized I couldn't. Maybe 19. I don't know. Uh. That's a weird moment. But we play. I mean, we used to wrestle like fucking crazy. And Frisbee, we've played thousands of hours of. We just. It is kind of our language. I think sports was kind of our language. Why keep saying past tense? He's not dead. We're still gonna play Frisbee, for God's sake. Anyway, he was a soccer player. Was. He is a soccer player. He's still playing. He's got a. He's already got it. Got into a league in New York City. He's got a game on Sunday. He's got a party Friday night in Brooklyn, and then he's got some other thing going Saturday night. He's. He's all. He's all locked in. He was a great soccer player in high school. He was captain of the varsity team in high school, and they were undefeated. They lost in the playoffs, but they were undefeated in the regular season. And his senior year, he was also captain of his club soccer team, which they were undefeated as well in the regular season. He was fucking stud. Played. Played some club soccer in college, and so he wants to keep playing in New York. What else? In college, he had a radio show, which is kind of a nice thing. Cause my father, as you guys know, my father was a radio guy in New York. And obviously, I'm sitting in front of a microphone right now. And then when he got to college, Owen got his own radio show for a few years, him and his roommate. And we used to tune in on Sunday nights here in LA. We tune into his DePaul College radio station, which is actually voted the number one radio station in the country. And so, I don't know, he may do something like that. He's got some interviews with some radio stations in New York I set him up with. He's got. He's got some irons in the fire. We'll see what happens. But, you know, he could have stayed here. He had a nice apartment with a good buddy. Uh, had a waitering job where he was making bank. It was like a very trendy, cool restaurant on the west side where he's bringing home a ton of money at a girlfriend about to be a doctor. Come on, man. Get a lockdown here and now. But no, put it. Putting it all on the table. He's rolling the dice, going to New York, going for it. He. Yeah, I think he'll do fine. He's always accepted life on its own terms, and I think New York will. Will give him a lot to play with, to challenge him. Like when he was in college. This is a funny story. When he was a freshman, he gets to college and he's like. And we drop him off at school and we meet his roommate, and he is clearly gay. And then his. It's a quad, so there's four kids in the room, all gay, all black. And then we start to call him from home and say, how's school going? You having fun in the dorms? And he's like. He's like, yeah, everybody's gay. He was on the gay floor, like, just somehow, I don't know if he wrote something in his college essay that they said this kid is a homosexual student, and they put him on that floor. And you know what? The kid never fucking complained. I would call him up on a Tuesday night, and I'd be like, what are you doing? What do you got going on? He's like, oh, we're. We're deep, conditioning our hair and watching Real Housewives of Orange County. And he would go out to the bars. He'd go to Boys Town, which is the gay area. I didn't know. I was like, fuck it. I hope he is gay. That'd be fucking great. I'd love to have a gay kid that's like. That's like a special. That's an HBO special for me. Having a gay son. I'd love it. Meet his gay boyfriend. Make fun of them. But no, he wasn't gay. He just was. And then. And then he stuck with that kid. His sophomore year, same roommate kept the guy. And, you know, he's just. Good kid. He came back from college, he got fucked in college because he. Halfway through his sophomore year, was Covid. So he missed that, got sent home following Year was all study online. So he did not go to Chicago. Sophomore year, junior year, they had to wear goddamn masks so he couldn't connect with anybody. So it was kind of like it was a very tough time for him to go to college. And, you know, I wish he'd gotten more out of it. I wish he'd gone at a time where he was more, you know, in person, basically. And he got back, he went to, he saved us some money, went to Central America for six months and just traveled around by bus. Him and his buddy Gabriel, they just like, they took these little buses. They call them chicken buses because like lots of people, the pastors have like chickens in their laps. Just like local small town Mexican buses. And they, you know, stayed in these amazing youth hostels that were like eight bucks a night. And they were on the beach with, you know, fellow travelers. They met these twins. They. I think they were in Guatemala and I think Gabriel met the twins and then they invited them to stay. And then Owen and Gabriel went to their town in Mexico, figuring it was like, you know, some working class little house that wouldn't have room for them. Turns out it's like a mansion. And the father is the mayor of the town or the uncle, maybe the father, I can't remember. But they, they got there for Christmas. They stayed there. They stayed up till six in the morning dancing with the mayor's wife to a dj. And then I think, I think they, they. And then they left and the twins came with them. Like it was a crazy adventure that he'll always remember and no problems. I think they had one run in with the cops that they gave him 30 bucks and we're good. Mexico's fine, everybody. Jesus. We met up with him on the final day of his trip down in Mazatlan and watched the solar eclipse, the full eclipse, and then came home. And now he's just been saving up his money. He's heading off. Going to New York. Going to New York at. Basically, he's the exact same age I was when my father died, which was the year I moved. I grew up outside the city and then I went to college in Boston. Why am I talking to you guys like you've never heard my podcast? I don't know. So I went to college in Boston, went to Harvard University. Well, bu right across the bridge. Came back to. My father died, came back to New York a month later and had. I was very depressed. My father died suddenly and I went through a lot of pain and depression. A little agoraphobia, didn't leave the apartment much more than I absolutely needed to. And. But New York City to me, from my bedroom window I could see the whole New York City skyline and the George Washington Bridge and it was so romantic to me. Both my parents worked in the city and we were there a lot. And to me New York is the most romantic, interesting, rich, emotional, powerful city. And every time I've literally, I still, when I fly into New York and I'm driving into Manhattan, I still look at the skyline and I get goosebumps. I still feel like the infinite possibilities that are New York City and people. Oh, the city's shit now. Shut up. You don't get it, don't come. We don't fucking need you. New York City is. And I know I defend LA as well, but New York is my home. That's my heart. And I'm so happy that my son is going to be in that world. I came to. I think of that Joe Jackson song Stepping Out Tonight. And the cab driving through down Fifth Avenue in the rain and the traffic lights and you know my first apartment where I was on a six floor walk up in Little Italy on Mulberry street. And my landlords were the Ragos, Gladys and Tony Rago. And they were sub lending it to me and they had. It was 6th floor walk up and I got to know everybody in the building because it was all Italians. This was like literally like where, you know, De Niro grew up and did Harvey Keitel grew up there? No, I don't know. But it's a romantic place. And so everybody kept their doors open. On every floor is all these women, these older women and they would leave their doors open and he'd walk up and they all called me Kevin. And I corrected them for, I don't know, the first six months I was there. I kept saying, no, it's Greg. And they'd say, okay, Kevin. And they'd give you a plate of pasta because they were still cooking for their kids even though their kids had moved out. There was always extra food and there was Tony and then there was Tony girl and Gladys and Tony lived around the corner in a condo on the ground floor because they got too old to walk the six flights of stairs. And their son, I won't say his name because you'll know why in a second. He, he bought them a condo, cash around the street. He's in construction out in Jersey. And so they were all set. They were just basically taking this rent control department that I think I once got an envelope from the city for them. And they were paying $328 for. It was a one bedroom that they illegally knocked a door through to a studio next door. And they were paying, like, $328 for the whole thing. And they were renting it to us for 1,000. And that was. So there was me, and I had a girlfriend at the time. And then our. Our friend George, we're staying there. And it was like the. You know, the intercom didn't work. So. And so if somebody came to. That. This was in beeper days before cell phones. So if somebody came by my house, they would page me. And then I would go to Tom o'. Neill. My friend Tom o' Neill lived down the hall. I faced the back of the building. Tom faced Mulberry Street. So I would go through Tom's apartment to his window, and I would take a sock with the keys in it, and I would throw it down six stories, and they would catch it. And then they would let themselves in and walk up the stairs. And then there was the diner around the corner, Bella's, that we ate in every morning. And I'd read the New York Post and Rollerbladed. I Rollerbladed around the city for, like, nine years. Like, you know, I'd go from the Upper west side to the Village on Rollerblades. I'd grab onto the back of delivery trucks and I'd get pulled up and down the avenues and went to acting school for two years, where I just learned about myself. And anyway, I'm just bringing this up to talk about what happens, what can happen at this age, in this place, and the people that you meet and the people that are all going for it. That's the thing about New York City. You can't be mailing it in because you won't last. You won't be able to make your rent. You won't be able to afford your fucking laundry bill. You gotta work. You gotta know people. You gotta figure the city out. You gotta figure yourself out. And when you do, you can. They say if you can make it there. It's such a cliche, but you really can't make it anywhere once you make it in New York. And so when I'm going to see him in this is the first place. My first writing jobs were there. I wrote for Bill Maher on Politically Incorrect. Dave Attell, when I was just. When I just come to New York, I'd been there for a few years, and I got to be friends with Attel, and he would be. He wrote for Saturday Night. Live. And I would meet him at a coffee shop at like 2 in the morning, and we'd go through his sketches. Not that I added anything, but I think he just wanted to bounce shit off of me. And that was such a thrill to me, to even be two steps removed from Saturday Night Live, you know, And I don't know. So I'm gonna go down to. I'm gonna go to Philly. I'll announce my dates in a minute, but I'm gonna do some shows in Philly and Pittsburgh. And Philly and where else? Jersey Shore. So I'm coming to New York. I added like five days to the trip. I got my wife a flight. And we're gonna meet him in New York the first week of August. So I know, whatever. It's not. I shouldn't be so upset, but it's different. I'm gonna visit him. I'm not gonna. He's not living here, but I'm gonna take him out. Go to Barney Greengrass and get the locks on a bagel. Best in the city. Gonna take him down to Keane's Chop House with my nephew Rowan, and maybe take him down to Astor Place. Haircutters race to get my haircut. When I was a teenager, it was eight bucks. It's probably about nine now, maybe ten. And, you know, see what he's got going on. See if he's figured it out by then. I think he will. So good about kids. I've kind of talked about this before, but having kids, people think it's so expensive because now that he's moving out, you know, he's still on my health coverage. I'm still paying for his cell phone and, you know, family vacations and, you know, probably his flights to New York. Like, he's still gonna cost me money, but there's a little bit of a breath now. My daughter's 21, and, you know, you're not paying for everything. But the truth is, having kids doesn't have to be expensive. Having shitty kids is expensive. Having good kids is free. Because good kids just mean you spend a lot of time with them. You know, like, an expensive kid is one that you have a nanny for every day and you send to, you know, a private school where you're paying in LA, where you're paying 40 grand a year, if not more, for a private school. I got friends that are mortgaged their houses to send their kids from K through 12 through private school. They're fucking broke now. And so that. That can be free. You know, you go to the beach. That's free. Even formula. You don't have to buy it. Breast milk. Breast milk's free. You don't have to buy them a crib. They can sleep in the bed with you. You don't have to buy them fucking crazy electronic toys. Give him some blocks. Watch the Marx Brothers with them over and over again. It's cheap. You kids went to public school, they loved it. I think it was good for them for the most part. There's downsides, you know, like, they have to be with kids of other races, which, you know, in a private school, you just fucking. You buy that right away. You buy that away from them. Um, yeah. Oh, I want to talk about. We have a house cleaner and she is Guatemalan, and she helped babysit Owen when he was a kid. And so she's been with us for 24 years now. She. She cleans the house. And we love her very much. We love her kids. And she is very stressed out. She cried a lot. I cried, too. I've been crying a lot this week talking about what she's going through in la. She's in hiding, basically. We told her she didn't have to come here. She said, it's safer there than it is where I live downtown. She was. She was two blocks away from. When they raided MacArthur Park a couple weeks ago. She said every gas station, every laundromat, supermarkets, the ice are there, and they're just harassing. If you don't have ID on you, they throw you in a fucking truck into a jail cell and send you out of the country. And people are petrified. She's had friends picked up and she has kids that are dreamers. I think they were born here, but she's not legal, so they don't know what their status is. Jesus Christ. Nobody's worked harder in this country than immigrants. Like, figure out a way, yeah, throw out the criminals. Great. All for it. I'll help you. But you're gonna take hardworking people even if they don't get thrown out of the country. What you're putting them through right now is cruel and it's un American and it's shitty, so. And it's bad for the. By the way, Bad for the economy. Who the fuck is going to do all this work? Construction work in LA alone? Pasadena. There's nobody to do the work. Look at the. Look at the. The produce is all dying on the vines all over California. That's your food, people. Hotels. You want to go to a hotel? You want to go to a restaurant? Who's going to take care of you. I'm not just that's. I'm not talking about all Latino people. I'm talking about immigrants. Recent immigrants largely do these jobs. And I don't know who's going to take over. You think, you think our people are going to take over? Oh, we'll take. We'll take everybody on Medicare and we'll make them farming. Do you know how long, first of all, people on Medicare are on there for a reason, for the most part. Well, Medicare, no Medicaid. Why the fuck do they name Medicare and Medicaid? Almost the same goddamn thing. So annoying. Medicaid are people that largely are incapable of working for whatever reason. Maybe they got mental health issues, maybe they got fucking, you know, inoperable backs. Whatever. They can't work. They're not gonna go into fucking fields and pick grapes for 12 hours a day for almost no money. It's just, that's not a plan. I feel like a lot of Trump's plans are the first idea that crosses somebody. Somebody's mind that they would say during a meeting and then get a dirty look from people like, why are you wasting our time? But that becomes policy right away. Anyway. I don't want to get into, what are we going to do? Talk about how fucked we are, how fucked FEMA is because they're taking funding from FEMA for border protection. Relax. All right. I think we could probably move on this game. We're gonna keep this short. It's just me. Doesn't have to be a big hour long podcast. Hour and 20. Whatever people are used to. Let's just talk about, you know, who we are. Who are we people? I took a Waymo the other day for the first time, which was crazy. It was just so weird to be masturbating in the back of a car with nobody driving. I mean, no, they call it Waymo because it was Waymo. Come in the back seat when I got out of it, then when I got in. No, I've never taken a Waymo, but. And I don't think I will. I get angry every time I see one. I look at it like. Like how a Jew would have looked at the Gestapo. Maybe not that severe. But I look at it as the enemy. I look at it as autocracy. I look at it as corporate America taking jobs from us. And then I see those little carts. I don't know what city you live in, but in LA they've got a lot of these little food delivery carts. It's like, how Much did it cost to pay the fucking guy to ride his bike or his electric bike and drop the food off? How much? Come on, America. Who are we? So I'm driving down the 10 to 10 east, 10 west. Wait. Late at night, I kind of drive back from the comedy clubs. Midnight, one in the morning, street's pretty empty, and I fly. I got my new Mustang. I go 100, 110 miles an hour. And I realized, like, the other day somebody drove past me and then I started following him. He came by in a Corvette and he was zipping around, going around people. And then I started to. And I realized, like, I'm that guy. I always wondered if that guy. When you see three sports cars in a row zip through the highway really fast, I always wondered, do they know each other? Are they friends? Is this like a field trip? Did they plan this? Or is it one asshole who speeds and then the other guy goes, hey, I'm an asshole too, And I'm that asshole now. I'm the guy. I don't weave, I don't cut anybody off, but I drive fast and the road's pretty empty when I'm driving. I don't have to defend myself. I've drove a Prius for enough years that I no longer have to defend myself. Okay, Bombed at a club last week. There's this club in la and it's like, it's. It's in Santa Monica and it's very, it's very precious. I. It's very politically correct, it's very diverse. You know, it's, it's, it's, it's run in a way that the audience can know that they're safe, that they're in a safe space, which is not what comedy should be. And I was bombing because I just realized how aggressive and CIS white male I come off. And it made me feel very self conscious. And I've been in this situation before where I'm in front of a crowd like that and you start to feel almost ashamed of. And even though I'm not ashamed of who I am, in that context, you start to redefine who you are. Like, Like a child. Like, I felt like, ugh. And then I just went, no, no, I'm not the problem here. And so I just dug in and I started doing abortion jokes and I started doing jokes about that were slightly racist and slightly homophobic in a way that there's context. Comedy has context. I am a straight white older guy. That's the joke. So when I say things like that, it's funny because you can't say things like that. I don't know. I don't need to explain it to you guys. You know what comedy is and they don't. And I fucking dug in and I double down and I bombed even harder. But I was enjoying the bomb, knowing I'd never go back to this club club again that I don't want to, and that I was making sure they would never ask that I'm wrong for this room. And then maybe I'm not right for every room, but I'm. But I'm gonna do what I do no matter where I am. I'm not gonna tap the brakes because I know. I think I kind of know who I am, you know, because you spent so much of your life and you are defined by who you are. I'm white, I'm male, I'm Irish, My family is outgoing, we're Catholic, we. You know, like all those things that can put you in a box. I'm from New York. I'm not tall. Like, all these things that define you that you didn't choose. And so much of your life can be taken up in just fulfilling the dimensions of that paradigm instead of exploring what's possible and how much of us really is an individual. How many of us are Republicans that started out as Democrats, you know, how many of us are Jewish that started out Protestant. How many of us made sense? Seismic shifts in our identities, in our lives, philosophically. And so when I look at this chapter of Owen's life, I see it as. This is the diving board. This is the springboard for him to go into being out of California, being out of his family's sphere, being in a new place where people don't know him and he can be who he wants to be more and that he can make choices that he doesn't have to live with for the rest of his life. He can cycle through some choices and some identities that it is not in the comfort of being in LA or in college. Everybody knows you. And I've seen him make choices throughout his young life that show character and show independence and show he has a lot of empathy for people. He's very caring and he's very supportive. And I know he'll never step on anybody, but I want to see him push himself and figure out who he is. Find the fucking man. This is where he finds the man in himself. I don't know what age you consider yourself a man. I know I wasn't until my dad died, so. So maybe I need to die for him. Do the right thing, Greg. Die so he can blossom. So I support him whatever happens. I think he knows that. I think he knows that me and Aaron and his sister support him. And whatever he wants to do, whatever direction he wants to go in, I'm there. Unless he wants to be a comedian, then I'm fucking out. He's out. Done. I do not support that. All right, here's my comedian schedule. Batavia, Illinois, the Comedy Vault. July 25th and 26th. This is a brand new date. It's kind of a last minute fill in. Pottstown, Pennsylvania, sold. Joel's on July 31st. Point Pleasant, New Jersey at Uncle Vinny's. August 1st and 2nd. La Jolla at the Comedy Store, August 29th through 31st. Then I'll be coming to Denver, Connecticut, Vegas, Chicago, New Orleans. Go to fitzdog.com, get some tickets, come out and say hi. I want to thank Midcoast Media for producing the show and editing it and uploading it and putting the social media posts up for the most part. And always be in there for me. So thank you to them. Thank you to you guys for listening. If you like the show, like it, comment, spread the word. Let us know you love us. Who's us? It's me. It's just me. All right, bye.