Chris Farley, Penis Surgery, & the Olympics!

Summary

Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade

Episode: Chris Farley, Penis Surgery, & the Olympics!
Date: February 9, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this Monday riff episode, Dana and David deliver their trademark blend of comedy, banter, and behind-the-scenes anecdotes. The duo covers topics ranging from standup and celebrity encounters to viral news stories—no guest this week, just their perspectives and classic improv humor. Highlights include shoe shaming at the Comedy Store, an anticlimactic Chris Farley story, Hollywood press junket absurdities, the hazards of penis surgery, viral TikTok stunts, and Olympics talk.

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Main Segments and Key Discussion Points

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1. Catching Up: Comedy Store Shoegate & Marcelo Stories

[01:21 – 04:43]

• David’s Shoe Embarrassment: David recounts being roasted by female comics for his "bad shoe game" at the Comedy Store.
  "[The female comics said] you have the worst shoe game. It was really embarrassing." — David [01:21]

• Marcelo at the Club: They discuss recording a recent podcast episode with comic Marcelo, who then hung out backstage at the Comedy Store.
  “You guys look like you're in a singing group with your sweats... The Vanilla Boys.” — Dana [01:57]

• Impressions of Sebastian Maniscalco: Marcelo's “hysterical” take on Sebastian amuses Dana, who, as a voice impressionist, especially appreciates the subtleties.
  "Sebastian’s usually like, 'My Uber driver's here. Are you Gagak?'" — David [04:20]

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2. The World of Standup: Generational Attitudes

[03:44 – 04:55]

• Comedian Dynamics: Dana remarks on veteran comics who resent younger comics’ success, appreciating Marcelo’s humble attitude. “I did meet along the way bitter comedians ... mad at you for being young.” — Dana [03:44]

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3. The World’s Most Anticlimactic Chris Farley Story

[08:19 – 10:43]

• Story Setup: David shares a “doozy” Chris Farley story a fan insisted on telling him at the Appleton airport.

• The Punchline: It’s merely that Farley once spent the night at the fan’s brother’s house.
  “That was it.” — Dana [10:14]

• Meta-commentary: “There’s a movie there that’s got a beginning but not a middle and not an end.” — David [10:43]

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4. Celebrity Autograph Hustlers and Modern Fandom

[11:10 – 11:51]

• Professional Autograph Seekers: Dana and David riff on how autographs have become transactional, no longer about admiration. “They don’t even like you. They’re just like, sign this and get out of my way.” — David [11:29]

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5. Theater Gigs Gone Awry & Milwaukee Standup

[23:19 – 24:10]

• Dana’s Quiet Audience: Dana tells of a gig where the crowd was eerily silent, only to learn afterwards, “No one gets laughs in this room.” “Maybe you should have told me before I went out that it’s impossible!” — Dana [23:53]

• On Midwestern Audiences:
  “Chris [Farley] told me once, ‘You’re gonna go to Wisconsin, that’s where they all look like me.’” — David [23:00]

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6. Showbiz Absurdities: Hollywood Height Tricks & Movie Roles

[26:27 – 31:45]

• Shoe Manipulation on Set: Dana describes having lifts added incrementally to keep height parity with a tall female co-star, poking fun at Tom Cruise’s rumored special shoes. “They just started—what? These aren’t the same… Yes, you can just put me on stilts.” — Dana [26:28]

• David’s Upcoming Film (“Outcome”): David appears in Jonah Hill’s new movie starring Keanu Reeves as a troubled actor, with Cameron Diaz and Matt Bomer.
  “I was a little star struck around Keanu, I have to say…” — David [31:49]
  “He’s so... the coolest of the cool.” — Dana [31:55]

• On Keanu Reeves:
  “He didn’t get a car to take him back to LA. He took the bus with everyone.” — Dana [32:14]

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7. Press Junkets, Celebrity Couples, & Over-Sharing

[41:01 – 45:20]

• Margot Robbie & Jacob Elordi: David finds it odd how effusive Robbie’s comments are about her co-star during press junkets, despite being married. “At one point I was reading [the interview] going, if I’m the husband, what do you do?” — David [42:08]

• Nicole Kidman & Keith Urban: Dana recalls Kidman once publicly saying she was “exhausted from so many orgasms” with Urban. “Keith Urban’s in Nashville, this guitar, watching a tank, ‘Wait a minute, Nick’s having eggasms!’” — Dana [42:41]

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8. News Oddities: Penis Enlargement Surgery Tragedy

[45:29 – 47:13]

• Diamond Dealer Dies: They discuss a real headline: a billionaire dying during penis enlargement surgery. “The weird part was that they—the wife insisted they complete the operation even though he’d passed away.” — Dana [46:32]

• International Surgeries:
  “I guess Turkey’s a big place. Syria, you know, they said, put a... Turkey wiener on you.” — David [46:49]

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9. Viral News and Clickbait Tales

[50:57 – 54:33]

• ‘100 Mini Ducks’ House Cleaning Test: A viral TikTok story where cleaners must find hidden toy ducks to prove thoroughness. Dana and David find it rude and over-the-top. “My housekeeper would find four out of a hundred.” — Dana [51:29]

• Debunking a Sandler Tabloid Story: Rumors that Adam Sandler stormed a Chanel store after his daughter was snubbed are declared “million percent” fake. “He’s not that showy, where he’d go, ‘Watch this, I’ll buy everything.’” — David [53:13]

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10. Standout Improv Segment: “Buzzing Around” Impressions

[34:42 – 39:48]

• “Buzzing Around” Game: Dana improvises impressions:

  • Johnny Carson doing a monologue with Donald Trump as Ed McMahon and Tony Montana as the bandleader.
    “What do you think, Donnie? — He doesn’t know.” — David [37:59]

• Classic banter on the art of impressions and tribute to late-night formats: “He would just stare at the camera… and be fantastic and Ed would laugh.” — Dana [36:38]

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11. Olympics, Athletic Feats, and Age

[56:05 – 59:03]

• 70-Year-Old Racing Sprinter: They watch and discuss a viral clip of a septuagenarian competing in track, riffing on how the sport has changed. “For a guy to stride out like that with turnover at 70… maybe getting a little extra something in his Cheerios.” — Dana [56:23]

• Olympic Programming Confusion: They joke about the complexity and oddity of some Olympic events.
  “Oh, it’s the one where they shoot a gun and ice-fish or whatever that one’s called.” — David [58:03]

• Fun sports trivia:
  “Who has the highest recorded VO2 max? Norwegian cross-country skier, 94.” — Dana [59:04]

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12. Absurd Internet Clips and Viral Oddities

[60:13 – 61:47]

• Gravity-Free Woman: They react to a viral video claiming someone needs to carry a sandbag to prevent floating away; they find it delightfully ridiculous. “If they let go, it’s just gonna float up… she has to carry a bag of…” — David [60:13]

• Magicians Awe: Brief tribute to David Blaine’s mind-boggling tricks, remembering his “coconut card” stunt with Harrison Ford. “And then Harrison Ford pauses, doesn’t say anything, and just says, ‘Get out of my house.’” — Dana [63:36]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On bitter comics:
  “Even successful ones ... still mad at you just for being young.” — Dana [03:54]

• On the Farley story:
  “That was it.” — Dana [10:14]
  “There’s a movie there that’s got a beginning but not a middle and not an end.” — David [10:43]

• On press junket exaggerations:
  “If I’m the husband, what do you do?” — David [42:08]

• On celebrity height tricks:
  “They just started—what? These aren’t the same…” — Dana [26:28]
  “You can just put me on stilts.” — Dana [26:28]

• On viral cleaning challenges:
  “It’s rude. Here’s one in the tree. Hi. Water me. I had too much to drink.” — Dana [51:40]

• On being star struck by Keanu:
  “He’s so… the coolest of the cool.” — Dana [31:55]

• On magicians:
  “...and then open it up and then… he sees his card with his weird little signature. Harrison Ford… just says, get out of my house.” — Dana [63:36]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Start | End |
|--------------------------------------------|---------|---------|
| Comedy Store Shoegate & Marcelo Stories | 01:21 | 04:43 |
| Comics’ Attitudes & Generations | 03:44 | 04:55 |
| Chris Farley Story | 08:19 | 10:43 |
| Autograph Seekers & Fandom | 11:10 | 11:51 |
| Quiet Milwaukee Audience | 23:19 | 24:10 |
| Set Shoes, Movie Roles, Keanu | 26:27 | 31:45 |
| Press Junkets & Over-Sharing | 41:01 | 45:20 |
| Penis Surgery Tragedy | 45:29 | 47:13 |
| Viral Ducks / Clickbait | 50:57 | 54:33 |
| Buzzing Around/Impressions | 34:42 | 39:48 |
| Olympics Wisecracks | 56:05 | 59:03 |
| Gravity-Free TikTok | 60:13 | 61:47 |
| David Blaine / Magicians | 62:01 | 63:36 |

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Tone & Style

The episode encapsulates the duo’s hallmark: rapid-fire, self-deprecating humor, classic standup sensibilities, and smart-alecky improvisation. Jokes, impressions, and off-the-cuff takes keep the tone light and self-aware, often turning meta about comedy and Hollywood itself.

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Summary Verdict

If you missed this episode, you missed an hour of infectious comedic rhythm, old-school and new-school showbiz stories, and comedic chemistry heightened by their years in the business. Whether they're riffing on Chris Farley, dissecting viral oddities, or performing dead-on impressions, Dana and David ensure there’s no shortage of laughs or insight into comedy’s enduring weirdness.

Transcript

[A]

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[C]

I like stories.

[A]

Oh, look who it is.

[C]

Hey, man, I'm a witness protection right now, but I'm sorry I created all this. What a minute. Nick's having egg assumes. What? She's having egg asms.

[A]

Because he's like, well, when you come home to me, you're like a dial tone. Is that why they said put a turkey wiener on you? And he goes, no, I want to do it in trick. Ah, okay.

[C]

Does that make sense?

[A]

That's his wiener.

[C]

I try to go festive sometimes. That's what this is about.

[A]

Oh, you're. You're cheerful. That shirt.

[C]

My shirt? Yeah. Is that.

[A]

Is that what it's reading?

[C]

I think so. I got a blue one, and that's exact same size. Put it through the dryer. It's twice as big. What? The fayock?

[A]

You know, I. I got clowned last night. I went to the Comedy Store and all the dogs, especially the female ones, like, you have the worst shoe game. It was really embarrassing. They all were like, trashing my shoes.

[C]

Your shoes?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So they're looking down at your shoes.

[A]

The worst part is, it's true. And they go, and those army pants are from the Gap. And I was like, no, they're not. And of course they are, because Dana had them on and I said they were cool and I went and got them.

[C]

They're khakis. But let me tell you this. Like, I. You know our podcast with Marcelo that's out now?

[A]

Oh, yeah, the one with Marcelo.

[C]

Yeah, I posted a thing of the three of us. And then I saw you guys and I said, it's me. Me and the. My van. Or the Vanilla Boys. Because you guys look like you're in a singing group with your sweats.

[A]

Oh, me and Marcelo.

[C]

Yellow and white. The Vanilla Boys.

[A]

Oh, we were. Yeah, we. He did a set last night. He stayed in town today. And so we went to dinner last night. And then I went and got trounced by everyone about my shoes. It was real shoegate. I walked out of there like this. I was driving home like this.

[C]

Did you go on stage with a little bit of edge to you or they ridiculed you? Ridiculed you after.

[A]

It was. I saw Whitney backstage. Whitney looks great, by the way. I saw Whitney.

[C]

When does Whitney not look great?

[A]

I know Whitney is. Looks just great.

[C]

He looks like a model. I.

[A]

Well, Marcelo came with us over there and then I said, let's. They'll just let him jump on. And. And he felt weird. He didn't want to bump. So it was Whitney. It was Jim Norton, I think Santino. And then I think he went on Robbie Hoffman.

[C]

Andy. Andy Santino.

[A]

Andy. Who's. Who's a friend of the show.

[C]

Friend.

[A]

Yeah. We will say. Say that Marcelo was funny on the show. On the podcast up now.

[C]

Yeah, he's got. He's got the goods, man. He's got a likability, you know? And I've talked to two people say whenever you see him, they saw him at the Grammys ago. You can't take your eyes off of them. Yeah, it's like that Frankie Avalon song. Who was that?

[A]

Yeah, the Four Seasons.

[C]

Four Seasons. Can't take my. No, but he's cool. I root for him. He was very sweet with us at the end of the show, you know.

[A]

But he's very nice.

[C]

Well, it's the idea. I did meet along the way bitter comedians, even successful ones, that kind of. You could tell, had an edge and didn't want.

[A]

Still mad.

[C]

Yeah. Mad at you just for being young, you know, it's like so stupid. So he's surprised we root for him.

[A]

Yeah, he was. He was fun on the show. He also brought it. He was fun and did jokes. He kept doing Sebastian, which was high sterical.

[C]

Yes. He had a gear. I hadn't seen that. Swallowing words. And as someone who does voices, I love those little tiny addendums, that little escalation.

[A]

Sebastian's usually like, my Uber driver's here. Are you Gagak? But. But Marcelo was doing the other way going.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

He does that wind up before it goes big. It's funny.

[C]

So everybody honking now. Like, you barely can hear what he says.

[A]

I like when you go, I'm clipping my toe down.

[C]

Pulled that clip in the toenail. See, toenails is a great word for Sebastian.

[A]

And he milks it out.

[C]

Such a compliment to Sebastian.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

That he's got this rhythm that is so freaking infectious. I mean, the Only guy that is a bigger fan than us is Sebastian. Is this guy.

[A]

That matches. Here's my uninspiring. Delivery dogs are funny.

[C]

Your thing. I know, isn't it kind of like, hey buddy. I mean, what is. You have a catchphrase.

[A]

No one knows what it is. Rackham. I did say Rackham the other night on stage and all the behind the wall people were like.

[C]

You should do a character that says Rackham after every joke with a little sound of the.

[A]

Biller ball going, I said one last night. I said, I said the Epstein files came out 3 million emails. It was so much to go through. I said, that was a busy boy. Like he's got some 16 year old girl laying on the hammock going, come on. And he's like, hang on, I gotta fire off another 15,000 emails before midnight. I know, I'm on a schedule. I'm pacing out.

[C]

Rackham. That was pretty good. Rackham. I, I have. And I was judging the 3 million and then I looked at my Gmail account. I have 54,000 emails.

[A]

Oh, I bet.

[C]

Because I never go through and erase anything just in case there's a little court case. But I did have a friend check did AI with the Epstein files and he said, you're not in it.

[A]

You can go on J mail. There's some weird. Oh, I'm not in it. Or you.

[C]

I'm not in it. I'll check for you if you want.

[A]

No, you have to.

[C]

But even if someone mentioned me, you could be in it.

[A]

You know they were watching your special on the plane. Guilty. What if they're. We're all on the plane to Epstein's Island.

[C]

What?

[A]

Watching Dana Carvey special. That's how you get mentioned.

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

I mean, I have another story from the road.

[C]

Story. I like stories.

[A]

Oh, look who it is.

[C]

Hey, man, I'm a witness protection right now, but I'm sorry I created all this.

[A]

And am I really dead? Who knows?

[C]

I know they say they hustled them out. The whole thing is going to matriculate for a while. But I want to hear what's new in David's world. Let's brand this story.

[A]

Okay, what's new?

[C]

David's world?

[A]

The only story about when I went to Milwaukee, Appleton and Chicago, other than the great crowds, I have to say minus three. When I got to Appleton, I've heard more people doing that Michael Keaton joke where when it's three degrees out, you go, why be anyone? And I did. And then they were all I said, I put the walk in Milwaukee. That was my big opener when I was there. But I only walked around the hotel room. And here's the only story that jumped out to me. I'm leaving. I'm at the airport. You know the guys that make you sign, I always bitch about. John McEnroe's got a video out right now where he's doing it, and he's got one guy that's chasing him and just keeps going. Just a picture. Just sign this. Just picture. And he keeps going. No, any airport. He was like, dude, get him out of here. And he keeps following him. And I'm like, he's gonna knock him out.

[C]

McEnroe goes.

[A]

He goes, so, what happened? The guy doesn't know. He's. I wasn't there. I just saw this video. And I go, 99 of the people are going, just take the picture. I was the only one going, don't. That kid is such a. He's been walking with him for a mile in the airport. Just getting in his face.

[C]

Won't stop. Won't stop.

[A]

Anyway, I get to this. That's not the story. The story is a woman is sitting down where you put your shoes on after the. You go through the shoe thing at tsa. So I go, can I sit with you? And she goes, yeah. And she has a baby. And so she says, oh, my God, Will you take a picture with my baby? But I don't like to hold the baby. So I said, yeah, you do. I don't want to break it, you know. Have they done that to you where they go, oh, yeah.

[C]

No, I've never.

[A]

No, but they've asked you to.

[C]

To hold their baby. I have to say no now. I'm feeling like I've been left out. They don't trust me. No, it's okay. We just want the picture. We did it with David Spade because he loves kids.

[A]

I'm like this. Anyway, I go, you hold. I'll just get in it. So we do some goofy picture. So this guy goes, I. I want. I go. I look up like he's standing there. He's like a big Wisconsin guy. Goes, I'm. I'm.

[C]

In a way.

[A]

I have a. I don't want to interrupt. I have a great Chris Farley story for you. I go, okay. And then I'm taking pictures. And then she wants me to leave a message for her husband. So we're doing all this, and he's still there. He goes, it's a doozy. And I'm like, okay. So Anyway, she's finished. I get up, I go, hey, buddy, what's going on? He goes, okay. Chris Farley, you know, he went to Marquette. I go, yep. And he goes, he. His older brother is friends with my brother, and when he stayed there, Chris spent the night. And I go, right. And he goes, it's crazy, man. It's a crazy world. And I go, that's one for the books. I mean, that was the whole story.

[C]

That was it.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

I go, and then he did something crazy, and he's like. Just the fact that, like, they're all in the same room and they're all hanging out.

[C]

I'm like, did you get. Did you go, you're killing me, man. Come on, stop.

[A]

And I go, hey, I. I go, I'm doing a book on boring stories. Can I use that one? No. I said. I said, oh, my God. There's a movie there that's got a beginning but not a middle and not an end.

[C]

So for not an end, well, you go up to celebrity, you got to make sure you got a story to say. Just saying Chris Farley slept over ain't gonna hack. Yeah, me and my mustache are gonna skedaddle.

[A]

I like how you incorporated the recent story.

[C]

That's how I'm going to do it now. So it won't be ad hoc.

[A]

No, that's good, because we should say that once again.

[C]

We're talking about professional people who get bobbleheads and stuff and sell them, which is fine, but they compete, and they'll chase you around and stuff. It's not like in the olden days. It'd be like, gee, mister, I was hoping maybe one day I'd be on TV and tell jokes like you, you know, and you sign an autograph. This is very different.

[A]

They don't even like you. They just, like, sign this and get out of my way.

[C]

And they don't like each other either, because it's.

[A]

Yeah. And the second you don't sign, they hate your guts. But anyway, that was John McEnroe.

[C]

This.

[A]

This time, they were fine. But they were in Chicago. They were. They just line up and they wait. And if you don't talk to them, they fought, they walk with you. It's just. There's no winning.

[C]

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[A]

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[C]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[C]

Okay, Ready?

[A]

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[C]

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[A]

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[A]

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[C]

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[A]

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[C]

Kim booster the new season of scrubs Wednesdays at 87 Central on ABC and stream on Hulu.

[A]

The Emmy winning comedy Scrubs is back. The beloved original cast, including Zach Braff, Donald Faison, Sarah Chalk, Judy Reyes and John C. Mcginley scrub it back in at Sacred Heart Hospital for all new hilarious and heartfelt stories. And there's a healthy injection of colorful new characters, including a fresh group of newbie interns and co workers slash nemeses Vanessa Bayer and Joel Kim.

[C]

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[A]

All right, we got Chelsea Handler. Chelsea Handler. Old friend. Old friend of the show. I see her out and about a lot. Always funny. Just did the Critics Choice Awards. We talked to her and she was, of course on fire. Getting.

[C]

Yeah, she's a, she's a pistol. She's got a lot of energy. She says what's on her mind. Very funny.

[A]

Never been shy.

[C]

Never been shy.

[A]

Yeah, we covered a lot. We talked about dating. We talk about stand up tours. Who's filling arenas these days. All the ins and outs of her life. Had a lot of laughs. Anytime you have a just straight up comedian on, we have a lot of laughs.

[C]

Yeah, we started laughing the minute we started and it went all the way through.

[A]

So here she is, Chelsea Handler.

[C]

Chelsea Handler.

[A]

Okay, so we covered I have horrible shoes. We covered the unbelievable Chris Farley story. One for the book.

[C]

That was, I mean, I was riveted. I laughed. I teared up a little bit. And we laugh.

[A]

We walked away because we were all like, did he skip something or was that it? He was just excited to say his brother met him.

[C]

Well, it's, it's Chris Farley.

[A]

It is a big deal.

[C]

And so, but, but you'd think that the setup felt like Chris did something very. Chris like, you know, ate a whole pie or did somersaults or something, you.

[A]

Know, chewed up a baked potato and the skin was on it, tended a.

[C]

Pillow, was a marshmallo and roasted it. You know, all the kind of stuff that Chris would do, you know, better than me.

[A]

Anything, Anything, you know, anything but what the story was. I said, wow, that was a real roller coaster.

[C]

Yeah, slow down, partner. I mean, you know, you're gonna take my job away from me the way you're going. Yeah, I'll be opening for you someday. That's what you say to them.

[A]

What's that? Just anything to connect with. No, they were nice. I mean, I would have said hi to the guy anyway. He was nice. Everyone. And Chris told me once, you're gonna go to Wisconsin. That's where they all look like me. And I went, and I go, Chris told me this, and he was right there, husky.

[C]

Let me ask you a question about Milwaukee. Did you Play Milwaukee, please.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Okay, here's my story. Not a big story. I just want your opinion. So I go out there, Larry Bubbles Brown's opening, and I can't remember the theater. It was all, you know, incredibly nice people and it's really quiet out there. You know, when your openers like Holy tomatoes. What? What is this? So I go out, I do my set, and they were incredibly nice, but really, really quiet. So I came off a little shook up as like. Because I always want to try to kill, you know.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

And then the guy who's booking, he goes, oh, you did great. No one gets laughs in this room. Oh, yeah, it's totally normal. I go, maybe you should have told me before I went out that it's impossible.

[A]

Yeah. Or pick a different theater.

[C]

I don't know, maybe they're, you know, Minneapolis, nice. I don't know.

[A]

I mean, remember, were you at Norm's funeral? Oh, yeah. Don't say that. Do you remember Norm's funeral when I was just being killed and. Yeah. It's all, it's 100. Was it 100? I wouldn't have competition. And I fell on the stairs walking up.

[C]

Yes, I remember you saying this.

[A]

Stage hand. And then Conan fell. Yeah, first he caught me and then when he went up, he fell. And the stage hand, I go, God damn, there's a, there's something on that top step. It catches your foot and he goes, oh, yeah.

[C]

Everybody falls.

[A]

Yeah. Couldn't give a fat buck. Yeah.

[C]

Tell somebody that you might fall.

[A]

Fix it.

[C]

Because Conan, Conan's very agile, you know. I mean, the idea, if Conan can't get up the stairs with his kind of fast Freddy's.

[A]

Yeah, me too.

[C]

Yeah, then. And you, with what shoes were you wearing?

[A]

My shitty ones. They're all shitty. So. My shitty ones, where there's a little.

[C]

Tongue that comes out and curls around like a little clown, they're sort of red with green stripes. Yeah.

[A]

Was that it? The McDonald Collection. Ronald McDonald.

[C]

Now what made you think that you could get away with shoes that ugly? Your words.

[A]

That man. I have to say, Marcel and Robbie Hoffman were so concerned on my shoes, they sent me links of where I can get other ones just to just get my act. They go, this is one tweak. It'll change your life.

[C]

I go, what, What's a cool shoe for a stand up comedian?

[A]

You'd be destroyed. No offense, but my, my A6 were, were. Oh, they look like old skateboard shoes. They're just bad. And I agree, that's the worst part. I get it. But I'm like, I'm doing a set, guys. I'm not on the Runway. I'm not on the red car.

[C]

Well, the thing dressed up for is in Dandelion, which is available now on Amazon, wherever you get your comedy shows. What was on your feet?

[A]

Dandelion's bad ones. I mean, even in movies, when they put me, I go. Most of the time, it just kills my back. So she told me to wear K Swiss or Stan Smith. And I go, hey, don't put me out there in flats. Yeah, they got about a. You know what I mean? They're like a millimeter.

[C]

I'm like, well, I did a movie.

[A]

Some hokas.

[C]

I'll be like, I did a movie. Hocus are great, man. I did a movie once, and the. The leading lady was great. Super nice. But I think the director really liked her, and I think she's like 511 and had heels on. So. And I'm like, that's fine. You know, I'm not that tall, and so it's cool. But every day I'd go into my trailer and I'd see the shoes that I was wearing, and they were adding like a half inch a day. But not telling me. They didn't tell me. They just started. What? These aren't the same as. Yes, you can just put me on stilts.

[A]

I don't give a Tom Cruise collection. Shoes. Yeah, he's got, like, four inches buried. There's some sort of, like, AI machine. When he gets in, they go, well.

[C]

They have an inflatable thing. And so if he's in a scene going, I don't know. I don't know what you're doing here. He actually goes. And he can get himself taller while they're shooting a take.

[A]

Who was the actress? Olivia Diabo.

[C]

Nope.

[A]

No, she was in something. What was she in?

[C]

She was in World Two. Oh, yeah, she was. She is brilliant. I mean.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Incredible talent.

[A]

Was she off the Wonder Years? Possibly, or am I crazy?

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

Let's look at a clip. Let's.

[C]

Let's.

[A]

We don't have one. Let's become a clip.

[C]

Let's.

[A]

I'm going to show you a picture of something. Okay.

[C]

This is.

[A]

Oh, yeah. So I. I have. I have a part in a movie that comes out.

[C]

You're kidding.

[A]

April.

[C]

Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. You're Apple. You.

[A]

Yeah, I know you.

[C]

David Smith. You got a part in a movie.

[A]

You go, are you still acting? So. And by the way, I think busboys might be creeping Out. But I got more to come.

[C]

When can I see a rough.

[A]

I know, I know.

[C]

I know my way around confusing, bad, silly. Comedies that need. Need a little trimming.

[A]

Confusing, bad, silly. That's our poster.

[C]

I've done a few of those that are confusing, but. But it's got you and Theo. So he's got two superpowers that, if they're harnessed, be funny.

[A]

Because we're bus boys that want to be waiters. And I said in the trailer, it should say two losers with the wispiest dreams possible. They're bus boys that want to be.

[C]

Waiters to be two losers. I'm not even kidding. I mean, really, these are two losers.

[A]

Even the actors are losers.

[C]

It should be called Losers, but these two losers wanted to call it Bus Boys. They. That'll light up the marquee. Good luck being on Amazon prime two days before you come out.

[A]

Yeah, it's not in theaters. You can only find it on a kaleidoscope.

[C]

Check YouTube first before you spend any money.

[A]

No, it's great. I. It's great. It's pretty much done. And so I did this. This movie, and they. They said, here's a picture to release. And they say, just throw it up and we'll show the picture. Did they use in that? There it is.

[C]

Throw it up.

[A]

I'll show you a picture of the one they sent me.

[C]

This is going to be a.

[A]

This is Keanu Reeves. It's called Outcome. And all these people go, you shaved your head for this? So I go, wait, I guess they think I'm. That's Jonah Hill.

[C]

That's Jonah Hill.

[A]

Yeah. And so I say at the bottom, hey, I have a part in this. Like, I'm part of this movie. Keanu, Cameron Diaz, Jonah Hill. But this is a picture. And then next time I'll have one with me in it. But this is how they stagger.

[C]

What's the movie about? Let's just.

[A]

Because you're. The movie. Outcome is Keanu plays like a Robert Downey superstar who is a huge star, but ruins his career with drinking and drugs. So he finally goes clean. And after a year. No, a couple months of being clean, he's got his new, big movie comeback coming out. And the week it comes out, he gets blackmailed, and he's on a race to say, I can't let this video out because it'll ruin me. And the guy's like, how much is it worth to you to have your comeback? And you have to pay, you know, whatever. I'm just his neighbor. Of course.

[C]

Hey, are you playing David Spade?

[A]

No.

[C]

Oh, are you playing a guy?

[A]

I play a layered character. No, I play.

[C]

I'll.

[A]

No, I won't even give this sounds.

[C]

I mean, it really.

[A]

Honestly, that's a cool idea.

[C]

It sounds like a.

[A]

You.

[C]

A really cool movie. I mean.

[A]

Oh, it's great.

[C]

You got me at, like, his career. Wait a minute. He did he drank too much or something.

[A]

Oh, my God, Dana, you're really. You say it back to me. Is not as good as it is. It's. Cameron Diaz is his best friend. Matt and Bomer. Is that his name? Bomer? And they are. The three of them. And I'm his neighbor when he lives in Malibu. So I'm kind of a Malibu guy.

[C]

Look. And people might go, why is Dana doing that? It's just. It's all about how the movie's done. The byline is great. I mean, it can be. It could be a brilliant movie. I think Jonah Hill is incredibly bright.

[A]

Wrote it. He directs it.

[C]

I bet it's really good because it's super fun.

[A]

I was a little star struck around Keanu, I have to say. And he's a super. Yeah, obviously he's a cool dude.

[C]

Keanu is. He. He has his own lane. I mean, he's so. I don't even know how you describe him, but he is kind of the coolest of the cool. Like, there's no sense. He's really in traditional show business. Like, he doesn't really. He's on his motorcycle. There was a plane that had emergency land from Santa Rosa in. In Modesto or Bakersfield. And he was super chill about emergency landing. He didn't get a car to take him back to la. He took the bus with everyone. Make sure that the driver knew to drop everywhere.

[A]

I mean, so he let the plane land on his back. He does so many things. I'm like, keanu, do I have to give everyone. I said, it's hard to keep up with you. I've been on this movie four days. Do I have to buy everyone a motorcycle in the cast?

[C]

Well, the only thing that gets him. And this is the only. The only thing never say to him. And I did it by mistake once. I just walked up to Keanu. I said, hey, wait a minute, man. Were you Bill or Ted?

[A]

Oh, boy.

[C]

And then it was like, I ducked it.

[A]

No, he was doing, I think, a play for Bill and Ted this year. So he's still full into that. And anyway, obviously fun to see him. And he was very chill. Like, he had a lot of Dialogue. I remember reading the script going, oh, my God, this guy's got a lot to carry. And he was just like super mellow, unflustered, unstressed, beautiful wife hanging out.

[C]

Oh, yeah, yeah, he's married now. Sorry, ladies. Whoops. He's off the market.

[A]

Yeah, he really is. He's literally like one of the number one hot guys they like.

[C]

Yeah, I think so.

[A]

Right? Whoa.

[C]

It was.

[A]

You should have a Keanu. Want to go whoa.

[C]

Whoa.

[A]

Oh, not going to be Keanu.

[C]

Somebody tell me when the show starts.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Hey. Applause. I did see some positive reaction to the paddles.

[C]

Look, I don't have to do them, I just do.

[A]

No, I saw a positive.

[C]

I'm not going to do them too much.

[A]

A lot of people like.

[C]

But it's a visual aid. I have new ones too, because you know what it does is it makes me work on the impression.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Got this guy and I've never really tried this guy. Now why was that never an Emperor's New Groove sequel? I haven't got the impression.

[A]

It's hard to just make up. You got to get your hooks first and then you can branch out.

[C]

Well, you. David.

[A]

Well, how about we do buzzing around and then we'll.

[C]

Yeah, let's do buzzing around impressions. Okay.

[A]

So buzzing around for.

[C]

For those of you at home, let's do the intro.

[A]

I'm giving Dana a made up scenario. Right. Okay. Buzzing around is sponsored by Five Hour Energy and the return of their confetti craze flavor. Bring big birthday energy wherever you go with this plan. Your confetti craze party at www.5hourenergy.com or Amazon. There you go. Available now. So I'm going to give you. I'll give you three impressions. Okay. And then you have to make up a scenario.

[C]

Trump.

[A]

Because always funny, you know, Trump.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, you know how to do him. Yeah. Do you want Carson?

[C]

Why not?

[A]

Okay. And then you get dealer's choice Carson for the last one. All right, you pick one.

[C]

Trump. Carson. Cuba. How about Tony? Tony Montana.

[A]

Oh, Tony Montana. While you're thinking, I'm gonna give a shout out Carnac joke.

[C]

Oh, good.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. Ucla, AFL cio. And then Ed goes. UCLA, AFL cio. And he goes. How do you spell Eucliflicio?

[C]

That's a real one thing going that if. If it was funny, it was funny. If it was. It was horrible. He could make it into the.

[A]

He would just stare at the camera.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And be fantastic and Ed would laugh.

[C]

That's great.

[A]

Simpler time.

[C]

The Best straight man in history.

[A]

Okay, let's see what you got. What's the scenario going to be?

[C]

So, oh, big. Okay, Johnny Carson, let's have him doing his monologue. Have Trump be his Ed McMahon.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

And have Tony Montana beat what was the band leader.

[A]

Oh, that's Doc.

[C]

He's. He's his band leader.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Should I have him call him Trump? Yeah. And. And Tony. Tony and Donnie.

[A]

Okay, right. Wait, which one's Carson? He's hosting.

[C]

Yeah, he's doing his monologue.

[A]

He's doing himself.

[C]

Okay, so there's been some interesting news out there, Donnie. Interesting news. There's always news. And if you look at it, you look at the news, you could always get bored. As I couldn't have said it better myself. I mean, Jeffrey Epstein was all over the news and apparently he had a lot of parties. Oh, yeah. Oh, sorry.

[A]

That was a lot of parties.

[C]

A lot of parties. And apparently he. A lot of people made Whoopi at his party. What do you mean? What are you talking about? Well, Tony, that whoopee is just sort of like people having adult type fun. I don't understand, man. You talk about a whooping. What do you think, Donnie?

[A]

He doesn't know.

[C]

We're looking at things like this. People call Whoopi. They do it. They do it a lot at these parties. They did a lot of things and they know how to do it. And quite frankly, if you look at it, many people are talking about it. I had the biggest economy. I don't think this is the time, Donnie. The biggest economy, the best companies are beautiful economy. Try to ruin it. I don't know if I'm still in Trump. Can you jump in as somebody? Look, David, David Spade is my guest. David.

[A]

Oh, hey guys. I was just wondering, Tony Montana, why are you. Do you understand what whoopee is? You know what sex is? Have you ever had sex?

[C]

I know about the saddles. We're in Cuba. You do an apparatus, you don't throw a whoopee. You do a Carraras. Then you come in, you don't want a Carraras. Oh, you're Whoopi. That's like a kid show. That's like little kids and five year olds had a little birthday step party. But when you do to everything goes, you know. You know what? I think we got to put him. We got to deport him. We gotta get him out of here.

[A]

Tony Montana.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Oh my God, it came full swing. Ice came into this.

[C]

Sorry, I wasn't. This is too incendiary.

[A]

Listen, that was buzzing around.

[C]

Go to a commercial.

[A]

No, it's good. That was buzzing around. Sponsored by Fiverr Energies. Confetti Crazy flavor. Hold it up. Back by popular demand. Confetti Crazy taste. We're the worst show, but it tastes like the best birthday cake ever. With its rich, buttery and vanilla flavors. Since 5, our energy shots are tiny and resealable. It's easy to take that birthday flavor wherever you go. I see it.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

It's good.

[C]

I'm trying to make.

[A]

Plan your confetti craze. Party at www5hourenergy.com or Amazon. Available now.

[C]

Good job. Nice.

[A]

That's good. You know, we really threw people back to the old Carson show.

[C]

Right, Right. That was a little bit different. Maybe we should trim out the ice cream.

[A]

You didn't call a birthday cake one. I'll hold them.

[C]

Oh, this.

[A]

This one's the birthday cake one. You can tell by the confetti. Listen, I have to ask a question. If we get into the news stories.

[C]

Let's go. Stories.

[A]

I saw. I saw a couple press junket interviews for Wuthering Heights. Now, I did not see Weathering Heights. I don't really even know what it is. It's Emily Bronte or something. Correct.

[C]

Unrequited love. I think it was first in the 1940s. They've done different incarnations of this story.

[A]

Okay. I have to say, it's got two of the best looking people in it. Margot Robbie, arguably one of the prettiest out there. Jacob Elordi, who every woman's in love with because he's 612. He weighs 99 pounds.

[C]

So he's ripped.

[A]

He's ripped, shredded. And. But she was doing a press. Junk and stuff. And, you know, they like to be like, oh, we had such a great time. And it's just a fine line between she's married and the stuff she says is, like, too effusive for me.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. If you have the op. Okay, here's him. If you have the opportunity to share a film set with Margot Robbie, make sure you're within 10, 5 to 10 meters at all times.

[C]

You're not watching Else drinks tea.

[A]

How she eats. That's not that great. But. But he was. She was saying, like, I can't be breathing the same air as him. I'm lost without him. I feel like a little kid without Jacob. He's my blanket. And then there were rings made on the set for them to wear together when the movie's over. She's so codependent. I developed that quite quickly with Jacob. We didn't like to be apart from each other ever. And he's so hard. He's so beautiful. She was just. It went on and on. And at one point I was reading it going, if I'm the husband, what do you do? There's a.

[C]

It.

[A]

It's too far. At a certain point, in my opinion.

[C]

Yeah. I think that. I don't know anything about the Nicole Kidman, Keith Urban situation, but I remember.

[A]

Her press junk and baby daddy, baby girl.

[C]

And she said, I just had. I couldn't have an orgasm anymore. I just had so many orgasms. I just was exhausted. Exhausted. I couldn't have orgasms. Whoa. And Keith Urban's in Nashville. This guitar, watching a tank. What a money. Nick. What a minute. Nick's having egg assumes what she's having egg asms.

[A]

Because he's like, well, when you come home to me, you're like a dial tone. Is that why. Because there's no orgasm going?

[C]

It's probably not really natural it. For a spouse to have. No. No response to that would just be interesting.

[A]

Of course it's bad enough they have to make make out an F U C K the whole.

[C]

But then the blast it to the world.

[A]

Right.

[C]

Privately.

[A]

And I would be jealous of him anyway. And he's dating Olivia Jade. So he's. He's dating someone but not married. It's just all. I think it. It just. It's just something to debate. And we. We tackle the issues.

[C]

Right.

[A]

We're never right.

[C]

What's a really positive take about that? Like, they're just really artists and this is just their spiritual thing. And their spouses. Well, Jacob's not married. He's like 19, right.

[A]

He's between 19 and 40. I have no idea. But he. But he was also. Was he on Euphoria? I think.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Girls. Girls love this dude. So I think they're taking a page out of most movies, but most recently is the one with Sydney Sweeney and Glen Powell where they were saying, oh, my God, are they dating? Oh, they're kissing. Oh, they're hanging out after the set. Oh, they were just canoodling in a booth.

[C]

Yeah, this is them. This is.

[A]

And that's what they're trying to recreate that. Because that movie.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

All about you something. I forgot the name, but it did.

[C]

Well, junket person comes into Margot Robbie's trailer and that's a good film. We're gonna get ready to get some press going. And do you have anything to say about Jacob? She's like oh, he's terrific. He's a great actor. We had a good time. He's fun, and I think he's a great actor. Hopefully we really delivered a performance.

[A]

There's.

[C]

Anything else? Yeah, anything. Like, Something like you find him irresistibly attractive. Could we start there a little bit?

[A]

You need his oxygen. He's unbelievably sexy.

[C]

And how do I live without him after being with him? Without.

[A]

Why do I dream about him, him, every second of every day?

[C]

Yeah. Why do I scream out his name when I have an orgasm with my husband? I mean, anything you can give me would be great. And then Jacob. El Dordi. I don't know.

[A]

El Dordi. That's the farthest I'd like to shimmy up his long legs like a native boy looking for a coconut.

[C]

The great Phil Harvard.

[A]

Is that what he says?

[C]

Chick hazard. I like to Shiva up a coconut tree. Like, I can't remember. There's something like that. It was chick hazard.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Great.

[A]

Anyway. Okay, next story. But that's a real. That's a good.

[C]

That's interesting.

[A]

Yeah, interesting is a strong word, but it's something.

[C]

I'm putting it out there.

[A]

Okay. Billionaire dies in penis enlargement surgery.

[C]

Oh, is this real?

[A]

Surgeons have been banned from performing plastic surgery after this diamond. Yeah, diamond dealer. Oh, he died of a heart attack. What happens during. Why do people die of heart attacks during surgery, Dana?

[C]

Is it something with the anesthesiologist is doing too much or something, you know? Well, first of all, but if you go under surgery, any kind of surgery, you should have a cardiac checkup or you should make sure. Right on the edge. He may have had some plaque in his arteries. And. And it just so happens, I don't know if there's association with penis enlargement.

[A]

And heart attacks, but I don't know. Yeah, I mean, I do know. I'm not going to tell you, but doing some light research on this over the last seven years, I think it's too risky.

[C]

Well, the weird part was that they. The wife insisted they complete the operation even though he'd passed away. Really? Yeah. I was like, what is that about?

[A]

Yeah, a lot of these you find out were, like, unaccredited doctors or they went to a different country.

[C]

That was quite. I don't know. I know. I guess Turkey's a big place. Syria, you know, they said, put a.

[A]

Turkey wiener on you. And he goes, no, I want to do it in Turkey. Ah, okay.

[C]

Does that make sense?

[A]

That's his wiener.

[C]

Minute talks.

[A]

That's a turkey one. Is that even from a turkey?

[C]

We shouldn't do these late in the day.

[A]

I don't know. I don't know when that's gonna make sense. Never. My shirt is so wrinkly. It's just. It's kind of silky. Golf shirt. And what happens is you can't sit up straight in these chairs. Oh, Mandami and aoc.

[C]

Oh, David, don't worry. That's. That's a scary story. We just have a lot of rules here.

[A]

Okay?

[C]

I. I'm Mamdani. That's it. Everything's gonna be okay. Yeah. What's ours is yours. Okay? Because we're. We're. We want to make sure that everybody shares.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. You. I'll give anything to you and you'll give it to me. Do you like me now?

[A]

Oh, it sounds.

[C]

Oh my God, you're so cute.

[D]

Whoa.

[C]

Starting rumors.

[A]

Oh, boy. That's a press junket moment right there.

[C]

I love your. Your pipeline. Talking to them.

[A]

I like just. I think it's real, so I have to react in real time.

[C]

Well, I don't know what to do with him. He's got a kind of a cool voice. It's a little more soft spoken.

[A]

He's very smiley. I'll give him.

[C]

We will get away from the darkness of capitalism to the warm embrace of collectivism. Right, Lorne Michaels? Not a chance.

[A]

Lauren turns into the predator. Marcelo was doing Lauren, wasn't he?

[C]

A little bit.

[A]

He. We wouldn't do it. He kept saying, I do a good Lauren. Yeah. And then he did Sebastian. Okay, what's the next story? No, he didn't come in.

[C]

That's all right.

[A]

He did make us talk in Spanish like two idiots.

[C]

I know. Well, yeah.

[A]

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[C]

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[A]

House cleaner goes viral. After sharing the note her clients left her to our cleaner, we hit 100 mini ducks around the apartment. We do this to ensure a job well done. Please leave all 100 ducks in this jar. Oh, my God. So she's got to go find them all.

[C]

So that's. Is that a trap? Is that.

[A]

Yeah, it's to make sure she's cleaning every corner. Look, there's. Here's a picture. Here's one behind the couch.

[C]

Oh, I see. So you.

[A]

Here's one by the pipes. Yeah, my housekeeper would find four out of a hundred. It's rude. Here's one in the tree.

[C]

Hi.

[A]

Water me. I had it too much to drink.

[C]

Do they talk? Do they walk? They do anything.

[A]

Dude, is that a duck? Looks like a mouse that's in the toy. I'm on a sponge. Anyway, that was. I would be offended. Oh, the rumor that Sandler. There was an Instagram that I swear all my friends saw were. I think it's an AI one where it goes. Adam Sandler's daughter was rejected by Chanel when she. It shows pictures of everyone, but it's not from this story. You know what I mean? So it looks like it is Chanel's store. I think it was Chanel. And then she went to buy a purse. And like Pretty Woman, they said, dear, I don't know if you can afford this. His daughter Sadie, who's lovely. And so they go. She called her dad and he came down and he said, don't you do this to my daughter. And he bought every purse on the shelf.

[C]

It's absolutely a million, million Percent made up million percent. Like, every single moment of it is.

[A]

Made up every moment. And everyone that called me goes, did you hear what happened, Adam? I go, I. You saw this, too? I go, that couldn't have happened. And they were like, but I didn't ask. They go, did you ask him? And then everyone's telling me to ask him. I go, I don't want to waste my question with this embarrassing. Just to calm and say this. So I talked to Jackie.

[C]

No, you went for.

[A]

Well, Jackie asked Adam's wife. And I said, jackie, I'm fielding all the people hitting me about this stupid story. And she goes, I know. Isn't that ridiculous? But I was thinking, he is protective of his daughters, but he's not that showy where he'd go, watch this. I'll buy everything, and you'll all get a big commission. It's like, it doesn't show them. They see him and they already feel stupid.

[C]

They're like, well, there's a flaw in the story.

[A]

Yeah, what is it?

[C]

Well, when they said, you can't afford this, what was she dressed like? A homeless person? I mean, what do you mean?

[A]

Like a little mini sandler.

[C]

Did she have a credit card or a debit card?

[A]

Well, it's a flaw because I asked you a question. Oh, he. She had. She tried to put it on her Miley Cyrus membership card from Miley World from last week's show. If you know, you know. No, she.

[C]

Here.

[A]

She was wearing a hoodie, by the way, every kid wears, like, a hoodie that matches some sweats.

[C]

You can't tell who's got money. Yeah.

[A]

In Beverly Hills.

[C]

So it didn't happen, but if it did, she'd be like, daddy, they won't let me buy a purse down here at the store. And. And Adam goes, what do you want from me?

[A]

Yeah, I can't think of a good.

[C]

There's no way Adam would. What are you doing with to that?

[A]

He walks up to lady and goes, you blew it. That's a good gift I send to people. It's Sandler going, you blew it. So now that everyone's cleaned up, and also me. And you didn't ski down that mountain. That's the other one.

[C]

People talk where they go.

[A]

Dan Carney and David Spade are professional skiers in their spare time. Everyone's like, you ski good. I'm like, this guy isn't even trying to sound like it's real.

[C]

I know. I had a Uber driver like that. I guess I don't know where he's from you ski good, Mr. I saw I see you fly down ice many times.

[A]

I saw clickbait.

[C]

Where are you from? Me born in Tarzana.

[A]

Oh, you sound like that. I thought you were Tarzan. Me Jane. Are you Gagak? That's a sub. That's a Sebastian joke. He goes, I walk out the street with my Uber. Are you good? Guys?

[C]

It's all like 19 consonants in a row.

[A]

Yeah, it's always like a funny name.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I. Okay, let's do another story. We're really. Oh, we'll wrap it up soon. Hold on.

[C]

I'm just getting punchy.

[A]

We're doing too good. So we should pull back.

[C]

Yeah, let's pull back because then we want to match the other episodes.

[A]

I thought you'd be interested in this story.

[C]

Am already.

[A]

Okay. Click.

[C]

Can I see it? Okay. Set position. Guns off.

[A]

70 year old racing. Here we go.

[C]

That in the middle of the track.

[A]

That is me going to Airan when I heard shakes are only $72.

[C]

That is 70.

[A]

He doesn't even look 70. That's a lot.

[C]

1947. Look, I mean, here's the thing. I mean the main thing, when I would watch guys at 70 race when I was a kid at indoor track meets, they'd be in the blocks, it'd be ready, set and they'd get up and they'd be like stiff. Like, like just no mobility, you know, the hip didn't know. So for a guy to stride out like that with turnover like that at 70, maybe getting a little extra something in his Cheerios. I don't know. Oh, he's got five hour energy. Okay, there we go.

[A]

No, you know what? No. But I sent you one to yourself to your text about like a high school kid that broke the mile record. Remember that?

[C]

It's getting ridiculous. Literally. Ladies and gentlemen, the 1500 one mile race is being dominated by teenagers. There's 19 year olds running 345. There's now a 16 year old anyone who ran. It's really fast. These would be world records.

[A]

Yes. You know, in any other too long ago.

[C]

So I don't know.

[A]

I thought when they were saying Lindsey Vaughn wiped out. Lindsey Vaughn's a friend of the show. When they. We should have her on during the Olympics when they. When they said she wiped out and hurt her knee. I said. Because they didn't say what it was. But I thought, mm. My first thought was, is it already the Olympics? What do they keep saying? 20, 28. Why is it raining?

[C]

The winter one throws us.

[A]

Why are they two years ahead That's. That's not.

[C]

They try to alternate it, but. Yeah, I don't like it.

[A]

I've never liked it because there's no hype right now. It's just like, oh, the Olympics are on in 10 minutes. What? Oh, it's the one where they shoot a gun and ice fish or whatever that one's called.

[C]

Well, I don't know how many events they have compared to track and field. These summer games have swimming. It's so comprehensive, it's easy to promote it. Yeah, but I guess they have cross country skiing. Come on, Hans, let's go shoot around. You know, they have all that.

[A]

That's. What's that one called? They ski and then shoot a gun.

[C]

Yeah, pentathlon.

[A]

Ski and shoot.

[C]

Ski, shoot. One other thing. Let's go. Faster. Fisher, Shirty. My name is Carter. Fatty. We win the gold medal. Guess what. Question. Who has the highest recorded VO2 max? That's heart, lungs, power for endurance.

[A]

Michael Phelps.

[C]

Nationality?

[A]

It's not China.

[C]

Nope.

[A]

Uganda.

[C]

Norwegian cross country skier 94. Scared?

[A]

Should we do. Are you afraid of.

[C]

Why are you frightened?

[A]

Why are you frightened by facts?

[C]

Don't make me do another puppet man.

[A]

No, don't, don't.

[C]

Don't even start.

[A]

Do you remember Greg Lucenas? What was his name? Greg Laganis.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got you.

[A]

He was a diver. Okay, okay, let's go. One more story, then I gotta let you go.

[C]

Yeah, I gotta. Yeah, I gotta get some five hour energy.

[A]

You gotta water that fake plant. Okay, let's see what this is. I don't even know what this is. Look at the monitor and give the.

[C]

Full name of this person.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Are they serious or is that AI?

[A]

We shouldn't end on that one. I don't know. Maybe they just think it looks like them. I don't know.

[C]

No, it doesn't.

[A]

Look, I'm not another one.

[C]

I think it's AI. All right, let's go back to the tape.

[A]

You don't know anything about AI.

[C]

I am AI. Believe me.

[A]

I don't like this as horror displays. Let's just play it. We'll get rid of it. Oh, this person says they have to hold things because they have no gravity in their body, in their mind. I guess it might not work. It's so dumb. If they let go, it's just gonna float up. She has to carry a bag of.

[C]

Oh, and what. What are they. What do they pick it up?

[A]

She removes the bag. She floats. Ready? Oh, you floated up. You have to hold her. This Person claims they need a bag. I think it's funny.

[C]

It's like a lane kind of thing.

[A]

See, look, she's floating. It's Peter Pan. Hold her down. She's floating away. She's floating away. All right, that's enough. Well, it's so dumb, but she really.

[C]

Fire like a kite. Just strapped up to her ankle and fly her up.

[A]

God, I was too loud too. Anyway, we'll. We'll end on that banger.

[C]

Someone was almost gonna float away.

[A]

The thing is, they're like, I. Gravity doesn't affect me, so I have to carry this sandbag with me. And then one's like, prove it. And then she proves it. And I think people give her money.

[C]

I don't know. I think off camera, she goes, oh.

[A]

And then everyone kind of lifts her up and goes, oh, there she goes.

[C]

David Blaine's gotta be.

[A]

That's there. David Blaine. And it's not that good.

[C]

Yeah, come on, man.

[A]

There's David Blaine's in Vegas. That's a show I'd go see.

[C]

Oh, that guy's the greatest.

[A]

I mean.

[C]

Yeah. You know, because magicians know how they do it. But the way he does it in his patter and everything.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Like, pick a card. And now let's. Let's walk over to this department store and go, the exact car you marked is in a shoe.

[A]

We were leaving a charity gig, and I was with Rosie, and he came up and he meets her, and then he goes, will you sign a card?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And then he talked to us for a while, and then he. And he said, look in your purse. And her card, it was so crazy. Everyone's like. We're just like, I have no idea what's going on.

[C]

The one that I is online, it's Harrison Ford. He's in Harrison Ford's house in the kitchen.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And he's like, oh, very authentic. And he's doing. Cutting the deck. Cut the deck. Harrison Ford gets the card, marks it, puts it back in the deck, just there. He's. He's not even next to Harrison Ford. And he goes, your card's not in the deck anymore. He goes, what do you mean? Hey, get off my airplane. Get off my airplane. So he goes through the deck, and the card's not there. And then he goes, like, four feet away. There's a. There's a tray of fruit. And he says, just pick a fruit.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

And he picks a fruit, and Harrison Ford. What is this? I want to tell George Lucas.

[A]

Sorcery.

[C]

Now open the coconut. Cut it and. And then open it up and then. And then he sees his card with his weird little signature. And then Harrison Ford pauses, doesn't say anything, and just says, get out of my house.

[A]

That's a great ending. That's a good clip.

[C]

Yeah, because like, yeah, that's great. Yeah. We should have David Blaine on our show and have him make us disappear or something.

[A]

I like David Blaine. There's also Mentalist, but, you know, I get scared of that stuff. Okay, well, that was a good show. Good hairsports. We'll see you next week.

[C]

Thanks for coming on another edition of Fly on the Water Wall without a guest.

[A]

Hey, guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app, Give us review 5 star rating and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend.

[C]

If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now.

[A]

Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey and these except produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung Kaiser and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey.

[C]

Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet.

[A]

Tech booking by Cultivated Entertainment.

[C]

Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kirk Courtney and Lauren Vieira.

[A]

Reach out with us. Any questions be asked and answered on the show? You can email [e-mail] that's a U-A C-Y dot com.