Bert Kreischer (IN STUDIO): Drinking Beers & Hacking Comedy - Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade

Transcript

Bert Kreischer (0:00)

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David Spade (0:30)

I'm trying to live in the 140s. Don't be mad. So what I do is 140 I chicks under 140.

Bert Kreischer (0:37)

My dad, when I was a kid, anytime you ever saw two dudes together, you go, look at these two gay guys. And then one day I go, do you think they're saying that about us? And he goes, oh, God, I hope not. You find out that a lot of.

Dana Carvey (0:51)

Your friends, they like you where you are.

Bert Kreischer (0:54)

They like you where you are.

David Spade (0:55)

Yeah.

Dana Carvey (0:56)

Let's not get crazy.

Bert Kreischer (0:58)

This is the third time I've texted you. I swear to God, if you don't reply, I'm gonna come to your house, inject AIDS into you, and light your house on fire and kill your children. The next test, my bad. That was for my sister.

Dana Carvey (1:13)

All right, Dana, we had Bert Kreischer on, I think on again, right? He's been on before.

David Spade (1:19)

It was our second time. We did it a few couple months ago, and we did it in the studio where you're sitting for five.

Dana Carvey (1:26)

Oh, yeah.

David Spade (1:28)

Up close, personal.

Dana Carvey (1:29)

We all took our shirts off as an homage. No, I didn't. I was requested to keep mine on by America.

David Spade (1:38)

Yeah, My shirt off. And you looked over and it. I don't want to talk out of school, but you did faint.

Dana Carvey (1:45)

Is that why I fainted?

Summary

Podcast Summary: Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade

Episode: Bert Kreischer (IN STUDIO): Drinking Beers & Hacking Comedy
Date: January 29, 2026

Overview

This episode features comedian Bert Kreischer, returning for his second in-person appearance with hosts Dana Carvey and David Spade. The trio dives deep into Bert’s meteoric career, the evolution of comedy, personal health hacks, on-the-road rituals, and the psychology behind success in show business. With plenty of laughs, honest stories, inside-showbiz wisdom, and heartwarming (and occasionally wild) moments, it’s a compelling look at the comedy grind, personal vulnerability, and lasting friendship.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Life, Health, and the Showbiz Grind

Bert and the hosts start with jokes about weight maintenance, supplements, and the trade-offs of health regimens like Mounjaro (a weight-loss drug).
- Notable Quote:
  - David Spade: “So everything that’s fun goes away. It’s incredible. It’s cheap too.” (04:00)
  - Bert Kreischer: “Takes your sparkle away.” (03:49)
Honest talk about drinking habits, moderation, and the unique pressures of being “the party guy” both on stage and off.
- Bert describes his routine of lining up Liquid Death cans and “murdering them” with water each night to stave off hangovers and improve recovery—turning a healthy habit into a comedy bit. (08:30)
- Dana Carvey: “You have to have a sharp, clear head.” (21:40)
- Drinking tales on the road, the difference between drinking as an act and genuine alcoholism.

2. Comedy Then and Now: Hacking the Business

Bert details how the “delivery system” for comedy has exploded: from late-night TV and clubs, to Instagram, TikTok, podcasts, and Netflix.
- Bert Kreischer: “Comedy is everywhere now.” (10:55)
- His focus is on Instagram; admits his team runs most other channels for him. (11:08)
Discussion of how moving up the financial ladder and acquiring material status symbols like watches triggered identity questions in Bert.
- Bert’s story of buying his first Rolex: “I gotta act like a grown up.” (13:18)
The machinery of comedy as a business: Bert shares how he “cheat codes” specials with strategic joke placement and frontloading routines based on Netflix retention metrics.
- “My specials are good...but even when I say that I kind of cheat coded the system.” (27:56)
- Memorable Tip: Placing his closer at the 22-minute mark due to audience drop-off; attention to analytics is crucial.
- David Spade: “I’m going to call that clever… what do you call that mindset?” (28:18)

3. Community, Competition, and Underdog Mentality

The emotional weight of success: Bert opens up about realizing not everyone roots for you as you rise.
- “You find out that a lot of your friends, they like you where you are.” (36:42)
- Rogan and Tom Segura were among the few in his corner as his career skyrocketed. (37:12)
Reflections on helping the comedy scene: bar games and tip raffles for wait staff, not just to entertain but also to foster community in clubs.
- The emotional payoff: “...she starts crying...I get to buy the good car seat now.” (24:07)
Bert discusses feeling like an outsider at Hollywood events and school functions, always working to fit in but never quite losing his sense of being “the underdog.” (71:01)

4. Philosophy of Work, Vulnerability & Authenticity

Discussion about finding and developing a comic “voice”—and the enduring importance of authenticity in a crowded, content-soaked world.
- Bert: “I don’t think you find your voice till you’re 40.” (53:16)
- David Spade: “I think authenticity now...that’s part of what your appeal is.” (54:14)
- Bert on oversharing: “I overshare. Like I way overshare.” (54:21)

5. Building a Career and Navigating New Frontiers

Bert’s entrepreneurial, “hack the system” approach, e.g., clever promotional videos, turning events into experiences, and pioneering big-venue tours (like Fully Loaded). (31:43)
Feelings about not being invited to industry showcases leading him to create his own events, inadvertently alienating other comics (“I realized...I am doing to other comics what was done to me.” (33:15))
Insightful business talk about how movies are less lucrative and riskier compared to streaming or reality content; predictions about the decline of major film budgets. (75:13)

Notable Quotes & Moments

On Career, Underdog Status, and Friendship

Bert: “I never feel...Yeah, yeah. I think that’s the thing that drives me. I have a very punitive brain.” (33:33)
“I was bummed that not everyone loved me the way I wanted them to love me. So I just loved everyone as they succeeded.” (39:22)

Hacking the Comedy Special

Bert: “The first words out of your mouth...more people should hear this.” (55:03)
“When I shoot a special, the best...Dave Chappelle’s my favorite.” (58:49)
On Dave Chappelle’s advice for a special: “Let it be in the air...allow those moments...let yourself find them.” (65:32)

On Success, Fulfillment, and Perspective

Tim Dillon’s wisdom to Bert: “Why? It never gets better than today.” (80:34)
Bert: “I love it. I’m the happiest person alive.” (80:34)
“Ten years ago, if you had said, ‘Hey, let me tell you your life’...I’m in. I’ll take the black guy, too.” (81:23) (Wild Bert humor at work.)

Timestamps for Key Segments

[03:20] - Bert’s supplement/health routine and banter about Mounjaro
[06:48] - How drinking fits into Bert’s work and life
[10:00] - The evolution of comedy access and distribution
[13:14] - Bert’s first Rolex: material success and identity
[21:40] - Onstage drinking pressure and promotion
[24:07] - Stories of the tip raffle and emotional audience/wait staff reactions
[27:56] - “Cheat coding” Netflix specials and analytics
[31:43] - Building tours, fostering new event formats in comedy
[36:42] - Reckoning with friends’ reactions to success
[54:14] - Developing a comic voice and the power of authenticity
[65:32] - Chappelle’s advice, shooting comedy specials
[75:13] - The shifting economics of movies vs. streaming
[80:34] - Bert’s mindset of fulfillment and embracing the present

Tone and Style

The tone is honest, irreverent, and self-deprecating, with rapid-fire banter between three seasoned comedians. Bert’s signature openness (“I overshare”) and punchy storytelling mesh perfectly with Spade and Carvey’s dry, incisive wit.

Final Thoughts

This episode is a candid, energetic exploration of life as a comic “on the inside”—balancing vulnerability, hustle, and humor. Bert Kreischer’s success is deconstructed from every angle: not just as a performer, but as a business-minded, unorthodox thinker who’s reshaping his corner of entertainment. For fans of comedy, behind-the-scenes showbiz lore, or even self-improvement, this episode delivers both substance and laughs.